#not enough mobney...... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

comiiical · 3 years

Text

epitome of abuse that’s been lingering for days:

My mother: “I want you to buy me this. I have been wanting it for months.I need it.” Me: “It does the same thing than those other two things that you’ve been no longer using in days. Same exact thing, but better.” My mother: “But I need it. you hav no problem asking me to pay yuou 14 euros a month, but this which is just ten euros is a problem?” Me: “No. I’ts a problem because you are not going to be given that. You either pay it whole or can’t have it. You cannot ask for that because you are not financially safe for anyone. Not even them.”

My mother: “Then make yourself pass for your brother and do it like you did the other thing.” Me: “That was through the internet. I was not making myself pass for him. We asked him, he said yes, I ordered it with his data and his phone and his permission.” Me mother: “You just don’t want to do it.”

Today:

Her: “I want this and it’d be helpful and I need it and it’s just 10 euros but your brother is so stupid he doesn’t want to pretend to be you to ask for it.” Him: “Let him do it. Hey, do it.” me: “I am not going to make myself pass for anyone. No. Not ever. No.” Him: “Then don’t buy him anything until he does it.” Me: “then buy me nothing. Not even food. I am not going to do it.” Him: “Yeah sure. Do it.” Me: “No.” *screams and yells and fight* Him: “Give me the phone, I’ll do it.” Me: sends him the phone number and the name through whatsapp. It’s an expensive line. “Why are you using your phone? It’s expensive.” him: “I have free calls.. I have free calls. I have free calls.” *screaming louder and louder and louder and louder as if I was saying something bad* Me: screaming to make myself heard “You have free calls, YES, but not to those type of numbers. Those have a special tax and last time you ignored me we paid 100 euros just for your fucking bill,”

Him: “BUT I DON’T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO USE THAT PHONE”

Me: THERE HAVE IT

Her: “You get exalted too fast, you cannot get mad ay anything. He’s everyday working and you’re here 24 hours connected to the net. Let him have his time!” Me: “Oh yes, don’t worry. I’ll turn it off and sleep and do nothing.”

Him: “Then FUCKING FIND A JOB”

HOW. ON EARTH. AM I GOING TO FIND A JOB?! I am at home because

She cannot take care of our Dog.

She cannot cook anymore because she doesn’t know how to use anything

She barely did anything in hte house other than taking care of my father when my father was alive. I did everything else, moment i had to quit studying.

I quit before because i am treated as such fifth class citizen that for a week i got 10 fucking euros while my brothers got 60. Not having ENOUGH MOBNEY to attend to class caused me fear of being left abandoned. That deepending my agoraphobia and social phobia. Made me feel inadecuate and like shit. Needed therapy, that I was refused to because my shrink thought “It didn’t matter to me” so she gave me meds and just meds.

I’ve survived 2 heart attacks in less than 10 years. both of which were caused by stress relating to PAYMENTS that weren’t done in MY FAVOR. because I am the one that gets them the last. ALL the. FUCKING. time. Well, not the second. The second was because everyone EVERYONE was ditching all of my father’s belongings: his best friends, my brothers, but me? Not me. I didn’t get a thing. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing for me. BEcause why? Oh, yeah, his most recent clothes. That’s what I was left to me. Yes.... great. Not enough source of stress, is it?

I live on a constant basis of “What’s there to eat?” asked and tasked to me. Because thy can’t cooking. I’m the motherfucking Houseson of this house. The motherfucking houseson because if i was the househusband I’d be married.

All in all. After I come to the bedroom to recollect my thoughts. Calm my anxiety and the need to jump off my window or take a knife through my neck.

Her: “WHAT ABOUT THE DINNER!? IT?S TIME FOR DINNER PUT THE FUCKING DINNER”

And of course. I have to comply ^^

I have to set the table, serve the food, prepare it all. then clean it. then worry tomorrow that we have something to eat.

because that’s my function.

I’m a fucking servant in this house.

But then: “why don’t you find a job?”

Well. Maybe because humanity has proved me over and over again that I am someone to be used and misused and mistreat. To be insulted, spit on. To be thrown in front of a car and then held while laughing “hahaha it was just a scare!” to be thrown in front of a train, “come on move fast! low that fat ass! HAHAHA!”.

Yes. Sure. I can leave this house.

I can find a job.

I can make social connections with people.

Fuck you. Life.

Fuck you.

#rant #suicide cw #self harm cw #abuse cw #long post

0 notes