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professional-anti · 6 years

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Chapter Seven: The Five-Dimensional Door

Before I start, I just want to say that I’m having so much fun with this blog, and thank you to everyone who is reading these snarks! You make my day <3 Okay, time for the good stuff.

Chapter 7: The Five-Dimensional Door

So we’re in Dory’s apartment, and it’s basically a stereotypical witchy apartment. Incense, star posters, you know the drill. They go about getting tea for themselves as if there aren’t more Nazgûl upstairs. Um, there’s a weird inversion of the Not Like Other Girls trope. Jace says he doesn’t want Earl Grey bc he hates bergamot and Clary’s like:

“You may be the only guy my age I’ve ever met who knows what bergamot is, much less that it’s in Earl Grey tea.”

“Yes, well,” Jace said, with a supercilious look, “I’m not like other guys.”

At least this isn’t predicated on sexist nonsense, but at the same time, it’s still Jace being annoying about how Special he is. Jace does have a nice moment right after when Clary tells him not to call her “Fray” (it reminds her of Simon) and he agrees immediately not to. But this is just basic human decency, and I hate that THIS is the nicest thing Jace has done for pages.

While Dory’s in the kitchen, Clary and Jace have a conversation filled with so much bullshit that I have to quote the whole thing:

She heard him drop the book back onto the shelf. “This must be the trash she keeps up front to impress credible mundanes,” he said, sounding disgusted. “There’s not one serious text here.”

“Just because it’s not the kind of magic you do—,” Clary began crossly.

He scowled furiously, silencing her. “I do not do magic,” he said. “Get that through your head: Human beings are not magic users. It’s part of what makes them human. Warlocks can only use magic because they have demon blood.”

Clary took a moment to process this. “But I’ve seen you use magic. You use enchanted weapons—”

“I use tools that are magical. And just to be able to do that, I have to undergo rigorous training. The rune tattoos on my skin protect me too. If you tried to use one of the seraph blades, for instance, it’d probably burn your skin, maybe kill you.”

“What if I got the tattoos?” Clary asked. “Could I use them then?”

“No,” Jace said crossly. “The Marks are only part of it. There are tests, ordeals, levels of training—look, just forget it, okay? Stay away from my blades. In fact, don’t touch any of my weapons without my permission.”

Okay. There’s a lot to unpack here. I barely know where to start. Let’s begin with the easiest thing: the word “crossly”. It’s used twice in one exchange, and since it’s such a unique word (for an American book, at least), it really gets repetitive. It also makes even more obvious that this is high-key Harry Potter fanfiction; JK uses “crossly” all the time, which makes sense BECAUSE SHE’S A BRITISH WRITER. When an American writer does this, it sounds like they’re trying to be British. I wonder why CC would do that…

Secondly, the way Jace treats Clary. He didn’t fully explain magic to her, and now he’s so epically pissed off when she doesn’t know all the minutia of the word. It’s ridiculous. “Get that through your head”??? I would slap a boy who said that to me, not fall in love with him. It’s really atrocious how Jace talks to Clary, and I’m mad.

Thirdly, this still sounds like magic to me. Shadowhunters are the only people who can use steles. Steles are basically wands, then, right? Harry Potter can’t do magic without a wand, either. So I’m still not convinced that Jace and co. aren’t doing magic. They’re the only people who can use steles, therefore they’re the only people who can use angel weapons, etc. etc. etc. Also, can someone PLEASE tell me who makes these weapons? That has to be done with magic.

Okay, I just googled it, and apparently a group of female Shadowhunters called the Iron Sisters make Shadowhunter weapons. How do they do this without magic???? This whole thing still sounds like magic, I’m not gonna lie.

Fourthly, Jace’s desire to distance himself so much from magic and Warlocks reads a lot like racism to me. Of course, this probably won’t be adressed ever.

We good? We good.

Dory absolutely murders Jace:

“If you were have as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you’d be twice as funny as you are.”

Go OFF, Dory. And Jace is rude to Dory some more (Dory is HOSTING them and giving them food, he could be a little nicer I swear to Gd) and then calls Dory a liar. Dory responds that she’s not a Warlock but her mother was, and Jace says that’s not true bc Warlocks are half-human and half-demon and can’t have kids and Clary says “Like mules” and Jace says “Your knowledge of livestock is astounding” and do you guys see why I hate him??

Jace explaisn that Warlocks are the strongest of all Downworlders bc they have a direct demon parent, but that all Downworlders have demon blood. Vampires and werewolves have demon infections and faeries are either fallen angels or half-demon and half-angel. Dorothea explains that she was adopted by a warlock in order to “watch and guard.”

Oh. Ugh. Dory compliments Clary’s appetite and Clary thinks about Isabelle and feels fat. It’s just some gross girl-fighting-girl nonsense, and Clary is basically feeling shamed for eating a lot of mini sandwiches when she hasn’t eaten for at least a whole day. There was no need to include this in here.

Dory reads Jace’s future, and it’s all generic stuff that is supposed to be Meaningful. Then she tries to read Clary’s, but can’t make sense of it. She asks Clary if there’s a spell in place to repress her memories, and Clary (being awfully bold, if you ask me) says “No, of course not” even though there’s so much stuff that could have been hidden from her. She just learned she’s a Shadowhunter and that her mom’s been lying to her, why would she dismiss this out of hand? Jace agrees with Dory, for once. There’s some truly awful banter, and then Dory pulls out her tarot cards and tells Clary to pick one. She ends up with the Ace of Cups, or, as Dory explains, “The love card.” Apparently Clary’s mom painted these cards. Blah blah blah I’m bored.

Dory gives some backstory; in exchange for favors from Jocelyn, she’d spill the tea on the Downworlders and look out for Valentine. And, you guys aren’t gonna believe this…Jocelyn was a Shadowhunter…

Ik, ik. I’m having trouble comprehending it, too. This twist was just SUCH a twist, you know?? Clary freaks the fuck out for maybe the millionth time. Jace and Dory fight bc she’s basically running a safe-house for Downworlders on the run and Jace is like “Downworlders suck” (gotta love that racism your Love Interest espouses) and accuses Dory that she’s only running the house for the money. We get a glimpse of Dory’s gold molars, so maybe we’re supposed to think that means she’s rich? But I’m pretty sure the most expensive tooth fillings are composite bc they’re tooth-colored.

Jace threatens to call the Clave aka the cops bc Downworlders can’t have anything nice I guess. Then they find a weird-looking door, which Jace calls a Portal. You can tell it’s Important bc of the Capitilization. It leads to anywhere you want to go. Clary proves that she can’t think a single solitary step ahead bc she leaps out of the door to see where her mother would have gone. I guess this is like a flue powder situation?

Chapter seven draws to a merciful close. I’m going to go take a nap.

#anti cassandra clare #anti the mortal instruments #book snark #CoB: Chapter 7 #CoB snark

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the-sun-is-yellow · 7 years

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THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS/SHADOWHUNTERS: A Movie v TV Show Casting Comparison.

It's hard to chose which I like better overall because I actually really like the movie and the TV show (although neither stick to the books at all, they're so far away from it, so many unnecessary plotlines, why??).

CLARY: I definitely like Lily Collins more as Clary. Kat seems like a nice person, but I think her acting needs some work, she's often not very convincing. It may come with time though. Apart from the hair colour, Lily just embodied the character so much better, although she still annoys me, but I feel like Clary annoys everyone.

JACE: Jamie would be my first choice for Jace, but Dom's acting certainly got better as the series moved on, so he's not too bad. I feel like Jace doesn't actually get very much screen-time in the TV show, maybe because Malec is the main couple right now, but Jamie really had Jace's snark and overall demeanour down, as well as the total 180 he does in his moods with Clary, much more than Dom does. I'm excited to see how that changes when (SPOILER) the whole incest thing stops being a thing.

SIMON: I can't chose either actor for Simon because I love them both. Robert maybe had the character down a little better, but I do love them both. They're cute and they actually look kinda similar when they have the glasses on. I like Alberto's vampire portrayal better I think.

ALEC: Okay, everyone's always mean to Kevin, and yeah he was kinda old to be Alec, but I actually really liked his portrayal, and he's such a sweetie. Malec wasn't going to be a big thing in the movie, because it was based on the first book, where Malec was basically non-existent. However, I must say, I love Matt so much, and he portrays Alec better than I thought anyone ever could. He's like my fave human whoops. But yeah, I love both these boys, I just think Matt is a better Alec simply due to age. His chemistry with Harry is great, in a way that Keven and Godfrey didn't have.

MAGNUS: Magnus was also cast kinda old in the movie, and I love Harry's portrayal, so I definitely prefer the TV show casting there. Some of the effects were better in the movie in terms of his magic, and I like his cat eyes in the movie, so there's that, but overall, Harry wins. He has the charm and the flirting but also the care for Alec, and Clary as well. Also I love the initial Malec meeting in the movie and the TV show, always makes me laugh. I'm glad their story is getting more developed than it did in the movie and even the books, where they always took backseat to Clace, and even other couples as they started appearing later books. All that freaking gay erasure, am I right?

ISABELLE: I actually completely forgot what the Isabelle in the movie even looked like, showing how great her impression on me was (not very great at all). Em is great as Izzy, really has the sass and the flair, though her accent isn't amazing, but obviously that’s not her fault, and I feel like it’s getting better, particularly in season 2. A great choice for Izzy I think, and the family likeness in the Lightwoods is great (except Max, lol why is everyone else in the family clearly not white, but Max is the whitest kid I've ever seen, terrible casting).

VALENTINE: Valentine annoyed me in both movie and TV show bc HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE LIKE LONG HAIR. Idk why it bothers me so much, but it does, like wtf why is he bald in the TV show. No thanks??? I just don't think either characterisation of him did his villainous nature justice. Valentine is this sick, insane, twisted character, and it’s just not really shown. I get that maybe it would be too much for the rating of the show/movie to show the true extent of this horribleness, or maybe that’s to come when (SPOILER) our good friend Sebastian shows up, but like who knows, I just don’t really like it.

SIDE CHARACTERS: Jocelyn doesn't bother me, she's not that key, tho (SPOILER) why did they kill her off in the TV show? Like no? Her and Luke get married? I need Jem to be there so he can steal Church? Luke is fine in both, I hadn't realised it was the actual love of my life Aiden Turner in the movie tho. I think I like Luke better in the TV show, he had more room for character development, and the image in my head of what he looked like has changed thanks to Isaiah. Maryse Lightwood casting is good, really looks like Alec and Izzy. (Are there more side characters I have forgotten? idk? idc? it’s 3am?)

TV SHOW EXCLUSIVE/I FORGOT IF THEY’RE IN THE MOVIE: I can't really remember Raphael from the movie, but the TV show portrayal is great, got the snark down, though I'm worried they're going to make him straight? He’s having some weird moments with Izzy (SPOILER) with the whole Yin Fen plotline (also yeah that sucks, I hate it, wtf no, where did it come from it’s basically ruined their chance to make a Clockwork Angel series bc you’ve taken Jem’s plotline?) Like no, he's canonically gay, right? But yeah, A* casting, good job on that, he looks just like I imagined, though I feel like he's older than he's meant to be in the books. Maia is cool, I want more of her storyline. Camille is just how I imagined. I can't even remember if those two were in the movie lol.

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