thinking about nick and benji after everything…. some nights when nick is asleep and benji just can’t drift off he reaches out to the little bit of flood inside nick like it’s a pet cat, like hi sweetheart, you’re so pretty, yes you are, you’re so cute until nick has to reach over and bat at benji and mumble “i can feel that, asshole, go the fuck to sleep”

homemade. fresh off the press. art credit to andrew white (author)

"I wrote this book for a few reasons: Because I wanted more stories about boys like me. Because I was angry. Because I still am. But mainly, I wanted to show queer kids that they can walk through hell and come out alive. Maybe not in one piece, maybe forever changed, but alive and worthy of love all the same. "That's what you'll find here. Terrible things, survival, love, and a future worth fighting for. "Sharpen your teeth, take up your fire, and let's do this."

"For the kids who sharpen their teeth and bite."

I will never be over this book, bro. Just looking back at the author note makes me want to reread it again and I've read it 5 times now. It's a book that makes me want to scream and cry and throw it across the room and vomit up my insides and finally yell at the people who hurt me in the past. It makes me want to reach out to the people I used to know because it reminds me of them. Because Theo reminds me of one of my old best friends because Benji reminds me of myself and so many other beautiful and hurt and angry people because Nick reminds me that I'm not the only one going through this shit right now, that just because I'm neurodivergent doesn't mean I'm automatically weak or broken or less than even though that's what so many people that I grew up around want me to belive. This book makes me feel so many fucking things at once, and I don't understand half of them, but I have never felt so seen. I have never felt so real and understood. I have exhausted my friends of sharing about it and gushing it, but I don't care because it's a book about boys like me and I can't get enough of it. For fucks sake, I could already recite half of the god damned bible verses in the book and it made me cringe everytime but it made me feel so fucking seen because I know that I'm not alone in thinking like that. I know other people know that pain of not being able to get away from those verses and quotes, no matter how hard I try.

Andrew Joseph White has touched me in so many fucking ways with his writing, and I don't know how to feel about it, but I know for one thing now, no matter how much shit is thrown at me. I am not alone, because I am one of the kids who needs to sharpen their teeth, and bite.

more hell followed with us .... seraph testostrone is real to me

THE COVER FOR THE ITALIAN VERSION OF HELL FOLLOWED WITH US THIS IS NOT A DRILL

LOOK AT BENJI!!!! THAT’S MY FAVORITE BOY RIGHT THERE!!!!!! AND HE LOOKS SO GOOD SAMUEL SPANO KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK

https://x.com/ajwhiteauthor/status/1712983721379323915?s=46&t=pG2YrnlDmYKq9j_Qxb0NwA

italian cover if hell followed with us fucks SO hard

I am very new to Tumblr and I have no idea if I'm doing this right but look at what my friend made me! It's one of Benji and Nick's bead lizards! I read HFWU a week ago, I have not been able to stop thinking about it since (and I doubt I ever will.)

Do You Know This Disabled Character?

Nick is autistic.

My friend showed me how to make a bead lizard and I completely understand why Nick Hellfollowedwithus loved these

one of my favorite things about nick's love for benji is how he's always just there. if benji needs to pull down his mask and throw up, nick is standing quietly next to him to block him from sight. if benji needs to take out an entire death squad for vengeance, nick is there with a pistol covering his flank. if benji's hair is falling in his face nick is pinning it back with bobby pins. if benji's skin is falling off the bone nick is bandaging his arms to hold him together. words fail him so often, but this expression of love he can do. when benji needs him, he will be there. and he always is.

Nick to Benji

"for your travels"

Hell Followed With Us drawings

nick and benji and my bad sketches of Grace Benji

hell followed with us is just like. it’s about queerness and transness and it’s about monstrousness and it’s about those things in connection. it’s about reclamation. it’s about anger. it’s about acceptance of yourself and rejection of what they made you and it’s also about acceptance of what they made you that is now a part of yourself that you cannot erase. it’s about pain and fear and exhaustion. it’s about bead lizards. it’s about solidarity. its about silence and sitting next to each other saying nothing but thinking everything and feeling a little bit better. it’s about impurity and rot and feeling wrong and gross and unholy and finally finally finally reclaiming that and that wrongness feeling right. it’s about righteous anger. it’s about a boy whose insides boil in his throat and whose thoughts fight with each other who is just trying to survive and be good and make them suffer. and it’s about a boy who makes bead lizards and keeps it together and silently rocks and hits and stims alone and just wants to protect and has never been protected. and it’s about a person who laughs and grieves and cries and just wants to help xyr friends, and it’s about a girl trying to figure out what she believes and if she can believe what the people who hurt her so much believe, and it’s about a group of people who fight and hurt each other and cry together and are just trying to live.

love seeing someone reblog my hfwu post that got semi popular then going to their blog and seeing a large quantity of hfwu posts in short succession. and i Know you just got in too deep and are trying to consume all the fandom content at once because the book encompassed you for the time being. it’s hilarious i see it all the time. Ah. Yep. someone just finished the book that Changed me and it probably Changed them too. hope they’re having a good night going down the hfwu tag.

guess who taught himself how to make bead lizards based off a single diagram all because he got hyperfixated on a book

Man i can’t believe Andrew Joseph White invented bead lizards AND gay people what an inspiration