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#oh gosh im feeling a lot
naffeclipse · 1 year
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Thinking about @bamsara's Solar Lunacy latest chapters and how Sun and Moon were relatively happy and outgoing before the virus infected them and Sun walked freely around the pizzaplex and Moon forged Chica's signature just because she was bored and now they're restricted within their small world to an even narrower space (Sun to the daycare and Moon to only coming out at night for security purposes) and that they truly have suffered and lost so much from being sick and Y/N feels so much for what was bygone and has changed for the DCA and is trying so hard to help them
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ibrithir-was-here · 3 months
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Well I've tried writing this three times now.
People of Tumblr over 30-- any advice on how to be Ok with the knowledge that life will never turn out the way you try and plan for and not Demotivated because of said knowledge?
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taegularities · 5 months
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sinnamonstache · 1 year
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Just lost my job.. so I wanna try to get back into drawing.
However I’m.. not exactly comfortable picking up where I left off? I’ve changed a bit, mentally, and like. My interests aren’t very different, but…. I don’t think I can stomach making the same content I did before. I don’t know that I want it to attached to whatever I do going forward, either. I want to get more into OCs and stuff, if possible.
That said.. I know some of y’all really wanted that old art back. So I’m weighing my options…
I’ve considered making some kind of archive, but idk how to.. twitter frustrates me and feels far too public, given the subject-matter 😔 I may use it going forward but it doesn’t feel like the right place for my old works
I may just re-start with a new username and let this one lie...?
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semercury · 1 year
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I think a lot of it too is the fact I understand how fragile everything is and I'm willing to do anything to protect things even if it's irrational.
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jae--bear · 1 year
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Sobbing, crying, foaming at the mouth, laughing, punching air, eating dirt, the list goes on. After two years, I can peacefully move on knowing I finished a huge work.
Here is the final chapter of my first ever Fic on ao3:
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lividlovers · 2 years
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Screaming happy screams
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thevermingod · 2 years
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Me: Oh yeah there's no way I could be autistic because I totally would have been diagnosed earlier and that didn't happen...
Also Me: So here's the entirety of the Pokemon Game lore that I personally have memorized for no good reason and I will go into depth for the black/white games because that’s my favorite storylines along with information about how to identify which pokemon cards are real/fake that I also have memorized so I can correctly ID the cards I buy for my collection and---
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snowshinobi · 2 months
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"there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade/and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all" says DCFC, like that's a bad thing. as if forgetting isn't a soothing balm to a battered mind. what exactly were you hoping for? the door to slam behind you? passionate proclamations? you want stress, my guy? you want broken hearts? a love that slowly fades is a love that glides past you, like the tail of a cat that has finished nudging you. it lets you process its passing gradually rather than dumping the feelings on you all at once. like, god. that sounds like a relief. it is a kindness to be left wanting. no open wounds to lick. just a heavy heart to cradle in your hands. and it wakes up feeling new. like there was no pain at all. how is this a bad thing, Deathcab. how is this not the best case scenario.
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simonrillleyyysss · 6 months
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Feel free to ignore this-
What about husband!Simon Riley who has a lactation kink 🤭
Having sex with him for the first time after giving birth and accidentally sucking some warm, sweet milk from readers plushy breasts </3
OHHHY MYYYYY GOODD IM GARLGING FROM YESNESS
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hands squishing and kneading the dough of your tummy, cock gently rutting into you in fear of injuring you, mouth peppering kisses along your collarbone.
‘pretty girl..’
‘si—gosh..’
‘oh—fuucccckkk, feel’so good.’
simon grunted into the skin of your chest, your legs curling around his hips for some stability, heels digging into his back warily—eyes fluttered shut as he gently fucked into you.
‘tell me f’im hurting you, love..’
‘keep going..please.’
his mouth moved to latch onto your breast, peppering kisses around the bud if your nipple, his free hand moving up to grope at the fatty flesh tenderly, tongue slowly swirling over it—before his mouth lowered to nibble and suckle on it, hips increasing in speed slightly.
‘simon..’
you gasped .
‘comeon, mama…’
he growled, listening to your whimpers as you ou mewled out, hand moving to grasp at his forearm, mouth hung open as you murmured, trying to push his head off.
‘can’t—im feeding..’
you insisted, but he just continued—eventually pausing and looking up at you with hazy eyes, lifting his mouth away and smiling, addams apple bobbing as he swallowed, sticking his tongue out as your eyes contorted in realisation, looking down at him.
‘oh!—….did you just..?’
‘quiet.’
within seconds, he was back down and sucking on your doughy breast, humming contently as he rutted into you with ambition now, listening to your choked moans and bubbly babbles, hand moving down to rub quick circles onto your puffy clit, mouth agape as you huffed, thighs trembling and letting out a soft squeal as your orgasm washed over you.
‘ohh..! nmmggghh..’
‘jesus, woman..’
simon groaned, slowly pulling out of you and fucking his fist, watching his semen splatter across your stomach, lifting a dabble with his finger—sliding it into your lips and watching you suckle on it, before pulling your head away.
‘sex just got a lot more fun.’
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lemonandbread · 2 years
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i do miss you. prolly in a diff universe, we couldve been great friends
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prettiestboyev · 3 months
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DO NOT TOUCH ( bang chan )
sypnosis ! you're a member in stray kids, and you accidentally flex your abs to your stays. the members want a feel of your figure, but so did channie.
pairing ! idol!bangchan x idol!reader ( was written with male in mind, but pronouns are never mentioned so i suppose it can be read as fem or gn too )
cw ! jealous channie, suggestive but subtle moves on reader by channie, minho and i.n touching reader's abs, mentions that changbin and reader are shipped a lot, corny ass ending
a/n ! this was so shit im CRYING but its ok ig. PLEASE GUYS REQUESSTT im losing inspiration
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Performing with your band like usual, the crowds shouting fanchants and you can, like always, hear the faint sound of people screaming your name. Who could blame them? You are one of the hottest idols in the industry.
You laughed mentally at your own egoistic thoughts, you believed everything except that. You were attractive, sure, but a lot of stays and people who biased you put you on a pedestal in your opinion.
As the music in your earpiece ended, signaling the close end of the concert, you felt a sudden heatwave on your body. Sweat, more than usual anyway, dripped down your leather outfit, you took the chance and grabbed the hem of your shirt and used it to wipe the droplets of sweat off your forehead, panting lively.
In that moment, you heard the faint sound of fans grow into something extreme, hints of "woah" and "damn" crawling in your ear aswell. You were a bit confused, did someone do something? Then you saw the looks your members were giving you. Oh.
Oh.
You chuckled, it going loud from the headset microphone you all wore, making the screams only worse. "Yes, yes, a man has abs and it's the end of the world." You joked, your charming voice sending fans into a state of swoon, and if possible, making them scream even louder.
"If it's you, then yeah" Changbin said into the microphone, making the fans squeal since you two were shipped a lot because fans can't stand idols being friends (you guys literally almost kissed once).
You laughed at him, hitting his shoulder lightly as a joke as your maknae, I.N. went up to you and hit your stomach. "Ouch!" You winced, hitting the younger male back as he laughed, complimenting your strong figure.
Minho then walked up, pulling your shirt and revealing the abs once more, the squeals that were finally dying down from your fans then grew in a wave of excitement from the move. "I never knew you worked out." He said quietly into the mic.
Though all your members gushed over your figure, the only person that you had your eyes on was Bang Chan, your leader, who was so fucking hot to you. I mean, who you thought was a great producer with very amazing humor, who just was attractive to you sometimes. Gosh, especially with his blonde luxurious curly ha-
"N/N, let's work out together sometime." He said to you, snapping you out of your very appropriate train of thoughts. You nodded, happily dreaming about the idea.
In Bang Chan's mind, he was fuming with jealousy. He wanted to rub his hands all over your abs just like his other members did, but that was just too out of character for Channie. He sighed, quietly, as he dealt with only touching your shoulders and subtly tracing the blades of them, making you chuckle.
You adjusted your microphone so your words wouldn't blast in the speakers, whispering in his ear with a mouth over your lips, so no magical lip- reader could expose you.
"Don't worry, you can touch me later, I can sense your grumpiness from here, Channie." The words placed a smile on his face.
He slapped your head teasingly, rubbing your hair as the fumes from earlier calmed down. After all, the other members could touch you and rub you all they like,
But he'll always be the one you'll dream about.
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signed-loni · 11 months
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‼️MINORS DNI⚠️
Heeheehee
Regarding my post earlier..HERES THE FNAF SMUT
Things to know: HUMAN AU!!!!this is NSFW!!! Reader is submissive and a afab. There will b oral (reader receiving, Freddys part) creampie, (monty and freddy) roughness, degrading, blowjob,riding (montys part)(monty and freddy have a size kink. IM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN-) WOW THATS A LOT..
ALSO!! These are gonna be they’re own stories. So no head canons. Also, WERE GETTING STRAIGHT TO THE POINT SO-
Nicknames: superstar, my love, slut, rockstar, whore, honey, baby, bitch
Freddy fazbear
You whined and moaned as the one and only freddy fazbear lapped endlessly at your folds. Hitting the best spots inside of you with his tongue, just to circle back to your clit. All the meanwhile pumping himself with his fist. You grabbed his hair and pushed down as you felt a coil in your stomach ready to burst any second, when he stopped.
You whined feeling the cold air from his room hit your cunt. “Freddyyyy!” Your whines were cut short when freddy locked his lips with yours, letting you taste yourself. Whilst making out with you, he ran his long shaft across your folds, making you moan and wriggle under him. He always felt so powerful when he was above you, you were so small compared to him, and he knew he could easily rip you in half with his cock. He never intends to though, unless you want him to of course.
He propped himself right outside your entrance, than looked up at you, eyes searching for consent before he went in. “Is this okay, superstar?” He asked “please..please freddy i need you in me.” With that, he slowly pushed in, careful not to hurt you. He heard your whines and mewls, already so fucked out for him and you’ve barely even started. He pushed in more, almost half way when tears threatened to spill. He stopped and said “are you okay, my love? We can stop at anytime if you wish” you moaned again, “its okay, freddy, please keep going” he pushed himself further in, and in a few seconds, he bottomed out, leaving you completely full, and a bulge in your stomach.
He stayed like that for a few minutes, letting you adjust to him, which was MUCH appreciated. Once he got the green light to move, he started his slow, steady thrusts. Making sure to not cause much pain. He heard you moans and whines and quickly locked lips with you again, moaning into the kiss himself, goddamn you were tight! He picked up the pace a bit, making you cry out with pleasure.
He was now slamming into you, thrusts sloppy and messy, wet kisses being placed everywhere. “Youre doing so well for me, superstar” Now, Freddy’s greedily chasing his own orgasm. The lewd sounds of your pussy squeezing him and his dick ramming into you were music to his ears. You felt the familiar coil building up in your stomach. Shouts of “gonnacumgonnacumgonnacum!!” Filled the room, and just like that, you came undone under him. Your walls squeezed and loosened around him, making him cry out. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh !” Following with milky white streams painting your walls.
Freddy and you slumped on his bed, him on top of you. He rubbed your stomach where the bulge was and kissed your neck, softly. “Are you okay superstar?” He asked, voice low and raspy, but filled with empathy. He removed his dick from inside you and watched the cum leak out, pushing it back in with his fingers. He stood up and went to the bathroom, running a hot bath for the two of you. He picked you up and put you on his lap, soothed by the water on his aching muscles. You sunk into him, fucked out. “I love you, superstar.” You turned around to face him, kissing his forehead. “I love you to, freddy”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montgomery Gator
Monty gripped your hair as tight as he could, hearing your muffled sounds of you trying to take him in. “Thats my good slut, such a fucking whore for this cock, huh?” He moaned and growled, which made your core ache for some friction, rubbing your thighs together. Monty took a mental note for that, when you licked a long stripe up from under his shaft, right where that one specific vein was. He tried hard not to grab your head and just lose whatever restraint he had.
You were trying to keep a pace, not fast enough to hurt, but not slow enough to make monty fall asleep. That would be embarrassing…Anyhoo!
Monty was trying not to lose all self control, if he still had some, but the way you bobbed your head, clearly knowing he was holding back, even if it was slightly, he couldn’t help but grab your head and start violently fucking your mouth. Making you gag and moan on his long shaft only make him even more riled up.
You hallowed your cheeks while monty brutally fucked your mouth dry. Pulling your hair, growling so your other bandmates in the other room could definitely hear you. His bass and your drumsticks somewhere on the ground, your black and lavender band jacket somewhere tossed onto the floor also.
Monty thrusted one, two, three times, and completely released all of his seed into your mouth. Painting it a pretty white, leaving your core dripping and aching for something, anything.
Monty has fucking STAMINA. And what i mean is, he could last all night just doing this and fucking you without getting tired if he wanted to. He knew you ached for something, and what kind of boyfriend and coworker would he be if he left it to yourself to get that oh so-needed-friction?
Monty picked you up and placed you right onto his already hard cock, he wasn’t going to leave it entirely up to you to get the pleasure you wanted, but you were going to still have to work.
He sat you on his dick, and looked at you expectantly. “Whatcha waitin for rockstar? Get to ridin. I bet you want this cock in you, moaning like a bitch in heat while i fucked your face. Come on, i know ya want to.” And just like that, you started riding him. Definitely not sensual, though. You were shaking, trembling even for his dick. You got straight to work, making sure to pleasure not only yourself, but him to.
Your tits bouncing in his face, all the while your mumbling and moaning on his shaft, chasing your orgasm as the coil in your stomach tightened. Reaching your hand down to circle your clit. “Ah -fuck- look at you, trying so desperately to -mngh- get that oh so wanted orgasm of yours.” Monty leaned into your ear, voice low and raspy, he said “go ahead rockstar*pant* you earned it.” And with that, you rode him until all you could see was stars. “Fuck! Monty oh my god!!” “Shitshitshit, I’m gonna come” monty roared “come with me, baby. Come on i know you can do it, you’ve done it so many other times, i know how much you love this cock, so come with me”
Only a few more thrusts up from him and a few bounces from you, and you both came at the same time. You collapsed onto monty, breathing heavy and trembling. Monty picked you up, dick still inside you, and walked to get some tissues. Carefully, he set you back down on his bed, cleaning you and himself up with the tissues he brought back. Walking away for a second to bring you and him comfy clothes to sleep in. Putting them on himself and you. Putting you on his chest while he listened for you breathing, you listening for his to.
You looked up to monty, and lovingly sighed at him. “Thank you, monty. I love you” you said “I love you to, rockstar. And anytime, ya know i love yer pussy.” You tiredly chuckled and fell asleep on his chest, feeling happy and full.
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luna0713hunter · 7 months
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"you'll have to teach me " with zoro please and with
neck kisses / kitchen counter kisses
Kisses to keep your lover quiet but zoro kisses the reader
Lazy make-up
Thank btw I love your work
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Author's note : its currently 3:30 am that im writing this request and gosh so many cute kisses with Zoro! And thank you for your nice compliments!!i hope you enjoy it 💕
"you'll have to teach me"
"neck kisses"
"kitchen counter kisses"
"kisses to keep your lover quiet"
"lazy makeout"
Based on this prompt
Zoro Roronoa x reader
Warnings : none,lots of fluff and kisses,cute couple
*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘
Getting some privacy in a ship is nearly impossible.
You cant really blame anyone;its a public space that all the crewmates share,and no one has the actual time to relax and spend time in their lover's company.
But there are also mornings like this: where everything's soft in the glow of the rising sun;the ocean calm and the sky so blue with few clouds, it has you closing your eyes and wishing for that moment to last forever.
As you lean back on the kitchen counter after you've made yourself a cup of tea,you enjoy the rare moments of loneliness. You close your eyes and take a sip of the sweet honey flavor liquid and let the rays of the sunlight warm your face.
When you hear the sound of someone stepping inside the kitchen,you open your eyes;ready to greet Sanji, assuming he's going to make breakfast since he's always the first one to wake up. But what greets you is the sight of a very drowsy Zoro making his way toward you. You pour him a cup of tea as well and offer it to him;and eye him as he accepts it with a grunt. You grin and bump your shoulder to his,making him grunt again.
"not awake yet,sleepy head?"
"not my fault. Usopp snores. And Luffy talks about food in his sleep."
You snort around your own cup of tea, "what about Sanji?"
Zoro takes a moment to consider your question,a when he speaks next,he seems genuinely surprised by his answer.
"he... actually isnt so bothersome when he sleeps. Which is weird, considering how annoying he is when he's awake."
You throw your head back and laugh;the sound so refreshing in the silence of the morning. Zoro takes a sip of his tea,and leans on his forearms next to where you're currently sitting on the counter.
"why are you up so early?"
You shrug and tilt your head toward the window.
"the weather was too nice to sleep in."
"is that so?"
You close your eyes when the skies clears again and the rays of the sunshine warm your face.
"yeah."
You two bask in each others' presence;no need for any words,just enjoying the silence. The tea finishes soon,and with warm belly,you eyelids start to droop again.
"sleepy?"
When you open your eyes,you see Zoro's face inches away from yours;having you caged between his arms. You lean forward and rest your forehead against his, smiling when he lowers his head and presses his lips to your neck. You shiver,and wrap your arms around Zoro's neck.
"you know,i always dreamed of kissing my boyfriend on a kitchen counter."
An amused chuckle escapes his lips,and he tilts his head to one side while eyeing your lips; pretending to be confused.
"oh?then I'm afraid you'll have to teach me how to do it."
You giggle and pull him closer
"that,can be arranged."
When your lips meet,the morning feels even better. Zoro's lips are soft and move slowly against your own. Its everything you've ever wanted,and even more.
Because of mornings like this,you try to wake up earlier than usual every now and then;so you can have a small alone time with the man you love before everyone else wake up.
When a small sound escapes your lips as he bites your lower lip lightly,Zoro pulls back slightly and rests his forehead against yours.
"you have to keep it down,babe. Don't want other to wake up now,do we?"
And one shake of your head is enough answer for him to dive back in,and capture your lips again.
And you pray to every god you know,that mornings like this last forever.
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THE AVENTURINE FIC 😭😭 OH GOSH IM CRYING 😭😭
i’m so sorry, anon! here this should make it up 😭😭 the devil knows you're dead
pairing. aventurine x reader
tags/tw: fem!reader, references to a complicated childbirth, mother!reader, father!aventurine, spoilers to aventurine's real name, spoilers in reference to 2.1 trailblaze questline, aventurine’s nihilism and depression, references to death, hurt/comfort, ooc aventurine probably, i make shit up at the end because i want a happy ending—bite me.
sfw
a/n: ouchie. i finished 2.1 and it hurt. it hurt a lot. the ost for the “all the sad tales” is genuinely so beautiful. the trumpet just feels so melancholy yet hopeful it just goes so perfectly with aventurine’s story. but i need something that feels good now. ABSOLUTELY NOT PROOF-READ pt. 1
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“As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.”
It was cold. Cold and warm. Almost feverish feeling. The type of feeling you’d get when you were freezing but your skin was hot to the touch. There was this frustrating beeping noise somewhere off in the distance that you just couldn’t tune out, finally you opened your eyes to see a sea of darkness, and seemingly at an unreachable horizon, a large circle of white light that looked like a gate.
“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re wondering,” a voice came from beside you. How you didn’t realize there was a whole person standing next to you, you had no clue.
“Well, that’s not originally what I was going for, but now I’m a bit worried I might be,” you laughed, nervous, but curious all the same. This… person you couldn’t quite make out an exact face, or even a body for that matter, but ther was this distinct feeling that it was in fact a person. Like your instinct knew, but your brain couldn’t quite fill in the details.
“This is a place beyond mortal comprehension, if I tried to explain it to you, you would only be more confused. Walk with me,” the entity said, and without even willing your body to do so, you followed. Ripples emanated from each step as you followed and soon the inky void around you melted into an unfamiliar planet.
The sky was a deep purple, streaked with red that looked like lighting that crackled along the sky. Instead of the fluid, black ground, sand now shifted as you moved foward. Inside a small hut made of rock, you saw a woman cradling a swaddled child.
“Such a lucky child, such a blessed child… Just like your name. A gift from THEM to Avgin… my boy…”
You turned to the figure beside you and hesitantly asked, “Where are we?”
“A land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears,” the entity responded cryptically, which only caused a crease in your brow. You went closer to the mother in the hut and sat next to her. She whispered a blessing onto her child, but none of the words made sense to your ears. Similar to the entity, it’s like your brain scrambled them from your understanding.
The mother cried. You tried to wrap your arms around her to comfort her but only phased through her like a ghost. The baby too began to cry.
Then, the scene changed again, suddenly it was a cell with iron bars. A blond young man sat next to you. The blond’s gaze was downturned, but you could recognize that voice anywhere.
“—Thirty tanba… that’s all my life is worth.”
“That’s not…” you said, but realized it was all in vain. You tried again to take Kakavasha’s hands into your own. You wantd to take the cuffs off his wrists and cradle where the skin was rubbed raw.
“It's all or nothing…”
“Kakav—agh!”
Your future never existed You█ future never existed You█ future ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er ████ted You█ fut███ █e█er ████ted Yo██ ██████ █e█er ████ted
Your mind felt clouded, a searing headache, followed by an inability to even pin down a coherent thought. The scene shifted once more.
“What’s going on!” you shouted at the figure that stood only silently next to you, crippled on the ground, clutching at your head, fingers pressing in to try to find the spot that would alleviate this awful pressure.
When your senses were no longer blinded by pain, you were back to that inky void you started in, but this time you weren’t alone. Not far away, maybe twenty feet or so, was your Kakavasha, and a woman you didn’t recognize.
“Why are we born into this world if it's just to die?”
You stumbled to your feet to try to run to him, but with each step closer he only got further away. He walked towards that gate of light. In your head, you heart was pounding faster and faster. You failed to catch up to him. He only got further and further away until he disappeared like fireflies dispersing into the night, “Kakavasha! No—!”
Utterly devastated, you sunk back onto your knees. You didn’t know why but you had this distinct feeling of loss. Tears rolled from your eyes freely. He… he wasn’t gone surely? The entity’s presence reappeared next to you.
“Why did you show me all of this,” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted an answer.
“Because you need to go back,” the entity answered and your jaw locked, gritting your teeth so hard they hurt.
You screamed into the void, “You’re the one who brought me here!”
“I never call anyone to me… you mortals believe that it is US that determine when your time to go is… but in truth it is your own doing, whether it is your body or your mind that gives up first,” the entity said, “It is only the strength of your will that will allow you to continue down your destined path… but many give up on that path and someone else must be chosen.”
“What does this have to do with me,” you snapped. “Why are you meddling in my life? What does Kakavasha have to do with this?”
“Kakavasha still has a long road ahead of him. I have supplemented his journey all his life. It was only recently he was able to live on his own will,” said the entity ”Your body is giving up. I do not have the power anymore to keep him alive. That lies with you.”
Your surroundings melted again. You were in a hospital room and on the bed was you. Eyes closed and steadily breathing, but your heartbeat was weak. The annoying beeping from before was louder and more prominent.
“You wanted to help him. During his past, you reached out each time. There is nothing you can do about that now, but the future and the present… you still have a choice.”
Laying a hand on your unmoving body, there was a slight resistance, but with just a bit more pressure you felt as if you could phase through it entirely.
“What do I need to do,” you asked the entity.
“Live.”
You furrowed your brow at that. Of course you wanted to live… right? The entity gestured for your hand, you obliged. Against your palm was an oddly soft feeling. Warm. Like a mother’s touch against your’s. Your palms pressed together, the entity spoke,
“May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times… Keep your blood eternally pulsing… Let your journey be forever peaceful… …and your schemes forever concealed."
You lifted your head and your “body” began to disappear similar to how Kakavasha disappeared. Just before you disappeared into sparks of golden light, you had the sense about you to ask:
“Who are you?” you felt like you were shouting, but your voice was quiet.
“You could call me Fenge Biyos.”
You opened your eyes with a deep gasp for air. Your surroundings were blurry, and you rubbed at your eyes, only to realize Kakavasha was up, standing next to your hospital bed with an anxious expression, hands already grasping the one that was wiping crust from your eyes.
“You’re awake,” he choked out, holding you as if you would break, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I did this to you that I—”
“Kakavasha, slow down, what… why are you—no, don’t be sorry,” you finally found your words, sitting foward on the bed to wrap your arms around him. You racked your brain, trying to figure out what was going on. Your mind was still foggy, but finally that haze disappated and you remembered everything leading up to now.
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“Kakavasha~” you hummed in a song-like tone, a small wrapped box with a blue and purple bow tied around it. You skipped over to his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where he sat, and placed the gift in front of him, laying your head on his shoulder as your arms tightly hugged him. “I have a surprise.”
He smiled with a small laugh, “Doesn’t this usually work the other way around?” He pecked a kiss onto your check before pulling the bow off and opening the lid of the box, when he froze.
The smile on your face faltered bit when he didn’t say anything after a bit. The corners of it tightened into a more forced position, “Kakavasha? You’re gonna be a papa…”
The joy in his face from earlier had completely vanished. Only replaced by a stony, cold, poker face. He pushed his chair back and you stumbled into the wall behind. He gave you a tight smile and kissed your forehead before heading for the door and grabbing his hat. “I’ll be back later.”
With that, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving you at a loss as you fell into his chair, feeling suddenly so very empty in this large office alone.
He came back after that, apologetic for leaving you, but nothing felt truly right. He continued to reassure you that he did want to have this child, but it was a strenous time. The entire pregnancy was stressful. The doctors warned you that the level of stress you were under put you at risk for a premature birth, but you brushed them off. It was just the hormones, you were sure. Kakavasha still loved you. The ring on your finger should’ve been proof enough of that.
“How about the name Ilyas?” you suggested, laying your head on Kakavasha’s lap, “I was… looking at some databases about Avgin names and I thought that one was nice. What do you think?”
Aventurine hummed, but his mind seemed elsewhere. You let it go.
The next few months continued on in similar fashion.
But it all came to a head.
The two of you were standing in the kitchen. It had started off small. The hormones and the stress were getting to you. It was an off hand comment about him not fixing dinner, and you were tired and hungry from carrying around his child.
From there it had escalated. It turned into you were tired of feeling like you were walking on eggshells when you talked about the pregnancy. About how he was barely around for the appointments, and when he was he seemd emotionally distant… finally he exploded
“I never asked for this!” he shouted. “When did I ever say I wanted to be a father? Did you even ask me? Did you think about what I felt about this whole thing at all?”
You paused, feeling tears well up in your throat as a white-hot fear flashed through your body. You laughed, a hollow sound, “I’m sorry, Aventurine, I thought it took two people to make a baby? And you certainly made no attempt to use protection.”
He didn’t have anything to say about that. Even though the argument seemed over, you felt a nauseous feeling crawling up in your throat. Your tears felt like acid burning through your skin. Then a pain in your stomach. Your knees gave out and the last thing you remember was the scared expression on Kakavasha’s face before it all went dark.
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“I was scared…. I was so scared that bringing another Avgin into this world would only bring misfortune onto you… that Gaiathra Triclops would take you from our child, just like my mother was taken from me,” he openly cried into your shoulder. “I took it out on you. I made something that should’ve been a beautiful experience something that was awful, and I understand… if you never forgive me for that but please…. please don’t leave.”
Now you were crying with him, one hand tangled in his blond locks and the other rubbing his back. Quietly, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it, he whispered, “I can’t lose you too.”
You thought for a long time. In front of you wasn’t one of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC. Not a calculating or cunning man, who’s only interest was in things that benefited the IPC’s bank accounts. In front of you was a broken man, who’d had everything stripped away from him when he was only a child. Who was shattered and forced to put his life back together with nothing but fear and anxiety as glue.
Did it excuse what he'd broken?
No.
“I’m here… I won’t leave Kakavasha,”
But maybe with time and effort, you could help re-glue each other with something a little more beautiful.
“Ilyas! Don’t run so far!” you called after a small blond haired child who was already ahead of you by a longshot, you turned exasperatedly to your husband, “Honey, can you go after him please? I don’t want him to get trampled by some idiot who’s not paying attention…”
The man only smiled at you, one hand firmly wrapped around your ever expanding waist, “It’s okay. There’s some of my squad that’s following him incognito. He won’t get out of our sights without them dragging him back. We can let him get his energy out. He’ll be cooped up in a hospital soon.”
You huffed conceded. Already tired from just getting through the theme park’s entrance. You were due in about two weeks, but Kakavasha was insistent that a week before you’d be under hospital supervision until you brought your second child into the world. It had taken about five years before the two of you had healed enough and there were roadbumps along the way… but you were both ready to give Ilyas a little sister.
But for now, the two of you wanted to let Ilyas have one more day as an only child. The reconstructed Penacony was nothing like the Dreamscape of the past. Fear and secrets no longer were trapped in the gilded cage of the former prison planet. With the help of the IPC and the Harmony, New Penacony was entirely real. No more dreams, just reality. They’d kept many of their old franchises and built a true theme park.
“Mama!! Picture! Let’s get a picture here before we go in!” Ilyas screeched, pointing at Clockie statue in front of the Clock Studios main attraction. You set a hand on Kakavasha’s arm, glancing up at him to try to get a read on what he was feeling. He’d let you in on the parts of his past that he’d kept a secret. The scheme behind Penacony, his proposed “death” and his encounter with his Past and Future.
He took a breathe and looked back down at you, giving you a smile that said “I’m okay” and relief flooded your bones. After walking you over in front of the camera, he crouched down and scooped Ilyas into his arms.
“Ready?” the cameraman asked and you nodded. After a brief countdown the camera flashed, and for a moment in that bright light, you saw the hopeful future that lied ahead.
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princesachicana · 9 months
Text
𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 pt.2
a/n: it's finally here!! how long has it been?! first things first i want to say thank you to everyone who's been rooting for this fic!! I honestly hit a huge writers block and had no motivation to write!! but all the sweet messages from people saying they enjoyed my work has made me so happy!!! SO ONCE AGAIN THANK U AND I HOPE U ENJOY!! I tried my EXTRA HARDEST SO I HOPE THIS GIVES U THE CLOSURE YALL WANTED I LOVE YOU SM! ALSO THIS IS NOT PROOF READ SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY MISTAKES!! I JUST WANTED TO FINALLY POST FOR U GUYS!!
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It took a lot out of you not to stay in bed the next morning. The softness of your bed wrapped around your body gives you some sort of comfort. But of course, staying in bed would only make you feel worse. At least if you got up it would be easier to fake happiness. To no surprise, your phone was flooded with missed calls and texts from both Steven and Belly. Of course, you only responded to belly telling her that you'll explain your reasoning for ditching your "date" with Steven later.
Why did Steven even bother leaving you so many texts last night? If you were such a bother to him? Annoying. That's what he thinks you are. And what if you never heard those disgusting things he said about you? and went on the date with him? Would he just continue to lead you on?
Steven: waiting for you by the pool.
Steven: ur late
Steven: u look pretty even though i can't even see you. pls im starving
Steven: is belly holding you hostage?
Steven: it's been 18 minutes cmon.
Steven: the guys are going to laugh at me for being stood up I'm getting nervous.
Steven: did something happen are you okay?
Steven: belly is worried as well lmk.
You laughed at the messages blinking back angry tears that threatened to fall. Gosh! he was so fake. You could only imagine how relieved he must have been to not hang out with you.
Belly: have funnnn
Belly: no funny business!!
Belly: wait where did you go?!
Belly: Steven keeps pacing back and forth waiting for u
Belly: what’s going on?
Belly: just let us know ur okay
Belly: y/n ??!?!??
Y/n: hey, something came up last night sorry I had you worried. can u come over?
Belly arrived 20 minutes later. You spent the time together watching reruns of your favorite Disney show. “Do you want to talk about it?” Belly asked after a while, noticing something was bothering you.
“I overheard the guys talking about me last night.” You fiddled with the throw blanket that was on your lap. “At first it was just them teasing Steven about our date or whatever.” You took a deep breath upset that you felt like crying. “But Steven only agreed to hang out with me…” You paused blinking back tears. Belly moved closer immediately pulling you into a hug. “He only agreed to hang out with me…so I could stop annoying him! I honestly don’t know what I did wrong?” You pulled away from belly’s arms wiping your tears that had fallen.
“Maybe I was too forward? but I just wanted to see if he felt the same way…it was dumb.” You shrugged. Belly shook her head “Nope my brother is a fucking idiot!” she stood up taking your hand in hers and pulling you up. “I won’t let you mope around all day because of him!” You sighed “I don’t even have a choice do I?” Belly laughed shaking her head. “What do you say we go to the boardwalk? Taylor’s coming in today too” she smirked.
“And maybe someone would be happy to see you I don’t know” she whispered with a grin. “What are you talking about?” You questioned. “Well you know Xavier..the one that works the lemonade stand?” You nodded your head yes. “Well, he totally has the hots for you.” You cringed at her word choice. “He does not!” You laughed. “Oh, he does! you were too busy ogling my brother last summer you didn’t notice him ogling you.” she poked your side teasingly.
“Now let’s go!”
~
“Stay still before I poke your eye out” Taylor groans finishing up your eyeliner. You were now at the Fisher’s beach house getting ready to go down to the boardwalk. You laugh pulling away “I think that’s enough…if you make my eyeliner any thicker I’d cry!” Taylor playfully pushes your head away. “Sorryyyyy i want to make Xavier fall to his knees when he sees you!” You frown when she brings that name up. Sure, Xavier was a nice guy…and he was cute…but he wasn’t Steven.
You’d always imagined Steven being your first everything. First kiss, first date, first time. It was something you’d dreamt of all this time.
“Yeah…im going to get a snack before we head out do y’all want anything?” You ask heading towards the door. Both girls gave you a sympathetic smile shaking their heads no.
As you reached the kitchen you stopped in your tracks. Steven turned from looking into the fridge. You made eye contact for about 5 seconds before you beelined for the cabinets. “Hey,” Steven broke the silence as you pulled out a granola bar. You felt the warmth of his stare and turned finding him now leaning against the counter. “Hey…” you whispered looking anywhere but his face. “So you gonna tell me what happened last night?” Steven crossed his arms around his chest.
“Just didn’t feel up for it anymore ..” You shrugged nonchalantly. “That’s it?” Steven scoffed. “Yeah…that’s it” you whispered about to walk away. “What’s going on? I’m like so confused right now.” Steven gently gripped your arm. “Nothing just forget it…it’s not like you wanted to go anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “And what makes you think that?” He muttered eyes scouring your face for the truth. “Um, I don’t know let’s see …you quite literally ignored me this entire week!” You responded sarcastically.
“I didn’t mean to. I had a lot of shit on my mind alright?” Steven uttered softly. It almost felt genuine. The words he spoke just last night almost became liquid. “Yeah like what?” You whispered eventually looking into his eyes. “You can tell me..” You spoke gently stepping into him closer. No matter how much he’s hurt you. Steven would always make you melt. “Nothing let’s just forget about it…he pulled away opening up the fridge once again.”
It was like a switch was flipped. How he went right back to that cold shoulder he had been giving you all week. “You're a fucking asshole” You spewed, already ready to walk out of the kitchen. “Where are you going?” He abruptly spoke again. “The boardwalk…you know? so I won’t annoy you here.” With that, you left a confused and remorseful Steven behind.
~
“Hey, look y/n why don’t you go get a lemonade?” Belly suggested with an eyebrow raise. Shit. you were hoping they forgot about that. “Guys I don’t feel up for this..” You pouted looking between both Taylor and Belly. “Noooo go talk to him! you look hot as fuck.” Taylor gently grabbed your face giving you a mini pep talk.
“What if Xavier wants to hang out..I cant just ditch you guys?!?” You were stalling and they knew it. “We’ll be here waiting for you” Belly smiled. “Just try to have fun alright? But hey if you don’t really want to do it …we’ll back off” She narrowed her eyes at Taylor. “No…I’ll go” You laughed giving both of them a hug “Thank you guys.i really appreciate this.” You’d definitely still be moping around in your room about Steven if it wasn’t for Belly and Taylor. They both wished you luck as you headed straight for the lemonade stand.
As soon as he spotted you. The biggest smile spread across his face. “y/n? damn, it’s been so long” Xavier greeted you with a hug. “It’s only been a year!” You playfully ruffled his curly hair that sat atop his head. “That’s way too long…I enjoy seeing pretty girls year-round.” He spoke smoothly, he definitely knew how to talk to girls. “Shut up” You laughed pushing him away with not that much force.
“I have an hour lunch break…you up for arcade games?”
~
“So…you seeing anyone?” Xavier asked as he ate a scoop of his mint chocolate chip ice cream. You thought about it for a moment. Technically no you weren’t seeing anyone. But you knew you were still hung up on Steven. A day at the boardwalk with Xavier wouldn’t change that. “It’s complicated…I guess” Xavier sighed “I've been there…it’s rough” You nodded you were curious as to what he meant but you didn’t want to be nosey.
“Hey, look they have street fighter..” Xavier smirked. “Want to go a couple of rounds?” You nodded immediately pulling him towards the game. “Mhhm loser buys the winner a funnel cake!” You suggested with a chuckle. “Ouuu im so down y/n” Xavier squeezed your hand that held his quickly striding towards the arcade game.
Just two more steps, Just two more steps and you’d be fine. The rowdy yelling completely threw you off. You stopped in place looking behind you where the voices were coming from. You had no time to move out of the way, no time to prevent this from happening.No time to stop the trio of boys that you knew all too well. Suddenly a body collided with Xavier, the force immediately making your intertwined hands lose. “Dude, what the fuck?” Xavier groaned. It was then that you snapped back into reality. Eyes wide when you noticed Xavier’s ice cream now all over his shirt.
“What’s up? how are we doing?” That voice full of humor made you scoff. Steven stood tall a smile on his face. You hated that it kind of made your heart flutter. “Steven, what is your problem?” You gestured towards Xavier’s now ice cream stained shirt. “He’ll be fine y/n it’ll wash out.” Steven laughed, but once he noticed you didn’t find this funny at all he frowned. “I’m sorry man, I just came over to say what’s up..” You ignored Steven’s apology not believing he meant it. “Hey want me to help you get cleaned up?” You asked Xavier voice full of concern.
“No.I got it…I’ll see y’all later.” Xavier spoke nonchalantly as he walked away. When he was out of eyesight you brushed past steven heading out the door.
“Y/n” Steven immediately followed behind you. His long legs make it easier for him to catch up with you. “You embarrassed me” You stopped outside the arcade, letting him pull you to the side. “Embarrassed? sorry to interrupt your little date” Steven scoffed. “It's not a date we were just hanging out, why do you care?” You groaned running your hands down your face. “Maybe because just yesterday you were supposed to hang out with me?” Steven spoke definitively.
“Oh my god, just earlier you agreed to forget about it,” you said with an eye roll. “It was dumb, stop acting like you care just go home Steven I did you a favor.” He shook his head “What are you talking about right now?” Steven pulled you in closer, one of his hands placed on your waist. The other coming to the side of your face, willing you to look at him.
“I heard you.i heard everything,” you spoke up voice hoarse. Steven’s heart carried pain at the tears that stood brimming in your eyes. The realization was clear when he made the connection. “And you know..who cares what Jeremiah and Conrad think! what hurt the most was you.” You shrieked. You hated that you were crying in front of him. You hated that when he hauled you against his chest you felt secure.
“I'm sorry baby... I'm sorry” Steven sounded voice vulnerable. Leaving kisses atop your head. “Why would you say that?” you sobbed breaking down in front of the boy who caused it. “I didn't mean any of it” Steven brought your face between his hands once again. “But you said it..it still fucking hurts Steven.”
You wiped your face getting prepared to pull away and walk back home.
“Wait, please let me talk to you.” Steven begged. “okay” you replied being prepared to cry all over again. “My head has been all fucked up..and that isn't an excuse I know” Steven looked down as if he couldn't construct the next words. “Please don't shut me out.” you pleaded gently. “I want you...i have all this time.” Steve confessed for the first time.
“—And I didn't want to fuck anything up we've..been so close all our lives if I ever messed that up I would never forgive myself.” It's as if you were dreaming, the boy you loved stood in front of you disclosing his feelings for you. “And what? this whole week of you acting cold towards me, were you trying to avoid your feelings?” Steven bobbed his head “Yes, if I lied to myself it would make lying to everyone else easier because the fucking truth is I want you so bad” You didn't tell him but at that moment you forgave him.
“And you called me the annoying one?” You giggled pushing on his chest gently. “Right now we could have been making out on the beach….but noo you had to be a brooding boy” Steven tickled your side, causing you to squirm in his arms. “Yeah, my fault can I kiss you now? been practically wanting to my whole life.” Steven threw his head back fake pouting setting one hand over his chest. You figured you'd throw his words right back at him. “You're so desperately desperate”
Steven smirked “Yeah for you? I am” Those words welcomed a whole lot of beautiful feelings. At that moment is when Steven bent down bringing his lips down onto your own. As your lips moved together, butterflies erupted in your belly. You smiled against his lips when you both needed a breath. “Hey, by the way, your not off the hook.. I'm still sort of pissed at you.” You declared pointing a finger into his chest.
“Yeah, I figured” He laughed wrapping his arms even tighter around you. “How about I make it up to you this whole week? I'm taking you out on dates…ill even get on my knees if I have to. I'm going to follow you around like a puppy.” Steven rambled on. You laughed out loud covering your mouth with your hands. “Oh, it's funny?” Steven raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Yeah, you're such a loser.” You joked.
Before Steven could respond you tugged him into another kiss. Perhaps everything wasn't one hundred percent fixed. But you and Steven were finally here together. You and Steven were finally in each other's arms that's all that mattered. You’d figure out the rest together.
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