#ocd flare up
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There are two wolves inside you.
One of you knows this is bullshit and whatever triggered you isn't really something you need to worry about. The other is actually a direwolf from the Late Pleistocene who keeps reminding you to watch out for wild sabre-toothed tigers who might attack at any moment.
You have anxiety and/or OCD.
#ocd#pure o#when you know you're overreacting but it doesn't matter#ocd flare up#first bad one in a while#i could barely sleep last night because every time I tried to lie down and get comfy#wolf no.2 would leap onto my chest and shriek OHMIGOD YOU KNOW I THINK I SAW A BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!#and then i'd be awake again
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#ocd#gender ocd#t-ocd#ocd recovery#obsessive compulsive disorder#the summer now brings a deep dread because it keeps flaring up a very scary OCD subset in me#the OCD never stops but summer makes it worse#I can't pretend it's not there#and I can't just agree with it- cuz then there's new OCD#it's a complicated illness#and it's tricky to explain#I wanted to do this before but I was terrified of not being clear and looking transphobic#but I can't control how anyone views this- all I can do is maintain my own well being#summer 2024 will likely give me another episode of gender OCD#And I want to find joy in summertime despite that#a cute new outfit and a picnic in the park so I can paint the flowers is my current goal#old recovery is possible and you can recover too I promise#do not give up#just because it feels like you're dying it doesn't mean you are
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Some neurodivergent saiki headcanon for you:
Saiki most likely believes that the reason his brain works differently than others is because he's a psychic.
Eye contact? Nah he can't do that, must be a symptom of his stone vision.
A strict daily routine? Oh thats to make sure he doesn't lose control of his powers.
Straight up not understanding other people? Well that must be because he's a psychic and their all normal
The only reason he'd ever get himself tested would be because another psychic is like. Yeah man that isn't because your magical, or meeting another neurodivergent person who isn't psychic and realising oh those thoughts are like mine..though he may just think their psychic for a good while
Those symptoms are mainly for autism, but you could probably have him with most, if not all of the neurodivergent umbrella, man suits them all.
#i was going to include ocd but i didnt want to like. trigger a ocd flare up if that can happen??#but you can probably guess what his reasons for those thoughts would be#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki k#saiki kusuo no psi nan#saiki kusuo#kusuo saiki#saiki k headcanons
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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guess who has two thumbs and just realised her “if i do or don’t do particular thing, this entirely unrelated thing might happen as a consequence” thought processes are not about the laws of karma but are probably definitely related to the mild thread of suspected ocd that has run through her entire life? this girl
#it’s been mentioned offhandedly a couple times since i was a kid but i’ve never stuck it out with a psych long enough to be diagnosed#but it’s almost assuredly a guaranteed diagnosis it explains a lot#in saying that it’s not like. Super Severe it just flares up very obviously sometimes and otherwise is just kind of my baseline#which is why i think it might be more OCPD than OCD but don’t know enough about it to say for sure#anyways. would love to be able to put myself back into therapy#will get there eventually :-)#personal
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piercings i want:
(note that i want all to be perfectly symmetrical, both for ears and face)
septum, gauged (not too thick tho)
bridge!! tho i worry it'll clash with my makeup
triple lobe piercing, gauged
lip piercing: either labret or singular centered snake bite, or labret + regular snakebites
industrial
daith
saw this cool irregular piercing on pinterest and if i got that i might not do a daith (looks painful tho)
eyebrow? (possibly double eyebrow). i definitely want it aligned with the arch of my brow tho
maybe the cool spikes that go above the industrial? i think they are helixes
maybe a belly button piercing to even out the strange ratio of piercing on head to no piercing on body bc any other body piercing freaks me out (tho i do think the dermal/back dimple piercing are cool. i don't think i could get them for myself tho)
*triple lobe gauge examples beneath cut:
#as you can see i've got a vision#i am worried about the gauging tho#i'm afraid of it being cultural appropriation#but even if my moral ocd calmed down/i talked myself out of it/etc and gauged them#i'm worried when my ocd DOES flare up that i'll. rip them out.#like completely tear the piercing blood etc.#but. i want to look like me :(#i want to be able to see my style and self expression without putting on makeup and clothes#:(#unityrain.txt#piercing#piercings#no image description
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feeling sad bc I didn't do anything very productive today.. and I haven't been feeling very pretty lately
#also my ocd is flaring up so thats fun#meh#and my friend is sick which is very anxiety inducing for me because of course im scared shes gonna die#when really its probably just the flu#ugh
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Man. I know this would not make it better but sometimes I wish I had regular OCD instead of pure O. I know compulsions are disordered and don't Really help, but I wish I had something I could do to make it stop for even a little while.
#my intrusive thoughts/obsession has been flared up a lot recently and its freaking me out#and i cant even talk about it because im too worried about being judged for it#which is definitely Part of the obsession itself so its got me stuck in a feedback loop#bc like. sometimes i think about making a post or sending an ask asking for advice but it would mean revealing what my theme is and it#freaks me out#ocd#actually ocd#ocd vent#intrusive thoughts
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and just when i think hey my intrusive thoughts haven’t been so bad lately. maybe i don’t even have ocd maybe i was just overreacting or misunderstanding what was going on with me. they decide to come back with a Vengeance
#whyyyyy the ocd spirals whyyyy the tic flare ups. i know why it because i’m stressed with medical stuff again#bc. i cannot see the guy i’ve been seeing but also finding a new provider is completely a crap shoot and i’m Floundering#and ocd spirals making me so paranoid and anxious. aaaauaugh ENOUGH!!! this is NOT helping shut uuuuup
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so we use these little packs of disposable travel toothbrushes that we can keep next to our bed and don't have to rinse after using them or anything because between executive dysfunction, sensory issues, and fatigue, this is basically the only way we can keep up with brushing our teeth regularly.
anyway, I realised we'd almost ran out and went to buy more and they suddenly aren't available anywhere. we'd get a pack of 24 for relatively cheap and now all I can seem to find are packs of 1 or 2 "travel toothbrushes" that are basically just normal toothbrushes for the same price as a pack of the ones we normally get. the brand that made them has nothing about them on its website besides a pack of 2 toothbrushes listed under the same name that aren't the same product.
so anyway now I need to figure out an alternative for the sake of actually being able to manage our dental hygiene because the one thing that was letting us do that somewhat adequately isn't available anymore
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#we've found a couple of places selling them but they're places that don't ship to the UK#and it would be way too expensive to use a proxy service for them#also we do have a normal toothbrush but we pretty much never use it because having to get up and stand at the sink is hell#and sometimes isn't an option at all certain symptoms flare up too badly#and that whole ''keep a cup of water next to your bed to rinse it in'' thing doesn't work well with our contamination OCD#also on a related note I'm trying to buy energy drinks (the things we're reliant on for managing our ADHD at this point)#and the delivery options are like... we can get them on the 11th-13th for £4.99 or on the 8th for £22.99 which feels ridiculous#but we only have 8 left so I guess I'm going with the cheaper option and I'm just gonna have to not have caffiene for maybe a few days#and hope we don't completely lose track of everything given how bad our ADHD has been even with caffeine lately#the bad ADHD is the reason I didn't get round to ordering more of them earlier in the first place. ugh#I hate trying to work around so many different medical issues that all make it so fucking hard to do basic shit
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Having christian based religious trauma while actively trying to worship its deity goes crazy sometimes /neg
#I am really out here#consumed by the fear#trying to get myself to relax as I worship the object of my fear#but also not because he has never done shit to me#I only got told he will#over and over again#so a part of my brain believes it#even though I know it’s not true and he’s proved it wrong so many times#I just wanna feel safe in my own brain man#anyway my ocd is flaring up✌🏻#vent#ocd#religious trauma#<- if anyone needs another tag shoot me a message
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ocd is so sucks bc you need reassurance for the same thing over and over but when u ask ppl for it, u sound like one of those ppl who keeps asking for the same advice but never listens. but like no. it makes a huge impact every time i promise my brain is just a labyrinth of shit
#past couple weeks ocd flare up got me *TV BROADCAST STANDBY NOISE*#liv shouts into the void#venti latte
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To anyone who is struggling with an OCD onset or flare up: I know you're terrifyed, but this will end. This is not how your life is going to be forever from now on. You will be able to live again, to breathe again. It gets better, it really does. I promise.
#personal#ocd#ocd awareness#i could never imagine at the time of my last flare up that my living would ever be manageable again#i thought that it would be like that forever#that i would have to suffer like that every single second for the rest of my life#but i was wrong#i got better#there is an after#there is peace in this world for you yet#don't give up
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I hope you have a lovely week! I just wanted to say that after I found you ,your fics and your art life has actually been a bit more durable.
Idk what I want to say with this message but, you have made people's lives a bit better, even just for a week or day, so yeah.
Thank you
God, sorry, this kinda made me tear up a bit anon. I never really thought I’d be able to do that for other people, provide comfort in some form I mean, but just know that I’m happy to have been able to do that for you, and maybe others.
I’m glad to have eased even just a little bit of pain from the grind of life for someone else….I know how much it can hurt..
#asks#anonymous#it’s 12 am right now#my mental health has been tanking since monday#it might just be bc august is the gateway to the ber months#and mental illness always seems to flare up for me during the ber months#I’m actually doing what you talked about anon#finding some semblance of comfort in other content creators#my OCD has once again threatened everything I care about but#but hey#at least it hurts a little less when consume content I like
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two important piercing questions that have rattled around my brain for a long time but are going to be more relevant since hopefully i'll get a job:
if i wanted to get a triple lobe piercing and get all three gauged (varying degrees),* what would be the best way to do so?
1. get all three pierced, wait for them to heal, then gauge them all at the same time
2. get all three pierced, wait for them to heal, then gauge them one set at a time
3. pierce and heal the first set, then gauge it, pierce and heal the second set, the gauge the second set, then pierce and heal the third set, then gauge the third set
is it possible to get a septum piercing that's like... at a thicker gauge. ? Like a hole punch almost. instead of stretching out the septum piercing over a long time, and by extension, stretching the skin & changing the nose shape, just taking a stamp out of it so there's no stretching/shape change??
uhhhh yeah.
*example of what i mean under cut:
(probably a little smaller than that)
#also trying to decide if a labret or centered singular snake bite would be better#bc labret would be less teeth/gum damage but i worry the piercing coming out of the lip face would really bother me#all i've got right now are the single set of love piercings i got when i was like 10 or smth#i want to have so many tho#and have wanted so many for years#i want to look like ME#unityrain.txt#my moral ocd worries that gauging my piercing would be cultural appropriation though :(#and even if i talk myself out of it/its not at a strong point/etc and do it#i'm worried that when it flares up again and i have them i'll. rip them out#like ripping skin drawing blood tear them out#no image description
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