debating whether or not to post the latest thing i wrote because it would mean also typing up the lore for it

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

I'm very much in denial about "Dear, Hello..." ending, but I wanted to ask what your favorite part was? Also, was there any part that turned out better than you expected? Also, what's your headcanon for Corina's and Sarah's future? Also, sorry, it's likely I won't watch the original movie, given that I'm sure I've read the best iteration of this story, but how many creative liberties did you have to take to adapt the story both to the characters and to a written format? (I absolutely love the story, so I'm fiending for more conversation on it! lol!)

AHHH OMG DONT GET ME STARTED (PROCEEDS TO GET STARTED) !!!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK

LONG YAP INCOMING

Favourite part: UGHH IDK!!! I really love the kiss scene in the hot tub because it’s just so intimate and it was something I looked forward to a lot because it’s also one of my favourite scenes in the movie! I had all these plans and was super duper excited to finally let Cait and Vi just love (or “not hate” 🤭) each other finally. It was just so sweet and so lovely with the elements of them finally crossing the lines they’ve been so desperate to cross like with Cait’s super sensitive neck that was mentioned during the contract writing and with Vi’s obsession with having someone’s hand in her hair and JUST ALL THE KISSING!!! I headcanon that Vi and Cait are super into kissing, I can’t even lie, and that it’s just a connection they’re so desperate for. Though, I’m not super confident in how the chapter turned out as a whole 🤔. The final reading of Cait’s second letter to Vi is also just so !!!!! Another thing I was SUPER excited for. I also love chapter 17 where they just hang out and banter and pine at the ice cream place and the outdoor movie and stuff. I really love the lacrosse chapters (15-16) too because of how much develops during them and how CUTE CAIT AND VI ARE in Caitlyn’s bedroom, especially with Cait falling asleep. OH AND AND AND THE GALA AND HALLOWEEN!!!! THOSE FACE KISSES????? THE JAYCE AND VI INTERACTION??? THE CONTRACT AND THE JERICHO’S RESTAURANT SCENE??? OMG THERES JUST SO MUCH, especially with Caitlyn and Vi’s dynamic throughout the whole fic! I love every bit and piece, especially all the additions of Vi’s relationships with lacrosse, her family and her friends and same for Caitlyn’s relationships with Kai’Sa (LOVE HER!!!), her parents and Jayce and Corina and even Sarah. I just love the whole fic I can’t lie, I can’t believe I actually pulled it off 😭. The overall development of the reluctant partners fake dating to all the resurfaced pining from years ago just kinda gets me! Their love for each other just never went away!

Better than expected: … the whole fic I think???? I really did not expect this fic to hit so hard for myself or others! What I REALLY didn’t expect was how much I was gonna love Kai’Sa’s character because, during planning, I just needed someone to fill the friend spot for Cait and Kai’Sa Void (COOLEST NAME EVER) just started to really stick!!! She’s so fun and balances Caitlyn so well. Plus, having an aro character will always be peak to me. PLUS PLUS, silly Vi thinking Kai’Sa has feelings for Cait and that Caitlyn might reciprocate them??? Please 😭. Also, Vi’s friend group! I also really needed those spaces filled and they also made as fun additions. I’m always super worried about making OCs for fics cuz I don’t want them to pull people out from the fic or something, so I prefer to find league characters to add but I also know NOTHING about league and sometimes (most times) it just doesn’t work out. It did this time tho! The little bits of politics that I got to write were fun too, especially with how it made Caitlyn view her mother.

Headcanons for Corina: she doesn’t change very much, inherits her family’s factories and continues to be a problem. She’ll eventually get bored of being the “friendliest” bully of all time, though, and move on to just being a generally awful person with a good mask. Might even start working with Silco and the chembarons 😧. Her parents def have a tie with them already. Headcanons for Sarah: SHE GROWS!!!! She works through her insecurities and learns about what she truly wants for herself. She faces her neglectful parents, takes a gap year and decides to study to be a teacher or something. She stops comparing herself and wishing and wishing and wishing to be someone else and instead learns to be someone better. She probably moves away too to start anew.

Creative liberties: I honestly took A TON. Especially since the role Vi’s filling (Peter: the love interest) didn’t have much focus in the movie or even the books, and if there was some, it was kinda lacklustre. We never got his POV and he regressed a lot imo. I aged them up from junior year to senior year after debating if I wanted it all to take place in Uni cuz writing young CaitVi is foreign to me lol. I swapped the family dynamics in the movie. The character Caitlyn’s in place for (Lara Jean: main character) was the one with the bigger, complicated family and a lost parent and Peter was the one with an absent parent and a smaller family. I almost made Vi be Lara Jean and write the letters lol! My notes for this fic are crazy, I might post them one day. The character Corina’s in place for (Josh: Lara Jean’s ex (?) childhood best friend and Lara Jean’s older sister’s (who Jayce plays) ex boyfriend) was NOT as mean as Corina and eventually reconciled with Lara Jean. He was the one that convinced Lara Jean to find Peter and tell him how she really felt. Caitlyn needed different character development tho lmao. Parental reconciliation is iffy in the original series for Peter; again with the lack of focus (and overall characterization in the second and third books/movies) on him. I strongly dislike the third book and am very indifferent to the movie so I kinda block it out. Obvi, in the original series, Lara Jean is straight, so I mixed it up for Caitlyn. Instead of a guy that Lara Jean used to like telling her that he’s gay and Peter kinda laughing at Lara Jean when he finds out, a girl Cait used to like tells her she’s aro and Vi instead laughs at Caitlyn for writing a letter to Jayce considering her… situation, lmao. There’s some more little things like Sarah’s characterization that kinda followed but kinda didn’t the character she was in place for. It’s only a 90 minute movie and I really didn’t want Sarah to just be some bad guy. Even Corina was simply brought up with a desperation for control. It was kind of a vague template of love letters and pining and character development and family/friend dynamics that I morphed them into to make it all work and I think I did it pretty well 🤗. The written format wasn’t hard to adjust to since the movies are based off of books and I even own the books to kinda use as a guide (although I didn’t use them much at all lmao). The chapters of the books are pretty short and, again, don’t have Peter’s POV, so there was def a lot of change.

so i just watched pink floyd - the wall

fascinating piece

hard to recomend ngl cos it's a kinda heavy, i don't think the some of the content is for everyone

but

very good

i don;'t now how much i wanna give like a detailed review about it cos it's very abstract and up to interpritation which means it very revealing about a person when they analyse it and i'm not against that but like my main issue is that it would be so much effort to write all my thought/feelings about it down into a coherent review

like if i was to actually try i'd neeed correct spelling, gramma and punctuation to properly get everything across correctly

and i simply don't have time to do that at the minute

like maybe eventually but at the moment i literally don't have time

and like idk how much that would actually match the ton of this blog

so

instead

here are some random ish thoughts i had about the piece that are kinda funny

spoilers for the wall ahead and errr tw yonic imagery and discusions of facism

also i have boba, ignore how late i'm having caffine for me

so random funny thouight i had about the wall in no particular order cos i started listening to journey and i'm losingf my train of thought

so pink is played by bob geldof (who i always new as rod geldof idk whyyyy) and people make a point that he dosn't get to sing in teh film which is whatever to me rn but i do think it's funny that i think a tim curry version of this film would slay. like don't get me wrong i loved bob's proformace, it was great, but i also want a version with tim curry cos look

the second gif is very thematic

oh look it's dina from alice in wonderland

so anyway

can you tell i lreaned how gifs work

ehhehe

anyway

so theres a scene where pink is giving like a "fascist speach" to like his fans (it's complicated..... it's complicated) insead of the music concert he's giving and like all i could think about was andrew tate and taylor swift. weird i know. will i explain why eeeeeeeeh, it's hard to cos it's so abstrac and on the nose at the same time it's a really complicated explination but yea. andrew tate and taylor swft. oh and like also hitler cos thats what they were riffing off but like pop culture now wise tate and swift

theres a point when the "ghost" of pinks wife comes back to "haunt" him as a vigina monster and i thought this was the perfect moment to deepface jerma into the film as pink like look at him

he'd fit

he'd be a good pink

errrrrrr what else

oh not really funny but erm yea as someone who had parents who were into pink floyd and played another brick in the wall (cos like they were in school when the song came out so yea you'd deffo like the song then), listening to it without the visual element is a diservace to the song and it's meaning and then also not having the context of the stuff in the film leading up to this point, real diservice to the song. liike people still use this song today and with good-

WTF..... WONDER WOMAN?????????

-reason cos the education system is still fucked. But. ahdn hear me out. the way it's used in the film and with it's full context, people kinda miss use it today. like errrr it's rooted in it's historical setting (it's weird saying historical cos it was like errrrrrrrrr 50 years ago which for some people really isn't that long a go and like i don't view it as that long ago, but) the culture at the time si so diffrerent to now what like it dosen't work as the same anti school vibes as now.

like i kinda stated i'm not gonna go more into that but if you wanna get the vibes for your self watch the first 28ish minuets of the film (okay thats more than i thought it was but yea,) or watch the music video, the six minuet one, this one Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2 (The Wall) - 1080p Remastered (youtube.com) 👍🏽 it's the exert from the fiml. theres some things that aren't explained by just the music video but the school bit that i'm on about mainly is

i can't remember anything else that i thought was funny so errr yea

cat break

over all i'd give this a errrrrrrrrrrrr 8/10. like i think it could have benifitted from being a little less abstract butr at the same time could it really be made less abstrat? i dunno. i'd recomend if you like this sort of thing. like british music from this time, pink floyd, political peice, abstraction, that kind of thing.

bye

ps you should watch foling ideas review of the nostalga critics parody of the wall, tis very good

Sorry, I am blind as Jared, how is what he said offensive and insulting?

Theres a whole backstory that I’m not sure if you’re aware of it, nonnie.

But essentially because he had a meltdown on Twitter over the announcement they Jensen was working on a prequel.

It was obvious he didn’t even read the article and jumped the gun and got pissy even stating about Sam Winchester not being involved.

When the show is about John and Mary and set in 1972, almost ten years before Sam is born.

Plus, it’s not even a series yet. Right now, it’s just that the network is willing to pay Chaos Machine to provide them with at least one script (the article didn’t say how many scripts they committed to).

The network could still say no, or require changes. Of Jensen didn’t want those changes then he could say no and drop the project.

Plus, my understanding is that the publication is basically used to find investors. So it was their way of reaching out and saying “we have rights to this beloved and long running IP and we want to do something with it” and then investors would be like “oh, yes, I can see how this is will work out nice and I’d like to be involved” and give them money to make the show, for a piece of the profits.

This is a show about family and friends. And then you have the actor who was another lead, and brother to the producer, throwing a tantrum about not being told or given the opportunity to be involved (when there is nothing to be involved in yet, because there is no show and no script yet).

That could be a turn off to investors who then decide to not be part of the show.

Not only that, but Jensen didn’t owe him anything. This is Jensen’s company and Jensen’s future. And it could have just gotten fucked up.

They’d talked about retiring from acting after SPN and I think Jensen was probably hoping to be able to do that in the near future. Chaos Machine, I assume, was intended to be his big ticket item that would generate the most profits for him. And allow him to still stay in the tv and movie industry, while still having the brewery and his band.

The last couple years especially, Jensen seems more like the babysitter than the friend/older brother. And I think he’s been distancing himself.

Idk if the pic Jensen posted at 3 am was him letting out frustration or if it is meant as a nod to what Soldier Boy is going through in the series.

But I think more the former. Jensen talked about in the Gish zoom about how he hasn’t seen his family in 8 weeks (and it’s been a month since that zoom, so now it’s been even longer) and that it was the longest he’s gone without being able to see Danneel and the kids. And that for the first time ever, he has to miss his daughter’s birthday.

So, the announcement comes, the meltdown comes, the forced PR smooth over happens. The next day, Jared, who in their March panel talked about how he can’t be with his kids for more than 20 minutes and said he doesn’t know what to do with “these things” when they want him to play with them, posts a pic of them all in the pool.

I’m not sure if he did it intentionally. But considering he hasn’t posted about the kids really at all, it seems like it was an intentional dig at Jensen.

Then you have Gen and Dee putting up IG stories which seemed to be a dig at the other family. And then Jensen made a post that also could have been a dig back at Jared.

Either way; then Jensen posts about trying to cope with shit and Jared responds about having nightmares about the post.

But at this point, he needs to just step back and let Jensen live his life. They don’t need to appear to be best friends anymore. Jensen already got rid of the house that was down the road from Jared a few years ago.

Now he’s moved to Colorado. And sure, they still have a house somewhere in Austin, but I get the feeling that Colorado will be their main residence.

So, while Jared was the one who thought the show ended in a satisfying manner, knowing Jensen did not feel the same at all, and has mentioned many times about how Dean would be back, Jared seems to be the one who is unable to let go.

Jared is producing and starring in a new show.

So I don’t know why he feels he has the right to be angry at Jensen for wanting to bring back a version of the show that Jensen also starred in. Especially when he’s been vocal since at least comic con in July 2019, about coming back and it not being over for him.

This also makes me think that the show was literally ending so that he go on to do the other show for the network. That Jensen hadn’t wanted to end it after 15, but really didn’t have a choice.

Tl;dr: Jared acted childish and could have ruined Jensen’s first production with his new company. It also paints a bad image for Chaos Machine to investors and to the moose’s stans who have since started attacking Jensen and Danneel over this.

All he had to do, was send him a text or call him.

But then again, he’s known for Twitter meltdowns and sending his fans to attack whoever he has a grievance against.

i actually had no idea jackbox hosts had like. lore and stuff (dont know if thats the right word but oh well) do you mind explaining a bit about it?? im really curious !!!

oh honey /p... you have opened pandora's box... you will regret this. but you also have my heart for life so /p

right so uh this is gonna be mainly [REDACTED] because i know him best and i dont have much lore for the other hosts or lore linking them yet but im working on it i promise!! Ight lets go *pauses kpop music that has been on all day*

I literally have several pages of notes on this man because he is so i n t e r e s t i n g but i'll try to keep it short. so he grew up in a murder hotel (idk how much you know about tmp2 so I'll kinda overexplain everything just to be safe, I'm not saying you're stupid-), so like a hotel where the vast majority of the guests, probably nearly all of them, get murdered. but [REDACTED] didn't want that, he wanted to kill people in other places, which is ironic since he ends up back there in tmp2 but also kind of like made him not fit into the family?? And he has a fucking massive family so thats an achievement. He has cousins and uncles and nieces all over the shop

but he especially didn't seem to get on well with his parents. I mean he absolutely clearly loved his mum but... idk i don't have any evidence for it yet but the relationship between them doesn't seem entirely healthy. And he fucking hates his dad so uh thats a yikes. You just need to listen to the credits song for the father's hat ending to work that out lmao

uh what else- I've heard something about a brother but tbh I haven't quite worked that bit out yet. Oh but there is one piece of lore that links him with another of the hosts. Theres a quiplash killing floor in tmp2 and judging by schmittys voice he got kidnapped to be there so uh oof. Although [REDACTED] said on this livestream he hijacked about six years ago that he thinks schmitty is a good guy so it clearly wasnt malice. I think he would have just asked him if he could, but like hes a serial killer thats never gonna work

And I know I shouldn't love this man but like... he does all this murdering and yet he bakes banana bread a lot, he wears a duck costume every halloween, he feels awful about a book he took out of the library in second grade and never returned... he's just wonderful. Ooo one more thing I can mention! Only found this out the other day. So uh the police have turned up to the hotel at some point but they didn't arrest [REDACTED] so they clearly didn't find anything which is good. But they sounded like pretty incompetent officers so... yeah I think he just got lucky because he has left passports and other evidence lying around before-

Okay right uh I need to do someone who isn't [REDACTED]. Honestly i don't have much for schmitty. He just doesnt say as much about himself. He did mention his wedding night at one point so i think he's married?? Or at least was. But apart from that i dont have much. Still working on that. I wish the rest of the hosts were a bit more like [REDACTED] and told us a little more about themselves but eh what can you do. Alright ive talked for long enough and i dont have anything else for anyone who isnt [REDACTED] so i guess i'll stop here lmao. Thank you so much for asking this. T h a n k y o u

session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

1-50 bitch

well since u asked nicely how could i resist

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? paint/draw or the like, or knit maybe,

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you own/owned? MY HOT MOMS SHIRT THAT I LOST ;n; also the big grey hoodie i have & a pierce the veil shirt i borrowed from my gf that im never giving back :)

4. How often do you play sports? never

5. What fictional place would you most like to go to? The Digital World

6. What job would you be terrible at? probably anything involving extensive memorizing and maintaining information for long periods of time. so basically a lot of things…… or maybe like. working at starbucks cos i cant make coffee OR remember lots of drink recipes omg

7. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for? playing kingdom hearts 2 on easy mode. i would have a good chance at winning because all the people that are good at playing kingdom hearts are gaming elitists that think playing on easy is for losers and if you dont play on critical mode you arent a real gamer :)

8. What skill would you like to master? making an omelet OR knitting

10. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? some out of town adventure with my girlfriend where money and time dont matter 

11. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change and why? uh i’d like to be less haunted by my traumatic past maybe! or be a few inches taller that would be cool i feel like both of these are pretty self explanatory 

12. What’s your favorite drink? W A T E R or milk tea 

13. What do you consider to be your best find? my girlfriend 

14. Are you usually early or late? way too early. too mcuh time i dont know what to do with it

15. What pets did you have while growing up? hm lets see i had a couple turtles, some fish, i had a gerbil that i got from a friend, an african grey named solomon, boston terrier named Tiny, two white boxers named Floyd & Lloyd, a mix named Macy, 4 chihuhuas named Dude, Pooty, Flout & Chief, and now we have a cat named Schrödinger :~), oh and an amstaff/dalmation mix named EL

16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? anything and everything but never really asking for advice i guess? its more of them talking about a problem cos im easy to talk to and then me trying to help them come up to a solution if they need it

17. What takes up too much of your time? S L E E P I N G 

18. What do you wish you knew more about? cats!!!! also dogs cos i know a lot but i want to know more

19. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years? why am i still alive?

21. Who’s your go-to band or artist when you can’t decide on something to listen to? seventeen or monsta x, exo’s LMR repackaged album

22. What shows are you into? the office, lost, honestly nothing thats still running on tv, i havent watched a show in forever, oh god wait does anime count cos i could write the longest list of anime i love: haikyuu, nge, digimon, noragami ,,,,,,

23. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Seventeen (Hangul: 세븐틴), also stylized as SEVENTEEN or SVT, is a South Korean boy group formed by Pledis Entertainment in 2015. The group consists of thirteen members divided into three sub-units, 

24. What age do you wish you could permanently be? a dog mom & i hope i can make that wish come true

25. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend? napping on and off in bed with my girlfriend and then going to town for sushi & milk tea and then uhhhhhhhhhhh coming back home to nap some more and then go out for noodles for another date :} oh and a dog would be involved if possible because cuddling dogs is best

26. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way? physically writing and sending cards/letters in the mail i guess? i dont know if that really counts as doing something the old fashioned way but i definitely dont get as many cards or anything in the mail anymore. i also like to keep physical hand written to-do lists & schedules and stuff

27. What have you only recently formed an opinion on? how bad exo are at dancing  turtlenecks and scarves. they are good 

28. What’s the single best day on the calendar? october 10th my dogs birthday and also narutos birthday

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? asmr??? 

30. What is the most annoying question that people ask you? “did u have a little lamb?” OR when my grandpa asks me anything about his iphone 

31. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on without absolutely no preparation? my dogs or seventeen. OR a half ass presentation about kingdom hearts, trying to explain it while getting around all the plot holes and not nailing down my arguments cos i dont really get it either and theres a lot i dont pay attention to but i could come up with 40 mins of info im sure

32. If you were a dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? no waking until 10am. no crime or anything will be allowed ill figure out some way to make everything perfect so women can go out alone at night and not be afraid. no discrimination !! all the poc, lgbt, disabled, any minority  will be welcome and have safe spaces and any hate will be punished by law. also everyones allowed to have pets in their homes and no home goes without food or power. am i doing this right

33. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? travel out of your comfort zone. like physically travel somewhere and make the most of it but do it with someone cos the buddy system is important

34. What’s worth spending more on to get the best? jackets. i will pay up to 100$ for a good jacket and wear it forever cos itll be confirmed long-lasting and also most likely very comfortable!!!

35. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of? i just want to point out that its not that i dont get the point of it because everyone has their likes and i have my own that other people dont i like that people are into whatever they want to be its just that i am Not into it. and that thing is yuri on ice

36. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? being able to wake up every morning next to my girlfriend and out pets :~)

37. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been? corning museum of glass was super neat……. , dollywood, gatlinburg, chicago chinatown, idk i havent been to many interesting places 

38. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to? i wana get a tattoo !!!!!!!!

39. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week? getting a job interview at barnes & noble because now i have a job there!!!

40. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind so that you could experience it for the first time again? diamond edge chicago

41. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have? all i really want is that job where im paid to sleep 

42. How different was your life one year ago? tbh not that much different?? other than i was in school and now im not. i didnt have a job and now i do. i was a year further away from moving 

43. What’s the best way to start the day? talking to my girlfriend and also let me just say that first pee in the morning. perfect

44. What quirks do you have? what are quirks exactly i looked up examples to help me think of some but all im thinking of is…i cant have the volume on my tv or radio on an even number it has to be on an odd number??? i have to sleep with a fan on. idk dude

45. What would you rate 10/10? [MV] 몬스타엑스 (MONSTA X) _ 걸어 (ALL IN)

46. What kind of art do you enjoy most? abstract w lots of colors and shapes. geometric stuff 

47. What do you hope never changes? my ability to collect myself (unless it gets better which then i hope it does), my passion for art of any sort

48. What city would you most like to live in? anywhere except charleston and somewhere thats not extremely highly populated

49. What movie title best describes your life? Scooby Doo 2 - Monsters Unleashed

50. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? sleeping or hanging out with their pet

what's once on this island about?

i hope ur happy anon, bc this took me literally like six hours im not exaggerating even a little

short answer: so u take the original plot of the littlest mermaid and u plunk it down rIGHT in the middle of 1920s haiti, right

long answer (like, REALLY long answer. like REALLY long. im sorry i dont know how to summarize when there are so many good things):

“there is an island where rivers run deep…”

“where the sea, sparkling in the sun, earns it the name, ‘jewel of the antilles.’”

“an island where the poorest of peasants labor —”

“— and the wealthiest of the grand hommes lay.”

“two different worlds on one island!”

“the grand hommes, owners of the land and masters of their own fates.”

“and the peasants, eternally at the mercy of the wind and sea, would pray constantly to the gods.”

those are the four storytellers, beginning the play. lydia started the first line, then abby, then dori, then natalie, and repeat.

(oh yeah, also this is the jr version. also, i dont know everything bc i was backstage the majority of the time)

so the gods that the beach people / peasants are dancing to, theres 4 of them. asaka (played by lavanya in our production) is the goddess of the earth, erzulie (played by luke who’s closeted, so i change it to a god, erzulio) beautiful goddess of love. agwe (played by ian) is the god of the sea, and papa ge (eli, of course, and it’s literally pronounced papa gay), my personal favorite, is the sly demon of death

and this is all described in the first number “we dance”

stay tuned yo it gets better.

(its so good. dont ever listen to any version besides the chatham one i can guarantee you that any non-eli papa ge, any non-luke erzulie / erzulio, any non-lavanya asaka, any non-ian agwe, any non-lydia / dori / abby / natalie storyteller will not be as good)

so basically theres this storm, and in this storm is a little girl and the gods are like “no papa ge we’re not killing her you fuck” and they irresponsibly plunk her down in a tree

and so tonton julien (ben) and mama euralie (izzy) come along & are like “holy shit a kid” (and this girl is crying her eyes out of course bc as mr adam creatively put it to the girl who played young ti moune, “you were just dropped in a tree by some randos you’ve never seen before in your entire life”) but like theyre poor and dont have a lotta food and shit so they try to leave but the gods, showing some small modicum of responsibility, like, use the force to pull them back. so these peasants adopt ti moune and name her ti moune and theres a whole big number about her growing up called “one small girl” which i quite like actually

then ti moune is grown up (sammie) and she sings about like “whats my destiny yo” all naive in “waiting for life” and sees a car which is a big ol lead-in to the next number. which brings us to

so in the beginning of “rain” theres this HILARIOUS section of dialogue with the gods picking mangos and here it is bc i cant not include it man

asaka: 🎵 pick a mango! 🎵

agwe: 🎵 a juicy mango! 🎵

erizulie: 🎵 a lovely mango! 🎵

papa ge, being Himself: 🎶 a poison mango! 😈 🎶

[all of the other gods look at papa ge]

anyway, after that theyre all proposing things to do to get ti moune less naive, with such wonderful suggestions from these dumbasses as “splash her with a wave” and “scare her half to death”. and then erzulie is like “yeah u do that imma give her what she wants bye” and the other gods are like “????????????” and shes just like “You Heard Me” and just goes like “Love Can Conquer Anything!!!!!!! :)))))))) ❤️💞💕💚💛💙💜💝💘💗💖❣️” and papa ge is like “that’s bullshit this whole thing is bullshit that’s a scam fuck the love here’s like two reasons why” and they argue (and asaka remarks that this is “more amusing than mangos”) and the gods are all “HMMMM🤔🤔” and then they all go “A BET!”

and the gods all start like pitching in to set up this bet, so like erzulie gives her strength and asaka’s gonna guide her but then papa ge interrupts like “IM GONNA MAKE HER CHOOSE” and then johnny boy i mean ian i mean agwe then calls dibs on choosing the circumstances of the bet

and u remember that car right? well ian agwe is like “that. thats the place where the 2 worlds meet” and he creates a big ol storm and in the song he says (one of my favorite lines, actually) “rain makes the road such a dangerous place” (he did amazing in that song but i feel kinda bad bc like. he was overshadowed by the other gods who are all incredible singers, and parts of it were too low for him. like, eli can sing as high as he did, but ian really cant sing that low)

also they used the fish flags from the seussical two years ago when sammie’s sister sidne played the cat in the hat. i always found it hilarious that dori of all people they couldve chosen played a fish

ANYWAY. so the car is goin down the road and crash oh no a car accident. totally not what agwe was (shot)gunning for

and so ti moune pulls this guy outta the car right, and — by the way, now we’re in this super intense number called “pray” — and this song is real fuckin good alright.

my opinion upon this is based almost solely on the fact that within the first like ten lines of this epically long song a peasant, talking about the guy that got pulled outta the car (daniel, that’s his name), says, literally: “papa ge wants him!” i will remind you that papa ge is pronounced “papa gay” and what makes it even more astronomically fuckin funny is that both hank, the guy that played daniel, and eli, who as u may know played papa ge, are mlm.

anyway no one wants to help daniel even tho he’s Actively Dying bc Fuck The Grand Hommes, Am I Right Guys We Cant Do Anything Were Peasants And There Is Sanctity That We Must Never Talk To Look At Or Think About A Single Grand Homme, Ever™ but ti mounes gonna help him bc Fuck You Guys and she keeps him alive while tonton julien goes to find the guys family after she’s Finally persuaded the guy to do this

and ti moune doesnt sleep for Three Fucken Days by the way. thats important in the next number

also daniel is supposed to be good looking so of course ti moune Falls In Love With Him despite never having seen him before in her entire life, and also hes unconcious the Whole time. i dont understand the heterosexuals

anyway, tonton juliens at the gate to daniels family hotel and he’s like “pls let me in i need to speak to monsieur beausome!” and the gatekeepers like “get the fuck away my guy” and hes like “no but its urgent!!” and the gatekeeper SLAPS BEN [LAST NAME REDACTED]*

so ben i mean tonton recovers and like seriously gets down on his knees and begs and the gatekeeper is still like “FUCK! NO!” and then ben fucking [last name redacted]* SCREAMS SAVAGELY “I HAVE FOUND HIS SON!” HOO BOY

and then at the end of pray you hear a long high note and then one specific girl takes it HIGHER ????????? idk who it is for sure but im willing to put my money on lavanya bc jesus christ can that girl sing

*people always say bens full name when referring to him for some reason, so it’s not ben bc which ben? it’s not ben b. it’s ben [last name redacted].

so pray goes ge STRAIGHT into forever yours. not the reprise, thats later.

so. forever yours. in a STUNNING turn of events (sarcasm. absolutely the least stunning thing after the whole “papa gay wants him” in pray), the VERY fucking FIRST LINE IN THIS WHOLE FUCKING STUPID HEARTFELT SONG is literally ti moune saying “i am a tree, holding away the storm”. are you fucking serious. are you kidding me. you waste the first line on that monstrosity,

anyway basically what happens in this is ti moune is singing about tending to daniel here it is

i am a tree holding away the stormhere in my arms i’ll keep u safe and warmeven the gods wont dare to cross this linewhere my life is forever yoursand you are mine

and on that last word, “mine”, papa ge joins in and it is fuckin CHILLING, not LEAST bc eli has the voice of a fuckin angel (and sammie too, but i think eli’s is just slightly better)

so eli stalks in and the first thing papa ge does, in a True demonstration of the gay / ge agenda, is Drag The Het.

(then he goes on to say “this boy is mine”)

so eli’s also got a knife (a fake one) and this is another Important Thing so yeah

anyway sammie ti moune should “TAKE MINE FOR HIS.” (her life she meant) and papa ge is SHOOK. he just … stops. “wot”

so yeah. ti moune, in one of The most IMPRESSIVE displays of heterosexual tomfoolery and ridiculousness i have Yet Seen (scene), trades her life for this Complete Fuckin Stranger she pulled out of the car wreck whomst has not as of yet spoken a Single word to her bc HE’S BEEN UNCONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME!?

and heres another good line, the first gay daddy nico diangelo himself eli papa gay papa ge has had since “wot”: i am the road / leading to no return

(and this is also where eli goes REALLY high. like not for basically everyone else, but for him)

then daniels two dads apparently, grant and hugh, pick him up and take him back to the hotel and ti moune is like “NOOOOOOO” and makes mama and tonton let her leave to go find daniel, and frankly i am not very interested in this specific part of the song so fuck that i skipped it lmao lets get to lavanyas fuckin SOLO

alright. “mama will provide”. exactly what it says on the tin, taking it into account that asaka would be mother earth i guess

really all this one is is lavanya’s fuckin angelic voice and What Exists In Nature, and i cant very well put lavanya’s voice down on the page for yinz to hear can i? the only notable thing i can really think of besides this next piece a dialogue  will share w u is in the beginning theres a bunch of ensemble doing weird repeating acapella and some hopping in like frogs. “COO COO coo coo cOO COO COOO” “SHAH shaSHA-ah” “buuuuu BUM! BUM! bum” its sounds slightly weirder than it is

anyway here’s the best dialogue:

everyone: MOSQUITOS??

asaka: HA!

ACT TWO HERE WE FUCKIN GO ALRIGHT

ok, so ti moune finds daniel who doesnt know who she is bc, you know, he was unconscious the entire time. she gets him to know she was the one who nursed him tho. and they go to the front of the stage and ti moune sits and daniel puts his head on her lap. again, poor hank

now, “human heart”. jesus. i have literally cried over this song.

so erzulie goes out on stage to where hank is slowly suffering, probably, and sings this GODS DAMN BEAUTIFUL SONG about like, love n shit i guess. the storytellers and the other three gods act as a sort of choir. that’s pretty much all there is to say about human heart tho. moving on

ok so for “pray (reprise)” the gossipers (which are apparently supposed to be the storytellers, but fuck that thats lame, give my Cool Hoes lianna and taylor parts tbh) go out on stage and sing about how daniel is spending all his time w a peasant and shes a witch and yadda yadda yadda. and then theres some lame romance shit that i dont have fuckin time for

anyway, the song culminates with daniel’s father comin out on stage (lmao). which father, u ask? he had two of em? well that was grant and hugh, this one’s iain. conclusion: daniel has three polyamorous gay dads. this is the gayest production of a play ive ever seen. i mean papa ge? “papa ge wants him”? the fact that tonton means uncle so mama euralie and tonton julien arent married? “this boy is mine” coming from daddy gay himself? the fact that daniels last name means beautiful man? the “beautiful god of love” (as luke said, refusing to misgender himself in his introduction U GO LUKE)? the fact that out of the main cast (the 4 gods, the 4 storytellers, daniel, ti moune, andrea, mama euralie, and tonton julien) there are literally eight (8) actors who Arent straight (id bet that two others arent str8 and or / cis as well but im not sure)? just change daniel to danielle and itll be perfect

ayway daniel’s 3rd dad comes out on stage and tells him to stop this nonsense, young man ANYWAY NEXT SONG

in “some girls” the rich guys at the hotel all are doing a really lame colorless boring dance. then this girl andrea (ava) comes out and sings about the rumors about ti moune, that she’s stupid or wild, and daniel tells her to stop, then ti moune arrives and andrea really condescendingly asks her to dance for everyone and daniel encourages ti moune

so ti moune does a slow lame dance and then it gets loud and wild and fun! then when she’s done andrea goes to daniel and is like “she’s in love with you you oblivious fuck if you care at all you’ll tell her —” (unclear about what he’s caring about) and andrea is interrupted by ti moune who’s like “HI I HEARD MY NAME WHATCHA WANT ANDREA” and daniel goes and breaks her fuckin heart right

how he does this is he’s like “oops sorry i thought u would realize that we could never marry bc andrea and i are already engaged (since we were babies)”. daniel demonstrates an amazing amount of calmness about being forced to marry this girl he’s known all his life, and an incredible amount of insensitiveness bc TI MOUNE WAS NEVER FUCKIN TOLD THAT HE WAS ENGAGED. honestly i loathe literally every single character in this play except for the gods and the storytellers lmao

OK NOW FOR MY FAVORITE FUCKIN ONE WOW :~)

the reprise of forever mine.

so. ti moune is alone on stage and she goes like “gods please are u listening help me” and then. u hear. eli’s fucking amazing evil laugh and the gay himself appears

and he’s like u gotta keep ur promise ti moune im here to collect on that Soul

did i mention elis voice is beautiful? no i dont care, im sayin it again, eli [last name redacted] has the voice of an angel

anyway he’s like “u gave him ur soul, now u have to PAY” (the line he used here is “i am the price you’ll pay” and that sounds cool as shit)

and so “father homosexual,” as he was dubbed by luke, takes out his knife and sings “your life is forever mine” and holds the knife to ti mounes neck and ti moune yells “PLEASE DONT” and and and

he stops.

“trade your life for his.”

so papa ge gives her the knife and tells her to go stab daniel and he sings “i am the road that leads to no return” as he walks to the left side of the stage, and erzulie appears at the right side and sings human heart as papa ge continues with his verse from the first forever mine as ti moune struggles towards and away from daniel, straining, being pulled by opposite forces, love and death, and the two unite in singing “forever mine!” and ti moune casts the knife to the floor and screams “NO!”

and the music stops

and daniel sees the knife and picks it up

and says “why?!”

(fuckin bitch shoulda stabbed him when she had the chance)

and ti moune gets cast out and like, withers away at the gate neither eating nor sleeping, and then daniel comes to the gate with andrea at his wedding and sees ti moune and gives her a coin when she runs after him, and she collapses and the gods, sOMEHOW GAINING SOME MINISCULE VIEW OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR FUCKIN ACTIONS, all start CRYING. (erzulie won the bet) and erzulie hugs ti moune and papa ges probably off somewhere feeling sorry for himself bc you cant fuckin see him in the footage (nah, he’s off at the side of the stage with the other two gods neither of whomst you can see either), and mama euralie comes to sing this sad and pretty number “part of us” and then tonton and baby ti moune arrive as well for some fuckin reason,

and mama euralie says,

“and then the gods blessed her and turned her into —”

and then the gods hit their staffs on the floor (ian a bit gentlier bc his was falling apart bc he wouldnt stop fucking licking the fucking ribbons, ian) “a tree!”

and the tree comes up, forwards this time thankfully (phew) and and the tree fuckin cracks the walls of the hotel, get rekt scrubs, and the tree fuckin stalks daniel i guess, and daniels son sits by the tree and looks up and theres a peasant girl in its branches, and ti moune touches everyones hearts and also their livers, and everyone starts singing “why we tell the story”

also, fun story real quick, ive never actually seen eli dab i dont think (that’s something i need to accomplish real soon), and the dance he went off to the side and did with like, lydia, and agwe and ben [last name redacted] and daniels son and hugh — i guess all the boys in musical theater and also lydia, and the dance they have to do looks pretty damn like dabbing, and like, eli’s holding his staff so he cant do a true dab, really, but he can do a one armed one — but no. his dancing looks more like fuckin waving. ben [last name redacted] is dabbing, daniels son is dabbing, im like 80 percent sure ian’s dabbing directly behind eli, gloria’s dabbing in the back, but no, nOT ELI. im pretty sure he’s deliberately avoiding it smh

anyway

whOOP exciting parts over. now it’s time for Sad Half Circle Around Tree Girl i guess

“the stories that we weave,” and the storytellers and daniel’s son and the peasant girl in tree moune’s branches all come to the front and —

“there is an island where rivers run deep…”

The "ask me things" ask - all of them!!! Or if that's too insane, do the first 20 and the last 20 :p

The answers are short bc i was rushing them haha but ill put em under the read more

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

… I would be very, very freaked out. Words would not be said. Only screaming.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I saw him last month. No offense, but he cannot write a decent speech.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depending on the drug, it’d vary from “please just make sure you’re safe” to “oh god how do i convince you that this is a bad idea [panicky pharmacist daughter vibrating]”

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

[counts letters on fingers] yes!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyep

7. What does your last received text say?

“Ok, see you next week. Thanks. :)”8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

Once.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Kindergarten classroom. In my primary school.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

[checks time] uh like an hour ago?

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water or cinnamon orange tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

They’re a lot of work, but they’re ultimately a choice that both people have to make. I’d like to hope that they’re ultimately worth it.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Mostly test results.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

“Oh, hey, we haven’t talked in like 6 years. How’s life?”

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Lmao fuck no.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pj pants!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Yes. Because I’ll have finished my HSC.

20. Does anyone like you?

Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No. Only an A, a T, and another A.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

[shrugs[

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

There are multiple. Be more specific.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yeah but I’m a fucking wuss haha I’d probs pass out from the pain or something.

25. In the past week have you cried?

I cried like 9  hours ago lmao

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

TOY POODLE!

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Who the fuck dries themself in the shower? It’s all watery in there. Foot mats exist for a reason.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

nnnnnnnnnnnnnope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Sometimes i feel a little old, but I know that I’m still pretty damn young

30. Do you like text messaging?

Lmao I prefer it to calling that’s for damn sure. I dont actually text all that much tho. Mostly because the people i’d text have free messenger services anyway. That or the bill for texting them would be pretty fuckin pricey.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s on the better side of neutral.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Nooooo thanks. I got my ears pieced when I was like 3 and that was enough for me!

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Mildly cold weather.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Yes! He’s been my friend since kindergarten haha

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship because i am a massive romantic (whICH REMINDS ME-)

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Is anyone actually simple? Like really? There are always so many different parts to one person, so many intricacies and contradictions, good and bad, that they might not even think about.

… so im probably a more complicated person haha.

37. What song are you listening to?

Nice2KnoU by All Time Low i love it sooooo muuuuuuch38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, yeah.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?Ooooooh yeah. They probably have the most power to wreck me lmao.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Okay in my defense I didn’t realise I actually liked them until my brain was like “lmao what if you had a crush on this person” and I was like “oh. oh fuck. I actually do have a crush on them” but i think it was a few things. they always make me smile, and they don’t mind that i can be a clingy motherfucker. They’re also funny and super sweet, and they have such an amazing mind and personality. Tbh im not entirely surprised that i fell for them because when i click with someone as well as i initially did with them i tend to develop feelings pretty quickly from there.

41. When did you last receive a text message?5:14 pm

42. What is wrong with you right now?Do you have the time to hear the answer to that?

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Eh. She’s a  teacher.

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Unfortunately, no, probably not.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?{come back to this}

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My mum

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black. Like my soul.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yes.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yeah. Myself.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

… yes because he turned out to be a dick.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?See above.

53. Do you like rain?I frikkin’ love it

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?Not really. I’d only be really worried if it was unhealthy levels of drinking.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

… Lmao I always tend to admit it eventually, I think. A few times I’ve been like “oh yeah, I used to have a crush on you haha” 56. Do you like to cuddle?

Never… actually… cuddled before...

57. Are you shy?

Eh, it depends. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I tend to get along better with girls than guys tbh but when I was younger I always had a lot of girl cousins and at primary school it was always pretty divided between boys and girls

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Fuck. no.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

… maybe. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I sure as hell hope I can

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Ahhh, the beginning of HSC. I was so young then. So hopeful.

Too bad my soul has been squashed. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

… Bells has just passed out from thinking about this please leave a message after the beep *beeeeep*65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

My friend did really well on an important test and she was super happy about it haha

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

Between 17 and 18.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    I like doing my own nails but tbh I *really* wanna get them done one day.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

How about neither????69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    Nah

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    Who?

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    Android!

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Fuck if I know lmao73. Do you like diet soda?    

Ew no74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Varying shades of purple

75. Are you 16 or older?    Yep!

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    Nope!

77. Do you have a job?    

Double nope!  78. What are your initials?    

Identification.79. Did you ever have braces?    

Got ‘em right now haha80. Are you from the south?    

I COME FROM A LAND DOWN UNDER so technically yeah

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    “How does a worried Hispanic person count to three?Uno, dos, stress.”

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    Lol no I don't even know if he's alive

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Mum :)84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I did gymnastics in kindergarten!

I hated it.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Probably Moana?86. Do you smoke?   

Nah 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

THONGS M888. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yes.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

My hair is straight than I am most of the time.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    Haha no.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

Pool   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    Nope

93. …Had sex in a car?    Double nope

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    Single!

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    Sleeping like a baby

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?  

In person? A few years, now.  

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   Yes. because i have a samsung galaxy s7 now. My s3 had the picture quality of a potato.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    Nope.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    THREE MORE MONTHS. But no not yet

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    Uh theres one person that i’ve been holding a grudge against for fucking ever but other than that no?

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? … look bayer and bayer would be getting sued if i was pregnant.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    C’mon

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

Nah its winter so im all long shirts and knee socks rn   104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? 

Idk maybe

So there is talk of canceling all the NHRA races ajd only travelling to the 4 lane race tracks.

The 34% that's good want to help with the human trafficking situation. For which we would split up because its safer that way.

Thus it would create a longer break.

So then we would work a way to do the 20 races left and all the qualifying and eliminations.

The 1 thing that bugs me about the 4 lane tracks is that 3 cars are eliminated.

So we could change it so that one car is eliminated per elimination race. The slowest.

That would completely change the racing dramatically but for the competition rounds those last 5 i think is fairest quite honestly. I used to play with Hot Wheels and my cars raced, flew, jumped from the chairs/cliffs and landed with just a crunch down and dust kick up and swerve and ready to go. They'd jump from the chair to the coffee table. So I know a little bit about cars... I mean... We did the whole back up rush hour traffic through the kitchen when Denise was cooking to piss her off :D That's a 30 car back up that moved one kitchen tile at a time. Shed be screaming and yelling and i would tell her "they're stuck in traffic. Hold on I'll get the cop and he will speed them up" Then she would yell at me about my police car cause it was trashed. "Oh that's because yesterday i had to rock him under the chair and smash him for punishment because he let the Dukes of Hazard get away again. I swear he does it on purpose. No one is that dumb. But tomorrow he chases the blue car who is no fun. Like you the mom and he smashes into it and wrecks up more so Then they both get smashed up under the rocking chair. Hey you're fat you think you could sit in the chair and really break them?" Purple car days were good. I had 2. And they both popped up in the back and the purple ones always let the cops win. They made the cops feel as good as they looked. So they weren't friends or enemies but neutral. They hung out together sometimes ans smoked pot. I usually put them on the Care Bear vinyl record player for that And let them spin.

And so that has nothing to do with drag racing because my cars didn't do that shit. Like never.

They had business. The cops determined who was fastest. And who had a bigger heart.

So if we did like 3 races in one that would be 6 days of qualifying. Then 3 days of eliminations.

But if we are using 4 lanes. I think we should take advantage of that and eliminate one car per race... So that would be 2 days of racing and then we can do 2 day of regular eliminations or so a 6 day set of eliminations of eliminating only 1 car per race.

So the thing is time and cash.

And the thing is 4 days of 2 long days of racing and 2 short days.

Or 6-8 days of long racing.

I personally think the 1 car elimination is more fair and more enjoyable as more people are racing during The day

I think financially it would be worth it.

I mean the point to race is to be in that car. So being in the car is most important.

Sure it would be tiring but we could take a break or just keep twerking it straight through.

Have 3 sets of racing per day as opposed to 4 yet also we could do 7 sets of racing.

We can do 5 Then 4 then 5 then 6 etc. Or 7 then 3 the next day.

Jam pack a day full to the hilt then have a short day the next day and get in a full 10.

Also with 64% gone there's not gonna be so many drivers... So that makes a difference.

Tree tells me the ratio.

10 drivers left funny car.

20 top fuel alcohol

14 top fuel nitro

5 pro mod

10 pro sports

15 motorcycle

With 1420 mechanics for the above and 74 drivers.

Only 20 motorcycle mechanics.

So we have a problem with only statistical avg of 2 mechanics per car.

So we will need to hire. So I've lit some cars to hire. So 7000 have been lit. And then administration will live mostly so that at least is ok.

So idk who i lit because it was magic and we will double check what I did. And then they should have mechanical experiences or ability to follow directions. Im told almost all are mechanics.

I never hire people i know so don't be offended. That is up to someone else to light up. But if they're child less then yes. If they have kids then they need a family plan. I don't assume my family wants to do what I have my palm prints in. They all make their own lives. But i do have 2 cousins. 1 i had talked to years ago. Single. And now another who is now single and kidless due to DNA4U. And so tree offered to talk to some. I don't like getting into family drama and all that dynamics. I don't like people in mine. So it's not an easy job. Its hard. So Tree will inquire and light it up for call ins. Theres a short interview process about abilities to place in the correct job.

So currently there are over 400 drivers total. And over 7020.

And we will have 260 drivers total and 3314 mechanics.

So like i thought before it could balance out almost exactly. But at the same time we can get more drivers and more mechanics.

I have Hire D at 700 and Hire M at 25,000.

So you'll want to phase it out. At home schooling on the computer with tests and then training. Also sending parts can work but only after they have worked on them in a class room or on car. Or both

Its easier to sit down 40 people and have 15 people walk around to make sure those 40 have installed parts correctly in a class room and examine each part that way than have each in a car. It's more spacious and etc

Then move to a garage eventually and have each person assemble the entire car piece by piece.

If they don't know the whole car Then they don't have business touching it. I think.

Cause If they bump something over there and mess it up well they dont know what it does or why it's important and dont wanna get in trouble so they keep their mouth shut and the driver dies.

So at least they can fix it If they don't want to admit they hit it.

But more so they can say the lever for the thingy on the doodads turned left with anatomical correct words.

And they can all be tuners and all be crew chief and they're all trained equal

And they can pick which part they enjoy more

im only getting drunker and im outta content so im gonna write a post for sober me to stumble upon one fateful day and the post is gonna be about laurel i really miss them and i dont know where we stand at all im really bad at casual unlabeled things i was bad at polyamory im bad at it ! i realized recently we had 2 first kisses and they called the 2nd one “the real one” im in l*ve maybe not really but i keep thinking i think bc it’s conditioned in me i don’t like the time before you get to say i love you why cant i just tell everyone i love them all the time except like friends that im not that close to who will just say it like thats not ideal. they said and then repeated that they want to see me as soon as they get back and it’s like that reassurance i keep coming back to and i hate being the one to always text back but most of it is im fucking bored theres like 3 people left here who will voluntarily hang out with me. im so glad i dont lie that takes so much of the weight off of my social interactions to just be like yeah im gonna tell the truth rn. the first time we had s*x laurel said promise me one thing just promise me you won’t break me into a billion tiny pieces just promise me you won’t lie to me. and i was like i have some extremely good news for you because i only ever lie to myself. i like them a lot. a Lot. kissing them feels like being on a roller coaster which i know because i went on a roller coaster a few weeks ago and as we started to freefall i thought this is exactly what it feels like to kiss laurel. i feel like their name shouldn’t be capitalized so that way the beginning can be the same as the end like a marble rolling around in your mouth that starts and then ends right on the tip of the tongue even though technically one is a light L and the other is a dark /l/. im drinking my last four loko tonight and hoping to get schwasted and hoping to stop needing to drink in order to go to sleep soon. not my last of all time i should clarify just the last one we have in the fridge. savannah gets back on tuesday late night on tuesday and laurel gets back at some point on wednesday im not sure what time and im afraid to ask i think i’ll ask just a day or two before so there’s kind of... because savannah and i are planning to hang out a lot that day and also to get dinner with savannah’s cousins and although i dont think it would be the end of the world if i left in the middle of dinner it obviously won’t be ideal. im listening to my cancer season playlist and honestly it’s really good. i really don’t want to eat this apple pie i’d rather just have another quesadilla or better yet some fried rice. i guess i could microwave more peanut noodles but i kind of hate those at this point like theyre a little disgusting no ? i started writing this post bc i saw a post about someone’s favorite thing about girls they said it was ‘the way they stroke you’ and i thought about us holding hands and holding each other and their freckles and the coconut oil on their face and how their eyes are brown in the center and green on the edges  and how i don’ t deserve any of it im not sure if we’re anything close to dating but i still strongly contest savannah’s assertion that she thinks it’s just physical theyve said ‘i really like you (too)’ they said ‘i romanticize you’ they came to me house after i made that song, that song got me laid and i think about that all the time and it’s not like we always have sex sometimes we just sleep together in the same bed and i feel so real with them it’s so hard to feel like im not just slipping into the version of myself that somebody wants me to be and i realized after a year with adrianne i realized there are parts of myself that i’m putting on which aren’t parts of me at all there are parts of me! there is a height to the frequency to my voice! there is a demureness because she wants a woman and i can’t be butch and hers at the same time but i don’t feel like that now and im trying really hard to be real and i hope theyre doing the same i hope theyre not... once they came over with another friend after a party and once our friend left and we were kissing on the couch they started crying and i just wanted them to feel safe it’s so rare that someone is crying and you actually get to hold them. they were crying and im thinking about duck butter now because it’s usually me who isn’t real even if im not lying im not being myself and this time it’s not me so it can only be them and i never know how they feel or what they’re thinking and they’ll say something like uh yeah i like you or they’ll kiss me, once i was kissing them goodbye as i left their house and their housemate saw us it was so funny and also the first time anyone else has seen us kiss idk im not sure where we stand i asked about it probably too early when we were high i said what is this what are we doing and they said i don’t know but i like it. so like i really don’t know and i gave them a chance and i don’t know what to do like maybe they really think it is just a physical thing and they feel roped in but there have been times when they said things that absolutely were not required and i was like oh Hm? im just trying to be fucking real but theyre not great at communicating,, fucking air signs am i rite, theyre a gemini and i think about that all the time how ive dated 2 pisces and 2 leos, we don’t know each other which savannah has pointed out and the thing is im sure savannah is like just concerned for me but it comes off as if she’s not supportive of the relationship at all and im worried that shes jealous idk i know there are a lot of people who like laurel bc uhhh theyre hot and incredible and smart and hilarious and. everything god theyre such gf material. im so alone rn no one will even fav mine tweets. im a huge fan of the improv comedy team at our school, they recently changed their name to princess wolfpipe which is objectively a bad name but before it was fellatio rodriguez yeah porn bots get at me, anyway they didnt like that it was like 5 whiteys with the name rodriguez attached to it which is fair like very woke very reed of you sure. hhhhhhhhhh i just remembered they read my anthro essay and like.,, had sex with me After that. god. hell. wow. i must not be that bad at essays after all even the ones i half-ass. chrome is underlining so many of the words in this post little do they know im a linguist and a literature major. anyway i think i could be drunk enough now to admit ive not eaten pussy in like a week and it is in fact wearing on me at this point like im literally that tweet about the person stirring som e mac n cheese and passing out but it’s been honestly a week if that they left on the 3rd right so ya 8 days. ok i feel less bad about that bc i also definitely hadnt **ten them **t like that day i dont think we had rly like giggly sex at their house i think the night before and i drove them to work early in the morning and theyre so nice to me they know to wake me up with kisses which is so important bc im so... im so fucked i like them so much but im also just a fucked up person and i dont deserve thme. i should get alcohol prescribed for me. for sleep. and social anxiety. made a tweet about it, deleted it. made a quesadille! ated it !, imagine if i didnt eat so much especially while drunk. my body wants me to be huge but i want to be dead i want to be nothing. words are so bad whoever invented words im sure theyre dead they shoul be revived and shot again. ok so im eve drunker now and i’d like to say i want to hear them come again honestly i want to literally put my tongue insid eof them and hear them say my name i want to hold the folds of skin around their hips i want to hear them gasp i want to taste them i want everything i want to stroke their hands and kiss their fingers and their forehead i miss them so much i hate being physically far from everyone i love i want to sleep in their bed i want to fall asleep with our arms wrapped around one another unless i have to turn away and they understand adrianne never understood. i want them i really hope they still like me it would be so fucking sad for the chemistry to only go this way likea reaction that only goes inreverse so we’re left in the end with these raw materials like. like oil and water that can never relaly combine? like two molecules that can only lie next to one another but will always spring apart. i love their house i love their housemates i love the way they offered to make a powerpoint about food waste i love their goat milk and asiago cheese and cabbage pancakes fried rice i love the face they make when i run my fingernails over their scalp i love their voice i love their favorite shirt because it’s several sizes too big and all their clothes are black im not as much of who i am as they are and im not sure i ever will be because it’s willpower and money and i need to find other things in my life to want other than people who will always leave because literature tells us desire is always more than we think it will be and we will always be creating these overexaggerated versions of what ife will really be i need to finish proust i need to make somebody come i need to see their mouth open i need to kiss them i need cherries and enchiladas i need the ants and fruit flies to get the hell out of my house i need more alcohol and higher blood pressure and to divorce my family. how long does it take to be disowned. do i owe it to the people around me . i want kiss i want the moment when they came into my house on their fucking??? lunch break to kiss me and say yeah remember when kim kardashian posted a selfie and kanye west said hey im coming home now. and they pushed me up against the wall and their fucking fingers, i got my vibrator out afterwards and ive had to use it a few times since just thinking of us and the dream their housemate had where they came in and said hey stop having such loud sex even though it was really okay god almighty we should have louder sex this post is paragraphs long and it’s probably all my thoughts but im gonna keep going because i think about their fingers and their skin and mouth and voice and freckles theres no way they think about me this much im fucking pathetic i should probably kill msefl no one thinks about anything this much. but then again i guess i don’t it’s just condensed i have other things to do just what do i Enjoy thinking about it’s fucking being gay and tlaking to them listening to their music hearing them talk about having to lie down because of a fiona apple song such a fucking mistake to get involved with me no im the fucking worst im that fucking crazy girlfriend who won’t let go from the moment you lead me on im ucking hooked it’s so pathetic im extremely drunk just as a disclaimer for anyone who finds this. thats probably enought.