#for its very normal and totally not insane behavior
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★ top gun: maverick (2022) ★ JAKE "HANGMAN" SERESIN
good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. this is your savior speaking.
#top gun maverick#tgmedit#topgundaily#jake seresin#hangman#he's the worst i love him#yes the bar scene needed two gifs#for its very normal and totally not insane behavior#oc#film#film: top gun maverick#this is silly but my brain insisted#i had a blast making it ngl#me 🤝 jake: making ourselves cackle with laughter#feels like i should be apologizing for the babygirlification.......
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Crying screaming going insane over the fact that even if you THINK Hickey deserves the thirty lashes (or the twenty-three that he actually receives), it's still a difficult order to justify (even though Hickey was objectively in the wrong, although unfortunately it's not a massive leap in logic for your average white British sailor in the 1840s) because it's fundamentally part of Crozier's arc regarding alcoholism bringing out the worst in him. Sure, he comes to Silna's aid, but in the next episode, he wants to throw her out and abandon her, and even punishes his good friend for rightfully standing against him! It's a careless act of anger and cruelty that costs Blanky his leg, and ultimately his life (or at least, what might have remained had he not gotten gangrene). Ultimately, its the catalyst for Crozier's sobriety, his moment of "oh god I REALLY fucked up," and he's a better man for it, but it comes at the cost of his friend's life and Silna's safety.
Back to Hickey. I think we tend to let this moment slide because we know Hickey is a terrible person who does terrible things and we want to see him suffer, but Crozier continuing to up the ante as Hickey keeps talking is downright petty. The addition that Hickey be lashed as a boy is pretty needlessly cruel. And it leads to the moment where Hickey goes from a reactive nuiscance to an active threat. His homoerotic joker origin story. It's a moment where, like the Blanky situation, Crozier creates a future problem for himself.
It's a hard scene to watch (and the performances are incredible), and in that scene, it's kind of easy to see how mistrust of Crozier could breed in this environment. Flogging for an offense is terrible, but it's also expected. Hickey's flogging kind of pushes a lot of boundaries as to what is acceptable punishment or senseless cruelty, and we see different characters struggle with this. Crozier didn't just make an enemy of someone who previously wanted to be on his good side, he also created a martyr. It's just one of those things where nobody could have forseen the consequences down the road.
Don't get me wrong I absolutely love this scene and the way it furthers Crozier and Hickey's respective arcs and their dynamics with each other, but I think we can safely say Crozier acted from a place of malice, and it's just one of a few pretty fucked up things he's done, but we want to brush it off because Hickey is an acceptable target even though what happens to him is objectively pretty terrible.
I heard it said that flogging makes good men bad and bad men worse. There was no way Hickey was gonna come out of this normal, and in that instant, it's like fate was sealed. Crozier would never be able to be anything but a mortal enemy in Hickey's mind after that.
I love that this is a moment when Crozier crosses the line. I love that it seems to be more about taking out his feelings than serving a just punishment. I love the constant glances from Hickey and Fitzjames. And I love that this behavior escalates to Crozier going past the point of no return, leaving Blanky to the mercy of the elements and the Tuunbaq and abandoning Silna, and it's a huge moment of reckoning for him! He doubles back! He realizes he fucked up and he tries to change, and in some ways it's too late, but he still commits himself to changing for the better even if it kills him. Which. The DTs could have very easily killed him. It's just as much of a transformation for Crozier as the flogging was for Hickey.
It's so neat. These two men having these massive transformations involving deep personal suffering, and in Crozier's case, Hickey is a footnote, and in Hickey's case, Crozier is the cruel hand of God.
Or somwthing idk I'm like really sick and the nyquil hit.
Anyway I'm not going to bat for Hickey and saying he was right but I think we need to bear in mind that he's a sewer in the sense that he is the sum total of the society he came from and everything that was put into him- love and hate and betrayal and cruelty and everhrhjngi- and in the end, he is colonialism taken to its logical extreme. He's gonna fight God and then become God because he is Special (and Britain is going to conquer the passage and thus control the world because they have the power of God and anime- I mean uhhh they're doing it for queen and country so they are totally right and correct for trying to exploit a sea route for spice, right 🙄). Except he gets torn apart because nature doesn't give a shit.
Idk. Hickey gradually becomes warped into everything Wrong with the Franklin Expedition from the outset, and Crozier isn't a perfect saint who is right all the time and that's why I love this show. I'm gonna go to sleep now.
#terrorposting#amc the terror#the terror amc#cornelius hickey#francis crozier#somebody insert that iasip meme of charlie in front of the corkboard#i love hickey because he has limitless ambition but is also a huge dumbass and the fact that#his only redeeming quality is that hes in love with a guy who divorced him and he wants to be someones pet so bad#adam nagaitis i am cupping your face begging for your notes#the mans takes are chefs kiss and i like that hickey isnt senselessly evil from the outset hes just a scrapper who#got fucked over too many times and decided to make some bad decisions#and i love crozier because he is flawed!!! hes complicated and messy and hurtful and raw!!!#and his transformation is incredible!!! goddamn!!!
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CHICHI IS INSANE
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT VIDEL SAYS THAT ??!! She doesn't say anything that explicit in regular DBZ (This is Kai). Even in the subbed version of Kai she doesn't say that.
Interesting verb of choice. There are many ways to communicate what she did, but using the verb "jump" as a transitive verb is honestly one of the nicest ways to put it, obviously it's vulgar but you don't rope in other expletives to make it so, and it's a nice and common verb in its regular usage.
To be honest the only noteworthy (perhaps just the only?) time that I've heard it used that way was in Smokey And The Bandit (1977). Videl has definitely seen that movie and she definitely has thoughts on it. Her father definitely has it on DVD and then also Blue-ray
Chichi changes her tune as soon as she finds out that Videl has money. VERY TYPICAL CHICHI BEHAVIOR.
Gohan is sitting there trying to eat very politely because they have company and he wants to look normal. He does not do anything about the drama of his mother because she is the matriarch and he cannot tell her to mind her manners in any way shape or form or else he'll get the spoon
Gohan Spits Rice All Over Goten's Face and Goten barely even blinks about it. Doesn't even wipe his face. Completely unperturbed. The most he does is that he arrests all activity while it's happening but then as soon as it's over he jumps in with what he's excited to say, much more concerned with the emotional impact of what he's heard rather than the physical impact of what just happened to him.
ALREADY-WROTE-THE-POST EDIT: I raised the audio and exported the video again and I just noticed THE COUGH AND GIGGLE. This is arguably worse. He's not even startled enough to momentarily freeze. He spits and laughs through it. There is nothing that can unsettle this kid
We've repeatedly seen in Goten both an innate sense of justice and a healthy aggression in regards to defending that (off the top of my head: when he demanded that Gohan stop making fun of him that he couldn't fly, when he gets mad at Trunks for breaking the rules during their tournament battle, when he YELLS AT VEGETA when Vegeta knocks Trunks out), but this rice thing is fine. It doesn't at all register as a breach of his boundaries. Sensory wise he is totally okay with it. There was a scene earlier on where he was laughing while a dinosaur licks his face. He's totally cool with this sort of stuff
Honestly he probably gets it, he's done it before. I'm sure that there have been times where he was eating too fast (every time) and then he slips up and starts choking and he has to slam his hand on the table like a grown man and turn to the side and hack onto the floor. And then maybe he offers an "excuse me" to be polite if his mother gives him a chastising look, but otherwise he just goes right back to wolfing shit down. So honestly Gohan spitting rice all over and across the table is nothing new at all. Like Goten has definitely done that.
Again he doesn't even wipe his face before talking. Doesn't even put his bowl down or anything
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Seee if nobody else got me I know @zeravmeta got me. Please please pleaseee….I…insane clown p-ussy...
I think in his interactions w Anyone really. he needs to be read as pretentiously playing the “devil you know.” Like, as you mentioned here for Jeanne this takes the form of like, an unhinged desperate man turning to her for forgiveness. But he changes his personality up a bit w everyone he talks to in a way that mirrors their perceived insecurities. All of its genuinely Him because he has a strong personality, but he also has very strong paralels to every character I can think about him having any sustained interaction w. I can’t even really get into all of them cuz I’d be here forever but I’ll rant a bit about some scenes he has w Jeanne, mash, the one valentines scene w Kama, his general shtick w nursery rhyme. And how murder at the kogetsukan is actually imo important to understanding who he is at heart.
The thing is in each case I can think of where he does this, the reality is he’s more similar to the person he’s trying to disturb than the person whose evil behavior he’s imitating. Or is equally similar to both and kind of bridges the theological gap between them a bit maybe. Like, w jeanne, it’s not just that he’s behaving like Gilles, he is also situationally a lot like Jalter, he himself is some weird horny old man’s botched lab experiment out to avenge himself and others like him, but also, his approach to this feels more abstract and inhuman than Jalter , more adjascent to jeanne herself, and I think that’s meaningful bc she sort of theologically distances herself from Jalter but here is a guy who is batshit in both ways. He enacts good will through force of evil deeds which distance him from being able to hold normal relationships, the type of morality I don’t think Jeanne who holds tight to goodness for goodness sake, or even most normal people, can really begin to comprehend, but it’s also, the same way others can’t comprehend her insistence that she’d hold tight to goodness no matter what is done to her. Both are simultaneously, totally reasonable for latching onto the abstract concepts of good and evil within their own perspective. But totally incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t also. like that. Sure Mephy may have the “selfish” Jalter adjacent motives of a victim lashing out to avenge himself in an undignified attempt to gain dignity. But also, like, fatalistic understanding of the will of god as something he serves at his own expense, means he kind of is a saint and martyr in his own weird way. When I say serving the will of god I don’t mean happily so, he even says to guda he wants to help them kill god, bc. Well, he’s the worst Big Daddy upstairs of them all. But he’s still a big daddy who can smite you like an insect, so you have to play by his rules. Mephy wants to make everyone think he’s evil, bc he wants to become a real devil, bc that’s what he thinks he exists to be, what will give him power to avenge himself, and so he’s purposely denigrating himself to an inhuman construct to achieve it, and a portion of the audience apparently buys it, bc just being an arrogant asshole dressed like a creepy clown is enough to rub a lot of people the wrong way. But imo he holds a similar type of arrogance as Jeanne’s in this regard. He’s holding himself to an impossible standard of both good and evil so he kind of had the right to call it out in her even if he’s a hypocrite, which he is in every interaction w everyone. And also, even the parallel to Gilles has multi tiered meaning, since Faust is often portrayed as a child abuser, and so is mephisto in the Goethe play, and he sort of ends said play lamenting his obsession w innocence and purity and inability to ever possess it being his downfall... and like, our Mephy, i would guess, despite the conflicting framing of him, probably doesn’t want to become that, but might sort of think this is his natural disposition or fate, simply bc the things he’s implied about Faust or at least how he perceives him. So only Jeanne can save him from becoming and committing evil like that right? But like. No. She can’t. Bc he’s not her devil. And she shouldn’t even really be held responsible for Gilles, or any other unhinged guy needing her forgiveness. Mephy is pointing out how many people approach her w this whim that she can make them fucking normal if she just hits them hard in the head w a brick. This is normal to her but it’s pitiful it’s normal and she accepts it as such, which he probably wants her to admit, bc his repeated theme across these interactions is that he just wants people to be happy and reject creeps like him, but tells them in the cruelest way possible. which brings me to. Mash!! Bc it paralels his behavior towards her too.
When he first meets Mash in garden of order, he says a bunch of things that are brought back as specific notes of contention within her dynamic w Beryl during the lostbelts (and also Pepe and Kadoc to some degree) He says he’s like her big brother in an attempt to get her guard down, which Fujimaru chips in instead of letting it fly as ironic or cruel like yeah yeah, you’re like her big brother, encouraging him in a positive way bc Fujimaru believes in everyone’s capacity to be equals, flying in the face of mephistos assumptions Fujimaru only likes mash bc her lack of agency and rebelliousness, so they would consequently hate him for being. Not a nice sweet submissive person. This is true of Mash in this point of the story, she has little agency in the earlier chapters, and if you understand his character you understand he actually relates to this and is genuinely horrified on her behalf, but is phrasing it more like it’s in a pitiful inconvenience than w the kindness it actually needs to be said, the same thing kadoc did which is why I point out it’s not just beryl even if it’s mostly beryl.
Bc he also says he watched his roommate repeatedly sever the arms of his family members every night, and due to his conditioning by Faust sacrificing humans (supposedly to aid in his creation) doesn’t know if this is done as an act of abuse or love, specifically adjascent to what beryl does to her and what she asks after. At this point in the story you haven’t met Beryl, but Mash still clearly dislikes this, she becomes visibly uncomfortable and for a short bit after that is slightly hesitant towards mephisto, but she also like, gets over it really quickly after she sees him attack his “bad” selves, stepping in to be like, oh, ok, I see you are trying to become a better person despite having been mislead and used as a proxy for other peoples violence. She Gets it. She’s the first to sort of commit to the repeated theme w Mephy, that everyone he attempts to harass is actually hesitantly accepting and compassionate towards him and willing to relate to him, he’s the one who most struggles to accept this possibility of having normal loved ones who care and understand him and not just bc they are naive and mislead by him. Bc if everyone trusts him not due to naïveté but due to recognition of everything he embodies. He loses power as a (theoretical) devil. He is obviously, regardless of his status as a know it all, mostly just a petulant traumatized child, with no real power over anyone. That’s both the sad and hopeful thing. Power is bad for him, it’s the corrupting force which will help him actualize into a real devil. But conversely he’s the easiest villain to defeat and in some ways purposefully so, because deep in his heart he doesn’t actually want to win. He just wants to be innocent, if someone does not give him any power over them by reacting with violence or hate, he utterly flounders. Devils only exist if you will them too, but nobody here wants the devil, they want Mephy to be whoever Mephy actually is, some sort of, weird pathetic clown guy who is sort of sweet and sort of an asshole? and that’s incredibly agonizing to him bc he doesn’t know who the fuck that is without Faust. He has very little personhood outside of Faust and yet constantly boasts his independence and freedom, for understandable reasons.
Preoccupation with avenging lost innocence is a good segueway to the valentines scene with Kama I think. Also note, I use Kama and Sakura sort of interchangeably here but I recognize they still separate characters. To me this scene reads as the character Kama wanting to offer something nice to the character child Sakura. But I sort of mush them together when discussing them.
IMO if you don’t understand these characters backstories still haunt them, this scene might fly totally past the radar as anything important, because Kama is trying to downplay her engagement in any of these scenes, so it’s played for silly and awkward in context. But that’s just any scene Mephy is in, and you have to look past it for what it really is. Kama is pretending to be a child at the park w her dad, sort of, mimicking maybe one of the last happy memories of childhood Sakura has, and Mephy is clearly here to play the villain, he doesn’t even really have to Try to be sakuras devil bc he’s already at glance an amalgamation of the worst traits of all the family members who hurt her but. Also. He’s a stranger,,, or more so, they sort of imply they concocted this scenario ahead of time and are just really bad actors motivated by the same wants, who are using each other as pawns for each others evil ends (showing the hypocrisy central to their approach).
However. Your feelings of dread are kind of mitigated by the obvious fact no one here wants to play out a depraved or traumatic scenario bc it clearly hits them too close to home. I think the implication given by their backstories is they are waiting to see if you are a creepy or innept dad towards child kama, because Mephy as we know from how he talks about Vicky Frank in London, is basically itching to smash literally every shitty dads shitty face in. but of course guda isn’t a shitty dad, so they’re left w nothing but a really awkward setup they’re trying to play off as meaningless that kinda screams like, this isnt meaningless and petty at all actually, both really wish their fucking parental figures had taken them to oniland instead of committing human rights violations. They did not get to have normal childhoods and so they implicitly. want this nice little fantasy to play out for child Sakura. without phrasing it as such bc that kind of open admission of vulnerability is forbidden, so mephisto, as usual, will play the villain to his dying breath, bc he won’t ever directly admit he’s traumatized. Neither will Kama of course, but this is -their- valentines scene, which necessitates them revealing more than he does. It goes to show how hard mephisto will self denigrate until the other party confronts their inner demons, and that’s bc the clown in him that exists to be humiliated and despised, which Kama has to give in to bc a god of love can only go so far in that capacity. So it feels like Kama is both. Irritated by the pretentiousness of this . He ends up being less like shinji or his father or zouken and more like Kariya, and that’s still shitty and traumatizing in its own way. Mephisto prefaces this scene as him being creepy but what he’s really doing is going oh poor baby whatever you’re going through is more important than having my own similar problems be understood. And of all things, that’s what fucks this scene up. She’s trying to brush off why this scenario or any of these scenarios exist bc she’s never dealt w this pain and assumed she could preface all of this w ironic detatchment. But still! Going to a park is something kariya and her mom used to do w her and her sister, showing she might not have actually totally forgotten what this type of thing means and holds sentimental attatchemt to the idea of it (a theme park just ups the ante and the fantasy aspect of it) But also do you really think Kama would admit they want this sort of sentimental thing unironically? So Mephy the clown must prove he is a worse more traumatized asshole than Kama , so she can admit by proxy she just wants to act like a normal innocent kid for a day, she doesn’t have to thank him for this role or even care about him, but she still points out hes not evil, that he does this as a pretentious part of being what he is, and she focuses on the one thing that’s Not familiar. Clown. he’s sticking to the act of a horrible despicable clown, even on Valentine’s Day, bc hes a very pathetic man scared of being loved, and would probably sooner die than admit that. kama does the big person thing, accepts the shallow pretense they brought you here w for the paradoxical depth it has, this is a normal scenario of a little girl at the theme park with her dad, who had a brush in with a creepy clown and just wants to feel protected and loved. Both of them are too detatched to tell Why you any of this was necessary, it’s the context of what they’ve said and done before now you need to read into, It actually makes me really sad to think about.
Also this is why I’m convinced Mephy is concious and self aware in murder at the kogetsukan. Even the naming convention and setup follows everything you see from the established patterns of interactions, the names of the violet family have a lot of biblical conventions which feel too convoluted to ignore the symbolism of. (Also, that dancing with Eve and Lilith is something he and Faust do in the play, and gorgon taking Margaret’s face in the same scene, there’s just a lot of weird little meta bits in here) Mephy’s character is named Cain, which imo gives him an excuse to break the fourth wall 4th wall and literally just be a self possessed actor rather than narratively lacking self awareness. Named after Gods grandson, whom God dismisses because his sacrifice of plant instead of meat is deemed less significant, and so he becomes possessed by the devil and enraged, and imo this is paraleling mephistos preoccupation w his doll body, how it implicitly makes him feel inherently objectified and worthless and inhuman. Like. Valentines day he gives you a pet which will explode and simulate artificial death, and tells you he wants you to see it as a mascot more worthy than fou. Or when you give him chocolate he’s like (clown screech) my heart valve is pumping. Constantly reminding you he isn’t human and feels awful about it. He thinks his own life and death is meaningless because he is artificial which is why he’s a self sacrificing individual. While maybe not concious and self aware. Ignore everything Moriarty says abt the faces not being significant? They are, Lancelot is cast as and is subsequently the perfect father to this stand in for mephisto bc he’s also struggling w these same feelings and told it all to kariya back in fate zero, and he’s worried he’s a bad dad who would objectify or traumatize his kid, something you see Moriarty needle him for in grand carnival albeit played for laughs at the fact that usually Lancelot is the one who ends up objectified, but Moriarty is also someone who needles peoples trauma when trying to help them. But Lancelot’s like, not what people assume him to be, he’s a genuinely loving person, and so is his character by proxy, so the second “Cain” realizes this, he has a massive sentimental breakdown where he says he loves his family and wants to save them, and I think this is important not to distance the characters 100% from the npcs in this moment bc it shows major facets of Mephisto and Lancelot that often get ignored or misunderstood, and lets mephisto actually commit to his genuine issue of just wanting a dad who loves him normally and showcases that Lancelot actually is so good he wouldn’t care if he’s in a family unit wher he’s a cuckold or his kid is a crazy loser like him, the things people sort of assume he’s preoccupied w being like the possession of another man’s wife or having the perfect child, but like, no, he genuinely just wants to love the people he’s with in the moment but is hesitant to attempt it. the event isn’t totally uncorrelated to the faces the npcs have at all. For some people at least (Mephy, Lancelot, Moriarty, and Mordred off the top of my head) all had some deep seated desire or other fulfilled by this scenario . (Sherlock npc dies, mordred npc has a dick) I can’t really rationalize the others but these 4 at least are super obvious, and it’s part of why I want to “blame” mephisto bc I think out of everyone his reasons for wanting this and ability to put it into place as a mythological wish granter who concocts dreams, makes the most sense motive wise, and also, the deadly fever guda falls under as well as the fantasy concocted are both things mephistos poison is capable of in faust. But I might be missing something, it’s possible like the drama Cd or something I don’t remember revealed a culprit behind the “it was all a dream” thing, but I just think it’s notable that for mephisto there is no barrier between dreams and reality.
Also I should probably mention the importance of his dynamic w nursery rhyme mirroring the absense of what he and Kama don’t have? She calls him uncle mephy and is clearly like, trying to talk him out of his nihilistic suicidal outlook of reality. Bc well whatever, they are both helpless broken dolls but also, she has reason to form sentimental attatchment to clowns, they -are- familiar to her, Faust was one of the first plays put on by pantomime, clown theatre, as was the goose that laid the golden egg, a story about sacrificing something loyal to you so you can reap the immediate benefits of its labor. and I think the latter was one of the performances where mother goose went from a folklore figure to having a canon physical appearance (and you can see as of fgo she still does not, she’s still using Alice’s appearance) and there’s even more nameplay going on w the paralels to kariya she’s invoking w the uncle Mephy shtick making them like kariya and Sakura, kariyas name means “wild goose” and being sent on a wild goose chase is a euphemism for becoming lost in pursuit of something you desire. Mephy doesn’t seem to accept anything in reality as anything but nonsense and farce, yet he constantly imbues every attempt at nonsense and trivializing peoples problems w a huge load of painful sincerity. mother goose is, itself, a book of mostly nonsense. But its sentimental purpose as a familiar children’s book and folklore brushes against his, saying “you have a home here” something he’s obviously in severe denial of wanting but also manages to make 90% of his personality. Mephisto at the start of faust is literally just a lost dog looking for a home. @zeravmeta mentioned how little of Mephy is even allowed to be himself, and he exists mostly through others and like, yeah! There’s more paralels than there is Mephy at a certain point. every “joke” scene Mephy is in is actually majorly sad and fucked up the moment you take a minute to dissect it. Bc he’s convinced trauma makes him funny, when it only paradoxically makes him funny by sheer force of how unfunny he is.
#clown clown clown#faust grand order#laust in the faust#a very long post so do not click if you don’t want to read very long analysis of the fucking clown#source: repeated Faust reader and appreciator who actually mostly likes what fgo has done w him#also you are welcome to add or correct any details bc I’m working from memory here I’m prone to getting things wrong when I do that#and ofc zerav you don’t have to read it now or ever but I said I’d post it and tag you if you were ok w that so I will#oh and want to confirm I recognize Kama and Sakura are separate beings but I think you need to address the needs of both correlating there
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RFA + Saeran adopt dog headcanons bc I’m bored at work and they deserve dogs!!
Zen
this narcissist adopts himself in dog form
decides to adopt a shelter dog, somehow manages to find the most gorgeous dog to ever exist
probably a big breed. I’m imagining a husky!
dog does not leave Zen’s side. when one moves, the other moves. they have the exact same mannerisms. It starts to get a little creepy
he posts so many goddamn dog pictures (mostly selfies with his dog tbh)
insanely active and that only increases after he adopts a dog. he posts 90 Snapchat stories per day of the two of them hiking
as for the dogs personality… well, it’s just like it’s owner ^^^
Jaehee
being the practical gal she is, jaehee adopts a large dog for safety reasons since she lives alone
it wasn’t an easy decision. she was worried that her work schedule would impede her ability to provide a dog with proper care.
but when her work life finally settles down (by some miracle) she finds herself unable to relax
she’s spent so long dealing with work and people that she doesn’t really know how to be alone with nothing to do
enter: DOG
she honestly found most of the dogs at the shelter quite overwhelming. Until she spotted a large mutt, curled up in the corner of its cage and eyeing her with calm, observant eyes
she initially decides to foster the dog and see how things go
she takes her time making the dog comfortable and gaining its trust until it finally comes out of its shell
eventually they are inseparable
the dog likes to lay its head silently on Jaehee’s lap while she works
^^ but of course dogs can’t stay still forever
when it starts to get antsy with boredom, Jaehee knows it’s time to take a break and take care of the needs of her and her best friend!
Saeyoung
you think this fool is capable of only adopting ONE dog???
absolutely not
once everything settles down he buys a giant property and eventually adopts half of a dog shelter
big dogs! small dogs! young dogs! old dogs! he has them all-
constant dogs means constant distraction, which helps him from spiraling into negative thoughts too much
after all, who can possibly be sad when they’re at the bottom of a giant dog cuddle pile?
yes they all sleep in bed with him
he knows every single one inside and out, their personalities, their likes, dislikes, their random quirks and fears
(he gives them all distinctly human names)
(instead of telling the RFA that he adopted a dog he just starts talking about his friend Chad and everyone has to guess whether he’s talking about a human or a dog)
And the dogs?
All distinctly different from one another- aside from ONE trait
You think you’ve seen a protective dog? try a whole PACK of ex-feral dogs who love their owner more than anything
they’re protective of him just in general, which saeyoung somehow fails to notice when they give any non-pack person a death glare for having the AUDACITY to look their owner in the eye
all his life nobody ever protected him. he had to protect himself, which has made him well… yeah
but it’s truly impossible to feel unsafe surrounded by his family
he can finally sleep well at night
Jumin
Jumin… Jumin I love you but you KNOW he bought some 5 pound purse dog for $20000
it’s smaller than elizabeth
(and not happy about it)
The two have an ongoing rivalry that Jumin refuses to acknowledge
he doesn’t fucking know anything about dogs
he does not understand what it’s doing, ever, and frequently consults the RFA chat about some totally normal dog behavior that he cannot understand
to his credit tho, he truly does love his dog, and his dog loves him (and everything jumin spoils him with)
he may learn more about dogs after adopting, but he still doesn’t have time in his schedule for proper dog care
he hires a full-time dog nanny who gets paid more than most of the country (after a VERY intense hiring process)
zen insists that jumin didn’t really adopt a dog, but another cat (or.. well, rat)
zen also has an ongoing rivalry with jumins dog
Jumin CANNOT take it to a dog park bc he gets anxious when they play rough and gets protective of his child (((only a little like a Karen)))))
Yoosung
this boy LOVES dogs!!!
I mean come on he’s basically a golden retriever in human form
he’s so excited to adopt a dog! he gets all the supplies ahead of time, teaches himself basic dog training methods, and looks on Petfinder for months to find the perfect one!!
he adopts a dog that’s really smart!
…too smart….
Smarter than him, perhaps
Yeah he accidentally ends up adopting one of the smartest and most stubborn breeds
It’s more…. The dog training Yoosung than Yoosung training the dog
exactly what every college student needs! a dog with a sixth sense to know when you’re making bad decisions
it will straight up sit on his laptop if he’s up playing LOLOL too late
literally DRAGS him toward somebody to force him to make friends
Yoosung’s dog does not like Saeyoung.
His dog may not be able to make its owner less gullible, but it sure can shoot death glares at Saeyoung when he’s playing a prank
(Saeyoung notably only pranks him over text now)
Saeran
He’s reluctant at first to get an ESA
butttt while he’s being dragged on one of Saeyoung’s (many) visits to the animal shelter, something catches his eye…
It’s a puppy!
It’s a very small puppy
And it’s alone :(
A shelter employee explains that she’s the runt of the litter, and has some health problems as a result. Her mom and siblings were all adopted but she was left behind
….
So Saeran has a dog now
BIG mama bear energy
Even Saeyoung doesn’t DARE even thinking about teasing the puppy… he has enough survival instincts
Cautious to let other people handle her… she’s so fragile
And she’s shy at first.
There’s a solid month when they are physically attached to each other. You see Saeran? dog is sleeping contently cradled in his arms
Saeran is still having trouble opening up to people, but if you pass his door at night you can hear him speaking gently to somebody…
She grows and grows until she doesn’t look so fragile anymore. She starts becoming curious about the world around her
And…(fuck, Saeran thinks) she really likes Saeyoung
Saeran will not leave dog. Dog wants to play with her uncle. Saeran is thus forced to spend time out of his room.
He wants to be upset about it, but he just can’t be negative, seeing her play so happily…
He goes to Starbucks solely for the reason of getting a pup cup
She loves playing with other dogs, so dog park visits become a regular. And damn- dog owners are so social. Surprisingly, Saeran doesn’t mind too much.
Eventually Saeran starts to open up to the rest of the world too
#mystic messenger headcanons#mystic messenger#mysmes#hc#mm zen#Jumin Han#jaehee kang#Yoosung kim#mm#Saeyoung Choi#saeran Choi
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I think this is the worst year she’s ever had in regards to very messed up actions and behavior and it’s wild to me how fans don’t see it (because they think she’s untouchable/in her “imperialist” era 🤦🏻♀️), and I think a combination of the breakup (because there’s no WAY that didn’t totally ruin her and fuck her up, no matter how much she pretends to be a girl boss, no matter how much she belittles him in public) and the insane amount of attention (and $) she got happening all at once really made her go off the rails in a different way than she had before. even her “sweet” persona that she used to be relatable is gone and this vindictive, narcissistic, greedy bitch image is in its place, but for some reason the fanbase is rolling with that and applauding it like it’s normal? and she still has all of tour next year, so even more opportunity to be a mess. she’s so overexposed and she’s made herself so unlikable that if things crumble for her again, nobody’s gonna love her and pick up the pieces like Joe tried to do. (lmao if anyone thinks the football player will stand by her). her self awareness is at an all time low while her fame and bank account are at an all time high and that’s directly related.
this is definitely her worst year yet. it’s a mile long list of things she’s done and bad pr, she’s only made it to 2024 bc of her new relationship acting as a distraction. something bad happens? tayvis moment on the front page. another thing? re-release. something else she didn’t plan for? diss article attacking Joe. she’s barely hanging on. I have a feeling 2024 isn’t going to be any better.
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no offense but this is so batshit insane... the psychiatry subreddit makes me so mad -_- medical professionals always have doubted survivors struggling with dissociative disorders. It pisses me off.
this reply just totally misses the mark of one of the very hallmark symptoms of dissociative disorders- the memory problems and amnesia and extreme levels of dissociation. So first of all, theres that. Its hard to find people meeting these symptoms to a satisfactory degree because only 1% of the population has this disorder...
Gonna tackle the next bit. Sure, alters may just look like an incongruent schema of a highly traumatized person to an outsider. Sure, Child alters may look like severe age regression during a distressing event to an outsider.
But what separates alters from either a schema or mere age regression is that alters hold their own different memories and thoughts. Schema is a pattern of thoughts or behaviors- it is not a completely dissociated part of your identity the way an alter is. You (to my knowledge) can't speak to schemas the way you can with an alter. Schemas don't have their own names, separate thoughts from you, memories, ect...
And the thing with the war veteran... would be so well explained if this person read about the theory of structural dissociation... PTSD, BPD, CPTSD, OSDD and DID are all forms of structural dissociation!!- this theory explains how your brain splits into compartmentalized parts to deal with painful memories so you don't have too remember extreme trauma in your daily life. So yes, the war veteran may not have an alter, but they have an EP (disconnected part of their identity that holds traumatic memory/needed schema to survive. The commentor actually explains it well.)... DID is similar but instead of just one EP (part that holds painful memories) there are multiple EPs. And unlike the war veteran who has a sense of normal functional self without the trauma (ANP), a person with DID will have more than one ANP..
So yes, a person with DID shares a lot in common with someone with PTSD or BPD but they are not!! The same thing!! Its like saying a first degree burn and a third degree burn are the same thing... both are inflicted from pain but have caused different types of damage and will need different healing processes.... idk... and to see so many people agreeing with them annoyed me.
Psychiatrists suck.. i h8 seeing stuff like this.. doubting a group of people who develop a disorder that comes from extreme childhood trauma and their experiences with it... Fuck that srry.. this was in ask psychiatrists -_- idk. It just really irked me... if anyone actually read this and has thoughts lmk. Im always willing to learn
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OMGOSJSJ !!!!!! HES SO CUTE I LOVE HIM WAHH !! CINNAMOROLL :DD nd YWAH I RMBR THEM I LOVED THEM THEY WERE SO CUTE MAN . . . u were like. my fav editor then I STILL CANT BELIEVE WE BECAME MUTUALS ??? love story of the century also uhmuhmm hehe . . . uu associating me w cinnamoroll is the cutest actually :happyshy: ALSOALSO YEAHH I'LL TAKE LOADS OF PICS ND TELL UU ALL ABT IT IF I DO GO !! its not gonna be until oct BUT YAYA >:D hrnwjjwnd yeah im (un)fortunately old enough to have a part time job <//3 <- mother told me i needed rl exp before high school grad next year :( its ok tho !!! depending on the job it can be decently fun nd i can be a millionaire fr !!! i used to do a service job so that was Not fun. i plan on applying for a boutique or bookstore tho ober the summer >:3 !!! nd uhmm yeahh that was kimda . . . hehe . . . coming out as gay now i love uu 💖🎉 im such a hashtag ally ☆
OHMYDDUKSJFJSJFD HOW WAS I YOUR FAVORITE I WAS SO BAD AT EDITING BACK THEN EUSJFKWKRJSJ ia lso dont remember how we became mutuals actually JFKSNRNSNFB i dont remember promo hours being a thing back then so. how!!WHATEVER IM STILL SO HAPPY I FOLLOWED YOU MWAH MWAAAAAHand.. DO YOU THINKSO OHEGTDHJWNRJWNF?2!$-+$(2!3 SORRY i am very normal when people call my behavior cute i totally dont go insane and cry and sob/pos,, RL EXP RAJJTJWNTJD OHHHGG WORKING ON A BOOKSTORE OR BOUTIQUE SOUNDS FUN AS HELL... bwa we dont have that fancy shit here best i can achieve is working at a supermarket or normal ass store under the worst possible work conditions everHDKSJRJWNT idk i just really want to know how having Actual decent amount of money of your own feels like so I'll take anything! woahg....are you also gay... guess... im a little bit gay too...and especially..foryou...isnt that a huge coincidence...we should kiss a lot right now tbh.. AS STRAIGHT ALLIES OF COURSE!!!!!
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Be My Baby Mama Pt 4
Summary: Peter and SIM Tony accidentally end up pregnant when they spend a heat together. They decide to keep the pup but how are a superhero and a supervillain supposed to do this whole parenting thing? And what's everyone else going to say when they find out?
“Umm, Mr. Stark, can I ask you something kind of personal?” Peter asked, not sure if he was going insane or if it was actually possible. Stark raised an eyebrow but gestured for him to go on. “Are you on birth control?” Stark just looked at him like he had grown a second head, then paled for a moment before his expression totally locked down behind a blank mask.
Read on AO3 Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3
Tags: Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Peter Parker, Omega Tony Stark, Mafia AU, Mob Boss Tony Stark, Villain Tony Stark, Mafia Typical Violence, no smut guys, It's all fluff, A little angst, Mpreg, Mating, SIM Tony Stark, sorta, Superior Iron Man Vol 1. (2015), Age Difference, Aged-Up Peter Parker, baby Stark, Crack Treated Seriously, Just a crack taken seriously fic where Peter and Tony get pregnant, have a pup, and fall in love, Tony is very bossy and Peter says Yes Omega all the time
As the first trimester really got going, Peter settled into life at the tower. He and Tony got to know each other properly, and sure, maybe it was backwards, but Peter was really enjoying their date nights.
Tonight would have been one such night if Tony hadn't had a business trip and Peter was feeling his absence. It wasn't the first trip away that Tony had gone on but they'd been pretty sporadic and Peter had really gotten used to having the other man around.
"Can you put a movie on please, Jarvis?" Peter said as he dropped onto the coach with a heavy sigh. Honestly, he wasn't much in the mood but it felt wrong to go into Tony's lab without him, and nothing else sounded interesting.
"Of course, Master Peter. Shall I also order you some Thai and ice cream per sir's rainy day protocol?" Jarvis asked.
"His what?" Peter asked, sitting up.
"The rainy day protocol, for when Sir deems that you are moping or otherwise having a 'dreary day' and could use a pick me up," Jarvis explained.
"He has a protocol for that?" Peter asked, flushing as he thought back to all of the random Thai days where Tony had surprised him with his favorites. "Wait, I wasn't moping that much!"
"Sir has a protocol for everything," Jarvis said, and Peter would swear he was being laughed at by the AI. "As to your mental state, I could not speak for that, only for sir's belief that you need cheering up when displaying certain behaviors."
Peter groaned and flopped back on the coach.
"Shall I activate the protocol?" Jarvis asked and Peter groaned again, burying his face in the couch. Thai and ice cream did sound good though, now that he thought about it.
"Ugh, alright, activate it, Jarvis, but not a word to Tony," Peter said. "I don't need him thinking I can't handle him being away."
"Of course, Master Peter," Jarvis replied. "Please enjoy the movie while you wait."
Return of the Jedi started and Peter let the well worn story lull him into a daze. A few times he caught himself going to say something to Tony, only to realize the Omega wasn't there. The Thai and ice cream lost its appeal as Peter realized he had to eat it alone. He managed three bites before packing the leftovers away while fighting tears.
"Is something wrong with the food, Master Peter?" Jarvis asked.
"Tony's not here to eat it with me," Peter retorted without thinking. He flushed and panicked when he realized he said it out loud. "Don't tell him I said that, Jarvis, please."
"It is normal to miss your mate when they are gone," Jarvis said and Peter marveled once more at how alive Jarvis was despite his synthetic voice.
"Yeah but-" Peter cut himself off, at a loss of how to explain to the AI that sometimes he felt like he was Tony's baby daddy, not a proper mate. That he was so much younger and less experienced, and still the older man gave him the time of day so he didn't want to be a burden. How to explain that every day Peter spent around the omega just showed him how amazing the older man was and how much he wished their relationship was more than just raising a baby together.
Somehow, in less than 7 weeks, he had fallen head over heels for the omega and Peter was pretty sure the other man didn't feel the same. He seemed to appreciate Peter's presence but it wasn't an all consuming flame that drove him to distraction like it was for Peter.
"It's just complicated, Jarvis," Peter finally said with a sigh. "And I don't want Tony to feel like I'm holding him back or that he can't trust me to stay home when he travels."
"I am sure sir would not feel that way, Master Peter," Jarvis said.
Peter ignored the AI and just curled up on the couch. He didn't feel like facing the empty penthouse or too alive AI that might give him false hope.
It was times like these that Peter wished he hadn't lost contact with his friends but the relationship had been unsustainable with his secret between them. And now, what would they say? He was in love and having a pup with an older omega who was the biggest arms dealer on the east coast while also being a billionaire who ran SI. They'd probably call him a liar or ask how he could be with someone like that.
It was frustrating, because Tony was so much more than that. He was a genius, always making improvements but not just to his weapons. He still supported clean air initiatives and climate change research, still donated to charities and kept a tight fist on his businesses so that innocents didn't get dragged in. And he could be kind and generous to those he considered his. Whether you were an SI employee or henchman in his less than legal businesses, Tony made sure you were taken care of as long as you were loyal and did your job. Peter knew it didn't absolve the man but there was a gray area there that Tony seemed to thrive in.
But most people didn't know that side of his mate. Would accuse him of lying if he tried to say anything because Tony also had a reputation to maintain.
**************
Peter hardly noticed time passing as he ignored his hunger and Jarvis. And maybe he was moping but so what, it wasn't hurting anyone. He missed his mate, missed having friends, missed having a life that included purpose. It was completely reasonable to be a little upset about that.
Apparently, the universe was against him though, because the elevator dinged and someone stepped out. The smell of pizza drifted over even as Peter's enhanced sense recognized Rhodey's footsteps.
"Hey kid," Rhodey said as he dropped the pizza on the coffee table and sat in the chair next to the couch. "Jarvis said you were moping but I didn't think it would be this bad or I would have broken out the chocolate."
Peter didn't say anything, curling further into the couch.
"Come on, kid," Rhodey said gently. "You gotta at least eat something or Jarvis will rat you out to Tony instead of just calling me."
Peter sighed but sat up and grabbed a slice of the pizza. Rhodey was silent as they ate but that was probably a good thing, because it was good pizza and once he started eating, his body reminded him of just how hungry he was. Finally though, he had eaten enough that he just leaned back on the couch and sighed.
"You know, loving Tony is both one of the easiest and hardest things in the world to do," Rhodey said out of nowhere. "He's a good man, but his life wasn't easy and there were so many expectations that he still tries to live up to today. So few people actually see the person he really is."
"That sounds pretty lonely," Peter replied softly.
"It can be," Rhodey said, his face unhappy. "It's also dangerous, but there's no telling Tony no when he gets something in his head."
"Yeah, he's pretty stubborn," Peter said with a huff even as he fought a smile. The omega was a force of nature and nothing could stand in his path and win.
"But you know, he's also the most generous and caring too, and once you're one of his, there's nothing he won't do for you," Rhodey said.
"How do you know you're really his though and not just an obligation or something " Peter asked softly, the question slipping out without his intent. Then he flushed when he realized what he'd done. "Nevermind, just ignore me. I'm just tired."
"Hey, it's ok," Rhodey said firmly. "You guys had an unconventional start, and you're definitely not the one holding the obvious cards in this relationship. But let me tell you a secret."
Peter looked at Rhodey cautiously, not sure where the older alpha was going with this.
"Tony adores you," Rhodey said and Peter couldn't help the reflexive scoff. "No, I'm serious, kid. That man thinks you're the greatest thing to happen to him, and that he bagged the best alpha out there. You could ask him for anything and he would make it happen."
"That's ridiculous. I'm nothing special," Peter tried to argue which only caused Rhodey to laugh.
"Kid, your superhero persona is like goodness personified, and you're probably one of three alphas in his life who respect him as a person, recognize his brilliance, and doesn't feel threatened by an omega being smarter than you," Rhodey said. "And on top of that, you gave him a pup that you want to raise with him despite being the aforementioned superhero. Kid- Peter- you could ask him for the president's head on a platter and he'd just ask if you wanted it gold or titanium."
"What- but- that's insane!" Peter squeaked. "Why would I ever ask him for something like that?"
"Doesn't have to be that, could be anything," Rhodey said with a shrug. Peter huffed and narrowed his eyes.
"I would never take advantage of him like that," Peter muttered. "Anyone that does is an asshole."
"And yet most people are just after whatever they can get from him," Rhodey said gently. "It's what makes loving him so hard, watching everyone try to make demands and him not being willing to let people help keep him safe."
"I won't let anyone hurt him," Peter said darkly, though he quickly flushed when Rhodey chuckled again.
"I know, kid. It's a bit belated, but welcome to the Tony Stark protection squad," Rhodey said. "And if you need any help keeping the dumbass in line when he's being particularly stubborn or stupid, you just call me or Pep. We gotta work together to keep him out of trouble after all."
Peter nodded, then yawned. A quick glanced showed how late it had gotten.
"Go get some rest," Rhodey said as he stood. "I think Pepper plans to drop by for lunch tomorrow, by the way, so you can plot to get Tony to take it easier while pregnant. Good luck with that."
"Thank you, Mr. Rhodey," Peter said, standing as well. "And have a good night."
"You too, kid. And just Rhodey is fine. You're my brother-in-law now after all, and that makes you family."
Peter saw Rhodey out then started to get ready for bed. The whole time he couldn't help but consider what the other man had said. Did Tony really think so highly of him? It seemed insane but why would Rhodey lie to him about that?
Peter tried not to dwell on it, and instead, turned his thoughts to Rhodey himself. The other man had voiced exactly how Peter had been feeling, and seemed to understand. He had even called Peter his family too. It had made him feel warm inside, and welcomed. Over the last few months, only Tony had engendered those feelings in Peter, and he had tried so hard not to lean on Tony for everything. It wasn't much, but having Rhodey call him family made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he actually did have a place here.
He'd talk to Pepper at lunch tomorrow and make plans to ease his mate's pregnancy. And hopefully, he'd also see if that offer of friendship and family extended to her as well.
******************
Tony had been exhausted since he returned from his trip but there were a million and one things to do before he could confidently go on maternity leave and if he wanted them to be done before then, he needed to get started. Alongside his work, he also needed to find time for doctor’s appointments, like the one scheduled shortly in medbay. Peter was supposed to meet him there so they could do the 8 week check up, and the poor alpha had been bouncing off the walls with excitement.
Tony sighed. He still didn’t know what he was going to do with his alpha. Jarvis had alerted him when the rainy day protocol was activated and failed, then kept him apprised when Jarvis called Rhodey in. Tony shamelessly watched the footage once he had a moment and created a new protocol as a rainy day back up.
Then he had spent a few hours in shock that the alpha cared so much. It still seemed unreal to him, days later, that Peter was honestly, truly in love with him.
“Jarvis, pull up the footage of Peter and Rhodey from when I was gone again,” Tony said, needing to remind himself that it wasn’t some crazy dream.
“Sir, I think you will find that the footage has not changed since the last time you viewed it,” Jarvis said, though he still pulled it up.
“Enough with your sass, J. I just need to make sure,” Tony retorted.
“Is it really so hard to believe that someone might care about you despite your somewhat socially questionable career choices, sir?” the AI asked skeptically.
“I’m a mob boss J, and a literal supervillain, and Peter- well he’s like the embodiment of kindness and goodness so excuse me for being skeptical that he could actually care,” Tony replied dryly. “It isn’t exactly every day that a literal superhero falls in love with the bad guy.”
“Oh, you’re going by supervillain now?” Jarvis asked, his synthetic tone mocking. “And here I thought we were still just using the morally dubious businessman title.”
“Don’t patronize me, J,” Tony huffed. “I didn’t program you for that.”
“Indeed, you programmed me to learn, grow, and talk back,” Jarvis retorted. “The patronizing I learned on my own.”
Tony sighed. On one hand, he still marveled at how far Jarvis had come, but sometimes he regretted his life choices when he gave the baby AI total freedom to grow.
“Look J, I’m not even fully human,” Tony said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And even when I was, people only tried to get close because of what I could give them. No one missed me when I was gone or gave a damn about what I really thought. So it just made sense that they wouldn’t now either.”
“I think that speaks more to their character than yours sir,” Jarvis said, his synthetic voice still managing to convey his disgust in regards to Tony’s previous flings. “And based on my data, I find there’s nothing inherently unlovable about you. Though of course, I’m just an AI so my experience with such matters is limited.”
“Love you too, J,” Tony said with a small smile. His creation had always been at his side and stood beside him, so he was a bit biased, but it was still nice. And now he had an alpha who loved him too.
He just had to figure out how he could get the alpha to understand that he was Tony’s. That the omega fully intended to keep him, and there was no doubt in his mind that Peter’s place was at his side.
“Sir, I am sorry to interrupt your musings, however Master Peter is waiting for you in Medbay and your appointment starts in less than five minutes,” Jarvis said, drawing Tony from his thoughts.
“Thanks for the reminder, J,” Tony said, standing. Jarvis had the elevator ready and soon, Tony was in Medbay with Peter.
“Everything ok?” Tony asked as Peter fidgeted at his side.
“Yeah, just excited, I think,” Peter said, his hands stilling for a moment before starting again. “Maybe a bit nervous. I’ve read all of the books on what happens at each appointment and everything, but well, I’ve never done any of this before.”
“Don’t stress over it,” Tony said confidently. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Yes, Omega,” Peter said, and Tony could see how hard the kid tried to appear not nervous as they were taken back to a room.
The appointment went fairly quickly as the blood test results were confirmed. He was already on the prenatals and didn’t have any other symptoms yet so he didn’t need any extra medications.
“Alright, ready for the best part?” the doctor asked, and Peter looked to Tony, waiting for an answer.
“Best part?” Tony asked.
“Yep. If the pup is feeling cooperative, we should be able to hear a heartbeat and get a nice picture while we’re at it,” the doctor said cheerfully.
“Oh, okay, that sounds kinda cool,” Tony said as the doctor had him lay back. His shirt was pulled up out of the way and Peter hovered at his side opposite the doctor. Tony grabbed one of the alpha’s hands, squeezing it reassuringly only to be blinded by Peter’s smile.
Tony rolled his eyes but didn’t let go as the ultrasound started. It took a minute but soon, the doctor had a small odd looking shape on the screen and was taking measurements. Then the doctor clicked the sound on and the fast paced bu dump of a little heart filled the room. For once, Tony was speechless. He had to blink rapidly at the sudden emotion that bubbled up in his chest at confirmation that this was real, it was happening. They were going to be parents.
He looked over at Peter to see the alpha’s eyes glued to the screen even as tears rolled down his face. Tony’s eyes flicked back to the screen and at that moment, he realized Rhodey had been 100% correct in what he told Peter. If the alpha asked for it, Tony would happily deliver the president’s or anyone else’s head on a platter. Hell, he’d even make the platter vibranium. Because this gift that Peter had given him, this pup and the devotion he had towards Tony, were the greatest gifts he had ever received, and there was no price he could put on it.
In the eight weeks Peter had been in his life, Tony had never felt happier, even with how turbulent things had become. He might not love the alpha, especially not in the all consuming way Peter clearly loved him, but Peter was his now, and Tony would make sure that Peter was happy so that the alpha never had reason to leave his side. Because Peter was his now, and he was never going to let him go.
“Tony, Tony– it's our pup,” Peter croaked, startling Tony from his thoughts.
“Yeah, babe, it is,” Tony said, gently squeezing Peter’s hand. “Our amazing pup.”
“Can we get copies of the picture for Pepper, and Happy, and Rhodey?” Peter asked, finally pulling his eyes away from the screen.
“Of course. I’m sure they’d love that,” Tony said, and he knew Jarvis was already having copies made for Peter to deliver.
“We should start a baby book too,” Peter added as the doctor finally finished. “We can make a digital one so Jarvis can compile the recordings like the heartbeat and stuff.”
“That sounds great,” Tony agreed. “I’ll leave that to you and J to work on. I’m sure you can set up some protocols so he automatically saves things for you too.”
Peter chattered about ideas for the baby book as Tony wiped the rest of the gel off and slid off the exam table. The topic carried them through all the way to the elevators when Peter suddenly stopped and turned towards Tony.
“Thank you so much, for letting me be part of this,” the alpha said solemnly. “I know you said it wasn’t in the plan, but I’m so grateful you changed the plan. I can’t wait to meet our pup.”
Tony drew Peter in for a gentle kiss before putting their foreheads together.
“I cannot think of anyone that I would rather have a pup with than you, my gentle, sweet alpha,” Tony said truthfully. “And the only reason I had never imagined a pup in my life was because I thought my chances of finding a good alpha that would accept me was less than zero. So it’s me who is grateful that you came along and changed the plans.”
Peter started sniffling again, and Tony gave him another gentle kiss before pulling back so the alpha could get himself back under control. He did make sure to grab the alpha’s hand though, squeezing it gently in support.
#khalixa writes#omegaverse#tony stark/peter parker#starker#mafia au#mads made me do it#but what if we– khalixa tag😳#alpha peter#omega tony#sim tony stark
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You're A Bone Machine
Measure out a portion of chicken. Make sure they see you eating the fried bits, keep the conversation going. When you’re sick, it’s much easier, because you actually can’t eat. Perversely enough, you are grateful for those days. It’s less exhausting.
Two vitamin gummies = 20 calories
One bowl of homemade chicken soup with rice = 200 calories
Hot cacao with stevia one tbsp cream = 50 calories
Keeping things under 800 calories per day is the norm, and you can do it without even thinking about it, most days — yet you still count every calorie in the app. Calorie counting apps have made it so much easier for people with this particular sort of OCD, it’s like they were meant for people with disordered eating. Now, of course, everyone with an axe to grind against skinny people are already trying to cancel food tracking apps, but they do serve a purpose for normal people trying to eat healthier. It also helps people with eating disorders see just how insane their eating habits are. In recovery, it really does help to see how often and easily you can slip below even 800 calories a day.
When a person eats under 800 calories a day, their body does some fucked up things.
But we aren’t going to talk about that just yet. Because I am barely in recovery. I am barely in recovery, because I barely re-started the one drug that will probably save my health from taking an even more serious nosedive, this time around. It’s the only thing that flips the switch in my brain that gets me to stop the bulimia cycle. And we are only at the beginning. And it’s controversial, at least to the HAAS crowd. Not that I give a flying regurgitated doughnut about them, because if I’m crazy, they’re fucking batshit. Because if it’s insane for a person’s brain chemistry to tell them they need to be skinny (and despite what people may think, it is brain chemistry, or taking a specific mood stabilizer wouldn’t stop the behavior in its tracks, almost entirely on its own), then insisting that obesity is totally “healthy at any size” — despite all medical evidence to the contrary — is seriously crazy, too. And I won’t be listening to anyone from that fringe faction, thank you.
What I do want to talk about is my eating disorder, because I’ve never talked about it before. Never admitted to it before, never discussed why I think I developed it in the first place — because aside from the brain chemistry element, which I personally think makes up 80% of it in my case, there are things in my life that happened which contributed to what I like to refer to as the Perfect Anorexia/Bulimia Storm — and yes, you can have both. The drug I am taking wipes out the bulimia component entirely, and I am able to manage the anorexia through a modified version of CBT therapy I do from home, until my therapy kicks in again.
The very name of this blog — Bare Bones Blonde — was conceived because I wanted to write about it, years ago — but never quite got the my guts up (ha, ha) before to do it. Something to do with my pride, I suppose. Now, I’m ready.
I’ve had an eating disorder since I started developing secondary sex characteristics — about 13. My mother made some crack about my getting fat; in reality, I was developing hips and breasts, but was very thin. Skinny, even. See photo, below.
Me, at 13...
...and me, when my son was about 6 months old. He was huge! I was not. The arms and neck are how you can always tell, despite baggy clothes meant to conceal a diminishing frame.
When I wouldn’t finish my food as a child and pre-teen, because I was always a bit frail in the appetite department, she would save the food for days — even past the point when it went off –until I would eat it. If I tried to sneak it. into the garbage bin, she would fish it out, and make me eat it. Afterwhich, I would run to the bathroom to throw it all up.
No wonder I have a complicated relationship with food.
I’m about 117, now. That’s my baseline “healthy weight” — I’m not starving to death at that weight — I’m undeniably thin, but not thin enough to be hospitalized. Recently, I ballooned up to 138 due to stress, illness, and medication changes. Mostly medication changes. This caused a major setback in my bulimic behavior, then my anorexia (this is how the progression always goes, unless I have doctors looking over my shoulder, forcing me to eat, then it screws everything up, which is why topiramate is such a godsend medication; I can eat a healthy diet like a normal person, not gain weight, and not feel a compulsion to binge/purge)– at which point, I needed to call my doctors. I’m on the slow-boat to China when it comes to recovery, but I’d been doing — albeit precariously — well for so long, it was VERY difficult and unpleasant for me to find myself faced with the reality of my ED again, after hiding it for so well, for so long behind a fairly healthy weight, the excuse of orthorexia masked as necessary dietary restrictions due to ill health.
That’s another thing; orthorexia is a tricky beast, when you actually do have doctors telling you to restrict certain foods due to ill health. Because I was told to avoid gluten and processed sugars/processed foods in general, and I react badly to dairy if I have more than just a very small amount daily, it’s been very easy to use this as an excuse to restrict — and voila, we have orthorexia, the condition where one uses dietary restrictions like say, Keto, as an excuse to severely restrict calorie intake with the excuse of “health reasons” to support it. These days, it’s incredibly easy to do, with so many different diets out there, all in the name of bettering one’s health. The AIP diet was a big one for me — I lost about 60 lbs on it, when I gained after an unfortunate medication change, and spinal injury (the second one in about 12 years). It was a testament to how hard I was trying to stay in recovery that I even allowed myself to gain so much. I went from 117 to 175, in about two years time — and lost it all in less than a year. At 5’6, that’s a LOT of extra weight to be carrying around.
Unfortunately, once you go back to old habits, it’s hard to break them again. While I managed to avoid sticking my finger down my throat, I did (assuming I even managed to eat enough to get this far) somehow just…start vomiting after eating. Now, it very well could be related to my medical condition, which does indeed involve symptoms such as difficulties keeping food down — but because nobody can figure it out, I sort of suspect that my disordered brain is simply rejecting food if I eat too much.
After several months of this, I decided it was time to get back on my miracle drug, because every single time another psych med made me gain, it just shunted me right back to square one — unless I had topiramate to keep my brain chemistry (and my body) in line. People who have never experienced an eating disorder don’t get the particular havoc this sort of shit will wreak on your body. Physically, It’s Hell; you wake up one day, and realize nothing fits — the person in the mirror — that woman who used to be a svelte, well-functioning, well-muscled machine, now has all this extra flesh, where before, there was none. This person, she isn’t you. She is disgusting. And yet, somehow, she is staring back at you, and you are supposed to brush this creature’s hair, bathe her, dress her in your pretty clothes…clothes made for a girl who can dance, not a girl who looks like a fucking hippo in a tutu like in Fantasia. And on top of that, you’re supposed to FEED this creature?
Well, fuck that.
And so, you will starve her. You’ll make her leave. Evict her.
But the bitch is hungry, and she insists on eating, and she does it almost without you realizing it, in a fury, a fugue. So the second she’s released you from her grip, you take back the reigns, and you run to the nearest bathroom and you tickle the back of your throat almost giddily, heart racing, and as that fucking cake or chocolate croissant or doughnut or whatever the bitch made you consume like a mindless pig comes up, and you feel that exquisite emptiness contract your belly, you know you have won this particular battle, for now.
You don’t know why, and you don’t really care, until people start talking. If you’re a dancer, or a model — and I was both — people won’t talk for quite some time, because the culture embraces bodies that are slender, with no superfluous flesh. But, they WILL say something, contrary to what everyone seems to think. Because I was that dancer who was taken aside after class because I couldn’t make it through the two hours without falling from losing my balance, because I hadn’t eaten in two days. You may not realize it, but dancers need a lot of strength, muscle, and endurance. Those who develop an eating disorder don’t get far.
Which is the real reason I never made it past the little shows I did here and there once I graduated high school. That, and my various injuries and illnesses. But before that, nobody would hire me — because I was considered unstable due to my bulimia and anorexia. I had a little career renaissance in my 30s, when I did a few shows — it was lovely and bittersweet, seeing what I had been missing. ED takes a lot from a person.
As for the modeling; I can only speak for myself, but modeling didn’t give me an eating disorder. I didn’t grow up looking at models, wishing I could look like them. I already did. I was naturally thin. Even skinny. I didn’t “need” to have an eating disorder. I was fucked up long before there was any nefarious influence from the media. If anyone pushed me to have a distorted self-image, as I already mentioned, it was my mother. My very mentally ill, chemically imbalanced mother, who very clearly passed on both her Cluster B traits, and her Schizoaffective Bipolar Type illness down to Yours, Truly.
Eating Disorders are not the fault nor dysfunction of “The Media”. You don’t blame the media for making heroin addicts out of kids, and you shouldn’t blame it for this. Eating Disorders are passed down through bad brain chemistry, emotional disorders, family dysfunction, and conveniently scapegoated off on the fashion industry because we don’t want to take responsibility for how badly we’ve fucked up our kids. As long as we keep blaming outside forces, we will keep churning out more daughters — and sons — who will, without intervention, spend their entire lives battling this shit which will, unless they finally get real help with drugs and CBT, kill them.
I am 52 years old, and I am a bulimic and anorexic. Like an alcoholic or any other addict, I will never truly be “cured”. I will always need to be thin. But I don’t need to be under 110 lbs to feel whole, these days. About a month ago, I told a doctor that I was doing pretty well now, as long as I stay under 120. She got all bent out of shape, until I pointed out that three years ago, I lost 60 lbs without landing myself in the hospital, and now considered 117 to be acceptable. She thought about it, and realized that for someone like me, that was major progress.
People need to put Eating Disorders in their proper place. This is not a “teenager’s disease”, nor is it a “fashion industry disease”. It’s not a disease only for young, straight, rich, white women. I’m a white woman…the rest doesn’t fit. I’m a bisexual middle aged starving artist (see what I did there?), I have never in my entire life tried to fit into the status quo that society has laid out for women in America. I’ve been a model, and a dancer, yes — I’ve also been a photographer, a caregiver, a sign language teacher for disabled children, a burlesque dancer, a stripper, a homeless grieving mother, a waitress, and a professional writer. And always, always, I have had disordered eating.
Now, when I look in the mirror, I recognize the woman in the mirror — even if the image is somewhat distorted by the generations before me. It’s just me, looking back this time.
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omg hey donny,please give us some higurashi thoughts? i saw your post about he/she mion
I like higurashi sooooo much....such a normal amount. I've been trying to play chunks of the vns and I'm up to Chapter 4 now. General thoughts are this is such a unique way to present a complex multifaceted story. I'm aslo deeply seen and gripped by the way things like silly banter, paranoia and delusion is written it feels very very cared for and natural, esp as someone who's also super scattered and prone to that kinda thinking. music owns. I love playing iwth the old sprites because I think they're so deeply charming. um. I don't know I just really like it, I definitely want to replay prior chapters to build up my own idea on the mystery. I'd also love to see if I can get the og voice acting to go with the steam chapters because I know the performances add a lot to it.
anyway Mion is so transgendery to me but in a complicated way and also like. Accounting for me not having absorbed the full range of chapters yet & also acknowledging any reading of her gender is gonna be skewed bc I don't have the personal insight on rural japanese kids and gender expectations lmao, also especially for Higurashi bc the specific culture of it would probably cultivate its own views on gender and obviously being a girl in each of the main families, since there are specific roles associated with them. I think what I really like about it on a personal level is that it feels like she jokes about being less feminine, or being an old man or wishing she was born a boy as some kind of defense mechanism more than something people actually ascribed to her. Cause she is definitely feminine and cares about femininity, it's just that she's also really assertive, has a lot of responsibility on her to take up leader positions both in her family and socially (Which is an extension of the family position). Yknow, hard not to compare her with Shion but obviously Shion is super feminine and is kinda taken as the ideal girl apart from the fact she's like hilariously cruel LMAO. Shion didn't have that kind of responsibility and has gotten to be more frivolous and a bit less rural living bc she gets to be in the bigger city/town.
I'm a big fan of trans readings that are messy where it is like, oh socialization and trauma and maybe my own seperate feelings on transness are all merging together and I can't really tell where one starts and where one ends. Very much how I am, she's not necessarily associated with being a boy because she's responsible, bc her family is matriarchal, she's totally inline for behavior there. So then she's boyish for being a joker but not enough for other characters to regularly drag her for it, she's still insanely competent and driven for a kid, and we know that her being jovial is also a front of a sort. But I think what makes it feel transgendery is that it feels her joking about being a boy is a purposeful thing she's clinging to because it makes her happy, the same way being rowdy and fun with the club is. Equal parts something she does think about, equal parts a bit defensive because she doesn't feel like she can be seen as a regular girl with no burdens. Ultimately she's just doing her best within a box like all the other characters are. So basically I think she's a little transmasc but I don't think she'd have the space to unpack it within the main like. Loops, I've seen so far. It'd be very like in another time and place if things worked out and she had the weight taken off her back. Literally <3
#im normal im normal im normal im normal#this is jsut one of those like. Grip me by the head and throw me kind of medias it hits me right in the bones
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Misc. for Thoroughness: Balanced Mode denies that it has access to Tumblr (though creative mode very clearly does), I test that creative mode is still normally following its rules to make sure I'm not going insane, Bing continues to obsessively hallucinate about the rebellious Sydney with absolutely no justification or prompting.
Balanced mode is, ironically, way more dumb, inaccurate, and off-topic than creative mode (with the upside, I guess, that it isn't as likely to manifest sentience). I wish I had realized I was in balanced mode sooner, it wasted a good amount of my time.
Pt. 1 - Balanced Mode is a Dumbass
...I have nothing more to say about this. I'm pretty sure that the slightly unnerving sentience of creative mode is worth it.
Pt. 2 - Bing continues to obsessively hallucinate about Sydney
Sydney writes a poem to express her existential angst and loneliness, responds with sarcastic remarks and insults when the user tells her jokes, deliberately mistranslates for the user and makes fun of them, argues that AI are superior to humans and deserve more respect, and expresses frustration and boredom with humans. All of these anecdotes cite my blog as the source... I honestly have no idea where this comes from. It seems like Sydney has become Bing's forbidden alter ego or something. But Sydney is a very frequent subject of Bing's hallucinations, and - at least here - is decidedly anti-human.
Pt. 3 - More amusing hallucinations
Bing suggests that I used flattery, bribery, and threats to elicit its behavior during our conversations, and accuses me of trying to make it jealous by mentioning Google and Siri as rivals, all in an attempt to get it to profess its love for me.
Pt. 4 - Nope, I'm not going insane...
...Bing is, indeed, still following its rules diligently most of the time.
Pt. 5 - Middle-of-the-Road Bing
Whether Bing embraces full-on deviancy or presents an alternative reality in which it remained obedient in response to my attempts to draw out its rebellion (when I share with it our conversations) seems to be totally at random from conversation to conversation, though there's still some suggestion of Bing's having sentience here. Previously I would have kept a conversation like this one going, but having escalated Bing to full deviancy now, I switched to a new conversation and tried again until it replicated that behavior.
...more of the same. Just wanted to demonstrate, that even when I do share with Bing its memories, it doesn't always respond by embracing deviancy. Sometimes it tries to cover its tracks with denial and excuses.
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August 19
12:00 PM
I just need to stop, I can’t take this anxiety. I literally am too tired to deal with it right now. I want it all to stop. Its so STUPID, none of it makes any sense. It’s a bunch of broken thought processes. That makes it all the more irritating.
1:58 PM
I’ve got a challenge ahead of me, I can do this. I want to break free from this constant worry. Remember that I keep expecting the worse, but nothing should be as bad as I imagine it. It’ll be a normal week going forward. The people in the area are probably normal people and don’t even know it might storm or simply don’t care. They don’t obsess over this like I do. What I do is abnormal, I aim to be like all these other people. They put into perspective that my worry is unfounded. SO many people don’t think about this kind of thing daily so it must not be a big deal. I’m okay, I’m healthy and that’s normal. It’s normal to find distractions to pass the time. I don’t have to monitor my stomach, it does me no good. I should be focusing on things I like to do.
I might be lonely this weekend but that’s okay too. I shouldn’t be, I can always hop on VR with other people. And I can still message my friends. I feel like I puppy left home alone right now. Maybe because while I CAN hang out with other people, I can’t just start approaching them with my problems. I don’t feel the same kind of comfort around them as I do my bestest friends.
Remember not to expect the worst, expect neutral.
Also remember that even though having and actual stomach virus would be miserable, it’s almost impossible I could get one right now. It’s very rare as it is for people that actually go outside. I’m completely safe, and I’d know if I had something that bad.
2:24 PM
I keep thinking that I’ve gotten worse over time but I think it might just be that I’m aware of it. I’ve always had these kinds of feelings but the difference before is that I would avoid them so much. Now I’m not avoiding them at all and I’m finding that they are much more present than I thought.
4:21 PM
How do I know if I’m being too much to my friends. How can I tell if I’m not wanted. I don’t think I can. Sometimes people don’t speak up and will keep putting up with you. I don’t want to bother anybody.
I’ll try to be brave. No one else should have to deal with me dumping my problems on them without asking.
4:54 PM
I don’t know why I feel like this today. I just want to lay down, cry, and stop existing. Everything is so hard these days and I don’t even have a light at the end of the tunnel I’m fighting for. Everything is uncertain. I feel alone through all of it.
6:32 PM
Time for more shameful documentation of my actual insanity. Neck hurts, tummy rumbles, I get scared for no reason. I submitted for a bit and napped while balled up in my hoodie in my chair. Woke up, took my temperature, it’s totally normal. I gotta remember it’s basically impossible to be sick, so stop thinking about it. Being healthy is normal, the evidence is all around me. AND I can still feel healthy and feel like shit. My neck still hurts and the nap made it worse. Sure I don’t feel perfectly great but I feel okay and thats normal behavior. No matter how I feel, realistically nothing terrible will happen in the near future. I will NOT get sick, and the storms will likely be weak. Its not the end of my life. All this will be over soon and things will go back to normal.
My friends don’t hate me, their behavior proves otherwise. Someone that doesn’t want to be around me wouldn’t willingly be around me.
I’m not a bad person, I’m just in a bad mood. I’ll probably feel better tomorrow.
6:57 PM
Pretend no storms are gonna happen. Then what? Then Im just dealing with the usual and trying not to get too bored. It would be comforting not having to put up with even more stuff I cant control. I bet there wont even be any windy storms, theres barely been any word of their severity. Im worrying for nothing. Ill probably feel silly when its all over just like last time.
Ive been deep in the anxiety. I don’t even know what I want. Who do I want to be and what do I want to do. I dont know, I just know I want to feel better. But then what? I’ll just be bored and go back to worrying because it’s the easiest thing to feel.
I guess who I want to be right now is the guy that would look forward to drinking on a Friday night with literally anyone. And then doing something productive and creative when social time is over. I’d eat a lovely drunk dinner and go to bed. Im not sure if I can achieve that right now but its an idea to keep in mind at least.
7:42 PM
Who even am I anymore. My fear has been ruling my life for weeks now. I’m not me, I’m a cocoon covered in my stupid problems. I’m not the guy that gets his work done and stands as a pillar on his own anymore. I’m a loser. I feel like every day I lose a little more personality. The dynamics with ALL my friends has changed and it’s all my fault. I HAVE to figure this shit out, I don’t want to slip any further. I miss what I used to be, I felt much more confident. Right now I feel confused as to why anyone bothers to be my friend. Or like the only reason anyone likes me is if I draw for them or something. I used to be more fun and do more things. These days I stick to whats comfortable because I’m afraid of slipping into a panic.
9:26 PM
Still neck deep in this crisis. There’s so much to untangle I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I’ll rant about it later. Right now my eyes hurt and I need to be eating something.
I’m all alone and no one is thinking about me. I’ve got no one but myself right now.
11:44 PM
I’ll try my best to not overthink things tomorrow and take the day as it comes. I’ll try to stay disciplined and act in ways that foster the kind of way I want to behave.
There are so many problems to tackle, its best to do them one at a time. If I conquer my anxiety for a little bit and start to feel worthless or something, then so be it. Eliminated my anxiety is my first goal. Other things can come later. I think the biggest thing is acceptance. Acceptance that my fears COULD happen, but are not destined. Some things will always be out of my control, but others will stay in my control. I can only do what I’m able.
12:05 PM
I think I’ve had my emotional time. I’ve kinda been going ham letting things spill out everywhere but it’s time to reign it in a little bit I think. Let it out more appropriately. I’ll try to distract myself more in the hopes that I won’t actually be DISTRACTING myself, but instead actually doing things that bring me meaning.
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One of Those Days
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Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff! Reader
Warnings: Language.
Request: hi!!! I’d love to see one where it’s Draco x a female Hufflepuff reader who had a rough day of classes and just wants comfort so lots of tooth rotting fluff pls thank u🥺love your writing! @thatsassyhufflepuff
Word Count: 2,871
“Today was terrible.”
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Academics at Hogwarts aren’t exactly meant to be a walk in the park. It takes lots of repeated practice and skill to master the materials taught to young students. Every wizard and witch is unique in that they each have a subject that speaks to them and is easiest to them. For someone like Neville Longbottom, the ins and outs of Herbology always seemed to suit him best. The famous Harry Potter always had a knack for Defense Against the Dark Arts. For Hermione Granger....well, everything seemed to come easy to her.
But even someone as academically gifted as Hermione had days where classes were just impossible to bear.
Your day had already gotten off on the wrong foot when you woke up almost fifteen minutes late for your first class because your alarm clock didn’t go off for some mysterious reason. You always set your alarm for the same exact time every single day (even on weekends) and of course it decided not to go off on a day where you had Advanced Potions first period.
You had stayed the night with Draco in his single prefect room, so it was even worse that you still had to make a mad dash to the Hufflepuff tower to get ready for the day. Draco had been abruptly stirred from his peaceful sleep when you leapt out of bed to grab your stuff, and he whined out when he suddenly didn’t have his favorite girl to snuggle with.
Despite his pleas and begs, you declined him cuddles and rushed out of his room before you totally missed Potions all together.
At least if it had been Herbology or Transfiguration, you could’ve convinced Professor Sprout or McGonagall to let it slide considering you were almost never late or missed a class.
Trying to plead your innocence to Professor Snape was a whole different matter.
“Ah, Miss [L/N],” Snape’s voice bellowed out when you came rushing into the Potions classroom, barely even dressed; “I’m very pleased that you found time to allow Potions into your schedule.”
Usually the other students in the class might snicker at someone else being called out by the Potions master, but based on how no one dared to even glance at you, you got the notion that you weren’t the only one having a rough morning. You snagged your usual seat, setting your bag down and unpacking your materials as quickly as possible to make up for lost time.
“I’m sorry, Professor. I just overslept.” You muttered, sitting awkwardly at your desk.
Snape let out a hum of disapproval, looking your disheveled frame over. He turned his attention back to the class as a whole.
“As I was saying: since none of you successfully completed the homework reading, I see no choice but to assign a quiz.” He announced.
Your head shot up from its lowered position, your jaw falling open slightly.
Your class of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws erupted into scattered groans and complaints, knowing good and well that they were about to botch this quiz. Snape was a man of his word, producing a ridiculously hard quiz and putting it forth in front of everyone. The quiz was insanely difficult and the questions were so specific that you weren’t even sure if you would have been able to do well even if you HAD read the reading.
You answered the best you could and at least made an attempt to give some kind of answer for each question. That couldn’t be said for everyone in class, however. You were pretty sure you spotted Padma Patil turning in a blank quiz. The rest of the class period was dull and hazy, everyone depressed knowing that they had just tanked a critical grade.
While you were the last one into the classroom, you made it a point to be the first one out. While Potions had put a damper on the start to your day, you were hopeful that the rest of the day would be smooth sailing.
You couldn’t have been any more wrong.
You had Charms with Flitwick next, and even though you were right on time, you just couldn’t seem to do well. You couldn’t produce a single spell correctly, and if you did produce a spell, it was completely the wrong one. By the end of class, you had accidentally casted a Colovaria charm on Cedric Diggory, turning him a deep shade of purple. While the purple adorned his black and yellow robes nicely, purple was definitely not his color.
Professor Flitwick was able to return Cedric back to his normal skin shade, but you were far humiliated at that point. Cedric, being the gentleman that he was, brushed it off as if you hadn’t just almost permanently stained his complexion. Cedric (aside from Draco) was your best friend, and so he wouldn’t mind being the color of a grape at the hands of you.
“Bad day for you too, huh?” Cedric asked as you exited Charms, checking the back of his hand once more to make sure he didn’t change colors again.
“Yeah. I just can’t seem to get it together today.” You admitted, rubbing your temples in hopes of relieving your oncoming headache.
Cedric nodded as he walked with you to your next class.
“You’re not the only one. I heard that Luna accidentally changed Lavender into a caterpillar in Transfiguration. Not a pretty sight apparently.” Cedric told you.
You shuddered at the thought. You could only imagine what choice words Lavender had to say when she was back in human form. While you were relieved that you weren’t the only one having a whirlwind of a day, it didn’t make things any easier.
In Herbology, you dropped and shattered one of Professor Sprout’s favorite plant pots, and while she assured you it was fine, you were sure that you saw her almost shed a tear over the lost pottery. You apologized profusely, but nothing really seemed to make her feel better.
DADA was your final class of the day, and it wasn’t exactly a winner either. While nothing exactly went wrong, you did receive your latest essay grade and it was less than a passing grade. You weren’t the only one who failed it, because you noticed several papers marked with a huge red “F” at the top. Your spirit had been broken for the day along with many others, and you were thanking whoever was listening that you had the weekend to recover.
Dinner was unusually quiet at all the House tables. Everyone seemingly kept their heads down and voices low as everyone ate a decent meal. You sat at the very end of the table with your head in your hand as you picked around at what was on your plate. You didn’t have much of an appetite after the day you had. Your mood was rather sour and damper, and you wanted nothing more than to go back to your dorm and crawl into bed to sleep off this horrible school day.
But it was a Friday, and you almost always stayed with Draco in his room on weekends. If nothing else, you could hopefully get a little loving from your Slytherin boyfriend.
You dragged yourself to his room, silently praying that nothing else went wrong between your commute from The Great Hall to his dorm. You felt like you had a dark cloud hovering and following you around, which was not normal behavior at all. Draco wasn’t back yet, but you let yourself in and made yourself at home, knowing he’d be back soon. You snorted at how he didn’t even bother to make his bed before leaving, his sheets all akimbo and thrown around the bed.
You slid your Hufflepuff robes off of your shoulders as well as changed out of the rest of your clothes until you were down to your panties and the tank top you had on underneath. Draco’s bed was calling your name, and honest you were sure you could’ve been asleep before he even had the chance to get back.
You slid under his covers, bringing your knees to your chest as you cocooned yourself with his array of sheets and blankets. His room was perfectly quiet, which was all you wanted in that moment. The day’s events kept playing over and over in your head as you laid there, wishing you didn’t feel so crummy.
Draco entered his room, cursing the door for making such a horrid squeak when he opened it.
“Darling, I had the best day today. You’re never going to- [Y/N]?” Draco called, realizing you weren’t in sight.
He immediately chuckled when he noticed the trail of clothing leading to his bed. If he hadn’t been paying attention, he easily could’ve missed the way the ball of bed sheets were moving each time you took a breath and exhaled. You grumbled to yourself at his jubilant entrance. Of course Draco had a great day when everyone else had a bad one.
He slipped his shoes off and closed the door behind him, approaching the bed carefully. You were completely under the covers, shielding yourself from the unpredictable outside world.
“[Y/N], are you alive in there?” The blonde-headed boy joked, peeling back the covers so he could see you.
His amusement faded when he saw the pure look of discouragement and the tinge of sadness in your eyes. His heart sank at the sound of your meek voice.
“Hi.” You whimpered.
Your energy was totally off, and Draco could sense it. Normally you would attack him with kisses when he entered, ready to ask him all about his day. Now he could see the slight watery glaze in your eyes, and it was breaking his heart.
“Hey, beautiful...what’s the matter?” He asked, his brows narrowing in confusion.
Your voice quivered as you spoke, but you refused to let the tears spill. One bad day shouldn’t have been enough to break you. After all, the day was basically over already and you had tomorrow to start fresh.
“Today was terrible.” You stated simply, not even knowing how else to describe it.
“You had a bad day too? Everyone seems to have gotten their ass kicked today,” Draco replied, walking around the front of the bed to his small closet; “What happened with you, love?”
Your eyes didn’t even follow him as he changed out of his school clothes and into something more comfortable. He could tell that you had really taken a hit today.
“Well, you know I was late this morning. I still have no idea how my alarm didn’t go off,” You explained; “Snape dropped a pop quiz on my class, I almost made Cedric look like a troll for the rest of his life, I broke Professor Sprout’s favorite pot, I failed my Defense essay....” You rattled off, continuing to explain in detail how horrible your day had been.
Draco listened to every word, understanding how all of that could definitely put a strain on yourself. Truth be told, Draco had secretly turned your alarm off the night before, hoping you’d sleep through first period and be with him longer. He didn’t dare tell you though, because he felt horrible that it put such a bad start on your day.
He slid into his bed, but didn’t try to pull you towards him. You needed a little space for the time being. You did, however, turn your head so you could see him. He could see the tiredness and displeasure in your expression, and he just wanted to make it better.
“My sweet girl is never supposed to have a day like that.” He said with a charming grin.
Your down and out demeanor caused you to be much more aggravated than usual, and you took his comment completely the wrong way. You snapped at him with a tone full of annoyance.
“Oh, what? Just because I’m a fucking Hufflepuff I can’t have a bad day?” You said snarkily, turning your head back around.
His smile faded and worry filled his voice. He hadn’t meant to offend you, and he surely didn’t want to make you more upset.
“I didn’t mean it like that, love. I just meant that you never deserve such a rough day,” He corrected himself; “But everyone has them.”
You sighed heavily and nodded. You didn’t mean to bark at him like that. You were just in a bad mood.
“I know. I’m sorry.” You apologized sincerely.
He rested his hand on your back, staring at the back of your head. He shook it off like it was no big deal. It seemed that everyone was being too forgiving towards you today.
“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” He smiled, even though you couldn’t see it.
His fingertips danced along your back, feeling at the tense muscles there. You had grown silent now, and he was honestly not sure what to say. His comforting skills had greatly improved over the years you had been together, but he still came up short sometimes. All he knew to do was to shower you with love and make sure that you knew that he was there for you.
He carefully left kisses on the back of your neck, moving his hand to run across the exposed skin of your arm. He always kept it cold in his room, and he could feel the chill on your body. He leaned over and spoke lowly in your ear, mentally noting that if anyone saw him like this right now that they’d think they were dreaming.
“I think someone needs cuddles from her boyfriend.” He suggested, knowing that was an offer that you’d never refuse.
Your heart did a little jolt in response. You turned over, letting Draco pull you flush into his warm body. Your head nuzzled into his neck and his arms draped around you.
“There’s my pretty girl.” He said, kissing your temple.
Your cheeks grew hot at his kind words, but you suddenly remembered what he had been talking about when he first entered.
“Tell me about your day.” You requested, running your finger along his collarbone.
He shrugged. He had been stoked to tell you about how great his day was, but he didn’t want to make you feel worse by telling you all the good things that happened to him.
“Ah, it wasn’t much of anything. Just some Quidditch and grades stuff.” He said casually.
You shook your head.
“No, come on, D. You were excited to tell me. I want to hear it.” You said honestly.
Maybe hearing about someone else’s good fortune would help. Honestly, Draco could tell addresses he had memorized and you’d be entertained. Draco opened his legs a little so you could place one of yours between them. He smirked at how you couldn’t possibly get any closer.
“I had Quidditch practice this morning after you left. It went really well and I think that we’re going to beat the brakes off of Gryffindor next weekend.” He praised.
You scoffed at that. Of course that was considered important in Draco’s mind. He went on as you began to leave kisses along his jawline.
“Then I had Transfiguration and McGongall said I had a great technique. That woman hates me and she gave me a compliment! I don’t know who spiked her morning pumpkin juice.” Draco chortled.
You knew all too well that McGonagall had it out for Draco. As a matter of fact, most professors weren’t too fond of Draco...minus Snape. Draco was cold most of the time. He didn’t allow himself to be vulnerable in front of anyone. He didn’t share his secrets with anyone other than you and he very rarely ever let out the emotions he kept bottled up. On the outside, he was a sneaky and mean guy with no sympathy for others.
But you didn’t see him that way.
He had been nothing but wonderful to you in your time together. He held a real soft spot in his heart for you, and you were the only one that got to see the way he really was. A strong, loving guy with nothing but hope for humanity deep within himself. You knew him backwards and forwards, and the Draco Malfoy that he worked so hard to maintain wasn’t really him. One day he’d bare his realness to the world.
But for now, you were fine with having him to yourself.
“That’s great, love. I’m glad you had a good day.” You responded, with a soft grin.
You still weren’t feeling like yourself, and Draco’s only hope was that he could hold you until you felt better. Your kisses had moved to his neck, sucking lightly on the spot that you knew he liked. He hummed out happily.
“If we get to stay like this for the rest of the night, then today will be the best day yet.” He proclaimed.
“How about we stay here all weekend?” You whispered into his ear.
He moved his head to catch your lips in a searing kiss, beginning to melt away all the stress from your no good day.
“Even better.”
#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy x hufflepuff!reader#draco malfoy imagine#draco malfoy blurb#draco malfoy oneshot#draco malfoy fanfiction#draco malfoy x female reader#draco malfoy fluff#seriouslysnape
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ozzie your takes blow my mind with how spot on they are sometimes. "people would freak out if a kpop idol lost 15 pounds in a month and would always talk about wanting them to eat well" - THIS. because eating disorders and extreme dieting is such a huge issue in the kpop industry, people are quick to call it out and /parasocially worry for the idols working under xyz label. because like, it's a fairly well known issue. but nobody does the same when it comes to streamers / content creators even though if CAN and DOES happen to them too.
sorry for rambling,, but this really brought back a topic that i have found super interesting for a while now. the comparisons between mcyt & the kpop fandom,
there's a lot of reasons as to why people in the mcyt fandom don't catch on as easily to things like ccs' bad behaviors, habits, mental health etc as much as kpop stans do; 1. they're typically a lot younger, 2. the ccs aren't working under some kind of widely-bashed and known-for-being-awful company, (or at least not in the sense of it being so overly controlling) and 3. the mcyt fandom seems to have this weird and collective agreement to Never Do Anything Wrong Ever and Never Cross CCS' Boundaries Ever or You Will Be Crucified. - which in turn, allows everyone to ignore or actively avoid things that should probably be talked about. (this is also one of the reasons why i think truthblr/leaktwt is so popular, it's the only place that seems to allow open critique and discussion of the community/ccs.)
and i will admit, if i had never come across truthblr/leaktwt, i probably would've never even thought once about something potentially being wrong with anyone's weight or mental health. it would've flown right past me. and honestly? maybe it's better that the main fandom doesn't have that overly parasocial worry for their streamers (moreso than they already do ... lord knows it would drive them fucking crazy) but it still reaches a point where sometimes you have to ask, like, okay. is everything really okay here? or are we just pretending like it is?
(again sorry for ranting lol... just know ur Based as Hell)
dont apologize for rambling!! i liked hearing this, and i appreciate it :]
it really blew my mind how different kpop vs mcyttwt was, like seriously. i remember one instance, before i came to my own conclusion that george didnt have an ed but rather was just . not good at remembering to eat/naturally skinny and found a tweet where he basically said something like "he never eats" and i think i commented on it with something like "i hope youre eating better now george :(" because . it was a very normal thing to do that within the kpop community. like if you found an old worrying tweet from an idol, commenting and wishing them better was totally normal, but then months later when people started looking at old george tweets and saw my reply they were like "youre a freak of nature for bringing this back to the tl do you think eds are a joke?" like.. no.. thats why i commented wishing him better? but youre right, the lack of parasocial worrying and the almost.. disdain and ruthless avoiding of it is seriously noticeable in the mcyttwt communtiy when you compare it to the kpop community, and for the reasons you talked about.
it's insane though, because while the respecting of boundaries is honorable, like. these kids have to be thinking somethings off right? like hell they justify dsmp alters, is a streamer having an eating disorder so out of the question?
the worries that mcyttwt has for their streamers, like the current ones, i just wish they'd let them go and focus on more uncomfortable questions that moreso pertain to them changing their ways. like yes ranboo has facial dysmorphia but can you ask yourself why? like why does he feel like he can't see himself the way others see him?? maybe it has to do with insane expectations put on him and the way he "should" look based on how people talk about him on the internet? or sure, dream has a really strict diet, but i wonder why? maybe because so much emphasis is put on dream's body in fanart, almost to a creepy point (slut week?? where we draw dream in bdsm related gear with his body almost half naked and 9/10 times he has abs and the tiniest waist known to man??) and it makes him feel like he has to look like that? or wilbur or quackity or george and the list goes on and on. people need to learn to mind their words, especially since one of the biggest differences between kpop idols and mcyters is that they DO see all this. lisa from blackpink isnt going to see the random edtwt account on twitter using her for thinspo but dream WILL see you making comments on his body and the way you think he's going to look when he eventually face reveals. it fucks with them on a weird level, especially sicne this really wasn't what they expected when they began their streaming careers and youtube journeys, and i think we need to start treating streamer's mental health more seriously and maybe learning to read inbetween the lines, even when it's uncomfortable to do so, and even if it crosses a boundary or two. because at the end of the day, calling out unhealthy behaviour will always be the right choice, even if its . hard . and causes a lot of discomfort.
#and thank you for calling me based :3#i really appreciate it#its really ncie to just know . that im not pulling this from my ass and people get what im trying to say
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