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ijustwant2write · 3 years

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A Secret Romantic-Benedict Bridgerton x Reader x Eloise Bridgerton (Platonic) (Part 2)

(GIF credit to @elenawinchstr)

Part 1

Masterlist

Tags: @marvel-ousnesss @myficplace @yelenas-lova @lavxnder @s-unflowxr

Summary: Benedict and Eloise both anticipate Lady (Y/N)’s social event, as does their mother, causing tensions to rise and panic to ensue. Benedict doesn’t want his mother ruining what he may have with (Y/N), asking Eloise for her help, who gladly plays the role of a good sister.

Characters: Benedict Bridgerton x Reader, Eloise Bridgerton x Reader (platonic), mentions of Anthony Bridgerton and Violet Bridgerton

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Benedict hastily moved around the house, avoiding his mama at all costs. She called out his name repeatedly, growing frustrated at his childish manner. He was supposed to discuss a plan with her about how he should prepare to court Lady (Y/N), but he knew better; his mama knew nothing of (Y/N) (he admitted, he still had much to learn about her too), and he didn’t want his chance to slip away. Although he was confident at her house when he called upon her, there was a sickening doubt looming in his mind that if he did anything wrong, another suitor could easily take his place.

“You have no where else to hide brother.” Anthony smirked, his eyes skimming over the top of his newspaper.

Benedict sighed, accepting defeat. She would find him in a matter of minutes, especially since Anthony’s office was the last place she would look.

“Please, just let me stay her for a few moments.” Benedict begged.

Anthony chuckled, putting down the papers as he reclined in his chair.“Oh dear, I see things are turning serious quite quickly.”

“Yes, which wouldn’t be a problem if mama wasn’t making this such a big ordeal.”

“But it is to her.”

Benedict knew this.“I know that, because someone hasn’t found a woman to marry, so it then falls onto my shoulders.”

“I haven’t seen you so anxious before. Sit down, try to relax.”

Benedict took his offer, practically collapsing into the chair on the other side of the desk. Anthony stood, pouring out a drink each and handing one to Benedict. Though not one to drink in the early afternoon, he gladly sipped at it, wishing he would just calm down.

“Besides mama, what is going on in that head of yours?” Anthony asked.

He genuinely wanted to help. He felt a slight guilt knowing that his mama was more excited about this possible partnership, seeing as he never gave her the satisfaction of even socialising with women.

“I worry that I may not be enough for (Y/N).” he said.“Of course, I have talked to women, I know the right things to say, but I also know that I will not want to engage in further conversation. Whereas with (Y/N), she intrigues me, so much that even after we danced and talked for hours, I still felt like I hardly spent any time with her. I thought about every word I said, listened intently to everything that poured out of her mouth. There are no other women like her.”

Anthony didn’t speak for a few seconds.“You should write poems alongside your art work.”

Benedict groaned, about to stand when Anthony stopped him.

“I am teasing you brother. Look, it’s extremely obvious that you have fallen for this woman. Putting feelings aside for a moment, she also comes from a well off family with a respectable background, so you’ve done very well in that department. This art exhibition will allow me to also see what Lady (Y/N) and her family are like, as well as keep mama away from you both as much as I can.”

“You would do that for me?”

“You seem shocked. I will pretend not to be offended.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I know that you too do not like to be....bothered by mama at these events. No doubt she’ll talk to you about my potential courtship all night.”

The door opened as he finished speaking, Violet popping her head in. Her smile widened when she saw both her sons in the same room, now able to speak with them both about Lady (Y/N). Anthony and Benedict shared a look, knowing they would be there for some time.

Elsewhere in the house, Eloise was suffering through a conversation with Hyacinth. As Daphne had to endure, Hyacinth was questioning her older sister, wanting to know everything there was to know about the balls they attended. She wanted to make sure she had all the knowledge she needed when it was her turn to debut. They never spoke of these things in front of her or Gregory and she wanted all the answers. However, Eloise was not revealing anything, and making it seems that everything to do with debuting was awful.

“Go away and pester somebody else.” Eloise huffed as she descended the stairs away from her sister.

“Why are you always so mean to me? I’m just asking questions!” Hyacinth protested.

Eloise felt guilty, especially since Hyacinth was still young and didn’t understand many things about the world yet.“I’m sorry, but I’m not the best person to ask these questions.”

“Why don’t you want to get married?”

“If I explain, you won’t understand.”

“Yes I will!”

“You won’t Hyacinth.”

“You’re so mean!”

The young girl stomped off, having a tantrum to herself. Eloise did feel bad for being so snappy with her sister, but she really didn’t like talking about these things, doing all she could to avoid it where possible. It just made her feel miserable. And who wants to dote on a topic that eliminates all happiness from them?

However, Eloise did find that she was excited about the art exhibition. She was curious as to how (Y/N) and her brother’s encounter would go. For a moment, she felt like her mama. It sent shudders down her spine. It was nice to have the pressure and attention off of her, and to see her brothers in the spotlight. She knew too many friends with brothers who had it easier than the women of the family. Of course they had certain expectations, but Eloise did not see any men parading around in uncomfortable, tight dresses, with over the top embellishments and feathers.

The remaining days leading up to the art exhibition were filled with dress and suit fittings, lessons on the (Y/L/N) family, and making sure everyone knew how important this day could be. Benedict grew more and more nervous as it approached, his mama making him realise that this could be a turning point in his life. Before this was all about him being excited to see (Y/N), to be in her company again, now it was as if he was proposing to her.

Eloise stepped out into the garden, welcoming the warmth that was still lingering at this time of night. She couldn’t sleep, knowing what was on her mind, but not wanting to admit it. She wasn’t surprised to see Benedict already on the swing set, secretly smoking as they had both done before. A small smile appeared on her face as she approached him, making sure to create some sort of noise as to not startle him.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one being kept awake.” she said as she sat down.

“I haven’t even tried to sleep yet.” Benedict said before inhaling through his cigarette again.

“Is someone nervous?” she wasn’t teasing him, she was concerned.

“Yes.” he surprisingly said.“I’m nervous because mother has made me believe everything is depending on this next meeting. Yet she forgets how long Daphne took to decide who she was marrying.”

“You shouldn’t be nervous.”

“And why is that?”

“Because (Y/N) likes you.”

Benedict chuckled."Ah, I forgot you were the expert on such topics."

"I may not know a lot about...feelings and love, but I am not a fool. I saw the way your eyes lit up when you first saw her. (Y/N) was practically speechless too. But not like the other women who fawn over the Bridgerton name, she actually liked you for your face, for some reason. I don't know, it just seemed that there was something natural between you."

"Eloise Bridgerton, what a doting thing to say."

"I am trying to be nice to you brother."

"I know. And I appreciate it, but...I feel at ease with (Y/N), and I don't like the thought of mother's eyes burning into the back of my head. Anthony has said that he will do what he can to help, but I fear that mother will not be totally distracted by him. She’ll know his sudden interest will be fake.”

Eloise had an idea, and even if she didn’t want to go through with it, she knew it would help Benedict.“I will regret saying this, but I shall help too. I will make sure mama is paying attention to me, I’ll let her drag me around and indulge in hideously, dull conversations.”

Benedict had been shocked for the second time that day. Two of his siblings, both detesting the thought of marriage, had offered to suffer through this social event in order to give him time with (Y/N).

“What has happened to you two today?” Benedict asked.

“We are merely being charitable. Hopefully you return the favour in future. God knows I’ll be in need of saving soon.”

(Y/N) was all a flutter on the morning of the exhibition. Her mother had bought a new dress just for this, wanting to impress the Bridgerton family, prepping their halls and rooms for the exhibition for the last week. (Y/N)’s father was proud of what he had created, and that his daughter may be on her way to marrying a family who were held highly in their society. (Y/N) couldn’t focus at all, relieved that her maids were the ones in charge of getting her dressed and ready for the day; if left to her own devices, she surely would have put her dress on backwards.

Guests streamed in, but (Y/N) was only on the lookout for one person. She remained polite, trying to stay in the moment as more and more people arrived. However, she still kept an eye out for Benedict, also staying on her toes. She had many things in mind to say to him, and she wanted to keep them in her mind. There was no way she was going to humiliate herself.

Her heart started beating a thousand times faster when she saw Benedict enter the main hall, the one holding the biggest and most expensive pieces of art. She smiled, and somehow it grew even bigger when he made eye contact with him. His smile was so sweet, it made you fall for his charms even more. Benedict felt his stomach twist in anticipation, desperate to have just a few moments with (Y/N). Alas, that did not come when his mama latched onto his arm, steering him in (Y/N)’s direction. Although he wanted to speak with her, he found it all rather forceful, especially when (Y/N)’s parents suddenly appeared behind her.

Formal introductions were made, each set of parents making small talk about the last time they were in each others company. (Y/N) and Benedict were silent, nodding along with what was being said as they sneaked glances at each other. The conversation was dragging for them, they knew their parents wanted to figure out if this could be a potential arrangement. It didn’t seem that they were going to stop talking at any point, neither child wanting to be rude, until Eloise intruded.

“Pardon me,” she started, sending a subtle smile to Benedict,“mama, I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“Ah, another Bridgerton. The next daughter to find a suitor, I presume?” (Y/N)’s mother beamed.

Eloise hid the urge to frown. Luckily her mother stepped in.“Yes, this is Eloise. I’m sorry darling, I did not mean to leave you stranded.”

“Yes, well, shall we?” Eloise tugged at her mother’s arm.

“Alright dear. It was lovely to see you both again.”

As Violet eagerly followed Eloise, (Y/N)’s parents also dispersed. Benedict and (Y/N) were now finally together, just as they had wished; so why did it suddenly feel awkward?

“Well, that seemed to easy.” Benedict cleared his throat.

“What was?” (Y/N) asked.

“Getting rid of them.” he grinned, holding out his arm.

(Y/N) smiled back, happy to hold onto him.“I was trying to come up with something to say that would not be rude, but would also mean we could leave. I hope that it wasn’t obvious I wanted to leave.”

“Even if it was, I doubt they would care too much. We both know they are over excited.”

“Oh how right you are. I’m assuming your mother has been acting the same as mine this whole week?”

“Overbearing? Overthinking? Over-”

(Y/N) giggled.“Yes, yes, I do not wish to dote on the memory. I am happy that you are here though Benedict.”

“You are?”

“I am.”

The pair’s arms stayed linked as (Y/N) guided Benedict around the art work. Sometimes they joined other conversations, though liked to keep to themselves. It was easy to bond over artwork, especially since it was a passion both of them had. There were no pauses or silences after a few minutes of talking, conversation flowed naturally between them. Men and women also searching for suitors were jealous; a Bridgerton boy had been swept up all too quickly and (Y/N) had been a popular choice amongst the men. However, people could not deny they made a fitting pair.

"Come, let me show you something." (Y/N) muttered to Benedict, easily slipping away from the crowds and leaving the room.

"We really shouldn't be alone (Y/N)." Benedict said, even though this was all he had been wanting.

(Y/N) had a cheeky smile on her face as she tugged on his arm, her steps gradually getting quicker. Benedict didn't even take in her elaborate house, only looking at her beautiful face every time she glanced up at him. They stopped before two grand doors, which (Y/N) cautiously opened, slipping inside with Benedict close behind her.

In the middle of the room was a huge painting covered by a fine piece of cloth. Benedict was confused why (Y/N) brought him to this, until she let go of his hand (him instantly missing the feeling), and theatrically pulled the piece of fabric down. Benedict's jaw dropped as the piece was revealed. He had never seen a painting like it.

It was a large, landscape painting of a ballroom. It captured dancing pairs in the middle of some sort of waltz, musicians huddled in the corner whilst the other guests stood watching; and it was so intricate, Benedict guessed it must have taken the artist months to complete it. All the colours, the detail, it almost looked real.

"This is amazing." he breathed out.

(Y/N) was happy when she saw Benedict's shock."Isn't it? It's supposed to be revealed later, but I wanted to see your expression properly."

"Who painted it?"

"I don't know. Father said he is going to inform everyone later, but it is a new artist. I just think they're work is dazzling to look at. I become mesmerised."

Benedict's focus changed back to (Y/N)."Yes, that does tend to happen."

She didn't notice that he was referring to her, nodding along in agreement. Her smile faltered slightly, which Benedict was able to see immediately.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he neared her, hating the gap that was created

(Y/N) covered her slip up, as her mother had told her."I'm sorry, it's really nothing..." she started, but found herself relaxed, and wanting to tell Benedict all her problems."It's only that...I used to paint frequently, well, I sketched more, though I enjoyed both. Like all girls, my mother told me to stop that and focus on becoming the most desired lady in society. I shouldn't have even told you about that when we first met."

"That's what made me desire you (Y/N)."

She blushed, realising how intense his gaze was."Oh, Lord Bridgerton-"

"What's with all the formalities all of a sudden?"

"I-I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything and it's only our second meeting. Third if you count when you called upon me."

"And I called upon you for a very good reason."

"I was wishing that everyone else would leave, so I could spend more time with you."

Benedict loved hearing her say that."As did I."

Subconsciously they had moved closer, though they both knew what they were doing. Benedict reached down to tenderly hold her hands, causing her heart to beat erratically. (Y/N) had no idea what to do, she only had experience from the books she read. It seemed simple enough to kiss someone, but also the hardest thing in the world. How much pressure should she apply? How long should they kiss for? Where would she put her hands? Where would he put his hands? She didn't have anytime to think as he was already leaning in towards her.

Eloise and Anthony were finding it extremely hard to keep the fake smiles plastered on their faces. Benedict was really in for it once this was all over. Their mama had kept a tight grip on them both, because as soon as they saw their chance to flee, they would. Both had to suffer through extremely long, boring and repetitive conversations, listening to parents boast about their children's achievements. Everyone knew how this worked, yet they all had to pretend to be happy about it.

"Where is Benedict? He's been away for a long time." their mama pondered as they took a break for refreshments.

"He's probably wooing Lady (Y/N), just as you wanted." Eloise slurped on her drink.

"Do not fret mother, he knows what he's doing. He truly likes her and will be doing all he can to...well, yes, woo her." Anthony said.

"I suppose you are right. It feels strange that one of my children are making an effort for once."

Eloise huffed."Oh, do not chastise us mama. We've been doing this all afternoon, haven't we?"

Violet squinted her eyes at them, suspicious that they were up to something. She was about to question it, but stopped herself. They were doing what she always wanted, finding someone to spend their future with. She wouldn't jeopardise that. Lucky for them, a servant announced that Lord (Y/L/N) requested for everyone's presence inside. The guests were intrigued, following orders and grabbing full glasses of whatever quenched their thirst. Eloise and Anthony had got away with their plan for now, they just hoped Benedict and (Y/N) had had enough time together.

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ohnopoe · 3 years

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Hiya there!!!! Could i maybe please have some headcanons about the characters you write for being in love with a very domestic/ cottagecore/ disney-princess-loving sweet girl who works at a daycare (with babies) ?

Im sorry if that didnt make much sense im french but i love your writing!!! Have an amazing day!! 😊

Your patience is extraordinary. I’m so sorry this took so long, and I’m additionally sorry that I couldn’t provide more characters for this. Between it beginning to feel repetitive and just having a mental block on it, which has been practically consuming my ability to write, I’m afraid I was only able to give you five characters, but hopefully the accidental mini stories they turned into makes up for that!

Under the cut you will find headcanons or miniature fics tbh for Din Djarin, Ezra, Frankie Morales, Javier Peña and Poe Dameron

Din Djarin

Looking after Grogu is Din’s priority. So, when he sees his adoptive son clinging to your leg after he leaves him at the small daycare on Nevarro, utterly enraptured in your every movement as you finish putting away the colourful pencils the children had been playing with, well, he’s intrigued.

When Grogu is reluctant to leave the planet, putting on a fuss as he flies away, well, he’s fascinated.

Plenty of people got along with the little green baby, and it seemed people fell for his big bug eyes everywhere they went. But he hadn’t seen the child so enraptured before… It was almost the same kind of adoration he seemed to throw towards Din.

Weeks pass before he’s landing back in Nevarro, ready to take on another job, and he’s almost forgotten about you. But the way Grogu perks up at the familiar surroundings is an instant reminder.

He hadn’t even intended to leave the kid at the daycare this time, it was only meant to be a short trip after all, but who could say ‘no’ to those pleading eyes?

The day’s half over when he knocks on the door. Children of all species are spread about the room, and there’s an air of chaos to the scene, but as you meet his gaze through that vizor that keeps him shielded from the rest of the room, he finally understands the absolute sense of calm you exude.

He’s frozen.

Your smile cuts through him, it’s gentle and soft and reassuring and everything he didn’t know he’d been missing for so many years now.

He stutters, genuinely stutters when he hands Grogu over, asking if he can spend the rest of the day with the other children. And if you notice, well, you’re not about to mention it just yet.

He’s making more trips to Nevarro, even he refuses to acknowledge why. The kid needs to socialise more, jobs from Karga are smarter, it’s good to keep in contact with the Cara, to know what the rebellion is up to… Excuses seem to pile up upon one another. Of course it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that every time he sees your smile directed at him, every time he watches the way you play with Grogu, the world seems a little lighter.

A dangerous mission is what changes things.

He knows it’ll bring good credits, and provide more safety for the kid in the long run, but bringing him along for the ride is too risky, and it’s exactly what the enemy would be expecting. So he asks if you’ll look after him, just for a few days.

Of course, you’re more than happy to take the little green menace, but it’s the way you tell him to be careful, the way he can almost see genuine worry in your gaze as you utter words of care that he’s so damn unused to that has him struck once more.

The sight of you there, looking at him with such a gentle look, with his kid in your arms, well, it distracts him more than he’d care to admit.

So when he comes back to Nevarro, to your house of all things, he’s a little worse for wear, and he’s certainly not expecting the way you usher him in, or the way you look after him. Suddenly, leaving Nevarro at all seems like the stupidest decision possible, when you’re there in your humble house that still screams home more than anything he can remember.

He stays for days, you’re insistent that he heal properly and take the time to rest before he goes rushing back into the universe. And it’s the most relaxed he’s ever felt.

Ezra

After his time in The Green, Ezra is certain of one thing, he’s had enough of that damn colour.

There’s only so long you can spend surrounded by shades of green before it starts to haunt you, and even the most poetic of people lose any sense of beauty they once found in it.

But then there was you.

You, who lived a life so far removed from what he had experienced, that the flowery poetics seemed to just flow from him once more.

His insecurities after losing his arm seemed to lessen in your presence, caught up in the whirlwind that was you.

Laughter and joy seemed to fill the days, and sometimes he’d even help you with your work simply to enjoy the bubble of joy you seemed to exude, to embrace every moment of happiness that he was lucky enough to experience.

Colours seemed brighter, and filled with a range he had only hoped to see, when you were around. And those poems he had loved so dearly were not just a distant dream, they were tangible and real.

Softness and beauty coloured his days once more, and his heart was full.

Even green seemed more beautiful now.

Frankie Morales

In all honesty? He’s terrified. You’re his daughter’s daycare worker and it doesn’t matter that you make him smile, make those damn butterflies fill his chest in a way he hasn’t felt since he was an awkward teenager. It doesn’t matter that your smile is so damn captivating that it has him smiling goofily to himself the whole damn drive to work after he drops his daughter off with you.

It doesn’t matter because it can’t. He won’t interfere with your work and he certainly won’t be that creep who asks you out when you look after his daughter, no, nope, absolutely not.

But then, a year later, and his daughter is off to preschool, and yeah, ok, he’s a bit of a wreck as he shops for school supplies, but suddenly you’re there. It hasn’t been long at all, and yet he can’t help but think how much he has missed that smile.

It’s so much harder to explain to his little girl that, despite the chance encounter, you won’t be a part of her life anymore, especially when she’s so darn excited to see you, and so he stumbles, he struggles and glances to you for help and, well, the help you give has him even more lost for words.

You suggest lunch, on the first weekend after she’s started school. Just Frankie, her and you, all meeting at a park where his daughter can tell you all about ‘big school’.

He’s silent so long that you worry you’ve overstepped, and just as you’re about to ramble off some excuse in a desperate attempt to backtrack, he offers you the most beaming smile you’ve ever seen.

Well, your not so little crush was doomed, and so was your heart. But after lunch that soon turned into a weekly affair, you soon came to realise, your heart was in very safe hands.

Javier Peña

I’m not going to lie, at first Javier is skeptical to say the least. He’s seen chaos and pain and suffering for so long, that seeing someone so damn gentle? Yeah, he’s wondering what your game is. But then it becomes something else, it becomes a fascination. You seem sincere in your softness, and he finds himself smiling back at you in an instant, before he can even question it.

So, skepticism turns to curiosity. Are you just naive to the horrors of the world? Are you really that sheltered that you believe what the fairytales told you the world would be? He has to know, even if he’s cursing himself the whole damn way.

He’s spending more time with you to figure you out, that’s what he tells himself. Of course, it’s obvious to everyone else the change that you bring. His shoulders are less tense, he’s not bitting people’s heads off at work, hell, he’s smiling more.

It’s different to what he’s used to. It’s softer, and slower, and he’s reluctant as hell, but things just seem to happen.

You’re at his place as often as your own. You’re sharing movies with him that he’s never even considered seeing before, you’re sharing your lives with one another, and there hasn’t been a single date so far.

You’re everything he’s fighting to protect, before he can even acknowledge his own feelings for you. But as oblivious as Javier can be to these things, you’re not. You know the stories, the tales of love that seemed to pass him by. You’re patient as he navigates his way through his feelings.

It’s a random moment in time, really. You’re on his couch, talking about the children you work with, it’s just another day. But it’s everything to him. It’s the moment he realises you’re his all, that being right there, in that moment, listening to you talk about children you clearly adore, children that aren’t even your own, it’s all he’s ever needed, and all he ever wants.

The progression from that odd friendship to something more is surprisingly smooth.

Of course, he’s bound to stumble along the way, it’s so far from what he’s used to that he’s terrified half the time of stuffing up to a point of no return. But it’s genuine, it’s real, and you can both simply be yourselves; even if he does tease you a little about the ‘childish’ decor that starts to fill the apartment when you finally move in.

Poe Dameron

It was an accident, the first time Poe quite literally ran into you. BB-8 assured him that it would be faster to get to his ship through the path he had never ventured before as he rushed to fly out for a sudden mission, and he was right. What the little droid had failed to mention, however, was that said path ran directly through the resistance’s schooling area.

It was a small group of rooms, with few children of resistance members actually living on base, but it was something so downright shocking that it had him stumbling in shock as he glanced about at the colourful finger paintings and bright array of plants that he didn’t even notice the way the group of preschoolers stared up at him in awe, or, for that matter, the fact that you were standing before him... until you weren’t. The force of his sprint landed you on the floor with nothing but a surprised “ooft!” coming from your lips, and an echoing round of shocked and anxious gasps from your students.

After an awkward round of apologising, and continuing to call out long after he had checked you were alright and helped you up, he was off, making his way once more, the sound of “sorry!” fading away as he drifted further down the corridors.

One chance meeting suddenly turned into more. It seemed wherever he turned, there you were. Grabbing a late meal at the same time, having your med-checks one after the other… it was as if fate itself had decided the two of you simply had to interact.

You filled his mind, someone so normal amongst the chaos of war. And while he may not have realised it, he began to seek you out.

Chatting with your kids about flying, bringing back interesting plants he saw on his adventures, there was always a reason to see you, after-all, Poe Dameron was the King of Excuses.

But you brought him a sense of hope and home, something he had missed for far too long, and he wasn’t about to give that up anytime soon.

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 4 years

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Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

#long post #loneliness

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exposeacreep-blog · 5 years

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Milo Moran is a child molester, manipulator and general scumbag

I met Milo when I was in year 7 (11 years old) at school. At the time, he was in year 11 (around 15). My English mistress had given us a creative writing task: to write the backstory of Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven". Milo was in her form in year eleven, and he, along with his friends, were pretty friendly with her, so she would sometimes chat with them about her other classes during morning and afternoon registration. Apparently, my name came up in one of these chats, because one day in what must have been around October 2014, when my English class were leaving the classroom after a sixth period lesson and her year eleven form were coming in for afternoon register, my teacher pointed me out to him and said "that's the girl who wrote that Raven story you liked". He smiled at me, and told me how much he'd liked it.

Now, me being a fucking dumb, pubescent, hormonal little girl I was for some reason extremely receptive and innocently excited by older male attention at the time, no matter how much of an absolute minger they were, meaning that the fact that somebody as senior as Milo had so much as offered me a second glance I was a bit smitten with him.

After school had finished, I went to get the bus home only to find that apparently Milo was on the same bus route home. I didn't say anything to him that day, I was too busy being the epitome of preteen angst so I just plugged myself into my Panic! At The Disco and stared blankly out of the window, but then a couple of weeks later I ran into him with my mum while at Waitrose. We said hi to each other, and when she asked I told my mum who he was. She said that he seemed nice, and that it was good that I was friendly with people outside my own year.

We had very little interaction for the next couple of months until after the Christmas break, when two new kids, twins, joined my year group. I quickly became joined at the hip to one of them, we rarely spoke to anyone else and then wondered why we didn't really have any other friends. So when we saw a poster for the English magazine club at lunchtime, we figured it was a great opportunity to socialise. We went, and lo and behold who's the editor of the magazine? Milo, overseen by another English mistress. That was absolutely fine by me, he was an older boy who gave me special attention because, at least I assumed at the time, he liked my writing.

Not long after that, we began to talk and videocall fairly infrequently on Google Hangouts, where he mentioned a physical similarity in our respective appearances, and said it might be funny if we pretended to be siblings to confuse people. I fail to see now how this is in any way entertaining, but I suppose at the time my ape brain said "ooga booga male attention must maintain", so I went along with it.

Then there's a bit of a gap in my memory between the end of year 7 and the beginning of year 8, but somewhere in that gap my friend Vincent (who was the same friend I'd joined magazine club with) convinced me to take up the guitar so I could go to the lunchtime guitar group with him. I joined the group, and guess who the bassist is? Milo McNonce. I'll get back to that a little later.

So while he was still at school, he worked at a pub in the town where I live called The Fleece, and to get from there to his bus stop he had to walk past my house. By pure chance one day I spotted him out of my bedroom window and called out to him, and we began talking with him down on the pavement looking up at me through my open window. This same thing went on for ages until one day my parents got fed up of what they dubbed the "Romeo and Juliet" routine and invited him in.

Around this time I inexplicably developed massive crushes on two of Milo's friends, Chris and George. I told Milo, and he basically agreed to stalk them for me, even going so far as to write little stories wherein I had rough, kinky sex with his 17 year old for me to get my little 12 year old rocks off to. I, being a total and utter fucking moron, didn't find that weird in the slightest. Until fairly recently, I still had some of these stories screenshotted on my phone gallery but rather stupidly deleted them last year out of shame and fear that somebody would find them.

Then about halfway through year 8, when I was helping him with packing up after guitar group, he started hugging me out of nowhere and kissed me on the forehead. Ape brain struck again and said "Oh worm? Guess this is happening now, that's calm."

Nothing else of particular note happened in year 8 on that front, although it all continued as a regular thing.

So then began year 9, and the *real* shitstorm reared its head.

Remember how I said that eventually my parents had invited him in? That was the point that he began to *really* cosy up to my mum, like really sucking up to her. He didn't manage to have quite the same effect on my dad because he was usually at work, but since my mum is a goldsmith she works from home. It was also around that time when he rather conveniently decided that he was gay, at least that's what he told my mum, which meant that for the next roughly six months she felt unthreatened by the fact that her 12 year old daughter was having private conversations in her bedroom with a 17 year old boy with the door closed (bearing in mind I live in the UK, where the age of consent is 16).

Then, in March, it was my school's annual Pump Room Concert. At the rehearsal on the day of the concert we were in the big room upstairs where all the instruments are kept in-between the rehearsal and the concert itself, when he hugged me tightly and began to stare into my eyes. We were interrupted by a teacher coming in to put his own instrument there, but Milo later told me a couple of nights later that had the teacher *not* come in when he did he'd have kissed me. Ape brain liked this very much.

That was something of a turning point I think, because after that I can only remember our conversations in my room ending with him on top of me, tongue down my throat and hand down my knickers. At that point I had just turned 13, and he was no younger than 18.

He started to tell me about his mental health issues, he'd been orphaned at a young age but old enough to remember his parents dying, which had understandably messed him up a bit. The last I heard of this he was being treated for bipolar disorder.

That was when my friends at the time began to smell a rather large rat, and told me about the stench of said rat, which I stubbornly ignored. This ended in me having a massive row with my friendship group, which promptly divided down the middle into two factions: one relentlessly took the piss and tried to rile me up about the whole thing (I'm not friends with them anymore), and the other kept telling me that they thought he was dangerous and that I should stay away from him (I'm still friends with them). I ended up ignoring both, which caused me to become more distant from them and spend more time with Milo, spurred on by the fact that he'd told me that I was helping him cope with his depression.

This routine kept up until the end of year 9, when he fucked up all his A Levels and managed to get a place at Cardiff University by pure good luck. I spent the next two to three months convinced that *I* was the reason he'd done so badly, and thinking that the time he spent molesting me (what I interpreted at the time as me "distracting" him) he could have spent studying.

After he moved to Wales our communication gradually petered out, and I eventually realised that I was not his taboo seductress or whatever the fuck I thought our relationship dynamic was, but that I had in fact been sexually manipulated and exploited and tried to cut ties with him.

He still came over during the holidays, but far less frequently and I never let him touch me again.

I got a proper boyfriend, and thought things were looking up, when a month before my GCSEs started, he messaged me out of the blue asking if I wanted to see him again while I had the chance because he was going to kill himself. I spent the entire day sobbing on the phone to him and trying to talk him down because as much as I resented him and wanted him gone from my life, I couldn't have responsibility for his death on my conscience during my exams. I still haven't quite figured out if he was serious about it or whether he just wanted to illicit some kind of emotional response from me, but that was pretty much the final straw.

To be honest? If I could go back and redo that whole day with the knowledge of what he's done since then (namely having been in the national papers for narrowly avoided jail time over revenge-porning his ex girlfriend), I'm not entirely sure I'd have expended that much time and energy into trying to stop him. I know it sounds horrible, but at this point, when I feel dirty and ashamed in my own bed and I can't even watch Catch 22 on Channel 4 and say "Damn, Milo's cute" without getting a jarring intrusive thought of that paedophilic creep sucking on my neck and palming my fanny, I don't think I really care.

So that's where we are. If you meet him, stay the fuck away from him, for all his slime he's a charismatic bugger and knows how to get into your head until you're trapped in a web of manipulation that you just can't escape.

I've since opened up to a very close friend, still not my parents though, who said that she could see what I was going through and feeling as it was happening, and the only reason that she didn't report it was that I begged her and made her swear not to. Despite this, she went to our school nurse to ask for anonymous advice and that's mostly what's helped me get to grips with how to handle this now, and for that I cannot be more grateful. Her support has made it easier to tell the truth to a couple of other people, and to contact this account. Will it get to the point where I feel I can tell my parents or the police? I'm not sure, but I hope so.

#troll creep predator exposeacreep #submission

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notanotherinfjblog · 7 years

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The types as people I know of the types (from an INFJ point of view)

INTJ: - no one is better at discussing society and the human mind and politics with at 2am than him - his many coping mechanisms make him look like he’s full of himself to most people when he’s actually a giant ball of insecurities - successfully manipulates people in his work place in such a subtle way over months in order to get rid of a person he deems incompetent for the job - but if he chooses to do so, he’ll tell the person he’s about to get rid of about his plan because he has “a little piece of morality left in him and views this as a courtesy to them” (that person always thinks he’s joking. and then they’re gone 3 months later, oops) - awful sense of humour that is rather endearing - very very emotional and has no idea how to cope with them - give him all the love you have inside, he needs it

INTP: - starts his day with googling stuff and eating cake he baked for himself - it’s nice going on about deep questions with him, but he only listens for the most part. Uncomfortable theories are countered by “No, I don’t believe that”, but it’s obvious that he’s thinking it through. He’ll usually end the discussion with “I’ll have to think about that. I’ll tell you tomorrow what I think of it.” - gives himself such a hard time because he wants to work independently from everyone else, but has everyone’s best interest at heart. So, if someone is sick and still tries to do the laundry or fetch themselves a coffee, he’ll go mad because it stresses him out so much that the sick person deliberately overextends themselves, so he has to hurry up in order to do the things for them in their place but faster - “I’m always right. I know that sounds pretentious, but it’s true. I don’t want to always be right, sometimes I wish I wouldn’t be. But what can I say, I just am always right.” - despite supposedly always being right, he misinterprets other people’s and his own emotions with a confidence 24/7

ENTJ: - the most sociable person to exist - the best liked person to exist - was always elected as representative for group projects, for the class, for the whole school, and now even in local politics - probably our future chancellor in 20 years time - miraculously good at everything - I once asked a friend of him an organisational question to which that friend replied in all seriousness “I don’t know, I’ll go ask Napoleon” and went straight to this ENTJ - stormed into the principal’s office with 30 other people behind him once after he find out that our homophobic principal unrightfully accused a gay guy in our year of pedophilia, so he gave her hell

ENTP: - “What’s the password of this computer?” he asks. “I don’t know, that’s your computer”, one of his students replies. “...what...”, he says as his eyes widen in confusion. - I don’t understand how a person this intelligent can be this forgetful - frequently almost broke his neck by falling down the same and only existing stair in the lecture hall. every. single. week. - invites not only his friends to lunch, but also everyone who is in close proximity at that time, no matter if you’re someone with two doctorates or a college student in the first semester - tells a student waiting in front of his office for half an hour because he’s late to their meeting that he was just so very busy and ran over there as fast as he could, even though there were witnesses who saw him sauntering out of the cafeteria - broke a leg while carrying a friend’s little daughter on his shoulders who wanted him to gallop like a horse

INFJ: - has the same ridiculous sense of humour as me, so many absurd stories and so many puns - gesticulates just as weirdly as I do when she’s telling a story - very sociable despite being socially awkward, yet very bad at socialising - “Do you think ‘I didn’t know what else to do with my life and figured this field of work is just as good as any’ is a good starter for my letter of application?” - sometimes we only communicate in forms of ironic overdramatic gifs - too awkward and too precious for this world and I smile every time I think of her - makes you feel like the best possible version of yourself every time you’re with her - casually drives 2 hours to meet you and doesn’t even mention it a single time - every secret is safe with her - “It usually takes me a few years to open up to people. Except with you, I don’t why. I feel like every time I’m with you, I talk more than during the entire week. What is this?”, she says, which is funny cause I, as another INFJ, feel the exact same way with her.

INFP: - very shy and socially awkward - she sat down right next to me on the first day of uni in an empty lecture hall and it was obvious that she wanted to befriend me as I saw her struggling to find a way to open a conversation, but she just couldn’t do it (she seemed so relieved when I made the first move hahaha) - we don’t talk often, but when we do she admits that she wanted to ask to meet up weeks ago, but only now found the courage to do so and laughs awkwardly about it - it got a bit awkward when we were in a restaurant once and I told her a story and her fork with pasta was hanging right in front of her mouth for a few minutes because she focused too much on listening to me and forgot to eat - I start to miss her as soon as we say goodbye - tries to keep the conversation far from emotional topics because then she’d be incapable of looking you in the eye and giving you a proper answer

ENFJ: female ENFJ: - the most sociable and popular person I have ever met - gives the best hugs - an absolute cinnamon roll with a heart as big as the whole town - makes you feel very special - when we were little I was so scared that I didn’t mean as much to her as she did to me because she had more good friends than I had distant acquaintances (until she suddenly bitterly fought another friend of mine for “stealing” me from her haha) male ENFJ: - the overenthusiastic guy I started uni with who ended up getting his Bachelor’s degree after two years and then skipped the Master because he already had a Master’s degree in physics and is now doing a doctorate for linguistics and I’m like ???? - he likes to ask personal, very disarming questions but in a curious and friendly way - seemed like the weird kid at first, turned out to be an absolutely odd sweetheart who constantly giggles about his own jokes

ENFP: - takes everything you say serious and doesn’t really understand that 80% of the things I say are nothing but jokes - every time I dramatise a slight inconvenience or problem that I don’t actually worry about at all, she thinks I’m crying for help and gives serious advice, which is really really endearing - pricks you repeatedly in class in order to find out how far she can push you until you get angry - has a very loud, but very nice laugh that makes you laugh too immediately - wants to make everyone feel included - one minute, she behaves like a little child, and the next, you wonder when the hell she turned into an 80-year-old wise wizard guiding you on your journey

ISTJ: - loves talking to people and doesn’t realise she’s a bit socially awkward - is a good person in disguise - painted over all the love letters she got from her husband in fear of anyone else ever reading them - her only way of showing you her love for you is by sharing knowledge and giving you interesting little articles she cut out from the newspaper for you - very bossy - can still recite poems she learned in primary school - the only 80-year-old from a tiny tiny village that I ever met who is this open-minded, like “Oh, my son adopted a girl from Africa? Yay, what a sweet grandchild!” and “Our new mayor is an immigrant? I live in such a good town that the people here are so accepting and open, this is great!” and “I don’t understand how two women could love each other, but if they are happy together, then so am I!”

ESTJ: - interrupts a professor in his talking because she felt like she could explain it better. Now she’s working for him, so she got that going for her. - very insecure about coming off as arrogant when she is so overeager to explain things because she really only wants to help people as best as she can - such a workaholic - the first person to offer help with anything and without hesitation (and when I say anything, I mean really anything) - has friends and acquaintances wherever she goes, no idea how - no matter what time it is, she will text you back immediately - “Do you know person XYZ? No? Awww I never really noticed her until last month and then I talked to her and she’s so shy and quiet but so sweet and funny, I love her.” - I’m starting to believe that she has a time turner like Hermione Granger in The Prisoner of Azkaban cause there is just no freaking way that she manages to do so many things in 24 hours, it’s just not possible

ISFJ: female ISFJ: - stops everything she’s doing because something reminded her of a story about her cat that she needs to tell immediately - an absolute sweetheart - always roots for the underdog - smiles a lot and giggles a lot male ISFJ: - a popular yet genuinely nice guy back in high school who, for whatever reason, nominated me to become our class representative and convinced other people to vote for me (the quiet invisible person). And I won? Against the ENTJ I talked about above? I don’t know how. Or why. No matter how much time passes, I’m still so confused about this. - smiles every time he happens to meet a person he knows - I remember how sweet he was to his girlfriend in 9th grade and how they held hands sitting next to each other in class

ESFJ: - spends half of her life talking with shining eyes about every child she knows - judges people for not thinking she is the centre of the universe - overprotective hen - makes you take that sweater with you because “it could be cold outside some time today” when it’s hot as hell - makes all of the 12 people present talk a foreign language if her friend doesn’t speak their native language very well - always means well, but in doing so, she brings everyone close to her in awkward or embarrassing situations without noticing - can’t directly tell someone that she doesn’t like something, so she waits until her spouse or children are out of earshot for a minute and says that they are the ones who don’t like it even if they do

ISTP: - extremely stubborn and independent on the outside - yet thinks of so many nice little things to do for other people, but would never admit that he’s doing nice things for them, so he invents ridiculous reasons to cover up his true intentions - becomes awkward and restless after he did such a nice thing for someone and didn’t get a positive reaction immediately, but is so obviously relieved once he gets that positive reaction (but still denies that he did it for them of course) - very good cook - denies that he has any emotions, but as soon as a slightly bad thing happens you see him struggling internally

ESTP: - the class clown - makes inappropriate jokes - craves to be liked by people but would never admit it - makes fun of you until you fight back, then suddenly turns into your biggest supporter - a very nice person once he finished school and was out of that toxic environment of peer pressure - travelled the world after graduating

ISFP: female ISFP: - dances weirdly in public and doesn’t care one bit - pretends to be drunk women’s friend in order to protect them from creeps - takes the train at midnight to go eat fries in another town because she just felt like it - too cool for you - writes a comment under any photo I post saying that I’m cool, and then she comments from another account under that same photo, tagging her other account how right she is - has a whole arsenal of inappropriate jokes and shoots them all out in the most embarrassing situations - can be absolutely ruthlessly sarcastic male ISFP: - the only guy I’ve ever met who openly says that his favourite movie is a very kitschy movie and then recommends you some other good romantic movies (honestly, his taste in movies is amazing) - said he can’t wait for the day that he graduates from university so that he can finally move up north to his girlfriend, no matter if he doesn’t find a job there and might have to work as a taxi driver or something

ESFP: - the most emotional person on this Earth and unafraid to show it - very open, very nice, very funny and very pretty, so it’s no surprise that 90% of the guys she gets romantically close to treat her like a bag of dirt because they think she’s “easy” until they get to know her and say she’s “too high-maintenance” - makes you feel more alive than you’ve ever been and makes you laugh harder than you ever have - has an inferior Ni induced existential crisis every other week - socially capable as hell but scared as hell of socialising - likes talking about herself a lot, but is also a good listener - more stylish than you will ever be - Person: “Hey, we should totally meet up tomorrow!” ESFP: “Yeah! Looking forward to it!” ESFP to a friend, 5min later: “Oh my god, why did I say that, I don’t want to meet them, oh my god, what should I do?” and is too scared of hurting their feelings so she doesn’t cancel the meet-up and just stays home wallowing in her bad conscience

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alan-and-suzi · 4 years

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Sunday 6th September 2020

We went to Rockies Bar, Playa Flamenca to meet a friend....

Well, a funny old week. Last weekend we were awake a lot of Saturday night, I couldn’t sleep because the neighbours were playing salsa music (very quietly) until all hours. They had been playing it loudly for a couple of hours early evening and it got both of us completely wound up. By the time we went to bed it was quieter but I had got myself in a state, everything was bad! We were thinking of moving, soundproofing the bedroom, you name it and we thought of it. So on Sunday we were pretty tired and washed out. We lounged around, looking at Rightmove, looking at noisy neighbour forums etc etc. We had a film matinee afternoon, with wine, watched two excellent films: ‘Whatever happened to Baby Jane’ and ‘Where Eagles Dare’.

Monday I fired off an email to our builders about soundproofing the bedroom, they’re coming next week for other jobs so will have a look. I also sent emails to Rascals, Jill, Crazy Ladies and Maria saying we were both resigning from Rascals and would not be coming any more. Cue loads of emails from people we like there saying how sad they were etc. Jill tried to make out it was nothing to,do with her and Dave phoned, quite upset hoping it wasn’t anything him and Pat had said (it wasn’t). I just felt relieved that I no longer had to do it all on my own and no longer had to put up with Jill being negative and mean. I phoned up Pink Ladies, a cancer group who refer you for a mammogram and smear test, and arranged to call in and see them, I don’t have any problems but it’s two years since I had them done.

Tuesday Alan went to Iceland and we both went to Spa, nicely stocked up for a week or two. We tried to change HSBC address online but failed miserably, ended up sending them an email. RBS I had to write a letter to, in this day and age, how outdated is that? Then we had to walk down to the post office to send it off. I WhatsApped Liz to let her know she shouldn’t be getting any more mail for us, we’ve been a nuisance for long enough, she always seems to be so busy with family etc.

Wednesday Alan had a brief chat with our neighbour over the fence, just exchanging names and pleasantries, part of our plan to get to know them a bit better and then mention the noise if it happens again. I emailed Studio 32 to ask about joining them, they meet in San Luis for rehearsals and they have quite a lot of ex Rascal members, in fact they were started by ex Rascals who fell out with Jill.

Thursday we got a taxi to Pink Ladies office at Playa Flamenca where I had to fill out lots of forms for my test referral. They were very pleasant, English ladies, and told me the clinic is in Torrevieja behind Habaneras (so only a bus ride) and the staff all speak English. While there we bought four books, two each as they have a charity shop attached. After that we walked a short way to Rockys Bar and met one of the Rascals, Mo, for a drink. We had a nice chat and I mentioned to her that if Jill retires (as she is suggesting) I would be happy to take over....I’m sure Mo will pass this information along. We had an Amazon delivery of more flavour sachets for the Sodastream, they are yummy just in still water so I am making up bottles of them to keep in the fridge.

Friday we had a bottle of wine and a film night, watched a brilliant Agatha Christie film, ‘The Witness for the Prosecution’ we both rated it highly. I contacted a U3A lady who runs a group doing Intermediate Spanish but she does it by Zoom and we want to socialise and learn, so not for us. We had a message from Dawn and Ernie to say they think they’ll be here from mid September for two or three months. It will be good to see them, I feel a bit like Suzi no mates at the moment.

Saturday was cleaning and mopping day, nothing very exciting happened. Appointments came through for my tests, 21st September and 27th October which is OK. Also an email from U3A, they have a different venue for their meeting, Torrevieja council are not opening the CMA building yet so it will be held at Hi-Life which is at Punta Prima, we’ve been there before to quiz nights.

Sunday we had a lazy morning, reading the news online, catching up with social media ad and reading our books. After lunch we shared a bottle of wine and watched two films, this is definitely becoming a (good) habit. Today it was The Illusionist and Gloria Bell....both very good films, we both really liked them.

All week we have been sticking to our diet, still losing weight successfully and without too much pain. Still doing Mr M twice a day, although we missed it Thursday morning when we went to Playa Flamenca. Alan has been writing every afternoon, he is working on refining short story number three. He sent off his poem to Writers Digest. I have been reading, knitting four rows a day, keeping social media going, answering emails, WhatsApping people and playing a card game. Yesterday I started on the tie project and am feeling quite enthusiastic about it.

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upwiththegood · 4 years

Text

16th May 2020 Newsletter

Maidstone Stroke Group

June Newsletter 2020

OUR THANKS TO THE N.H.S.

The maidstone stroke groups stroke survivors, familys, friends would

like to say a huge THANK YOU to our N.H.S. Firstly for saving our lives

after stroke and for the hard work they are doing for everyone with this

covid 19 virus and as is said time and time again continue to putt there

lives on the line for us all THANKYOU.

The maidstone stroke group.

THOSE WERE THE DAYS MY FRIEND

I'm normally a social girl

I love to meet my mates

but lately with the virus here

we can't go out the gates.

You see, we are 'oldies' now

we need to stay inside

If they haven't seen us for a while

they'll think we've upped and died.

They'll never know the things we did

before we got this old

there wasn't any facebook

so not everything was told.

We may seem sweet old ladies

who would never be uncouth

but we grew up in the 60s -

If you only knew the truth!

There was sex and drugs and rock 'n roll

the pill and miniskirts

we smoked, we drank, we partied

and were quite outrageous flirts.

Then we settled down, got married

and turned into someone's mum,

somebody's wife, then nana,

who on earth did we become ?

We didn't mind the change of pace

because our lives were full

but to bury us before we're dead

is like red rag to a bull!

So here you find me stuck inside

for 4 weeks, maybe more

I finally found myself again

then I had to close the door!

It didnt really bother me

I'd while away the hour

I'd bake for all the family

but I've got no flaming flour !

Now netflix is just wonderful

I like a gutsy thriller

I'm swooning over Idris

or some random sexy killer.

At least I've got a stash of booze

for when I'm being idle

There's wine and whiskey, even gin

if I'm feeling suicidal!

So lets all drink to lockdown

to recovery and health

and hope this awful virus

Doesn't decimate our wealth.

We'll all get through the crisis

and be back to join our mates

just hoping I'm not far too wide

to fit through the flaming gates!

How relevent is this poem and thankyou to lee savage for finding this

poem and asking if we would include in our newsletter. I thought what

an excellent idea as this pandemic is all doom and gloom, and this is

just the sort of thing that would cheer all those that read the poem up.

So thanks to lee for finding the poem and Pam Ayres for writing it.

article sent by lee written by pam ayres.

MORRISONS

Morrisons have just launched a new delivery service for vunerable people. Its telephone service to help vunerable and elderly customers to enable them to phone up and select their shopping from a list of 47 essential items. It includes

milk, butter, eggs, potatos, pasta, bananas, cornflakes and flour to help support the new service, they have invested in a fleet of delivery vans and one for everyone of its 494 stores. All that one has to do is dial! 0345 611 6111 and select option 5 and place your order. It'll take 24 hours to process your order and payment for goods will be taken through a contactless card by the delivery driver, so please have it ready. The shopping list available is very comprehensive and includes most of the essentials needed to have a varied diet

happy daze.

Article by richard.

Johns Notice Board.

1. The lastest news in the covid – 19 pandemic is that as of weds 13th may, we can if we choose and feel safe by doing so meet one other person to socialise, in perhaps a park for instance and keeping the social distancing rules in mind. This is phase 1.If we get to phase 3 ( early part of july ) without the pandemic taking an upturn, then we could see some social establishments re-opening for smaller gatherings for a coffee etc. FINGERS CROSSED.

2. As you know some of our group should have been going to bournemouth on fri 15th may. The latest information on our paid deposits of £45 p.p. Are as follows: shearings are possibly about to go into administration, they need to find a backer or buyer and they have some extended time to do that. Meanwhile we have rescheduled to next year, however at the moment they are issuing credit vouchers that are valid until 31st july. After such time we can get into negotiations with them on how to move forward or possible refund ( although I would say that's unlikely ) as I belong to a social media group that are set up to challenge shearings.

3. Re: Dog & Duck booked for weds 26th august, my best guess is, this may be a bit early ( as far as covid 19 is concerned ) to work out to be a viable proposistion and would be difficult to social distance ( doing the tango with diane 2metres apart just wouldn't work ). However I have had a look at the lottery funding prepaid mastercard we have been given and it is valid up to 01/23, so alls not lost and we can always reschedule.

4. Some good news on our fundraising with Waitrose, in their, community matters scheme ( store tokens ), we were nominated for their April 2020 collection at Kings hill branch, and they have collected £166 for our group, we are delighted and truly thank them.

5. I am told by bobs daughter emma that the parkfoot garage in west malling its on the london road, which also has groceries, an excellent butchers, bakery etc. You can phone the spar shop on 01732 840000 or email to order and arrange a time to drive and collect and its put in the boot of your car, no contact, hassle free, and peter fenton says the pork and leek also pork and apple sausages are rather nice.

6. I wrote a little notelet to marie to see how she was, and she phoned to say that since november she had been in hospital a couple of times, and was not feeling in the best of health and had a couple of falls and broken her teapot and other items of crockery.She has a family member pop round occasionaly and also the company INVOLVE I believe look in occasionaly. Richard has since onversed with her as well.

7. Joan mount has now moved from allington into friars court ( sheltered retirement housing ) in maidstone where Gerry and chris kirrage, friend sue ( who comes to the group ) lives with chris's mum.

8. Its good to hear that most of you are in contact with other group members in some way and it keeps the momentum of the group alive although we cant physically meet, keep it up!

BIRTHDAYS.

June 6th ---- Kathy Ritchie. D Day

June 14th --- Barry Walker.

MEETINGS.

T.B.A.

Newsletter compiled by peter fenton and john ward.

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iamtheunivers · 4 years

Text

Fuck, i sit here as i thought i finally felt some inspiration, to finally fuckin write something, to be able to create anything at all, even if its tragic.

But no, nothing, my mind feels dark, empty but at the same time so full, full of nothing, well nothing that matters at least, or maybe it does i don’t even know right now.

i feel like me and my mind are 2 different people right now fighting for the same vessel.

i can’t think further than anything physical right now, no imagination, no thoughts about life, just thoughts about what I’m usually doing in the exact moment I’m in.

ironically though I’m managing to write this down, guess its working, at least something. even if it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe not everything has to have a deeper meaning, maybe somethings just are.

the only time where my mind feels like its doing anything is when I’m dreaming, fuck my dreams have been crazy these past few weeks but i can’t remember them at all, just that they were all good, sometimes intense and weird but no nightmares at least, quite fuckin surprising actually considering the state of mind I’ve been in. i only remember a few faces. of people that i know, but that i haven’t seen in a while, maybe my brains tryna tell me I’m longing for something or someone.

maybe I’m lonely, but i don’t feel lonely, i don’t feel anything actually, i feel nothing, but that’s been happening for a while, about a year or 2 now, sure i feel moments, but i have no lasting feelings, not any real emotions at least, i feel joy in the moment but it usually lasts like 2 seconds then its gone, i know they say happiness is fleeting, but how can it be fleeting if i don’t feel it at all, no happiness, no anger, no sadness, no love. its like I’m cursed with thinking clearly all the time, except when I’m drunk, i make the worst fuckin decisions when I’m drunk, i should stop drinking, I’m a terrible drunk. a few people can testify for this. but its so difficult to stop drinking, especially in this city its the only thing to do, although i guess i don’t have to get fuckin wrecked every time i go for some drinks, maybe i do it to feel even the slightest bit of emotion, but that sounds like making an excuse for my actions, and my momma raised me to take responsibility for my own fuck ups, so i can’t blame it on the alcohol.

Lost track a lil bit there. But seriously right now id do anything to feel something. before i guess i stopped feeling emotions anymore, the biggest emotion that took up most of my soul was a hatred of sorts but not a hatred filled with rage, it was a constant, undying, background hatred, for myself. the other emotions came and passed in front of that, but that was always there no matter what, in the end it became almost a friend, i actually wrote a poem about it a while back, it became like a friend because i was so familiar with it. kinda weird that i can put it into an image, give it life almost, probably the worst thing to do, because it almost killed me, well i almost killed me.

i figured the only way to get rid of it was to get rid of myself, because it was inside me, and it started to affect those around me, like a poison or a virus is started to spread. i tried everything it wouldn’t fuckin leave, everyday i woke up i just wanted to die, always hoping that i don’t wake up again. so i tried, but clearly i was too much of a dumbass to do that properly because i just took a shitload of different pills, turns out i just fuckin slept long as shit and I guess I’m immune to medication, maybe because I’ve been taking it all my life. guess it kinda did some good though, in a way, i figured out i was just making excuses again, by separating this hatred for myself and making it something else in my mind, when the truth was, it was me, all me. but even then, at least i felt some shit you know. at least i felt something, anything. maybe after that my mind and souls way of protecting myself was by pushing away my mentions and hiding them from me so i don’t get consumed by my emotions like i did then, because fuck i used to feel emotions with 100% so much so that i couldn’t handle that shit, they just took over and i couldn’t think clearly at all. now its the opposite. yeah i love my friends and family and shit, but it doesn’t feel like love you know, it just feels like loyalty which i wouldn’t technically call an emotion. i do care about em all though, love my mama though. that shits undying. but its different, it doesn’t feel different because I’ve had that love for my mom, since before i even knew about love. but shit, you don’t understand how i wish i could develop even such simple feelings like for a girl. over the passed couple of years I’ve had a few encounters with some beautiful and amazing women, women that were so beautiful on the outside and had the most beautiful personalities with the kindest souls, and treated me so well. but i had no feelings, nothing, even though i know i should’ve fallen madly in love with a few of em there was nothing, damn the last time i remember having real ass feelings for a girl, shit it was like 2017 ion know. it ain’t like i don’t care about these girls i come across, i do, even if it is just for one night or a week, the longest i had was about a month and we only saw each other like once a week, i cared i just didn’t wanna see em, not because i was scared to develop feelings, (that was the excuse i told myself, and them) i just couldn’t develop feelings. so there was no point for me to stay.

what’s wrong with me? it seems like such a simple question, but actually its the most complicated, because the only one which can answer that question, is me, and i don’t have a fuckin clue.

sometimes i feel like I’m dead inside, the only time i get close to feeling some shit really, is when I’m just chilling listening to music, so i do that as much as i possibly can, almost all the time, its really what’s been keeping me going, around the end of 2019 and the whole of january of 2020 i spent no fuckin time alone. always been with people socialising and shit, which kinda helped because i forgot about what’s going on in my brain (or rather what’s not going on in my brain)

so i didn’t have to spend too much time alone with myself which felt good.

i have a weird relationship with myself, sometimes the only company i want is that of my own, other times I’m my own worst enemy ( most of the time actually) and other times even though I feel like I’m destroying myself slowly from inside the more I’m alone with myself, ill still choose to be alone with myself, because most of the time, being with people, and being with myself feels the same, because i feel nothing. just Numb.

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survivorelara · 6 years

Text

Episode #1: “So thank you Gods and Goddesses.” -Ci’ere

three people on this tribe are 100% pros they have mangastars as their pfp im scared

Okay, this is my second time typing this because I accidentally deleted the first attempt ASDF. Hello every1 out there 👽 I'm so thrilled to be playing Elara because I know that the hosts are going to make this an awesome experience! We began our journey about an hour & a half ago, but something tremendous has already occured... I happened to snatch the Zosma idol on my first guess! Something about the placement of the 39th star spoke to me & luck was definitely on my side, so thank you celestial gods and goddesses! I’m kind of wondering if the idol locations & the iconic phrase “18 people, 39 days, 1 Survivor” have any correlation. Hmm. :O Even though I have some power to fall back on now, I don’t wanna have to rely on the idol to save myself so I’m stepping up to the plate socially to hopefully solidify myself in this group. I was hyped before, but this hype train has went through the ceiling!

Not only am I in this game with like many other Facebook ORGers.... I'm the least popular of them all. Like I see Emma, Ci'ere, Andrea and Toby... like they have a good friend group and people generally like them. Me on the other hand, I get easily annoyed with certain people and groups within this community and I have been told that I am a rainy and dark cloud. I mean, LOVE the comparison... but when you're in a "scavenger hunt" and one of the things is to get 50 reactions on a post and I average about 5-6... it ain't looking good for this bitch. And ITS ONLY DAY 1.

Great question. I am trying to figure that out. I realize not knowing discord puts me at s disadvantage. Let’s hope we win till I can figure it out.

Well I like this tribe, I'm feeling good about things at the moment, I've talked to loris, Andreaa, and John who I had a prior relationship with. They all seem nice enough. I'm hoping to make more connections with people in the near future, because with only 6 people on the tribe I need to make ABSOLUTE sure I'm in the numbers.

I'm such a flop, I did almost all my voice recordings on my phone while I accidentally left voice chat on. My Computer Mic isn't great and it was only for a little while, nobody said anything, so I don't know if anybody caught anything I might have said for the challenge, but the worst thing that might have been caught was my statement about Dani

We're approaching the end of Day 1 and I don't think I've made much progress with anyone other than John... this tribe is very quiet, and I don't know if that's due to many different timezones, or inactivity, or what have you. Regardless I'm a little worried about this challenge, but hopefully a win can be pulled out.

Its so quiet dawg

ok i love selfie scavenger hunts so this challenge is great. as for my tribe mates, roxy and i are in F6 in atomic together, so thats a interesting. Drew H was in that season and like. i have no idea what our relationship is going to be like ydgfs. the only person who I haven't talked to at all is Odd. i should get on that

Oh these motherfuckers think they got me found. They think they know me. Expect drama.

My tribe is ducking stacked with people I like so this is hot hopefully we can get this scav hunt done and get max point WEW

Well. I’m doing another one. Do I have the time? Nope! Is this a good idea? No ma’am/sir. But I’m doing it anyway. This is an...interesting tribe for me to be on. I have my one true love, Sam Drachus, and a tribe of people that probably don’t know he’s my husband. Of course, a pregame relationship never equates to an ingame relationship necessarily, so I will not rest in my socialisation (especially given I will have ass for physical game for a while). Louise I’ve hosted twice, Ci’ere I’ve hosted and played with. Dani and Brian I don’t really know properly but they seem very inactive. I am quite sure we will lose this challenge, but hopefully I can be active and bond-build enough to be Victorious!!

i hate this challenge because im so lazy

hi!! so my social game is going pretty good so far, i'm v tight with andrea, emma and i said we don't want each other to go, john's an icon and i like talking to zach. kori doesn't talk a lot so he'll probably be an ez boot. also i think im gonna end up with the most points for our immunity so that'll probably let me be spared if we do end up losing :)))). ALSO,,,,,,,,, i found the legacy advantage bc i clicked on seamus' manga on the tumblr?? of course they hid it behind the ugly one... no one looks there.

So our first challenge is a cute scavenger hunt & one of the 10 point items is getting 50 likes on a FB post. When I initially made the post, only a few people reacted to it so I knew I was going to have to do something drastic in order to get more people’s attention. I stole Nicki Minaj’s brand & started running KWEENT (6 letters Jack :p) Radio! I put in a lot of work to get people to help me out, but I also wanted to have fun with it & in the end it paid off. I’mma bit worried however since only Louise, Sam & I have made contributions to the challenge thus far. We don’t have that much time left & there’s still three empty columns... I’ve been talking a lot to Dani who I find I probably relate to the most. They made it pretty far in the actual Survivor casting process & they have also been talking to Sam. Sam is so nice & has that straight male humor, YEET. Louise is obviously a kween & we’ve played together before so I think I could work something out with her? Toby’s timezone & schedule is tough to work through, but I think I might be able to charm him up hehe. Brian is the only person that hasn’t shown any sign of life so I’ve been pushing for him, but of course he shows up now ASDFG.

Did so many challenges but have trouble uploading to gdoc

Anxiety is a bitch. Like I already have alot of it due to work and school, but for us to be submitting things for the scavenger hunt last minute... that made my heart quicken a bit more than needed. ESPECIALLY if your video links for the video portion of the hunt DON'T WORK. Like wth ODD? Like if you're gonna submit late.. like at least check the damn links so you can actually win the points for the videos that you are submitting. OH AND IN OTHER WORDS. I didn't think Jack was gonna view my poem to him. And he watched it. I have no words. Like let me die of embarrassment because I am flummoxed with a straight man once again in my life. ALL FOR 6 MEASLY POINTS IN A GAME! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

That's so FETCH! Even with Odd's bumbling incapabilities, he can make us get a narrow win for reward! Maybe my frustrations were misplaced with him! But I am glad that I will not be the first boot and get to stay here for another 3 days or so! Pumped!

well just as i thought,,, TRASH this tribe has good people that i like but apart from ci'ere CHILEEEEEEE we sucked so bad we didn't deserve to win. I think it's brian that's going tbh he wasn't active till the last 4? hours of the comp and people have already said if we lose it's him so yikes guess that's what is happening.

we won the challenge which is actually surprising. Odd's links didn't work but if they did I would've had the lowest score. I was gonna do so much more but my phone won't charge !! and i went to a college fair ok. I love how i said i was good at comps during my live interview. i swear im not a liar hosts

Woo we won, I put a fair amount of work in, so I'm glad we got results... unfortunately it didn't REALLY matter because of how badly the losing tribe did.

I think I have a decent shot of making a 4-person alliance with John, Andrea, and Loris. Hopefully I can get that going through. Emma is LIKELY the weak link on the tribe, which is fine by me she has yet to talk to me really, so I'd have no qualms voting her out.

I have a funny story. I spent a half hour walking and looking for a license plate with ce on it. I had to use scooter plates. Half the cars only have one letter. When I finally found the plate parked in front of a restaurant . I got on one knee to take the pic. It was night so flash went out. A guy came out and demanded I delete the photo. Not kidding. He was not happy. I couldn’t explain what I was doing. I deleted it. He drove away. I was really bummed. So I got on my motorcycle and drove to the university where I knew there were hundreds of scooters. I slowly drove while looking on both sides of the parking lot. I must of looked at more than 500 plates. Finally I found one. Guess what? It was the same scooter from earlier. This time the guy not around. I was still really nervous like I was breaking the law. When the flash went off I was waiting for the guy to start running at me. He didn’t. Success.

Well, I'm a bit scared. Apparently, Sam has already found something? Or someone has... Item 39 purportedly received the "There was something there, but isn't anymore" treatment, which is Scary AF! Like, if someone has an idol THIS early in the game...if I got idol'd out THIS early in the game!!

But, I suspect that whatever was hidden in Position 39 was not, in fact, an idol, but was rather some clue or aspect to the idol system. 50 possibilities isn't enough of a competition space for an idol search, right? I mean, I bloody hope so because the alternative is that a Zosma idol is already flying around at the literal first tribal council and, man, I don't need that paranoia right now.

Winning this challenge was way easier than I expected, I figure some inactive is about to die on the other tribe so no worries there. I had a blast this thing is gonna be a fun time if the challenges continue to be similar to this.

Well it's day 2, John and Andreaa seem on board for an alliance, now all I need is to hear what Loris thinks and if he seems on board, I've got my 4-some right there. Which'll leave Emma and Big Z on the outs. Which is fine, we could even split the votes in case of an idol if we felt like it.

But I can't afford to get too comfortable, players can be real snakes and I can't let myself be too trusting. I just have to work on being super relateable and someone people feel comfortable talking to.

I just hope I didn't start "talking game" too early…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onr3BoPGJzA

I guess I cast assess now! Loris: he is a mood and playing hard but he likes me so for now we r gucci. He is super fun to talk to and we share idol guesses so hes aight! I dont want to work long term with him. Kori: Yikes. He's super inactive but he was like i like u lets form an alliance so ofc I'm like ok. He left me on read on the first day and randomly offered and im like k wyd i wasnt born yesterday Emma: Queen? I knew her before this we used to be married until she deactivated and I divorced her but like that literally not even the point. Shes kinda inactive and very on the bottom besides Kori so I'm hoping I can convince Loris to keep her if we go to tribal twice. Big Z: Ok I have never met him before now but OMG ive heard so much about him AND I LOVE HIM!!! I get the hype and then some. I wish we talked more. I 100% would not vote him or Emma out rn. John: he's cool! I havent talked to him too much but were in an alliance Basically im really happy we won LMAO. I am in an alliance I have no plans of following through with. life is interesting. I may just go off the rails. I am predicting Brian goes home because Zosma is a facebook clusterfuck right now.

I’m winning this org... I’m in a silly alliance with kori Andrea and John that I’m not gonna take seriously but kori probably will... me and Andrea are rlly good allies and I have the legacy??? give me my money

We lost the challenge by a landslide. https://tenor.com/view/davonne-rogers-pretends-to-be-gif-6175133

Zosma was 400+ points behind the other tribes so they really did snatch us huh. I’m happy to hear that they’re active though unlike some of my tribemates for the past two days l m a o. I scored more than half of our aggregate, so I think I should be set to survive this vote.

Toby wants to share idol info and I can’t decline that so I gave him fake receipts hehe. He also stated that I’m the person he’s connected to the most. Sam says that I’m easy to talk to as well, so I think my social game is going pretty well at the moment!

Sam wants to vote for anybody that isn’t him & he also said he loved me 😳 L i s t e n: love is a BIG word (to me at least) & you can’t just throw it out to anyone & their mother, Sam. Louise is in the same mindset as myself as she’s talked to Toby/Dani more than Brian so let’s just snipe Brian right? Well, Toby comes to me after scoring 0 & says he has a “gut feeling” that we should vote out Dani because Brian is preoccupied with Mount Olympus. Does that make any sense? We just lost the challenge by an extremely large margin & you want to keep the person that doesn’t prioritize this game? Go to sleep Toby, you’re drunk. I guess it’s hard to judge who will be more active since it’s only round uno. Dani was present, but only sent in one thing…& Brian had internet problems. I had a great conversation with Dani the first day, but it’s day three now. Should I stick my neck out for him? I told Toby what he wanted to hear because it was 3AM for him & he wanted to sleep, but there’s still a lot of time left & I want Brian dead.

I need to talk to people more often hn

I mean this vote is as simple as it gets, it's basically a battle of which inactive should we kick. Most votes seem to be going on brian, which I do feel bad about cuz I love him in mount Olympus and feel he could easily be a number to drag. but at the same time he's been so inactive to the point where he'll probs just die at a swap or something. I feel bad for toby since he already voted dani but im sure he'd understand with all the timezone differences, I would like dani to go but if brian stayed, we would probs lose again then he would just leave so rip

Hi!! It's me john coffey!!! So I love the theme of my tribe being like the emotional players and I love the vibe of all my tribemates. However I know that the emotional players are also sometimes the messiest players because I forsure fall into that category sometimes!! So far I have just been trying to chill tf out and get to know people, and use the scavenger hunt to show that I really want to be here. I may not have as much to offer in future tribe challenges so I like being able to use scavenger hunts to really go ham. I got the highest score on our tribe and I think the second highest behind Roxy so woo! Now let's move on to my fellow tribe mates. Kori - the only person I was familiar with going into this game. I played with him in my most recent game where he witnessed me win. We had a good bond the entire game but he also voted for me when he thought I was the majority vote, setting aside any connection I had made with him, so that is always kinda going to be on my mind in this game. But as of now he is the person I trust the most. Andrea - I LOVE her! We bonded quickly over being messes so that's always fun. I could see myself growing close with her in this game. Loris- I really like him, I always like British guys LOL it's been kinda difficult getting to talk to him at a time that works for both of us but I really like him so far Emma- she hosted me a few years ago though I didn't know it was her at first, I like her but haven talked to her as much as the others Big z - I like him though we haven't talked too much but I immediately see him as my biggest threat at this point. Just something about him idk.

As far as other tribe members go - drew Heuser is one of my favorite people to have played orgs with. He was the reason I was first boot in my first Tumblr game but has remained a dear friend of mine ever since. I met him in person and he's the besssst. If I have a chance to play with him I'm excited to see what the outcome will be.

https://youtu.be/TfQ4Xmeb2J8

Brian is voted out 5-1.

#episode #flyinghigh

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