BANGER AFTER BANGER AFTER BANGER

Alright, bit block of albums! Friday was The Notorious Byrd Brothers by The Byrds. So I did post about the last Byrds album on here which I really liked. The *first* Byrds album I listened to through this project was way before I started blogging about the albums. Short version: I fucking hated it. Here we have the middle ground of those two. It's inoffensive. Nothing really sticks out, good or bad. 3/5.

Saturday was Dry by PJ Harvey. The first album from her I listened to I liked at the time but soured on pretty hard down the line to the point I don't like it anymore. That may end up happening again, because I really enjoyed this on first listen. Her voice is really striking, and she never writes a song that bores me. 4/5

Sunday was Vivid by Living Colour. So I was always a Guitar Hero kid, thus "Cult of Personality" is a song that's etched itself into my god damn soul, and it's the first song on the album. Sadly, nothing else on the album is quite that good. It's all at least solid though. Towards the end of the album, there's a genuinely great cover of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash. Definitely recommend this album. 4/5

Monday was The Atomic Mr. Basie by Count Basie and His Orchestra. Yup. That sure is some big band music. Sounds like big band sounds. I'll be honest I don't feel like I did need to listen to this before I died. 3/5, moving right the fuck on.

Yesterday was Electric by The Cult. This is, without exaggeration or insult, the most generic hard rock album I've heard in my entire life. There is ONE thing that stood out to me, though. There's a song on here called "Lil' Devil." It's decent, as is the entire rest of the album, but the lyrics only refer to the subject as a "lil' angel" and like hey. The Cult? You failed. Literally all you had to do was switch the lyric, or the name of the song. You did neither. I don't normally demand this level of literalism because sometimes people are trying to deliberately contrast two ideas or something like that, but having listened to the album I just flatly don't believe this was a deliberate creative choice when it could be explained as a mistake. Anyway, 3/5. If you abso-fucking-lutely love 80s hard rock AND you're bored of the bigger names from that period, give it a listen I guess but that's the only reason I would recommend this.

And today is Apocalypse 91... The Enemy Strikes Black by Public Enemy. It's just okay? It kind of just slid off my brain but I did enjoy it. I feel like I should have more to say on something this politically charged but like, no I just don't. Big ol' 3/5 on this one.

But I also listened to a couple other albums that aren't actually part of this project during this time! Think of it as a bonus I guess.

A LARP discord I'm on linked the song "Rät" by Penelope Scott, the closing track on her album Public Void. I immediately went and listened to the rest because "Rät" is an absolutely amazing song viscerally screaming about how betrayed she feels by Elon Musk being a dickweed because she at some point was a huge fan. The rest of the album is similar tone of stuff, but not as catchy. It's alright.

The other one is I heard from under my rock that Olivia Rodrigo dropped her second album GUTS. I REALLY liked it, but have some thoughts. I've realized I actually really hate Olivia when she's doing sad songs. They just don't land for me. Also I really hope she gets over this breakup, but at least she's not over it in an interesting new way where she still hates him but wants him back. It's not just the same feelings as the first album. Favorite song on the album is probably "get him back!"

Hi! Can I ask for Seduce me the otome, the boys with a singer reader? Like they’re really famous and how the boys feel about it? Specifically a female reader if you don’t mind. Thank you so much! I love your work!

Of course! Thank you so much for your request! I’m going to try to do a different artists for each of the boys, for someone that I think would fit they’re personality. Enjoy!

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James: ( Artist inspiration by Sade )

Your voice is so soothing and he loves it

Your genre is a mix between Jazz and Pop music as well as R&B, and James likes the combination

He enjoys hearing your voice, and your songs are always on

He likes sitting with you during the song writing process, and likes to help come up with ideas and feelings for songs

Furthermore, he also likes finding the deep meanings to your songs, and he loves how everything, especially your lyrics, make his heart feel

He enjoys watching you sing live, your voice is soft and delicate but powerful as well and James is in love with it ; and you of course ;)

His favorite song for you to sing would be Pearls :)

Erik: ( artist inspired by Ella Mai )

He hears your voice AND IT IS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT FOR THIS MAN !!

Save his heart he was going to pass out he thinks your beautiful

He loves and gushes over the way you sing, and will preform with you sometimes, usually playing an instrument ( the piano )

He feels so honored to just be with you and know you personally, he’s absolutely infatuated with you

He likes watching you work, he loves the way your mind works and loves the way you make and handle your music, the raw emotion you put into it makes his heart sing to yours~

His favorite song for you to sing would be Naked :)

Sam: ( Inspired by Amy Lee/ Evanescence )

His. Jaw. Dropped. When he heard you sing for the first time.

His face like a mix of ‘Wtf’ and ‘This is amazing.’

could not put his emotions into words, like at all. He was asking a hundred-and-one questions

Like who taught you to sing like that? How long have you been singing? What’s your band like? What’s the hardest song you’ve ever had to sing? He goes full in with interest

He hears you sing and will literally block out the rest of the world, he can literally only focus on you when you sing, like vision is just YOU and your voice.

Sometimes you’ll sing to him and he’ll nervously laugh about it but he starts to hide his face because he just thinks your so fucking angelic ITS INSANE.

His favorite song for you to sing would be Call me when your sober or My immortal but he always tears during it so don’t sing that in public he will seriously cry

Matthew: ( Artist inspired by Sza )

He will have your songs on repeat 25/8

He’s like your biggest promotion and it’s not even an exaggeration he will seriously talk about you all. The. Time.

He makes Damien learn your entire album and will sing your songs with you, or just becomes your backup dancer

He will learn your dance routines, trust, and he will dance with you when you want to practice at home

He also loves going with you to photoshoots, he takes all the BTS pictures and sends them to you to post, with his credit due of course, your fans love Matthew to pieces

Matthew will often be a question brought up in interviews, like when you went on SNL to promote your new album, and you were asked about Matthew and how he affected the making of the album

“ He’s truly one of my biggest inspirations. You know? He just gets me so much and he’s my biggest supporter. I don’t know where I would be without him. He’s made such a big difference in my life and my view on the world I think he deserves just as much.”

yes he cried when hearing your answer and no we do not talk about it

his favorite song to hear you sing is Hit Different :)

Damien: ( Inspired by H.E.R )

You two write songs together, I can already see it

He enjoys listening to you find a rhythm for the lyrics, he also really enjoys when you play the guitar

Sometimes he’ll ask you to sing to him, your voice relaxes him and he can’t thank you enough for it

He loves the energy you bring with your music and how you’re voice just flows like the sweetest thing he’s ever heard

He likes going over tracks with you, he sits in the studio with you on nights where you get really stuck there finish up songs, with food and water snacks and blankets to make you comfortable as you work

He’s always the first one to hear songs and he has all the unreleased songs on his phone, listening to them whenever he misses you or just wants to hear them

His favorite song to hear you sing would be Comfortable :)

Love of my Life - (5) Don't play games with me

Summary: Game night ends with a surprise

Warnings: N/A. Let me know if you find any that I should be listing!

A/N: I know Jody isn't a big player at this point in the show, and that Donna hasn't even been introduced. But I love them and we're just going to pretend for the sake of the story!

Series Masterlist

It was your turn to make treats for game night, so after you had showered and dressed, you pulled together ingredients for cookies and preheated the oven. Sam, Bobby and Nick were in the living room and Dean had just joined.

“Of course, you show up after we’ve cleaned the place.” Bobby remarked as Dean sat down. The boys all talked and laughed for a while, and you were glad to see that Dean was finally warming up to Nick. Once you put the cookies in the oven, you began to clean up.

“I’ll wash if you dry.” A deep voice offered. You looked up to find Nick holding out a dish towel to you, which you accepted.

“I’m glad to see Dean is finally speaking to you.” You gave Nick a side glance.

“Yeah, me too. He’s a really cool guy, I’d love to pick his brain sometime.”

The two of you worked like a well-oiled machine and were done with the dishes in no time. Dean couldn’t help but watch from the living room.

“Dean, are you even listening?” Sam snapped his fingers and frowned. He knew exactly what Dean was watching.

“Yeah, sorry. What’d you ask?” Dean blinked a few times, bringing himself back to reality.

“What games should we play tonight?” Sam opened up an old cupboard full of card and board games.

“I’m always down for a little poker.” Dean said as he grabbed a few decks of playing cards.

Jody filed in soon after and brought Donna with them, who had been visiting. You yelled hello from the kitchen and pulled the cookies from the oven.

“Smells amazing.” Nick leaned over the tray and inhaled, then reached for a cookie. You quickly slapped his hand.

“You gotta wait until the games start.” Nick gave you an exaggerated puppy dog look. “Sorry, not buying it. Sam’s been giving me that look for years. I’m immune to it.” Nick huffed in defeat and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead.

Jody couldn’t help but notice the new hunter who was strangely close to you. She approached Sam with a headful of questions. “Sam, did I just see some guy give Y/N a kiss on the forehead?”

“Yeah, that’s Nick. He’s been hanging around here for a few weeks while he heals up from saving Bobby’s bacon. He’s a decent guy, and he’s got it real bad for Y/N.”

“Uh huh…” Jody paused to think. “I guess what I’m really wondering is why hasn’t Dean ripped Nick’s throat out for even standing 5 feet from Y/N?”

“I’m sure he wants to. But Dean made his choice, and I reminded him that. I hated seeing Dean lead Y/N on like he might eventually get back with her someday.”

“But we all know Lisa’s just a temporary thing, right?” Jody looked to Sam for assurance, but he stayed silent. “Right?!” She emphasized.

“I don’t know anymore. I don’t think she’s right for Dean, but he hasn’t given any signs of leaving her. Maybe it’s permanent.” Sam took a drink of his beer.

“Oh.” Jody looked back over into the kitchen to see Nick leaning against the counter watching you with adoring eyes as you moved the cookies from the baking sheet to the cooling rack. “She does seem happy with him, and hell she deserves to be happy. But I gotta admit, Dean and Y/N seemed like they were perfect for each other. Like a match made in heaven.” She scanned the room to find Dean sitting on a chair in the corner next to Donna, trying his best to look invested in their conversation, but stealing occasional glances into the kitchen. Jody excused herself from her conversation with Sam and placed her hand on Dean’s arm, interrupting Donna mid-sentence. “Can I steal Dean for a sec?” Donna nodded and smiled, and Jody signaled for Dean to follow her out of the room. She sat down on the bottom step of the staircase. Dean followed suit.

“Everything ok, Jody?” Dean asked with concern in his eyes.

“I should be asking you that.”

Dean looked taken aback by her question and simply responded, “Well I’m just peachy,” before finishing off his beer.

“Dean, you don’t seem happy. Maybe it’s none of my business, but I think you and I know each other well enough that I can ask… What the hell are you doing?”

“What?” A confused Dean looked at Jody with questioning eyes.

“I’ll say it once and then drop it, because I’m not one to nag.” Jody took a deep breath and exhaled. “You belong with Y/N, Dean. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. You were literally made for each other. The first time that I saw you with Y/N, I knew that she was the one for you. I saw it in your eyes, and how you spoke with her, how you touched her. It was straight out of a crappy romance novel.” Jody looked at Dean, who was avoiding eye contact. “So, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, or between Y/N and Nick, or between you and Lisa. But I know what I know, and I know that Y/N is the girl for you. You’re not really you when you’re not with her.”

Dean played with the label on his beer bottle and remained silent for a few moments, as did Jody. She wanted to give him the chance to talk if he wanted to.

“I’m still in love with her.” Jody could feel the pain dripping from his words. “I wake up every morning wishing that she and Sam had just rang the stupid doorbell instead of leaving for a year the night they came back. I would have left with them and I’m know I would still be with Y/N now. But I made a commitment that I can’t bring myself to break.”

“To Lisa?” Jody placed her hand on Dean’s back. He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to contain his emotions.

“To Ben.” He answered and clenched his jaw. “I don’t love Lisa and I would have left the second I knew Y/N was back. But when Ben looked me in the eyes and told me that he thinks of me as his Dad, his real Dad, I knew I had to stick around for the long haul. I know firsthand how an absentee father can screw you up, and I can’t do that to him. But I can’t keep pretending that everything is all right.”

“I see.” Jody nodded. “Have you told anyone else about this? Sam or Bobby?” Dean shook his head. “Well, I can’t tell you what you do in this situation, but I do know that you’re a good man, Dean Winchester, and I’m here if you ever need to talk through things.” Dean nodded and Jody stood up, pulling him up by the arm. “Let’s go play some games.” She smiled and led him into the living room where the furniture had been pushed to the sides of the room to make room for the poker table.

“There you are!” You greeted as Dean and Jody joined your group. You could tell Dean was off as he sat down across from you. His eyes met yours and you immediately recognized the pain in his expression. Dean took a deep breath, picked up the cards he had been dealt, and put on a fake smile. At this point in his life, he was an expert at putting on a happy face, but you knew him too well and saw right through it. You were pulled back to reality by Nick putting his hand on your knee, signaling it was your turn. You gave him a sheepish smile and played your cards.

Your felt your heart being torn in 2 ways. For a long time, you thought Dean would be your forever, and you knew a part of you would always love him no matter what. But he was with someone else and showed no signs of wanting you anymore. Nick, on the other hand, was caring and had opened his heart to you quickly. He was handsome and funny and sweet, and any girl would be lucky to have him. You felt in the wrong because you knew that even if you pursued a relationship with Nick, you wouldn’t be able to give him all of you. Dean Winchester would always own a piece of your heart, a big one at that, and you were reminded of that every time you looked at him.

Hours had passed and it was getting late. You had all had fun, but people were filing out the door. You organized the cards into their proper decks and put them away. Sam helped you fold the table up and Nick and Bobby were picking up bottles and cans and clearing plates. You didn’t see Dean and assumed he must have left with the group but thought it was odd that he didn’t say goodbye. You said goodnight to the boys and headed up to your room. Dean had been off all night and you were worried. Your hand reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone. You scrolled down to Dean’s name and debated whether or not to call him. As you pushed your door open, you were startled to find someone sitting on your bed. You immediately went into defense mode, grabbing a knife from the top of your dresser.

“Dean?” You asked softly, putting down the knife and joining him on the edge of the bed. He was looking through an old photo album that you kept in the drawer of your nightstand.

“I remember when we took this. Sam was so mad that we stopped in the middle of the desert for one stupid picture.” Dean held up a picture of you sitting on top of his shoulders, pointing to the “Welcome to New Mexico” state sign. Dean was wearing a grey t-shirt and sunglasses and you had your hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. This was one of your favorite pictures. You made the boys stop so you could take a picture anytime you passed one of those state signs and were determined to get a picture with all 50 of them. Dean thought it was stupid at first, but he saw how happy it made you. Eventually he joined in, and the two of you would make silly poses next to each sign, leaving Sam to be the photographer.

“There’s still a few states that I need pictures of.” You took the book from Dean and slowly flipped through the pages. This album was one of your most cherished belongings, but you hadn’t looked through it for almost a year and a half. The memories that these pictures brought back were always happy at first but following closely behind was the pain of knowing that you and Dean would never be that close again.

“How many? Maybe we can take a few road trips and hit the ones you don’t have. Could be fun.” Dean suggested, raising his eyebrows.

You wanted to say yes, pack a bag, and leave right that minute. That’s the kind of thing the two of you used to do. But things were different now. Your smile faded, and instead of accepting his invitation, all you managed to say was, “Are you sure Lisa would be okay with that?”

Dean pursed his lips and nodded, silently agreeing that you had a point. He turned to look at you with desperation in his eyes and opened his mouth to say something before Sam walked in, breaking the tension.

“Hey, man, I thought you left. Thanks for helping clean up.” Sam said sarcastically as he flopped down on your bed. “Oh, man, I remember these pictures.” He took the book from your hands and scanned the pictures. “I miss these times. The three of us out on the road.”

“Me too.” You and Dean agreed in unison.

It was already late, but you and the brothers stayed up for at least another hour remembering stories about your past. You could hear Nick’s boot heavy on the stairs as he walked towards your room.

“Nick!” Sam yelled to get his attention.

Nick stopped and peaked his head in the door. “This must be the afterparty.” He smiled and you signaled for him to come in.

“Alright, you gotta tell us your craziest hunting story.” Sam demanded.

“Hmm…” Nick pondered and scratched his head. “Twin falls, Idaho, 2010. Four vamps, two werewolves, one ghoul, and two idiot hunters who thought they could handle it by themselves.”

“Sounds like the start of a crappy joke.” Dean chimed in.

Nick laughed and continued with his story. You all exchanged hunting tales until you grew tired and gave a big yawn.

“You know, my buddy found a case in Virginia. We could head out in the morning and help him if you guys feel up to it?” Nick suggested. “I’m dying to get back out there, even if I am limited.” He lifted his leg with the boot on it.

“I’m game!” Sam hopped off the bed. “I’ll go pack. Night guys.”

“Y/N?” Nick looked for your answer.

“Hell yes. I’m itching for a good fight.” You said sleepily.

“Sweet. See you in the morning.” Nick winked at you as he left.

“I’d offer for you to come, but…” You trailed off; your words directed at Dean.

“I know.” Dean nodded in acceptance. He readjusted himself to lay back on your bed, hands behind his head. “I miss hunting.”

“Hunting misses you.” You laid down next to him. “I mean, you’re Dean freaking Winchester. I’ve been told by a reliable source that some people call you The Ultimate Hunter.” You exaggerated your words and chuckled to yourself.

“More like the ultimate retiree now.”

You studied the ceiling and looked over to Dean, who had his eyes closed. It was at least 2 AM and you figured he was tired. “So, what were you doing in here tonight, anyway?” You figured you deserved an answer since he almost gave you a heart attack.

Dean’s breathing was slow and steady. “I don’t know. I just started walking and this is where I ended up.”

“Going through my stuff? You’re lucky I didn’t throw my knife at you. You scared the crap out of me when I first walked in.”

Dean smiled. “That’s what you get for beating me in poker tonight.”

“You mean kicking your ass in poker tonight?”

“Same difference.” He pushed you with his elbow a bit. The two of you lay in silence for a few minutes.

“You seemed off tonight.” You glanced at him.

“Just tired. Bobby’s couch wasn’t the most comfortable last night.”

“No, that’s not it. Are you feeling okay lately? You’ve been over here more in the past few weeks than you have in the past few months.”

Dean shrugged. “I guess it just sucks knowing that I’m being replaced.”

“Replaced?”

“Yeah. With Nick.”

“Uh, Nick isn’t replacing you.” Dean sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

“Sure feels like it. Sam has become fast friends with him, Bobby trusts the guy, and now the gang is going out on a hunt without me.”

“Dean, you know we’d love it if you came hunting with us, but you got out of the life and Sam and I are just trying to respect that.”

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “But worst of all, I see the way he looks at you. I know that look because that’s how I used to look at you.” You looked down at the floor, searching for the right words. “Hell, I still do, Y/N/N.”

Chapter 6

Tags:

@vicmc624

Lol, welp, since your submission page does say you’re accepting people venting their opinion about something, and other anons you’re getting today have made this topical, I’m going to submit a bit of a frustrated opinion piece to you here- though I totally understand if you don’t want to post it if you think others might take it the wrong way and feel like it’s inciting drama or something. 

So bit of a hot take here, but I hold the opinion that Jikookers who insist that the post SY Final emails from TKers/hetshippers about stopping Jikook’s ‘gay performances’ worked, and that Jikook has ‘barely breathed’ and stopped interacting in public since then specifically because Big Hit won’t ‘let’ them because of those complaints, because they’re now trying to suppress their relationship and please Taekookers, are almost as frustrating as the crowd that starts weeping about how Jikook broke up every single time we go a week without a new moment at this point- it’s just two different forms of baseless hysteria grounded in insecurity. There’s a reason TKers have been widely mocked for coming up with conspiracy theories about how BH has turned TK into a tragic, forbidden love that is forced to stay apart, and I just hate seeing so many of us turn around and do the exact same thing the second we miss the boys for a minute. Now, allow to me explain WHY I think this idea is so silly, if I may

I guarantee that Big Hit gets complaints and demands about EVERYTHING related to the boys, that’s just the nature of overseeing literally the biggest band in the world- and yet people truly believe that of all the things they hear about, they caved to the emailed demands of what was most likely not even actually a full 100 people among BTS’s 1mil+ person fan base? You’re giving what was most likely a double digit amount of TKers (whenever anyone tries to bust out a tweet of people complaining about all the Jikook interactions that night that has triple digit likes, as if that’s proof that hundreds upon HUNDREDS of people were emailing Big Hit, I have to roll my eyes; one, a lot of that those likes probably come from people who have multiple accounts, and two, there’s way less energy involved with hitting like on a tweet than composing and sending an email-I would bet you anything that the vast majority of people who did the former never actually followed through with the latter. Not to mention that even if it actually had been a few hundred, which it almost definitely wasn’t, that’s STILL a completely insignificant portion of BTS’s fanbase) entirely too much credit if you think BH started suddenly declaring how and when JM and JK are allowed to interact just because of them; frankly, BH likely gets WAY more nutso emails from people about dumb things like wanting Tae publicly flogged for vaping or wanting JK kicked out of the group for having tattoos than they ever have about shipping matters- I’d be shocked if this particular issue was even a blip on the radar, or ever went beyond the administrative assistant in charge of sorting through fan emails laughing to themself as they deleted the nonsense.

But hey, let’s say the emails DID make it to the higher-ups at Big Hit and they WERE aware of them- thinking they started keeping Jikook apart because of them requires assuming BH places more weight into a few pressed emails than they do the entire sold out stadium being filled with the sound of hysterical, supportive, happy screaming every time Jikook were acting boo’d up that night, and, uh… WHY would you assume that, lol? Even IF BigHit is hypersensitive to how Army responds to specific ships, which I honestly doubt, I promise you any company would care more about the real-time reaction of a 60000 person true random sampling of the band’s fan base than a comparatively TINY amount of emails or tweets that, for all they know, are just being spammed by the same five people with an agenda across different accounts, and that real-time reaction to Jikook from 60000 random fans was extremely positive. Not to mention how Jikook is more popular than Taekook with both K-Army and J-Army, and it’s only I-Army that Taekook has the edge with; why does anyone think Big Hit cares more about a shipping subset of their third biggest market than a shipping subset of their first two biggest markets, if they’re going to care about shipping at all?

Then there’s the issue where I also think it’s kind of insulting to Jimin and Jungkook to suggest they would have even stood for being forcibly distanced to please some pissy Taekook fans, TBH. I’m not saying they get to live their lives as openly as they want 100% of the time, obviously as Idols there are things they make big concessions about, but Jungkook is a man who has been acknowledging since 2014 that a lot of their fans would be very upset with him if he ever got a tattoo, and who then still proceeded to get 20+ of them because that’s what HE wanted, Jimin is a man who saw fans complaining his shirt was too revealing and he should stop wearing it and proceeded to wear that shirt as often as possible throughout the next few weeks to make a point- you think they’d put up a fight like that for tattoos and clothes, but not for the person that we as Jikookers are assuming is their beloved partner? That’s not even getting into Jungkook being so vocal and so brave with gestures like GCF Tokyo and Rose Bowl; I would bet you anything that same man would not sit there quietly and nod along if an executive tried to order him to stop being seen with Jimin and start playing up his friendship with Taehyung for the camera more often, all just so they could please some obnoxious American teenagers. 

And finally, and what might be the biggest point to me- the ‘Jikook has been dead since then!’ and ‘Something is clearly off between them since then!’ narratives are SO exaggerated by Jikookers anyway, ones who have lost all perspective about how they haven’t been in public much since November, and they both barely use social media anymore, so ALL content from them drops off dramatically when there’s no tour, no promotions, and no appearances happening. Shippers keep complaining that we’ve had barely any new content in 2020, it’s all been stuff that was filmed in 2019 and just released now, waaah, and I’m just like ‘…uh, yeah, and that’s the case for literally every ship involving Jimin or Jungkook, because the three weeks of album promotion we got are basically all either of them have been seen for this year.’ If they were both constantly around and acting affectionate with other members while visibly icing only each other out, then maybe I could get the conspiracy theories, but I genuinely can’t recall any significant interactions either of them have had with other members outside of the clearly planned and scheduled V-Lives- not that this means the interactions in said V-lives weren’t genuine and cute, for the record! But it’s not like Jungkook was just hanging out at Tae’s apartment and they spontaneously decided to go live- Big Hit clearly had these particular lives mapped out and they’ve essentially been part of the boys’ current work schedule. They’ve both made themselves scarce, period, you can’t get ‘fed’ by people who just straight up aren’t making public appearances or using their social media accounts- and when we HAVE seen them, like in the last two OT7 lives, they’ve very much seemed like their normal selves and have been right by each other’s side, per usual. Also, when you look back on years in your mind as a compilation of significant moments, it makes you forget that even in 2018 and 2019, it wasn’t uncommon to go weeks or months between content; your brain just selectively filters out the time in-between that you spent waiting to remember only the good stuff we got those years, and it makes it feel like it was a constant flood of moments happening all at once; you remember ALL of 2018 and 2019 as their respective best dozen moments, forgetting that there was plenty of time in between even then, and that Jikookers frequently threw embarrassing fits about how they had clearly broken up any time their ‘feeding schedule’ was off for a few weeks even then.

And I mean, the face smushing pictures that have already become a Jikook fandom all time favorite moment were post SYF, the chest groping performance of Home was post SYF, them lovingly smiling while singing The Earth Traveler directly to each other and the behind the scenes clip of them looking just as smitten during the recording was post SYF, the extremely flirty and domestic New Year’s VLive that had Jikook fandom dying was post SYF, the video of them flirting about how long they’ve been a unit was post SYF (not to mention how Big Hit deciding to give them a photobook subunit in the first place, or deciding to include that flirty footage in the album release event stream, were both choices made post SYF), the big Jikook feast that was Winter Package was post SYF (and again, BH didn’t HAVE to include all that Jikook footage, and they DEFINITELY didn’t have to write the very shippy captions that one had- they chose to), Jimin holding Jungkook’s arm in the airport was post SYF, them holding hands while walking off stage at the Japan muster was post SYF, Jungkook calling Jimin cute and sexy during the album release and all of their flirting across the table and hugging and touchiness that same night was post SYF, the V-Live where Jimin was being very affectionate with Jungkook and there was that adorable minute long sequence where you could tell how badly they were fighting the instinct to hold hands was post SYF, Jungkook publicly and proudly losing his mind over Jimin the Black Swan reaction video was post SYF, them choosing to let us see them happily riding home together was post SYF, Jungkook stopping dead in his tracks and abandoning the routine to just lovingly stare at Jimin for two minutes straight during Carpool Karaoke was post SYF, the cuddling and spooning during recent Run BTS episodes was filmed prior to then, but BH’s decision to include the footage and post the photo was post SYF, same with all the season’s greeting Jikook footage, same with BH deciding to make the 5th Muster DVD an all out Jikook holy grail, same with BH having the Speak Yourself Japan behind-the-scenes footage be more Jikook than anything else. If that’s Jikook after supposedly being ordered to stay away from each other or to at least ‘tone down the gay’, and if Big Hit’s idea of pulling back on Jikook means still having the behind the scenes footage on the next 4 paid content DVD releases be LOADED with Jikook and basically revolve around their interactions, then call me crazy, but I think things are gonna be okay

So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul

Where I'll end up, well, I think only God really knows

I've sat upon the setting sun

But never, never, never, never

I never wanted water once

No never, never, never

I listen to my words but they fall far below

I let my music take me where my heart wants to go

I swam upon the Devil's lake

But never, never, never, never

I'll never make the same mistake

No, never, never, never

“I’ve never in my life anticipated an album release more eagerly than I did Lou Reed’s Ecstasy. For starters, it was only the second album Lou had put out since I’d been old and aware enough to get excited about new albums. Of course I’d purchased Set the Twilight Reeling the day it dropped in 1996 at my local Electric Avenue store (because Best Buy bizarrely had it labeled as “You must be 18 to purchase,” presumably because it contained a song called “Sex with Your Parents”), but my self-hyping in that case was limited to reading reviews in music magazines and watching Lou make the rounds on the late night talk shows. When Ecstasy was coming out in 2000, on the other hand, I had the internet.

Unsurprisingly, Lou Reed had a sizable web presence in those nascent days of home computing. His website was updated regularly with tidbits and teasers for the forthcoming album, and I ate it all up. I listened to the primitive pre-release streams of “Paranoia Key of E” and “Modern Dance” obsessively and checked the page multiple times a day. I’m certain my then-girlfriend (and current wife), who’d long since given up on feigning enthusiasm for my Lou Reed fanboyism, was almost as eager for Ecstasy to drop as I was, just to stop my constant stream of speculation.

When it finally hit, it was, probably inevitably, everything I’d been waiting for and simultaneously also a bit of a letdown. Remember when Kid A came out and half your hipster friends were like, “It’s really good but it’s no OK Computer” and the other half were like “This makes OK Computer totally irrelevant”? It was kind of like that, except with Ecstasy vs. any number of previous Lou Reed records standing in for the two Radiohead albums and me taking both sides of the argument because I’m pretty sure I was the only 21-year-old in the year 2000 attaching Radiohead-level expectations to a new Lou Reed album.

I loved most of it right out of the gate, of course. “Paranoia Key of E” was exactly the kind of literate, grimy rock groove Lou did best. “Future Farmers of America” was a sardonic flurry of social commentary. “Baton Rouge” was the

saddest, prettiest song Lou had recorded since the Velvet Underground days. On the other hand there was “White Prism,” which opens with the line “There’s a white prism with phony jism / Spread across its face” and only gets more cringey from there. And there was “Rock Minuet,” an overblown wallow in depravity and degradation that’s always struck me as Lou trying way too hard to

write another “Street Hassle.” (It was also, I believe, Lou’s favorite song on the album, which makes all kinds of sense.)

And then there was “Like a Possum.”

“Like a Possum,” in which Lou Reed yells about possums and rollerbladers and “one-night fucks” for a solid 18 minutes over a churning drone of distortion that never varies. “Like a Possum,” filled with imagery of crack-smokers and used condoms and “women with the butt that hurts.” “Like a Possum,” which exemplifies every accusation of ego and pretension Lou Reed detractors had been leveling against him for 45 years.

I fucking love “Like a Possum.”

I don’t believe I’m exaggerating if I say that, much as I love Ecstasy and regard it as a minor classic in the Lou Reed pantheon, I would love it just as much if not more if it had been just a full hour of “Like a Possum.” Lou’s opening bark of “Good morning! It’s POSSUM DAY!” should by all rights be a beloved American catchphrase.

There should be theses written on the Lou’s very gradual progression from feeling “like a possum” to feeling “calm as an angel.”

Hyperbole aside, I really do regard this song as a masterpiece. It combines the aggro sonic experimentation of Metal Machine Music with the bleak cityscapes of Street Hassle, the doomed majesty of Berlin and the defiant mourning of Magic and Loss. It’s four Lou Reed masterpieces boiled down into one 18-minute, aurally challenging package.

Lyrically, it’s fairly familiar Lou Reed territory: a litany of ugly images of people doing ugly things in the ugly corners of New York City. That sort of thing was Lou’s stock in trade since the early days of The Velvet Underground, but few people ever did it better. The biggest thing setting “Like a Possum” apart on that front is the framing device. Before we get to the druggies and hustlers strolling the banks of the Hudson, we spend five minutes listening to the singer’s vision of himself as a possum, complete with “Possum whiskers, possum face, possum breath and a possum taste.”

It’s never clearly defined what it means to be like a possum, nor whether that’s a good or bad thing to be. Given that possums are nocturnal scavengers who tend to creep around unseen, I feel I can make a reasonable guess, but the ambiguity is part of the appeal. There’s a lot of naked juxtaposition as the song churns on, blending crass couplets (“I got a hole in my heart the size of a truck / and it won't be filled by a one-night fuck”) with picturesque exclamations (“wouldn’t it be lovely?” and “calm as an angel”) and passages of terrifying introspection (“You know me I like to dance a lot / with different selves who cancel out one another”). The contrast between these lines is never presented for the sake of irony or shock value. They’re just the stream-of-consciousness truths of a human possum living on the edge.

The most obvious knock someone could make against “Like a Possum” is that it does not, under any condition, need to be 18 minutes long. I can see people taking that position (especially regarding an album whose cover is a photo of Lou Reed masturbating), but my personal take is that, a few live renditions notwithstanding, it could not possibly be a second shorter. Lou Reed had a long history of putting out long, difficult songs, and each one served a different purpose. “Heroin” is a slow, loving build into chaos that mirrors a narcotic episode. “Sister Ray” is a frantic churn of madness that pushes the listener into an escalating frenzy. “Street Hassle” is a short story and a mini-opera told across multiple movements. “Metal Machine Music” is an endurance test of beautiful brutality.

“Like a Possum” doesn’t fall neatly under any of those umbrellas, and I’d guess it has fewer defenders than any of those songs. I say it’s the equal of all of them. Yes, it’s a droning, repetitive trudge, both lyrically and musically, but

that’s exactly the point. “Like a Possum” envelops you, pulls you inside its grimy orbit. There comes a moment where you’re fully inhabiting the song, and vice versa, and you forget what it was ever like to not be listening to “Like a Possum.” Once you’ve crossed that threshold, you get it. You’re a possum. You’re calm as an angel.

I didn’t know it back in the year 2000, of course, but Ecstasy would turn out to be, in my estimation, the last true Lou Reed album. He put out three more studio albums, sure, but The Raven is a passion project that’s as much a theater piece as it is a record, Hudson River Wind Meditations is a niche side project, and Lulu is, y’know, all Metallica’d. Ecstasy was the last time Lou Reed went out and did his full-on weird, unapologetic Lou Reed thing.

Maybe that’s another key to why I love “Like a Possum” so much: it’s such a deeply, thoroughly Lou Reed thing to do. It’s a song that makes zero attempt to win you over. You’re either in or you’re out. You’ll know for sure which side you fall on within the first two minutes, and then guess what? The song is going to keep on going for another 16, and if you disliked it in minute two, you’re going to hate it by the end. And Lou doesn’t care, because it’s not for you. It’s for him and all the other possums out prowling the streets. It’s the epitome of Lou Reed in all his grimy glory.

Good night, everybody. It’s possum day.”

*Christmas* (Chapter Six)

CHRISTMAS MASTERLIST HERE

Enjoy :)

************************

{{Did you guys know I am a major sucker for boy bands? I'm not even sorry for TODAYS SONG .}}

“Hey guys!” Bruce stepped from the elevator into the decorated common area with his arms open wide, and the team all turned from digging into the ornament boxes and shouted back at him.

“Bruce!”

“Bruce, welcome home!”

“Thank god you’re here, will you please do something about the music!”

“Oh Bruce it's so good to see you!”

He grinned, accepting kisses from Natasha and Pepper, shaking hands with Rhodes and Cap and Bucky, a flying tackle hug from Clint nearly wiping him out, a slap on the back from Sam and of course, a giant lifting-him-off-the-floor hug from Thor.

“It's good to be home.”

“I'm so glad you made it.” Pepper squeezed at his hand and urged him further into the room towards the big tree and the boxes scattered around. “We just barely found your box of ornaments, and Tony wouldn't let us eat food or anything until you got here!”

“Where is Tony?” Bruce wanted to know, shrugging out of his jacket. “He texted me to ask-- what?” he froze when everyone stopped and stared at him. “What? What's wrong?”

“Should I tell him, or should we let him find out by himself?” Sam asked Clint conspiratorially  and Natasha snorted a little in laughter.

“Let him find out.” Clint sighed. “Look at him. He and Tony deserve each other.”

“I don't understand.” Bruce said slowly. “What's going on? Why do Tony and I deserve each other?”

“Because you are both adorable, special snowflakes that the family enjoys immensely.” Natasha kissed his cheek again. “Oh Tooooooooony! Bruce is here!”

“Bruce!” Tony came bursting out of the kitchen, a candy cane firmly in his mouth, sliding across the wood floor in thick holiday socks--

--and wearing the exact same sweater as Bruce. {{SWEATER}}

“BRUCE!” He shrieked, and Bruce hollered something unintelligible and they grabbed each other in a hug spinning around a few times.

“Awesome sweater.” Bruce held up his hand for a high five and Tony gave it to him enthusiastically. “Ebay?”

“YES!” Tony was still practically shouting. “There was only two left and I was so worried I wouldn't get it one!”

“I bought the other one!” Bruce whooped and high fived him again and Tony wrapped the scientist in a bear hug.

“Glad you’re home, Brucie-bear.” Tony put the candy cane back in his mouth and grinned around it. “Now we can decorate the tree!”

Arms around each others waists, Bruce and Tony headed towards the tree, towards their respective box of ornaments, and Bruce paused to tilt his head and listen to the music.

“Tony, is this N’Syncs Christmas album?”

Tony's face lit, and he laid a candy cane-flavored sticky kiss on Bruce’s cheek. “I love you, Bruce. It is N’Syncs Christmas album.”

“I hate how much I like it.” Bruce admitted, digging through his box.

“Boy bands for the win.” Tony answered. “JARVIS turn it up!”

“What the hell is happening?” Bucky didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified, and Clint elbowed him playfully.

“What's up, Bucky baby? You didn't know that Tony and Bruce have the same horrible taste in clothes and music as well as being the biggest nerds in the world?”

“Nerds?” Bucky frowned.

“OHMYGOSH YOU FOUND ME A DEATH STAR ORNAMENT?!” From Bruce, and Tony pumped his fist in the air.

“Nerds.” Clint confirmed, and then the music switched {{MORE MUSIC, NOT SORRY ABOUT THE BOY BANDS I DON'T EVEN CARE, JUDGE ME IF YOU WANT}} and Bruce started singing along, much to Tony's delight.

“And terrible taste in music.” Clint shook his head. “They deserve each other.”

“He’s wonderful.” Bucky said wistfully, watching Tony push Bruce playfully as they raced to hang their ornament on the tree.

“Aw.” Clint cocked his head and batted his eyelashes. “I think Tony is cute and sweet and ever so dreamy!”

Bucky didn't reply, just raised an eyebrow and clenched his left fist threateningly and Clint put his hands up in surrender. “Hint taken. All I'm gonna say is, if you want him, go get him. Because I promise he wants you too.”

“Wait, what?” Bucky jerked his head up. “What did you say?”

“What did you say, baby?” Natasha asked, sidling up beside Clint and tucking her smaller hand in his. “Are you exaggerating your feats of greatness on missions again?”

“I'm just telling Frosty over here that he should stop pining over Tony from a distance and just go get him.” Clint took a drink of his beer and rolled his eyes at his girlfriend. “But thanks for that.”

“Oh definitely yes to you talking to Tony.” Nat flicked her cool green eyes over Bucky's frame. “I can tell you without any doubt that Tony would be up for some time with you.”

“Um--” Bucky didn't quite know what to say to that and Natasha smirked when he flushed a little. “I don't know guys--”

“Oh stop.” Clint scoffed. “Steve has told us all about your legendary charm. What did they call you back in the day? Bronco?”

“Why was Steve talking about--” Bucky shook his head. “Never mind. So Tony isn't seeing anyone?”

“Nope. He definitely isn't.  And you aren't getting out of the nickname thing so easily.” Tasha raised her eyebrow. “Bronco? Explain it.”

“Uh, no. No thanks.” Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck. “So Tony would be up for a--”

“Steve!” Nat called without taking her eyes off Bucky. “Come here for a sec.”

“What's up?” Steve offered, pulling Thor along with him. “Why aren't you guys hanging up your ornaments? Tony's gonna start getting all fussy if we don't all participate.”

“Steve, tell us why you used to call Bucky Bronco.” Nat urged. “He doesn't want to tell us.”

“Oh.” Steve laughed, completely missing the glare Bucky sent his way, or the smirk on Clints face. “We used to call him Bronco, because the morning after all the girls talked about getting the ride of their life. Guys too, for that matter.”

“Excellent!” Thor boomed and slapped Bucky on the back. “You already have a worthy reputation! Tony will be very pleased!”

“Oh my god.” Bucky wanted to sink into the floor and die, because Natasha was staring at him with an interested expression, and Clint was cackling at the top of his lungs, and Steve looked mildly embarrassed but Tony---

---Tony looked up from his conversation with Bruce with a confused expression on his face, taking in their little group and Bucky's bright red face with a curious smile, then his smile grew a little more and those dark eyes lingered low over Bucky's body before going back to listening to whatever Bruce was saying.

Tony had just looked across the room and checked Bucky out and that was enough to turn the soldier’s brain to mush.

“So does everyone know that I like him?” he asked lamely, and Clint stopped laughing long enough to nod.

“Oh yeah. We all know. Except maybe Bruce and probably Tony. But we all watch you guys do the awkward flirting thing and pretend not to stare at each other and really it's kind of gross even though it's not near as gross as these two--” Clint jerked a thumb towards Steve and Thor, who kissed each other right on cue, soft smiles on their faces. “-- so we are all okay with it.”

“You two would be good together.” Natasha encouraged him. “I'm serious. Go talk to him.”

“I don't know.” Bucky muttered and folded his arms self consciously before dropped his left arm, his right hand coming up to rub over the silver. “He’s um-- I don't know.”

“Go on.” Natashas smile softened. “Bucky, Tony is a complete sap during Christmas time, there literally isn't a better time to tell him you want him. Just go.”

“Yeah.” Bucky took a deep breath. “Yeah, alright. Thanks.”

“Go get em.” she shoved him gently in Tony's direction. “Just go up and offer to help with the tree.”

“Go on, Buck.” Steve prodded him. “He won't turn you down, I promise.”

Bucky took a hesitant first step, and then another across the room, feeling like there were miles separating him from where Tony and Bruce were.

It didn't help that Clint hollered, “Go get it, Bronco!” and Thor neighed loudly, causing Steve to collapse in laughter.

He hated them so much.

*********************

“Hey Buck!” Tony looked up with a big grin when he finally reached their side. “So look, I know this is your first Christmas here so--” Tony produced a brand new package of ornaments in deep red and brilliant silver. “I bought you some ornaments to get your box started!”

“My box?” Bucky took the package automatically, licking his own lips because Tony's looked shiny from sucking all over a candy cane all day and wow if that didn't make Bucky's mind go-

“Well yeah.” Tony was still talking, so Bucky forced himself back from the...other thoughts. “Everyone has a box of their favorite ornaments to hang on the tree! Which reminds me--” he raised his voice. “You guys better get decorating! I'm not giving out Christmas cookies until this tree is covered!”

“Thank you.” Bucky stared down at the beautiful glass ornaments. “You didn't have to buy me these, Tony.”

“Sure I did.” Tony shrugged. “Everyone in the family gets ornaments.”

He was gone, circling the tree to try and find the perfect spot to hang his next ornament and missed Bucky's face falling.

“Everyone in the family.” Bucky repeated.

“Don't worry.” Bruce said, digging in his own box for another glass bulb. “He calls everyone on the team family. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to tie you up and do things to you.”

Bucky's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Bruce shrugged. “He tells me things, Bucky. He likes your butt and fancy hair. I'm not saying I want to know these things, just that I do know these things.”

“He thinks it's fancy?” Bucky touched over the messy bun he had twisted his shoulder length hair up into. “Hm.”

“So tell me…” Bruce put a glittery pi symbol high on a branch. “Why did they used to call you Bronco?”

*******************************

{{Baby, It's Cold Outside --Instrumental, honestly lovely arrangement}} 

“I feel bad for missing the tree.” Rhodes admitted, much much later that night as he and Pepper lounged in a recliner together, staring up at the brightly lit tree. “Tony was pretty upset at me.”

“It was very nearly the end of the world when I was an hour late.” Pepper yawned and cuddled closer. “You know how seriously he takes the Christmas season.”

“I do know.” The Colonel smiled, shifting in the recliner to bring Pepper more on top of him. “And I feel bad, but national incidences don't stop just because Tony wants me there to hang an ornament.”

“I tried to tell him the same thing about board meetings but he insisted it wasn't a valid excuse.” Pepper laughed softly. “He’s such a child this time of year.”

“Yeah well, as long as we are doing the best we can raising him.” Rhodes shrugged, holding her closer when she laughed again, burying her face in his chest.

“Tell me, Ms. Potts.” he ran a gentle hand down her back. “Why did it take you so long to say yes to a date with me? These last few months have been wonderful, but you made me wait almost a year before saying yes.”

“I did, Colonel Rhodes.” Pepper sounded like she was smiling. “I suppose I felt odd about dating Tony's best friend. I didn't want it to be a weird triangle sort of thing.”

“Triangle? You’re not involved with Tony.”

“No, but as the single parent of a forty year old--” Rhodey burst out laughing at that and Pepper grinned as well. “As the single parent of a forty year old, it was important to make sure Tony was comfortable with what we were doing. I couldn't handle hooking up with you and then having things be potentially awkward. We have been friends for a long time, James. I didn't want to sabotage that, or make Tony uncomfortable in any way.”

“I understand.” Rhodey said after a moment. “I am also the single parent of a forty year old--”-- a muffled giggle from the red head in his arms. “-- and I hesitated to ask you out for the very same reasons.”

“No regrets now though, right?” Pepper wanted to know.

“Not one, beautiful.” Rhodes urged her up his body until their lips could meet. “Not ever.”

************************

MANIA Reaction

Okay, I’ve just sat in the dark and listened to all of MANIA for the first time, and probably ascended to another level of existence, so here’s my brief initial reaction to each song. Not really any deep analysis quite yet, and I may add to this once I’ve listened to it again, just my basic response.

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: I was not fucking prepared for this song. I don’t think I ever could have been prepared for this song, not to be dramatic. I was pretty much ready to like, get in a knife fight outside of a neon lit bar in a futuristic city with this in the background. Definitely going to be one of my favorites, holy shit

The Last of the Real Ones: This is another one of my favorites. It feels like such a love song to me, with just overwhelming devotion for the object of your affection. Very beautiful, and definitely one of the most purple songs on the album, in my opinion.

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T: If Last of the Real Ones is perfect love, then this one’s real love. It’s still that devotion and that passion, but with, in my opinion, accepting all the flaws and even cherishing them, too. The relationship is definitely a complicated one, but you still can’t bear to be without it. Another absolute jammer. 

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): I don’t know about anyone else, but this is going to be a song that I listen to on bad days. This is partially because it really captures the feeling of just wanting to drop off the map and get away from every problem, and everyone, in your life. Definitely a good one.

Church: Once again, not fucking prepared. The choir, the church bells, Patrick’s voice, it was so much all at once, and it was perfect. So beautiful, so detailed, definitely lends itself to visuals. The “paging mr. Stump” or whatever was such a good little detail and just added another layer. But on the other hand, they must be expecting all the dick jokes, right? I thought people were exaggerating about the “get down on my knees” part, but nope. Seriously though, this is an incredible song, and I can’t wait to listen to it again. (I haven’t watched the video yet because I wanted it to be just as new when writing this as the others).

Heaven’s Gate: My soul literally floated out of my body and into a state of perfect tranquility listening to this song. Patrick’s voice, oh my god. Patrick’s voice!!! Yet another thing I wasn’t emotionally prepared for. This is a wonderful song, that seems to be somewhere between love and feeling inadequate and flawed, and maybe just all of it at once. But seriously though, Patrick’s voice!!!

Champion: Admittedly, this wasn’t really my favorite song at first. I’m not sure why, but it didn’t really click with me. Though I definitely appreciate it, and it’s a good song, I do think that it just doesn’t stand out to me personally as much as the rest of them. But if I ever want to run a marathon, or even just work out? You bet I’m going to Champion. Definitely very motivational, and I think it has the potential to mean more to me in the right situation.

Sunshine Riptide (feat. Burna Boy): This is, unsurprisingly, another great song. I’m definitely going to have to listen to it again to process it a little more, but my initial feeling is that it’s both about something perfect and good, and also getting so caught up in that that you ignore the small problems of your life. Again, I’ll have to listen to this one more.

Young and Menace: I know I’ve said this a few times now, but this is one of my absolute favorites. It wasn’t what I was expecting from Fall Out Boy, for sure, but it didn’t take me long to love it. There’s something about this song that seems both aware of everything that’s wrong and how far you still have to go, but still so much determination and energy to overcome it. Again, very purple, and it goes hard as hell.

Bishops Knife Trick: Definitely a good way to end the album. I really loved the part about letting the city lights lead the way home, that’s just such a cool visual to me!! Another one that’s just a little bit of a love song, with more of the feeling of not wanting to be apart that I got from HOLD ME TIGHT. It really feels like coming home, moving from a deep sadness back into comfort, but still remembering what you had to go through to get there, and that things are different now. :^)

Overall, I’m giving MANIA an 800,000,000/10. To me, there are no bad songs on this album, just a bunch of punches directly to my heart, over and over again. Probably more organized and analytical thoughts later, and I really hope I got the order of the songs right!

Ok so @pinkislouder, @loveloveolivia and @teamnouis tagged me in this and i love you all very much ♥️ (I'm doing this on my phone bc obviously my laptop just died rip so sorry if it looks shit) Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag! THE LAST… 
1. Drink: fanta i think, i didnt want to but there was nothing else 2. Phone call: at work probably but thats boring so i think it was floor yesterday 3. Text message: the niall larries gc about elk her drama its hilarious 4. Song you listened to: cold (sak noel remix) - maroon 5 5. Time you cried: Lmao last night, when i had this one hour breakdown. It was ugly HAVE YOU EVER… 
6. Dated someone twice: I have never dated in my LIFE 7. Been cheated on: gonna take the same answer as amber, my friends yes 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: more like not kissing someone and regretting it 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: ha, very much 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: enough times for sure LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: 12. soft pink 13. dark green 14. bordeaux red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
15. Made new friends: definitely online and outside of the interwebs 16. Fallen out of love: cant say i've ever been in love so, no 17. Laughed until you cried: too many times to count 18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh :) enough times :) 19. Met someone who changed you: i guess, but in a good way 20. Found out who your true friends are: definitely 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yup for sure 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like 95% 23. Do you have any pets: not anymore :( i have cacti now :) 24. Do you want to change your name: nah i'm the only female cornetto in this family and will stay that way until i die 25. What did you do for your last birthday: basically same story as amber, went to our favorite bar, got free shots from our favorite bartender, got shitfaced, oh and in the morning floor was there and we hung around with my family 26. What time did you wake up: 5:15am bc work rip 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: probably reading fic and telling myself to go the heck to sleep 28. Name something you cannot wait for: to meet @rogueandeskimo and see harry tbh 29. When was the last time you saw your mother: uhhh i think its been 3 weeks already idk 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Move the fuck out and get myself away from this toxic ass family 31. What are you listening to right now: my neighbours outside, its amusing 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I actually had a crush on a boy named tom when i was like 6/7 didnt work out, LUCKILY 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that my laptop jUST DIED and like lets not go deeper into this 34. Most visited website: Tumblr and twitter, a surprise 35. Elementary: it was good, it was weird but a good kind, very carefree 36. High School: the best and worst time of my life, no exaggeration 37. College/university: college was good, learned a lot about myself very important 38. Hair colour: orange, ginger whatever you wanna call it nowadays 39. Long or short hair: shoulder length 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes if niall counts 41. What do you like about yourself: Not much atm but i guess i kinda look ok sometimes and i can be funny at the right moment 42. Piercings: nope 43. Blood type: wouldnt know if my life depended on it (ha medical jokes) 44. Nickname: my last name, cornetto, ams, am, ginger, theres more on this list 45. Relationship status: couldnt be more single 46. Zodiac sign: capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favourite TV show: gilmore girls, grey's anatomy, orphan black, friends, jessica jones 49. Tattoos: none yet 50. Right or left hand: right FIRST… 
51. Surgery: never had one, did break a lot of bones tho so i walked around with a cast every other 6 weeks 52. Piercing: none 54. Sport: Handball, did it for atleast 7/8 years before i quit, still love that sport to bits. Loved swimming also, was very good at it but like never did competitions 55. Vacation: my parents took me somewhere to germany as i remember but i also remember going to disneyland paris bc my aunt and uncle just got married and i was their braidsmaid at the age of 4 i dont remember which one happend first 56. Pair of trainers: probably some vintage ass shoes my mom found, they were red tho i think 57. Eating: my dinner, it was a salad. My brother left me some chocolate tho so i'll probably eat that in a bit bc well i had a salad for dinner what do you expect 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: sleep probably 60. Listening to: not sure yet, maybe harrys album maybe mitam maybe my summer playlist 61. Waiting for: good things to finally fucking happen 62. Want: to be in greece right now thank 63. Get married: Maybe one day, if i find the right person 64. Career: all i've been thinking since dropping out is how much i want to have my own b&b somewhere on the countryside in england, beautiful perfect YOUR TYPE… 
65. Hugs or kisses: I havent kissed anyone in ages jesus but i'm also a very big cuddler, no one really knows this about me i guess but i love it so i'm gonna say hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Lips fascinate me IM SORRY I KNOW ITS WEIRD dont ask lets move on 67. Shorter or taller: shorter but i dont mind anyone having the same hight as me, i dont even mind anyone taller but that doesnt happen much anyway 68. Older or younger: i prefer older but doesnt matter much actually 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: this is a stupid question it doesnt fucking matter 71. Sensitive or loud: loud for sure, love what amber said. Give me someone like louis 72. Hook up or relationship: atm i dont care but i'm definitely a relationship person 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker, bc i can be quite hesitant eventho im very adventurous HAVE YOU EVER… 
74. Kissed a stranger?: i .. have not 75. Drank hard liquor?: sure enough 76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: only a couple sunglasses 77. Turned someone down: godsjs enough times 78. Sex on first date: not sure if you can count it a date and we already knew eachother for years but anyway yes 79. Broken someone’s heart: idk probably 80. Had your heart broken: ohhh yeah 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: hahahah :) DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
84. Yourself: I'm trying my friends 85. Miracles: I'm not sure i believe in miracles i do believe that some things happen because thats how they were supposed to be 86. Love at first sight: I dont, as amber said attraction at first sight, yes definitely 87. Santa Claus: Uh duhh, havent you watched his movies?! He's out there 88. Kiss on the first date: how can you not believe in this???? I believe in this the MOST 89. Angels: harry and louis literally exist how the FUCK can you not believe in angels OTHER… 
90. Current best friend’s name: (i HATE US but same as amber AGAIN) i dont call one person my bestfriend anymore, i have a small circle of bestfriends 91. Eye colour: green/greyish i guess 92. Favourite movie: 10 things i hate about you, clueless, the batman trilogy, catws Soooooo this took me longer than i planned, anyway lets tag @hunkyniall @yslsaint @givelarryachonce @actualhumansunshine @nowayoutalongwaydown @iicfhome @celestineal @bananasnouis @loveableirishman @peppyniall @bus1pride i want to get to know y'all, if you dont want to do this trust me i get it dont worry xxx

This Ain't No Joke, Sweetheart - Chapter 1

SPN FanReality

~Let me tell you about my weekend with the Winchesters…~

Beka ( @impala-dreamer​ ), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Steph ( @torn-and-frayed​ )

3,379 Words

Warnings: It’s insane, but clean. Maybe some curses, I can’t remember.

A/N: This is not a joke. My weekend was pure insanity, and I thought I would write it all up and share it with you because, that’s what I do. You probably won’t believe me, but here it is. I’ve broken it up into chapters to save you all from reading almost 24,000 words at once. So… enjoy, I guess. I did…

Go To Chapter: One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~ Five ~ Six ~ Seven ~ Eight

Chapter One: Friday Evening…

Hey guys. Here’s the thing: I usually tell you stories when I get inspired by a song, or an episode, or a prompt, or whatever. But this story… as much as I still can’t believe it, this is all true. Not “inspired by true events,” no, 150% all natural, 10/10 this happened to me…true. I know you won’t believe me. Hell, some mornings I don’t even believe me, but unless I was hallucinating for forty six hours this weekend… this is legit.

Let me set the scene for you just so you can follow along. I’m Rebekah. I go by Beka, as you probably know. I live somewhere in the lower end of northern New Jersey. I can see New York from my house, which is where I grew up. I’ve got an attitude, an accent, and resting bitch face. My eyes roll freely and my eyebrow is usually raised. I’ve got a husband, two kids, two cats, and life is fairly normal. Well, OK. Some days are harder than I’d like, but that’s not what I want to tell you about. The boys and hubby were gone that weekend, out on a boys-only retreat with grandpa, leaving mommy home to relax and recharge. But, damn, that didn’t happen.

Friday evening. My favorite of evenings, especially when the house is quiet as it was then. It was raining, so I lit a candle like I always do. Some strange tradition my mother and grandmother passed down to me. This one was particularly yummy. A large, three-wick Bath and Body Works Bergamot Mint scented candle. I like to think that’s what Sam Winchester smells like. Manly, kinda spicy, hints of orange and mint. Just a little headcanon of mine. Anyway, the candle was lit, the lights were dim. I had a tumbler of honey whiskey on the rocks, and Netflix loaded and waiting. For good measure I brought my plush Tardis blanket to the recliner and snuggled down, ready to commit to finishing Season 6 in one sitting. Hey, don’t look at me like that. You’ve done it too. And anyway, it was for research. I’m working on a Soulless Sam smut. *insert shoulder shrug here*

I clicked play and episode 6.9 began. I gave a little chuckle when I read the title. “Fight the fairies!” I exclaimed to no one. Yes, sometimes I talk to the TV. Ok, most times I talk to the TV. Whatever. Anyway, as I’m waiting for the opening disaster, I take a nice long sip of my whiskey and then roll my eyes as the doorbell rings. “Seriously?” I pause the show and take a moment to adjust myself after climbing out of my chair.

My front door is directly behind the recliner, in a little “entryway.” I stumble over my son’s snow boot that keeps escaping from the closet and peek out the large frosted glass door. Two tall figures darken the portal, their faces in shadow, their outlines lit by the yellow street lamp behind them. Now, I’m not a tiny woman by any measure, but I’m still a woman, home alone, on a dark and stormy night, so the thought of opening the door to two huge men kind of panicked me. But, whatever, this isn’t a movie. What could happen?

I turned the knob and opened the door. Their images were still dark, and slightly skewed by the screen door, but I gasped in shock nonetheless. Standing before me, in all their denim and flannel glory were Sam and Dean Winchester. My mouth dropped and my brain sizzled. I’m not an idiot, I realize that’s impossible. Someone was playing a joke on me. A strange, brilliant, expensive joke. But it was April, and my birthday had just passed, so… maybe. Or I was dreaming.

“Rebekah Jones?” the Dean-like one asked. He was holding a slip of wet paper, his eyes narrowed and examining my face as he spoke.

“Er… yes?” I wasn’t sure I had actually answered, what with the shock I was in, but I suppose I did make some noise because he nodded and continued.

“Hi. Uh, my name’s Dean Winchester, this is going to sound strange but…”

I laughed. He stopped and glared at me. I laughed again. I couldn’t help it. “Dean Winchester? Uh huh, and this is Sam Winchester, right? Nice. Um… you guys are like, really good impersonators, like… really good. But, I’m sorry, roleplaying kinda freaks me out. I don’t even cosplay at Comic Con anymore so…”

The Sam-looking man on the right spoke up, his voice a perfect copy of the man I knew from television. “We’re not roleplaying. I’m Sam, and we need your help.”

The laughter was unstoppable. It bubbled up from my stomach in awkward giggles as I held onto the door frame for stability. “This is just odd. Wow.”

“Dean” reached for the handle of the screen door and pulled it open, leaning down a bit to meet my eye line. “Rebekah, this is serious.”

God, his eyes were so green. Wow, even in the darkness they stood out like a forest. “Sam and Dean are fictional characters. On a TV show. Thanks, but I’m not buying crazy today. I’m all stocked up.”

He let the screen door close as he spun around exasperated, turning his back on me. When he spoke next, it was to Sam who kept his eyes on me, watching carefully. “I told you she wouldn’t believe us. What’s the plan?”

The taller man pretending to be Sam shook his head, “This is the plan. She’s the only plan.”

OK. They were good, I had to give them that. Same facial expressions, same tone of voice, same… wait… My brain clicked into something and I went with it. “Holy shit!” I exclaimed, causing Dean to turn back around with hope in his eyes. “Are you guys…” My heart beat so fast at the thought I expected to pass out. “Jensen and… Jar- Jare- Jared?” To say my eyes grew wide at the idea would be an understatement. I probably looked like a creepy anime with heart eyes.

“What? No,” Sam said. “I’m Sam Winchester, and this is my brother, Dean. Could you please let us in, we need to talk to you.”

“Jensen Ackles and Jared Motherfucking Padalecki are on my porch!” I squeezed my eyes shut tight as my hands shook. That had to be the explanation. Had to be. But then again… “Wait, aren’t you guys supposed to be in Vancouver? No, wait… what con is this weekend… Seattle? No, that was last week, wasn’t it? Oh well, either way you’re a long way from where you should be.”

“You ain’t kidding sister, but we’re not Jensen or Jar-whatever. Dean. Sam.” Dean pointed between them both, trying desperately to get me to understand.

“This is an April Fools joke. I love it, I do. Please, come in…” I stepped back and opened the door to let them pass, my hand closed tightly around the door knob. I was shaking, there was no hiding that.

“This ain’t no joke, sweetheart,” Dean said as he nearly tripped over the same boot I had.

“Gah! He said ‘sweetheart’!” I yelped under my breath and bent to pick up the shoe, tossing it towards the closet.

Once Sam was in, I closed the door and turned to face them. Dean was in my living room, looking around cautiously while Sam kept his attention on me. I looked up, my body practically melting at the sight of him. He really was incredibly tall. I’m six foot tall in socks, and I know he had boots on, but wow, they did not exaggerate his height at all. Also, he was fucking gorgeous. I hadn’t realized how hard I was staring until he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. Just like Sam. Oh, he was good. Totally in character.

“Listen,” I said, mustering up as much courage as I had left, “I don’t know what contest I entered to win this, but this is like… incredible. You guys are my favorite. Supernatural is like, my life. OK, that sounds weird, but you have no idea how much your show means to me. Like, literally saved my life so many times, and I just… thank you.”

Jared/Sam smiled kindly, showing off those prized dimples and making my knees a little weaker than they already were. Behind us, Dean was wandering about, peeking behind corners and generally being nosy.

“I know this is strange, Rebekah,” Sam said, “But this is real. We’re the Winchesters.”

“Beka,” I said with a sigh. “You can call me Beka.”

“OK,” he laughed, “Beka. Nice. We got sent here, given your address and…”

My attention was no longer on the man in front of me, but on the other who had just found my shelf of collectibles. Jensen/Dean ran his hands over the dark cherry wood and picked up a matchbox car replica of the Impala. “Hey! No touching! Those aren’t toys!” I snapped as I had so often done with my kids. Nobody plays with mommy’s things.

He laughed and set the car back down, grabbing my favorite Pop Figure, Mark of Cain Dean.

“What are these?” he asked, spinning the toy in his hand and looking over at me with raised brows.

“They’re Pops. Put it down!”

Instantly he returned the toy to it’s spot and stepped back with hands raised in surrender. “OK…” He rolled his eyes as if to say, “hey, crazy person alert.”

I turned back to the Sam character and sighed. “OK, so… what are you doing here? I mean, yeay! Oh my god, you’re here! But also… what are you doing here?”

Sam took a deep breath and began, “There was a portal, apparently a bunch of monsters got sucked in and dropped into your world. We found it, hopped in, and here we are. We need your help.”

“Uh huh,” I crossed my arms and considered his words for half a second, deciding to play along. “OK, let’s say I’ve not gone crazy and you’re not Jared and Jensen.”

“We’re not!” Dean chirped from the stairwell. He was peeking down into my husband’s workspace, nodding in approval at the vintage albums that covered the walls.

“OK, you’re not,” I continued. “So you’re Sam and Dean and I’m not insane. Gotcha. What do you need with me? And how do you even know who I am?”

“Cas,” Sam said simply.

“Cas. As in Castiel, angel of the Lord, baby in a trench coat, love of Dean’s life, Cas?”

Dean’s head popped up, “What?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I yelled back, and then winked at Sam, “You know what I’m talking about, right? Him and Cas…” Sam shook his head in confusion. “OK, nevermind. That’s for another time. Castiel gave you my name?”

“Yes.” Sam nodded. “And told us you could help.”

“I’m not… I mean, I’m not a hunter. I’m an office manager. I do paperwork and answer phones. This isn’t… I can’t… nope.”

“Listen Sweetheart,” Dean said, walking back towards me. My heart leapt at the nickname once again. “Why don’t you suspend your disbelief for a few hours and help us out? Obviously we’re here. We’re real. Just roll with it.”

He had a point. And yet… “OK,” I looked back at Sam. “Jared just had a new addition join the family. What is it, and what’s it’s name?”

Again he scrunched up his face, confused by my question. “I don’t know… a dog?”

If he was acting, it was believable. I swallowed hard, my face falling as my brain tried to decide if I was happy that it wasn’t Jared and Jensen or terrified. “It was a baby. Odette.”

“Weird name,” Dean chuckled.

“I think it’s sweet,” shrugged Sam.

“I need a drink,” said I.

I pushed passed Sam and headed towards the kitchen for the booze. Behind me, Sam called, “Do you mind if I use your computer real quick?”

“Yeah,” I waved behind me. “It’s over there,” I pointed towards the messy desk. “Password is Impala.” I heard Dean laugh but I kept my course steady, retreating into my kitchen and collapsing against the black countertop.

I ran my hands down over my face, trying to calm the shaking in my brain and sighed. “You are not crazy. You are not crazy. You might be crazy.” I pulled my phone from my back pocket and pulled up Skype, needing to tell someone and confirm that I was still alive and not floating in some psychotic hallucination.

I shot off a quick message to Steph and waited somewhat impatiently for her reply.

Well, that got me nowhere. Good to know she’s not a millionaire though, I guess. Why would she believe me? I didn’t believe me. I shook my head and dropped the phone onto the counter, turning to the liquor cabinet. I say liquor cabinet, but it’s really just a Tupperware graveyard with a bottle of whiskey tucked into the back. I pulled out the JD and went to get some cups as my phone buzzed. I picked it back up and swiped, the screen revealing a Tumblr notification.

@torn-and-frayed mentioned you in a text post… 

Goddamn it, now everyone would know I was teetering on the edge of insanity. I considered reblogging and yelling at her for a moment, but Sam’s voice pulled the idea right out of my head.

“Um, Beka? What is this?”

That can’t be good, I thought as I carried the bottle and glasses back into the living room. Sam was seated at my computer, Dean lurking over his shoulder. They were both reading something on the screen, Sam’s eyes wide with shock and Dean’s face filled with a smirk. Oh…shit.

I set the booze down and ran over to them to see what could be so horrible. Yup, my worst nightmare was coming true. I had left my docs open and Sam Winchester was currently reading a half finished Sam Winchester smut piece.

“Ohhh my god…” I cringed and fought with his hand for dominance over the mouse, quickly clicking it closed.

“What was that?” he asked innocently, looking up at my red face.

“It was…nothing.” I tried to laugh it off, but there was no way.

Dean grinned. “Sam’s long fingers brushed against your nipple, teasing the bud into a stiff peak…” he quoted me.

“Oh fuck me,” I groaned. “OK, I might… dabble in… erotic fanfiction.”

“Dabble?” Dean laughed again, “There’s like a hundred docs here.”

“OK fine, I write porn!” I threw my hands up and spun around, more embarrassed that I thought could be possible. “I’m sorry! I write porn about you guys!”

“Wow,” Sam said, sitting back in the chair, quite embarrassed but hopefully flattered.

Dean strutted over to me, “Do you write any about me?”

I frowned and nodded. “Yeah,” I confessed quietly, “Those are my more popular ones.”

He laughed and looked at his brother. “Hear that Sammy? I’m more popular.”

“OK, let’s forget we had this conversation,” I begged and grabbed the whiskey, pouring three large drinks, and shaking myself again. How could this get worse?

Sam cleared his throat and agreed. “Yeah. Forgotten.” Somehow I didn’t believe him. “So, it looks like there was a 911 call placed earlier this evening.” He began reading from some website I’d never seen before, it looked like a police blotter. “Says, police responded to a call on West 5th Street, two bodies found behind a dumpster at SGG Window Factory.”

My ears perked up, “Holy shit, I know that place. It’s by my office. Like, four blocks away from here.”

“And you didn’t notice the sirens?” Dean asked, picking up a glass and swirling the contents.

“I mean, I’m not exactly in the woods here, sirens are like background noise at this point. No, I didn’t notice.”

Dean shrugged and downed his whiskey in one large swallow. He lowered the glass, licking his lips. “Is this honey flavored?”

I grinned, “Yeah, I’m a girl. Sue me.”

Sam stood up from the desk and joined us. “So you wanna go take a look?”

“At what?”

“At the crime scene.”

“Me?” I shook my head. “No. Why would I want to do that?”

Sam sighed, his big shoulders dropping, “Beka, we’re gonna go look. For whatever reason, you’re involved in this or Cas wouldn’t have sent us to you. You need to come with us.”

“Yeah but…no.”  

“Come on,” Dean urged, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I sneered at him, “Uh… death? Dismemberment? Heart ripped out? Um… take your pick. Look guys, I watch the show. Maybe I’m not the opening scene victim, but I know what happens to women who team up with you two. They die. Bloody. Beka don’t play that.”

“That’s not true,” Sam defended, a twinge of hurt in his voice.

“It kinda is,” I said. “I can give you a list, if you want.”

“Hey,” Dean pulled my attention to him with his stern yet calming voice and laid a hand on my shoulder. “Nothing’s gonna happen to you. You hear me?”

Maybe it was the pressure of his hand on my shoulder, or the look of utter truth in his eyes, but I suddenly believed him. He was real. Sam was real. Whatever was happening, was actually happening. I had two choices. One: run away screaming up the stairs, locking myself in my bedroom until they left, or two: have an adventure of a lifetime.

The closest I’ve ever had to adventure was this one time, before we were married, Billy and I went on a camping trip up in the mountains. It was July, and it was terribly hot, but the couple we were with insisted we have a fire, so my man and I went in search of firewood. We came across a motel sporting a sign offering wood for cheap, so we pulled over. The manager greeted us, and seeing what a nice couple we were, offered to get us some top quality hickory firewood from his private stash. I still don’t know why we did it, but we piled into his golf cart and let the man, Mike, drive us into the woods. We got the firewood and before returning us to our car, he asked in a more than creepy voice, “Do you like views?”

Well, hell, we were in a horror movie. I cowered and gripped Bill’s arm for security, but he laughed and said, “Yeah, why not?”

What I had thought was the dumbest mistake of our young lives turned into one of the best. Mike drove us literally up the mountain and took us to the very top where he had cleared a lot to build a cabin for his wife. We stood in the clearing and looked out across the sky. The trees around us framed a perfect sunset; the mountain air was fresh and clean, and the scene was magical. Sometimes, what appears to be a recipe for danger, actually yields something good.

“Beka, you good?” Dean asked, pulling me from my memory.

One look up into his sparkling eyes and I had made my decision. I was in. All or nothing. Crazy or not. Possible impending death be damned.

“Yeah. Let’s roll.”

To Be Continued… Chapter Two...

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From Phil Elverum’s Soundcloud: “Songs and notes to accompany the photobook DUST published by P.W. Elverum & Sun, June 2014 get one here and follow along: www.pwelverumandsun.com

This is a wordless book of photographs that has no story and no point. Honestly, it is very difficult to come up with music that relates to the book because for the most part my aim in assembling these images was to convey some kind of statement about impermanence and void. I guess most people would try to relate these ideas with something more visually bleak, but I think it's very interesting to consider these ideas while walking around in beautiful places, in the midst of the realistic sensory overload that is everyday life. To me, a picture of a new red car parked in front of a dilapidated karate building says "emptiness" because I notice the bushes growing through the window and the many layers of history erasing and replacing each other. Many layers on every page, in every view, all the time every moment, physical matter churning around so constantly that nothing is really solid. Appropriate music for this book would really be non-music, just the sound of a breeze, a trickle of water, traffic, etc. But here are some of my favorite songs anyway and some ideas about how they might relate:

pages 5 & 6 / 0:00-2:54 "The Piano Drop" by Tim Hecker (from Ravedeath, 1972) The whole album is amazing and deserves to be heard as one piece of music, but for the purposes here this song will do. The glimmer on empty water, the moon in an empty sky, sharp symmetry, a razor horizontal line, a circle. The real wild world occasionally makes straight lines and points, poking our minds open. This music is an excellent interweaving of the wild and the precise.

pages 9 & 10 / 2:54-4:17 "Open Field" by Maher Shalal Hash Baz (from "Blues du Jour") The photo on page 9 is literally of the man who made this music, Tori Kudo. On tour in Matsuyama, Japan I had the good luck to spend a morning hanging out with him. I can't summarize his work here, but the way the figures seem to accidentally pass and miss each other (on both pages) and the disorienting skew of page 10, plus the piercing moon, pretty much capture the sensation of Maher Shalal Hash Baz. Moments of accidental brilliance, constantly.

pages 11 & 12 / 4:17-6:00 "Some Lightning" by Thanksgiving (from "Nothing") Specifically the words "the shape of those rocks coming out of the ocean, that is my shape". These rocks seem to jut out so strikingly that they become charismatic personalities. Mirrored by the mid-summer toasted wild grass on a sloping hill, the atmosphere here is of a young poet hanging out under a tree by the water saying sayings to the inanimate surroundings. This early Thanksgiving song was made by a very young brilliant Adrian Orange, an actual real-life lounging grass-grove poet who went on to write the best songs in human history. I picture him in that grass.

pages 33 & 34 / 6:00-10:26 "Generous Palmstroke" by Björk (from Vespertine singles) The house on page 34 is a couple blocks from my house. I walk past it daily, listening to music in my headphones. Frequently I listen to this specific Björk song, trying to figure out how she made that close humming texture, while I walk to the studio to work on my own music. Close and spooky and dynamic. I haven't been able to figure it out but I've been listening to it for many years. Many nights I walk past this house's roses lit like that, dramatically. Both of these images have a similar close and spooky feeling. Unusually intimate.

pages 41 & 42 / 10:26-16:25 "Hello Earth" by Kate Bush (from "Hounds of Love") Even though Kate Bush doesn't always sound so detached from earth (usually persistent and prominent snare hits), this song is totally loosed and floating. These images are from a morning drive through Somerset in southern England. I don't know where in England Kate Bush is from, but it's close enough. Wandering through unearthly trees in a British fog, thinking of generations past, diverting frequently into spooky eastern European mens' choirs, voices from behind trunks. These trees almost look like a set from a movie, but it was really like that.

pages 49 & 50 / 16:25-19:32 "Over Dark Water" by Mount Eerie (from "Clear Moon") OK, yeah, I know, it's taboo for me to put my own song on this list, but it is very appropriate. This image on page 50 is exactly of what the song is about. This photo was taken on Deception Pass bridge late into a sunset, looking west. You can see the strip of orange sky through a slit in the clouds, out past beyond the dark water and the blinking green light of a lighthouse. Geneviève, the singer in the song, appears at an unnatural elevation, lit from the side by distant headlights. The song is about mentally riding on those high winds, like valkyries or witches, westward over these exact waters towards the ocean, illuminated orange and wild. The murk on page 49 is the tumult of the water below, the distorted bass.

pages 83 & 84, plus 91 & 92 / 19:32-30:05 "Wanderer Above The Sea Of Fog" by Wolves In The Throne Room (from "Black Cascade") Pages 83 & 84 are meant to basically scream "Pacific Northwest". The image of Snoqualmie Falls is hopefully immediately recognizable from the opening credits of Twin Peaks, appearing here as a lazy visual shortcut, but foggier. The shredded massive cedar trunk feels like a scream to me. I don't know what could do this to a tree. Epic forces exist here. Wolves In The Throne Room is definitely the music for these images. Their whole project is to give voice to this epic force, specifically Pacific Northwestern, in an exaggerated and sacred way. This song in particular starts with a pretty amazing primal scream, something definitely coming up from beneath. The title is a reference to a painting I love by Caspar David Friedrich of a lone wanderer looking out over an "other world" type of landscape, back to the viewer, weird and alien and symmetrical. The image on page 92 is a nod to that painting: 3 figures watching an indistinguishable orb in a copper night fog. The vivid sharpness of the stars on page 91 is also found in the music, chiming in the overtones (if you listen to it loud enough).

pages 107 & 108 / 30:05-34:09 "Renihiliation" by Liturgy (from "Renihiliation") Two thick black metal songs in a row, sorry. I think it is necessary to do it all the way if you're going to do it at all. Liturgy makes music like a very sharp blade. It is precise and enveloping. It brings me immediately to another place, cold and clear. These 2 images, blasting through piercing snow in a car and arriving in the thickest of white walls of snow, so thick that everything goes dark, this is the feeling of Liturgy's music. They call it "transcendental black metal" and I agree. It is a movement to a brighter place, not darker, but somehow so blindingly brighter that it feels like a wall of white noise. It might as well be black. That wall of trees might as well be solid.

pages 131 & 132 / 34:09-37:39 "Tirili Tovann" by Kirsten Bråten Berg (from "Nordisk Sang" compilation) Page 131 was taken in western Norway, traveling up the fjord, up the river, into the mountains. This is a traditional Norwegian song. I'm not sure what it's about exactly but I made out the word "skogen" (forest). It is easy to picture Kirsten Bråten Berg on that ridge in the background, singing out to a neighbor 2 fjords over, like Swiss yodeling but much more beautiful, like a bird that can fly super high and loves getting whipped around on the high atmospheres, or like a wild river that gracefully consumes tree groves. The placid river scene on page 132 is at home in the Skagit Valley and is also a component of that music, the omnipresent low drone note on the fiddle.

pages 57, 58, 59 & 60 / 37:39-42:26 "Aavehuminaa (Katjalle)" by Es (from "Kaikkeuden kauneus ja käsittämättömyys") This is the sound of my imagined version of Finland, made by actual Finnish people. These first 3 images are in Helsinki. There is no picture of a sauna here, but the feeling is there. Inside those ordered buildings on 57 & 58 (taken a year apart incidentally) there is clearly some coziness happening, behind an iconic birch trunk and a grid of walls and window coverings. On 59, a power plant and the setting sun's glow stand in for the transforming otherworldly sauna feeling. Out of nowhere a stack of trucks blasts across west Texas, into a new thing, like the ice plunge wakeup. This song by Es is one of my favorites ever and brings me immediately to a snowy tundra in my mind, high winds whistling and squealing, opening the door to a tiny hot room where everything transforms.”

RANDOMRECORDWORKOUTSPRINGTRAINING2017 Session 5 Off Broadway: On Time: 37 minutes Songs: 10 Calories burned: 278 calories calories per song: 27.8 Calories per minute: 7.51 Scouting Report: Let me just start by saying, I feel like I just won the lottery with this band. Like I picked all five numbers correctly. I am very glad this happened during spring training, because I was able to listen to all 10 songs, instead of just 5! And that is exactly what I wanted to do after listening to side one; to flip over the record and continue...because those first five songs were SO GOOD, that I could not wait to hear more! Phenomenal power pop like you have never heard before. Genius level. For real! Have I raved enough? No? Good, then let me happily continue. Off Broadway is an American rock band founded by Paul Darrow, Cliff Johnson, Paul McDermott, John Pazdan and Dan Santercola in 1977 in Oak Park, Illinois. After several line-up changes including the addition of songwriter/guitarist John Ivan and Robert Harding, the band's debut album On was released by Atlantic Records in 1979. They had a single from the album, " Stay In Time" which had moderate chart success. They recorded a follow up album, and toured until their breakup in 1983. Since then they reformed a few times, once in the late 90's and more recently in 2012 - during which they released a new single. Sadly, they are an obscure band, but well received in their home market of Chicago. I am telling you now, if you are a fan of power pop like Cheap Trick and Costello, or even other smaller bands like The Kings, then this will be your new favorite band. I guarantee it! For fans of Shoes to Sloan, your mind will be blown! As mentioned prior, "Stay in Time" is the single, and why not really? It is a perfect little bouncy gem. If you want the truth, I feel like literally ANY of these songs could have found their way into singles territory. They are that good. Off Broadway have more hooks than a Disney pirate. "Bad Indication" features some GOOD inclinations for more awesome hooks. It is a bit slower and more revolving, but also contains good use of a tambourine and a nice outtro. "New Little Girl" is almost a Cheap Trick outtake, but more Cars than anything. Lock your car door though, there could be a hijack power track lurking. So good! Especially at the vocal hooks! "Drop Me a Line" finds the boys toeing a harder line . Edgier with stranger patterns but still good and off Diversy (#seewhatididthere) (#ifnotdiversyisanotherchicagostreet) (#nevermind). Just mix in a bit of Costello and follow the Attractions. Side one winds down with another hit from the hit factory in "Hang On for Love". Excellent, solid time clock punches. "Full Moon Turn My Head Around" is the B side of their single, and while catchy, I feel one of the weaker tunes in this collection. I hesitate to even say that, because it implies it is not a good song. I assure you, NOT THE CASE! Just that there are stronger ones available. Phenomenal stinger on the end though. "Bully, Bully" contains the story of "every" musicians dream in song form. Or at least something similar. Aspects of it anyhow. "You Belong to You" is perhaps the biggest surprise here. It has odd timing and structure, but that PROVES this band is legit. They have the chops and are not just a cookie cutter band. " Money's No Good" and "Oh Boy!" Are the final two cuts, and you guessed it...also great. I am not exaggerating when I say every song on here is brilliant. Even humor, as the liner states Ken Harck gets credit for both drums AND cymbals. Because most other bands have a drummer and a cymbal-er. Those goofs! Do yourself a favor and GET THIS!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! Off Broadway - "Stay In Time" https://youtu.be/v-dk8bQF6CQ #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUT #RANDOMRECORDWORKOUTSPRINGTRAINING2017

long shit i hate typing 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit Burritos, Inspiration Point, Fork Balloon Sports, Cards in the Spokes, Automatic Biographies, Kites, Kung Fu, Trophies, Banana Peels We've Slipped On and Egg Shells We've Tippy Toed Over The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands! The Boy Bands Have Won, and All The Copyists and The Tribute Bands and The TV Talent Show Producers Have Won, If We Allow Our Culture To Be Shaped By Mimicry, Whether From Lack Of Ideas Or From Exaggerated Respect. You Should Never Try To Freeze Culture. What You Can Do Is Recycle That Culture. Take Your Older Brother’s Hand-Me-Down Jacket and Re-Style It, Re-Fashion It to the Point Where It Becomes Your Own. But Don’t Just Regurgitate Creative History, Or Hold Art And Music And Literature As Fixed, Untouchable And Kept Under Glass. The People Who Try To ‘Guard’ Any Particular Form Of Music Are, Like The Copyists And Manufactured Bands, Doing It The Worst Disservice, Because The Only Thing That You Can Do To Music That Will Damage It Is Not Change It, Not Make It Your Own. Because Then It Dies, Then It’s Over, Then It’s Done, and The Boy Bands Have Won. that gets a DOUBLE MEME SPIKE!!! 👍🏻👍🏻👌🏻👌🏻👀👌🏻👀👌🏻👀👌🏻 ほぇふっ oh goddamn hot shit💀👽💀👽💀👽💀 👀 👃🏻 👄 Alright, you wanna know the secret to getting a Ferrari or a Lamborghini like this? Drop outta college. Actually I'm just kidding. It's giving me a lot of trouble for me to say that. I do find it interesting that when you look at the most successful people in the world, they dropped out of college, a lot of them. I dropped out of college, I'm not the most successful person in the world, but, I do know that the education system that you and I grew up in... is flawed! There's a lot wrong. I think we all know that. Now, you know I keep these cars in my garage not to show off, or be materialistic, I literally like fast cars, they're fun to drive but what's more important than trying to get cars... uh... is knowledge. You know, like I always say, I'm more proud of these seven bookshelves I had to install to put in... to hold the 2000 new books that I bought. If you've seen my TedX talk, you've heard me talk about how I read a book a day, because like the investor Warren Buffet says "the more you learn, the more you earn"! Now, what I'm about to share with you, uh, on my website, there's a link you should be able to click. I've recorded a simple video here in my garage. Three things that made all the difference in my life. Three things that can change everything because it hasn't always been where I had these kind of cars in my garage, I remember when I was living across the country in Clayton, North Carolina, in a mobile home, sleeping on a couch. I didn't even have a bed. Or a car. Or a college degree, any opportunities, and I only had $47 in my bank account. But, the dream is still possible. You know, you might be a skeptic, you might be surrounded by people saying "Oh, videos like this, they're not real, they're a get-rich quick scheme!" This isn't a get rich quick sssscheme. This is MY true story! And I'm not promising you that tomorrow you'll have a Ferrari or a Lamborghini but what I'm promising you is that if you know the proven steps, it can happen faster than you think because when I was sleeping on that couch, and I felt hopeless. Something fortunate happened to me. My life was at a crossroads. Maybe your life's at a crossroads right now, and you just found this video. And you know there's something better waiting for you. It might not be a Lamborghini or Ferrari, that's nothing, that's materialistic things! You must find the good life, health, wealth, love, and happiness! All those things! For you, maybe for you it's a new career or starting your own company, or a new lifestyle! Traveling, less stress. You have to understand finances, you have to understand the rules that I found fortunately when I was sleeping on that couch and I bumped into one mentor, then another, and I ended up finding five mentors who showed me how they became multimillionaires. Also, I was able to identify certain key books, you can see, I have a soft spot for books, and I wanna share that with you today. Three practical things, just click this video, it'll take you to my website, it's completely free, you can watch the video there, and I record - it's just in my garage like this, it's not super professional so don't expect too much, but it is hard hitting! It does have the ability to change your life! Now do not click this if you're a cynic or a pessimist. There's a lot of those in the world. If you're watching this far, you're probably not, you're probably an optimist, like one of my favorite books, Conrad Hilton, the Billionaire, he said what changed his life when he was living in that depression was reading a book by Helen Keller when he was age 15. She said "optimist", so, I wanna share with you three practical things that you can do today no matter where you live, no matter how bad things might be, where you can begin to revolutionize your life. Find the good life. Health, wealth, love and happiness. So, click this video, and I'll see you over in my website, in just a minute. Alright? (KIK) look at this weak shit. disney pop star and shitty actress turned shitty model and shitty actress. look at that "avant garde" ass outfit, trying to be cool. not to mention her pose game is weak af. man even a person who's only seen one panel of jojo could pose better than this shit. your album title is "confident"? yeah well im pretty fucking confident that ur bitchy fat shaming ass wont get any aotys from anyone with an opinion. Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied. I was in my room, and I was just like, staring at the walls thinking about everything but then again I was thinking about nothing, and then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there She called my name and I didn't hear her, then she started screaming, "Mike! Mike!" And I go, "What? What's the matter?" She goes, "What's the matter with you?" I go, "There's nothing wrong mom" She goes, "Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!" I go, "No mom, I'm not on drugs, I'm okay, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a pepsi?" She goes, "NO! You're on drugs!" I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking" And she goes, "NO! You're not thinking you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!" I go, "Mom, just get me a Pepsi, please? All I want's a Pepsi" And she wouldn't give it to me, all I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me, just a Pepsi! Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's ♫ beautiful ♫ ! In the year negative a billion, Japan might not've been here. In the year -40,000 it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, so an iceberg melted, it became an island, and now there lot's of trees! Because it's warmer. So now there's people on the island and they're basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls. Ding dong, it's the outside world. And they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly super person, or emperor for short. Knock knock, get the door, it's religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. "Please try this religion," he said. "No," said everybody. "Try it," he said. "No," said everybody again, quieter this time. And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms. Like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. "Hi China," they said. "Hi dipshit," said China. "Can you call us something else other than dipsh!t?" said Japan. "Like what?" said China. "How about ♫ sunrise land ♫ ?" said Japan. And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book, about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here, and they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. A rich hipster named Kūkai (空海) is bored with modern Buddhism and learns a better version which is more ♫ spiritual ♫ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ♫ great ♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a shit about governing the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Correction: rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful. More than the government, so they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be "emperor," but the shogun is actually in control. Breaking news: the Mongols have invaded China. "We have invaded China," said the Mongols. "Please respect us, or we might invade you as well." "Okay," said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and then died in a tornado. They tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrew the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moved to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate, and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that's fine. ♫ now there's more art ♫ Like paining with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. It's time for Who's Going To Be The Next Shogun? Usually it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid, so he tries to et his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay, but then the shogun has a kid. So now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones! And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn't care, he was somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it's anybody's game. Knock knock, it's Europe. No, they're not here to take over (yet). They just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks. And guns. And ♫ Jesus ♫ So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns. And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. It goes very well. He's about halfway through conquering Japan, when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills him. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody's swords. And made some rules. "And now I'm going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China," he said, and failed, and also died. But before he died, he told these 5 guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the 5 guys said "Yeah, right. It's not gonna be this kid, it's gonna be one of us. Because we're grownups. And it's probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than he others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. He wins! And starts a new government right here. ♫ Edo ♫ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don't get confused, this is he new government, and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, they want to buy and sell sh!t, but they have to do it right here. Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were opened, roads were built, everyone could read, books were published, poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. People studied European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow dow- .....Knock knock. It's the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. "Open the country. Stop having it be closed." said the United States. There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan when they want. Chōshu and Satsuma hated that. "Hat sucks," they said. "This sucks!" And with very little outside help, they overthrew he shogunate, and made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed Eastern Capital (東京). They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was pretty western. And do you know what else is western? That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquered Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, "Stop, no, you can't take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water." And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers, and when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says, "Can you maybe chill?" And Russia says, "How about maybe YOU chill?" Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You'll never guess who's also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ It's time for World War One ♫ The world is about to have a war, because it's the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants more. And the next thing on the list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on it by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France's ass because France is friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria's ass, because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia's ass, because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria's ass, or actually he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh! ♫ Japan should take the islands ♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they called Britain on the telegram to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan! You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who gets what, and, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. The Great Depression is bad. Japan's economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is line "no, don't do that, if you're in the League of Nations you're not supposed to take over the world," and Japan said, "♫ how about I do anyway ♫" and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the whole entire east. You've got mail! It's from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache and he's trying to take over the world, and he needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. ♫ it's time for World War 2 ♫ Germany is invading their neighbors, then they invaded the neighbor's neighbors. Then the neighbor's neighbor's neighbor's who happens to be Britain said "holy shit" and the United States started helping Britain, because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends, plus they're planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ The United States is also working on a large and very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven't joined the war. War looks bad on tv, and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges hem to war, and they say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe, and they helped he gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven't used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan. They actually dropped 2. The United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government. Just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything's still pretty cool, I guess. ♫ bye ♫ Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the fuck out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels fucking weird when I go and take a piss. Dr. Pepper. The famous 23 flavor soda, has a lot of spinoff products, such as Diet Dr. Pepper. That’s not the topic here today. No we’re not talking about Diet Dr. Pepper barbecue sauce. But what we are talking about, is hot Dr. Pepper. That’s right, hot Dr. Pepper was originally introduced in the 1960’s as a winter beverage. Here’s some advertisements from the 1960’s showing about about Hot Dr. Pepper. However, it was short lived. But you still don’t believe me? You think this is a joke? Just go to the facts and questions article on the Dr. Pepper website. Anyway, I’m going to teach you how to make it. All you need is a Dr. Pepper; a can or bottle will be fine. And just proceed to open it, but DONT blow it up like I did. Cuz’ you know, Bad Dr. Pepper right there. Anyway, you want to heat up a pan, or anything, and just pour a little Dr. Pepper in there, as much as you want. Alright, and as soon as we did that, we’re gonna take a lemon and a knife and make a small slice, and then put it into the glass that you’re gonna puor the hot Dr. pepper in. When the Dr. Pepper starts sizzling or steaming up… That’s it. Just take it off, and pour it in your glass. And if you’re using a glass glass glass made of glass like I am, put it very slowly. Like, wait five seconds between each… Each spill, so it doesn’t melt, cus you know, when glass melts… Glass… yeah. Also if you try this at home, and your lemon makes a popping bubble, comment or like, heh, cuz you know, thumbs up for that. Just some more footage of the popping lemon… Yeah, and basically, this is hot Dr. Pepper. It tastes just like Dr. Pepper, only it’s hot, kind of like tea. Brings out the cherry flavor. Little carbonation, and I’ll see you next time. Later! FINALS WEEK FINALS WEEK JUST DISTRACTING MYSELF FROM FINALS WEEK IM NOT STUDYING BUT ALL MY FRIENDS ARE AND IM FUCKIN' ALONE CAUSE IM LAZY BUT I WONT TAKE YOUR NOTES YEAH I WONT USE QUIZLE-T NO I WONT WATCH CRASH COURSE JOHN GREEN FUCKING SUCKS WHEN YOUR CURRICULUM MAKES ME HATE MYSELF MORE THAN I ALREADY DO~ THERE'S SOMETHING WRO~NG