#never. EVER. in a million fucking years. did i expect it would be clary and jace
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the last quarter of city of bones by cassandra clare is. certainly something.
#so. to set the scene here#the SECOND simon and jace were introduced i googled ''who does clary end up with''#and (regardless of whether of not this is true) i saw that she ends up with jace#disappointing but i expected it (i like simon so much more but theres nothing ya fantasy authors hate more than bffs to lovers stories)#and THEN i looked at trigger warnings for the book. ''graphic incest'' was super out of left field#at first i thought it would be alec and isabelle. then i thought it was luke and jocelyn.#THEN i thought the twist would be that it was jocelyn and valentine (bc i saw valentine being clarys dad from a mile away)#never. EVER. in a million fucking years. did i expect it would be clary and jace#listen. im all for fucked up ships. but what is this shit lmao#is jace ACTUALLY her brother and do they ACTUALLY end up together?? im not sure if i can finish reading this series if thats the case#it gives me the ick so severely. fucked up stories about incest are one thing but the summary of book 2 is Upsetting#''her handsome infuriating brother'' why the fuck are you describing it like its a TYPICAL YA FANTASY ROMANCE BOOK. IM SO CONFUSED#i read this book IN PUBLIC#if you've read the series: is he really he brother? do they really end up together at the end or was that misinformation?#also: is it worth it to keep reading regardless?#the first 3/4 of the book was so fun! the characters were cool and it was an easy read#but the last 1/4 was like that mr. incredible meme where he gets slowly more and more horrified#the mortal instruments#yeah im tagging the main tag bc i need answers#good lord lmao#i do honestly feel like the book was ruined because of that ending and that's irritating me because it was otherwise very good#but again. lmao. i don't know if i can read a ya romance book where the main character waxes about how hot her BIOLOGICAL BROTHER IS#it would be one thing if she was immediately like ''oh. lmfao. that's fucked up'' and stopped romantically pursuing him#but if they end up together she clearly does not stop#how is JOCELYN GOING TO REACT TO THAT. SHGXHAKJSHS#anyway please lmk. i feel very conflicted rn
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Father, Son & The Holy Shit // Jake Seresin
Chapter Two: [Father, Son & Artificial Constructs] Bradley hears from his ex, your mother. You’re heading to North Island for the summer. Jake is immediately hooked on the young Bradshaw girl who’s dating his son.
Warning: Jake Seresin x F!Bradshaw Reader. Suggestive themes. Unspecified Age gap. Gaslighting/manipulation. Moral outrage. 18+
Word Count: 5.4k
Masterlist
Bradley Bradshaw was a lot of things. He was a great friend, the life of the party. He was a dedicated aviator, decorated in fact. He was a pretty decent piano player and an amateur cook—he could make any dish involving instant ramen look restaurant quality. Soft boiled egg, green onions, little drizzle of sweet soy and all.
But a good father was probably something that from time to time had been rubbed off that list—then written back over with pencil. Then rubbed off again, written again, so forth and so on.
“She wants to spend the summer getting to know her father Bradley.” Claire sighed out in frustration on the other end of the line as Bradley held his phone up to his ear as he showered. He let the stream of scalding hot water cascade down his body—the motion of his other hand that had been wrapped around his length slowed to a begrudged halt as the conversation shifted from hellos and how are yours? To you. “She’s in college now—hell I don’t even think you’ve seen her since she was a freshman in high school.”
Claire Littleton had been the girl Bradley Bradshaw lost his virginity to back when they were just a mere seventeen years old. It was both their first time. They didn’t know what they were doing and they sure as hell thought they were oh so in love. Up until the pregnancy test showed up with the brightest pink positive sign the pair of them had ever seen and neither of them knew what the fuck they were doing. They were both still kids themselves. How could they possibly have a child?
“I’ve just been re-stationed Clarie. I don't think it’s a good idea, I’ve barely unpacked.” Claire knew Bradley was in the shower, she could hear the water running, she could hear the echo in his voice, she could picture the steam radiating from his body as she closed her eyes and willed away the imagery of her daughter's father standing in the shower—naked and tan and toned and— “Hello? Clarie?”
“Sorry, yeah I’m here.” Clarie brought her mind back to reality as she pushed herself up off the desk she was leaning on, sitting behind the computer at the reception desk at the doctor's office she worked at. “Her boyfriend’s apparently spending the summer in North Island interning for some Commander, I think it’s his dad from what I can recall her mentioning.” Clarie explained briefly as she looked around at the empty waiting room—there was still ten minutes till opening.
Bradley chuckled softly to himself as he looked up to the ceiling, son of a bitch. She knew he was in North Island. Claire always kept tabs on where her favourite flightless bird was in the world. It made Bradley feel like at least there was one person roaming the earth that gave a damn. Well—besides Maverick that was.
“You already knew I’d been reposted, didn’t you?” Clarie didn’t answer straight away but Bradley knew she was smiling on the other end of the line—he could see her clear as day in his mind as he closed his eyes, biting her bottom lip trying to hide back a shit eating grin. “Who’s Y/n dating Clarie?”
“He’s nice, his mothers young, think we can relate on that note.” Clarie knew the last name would drive a hot iron into Bradley’s side. They had never been on the best of terms. “And I don’t want you taking it out on the kid because of who his father is alright?” Bradley had told Clarie a million times about a guy of the name Jake Seresin, she knew of her ex’s distaste for the man even before he did what no one ever expected of him and saved Bradley’s life a few years back.
Rooster felt like he had no choice but to play nice nowadays—Hangman had saved his life and for that he was grateful. But it still didn’t mean the guy didn’t have an ego the size of Mt Everest.
Commander Jake Seresin had gotten the band back together. He was Mirimars newest Commander and he knew the exact people he wanted on sight.
Bradley, unfortunately for himself, was one of them.
“Oh god don’t tell me she’s dating Kian Seresin—“ Bradley could have smashed his head against the tiles of his shower. Anyone but that kid. Anyone but a Seresin. Jake was never gonna let Bradley live it down. Couldn’t it have been a Floyd or a Trance or even a fucking Garcia! “No—no fucking way.”
“They’ve been dating for over a year now Roos—“ Clarie was trying to soften the blow the best she could but it was to no avail. She heard the water shut off and sighed. “You’re overreacting, you’re daughter wants to spend time with you over the summer break and you’re—“
“No, she wants to spend time with her boyfriend in North Island and is gonna use me as an excuse to do so.”
“So? At least she wants to see you, Rooster, there’s plenty of dads out there who don’t see their daughters anymore because they grew up and decided the bare minimum wasn’t enough.” Now Claire did have a point, Bradley knew he hadn’t been the most present dad in your life.
But he cared.
“You had over a year to tell me she's dating a Seresin and couldn’t send me a text? An email perhaps, hell I probably would’ve been happy with a messenger pigeon!” Bradley huffed as he stepped out of the shower, holding his phone to his ear with his shoulder as he wrapped a clean towel around his waist. The hard on he’d tried to give some attention to was long gone now. It wasn’t the first time Clarie Littleton had given Bradley blue balls and it probably wasn’t going to be the last. “For the love of god Clarie I don’t even like working with the guy, now you wanna tell me my daughters dating his son?”
Everyone knew Jake had a kid, a son. Kian. Much like Bradley he had him young. The two shared that and their love for the navy in common. They had both been young, dumb and oh so in love. The only difference between the pair was that unlike Bradley and Clarie who both decided amicably that they knew they could both have a successful future apart than together, Jake had married the supposed love of his life the second it was legal.
Bradley and Clarie both did their best to raise you, but there came a point where Bradley had to give up his share of the custody agreement so he could focus on his career.
“Bradley, your daughter will be in town at the end of the week, she either stays with you or she’ll stay with Kian and his dad.” Claire groaned on the other end of the line as she placed her forehead on the countertop. “And she wants to stay with you! So stop worrying about someone else’s son and use what time you’ve been given here to get to know your daughter in her adult life.”
Jake Seresin had married his highschool sweetheart Nacy only three weeks after they both turned eighteen, which was six months after Kian was born. For Jake that was now three failed marriages ago and a handful of divorce settlements later. Bradley had never been more thankful to have someone like Clarie in his life—a support system he could trust no matter what.
And someone to call late at night, you know—for when he was feeling overworked and under fucked.
“Yeah—fine fine.” Bradley conceded as he looked at himself in the mirror, he did his best to be a good dad. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see you, it was just he thought you were a hell of a lot better off without him. “And for the record I was at her highschool graduation, and I saw her before I came out to North Island two years ago, I’ve got that picture of the three of us hanging in the hall.”
It was Claire’s turn to chuckle, the memory had slipped her mind. Bradley Bradshaw was a good dad, he just wasn’t around that much. He paid his fair share and then some over the years, helped Clarie settle into her new life in San Francisco just after you were three and he allowed her to live a life separate from him. They shared their love for you though, and spent their entire lives pinning for one another. Bradley had always been there for anything and everything you and your mother needed.
But not a lot of people knew Bradley had a daughter, it was just something that Bradley wanted to keep all to himself if he could. Some people knew. Pete, Natasha, Jake. Guess he was in on this and just hadn’t bothered to mention he knew for a whole ass year that his son was dating a Bradshaw. But it wasn’t like Jake and Bradley texted.
“Oh my apologies, step aside for father of the year.” There was always a part of Clarie Littleton that wondered what life would have been life if she had wanted to be the Navy wife. What a life with Bradley could have been like.
“Eat me Claire—“ Bradley wondered too. It was one of the main reasons he never really settled down with anyone else. He tried, lord knows he did. But he felt a guilt inside his soul that if he was gonna settle down with anyone it was gonna be with Clarie. It would be a disservice to you and your mother if he found love anywhere else. He had all the love he needed.
It was just unconventional.
“I’m sure you’d love that Bradshaw.” Clarie replied as she sat up in her chair. “Listen I gotta go, but you should call her, plan ahead and let her know you want her there—she’s not a kid anymore, but she’ll always be your baby girl.” Claire never hesitated to keep Bradley in-line and he always listened—always. Phoenix was convinced if Clarie called Rooster tomorrow and said she loved him he’d marry her on the spot. And he would. “Love you Bradshaw, take care of yourself.”
“Yeah love you too—“ Bradley heard the dial tone ring in his ear before he had a chance to finish his sentence. So he left it at that and placed his phone down on the vanity. “More than you think you know Littleton.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~****~**
“All I’m saying is good and bad, right and wrong are just artificial constructs designed by society to kinda keep everyone in check.” Kian tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as turned down the street you’d told him to turn. Your dad had given you his new address at the beginning of the week after he called. You knew your mum put him up to it, but you knew he had some of his own intention behind it. “And then you add religious beliefs into the mix and suddenly it’s on for young and old.”
“All religion is just a foolish answer to a foolish question—“ You repeated before your boyfriend could, you’d heard him say it a million times. “I think it’s this one, pull up baby.” Kian was a man of science, not a man of faith by any means. He was a man of the mind, not of the body and soul.
You knew it was your father’s home simply because of the Blue Bronco sitting in the drive. He loved that thing almost as much as your mum loved her rock climbing. You had vivid memories of beach days and sandy floor mats whenever you saw the damn thing. The butterflies in your stomach only fluttered with anticipation as Kian turned into the drive and parked behind the tried and true mode of transportation Bradley Bradshaw swore by.
“Is that dear old pops sitting on the porch?” Kian chuckled as he parked the car, you were out of the car in seconds as Bradley stood from where he’d been perched waiting for your imminent arrival.
“Hi stranger!” You beamed as you made your way over. Bradley chuckled as he placed a hand over his heart and faked weak in the knees. “Still got that stupendous mustache I see?” Bradley faked a shot to the heart.m as he laughed.
“You mother didn’t mention you got so big—“ He took you in for a warm embrace as he spun you around and picked you up off your feet. “Far out kid what’s it been? Two? Three years?”
“Uh yeah something like that, right before you reposted out here for that detachment.” You replied as your dad placed you back down. Kian cleared his throat softly as he rounded the car, not wanting to interrupt the moment. You smiled at your boyfriend then back at your dad. “Dad, this is Kian Seresin, my boyfriend.”
“I remember—“ Bradley smiled as he shook Kians hand. “Yeah you were probably like four the last time I saw you man, on your mum's hip at one of our first Naval Galas.”
“It’s good to finally meet you sir.” Kian shook your fathers hand with a smile that couldn’t be faked or forced, he was delighted in every aspect to meet the man the myth that was your father Bradley Bradshaw—Although he’d met him in his less than formative years. “Claire and Y/n have mentioned nothing but the best.”
“That’s a damn lie son, don’t I know it.” Bradley chuckled as he pulled his hand back and tapped Kian a few times on the shoulder. “Come on, I promised your dad we’d meet up at the Hard Deck for dinner, so get your stuff settled and we’ll head over.” It was self flagellation really, Rooster didn’t have any intention of playing happy family with Jake, but you looked happy and Bradley didn’t want anything to come between you and the happiness you deserved.
“Uh what’s the Hard Deck?” You asked as you walked with Kian back around to the trunk, watching as he and your dad grabbed your bags and walked back up to the house. The home that Kian would spend the first night with you in. Your dads place, before you'd stay the night at his dads.
“It’s a bar.” Kian and your dad both said in unison. Turns out Kian and his father had a closer relationship than you did with yours. You and Bradley spoke often enough—Kain and Jake spoke almost every other day.
“Oh, well alright then, I’m pretty pumped to meet your dad.” You trailed behind Kian. He stopped in his tracks to place a gentle kiss to your cheek. “We can play the who’s dads more of a deadbeat than the other.” Bradley looked at you as if you’d stabbed him in the heart, was he a good dad? Probably not but he sure wasn’t a deadbeat.
“Uh, hands down mine.” Kian chuckled. Bradley raised an all knowing eyebrow. He sure wasn’t wrong. “But you’re free to make your own judge of character.”
***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~
Jake Seresin was a lot of things. He’d been told from a few different sources that he was a bit of a prick, a scumbag—an overachiever who’d step over anyone and do anything in his power to be the best. He was a loyalist to the game that was the US Naval hierarchy and all he ever wanted was to be at the top of the pyramid.
“This really pains you, doesn’t it Bradshaw?” But there was something Jake Seresin wasn't all that good at. He was a damn good aviator and he on occasion could understand the concept of what the definition of a team was. But Jake wasn’t a good father and worse off, he wasn’t a good husband.
“More than you could possibly imagine Seresin—“ Bradley bit his tongue as he shook Jake's hand in a friendly gesture of gratitude. Despite their differences the two were amicable on a good day. The Hard Deck hadn’t changed in the two years that had passed since Bradley and Jake flew together on the Uranium mission that saw Jake's career skyrocket into the stratosphere. Hell Bradley was still a lieutenant to Jake’s Commander ranking.
“Ah, but isn't young love a virtue.” Jake chuckled as he let go of Roosters hand. The pair had only been back in North Island for roughly a week and a bit before their respective spawn were chewing at their heels.
“Not when a Seresins involved, that’s for sure.” Bradley mumbled under his breath, but sure enough Jake heard the jab. With three failed marriages, a slu of settlements and a child he treated more like a friend than a son, Jake Seresin knew nothing of love. He wasn’t capable of it. He’d burnt his first marriage down just for the fun of it and he’d built two more back up just to watch it all fall apart again. All three times, Jake had been at fault.
But he’d never claimed to be a good man—so the thought of the broken hearts club that cried themselves to sleep that he had coincidentally formed, didn’t really keep him up at night.
“Kian, are you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?” Jake smiled as he finally turned his attention to you as you stood with your arm wrapped around Kains. “I’ve heard far too much about this beautiful young woman for her to still be a stranger.” The pair of you had been waiting for Jake and Bradley to greet each other.
“Dad this is Y/n Bradshaw, Y/n this is my dad, Commander Jake Seresin.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You smiled politely as you reached out to shake your boyfriend's dads hand. His eyes roamed your body like you had something he desired and for a moment you felt like you’d been put on display at some art exhibition. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“All good things I hope?” Jake sent you that signature smirk Kian had. It was a Seresin staple apparently. “How’s mother hen doing these days? Clarie? Isn’t it Rooster?”
Jake could feel Rooster burning a hole into the side of his shit eating smile at the mere mention of your mother. Bradley had only told Jake about you and about Clarie, your mother, after the egotistical jerk saved his life. It was a can of worms he wished he never cracked open.
“She’s good! Yeah her art is really starting to take off now!” You beamed as you looked at your dad who just had this light in his eye as you spoke about your mother. “She’s doing really well for herself, I keep telling her that she needs to quit that stupid doctors receptionist gig she’s got and just focus on her painting but she won’t. Doesn’t believe she could make it on just her talent alone.” You explained to the three men who stood around you.
“I’m gonna grab us all a round of drinks—“ Kian mentioned in the lull of conversation. “Rooster? You want a beer?”
“I’ll get a Canadian Club thanks kid.” Kain nodded, committing the request to memory. Your dad drank Canadian club. Perfect. Noted.
“Dad?”
“Just a budweiser buddy.” Jake said as he drank in the sight of you like he’d been walking in the desert for days without water. “Y/n? Drink of choice?”
“Gin Sour—“ Both Bradley and Kian mentioned at the same time. For an absentee father Bradley Bradshaw still knew his only daughter pretty well. “Come on, tables this way.” Bradley huffed a little under his breath as you turned to follow him.
If you hadn’t been so nervous you probably wouldn’t have noticed, but there was nothing unnoticeable about the way Commander Seresin moved his hand up your back to guide you over to the table. Your heart nearly jumped from your chest at the feeling of his touch.
His hand sat perfectly against the small of your back like he’d done it a hundred times and would continue to do it a thousand more. He made it seem so innocent at first so you didn’t react as you followed your dad. You let him guide you—innocently enough, towards the booth tucked away in the corner of the Hard Deck.
“How about you sit across from dear old dad sweetheart?” Jake suggested as he watched Rooster slide into the booth seat closest to the wall. “That way I can sit across from Kian and can keep an eye on Rooster here.”
“You don’t wanna sit next to me Hangman?” Bradley chuckled as he shook his head. “I’m slightly offended.”
“Can’t help it if your cologne makes me uncomfortable.” Jake played his decisions off like they were barely even thoughts. But unbeknownst to all they were calculated and cunning. Jake still had his hand pressed to the small of your back as you stood near the booth. “Well, slide on in, we don’t have all night now do we kid.”
Jake waited for the right moment, he waited until you were sliding into the booth to trail his hand across the expanse of your lower back down your ass. You kept a straight face as you felt the presence of his hand over the pocket of your jeans, collecting something in the process rather slyly.
You cleared your throat as you fixed yourself up and situated yourself across from your dad. He’d seen nothing, and soon enough Kian was returning with the drinks he’d ordered.
“Some lady at the bar said she’d give me twenty dollars if I told you Rooster was the better pilot.”
“I’ll give you fifty just to shut up.” Jake snapped back without a second of hesitation in his voice. Every person at the table laughed, including yourself. It felt normal. It felt right to finally be meeting your boyfriend’s father—you’d been together for just over a year now and the whole aspect of your distant dads just seemed so untangable. But sitting across from your dad and next to Kians made your heart swell. The normality of it all brought a warm comfort to your soul.
Except you were pretty sure he just copped a feel.
“So what’re you studying Kian?” Bradley asked as he chowed down on his steak and veg. Kian finished his mouthful before answering as he looked over at you. There was something in the way his son looked at you that caught Jake's curiosity.
There was a look of lesser than he didn’t quite like behind his son's eyes. It would’ve gone unnoticed if you didn’t look down at your food to avoid the glare. You twirled your fork around in the pasta you were eating, filling in time as Kian fronted the career path he’d chosen.
The one he liked to practice on you.
“I’m studying Psychology—“ Before Kian could ramble on about what paths he wanted to travel down and what specialty he wanted to work towards Jake cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the napkin before him. He’d heard his son talk about college enough.
“What about you sweetie?” He turned all his attention to you as you sat meekly in the corner, trapped between the wall and your boyfriend's dad. “What’s my hopefully daughter in law planning to be in the near distant future.”
There was something in that tone Jake used when he coined you sweetie: something sinister, something secretive and dangerous.
“Oh when you say it out loud it makes me wanna cry.” Rooster groaned, he still hadn’t wrapped his head around the fact he was sitting with Jake and his son at a family dinner. All you did was laugh a little at your dad, he was doing his best to make it through the night. You appreciated the effort. You appreciated him.
“I’m studying exercise physiology.” Through the corner of Jake's eyes he saw Kian roll his slightly at your statement. What was so wrong with that? “I uh—eventually wanna get to a point where I can do a masters in musculoskeletal physiotherapy—help people with neurological pathways that might be blocked, spinal injuries and stuff.” Your mother told you to shoot for the moon and far beyond, Bradley had been the one who paid for your college tuition. Together they were pretty good at supporting you emotionally and financially.
Kian however, well—he didn’t really see physiotherapy as a real solution to a major problem that was the overburdened and understaffed health care system. He didn’t care all that much for allied health.
“Because running track will pay the bills babe—“ Kian chuckled softly to himself as he took another bite of his steak. Bradley frowned, he didn’t like that one bit. Neither did Jake for a matter of fact.
His hand slowly but surely crept up your thigh under the table. He took a sip of his beer and raised a steady brow as Bradley cleared his throat—unaware of that fact Jake's hand was resting utop your knee, creeping closer and closer to your core. You’d frozen in your place as you kept your cool—surely he wasn’t. You were misinterpreting things.
The slight touch of your ass before and now this?
“Well I don’t know about you guys but I need another drink.” You smiled as you remembered how to breathe again as Jake removed his hand from your jean clad thigh. “Dad, you want another? Kian?” Jake was quick to stand to let you out, there was a look he didn’t quite like written in the lines on your face. “Did you want another Budweiser Mr Seresin?”
“Jake, or Hangman, please—“ There was a certain amount of list that dropped from Jakes tongue at the idea of hearing you call him Mr. Seresin over and over again as the idea of having his way with you ran rampant in his kind. “And sure thing sweetheart.” He smiled as you pressed your lips together and nodded softly.
“I’ll be right back, I’ll probably step outside to call mum too.” Once you were gone, Jake turned to his son and smacked him right upside the head. Kian gasped as he rubbed at the back of his head. All Bradley did was watch the interaction unfold—it wasn’t often he got to see Jake be a parent and sometimes it was pretty comical to watch.
“Ow! What the hell was that for!?”
“Don’t diminish your girlfriend like that.” Jake argued. “For a Bradshaw she doesn’t seem half bad and you just shit all over her college education like a fuckwit.” Rooster was speechless, he never expected Jake to defend you like that, ever. He kinda felt a little chuffed at that.
“Didn’t you cheat on two of your three wives?” Kian fired back as Bradley choked on his final sip of Canadian Club. “That’s pretty diminishing if you ask me.”
He wasn’t wrong. And boy did Jake hate that his son was far too much like him.
***~***~***~***~***~***~
As you stood on the front veranda of the Hard Deck, you took in the sight of a few Naval Aviators that had just arrived. You could hear laughter and chatter dripping out from inside the bar but you were pretty content in your own peace for a moment.
“So—“ Jake didn’t mean to spook you, but as he watched with lustful eyes as you jumped and let out a small audible gasp, he held his hands up beside his head. Holding in his right the vape he’d pulled from your jean pocket before. “Does Kian know you smoke?” He tossed it your way, you caught it in both your palms before tapping it in the railing.
“Yeah, he knows it's only when my anxiety gets bad.” You tried to explain. “When I feel under duress.” You shrugged your shoulders and pressed your lips together into a fine line. “I told him I was gonna quit after summer break.”
“Those things are full of carcinogens.” You agreed with a silent nod, took a hit, breathed in the flavored vapor before exhaling slowly only to take a drink of your third cocktail of the night. “I’m sorry for what my son said about your degree.” Jake admitted as he stood beside you with his hands in his pockets. “It was a little outta line.”
“The really ironic thing is he’s the one who’s studying psychology and can’t see how peaceful life becomes when you decide you no longer have the energy to argue.” You explained. “How peaceful life becomes when you’re okay with being misunderstood.” Jake wasn’t too sure what you were getting at but regardless he listened intently. “People only understand from their level of perception Mr Seresin—and quite frankly no argument is worth damaging my mental health over, including but not limited to Kians opinion on physiotherapists.”
“You two doing okay?”
“We’re fine—“ You lied through your teeth. This summer was all about trying to salvage the love you shared for one another. “We’re just going through a small rough patch.”
“Ah, well unfortunately for Kian he doesn’t have the best role models to look up to in terms of relationships.” You chuckled softly as you took another sip of your drink and turned your attention to Jake. “But there's no excuse to treat such a fine young woman like yourself with disrespect.” You didn’t reply straight away, you stood in the silence on the front veranda of the Hard Deck with your boyfriend's dad for a moment until you heard a loud cry of cheers coming from inside. “Kain and Rooster are having a dart comp—“ Jake mentioned briefly as his eyes never left yours, the distance between the two of you was next to nothing and the alcohol in your veins made you brave.
Braver than usual.
“Why did you touch my ass inside?” You asked through a slur, you thought you knew what you were doing but then again you never really dank. So there was a pretty good chance it had hit you pretty hard.
“I don't recall doing that sweetheart—“ Jake scoffed as he reached out to tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear. “I wouldn’t do that, but I’m sorry if I simply grazed you when I was sliding in behind you.” Jake was hard, his jeans were straining tight against his length as he throbbed inside his boxer briefs. You were really something.
“How’d you get my vape then?” You asked through a coy smile and battered eyelashes that made Jake want to shove you down to your knees then and there. “If you didn’t touch my ass?”
“It fell out of your back pocket.” Jake had to grit his teeth together in order to maintain a level head as you walked your fingers up his chest. Slowly. “Careful there sweetheart you might give me the wrong impression.”
“And what about when you touched my knee?” You continued as you reached back to pick up your drink. Taking another sip, Jake could smell the alcohol on your breath and he knew that you were inebriated. Perfect.
“Friendly gestures aren’t welcome I see?” Jake tried once again to play his actions down to mere exaggerations on your behalf. He almost had you believing that it was all in your head. “You’ve got a little something on your—?” He paused, tapping at his lower lip to suggest you had something there. “Here I’ll get it.”
Before you could protest, Commander Seresin, your boyfriend's dad, was running the pad of his thumb slowly across your bottom lip. He paused as he collected the alcoholic foam.
“You know for a Bradshaw you really are a pretty little thing aren’t you.” He didn’t mean to be so forward, but then again if you were intoxicated he could spin this whatever way he pleased come the morning. This never happened. It was all in your head.
“I’ve been told that a time or two.” You smiled softly.
“Hopefully my son knows how lucky he is, or else someone might just snatch you up.” Jake removed his thumb from where he’d been tilting your chin up towards his gaze. There was just something about you.
He needed to be inside you.
“Someone being?” You pressed, wondering what he could possibly say next. Wondering if this was really all in your head or if you had actually been flirting with your boyfriend's dad and he with you. Jake's answer set your nerve ending alight. You didn’t know how to process what he said before he turned on his heels and left you there standing on the veranda of the Hard Deck alone.
“Me—“
***~***~***~***~***~***~****~***~***~***~***~***~***~****~**
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You Can’t Keep Safe What Wants to Break - Chapter One, Magnus
(AO3) (Prologue)
Chapter One - Magnus Bane
Magnus probably shouldn’t be here for this conversation, but Jace is already waiting for them when he portals Alec back to the Institute from Idris. Jace is eagerly anticipating the response from the Council meeting, nervously pacing back and forth along the rooftop where they thought they’d have a bit more time to figure out how to break the news to him before going inside. Alec planned on doing it alone, with Magnus at home preparing the strongest cocktails he can manage short of inducing alcohol poisoning to deal with the aftermath. Instead, Alec shoots Magnus a quick, pleading glance - a silent request to stay - and Magnus doesn’t have the heart to try and make an obvious exit with them both in front of him like this.
None of them are ready for the conversation that’s about to happen.
The look of immediate defeat on Jace’s face is so heartbreaking that Magnus actually looks away for a moment. He knows it isn’t his fault, that the real blame lies with the Clave, but he can’t help but feel like he failed Jace just the same.
“There was nothing we could do,” Magnus tries. “We pulled every favor we had.” It’s true - they really did try everything short of actual bribery to get the discussion and the votes to go their way… and, okay, maybe a little actual bribery Alec doesn’t need to know about, but even that wasn’t enough to get the votes they needed.
“They wouldn’t let go of the fact that the Angels took her memories and her abilities, and essentially kicked her out of the Shadow World. They don’t want to risk the Angels’ anger by letting her back in. They’re scared,” Alec says, not that Jace needs to hear it. The poor boy’s heard that argument time and time again ever since Clary remembered him at her art show that night… ever since Jace started seeing her regularly, and reforming a relationship with her.
Ever since Jace decided he wanted Clary to be part of his life - part of all of their lives - again, and started this mission to get Clary reinstated.
Magnus tried to warn him at the start to keep his hopes low and his expectations even lower, but it’s difficult to dissuade a heart so lost in love. The Nephilim have strict rules about mundanes being intimately involved with Shadowhunters, rules that have to be followed to keep them out of the Shadow World. And without her abilities, without everything that once made her one of them, that’s all Clary is to them. A mundane.
A liability.
Magnus knows the look in Jace’s eyes, though. Jace isn’t letting this go. Magnus had hoped, perhaps naively, to stay as far removed from all of this as possible. He did his best to stay out of the previous discussions between Alec and Jace and Izzy and members of the Council; because despite his personal investment in both Clary and Jace’s well being this isn’t a personal matter, not to the Shadowhunters - it’s a political one. Magnus always knew how this would play out, despite their best efforts: duty before all else, the law is hard but it is the law, and all that nonsense.
Magnus wanted to stay out of this, but now he finds himself in the thick of it, staring into the blue and brown eyes of a Shadowhunter pushed to the breaking point between heart and duty.
For a moment, Jace turns away from the two of them. Magnus thinks that Jace almost sounds determined when he finally speaks again. Is he even holding himself a little straighter? Definitely more resolved, but not in a defeated way - in a defiant one. It doesn’t sit well with Magnus but he doesn’t pry.
He also makes no attempt to stop Jace when he leaves. Instead, he watches Alec take one step forward, pause, then fall still beside Magnus.
“That went better than I expected,” Alec admits once Jace is gone.
Magnus gives a distracted nod, but he doesn’t think the matter is over, not by a longshot. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to let Alec feel a bit of peace in thinking that the worst is over, even if he has a sinking suspicion that the worst is yet to come.
“It certainly could’ve gone a lot worse,” Magnus agrees. “Let’s go home, shall we? I think we could both use that drink now.”
---
There’s no warning from his wards before the knock on the door sounds, so Magnus knows the person is a friend before he checks through the eyehole. Unexpected visits in Idris are few and far between these days, and he’s particularly surprised to find Jace Herondale standing in the hallway when he opens the door.
“Alec isn’t back from his meeting yet, is he?” Jace asks, in a tone that implies he not only knows the answer but fully planned on arriving while his parabatai is still out.
“No,” Magnus confirms. “He’ll likely be another hour or so. Come in,” Magnus says, stepping aside for the Shadowhunter to enter. Jace shrugs his coat off and hangs it on the rack by the door, then toes off his boots to leave at the base of the rack. It’s a habit of Alec’s that carries over to all visiting Nephilim, despite the fact that Magnus can easily magic away any dirt stains. It’s an endearing courtesy, and if Jace takes longer than usual to stall by the doorway Magnus doesn’t comment on it.
Instead of prompting Jace, Magnus remains silent, reading the blond’s body language, allowing the tension held in every muscle and the strain of every movement, to let him know that there’s something wrong. Something Jace doesn’t want to tell Alec if he’s here talking with Magnus first.
“I need you to be honest with me,” Jace says. “Because I already know how Alec and Izzy are going to react, and it isn’t going to be good. And I just--” Jace breaks off there, pacing back and forth. “I need someone impartial to tell me I’m not crazy.”
“I’d hardly say I’m impartial,” Magnus points out.
“But you can be. At least, you can be brutally honest when you need to be, and I need you to be. I need to talk to you as Magnus right now, not my parabatai’s husband.” Jace is pleading
“Alright,” Magnus agrees, ignoring the urge to make a joke about Jace’s ego not being able to handle Magnus’ honesty. Something tells him this isn’t the time. “What’s on your mind?”
“I want to be with Clary,” Jace says.
The words on their own aren’t surprising. Of course, Jace wants to be with Clary. Magnus knows that Jace loves her more than he’s ever loved anyone - save his parabatai - in his entire life. But Clary cannot be part of their world as a mundane, it’d never be recognized or allowed by the Clave. They could see each other in secret, but not seriously, not when Clary could never live at the Institute or in Idris. The only way for Jace to be with her now is--
Oh.
The realization dawns on Magnus and sits like a leaden weight in his stomach. His expression must give away what he pieced together because Jace notes the look on his face and continues quickly.
“I’ve thought about it. By the Angel, all I can do is think about it. She never leaves my mind, Magnus. She hasn’t since the day she left and she’s never going to, especially not now that we’ve reconnected. I can’t live without her. And I don’t have to. I just have to…” but Jace trails off there as if saying it might make it too real. So Magnus finishes for him.
“You just have to be deruned, and leave behind the only family you’ve ever known and the only life you’ve ever known.” Magnus manages to say the words with minimal infliction; no judgment, just facts.
Jace winces. “I did ask for brutal honesty, didn’t I?” he says, though the laugh he gives is forced.
“This isn’t a decision to be made lightly, Jace. I know that you know that, but do you truly understand the gravity of that decision? There’s a reason de-runing is the most severe of punishments for crimes against the Clave,” Magnus points out.
“I know,” Jace says. To Magnus’ surprise, he looks like he really does know. There’s none of Jace’s usual nonchalance or dismissive sarcasm. “But living without Clary for the rest of my life… at least the pain of a de-runing is temporary.”
“But the effects are far from temporary,” Magnus reminds him. At the look on Jace’s face, Magnus adds quickly, “I’m simply presenting all of the angles, I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”
When Magnus imagined what Jace might do in retaliation of the Council’s decision, he pictured more of a fit of rage, a ��fuck the system’ rebellion of finding a way around their ruling to bring Clary back anyway. Magnus would’ve bet his savings on Jace using magic to hide Clary with a glamour or build her a secret rooftop room to live in at the Institute or something equally ridiculous. This option crossed his mind, of course, but never in a million years would he imagine Jace pursuing it.
Jace is quiet for a moment after that. Magnus takes some small comfort in knowing his words aren’t falling on deaf ears. Jace wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t want to talk this through, after all, but Jace is… well, he’s still Jace. It’s rare to see this serious side of him.
“I know losing the parabatai bond will hurt Alec,” Jace says quietly. “It’s the part I keep coming back to. The rest… I know Alec and Isabelle won’t abandon me if I go through with it, no matter what the laws are. I won’t lose them, not entirely. But the bond…” Jace actually looks close to tears simply speaking of it, and Magnus moves forward to take him gently by the hand and lead him over to the sofa.
“It isn’t a bond broken easily,” Magnus agrees. “You will both suffer greatly for the loss of it.”
Jace hangs his head. “I don’t want to put Alec through that, but… but he will someday anyway, right? One of us will, in the end. It isn’t like it’s inevitable. I’m just… moving up the timeline.”
Magnus can practically hear the number of times Jace must’ve repeated that to himself before now, over and over in his head until he was nearly convinced it’s enough justification. He isn’t wrong, Magnus will give him that. But it’s one thing to lose the bond through an inevitable death, and another entirely to know that you’ve caused that pain and loss intentionally.
The guilty expression on Jace’s face as he avoids Magnus’ gaze tells him that Jace knows that, too.
“And I assume you’ve talked to Clary about this?” Magnus asks.
Jace nods. “She said we could get an apartment together. I can’t tell her everything, obviously, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think we had a real chance, you know I wouldn’t.” Jace shakes his head. “I don’t want to have to choose. This… being a Shadowhunter, this is what I’m good at. It’s what I was raised to be. But Clary… she’s my future, Magnus. I was trained to be a weapon, but I was born to love Clary Fray.”
Magnus is struck suddenly by the memory of another Shadowhunter he knew who was willing to give up everything for the love of a mundane girl. ‘I was born to be a warrior, and I was born to be with her. Tell me how to reconcile the two because I cannot.’ The words of one Edmund Herondale ring clear in Magnus’ mind, bringing a slow, sad smile to his face. For a boy who only learned of his true lineage a year ago, Magnus wonders how no one pieced it together before then. Jace is a Herondale, through and through, and never more apparent than in moments like this.
“You Herondales certainly have a penchant for sacrificial love,” Magnus observes, not unkindly. Edmund gave up his runes, James his sanity and stability, Will was ready to give up love itself, and now Jace...
“I can give up Shadowhunting. There are plenty of others who can take over for me now, and plenty more to follow after me,” Jace insists.
It’s a strange thing, to witness the blind faith the Nephilim place in their Angels from birth begin to crumble and crack - to question outdated laws and revert back to something more basic, more simply human. Life. Love. Happiness. Desire.
“I’m not concerned about the Shadowhunter’s loss of a soldier,” Magnus points out. “And you don’t have to convince me. I know better than to think there will be any talking you out of this once your mind is made up… and it does appear to be entirely made up. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
Jace nods. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I think Maryse might have an idea. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately about her de-runing, and what happens afterward.”
Magnus nods slowly. Maryse probably knows, or at least suspects. It says a lot about her growth as a person in the past few years that she hasn’t called Jace out on his plan yet. It also says a lot that Jace risked her piecing things together just to get a few vague answers out of her. If he’s willing to risk that, then he’s sold on the idea, no matter how hesitant he claims to be.
“You won’t be allowed back in Idris again. If the full extent of standard procedure were followed you wouldn’t be able to see any of your family or friends again, but something tells me Alexander won’t let that bit stand.”
He knows that Maryse showed up once or twice to the Institute and that Luke and the rest of the Lightwoods visit her regularly, either at the bookshop or at her home. All of which is highly irregular, but then again, not much about Alexander’s influence over the Clave’s rules and standards hasn’t fought back against their antiquated ways in one way or another. If there’s one silver lining in all of this it’s that Jace won’t be isolated from his past entirely if he doesn’t want to be, and he clearly doesn’t want to be.
Jace sounds uncertain when he replies, “I don’t know, there’s a very good chance that Alec won’t speak to me again after this, law or not.”
“If you think there’s any chance of Alexander abandoning you for this decision-”
“And why shouldn’t he?” Jace cuts Magnus off. “After I abandon him first.”
The harshness of Jace’s tone causes Magnus to wince. This is what it comes down to. Everything else aside, this is why Jace is really here talking to Magnus before his parabatai - before his brother, the person he’s closest to in this world.
“This isn’t a matter of marrying someone and moving away. This isn’t even only about losing my runes. If it was just my own sacrifice there wouldn’t be a doubt in my mind, but…”
“But it isn’t just your own life this choice affects,” Magnus supplies for him, finally realizing why Jace came to speak with him first. These are complicated, deep emotions. Alexander and Jace, when confronted with issues as personal as this, could be a volatile force. Magnus is glad Jace had the presence of mind to try and sort through his own first instead of charging directly into a conversation with Alec all hot-headed and stubborn force of will.
“I took an oath. Entreat me not to leave thee,” Jace huffs out with a broken laugh. Magnus knows the oath. He’s familiar with it enough to know that by doing what he’s planning now Jace is breaking every line of it, every promise. “‘The Angel do so to me, and more also,
If aught but death part thee and me.’” Jace’s eyes leave Magnus’ and fixate on a point beyond him, growing distant. Despite the honesty of their conversation, Magnus can’t begin to imagine exactly what he’s feeling in this moment. “How can I choose? Why do I have to choose? It isn’t fair.”
“Life very rarely is,” Magnus says sadly. He isn’t sure when he shifted from the role of devil’s advocate to a comforting friend - when this turned from discussing a hypothetical to comforting an inevitable loss.
“What would you do, if you were me?” Jace asks.
Magnus considers the question, not taking it lightly. He thinks back to all of the loves he had and lost over the centuries, of the love he has now with Alec. He tries to picture what it might be like if he and Catarina were bonded like Jace and Alec, to have to sever that bond to keep Camille in their prime, or Etta, or Alexander, and thinks that for those few he might have. But in the end, he can only shake his head.
“I can only begin to imagine the intricacies of the bond the two of you share,” Magnus admits finally. “I’ve sacrificed everything for love, more times than many would consider wise, and I’ve been burned every time but one.” It probably isn’t what Jace wants to hear, but it’s the truth. And what follows is also the truth. “But every time was worth the possibility of true love.”
That gives Jace a bit of hope, which is what he needs. It’s what he’s searching for, behind his call for honesty and council.
“If I were you? I’d probably risk what you’re planning now. It’s foolish and reckless, a gamble beyond measure, but isn’t love always?” Magnus smiles softly at that. “And if I were Alexander, and my dearest friend came to me in your situation, I can promise you that any anger or betrayal I felt would be temporary, eventually eclipsed by the joy of knowing they found all the happiness they were looking for in life.”
“You think?” Jace asks, daring to sound optimistic at the mere suggestion that there’s a possibility of Alec being alright with this in the end. Not right away, but someday. That might be more than Jace has allowed himself to hope for before now, but Magnus doesn’t think it’s a stretch to imagine.
“But I’m not either of you, and this is not my decision to make.”
Magnus feels the gentle ripple in his warding that alerts him to his husband’s arrival downstairs.
“Alec’s back,” Magnus says. “I can portal you to the Institute if you’d like to keep this between us for now.” It’s a simple offer, no judgment if Jace wants more time to consider his options, or simply to stall before talking this out with Alec. As difficult as keeping something like this from Alec will be he wouldn’t betray Jace’s trust in coming to him for advice. Magnus watches Jace closely, able to see the flash of panic on Jace’s face and the hesitation as he debates accepting the offer of a portal.
“No,” Jace says with a determined shake of his head. When Magnus thinks back to his similar encounter with Edmund nearly a century ago, he distinctly recalls the feeling of witnessing a disaster, something reminiscent of wreckage. But this is different: Jace Herondale isn’t ruining himself, he’s rebuilding.
“I’ll make myself scarce, then,” Magnus says, standing up to make his way toward the door.
“Thank you, Magnus.” Jace rushes the words just as the sound of the lock turns in the door.
“Magnus, hey,” Alec greets, leaning in to give him a kiss in greeting after he opens the door to find Magnus standing next to it, grabbing his coat off the rack. Alec catches sight of Jace behind Magnus and his brows furrow. “Jace? Is everything alright?”
“I’m heading out for a bit. Give me a call if you need anything,” Magnus says instead of answering Alec. The question isn’t meant for him, after all.
Magnus looks over at Jace one last time before leaving the two of them alone to speak, still surrounded by the ghosts of his past. He sees so much of Edmund’s determination to follow his heart, no matter the personal cost. He sees Will’s enthusiasm and desperate need for the potential of love. He sees James’s consuming passion.
Magnus sees enough of Jace’s ancestors in him to know without a doubt that Jace will be just fine in the end; and if he isn’t, then Magnus imagines he has enough experience assisting lovestruck Herondales to help him through.
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love is the devil
That night (whether it was late in the evening or early in the morning depended on point of view) Jace couldn’t sleep. Next to him Athens was fast asleep, probably tired out by the tension of the day and their earlier activities once they got to bed. She was curled up in the sheets beside him, blond hair covering most of her face. Jace missed her natural hair colour, he found. The red fit her way better.
Rubbing over the hickey in his neck absentmindedly, Jace got up from the bed and found his t-shirt where Athens had dropped it earlier. He also got a pair of sweatpants to put on. Afterwards, he made his way out of the cabin with a look behind him at Athens, a little smile on his face. He closed the door softly and made his way towards the deck. When he spotted Kiev there by himself he snuck back into the room to get a few things from his nightstand.
When he got back to the deck Kiev was still there. Jace joined him and was promptly handed a bottle of beer, which he took. In a response, he dropped three condoms on Kiev’s lap, not caring that he was being glared at for it. Kiev should be grateful. Jace didn’t count on needing a stash when going to Toledo and could hardly put them on the grocery store list.
“Thank you,” Kiev said after a long sip of his bottle of beer and before he was fast to take the condoms and put them in his pocket. “ That should be enough for like – “ he made a wide gesture with his free hand, “forever. “
“Don’t be so sure, “ Jace said, leaning back comfortably. “I don’t know where you’re basing your insecurities on, but it doesn’t make sense. Maureen was a woman with a job and a life and she left it all behind for you. Not for the money or the adventure. You. And you care enough about her that you’re asking me to give you the talk. Which we were not done with, by the way. So you kids are going to be just fine.”
Kiev side-eyed him briefly. “Maureen is your age,” he corrected Zagreb.
“You don’t know my age,” Jace corrected him in return. “And as long as you keep calling Maureen a girl I’m going to keep calling both you and her kids. It’s your choice, Kiev.”
The words caused another sidelong glance, but this time Kiev didn’t comment. He took another sip of his beer and wrinkled his nose then. Clearly, something was bothering him. What it was, wasn’t something Jace saw coming. “How do you cause a hickey, exactly?” Kiev wondered.
Jace blinked surprisedly. They didn’t teach you that in class, that was for sure, but it felt like a given to him. Kiev and him were very different, though. “You apply teeth,” he said dryly. “The harder you bite, the longer the hickey tends to stay on the skin. I told you we weren’t done yet.” Beating Kiev to speaking, he continued. “Do you want to skip the cheesy part, or..?”
“What’s the cheesy part?” Kiev asked, slightly confused. “Do you mean that I shouldn’t do what they do in movies? Because I wasn’t planning on it, you know.”
“No, not that,” Jace replied. He moved in his seat to be able to look at Kiev. “The part where I tell you not to have sex because you feel like that’s expected of you or because you have to. You don’t. You only do what you’re comfortable with, whenever you’re comfortable with it.” He didn’t think he had ever been this serious around Kiev, other than during the heist. “It’s not about expectations. It’s about what Maureen and you want.”
“But -” Kiev started and then stopped, only to glare at Jace briefly and look away then. A hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Apparently Jace was giving him a headache instead of the other way around. “Athens and you do it all the bloody time. Like – I don’t remember the correct animal, but you know what I mean.”
“Rabbits,” Jace supplied helpfully.
“Right,” Kiev said. “Bunnies. And that makes me feel like,” that was where Jace cringed because the moment the word feelings was mentioned, or any form of it, was usually the moment he left the room or building, “that’s normal. That everyone does it like that.”
Jace sighed briefly. Feelings it was, apparently. He hated discussing his personal life with anyone, but Kiev sounded so lost. He may have to shower after this to get rid of the dirty feeling of sharing things. “Kiev, I don’t think Athens and I are the rule. It’s different for us. I can’t speak for her, of course, but I have a very difficult relationship with the concepts of love and sex and the two combined. I never connected the two until I met Athens. I screwed girls because lust was the closest thing I got to love and validation, but it wasn’t the same. I never screwed a girl twice, as a hard rule. I didn’t get attached. My father taught me that love meant nothing and I lived by it. And then I met her.”
And then he met Athens, or Clary. Vaguely, he remembered feeling like having stumbled into heaven that first night. A woman had promised him millions of euros after a heist, but had introduced him to the woman that made all his softest and deepest buried dreams come true. In between words that had him thinking who says that? constantly, she taught him a shockingly valuable lesson: that he deserved better than he could let himself have. It meant he gave into her that one night with the vague realization, then and over and over again since, that this was never going to end. She was perfect, and he wanted her, and for some strange reason she wanted him too.
He remembered thinking that he at last had been freed from the devil in his life and that he’d been gifted an angel for breaking free. Perhaps that was still completely correct.
“And then you met her,” Kiev repeated when Jace didn’t continue.
“Yea,” Jace said. “My belief system clashed with hers. It fell apart, it shattered, and I never tried picking it back up. Sometimes it returns to me in pieces, but it never sticks. The best way I can communicate I love her is through sex, because I’m not particularly emotional, romantic or tactile. I can’t tell her. I wouldn’t know what to do to show her. I’m not wired that way. But I try to show her and that ends us up screwing like rabbits, apparently. But she knows.”
“That’s -” Kiev started and then hesitated, looking aside at Jace. “Kind of fucked up.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Jace said and did precisely that. The puppy had a point, after all.
That was when they heard another pair of footsteps. Kiev tensed, but Jace merely looked aside to see who was coming. It turned out to be Beirut, who Jace flashed a grin at. Kiev offered him a bottle of beer from the six-pack, which he took. He sat down in front of Jace and Kiev.
“What are you doing up?” Beirut asked in his usual Serbian accent, one Jace was so used to by now that he hardly heard it any longer.
“I’m giving Kiev the sex talk,” Jace declared without hesitation, causing Kiev to glare at him. “Do you have some wisdom to share, Beirut? You must be a man that had tons of sex.”
Beirut shrugged his shoulders. “Not much,” he said. “My options were very limited.” As ever, Beirut was a man of very little words.
Kiev looked aside at Jace as though he would understand the meaning behind the words. Jace simply shook his head briefly. He doubted that anyone knew Beirut well. Perhaps the Professor, but the Professor knew everyone’s backgrounds. She had probably done a risk analysis on everyone of them too.
“That sounds like prison for me,” Jace said. “But that’s more like zero options. I’m the most obnoxious straight person to sail over this ocean, probably, so I was screwed as far as that I wasn’t screwing anybody.” Maybe he was catching up on that with Athens, he thought. Athens had been in juvie too, after all.
“Prison was my best time,” Beirut said, his eyes dancing suddenly. “Give a man a couple of years without a woman and suddenly they’re a lot more willing.”
Kiev said aloud what Jace and him realized at the same time. “You’re gay. How did we not know that?”
“No personal questions,” Jace answered the question dryly. “That’s probably the second rule I ignored the hardest. Looking back, I have no idea how the Professor didn’t kick me out.” He looked at Beirut, then. “Have you ever had a relationship?” he queried.
Beirut nodded. “Once or twice,” he said, as vague as ever.
Jace and Kiev exchanged another glance. “I am always so confused by the entire sexuality spectrum,” Kiev declared. “How do you even know what you are? How do people figure that out?” As an afterthought, he added: “I think Warsaw is the most obnoxious straight person to sail over this ocean, so you’re good, Zagreb.”
“Warsaw is gay,” Beirut corrected him absent-mindedly with a sip of his beer.
Subsequently, Jace burst out into laughter at Kiev’s face expression and his facepalm. “That’s what I mean, though. Warsaw is Warsaw. He’s scary. He’s volatile and unpredictable and quite frankly I could do without him from now on. But I never considered he wasn’t straight.”
“That’s the thing, though,” Jace said. “It doesn’t matter. Not the amount of sex you’re having or who you’re having sex with. It’s only your business. And whatever, however and whoever you choose to do it with shouldn’t impact your day-to-day life. We’re just people. Sex isn’t a deciding factor. So if sex is a once a month thing, or a once a three months, or once a day for all I care, that’s for you and your partner to decide about and no one else to have an opinion about.”
“Well said,” Beirut agreed before eyeing Kiev. “But weren’t you in love with Athens?”
Jace pulled a face at the exact same time that Kiev’s cheeks flushed red. Jace let himself fall back against his seat and considered briefly to tell Beirut and Kiev that they would be getting married the moment they got themselves a home and an officiant. But that news wasn’t his to share, though, not on his own. He also considered if maybe they should get married with the others there, but that was another thing for Athens and him to discuss privately.
“It was infatuation more than anything else,” Kiev said slowly. “She’s very pretty and girls always smell so good. And she is so cool.” He sighed briefly at that. “But she was way out of my league and I knew it. It’s better to have her as a friend, I realized. And once I realized she was sleeping with the second-in-command.. Well.” He shook his head. “I questioned her choices, to be honest. That got me over it.”
“I questioned her choices too,” Jace agreed dryly. Kiev chuckled. “That didn’t get me over it, though.”
“So you love her?” Beirut asked.
Jace wrinkled his nose. “I don’t like that word,” he said. He didn’t; no one had ever said they loved him. He felt very unlovable for all of his life. Valentine had grilled into him that love was no good, that it was bad news and that it was better to stay away from it. It was a distraction. It wasn’t going to bring him anything in life. Except now he was here.
“He does,” Kiev said for him. “He even mellowed a little through her influence.”
“Oh, you can go fuck yourself,” Jace replied, pulling a face at Kiev.”Sex ed is over. This class is dismissed.”
“Well, thank God,” Kiev replied. “I don’t think I can take another class in my life after the last half year.”
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You Can't Keep Safe What Wants to Break
(Read on AO3)
Magnus probably shouldn’t be here for this conversation, but Jace is waiting for them when Magnus portals them back to the Institute from Idris. Jace is eagerly awaiting the response from the Council meeting, nervously pacing back and forth in Alec’s office where they thought they’d have a bit more time to figure out how to break the news to him. Alec planned on doing it alone, with Magnus at home preparing the strongest cocktails he can manage short of inducing alcohol poisoning to deal with the aftermath. Instead, Alec shoots Magnus a quick, pleading glance, and Magnus doesn’t have the heart to try and make a quick exit with them both in front of him like this.
Neither of them is ready for the conversation that’s about to happen.
One look at their faces and Jace doesn’t have to wait for either of them to speak to know what news they have for him.
“Jace…” Alec starts, but it’s no use.
“They said no,” Jace says for him, crestfallen.
“There was nothing we could do,” Magnus tries. “We pulled every favor we had.” It’s true - they really did try everything short of actual bribery to get the discussion and the votes to go their way… and, okay, maybe a little actual bribery Alec doesn’t need to know about, but even that wasn’t enough.
“They wouldn’t let go of the fact that the Angels took her memories and her abilities, and essentially kicked her out of the Shadow World. They don’t want to risk letting her back in. They’re scared,” Alec says, not that Jace needs to hear it. He’s heard that argument time and time again ever since Clary remembered him at her art show that night… ever since he started seeing her regularly, and reforming a relationship with her.
Ever since he wanted her to be part of his life - part of all of their lives - again.
But the Nephilim have strict rules about mundanes being intimately involved with Shadowhunters, rules that have to be followed to keep them out of the Shadow World. And without her abilities, without everything that once made her one of them, that’s all Clary is to them. A mundane.
“I can’t lose her again,” Jace says, sounding broken and lost. “I just got her back, I can’t let her go.”
“I’m sorry,” Alec offers as if this final verdict from the Council means the discussion is over, topic closed. Magnus knows the look in Jace’s eyes, though. Jace isn’t letting this go. Magnus wanted to stay out of this. He did his best to stay out of the previous discussions between Alec and Jace and Izzy and members of the Council, because despite his personal investment in both Clary and Jace’s well beings this isn’t a personal matter, not to the Shadowhunters - it’s a political one. He always knew how this would play out, despite their best efforts… duty before all else, the law is hard but it is the law and all that nonsense.
He wanted to stay out of this, but now he finds himself in the thick of it, staring into the blue and brown eyes of a Shadowhunter pushed to the breaking point between heart and duty.
There’s a long, tense silence in the office before Jace turns away from Alec and Magnus. Magnus can’t tell if he’s hiding his pain from them or something else entirely. Magnus thinks that Jace almost sounds determined when he finally speaks. Resolved. It doesn’t sit well with Magnus but he doesn’t pry, not just now.
“Yeah,” Jace says as he makes his way out of the office. “So am I.”
“That went better than I expected,” Alec admits once Jace is gone.
Magnus gives a distracted nod, but he doesn’t think the matter is over, not by a longshot. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to let Alec think that the worst is past. He has a sinking suspicion that the worst - much worse than this - is yet to come.
“Let’s go home, shall we? I think we could both use that drink now.”
---
There’s no warning from his wards before the knock on the door sounds, so Magnus knows the person is a friend before he checks through the eyehole. Unexpected visits in Idris are few and far between these days, and he’s particularly surprised to find Jace Herondale standing in the hallway when he opens the door.
“Alec isn’t back from his meeting yet, is he?” Jace asks, in a tone that implies he not only knows the answer but fully planned on arriving while his parabatai is out.
“No,” Magnus confirms. “He’ll likely be another hour or so. Come in,” Magnus says, stepping aside for the Shadowhunter to enter. Jace shrugs his coat off and hangs it on the rack by the door.
Instead of prompting Jace Magnus remains silent, reading the blond’s body language and the tension held in every muscle, the strain of every movement, to know that there’s something wrong. Something he doesn’t want to tell Alec if he’s here talking with Magnus first.
“I need you to be honest with me,” Jace says. “Because I already know how Alec and Izzy are going to react, and it isn’t going to be good. And I just--” Jace breaks off there, pacing back and forth. “I need someone impartial to tell me I’m not crazy.”
“I’d hardly say I’m impartial,” Magnus points out.
“But you can be. At least, you can be brutally honest when you need to be, and I need you to be. I just need to talk to you as Magnus, not my parabatai’s husband.”
“Alright,” Magnus agrees, ignoring the urge to make a joke about Jace’s ego not being able to handle Magnus’ honesty. Something tells him this isn’t the time. “What’s on your mind?”
“I want to be with Clary,” Jace says.
The words on their own aren’t surprising. Of course Jace wants to be with Clary. Magnus knows that Jace loves her more than he’s ever loved anyone - save possibly his parabatai - in his entire life. But Clary cannot be part of their world as a mundane, it’d never be recognized or allowed by the Clave. The only way for Jace to be with her now is--
Oh.
The realization dawns on him and sits like a leaden weight in his stomach. His expression must give away what he pieced together because Jace notes the look on his face and continues quickly.
“I’ve thought about it. By the Angel, all I can do is think about it. She never leaves my mind, Magnus. She hasn’t since the day she left and she’s never going to, especially not now that we’ve reconnected. I can’t live without her. And I don’t have to. I just have to…” but Jace trails off there as if saying it might make it too real. So Magnus finishes for him.
“You just have to be de-runed, to leave behind the only family you’ve ever known and the only life you’ve ever known.” Magnus manages to say the words with minimal infliction; no judgment, just facts.
Jace winces. “I did ask for brutal honesty, didn’t I?” he says, though the laugh he gives is forced.
“This isn’t a decision to be made lightly, Jace. I know that you know that, but do you truly understand the gravity of that decision? There’s a reason de-runing is the most severe of punishments for crimes against the Clave,” Magnus points out.
“I know,” Jace says. “But living without Clary for the rest of my life… at least the pain of a de-runing is temporary.”
“But the effects are far from temporary,” Magnus reminds him. At the look on Jace’s face, Magnus adds quickly, “I’m simply presenting all of the angles, I’m not trying to talk you out of it.”
When he imagined what Jace might do in retaliation of the Council’s decision before he pictured more of a fit of rage, a ‘fuck the system’ rebellion of finding a way around their ruling to bring Clary back anyway. This option crossed his mind, of course, but never in a million years would he imagine Jace pursuing it.
Jace is quiet for a moment after that. Magnus takes some small comfort in knowing his words aren’t falling on deaf ears. Jace wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t want to talk this through, after all.
“I know losing the parabatai bond will hurt Alec,” Jace says quietly. “It’s the part I keep coming back to. The rest… I know Alec and Isabelle won’t abandon me if I go through with it, no matter what the laws are. I won’t lose them, not entirely. But the bond…” Jace actually looks close to tears simply speaking of it, and Magnus moves forward to take him gently by the hand and lead him over to the sofa.
“It isn’t a bond broken easily,” Magnus agrees. “You will both suffer greatly for the loss of it.”
Jace hangs his head. “I don’t want to put Alec through that, but… but he will someday anyway, right? One of us will, in the end. It isn’t like it’s inevitable. I’m just… moving up the timeline.”
Magnus can practically hear the number of times Jace must’ve repeated that to himself before now, over and over in his head until he was nearly convinced it’s enough justification. He isn’t wrong, Magnus will give him that. But it’s one thing to lose the bond through an inevitable death, and another entirely to know that you’ve caused that pain and loss intentionally.
The look on Jace’s face as he avoids Magnus’ gaze tells him that Jace knows that, too.
“Have you talked to Clary about this?” Magnus asks.
Jace nods. “She said we could get an apartment together. I can’t tell her everything, obviously, but I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think we had a real chance, you know I wouldn’t.” Jace shakes his head. “I don’t want to have to choose. This… being a Shadowhunter, this is what I’m good at. It’s what I was raised to be. But Clary… she’s my future, Magnus. I was trained to be a weapon, but I was born to love Clary Fairchild.”
Magnus is struck suddenly by the memory of another Shadowhunter he knew who was willing to give up everything for the love of a mundane girl. ‘I was born to be a warrior, and I was born to be with her. Tell me how to reconcile the two because I cannot.’ The words of one Edmund Herondale rang clear in Magnus’ mind, bringing a slow, sad smile to his face.
“You Herondales certainly have a penchant for sacrificial love,” Magnus observes, not unkindly. Edmund gave up his runes, James his sanity and stability, Will was ready to give up love itself, and now Jace...
“I can give up Shadowhunting. There are plenty of others who can take over for me now, and plenty more to follow after me,” Jace says.
It’s a strange thing, to witness the blind faith the Nephilim place in their Angels from birth begin to crumble and crack - to question outdated laws and revert back to something more basic, more simply human. Life. Love. Happiness. Desire.
“I’m not concerned about the Shadowhunter’s loss of a soldier,” Magnus points out. “And you don’t have to convince me. I know better than to think there will be any talking you out of this once your mind is made up… and it does appear to be entirely made up. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
Jace nods. “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I think Maryse might have an idea. I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately about her de-runing, and what happens afterward.”
Magnus nods slowly. That makes sense. “You won’t be allowed back in Idris again. If the full extent of standard procedure were followed you wouldn’t be able to see any of your family or friends again, but something tells me Alexander won’t let that bit stand.”
He knows that Maryse showed up once or twice to the Institute and that Luke and her family visit her regularly, either at the bookshop or at her home. All of which is highly irregular, but then again, not much about Alexander’s influence of the Clave’s rules and standards hasn’t fought back against their antiquated ways in one way or another.
Jace sounds uncertain when he replies, “I don’t know, there’s a very good chance that Alec won’t speak to me again after this, law or not.”
“If you think there’s any chance of Alexander abandoning you for this decision-”
“And why shouldn’t he?” Jace cuts Magnus off. “After I abandon him first.”
The harshness of Jace’s tone causes Magnus to wince.
“This isn’t just a matter of marrying someone and moving away. This isn’t even just about losing my runes. If it was just my own sacrifice there wouldn’t be a doubt in my mind, but…”
“But it isn’t just your own life this choice affects,” Magnus supplies for him, finally realizing why he came to speak with Magnus first. These are complicated, deep emotions. Alexander and Jace, when confronted with issues as personal as this, could be a volatile force. Magnus is glad Jace had the presence of mind to try and sort through his own first.
“I took an oath. Entreat me not to leave thee,” Jace huffs out with a broken laugh. Magnus knows the oath. He’s familiar with it enough to know that by doing what he’s planning now Jace is breaking every line of it, every promise. “‘The Angel do so to me, and more also,
If aught but death part thee and me.’” Jace’s eyes leave Magnus’ and fix on a point beyond him, growing distant. “How can I choose? Why do I have to choose? It isn’t fair.”
“Life very rarely is,” Magnus says sadly.
“What would you do, if you were me?” Jace asks.
Magnus considers the question, thinks back to all of the loves he had and lost over the centuries, of the love he has now with Alec. He tries to picture what it might be like if he and Catarina were bonded like Jace and Alec, but in the end, he can only shake his head.
“I can only begin to imagine the intricacies of the bond the two of you share,” Magnus admits finally. “I’ve sacrificed everything for love, more times than many would consider wise, and I’ve been burned every time but one.” It isn’t what Jace wants to hear, but it’s the truth. And what follows is also the truth. “But every time was worth the possibility of true love.”
That gives Jace a bit of hope, which is what he needs. It’s what he’s searching for, behind his call for honesty and council.
“If I were you? I’d probably risk what you’re planning now. It’s foolish and reckless, a gamble beyond measure, but isn’t love always?” Magnus smiles softly at that. “And if I were Alexander, and my dearest friend came to me in your situation, I can promise you that any anger or betrayal I felt would be temporary, eventually eclipsed by the joy of knowing they found all the happiness they were looking for in life.”
“You think?” Jace asks, daring to sound optimistic at the mere suggestion that there’s a possibility of Alec being alright with this in the end.
“But I’m not either of you, and this is not my decision to make.”
Magnus feels the gentle ripple in his warding that alerts him to his husband’s arrival downstairs. “Alec’s back,” Magnus says. “I can portal you to the Institute if you’d like to keep this between us for now.” It’s a simple offer, no judgment if Jace wants more time to consider his options, or simply to stall before talking this out with Alec. As difficult as keeping something like this from Alec will be he wouldn’t betray Jace’s trust in coming to him for advice. Magnus watches Jace closely, able to see the flash of panic on Jace’s face and the hesitation as he debates taking the offer of a portal.
“No,” Jace says with a determined shake of his head. When Magnus thinks back to his similar encounter with Edmund nearly a century ago, he distinctly recalls the feeling of witnessing a disaster, of wreckage. But this is different: Jace Herondale isn’t ruining himself, he’s rebuilding.
“I’ll make myself scarce, then,” Magnus says, standing up to make his way toward the door.
“Magnus, hey,” Alec greets, leaning in to give him a kiss in greeting when he opened the door to find Magnus standing next to it, grabbing his coat. Alec catches sight of Jace behind him and his brows furrow. “Jace? Is everything alright?”
“I’m heading out for a bit. Give me a call if you need anything,” Magnus says instead of answering Alec. The question isn’t meant for him, after all.
Magnus looks over at Jace one last time before leaving the two of them alone to speak, still surrounded by the ghosts of his past. He sees so much of Edmund’s determination to follow his heart, no matter the personal cost. He sees Will’s enthusiasm and desperate need for the potential of love. He sees James’s consuming passion.
Magnus sees enough of Jace’s ancestors in him to know without a doubt that Jace will be just fine in the end; and if he isn’t, then Magnus imagines he has enough experience assisting lovestruck Herondales to help him through.
#jace herondale#magnus bane#alec lightwood#clace#shadowhunters#so I just re-read the short story with Edmund and it left me with this thought until I wrote it down#for now it'll stand on its own but I might make a proper series of it because I really like the idea#IDK i just really wanted to write this Magnus POV so here we are#elle writes a few deadbeat lines#long post
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