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angelsndragons · 3 years

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fjord’s feelings for caduceus changed in episodes 98-99

by which i mean, fjord finally realized how special and important he is to caduceus, which in turn set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the campaign. buckle up, this is a long one.

not when fjord threw away his sword and went to caduceus instead of jester. or when caduceus presented him with the star razor. or after the citadel fight when caduceus gave him his holy symbol. i think things changed for fjord in episode 98-99, when caduceus saved his life and removed the orb.

this is going to require some context.

because here’s the thing: fjord’s always looking for the price, waiting for the catch or other shoe to drop. people caring for him because of him with no strings attached is unprecedented. vandren and the world taught fjord that love is conditional, that only if you hide what others would find ugly and make yourself useful to them will they deign to give you a scrap of affection. i don’t think vandren did this maliciously, mind you, it was just part of his worldview and fjord’s life up to and beyond that point supported it. we can see that right up to the end of the show, where fjord is terrified that vandren didn’t remember him or that he didn’t mean nearly as much to the man as vandren did to him.

so we have fjord, who learned to don masks and hide his truest self, including his best and worst aspects. while fjord made the nein into a coherent group, into a force, a crew, a family, even, he still waited for that other shoe to drop. waited for the day that they would reject him because he was no longer useful or because he pushed them too far. you can see this waiting all over the early campaign; he’s not looking for an excuse like caleb to cut and run but he anticipates nearly all the moments that almost fractured the nein, in spite of that low wisdom score. while jester carried the guilt of not being able to save molly, fjord carried the guilt of not protecting the group in that crucial moment. travis confirmed on talks that fjord’s biggest fear when he lost his powers the first time was that he would no longer be useful and be kicked out of the group.

that’s why fjord damn near broke down at the end of 72. the nein, no questions asked, with their standard level of snark, accepted that he was going to be a liability and kept him around anyway. armed him anyway. declared that he was no liability and that they would help him along until he could help himself and them again. this unconditional acceptance caught fjord completely off guard. it always does, really. because caduceus had said for months, an out of game half a year, that he was looking to reforge the sword as a gift for fjord. he said this to fjord’s face. he did not change course when he learned that the sword was a legendary blade forged by acolytes of the wildmother and moonweaver. the blade was still meant for fjord, even if fjord was still chained to uk’otoa. fjord extends his love and protection to the nein but is still not convinced the reverse is true. he was starting to believe it but he wasn’t quite there yet.

caduceus has a high enough wisdom to understand that’s fjord’s hang up even if he doesn’t quite understand the reasoning behind it. that’s why he pulls fjord aside in ep 75 and tells him that he doesn’t have to choose the wildmother, that there are other gods and other ideas out there looking for a champion. fjord, who at this point considers wildmom his only option (travis says she’s the only one who’s shown the slightest interest in fjord and that’s why he’s gunning for her), is befuddled by caduceus and this whole talk, so much so the pair end up talking past each other for the next several episodes.

after fjord officially becomes a paladin, things between him and caduceus become fairly...unsettled compared to their previous interactions. they talk past each other more, they aren’t in sync enough to double team those social interactions they were just starting to get good at. things are just weird for a while. to me, that’s fjord waiting for the catch, waiting for caduceus to call in some favor or something like it. and he keeps getting confused when caduceus doesn’t. so he tries once or twice to follow in caduceus’ footsteps and do as he would instead. and it just makes things weirder. these two don’t have a moment together that doesn’t leave one of them confused or unsatisfied until ep 87, when caduceus gives fjord the holy symbol and inadvertently kicks off the next phase of their relationship. because here, caduceus tries to put them back on equal footing and fjord recognizes it. caduceus rejects framing their relationship as mentor/student and tells fjord he doesn’t need caduceus to give him answers. fjord is “well on his way.”

by defining what they aren’t, mentor/student, our two boys inadvertently ask the question, “so what are we?” honestly, it’s a question that the entire group grapples with in the 90s as they reintegrate yasha, as veth struggles with the question of changing back and whether she can stay with the nein, as beau tries to sacrifice herself for veth, as jester learns some uncomfortable truths about the traveler, as caduceus finds his family again. fjord and caduceus can easily define what they aren’t - not mentor/student, not brothers or cousins- but what they actually are stumps both of them.

their relationship doesn't look like any of their relationships with the others: beau is fjord's bro and first mate, caleb is fjord's complicated mirror and admiree, jester his crush and first person he learned to be vulnerable with, veth his antagonistic sibling. on caduceus' side, caleb is the one he looks to for a fellow project nerd and clear, unvarnished goals, beau and jester are the sisters caduceus misses, yasha the quiet beloved barbarian he understands better than the rest, and veth a mess he wants to help but can't. but fjord and caduceus' relationship is highly undefined at this point. notably undefined, beyond their newly shared connection to melora. at the dinner with essek, we get the stone bomb. and travis and fjord panic. like no, seriously, they spend the next four episodes low key panicking over this revelation. this ties back to fjord waiting for those other shoes to drop but it’s also more than that.

when it comes to destiny, fjord has always been the answer, the self made man, to both caduceus and caleb’s questions about destiny. he makes choices about who he is, who he wants to be, and takes actions towards those goals. he is one of those rare people who can wear many different masks, take on many different roles, while still maintaining his sense of self and becoming a fuller version of who he is. when I say fjord is the answer to destiny, what i mean is that he is what ioun said way back in c1 about Fate: mortals make choices and through those choices, destiny is fulfilled. he is the answer to caduceus' own growth from passive instrument waiting for someone to play him to active communicator in this conversation between gods and mortals. in this sense, fjord is what caduceus learns to be (this is exactly why caduceus rejects a mentor role; he has as much to learn from fjord as vice versa).

so for this coincidence to pop up, this idea that maybe fjord only had the illusion of choice to extend his service to the wildmother, that maybe somehow he was manipulated again, that there was some grand destiny pushing things and fjord had no say in it, yeah, i can see why fjord was low-key terrified. so is this what fjord and caduceus are: just some predestined grand fairy tale partnership neither of them have that much say in? episode 96 resoundingly rejects that label too. for one thing, none of the stones or clays treat fjord's last name as anything amazing or spectacular. for another, this string of episodes gives us caduceus at his most human. the terror of not knowing what happened to his family, the uncertainty of his homecoming, the relief of saving his family and home, the irritation at the way the chaos crew treats the temple, the playful attitude caduceus cultivates after, it's all on display. caduceus drops much of his placid exterior and willingly allows the nein to see sheer depth of emotion he has.

which leads me back to episode 98-99. uk’otoa’s agents come for fjord. and caduceus is pissed. travis and ashley both said on talks that they hadn’t really seen taliesin that pissed, that it was like someone had threatened an actual loved one of his. fjord dies. and comes back to an exhausted, still pissed off firbolg who is five seconds away from snapping archmage vess derogna’s head off for interrupting his prayer of healing. taliesin doesn’t even begin to relax until they start interrogating the dead fish people the next day. once caduceus confirms the ball is still in fjord, notably caduceus and caleb were the two who remembered, fjord starts asking for a way to remove it. he asks caduceus to start a commune with wildmom in tandem with jester’s commune with the traveler. caleb tells fjord that caduceus fought “very hard for you while you were down, i don’t know if he’s up to it.” having heard that, caduceus still tries, with his first divine intervention attempt of the campaign. and when jester figures out that greater restoration will work, caduceus pushes through his exhaustion, takes charge, and goes through a truly terrifying greater restoration with fjord to remove the ball. convulsing, seizing, shuddering, collapsing, etc.

in those moments, and in the quiet after when fjord confirms that he still has his powers, it finally hits him that yes, people can protect, fight, and love him for who he is alone. there is no chain or other shoe waiting to be dropped here. the wildmother is no uk’otoa, to punish or take power at a whim. caduceus will fight with everything he has and then some for fjord because he loves him (not for nothing does fjord only realizes the depths of jester’s feelings when she uses heal on him). who are caduceus and fjord to each other? they are people who will fight for one another and the others as far as they can. fjord says over and over again that he wants to protect the nein and look out for them because he cares for them. he demonstrates it over and over again as well. caduceus says basically the same thing; he wants everyone safe and happily on their way and will stay until they are. he demonstrates this all the time as well. this is, i think, the first time that he demonstrates his dedication so unequivocally, free of the artifice of duty, fully committed through love. fjord recognizes this in caduceus and caduceus does in fjord.

i say this is a turning point because, while they don’t really have another super in depth conversation alone together, these two start clocking each other and openly help and look out for each other. there’s an ease and intimacy to the relationship after this. fjord watching caduceus swim near vokodo’s lair, fjord being ready to hand over his armor to caduceus when it looks like his won’t be ready, fjord, caduceus, and beau plotting behind jester’s back to keep her safe from the traveler, the absolute offense fjord takes to eadwulf after he spoke to caduceus like that, fjord levels up in paladin after caduceus tells him he’s proud to know him, all the way to the end of the show when fjord shelters the clerics and tells them to finish lucien, we get little moments like these from both of them. hell, caduceus is the first person in the campaign to tell fjord directly that he loves him.

#cr #critical role #cr meta #fjorclay #wildbros #fjord #caduceus clay #prim did theirs so i'm doing mine #in b4 the wrap-up #just barely #and ran out of steam at the end #i'll expand on that later #gotta finish my vm v m9 meta #and the cockroach party analysis

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kaypeace21 · 4 years

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Hey Kay! I was wondering... I'm thinking of writing a Byler fic. Is there anything that's missing from the current fic library that you think would be good to see, in terms of tropes, characterisation, things to explore, etc? I would also appreciate hearing from your followers. Just any ideas that people would like to see in a fic.

yeah sure ...

1)We need more povs from Mike’s perspective. (Almost all are from Will’s pov - let’s mix it up sometimes)

Mike in canon is the pinning-gay -(overly romantic) whipped one , but we never see it. And he’s pretty much never written this way! Mike in s3 has 6 drawings from Will on his wall (he kept them up since s1-for years- despite replacing the poster on the same wall). Has even caressed extra drawings of Will’s that he’s kept in his binder. In s1 wrote a whole story for Will about defeating a monster and giving the king it’s 7 heads (cause Will rolled a 7 when the demogorgan attacked him.) And as a Star Wars fan he had his own character be given a medal by the king (like how leia gave the medal to Han for his heroism.) He attacked people for insulting Will. Literally hates apologizing -but is quick to do so for Will . Boy ran in the pouring rain twice for Will- disobeying cops, the government, and his parents to do so. He initiates every byler moment (arm thing, hand touch, ‘best thing i’ve ever done’, ‘crazy together, right?’, always asking Will “what’s wrong?” or “are you ok?” etc). And was upset at Will dancing with a girl + insecure about Will replacing him -after he moves away.

-but 90% of byler fanfics (don’t get me wrong some are good) are from Will’s pinning perspective. Also do people realize Mike is clearly the more romantic/ emotional open of the 2 while Will is clearly the more emotionally closed off/aloof one? He loves Mike too- but he’s def less obvious about his feelings- based on how he behaves. Will rarely opens up to people (Mike being an exception). But, it’s never written that way (usually it’s the opposite).

2) as a gay women all the reductive stereotypes annoy me. it’s obvious when fic writers try to have the gay romance be modeled after het romance- and try to make one into the ‘girl’/ ‘guy’. Duffers don’t stereotype Mike or Will but a lot of fanfiction writers do in order to make the gay romance resemble a straight one more (canon character traits, be dammed). Please, stop pushing heterosexual dynamics on gay and lesbian couples and trying to make one “the girl” and “the guy”. It’s very offensive and innaccurate.

Because he’s taller and most people head canon him as bi they make Mike a jock (despite in canon having horrible aim and not being able to run as fast as the rest of the gang). And Will (since most see him as gay) is weak/ sucks at sports compared to mike...despite knowing how to use a bat, shoot a gun, and being able to tear castle byers apart with his bare hands . Also nothing in canon shows Will likes to wear makeup and dress in drag (but it’s a constant thing that i’ve heard come up or heard others mention). It would be fine if he wanted to express himself in such a way. And if it only came up in an occasional fic it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it’s such a common theme that comes up (despite no canon evidence) that in most cases it just screams ‘straight writers trying to make Will into “the girl”’. Not to mention the huge emphasis of their height difference (shows this too). It can get annoying calling him “short” & “petite” (a term used for women) when will isn’t even the shortest guy member- and now his actor is way taller than gaten (dustin) a bit taller (I think?) than caleb (Lucas) and barely shorter than finn (Mike’s actor). But writers even in future fics write him as short...ok? ya’ll really can’t let go of making Will “the girl.” Cause ya’ll incorrectly equate shortness to femminity. It’s tiring. Some writers straight up say he’s “pretty “, “feminine” or “looks like a girl” 🙄

3) it’s not byler if it’s unrequited- stop tagging it as such

4) more emphasis on Will’s passions(art, writing, horror movies). Maybe in his upbringing with Lonnie.And jon being a good bro to him. Will’s Mental health issues maybe ?

5) mike is a socially awkward, clumsy, unathletic, (caring) science/sci-fi /D&D loving nerd. In au whatever- but mike is not a bro-y jock, or a cool bad boy. 😂 plus , more writer mike would be nice to see

6) headcanon him all you want -but at this point it’s pretty obvious (to me at least) Mike never loved el,and was just lying/confused/ projecting Will on her. And El is/was also confused and never loved mike. so it would be nicer to see that instead of Mike just ‘falling out of love’ with her. Mike is gay. people say in s3 Will saying “a day free of girls” is gay coded but everyone ignores Mike in s3 saying “BOYS ONLY”. same energy. writers even threw in a telemarketing joke so Mike says in s3 “El? no. sorry not interested.” And Mike has more rainbow refs than Will. Boy is clearly gay not bi (way too much evidence to talk about here) . They even compare mileven to ted/karen who “never loved each other.” The writers make fun of mileven constantly and say over and over it’s not actually romantic - (if you choose to read just 1 link read this one and get with the program) . plus, most Bi dudes wouldn’t stop being attracted to a girl the more fem she gets (and only be attracted to her when she looks like a “guy”(specifically their guy friend).which yes the characters in s1 said over and over again that El looked like a “boy”/“will”. And then they have him Makeout with her while putting up a drawing of said male bff on the wall (cause now she looks less like him) and so he needs to look at said bro, to stomach the makeout seshes/ and in an effort to transfer said romantic feelings from guy friend to gf. Then push his gf’s hands off himself during the kisses- sing to stop kissing, and kiss to mostly show off how straight he is. And without said pic- not kiss back and just keep his eyes open and not reciprocate. Nor would they have Mike equate het romance to something he thinks he has to do as a part of growing up . Bi dudes consider falling for a girl as simply romance not a foreign idea that has to be done cause there’s no other option and that’s ‘just what old people do’. Mike claims el is the only girl he’s ever had feelings for - but like dustin said mileven is “bullshit “ (stancy parallel -where nancy was not in love but faking it). So mike’s never been into a girl and is also into Will... so...

7) it’s the 80s they can’t just be open/ have pda in public (you could have gotten k*lled or beaten severely.) And most of their friends/fam would not take it well initially. (I think jon, Karen , and steve/robin would take it well... but not most of the crew.) although they’d all prob come around eventually . -Takes me out of a fic to have such historical revisionism when everyone is just totally fine with byler and they’re out to the public/strangers.

but that’s just me. What about you guys?

#byler #byeler

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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school play y’all

Ali: [picture of the sign-up sheet] Ali: MAMMA MIA Ali: come on Ro: Oh! Of course you'd be perfect for the leading lady Ro: You already know every Abba song word perfectly Ali: and you know every 🎹 piece Ali: Ms Riley can barely 👀 the ♬♫♪ any more, never mind know how the songs are SUPPOSED to sound and feel Ali: You've gotta, I can't do it without you Ro: Do you sincerely believe they'll let me take over from her? Ro: Hmm, despite being less certain, I'll see what I can do Ro: For the good of your spotlight and allowing it to shine the brightest Ali: Absolutely, everyone in the department knows you're the best, they'll be buzzing you're even considering Carly: 🔮✨💫🎵💙🎤 Carly: dancing queen k thanks bye Ali: yes baby 😍 Ali: cannot believe this school is actually doing something cool for once Ali: if we all get involved it will be so 🔥 Carly: we r all so young & sweet Ali: esp. you Ali: do you wanna go head to head Carly: aw Carly: ur the sweetest 🍑 u got it Ali: you could do it, boo Ali: but there are loads of actually decent actually interesting female roles so we've got no shortage Ali: Meena, you are already my child Ali: tell me that isn't inspired casting, you can't Caleb: & all the boys don't have to be tryna fight it out for that 1# Caleb: I'm about it Meena: 😊 I have watched the film about a zillion times Meena: and the choreography is really natural and chill Caleb: even our bro can handle it 😂😂 Drew: Its true, she has Drew: not me though, thanks bro 🐍😂 Drew: who's who then, fill us in Carly: youve got the look tho boy Carly: mayb theyd dub the rest over Ali: so here's the lowdown Ali: there's Sam, an architect, Pierce Brosnan, baby daddy #1, breaks my heart 'cos he's got a fiancee and goes home to marry her instead Carly: 💔😢 Ali: Bill, hella Swedish, so you're right Carls, 💙💛, a wild playboy type who travels the world but funny and sweet, baby daddy #2 and Rosie's love interest in the future Ali: then there's Harry, which honestly, if they don't pick Robbie idk what's happened with the casting Ali: he's very English, very nice, also pretty gay but still potential father of Meena numero 3 Ro: He's got the accent and... well Ro: The flair, I suppose Ro: Very true Ali: 😂 don't worry, this, and the theatre are a safe space, you can say it Ali: I think he will camp it up a bit too much but 🤫 Meena: He's been in every play since we were 👶s Carly: aw 👶🌈 Meena: Right Meena: he can get a bit...more dramatic, as opening night draws nearer but he's a sweetie really Carly: theres 💊 for that Carly: wen hes my bff itll be k Ali: 😇 Ali: so, boys, you're suspiciously quiet...are you in? Caleb: deciding on my audition song got me like 🕺♫♪ Ali: 🙌 YES CAVANTE Drew: I don't know if I can do the singing bit but Drew: for you, why not Ali: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🥳🤩👽❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤 Caleb: I got you bruv Caleb: school you how chuck berry did for clapton & richards Drew: 👊👌 Caleb: 👊🏽✌🏽 Meena: You do surprise me, Drew Meena: from the boy who wouldn't ever watch it with me Meena: but yay ☺️☺️☺️ this will be so fun if we all get in! Carly: idk but we should all watch it Carly: outdoor screening party yea Meena: that would be so much fun Meena: before Summer is well and truly over 😥 Ali: baby you're so smart Ali: we gotta Carly: u gotta help cuz thats u 👼 Caleb: I can hook you a screen up Ali: 🤔🤔🤔 I wonder if we can make it work at the beach Ali: no greek island but the mood has to be right Ali: I'll get to pondering Caleb: it'll be chill if we put all our heads to it Caleb: & greek food will help the vibe Ali: 😋 Ali: 70s clothing not optional Ro: We're spoiled for choice in that regard Ali: truth Ali: but any excuse to go hunting Carly: yay Carly: i kno just the place Ali: 🕱 Ro: Should we perhaps wait until after auditions? That way it'll be possible to involve the full cast Ali: it'd be a bit counting 🐥 before 🐣 Ali: I get you Ali: but we don't have to get character-specific yet, like you said, our wardrobe already accommodates to the vibe Caleb: but the more the merrier whenever we decide to do this kickback Caleb: the people 💚 abba Ali: ugh, Tommy is going to be so jealous Ali: I don't think they've done this Ali: he'd be such a good Skye, right, Meena? Ro: We have to make sure he's in the front row on opening night Ro: Even if he'll be insistent upon taking the stage himself if any of us aren't playing to his vision Ali: he is that diva, awh 👑 Ali: ma will let him miss a day of school or so for that Meena: oh that'll be fun to see him again 🙂 Carly: & go out dancing after Carly: all the 👑🌈 Ali: 💃💃💃 Ali: that's settled Ali: we need all hands on deck or you know the scence-setting and wardrobe will be more tragedy than comedy Ali: can't let ABBA be done dirty like that Caleb: I've got mad numbers of friendly hands swearing they'll hold a 🖌 Caleb: bros and fam for days Caleb: it'll be sick, trust Ali: 🤙🤙🤙 Ali: put it in your diaries kids Ro: I can assure you that I have Ali: I can always count on you, Posy Meena: 📓✏ Caleb: it's in my 📱 Caleb: ready to rock, fofinho 💚 Ali: 🤘🤘🤘 Chuck Drew: I'm in Carly: idk yea Carly: what my baby wants she gets Ali: 😻

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arodrwho · 4 years

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cr 2.88 lb

that was a fun ad

thank u sam

“i’ll say this about it though… it was long”

“it did sleigh” “is that special gonna be on hb-snow?” 10/10

alas, the first roll was only Okay

“are u offended by that” “i am not offended by that” “i retract my chiding” lmao, vry good

aww, hug! hug of friend! with whispering!

friends are good i would like to have some (more)

caleb is so panicked that he cannot remember where anything properly is, alas

i still love that caleb calls every old person grandmother or grandfather like as like, an honorific. that’s cool that’s neat. thank u liam

don’t be a Bitch, let nott live

oh that’s fancy

7 chambers? jesus

y’all BETTER doubleup at least

i wish u’d all share 1 room but that is, acceptable,,

“i’ve had to learn new words for what happens to me now” “you look like you’ve had quite a day!” “it’s been quite a day” lmao

but also cad my buddy

beau u asshole

i love you so much

“natural 20” for FREE SOAP

“i speak punkass kid”

dhgdfgdjfg

that’s the FUNNIEST shit

wow i only just noticed sam’s shirt

that’s why someone mentioned it earlier i just kind of assumed—

“i got swallowed” jfghdf

“i haven’t got to shower in.. so many months” “oh SHIT” lkhdhfgdfhgjfgh

what room did caleb just take, did he put himself first in the line of fire? they said “exposed”?

beep beep y’all being watched

wow fjord make her admit she has no fucking friends or family but y’all

“i would feel uncomfortable if you didn’t take it” “..i will take the money”

the book!! i forgot abt the book!!! what is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“it’s a good book but is there like, is there sexy times in it?????” god i fucking love yasha

“we could make, we could put sexy times in it” gosh

“i really, i mean, i do like to read so” yasha likes to read? cool

WHAT. IS IN. THE BOO K

look at that FACE

look at matt’s RESPONDING FACE

c’monnnnnn

“just get rid of all the consonants & jus blura lotta shit together” : )

hahahhahahaha

hey that’s not his real name fjord don’t be rude

that’s a deadname bro

c’monnnnn i want some CALEB SADS

“you know i have spent a long time imagining how seeing him again would go and i did not image that. i spent years avoiding that. and we just walked in. i have imagined choking the life from that man a lot. uh. and i think we need to work with him” will you be able to” “i am not comfortable with that idea, knowing how that feels” “well there is a lot at stake right now and we are surrounded by an entire city of armed guards and the king’s will but i don’t know what to believe they said that they have just found this beacon we know that that is almost certianly horseshit they did not just find the beacon it is hard to know who knows what it is hard to know if the king knows what they assembly knows i don’t know what ikithon’s intentions are i dont’ knwo if they are in unison within the assembly it’s hard to feel safe here”

“i honestly don’t think we have much of a choice” : (

“and what other option is there we will end up in a prison cell or dead” : ((

“if he looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found” hey caduceus. i love you very much

“we’re gonna try and keep you safe, and i think we can, is what i meant. but we can do--but i’m not against it either” lmfao

:((((((((

“and he has a network of people”

“our goal is gonna be getting you out of this city though” “you’re not ending here, under any circumstances” hey shit

“1 question i had lebby, is, aside from rendevousing with the martinet and figuring out how to get out of here blah blah is there anything else here in rexxentrum you want to see to visit ?” ur asking abt astrid again aren’t u

o nott………..

“we could go for you” gosh

“i’ll think about it tonight”

“what i fear is we go to this meeting tomorrow and hear them out and hear what their intention is, cannot take them at face value, we also cannot turn it down” yea, most unfortunate

“fuck it, why not ask them for an air ship” god i love caleb

“i volunteer to sleep next 2 caleb” :(

“u don’t want to…..?” that’s so SAD jester

“..yasha, do u want to be my roommate?” “yeah i will be ur roommate”

“well then sleep with me and yasha!!!” “alright i’ll sleep with u & yasha” “okay”

“if u want to finish this on a personal level, let me know” ?????

yes of course the silver wire bro

goddamn caduceus

“that you for.. saying, that,” lmfao

“is it important to the wildmother to be honest at all time?” “you know i don’t know. i would say… do you feel that nature is honest, or do you feel that nature can lie? does nature lie?” damn fjord those are really good fucking answers

caduceus AGREES

that’s the most incredible sweetest thing i’ve ever heard caduceus, did you make that? or have it made????? holy SHIT

“it was made at the forge. i’ve been waiting for the right moment” hey gosh

i’m SOFT

..also lmao i almost typed fjorge

“to divine intervention” “to divine intervention” i love. them

that’s adorable

boi

“give caleb just a little squeeze on the hand and a nod” i would die for nott.

sup daleth

how’s it going

damn boy

yea uh how u gonna spin the thing there hm?

oh SHIT caleb ur throwing that out there

goddamn dude,

ur like, it’s already out there, might as fuckin well

no point hiding trent knows where u at, so

“trent can be a..prickly individual, and his tutelage is not.. right for everyone” THEY know

o Dear caleb

u are trying very hard here

“hear me out. hear me out. one second. hear me out” lmfao

i love how last episode they were like

so professional

and now they’re like

SO ridiculous

“i’m beginning to understand quite clearly who i’m dealing with” lkjdkfgh yeah there it is

i can’t believe y’all suggested all those places that’s incredible

the happy fun ball is GREAT in theory & i’m v impressed! but also hhhholy god maybe don’t tell the evil archmages that u have. the archmage’s bane perhaps

the boat also is a decent thought i like the boat, goodjob

[squints] if u r intending to make them feel indebted to u for that help w/the yasha thing i am going to stab u.

it is trent time my dudes

or maybe break time i’m not sure

in any case! fear!

aw balls they’re getting transported & my internet just like, told me to fuck off

oh it’s back

dope

nope

it’s fucked

maybe i should switch to th twitch app & just. eat all my damn data

hmmmmm

we’ll see if it’s still being a bastard when trent shows up

“you recognize this place”

oh god

OH FUCK

oh god & oh fuck i did not expect this at all

oh my gOD matt

of course we’re taking the break here

oh my fucking god.

out of everything matt could’ve thrown at caleb this episode i rly did not expect that

“caleb wordlessly stares very pointedly at nott & beau” good, be sure they know, yes

oh! he’s admitting it to the others aswell! that’s unexpected

i mean i know they know he had a Bad Time but they didn’t know abt the length of—

well now they do

“i don’t remember much of it anyway. which is funny” o caleb

also like, were they still experimenting on caleb while he was there? god i hope not

hi trent how’s it going

u rat bastard

“he likes to dress up” i’m sure he does, the rat bastard

every sentence abt ikithon i must end with a comment abt him being a rat bastard tonight apparently

“arcane laboratory” o dear my dude,

u said he’s built, is this—

“is it eodwulf” yeah is it

“it’s been a while, but yeah” oh FUCK

i didn’t think it really would be what the shit

what the SHIT.

god. bad times for caleb all around huh

is this eodwulf talking or is this someone. else? who else is in this room, there was a halfling yes?

is this the halfling or is it eodwulf?

in any case. i’m sad & excited

“mister ickython” god i love jester

oh it’s trent talking

i did not recognize his bastard voice

beep beep u got a whisper huh

“oh okay i know that one” i love caduceus “i’m with you” GOD i love caduceus

“i think you should know me better than to assume that i do not see intent where—” my internet cut out but i just gotta say trent u can meet me in the fucking pit. i hate you.

“so you just had it made in the last couple weeks” god i fucking love caduceus

i keep saying that but he’s so delightful

my internet wants me 2 die but that’s ok

mmmMMMM they’re not being subtle at all

i have some fear my dudes,

“make a deception check for me” oh dear what did i miss

oof that’s quite low caleb

yea he knows. bummer

CHRIST fjord what the hell are you asking that for???? do you WANT to give caleb a heart attack??????????

ok honestly fuck this my internet keeps zonking out so i’m just gonna eat my data all the way to shit i think

“no you do not need to you have help for that. always help for that” hm. what did i MISS

“recently graduated” oooof

“a long time associate, and one of my favorite associates” hey ikithon. go die

“i believe you two already know each other” go DIE

“he is challenging” yeah they super know

they SUPER know

“he’s like me, but BETTER at it. fuckin asshole” a) that’s hilarious, & b) nah ur not like that

i mean i know she just means the lying, but

anyway FUCK ikithon. kill him & make him die

alas for i have missed the last several minutes

wait what

silkworms silkworms

nott WHY

u already met eodwulf why do u need to Also meet astrid please just leave the astrid thing alone bro

“i would rather not” “u wanna send me?” “no i don’t want to. poke that nest.” i love u caleb

damn that’s a nat20

oh FUCK

you heard about RIPLEY

wait

she was on the assembly????????????????

holy fuck my dude

OHHHH delilah briarwood

that makes WAY more fuckin sense

i mean ripley did like her some experiments, but,,

i don’t think she was magicky that i can remember so

(i mean i don’t think orthax counts & he was late-game anyway so)

delilah, yes

still

HOLY OF SHIT

wait caleb you’re sneaking off WHERE

i missed that

something cottage?

is that, uhhhhhh

NO HECK end okay well

next week ig????

jeez.

to conclude: [soft yelling]

#daypost

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chiseki · 5 years

Text

Figured I’d make this an intro post, since I’m pretty much using this alternate url as an “out” url compared to my usual vagueness.

I’m Joshua. Yes, that matches the sidebar, so it’s not really surprising here.

And that would surprise an entire two people following my main blog that know me irl because the rest were previously informed. Maybe three people, I forget if the last one is on tumblr or not.

Which is, by the way, ““““““““fun”““““““““

Yup, having like three local friend circles that had relations to each other outside of myself, and only one of them being in the know is fun.

You can basically stop reading at this point, because from here on out is just gonna be a massive time rewind to.....jeez, fuck if I know when, my childhood? I promise there will be time skips, we don’t need that mess played at normal tempo. (Also some funny stories after the giant gap in the text, if you want to scroll for that).

Most of this story is actually located in college, but the only real indicator (aside from having a general dislike of dresses) was way back when I was in all of second grade--apparently I was so damn insulted I burned all these facts into my memory--and an older kid was brought into the classroom, gave us this cool sales pitch about do we want to learn to shoot a bow, go camping, build campfires, etc

and then was like “OH YEAH THIS IS THE BOY SCOUTS IT’S BOYS ONLY”

I was so hyped lol.

Wound up being in a mediocre girl scout troop later, and my brother obviously got directed into boy scouts. At which point I got to find out that their camping trips were mostly getting rained on and finding black windows and getting taught woodworking by a dude missing a chunk of finger.

So more suffering than child me would have expected, but they still got to build fires and go REAL camping and shoot bows and rifles and shit.

Meanwhile, in girl scouts, we went to this one set of cabins every year. We never stayed in the damn cabins, because someone would find A Bug in there, or a spider, and then someone ELSE would have the same issue, and no one wanted to be in a cabin alone let alone be the only one in the cabins at all, and we always wound up sleeping in the air conditioned lodge that was visible from the damn cabins.

Except the one year where we went to a different camp, stayed in the legendary caboose, and there was a bat sleeping on the outside of the window so no one wanted to sleep there except me.

My scout group was weak.

I miss the cookies, though.

Anyway, due to not being forced into gender-targeted toys and getting to play with whatever the fuck I wanted, I also have jack shit for anything resembling an early warning sign aside from the above.

Actually, scratch that, I was not really a fan of dresses. I mean, this was fair in general, since they were usually scratchy, didn’t fit my arms/shoulders right, were designs I had no say in, and everyone would get on my case if the dress might get even a LITTLE dirty. Had some skirts I liked in middle school, but even that was a mess of having to wear tights because my genes have never resulted in anything resembling a thigh gap.

And I was like, constantly trying to play with the guys in grade school. And they’d periodically get that “NYEHHHHHHH GUYS ONLYYYYYY” shit going on. That was never not infuriating tbh.

Flash forward to high school, still basically left to my own devices. Only indicator here was that I was just tickled fucking pink whenever I heard that I either passed at cons or was at least tossed in the “maybe.......?” zone.

Flash forward to college. I honestly don’t remember what set me off on thinking about it, but started eyeballing my gender with a microscope. Unfortunately I couldn’t apply a litmus test like sexuality, so there was a lot of “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck” going on.

Actually, I think part of it was that on the forum I hung out on, a lot of the old regulars had assumed I was a dude until a childhood friend had dropped a pronoun several times in succession & asserted its correctness, which then led to a discussion along the lines of “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”.

But yeah, started testing the waters.

Also tried going to a LGBT+ club like, once. With the gal I was either dating at the time or was about to be dating, my memory is shit tbh. “HEY SO HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST COME OUT TO EACH OTHER, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS <33333333″ still freaks me out, honestly. I get why it’s generally done, but like, no thanks. But I was horrendously obvious in ducking about the gender question and she totally called me out on it later in private lol. Also got me my first binder, but I digress.

Anyway, basically spilled on “I’m.....probably..............? a dude...........? jsyk??????” to my immediate friends, which was met with a lot of “.....YEAH ACTUALLY THAT MAKES SENSE” and a “hang on I need a dictionary........ok I get it”

I think I was the least smooth part of anything resembling a coming-out just due to like, me not wanting to have to tell people to do things for me? It’s something I find extremely awkward, like I know it’s that horribly stereotypical dating thing of “what’s wrong, bby, what do I have to do” “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO” but.

And that’s an entire digression about how my relationship with my mother often included me saying a lot of shit I had to say convincingly, but didn’t mean at all, and probably led to me having fuckall faith in what people say, most especially when under a forced prompt. I could do an essay on that, but not here.

Which, admittedly, I’m gonna rewind here because I think it’s funny in hindsight, but it means the dictionary reaction went like “SO...........I’M.............TRANS?” “What?” [thinking this is pushback on the idea] [PANIC MODE] “UH” “Like, literally, what does that word mean, I've never heard it in my life.” “OH. WELL. Heh. Uh. That internal reaction I had was embarrassing then, oops.”

Anyway.

Then the collective action was, “well, have you picked a name what do you MEAN you haven’t picked a name, we can’t just run about calling you by your deadname after all that”

And I tossed some names out, that I’m not going to list, because they were just fucking awful. So I got interventioned and the method became throwing names at me until they stuck.

Adam? Nah I knew an Adam and I can’t unassociate with that

Noah? Violin teacher’s third kid was named Noah. Same issue with Gabriel and Caleb.

Benjamin? I fucking grew up with a Benjamin he would kill me.

you get the idea.

And those were like, actual reasonable rejections. At least half the time I was just like “I DON’T LIKE HOW IT SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDS.” Take, for example, Josh. I 1) knew one in high school and he was a piece of work and 2) I just, inexplicably, don’t like how the word sounds.

Which is part irony and part masochism that JoshUA stuck.

I mean, that name had pre-existing connotations for me. I had played..........a game.........in high school. And given that my options were pretty shafted to Stereotypical White Boy Names if I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, some positive(?) pre-existing connotations were going to be needed.

Incidentally, I had a v. sweet trans girl offer me her deadname, which was a cool name, but just, like, didn’t fit me in particular so. She also picked her name by RNG tournament, with the top 10 baby names for her year being the competitors. Which was neat and worked well for her, but I know I would have just re-run the fucking tourney if I didn’t like the winner lol.

But anyway, continuing on to a less flowery story. I’ll add some blank lines so it’s skippable. No need to set off every other person with gender issues here.

Decided to come out to my family. Apparently time fuzzed down my memories of being devoured by mosquitos outside while my parents were trying to decipher that their kid was holding hands with a girl in the back of the van and that girl had been planned to sleep over that night, and despite the fact that booth teens wouldn’t be jumping to sex that fast nor had the equipment to make a kid between them....it was Reason For Concern like a straight couple sharing a bed.

I mean, my mom was convinced that anything touching the nether regions was SEX and PREMARITAL SEX was EVIL. But I digress.....again.

So. I tell them. And the reaction ranged from “well ok I mean you’ve always been weird” (thanks, bro) to “uh I guess my last name’s odds of getting inherited just doubled........?” to “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Yeah. That last one was word for word. Some stuff was thrown, lots of crying (”I CAN’T EVEN DO MY MAKEUP AND IT’S YOUR FAULT”)--both of which were not my doing, though I got shocked(?) into my own set of tears iirc.

I think I set a speed record for climbing back into the closet. Like, a week later, everyone was pretending it never happened. I sorta emotionally cut ties with my mom at that point--kept it civil, but Did Not Want to discuss my life or friends at all with her or in any way that would get back to her.

So obviously, no one in my family knows I go by Joshua. If they asked, I would tell them, but lo and behold, zero questions, they never brought it up again, etc. And I’ve been very careful about not letting that knowledge spread, not putting it on the internet in a way that connects back to my legal name, being primed at any point to pretend “Joshua” is a mutual friend and to not respond to that name if someone accidentally calls me by it.

Incidentally, during Yet Another Family Counseling that was at least performed at an individual level this time, my mom apparently told the counselor that she thought she handled that well. Last I checked, making the situation about yourself and doing the whole “woe is me, the mother, with a child like this” shpeal was not “well”.

And I mean the WHOLE shpeal. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see the posts by parents of trans kids that wax soliloquy about losing their child and mourning their “death” (especially the ones that aren’t all “but I got a new kid!”) like, the ones especially cut from the same cloth that would be like “my child is autistic but ~I~ am the inspiration for waking up in the morning” like no, your kid is the inspiration for dealing with you.

And if anyone is wondering, this is basically the Midwest Stereotype for....LGBT, interracial dating, etc rejection imo. Seemingly ok with it, but NO WAIT HANG ON, NOT MY CHILD. Like, I legit had trans kids explained to me (albeit without terms for it) at a relatively young age by my mother and yet. “X exists but not in our good christian neighborhood” attitude. Ugh.

So where was I? Hmm, yes, funny Joshua stories. Ok I have like ONE story. One of my friends that was in the know finally got me to play Trails in the Sky. Now, this sucker has a chunk of text lead-in with a ~mysterious~ boy that young Estelle’s father has brought home, and the whole discussion skips his name, ending on “my name is....”. Then it time-skips to present day, finally casually dropping this dude’s name, which, obviously, is Joshua.

My friend did not tell me this.

No warning, nada. Only Estelle had really come up in conversation.

And then we collectively dragged another friend into the abyss with us, except he wasn’t in the know. We also had him streaming his playing sessions when our schedules coincided, which led to--because of a shitty accuracy stat--him yelling (as we did) “JOSHUA!” frequently in combat.

I debated on just responding “Yes?” randomly one day in the most casual closet-exit possible. Then procrastinated by deciding to just be out with it at the end of the first game since he’d also played twewy.

Some of you have probably started to eye my avatars with judgement in your hearts. That’s fair.

Anyway, we had forgotten about another character that practically had his name, so at least I had someone to share my weird feelings with.

And then, he started the second game, and I didn’t hold back on responding “yes?” every time “Joshua” was used as an interjection.

Also because of that one post about biblical names, I will respond to any use of “Jesus”.

#chiseki talks about chiseki

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madrut16 · 6 years

Text

HSS Book 1, Chapter 1: The First Day

Author’s Note: Hey guys! I’m super excited and also kinda nervous to post this but here we go. I’ve decided to rewrite all of High School Story with some additional original content and backstory for my MC, Ashley. One, I low-key miss this story and want it to come back already, and two, I want to explore more of Ashley’s character and the story in general and expand on it.

Disclaimer: All characters and a good portion of the storyline belong to Pixelberry Studios.

Rating: PG/PG-13

Pairing: MichaelxMC

...

As soon as her noisy alarm woke her up, Ashley's stomach was churning with nervousness. It was her first day at a new school with all new people and she had no idea how it was going to go. Would people like her? Would she have a place to sit at lunch? After a few minutes, she finally got up out of bed and walked over to her closet, trying to decide what to wear.

She needed something that was cute and fashionable, but didn't look like she was trying too hard. That wasn't too much to ask, right? She sighed. The first few outfits she tried on didn't quite feel right. Finally, she decided on a blue floral dress and a matching cardigan. She paired it with some dainty earrings, the signature gold locket that was her mother's that she always wore, and a pair of white strappy sandals.

"Perfect," she said, standing in front of the mirror. She finished getting ready and headed downstairs where her dad had left a note on the fridge.

"Good luck at school today Pumpkin! I left lunch money on the counter."

Ashley rolled her eyes, but a smile crept on her face. He was always way too enthusiastic but, that's part of what she loved about him. Although it could get annoying when he tried to be a little too cool. She poured herself a bowl of cereal before sitting down in front of the TV where it was on MSNBC from when her dad left. She didn't mind though since his avid love for keeping up with politics had managed to seep into her as well. Plus, it showed the time so she'd know when to leave for school.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave and the butterflies she felt increased rapidly. Quickly, she gathered her things and made sure she had everything. Before she headed out the door, she paused in the entryway to look at a framed photograph of an older woman who looked a lot like her. Touching the dark wooden edge, Ashley sighed and finally left.

Luckily when she and her dad went to the school last week to register and get her schedule she'd also gotten a parking space so, she wouldn't have to worry about that. Five minutes of driving later, she pulled into a parking space in front of Oliver Berry High School.

Turning off the ignition, Ashley sighed sitting back in her seat. This was it. The place she was going to spend the last three years of her school life. After a minute to collect her thoughts, she finally got out of the car and, locking it, started walking towards the front of the school. She spotted several students who were all talking excitedly. “Wow, they all look so cool”, she thought to herself. "But, they're obviously all good friends already. It's not like I can just run up there and say, 'Hi, I'm Ashley, and I just moved here. Be my friend!"

As she continued to walk she came to an interior courtyard where the first thing she saw was the giant Tiger statue in the middle. She paused to look at the plaque on it's base, which read, "This school began as a bunch of empty plots of land and a promise to be open to everyone. A promise that ensured no matter who you were, or what you liked, you'd always be included. And together, we can accomplish anything."

Suddenly the nerves she felt melted away. Maybe this place would be really cool after all.

"Hey, you must be new!" she heard someone exclaim. Looking up from the statue, Ashley saw a dark haired girl standing in front of her. "I love your look!"

"Oh...thank you," Ashley stammered, cursing herself for sounding so nervous.

"Can I take a photo of you next to the Tiger statue? It's for the yearbook!"

Was this really happening? This was going a lot better than she thought.

Smiling, she replied, "I...uh...I guess so! I'm Ashley."

"Hi Ashley! Okay just stand really still and smile," the girl told her before snapping her picture. Looking at it, she said, "Awesome. This is going to look perfect in the yearbook! Bye for now."

Before Ashley could respond she dashed off, leaving her by herself again. Come on Ashley! This isn't like you! You've been the new kid at school before. This should be no big deal!

Suddenly, she heard another, softer voice ask, "Hey...you okay? You look a little like a deer in the headlights"

Turning around, Ashley noticed a petite, skinny girl with light blonde hair smiling at her.

Brightening, she responded, "I'm just working through some first-day nerves!"

The girl let out a little laugh. "I definitely know what that's like! I almost hyperventilated on my first day here last year. They actually made me go to the nurse's office. I'm Emma by the way."

"Ashley, nice to meet you."

Emma's smile widened. "Anyways, I was wondering if maybe you could use a friend."

That was easier than she thought. Was she looking that desperate? "Heh, I guess I could. This place is like fifty percent amazing and fifty percent overwhelming." Looking down at the schedule in her hands, her eyes widened. "I don't even know where my homeroom is. 2258? How many rooms does this school have?"

Emma stared at her in surprise. "Wait...that's where my homeroom is too!" Her smile quickly returned. "Hey, come with me. Wouldn't want you to be late on your first day!"

"Okay, thanks!"

She followed her newfound acquaintance into the building where they weaved through the busy hallways towards the classroom. Some students gave her prolonged looks, but by now she'd gotten used to it so she did her best to ignore them.

"Here it is!" Emma replied stopping in front of an open door.

Ashley could see several students inside already, chatting away with each other. Heading inside, she noticed that most of the seats were taken already. Great. Desperately she looked at the few options left. The only ones left were a few at the very front and two at the very back.

"Let's grab those ones at the ba--," Emma started to say until she was cut off. Before she could finish, a girl with bright blue hair rushed past them and flopped into one of the seats.

"You snooze you lose. This one's mine. And that one is Michael's," she told them.

Right after, a guy following her tried to get by but accidentally bumped into Ashley. It didn't take long for her to guess that this was who the girl was referring to. She opened her mouth to say something but hesitated for a moment when they made eye contact. Damn, he was attractive. Luckily, he didn't seem to be too fazed.

In fact, his lips turned up into a smirk that seemed to fit him well. "Like what you see?"

Feeling her cheeks become warm, Ashley stammered, "I wasn't…"

"No worries," he replied with a chuckle. "Sorry I bumped into you. Just trying to get to my seat."

Her eyebrows rose at the emphasis. "Your seat? Excuse me?" After a second of thought, she decided that it really wasn't worth it trying to pick a fight over a plastic chair. They could just sit up at the front. That was probably better if she actually wanted to pay attention anyway.

"How thoughtless of me!" she exclaimed, being partly sincere and partly sarcastic. She figured he knew a thing or two about it.

He seemed shocked at her words. "Really? You're just gonna roll over without a fight?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Pretty much, it's just a chair," she replied with a scoff. "Who cares?"

"Jeez. Now you're making me look bad," he said before he smiled again. "But I'm still taking the seat."

As he took the seat, she turned her attention back to Emma who was looking nervous all of a sudden. "Looks like it's the front row for us," Ashley told her.

Her friend's eyes darted from the empty spots back to her. "I-I can't sit there!" she exclaimed.

Ashley tried to reassure her. "Don't worry. It's not so bad...I mean, sure you might get called on a little more often."

Emma shook her head, her eyes wide. "It's not that. It's just...I can't sit next to Caleb."

Looking over to where she was, Ashley saw a guy with a giant smile talking with his friends in the front row. "Oh, that guy? He's cute!"

Emma nodded, almost dreamily. "Yeah...really, really cute.

Ashley instantly picked up on her body language. "Oh...you mean...you like him?"

She was quickly shushed by her friend. "Not so loud!" A sad look came over her. "Caleb is...out of my league. He's the school's star wide receiver. And super nice. And super funny. And handsome…"

"So, golden boy football god. Got it."

Emma gave her a pleading look. "Just...take the seat next to him, okay? Give me a buffer."

She gladly did what she asked her and sat down.

Seeing her, the guy they'd been referring to turned around smiling wide. "You must be new! Welcome to Berry High. I'm Caleb."

"Hi Caleb, I'm Ashley!"

Sporting a surprised expression, Caleb replied, "Really? I have a fish named Ashley!"

Ashley couldn't tell if he was joking or not but, smiled anyway. "Sounds like we're destined to be friends."

"You can tell already, huh?"

"I've got a sixth sense about these things."

She could tell what Emma saw him, he was pretty easy to talk to.

Caleb laughed at her comment. "Cool. Maybe you can read my fortune sometime."

Ashley turned her demeanor into a mysterious one. "What do you want to know?" she asked.

"I guess I'm just curious," he said. After a moment of thought, he answered, "Do you think I'll end up together with my girlfriend, Zoe? Like...forever."

His response took her a back and she tried to feign her surprise, both for her and Emma's sake. "Girlfriend? I didn't realize that you--"

She was interrupted by a guy who looked up from his phone and groaned. "Bro, are you still talking about Zoe? You are way too hung up on that chick. I mean yeah. She's hot. Like super hot. But you talk about her like she's your wife or something. And wives are just...boring."

Well, he's a little rude, she thought. Caleb didn't seemed to care too much though.

"Brian buddy, one day you'll fall in love. And you'll realize that loving can be the greatest thing in the world."

His friend scoffed. "You sound like my mom. And she's the uncoolest person I know."

Ashley couldn't stop herself from saying something now, feeling a little punch to the gut. Shouldn't he know not to take his parents for granted? Not everyone was lucky enough to have them in their lives still, as she knew first hand. "Wow."

He turned to her, brows furrowed. "You got something you want to say to me?"

Ashley sighed in frustration as her anger continued to simmer. "I just wanted to ask what made you this way?"

"What made me this way?" the guy boasted. "Great genes and three hours a day in the weight room."

She rolled her eyes. Who did he think he was? "I won't be trying to compliment you." There was no way in hell she was backing down.

He scoffed in response. "Yep. I picked up on that. When losers insult me, I generally just ignore them. In the end...it only hurts you."

Unbeknownst to her, their little spat was starting to draw attention from the others in the room.

Brian scowled. "Example: I was about to invite you to my awesome party. Now I'm not gonna. Sucks for you." A smirk covered his face, although it didn't have the same charm that Michael's did.

Emma piped up from being mostly silent throughout this. "Why are you so...mean?"

He turned the tables, trying to act defensive. "What are you talking about? I'm the one who everyone keeps insulting!" He gave her a sneer before continuing, "FYI, you're not invited either blondie. But that was probably obvious."

Her expression darkened and she seemed to retreat, as if she were withering away. "Right...of course…" In fact, she looked like she was about to cry. Suddenly, she stood up and bolted towards the door...just as the teacher walked in.

"In case you didn't notice, Emma, class is about to start," she said. Ashley knew from the name on the whiteboard that she was Ms. Maddox.

Emma fought back the first wave of tears that started. "I...I'll be back in a minute."

Ashley's heart immediately broke. She assumed that this wasn't the first time she'd been given a hard time from Brian. Before she knew it, Emma ran out the door. Ms. Maddox just stood there in shock.

"That. Was. Hilarious. Please tell me someone got that on video!" Brian exclaimed loudly.

Caleb instantly scolded him. "You don't have to be such a jerk all the time, you know."

The redhead played it off like he didn't just make someone cry. "Dude...come on. It was funny."

Ashley felt her fists ball up in anger, and she looked at the empty doorway, wanting to go make sure Emma was okay, but she also didn't want to miss class either. Suddenly, Ms. Maddox met her eye and casually dropped a hall pass on the desk. She looked up in surprise.

"Seems like maybe someone should go check on her…" she whispered, while hushed murmurs went around the room.

Smiling, she immediately stood up, determined to find her friend. "Thanks, I'm going after Emma!"

Beginning to walk out the door, Ms. Maddox briefly stopped her. "Thanks for going. Try to make it fast, okay?"

She nodded. Getting to the door, she sent a scathing look Brian's way before setting off to find Emma. Out in the hall, for a second she was confused before spotting her friend heading into the girl's bathroom.

Following her, she said, "Emma, wait…" Entering, she found Emma crying by the sink. In an instant she made her way over. "Emma! Are you okay?"

Shocked, the fellow blonde looked up. "Ashley? What are you doing here?"

"Uh, maybe checking in on my only friend at this whole school?" she replied, failing at holding back her usual sassiness.

Emma turned her gaze to her hands in front of her dejectedly. "It's okay...You should go. I'll be fine."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Again the girl seemed surprised, like no one had treated her like this before. "I...thanks. But you still shouldn't have followed me." Her friend sighed. "You've still got a chance to be someone at this school...to actually have a life."

Ashley stared at her in disbelief. "I don't get it. There's nothing wrong with you, as far as I can see."

"Don't you get it? It's always been this way...I'm on the outside looking in. I spent all of last year working on homework, reading trashy YA novels, and doodling pictures of Caleb in my notebook. I've never even been to a party. I've always told myself that it's by choice...that I wouldn't even want to go to one." She took a deep, shaky breath. "When Brian said that...I knew I'd been lying to myself."

A tear slid down her face, and Ashley wordlessly gave her a hug. "Trust me, Brian's party is gonna suck. How fun could it possibly be if he's throwing that party, right?"

Emma shook her head as Ashley let go. "He may be a jerk...but everyone else will be there. Including Caleb. She let out another deep sigh. "Sorry, I'm just tired...tired of feeling like a loser."

"If you think you're a loser then let's change something!"

Her friend looked at her dubiously. "What's going to change? People like me are supposed to suffer through high school. I'm nervous...awkward. That's me."

"So?"

"So guys like Brian will always be there to remind girls like me that we don't belong. It's just the way it's always been."

Giving her a smile, Ashley replied, "Not anymore. What's past is past...but I'm at this school now. Forget everything you thought you knew. It's a brand new world."

"You really think so?" For the first time since this morning, she looked hopeful again.

"I know so. Stick with me. Your life is about to get a whole lot better."

Emma gave her a tentative smile. "One last thing...why are you doing this for me?"

The answer was simple. "It's because I'm your friend! You were the first person to befriend me when I needed it. I'm not gonna forget that anytime soon."

She pulled Ashley in for another hug. Just then, the door opened, startling them both.

"Whoops! I, uh, hope I'm not interrupting anything!" A girl with short dark brown hair in a gray button down blouse exclaimed seeing them.

Emma turned a shade of red. "What? Oh...oh no! We were just…"

"Heading back to class," Ashley commented, to her friend's relief.

They made their way back to class quickly after that.

"You actually came back. Great. Take a seat," Ms. Maddox told them, a small smile on her face. "Now...where were we?"

The two of them silently sat back down. Luckily, the rest of the period went by without further incident. When class ended, Ashley was slightly surprised when Michael caught up with her outside the door.

"Hey...I just wanted to say. That was pretty cool of you. You didn't have to go after her like that. I wouldn't have."

Recovering from the shock, she replied, "Uh...thanks?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry, I'm not used to giving compliments. Bad upbringing, you know?"

"Actually, you don't seem so bad to me."

She saw his look harden a little bit. "Heh. That just shows how little you know about me. But thanks...even if you don't know what the hell you're talking about."

She guessed he wasn't much for opening up to people. She got that, after the last few years she'd had. She didn't tell people a lot either.

"See you around," he told her before sneaking off, leaving her with a lot of questions.

He definitely intrigued her that's for sure, he definitely had something hidden underneath the exterior he presented. After class, Ashley joined the rest of the students in the gym for a welcome assembly. She took a seat next to Emma. All of a sudden, a fanfare played, and a women dressed in bright clothes ran into the auditorium.

The lady who she guessed was the Principal said, "Welcome, children, to your first day of school! Er...I mean, not your first day of school ever. Sorry! I've just moved here from Berry Elementary School, so this is a new environment for me. Wow. You are all so big!"

Ashley saw the rest of the students start to laugh, causing her to purse her lips. She could tell that the woman was nervous and struggling. The principal found her eyes in the crowd, looking panicked. She knew that she had to reassure her that she could do this. It was the least she could do. She flashed a big, over the top smile.

The principal regained her composure, looking grateful which made Ashley feel good.

"I may be new...but you were all new to this place once. And that's the wonderful thing about a fresh start, You get to be anybody you want to be. So...welcome to kindergar-- er, I mean, high school!"

Despite the slip up Ashley found herself smiling.

"That was...actually kind of sweet," Emma commented. "I saw the way you reassured her. You didn't have to do that. It was...decent of you."

"If you say so. It's just me being me."

As they left the assembly, a prim girl with a notebook approached them. Ashley instantly recognized her as the girl they'd run into in the bathroom.

"Eek!" Emma exclaimed.

"Oh, hello there," Ashley said.

Instantly the girl apologized, "Sorry to startle you! I'm Maria. As your school president, and chair of the Homecoming Planning Committee, I'm here to ask you a few survey questions!" Noticing who they were, she asked, "Wait...were you the ones in the bathroom earlier? Never mind. Not my business. Back to the survey."

She cleared her throat and looked at her clipboard. "First question...Are you currently planning to attend the Homecoming Dance?"

"Homecoming? I need to find a date first!" Ashley exclaimed.

The girl crossed her arms. "That doesn't answer my question."

She was slightly alarmed at how intense she was being. "I guess not...but I guess I don't know yet. This is my first day of school! Let's just say I'm a 'maybe'"

That didn't help at all. "How am I supposed to plan a dance if everyone at this school might come to it? Should I buy ten gallons of punch or fifty? A single bag of Doritos or a thousand?"

"Probably not a thousand," Emma said before she was interrupted.

"It was a rhetorical question!" Maria hissed.

"Sorry…" the blonde replied.

In a huff the girl grumbled, "Forget it. I've wasted enough time talking with you already." She stormed off, leaving Ashley dumbfounded.

"That girl seemed stressed," Emma exclaimed.

"Yeah. Or maybe just hangry," Ashley replied. "You know. Hungry plus angry? Speaking of which…lunchtime." She could swear the whole hallway could hear her stomach growling. "Let's go!"

They walked towards the cafeteria which was bustling with activity. Ashley stared at it wide eyed. At the far end she could see where Caleb and the other football players were hanging out, a few musicians were finishing up lunch a little closer by, and the cheerleaders stood nearby.

"So many people," Emma commented next to her. "I might need to take a little 'me' time, but you should totally get to know some of them. This is your big chance to make a first impression. Go for it."

"If you're sure you'll be fine," Ashley told her, not wanting her to feel left out.

Her friend smiled at her. "Yeah, I’ll be okay. You’ve already done enough already. I'll come sit next to you tomorrow."

With that Emma left towards the courtyard. Scanning the tables, Ashley decided to go sit with the cheerleaders. She'd wanted to at the last few schools she was at but, was always too nervous to do so. Plus, they always at a stuck up and mean attitude. However, from the look of these ones, they seemed like they were much nicer. Walking over, they smiled at her as she approached.

"Hi there!" one of them said cheerfully. She had dark skin and medium brunette hair wearing a cute purple top. "You must be new. Welcome to Berry High!"

The blonde in a red long sleeve shirt told her, "Please tell me you're planning to try out for the cheer team!" She learned that their names were Payton, Mia, and Sydney among others.

Sydney commented, "We're desperate for fresh recruits." Mia shot her a withering glare which caused her to slink back in her chair.

"We're not desperate Sydney," the blonde huffed. "That's a bad look."

A lot more peppy, Payton said, "We're...eager."

"Not to mention very selective."

Ashley asked, "Do you really think I'd be a good fit?"

"Sure!" Payton replied.

Sydney added, "You seem...cheerful. That's half the battle."

Ashley wasn't completely sure. "It's just that...I'm new!"

That didn't deter them. "There's nothing wrong with that," Payton said reassuringly. "You're a blank slate."

Mia mentioned, "As long as you respect your elders, we'll get along just fine."

"Of course, sometimes that's harder than it sounds," Sydney admitted earning another glare from Mia.

"Not this again, Sydney! Can we please not argue in front of the recruit?"

Trying to change the subject Payton suggested, "Uh...enough talk! I say we get out to the field and check out Ashley's moves!"

"Right now?!" she exclaimed, not exactly prepared for an impromptu try out. The others looked much more confident though.

"Sounds perfect to me," Mia agreed.

Ashley thought about it for a second. "When you put it that way, not today. I wanna have time to practice." They seemed to understand though they were disappointed.

"Sorry to hear that," Sydney replied.

"Maybe another time," Mia added more cheerfully.

Maybe this would be a good fit after all, Ashley thought. After all, she did tend to have a lot of school spirit. Right after lunch was choir, which she was the most nervous for. She was surprised when she learned that she'd gotten into the school's advanced ensemble. From her experience last year, she knew that the people who had been there awhile might not appreciate her getting in right away. They probably had to work hard for at least a year.

Taking a deep breath, Ashley opened the heavy wooden door to reveal a room that was filled with students rushing to get all the things they needed before the bell rang. Gingerly she walked inside, unsure of what exactly to do next. Scanning the room, she started to panic slightly when she locked eyes with the girl from this morning who took her picture by the Tiger statue.

Noticing her, and her bewildered appearance, the girl's face lit up and she made her way over. "You're...Ashley, right?"

The blonde nodded. "Yeah, I guess somehow I made it in here. I mean, I've been in choir since middle school but, never in an advanced group before." She found herself rambling and scolded herself immediately.

"That's alright, it took me two and a half years to get here!" the girl told her, with a friendly laugh. Suddenly, a look of realization hit her. "Wait, I never told you my name, did I?"

Ashley shook her head. "No, I think you ran off before I had the chance to say anything else."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I just had to rush to class. I'm Autumn! How's your first day been so far?"

Starting to feel the butterflies subside, Ashley replied, "Good, actually. Most people here are actually pretty nice. Well, besides Brian anyway."

Autumn made a face. "Oh, yeah. He's been like that ever since he became starting quarterback. I heard what happened earlier." Noticing Ashley's shocked expression, she added, "Word travels fast."

"I should've known. Um, do you mind helping me? I have no idea what to do."

The brunette smiled warmly. "Of course! Come with me, and we'll go from there."

They went up to the choir director who Ashley had been briefly introduced to earlier when she auditioned. He quickly showed her what to do and introduced her to the rest of the class. They all seemed to welcome her with open arms, to her relief. By the end of the period she was starting to feel really optimistic. The rest of the school day seemed to go by much faster and before she knew it, it was the end of the day.

As she left school, she bumped into Caleb and Emma who were chatting by the curb.

"...And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about Brian. He's got...a weird sense of humor," Caleb said.

"Yeah...definitely," Emma told him, not sounding like she meant it.

Seeing her, Caleb turned to Ashley. "Same goes for you, Ashley. I mean...he and I have been friends forever. But sometimes, it gets old, apologizing for him."

She understood where he was coming from, although she knew he could do better. "In that case, maybe you should stop apologizing," she told him. "Brian is the one who should be apologizing."

He looked to the floor, his shoe scraping the sidewalk. "You're probably right...But if you're waiting for Brian to apologize, it might take a few decades."

She dared to ask, "So why even hang out with a guy like that?"

He lifted his shoulders up and down. "He's been my best bud since elementary school...I don't agree with the way he acts sometimes...but I can't just unfriend him. That's not me."

Just then, a sports Jeep pulled up to the curb. The driver hopped out and threw her arms around Caleb, planting a kiss on his lips. Ashley figured that this was Zoe.

"There you are!" she exclaimed. "You owe me an early dinner before we hit this party."

"I was just finishing up a conversation with--" Caleb started to say before being interrupted.

"Would you seriously rather sit around chatting with these two losers, instead of taking me on a date? You promised me."

Ashley's mouth hung open in silence. Did she really just say that? She hoped not all of Caleb's friends were this bad.

"I know. I know," he mumbled.

Oblivious, Zoe cheered, "Now come on! We'd better eat fast. I'm going to need at least an hour to get ready for Brian's party."

Sighing, Caleb told Emma and Ashley, "See you guys later."

Getting in the Jeep, it left a few seconds later, leaving them by themselves.

Emma ranted, "Can you believe her?"

"I know! She's so horrible! I can't believe a nice guy like Caleb would date a girl like that."

"Oh, I believe it. That's always how it goes, right? Nice girls finish last."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Ashley's head. "In that case...maybe you need to get a little bad."

"What are you suggesting?" She stammered.

"I'm saying who cares that we didn't get invited to Brian's party? We're crashing it...together!”

Emma’s eyebrows practically rose off her forehead. “A-are you serious? We’ll never get away with that!”

Ashley scoffed. “You don’t know that for sure. I’ve snuck into plenty of parties before. Consider me an expert.”

She still looked uncertain. “If you’re sure...I mean it does sound kind of fun.”

“Hey, you wanted to change things up right? Make a new impression for yourself. This’ll definitely help. Plus, I can think of a few people who might be there that can convince Brian not to kick him out. He’s only as popular as people let him.”

After a minute, her friend’s face brightened with confidence she hadn’t seen before. “Well, when you put it that way...I’m in. Now, I’ve overheard that it starts at eight, so I’ll pick you up a little bit before then. I should be able to find the address on Facebook.”

A wide smile spread across Ashley’s face, “That’s the spirit! Operation make Emma cool starts right now!” They laughed as they went their separate ways.

What an interesting first day.

To be continued...

……..

Hopefully you guys enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it. I didn’t realize how much I liked this book/story until I started replaying it! I already have Chapter 2 written out, I just have to put it on here and edit it. I should have it posted in a few days.

#playchoices #choices stories you play #high school story #hss #fanfic #michael x mc

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