#nothing matters after all.
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Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.
#growing up#girlhood#grief#I saw a childhood friend yesterday#she was working#and after twelve years of knowing her it had been a year#her hair is longer#her smile brighter#and the intense sincerity of the happiness we shared for one another was heavy and freeing all at once#I don’t know when we stopped playing#and I know life has gotten in the way#but at some point all our dreams became options#with the life I choose daily I am happy#and still#I wish we could go back once to when nothing mattered but how fast you could run#childhood friends#they know you even when you don’t know yourself#mine
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1.15 || 4.03
Was it after you drank Karen's fake poison for me? Earlier.
#Nancy Drew#Ndcw#nancydrewedit#naceedit#Nace#Nancy x Ace#ace [redacted]#Nancy drew spoilers#V watches Nancy Drew#V posts things#I was wondering why they had Nancy bring up the poison incident bc it feels like that wasn't a realization moment for Ace but for Nancy#(that boy was realizing nothing he was already all in)#But I was rewatching 115 and it hit me that it foreshadows Ace in 403 perfectly#He trusts Nancy to the moon and back#When it was him on the line he downed that vial like a shot no hesitation#And he was ready to risk the curse when it was just his life#But no matter how much he trusts Nancy he just can't see her in danger#Hah remember back even earlier in S1 when she called out the poisoner to come after her and he just had to stand there and watch her do it#No wonder he got so relentless about making sure she had backup for the rest of that escapade#And then elects himself to watch out for her always because well she's not going to do it#(Hm that last thought is giving me Peter and Olivia vibes. I'll think on that)
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In a Week by Hozier ft. Karen Cowley
“The raven is death, obviously. When I die, I want a good tombstone—something right spooky. LT’s got something against the underground, though you’d think that would be just his kind of place. That’s alright. He needs to, he can cremate me. It’s not exactly Catholic, and Mam would turn in her grave, but God is a unicorn and no one is pure anymore, so. What’s all that got to do with me?”
Johnny “Soap” McTavish has a journal. Had. It is his no longer.
Simon “Ghost” Riley had dreams—awful ones, the kind that sank claws into his lungs, dragged him into sleep, and then sent him careening out of it. He still has dreams, but they’re different, now. Better. Johnny’s pages have folded themselves under his eyes and gotten into his head, brighter and more infectious than anything else has ever been. It’s more than the past, that rotting carcass behind him, and more than now. Now is nothing. Now is ash. It’s like, it’s like—blinding, is what it is. He’s a blind man.
It is biblical now. Ghost has read it backward and forward and sideways and inside out. When he runs out of things to read, he reads them again, and when that is not enough, he reads between the lines.
#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#soap x ghost#ghoap#call of duty#cod mw3#my art#ghost is obsessed with soaps journal bc it breaks his heart at first like really tears it apart but soon focuses on what soap has written#about him. words of admiration and envy and love and fondness. real fondness. jokes made for him thoughts about him musings etc.#and johnnys snippets about his family and how he wants to settle down eventually#then all simon can think about is what life they could’ve lived together after the ‘war’#nevermind that there will always be war be death be blood and love is there and it matters but it changes nothing#for simon there will always be johnny#who even knows if thats what soap wanted if he loved him back if ghost even remembers him as he was instead of what he wishes he could have#become to ghost if things had gone as they should. who knows. the dead dont sing dont speak. all thats left is what they wrote#the cigarettes refer to soaps smoking habit and how ghost disapproves like a nagging wife. the ash smudges and burns in the paper allude to#ghost deciding to have soap cremated as a spouse decides post mortem due to his own aversion to being underground bc he doesn’t want soap#to be nothing but a decomposing body. he couldn’t bear that. he couldn’t bury him alive or dead so burning it is
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Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.
G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.
An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........
#the unwanted guest#the unwanted guest spoilers#the locked tomb#ianthe tridentarius#augustine the first#pyrrha dve#palamedes sextus#this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate)#the locked tomb meta#the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though.#of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world#utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there#and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea#when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter#it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level'#she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him#because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing#to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after#IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival#ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god#gaining nothing at the cost of everything
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I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.
But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.
Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.
I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.
I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?
Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?
I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.
...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.
#yeah idk either i wrote this in a haze at 1 am#also i have not yet finished trimax so idk how these kinds of matters are going to be tackled or if i am way off base#if nothing else this kind of reads like one of my guilt spirals and writing it out made me realize how batshit insane i must sound#outside of my own head so if nothing else i guess it was kind of useful for that?#anyways. vash's solution to being hungry all the time is to pretend he isn't hungry for so long he doesn't know what he craves anymore#incredible.#on that note by contrast i'm intrigued by meryl and milly ordering their trademark food and drink with such confidence#also i do love how this fear of a part of himself conflicts so strongly with how incredibly confident he is otherwise#cool character choices you know?#aghhh ok i guess i'll post this before i chicken out. i can always delete it if i hate it after#trigun#trimax#tristamp#vash the stampede#storyrambles
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Mimicat on her way to slay in the Grand Final
#this woman will give 1000% on that stage like she's always done#with the almost nothing rtp has given her#it's all her voice and her presence and her charisma#tptb apparently felt threatened by our potential so they put us in the death slot after austria nonetheless to obliterate us completely#but it doesn't matter#no matter where she places at the end i will always be very proud of what she's done#this year senhora do mar lost its first place on my list of favourite songs we've taken to the eurovision and was replaced by ai coração#que o 13 de maio esteja connosco. ámen#mimicat#portugal#esc#esc23#eurovision song contest#MEU
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90 years left
#happy birthfy to the show that has struck me in such a way that nothing else has in years#tha show about how love is the only thing in the world worth anything ya thst one#about the stupid teenage boy and his even stupider grandpa changing eachothers lives n clinging to eachother#like rafts in the middle of the ocean#as they cycle through different worlds and timelines and the only constant being eachothers presence and them being together being the onlt#tbinf that matters to to either of them. tha one. happy birthdya to all that#ok im probably gonna go to sleep immediately after posting this goodbye happy 10 years brick mortar#rick and morty#morty smith#rick sanchez#odieart#tw knife#odiespeak
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stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir
(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)
But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?
so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me
in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone
and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age
but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind
and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind
(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)
"I just see this place as my home"
so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3
#arknights#asto speaks#not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too#thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like#maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you#it just gets to me. i guess.#jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating*#just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy#but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination#god. what a Character#i love jordi so much like genuinely#i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him#the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy#gently holds#for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server#cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out#and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD#in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro#because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him#and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that#thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*.#this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him#side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore#i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like#i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow#ak#iberiaposting
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henry telling joel the story of how he informed fedra about the leader of the resistance so he could get the medicine he needed to save sam, and seeing joel's entire face and demeanour change as he starts to understand who henry is and how similar they both are. joel initially not trusting henry because he's a rat, but once the full context is given to him, he tells henry it's not fair on him for so many people to want him dead for what he did. joel not questioning why henry would betray so many people for his brother, because he knows he would do exactly the same thing in his place. henry DIRECTLY making joel ask himself the question "what is more important: the world, or the one person you love? your honour, or your family? when it comes down to it, how many people will you hurt to make sure she's safe?", and you can just see that joel immediately knows the answer.
#if bill was there to make joel realise his purpose as a protector#henry is there to make joel painfully aware of the lengths he must go to to fulfil that duty#and only AFTER this conversation may i add does joel start trusting henry unquestioningly#because he knows who henry is now. he knows theyre exactly the same#and no matter what he can rely on him to keep these kids safe. theyll both do whatever it takes#god help ANY motherfuckers who stand in our way#< the way THAT has become one of the thesis statements of the show btw. thank you bill#anyways i think this episode was a bit anticlimactic in terms of dramatic stakes#but the narrative throughline. joels character development. ellies friendship with sam#it all balances out#if nothing else this show is fucking NAILING the character beats#tlou#the last of us#tlou spoilers#meta tag
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Obsessed with the thought that tho mihawk is comfortable in his lone wolf life style, he does find it a bit too lonesome sometimes when the mood is somber, the silence is too much and he just remembers shanks' laugh and maybe no matter how much shanks' crew are too loud (understatement) he does find them entertaining, and maybe he enjoys ben's company in a comfortable silence, he may even consider him something close to a friend.
It just gets too much sometimes and he loathes the loneliness. When he's in one of those moods, he's mostly drinking and picking petty guaranteed wins. Going around like "you disturbed my nap" to whomever he's slicing into two and it got quite worst after he got used to zoro and perona and now they're no longer there and he was never much for kids but those are HIS kids and he misses kicking zoro's ass and baking with perona and them helping him in the garden as an unspoken, forced bonding family time.
He may like being alone but he hates being lonely, especially after he met people he actually enjoyed sacrificing his alone time for (not that he'll ever admit it)
+
Now he's hanging out with cross guild (while waiting for zoro to get stronger and come after him so he either take his retirement or just dies in peace, both are good, really) and no day passes without at least one murder attempt from his side, but really, try to take the clown away from him and it would be you he stabs.
#mishanks#in this headcanon it's mostly longing for past mishanks with zero hope of them ever getting together because shanks has big plans#mysterious plans that dont involve mihawk in his future and mihawk not necessarily being interested in the one piece or anything#he really just wants to have a great fight with zoro and that's his only life goal to die by the sword#but he does long for a time where he could have had something more that just a life where he lives by the sword and dies by it#and at one point life he just starts doing random shit cz he's bored and zoro's taking too long so he just joins cross guild#crocodile is very antagonising on a good day and buggy is just straight out annoying because no matter how much the clown shittalks shanks#he's more like him than he thinks after all they grew up together#and mihawk really doesn't need anyone to remind him of the redhead but buggy is still entertaining and he kinda grew soft for his antics#and if the clown is a yonko now and wants the one piece mihawk might as well follow him since he has nothing to do at the moment#and buggy's like “take that shanks!” and shanks' genuinely miffed that Mihawk joined buggy and not him and he's kinda annoyed cz wtf man???#anyways this is me rambling too much because i don't wanna do my work :)#alsooooo i really like to think that mihaek and ben are on good terms? like they are silence no shit typa buddies#one piece#opla#mihawk#shanks#buggy the clown
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we’ve all said it before but ill say it again, sam should have gotten lucifer pregnant and that should have been the jack origin. if she was jessifer at the time, even better <3
#lucifer mommy truthing again hi hii he needs this#it won’t fix him it will make him worse but it’ll be hot to see sam tormented by the pregnant devil#☺️ sam going to attack jessifer and she goes ‘don’t you care about our baby Sam? don’t you want to meet him?’#gets sam to touch her belly and talk to the baby and that’s when Jack does the whole ‘I’m The Perfect Paradise Baby Love Me 🥺🥺’ thing on sam#and now sam can’t kill her or their baby. he can’t. he loves jack too much. perhaps has also been hit with so many nephil happiness rays#that he looks up at lucifer and is like Oh. overwhelmed with sudden love for her. and his heads all mixed up. it’s like the vision where she#made him feel calm x1000 and. and. he loves her? he loves her doesn’t he? he gave her a baby and he loves her?#they’re going to raise their son together? and lucifer is so very pleased as sam presses his ear to her belly to hear jack’s heartbeat.#sam has quite literally been baby trapped. as in that baby set the trap and caught him in it before it was even sentient. mind control baby.#cue the rest of the pregnancy with lovestruck sam doing everything in his power to protect lucifer & jack#he’s like. fully aware he was scared of lucifer. that Lucifer is Bad this baby is Dangerous. but also. he loves them so much.#nothing else seems to matter when he loves them so much.#<3 I think Sam deserves to be mindfucked into being Lucifer’s little househusband for a bit.#oh. there are places this could go after Jack is born uhm uh. i uhm. that’s not the point I won’t say that.#the point is sam getting brainwashed to be happier and protective of pregnant!lucifer. and he IS happier. he’s just also high on good vibes.#😳 lucifer riding sam with his hand on her belly 😳😳😳😳#tw pregnancy#anyway. thoughts.#samifer#lucifer spn#Jess!lucifer#Jack kline#sam winchester
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Touchstarved fandom is a coin, it has two sides.
💖✨"Everytime We Touch" OG version by Cascada✨💖 or 🥀⛓️🔪🖤Every Time We Touch ft. Dan Avidan🥀⛓️🔪🖤
#touchstarvedgame#touchstarved game#shitpost#this is /affectionate guys ofc#how are we holding up after the full release of the trailer song fellas#because I'm certainly loosing my marbles#Imagine this like “nothing in life matters” meme with the two versions one full of whimsy and the other being all doomed#I wanted to draw it but my arm hurts a lot today so I don't wanna strain it rip LOL
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rewatching LoK, i'm being reminded how much I dislike the.... the brothers, mako and bolin, yanno? they're such underwhelming characters on basically every level. it'd almost be impressive if they weren't in every episode and didn't annoy me so much ugh
#bean talking into the void#also this show in general is very flawed lol#cool things about it but the choice to structure it more like a#prestige tv show#as in each season follows One Story#is... i wouldn't say it was a bad choice but i feel like you can see the growing pains#switching over from the episodic structure of ATLA#s1 while flawed is solid#it knows what it's trying to do even if it doesn't always stick the landing#season two feels like a season-long filler episode LMFAO#which is hilarious because a lot of world-building stuff happens#but tonally it's all over the place#serious political plots interspersed with the B Plot following Tenzin and his family#on vacation???#so fucking random#but anyway back to roasting the brothers#i find bolin just annoying in general his brand of comedy totally doesn't work for me#but at least he has like#a personality that's consistent#mako is sooooooo blah#the writers have no idea what to do with him and he comes across as having a strikingly boring personality#with no defining traits other than being wishy washy (and a boot licker)#it FEELS like he was meant to remind viewers of Zuko#at least in appearance if nothing else#another broody pretty boy to latch onto#but he has literally nothing interesting to actually get invested in#sure he's got his tragic backstory and he's the 'older brother who took care of his younger brother after their parents died' boo hoo#but that's all just exposition and it's barely shown in a way that feels illustrative or emotional in any way that matters#(other than him comforting bolin in s1 after he KISSES THE GIRL HE KNEW BOLIN HAD A CRUSH ON lmfaoooooo)#(what a good big brother lmfao)
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legitimately insane how to some people, "we should wipe out this ethnic group that we've violently constrained to a ghetto because they're just genetically more violent and dangerous" is a reasonable and justifiable statement but it's Nazi Rhetoric to say something like, "it's bad that Israeli civilians are being killed but acknowledging that as tragic includes acknowledging that the almost daily state-sanctioned murder of civilians by the Israeli government is also tragic and unacceptable"
btw guys speaking of Nazi shit - can we check in, alongside what's been done to Palestinians in the last 75 years, what's the Israeli government's take on the Azerbaijani government's newest round of ethnic cleansing of Armenians? oh are the Israeli government's actions maybe not determined by Jewish identity, but by a commitment to colonial supremacy which puts them on the same page as other violently genocidal states like Azerbaijan, the US, and the UK? god can you Even Imagine?
(framing speaking against Israeli war crimes as inherently antisemitic requires understanding the Israeli state as representing all Jewish people, when it doesn't even represent all Israelis.
framing Israeli war crimes as synonymous with Jewish identity is pretty fucked up if we're being honest. I don't think that controlling water and power and movement for a captive population and shooting children dead for throwing stones is an inherent value of Judaism, any more than I think the torture carried out at Guantanamo Bay is an inherent value of Christianity - in both cases they're atrocities carried out by a far right genocidal government using religious identity as a shield.
Calling statements like "Israel is committing genocide against the people it's displaced" inherently antisemitic is doing more to further the idea that all Jewish people are associated with Israel than saying "the Israeli government is doing war crimes," which is a statement of fact about a country that exists and does war crimes. Is criticism of Israel as a nation often used as cover for antisemitism? Absolutely. Does that mean the Israeli government isn't doing literal war crimes repeatedly, on record, while talking publicly about scrubbing an ethnic group off the map? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well in the last 48 hours they've definitely cut off water and power to almost 600,000 civilians and allegedly used white phosphorus against civilians so in an extremely factual and unambiguous way yeah man those are Literal War Crimes whoever does them.)
#red said#sorry man saying 'it's bad to do genocide and war crimes' doesn't actually mean 'I'm happy when Jewish people die'#it means 'there is a context to Palestinian militants attacking Israelis which involves Palestinians being killed wounded or imprisoned#very nearly every day by the Israeli state and settlers. so no you can't treat a Palestinian attack on Israel as an unprecedented tragedy#without also recognising that Israeli forces have repeatedly visited attacks of similar magnitude on Palestine which is ALSO tragic#as well as the regular state-sanctioned murder of over 200 Palestinians in the 9 months BEFORE the Palestinian attack on Saturday#It means 'Palestinian lives don't matter less than Israeli lives' not 'Israeli lives don't matter'#this week is literally the FIRST TIME SINCE RECORDS BEGAN that more Israeli lives have been lost than Palestinian#bc for every year since 2000 orders of magnitude more palestinians than Israelis have been killed in this war#you don't get to say 'it's only bad when X ethnic group is killed it's GOOD to kill Y ethnic group' then accuse OTHERS of genocide apologis#it is legitimately a tragedy for Israeli civilians to be killed and wounded en masse. the people are not the nation.#but it's not less of a tragedy for Palestinians to have been killed and wounded en masse week after week for decades.#and when peaceful protest gets you shot and bombed and acting against the military gets you shot and bombed#and just existing doing nothing at all gets you shot and bombed. living near someone accused of terrorism. looking for your fucking cat.#when you're getting shot and bombed daily whatever you do. it's not surprising that sometimes people move to violence against civilians.#because as people from Gaza have said. better to die fighting for survival than die on your knees waiting.#which like. I'm not making a moral judgement one way or the other bc i am intrinsically disgusted by mass killing. as we all should be.#and this might be the movement which liberates Palestine and it might be the excuse which allows Israel to finish Palestine#and either way hundreds of people are dead on both sides and however you slice it that's a fucking tragedy#but we cannot. treat it as if Hamas' strike began the violence. and ignore the 200+ Palestinians killed by the IDF this year beforehand#Palestinian lives matter as much as Israeli lives. 700 Israeli citizens dead is a tragedy. 600 Palestinians dead is a tragedy.#and if you lay out the numbers from this weekend alone you can pretend that Israelis are getting decimated by Palestine.#but to do that you have to ignore the facts that for every 1 Israeli killed in the past decade 3 Palestinians die.#and that Israeli deaths happen in occasional outbursts of violence while Palestinian deaths happen every week#whether or not Hamas or any other Palestinian faction initiates violence
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doing close reading of the titans curse to study for a time travel au and augh. auguuuagh
#bianca wanted it all along#is it strength? is it assurance?#and given that she jumped into an assistant role maybe she wants to have purpose? to be useful? to contribute to something greater?#and nico had always wanted to go after her himself he was just too weak to#he thought percy had the capability to impact fate#and bianca always had her hair obscuring her face#thats the origin of the nico emo hair#oh bianca was never smiling when she was with nico#she didn't smile when talking about him or when she was thinking about him#but with the hunters she was beaming#she was stronger and more confident#more assertive and more courageous#willing to lead a quest for a cause she'd joined one day prior#auguuuah#the feeling of incompetence when you can't do anything to make your loved ones happy#no wonder nico considered trading his life for hers#to him it probably seemed like it wouldn't matter if he was dead or alive#maybe even good riddance#no one annoying bianca anymore and nothing for her to stress about#just auguguahuhh#he's really justified in his conclusion#ttc#time travel au#soup thoughts
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The whole "Claudia is now his sister"/Louis' sibling comparisons are never gonna sit right with me because that's never going to erase the fact that Claudia exists as a vampire partly because of him. Their relationship will never have this clearly defined role of siblings in the same manner Louis had with Grace or Paul, even if he was their older brother and was implicitly given the role of providing for them as the successor and manager of his family's estate. Because Louis was never responsible in part for their creation, the reason why they existed the way that they do in terms of behavior and life itself.
It also makes his betrayal of her all the more heartbreaking in ways that him and Grace drifting apart never will. He was her father, and didn't provide emotional support for her. She had to turn the tables and try to assume the role of being on an equal level because of this failure but this doesn't make him not choosing her any less painful than it did the first time. Even as they shift roles, take or give emotional responsibility one has towards the other, the fact that Claudia exists the way she does because of him and Lestat will always be there.
#interview with the vampire#claudia#louis de pointe du lac#it's why in a way Lestat's whole 'I am your maker' rant is relevant#not in terms of him trying to keep his veil of control over her#but in terms of how no matter how she tries to shift positions; switch roles#put on the costume of 'sister/companion/mother/knight'#she will always be on a lesser position than him or even Louis#because THEY are her parents#even on a physical level she's technically weaker because she's in the body of a teenager#her given role of daughter will never be shed; especially when both of them took to physically abusing her#and tbh I personally don't like acting as if Claudia having to take on the role of Louis' protector/therapist/sister#is a positive thing in any way#it's basically his own child being forced by circumstances to be the adult#and it's such a fucked up dynamic to me#i'm not saying Louis is responsible for that because he had his own issues and then there's Lestat who acerbates the whole situation#but consider it from Claudia's angle: she keeps Lestat away from Louis for SIX years#then Louis takes him back; and even tells her to get used to it and to try to be more open with her own abuser#all the while Claudia gives him nothing but understanding and time; pleads with him to run away together#i can't even start on how his betrayal of her after the attempted murder is not only the final nail of the coffin#but the only result she gets after emotionally supporting him throughout this entire situation#anyway no offense to anyone that makes Claudia/Grace/Paul edits in relation to Louis#it's just that even without the ep7 reveal the whole thing feels sour to me in episode 6#because that is very much not his sister/brother protecting him; that's his daughter#Claudia should not have to do this shit on her own; she should not have to assume another role just to be considered seriously#in any way by either Louis or Lestat
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