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#ngl had me cackling
farannir · 2 years
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★ top gun: maverick (2022) ★ JAKE "HANGMAN" SERESIN
good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. this is your savior speaking.
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one of the funniest moments in tgcf
I love how many people perceives Xie Lian as innocent, kind, timid blah blah blah etc
but imagine, THAT Xie Lian swearing and yelling at top of his lungs. And he's not swearing because he's in alife threatening situation -he is but that's not the point AHEM-
This man -
I can't even imagine -
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SIR YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK ME
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enderbugz · 4 months
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So like are we not going to talk about how Catfish randomly turned British and then supposedly wasn't fixed?
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pepsi-maxwell · 2 months
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might rewatch the 2021 diamond ring battle royale
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cow-wizard · 5 months
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the audacity to beat a 15 DC persuasion check just to fuck with him
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mommalosthermind · 4 months
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Ridiculous Parenting Woe Unlocked: completely lost the scene I’d spent the morning puzzling out in my head because the second I opened the file to actually write it an Extremely Excited Teen appeared and went on an equally excited 2.5 hour rant about their HTTYD au
(It would have been longer but I was like. You’ve just outlined like 50k worth of fic maybe. Write it.)
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damnprecious · 5 months
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I just got myself an early christmas present in the form of The Great Wave Lego wall art piece and I built it and it's amazing and beautiful and perfect and I love it so much
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no i'm cryin laughing rn bc lumine was like "childe might be insane and crazy and a murderer and probably one of the biggest red flags in all of teyvat a total jackass half of the time but he's my man *hearteyes*
like omg girl...please...
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vanivanvanilla · 1 year
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youtube
the new mr cube video is so silly i love it
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orcelito · 1 year
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ok listen objectively kisara and dohalim would be a "straight" pairing but listen neither of them r cishet like OBJECTIVELY just look at them. they literally call dohalim "flamboyant" in canon just LOOK at him. theyre not straight. and i am cradling them in my hands.
#speculation nation#i have reached a new level of shipping where im like 'yes this is a m/f pairing no this is not straight'#bi4bi and t4t let's GO#or if not trans then at least gender-nonconforming which DEFINITELY counts. to me.#listen lady knight and flamboyant lord what's not to love here#ngl seeing this late game shit with the two of them is really getting me closer and closer to admitting i like the pairing#the scene where kisara first calls him 'Do'............ ldkfjslkdfjsdf#AND THEN her calling him that in front of the others and Law being like 'Did you just-' b4 Rinwell pushes him along lmaoo#everyone too busy dunking on dohalim to realize kisara actually really really likes him#to be fair she also dunks on him. he made green goop pancakes with his face on them and called it art i think he deserves to be dunked on#also OH GOD THE PANCAKES lksjdflsdjflskdjfslkdjf dohalim pancakes... and he legit put his face on them.#i was fucking cackling#im enjoying wandering around the game in this late-game setting. just a bunch of shenanigans#shionne's max campfire bonding like lskdjflsdkjf alphen get ur brain out of the GUTTER 'do you wanna make something together?' 'w-what?!'#like broooooooooooo but tbh i kinda had that thought too so maybe i cant blame him. it was just the face she made while saying it ok#and then fantasizing about domestic living together... like ok i wouldnt quite say i Ship them but they are very cute. & very canon#BUT ALSOOOOOOO dohalim's max convo slkfjsldkfj drinking together... alphen commenting that it'd be a good time for music...#and on the space ship thing dohalim asking him to support him with leading their peoples... ooughhhhh#i want them to be joint rulers soooooooo badly. They Both Have Two Hands.#i can be a shionne/alphen/dohalim/kisara truther ok. alphen and dohalim have Two Hands#ldkfjsldkfj many thoughts. maaany thoughts. also love dohalim commenting on law's nonexistent love life lksjdflkdjf#'it wouldnt be called the spring of youth without a little storm every now and then' ok old man lmao hes not even old hejust sounds like it#also them finding a wiener (their word choice) recipe & dohalim commenting 'Personally i prefer bologna'#dohalim likes bologna canon. i Knew he was my favorite for a reason.#he likes weird food in general tho. king shit i love him#toarise spoilers/#lots of rambling sldkjflsfj i just love this game
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HE CALLED YOU GIRLHUBBY? TYRUNTSHIPPERS WE ARE SO BACK
Who’s gonna tell them I use grass types
-🍁
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mypoisonedvine · 2 years
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𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | halloween is that special night where you can be anything you want to be... maybe more than the labels everyone else gives you. maybe even more than 'just friends'. (aka, reader has a reputation, eddie's still a virgin, filth ensues)
𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 | 5.6k
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut (18+ only, of course), virginity loss, best friends to lovers, slight angst (mostly just hurt/comfort), unprotected sex, creampie, degradation kink (but like, in a loving way?), rough filthy fucknasty sex for no reason at all except that I'm a whore, L-bomb, reader is a candy corn hater (this was hard for me guys ngl), all men being trash except eddie (so, you know, real life)
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“God, I can’t stand these,” you grimaced as you shoved the baggies of candy corn towards him.
“More for meee!” Eddie sang happily as he scooped them all up, cackling to himself as he filled his arms.  He looked especially in character as a pirate in that moment, treating the candy like his treasure.  His costume had actually come together better than you expected: the tight leather pants and boots looked less rocker and more sailor when paired with the flowy white shirt and black eyepatch.
"Will you trade your Sour Patch Kids for my candy cigarettes?" you asked him, getting an incredulous scoff in return.  
"No way," he shook his head, "I don't need candy ones, got a couple packs of the real kind in my room."
You frowned.  "Guess the candy economy changed since we were kids, huh?"
He looked up at you, a tender look in his eyes as he smiled.  "Yeah…" he trailed off.
"I'm surprised anybody gave a couple of giant seniors candy for trick-or-treating," you smirked.  "I guess that's the benefit of 'chaperoning' your Hellfire friends."
"Exactly," he beamed.  "And hey, maybe we're a little old for it, but you make for a lovely princess."
You batted your eyelashes playfully, tilting your head with the tiara pinned on top.  "Who, me?  I'm just dressed as a good excuse to repurpose an old homecoming gown."
He laughed, but then seemed to get a bit more serious then (but still happy).  "I'm glad we could do this," he decided.  "Like old times."
"We always spend Halloween together," you reminded him.
"Yeah— I mean this." He motioned to the dumped-out pails of candy on the trailer floor, and you nodded.  "And not just 'cause of the sugar rush."
You smiled softly at him, tilting your head.  "Of course, Eddie."
"Kinda thought you were gonna ditch me this year," he added suddenly, looking down into his lap at the candy he was unwrapping.  "You know… 'cause of that guy."
"Oh, yeah," you sighed, "well… that's over."
Eddie looked up again, his eyes seeming bigger than ever.  "Really?"
"Don't sound so excited," you rolled your eyes, but the sarcasm wasn't enough to hide your heartbreak.
"No— hey, I'm sorry," he offered, scooting closer to you on the floor.  "I know you liked him a lot.  But I know you know I thought he was a total loser."
You shot him a look with a raised brow.  He shrugged.
"Takes one to know one."
"You're not a loser, Eddie," you sighed sympathetically.  "And you were right about him— obviously.  I knew you were, I just… I dunno, I guess I thought I could change him?"
Eddie smirked.  "When has that ever worked?"
"For me?  Never," you scoffed.  "I think guys do change, for the right girl.  And it's just never me."
"That's not fair," he frowned, "it's not your fault that these guys are garbage.  Well— I mean, it's sorta your fault that you keep hooking up with guys that are garbage—"
You slapped him on the arm lightly, and he laughed.
"Am I wrong?" he wondered.
You slumped your shoulders a bit.  "No… but still.  Don't be so mean, I'm moping over here."
"Aw, sweetheart," he pouted, sliding closer again and wrapping his arms around you.  You sighed as you rested your head on his shoulder, shutting your eyes.  Honestly, you were trying not to cry.  Over a guy.  You told yourself you weren't going to do that anymore.  Actually, you told Eddie that you wouldn't do that anymore, after you cried over Tommy Pearson.  And sure, you cried over James Neher since then, but he didn't call you out for it… that showed how messed up you really were over it, that he didn't poke fun at you for it.  Almost nothing was too far with you two, you made fun of him for being a trailer park flunk-out just as much as he poked fun at your… storied dating history.
The one thing you didn't make fun of Eddie for (that much, at least) was his lack of dating history.  As of yet, Eddie was actually still a virgin.
Uh, mostly a virgin… he got a blowjob once after a Corroded Coffin show, and called you first thing after to tell you giddily about how it went.  He was heartbroken, too, when she never called, but he didn't cry— he just started dodging your questions about it until finally fessing up that she totally disappeared.  So you put on one of his favorite movies (The Evil Dead) and wrapped him up in a blanket, and he was over it in a night.
That was a couple months ago, though, and Eddie had had no luck since with losing the remaining half of his virginity.  You hadn't had any trouble finding guys, just in finding those special (potentially imaginary) ones that don't disappear after you put out.
The conversation drifted back to candy and the next Hellfire campaign before it looped back around to relationships again.  It started because of a debate about if gum counted as candy, actually.
"Maybe, like, Juicy Fruit counts," Eddie decided.  "But definitely not just any old spearmint stick."
"I thought you liked spearmint gum!"
"Yeah, but it's not candy!  I like a lot of things that aren't candy!"
You huffed.  "So you're not gonna give me anything for the sticks of Trident?"
"Best I can do is… one Tootsie Roll," he decided, tossing the pathetic little taffy at you as you scoffed.
"Don't insult me," you grimaced as you tossed it back, "I don't want your individually-wrapped waxy chocolate byproduct."
"I'll be honest, I didn't really understand that," he frowned, "but I can tell it was an insult to my beloved Tootsie Rolls."
"They taste like eating a chocolate scented candle!" you announced.
He gasped dramatically and held one of his larger Tootsie Rolls up to his chest, like he was protecting it from your words.  "That's not true, baby," he whispered to the candy, petting it tenderly, "she didn't mean that…"
You laughed at the bizarre display.  "God, you're such a freak," you reminded him.
"And you're a slut," he returned with a wide smile and a tilt of his head.
That was your thing, you'd always say that back to each other, like a nickname.  You started it to try to take the power away from the names everyone else called you two, and it worked: it didn't hurt nearly as much getting called a slut when you could remember the way Eddie said it like a term of endearment.  And he said it was the same for him, even though he pretended like he'd never been bothered by his label.  He did have it worse though… he was the freak, you were just a slut.  
"If you don't want the Roll then I guess I'm getting that gum for free," Eddie decided, about to reach for it, but you smacked his hand away.
"No way," you frowned.
"Are you gonna chew it?" he assumed.
"Never," you decided, "but I can find someone who wants it."
"Why won't you chew it yourself?  Still turned off to all gum by that Fred guy?"
"It was Frank," you corrected, "and yeah, he never stopped chewing that stupid Extra.  Even during…"
"Guess he needed a little Extra help in bed," Eddie snorted.
"The sex wasn't that bad, actually," you recalled, "it just… smelled a little too minty fresh."
"Does it normally smell like something else?" he asked.
Your face got a little warm.  "Uh… yeah, kinda."
Eddie wrinkled his brow slightly.  You thought that was the end of it, after a long pause, and you were just about to change the subject when he broke the silence.  "What's it like?"
"The smell?!"
"No, no!  The sex.  What does it feel like?" he asked hesitantly, flipping up his eye patch to look at you properly.
"Well, I dunno— it's hard to describe."
"Everyone says that," he frowned.
"And it would feel different for you anyways," you added.
He nodded.  "Right."
"One guy said that I felt like a warm bath, but like, only on his cock," you remembered, almost laughing at the memory.  It was a weird thing to say, especially in the middle of sex.
Eddie choked.  "O-oh…"
"What?" you tilted your head, confused by his reaction.
"I just— um, I was trying to figure out how it feels in general… I never even… I never thought about how you feel…"
Your face heated up a bit.
"Does every girl feel different?" he realized, leaning in a little closer to listen to your reply.
"That's what I've heard," you shrugged.  "Every guy feels different."
"Different how?  Like, bigger or smaller?"
"Not just that— sometimes you can feel, like, the head and stuff…" you explained, continuing when Eddie looked a little confused, "like, if the head is really big you can feel the edge of it.  Or if he's uncut you can sorta feel that too, in the way he strokes.  And then there's how curved it is…"
Eddie's stare was a little glassy.  "You can feel all that?  Just with your pussy?"
You nodded.
"That's…" he trailed off, clearing his throat.  "Yeah.  Cool."
The way he was clearly flustered by all this made your hips shift against the floor for a second.  You and Eddie had obviously had pretty raunchy conversations before (see the aforementioned post-BJ phone call) and sure, sometimes they kinda turned you on… but this one felt a little different.  Usually if you felt that feeling while talking to him about something it was because you were remembering something you'd done before; this was the first time you were actually imagining something.  Something, specifically, happening with you and Eddie.
"You know…" you started before shaking your head and scoffing.  "Nevermind.  Too weird."
"What?  Nothing's too weird with me," he grinned— one of his teeth was drawn out in black for the costume, and he looked pretty silly.
"I was just… I dunno," you shrugged.  "If I tell you, you won't be, like, offended, right?"
"Well, I guess it depends on how offensive it is."
You sighed.  "Just don't judge me, okay?"
"Never."
"I was thinking, if you wanted, you could… try it out.  With me."
He froze.  "Try… sex?"
He'd dropped his head lower between his shoulders as he said the last word.  You nodded briefly.  "Yeah."
You couldn't even begin to describe the look on his face.  "Well, that's… not offensive."
Already you felt ridiculous, and you shook your head as you started to backtrack.  "I'm sorry if that was a really weird idea, I'm not trying to—"
"No, no!  It's okay," he assured, reaching out towards you for a second but not actually touching you.  "I just… didn't think you would say that. Um. Yeah. So, we would just, like, do it?"
"If you want to."
"I mean, not that you're not— you're gorgeous," he promised, talking over himself, "you know I think so.  But you're my best friend.  Wait— no.  You're gorgeous and you're my best friend.  It won't make stuff weird with us, right?"
You raised an eyebrow.  "Are you gonna make it weird?"
"No more than usual," he smirked.
"Then, no. It wouldn't be weird.  It would just be, like, a friend helping a friend out," you decided, "like how I hadn't tried LSD 'til I met you.  You can try this, with me."
"Yeah, but," he lowered his voice, scooching a little closer, "this is different.  I gave you drugs but you… you're the drug.  It's your body, and you're giving it to me."
You fought the urge to bite your lip.  "Yeah," you agreed, "I don't mind.  Just use me for a bit."
Eddie's throat bobbed as he swallowed, mouth falling open for a second.  "Use you?" he repeated.  "God, why is that hot?"
"'Cause guys are always into that— they wanna feel powerful or whatever," you explained with a snort of a laugh.  "Wanna feel like they're conquering something."
"Heh," he laughed nervously as he reached up to scratch the back of his neck, "are we all so predictable?"
You smiled at him, leaning closer slightly and tilting your head down to look up at him through your lashes.  "I dunno," you teased, "but I'm predicting you're gonna take me up on this."
"Fuck yeah I am," he decided, grabbing your face to pull you closer— but then suddenly stopping.  "Fuck, wait, can I kiss you?"
You blinked quickly.  "Um, yeah," you decided.
For all that bravado before, he hesitated before he did kiss you… and it was actually pretty sweet, and gentle, and way too short.  Yes, it did feel sort of weird knowing you were kissing Eddie, your best friend since 4th grade, but not a bad kind of weird, necessarily.
He was smiling at you already when he pulled back.  "You know you don't have to do all that, right?" you reminded him.
"I-I know.  I'd feel weird about it if I didn't kiss you first, though," he explained.  "And, you know.  Kissing is nice.  Friends can kiss."
"Yeah," you laughed.
"We can, uh, go to the bedroom," he offered.  "Not that it wouldn't be fun to do it on the floor surrounded by our candy quarry— just, uh, not how I pictured my first time."
"Well, either way," you replied as you both stood up, following him across the trailer to the bedroom, "it's not who you pictured your first time with."
"Yeah, well, Joan Jett was busy tonight," he laughed, and you laughed with him, falling onto the bed together with a sigh.  You'd done that a lot before— but sitting up on your side, facing him, starting to touch his chest delicately through his shirt… that was new.
"Do you want me to ride you, or—?" you started to offer.
"No! No," he sighed, "I wanna— like you said, use you, right?  I want you to, uh, lay back, and I can go as fast or as slow as I want."
You smiled a little.  "Okay," you agreed, "but— I should probably take this dress off first."
"Let me help," Eddie offered, even though you didn't actually need any help.  You turned away from him and felt his hands delicately unzip the back of the gown; the ghost of his touch on your spine made you nearly shiver.
Once it was unzipped, you shimmied out of the garment and tossed it aside, leaving you in just your bra and panties (and the tiara, which you'd forgotten about.
You laid back on the bed for him to climb on top of you, which he did, his eyes running all over your body.  "Listen, I know you're already doing me a really big favor," he cleared his throat, "but, uh, maybe… maybe you could show me your tits?"
You grinned and reached under your back to unclasp your bra, hearing him sigh a little at the sight of your bare chest.
"Can I—?"
"Sure," you answered instantly.  Of course, you thought he was about to say touch them, so you gasped in shock when he actually latched his lips onto them, suckling at your nipples eagerly.  "F-fuck, Ed…"
"Wow," he breathed when he pulled back, "they're really sensitive."
“Yeah,” you agreed, deciding not to mention that that wasn’t always the case.  “I can’t help but notice that you’re still in your pirate get-up there, Munson.”
He smirked.  “Unfair, isn’t it?”
Nodding, you watched him sit back on his feet so he could pull his shirt off over his head.  You'd seen him shirtless plenty of times before, but the toned torso with a decent scattering of dark hair and even darker tattoos was always a welcome sight.  He'd gotten even more muscular in the last couple years, something you'd sort of tried not to notice, but you couldn't fight the urge to run your hand over his chest and pecs when they were exposed.
“Is that better?” he grinned, but you laughed loudly right away when you saw one of his teeth was still blacked out for the costume.  He wrinkled his eyebrows before he seemed to remember, looking a bit more shy for a moment.  “R-right, sorry…”
He reached into his mouth and scrubbed the black marks off with the pad of his finger, licking the tooth for good measure before showing his teeth again.
“Back to normal?” he asked.
“Yeah,” you answered, “good as new.”
Your hand was still on his chest, lightly, and he got a little more serious as he took it and guided it down: over his slight abs and down to the thick bulge in his pants.  You sighed a little at the feeling of it through the leather, he was so hard and warm even through the heavy material.
"Damn, you're big," you noticed.
"Really?" he grinned.  "Fuck, okay."
"I should've known you would have a big cock," you laughed, rubbing him a little firmer through the pants, "you've got that way about you."
"Oh?  I didn't— I didn't think it was that big," he mumbled.
You smiled and pulled your hand out of the way as he shimmied the pants down his thighs, exposing his erection that bounced back up to his belly button.  (Yes, it reached that far, and you felt a little dizzy.)
"So," he broke the silence, "that's… that's my dick."
"Y-yeah," you nodded, sounding a little hoarse.
He let you stare at it blankly for a while before clearing his throat, tearing you out of your trance to look up at him; he smirked at you proudly, the smut bastard.  "You're looking at me different now.  You look… well, you're kinda drooling."
"Yeah… sorry…" you murmured absent-mindedly.
"No, don't be," he assured.  "You know, the girl that gave me that blowjob, she could only take it to about here before she choked."
He held his finger up to halfway down his shaft, and your hips shifted.  "I could get it deeper," you announced.
"Oh, you will," he promised, "but not with your mouth— I don't have any use for your mouth, babe.  You promised me your pussy, that's what I want.  And she's gonna take all of it."
"Are you talking dirty to me now?" you noticed.
"It might be dirty, but it's true," he smiled, falling down on top of you and holding himself up with bent elbows beside your head.  "You can still back out, you know," he reminded you.  "No judgment. We'll go back to normal."
"We were never normal, Eddie," you reminded him.
"Right," he grinned, "but still.  Are you sure?"
"Yeah— if you are."
He kissed you again, right when you least expected it.  "Yeah," he whispered when he pulled back slightly.  "I'm sure.  I, uh, think it's about time that I lost it, don't you?"
Nodding in agreement, you reached down and wiggled yourself out of your panties, totally naked under him.  He sighed slowly and looked down for a moment— only to look back up with his lip between his teeth.  
"Fuck. Okay. Are you ready?" he asked.
"Are you?" you returned— he looked pretty nervous, shaking a bit, breathing heavy.
"Yeah, fuck, I've been ready for this for years," he laughed breathlessly.  "Just didn't think… yeah, fuck.  Didn't think it would happen tonight."
"Well, if you keep stalling, maybe it won't," you smirked.
"Okay, okay— no more stalling.  I'm gonna… I'm gonna fuck you now."
He sounded like he was convincing himself more than you— but a moment later, he plunged forward and filled you with his cock.
He shivered as he pressed his hips up to yours, moaning weakly.  For a moment, you couldn't help but bite your lip at the feeling of him buried all the way inside you, but thankfully he didn't notice: his eyes were shut tight and his head tossed back.
You sat up, barely, just enough to put your lips by his ear.  "You're not a virgin anymore, Eddie," you whispered to him.
He sighed, then laughed slightly.  "I guess not."
"How's it feel to be inside a pussy?" you asked, genuinely curious for his reaction.  "Compared to a blowjob."
"God, it's— it's so much better," he panted.
"Really?  Some guys really seem to prefer getting blown even though it's not nearly as fun for—"
"No, fuck, this is better," he insisted quickly.  "Your… your pussy feels so— and it's— fuck, so warm, warmer than a mouth.  And… and really tight— god, it's so… squishy?"
You laughed.  "That's not a very sexy way of describing it."
"W-well, sorry," he laughed too, breathlessly, "that's how it feels.  You're— thank you for, uh, letting me do this."
"Yeah," you agreed with a smile, relaxing into the mattress under you and noticing the way he was staring down at your face.
"I can move, right?"
You nodded; he shuddered a little as he pulled his hips back and pushed forward again.  He caught you watching his face, so you shut your eyes quickly and just focused on the feeling.  It had actually been a while since you had a hook-up, and though you didn’t expect this to last very long, you could at least just enjoy it for now.
"Fuck," he breathed, "it's so… sticky.  Fuck."
“Sticky?” you repeated.
“I-in a good way,” he added quickly.  “God, I just… you’re really wet, s’all.”
Eyes still closed, you felt a smile trying to creep up on your face.  You could tell he wanted to know why you were so wet, specifically he wanted you to say that he made you that way, but you decided his ego was already getting enough stroking for the night.
His breathing was heavy and slow, but the pace of his hips picked up.  When you blinked your eyes open, he was staring down at where he was fucking into you; that made you feel a little exposed, but oddly powerful, too.  "Wow," he groaned, "I— I love watching it.  The way it, like… splits open, around my cock… fuck.  That's really sexy."
His next thrust was a little harder, his hips colliding with the back of your thighs as you wrapped your legs around him.
"Mm," you moaned softly, adjusting yourself under him a bit.  "That's nice— you feel good."
"Really?  Fuck, I couldn't feel half as good as you do," he grunted, "'cause if I did you wouldn't be able to be so quiet."
"I'm just listening to you," you explained with a smirk.
"Can you feel the, uh, head?  Like you said before?"
You nodded.  "It's rubbing this one place inside me— it feels good."
"Oh, fuck," he purred, starting to move faster.  "Tell me that again."
"It feels good, Eddie," you groaned, "you feel good."
"Fu-uck," he whined, shutting his eyes tight and tilting his head back.  "How good?"
You knew he could be a little competitive, and you smirked slightly.  "Better than the other guys," you answered, figuring that was what he wanted to hear.
"Do you— fuck— do you let a lotta guys do this?" he asked roughly.  "Just— use you, to come?"
You shook your head.  "No— I need something from them, they have to make me come.  But you don't have to, Eddie, I don't need you to do anything to me except whatever you want."
"God," he choked, "that's— fuck. you're way too nice.  I-I’m gonna— fuck, I don’t think I can last very long.”
You just smiled and reached up to hold onto his shoulder.  “S’fine, you can come— I want you to.”
“Really?” he whined.  “Fuck, I’m not very good at this, am I?”
“Just come,” you encouraged, “it’s okay, Eddie, just come inside me—”
The second you said that, he groaned weakly, head falling onto your shoulder; you felt it a second later as he gave you a few more weak thrusts, the flexing of his cock as he finished inside.  Sighing in satisfaction, you shut your eyes and wrapped your arms around him tightly.  
After a long silence, with his heavy breathing falling on your ear, Eddie rolled off and onto his back beside you on the mattress.  “You look different,” you giggled as you turned to look at him while he stared up at the ceiling.
“I feel different,” he agreed.  “That was— yeah.  That was different.”
“Good different?”
He looked back at you, finally, with raised eyebrows.  “Are you jok— yeah!  Fuck yeah, that was— Christ.”
There was another long silence, maybe a few minutes’ worth, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.  You and Eddie were always pretty good at silences.  This one was heavier, and more meaningful, but just as natural as usual: until he broke it.
“Wanna do it again?” he asked softly.
Your eyes widened.  “Uh— fuck, now?”
“Yeah,” he grinned at you.  “I’m still— maybe this time you could actually— you know, uh—”
You bit your lip as he stammered over a few different sentences.
“Or if that’s all you wanna do, you know, with me, that’s fine,” he promised, “but, um… I feel bad, you know, that you didn’t…”
“Okay, yeah,” you agreed quickly, “I mean, if you can still—”
You hadn’t even finished your sentence before he was inside you again.  Moaning louder, you tilted your head back and held onto his sides as he fucked you; his mouth latched onto your neck and you let out a small whimper.  “Fuck,” he mumbled against your skin, “fuck— you feel so good…”
“I— Eddie, I didn’t think you could—” you began.
“I didn’t think I could either,” he laughed, “but it’s just— fuck, you’re so… I just need to— god…”
His thrusts were harder and faster than they’d been before, and everything was so slick with his come still leaking out of you; it was filthy in the best way.
“I didn’t think you’d let me do it twice.  I… I really don’t deserve this,” he insisted quietly.
"Yeah, you do," you breathed.  "You're so sweet, Eddie, you're my best friend— dunno what I'd do without you—"
"I lied," he blurted out suddenly.  "I thought about it before.  About how you would feel."
You barely even remembered the part of the conversation he was talking about.  
"All the time, god, I thought about it all the time," he admitted with a lowered voice, resting his head on your shoulder, fucking you even deeper until your eyes rolled back.  "Thought about it while I jerked myself off— how your pussy would feel.  And it's so much better than I thought it'd be.  You're really tight— I didn't know if you would be, 'cause, y'know, you're a slut."
You wanted to correct him on that old myth about tightness and promiscuity, but you were too busy trying not to moan so loud the next door trailers would hear.
"Fuck," he laughed, "you got even tighter when I called you that.  Slut."
"Freak," you choked out through a moan, your instinctive response.
"You haven't seen the freak yet, princess," he smirked proudly, lifting his head up to look down at you.  "I wanted to fuck you different than this, too— I thought about fucking you from behind.  Smacking your ass and watching it bounce on me.  Making you fucking scream."
"God, Eddie," you whined.
"Is this how they talk to you?  All those guys you let put their cocks in you, do they treat you like this?"
"N-not exactly…"
"Well, that's too bad," he whispered, "'cause I can tell this is how you like it.  Am I wrong?  Do you like being fucked like a whore, and called one?"
"Yes," you sobbed, "yes, Eddie, I… I like it rough.  And mean."
He chuckled.  "That explains a lot.  I can be mean, sweetheart."
The kiss he planted on your cheek, though, was gentle and delicate.
"Or I can be nice," he added in a whisper.  "I can be whatever you want."
“Just… be yourself,” you decided, sounding more like an inspirational poster than you intended to.  He smiled and kissed you on the lips after that, reaching down to hold onto your thighs.
Well, it turns out Eddie ‘being himself’ in bed means fucking you mercilessly.  And he was holding onto you mainly to keep you steady so he could rail you halfway to fucking death.
It was useless trying to keep quiet now, while he treated you this way, and so your loud moans were muffled only by his lips on yours; until, of course, he broke away and you could hear them echoing around the messy bedroom.
"So good," he grunted, "so— so fucking good.  Such a perfect pussy, can't believe you're letting me use it.  I'm so fucking lucky— my best friend is a hot slut, I'm so lucky—"
You arched your back a little deeper still, clinging to him tightly, feeling totally helpless in the best possible way.
"Gonna let me use this pussy again?" he taunted.
"Yeah," you breathed.
"Whenever I want, right?  You can be my little toy, baby.  Your pussy can be my toy."
"Yes!"
"And I'll keep you so full of come," he promised, "so full, all the fucking time, you're gonna make my cock feel so good— fuck, baby, you're gonna let me get my cock wet all the time."
"Yeah, Eddie, fuck," you moaned.  
"You're so pretty," he blurted out, and you almost laughed because of the sudden change of tone.  "God, baby, you're so pretty— you look so pretty like this."
"On my back?" you smirked.
"N-no, you don't understand," he whined, leaning down so his chest was pressed to yours, whispering against your ear.  "You're beautiful."
You smiled a little, holding onto him tighter.
"And I thought that before you let me fuck you," he promised.  "I always thought you were beautiful.  And that it should be me and not those guys you go home with."
"Y-you were right," you admitted, "but— we're still just… just friends, right?"
"Shut up, you're not fucking listening," he groaned, "I— god, I love you, okay?"
Your eyes were definitely just watering because of the intensity of it all; you hid your face in his shoulder, biting your lip, feeling your toes curl just above where your ankles were crossed around his hips.
"I love you and we can't just be friends anymore.  You feel too good… I'm sorry, baby, we can't just be friends, I fucking need you."
“I— fuck, Eddie,” you whined.
“You love me too, right?” he breathed.  Shyly, you nodded against him.  “Then say it— baby, please, I need you to say it.”
“I love you too,” you choked out.  “I need you too—”
"Oh my god I'm gonna come again," he gasped, tilting his head back.  "Fuck fuck fuck, I'm gonna come inside you again.  You're gonna be so full, baby.  Gonna fuck you so full…"
“F-fuck, please, please,” you sobbed, your beaten walls clenching up every time he slammed himself into you all the way— it was too deep, but the right amount of too deep, somehow.  “Please, Eddie, fuck!”
“I’m coming,” he grunted in a low and gravelly voice that made your spine tingle, “I— fuck, I’m coming again, fuck—”
This time, he stopped completely and suddenly, burying himself inside you with a long, deep moan.  He slipped his arms under your arched back and hugged you tightly.  This silence was much longer than the last, and a little less comfortable; there were all these questions hanging in it, including but not limited to: did he really mean all that?  Did I really mean all that?  Why haven’t we been doing this the whole time?  Why is he so good at that?  Are we dating now?  Is this going to ruin everything?
It didn’t seem like it would ruin anything— actually, to you, everything felt right in a way it never had.  You’d never really admitted to yourself how you felt about Eddie, let alone anyone else— let alone him, right now, in the middle of some spontaneous sex that you thought was going to change everything but actually made things suspiciously the same as ever.
That was what you realized, then: that this hadn’t actually changed anything.  You’d loved him before tonight.  You’d wanted this for a while.  You’d needed him as long as you could remember.  Everything could continue on as normal— except, hopefully, and presumably, that you’d be fucking a lot more.
As your mind raced, Eddie’s was completely and totally blank in a way it never had been in his life.  He was entirely blissed out, and only came to when you shifted under him and made him hiss in a breath through his teeth.
Lifting his head, he looked down at you, reaching up to pet your cheek with his thumb and hum happily to himself.  That moment couldn’t last too long, though, especially when he realized he’d failed at his goal: “Shit,” he groaned, “you didn’t come that time either, did you?” 
You shook your head sheepishly, about to assure him that it was fine— there’d be other chances, clearly, and tonight was already more than perfect without that.  He’d still done way better than you could’ve ever expected for a guy who was a virgin half an hour ago.  
But before you could say any of that, he’d pulled you into a lazy, yet hungry, kiss; he smiled against your lips as his tongue carefully teased yours, holding your face in his hands.  You were totally dazed when he pulled away, blinking up at him with totally undeserved innocence, and he had the most devilish look in his eyes.  “Guess that means we’ll have to go for another round, huh?” he asked.  But it wasn’t a question: he’d decided, and so had you.
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teyamsatan · 1 year
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Okay imagine this. Neteyam and reader having a moment and get interrupted my tuk. Of course her being little doesn't know what she saw. Until its dinner time and she brings it up . Out loud ....infront of the entire clan.
i would actually die if this happened to me ngl
enjoy anonnie x
wc: 500 words
Na'vi words used: yawne - beloved, prrnen - baby, sa'nok - mother, tskmuke - sister
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"Baby, you have to keep it down, people are going to hear you."
"Let them hear, yawne. What's wrong with everyone hearing how good you fuck me every night?"
Famous last words.
Suffice it to say you were mortified. It's not everyday your baby sister... or Neteyam's baby sister, in fact, but at this point, she might as well be yours... walks in on you... doing things... things that no child should ever see, things that no adult should ever have to explain to a child, things that were so beyond what you could reasonably justify. To be fair, though, the flap of the tent was closed, and it was the middle of the night, and you were making noises that pretty much every other human being over the age of like 15 would be able to gauge for what they were and keep a respectable distance. But Tuk... sweet Tuk, innocent Tuk, the-cutest-pie-to-ever-live Tuk, she was attracted by the noises that she thought were indicative of you being in pain. That, in addition to the fact she was rudely awoken by Lo'ak's incessant snores again and felt she would fare better sleeping in your tent, led to this horrifying moment of blind panic and haphazard movements, trying to untangle your limbs and cover your bodies in sheets and blankets.
"Are you alright?"
"Oh, my God, Tuk! What are you doing here, baby?"
"I thought you were hurt, you were screaming!"
Neteyam couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped him, and neither could you help the scowl that you sent in his direction.
"Oh, baby. I'm alright, I just had a... cramp. Neteyam was on top of me because he was... helping me... massage the spot where it hurt."
The next morning, you forcefully placed a pack of nose strips that you stole from Norm in Lo'ak's hand.
"Here. Use them."
"Why?"
"Because your snoring will bring this family to its knees."
Lo'ak raised an eyebrow at your annoyed disposition.
"You don't even sleep in the same tent as us."
"Yes, but Tuk does. And she can't sleep because of you."
"Yes! I had to sleep in brother and sister's tent last night because of you, Lo'ak!"
You looked at Neteyam from the corner of your eye, praying that the conversation ends there.
"Oh, ma prrnen, did you sleep well at least?" Neytiri came close and knelt by her baby's side, patting her head affectionately.
"Not that well, sa'nok. I was worried for tsmuke since I didn't want another cramp to hurt her, she was in a lot of pain when I came in. But whatever Neteyam was doing on top of her seemed to help, so I thought I could help too if she had another cramp."
You groaned, feeling an actual cramp coming when all the heads in the room snapped in your direction, and as soon as Lo'ak and Jake started cackling and Kiri started making gagging noises, you knew you would never hear the end of this.
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dirtpie39 · 2 years
Text
I bought metamorphosis and still haven’t read it cause I’m a chicken despite saying I would and now… I’m gonna buy a copy of this once it’s out since I’m a FOOL… ✨😶
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luminarai · 5 months
Note
The virgin Mikio:
Got kicked out of the cool kids club. Couldn’t befriend a horse. Literally fought and killed his wife’s old mother then turned to her and said “I love you🥺”. Died from one blade to the gut. Left wife when she was being jumped by multiple people because she beat him in one ☝️ sparring session. Panics when wife shows an inch of manliness and pins him.
The Chad Taigen:
Went from poor kid to prized sword student. Overcame bullying prejudice. Protected enemy just so he could kill the enemy himself. Let enemy heal to have a fair fight. Got tortured for days on end and simply had the immunity of a cockroach. Childhood enemy disguised beats him in multiple battles and he eventually admits their skills are better than him. Got ‘really happy’ when who he thought was a man pinned him.
Ngl, this made me scream cackle when I read it, 10/10 nonnie, I love you
But for real, the villain decay of Taigen is hilarious, it’s so good because during the first part of season one my samurai scale from ‘actually the worst’ to ‘my beloved can do no wrong’ looked like this
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and then they introduced Mikio and the bottom of the scale immediately dropped out to this
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kairoot · 7 months
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hiii i saw that ur requests r open (ps ur theme is so cool wtf), so maybe enjoyen hcs for hickey prank? or any tiktok kinda prank i think it would be so funny
ENHYPEN, the hickey.
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genre: crack, fluff, kind of suggestive (?) not really
warnings: ! not smut ! (kinda obvious but i had to clarify.), hickies, kissing
requested: yes! by this lovely anon 🤍
pairing: enha x gn!reader
author’s note: thank you so much for that, it really means a lot! 😭🤍 and thank u so so much for requesting!
ss ➜ pulling the hickey prank on enha + their reactions
heeseung — ;
did not think it was funny
like at all.
literally gives you the most stalest expression ever 😭
i feel like he’d sulk for at least an hour after that 💀
no cause why’d you scare him like that..
you stood at the stove in the kitchen, making dinner as heeseung got himself a glass of water. he started talking to you about his friends and the game until he glanced at you, just checking if you were listening since your responses were short.
“yeah, and jake—“ he did a double take, as he was sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.
placed on your neck was a dark red mark, some purple surrounding it.
“go ahead, hee. i’m listening.” your eyes were still on the pot and your ingredients, so you weren’t really sure why he stopped talking (you knew why he had stopped talking 💀).
“what is that?” his tone changed, more serious now rather than the care-free tone he had before.
“what’s what, baby?” you looked up at him for the first time, seeing his eyes focused on the mark.
he placed a hand around your waist, pulling you in to him so he could analyze the mark more, “this.”
“i didn’t put that there.” he looked back up at you, eyebrows knitted together in confusion and irritation. you bit back a laugh as you avoided his gaze.
“i don’t know, hee, you do a lot of things. you probably put it there late last night.” you shrug, continuing to add ingredients to your dish.
“what is that supposed to mean- no, i didn’t put that there. definitely not last night.” he was actually getting kind of angry now. who were you with besides him?
“it didn’t just appear there itself, did it?” you question nonchalantly.
“i don’t know, you tell me, y/n.” he said, releasing his hold on you and beginning to walk away. your laugh finally escaped as you turned to grab his hand.
“hee, baby, it’s a joke. look.” you giggle, taking his hand and running it across the fake mark. red and purple eyeshadow stained his thumb as he just stared at you.
“..that’s not funny, y/n. like, at all.” he said dryly, his expression making you hold your stomach as more cackles came out.
jay — ;
jays’ actually hurt by this
but is soooo embarrassed when he finds out it’s a joke 💀
im ngl he’ll probably sulk like hee
but will actually laugh with you
is just glad it was a joke
you had your camera recording everything as your phone sat in your lap.
you and jay were taking a trip to the movies and he decided to drive which was the perfect time to pull this prank.
the car ride was a bit quiet at first, the rain in the back and the low distant sound of music coming from the radio. you and jay conversed here and there but it was mostly comfortable silence.
so when you arrived at the theater, jay reached over to help you take off your seatbelt. it was just something he liked to do; putting your seatbelt on and taking it off for you.
when he reached over, he caught a glimpse of something on your neck. he had to blink extra hard to make sure he was seeing correctly.
“wait,” he halted his actions, placing a hand gently on your collarbone. “did i do this?”
you didn’t respond, pretending to not know what he was talking about. until he spoke again.
“i didn’t do this. why is that there, babe?” he asked, a waver in his voice.
“jay, what are you talking about?” you shifted away from his touch, looking in the other direction. he looked at you in confusion. did you not want him touching you now?
“y/n, look at me.” he attempted to look at the mark again, but instead you moved away from him once more. so he sat back in his seat, thinking about what just happened.
“did you see someone else?” jay held his breath, waiting for your answer. there was a long silence before you responded.
“what?”
he gave you a look that said, ‘you know exactly what i said 🙁’. but instead of answering back, he started the car again, starting to back out of the theater parking lot.
“jay, wait!” your hand lands on his when it comes down to shift the gearstick in reverse. you bring the camera up so it’s in his vision.
he stares at the camera and back at you, “what?”
you hold back your laugh, rubbing the makeup off your neck. you show him the stains on your fingers as he realizes what the camera was for.
he breaks into a smile, covering his face in embarrassment.
“are you serious, y/n..”
jake — ;
jake is like on the verge of tears 😭
NAH LIKE BRO IS SO SCARED
cause he doesn’t wanna lose you neither does he want to be cheated on
even after he finds out it’s a prank, he’s whining and pouting
you better give him some love after that cruel prank
you and jake were laying in bed, cuddled with each other. his head was in the crook of your neck, giving you little kisses.
he didn’t know that you were recording the whole thing so you tried your best not to laugh. you pretended to watch the movie on the screen that was long forgotten, but in reality, you were just watching his reaction through the camera.
he continued to place kisses on your neck, giggling while doing so, until he saw the hickey.
“wait, babe,” he lifted his head, examining the bruise. you hummed in response, lowering the camera so he wouldn’t see.
“i was only kissing you.. why is there a hickey?” jake‘a brows furrowed in confusion, glancing up at you.
“i don’t know, jake. you were down there for a long time, maybe you put it there without realizing.”
now he sat up all the way, looking down at you.
“babe, i think i would know if my lips latched onto your skin or not.” he said, his voice turning whiney. he folded his arms, a pout on his lips.
“please don’t tell me you let someone else kiss you.”
you put on a faux offensive tone, “jake?! i would never!”
he glared at you, still pouting so the glare wasn’t intimidating at all.
“y/n, that was so fake.” he began to climb off the bed. “i’m going to jay’s.”
you quickly sat up, tugging on his hoodie, “babe, it’s not real.”
he turned around only to see the camera facing him. he took his finger and rubbed it across the “hickey”, smudging it.
he threw his head back, whining before flopping back on the bed, “y/n, don’t do that! you almost gave me a heart attack.”
is actually upset, please cuddle him so hard 😭
sunghoon — ;
already knows it’s a prank
not because he heard you planning it or anything but he just knows
nothing gets passed him atp
is still annoyed that you would even think to pull something like that tho 💀
you and sunghoon were getting ready to go on a date, so obviously you were in the mirror the whole time, trying to make sure your appearance was okay.
before sunghoon got home, you had already painted the fake hickey on your neck so maybe he could see before or after you arrive at the restaurant.
you made sure your outfit was low around the neck area so he could see perfectly.
standing in the mirror, you adjust your clothes to your liking and fixed your hair so it wasn’t all over the place.
sunghoon stood in the doorway of the bathroom, looking at you.
“you ready?” he asked, fixing the buttons on his shirt.
“now i am.” you looked at yourself one more time, before gathering your things into a bag.
hoon walked up behind where you stood in the mirror, looking at your neck. you caught a glimpse of him as he studied the mark, smiling to yourself.
until he smudged the mark with one of his fingers and walked away.
“i’m way too good for you to want hickies from someone else.” he snorted.
you literally just stood there like🧍🏽‍♀️
sunoo — ;
is actually disgusted
like ew, you were kissing somebody else ?!!!
when he finds out it’s a prank, expect him to be sassy (sassy men in 2023 man 😞)
ignrores you on purpose afterwards
how dare you play with his heart like that ?!
sunoo had came in from the grocery store, placing the bags on the floor. once he saw you come downstairs from hearing the door, he smiled.
“hi, baby.” he pulled you in for a tight hug as if he hadn’t seen you in ages. you hugged back, kissing his cheek.
“so, how was your d-“ you began as he gently pushed you away for a second.
“y/n, what the hell?” his face contorted in disgust and annoyance.
“what?” your eyebrows come together as your eyes try to follow what he’s looking at. “what is it, babe?”
“uh, you can’t call me ‘babe’ after i just saw that.” he started walking to the living room, your steps not too far behind his. “i know for a fact, i didn’t put that there.”
“nunu, what are you talking about?” you laugh a bit, taking a seat next to him on the couch. he scoots away from you, folding his arms.
he doesn’t respond but opens his phone instead.
“sunoo?” no response.
he scoffs, starting to get out of his seat on the couch.
“stop, wait,” you hold your stomach, laughing.
“seriously, y/n, you’re so gross. what about this is funny?” he points to the mark on your chest.
“i’m sorry, i just-“ you snort, rolling off the couch.
he’s literally just standing there, giving you the biggest side eye.
“okay, i’m sorry. um, it’s a joke-“ you could hardly get your words out, tears prickling your eyes at this point. you rubbed the mark away, showing him the now blank spot where the mark once was.
he’s still just standing there, looking at you up and down.
“you’re still gross.”
jungwon — ;
he’s hurt but is actually really calm about it
would probably want you to leave
when he finds out it’s a prank he’s like🧍🏽‍♀️that’s what i thought
will smother you with love afterwards cause you’re his and only his
you were standing in the kitchen, making yourself and jungwon some lunch before he came and joined you.
he wrapped his arms around you, gifting you with a warm back hug. he snuggled his face in the crook of your neck, placing a couple of tiny kisses there.
“hi.” he said in a groggy voice, indicating that his nap had ended. you greeted him back, smiling at his cuteness.
there was a silence before you felt him step away from your back, hands coming up to your waist to spin you around.
he slightly moved your shirt so he could see what the darkness on your neck was.
“y/n..” his voice trailed off, all the grogginess now gone.
you attempted to turn back around, his grip preventing you from doing so.
“it’s just a mosquito bite, wonie-“ you started to say, trying to move his hand away from your shirt.
“no, that’s a hickey, babe. i can see it.” he frowned, hands leaving your shirt and waist.
he stood there for a moment, looking down before speaking again. “i think you should leave.”
“jungwon-“ your hand came to touch his wrist before he moved it out of your grasp.
“seriously, y/n.”
“jungwon, it’s a joke, baby. i’m not leaving you.” you grabbed a towel, scrubbing the makeup off of the side of your neck.
he blinked, pressing his lips together. he stood there for a minute, processing the prank, letting his heart rate go down a little bit.
“that wasn’t funny.” he smiled, holding his chest. “now come here so i can give you some real ones.”
ni-ki — ;
his actual response is “bruh wtf is that🧍🏽‍♀️”
NO LIKE HE ACTUALLY SAYS THAT
gives you the biggest side eye when you tell him it’s a prank
expect him to get you back with another prank
since you have your own car, you decided to pick niki up instead of the other way around. your phone was set on the dashboard, so it looked like you were just filming a little vlog (+ he already knew you liked to film some of your daily life so he didn’t think much of it).
when you arrived outside his dorm, he hopped in the passenger seat, giving you a quick peck. he gave the camera a wave before turning back to you.
“why tf do you have a scarf on right now?” he snorted, hands coming up to remove it.
when you blocked his hand, he stared at you in confusion.
“y/n, it’s literally like 88 degrees outside..”
“okay? i’m cold. plus, it goes with my outfit.” you shrugged, starting the car up again.
“no.. tf it doesn’t-“ he took the scarf away from you, doing a triple take when he saw your neck.
he placed a hand on your chin, turning your head so he could see better.
“y/n, what is that, omg-“ he turned your head more, getting a good look at the mark.
you swat his hand away, turning back forward and putting your scarf across your neck.
“nothing, it’s a rash.”
“i don’t even give you hickies so how did that get there?” he ignored your attempt at lying to him.
“niki, it’s not a hickey. it’s a-“ he took the scarf back in his grasp, trying to tug it away from you.
“babe, calm down, it’s a joke.” you giggled, letting him grab the scarf. you smudge the mark, the makeup now on your fingers.
he stared at you from his side of the car, “so it’s funny?” his reaction only made you snort more.
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