the choice between Edward & Jacob is not a question of which relationship is healthier or which partner is best suitable for Bella. neither is correct. neither is best. neither produces a happy ending for Bella. at the end of the day this is still a vampire novel. any choice Bella could make would yield, at best, a bittersweet happily ever after.
if she chooses Edward, she gets the terrifying Breaking Dawn ending: a girl who rejected her call to grow up has hung her love & her eternity on an emotionally stunted partner who hates himself marginally less than he loves her. she's a teen mom with a kid she never wanted who perpetuates the generational trauma passed down from her parents. by keeping this child, the Cullens have set the stage for an uprising/cold war against the Volturi who are likely to take revenge in order to maintain power. Bella is living in a tenuous "dream come true" wrapped in a nightmare & doesn't realize it.
choosing Jacob is the true coming-of-age ending that rips the stitches out of a wound that never fully healed. even if we ignore the fact that she ends up with a man who sexually assaulted her (we must bear in mind Jacob's character is influenced by smeyer's racism, but it did happen), they can't have a secure romantic relationship. based on the high imprinting rate of the pack, Jacob will likely find his imprint in his lifetime & will lose himself to the imprintee. he will no longer be her Jacob. he will inevitably abandon her (whether he wants to or not), & she must reconcile with the reality that she will always be inadequate to Jacob's imprint. & say he never manages to escape the vampires? he will presumably not age for a long time, meaning the relationship Bella always feared with Edward (her being an old grandmother while he stays forever young) remains a possibility. this is the story of a girl who slaps a Band Aid on an open wound & calls herself healed while flinching every time she sees the shadow of the knife that cut her.
if she chooses neither (team therapy), her healing requires her to lose or be at least partially disconnected from everyone she cares about. Bella must spend the rest of her life shut out from one world while never fully existing in her human world ever again. she must always keep secrets. she can never go back home. even in the unlikely event that she manages to escape the Volturi, the threat of being hunted by vampires will never leave her. in addition, she must face her worst fears (aging, losing Edward) while always keeping in mind the immortal life that could have been hers, if only.
even the "healthiest" option produces scars that will never quite heal.
Twilight is a horror. Twilight is a vampire novel. Twilight is gothic. Twilight is fiction. neither Edward nor Jacob is a "bad" choice because neither will give Bella her happily ever after. the choice between Edward & Jacob is simply a matter of which horror story you prefer to read.
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It’s definitely not halfway through the year and I’m definitely not concerned about it (/s) but anyway @librarycarrd tagged me so here are my Favorite Books So Far. Cheated a bit with Detransition Baby because I’m 2/3s through but hey why deny what’s obviously true. And not for lack of options! It clearly outshone anything else I could’ve put there.
Left to right, top to bottom:
Confessions of the Fox by Jordy Rosenberg
Lanternfish Press’s 2019 edition of Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu, featuring footnotes and an introduction from Carmen Maria Machado
People Love Dead Jews by Dara Horn
Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Nona the Ninth (ARC) by Tamsyn Muir
Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters
Theft by Finding (the ‘77-’02 diaries of David Sedaris)
Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris
Tagging: @lazarusemma @fluoresensitive @butchniqabi @furiousfinnstan @pleuvoire @maslowshierarchyofweeds @transillidan @3by7 @shrumpo @cammysashimi @barrowdowns @ceecil and seriously WHOEVER wants to show me their books I would LOVE to see your books I will NEVER say no to seeing your books please show me your books. No pressure (●´ω`●)
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#but the actually fun reason is i've finally gotten to working on the costume i've been trying to put together for like two years now#the great part is i get a cool outfit out of it#the time consuming part is that i'm making myself sew EVERYTHING by hand including the seams for the sake of authenticity
I would LOVE to hear about this if you'd want to talk about it?? I love sewing by hand (even if it takes forever)! Would you be willing to share pictures?
Oh wow, thanks for asking about this! I can never be sure how many of my followers are reading the tags, so it’s cool to know that you are. And I’ve been keeping this costume a secret for a while, so I’m excited to ramble a bit about it.
Okay so. A couple of years ago I decided I wanted to try making a costume based off something I’d drawn, and I also wanted a Silmarillion costume, so I’m doing both at the same time and making the gold-hemmed green tunic that I’ve drawn Beleg in a few times. It’s about half done at the moment, but I finally got the sleeves to sit right (only took me four days, RIP; as I said before, I’m no tailor) so I’m feeling confident enough to post this progress picture. Pardon the ugly black background; I decided to erase the real background because it was kind of cluttered. And you’re going to have to take me at my word that the fabric is green. It turns kind of brown in warm toned lights and kind of grey in cool toned lights, and I took the picture in a room where the light was yellowish so that’s why it doesn’t exactly look green.
Eventually there will be a gold border around the sleeves and lower hem (probably embroidered but I’m saving that decision for the very end). The outer waist belt sits approximately where those three safety pins are, and there will be a total of five buttons above that line.
Ah, but then! Once the tunic is done, I’ll only be about halfway finished with the whole outfit. Sure I’ll have the big pieces (the tunic and trousers), but many of the little details that actually bring the whole look together (belts, pouches, bracers, gaiters/puttees/winnigas, etc.) have yet to be found/crafted. The outer belt I’ll probably not be making myself since I have a stamped leather belt with moose and forest imagery on it and I think that’s dope as heck, and I have a buckled bracer that I was given last year which matches that belt, but everything else I’m pretty sure I can make myself. We’ll see. I’m hoping to have the entire outfit completed by the end of the summer, but because I’ve been procrastinating for ages I’m starting to run out of time if I’m going to make that deadline. As a wise man hobbit once said:
...but at least I’m working on it. The thing I’m really dreading making is the bow and arrows because no matter how many tutorials you read and watch, you don’t have the skill to do it well until you’ve tried it yourself and messed up a few times, and also those are a bit important to the character so it’s kind of crucial that I do well on them.
Anyhow, this post has gotten pretty long now, so I’m going to leave the rest of my rambling in the tags. Thank you again for asking about this!
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I finally decided to draw Sarad, one of my 501st ARC trooper OC’s! And whilst I still might alter his design in the future, I’m pretty happy with how it is so far!
Now onto facts! :D
Sarad is Mando’a for flower, which is the reason for the flower design on his helmet and the tattoos at the corners of his eyes and right cheek. He got his name because he was obsessed with flowers as a cadet, and since they had just started learning Mando’a it just had to be in that language, so Sarad.
He’s a caf addict and he will be off during the day if he doesn’t get his morning caf. He’s by the rules and professional, but in a 501st kind of way, meaning that he is very cordial and sighs heavily every time someone does something idiotic and reckless but is also willing to do that exact thing himself. One would think the 501st wouldn’t really fit him at a first glance, but somehow he makes it work.
He has one of his batchmates with him in the 501st, Paradox - who is an ARC like him - and then three more in the guard. They were split up due to the other three batchmates - Shuffle, Leader and Click - being injured in a training accident just before they were meant to ship off of Kamino. So Paradox and him where sent to the 501st without the rest, and by the time they had recovered the 501st were in the middle of what would become a long campaign. Instead of having them wait they were instead sent off to Coruscant. They all try their best to keep in touch, but it gets hard at times.
He likes to have all the information he can about wherever their headed next, that way he’ll know what he should bring along and what he should bring more of. So he tends to be very prepared whenever they head off for a mission.
He and Paradox joined just a little bit before the Domino Twins came along, though they started ARC training after the Twins.
He’s usually who you go to for a voice of reason when it comes to your problems, like if your having troubles with another brother he will be there to give advice. Can be a bit of a mom in certain occasions, but it’s not common to see.
He and Echo have group called “Our brothers are reckless and we have to deal with it” since both Fives and Paradox are trouble makers, and the both of them are unfortunately the more reasonable one of the pair. So yes they do get a lot of messages from Rex about “coming here and picking up your worse halves” whenever the trouble duo does something.
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I want to see all the carnival AU bios again, but finding Zooble's is too hard, even when using the search. I hope there's a more organized way to view them.
(Trying to come up with nicknames that said characters would give my characters.)
CARNIVAL AU MASTERPOST + BOUNDARIES
Augh... I never know how to organize stuff! But here is a mini master post of the TADC Info Cards (edited):
The Main Cast (Minus Zooble :C)
Zooble ( Plus Zooble!!! :3)
Shiny Cards ✨
Lesser AI
THE GLOINKS!!!
Level layout
OFFICIAL COMIC:
The Entire Comic has also been dubbed by @volticglitch !! If you're not a reader, You can watch their dubs instead!! Here is the dub
Your best friend!
Jesterly duties
The hallway
Crying
First clue
Special event!
Foul language - a silly
CONCEPT ART:
Characters Relationship Chart ( Bonus, OC relationship Chart!)
The Tent
The Funhouse
Cutscene
Pomni expressions
Character design
Meet Pomni
ALT character skins (Bonus, Maid skins because of course I did)
Pomni expressions AGAIN!!! (and a bonus)
The Jester's Circus tent (and a bonus)
References
Shape language ramble
LOREEE:
Neck pieces
Neck pieces (prt 2)
Neck pieces (prt 3)
Silly Frilly
Toxic Positivity Duo
Quick Ragatha Doodle
The Rabbit
Non-sentient Pomni
Pity Laugh
First act of violence
First and only visit
DOODLE DUMPS:
First look
Meet Jax
Meet Ragatha
Meet Kinger
Meet Able
Zooble's room
Theatre shinanigans
Thanks for listening
Jax Doodles
Ragatha doodles (Feat. Kaufmo)
Caine doodles
Queenie?
Colored doodles
Eye popping
Jax Ko-fi request!
SILLIES:
Final boss Pomni Theory
Ofcourse you would
Shoulder Pads
test
omg showtime teeheeh ehehehe
CUTIES!!!
MORE SHOWTIME (HAVE I REALLY NOT ADDED THIS IN BEFORE??)
Carnival AU meets Original
its ok she's not drowning
The Amazing Digital... Circus???
A Christmas Carol Play!
Carnival Freakshow AU Merge!! (Freakshow AU by @hootbon)
BUZZBUZZ!! Fan character by @awful-little-goose
Whore Pomni Inside joke - more slutshaming
Pomni where yo pants at
shitpost doodles
SCANDAL!!
SCANDAL!! (alt)
Genderbend time!!
Stupid fucking doodles i made at like 11 pm
Stupid fucking doodles i made at like 11 pm (I dont know why I keep making these ToT)
stupid shinanigans involving Pomni's tent (Pomni's tent for context)
POMNI LET GO OF HIM!!!!!!!!
BUBBLE DAMN
Please hear her out guys
Kinger with no robe!!!
Bunnydoll real?!?!!?(Kofi request by amazing people :3)
Genderbend Jax!
Dollar store Carnival AU
Gangle simping over Able slay - Gangle PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER
Carnival GAINE!! - bro's so strong and cool and awesome
Flirty non-sentient pomni Inside joke (TW For suggestive themes): NON-CANON
Start
Context
Flirty non-sentient pomni (shitpost)
Pomni..........
Memory storage restart
the silly!!
no you're not.
oh god
someone paid me 10 bucks
SOMEONE PAID ME MORE MONEY
╔══ ❀•°❀BOUNDERIES/FAQ❀°•❀ ══╗
"Can I make OCs In Carnival?"
- Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!!
" Can I make NSFW?"
- Yas and slay, just be sure to warn and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW!
" Can I make Fanfics?"
- Yes and please show me!! that would be lovely!!
" Can I dub/voice your stuff?"
- Yes but, I have only one rule... show me pleaaasseeee pls pls pls 🥺🙏
" Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?"
- Aughh.. this is gonna suck to explain cuz its a lot to ask..
You're allowed to ship any ship! My only boundary is that it doesn't include either Pomni or Caine being with others who are not eachother!
For example:
Ragatha x Jax ✅
Pomni x Jax❌
Kinger x Queenie✅
Kinger x Caine❌
As long as the ship does not include Pomni or Caine individually, I'm all aboard!! I respect Jax x Pomni shippers, as well as Kinger x caine shippers, I just don't like them myself and don't want to accidentally stumble upon them in the tag! I do apologize if that's a lot, it just makes me uncomfy! Bounderies can be very tight! :')
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