au in which robert, the starks and the lannisters play monopoly instead of going hunting and pushing each other‘s kids from towers.

tyrion implements a tax system to make things more interesting and fights cersei over the cat for a solid ten minutes.

around thirty minutes into the game, catelyn realizes that she has free will and stops paying taxes.

arya and sansa haggle over new york avenue, which ends up being bought by theon. this causes the two to completely cast aside their differences, ally and subsequently start doing everything in their power to make theon‘s life hell.

theon himself is quite severely stoned the entire time throughout.

ned enters horrendous debt pretty much immediately and, after two hours of being financially sucked dry by both cersei and his tax evader of a wife, decides to just place his figurine in jail and never leave.

jon, playing the dog, controls the railroads and makes jaime, playing the ship, go completely broke within minutes. being beaten by a bastard and officially the first to lose the game makes jaime so mad he spends the rest of the evening perched on the family‘s ancestral armchair eating flaming hot cheetos and stifling sobs.

cersei is holding onto her last two dollars and her one house in atlantic avenue like a maniac and evades taxes like it‘s an olympic sport. she claims ownership of kentucky avenue on the grounds that red is her house‘s color at least twice. after three hours, she‘s consumed enough vintage red to kill a large mammal and keeps quoting the art of war. fascinatingly enough, she never goes completely broke.

robert, just as broke and drunk as his wife but not nearly as ferocious, proposes marriage for tax advantages to bran, who is in possession of the boardwalk and lets him dangle on his proposition for two rounds before accepting and feeling like a benevolent god.

sansa sees this and immediately proposes to arya, who accepts, only for them to be sued by their mother for public indecency („you‘re siblings, jesus christ!“). arya argues that this is just a game and that one could argue that robert‘s and bran‘s marital alliance is just as if not even more inappropriate, considering that bran is seven and robert thirtyseven. sansa countersues her mother for tax evasion, who promises she‘ll drop her lawsuit if her daughters let her keep hoarding perverse amounts of wealth. „love wins!“ arya says, which causes jaime, still perched on the armchair but now eating old nan‘s home made whiskey truffles, to hysterically sob. cersei stares him down.

robb, in a rare moment of almost prophetic foresight, excuses himself one hour in and goes on a very, VERY long walk with grey wind.

tyrion, whose tax system has spectacularly backfired in his face, proposes marriage to catelyn, jon and cersei in rapid succession, who all turn him down. „i wish i was the monster you think i am. i wish i had enough poison for the whole pack of you. i would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.“ he screams before he leaves the table.

at that, joffrey, who has refused to participate and instead sits on the couch playing doom on his nintendo ds, starts hysterically laughing. tyrion turns on his heel and awards his nephew with the bitchslap of the century. this causes cersei to completely abandon the game and chase after him with a broom. catelyn makes sure that everyone is distracted by the lannister antics and then reaches across the table and bags cersei‘s money and properties.

with a heavy heart, myrcella trades arya and sansa one of her limited edition bayala schleich unicorns for park place.

at this point, the game is between the tycoons that are catelyn and jon, the bran-robert alliance, the arya-sansa-alliance, and ned, who is still in jail and watching ice hockey on his phone under the table. that is when catelyn hears rickon gagging and discovers that he, in the absence of tyrion, the self declared bank manager, has managed to eat all bank notes from the box.

rickon gets his stomach pumped, cersei and tyrion have both been arrested, theon is still stoned, arya, sansa and myrcella have wandered off to go play schleich horses, and jon remains at the table, alone, content, and quietly considering himself the winner.

“Your father didn't love me when we married. He hardly know me, or I him. Love didn't just happen to us. We built it slowly over the years, stone by stone.”

You never love anything in this world the way you love your firtsborn child

Ned & Cat

La Belle Dame sans Merci (c. 1901), Frank Bernard Dicksee // Lamia and the Soldier (1905), John William Waterhouse //A Clash of Kings, Catelyn I // Game of Thrones, 1.01 // A Game of Thrones, Eddard VI // Romeo and Juliet (1884), Frank Bernard Dicksee // A Game of Thrones, Eddard XIII // The Rising Sun, John Donne // Game of Thrones, 1.01 // A Clash of Kings, Catelyn VI // In The Banquet Hall (1906), J.C. Leyendecker (illustration from Ridolfo: The Coming of the Dawn by Egerton R. Williams) // A Clash of Kings, Catelyn VI // The Shadow (1909), Edmund Blair Leighton // Yours, Daniel Hoffman // Game of Thrones, 1.01 // To My Dear and Loving Husband, Anne Bradstreet // Game of Thrones, 1.03 // A Storm of Swords, Catelyn VII // Aurelia, Frazio’s Mistress (1873), Dante Gabriel Rossetti // Jo, la belle irlandaise (1865/6), Gustave Courbet

What Catelyn Stark would wear

i miss them gravely, your honor

Eddard Stark & Catelyn Stark

"does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the night changes..."

The walls shielding the heart of politics crumble, and the Realm prepares for war, yet amidst the rising flames, flowers blossom and the rivers slow. But would the Mallister eagle rise above or succumb to the threat..?

Catelyn Stark and her sister Celia Mallister with their two children, Robert and Aemerie under the Heart Tree of Riverrunn

commissionated by @weirwooddreams for her fic,

The Ichor within our Pyre on Ao3

Sisters.

No matter how much you hate it, you are still alike in your hearts.

While looking for your mother in the rivers because she was river's daughter, you look and look for that stern but loving gaze she gave you.

You run a hand over the doll your father gave you that you denied at the time, wondering why,why,why, did you dare to dream because when you opened your eyes, those dreams of princes cut down your ever gentle father.

You both wonder what went wrong, you blame others, you blame yourself.

Where are you brothers?

I hate my sister.

Where are you father? I am sorry.

I hate my sister.

Where are you mother? I should have listened.

I am sorry my sister.

While one wolf died in the land where kings die, the other wanders around the rivers, looking for pack.

- both mood boards and this made by me.

GAME OF THRONES 1.03, Lord Snow

catelyn tully: *entering the club room and sitting down*

jaime lannister: hello, and welcome to the fuck ned stark club, where we say fuck you to ned stark for being such a judgmental, self righteous asshole.

catelyn: 😬 so I may have entered the wrong club-

---

catelyn, after leaving: *entering the correct club room*

jaime lannister: hello, and welcome to the fuck ned stark club,

Matrimony brought on by tragedy

Pose inspired by Aucassin and Nicolette by Marianne Strokes!!

make no mistake, modern catelyn stark is a dog person. ned showed up one day and dropped six wolf hound puppies on the floor and though exasperated at first, catelyn now likes those dogs better than her actual kids because grey wind doesn’t have a new girlfriend every week and ghost isn’t addicted to bloodborne or picks fights with people on r/eldenring and lady doesn’t constantly talk about the cultural importance of but i’m a cheerleader and nymeria doesn’t want to be driven across the country to fencing competitions every weekend and summer’s not a hoarder who illegally downloads horror films on the family laptop and shaggy dog is actually just as weird as rickon but significantly less aversive to being softly petted on the head so catelyn’s gonna let it slide. and all she ever wears are the dog mom cargo pants™️ with twenty seven thousand pockets and even more carabiners and she always has at least three dog leashes on her person which she has used on all five of her kids as well as jon, theon, eddard, edmure and lysa at least once (she throws them like lassos and her aim is impeccable) and she always has dog treats and sometimes she eats them when she gets particularly frustrated (the corn rings taste good and the woman has a grand total of ten people emotionally depending on her, let her live!). and she goes on top dog westeros (ninja warrior for dogs, for those not enlightened) with shaggy and wins and shoves the trophy front and center on the family mantel, right with sansa’s cheer and debate trophies and arya’s fencing and showjumping ones and accidentally breaks jon’s most treasured funko pop in the process and has to go scouring ebay to buy him a replacement before he notices.

asoiaf characters with a canonical breeding kink:

-ned stark (thinks about having more kids with his wife during a meeting like three times)

-catelyn stark (fantasizes about getting pregnant literally mid-boning, still wants more of her husband’s kids after he fucking dies)

-alyssa targaryen (girleen tells her husband she was “made for this” while slowly dying of childbed fever and tells him she’ll give him “an army of sons”)

-jahaerys and alysanne (they have fourteen kids. look me in the eyes and tell me they don’t have a breeding kink. and don’t you “but medieval society” me. it’s a breeding kink if i say it’s a breeding kink.)

asoiaf ships doodling 🌀

i was looking for ways to practice drawing different asoiaf characters then i saw this funny ass masterpiece by the extremely talented amuelia and the og tweet that started it all and i thought of doing it for my favorite asoiaf ships 🤣

you just know i HAVE TO START with NedCat, my beloveds 💓

what other ships you want to see? I’ve planned the ships I’m gonna include but I’m more than happy to hear y’all’s thoughts 😄

the original meme: