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wooahaes · 1 day

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tender and loving

pairing: non-idol!mingyu x fem!reader

genre: established relationship au. romance.

warnings: reader is in a dress. food. gyu and reader are down bad for each other im afraid

word count: ~1.3k

daisy's notes: the day i actually push myself to write a romance novel w some of this prose its over for u bitches /j

“I thought about bringing a guitar, actually.” Mingyu stretched himself alongside one side of the picnic blanket, propping himself up on his elbows. His eyes were twinkling as he looked at you, beaming at you as he watched the way the wind fluttered your skirt and rustled your hair. “But I thought it’d be too much.”

It earned a laugh from you as you shifted on your half of the blanket, carefully folding your dress’s skirt underneath your legs so that it would stop flapping against your legs. Thankfully, you had on tights so flashing anyone wasn’t much of a worry, but you were still a little annoyed by the way the fabric smacked against your legs. This spot wasn’t perfect in location, but the company you kept made up for it plenty. Mingyu had made all the food that sat between the two of you now, and lovingly fed you the first bite of whatever you wanted, just to dote on you even further. You had told him days ago that you didn’t want to do anything fancy for your birthday—no parties, no big elaborate dinners, no expensive restaurants… Just the two of you enjoying the day out together. You would celebrate with your friends later during the weekend, but you just wanted to spend the actual day with the love of your life.

So he woke you up that morning with a kiss and a question: how about a picnic tonight? It was lowkey enough that you agreed easily, and he kissed you again before saying he’d be back after running to the grocery store. He needed to make your favorites, after all. His only request for you was to wear something that made you feel pretty, hence the dress you were wearing now with its flouncy skirt and soft fabric. He was just in a button-up and nice pants, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Simple, but still nice enough looking. When you asked him about it on the drive here, he’d just reached over, squeezing your hand.

“I can’t outshine you today,” he teased with a playful grin. “It’s your day.”

It just earned a laugh from you as you swatted at his hand, only to take it back within your own a moment later. Some days you could get Mingyu giving you the sweetest praise, worshiping you wholeheartedly and lovingly telling you how beautiful he found you. But most days, you had this Mingyu: a silly man who adored you with his whole heart, but felt teasing you like that. The two of you had been together long enough, after all. You poked fun at him, too, when the mood struck you. All of his friends did, so why wouldn’t you? There was an unspoken line between the two of you: if it bothers you, we’ll talk about it and apologize. And you did, a few times back when the two of you were still navigating the relationship. He made a comment that rubbed you the wrong way, you teased him and accidentally hurt his feelings…. Every incident was met with a patient conversation afterward.

“We’re adults,” he had said to you one day, playing with your fingers idly. He always seemed to be touching you in some way, as though he was tethered to you, unable to go too long without reminding himself of that. “Aren’t we? I used to fight with people when I was younger and didn’t know how to talk things out.” He stopped for a moment, fingers intertwining with your own. “I think you’re good for me like that.”

You had rolled your eyes. “I think your friends did more for you than I did.”

“Mm. Maybe.” He ran his other hand through his hair. “But I think I’m more patient because of you.”

And maybe he was. He’d taught you to be bolder, to accept compliments better. Mingyu had been good for you, too. Now you just admired him as he looked out at the setting sun in the distance, golden rays kissing his skin and warming your own. Was this it? You quietly began to pack away empty containers into his bag, leaving the dessert aside as you moved to sit next to him. He looked over, watching the way you slowly reclined back so you could gaze at the sky. He shifted next to you, back pressing fully against the ground as he kept his eyes on you.

For the longest time, you couldn’t define the way Mingyu looked at you. “With love” had been the most basic way you could, because it truly was the simplest way to boil the look down. The tender look in his eyes was unmistakable, especially when he started to smile softly at you no matter what you were doing. He wore a similar look when he was with his friends and family, though: that gentle sense of nothing but love for the people in his life visible in his eyes. At first, you’d had a little bout of jealousy that he could simply love so much. But with time, it grew to be something else you adored about him. Mingyu was a lover, through and through, and it astounded you how much he cared for people without limit.

But that didn’t change the fact that you noticed he looked at you in this slightly different way. Then one day, it hit you while the two of you were in a museum. He’d been staring up at a piece, his hand holding yours, as he quietly whispered to you about some facts he’d read online about it. It wasn’t the exact look he gave you, but the way he lit up in intrigue was enough to tell you that that was the missing piece. He looked at you as though you were a puzzle he was still figuring out, every day showing him a new detail. Like you were a masterpiece he wanted to understand, brushstroke by brushstroke. The soft look of love in his eyes always carried this need to know every little thing about you and commit them to memory. Was that why he was always touching you? So that he could remember the exact feel of your skin underneath his own? And was why he studied you so intensely on the nights you shared baths together, always pointing out a different little spot or blemish or scar he hadn’t noticed before? Perhaps it was.

Mingyu reached over to take your hand in his own, loosely playing with your fingers as he watched you. “I love you.”

You turned your face, meeting his gaze. With a smile, you curled your fingers around his hand and drew it to your lips so that you could press a long kiss against the back of it. Yet you saw the way Mingyu’s eyes burned into you. He moved so that he could give you a chaste kiss that almost lingered for a few seconds too long. But with the two of you still in public, Mingyu wouldn’t push. Not when there were families around with their kids and older couples enjoying the warm weather. Instead, he just pressed a second kiss against your temple.

“Happy birthday,” he said for the third time today. “Let’s go home. Okay?”

He took the words out of your mouth, and you just giggled as you gave him a quick peck. It wouldn’t be a complete day if you didn’t tease him at least a little. “After dessert?”

He just chuckled, reaching for the container. With a tiny peck against your nose, he answered you with stars in his eyes, “After dessert.”

taglist: @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune @wonuziex @porridgesblog @staranghae @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @bewoyewo

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagine #svt x reader #svt imagine #seventeen x you #svt x you #mingyu x reader #mingyu imagine #mingyu fluff #kim mingyu imagine #mingyu x you #wooahaes.24

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tsunami-of-tears · 2 days

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Someplace better

Azriel x Reader

A/N: This is dark. There are no happy endings. Please read the warnings.

Wordcount: <1K

Warnings: angst doesn’t even cut it; emotionally abusive family dynamic; suicide; it does not end well, you’ve been warned.

My mother is a horrible wench.

We just had yet another fight that ended in screaming and tears and slammed doors.

I thought our relationship was getting better. I was trying to open up about the struggles I’ve been having, only to have them all thrown back in my face.

“Before you point the finger at everyone else, maybe you need to consider that you’re the problem,” she sneers.

I’d been trying to tell her how overwhelmed I felt, that I felt stuck and couldn’t see a way out. I can feel myself starting to crack under the pressure, pieces of me splintering as I try to be everything for everyone.

No matter how hard I try, it’s not enough. There’s always something I’m not doing, something not done right.

‘You’re a failure and a burden,’ that little voice says, harmonising with my mother’s insults.

“I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself,” she says dismissively.

So much for motherly love…

————

Later that evening, I’m heading to the River House for a family dinner. These events have become less frequent with everyone’s busy schedules, and I’m looking forward to seeing my friends.

Rhysand greets me at the door, pulling me into a hug. “Y/N, it’s been too long,” he smiles down at me warmly. “Everyone else is here already, come in.”

“It’s good to see you, I’ve missed everyone,” I give Rhys a tight smile in return.

Time appears to stop as we walk down the hallway. The awkwardness drags on for what feels like forever. My thoughts race with things I could say, but my tongue cannot form the words. Rhys notices my silence, furrowing his brows at me. I plaster a huge smile on my face, attempting to conceal my inner turmoil. I can’t tell if Rhys picks up on my forgery.

We enter the living room which is alive with chatter between my friends.

Mor, Feyre and Cassian are laughing together, likely about something Cassian said.

Amren and Nesta are engaged in a heated discussion.

And then Azriel… He’s with Elain, talking softly together about gods knows what. My heart starts to crack at the sight.

I really don’t want to get between Nesta and Amren, and I can’t face Azriel and Elain together, so I sit next to Cassian as Rhys perches on the arm of the chair beside Feyre. He leans down to kiss her softly on the top of her head and I look away quickly, the crack growing until I feel like my heart is split in two.

Cassian gives me a quick peck on the cheek as I sit before returning to his conversation with Feyre and Mor.

I struggle to engage with anyone, feeling more alone than ever while surrounded by my chosen family.

————

The rest of the night is much of the same.

Every single word is a monumental effort.

I’m hyper-aware of every single person around the table. Every single smile and hidden touch. I feel as if I’m watching from behind a window. I’m on the outside. Alone.

‘They’ll be fine without you,’ that little voice whispers in my ear. ‘Look how happy they are. They don’t need you. All your efforts are wasted. You are a waste.’

After dinner I bid everyone goodnight, heading up to my room.

I miss the concerned glances between my friends, who noticed I’ve been extra quiet tonight.

I miss the shadows that follow behind me.

I miss the way Azriel zones out from what Elain is saying as he watches me leave.

————

I can’t remember the last time I stayed in this room but all my things remain untouched. Clothing, journals, even some beauty products - all where I left them.

I pick up one of my old journals and flip through the pages. I mostly write down the bad stuff. It usually helps get the feelings out, but right now, it’s only adding to the storm that’s brewing inside me.

I carefully set down the books in a stack on my nightstand, picking up a scrap of parchment. As I always do, I write.

I’m sorry to do this here, tonight, but I cannot go on any longer. I truly believe this is for the best. The world was not made for people like me. I’m far too soft. I love you all. Y/N

I set the note down on the bed and rummage through my various medicines. I’ve always struggled to sleep, so I should have some extra tonics in here somewhere…

I find four bottles of sleeping tonic in one of my drawers, plus the one in my pocket.

I arrange them on the nightstand in a straight line.

I pick up the first bottle, uncorking it and raising it in the air.

A toast, to finding someplace better.

I bring the glass rim to my lips, chugging the clear liquid.

One down. Just a few more.

I make short work of the remaining bottles, though I feel a bit queasy from the sheer volume.

As I set down the last bottle, a wisp of darkness curls around my wrist and snakes between the empty bottles.

“You’re too late,” I tell it.

The shadow vanishes and my eyes start to droop.

I lay down on the bed, my entire body feeling heavy.

As I feel myself losing the battle for consciousness, a mass of dark shadows appears next to the bed.

Azriel.

He is frantic as he reaches towards me.

So close. He was so close.

I never get to feel those hands again as the world fades to black and I give myself over to the endless sleep.

A/N: I’m not gonna lie and say I’m okay when clearly I’m not, but I’m not unsafe tonight.

Mental Health Resources*: If you’re in immediate danger please call your country’s emergency number. Australia: Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ Mental Health Hotline: 1800 011 511 Lifeline: 13 11 14 USA: Crisis Line (call or text): 988 UK: Lifeline: 0808 808 8000 *If I have gotten anything wrong or if you have other resources to add, please let me know

#azriel angst #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acotar angst

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dsireland86 · 2 days

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PANIC ATTACK

Noah Sebastian x Reader

I saw this picture and wrote this quick one-shot based on it. Haven't edited it. Fingers crossed it isn't too horrible LOL

18+ below the cut

Mentions of anxiety/panic attack, smut, language

The moment was too much. I was spinning out of control. Standing in the center, surrounded by the screams and shrieks of so many girls wanting my attention was ripping me apart from the inside out and I was starting to panic. It wasn't I didn't love what I do, it's just that sometimes it all got a little too much and the fog just wouldn't clear up when I needed it to. My chest was tight. My head was spinning. “Try to breathe, try to focus. Relax." Her words filled my head as the tears began to blur my vision. If only I could get through the moment; get through the darkness and find the source of my stability and peace. If I could get through this panic attack and back into her arms, I’d be okay.

The screams; they were digging into my soul, demanding things from me I couldn’t give. The lights were too bright, pointing out all my flaws that were looking for shelter from the scrutiny, tell me I wasn't cut out for this and that I needed to give it all up. I couldn’t swallow the demons this time. They were overtaking me now.

The song ended and I pulled my in-ear out while making my way to the back. The pounding pain in my chest was growing, the air becoming less in my lungs as I walked over to a chair to sit down. The muffled voices of my bandmates were vaguely heard as I sat, trying to rid myself of the panic overtaking me. Hands on my knees, I closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose and letting it out slowly. “I don’t have time for this. The pitch was way off. My in-ear piece isn’t balanced. Why are the lights so bright? They aren’t supposed to be that bright. What’s Matt doing up there? He’s supposed to be watching this shit. Why is my head pounding? I feel like I’m going to puke. Fuck. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts.” I threw my hands to my head, squeezing it to rid it of the noise while trying to steady my breathing. But I was failing short. The thoughts wouldn’t turn off, the feelings would stop, and my heart rate increased making my breathing more forced. Fuck. “I don’t need this right now. Get your shit together Davis. Get it together!” I criticize myself over and over.

“Noah. Noah, hey! Baby, hey, I’m here. Look at me.” She found me. I knew she would. She always heard my heart calling for her. I was safe. “Noah.” Taking my face delicately between her hands, she lifted it, finding my eyes immediately. “Shit, Noah,” she sighed, dropping to her knees before me and wrapping me up tightly in her arms. My head fell to her shoulder and I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of the only thing that gave my life meaning. I threw my arms around her, hands pressed flat against the thin black fabric of her tank that barely covered her soft pale skin and revealed the green ivy that ran from one collarbone, up around her shoulder, along the top of her back, down around her other shoulder and stopping at her other collarbone. Many nights we laid naked together, soaked in the glow of the connection and oneness we were building together, and I would trace the vines that wrapped themselves around her with the tip of my finger, feeling the warmth and life of her body. I wanted that right now.

The feeling her hands were giving me as they dragged themselves slowly up and down my back calmed me, soothing my soul and guiding me past the monster that had become too big for me to fight alone. She was my savior; my guiding light in the ocean of his brutal, chaotic darkness. “Just breathe with me, Noah. Just breathe.” Rising to her feet, she threw her legs on either side of my legs, straddling me for a moment before sitting down on my lap and looping her arms around my tattooed neck. I could feel her soft heat pressed tight against my length that, no matter the circumstance, always got hard when she was near me. I grunted while she positioned herself until she was satisfied, bringing her face close to mine. Her cheek brushed over mine, taking on some of the sweat that was dripping from me like rain droplets. That was one thing that never bothered her; how much I’d sweat during shows. She would tell me it only made fucking her easier, especially when we were in a hurry. God what I wouldn’t give to fuck her right now. “Jolly, how much time do we have?” She asked without looking at me, making my heart skip a beat. A moment passed before Jolly answered. “About eight minutes.” “That’s enough,” she whispered in my ear. Now that I was a little calmer, no longer on the brink of hyperventilating, she got up off me and pulled me to my feet. Taking my hand, she quickly dragged me off towards the back of the venue.

“Where are we going?” I asked, but knowing her, I think I already knew. “I’m taking you to get some release.” My dick twitched beneath my black trousers that were sticky wet with sweat. I stopped, pulling her back, sending her crashing into me. “Right here’s fine,” I clarified, sliding my hand behind her head and pulling her lips into mine and kissing her as if my very existence depended on it. It didn’t take her long to have my pants undone and falling to the floor and my cock that was completely thick and hard for her alone, caught in the grip of her small yet strong hand. She pumped it quickly, back and forth between her vice grip touch. “Fuck, baby,” I breathed, locking her against the wall with both of my arms outstretched and hands press flat against the wall. She continued to work me, sliding her thumb over my sensitive tip and spreading the pre-cum that was seeping out all over. “Oh my god, baby,” I sighed, finally feeling the stress and anxiety roll off my shoulders. My head hung low, loose threads of my hair falling over my eyes as I stared intently and directly into her eyes. “I know you like this,” she confirmed, tightening her grip as I began to thrust hard into her first. “Fuck yeah I like it,” confessing through gritted teeth. She smiled. “I know it was what you needed.” “I just need you.” She grinned licking her lips. “You always have me. Whenever, wherever.”

The way she whispered her words sent ungodly shivers down my spine creating that wildfire desire to claim her right then. “Fuck me,” I growled, taking her by the shoulder. My dick slipped quickly from her hand as I threw her gently over the small table that just happened to be nearby. I took it as a sign. “Bend over and spread your legs,” I ordered, and she willingly complied with a smile, positioning her body in the perfect position. Without a word spoken, I yanked her bottoms down, revealing her small perky ass. I slid my hand over the soft skin, smacking it hard enough to leave my handprint and she squealed, making my throbbing cock twitch, spilling more pre-cum. “You like that didn’t you baby?” She nodded with a whimper. “Yeah, I know you do,” smacking the tender flesh again. “That might leave a mark, but that’s okay. I like marking what’s mine.” This time her whimper turned it into a beautiful moan, making my stomach flutter. “That’s it, princess, fucking moan for me. Tell me how this feels." I bend over her and insert two long fingers at a time inside her soaking wet cunt that was mine.

Fucking her with just my fingers for a few seconds, which pulled more beautiful moans from her, I pulled them out, wiping her juices on my dick. With my hand pressed firmly on the middle of her back, I raised her up just enough until I was aligned perfectly with her opening and entered her, ravaging her pussy like it was my last time. Groaning the moment my cock slipped into her and felt her inner walls rub up against it, I threw my head back and grabbed her hips, guiding her sweet pussy back and forth as I rutted against her walls. “Motherfucker, that’s it baby, cry for me.” Her noises were empowering, melting away every negative feeling. The sound of smacking flesh became the only thing I could hear besides the enticing sounds falling from her lips. “You look so fucking good like this, baby, bent over and vulnerable. Do you have any idea what you do to me? What just the thought of your pussy and how it feels when I slide my dick in and out of it!” I grunted, a deep growl escaping quickly after. “Noah,” she whined, slamming her palms on the table to help brace herself. “Noah, harder,” she panted. “I need you to go harder. Go deeper baby, please,” she begged. I gave her what she begged for. Fucking her a brutal pace, I tore her cunt apart, releasing every anxious feeling, every fucked up thought I had about myself into her and expecting her to take it. “Goddamn you’re fucking take me so good, baby girl,” I growled. Reaching around her front, I wrapped my large hand around her small throat, tightening my grip until her noises came out in only choked sobs. Her arousal soaked my cock buried deep inside her, making it hard to stay in so I wrapped my other arm around her, lifting her and holding her tight in the nook of my arm. The new position had her screaming out my name, and I fucking loved it. “That’s it, princess. Tell them who you belong to. Tell them who fucks you so good.” I released my grip on her throat, letting her head drop. “Fuck, Noah, god please do stop. I’m almost there,” she panted with a whine. “Use your fingers on that beautiful clit, baby. Help me make you cum.” I took her hand and placed it where I wanted it, locking her fingers with mine as we began to circle her clit that I was dying to have a taste of. “I fucking want you in my mouth,” I told her. “After the show, I’m going to devour your pussy with my mouth until I have you screaming out my name again.” Her whines became short and rapid and her cunt clutched around my aching cock, telling me she was about to cum, and I was more than ready for her to. I was harder than a rock and needed my release now. “Fuck, Noah, f-fuck, fuck,” she screamed. Her body shuddered, proof of the tension leaving her body as she cried out and came undone. I could feel the warmth of her cum spread over my dick, making her wetter than before, but I didn’t stop. I wasn’t going to until I came all over her back. Her body went limp, forcing me to hold her up while continuing to pound into her, grunting more and more as my build up grew closer. “Noah, baby,” she called softly. “Yeah princess,” I answered in between thrusts. “I love you, Noah. You’re stronger than the battle waging inside you. I promise.” Her words hit my heart like the sun bursting through the darkest clouds, brightening my mind and filling my soul with life once again. “I love you too, Princes.” The rawness in my voice matched the desire in my heart, dark and fathomless and so visceral I felt it in my bones. It was her words, spoken in the most compassionate, sympathetic, and sincere way, that finally tipped me over the edge. My hips stuttered, jerking hard and with one last powerful thrust I pulled out of her, growling as I painted the canvas of her back with my cum. My eyes rolled back with relief from the overly needed release.

I stayed hovered over her for a while, allowing my body to come down from the high. We were both breathless, panting and spent. Kissing her shoulder, I told her to stay put while I went and found something to clean her up with. Once finished and dressed, I pinned her against the wall once more, kissing her luscious lips. “You’re my rock, Princess,” I confessed, caressing her cheek. “You’re the reason I can still do this job.” I pressed my lips to hers again, feeling her smile as her hand made its way to my face. “You’re braver and stronger than you think, Noah. You just don’t realize it.” Her belief in me was incomparable to anything else and gave me strength I didn’t know I needed. “Come on, I have to get you back. Matt’s probably passed out from an anxiety attack himself by now.” I chuckled, taking her hand and following her to the stage.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens cult #noah sebstian fan fic

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creedslove · 15 hours

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TAKING CARE OF JOEL WHEN HE'S SICK 🩺 - HEADCANONS

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: I'm sick and tired of being the patient and being sick, I can't wait to finally become myself again, and in the meantime, I decided to flip the cards on the table and make Joel the sick one hehehe

• Joel is a very tough man and quite stubborn if we're gonna be honest here, so if he admits he's sick and/or in pain, it's because that man IS sick and in A LOT of pain and that's quite concerning

• Joel's strong and rough, so it's pretty rare for him to become sick in the first place, of course there's still occasional colds here and there, perhaps a sore throat and some stomach problems due to the amount of coffee and beer that man drinks and also the stress, but when he began complaining about a certain pain in right side of his back and that his pee was kind of funny + he didn't know exactly how to describe it, but you knew that meant trouble

• going to the hospital was the logical decision, if Joel wasn't so stubborn all the time, and assured you he would be fine and he would just need some time resting, a nap and he would be brand as new

• which obviously wasn't the case, since not only was he in pain the moment he woke up, but he was also soaked with sweat, checking up his temperature, you realized he was feverish and when you offered him some water and something to eat as he hadn't had anything in a while, he was also nauseous

• Joel had never felt that way and he was scared if he was going to be honest, even if he didn't want to admit it, he was shitting himself out of fear, what was up with him? What was he supposed to do with you and Sarah and Tommy and the company? He was so scared and nervous, his mind going crazy as he thought of many ways that situation could go on and his anxiety made him even worse

• as you drove him to the ER and waited with him, you grabbed his hand, caressing it gently and looking into his eyes, it broke your heart. Your big, strong boyfriend, always so ready to take care of all the problems in the world so you wouldn't have a single worry suddenly looked so small, scared and in pain, and the worst part of it, was that you couldn't do anything to help him, so you just pecked his cheek and assured him it would be over soon

• your heart also shattered when the doctor called Joel's name and your boyfriend looked so scared; you held his hand and assured him once more, as you tried not letting anxiety take over you while he was being seen by the doctor. The appointment felt like it took hours, and once Joel exited the room holding a bunch of papers and looking like a kicked puppy, your heart shattered again

"It's kidney stones"

• he said in a small voice and you wished you could take all of his pain away, but unfortunately, you couldn't, so you promised yourself you'd do your best to nurse him back into health

• you grabbed the papers, reading the exams results, the doctor's prescription and all the meds he would have to take, you grabbed him by the hand and drove back to the drugstore, buying Joel everything he needed and then headed home

• you made sure to buy him the best painkillers there were available as well as everything the doctor said Joel needed to take and the first thing you did as you got home, was making him take his meds

• you let Joel take a much needed nap, as you went to prepare him some food, always checking up the list the doctor made, since he needed to have a special diet for a few days

• you knew it was quite the suffering until he could finally pee the stone out, so you made sure to take care of your man: giving him lots of water and other liquids, making him soft and light foods without salt or anything else, giving him the painkillers whenever he needed to and checked him up for fever

• Joel was brave but you felt so upset each time you heard him groan in pain; however, you still felt proud of how strong he was

• when Joel finally felt the stone come out, you two celebrated! You kissed him and wiped the sweat and tears from his eyes, knowing he still needed some days of recovery since he was still hurt on the inside due to the stone's path

• but overall, he already felt and looked much better, and that cheered you up, always spending some time on the couch, where he could find a nice position and snuggled him, massaging his back and kissing his forehead

• as soon as he started recovering, you also began making his favorite food and favorite dessert, you knew it wasn't actually a good idea, but he'd suffered so much, he deserved treats and some spoiling

• it still took him a couple of weeks to become completely healed, and once he did, he made sure to take you out on a date, fancy steakhouse and all - steakhouse because that's Joel we're talking about - and made love to you, knowing he was in good hands to have you taking care of him that way 💞

____

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller headcanon #joel miller headcanons

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rpstartersinc · 3 days

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* 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝟑: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏.

feel free to change pronouns / wording! potential spoilers!

" we have been apart for far too long. "

" seems as though your business is thriving. "

" there's no need to shout. "

" you've gotten rather good. "

" do you not wish to greet me? "

" i was nowhere and everywhere. "

" the lack of interest here today shall usher me to an early grave at any moment. "

" i simply could use some peace. "

" the truth has a way of rearing its ugly head. "

" i take it you are finally done with daydreaming? "

" do you find yourself back in town for any particular reason? in search of something or... someone? "

" i do not wish to see a citrus colour, ever again. "

" you have never been one for silly romances. "

" a man cannot tell his secrets. "

" i have kept your secret exactly because i do not wish to keep revisiting the past. "

" i must make a good impression. "

" i wonder what whistledown will write about next issue. "

" what a striking gown you have on. "

" i should like a moment alone. "

" once one finds oneself on the wall, it is difficult to come off it. "

" you do not much like attracting notice, do you? "

" it is a pity you did not choose something sturdier. "

" if you are going to make me say it out loud, i miss you. "

" what you did was cruel, and unnecessary. "

" i'm sorry for intruding. "

" it pains me to see you upset. "

" if a husband is what you seek, then... let me help you. "

" what i have learned is that charm can be taught. "

" i do love a game, especially when i am so often the victor. "

" i do not fear change, i embrace it. "

" i do not care what lady whistledown writes about me. "

" i should like to see your skills as they are, first. "

" i suggest you make good use of it. "

" you agree, i am unteachable. "

" you already know how to do this. "

" it is impossible to be in society and not care what others think. "

" do you think me a magician? "

" we needed a place to be alone. "

" you don't have to be embarrassed, you know me. "

" that's exactly why i will feel even more embarrassed, because i know you. "

" somehow my character gets lost between my heart and my mouth, and i find myself saying the wrong thing or more likely nothing at all. "

" your eyes are the most remarkable shade of blue. yet, somehow, they shine even brighter when you are kind. "

" your writing... it is very good. "

" they've taken to hunting in packs. "

" you know, whenever i have a disagreement with an acquaintance, i find the best course of action is simply to pretend they are dead. "

" talents? no. unless you consider a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time a talent. "

" now i can stuff my mouth with chocolates without fear of appearing impolite. "

" i do not much care for idle gossip. "

" i think i am somehow afraid i will do something wrong. "

" despite the cover of night, there are still eyes upon us all at all times. "

" what is foolish is being unreasonable about what you can achieve. "

" men can often cause much more trouble than they are worth. "

" i bribed her to give us a minute alone. "

" a small taste of the light can lead to that most dangerous of emotions: hope. "

" once hope is lost, a lady may become reckless. "

" would you kiss me? "

" i do not wish to die without ever having been kissed. "

" i apologise for the late hour, but i had to see you, immediately. "

" you occupy my every thought. "

" you slept late. "

" i slept peacefully. "

" a week sequestered in your room, and you come down and you say this to me? "

" i noticed you have not been seen in society for some time. "

" i would certainly rather be predator than prey. "

" i think i see a corner in which to hide myself. "

" you must simply follow your heart. "

" it is the mark of a good man, to help a friend in need. "

" unfortunately, i require all pity for myself. "

" i find your frankness immensely refreshing. "

" is there some reason you are trying to escape civilisation? "

" we can do whatever we want. "

" i have heard a great deal about you. "

" that was a thrilling distraction, was it not? "

" it was a good thing no one was injured. "

" a man can be pensive, can he not? "

" i am in awe of your heroism. "

" some cannot help being heroes. "

" in need of some quiet? i have been in search of it all night. "

" perhaps we can enjoy the silence together. "

" well, then you have misjudged me. "

" i am not afraid of you. "

" courage is within us all. "

" as long as we are honest with ourselves and about our feelings, it is possible to do anything. "

" the person i was earlier today... i was pretending to be someone i am not. "

" how many yous are there, exactly? and where do you hide them all? "

" i have come to call on you. "

" i do not wish to be called on. "

" step another pace backwards, you read me too well. "

" i do not wish to interfere. "

" i cannot have you growing distracted. "

" i do not mind a stirring tale or a book of fact but, in truth i find myself drawn back time and time again to stories of... love. "

" i do not believe i have ever had a friend call to the house before. "

" a gentleman must keep some things to himself. "

" do not tell me you are holding out for love. "

" love is make-believe. "

" do you know what is romantic? security. "

" i am grateful to you, for keeping me company. "

" past lives are dangerous places to revisit. "

" if you need to keep your distance from me a while, i understand. "

" you are unlike many people. "

" i do not feel much like talking. "

" i am not a man of many words. "

" my work has such a large portion of my heart it may be difficult to make more space. "

" i cannot stand by and watch you make a mistake. "

" the only mistake was me ever asking for your help in the first place. "

" it is said that the heart is forever making the head its fool. "

" will you please let us ride home in silence and leave me alone. "

" what if i did have feelings for you? "

" i have spent so long trying to feel less. "

" these past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings, feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. "

" do not say things you do not mean. "

" do you think anyone saw us? "

" are you going to marry me or not? "

#( sentence. )#bridgerton rp #bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp meme #rp starters #tv series #romance #drama

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reds-writings · 3 days

Text

souls further entwined

(pairing: rust cohle x fem!reader)

a/n: finally an update for these two! sorry to keep you waiting! I've got a lot of life changes in the works so updates might come a little slower over the next few months depending but i hope this tides y'all over for a bit! this takes place sometime after if only tonight we could sleep

word count: roughly 2.5k

warnings: (PLEASE LOOK BEFORE CONTINUING) discussions of abortion, child loss, forced/unsafe medical procedures, bad family situations, angst angst, cursing, semi-not-so-smut at the end, minors avert your gaze or else!!

The hidden gem of a restaurant that Rust had brought you to somewhere in the French Quarter was rather nice with its live jazz band playing in the corner and lavish decor. The tinkering of silverware layered on top of the low rumblings of fellow diners did what it could to fill the void of silence that had long settled between you and the man sitting adjacent. He had spontaneously asked you– well more like told you to go out with him tonight. Something about wanting to do things right once and for all after all this tiptoeing around. The whole notion had taken you off guard, admittedly.

You’d been buzzing so bright leading up to tonight that you could've probably put a lightning bug to shame. He’d asked you on a real date. A step forward from the semi-clandestine meetings you’d both been settling on for far too long now. It was unlike him to outwardly admit to much but you doubted it was a wide occurrence that he’d take a girl on a date just because he was bored. This had meaning.

With that thought swirling in mind, you’d found your best dress and took what constituted as way too long of a pampering shower to best prepare for a promising night out with the man you'd become so deeply enamored with. It wasn’t often you got to get all prettied up for some fun given that work always managed to swallow you whole.

God you’d been so excited.

From the time you’d gotten into Rust’s Ford up until you’d sat down to eat he had yet to utter a single word to you. Hell, he’d hardly even managed to look at you either and it was starting to cause a distasteful rock that went by the name of dread to sink lower and lower in your gut.

Dexterous fingers stayed picking at the table cloth as a form of lengthy distraction and you fought the bubbling urge to snatch his hand and demand what gives. It wasn’t hard to miss the anxiety bleeding from his form with those tense shoulders and that telltale faraway look in his eyes. You didn’t want to continue the cycle of jumping to conclusions when it came to the routine lack of forthcoming involving his more vulnerable thoughts out of insecurity so you bit the bullet,

“Y’know…usually on a date there’s a bit more talkin;. Maybe startin’ with questions like ‘what’s your favorite color’-- it’s blue by the way, or ‘where’d you get that lovely dress’. Could also do with lookin’ a little less green in the gills.”

That got him to stop fidgeting but a response was not yet prompted. You sighed and looked down at the vibrant cloth napkin in your lap,

“If you’re startin’ to regret this we can just forget about it and head back-”

“I don’t know if I can be what you need.” He all but blurted and it had your head shooting back up in suprise.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t…I don’t find myself being suited for marriage like before. I can’t give you kids because I don’t think it’s right-”

“Wait a minute just-...slow your roll for a second.” Your mind was going a mile a minute at his frank outburst and you were having trouble pinpointing just where it all came from.

“First of all, I don’t necessarily need the promise of marriage to feel fulfilled. I’m about to hit 30 soon enough and I’ve supplied plenty for myself that I'm not sure some flimsy marriage papers can add on to. I’m not just sayin’ all this to make you feel better either so don’t go down that route.” You were tenderly stern in your delivery to make sure what you were saying was actually sticking without sounding offended.

All he could give was a slight nod as the tip of his thumb came to his mouth: a nervous tic.

“Secondly…” You cleared your throat slightly and gave yourself a moment of pause. The latter concern wasn’t that of an easy subject. For either of you. Besides your family and probably Marty, not many knew of your reality when it came to the idea of starting a family.

“I can’t have children. So that wouldn’t even be on the table to begin with I suppose.”

That seemed to stun Rust. His expression working out how, what, and when this came to be. You cleared your throat again. Talking about it was never easy no matter how much time passed.

“The gist of it is…well I got knocked up when I was sixteen. Total accident, shocker. And um…my pa didn't approve. Not one bit, bein’ the respectable county figure he was as a seasoned lawyer n' all.”

Your sinuses began to sting but you willed away any threat of tears as you tried to explain. Rust didn't say a word, his expression hardening minutely with a knowing sense of where this was headed.

“I didn’t wanna listen. I was scared of course but the boy I was foolin’ around with at the time was nice and had a family who wanted to be involved so that was enough for me. My uppity family could shove it for all I cared,” You scoffed wryly but continued, “But pa was adamant. He couldn’t have some little whore of daughter muckin’ things up but we were a church family so abortion was obviously out of the question. At least one would think that was the case,”

“Long story short he dragged me to some back alley clinic where things would be kept under wraps. They fuckin’ botched it of course and made me sterile. Didn’t really know how bad it was until another loss and a visit with the doctor after trying with a serious boyfriend some time ago…” You shrugged as you fiddled with your unused silverware. You hadn’t spoken with your family since then. Letting you be mutilated for the sake of preserving a frivolous public image was a hard thing to let go of.

You remember how sick you were afterward. Infection from the procedure and a decent amount of blood loss, go figure. You only recall the house's maids nursing you back.

Your pa had never been able to look you in the eye again. Your mama just pretended nothing had ever happened the way it did.

Sometimes your mind had the habit of taking a dark turn every now and then, wondering if they would’ve felt any remorse if their forced course of action ended up actually killing you. With a selfishness like they had you couldn't help but doubt it.

They had always taken more pride in your sister anyway.

“So yeah…you don’t have to worry about the possibility of kids when it comes to me. It’s not like with our line of work it’d be much of a good idea anyway. Marty’s a prime example I'd reckon.” Your laugh was brittle in a weak attempt to lift the heavy weight you felt like you’d set over the mood.

Rust’s large hand reached over to encase your shaking one to garner your attention. Looking up you weren’t met with pity or disgust, but with recognition. One shared in the experience of grief. Of having something meant to be so precious ripped from you in the cruelest of ways. He didn’t feel sorry for you. He understood you. More than anyone else had or could.

“You’re enough for me, Rust. I don’t know if you’ve noticed by now but there’s not much you can do to send me runnin’ for the hills. I like you as you are and I don’t need more. I wouldn’t expect you to change your mind over somethin’ like that anyway. It just wouldn’t be fair to ask.” His eyes glazed over at your words and he had to let go of the troubled breath he’d been holding. He brought your hand to his lips and kept them there as an unspoken thank you.

After a moment or two he set your hand back on the tabletop, still grasped in his.

“How about we find some shitty dive and let loose over there. This place is startin’ to feel a lil’ too stuffy for me.” Your light-hearted jab made the corner of his lips quirk up before he nodded,

“Yes, ma'am.”

—

After a relaxing drive accompanied by the tunes of Willie Nelson in search of a dive bar that was sufficient enough, the ice from all the worries of earlier had melted as fast as they had formed. The establishment you ended up coming across was a more than welcome change of pace compared to that of the restaurant (as lovely as it was). It wasn’t big by any means but there was room to dance and plenty of open spots to sit around and drink.

You looped your arm through his and leaned into his side as you made your way to settle down. There wasn’t enough time or clarity earlier to truly appreciate just how good he looked for the occasion but now you had all the time in the world to shamelessly ogle.

He’d donned a black dress shirt, forgoing a tie and leaving a few buttons undone in a way that had you feeling dizzy, as well as a nice fitting pair of jeans that had plenty of passersby’s eyes glued to his shapely form.

“The ladies of Louisiana might just beat me up for a chance with you. If your face ain’t motivation enough your ass surely will be.” You nudged him and he shook his head mirthfully.

“One would say jealousy is unbecoming.”

“Who said anythin’ about jealousy? I’ve earned my stake in claimin’ you as eye candy fair and square. They can try all they want but they were just too slow to the draw.”

“With your pension for being scrappy, I’d say they wouldn’t have much of a chance to begin with.”

“Gee, is that the only reason they don’t stand a chance?” You quirked a brow. You knew the answer but pestering him to fess up hardly ever got you far.

“What d’ya wanna drink, Miss Envy.” He drawled, not one to fall into your traps so easily and you flicked him with narrowed eyes.

“Last time I checked my name don’t even come close to rhymin’ with envy so you can quit with that.”

The shithead just smirked.

“I’ll take a jack and coke. Now run along.” You waved him away and he just shook his head. In his short absence you’d found a high top and decided to claim as your territory for the night. The music was clearer over this way and your heart jumped at the beginning notes of Fleetwood Mac’s Beautiful Child.

Upon his return, Rust had hardly been able to set the drinks down before you were grabbing at him to park yourselves out on the dancefloor. A few other couples were swaying in place so you figured it wouldn’t be all that awkward to steal a moment for yourselves.

It was strange, being able to be so open in your affections without the curious eyes of Marty or anyone else from the precinct to make judgments. You could just be yourselves. It was a breath of fresh air after all this time.

As the song gained momentum, you wrapped your arms around his neck, toying with the hairs at his nape while his strong ones made home around your waist to pull you in closer. A small spark of pride lit up your chest at him being able to be this comfortable with you.

As you rested your head along the expanse of his chest you felt the feather-light stamp of his kiss at your crown. The tenderness of the simple act almost had you turning into one hell of a mush puddle. You settled on burrowing deeper if that were any more possible as Stevie sang on. Fighting the effect he had on you was always going to be a losing battle.

You wouldn’t trade this moment for a damned thing.

—

It was nearing almost three in the morning by the time you arrived back home. Your mind had been pleasantly warmed by the drinks and all the dancing. Rust even seemed to have a newfound glow to him and it was triggering something innately carnal in you.

Taking an opportunity from the pocket of silence, you scooted along the Ford’s bench seat to make a place for yourself along his lap.

The relaxed daze displayed across his features was something you’d never had the pleasure of seeing before. It was nothing like the faraway trance he’d trap himself in with all the pills and whatnot in fruitless efforts of chasing undisturbed sleep. No, this was true content.

“I had a good time.” You didn’t mean to sound so coy but it couldn’t be helped as your hands crept up to frame his fine face.

“That’s good. I’m glad.” He hummed as he took in every feature your beautiful face had to offer. It was like striking gold. Especially in this expansive wasteland of a state.

“When we get a chance we should do it again. S’nice to go out…feel normal…” Hair lying in his line of light distracted you as you moved it out of the way with a gentle sweep. The truck’s cab could probably burst with the steadily increasing tension so you did what any normal woman would do with such a man in front of them and kissed him with all you had.

It started out syrupy and languid as if you had all the time in the world to be out macking in the car like a pair of careless teenagers. Your skin hummed like a live wire at his sudden grasp on the plush fat of your hips which served as the green light to go further.

Your delicate fingers carded through his soft waves as the muscle of his tongue took dominance over the kiss. A meek whimper cracked within your throat as you tried to keep up with what little oxygen you had remaining. When Rust kissed, it was all-consuming. It was no act he took passively when it came to you which had been made crystal clear to you by now. With each pass of his wet-hot caress, you could feel everything he wanted to say to you without complication of expression through words.

His mouth traveled across the apple of your cheek down the expanse of your neck, nipping and sucking with such lax reverence it had you arching as if you could fuse your ribs with his. Souls to be permanently intertwined.

With a starting grind of your hips that your body had no willpower to control you could feel him hardening with each intensifying roll. His choked moan had you remembering where you were and you’d be damned if your first actual night with him was in this old, damned truck right outside your house.

“D’ya wanna take this inside?” You offered in a breathless huff, trying to catch your breath in vain. You’re sure that even in the dark of the truck’s cabin the heat of your face could set the whole space aglow. He nipped at your bottom lip and soothed it with another peck,

“I would.”

The sudden tangle of limbs clambering to make haste towards the beacon of your front door would’ve been downright hysterical had you any hubris.

a/n: sorry to blue ball you lmao. I HOPE THIS WASN'T CRINGE AHHHHH. i'll probably come back and edit this later. feedback is always appreciated!

#reds-writings #rust cohle #true detective #true detective season 1 #rust cohle x reader #writer blog #rust cohle imagine #true detective imagine #matthew mcconaughey #jj universe

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 hour

Note

AITA for pretending I cheated on my partner when our common friend asked why we fought?

It will sound fake and fictional, but please bear with me because I'm getting crazy over it. And also sorry for any english mistake, we're not from an english speaking country.

To give some context: I am a man. There was this person, B(m), which whom I kind of grew up with. We went through the same schools from our 6 years old to 17 but we never were really friends. Then, around our 13, I got into a clique that fed into all my bad habits and I started to actively bully B because he seemed like an easy target at the time. I enjoyed it and was encouraged to do so (because I was such an asshole and I'm not even cringing thinking about it, it's worse. I regret it so much and I was a stupid and bad teenager). It was so bad that after years of enduring it, B changed school before we graduated and I went on with my life.

It' was's been about 15 years ago that I graduated.

In the meantime, I dealt with some problems that I had with my family and I went through intensive therapy which changed me for the better, and I came to terms with my sexuality as well.

Flashforward to 2019/2020, I meet with someone online through some games and it goes very well. Thanks to the Covid and the lockdowns, we play even more and get closer. At some point, I talk about an event happening close to my city, and he tells me that he knows about it as well and that we're living close to each other. Because we enjoyed our time online (ngl, we had started flirting although I didn't know how sincere it was) we decided to meet at that event.

And there, I find out that my online friend is B. It's extremely awkward but only for me because he cannot recognize me for three reasons: 1. I changed physically with my puberty finally finishing the job after my 18 birthday, and I found some love into dying my hair. 2. I changed in terms of personality thanks to the therapy I went through. 3. My legal name was changed when I said goodbye to this fucking family of mine and left without turning back (but I was getting sick just saying my last name).

I, obviously, didn't tell him anything about who I really was because I just wanted to enjoy that evening with a friend, and we didn't see each other since he left high school because of me. My plan was just to slowly distance myself from him after that evening but it failed because we had a lot of fun and we actually really hit off and I was dying constantly at the idea that he could find out.

We've been in a relationship sicne the beginning of 2021 and I was decided to just never tell him (horrifying idea I know, anyone with a braincell would have told me that it was bound to be found).

A month ago, I met with an old friend from high school (so yeah, he was in the bullying gang but more of a followers, so we stayed in friendly terms when we both agreed that it was bad) and as he recognized B, he decided to excuse himself and hoped that B would forgive him like he "forgave" me (I never got to tell that friend to shut up about that) so yeah, B found out that I was his main bully who had lied to him for almost 4 years now.

We had quite a big talk about it. How bad my bullying ended up for B; why I lied like that and never admitted it. And even if it went alright, B told me that he needed a break to think about things and it's going to be one month that I'm crashing at a common friend of us. At first, I just said that B and I got into a fight and it was good enough, but as it's been already a month, the friend asked more about it. Not wanting to bring up B's trauma to someone else (especially after our conversation), I just told the first lie that came to me and pretended that I cheated on B and he found out.

Now that common friend is calling me an asshole and keeps reminding me how much they are disappointed in me to have done something so horrifying to B. I keep wondering if I did well to lie like that, or if I should have found another way out.

#aita #am i the asshole

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stateswscarlet · 1 day

Note

would you feel like you were doing something wrong if your desire didn’t manifest in the 3D?

how can a person be 100% sure they changed states without needing the 3d to prove that they did? for years i *thought* i changed states but the 3d remains the same. how can i really know?

is it because I’m not fulfilling myself enough? i feel like i’ve imagined my desires enough and it just seems counterproductive at this point.

"ive imagined my desires enough and it just seems counterproductive at this point"

bro you do realize youre ALWAYS imagining right? you're always imagining and always fulfilling yourself for whatever state you're in. its not some brand new magical method that you're using lol. thinking this is a process that starts in imagination and ends in the 3D is the exact kind of mindset that keeps you stuck where you are. this starts IN imagination AND ends IN imagination.

also, youre basically implying you don't care about your own feelings and wellbeing without the external showing you something, bc imagining and being the one who has it should be exciting and fulfilling for you, how is it counterproductive when that is LITERALLY all you will ever experience even when the 3D reflects it? why are you being so dependent on the external when the external can never fulfill you?

you be 100% sure you changed states by fully fulfilling yourself and being CONTENT in that. no looking, checking, etc bc those would imply you did not shift states. if you're waiting for the 3D to do anything, that is your sign of what state you're occupying and if you can, shift to a more fulfilling one, you CANNOT be conditioning your fulfillment on the 3D even when it comes to non-loa things bc that's the secret (not really) sauce to why so many ppl are dissatisfied and upset.

youre probably not imagining what you truly want and not changing self, and given what you said, if you're getting sick of 'imagining" that shows exactly where your head has been the whole time, you've been imagining to change the 3D and not purely bc you deserve to feel good and no one can give you those feelings but yourself.

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starwarsbian · 2 days

Text

knife + blood play with nerdy!anakin <3

NSFW -18 DNI

warnings : knife play, blood play, spit, oral (f!recieving) i think that’s all

word count: 2.8k & not proofread!

summary: anakin was really nervous to tell you about this thing he wanted to try with you, to know you like no one else knows you :D or whatever

for davina and his big brain contributions <33

gif by @delicatereader

when anakin first brought it up to you you could see his hands shaking as he started to talk. he can be a pretty nervous guy but when he sat you down to tell you about this he seemed more flustered than ever. he keeps flicking his eyes in the opposite direction and messing with his glasses as he begins to speak.

"so,, uh. theres this thing. that i've been wanting to try, with you, for um a while," he says and takes a deep breath, waiting for a response.

"like a sex thing? why are you so nervous, ani? you can tell me." you ask and try to soothe his nerves.

"yeah, like a sex thing. i want to cut you. i'd-be-so-careful-i-swear-and-i-dont-want-to-make-you-uncomfortable-if-this-is-too-much-tell-me-no-right-now," he spits out.

you break out into a grin. you never thought your nerdy-vanilla-seeming boyfriend would be into anything outside of the small dip into choking and degrading you'd tried with him. you nod for him to keep talking, eager to see what else he'll tell you.

"i just want..to carve my initials in you or leave little cuts all over your body to remind you of me. i want to see you bleed, but its in a way that'll turn me on and hopefully, turn you on? i want you to trust me to hurt you, hold a knife to your skin and trust me to go just as deep as i should. you know?" he says with the very last part dropping to a gravelly whisper inches away from your face. "and i-i want you to cut me too. if you want to," he continues as he leans in, making his lips rest just a centimeter or two away from your own.

his face is flushed and you can see the desperation in his eyes as he waits for you to say something.

"i think i'd like that too, ani. i want to be yours any way i can," you say as your lips ghost against his. with a small nod he closes the short distance between your mouths and presses his lips against yours while his left hand finds its way to the back of your head. he feels so happy that you seem to understand him and this want that he's never disclosed to any one else. he kisses you for as long as you'll let him, his soft lips touching yours over and over until you need a break to breathe. hes cradling your face in his hands when he pulls away and says "not tonight, obviously. but when? when do you want to? i'm so excited, honestly. i was scared youd freak out or tell me its weird."

"maybe a little weird but i like it too, i think. how about just next time we have sex, yeah? probably the day after tomorrow, friday?" he grins and nods, the rest of the night goes as normal and so does the next day.

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢୨୧⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

its friday evening, around 6, you've put on ani's favorite set, its black so blood shouldn't really stain it, which is something you took into consideration just incase. you're not entire unsure about whats going to happen but your heart races anyway as you sit on the bed and wait for anakin to give his attention to you. it seems that at some point within the last two days he's acquired the knife hed like to use-nothing super intimidating. just a single sided blade that's pretty short as far as knives ago, 4-5 inches with a dark blue handle. he's already explained that its never been used for anything else, never will be, and is sharp so any wounds heal nicely.

"will you lay down for me, pretty? 'm not gonna do anything without asking you first, promise.'

as you move yourself back on the bed to lie down he continues, "so, um, i practiced on myself first just to know how hard i can press, how hard i should press, to get the results we? want."

he’s wearing a light blue button down and khakis, his sleeves are rolled up and his glasses are sat promptly on the bridge of his nose. he seems much less nervous about the actual act than he was about telling you—which is reassuring. he sets the knife on the nightstand and pulls you into a kiss where his hands tenderly hold your face.

when he lets go, you lean back onto the bed and spread your legs a little without being asked. he picks up the knife again and tilts his head to the side as he looks at it and back at you to see your reaction.

“just the flat side for now, baby,” he says softly as he presses the dull edge of the instrument against the flesh of your calf before dragging it further up your body. it traces the contour of your thigh up to your stomach and waist where he crosses to the other side of you. you’re breathing is shaking even though there’s little to no chance of being hurt but the cool metal is still doing something for you.

he continues his movements on the other side of your body—working his way down over your hip and onto your thigh, doing a light circle with the point before continuing to the flesh of your calf where he presses a little harder with the still flat edge. the teasing has caused goosebumps on your arms and you’ve never seen anakin so enthralled by something so small.

he smiles as you arch your back up into its touch as it returns to your lower abdomen, right above your bikini line. he shifts the angle of the knife so the point is ever so slightly scratching against your skin as he moves it. you can feel the tip dragging across your skin, leaving the tiniest sting behind as it scratches the surface.

“am i allowed to cut you wherever, honey? you going to let me slice you up wherever i please?”

you nod but anakin waits—stilling his movements completely as he waits for a verbal response. “i’m sorry, i mean yes. wherever you want, ani.”

he hums in approval and slowly turns the knife over so the sharp edge is against the skin of your hip. he moves slowly and lightly in a straight line no longer than 2 inches. you feel the sting after he’s taken the blade off of you and find you really like it. anakin studies your face to gauge your reaction, pleased when he sees you watching him intently and chewing on your bottom lip as you wait for it again. tiny drops of blood rise to the surface of the cut and he presses the metal against you again.

another calculated and precise wound is created by your boyfriend, this time about a centimeter above the last and a little longer. it’s no deeper than the last but blood is already flowing to the previous cut so it bleeds faster. you whine and look at anakin with eyes that say don’t stop.

he smears the blood droplets on your skin, making it coat the metal and form a thin layer on your flesh. “wouldn’t wanna neglect the other side would we?”

he moves to the other side of the bed and cuts two relatively quick vertical lines into where your hip bone would be. they’re still very shallow but bleed the same droplets as the other side. the air stings the new wounds and it hurts even more when anakin wipes the blood away with his thumb before promptly sucking the remnants off while he makes eye contact with you. you’re sure his hands are clean or else he wouldn’t have touched them and the sight immediately has heat radiating from your core.

“mmm. taste good, baby. wasn’t gonna do that but i couldn’t help myself…gonna move up to your pretty tits now, cut those up too.”

he does what he says, dragging the knife up your side in a long line. you expect to feel a sting from the breaking of skin but it seems he’s turned the knife over again to the flat edge. you can see how hard anakin is through his pants and desperately want to touch him but choose to lie still.

as the knife reaches the sensitive flesh of your breasts he slowly turns the knife over again while the point presses into you—you feel stinging again as you realize he’s punctured your skin with the tip. “sit up,” he says. he undoes the clasp on your bra with ease and tosses it to the floor.

anakin decides little nicks from his knife across your chest would be a beautiful sight and gets to work creating them. each one is no longer than an inch and exudes blood in a thin line. he makes one..two…three..four on each side—one after another—carefully. your heart is pounding and you’re trying to stay still so as not to interrupt him or make him make a mistake with the sharp object.

the tiny amount of blood on each side is calling to anakin and he doesn’t stop himself when he gets the urge to lick at your bleeding chest. it’s not something you’d discussed and you probably should be worried about bacteria or something but at the moment all you’re worried about is focusing on the sensation of anakin’s tongue laving across the cuts.

however, anakin has already thought about that and has a few gauze pads ready in his pocket so as to not let his saliva sit around the wound any longer than he intends for it to. he’ll clean it properly for you afterwards. he wipes away any remaining wetness from his mouth and looks at you for approval although a moan escaped your lips during the endeavor.

you’re squeezing your legs together as the wetness between your legs grows more noticeable and torturous to ignore. anakin senses your growing impatience and peppers kisses across your throat and upper chest before reassuring you that you’ll get what you want. “just a few more, angel. your pretty thighs now..spread your legs a little for me.”

you spread your legs as instructed and gasp in surprise when you feel the snap of the fabric around your waist. anakin had slid the blade under the waistband without you noticing and took it upon himself to cut half of your matching set right off of you.

the delicate cuts anakin covers your thighs with leave stinging patches in their wake. they’re deeper than the others and hurt more yet send waves of pleasure through you. he’s created two patches of 5 cuts on your left thigh and is moving to the other side. he repeats his actions, creating a mirror image of your left thigh onto your right. you hiss in pain when anakin puts the knife down and drags two of his fingers across the wounds on the left side—once again he sucks his fingers clean of the liquid in front of you and groans at the taste. just when you think it can’t get any hotter he’s getting on the bed and pushing your knees towards your chest while he hooks his arms underneath of them.

with one side of your underwear cut he drags the other side off your body in a second. his thumb finds your slit as his mouth finds the burning sensation on your right thigh where he sucks and soothes the cuts with his tongue. he repeats this over every area of your thighs he’s hurt. he’s so hard it hurts and he can’t help but grind against the bed as he hears your whimpers and whispers of his name. the metallic taste lingers in his mouth and he’s sure his spit is tinged red. “sit up,” he tells you and you do.

you watch as anakin gathers the blood affected saliva in his mouth and spits it onto your pussy; spreading it with his thumb and smiling when you groan and fall back into the pillows. it’s so dirty in a way but no one else knows you like this—no one else will know the taste of your pussy mixed with a hint of your blood.

his hands are holding the back of your thighs as he licks through your folds for the first time. “so wet, honey. you do like this.”

words have left your brain for pretty much the entire experience and usually anakin would try to force some out of you but in this moment he’s just happy you’re enjoying yourself in the context he’s created. you can do nothing but whine in response and jerk your hips towards his mouth again.

he wastes no time before diving back into your slick cunt. his tongue finds your clit and works in slow circles massaging it with the muscle. every once in a while he slides his tongue down your sex and dips into your dripping hole. he gathers and swallows as much of it as he can each time—loving how you taste and the mess you’re making for him. he’s fallen into a rhythm of alternating between the two that has your thighs shaking in his grip. he holds them firmly apart for you and continues exactly as he has been since you’re responding well to it. the predictable movements drive you closer and closer to the edge. his tongue makes contact with as many sensitive nerve endings as it can as he eats you like he’ll never get to again.

he’s relishing in your taste and moaning into you, creating another sensation. anakin thinks he would stay there forever if he could as he says something nearly unintelligible against you. “so good” is all you manage to catch of the muffled sound as your heartbeat pounds in your ears.

soon you’re panting his name and letting a string of curses fall from your lips. “fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuck. oh my god,” you whine as his tongue enters you. it softly touches your walls and is accompanied by anakin’s nose brushing against your clit. without warning he moves his mouth back to your clit completely and slips two fingers in with ease. he reaches deep inside of you and hooks his fingers against the spot he knows you like so much. he’s lapping at your bud and sucking it into his mouth in even increments now. the muscles in your abdomen tense as your orgasm threatens to hit you.

“ani. ‘m close. gonna cum.”

he nods in encouragement and moves his fingers a little faster inside you; stroking your walls with expertise while his tongue pulls you apart at the seams. the knot in your stomach tightens until it snaps and anakin cums right in his pants at the delicious moans escaping your lips as he works you through your high with a groan.

he works his tongue and fingers until you’re grabbing at his arm to get him to stop and tugging on his hair to get him to remove his tongue from its antics. your slick coats his chin and lips as he looks up at you through his fogged up glasses he never got the chance to take off. your face warms as he looks at you with a huge smile. he soothingly runs his hands up and down the back of your legs for a few moments before speaking.

“so i actually.. finished during that. i need to go change and then i need to clean you up too. stay right there, honey.”

you close your eyes to rest for a bit before he comes back to help you—hearing clothing shuffling to the floor and the bathroom door open and close twice. he’s returned without a shirt and a pair of black shorts hanging quite low on his hips, a small tube of ointment in his hand as he touches your arm and walks you to the bathroom with unstable legs. he has you sit on the edge of the bathtub and returns with a slightly soapy washcloth he uses to gently clean the marks he’s left behind and then rinse them with clean water. he applies antibiotic ointment to them but ultimately decides to leave them uncovered as they’re so minor—except the ones on your thighs that he covers with a dressing and tape.

“i can get you off again..if you want. i just wanted to clean those up.”

“no, ani. i’m tired. will you get me clothes and lay with me?”

he kisses you and then your forehead before you both return to the bedroom where anakin picks clothes out for you lays on the bed waiting for you as you get dressed. he holds you and plays with your hair until he decides it’s time to make dinner for his very very good girl!

#hayden christensen smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker smut #hayden christensen x reader #stephen glass smut #stephen glass x reader #blood play #knife play #tw blood #cam writes ᡣ𐭩 #modern au

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gatheringbones · 1 day

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[“G: Why did you get pregnant?

M: To prove to myself that I was a woman.

G: And then how did you feel about it?

M: I had been doing a lot of self-destructive things since I was thirteen - I dove into heterosexuality and I did it angrily and was contemptuous of any man I ever fucked. I somehow thought that fucking them would get back at them for everything, and somehow I thought that debasing myself would do something. So I got pregnant, which was very heavy 'cause at the time I thought I wanted to have kids. I really believed that there was a living person in me - my whole body was freaking out. They say you can't feel it, but I felt that energy, and I knew there was something alive in me - even if it was not more than a lump of cells, I thought it was still something alive - it was something that I was going to stop from being alive, but I figured I would rather do that. First of all I knew if I had a boy I'd drown it, and even if it was a girl I knew it had 23 genes I hated - and I didn't know who had made me pregnant. All of my hostility came to the surface - I was blind with fury and it all came out. I couldn't sit in the same room with one without wanting to murder him, literally. I couldn't listen to male music, I couldn't read male poetry. Lots of great male artists who had always been a great comfort to me I just couldn't... no male... I couldn't deal with any male, I hated them. After I calmed down about that it became very clear to me that I loved women, and I always had loved women, and that I had never had good relationships with men. I had always had good relationships with women. I had never been attracted to men, I had always been attracted to women, and I realized that I was just going to have to get used to the fact that I was a lesbian.

G: You had an abortion then?

M: Yes. I had two abortions... that was the first one. I dropped out of school and plunged right into feminism. It was obvious to me even at the time that the main reason I was there was because I wanted to come out. I wanted to come out so bad - I just wanted to do it and get it over with, you know, and just be comfortable in my identity as a lesbian. I had been avoiding the women's movement for years because I didn't want people to think that I was the old dyke who couldn't get a man. I wasn't able to become a feminist until I realized that I didn't give a shit if I was an ugly old dyke who couldn't get a man. I didn't want a man anyway. So I became active in the women's movement, and I met lesbians for the first time in my life. It was scary because even though I knew I was one I had never met a real one.

G: Were you saying you were a lesbian at that time?

M: Oh yeah, I had been saying that I was a lesbian for years before that. I can remember saying to a friend a couple of years before, when I was fucking all these men, "You know, I'll bet I'm a lesbian, because people with case histories like mine always turn out... if I didn't know me and I heard my case history I would be convinced that was a lesbian." And she said, "Oh, don't worry, you're not a lesbian." She tried to reassure me, but I knew. I just didn't want to deal with it; it was scary being a lesbian. Particularly since being a woman was so important in my family. So I became involved in the women's movement full-time. Then I needed money - so I got a job as a waitress. I was working nights and sleeping during the day and I didn't have any time for the women's movement. The only people I was hanging out with were the people I worked with. All of a sudden, since I didn't give a shit about men, I was really attractive to them. I'd never been attractive to them before, but all of a sudden I was fascinating - I guess every man want to fuck a dyke, you know, to prove they're a real man. So they started following me home. I was horny and I didn't have any lesbians knocking at my door, and I knew how to manipulate men, so I figured fuck it, I'll give them one more chance - so I started fucking a couple of guys. I told them, "Look, I hate men. I'm a lesbian, I haven't come out yet, but I promise you I'm a lesbian." So I fucked them. And at that time I had an IUD which I had gotten after my first abortion, which they had promised me would be very effective. I got pregnant again, six months after my first abortion. My second abortion was really nice. I went to a really nice clinic and it was very clear to me, never again, never again. It's over. There was a really nice woman who was my counselor and I was awake for the abortion. She was holding my hand and while the fetus was being taken out of my body I was holding her hand saying to her, "Never again," and she said, "Oh, you're going to come out?" I said, "Oh, yes," and she said, "Far out," and she called across the room to another woman who was a counselor, and said, "Hey, this woman's coming out." It was so nice, so supportive, she's holding my hand, a woman, and I was telling her that I was a lesbian. She was telling me that that was great, and they were taking that goddamn thing out of my uterus. It was almost worth being pregnant, it was such a nice abortion. I was so into her that I didn't feel any pain, it was annoying, but all of a sudden it was over. It was really nice.”]

The New Lesbians, edited by Laurel Galana and Gina Covina, moon books, 1977

#gina covina #Laurel Galana #lesbian literature #terra preta

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sinisternymphette · 12 hours

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sheep!reader - a concept

✦ sheep!reader loves the outdoors, and is usually found basking under the sun as they daydream or running around the grassy plains as they chase butterflies. However, they value the company and prefer to spend their time with others, thriving in groups rather than in their solitude.

✦ sheep!reader is kind in their nature, and would do anything for their loved ones. They also like to show their affection physically, always ready to give a warm hug to someone who needs it, or shower their significant other with pretty little kisses all over their face.

✦ sheep!reader is, however, oblivious to the evil in others. They trust those they love, and want to fit in so desperately that they're easy to mold- easy to manipulate. They like to see the good in others, but often forget that evil also exists.

✦ sheep!reader, who is easily spooked or surprised. They feel squeamish at the sight of a single drop of blood and shiver in fear when they hear a strange sound. Though they'll often try to mask it underneath an awkward close-mouthed smile or giggle. If you ask them to watch a true-crime show with you, they'll still accept even if they don't want to deep inside.

✦ sheep!reader, who likes to do arts and crafts in their free time. They're dreamers and like to put their creativity into something of their own, such as their own plushies, clothing, diy home decorations and many more.

✦ sheep!reader, who likes collecting vintage items like precious moments figurines, vinyl, and even fabrics. Their song library is also full of old songs and classical music, not having a liking for rap, rock and metal music. They listen to their music either on their iPod or record player. Their musical muses are mazzy star, kate bush, the cranberries, phil collins, autumn's grey solace and the smiths.

✦ sheep!reader, who loves wearing soft and lighter colors, no matter the season. They nail the southern belle, farmer's daughter and cottagecore aesthetics, giving them an angelic appearance; radiating joy and innocence and beauty that surely catches many eyes, though they never seem to notice as they're in their own little world.

✦ sheep!reader, who tries their best at everything, but often feel like they're doing everything wrong. They often find themselves cringing about something they said in a conversation from days ago, tripping and falling in front of everyone at the worst moment possible, or not being able to concentrate on their studies and understanding the subjects they're taught. They're emotionally fragile, easily overwhelmed and stressed.

✦ sheep!reader, who loves animals and is 100% a future cat lady. They find almost every animal cute and adorable- from spiders to sharks. Despite their skittishness to most things, animals are the only thing they aren't scared of. They love watching animal documentaries for hours- and they never get bored.

✦ sheep!reader, who likes to draw people they find pretty. Honestly, they find everyone beautiful, but those who are kind-hearted and have beauty inside and outside are ought to get at least one drawing from them.

ib: @princessbrunette !!

a/n: everyone is free to send me an ask with sheep!reader in any of the universes mentioned in my rules and I'll do my best to make them fit in the story/au! if it's an anime, modern!au is preferred. I based them a little off myself, so I hope you all like them!

@sinisternymphette 2024

#✦ . ࣪ ׅ my readers #sheep!reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #obx x reader #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein x you #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x reader #nate jacobs x reader #nate jacobs x you #jerome valeska x reader #jerome valeska x you

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eliplague · 11 hours

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Penny for my thoughts | The Sunshine Court (Part 1 maybe)

Just finished The Sunshine Court so I need to get some of my thoughts out of my head because there’s just too many. (Spoiler warning read at your own discretion)

1. Expect the Jean and Niel parallels post ‘cause it’s COMING

2. Never in a million years would I have ever known how much I needed to see Jean getting adopted by lesbians, thank you Nora for opening my eyes.

3. Renee and Jean friendship had me MELTING INTO A PUDDLE, I need everyone to know how dear that friendship is to me and how close I hold it to my heart.

4. Jean giving up information through freudian slip every damn time had me wanting to slap him upside the head, but I knew he wouldn’t have said anything other wise. Necessary evils and whatnot (If you get it you get it).

5. I still cannot decide if Jean holding into his ruined belongings is more of a self sabotage situation to remind himself he should be submitting or a “I know we ruined each other closely beyond repair, but you are still the only familiar thing to me”. Could be a little bit of both but I’m leaning more towards the first one.

6. LOVED all the representation in the book and how fast Jean was to accept it, my boy really dgaf.

7. My prediction that TSC was going to have to be cut into two books was correct and I’m glad Nora decided to do it that way. Like I said in THIS post, Jean has to deal with his trauma on the first book to make way for Jerejean to blossom, in my opinion, it was the best course of action.

8. Cat and Laila my beloved. Cat is my favorite character and I loved her the moment she was introduced, Laila being the handler to Cat’s chaos made me super warm inside.

9. Barkbark Von Barkestein is an incredible name and when I adopt a dog I will be naming it this.

10. I KNEW Grayson was going to make an appearance the moment his name kept coming up, even though it was coming I still had to stop breathing some fresh air when he inevitably did, because the seething rage I felt can only be compared to the Drake scene (as Jean so graciously did)

11. I’m so damn curious about Jeremy’s past I feel like I’m about to implode (hehe) from curiosity. Nora had me running mental laps trying to theorize why his family hates him so much. At first I thought it could be because he’s gay but then he mentioned Exy… 👀 the plot thickens

There’s so much more I want to talk about but I don’t trust myself to write an eloquent enough paragraph right now. I’m drunk on excitement and exhaustion from reading the whole book in one sitting. Did I procrastinate on some assignments because of it? Perhaps but that’s for future Eli to figure out.

#the sunshine court #jeremy knox #jean moreau #catalina alvarez #nora sakavic #niel josten #renee walker #barkbark von barkenstein

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canonicallyobserving911 · 19 hours

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“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 28 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 28 chapters completed: 1.177M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 28 of an emotional Eddie and Buck having a heated conversation about sex.

___________

Buck pulls back, meets Eddie’s eyes and whispers, “Mi manchi e ti voglio!” [“I miss you and I want you!”]

“Mi manchi anche tu! Ma… ma non dovremmo… voglio dire, dovremmo fermarci.” [“I miss you too!” But… but we shouldn’t… I mean we should stop.”]

While searching Eddie’s beautiful brown eyes for an answer to his hesitancy, he asks, “Allora qual è il problema?” [Then what’s the problem?”]

Eddie’s not sure how to respond because he wants him and he’s ready to make love but how does he tell his husband he’s afraid he might die during the middle of them having sex? Before January 2nd he never considered it but now, he can’t get the images of Buck’s limp body hanging from the aerial and him lying on the floor of their living room out of his mind.

He asks, “Non mi vuoi?” [“Don’t you want me?”]

Eddie’s eyes widen because he asked the same question two weeks ago.

When he doesn’t verbally respond, his silence says everything Buck needs to hear. He frowns, then he exasperatedly sighs. “Is it me? Did I do something?”

“No! No… no…”

“Then... what are you afraid of Eddie?! Please tell me because I—I don’t understand.”

How will Eddie respond to Buck's question?

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-28 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #911 abc #911 on abc #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #911 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #buddie wip #“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”#Chapter 28 has been posted and it's available

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magnificentstrawberryomen · 2 days

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Indiposed (Noah Sebastian fanfic) chapter 2

Autor's note: gfhjkfjhfnfm tysm for all the love i got so fast for the prologue and chapter one, means sm to me <3

18+

chapter two

Noah smirks as he sees me trying my best to look annoyed at him, before starting to follow me towards the exit.

`Well, I’ll probably be knocked out as soon as I hit my bed. Thank you for his fun night, Noah,´ I say to him when we walk towards our hotel through the chilly night, and mean it. I haven’t felt this loose and myself since a while, even though drinks got involved. I don’t drink or act really crazy, or spontaneous around everyone, but with Noah, that trust has grown enough to show it throughout the half a year of working for him and the band.

He smiles at me while he walks next to me, nodding. `No need to thank me, I almost feel like I should be the one to thank you, because I can’t remember the last time a girl has been this flirtatious to me while being drunk…´

`Oh please. It’s not my fault that I am a lightweight,´ I say while rolling my eyes, also kinda embarrassed by that fact. While we talk our bodies begin to walk closer towards each other, and I enjoy the heath of his body because of the cold air against the exposed bits of my body because of my not that long, black dress.

Noah lets out a soft chuckle. `Well, it’s also not my fault that you’re so lightweight and fun to flirt with while being tipsy and getting drunk,´ he says, a sassy and flirty grin on his face.

`No, it’s not. I can’t blame you,´ I shrug with a sly smile on my face.

`Maybe I should give it a shot and drink as much as you did tonight and see how you cope with how flirtatious I can get then,´ he also shrugs.

`Even more than you already are? Is that even possible?´ I ask whilst pretending to sound shocked.

`Well, I think we should really find out, shouldn’t we?´ he teasingly asks back, bumping his hips slightly against mine.

I shake my head with a giggle. `Fine. As long as you pay for the drinks coming out of the fridge from my hotel room.´

`Okay, cool, I’ll pay for them,´ he says with a sly smile, moving a bit closer so our limbs are slightly touching.

When we approach the hotel, I stumble a little before the entrance, giggling when Noah needs to catch me. `Oopsie.´

While getting me to stand up straight again, Noah still has his arms around me, holding me as he speaks to me, laughing. `Careful, sweetheart. You’re really not good when you get drunk,´ he says, jokingly.

`Not true, I am good at a lot of things, just wait,´ I slur, not even fully realizing what I’m saying.

When we talk-and I am still almost falling over my own feet every few seconds-Noah even has to check in and identify us both… Which is slightly embarrassing, even while being drunk to be honest. His security is still around and makes sure we get in safe, and I wave a little too enthusiastically at the two tall men who just sheepishly smile back at me with a small nod. God, I’m gonna regret this tomorrow, so, so much. In the corner of my eyes, I see Noah chuckle now and then, shaking his head slightly. At least one of us finds it funny.

`You wanna bet on that, Hailey?´ he continues our conversation while we walk through the hallways from the hotel, leading us to our doors.

`Sure. I am positive that I can be at my door faster than you are,´ I say, and I laugh out loud when I kick my heels off, grabbing them afterwards and start running away through the hallway.

`That’s quite a confident statement from a tipsy girl like you,´ I hear Noah say with a little laugh through his voice, hearing that he starts running after me.

I begin to laugh even harder, knowing that I probably wake up a lot of people because of what we’re doing and the giggles escaping from my mouth, but at this moment I honestly don’t really care. I really enjoy having this fun with Noah-I haven’t had this fun with someone for quite some time, being quite busy with my job the last few months.

Sometimes I do miss my friends back home, but whenever I can, I make sure to text and call them, telling them all about the crazy things I go through since I have this job and smiling and laughing along when they tell me about their stories, especially when mentioning people I also know. I really have to go visit them some time soon when the band has a little break in between the tour.

`You think that you’re gonna be able to outspeed a guy who’s constantly running on tour though?´ he flirtatiously says as he continues trying to catch up with me, his hands now in the pockets of his jeans when I look over my shoulder, him continuing following behind me.

`Oh no, sorry mister speed of light,´ I chuckle jokingly and almost slam my body against my hotel door once we reach it, realizing a little too late that I’m already standing in front of it. I giggle and try to get in by unlocking the door with my keycard, but my mind is starting to kinda spin so it doesn’t really work.

`Oh my god,´ I hear Noah say behind me with a giggle. I feel my cheeks turn red.

`Goddamnit,´ I mutter underneath my breath, and when I hear the door finally click to unlock the door after what seems the fifth time trying, I can get inside.

`Bed!´ is the first thing I yell when I immediately jump on my king sized hotel bed and deeply sigh after. `Bed is so soft.´

I hear Noah laugh out loud. `You seem a little too excited to get on this bed, huh? Is it that comfy? Or are you just too drunk?´

`It’s probably both,´ I shrug, and sit up straight again, looking at him standing at the door opening, his hands still in the pockets of his hands and a big grin on his face, the twinkle in his eyes that appeared since the afterparty never leaving his dark eyes so far. `Thank you for bringing me safely back to my room though,´ I kindly and smile thankfully at him.

He nods at me, returning the smile back at me, but it’s still being playful at the same time. `No problem. As much as I enjoyed teasing you a lot on the way here, I’m also glad that I brought you back safely.´

`I currently hate how tight my dress feels,´ I blur out, tugging at the fabric. He raises an eyebrow at the sudden change of conversation, probably noticing how much I’m having trouble keeping a straight track of thought in my mind right now.

`I should probably change into something better,´ I say after that, biting my lip and looking a bit awkwardly around me. It’s not even an excuse to make him leave and leave me alone or something, I truly hate how this dress starts to suffocate my body. `So…´

`Oh? Change into ‘something better’? What might that be, then?´ he asks teasingly, and I roll my eyes.

`Yes, it’s starting to feel a little uncomfortable,´ I say while scratching my neck. `So that something better will most definitely be pajamas.´

He takes a few steps into the hotel room, casually while doing so. `So you’re gonna change into your pajamas right now?´ he asks, letting out a small laugh as he speaks, still in that teasing and slightly flirtatious tone again. I know damn well what he is doing, and God it’s so tempting to give right away.

`Yes,´ I chuckle, also trying to challenge him.

`Ah, so you want to change into your pajamas and then tell me to get out of here so you can sleep?´

`Oh no, I’m not getting changed until after you leave,´ I smirk at him, making him raise his eyebrows again, not saying a thing as he looks into my eyes. ´So, goodnight Noah, and thank you again for everything.´

He takes a step back and looks away, the sudden pout saying that he is slightly annoyed at my request. Ha, it’s working. `Hm. Okay, fine, I’ll leave.´

´Sleep well Noah. And don’t be late for your make up and dressing tomorrow,´ I wink at him, making him shoot me a teasing glance.

He raises his eyebrows while he is still moving towards the door, saying: `Okay, fine… I’ll try to. But I'll definitely be thinking about you tonight, y´know.´

My cheeks of course get goddamn colored once again when he says that, and I try to shrug it off. `Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.´ After saying that I suddenly look at my phone that lays next to me on my bed, with a worried frown. `I just hope I won’t do too much dumb stuff with my phone.´

`So, what's with that big worry? Are you worried that you might send dumb text messages to people while you’re still pretty drunk?´ Noah wants to know, stopping with moving away through the still open door when he is already standing in the hallway, so he leans against the doorpost while crossing his arms in sudden curiosity.

`It happened before,´ I giggled. `I once texted my dad at 3 am that I was still waiting for chocolate ice cream from him. No idea why. Or, I just send my friends the dumbest selfies. And of course, classically sending it to the wrong person sometimes.´

`Oh my god,´ he chuckles while shaking his head, running a hand through his hair before he stands in the same pose as before again. `So, how drunk were you to be sending your dad a text of you expecting chocolate ice cream?´ He slowly starts walking back towards me and the bed, instead of leaving like he was planning to do.

`I was pretty far from this world,´ I responded to his question with a small giggle. It makes him grin again, and he continues to move back close to me. It makes me forget the uncomfortableness of my dress pretty quickly, so I don’t mind him staying for a little longer.

`So, with you being pretty far from this world at that moment, did you get so drunk that you couldn’t talk properly anymore at some point too?´

`I think so, yeah. I mean, I could still talk, but it all sounded kinda gibberish probably.´

`Damn, so it wasn’t just your little text that all seemed confusing to people, but when you tried to speak too,´ he laughs while shaking his head, now sitting next to me on the bed.

`Yeah, I also once years ago called my best friend a few times, and when she picked up she asked me why the hell I was calling her in the middle of the night, and if something was wrong. I basically told her to come over to my place because everything indeed was wrong: I got through my last bag of cookies,´ I told him, laughing while telling the story.

`Everything was wrong because you got through your last bag of cookies? That’s hilarious,´ Noah laughed along with me. `I can imagine how confused and annoyed your friend was when she heard that from you from those hours… Or maybe she just laughed it off?´

`She was a little pissed at first, but when I started crying because of my bag being empty, she was the one laughing actually,´ I chuckle.

`You were actually crying over your last bag of cookies? So… So you sat there in tears after you found out? Did you seriously get all upset about that?´ Noah continued laughing, and the story became ten times funnier to us, I guess through the alcohol.

`Hey, they are the best white chocolate-chip cookies ever made!´ I defend myself. `You would cry as well.´

`Oh my god… Well, now you’re making me curious to try them,´ he says with a giggle. `Are they really that good? So good that you can’t get enough of them?´

`Absolutely,´ I exclaim, nodding while thinking about them. Damn, in combination with me being drunk, it makes me quite hungry actually.

Noah grins again. `So, you are telling me that you’re already hungry just from thinking about them?´ he adds with a teasing tone.

I again nod. `Fuck yeah I am.´ But after saying that, I slap my hand on my mouth, looking at him with big eyes because I just cured… just to burst out laughing after. Truly, I can be so insanely dumb when I’m drunk-I have cursed in front of him and the band before, just not that often though.

He busts out laughing as well, so we just laugh together like two idiots because I just cursed and how embarrassed I looked after. After our laughter finally quiets down, he still looks into my eyes with his flirty energy.

`So, you’re basically telling me that you want something to eat right now?´

`I would almost kill for those cookies right now, it’s insane,´ I groan, letting myself fall on my back on the hotel bed again.

`You would really kill for them?´ Noah says in a teasing tone, now looking me directly in the eye.

`No of course not, it's a figure of speech,´ I mumble, rubbing in my tired eyes. `But man, I would do almost anything for them right now. I also haven’t had them for years, which is insane to begin with. Like, how did I survive so long without them? Am I insane?´ I drunkenly ramble on. God, I can’t stop talking about those damn cookies for some reason. But just thinking about their taste, their crumb… it is very much driving me insane right now.

`Are you now questioning your entire existence just because you haven’t had these cookies for years?´ Noah chuckles. Yeah, I most definitely must sound like some insane person to him now-great.

`Well… Maybe. Noah, you don’t understand-the chocolate inside of the cookies melt on your tongue when you eat them. On your goddamn tongue! Chocolate! I would drink a whole ass fountain of that particular chocolate.´

`Oh my god, you’re really describing these delicious white chocolate chip cookies so vividly right now… Can you like, also tell me what the smell is like?... Is it an intoxicating aroma like that of the greatest things you have ever smelled? That when you take them out of the oven for example, the whole entire house would smell like vanilla, white chocolate, and the most delicious aromas ever?´

I almost moan when Noah says that, kicking with my feet in frustration. `Stop it, Noah.´

`What, you don’t like it when I also bring up the delicious scent while describing how these amazing cookies of yours taste? Is it making you go insane now, wanting them even more?´ he says with a grin, obviously teasing me like hell, moving to lay next to me on the bed while still looking at me with that ridiculously attractive flirty smile of his.

`Oh shut up, you’re doing this on purpose,´ I mutter while slightly hitting his arm with my fist.

`Well obviously… why wouldn’t I?´ he asks with a playful grin.

`Also…´ I roll over to Noah, so I can face him. `Why are you still here? Like, you brought me here safely to my room and now that I told you about my secret amazing cookies that I love so much, you could literally buy them yourself and eat them. Do something I can’t.´ I almost pout when I finish my sentence.

`Oh, is this my cue to leave? Is this the hint that you’re giving me?´ Noah asks with a chuckle, looking right back at me with his head turned to mine. `Well, unfortunately for you I don’t listen very well to those hints when someones as drunk as you are right now. So, I’m gonna stay here with you for a little bit more.´

I groan, rolling on my back again. `I am a grown, independent woman, I can take care of myself. This isn’t the first time I’ve been drunk, you know that now.´ I close my eyes. `I think I’m gonna shower anyway. I probably stink and I feel… I don’t know. I just want to feel warm water on my body I guess.´

`Hm… is that you saying that you want me to come with you in the shower?´ Noah says teasingly, in an extra questioning tone added to it.

I roll my eyes, standing up, making me stumble a little. `Nice try, Sebastian.´

I grab a white hotel towel and walk towards the shower, and say over my shoulder: `Well, thank you for getting me to my room safely, Noah. I am really going to shower now, so… I don’t know, do whatever you want here in the meantime since I know you’re not gonna leave.´

I shut the bathroom door behind me after saying that, sighing through my nose for a second, really aching for the warm water and feeling a bit nauseous. I turn on the shower and let the water turn warm while getting out of my dress and underwear, before getting under it. I close my eyes in relief for a second when I feel the warm water streaming down my hair and body; I really needed this. I begin washing my hair, splashing my face with water to stay at least a little awake for a bit more, and soap my body after.

`Jesus Christ, dance a little less intense the next time Hailey, you stink,´ I mutter to myself when I let the water hit my body again when the soap washes off my body. Me and Noah dancing starts playing in my head again, making me feel hot not just because of the water of the shower. His gaze, his lips on my neck, it’s still clear on my mind, almost as if they linger on my sensitive skin again, creating a pang in my stomach full of desire and nerves all at once. It was intense, and such a holy feeling already-it got me wondering what else he could make me feel like.

No. I shouldn’t. At least not right now, alone in the shower, and him in the room next to me.

I sigh, actually not wanting to get out of the shower just yet. But since I don’t want the hotel to charge me extra money, I decide to get out anyway. I quickly wrap the towel that I grabbed earlier around my body and look at myself in the mirror after. My dark chocolate wavy hair is dripping on the floor, and my green eyes… they look wild because of the alcohol, my cheeks slightly red on my tanned skin from it as well. I shrug for a moment, remembering I usually look like this when I’m drunk, and start putting in some hair products to make my hair look a bit prettier before drying it more off.

I grab my toiletbag after, searching for my toothbrush and toothpaste. When I find it, my eyebrows rise and I turn red when I find my… eh, well, my own personal toy in the bag too-I completely forgot that I bought that with me on tour here. I then giggle for a moment, that’s actually pretty fucking funny that I forgot that. I quickly shake my head and start brushing my teeth, but keep staring at the toy while doing so. What I can also forget sometimes, is when I’m drunk… my body is a little bit more hormonal, let’s say it like that. And when I’m done brushing my teeth, I keep looking at the toy. I shake my head once again-no, I truly cannot do this right now.

I mean… I especially also bought it because it’s a very quiet toy. I bite my lip in thought.

Would Noah notice something?

But I almost jump a few feet in the air when I see Noah himself standing at the door opening, leaning against it with his arms crossed and the biggest fucking grin on his face. My hand is on my chest, letting out a big breath. `Jesus fucking Christ, Noah-please knock the next time!´

He of course grins even more. `Don’t tell that you’re already starting to miss me when we were just in the same room minutes ago…´

`What are you talking ab…´ I abruptly stop talking when my eyes follow his, they are on my exposed toy.

With a quick and clumsy movement, I shove it back into my toiletbag, my cheeks turning red for what seems the hundredth time this night. `You saw absolutely nothing. Okay?´

He laughs when he sees the embarrassment clear on my face, his hands going through his hair. Of course he decides to tease me a little more after. `Oh yeah? What am I supposed to see exactly?´ he asks me, now looking at me with a teasing sparkle in his eyes. Oh God. We have been going back and forth with teasing and making remarks to each other the past half year, but the way he is acting right now, he is definitely making the next move… something I am curious about why now, but also something I have been longing for for quite some time.

`Nothing, forget about it,´ I quickly mumble, starting to brush my damp hair kinda nervously. Then I realize I’m still just in my towel wrapped around my body, and I look at Noah through the reflection of the bathroom mirror with a raised brow. `I still need to get dressed, y’know.´

Noah looks at me with a smirk through the damp reflection of the mirror as well, seeing my eyes on him as he remains close to the door. `Do you want me to leave the room again?´

`Obviously,´ I say while rolling my eyes, turning around to face him and leaning against the sink with my arms crossed, trying to act cool about all of this. `Sorry, show is over.´

`Ah, really?´ Noah teasingly pouts. `So soon though?´ He moves so he can stand a little closer behind me, his eyes daring and intense. He is playing a game with me, he wants to see how far I’ll go, isn’t he?

I slightly smirk. Okay, if that’s how it’s gonna go, I better play along with it. I stare at him, again through the reflection of the mirror, with the most casual expression on my face as I can manage as I speak.

`Noah, look. I think it’s better if we keep our relationship professional. Yes, I am indeed sexually frustrated as hell right now, and you could bend me over this sink and take me right there, right now-´ I turn around to face him, shrugging innocently. `But we can’t, I fear. Gotta keep the money rolling for myself, y’know.´

His brows rise with every word I speak, him looking utterly flabbergasted. Ha, checkmate. It looks like his brain stops even more when I smile at him, not knowing what to think or say. His mouth is slightly parted to say something, and my smile turns even bigger. Somehow, it even looks like he is slightly blushing.

`Sooo… I’m just gonna get dressed, I guess. You do you,´ I casually say… and then let my towel drop to my feet.

#noah sebastian bad omens #noah bad omens #noah sebastian smut #noahsebastian #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #badomenscult #badomens #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #tumblr fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #romantic #romance #smut #18+ story #18+ content #18+ only

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 12 hours

Note

WIBTA for calling out my friend's spending habits?

✈💸 to find later

I (NB 20s) have been struggling to find employment for a long time. I've been struggling a lot with money- I'm technically indebted to my bank due to an overdraft I dipped into during my last weeks of university while paying off surprise fees, and in the entire year since have been unsuccessful in paying it off for any meaningful length of time. The stress has been immense and I've been avoiding like the plague any kind of personal purchase or leisure activity that might cost me anything. It's a mindset that's been making me profoundly miserable and that I'll probably struggle to get out of for a long time.

However, in the past few weeks, I've managed to land what I can only describe as my dream job. It doesn't start for another couple months, and the pay won't be fantastic (it's an internship), but without a doubt it will change my life. Desperate to do something nice and give myself a break, members of my family agreed to lend me money via plane tickets to do a nice trip this summer and see my best friends abroad, my last big hurrah before entering the full-time workforce for the rest of my life (and being able to pay them back). And I've been really excited! I've been saving even harder than usual, scraping up cash and politely asking grandparents. It won't be easy to support myself in another country in my financial situation, I understand that, but I'm at a point where I think I can do it for a short time and not be a burden on the people who are hosting me.

However, the only issue comes with my friend (NB 20s). I've known them for years, we're extremely close, and we've been waiting for a chance to see each other again for most of that time not knowing if it would ever happen due to my financial situation, so this is the opportunity of a lifetime. They really want to host me, for at least 2 weeks, and do all these nice things together we've been planning. But in the past month or so they've all but drained hundreds of dollars from their bank account in art commissions and room decorations for themself, all of which they've been excitedly showing off to me and our other friends, all the while running out of money entirely. They can't pick up work from their (seasonal) job anymore, either, so there's no way for them to earn back the money now, and recently they've started having to push their commissions just to cover their student loan payment this month. In ordinary circumstances I wouldn't mind and would try and help them out, but I won't be in any financial position on the trip to cover their bills as well as my own (at least not regularly), and I feel like this would have been so preventable if they'd just... picked less wildly expensive things to buy as a treat, knowing the circumstances.

They've said they're also stressed and need to buy themselves nice things sometimes, which I totally agree with! I'm not that much of a party pooper, they are in a rough situation themself right now and the stuff they bought does make them genuinely happy. But it also sucks to watch them then have to struggle to pay for bills and necessities because of it, and I feel really selfish for thinking of it in the framework of our time together later as well. I've done my absolute best to be able to spend at least a few weeks having a great time with them not worrying and pinching pennies while taking care of myself, but now I'm worried we're just going to spend the trip with both of us stressed out of our minds and stuck at home struggling to pay for gas. I'm an anxious person, and the few times I've tried to bring up my worries in a more gentle way, they've vehemently reassured me everything will be fine, but now I'm leaving in just over a week and everything seems like it's getting worse instead of improving.

I know I should be just glad to spend time in their company, even if it is just at home, but I can't stop feeling like the way they've been spending money in the leadup to this has been really irresponsible and preventable. But even if so, it made them happy in the moment so i should be happy for them too, and surely it's just straight up none of my business? It's also not like they can take it back now- it's already happened, and they can't earn the money back if they wanted to. I feel like if i called them on it at this point it'd just be a dick move and come across pointless and jealous, but I also can't help but think it's unproductive to let this gnaw at me the entire time, like I should really be communicating this kind of upset and talk it out first in case it comes to a head and boils over and ruins our whole time together.

I'm aware I'll be long into the trip by the time this posts but it'd be nice to look back and see other perspectives.

#aita #am i the asshole

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