#my relationship with any kind of desire is kind of fucked. i can't admit to liking things
Text
fuck. i really do have a type
#my entire family bullied me about it#by which i mean they pointed it out. and because i am loathe to admit that i feel any kind of desire#it felt like bullying.#my relationship with any kind of desire is kind of fucked. i can't admit to liking things#um.#anyway#CARA U WERE RIGHT I DO HAVE A TYPE. THERE IS A PATTERN#calm down per#peren cringe compilation
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
hihi!!
the urge to be brat tamed runs through my mind all day. but cheol taming his brat, SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!!!
covering your mouth and his veiny hands around your neck so your porn-like moans aren’t heard by his members.
making you suck his fingers and using your saliva as lube.
slapping you every time you moan a little to loud.
cum denial until the point where you’re literally screaming his name as if it’s your sole vocabulary begging him to let you cum while tears run down your fucked out face.
— the list goes on but here’s just a few to get a feel for!!
(literally love your posts sooooo much!!! keep up the good work ❤️)
BRAT-TAMER SEUNGCHEOL that's it.
Where Seungcheol gets jealous because his friend Jeongha, is all over you, even though your relationship is private, Seungcheol gets mad at your brat teasing. So he fucks you without mercy, separated by just one room from the members.
Word Count: 1.7k
Jealous dom! Seungcheol, Brat sub! Reader
Warnings: Smut, jealously sex, cum denial, slut shamming, begging, degradation, crying, angst, saliva as lube, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, bathroom sex, ass slapping, face slapping, chocking and etc.
The weekend getaway with Seungcheol and your friends had started out as a much-needed break. His friends were always very nice to you, and soon they became your friends too. The idea of renting a house for this period of rest sounded very pleasant. Everyone laughed, danced and sang, while you, Jeonghan and Mingyu cooked for the group.
As the day unfolded, you noticed Seungcheol's subtle glances whenever Jeonghan was around. Unbeknownst to your friends, your relationship with Seungcheol was still a secret, and the protective side of him was on full display.
Jeonghan pulled you into a hug, the kind that lasted just a tad too long, and a conversation that seemed a bit too personal. Seungcheol's reaction was swift, though subtle. His jaw clenched, and his eyebrows furrowed as he observed the scene. He couldn't shake off the unease that gripped him.
As Jeonghan continued to chat with you, Seungcheol's discomfort became more evident. Sensing something amiss, you looked at him and asked, "Hey, everything okay?" He nodded, but his locked jaw and the intensity in his gaze told a different story.
Before the tension could escalate, Jeonghan, with his ever-present charisma, pulled you away to join another conversation. You shot a puzzled glance at Seungcheol, but he merely nodded again, though this time, there was a palpable tension in the air.
Seungcheol couldn't take it any longer. He grabbed your arm gently, pulling you aside towards a nearby bathroom. Once inside, he closed the door behind him, his expression unreadable.
"What's going on, Seungcheol?"
"You're mine for now," he declared, his voice low and possessive. His eyes bore into yours, a mixture of frustration and desire. "I can't stand seeing him all over you like that," he admitted, his voice low but intense.
A mischievous grin played on your lips as you locked eyes with Seungcheol, your fingers gently tracing circles on his arm. "Well, someone seems a bit possessive," you teased, raising an eyebrow playfully.
Seungcheol's expression shifted to confusion, and he arched a thick eyebrow in response. His veins pulsed on his neck, a subtle display of the building anger beneath the surface.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his tone irritated
You chuckled, enjoying the playful banter. "You know, claiming me in the bathroom like that. It's almost like you want to tell the world we're together."
His eyes narrowed, the tension in his shoulders rising. "I never said that," he retorted, the veins on his neck more prominent now.
Leaning in, you whispered teasingly, "Maybe you just can't resist showing off your amazing girlfriend."
Seungcheol's jaw clenched, his frustration evident. "You're making it sound like I'm the one holding us back from going public.”
You couldn't resist pushing his buttons further. With a sly smile, you mimicked his serious expression, contorting your face into a comical version of his furrowed brows and arched eyebrow.
His eyes widened in disbelief. Before he could react, he lost his mind momentarily.
He pushed your body against the bathroom wall, a firm grip around your neck, while his lips brushed against yours. In the close proximity, he warned with a husky voice, "You're loosing your mind Y/N."
“Am I?” You couldn't help but laugh, the cut air from the choking making you gasp.
Seungcheol's grip tightened slightly, his lips hovering near yours. "You find this cool?" he questioned.
His eyes seemed to glow red furiously. The air grew thick as he sucked his teeth, not a hint of a smile on his face.
Before you could gauge his next move, he reached out, his fingers gripping the fabric of your sun dress. In one swift motion, he pulled you closer, the dress bunching up slightly.
With your dress in his hands, he pulls it up, revealing your panties, so he pulls them down hard, the lacy fabric immediately tearing in his hands. You gasp, denying to yourself "I didn't even like that one anyway..." Lie. It was your favorite.
His breath was strong against your face as he whispered, "You're mine, and I don't share.”
The possessiveness in his voice sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but moan, feeling the wetness between your thighs.
"I'm gonna give you a lesson." Without breaking eye contact, he reached out, gently guiding your chin upward. His fingers traced along your jawline before he leaned in, whispering, "You need to learn who you belong to.”
His fingers traced a path along your lower lip, the touch sending a shiver down your spine. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly trailed his digits over your tongue, the intimate contact making your saliva envelop his skin.
You looked in his eyes, before sucking his two fingers, just like you would suck his cock. So he slowly pulled his fingers, making your lower lips flip back shiny with your saliva.
His wet fingers circled your clit slowly, making you hold onto him, his eyes burning you "You're such a brat," he remarked, the edge of amusement evident in his voice.
With a playful glint in your eyes, you shot back, "Well, maybe I like being a brat."
He chuckled, the tension dissipating into a teasing energy. "Do you now?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. His tone held a challenge as he continued, "Tell me, what's the appeal of being a brat, hm?"
You leaned in, a mischievous smile playing on your lips. "Maybe I enjoy seeing you lose your cool. It's kind of hot, you know?"
Without warning, he pushed his two fingers inside of you, making you groan. He curled his digits perfectly while his body pressed yours on the bathroom tiles, you looked to the mirror on your side, his big biceps flexing as he worked his skillfully fingers inside of you.
Your weeping cunt can be heard by him, the gushing sound hitting his senses as his fingers get wetter every second. "Look at you… So wet for me, and I didn't even started to fuck you."
"I get wet just by thinking about you getting mad."
"Yeah? Just to let you know… I am pissed off."
Without warning, he pushed your body, and you felt the cold tiles of the bathroom wall against your cheek. His strong grip held you in place, and the sudden shift left you breathless.
The sound of his belt being unbuckled echoed in the small space, you could sense Seungcheol's controlled anger. The forceful push of his big cock inside of your pussy, made you moan loud.
Before the sound could fully echo, Seungcheol's veiny hands covered your mouth, suppressing any further noise. Your eyes met his in the mirror, and your body ached against his, caught between the cold tiles and the heat radiating from Seungcheol.
He stopped his hips, his tip hitting your cervix, before taking everything out and slamming all in once inside of you again, his hands once again muffling a scream. "S-Seungcheol!"
Seungcheol gives you a harsh spank, making your body tremble, eyes closed tightly. Allowing you to take another breath, he takes his hand off your mouth. His voice, low and intense, broke the momentary silence. "You don't want the members to hear us, right?"
You can feel your walls clenching around his cock, sensing the know on your stomach wanting to be free, making him groan in response. The spongy little spot being abused with the strength of his dick knocking you.
Tears trickle down your face, your lip being bitten by yourself wasn't helping too much, as you feel your orgasm getting closer, the whimpering turning into moans, that turned into screams again.
Everytime you let out a moan escape, he gives you harsh slaps on the meat of your ass, the flesh turning red, as the skin burns like hell. "Be quiet," he instructed, his gaze locking onto yours in the mirror. His question lingered, "Is that what you want? Everyone to hear how good I am fucking you?"
Your gaze met Seungcheol's reflected eyes in the mirror, nodding yes, with a mischievous smile. Seungcheol's eyes held satisfaction, and the synchronized rhythm of his thrusts continued.
Seungcheol groaned in your ear, your weeping cunt tightening around him, and he could feel your walls milking his dick, as your world spinned, the moans leaving your throat non-stop, and he slapped you each time.
When entered on the brink of an orgasm, he pulled out his wet cock, making you whine between his grip and the wall. The denying made you sob, your clit begged attention, and your poor pussy was a mess.
Seungcheol coos at you "Slut… Can't even endure your own provocations…" his fingers wiped your tears away, before giving you a slap on the side of your cheek.
"P-please let me c-um" You begged, the tears shining with the bathroom light.
"Beg that prettily for me again."
"Please Seungcheol, I am f-ucking begging you babe." Your head lays on his shoulder.
He pushed his cock effortlessly inside of you again making you scream his name, your throat barely having power to speak. His fingers search to your sopping folds, collecting your arousal to masturbate your clit fast. And if it wasn't his tight grip on you, your knees would've found the ground already.
Seungcheol hips start to stutter, the rhythm becoming inconsistent, as a wet white ring forms around the base of his cock. His groans became more whiny, and his fingers followed a crazy unstopping pace. You struggled to breathe properly because you're more and more pressed on the wall with each thrust of him. Making your moans follow the same pace of his strokes.
"Oh my god! Please, please, pl-ease…" The begging sounded infinite as he fucked you merciless.
You're too fucked out to process anything, or hold your moans, suddently your head feels dizzy as your knees trembled, your mouth hanging open and you could only manage silent moans. The orgasm comes harshly, making you whine shakily.
His swollen cock throbs against your walls and he whimpered, with a trembling high, Seungcheol painted your walls white, the sticky cum dripping as his hips strokes lazily, his hands softening his grip on you.
"You know, I think it's time I tell the members that you're my girlfriend."
You scoffed, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "After all of that, I think they probably already know, Seungcheol."
#seventeen reactions#seventeen imagines#seventeen headcanons#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x reader#seventeen#seventeen fluff#seventeen smut#svt smut#svt imagines#seventeen x oc#seventeen x you#seventeen x y/n#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol smut#choi seungcheol#seungcheol fanfic#seungcheol angst#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol x you#seungcheol x y/n#seungcheol x oc#scoups smut#scoups angst#scoups x reader#svt x reader#scoups imagines#scoups x y/n#scoups x you
625 notes
·
View notes
Note
Congrats on all of your progress and growth!! You deserve it so much, and we love and appreciate all of your hard work w these fics. Like you never fail to have me kicking my feet and giggling
Could I do 🥐 with jealous Carmy or Luca hehehe (add smut if you so wish 🫣🤭)
"WAIT SORRY I MIXED UP THE EMOJI I MEANT 🍝" -- @not-a-glad-gladiator, you ask for a headcanon, and shall receive!
Jealous Carmy & Jealous Luca Headcanons
Jealous!Luca:
ok so hear me out: in the show we get the impression that Carmy and Luca are cut from similar cloth (didn't do well in school, struggled a bit when younger, found solace and belonging in the kitchen) but Luca happens to be the anthesis of Carmy in so many ways.
i think luca would have a certain amount of confidence and not act on his jealous feelings for as long as possible. he'd try to stay even keeled, reminding himself that you chose him and that he's gotta stop doubting himself.
however, he just can't stand watching the same line cook hit on you for a third time, so after blowing up at the line cook one night, leading to luca sending the guy home, a rare, RARE, occurrence, you know something's up.
by the time you get home, you barely have time to ask him what the hell happened on the line that night before he's pinning you up against the wall, begging you to let him make it up to you.
after a night of hot, hot sex filled with passion, frustration, and luca's singular to desire to hear his and only his name on your lips, the two of you lay in bed together, just trying to catch your breath. you begin laughing as you realize what just happened.
"what?" luca asks you. "you were jealous, weren't you?!" and you can't stop laughing. "it's not funny, babe!" "it-, no, i know. it's not funny. and it also is. why didn't you just talk to me?" "i... i have no bloody idea."
"you know i don't care for that guy, right?" "well, i know now. but it bothers me." "i'm sorry babe. i'll tell him to fuck off.... though i think you made that quite clear tonight." luca groans, only mildly embarrassed by his behavior from earlier.
the two of you talk it out and you reassure him that there's nothing to worry about.
"while i'd much rather you talk to me about it... i've got to admit, babe. that was hot." you smirk.
Jealous!Carmy:
okay don't kill me but i think jealous!carmy would be significantly less sexy, at least carmy-sans-any-therapy
you and carmy go to a holiday party at cicero's and after leaving to go grab a new round of drinks, some guy starts hitting on you, and carmy is boiling with rage.
instead of having a healthy conversation, he picks a fight with you, leading to the two of you going home early.
but carmy doesn't want to talk about it and you can't figure out why he's not only upset, but shutting you out. you stay the night anyways, the both of you going to bed angry. only the wall he puts up lasts for a few days and you start to worry about him/your relationship.
it's not till later that night that he shows up on your doorstep, ready to talk and sure as hell ready to apologize.
"carmy, will you tell me what i did?" you ask him, solemnly. "it's... shit... fuck. i'm sorry. it's not you."
"are you breaking up with me?" "no i... fuck." he takes a beat and it feels impossible for him to admit that "i was jealous... of that guy." "what guy?" "from cicero's party."
"wait. THAT GUY!?"
and suddenly, he feels like a complete idiot for making this such a huge deal. the two of you talk it out and you have to set some boundaries with him. "carm, i need you to talk to me about this kind of shit, okay?" "that's what people do. when they're in a relationship. because you scared the shit out of me and... you can't just like... shut me out for a few days, okay?" "okay. it's just that... i haven't really done this before. been in a relationship." "well, we can figure it out together then."
and then, because luca got a sexy jealousy storyline, you and carmy have the make up sex of your life, as he murmurs, "i'm sorry" into each kiss against your skin.
#carmy x reader#the bear hulu#the bear fx#carmy berzatto#the bear headcanon#luca x reader#pastry chef luca#chef luca x reader#nolita fairytale's follower celebration#nolita fairytale’s follower celebration#jeremy allen white#will poulter
216 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss Rant Again Again Again
It's about time I made another unnecessarily long post about HB!
It's been a few months since the release of Hazbin Hotel and I've watched it a couple of times alongside Helluva Boss. With the newest episode of HB right around the corner, I thought I'd make a post so I can rant about things that I like and dislike about both shows. This is technically a criticism and it will definitely be negative at some points, but let it be known that I love both Hazbin and Helluva and even though I have my preferences, I still appreciate and enjoy the effort and soul put into both shows regardless.
The World building.
World Building is my favorite thing about any creative media. All of my favorite shows put a lot of dedication into fleshing out the environments for which their characters live in. And, in my opinion, any fantasy media should put some emphasis on World Building for it to be worthwhile.
In the Helleverse or the Vivzieverse or whatever the fuck you call the two shows, the WB is kinda mixed. I will admit that my bais towards WB over something like character development and theme, which are both things that HB and HH emphasize, does cause my opinion of the two shows to skew, but there are flaws that exist within both shows that can't go ignored outside of my own personal bias.
Despite my own preferences, there are things that should be addressed in both shows in terms of the world building that isn't, and I don't think it ever will because of the fact that Hazbin and Helluva are character driven. But when you have Hazbin focusing on something that would drastically change the climate and culture of hell (the exterminations), it's only logical that those things would ripple into Helluva. For example; the potential conflict between Heaven and Helluva Boss.
Maybe this will happen in the future, but I doubt it since Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel seem to exist entirely separate from each other. If that is the case then IMP's existence should would directly conflict with Heaven's desire to protect humans.
If IMP is popular enough for demons in other rings to know about their existence, and for Sinners to be lining up down the block looking for a good deal, then why wouldn't Heaven know about it? And if they do know about it, why wouldn't they have done anything? If Heaven wants to keep demons at controllable and suppressed numbers, then how would some demons have access to the living world at all?
Stolas says in "Oops" That Asmodeus's demons (Succubi and Incubi I suppose) are able to access Earth freely and *legally.* Why would someone like Asmodeus, a person who exists one rank underneath Lucifer and is one of Hell's main sovereigns, be able to let his demons do anything on Earth? Succubi are literally bread to intice humans to sin. They have mating calls that make humans want to fuck them. Why would Heaven allow that, if they even know about that. Because if they do then the idea of Heaven wanting to suppress hell is complete bullshit, and if they don't then Heaven sucks at their job.
The Good and The Bad
Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are both decent shows, but Hazbin Hotel severely outdoes Helluva in several areas. I don't want to be that guy and say "Hazbin is soo much better than Helluva" because I don't really think they're unequal in terms of quality overall, but there are things that can't be ignored about both shows.
For starters, Helluva Boss has no idea what kind of show it wants to be. It started out fairly comedic and lighthearted with some elements of drama, specifically with Blitzo and his relationships, and then it slowly tried to push more and more drama into it to please the overwhelming number of people who are obsessed with the relationships of these characters. The episodes got longer and suddenly we're giving characters arcs that have only had 2 major episodes total (Yes I'm talking about Fizzarolli).
I don't hate the drama in Helluva Boss. In fact I think Truth Seekers, Ozzie's, and Loo Loo Land are the best episodes in the show because they can balance the comedy and the drama well.
For example, I'll compare Loo Loo Land and the S2 Mid-Special.
In Loo Loo Land the relationship between Octavia and her parents is introduced. Even though this is only the second episode in the series and the first time we're seeing Octavia, the episode is capable of being comedic while also showcasing; A) How much of a failure Stolas is as a father despite his best efforts, B) How his blatant, obvious flirting with Blitzo despite being married to Octavia's mother bothers Octavia, and C) How my Stolas cares about his daughter and how the relationship between him and Stella has never been positive despite Octavia's perspective.
In comparison, Oops has Fizzarolli, a character who only had one major episode that was directly before this one. Even though it does the same "starting and finishing a conflict within one episode" thing that Loo Loo Land did, Loo Loo Land never tried to be a full on character arc. The Mid-Musical tries to have this big spectical moment where Fizzarolli is getting rid of his shitty boss and coming out as Asmodeus's partner, but we hardly know Fizzarolli and Asmodeus. We're seeing all these feelings of inadequacy and the need to feel good enough for Asmodeus but we barely even know Fizzarolli as a character. Outside of being the funny jester, the cute Imp boyfriend of the demon king Asmodeus, and one of Blitzo's childhood friends turned enemies, we don't know anything about him. We don't know his hobbies, what his life was like after the fire and before he met Asmodeus, we don't know anything.
The previous episode showed NO effort in showcasing that Fizzarolli feels "inadequate" and wants to prove himself to Asmodeus. Their relationship was seen as the most healthy in all of Hell. Yet come the VERY next episode, suddenly he feels like he's not good enough?
I like this episode and I like Fizzarolli, but in the previous episode he did not feel THIS important. Blitzo was really the one I found paying the most attention to because he's the main character and he's the one who's being accused of maliciously disfiguring Fizz out of jealousy. This episode revealed how he got his scars and what happened to his mother.
Why is Fizzarolli the one getting so much focus when he's a glorified tertiary antagonist?
Hazbin Hotel is capable of doing drama well because that's what it's trying to be. In the first episode they outline the conflict and showcase both sides of the series firsthand. Angel Dust is set up to be a tragic character within the context of the show. His abusive relationship with Valentino doesn't come out of nowhere because they show Valentino's toxic behavior towards Angel Dust as early as Episode 2.
Angel Dust is just one example. There are plenty of others.
It's not like Hazbin Hotel isn't guilty of doing the same thing either. Characters like Carmila Carmine get important emotional episodes despite no previous showcase of this character conflict existing.
In Conclusion,
I like Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, but now that both shows are being developed at the same time, I hope that Vivziepop takes more into account since both shows exist in the same universe. There's more I want to say but this post is already ridiculously long. I want to know other people's thoughts as well. Please reply or reblog with anything else you'd like to add or like to counteract! I like to discuss things!
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have rewatched the mean lesbians episode in hopes I would like them more the second time, but I'm afraid I'm still not vibing with it. Credit that they tried to undercut the "lesbians who drop in to give our main couple therapy" with the whole reveal it was game and Mary's little rant about their relationship "losing the magic", but like... did they really? Do Anne and Mary not successfully tee up the really touching BlackBonnet airing of grievances and reconciliation? Laughing at them a bit for being dorky doesn't change that they really didn't do much sabotaging, overall, so it's not like they weren't pushing them back together.
I mean, even Mary's whole rant happens after Anne leaves the room. By the time they really start telling us how this couple has their own foundation cracks and issues (vs the veneer of just keeping it interesting) and aren't a longstanding example of a healthy relationship, Anne is literally offscreen making a grand romantic gesture that will solve Mary's discontent. I know they are fitting a miscommunication arc into half an episode instead of 2-3 seasons, but the end result just feels like speedrunning a knock off of BlackBonnet's issues.
And that along with the fact they function as BlackBonnet mirrors first and characters second, it all just feels very... underwhelming (?) to me.
Like why do I care about Anne and Mary? Is the face stealing gimmick supposed to have hooked me? They also, imo, really fucked up by ending on a hug - it just spotlights the fact that, for all the sex jokes, they don't really bother to sell physical intimacy between the two. They maybe bump shoulders at the shop, sit in separate chairs in every scene in the house... honestly the best they do is the offscreen knife flicking. Which funny metaphor but like. Why can't the lesbians be into each other without the metaphor? Or am I supposed to think that Anne "burn the whole house down the second her wife admits she doesn't like swamp life" Bonny didn't pick up that Mary was maybe unhappy when they entirely stopped touching each other and replaced it with murder attempts.
Even a repeat of the offscreen joke but this time imply they are hardcore making out as Stede and Edward slip away would have probably hit better? (I'm assuming for some reason kissing was off the table, otherwise even more wtf why not just kiss?)
(Can you tell I've been thinking about the sorry state of femslash?)
Also I'd be remiss not to tie my dissatisfaction with Anne and Mary to my dissatisfaction with OFMD's prevailing approach to female characters. Spanish Jackie's entire thing is being so awesome and desirable that she has 20 husbands that all work for her, which is super fun. Mary Bonnet became a widowed girlboss with a Doug, which was also fun. Then suddenly we're meeting Zheng Yi Sao who is a girlboss Pirate Queen better than any man, and her right-hand woman that seems like a more stable and competent Edward/Izzy parallel, and her crew of only hyper-competent women... do you see how this is getting a bit repetitive?
Now we add Anne and Mary speedrunning BlackBonnet parallels to teach them a grand gesture romantic lesson? So... doing Stede and Edward but Better™?
Zheng Yi Sao still has time to get more interiority that could offset the whole "girlboss" gimmick which would help, but until that happens the only real female character standout to me is Archie - a woman who has something deeply wrong with her but has so far just kind of slotted in as a equal crewmember instead of the Competent Woman Character.
#our flag means death#ofmd s2#ofmd season 2 spoilers#ofmd 2x04#i was really hoping to like these two but they *just* feel like blackbonnet mirror puppets#their narrative purpose has wholly eclipsed their chances of being compelling characters or relationship in their own right#this is the sorry state of femslash 😔#anne bonny ofmd#mary read ofmd#zheng yi sao ofmd#archie ofmd#ofmd meta#my meta#ladyluscinia#parallels#ofmd critical
52 notes
·
View notes
Note
i absolutely love your sh meta so i was wondering what are your thoughts on Alec’d relationship with his sexuality bc i always sort of read it as him knowing that he was gay but absolutely not saying it out loud
absofuckinglutely nonny
There's an excellent post by amorverus that I cannot find the original of so have my reblog HERE that articulates it really well
I even wrote a fic about it! #shameless self promotion [tumblr / ao3] (That is, in fact, one of my favorite things I've ever written.)
I do strongly believe that Alec knew that he was gay, and felt no shame about that in and of itself. He is not offended by Magnus flirting with him, would not, I think, be offended by anyone else flirting with him, regardless of gender. (Tho prior to Magnus I also think he just... wasn't interested, but that's a separate conversation.) He knew, however, that it was not allowed in his culture and it would hurt his family and not just him if it came out.
(This is why Izzy makes me so uncomfortable in s1 regarding Alec, tbqh, because she lives there too, but refuses to see the danger to herself and, more egregiously in Alec's mind, because obviously she can chose to risk herself for him if she wants, for all he doesn't like it, but she's causing risk for their little brother if Alec is outed, and that's unacceptable. Even if I'm quite sure Max would agree with her priorities.)
I do, however, think Alec felt a lot of shame regarding his attraction to Jace. Jace was hurting and was supposed to be his brother and yet... Alec felt an attraction that he knew Jace wouldn't return. So he's got all the societal pressure on him not to be gay, and all this personal pressure not to manipulate or abuse someone in a vulnerable situation (because Jace was, even if he wouldn't admit it), PLUS all the normal human issues with feeling attraction for someone who is important enough to you that you can't lose them, and you can legitimately be terrified that if you can't get it under control you MIGHT... (Even more so for him than a mundane romantic vs platonic situation, obviously, because there's questions of command and exile and punishment, not just ruining an interpersonal dynamic in a way it never quite recovers from.)
Plus Alec's kind of also Jace's commanding officer which is yet ANOTHER unequal power dynamic, and he's supposed to be protecting an entire Institute, not just this one person, but he can't stop thinking about it because it's fucked up and he knows he should stop and he can't.
(Because, he realizes with the benefit of hindsight after he meets Magnus, by fixating on Jace he was safe, he was never going to fall in love for real with someone he might have a chance with, would never have to actually choose between his culture and his personal desires, while still telling himself that he already had, that he'd chosen his family and it was fine, he was FINE.
(He was so not fine.))
And so, even though he truly believes there's nothing wrong with being gay in general, he does believes there is something Very Wrong with him specifically being gay.
But he still never has any doubt about it. He never tries to project heterosexual interest in anyone, is very up front with Lydia about the terms of their engagement. (It seems clear, even if we never see that conversation, that they're both aware that their marriage would never be romantic or sexual unless they mutually decided to go the so-called traditional route for children.) And she agreed to it! She, unlike Jace & Izzy, had zero illusions about her relationship with Alec, and I ADORE HER FOR THAT.
And I've totally lost the thread of this rambling, I'm not sure I have a conclusion for you? 😅😅😅
Alec is, imo, refreshingly self-aware about most things, and many of his issues are legitimately external stupidity punishing him into a life of self-recrimination rather than him having internal bigotry or biases against his own sexuality in and of itself.
#jilly answers#Anonymous#the saga of#alec lightwood#honor vs duty vs shame#is really his life pre-canon#he throws away the shame tho#and I'm very proud of him for that#shadowhunters#my sh rambling#sh meta#queer as in#fuck you
72 notes
·
View notes
Note
I didn’t pick up on Harry seeming to question his gender at all! I noticed the sexuality of course, but his discomfort with femininity seemed to come more from feeling like he doesn’t love up to expectations of masculinity and just general feelings of inadequacy. But I’m also a trans man so wanting to be feminine is rather foreign to me, so maybe I just glossed over it?
Sorry that was horribly long winded but would you mind expanding upon your comment about Harry’s gender identity?
Yeah sure! I'm not sure where you've come from so I'm going to link this here as just a bit of my thoughts on Harry and gender/sexuality, but if you came from that post and still aren't sure what I'm getting at, I'll elaborate too :)) I think Harry's issues with masculinity as it relates to class are quite obvious, and DE goes in hard on presenting gender and gender expectations as a conscious performance, with higher expectations on Harry stemming from his poverty. "What is it about poverty that makes all the men *real*?" This can certainly be interpreted as Harry having issues with expressing any kind of femininity, with performing gender expectations to an adequate degree. Struggling to live up to the standard of manliness set for him in the media that he consumes, in the world he occupies, and further the standard that he sets for himself in the aftermath of his failed relationship with dora ("you poor fuck. You poverty-ridden fuck.")
But beyond that, beyond identifying masculinity with feelings of inadequacy, there is (I think) also an undercurrent of longing for femininity or "genderless"ness that lends itself well to a trans/nb HC. The derision he or his skills express towards femininity at certain points feels almost defensive, rejection to keep it at arm's length despite his fascination with it, while the performative hypermasculinity feels like a shield. His fascination with "genderless" haircuts and his skills immediately shutting it down. It feels almost like another facet of his repression, perhaps, a residual from pre-annesia Harry having these same thoughts and having to shut them down for survivals sake. He does accuse other characters of "cross dressing" a few times, mimicking his preoccupation with finding other people's sexualities too- Noid and Gary, for example. The entirety of the Noid conversation would give him something interesting to chew on: "You know what I think? I think *man*, *woman*, and *child* are arbitrary divisions which serve to bind humanity to serfdom." And of course "some lady-clothes to piss off the sex-system."
The entirety of the leopard print leotard scene, the echo of "I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore" in "yes. This is the type of animal I want to be" the moment he's dressed in the bodysuit. The "summer" warmth found in expressing his femininity, in dressing himself in something softer, and on the other side the paralysing fear that he doesn't deserve to express it, that he'll be ridiculed if he presents the way he actually wants to. The emphasis that once this door opens, it can't be closed. Once the egg cracks, it can't be glued back together and ignored. "Again: once the leopard comes on, it's never *ever* coming off." Once Harry experiences a taste of his desired gender presentation, he will not be able to repress it again. I think the fear that undercuts every single thought on the topic is very familiar to the closeted or unaware trans experience (or at least it is to me, an nb person), fear of admitting what you want, fear of being ridiculed and laughed at. But at the same time, the confidence, the warmth "like stepping into a summer lake," the satisfaction that comes with gender experimentation, the freedom...
Of course, Harry doesn't have the language to describe what he's (potentially) feeling. He barely knows that gay people exist. But I think it's plausible that this pattern of thoughts, given time to stew away from the "male-dominated workplace" of the RCM and more time in the homo-sexual underground, more time learning to be kinder to himself and to the world, unlearning some of the bigotry that has worn a groove into him as a cop, shedding some of the misery ("turn from the ruin. Turn and go forward..."), could lead to Harry discovering and identifying with nb and/or transfem labels. To "explode the gender binary" as he says.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#I'm not saying this is the intended reading but i am fond of it#remembering the post that's like 'refering to HDB's misogyny as internalised then refusing to elaborate' and honestly yeah#long post#i am so sorry for the massive long posts in the tag recently i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to try and be clear as i can#sorry if this is a bit mushy i am so tired 🥲#ask#anonymous
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
Zod Exarion in the novel, my favorite scenes that were left out or not included that much, fun facts and more
Chess chess chess
(Novel chapter: 29)
So the manhwa isn't really telling with Zod's moods throughout the scene, but Desir put him through the gutter with that mach.
Desir thinks a lot about the differences between this Zod and the one from the labyrinth, between their play styles, and how the labyrinth affected him in the long run in small ways. It's also mentioned that the two of them carved out their chess pieces themselves.
Also Zod's pretty upset with Desir, like straight up how dare you suggest your idea worth as much as a sponsorship from the magic tower get out of my sight kind of upset. It's pretty funny actually, especially when Desir shows him just how much his idea is worth, and he straight up cancels all of his meeting that day.
Actually just go read that scene it's not long but it does so SO much to establish these two's relationship for the whole story it's really just amazing.
Fun fact: In universe, there's a book that details all of Zod's accomplishments; it's thicker than most encyclopedias.
Fun fact 2: While in the manhwa he's described as a man in his forties, the novel says that he's at worst 30 which is pretty funny.
Fun fact 3: In universe he has an 'archaic feeling to his word' which I think is pretty cool, like??? Yeah. I can see that.
Who are you really?
(Novel chapter: 84)
So the interrogation scene's also a bit different, Desir is very stressed out while Zod is fucking with him, admitting to not even wanting an answer in the first place, and during that convo Desir describes Zod this way:
Desir only saw Zod acting as the master of the Magic Tower, cold and calculative in all circumstances, and as the Seventh-Circle wizard with an insatiable curiosity in finding the truth of all things.
Which is not really a description that we get in the manhwa, but it definitely puts a lot of things into perspective.
Also, this chapter has a lot of important moments in it regarding some things that will be said later, a few notable mentions:
"My intuition tells me to trust you. And when I gave you all of my power, I decided to believe this groundless intuition."
His intuition as a wise man was telling him that Desir was very reliable.
He would never know the circumstances surrounding Desir but he could see his heart.
Where he admits that he trusts Desir taking the weight of his secret off his chest
"Haha... I'm sorry. But I give you my word. I won't ask about your identity anymore. Everyone has their own secrets that they can't share with anybody. I also have a bunch of secrets that I don't want anybody to know."
Where he reassures him when he sees that Desir isn't handling his little fuckery well
Zod's smile was amazingly warm. It was like the smile of a grandfather looking at his grandson.
And of course this motherfucking sentence which is a gut punch and a half ngl.
So clearly chapter 84 putting down the groundwork for *the scene that the mannwa haven't adopted yet and at this point I'm not sure if they will,* aka: the most painful thing ever
But before that:
Fun fact 3: apparently Zod's a good actor? Lol.
The flying ship of death flag
(Novel chapter: 249)
So of course a lot of things happened between these chapters but this is the one that I want to point out because. Well.
So in the manhwa Desir says 'build a flying ship' Zod builds a flying ship and all's well that ends well right? Not really.
You see The Flying ship Valkyrie is not just any random insane idea that Desir came up with but in fact The Ultimate Dream Project of Zod Exarion - the one from the labyrinth, y'know - and isn't that just great?
There's something poetic about Desir making sure Zod can manage to reach his dream, his ultimate goal, even after death. (Something something the student carrying their master's will something something reaching your parent's goals after their passing to feel closer to them etc. etc.)
Oh, it's also a pretty big death flag, but don't worry about that.
Fun fact: this scene emphasizes the fact that Zod wasn't "just" a magician, a lot. "The ship was the ultimate goal he wanted to reach as an engineer", "he lamented that he couldn't spend his life satisfactorily as an engineer"
Fun fact 2: And he whined about it a lot! No, I'm sorry ranted.
I'm gonna just put his here because god dammit I love this man:
In Desir’s previous life, Zod often lamented over the fact that he couldn’t spend his life satisfactorily as an engineer. When the Shadow Labyrinth arose, he was forced to discard his position of Tower Master and bear his title as the lone Seventh-Circle magician.
Desir recalled these scenes of frustration as clearly as if they had happened yesterday. Most often, Zod would rant while they played chess.
The quiet before the storm
(Novel chapter: 275)
So the fact that there is a traitor is revealed and we get this very cute scene:
Realizing that Desir had immediately jumped to the worst situation, and his mind had consumed itself with the task of discovering who, Zod immediately rushed to calm Desir down.
Zod had always been like this, even in Desir’s previous life. He was Desir’s rock, the one who would support him in his times of need. That was why Desir trusted Zod more than anyone else.
Which again alludes to the *surprise* we will be slapped with in the face soon, but really this is just nice.
“I have some good news. Actually, I only dropped by to share this.”
Zod’s eyes changed. The wise eyes, which seemed to encompass everything, were nowhere to be found, and the eyes of an excitable child appeared within a moment.
‘Here we go again.’
As an engineer, he used to show such eyes when he was discussing things that interested him. No matter how much time passed, Zod Exarion was a reliable constant.
And I'm also just putting my favorite quotes here, don't mind me. There's also a point I'm making, and I will get to that when I reach the end.
Oh hi Priscilla what are you doing with that artifa-
(Novel chapter: 278)
So this is exciting because we get the first second appearance description for Zod which is
He looked as miserable as the smashed tower.
Glossy black hair moved in the breeze.
So that's funny.
Actually I could start describing this scene in great detail, go over every little thing I wish was in the manhwa, but really, you should go read it because it's a lot. This act kind of starts from 275 and is I think the saddest one in the story.
For instance, Zod admits that he's thinking of the battle in chess terms and that makes him think of Desir, how he apparently lost a mach the first time in decades.
He's thinking a lot about his and Desir's relationship, and we get golden lines like this one:
It was no exaggeration to say that Desir was the only one who could share ideas with Zod throughout all the fields of his expertise, and talk casually with him.
The act also really drives home how Zod is THE BEST OF THE BEST when it comes to magic. He holds his ground with only his own mana to help him against Priscilla and 4 swordsmen, whose defense equals the aurora system!
Fun fact: He lost both an arm and a leg during the fight, while the manhwa only showed the loss of an arm
Fun fact 2: Zod's cane, which was a constant in the novel (read: It wasn't changed every time it appeared) had a first tear magic stone in it that was like a national treasure.
Aaand we reached where the manhwa is right now... kinda
I was going to add another segment and a long, Long rant to the "2nd half" of this post, but I don't want to ruin the kind of positive vibe of it, so I'm going to put that one in another post.
First I will go through the things that made That Scene in the novel work, why I'm disappointed how he manhwa's handling it, predictions on how the whole "Helena thing" will play out and then some final thoughts, so that's coming soon.
#zod exarion#desir arman#returner's magic#a returner's magic should be special#I'm procrastinating studying for my exam right now#it's less than 10 hours away and I haven't really started yet T_T so pray for me lol
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
My breaking point...
//Hey, so...I hope you guys don't mind, but I need to vent for a bit.
//I'm here to announce that I need to take a break for a bit and...I'll explain why. Just a warning, I'm gonna be talking about some pretty heavy stuff.
//I don't really want to go into proper details, but these last few months since the start of the year have been...rough for me.
//I've been stuck in a horrible place and suffering from depression and unfortunate circumstances, even with the arrival of my new university year. I've been trying to make some changes and better my physical and mental health, so I can work my way through it.
//But it hasn't really worked. For some reason, every time I try and do something better, my life and mood just gets worse. And I will admit, some of it has derived from me doing stupid things and I'm the only one who can be held accountable for it. However, a lot of it also comes from other people both around me and online, who are making my life difficult for literally no other reason than what I can assume to be an innate desire to want to hurt me, with no rationality behind it. You guys have no doubt seen my complains about Tumblr's changes and how they've completely ruined my usual setup, and I still hate that I'M the one who has to change my way of doing things just to adapt to what are unquestionably stupid and terrible changes to what was once a perfectly good website.
//And even if it's completely unrelated to me, I just hear so much negative, and just horrible, terrible stuff going around that makes me question what the point is of even having a life to live. Take this past week leading up to today for example. If you've been following social media and the latest news, the situation with SSSniperWolf and JacksFilms and how YouTube are protecting her. Even today, I logged online to see what was happening, only to find out Wendee Lee (Miu and Akane's VA) is deciding to be a cunt and talent agencies fucking people over.
//Additionally, on AO3, I caught one of my followers being homophobic, saying they were desperate to not have any gay relationships in PToH. Because they post from a private account or whatever, I can't block them either.
//Inconsequential to me in the grand scheme of things, but the knowledge that other people are suffering at the hands of others is making me sad and prompting me to just reflect on whether there's a point or not in even trying to do what you love or make something of yourself if it only means someone else will hold it against you for the sake of their god damn ego.
//Because ultimately, people are horrible. They just are. To be honest, I'm still shocked that I have an understanding and kind audience on this platform like you guys, because I know a lot of you sympathize with me and have done in the past. And for that, I'm grateful.
//That being said, even though I would REALLY rather have avoided it, there's something I DO need to make perfectly clear, because it's happening again and I'm not in the mood to put up with it this time. I know I said I wouldn't go into detail, but I kind of need to here, even if I really rather wouldn't.
//If you follow me on other platforms of have seen my other work, you'll know that I have a sprite edit blog called @creepercraftsprites, and recently, I was requested by Mod Bubbles from A Student Out Of Time, to make some sprites for their blog. These sprites involved Kanata Inori from Another Despair Academy in a bunny girl outfit.
//A while back, I uploaded a series of sprites of every DR girl in a bunny girl outfit on Reddit; a series which included Chihiro, Hiyoko and Himiko, and sparked some heavy controversy on the subreddit. It gradually got worse, and eventually, I got permanently banned from the subreddit entirely.
//I still assert the moderators for the subreddit are ungrateful and favouritist cunts, but that aside, part of the reason why the situation got worse is because I was harassed, threatened and verbally abused by multiple people, and accused of pedophilia.
//And low and behold, I got some messages saying the EXACT same thing in light of the Kanata edits.
//I knew this would happen, but I still wanted to go through it anyway because I respect Mod Bubbles, and in no way am I saying this is THEIR fault. Of course it's not! I had every right to refuse making those edits, but I accepted. But I will not let myself be held accountable for statements that are just blatantly false, and I know even back then, the people who did this kind of harassment to me didn't actually care about the edits. They just wanted to hurt me.
//Case in point, they went out of their way to CREATE ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS after I blocked their mains, JUST TO KEEP HARASSING ME!
//And it's PATHETIC! It's just a sad state of existence and it makes me angry just thinking about it! That people do this!
//And do you know WHY they do this? Because the internet is the perfect place where you can say the worst thing imaginable to someone, or accuse them of something that is just completely and utterly ridiculous, ruining their reputation for no good reason, and face NO repercussions for it.
//Twitter, or X as it's now known, is the prime example for this. Almost EVERYTHING about that platform is horrible. It's a toxic platform full of toxic people, owned by a toxic manchild. But this is a problem that exists EVERYWHERE. Tumblr, Reddit, Facebook; if it's a social media, there's going to be someone who's going to take advantage of it with the intention of HURTING people.
//Whether it's because people can't think for themselves and have to be led by some influencer or whatever, because they can't take a joke, because they like seeing people suffer or because they misunderstand someone's intentions and refuse to let them explain themselves.
//If somebody offends you, or you don't like what someone's opinion states, then that's fine! Either ignore them, or block them! Blocking someone might be toxic, especially if they haven't gone out of their way to harm you, but at least it ends the problem right there and then! Why do people think that a perfectly reasonable solution to saying you don't like someone's work or statement, is telling them to kill themselves!?
//That's NOT funny! And you deserve some kind of punishment for saying that! Do you really think telling someone like me, or someone else who you think has screwed up, to kill themselves, or to die, is going to make YOU the BETTER PERSON!?
//It makes you WORSE by a SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT!
//People over react to everything nowadays; you cant even talk without pissing people off. GenZ and people on the internet are just really fucking immature, and I hate that it really does get to me. It shouldn't. But when people tell you you deserve to die just because you made one innocent piece of artwork of a character you like...
//...I won't lie, I considered it for a brief second, just if it means I can get away from the world that I share with these horrible, disgusting people.
//Before anybody asks, I AM seeking help for this. I just needed to rant a bit because this keeps happening, but I need to take a few days to just...readjust, focus on myself and my life, and what ACTUALLY matters right now, because frankly, I'm on the cusp of losing my fucking mind.
//I'm tired...I'm just...so...damn...TIRED...I'm fed up of ALL of this.
-Mod
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Back in my monthly depression era ig but. Thinking about social media and art, and how their relationship has fucked with me. I'm glad I started drawing fanart and I don't regret it. And I think I've really improved my skill this past half year plus. But man it gives me such a terrible complex. That paranoia of "who even would give a shit about this" and "when will people be done with me."
I think any artist always craves some recognition and praise no matter how much you say you draw for yourself. You can draw for yourself but it's still extremely gratifying and inspiring to have people's approval or thoughts on it.I used to draw for myself more and draw so much random art, but I discussed it a lot with friends and it made it more gratifying, to have that interest. And I lost that kinda, a lot. I feel like for a bit btwn losing that and drawing fanart, I can't really remember, I didn't draw as much bcs it just felt a bit unrewarded and it felt bleh.
And then I started drawing fanart. Which felt very rewarding. I'm happy I've not ever really felt the desire to make widely "appealing" art. If you look at even the first things I posted, it's extremely niche, and that's been a lot of fun! But it's also just made me so paranoid and self conscious. What if people get tired of this. What if people find it strange. What if people find it annoying. What if I'm being repetitive. Etc. It's really irritating bcs I KNOW people have told me they find my stuff interesting and that they like it. But my brain can't help but think, what is the expiration date on this, when will it become boring. I discuss my art with people and it's fun, but that self consciousness clings to me like a parasite. Like ah I better hurry this up and enjoy it while I can before they get annoyed and tired of it.
I guess this is all to say, I don't always like my relationship with art, and I hate the way social media messes with your brain. I remember for a bit I would post my art on Instagram and do the whole hashtag game. And then realized it was messing with my relationship with art so I dropped it. And then did the same thing with Twitter, than dropped it, etc. I just hate how I can't let myself enjoy anything. Idk maybe I'm just burnt out or something, but whenever I think of drawing lately, there's just this voice being like "what's the point of even drawing this, why would anyone care." I hate you evil voice in my brain!!!! It's not even a thing about notes, and I feel greedy even simply admitting any of this. I think it's more of a craving of a deeper connection and discussion. Which is what I always seek when I create art. But social media makes you think about numbers and attention and makes it unhealthy and makes you feel guilty for wanting something that's pretty reasonable.
Blah blah blah anyways don't reply to this like, oh you need to fix your relationship w art by taking a break from socmed! It's just this continual cycle and maybe one day I'll break it. But sometimes it just hits harder some days. I just want to stop feeling cringe. I hate it cause internally I'm like "I am cringe but I am free" but that only has to do with actually creating the stuff. Posting about it is the trap I think. Again though, it's natural to crave discussion and approval, but putting myself out there makes me want to curl up in a ball. I miss the days when I was younger and creating all kinds of random art and forcing it upon people with absolutely no shame. But now it's like. I toss my art into the room and shut the door and hide behind it with bated breath. And it often feels like any conversation I have just sates me for a tiny bit and then I go back to feeling empty. Is it ungrateful? Or is it just natural to want to keep having and partaking in a good thing?
Someone sent me advice on this feeling at some point, about how its better to talk to people individually rather than just on main. And I agree! I had a lot of fun the last third of last year. And for some reason it's just felt different ever since the new year began. I just don't know how to recover, and to start having fun like that again. I've drawn a lot of things I've immensely enjoyed since the year began, but for some reason, which I can't really parse, have had way worse self loathing and insecurity about it all. I just wanna recover my joy back :( is that too much to ask
Tldr; yay art improvement! Complex ideas! Much discussion! However: nay! Makes me feel cringe! Makes me feel like I'm running on limited time! Makes me crave too much!
#lmao posts like this are exactly why i keep trying to fall asleep to video essays instead#bcs i just lay there and contemplate too hard#i should probably just save this for a private journal or something#but idk. it feels sometimes good to get things off your chest#i think a lot of this is just emptiness from school ending#so i have a lot of free time yet feel simultaneously horribly lonely#and i just feel morose#WELL anyways we are all the causes of our own downfall. and i wont elaborate on that further 🙃#i shouldve been born a middle ages nun. i think id feel more fulfilled#save me secluded convent 😔 i should be cloistered for my own good and enrichment#catie.rambling.txt
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
continued from ( x ) with @seesgood / carrison.
there's no way he could have prepared for this, the welcome home from her that's somehow a culmination of every single emotion he's felt in her absence. ❝ care, you don't understand --- ❞ he pauses, chokes a little on the words that he can't bring himself to say yet. she's touching him and it's like their bodies are trying to reconnect; to make up for all the time that's been lost, a collision of fingertips and palms, gripping and pulling and stroking, fighting to feel each other again. whether or not they can admit it though, they aren't those kids anymore. he isn't safe to be around her and deep down, it's something that he's always known. harrison morgan was a ticking fucking time bomb. all of that rage and fury and frustration, the desire for violent confrontation, managed effectively by wrestling, it evolved into something much, much worse. ❝ you don't know --- ❞ what i've done. who i am. how fucked up my life is. how could he even begin to tell her? how was he supposed to look her in the eyes and confess to being a monster?
burying the truth is something he'll have to live with for now because in this moment, he doesn't possess the strength to push her away. he never has. he can't let go of her, his body won't physically allow it so he succumbs to her. to the warmth of her hands, the delicate press of her hips against his, the way her hug is managing to comfort him in ways he hasn't experienced since they last found themselves in close proximity like this. harrison's arms pull her closer, his heartbeat rising in his chest when the scent of her skin, her perfume, washes over him in waves. ❝ c'mere. ❞ he wraps his arms tighter around her, indulging in the pure and blissful sensation of her presence. when she asks him if he's okay, she already knows the answer. they both do. just like he knows that she isn't okay. the second she was back in his embrace, he could sense it. her eyes didn't ever lie, even now, after all this time.
❝ shouldn't you be at college? ❞ it feels like a stupid, insignificant question, one that doesn't actually matter under the circumstances. he's assuming that she stuck to all of the plans she made back in high school; move out, study, party, enjoy single life with audrey. the thought of his ex-girlfriend doesn't even arouse any guilt. it solidifies the fact that he's no longer a good person, but was he ever? the night he slept with his best friend while his girlfriend stayed home was perhaps an even bigger indication of what kind of person he was. harrison's thumb trails lightly across caroline's bottom lip, the texture of her skin soft underneath his touch. he recalls that very night and the morning after.... how they never did get a chance to speak about any of it. he wonders if she regrets it, or if like him, it lives inside of her like a sacred oath. an understanding that their relationship meant so much more than either of them ever chose to acknowledge. you're okay. she sounds so certain that she can take control of it for him, much like she used to whenever he needed her. they threw each other a lifeline, time and time again, for anything, for everything, they were always saving each other but this, there was no coming back from it. his finger moves from her lip to her jaw, her own delicate touch through his hair and across his face allowing him to breathe a little lighter. ❝ you still trying to take care of everyone and fight their fuckin' battles? ❞ it's a rhetorical question, followed by a real one. ❝ who's taking care of you? ❞
#seesgood#( interaction: harrison ft. caroline )#i mean i just think that we brought this upon ourselves and now we have to live with the consequences.#:')#( verse: tbd / new blood au. )#( queue. )
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
A weird side-effect of murder being her go-to solution to all problems is that it made her videos boring to me even when I was a fan. Whatever the problem is, whatever the villain did, whatever the scale of the issue at hand is, she always recommends killing people. That's dull as tar. As I've grown out of LO's 12-16 year old core demographic and gotten into other media, I've figure out why: Lily never has murder have any negative repercussions. In a good story, the murder can have far-reaching fallout (see also: most Star Wars tie-in and Expanded Universe materials as well as all of Star Trek Deep Space Nine), would be too likely to be caught and if we do it we're going to have to put in a lot of work not to get caught (most good crime dramas), is necessary but God it's going to haunt me (again, Star Trek Deep Space Nine) or my favorite variation, it was an accident and arguably necessary but my guilt will haunt me for the next forty years (a fanfic I've been reading).
LO isn't smart enough or creative enough to write any of that, and I have serious doubts she can feel guilt, regret or empathy enough to understand why anyone would have any issue murdering, so she can't write a scene where people have thoughts about what they did. She can't write introspection or complex thoughts, can't write most forms of interpersonal relationships beyond 'person my OC fucks', 'person who gives my OC things', and 'person my OC kills'. She doesn't know how to write people interacting, write them displaying emotions or write them thinking in a way that feels real. I thought maybe this was just my being bitter that yet another YouTuber turned out to be a TERF and a sexual predator, but then I read The Sith Resurgence with the intention of seeing if actually she was a good writer and her claim of being a ghostwriter for hire was legit. I thought I'd just misremembered her writing being bad.
If anything, I misremembered it as not being as shitty as it actually is. Take this example from TSR:
When she returned, the two continued to talk as they ate. Topics ranged from the First Order to ways to upgrade the Fury to be a more reliable, modern ship. As they spoke, Aliana found herself quite liking Rey. It was rare she got to converse with someone on such a personal level, where it almost seemed like they were friends. Usually it was potential employers and security she mostly spoke to. Maz Kanata maybe, but that old pirate seemed more like an elder than anything else.
This is dull as shit. It doesn't give us anything in the way of insight into who these people are or how they interact or what kind of dynamic they have. You could replace their names with any other Star Wars characters because there's so little individual personality there. A good writer would have it go like this:
When she returned, the two continued to talk as they ate, hesitantly at first, then with growing ease. Rey had a wealth of knowledge on ships and upgrades that Aliana was surprised to find in someone so young, and her eyes lit up as she spoke about it. That same light dimmed considerably when the First Order came up. Her smile faded to become a flat, unexpressive flat line of pursed lips instead, shoulders tensing, and Aliana was struck by a desire to change the subject. She wanted Rey to feel at ease around her. She felt like they'd been moving towards talking like friends, something she got about as little of as Jakku got rain. She would never admit it, not even to herself, but she needed that. Maybe Rey needed it, too. Maybe that was why the conversation bounced back and continued despite the gaff, Aliana hastily changing the topic to First Order ships and then onto tech in general again. Seeing Rey relax and smile again filled Aliana with a sense of satisfaction she couldn't quite explain. She wanted to see Rey smile.
And then there's this unemotional garbage later:
Han sighed and shrugged. “Yeah. We got a Sith on our side now. I know, I never thought I’d live to see the day. But do you know what that means? It means I know that you aren’t lost yet. You can still turn away from this Ben. You can come home. This isn't a death sentence for you.”
HE'S TALKING TO HIS SON WHO JOINED A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION. Use an adjective, a modifier, a descriptor of body language, give us something! This is a pivotal moment and he's written with all the seriousness of someone discussing his Fantasy Football team. A better writer would do something like this:
Han sighed and shrugged. He was aiming for his usual casual, devil-may-care attitude, but something about it was off. The hair he insisted was silver looked white in the stark lighting, every wrinkle standing out and the deep shadows doing nothing to hide the bags under his eyes. He straightened up to look at his son but couldn't quite manage it fully. For all that he was a legend in stories, here and now he was just a man, just a father, and when he placed a hand on Kylo's shoulder Aliana half-expected him to pull the other man into a hug. Han's eyes stayed off the dark Sith garb and glinting metal of the lightsaber. Instead he looked only at Kylo's face, at those dark eyes that mirrored Leia's.
"Yeah. We've got a Sith on our side now - never thought I'd see the day, but I used to think the Force itself was just an old fairytale. Impossible things keep happening. You know," he chuckled, an old, tired sound, "your mother and I getting together, that was the most impossible thing. She's a better woman than I deserve. And you," he squeezed Kylo's shoulder, smiling tiredly, "you're a better kid than I deserve. But it's not over. You can come home. I can do better. We can be like we used to be, before the Force and Snoke and training drove this wedge inbetween us." He stepped closer, shoulders slumping as he admitted in a voice just above a whisper, "We've missed you so much, Ben, your mother and I. Please come home."
This is why Lily shouldn't make murder her solution to everything. Do I care if the Han of the first excerpt dies? Does he? He's not acting like it, he's not acting like Han, and he's not acting like a dad who's trying to talk his son out of a terrorist organization. He sounds bored in the original, emotionally uninvested, and as a result there's no intensity to a scene where a man is trying to rescue his son from what is functionally a fascist cult-esque terrorist group.
And when Han dies, it takes up three sentences' worth of space. Three. Sentences.
I've written longer joke fanfic snippets in texts to friends. I've seen longer rewrites of that moment on Reddit. It should be a haunting moment for Aliana, witnessing someone murder their parent who loves them dearly, should be a moment where Han gently reaches out and touches Ben's face as in canon and conveys without words that he's not angry, that he'll never hate him, and we should see the confusion in Ben's face afterwards because he can't process his own actions or the unconditional acceptance they were met with.
Lily is not a good enough writer to write fanfic that is not slice of life. She doesn't understand how people work enough to think 'how would a man feel about trying to rescue his son from a terrorist organization? how would the man in the organization feel about the attempted rescue? how would someone feel watching this tragic death in real time?' and that's really damning because I am literally a full decade younger than Lily but I know enough to ask these things. I'm 20 and I understand that 'then A did this. then B died, one sentence of emotions I assure you he was feeling, one sentence of another person's reaction, the end' is shit writing. She writes like a child. I'm in my university's Creative Writing Club and no one there writes on this basic of a level. These are things so basic everyone in my Intro to Fiction Writing class already knew before being told.
A good writer can make the lack of empathy in a murderer engaging (The Secret History by Donna Tartt does this very well with Henry Winters, who is so self-absorbed and devoid of empathy that he navigates the aftermath of the murder uncomfortably well, making his friends deeply uneasy) but Lily doesn't do that. Kylo? "She couldn’t feel unease or conflict from Kylo Ren. But hatred. Deception. Bloodlust." to quote from this grammar-free trainwreck. Thank you for telling the reader that rather than showing us, I guess? Why bother writing those emotions when you could list them - but setting aside that laziness, I'm not made uncomfortable by this murder in the slightest. It's cruel, sure, but we don't have any physical descriptors giving us a mental image of Kylo, so it feels more like stage directions or what'd be in a script rather than a fic. The Secret History opens on Henry Winters casually looking at the body of his best friend who he's murdered and, satisfied that it looks like an accident, turning, putting his hands in his pockets and walking away, humming some old song he'd had stuck in his head. That conveys a lack of empathy, a callousness that's unsettling, and implies a hatred or dislike, drawing the reader in, because we want to know what the hell the deceased did that his death doesn't strike Richard, our POV character, as a thing he can't live with. You instantly want to know more about this very fucked up friend group and how shit escalated to this point.
I don't want to know more about Lily Orchard's rendition of Kylo Ren, because I already know there isn't anything more. There isn't anything more to her Han, her Kylo, her Aliana - they are all exactly one thing and have no hidden depths to them. They're so straightforward that they lack the capacity to surprise or intrigue the audience in any way. Because she refuses to change a single beat from canon and is instead glued to it, there's also no capacity for events to surprise you. This isn't like the game Elsinore where Shakespeare's Hamlet is the basis but the game gives you options to explore what-ifs to the effect of, 'what if these two characters who never spoke in canon interacted?' or 'what if this character who wasn't here was?' or even just 'what if a character refused to get into a fight they got into in canon?' because all of that is too complicated for Lily to puzzle out. "And then me, I mean Aliana, was there in the movie and she got mad when Han died and fought the bad guy" is as complicated as she can get, which is just not interesting. My 6 and 8 year old nieces have played that out with sticks in the woods pretending to be Kylo and their own OC. She is doing less than the bare minimum, she's doing the same thing actual children are... at the age of 30.
Could she be a ghost writer? For kids' books, maybe. Flat characters who have a handful of tropes that they embody with no further depth to them can fly there, if you're writing for the 8 and under crowd. But honestly, I think she should stick to that and never aim any higher. She just doesn't have the capacity to write people, feelings, thoughts, interactions, relationships, original ideas, stakes, or conflicts that most people do.
And honestly even putting her on the level of kids' writers feeling like a disservice to kids' writers. R.L. Stine at least had more diversity in his works, and Animorphs runs circles around LO's work any day of the week. (Bruce Coville's work also has more canonically queer characters and had NB rep in the 90's (while LO can't manage it in 2022) despite being widely-circulated kids' lit.)
I'm so tempted to make posts roasting Lily's shitty writing. But TL;DR this isn't just bad, this is some of the dullest murder in history and I applaud her for making murder boring.
i never believed on the ghost writing gig and i can't imagine LO actually writing anything for children without adding some of her signature creepy elements into it.
but regardless i agree with you. one of the worst aspects of LO's literature is how boring it is. things happens, characters are doing things, conflict is happening and yet somehow it all feels so flat and uninteresting, as if nothing is actually happening.
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
No because I seriously think about Hunter joining the Hexsquad during season one all the time. Just… randomly being apart of their hijinks. He has no reason to be there and he won’t admit that they’re friends but sure he’ll tag along to Grom with everyone. Running commentary with Gus on the sidelines during the grudgby game. Awkwardly pretending he doesn’t know Luz and Willow and Gus at the end of S1. Joining them afterwards because he’s pitted against Belos when Eda was almost killed, and hey he has a support system now, so he leaves (unrealistic I know). Enrolling at hexside at the beginning of S2 and ONE WEEK in he gets expelled and he’s just like ���are you fucking with me right now.” I think about this so much.
"ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW" THIS IS SO FUNNY, Odalia fucking nerfed him right out of the gate.
But okay okay what if. what if.
AU where everything is the same except after Luz enrolls in Hexside the Golden Guard is stationed at the school to keep an eye on her. (Belos is very interested in the Human's presence on the Isles.) There's obviously some cover story about monitoring the staff and student body for legal magic usage but Luz is absolutely his main priority.
But it's like. This job is so fucking boring. He can't just follow Luz from class to class without arousing suspicion and Bump requested that he sit in on less classes because he has a tendency open his mouth and just completely take over the lesson from the teacher and there have been a lot of complaints from the staff about him. So he's mostly resigned to slinking around the hallways and the courtyard.
But like. EVENTUALLY, he starts having these short casual interactions with Luz, and by extension the people she surrounds herself with. Just cuz he gets bored and there's nothing suspicious about a little chitchat. And at first Willow and Gus are starstruck and Amity tries to impress him, hoping he'll send a good word to the Emperor’s Coven about her. But after a while they just. Get used to his presence. While he starts magnetizing towards them more and more. He'll occasionally drop in on the four of them gathered around the stairs and be like "sup" and they're like "oh hey GG, do you want half of my sandwich?"
They still never see his face, they still never learn his name and it is ABSOLUTELY seperate Tides era GG!Hunter that we're dealing with here. The one who's got all this cockiness and bravado that comes from the mask. He's hanging around for most season 1 adventures that are hexside related. He goes to grom with them, he sticks around for the whole grudgby thing etc. If you asked Luz, Amity, Willow and Gus about it they'd be like "yeah he's our buddy :)"
Hunter, meanwhile, SWEARS that he only hangs out with them due to boredom. He thinks they're alright but he doesn't have any special attachment to any of them. But unfortunately, he is Hunter who has a tendency to become ride-or-die towards anyone who is nice to him. However, the beauty of the mask and uniform is that it makes him a lot better at hiding most of his emotions. He's air of indifference towards them is extremely convincing.
But also Hunter is still deeply linked to Belos and due to his relationship with the other kids not being exactly intimate, he still doesn't really have the strength (or the desire) to break away from his Coven. So he is still very firmly on the Emperor's side.
The fucking. Petrification of Eda incident.
Scout: Sir, there are some kids in town spouting anti-monarchist speech to a crowd
Hunter: What kind of idiots would do that?
*heads into town to find Willow and Gus up on a stage*
Hunter: OH NO THOSE ARE MY IDIOTS
And then. After Lilith is branded as a traitor, Hunter is promoted to Coven Head. So he's removed from his hexside duty because he now has more pressing matters to deal with. But it puts a bit of a rift between his relationship with Luz and the others, as Hunter is still fundamentally loyal to Belos and he takes his new position very seriously.
The events of Seperate Tides still happens, the only difference being that Luz is like "What the heck, man?? I thought we were friends??"
"You thought wrong :)"
All the other Hunter centric episodes happen, there's just an added familiarity between him and the other kids, making his actions against them way more personal.
58 notes
·
View notes
Note
We! Need! More! Magne! Content! Can I please get Magne dealing with an anonymous secret admirer who specializes in those letters from books that premake the love letter like (Letters To My Love: Write Now. Read Later.) and the entirety of a little book (Knock Knock What I Love About You) among whatever else basically fill in the blank love letters the only reason she can't guess the admirer is because they use a little calligraphy to hide their normal handwriting the only reason she catches them is because she catches them in the act and they admit to never approaching her simply because they don't have relationship experience or as they say any of her life experience they admire her (when the letters started) which turned to crushing on which developed into love
(!!!!!WE NEED MORE MAGNE CONTENT!!!!!)
~Magne's Secret Admirer~
headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up
"Ugh damn it!" She slammed her fist onto the counter at the bar area and dropped her pen. Toga stopped playing on her phone and turned her head to peek over her shoulder. She watched Magne do the same thing she did every single week for the past 3 weeks in a row. Finally her curiosity got the best of her and she decided to check it out. She locked up her device and placed it on the couch cushion before getting up and skipping over to the bar. Magne's forehead was on the counter and her arms hung in defeat at her side. She groaned and Toga gently reached over to pat her back. "Are you okay big sis?" The girl asked with genuine concern. Magne groaned again before finally sitting up and staring at the paper in front of her. "Yeah I guess...I'm actually not okay. Himiko, how well can you keep a secret?" Magne looked over at her and waited. "Hmmmm..." Toga placed a finger on her cheek thoughtful. "Pretty good I think! I'm better than Twice at least." She teased playfully. "Okay well come with me then." Magne got up and Toga followed behind her faithfully. Magne opened her bedroom door and ushered for Toga to come in first. Magne then looked around to make sure nobody was watching when she entered herself, closed, and locked the door. Toga took a seat on the bed and pulled the large stuffed penguin into a hug while she watched Magne dig through a shoebox she'd pulled from underneath the bed. When Magne found what she was looking for, she pulled out the paper and shoved the box back underneath her bed. "Here look at this and tell me what you think these are." Magne shoved the stuffed animal out of the way and placed the paper into Toga's lap. She crossed her arms and watched Toga scan the letters with her eyes before looking up and gasping lightly. "Love letter??? You've got a-"
"A secret admirer, I know! But I can't fucking seem to figure out who it is. I mean, I keep looking over these letters and it feels like I'm only getting half of what I need to figure this out. I mean, what do you think? Do you have any idea what this could even be? Any clues, suspects, literally anything!?!?!" Magne freaked out just a tiny bit. She'd never truly been the object of another person's affections. Not even during school was she very desirable to the others around her. When she was younger she was shy and could've blamed most her issues on simply not approaching enough people first. Her confidence came later in life after meeting with her close friend Yukine. So to now be in the romantic sights of someone was a big shock to her. The only obstacle now is trying to figure out just who it was. Toga sat with her and started narrowing down suspects.
Boss man couldn't be the one, could he? He's got a bit of Tsundere potential but what really would he do if he liked someone? Probably not love letters.
Dabi could've been it but he didn't seem like the love letter kind of guy either.
Spinner was a big potential so we'd add him to the list.
Y/N seemed like a very close friend, maybe like family almost?
Twice would've said so by now if it was him.
Compress and Kurogiri are STRONG suspects when it comes to something like love letters.
Muscular and Mustard no. Muscular didn't show interest in her and Mustard was a literal child.
Moonfish maybe???
Could it be someone outside of the league? Maybe Giran perhaps? He wasn't the love letter kind of guy but then again...he was unpredictable to most.
The girls had turned into detectives just overnight. Magne's wall was scattered with bits of paper and thumbtacks with yarn connecting them. The two of them were running back down the list of suspects for at least the rest of that week. By the time Friday had rolled around, Magne was once again on the lookout for the new weekly letter. She usually got them in the same place (slipped under her bedroom door when she least expected it). That's why today she had her door wide open as she stayed in her room all day long on lookout. However, she was still human at the end of the day. That meant she eventually needed to fall asleep. In the dead hours of the night, he admirer struck once again. When she woke up she wiped the grogginess from her face and waited until her eyes adjusted to the light sweeping over the bedroom from just behind the thin veiled curtains. When her eyes made contact with the envelope she gasped and quickly fumbled out of bed. She grabbed the letter, inspected it for just a second, slammed the door and then locked it. She rushed to her desk and grabbed a pen to try and decipher the note. It ended in failure yet again and she was beginning to feel like she was losing her mind over it. Something so sweet and romantic was starting to bring her sadness and frustration. She would've spent the entire day moping around in silence had she not just barely noticed you sitting at the bar scribbling something onto a familiar type of paper. The type of paper that had a certain texture and color to it. The same type of paper that her secret admirer had used for every letter she'd gotten. Magne quietly moved to stand over your back and watched your hand weave the intricate words onto the paper right in front of her eyes. You eventually felt that feeling that someone was standing before you swiveled around and gasped.
"AHA! I CAUGHT YOU RED HANDED!!!!" Magne shouted before jumping up and down and quickly taking a seat right next to you. "Y/N it was you?! It was you the whole time! Why??? Why didn't you just tell me how you felt! I mean, the letter were cute and all but I was having a pretty shit time at trying to figure everything out." She stopped talking and stared at you with wide eyes, awaiting an answer to it all. You side and cleared your throat, looking everywhere but directly into her eyes. "I thought it would be the best way to do things. I've never really had any type of relationship experience before so I figured this would be okay. I mean, for a while I spent a good bit of my time admiring you. I think eventually I'd somehow fallen in love with you when the crush started feeling like it was suffocating me. I like you. I like everything about you and I was worried you wouldn't feel the same." Magne reached out and pinched your side. "Oww, hey!" You moved quickly to the side and frowned. She smiled widely at you and quickly pulled you into a hug. "Sorry, I just felt like you needed to be brought back to reality so I pinched you. Y/N you shouldn't ever be scared to admit your feelings to me. I like everything about you too. I mean Hell, to me you're one of the best people I've ever had walk into my mess of a life. If you'll still have me then I'd kill for a date with you." She pulled away from the hug and stared at you with hopeful eyes. You smiled and gently cuffed her face with your hands. "I can't wait."
#scenario#big sis mag#bnha magne#kenji hikiishi#lov#league of villains#magne x reader#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
He wanted to know if they was feeding over there today......he is a nice man ...so I said the mental program is just the really creepy poor program for peace street women....the guys are veterans so they have an extensive inclusion through the technical college and they go to private parties through aa with the strippers but i do in these situations more recommend saints then doing male privileges
I don't really know what happened to the host or those families they may be are raped disrobed Muslims so if it's that stripping I tend to notice that they are religious people and just try to stay away from that
They to me appear forced to in that cult it's not wanted or desired so I just stay away from that I can want to be a woman so
I don't think those children are like slaves and want to be called harem if you ask me quiet and wide eyed that way they were little kids and very very scared
Its Iraq in there and we haven't been allowed to flee to France yet so it's murdering handicaps and starting cults
He kills guys a lot of men through here and a lot go missing.....
He brutalizes and batters women to kill them slowly of mental drugs and mafiaites without christian womens money go crazy and kill people they can't have christian women's money if mentals never fuck off admit idiocy fault and cruelty and fuck off
Pre enlightenment France was actually better for women because marriage at least came with a dowry or pay for woman itself and many men with a trans spirit that can't live under religious seclusion and discipline and get really shocked by Napoleon and Jacobin don't control violence really
The men who go to the parties don't ever come back around so
Sharon Stone obsessions with bisexuals
Peace is the most insipid man most of the ladies around show me it's drama and operatics their ISIS and they will gang at me till I have a criminology and die of forced organs donation to communist China
I think I survive because I have a Lakota spirit and quite frankly the ladies about violent ideation are really disempowered I think....and it's mostly just sad and morbid to watch them know they can't escape having a criminology now
I mean maybe their neo Nazis and way more capable of staying with their military but my guess is they are really feminine and going to be really beat up through criminal justice
So this is Thai sweet tea....minimize all contact with everyone as much as ya can.........my actual recommendation those people make everyone touch each other's sugar then want to flee and leave people to die of communicable disease
He asked me if i wanted to get a sleeping spot together so I said I'm not a prostitute and so he assured me don't worry nothing like that so I explained the men around here are very scary dangerous people and if you go out with or act friends with anyone those are worst pimps they would make you do sex acts and maybe put maxi pad bandages in the restroom....you cannot be with men at all in these situations or it will all stalk up and rape you and throw a couple dollars at you
This isn't nice job college life with your relationship with a fellow student causes you a very emotional mentalizing date rape this is the street like rape proper definitions those are men who violently rape people
The street for me is really ageing it's been like a decade of street rough cruelty and I feel really really old and only have toleration for the mythic angelic homo genetics of platonic experience between men and women....its brutally conversional and I only date Them i don't want any draining depressive nice and kind but not what I really need
When I was younger I could prevent and take responsibility for diversity and not completely correct together but now I'm old like death row old and I have a horrible temper that causes storms like super powers if I can't have what I need and move on with my life I'm tired of satanic delay interruption and nothing
The women who do that here are very young and they reject the prior french basis of work or white as servile emigration and when people reject her for being plain and stodgy they show up in a very dangerous city and now have a criminal type that could get them murdered
They tell them their young and to not go to the city
Anyway I explained those men are so brutally corrupt you have to replace pastor liberal pamprin with a southern redemptionist that can really scream at it and terrify it of hell....
I have seen southern nature like bird rock like huge crying bird much larger then mans machines put reefer Prometheus bringing us Pandora's box on a rock and eternally eat it....
Those people as sexologists are so nasty free love gathered you do have to terrify it apocalyptically like if you make bisexuals and women cohabitate like they don't have any difference needs the whole world here will end
If you keep taking Persians out of their confinement and brutalizing them with extended work outs there will be a war to end all wars if unwanted unvoted for sex manifestations don't stop
That's what creationism is if you don't stop positing an eternal life of your privilege to others poverty the japaneese will blow up the world about having to weed a garden
Women and bisexuals aren't different poison the well rivers all of it of mentals pee then kill it all of mental pill waste psychosis then
They create biological weapons here so it's maybe true if your strong and tough enough no one has legitimate title to anything
The russian army is something this mean vindictive trump lady wants to put in a salmon run to smash against a wall.....so it's in all levels of society stalking me to provide biological weapons....im not a prostitute and I wont do weirdos so get away from my pee
0 notes
Note
What are Luca and Gail’s futures like? Are there any big changes in their lives after they graduate?
This is something I've really struggled with deciding, and so I actually very much appreciate your asking because it gives me an opportunity to stop dawdling and really iron out the details.
I'll talk about Gail first, as that's much simpler, for reasons I'll get into down the road. Her trajectory has always been one that was destined to do a u-turn. Unlike Luca, it wouldn't have mattered who Rakepick actually killed, because she was aiming for Ben. The moment she took a shot at Gail's brother, Gail was done with Rakepick and done with R. Nothing could win her back, though they certainly tried and Gail may have had moments of doubt. In the end, Gail believes in the establishment (trading her loyalty to R for her loyalty to Dumbledore and The Ministry) but she's loyal to her values above all else. She has a lot of integrity.
So she's going to go down fighting if she has to, and Gail is the kind of character I could almost see dying in battle, going out in a blaze of glory, taking a dozen R agents down with her and protecting/saving her friends. I could see her lighting a flame on her wand, glaring at Peregrine, and making the building they're both in explode. She'd do it. However, we all like happy endings here, and Gail has so much to live for even if she doesn't think about that.
I've given this a lot of thought and I still can't really decide between Talbott and Badeea for her end-game love interest. Maybe she starts out getting involved with Talbott, but later on in life, maybe in her 30s or something, the two of them separate. Only for her to go and live with Badeea. Maybe. Either way, I can see Gail and Talbott both entering the Auror Program. Gail passes muster and becomes an Auror, either through talent or a free pass from having already worked for Moody...but I'm not at all sure that Talbott is admitted. I've talked about this before but I think that could go either way, and we know he has a fallback when it comes to Healing. He might also decide to switch careers later in life if he finds that hunting Dark Wizards just isn't to his liking.
Either way, Gail is a person who gives herself over to conflict, diving head first into danger because she doesn't know anything else and it just feels normal for her. Safety would induce anxiety, as sad as that is to say. She is the warrior that has never known peace. But she wants to. She needs it, she just isn't ready to accept it, not in her youth. Though she is still drawn to people who provide that sense of serenity, even if she can't place her finger on why. Either way, if she eventually quits the Auror Office, I could see her going into the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, or even doing something as mundane and simple as working a shop with Badeea.
One thing's for certain - no kids. She's not the nurturing type and she never will be. Her upbringing was far too fucked up for her to have any confidence in her ability to raise a child, even if she had any desire to do so - which she does not. She's too easily annoyed. But she's also caring, and she does make for a good leader. In my original concept of the story, she eventually became the Leader of R, and worked to make them better from the inside out. That could still happen but it would basically be an AU. Among other things, that fateful night where Rakepick fired a killing curse at Ben would need to have just, like, not happened.
Ah, speaking of Ben, this relationship grows more tumultuous the older they get. Initially, they'd still be very close, as thick as thieves, but as Ben becomes "New Ben" I think it would get tricky. Gail loves seeing Ben come out of his shell and it brings them closer, but also, he's rebelling. She's always been the "leader" of this friendship, the one with all the control, and he's now exercising his independence. Gail wouldn't know how to handle that. She'd be both impressed and resentful. She would grow more used to it and they'd adapt to each other's needs, especially if Ben became an Auror too, and he might. But when Gail has her second turn-around, and realizes what she needs in life (This would be the point that she steps down from running R, in that AU) when she resigns as an Auror, I think her bond with Ben might become more strained.
But ultimately, Gail's not going to have a peaceful death. She's not going to live to old age. Even if she eventually frees herself from that kind of life...she just can't stay away. She's a chaotic person and she has the ability to help, so she will. Always. She'd be on call or if nothing else, she'd show up if the Aurors needed help. Same goes for the Order of the Phoenix. Same goes for (a reformed) R. She doesn't turn her back on people. She doesn't walk away. Gail was never going to pass away in her sleep at age 99. Sorry, but the more I think about it the more I'm sure that Gail as been fighting this battle her entire life, a battle that never ends until she loses. And she can't fight forever. She's been the last one standing in many conflicts, but sooner or later, it will catch up to her. Well, that sure was cheerful. Let's talk about Luca now. Here is where things get awkward.
Ever since Y6CH18, Luca's future has been in flux.
The initial concept of their character revolved around their loyalty to Jacob and love for him. This is what fueled their search for him, what motivated them to charge into danger when they are otherwise not the sort of person who would ever do so. Gail is the warrior, and Luca is a healer by nature. But for Jacob, they'll do anything. This is also the reason Luca was drawn to people like Tulip and Merula. In them, Luca is unconsciously reminded of Jacob and thus finds familiarity and safety. The chance to resume their "caretaker" role, as they don't know how to function without it.
Why am I talking about all this? Because of the age-old writing prompt: Figure out what means the most to your character, and then take it away. Luca's backstory is written around the inevitability that they will eventually lose Jacob forever and have to accept that loss. In my original concept, Luca had to watch Jacob die, in roughly...the middle of Year 6. What's more, he was killed by Farah - Luca's mother, in a #PlotTwist betrayal...are you seeing the problem? Yeah, Y6CH18 came along and wrecked everything. Because it was almost perfect, but the details are wrong, and it changes the whole story.
Rowan is one of the most important people in Luca's life, but they're not like Jacob. Not like Tulip, Merula, Beatrice, or Skye...chaotic people that Luca would look out for, and try to rescue. No, Rowan is like Penny and Chiara and Orion. They're the one who looks after Luca. Losing them instead of Jacob should be a minor change, a detail...but it just isn't. It's so much more. Not helping is that Merula is the Hogwarts Mole, which does permanent damage to her relationship with Luca and the Trouble Trio in general. Luca's future has been thrown into disarray and uncertainty.
So essentially, the "Rowan Lives" AU is even more essential to plot out here, as defining Luca's future in a world where Rowan is dead and Jacob is not...is difficult to conceive. If Jacob's dead, Luca still has their support system in the form of their friends from Hogwarts. The Circle of Khanna, even if they aren't named as such, would be there for them. Rowan would be there, as would Tulip and Merula. These are the people that Luca is closest too. But if Rowan's gone, if Merula is the mole...oh boy, I need to think about this.
See, Luca does love Merula. Even in timelines where there's no shipping between them, Luca will still always love Merula in some capacity. It's just who they are, it's how they were written. Luca's character is, among other things, an interpretation of every single pro-Merula choice one could make in-game. But even they have limits. When they find out Merula is the mole and she asks if they forgive her...they don't say yes. They say, "It will take time." Because losing Rowan breaks Luca. So does losing Jacob, but the difference is, I know what losing Jacob will do to Luca. Rowan? Even I'm not sure how that affects them moving forward. But between that and Merula's betrayal, and how the two are irrevocably linked by R being responsible for Rowan's death...everything Luca knew is wrong, and the support system they acquired at Hogwarts now feels permanently tainted. See, I'm analyzing how Luca would handle this, and I don't like it. I don't like this timeline for them. Losing Jacob works, he was unhealthy obsession for them, that they needed to get over. But losing Rowan just...sucks.
I'd imagine Luca and Jacob would have to do some work on their relationship as adults, and Luca would need to learn to see Jacob as he truly is. That would take time. Originally, it was going to be a #RebuiltPedestal where they idolized him in youth, grew to doubt him during his disappearance, and then felt horrible guilt after his demise. A similar trajectory played out with Rowan. MC's distance from them was interpreted as Luca suspecting them of being R, but once they were Imperius'd and it became clear that they weren't, Luca felt horrible, apologized, and reconciled with Rowan to only grow closer than before. But with Rowan living on borrowed time, I instead feel the need to throw the entire rift in the trash. Luca would probably reach some kind of parting of the ways with Merula, maybe, and this level of maturity would reflect in their newly established boundaries with Jacob. They'd stop being a doormat for their loved ones. Meanwhile, someone would need to fill the hole in Luca's heart that Rowan left behind, albeit in a different way.
So who is Luca's new best mate? Not Tonks, I mean, what, do I really want Luca to go through that again? Not Penny either. I love her but I'm a little salty that the game has essentially tried to do this itself, so no. Ben? Nah, they were never that close. Chiara? It is a strong possibility. Luca and Chiara are remarkably similar. I could actually see Luca ultimately finding happiness with either her or Talbott, since both of these characters are written so well when it comes to shipping them with MC. But I think the most likely character that Luca would become best mates with is Beatrice, especially once she graduates and they can actually hang out. (Though they'd also write a lot.) Beatrice could also be Luca's eventual end-game love interest. ("Eventual" being the key word here. I'm talking like, when they're in their twenties.) Alternatively, they could just wind up with Tulip of course, but if The Trouble Trio breaks apart, I'm not sure it could come back together unless all three were present...
Either way, Luca and Jacob aren't as close in adulthood, but Luca still cares for him and is there for him. They'll also be there for Merula if and when she's in need, but they won't lay down on railroad tracks or otherwise disrespect them-self for her sake. Again, boundaries. They'll eventually find happiness with...someone. (Could be another OC at this point for all I know, I'm so damn fickle.) But what about their career? I've gone back and forth a lot between them studying creatures and them going into Healing. Given how Chiara, Penny, and Talbott were all hinted to be able to work at St. Mungos, I think they'd be drawn to working there as well, but keep in mind, in the timeline where Rowan dies, they'd feel a degree of distance from their school friends. On the other hand, I don't see them traveling the world to work with creatures unless Tulip and Merula were there with them, and that trio isn't likely to survive the Hogwarts Mole twist. One thing I do like about Healer Luca is that, given the addition of Sirona Ryan to the Potterverse, it opens up a lot of possibilities for what it could mean to Transition using magic. Suppose Luca, a Trans Healer, specialized in helping young trans mages reflect who they are inside on the outside?
One more thing, Luca absolutely becomes a parent. Perhaps they have a biological child with their partner at some point, but at least one of their kids will be adopted. (And they may only have one, who knows.) Luca has parent energy, they just do. They would be excellent at it and while it isn't something they ever gave much thought to, they would rise to the occasion flawlessly and not even feel that much anxiety about it. Luca is actually a very good teacher as well, but they never considered taking a teaching job at Hogwarts even if one opened up, as unlike Harry, they're not so fond of their old school. (Also, the only subject they'd even want to teach goes to Hagrid canonically, and he deserves it.) Unlike Gail, Luca is going to grow old with their family and friends, unless they have a Steve Irwin style death involving some unfortunate incident with a creature or something. It's possible, but Luca just has the energy of someone with a mundane and quiet death.
Didn't I say I would force myself to nail down the details? So much for that...
#Luca Fawley#Gail Fawley#Hogwarts Mystery OC#HPHM Jacob's Sibling#HPHM Spoilers#Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery#HPHM Jacob#Rowan Khanna#Ben Copper#Talbott Winger#Hayley#Is briefly mentioned#And so is#Patricia Rakepick#HPHM R
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
malikasutzhan-blog
Welcome to my blog, dear readers
yourcoachforlifetime
Author Garima Pradhan
novasdarling
Nova
meowhun-blog
all better.
