#my opinion on first listen is I like too sweet a lot and empire now is giving video game soundtrack
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So Hozier just dropped an EP. Cool, love it, great as always. Now, when is he gonna officially drop But the Wages. Please, Andrew, I'll take a demo atp idc🙏
#sstfu.txt#I'll listen to that one shakey concert recording until the end of time if I have to but still#my opinion on first listen is I like too sweet a lot and empire now is giving video game soundtrack#the other too are just ok ehh#they'll probably grow on me all his songs usually do
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sweaty hands, reluctant hearts
Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Fem!Reader
Words: 13685 (god this wasn’t supposed to be this long I’m actually sorry this time)
Warnings: Angst and Smut (my fav). Hurt/Jealous Mando -> Touch Starved/Rough Mando -> Fluffy Mando -> Shy Mando. Penetrative Sex. Oral Sex. There’s lot’s of sweat because exertion yall. Breeding Kink 😏. Slight Exhibitionism. Overstimulation and slight slight non-con because of oversensitivity. Umm, squirting 🙃. Dirty/Sweet talk. Spanking (ass and hoohaa).
Summary: He never thought the day would come when he’d hear you saying you wanted to leave him. Yes there was an understanding between the two of you that you were hired to help him care for the Child and to somehow keep the Razor Crest alive and working. And he knew it made sense for you to find work elsewhere now that the Razor Crest was destroyed and the Child was with his own kind. But he just assumed you weren’t going to leave considering it’s been a couple of months since he’d given the kid to the Jedi and you never brought it up. It hurt hearing you say those words, especially when he realized he wasn’t meant to hear them and that you were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people. Turns out, all Mando needed was to see the Marshal eye-fucking you as you fixed the new ship and overshared your thoughts for him to snap and finally make a move. Hopefully he can change your mind...
A/N: Yall, this is post Season 2 so sadly Grogu is not here, hence the angst! Umm, this was a lot to handle because you know, that gif here. Enjoy ☺️
It’s been months since the events that transpired on the cruiser. Months since he’d given away a piece of himself to an unknown being. Months since he’d sat down and re-evaluated his life’s mission. He wasn’t sure why he’d chosen to return to Tatooine of all planets but he needed some time to think of his next steps. So much has changed over the course of the past year and it took the Mandalorian longer than usual to realize that he can’t use bounty hunting to fill the void in his heart.
One thing he did know for sure, however, was that he couldn’t have managed to survive the emotional and physical changes without your presence. Somehow, you’ve managed to make his life easier and by a whole lot. He has never felt this grateful for having a companion, maker, didn’t even think it possible to ever consider another as such. He’d spent years and years living by the Creed and never once doubting his way of living, but he found himself questioning everything about himself when you came in. It wasn’t that he was suddenly open to the idea of taking his helmet off or anything, it was more of a passing thought on what it would be like if he were to open up to you more, perhaps even share with you more than his name and an abridged version of how he became a Mandalorian.
He mulled over how he would approach the topic with you, finding himself growing more nervous when he considered how you’d react. You’ve never given him any inclination of ever thinking of him as more than your boss and he knew he needed to figure out a way to make this seem natural and not forced. Frankly, he found it interesting how you managed to read him better than anyone he’s ever met, and he wished he could ask you how you’d done so when he never took off his helmet.
Mando pushed the thought aside for now, cursing to himself as he dragged the giant piece of scrap you’d requested for him to pick up from Peli. He wanted to argue with you then, tell you that the only reason for coming to this awfully hot planet was to take some time off, if that was even possible, and avoid falling into the temptation of another mission. But he couldn’t find it in himself to say any of these things, mostly because you were the one that managed to procure the new ship for him and you were also the one that told him the two of you were in serious need of rest. He’d only realized the ship needed fixing when he landed and you told him you would get right on as soon as he picked up the necessary pieces from Peli. He felt a little out of the loop when he’d gone to her and found her giving him everything you’d requested for, and he knew you must have contacted her before you landed or else she wouldn’t have been this quick.
As he made his way through the quiet “streets” of Mos Pelgo, he thought back to what Peli said to him an hour ago. Had he not considered her as a friend, he would have responded rudely when she bugged him about you. As much as he wished to humor the idea that you looked at him as more than a colleague, partner, whatever it was the two of you were, he didn’t want to grow any more false hope, especially now that he’d already given up the one thing that managed to crawl into his heart.
Mando saw that you’d moved the ship behind the cantina and he chose to blame the heat for the way his skin crawled with goosebumps because no, he didn’t suddenly feel calm at the thought of you.
He shook his head from the intruding thought and was about to say something to you when he saw who was standing nearby. If there was ever a time where he didn’t wish to see Cobb Vanth, it was definitely now. The bounty hunter put down the scraps of metal before moving closer to where the two of you were standing. He was sheltered behind a shack of sorts and allowed his heart rate to return to normal before listening in on you.
“I don’t believe you sweetheart.” The Marshal threw back his drink and shook his head when you shrugged your shoulders at him and Mando felt his stomach twist at the endearment. Since when were the two of you on such a close basis?
“Believe whatever you want Marshal, I was only answering your question. Besides, it’s not like I’m actively looking right now.” Mando watched as you swiped the sweat rolling down your face with the back of your hand and swore when he felt the fabric of his pants grow tighter around his crotch. He felt dirty watching your every move, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the way your muscles gleamed under the excruciating sun rays. He cursed the day you bought that garment and he recalled back to the first time he watched you work in it. Mando had almost tripped over the child that day because he never expected to see you walking around with the chest binding so visible to his eyes. It was worse when you reached up high for something because if his eyes lingered long enough, he could see your undergarment peeking from the low-hanging pants of the overalls.
The bounty hunter had to take a few deep breaths to move on from the inappropriate thoughts he was having and he narrowed his eyes at Cobb when he saw him walk closer to you.
“Are you ever going to tell him?” The Mandalorian watched as your expression shifted slowly to a more sombre look and he was familiar enough with you to know that you weren’t too happy with that question or the answer you were going to give Cobb.
“I- I don’t know. I wish I could tell him about how I fe- what I’m thinking about but I can’t...and I also can’t just say ‘Hey Mando, I had a blast taking care of the kid and getting hunted by the kriffing Empire. I fixed the ship for you so see you later.’ It’s not right and I didn’t realize it would be this difficult to come to terms with what I have to do. But I can’t keep doing this, it’s not fair.”
Whatever the Mandalorian thought you were going to say, that certainly didn’t make the top of the list. He almost fell back when he registered the meaning behind your words. You wanted to leave. You’ve been wanting to move on for a while and you weren’t sure how to tell him. You were confiding in Cobb Vanth of all people and relying on his opinion to decide what you were going to do. A thousand thoughts flew through his mind and he tried to see if he’d done anything wrong. Besides the whole thing with Gideon and Bo Katana, there wasn’t really anything he’d done that would inspire such a reaction from you. Not that those weren’t enough to change your mind about staying with him but it was all in the past now.
The sound of laughter broke Mando out of his haze and he turned towards you again, watching as you slithered down the ship, clenching his fists tightly when he saw Cobb grab your hips to help you down. He was torn between strutting towards the two of you and punching the daylights out of him and remaining where he was to listen in on your conversation. He had no right to do either, but he needed to know.
“I hate to ask you this question because it defeats the whole purpose of this entire chat but...have you thought of how he’d take it? Should you decide on-” You pointed to something on the floor and Cobb leaned down to grab it for you, handing it and gauging your reaction to his question as you continued to work.
“Why else do you think I’ve been putting this off? Of course I’ve thought of how he’d react. But I deserve more than...ugh, I don’t mind this, I swear I don’t, but I also can’t just sit back and pretend I don’t want more.” You motioned violently to the ship and to what you were doing as you spoke, shaking your head at the man smiling smugly in front of you before throwing out the tools and snatching his drink from him.
Mando couldn’t stand to be near you, not after what he’d heard and certainly not after taking in your body language and the way Cobb was practically undressing you without shame. He stepped back, leaving the scraps where they were and heading to the cantina to take his mind off of what he’d just witnessed. He walked in and paid no mind to the patrons scattered across the room, handing the man behind the counter more credits than he cared to count and asking him for his strongest stuff. He didn’t bother to address the judgmental stare he was receiving and took hold of the bottle before walking out again.
It was close to sunset and the Mandalorian walked until the edge of the town before deciding to continue until he reached a small hill filled with large boulders. Sliding down one of the rocks, he sighed deeply before taking off his helmet, the hissing sound instilling a sense of guilt deep in his chest. He was ashamed at feeling such an emotion towards what he based his entire life on. But he couldn’t take it anymore. His anger rose as he opened the large bottle in his hand, throwing it back until he felt the stinging drink burn his throat for a few seconds before aggressively setting it on the floor next to him.
Mando wasn’t able to put what he was feeling into a proper string of thoughts but he did know it was an odd mixture of hurt and anger with a tiny bit of sexual frustration. He couldn’t get the image of you sweaty and heaving as you worked on his ship out of his mind, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back to meditate back on the way your muscles clenched and pulled every time you molded two metal scraps together or how they positively shined when you carried things across the sand. He’d tried his hardest to set all of these feelings and rather inappropriate thoughts aside but he couldn’t any longer. Not when there was a chance of you leaving him, and perhaps to someone like the Marshal too.
Perhaps it was unwise to deny his heart’s desires for so long and Mando was sure that he’d met his breaking point because he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Normally, he was able to distract himself and force his mind to stray away from conjuring up the filthiest images of you wreathing and crying beneath him as he drove his cock into your heat. But he had no hold over his mind at this moment, not that he was to blame. He went from shutting his own self out to opening the floodgates, and there was no going back.
He sighed heavily when his thoughts shifted to what you said about him and he took a long sip from the bottle before turning his attention to the setting suns. He didn’t know what he could even say if you ever approached the topic with him. You’d been wanting to leave for a while now and somehow managed to hide it from him. All those nights spent running from Moff Gideon and other bounty hunters and you haven’t complained once, choosing to keep it to yourself. He wasn’t sure if he was hurt because you felt the need to hide something like this from him or because you were awfully understanding of how these complaints could distract him.
And then there was the whole thing with the ship. He had assumed that the two of you sort of shared it now but it seemed that you never saw it as belonging to you but only to him. And you went out of your way to fix it now when you didn’t have to. Mando didn’t notice his tears until he licked his drying lips and tasted the saltiness across his mouth. He wiped his cheeks and laughed at himself. When had he become like this? First it was the child and now you.
He wished he could take it all back, to have never met the kid or you. His life was simple and not complicated and now, now he was faced with the prospect of losing you as well. The bounty hunter dismissed the thought as quickly as it came because he knew deep down that it was better to have had the two of you in his life, even for a short while, than to have never known you. It wasn’t ideal but since when was his life ideal?
As the suns set beneath the sky, the Mandalorian looked down and saw that the bottle was still almost full. Not wanting to finish it now, because he might actually need it later when you decide to leave, Mando stood up and slowly made his way back into town. He needed to sleep, not to rest but to put a pause on his rather depressing thoughts if only for a little bit. When he saw the town come into view, he took a deep breath and put his helmet back on.
The town was quieter than usual and the Mandalorian found himself going straight to the ship instead of joining the others. He’d spent the past few days enjoying his nights in the corner of the busy cantina, watching as you won one Sabacc game after another without breaking a sweat while everyone groaned in annoyance at how well you were kicking their asses. But he couldn’t trust himself tonight, not around you and certainly not around the Marshal.
Trying not to bring too much attention to himself, Mando walked past the cantina towards the ship, already thinking of how relieved he’d be once he used the refresher. Going up the ramp, he was about to walk to the small, private room near the cockpit to grab a change of clothes when he heard a loud shriek that sounded a lot like his name coming from the opposite end of the ship. Mando quickly turned around and shut his eyes in exasperation when he saw you approaching him far angrier than he’d ever seen you. He set the bottle down and turned his attention towards you, raising an eyebrow to himself when he saw your chest heaving beneath the chest band. He averted his eyes quickly, refusing to think of you sweaty and breathless under other circumstances. Maker, he couldn’t go no like this.
“Where in the kriffing hell have you been? You were supposed to bring the parts from Peli hours ago and I have to find out from some kid that you just left them on the ground and walked away to- hell, I don’t even know what was more important for you than bringing me the scraps so I could fix the ship? Really, Mando, I understand that it’s been a little weird and difficult lately but I barely ask for anything and, ugh, maker.” You held back from voicing more of your thoughts, afraid that you’ve already gone far with asking him where he was. He didn’t really need to tell you what his business was but you’d assumed the two of you have come to an understanding regarding such matters, at the very least to ensure everyone’s safety.
Mando stood there in silence and took a deep breath before turning around and walking into his room, afraid he’d give himself away if he tried to respond to you.
You furrowed your eyebrows in frustration when he quietly walked away from you, anger rising in your chest as he came out and made his way past you to the refresher. Before you could think twice of what you were doing, you were sprinting past him and standing in front of the open door, pushing your fingers into his beskar-clad chest as you hissed at him.
“I’m not sure what happened or why you’re giving me the silent treatment right now but this is not how we deal with our problems okay.” Mando took a few steps back as you continued to shove your finger into him, trying his hardest to not grab your wrist and push you against the nearest wall. “We talk things out and we come up with a way to fix things and compromise if need be.” Mando’s back hit the wall, and he threw his head back to avoid your gaze, unable to hold back the chuckle that rose from beneath the helmet at your words.
How ironic.
“Did I say something funny?” You narrowed your eyes up at him and wished for once that he’d remove that god damn helmet so you could gauge his reaction.
“You mean we should talk things out like you and Cobb Vanth today? Or would it be different?” Mando’s chest tightened when he noticed the surprised expression on your face, knowing very well this was not what you expected to hear from him. He was a rational man, never once letting his mind give away to such simplistic thoughts but you’d struck a nerve and he could no longer hide his jealousy. Yes, it was jealousy. As much as he hated to admit it, that’s what he was feeling right now, what he’s been feeling all day long. It was childish and unlike him but it wasn’t going to do him any good if he continued to ignore it.
“I’m dying to know if that’s what you mean. You obviously don’t have an issue telling him about how difficult it’s been working with me and how you can’t keep doing this.” It was your turn to take a few steps back when you saw his shoulders push out and make him taller than he already was. He continued to walk towards you, throwing his clothes to the ground and almost apologizing when you tripped on your feet when he was only a foot away from you.
“How about this, let’s start with what you apparently wish you could tell me but can’t seem to find the right words to do so. What was it you said to him? You deserve more than taking care of a kid and constantly escaping the Empire and other bounty hunters? Or wait, how can I forget...it’s not fair dealing with this mess of a ship and you’re looking for somewhere else to go?” You swallowed the lump in your throat as the Mandalorian repeated back the words you voiced perhaps a little too loudly earlier today, already feeling your eyes fill with unshed tears at harsh his tone.
“I- I didn’t…you weren’t meant to-” You tripped over your words and almost flinched when he cut you off.
“What? I wasn’t supposed to hear you say any of those things? A little strange don’t you think, since you seemed to have a lot to say about me to the Marshal.” Mando should have stopped himself from saying the next few words but his heart was torn into a million pieces and it wasn’t fair for him either.
“Well guess what, sweetheart, the Razor Crest blew up. Moff Gideon is taken care of and the Empire isn’t after us anymore. Every bounty hunter knows better than to so much as look at me and...and the kid isn’t around anymore for you to take care of. He’s gone, I lost him. So if you were worried about hurting me, you’re a little too late for that.” The Mandalorian barely held himself back from pulling you into his arms when he saw tears rolling down your cheek, clenching his fists tightly when he noticed the way you hugged yourself and frowned at him.
“Din-” It broke him to hear you use his name, especially now of all times. He hasn’t heard you say it once in the past few months, even when the two of you were alone. It was the twisting of the knife, and he bit his tongue to distract himself from saying something he couldn’t possibly take back.
“Do what you want, I won’t stand in the way. Besides, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help you out with whatever it was you were telling him today. After all, you deserve more right? Deserve someone more than me...someone who’s willing to share a lot more than his name.” Not bothering to wait for a response, Mando stepped away and walked back to his room, not caring about the clothes on the ground or how hurt you must have been feeling from listening to him.
He softly shut the door behind him and moved to his bed, throwing himself on it and hanging his head low to catch his breath. This was not how he saw the night going, not remotely. He was hoping to ask you about this tomorrow in a less hostile manner and without making it seem like he was blaming you. But something about your words struck a nerve in him and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, not when you were suggesting things you yourself weren’t willing to follow.
Din wasn’t sure how long he sat there in silence but the hissing sound of the door opening brought him back from his haze and he opened his eyes when he heard you walking towards him. You’d never once come into his room, not even when he occasionally gave you permission. You sniffed twice before approaching the bed and standing right in front of him and he was reminded of when the child would cry to try to catch his attention.
“Din, it was never my intention to hurt you. I was trying to do the opposite..thought I was doing the right thing by thinking about this before I could talk to you but I’m realizing now that I’ve hurt you.” Din noticed the way you were ringing your fingers nervously and held himself back from taking your hands into his to try and put you at ease.
“I- I only spoke with Cobb because he- because he noticed the way I was looking at you. He noticed how I can never seem to focus on anything or anyone else when you’re around. He- he could tell I was having a hard time coming to terms with how I feel about you...how I’ve felt about you for a while now.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your confessions, unable to properly register what you were implying because he could never even humor the idea that you’d have feelings for him. He raised his head and finally looked at you, frowning when he saw how red your eyes were from crying.
“The last thing I want to do is to leave you, please believe me. But I wasn’t sure if you even wanted me around after...after everything with Moff Gideon and the Jedi. As far as I knew, you brought me on to take care of Grogu and fix the Razor Crest. We’ve barely spoken ever since the cruiser and I just thought that I was only around because you couldn’t find the time to tell me that you don’t need me anymore.” Hearing you say that you thought he didn’t need you caught Din off guard and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore, instantly taking hold of your hands and pulling you towards him until you were standing in between his legs. You swallowed the lump in your throat and maintained your gaze on his visor, hoping that he could see how truthful you were being with him and maybe respond, if only with just a simple word.
“When I said I deserved more, I was just- I swear I wasn’t talking about your Creed or wanting to see you. As much as I wish that was possible, I would never...could never ask you for something like that. I was only telling him that I might need some time away to maybe forget how...maker, to perhaps try and set aside my emotions because the last thing you need right now is for me to lay that on you. I don’t want you to think that you owe me anything because you don’t, gods you don’t owe anyone anything, not after what you’ve been through. But I could feel myself becoming more attached to you, especially after everything that happened on the cruiser. I want more with you but I don’t want to push you towards anything you’re not ready for.” Before you could wipe the tears away from your cheeks, Din was raising his glove-covered fingers and softly skimming them over your skin, and he hadn’t realized how harsh and loud his breathing was until he felt you rest your hand on his chest.
“There’s nothing between me and Cobb. And you should know by now that he’s...friendly, with everyone.” You smiled shyly at him before leaning into the hand resting on your cheek, nuzzling further into his palm when he swiped his thumb against your lower lip. There was so much Din wanted to say but he couldn’t find the right words that would convey what he was feeling. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind about your admission and the fact that you have been returning his affection for a while now.
Din didn’t realize how long he was quiet until you cleared your throat and let go of his hand, stepping away from him and looking around to see if you should just leave. Before you could head to the door, however, Din was standing up and moving towards you, his eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort before he made his next move. Your chest was rising and falling a little quicker than he liked but he quickly realized it was probably because of how you were coming to terms with what you just said to him.
You watched as he took his gloves off and set them on the small table behind you, suppressing a gasp when you felt his warm, calloused hands wrap around yours before bringing them to his helmet. He could tell you were letting him control all of your movements and found it difficult to accept just how much you were willing to give to him.
“As much as I hate to admit it, I have been thinking about this for a while.” Din smiled when he saw your eyebrows furrow in question at his words. “Taking this off.” He saw the moment you understood what he was saying, not expecting you to pull your hands away from him and taking a few steps back until your back was against the wall.
“That’s...that’s not what I- Din, I wasn’t lying when I said it wouldn’t matter to me if-” He smiled at how defensive you suddenly were and stepped towards you once more, and you found it annoying that he barely kept a foot between you two, his natural scent hitting you like a blaster to the gut.
“I know.” Din cut you off before taking your hands into his once more, rubbing your knuckles to put you at ease as he continued. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and- it’s not that I’ll walk around without it now, far from it. It’ll only be when we’re alone, when no one is around.” He hoped you could read in between the lines because this would be the closest he’d come to admitting how important you were to him, for now at least.
“Besides, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
That definitely snapped you out of your haze and you tilted your head to the side before asking home what he was referring to.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Din raised an eyebrow at your response. Have you already forgotten?
“On the cruiser, when I- before Grogu went with the Jedi.” His hands tightened around your fingers as he said the child’s name and you were momentarily distracted before realizing what he meant.
“Din I...I never saw you.”
For a split second, it felt like someone had taken Din and carbon froze him before throwing him on an ice planet.
“What?” He held his breath, unable to move a muscle until he made sure he heard you correctly.
“I never saw you. I turned around when you reached for your helmet. I didn’t...it was a moment with you and Grogu. It didn’t feel right to look at you.” You tried to maintain a semblance of control on your voice but it cracked a few times as you admitted to him. As much as you yearned to see him without the mask, you didn’t think it proper without his clear consent.
Din’s sudden intake of breath made you nervous and you hated how for a moment, you wished you didn’t tell him because there was now a high probability that he wouldn’t take the mask off.
“Cyar'ika, please.” you shivered at the low tone of his voice, finding it harder to focus on anything but the touch of his skin. Once again, Din slowly brought your hands to the sides of his visor, pushing the palm of your hands on the beskar and softly nodding at you. A sudden sense of relief washed over him when he saw the slight nod of your head.
Din found it endearing how your whole face scrunched up in focus as the two of you slowly pulled the helmet off of his head, the soft hissing sound as it unlocked making your hands dampen with sweat. As you raised the visor along with him, you couldn’t help but shut your eyes as soon as you saw the skin of his chin. Unbeknownst to you, Din was watching your every reaction and felt a little nudge in his chest when he saw how tightly shut your eyes were. When the beskar was off completely, Din took it from your hands and placed it next to him, swallowing the lump in his throat when he turned back and saw you were still refusing to look at him.
He reluctantly took your hands into his and placed them on his chest, hoping that you’d finally open your eyes without him begging you again.
“I’m sorry I- maker, this is..this is probably more intense for you than it is for me and I’m not making it any better with my nervousness and- okay. Okay.” You took a deep breath before allowing your eyes to flutter open, unable to exhale as soon as you laid your gaze on him. Din was probably unaware of how nervous he looked and it took you a few longer seconds to realize you needed to breathe again. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, the long nights where you imagined what he could look like fading into thin air because nothing, absolutely nothing, prepared you for what you were currency seeing.
His features were somehow soft but a little rugged, and you found yourself committing every inch of his skin to memory, filling your mind’s eye with every minute facial expression so you could dream of him when you fall asleep. It was oddly not surprising at all that he had a stubble, the scattered dark and slightly graying hairs across his jaw and above his lips making him seem older than he probably was. And you weren’t sure if he knew he was furrowing his eyebrows and then you realized he most likely didn’t because he was so used to wearing his helmet that he never had to learn how to control his facial expressions around anyone. And it was endearing how his nose flared as he continued to breathe heavily under your gaze, and if it weren’t for the fact that this was a serious moment, you would have leaned over and kissed the curved bridge of his nose and the scrunch of his eyebrows to put him at ease.
Din wasn’t sure what he thought your reaction would be and he felt his chest tighten with every long moment you spent without so much as a comment.
You were unaware of how long this dreadful moment must have been for the Mandalorian and you continued to study him in hopes of finding answers to questions you’ve wished you could ask him ever since he hired you. There were heavy bags under his eyes and you wished you were more persistent with him when it came to his resting schedule but he always seemed to wave you off whenever you told him he needed to sleep. Though you knew this stress had to do more with Grogu no longer being here and less with how often he slept. You had half expected to find his gaze harsh and far off but when you did finally meet his eyes, you found them filled with unshed tears and a multitude of emotions that you knew would go unexplained until he had the strength to voice them. They were a deep and beautiful shade of brown, ones you knew you’d never be able to turn away from now that you’ve had a proper look at him. And you couldn’t help but notice how their color reminded you of a Nightbloomer just after you picked it from its roots.
All of that, however, could not compare to when you finally let your eyes descend to his lips. They were a darker shade of pink, and you swore you saw them parting as soon as you looked at them. His lower lip was trembling and you wished more than anything to swipe your thumb against it if only to feel the soft skin melt at your touch. You wished that was as far as your mind had gone but the longer you looked at the curve of his mouth, the more you wished you could lean forward and mold your lips with his. It was even worse because you had a feeling that the stubble of his mustache would cause the softest of burns on your lips.
Din could no longer take the loud silence enveloping the room and he swallowed nervously when he saw how focused you seemed to be on his lips. He had some idea of what you were probably thinking because he was thinking the exact same thing but he wasn’t sure if he should be the one to make the first move. This reluctance evaporated when he noticed the way your eyes instantly moved to his neck as the cartilage moved and returned to rest when he gulped, and he realized that you may have been having slightly more inappropriate thoughts than he originally thought.
He was about to voice his worries when he saw your hands move from his beskar-clad chest to his face and he couldn’t stop himself from looking down apprehensively at the digits moving closer to his skin. You misunderstood his nervousness for uncomfort and immediately ceased all movements, returning your focus on his eyes to look for any inclination as to what he wanted.
“Can I- mhmm, may I touch you?” Your whispered question was too loud for the two of you and Din parted his lips to say something but noticed how dry his throat was and realized he couldn’t trust his own voice. Nodding slightly at your request, he waited with bated breath as your fingers rose to his face and found himself shaking with anticipation at the prospect of finally feeling your touch on the most intimate part of him.
When you were only a few inches away from him, Din felt his heart thumping wildly at his chest and he immediately shut his eyes when he felt the feather-light touch of your fingers on his cheeks. The harsh yet shaky intake of breath almost made you lose control and you had to remind yourself that, besides Grogu, you were the only one to ever touch him so intimately and so softly since he was a child. As much as you wished to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer so you could lay as many kisses on his face as you could, you knew it would be too much for him and that he needed you to go slow with him. He was practically shattering under your attention and you hoped he would allow you to do this as many times as possible in the coming days.
Din couldn’t put a name to what he was experiencing at the moment but he knew he didn’t want you to stop touching him, ever again. He decided that he’d spend every moment with you alone without his helmet and with yours hands skimming some part of him. The longer you kept your palms on his cheeks, the calmer his heart beat and it wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized his eyes were shut. As they slowly fluttered open, he was met with the most beautiful sight in the world: your own deep irises staring at your own thumb as it softly passed over his quivering lips.
“You’re...beautiful.”
It was a simple truth and you wished there was a more sincere word you could use to describe what he was to you, what he meant to you but your mind was overflowing with images of waking up next to him every day and kissing his eyes and cheeks and nose and lips and anywhere else you could reach.
Din’s hold tightened around your waist and you watched as he leaned forward until there was barely an inch between the two of you.
“Mesh'la, I would really like to kiss you.” The request barely passed his lips yet you were already standing up on your tiptoes and pressing your lips to his, finding them as soft and gentle as you imagined them to be. Din was afraid his heart would give out any moment now because nothing could have prepared him for the taste of you, let alone the boldness with which you were claiming him. He sighed into you, unintentionally parting his lips and pushing you harder into the wall when he felt your tongue sneak into his mouth and explore him. Din wasn’t sure what he should be doing but then you were moving your hands to the nape of his neck and tangling your fingers into his hair and he all but lost it. As you gently tugged on his hair, Din found himself mirroring your actions and before he knew it, the kiss was no longer innocent and sweet but hungry and needy. You sucked on his tongue and tilted your head to the side, wanting to commit every small detail to memory so when you shut your eyes at night, you’d kiss him in your dreams.
Reluctantly, you pulled back for a second to allow the two of you to breathe but Din didn’t like that, chasing your mouth and molding his lips with yours once more to be certain that yes, this was happening, and that no, this was not a dream. You moaned into the kiss, finding his desperate need to claim your mouth again more of a turn on than you cared to admit. And then his hands were slipping inside your overalls and holding you against his chest, the warmth of him stretching down to where you wished you could feel him.
This sudden intrusive thought and the harsh grasp of your hips snapped you out of your haze and you realized you should be slowing things down for his sake. Against your will, you gently pushed his chest away and tried to think of anything but the way he was heaving above you from the intensity of the kiss. When you looked at him and saw panic and hesitation etched on his face, you returned your hands to his cheeks again and lowered his head until it was resting against your own.
“There’s nothing I want more than to feel every inch of your skin against mine right now...but- but I don’t want to push you to do something that- maker….that might be too much for you?” You pulled back and waited until he opened his eyes again before continuing. “I feel like you just made a dramatic decision by taking the helmet off in front of me and- and you’re probably feeling a multitude of emotions right now and I don’t want to make you think that I-”
Din didn’t like what you were saying, frowning down at you as he grabbed the back of your neck and violently pulled you towards him again. You were surprised by the sudden shift of his touch, fisting your hands in his cowl as he devoured your lips once more, not really giving you a chance to say anything else. Biting your lower lip, Din abruptly ended the kiss and pressed his lips across your skin, nipping and licking at your jaw as he pulled your hair down until he had access to your neck. You gasped his name and felt his stubble scratch deliciously at your shoulder. As you moaned against the wall, Din couldn’t back anymore and bit down hard on your shoulder, smiling when he heard your breath hitch at his rough ministrations.
“Din, oh gods, Din please.” You weren’t sure what you were asking of him exactly and you hoped he’d at the very least continue what he was doing.
“Cyar'ika, I want to have you. I’ve spent many nights dreaming of your lips, your touch, y-your skin against mine as I-” Din hesitated and it wasn’t until you felt his fingers slipping beneath the chest band that you finally registered his voice. Fuck, how had you not notice it a second ago? You thought the vocoder was what altered it, made it deeper perhaps. But no, it only made it sound more intimidating. You weren’t sure what made you clench your thighs together, the way he spoke to you of his desires, or how strained and gruff his voice was as he whispered his secrets to you. You gulped loudly and hesitantly met his eyes, finding the soft brown irises barely visible, his dilated pupils letting you know what he was thinking.
Licking your lips, you nodded at him and fell into a fit of giggles when he leaned down and picked you up as if you weighed nothing, quickly moving to his cot and laying you down on your back before moving away. You were about to ask him what he was doing when you saw his hands swiftly move through the beskar armor. For some reason, watching his hands expertly take off the cuirass and move to the beskar of his thighs made your heart skip a beat and you wouldn’t dare move a muscle, afraid to miss the show he was unintentionally putting on for you. So busy marveling at his deft fingers, you didn’t notice Din slowing his movements and looking at you, eyebrows raised in curiosity when he saw how hard you were breathing.
You broke out of your trance when you saw he stopped moving, embarrassment washing over you when you realized Din had caught you shamelessly staring at him as he came closer to revealing to you more of his skin. You’d expected him to move on, or at least pretend he hadn’t just caught you licking your lips while staring at his fingers but no, it seemed that Din was very much enjoying the effect he had on you because his smile grew when he saw your eyes look past him, pretending to focus on something else behind him and not his hands.
You never lost his attention though, and he maintained his eyes on you as he removed all of his armor and took his boots off. You tried to be a little more subtle but gave up when he leaned down over you and pushed you into his covers. You wanted to ask him why he was still dressed but bit back the inquiry, afraid he’d misunderstand and move away all together at your question. He captured your gaze and didn’t blink once as he slowly undid the buttons holding the overalls and you realized you would have preferred him to keep the helmet on because that meant you wouldn’t notice how passionate and direct his deep brown irises were. You’d expected him to be intense considering how touch-starved and lonely he was, but you never once thought he’d be this vigorous? Ardent? Maker, there wasn’t a single word that could describe the way he was looking at you right now.
Din kneeled at the foot of the bed, waiting until you finally noticed what he was doing and raising your hips before he pulled on the pants of the garment. He slipped your shoes off and finally removed the article of clothing that made his cheeks blush and pants tighten whenever you wore it. He would eventually tell you that this is how you came to him in his dreams almost every night, all spent and sweaty in that gods-forsaken fabric that gave him the perfect view of what you were wearing beneath.
His focus shifted from your face down your damp skin and he breathed in deeply at the sight of your undergarment. Din almost choked on his breath when your legs parted for a moment, giving him a glimpse of the growing wet patch at the center of the flimsy material.
The Mandalorian wanted nothing more than to worship your body, kiss every part of you and whisper his devotion against your skin as he pleasured you over and over again. He’d spent countless nights imagining what he’d do to you if you were ever naked and willing in his arms and he was damned if he didn’t make sure you were thoroughly spent once he was done with you. He wanted to hear his name fall from your lips and he wanted to swallow your sighs and your moans as he sank into you all night long. And by the gods, he wanted to mark your neck and your arms and your waist, and nothing made him harder than picturing you doing the same to him, biting and nipping at his skin so he could wake up in the morning and watch the evidence of your lo- your touch on him. It didn’t matter that no one else would see those bruises but him and you. He just wanted you, in any way possible, sinking beneath his skin.
And then he heard his voice calling for you over the comm link just outside the room and something snapped deep in his chest. He looked up from you to the open door of his room and listened to the Marshal’s words. Your eyes widened in shock when you saw several emotions pass through Din’s eyes, the most prominent of which was anger, maybe hurt. Of all the times Cobb would ask you to join him for drinks, this was most definitely the worst of them. It didn’t help either that he was laughing over some inappropriate joke one of his friends was saying about your sabacc skills. It wouldn’t be the first time this happened and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but then Din was clenching his jaw tightly before looking down at you and you knew he wasn’t too happy. In fact, you had a pretty good idea which emotion won out and you hated how much it affected you, how wet you became as thoughts of the Mandalorian claiming you as his flooded your mind.
Before you could try and reason with him, attempt to tell him that it was just a game and that the Marshal’s friends were probably just teasing him, Din was standing up and stripping of his long-sleeve shirt, revealing his perfectly chiseled, bronze skin that had your mouth watering within moments. You noticed the few dozen scars littering his beautiful torso and wished you could kiss each one of them, the old ones and the fairly new ones, until they didn’t sting with pain. But Din had different plans for you and he didn’t give you a chance to question him as he took hold of both of your wrists and slammed them above your head. His hold was painful and it should have scared you how quickly his mood changed but you said nothing, looking into his dilated pupils as his nose flared and he growled at you.
“Keep yours hands there,” Din warns you with a piercing look and you gulp loudly before nodding at him in understanding. He removes his hand and kneels on the bed, eyes narrowing at you before they sought after your most private areas. He wasn’t sure where to begin. He’d given this much thought but now that he was here, he realized it was a more difficult decision than he anticipated. He’d longed to wrap his lips around those hardened peaks always teasing him through the chest band, lick them until you cried for him, perhaps begged him to stop because you were sensitive. But then he continued down the lines of your navel and found your parted legs much more inviting.
Now that Din knew how you felt, there was no reason for him to feel jealous. But he couldn't stop himself, wanting to be certain that you knew as well as he who you belonged to. He hated himself for having such primitive thoughts about you. You were your own person that much was made clear early on. But he could hope at your words, couldn’t he? He could hope that you were now his, and that he was yours. Maker, he was always yours. He just couldn’t admit it to himself, his heart reluctant at opening up to another.
Din was lost in thought longer than you liked and you moved your feet towards him, nudging his thigh in hopes of reassuring him that you were right here, in his bed, beneath him and at his mercy. Din’s eyes focused on your again and he looked down at the soft gesture, hands instantly grabbing at your ankles. You jumped at the sudden movement, trying your hardest not to whine at the painful grasp because somewhere deep inside of you, you wanted nothing more than to be marked by him. By his teeth, lips, fingers, any part of him. You didn’t care where you’d bear his touch, you just wanted to see it, touch it in the privacy of the refresher when he wasn’t around.
Din saw the needy look you were throwing him and he knew that you were willing. Willing to go as far as he wanted, willing to completely submit your body and soul to him, willing to do whatever he wished of you.
Before your eyes could flutter closed, Din was pushing your legs wide open and falling in between them while maintaining his gaze on you. He almost smiled when your stomach shook at how feral he probably looked. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes as his mouth latched onto the wet patch forming on the soft fabric of your undergarment, moaning into your cunt as he savored the taste seeping through. You were surprised by the boldness of the action and wished for him to lick your skin instead. But there was something erotic about the desperation behind his actions, wanting to taste you so much that he didn’t care what he was licking.
The thought was gone as soon as it appeared because you felt two fingers stretch beneath the waistband right before he ripped it off of your body, shoving the torn fabric in his nose and taking a long whiff of it before humming in approval. Your eyes widened in surprise at the filthiness of his action, hands shaking above you when he threw your panties expertly into his helmet. The thought of knowing that your scent could potentially stick to the inside of his helmet as he walked around twisted your insides and you whined shamelessly at him, wishing he could just take what he wanted.
“Your sounds belong to me,” Din spoke with a commanding voice as he sank in between your thighs again, his tongue dragging across your folds so deliciously hard until he pulled away, leaving a trail of saliva behind. “Your arousal belongs to me,” his hands went to your thighs and he squeezed, knowing fully well there would be bruises dawning your beautiful, smooth body the following morning. Again, you fought to keep your eyes open, wanting to commit every second to memory but finding it difficult to focus on him and not the pleasure zapping down your back. “And I will be damned if this cunt,” Din let go of one of your thighs, pulling his tongue away from your core right before the palm of his hand landed a slap straight on your clit, “doesn’t belong to me either.” You cried out his name, legs shaking violently at the pain shooting through your clit. Din didn’t give you a moment to relax back down on the covers, spanking the outer folds of your pussy twice more consecutively before he replaced the harsh touch with his cooling tongue. Tears trailed down your cheeks as he fucked you with his tongue and lapped at you like you were the only source of water on this gods-forsaken planet. He rotated between soft, quick licks to long, harsh ones, occasionally sucking on your clit and grazing his teeth on the bundle of nerves until he was sure you were going crazy.
“D-Din oh maker, please. Stop I- slow down.” His touches were far from gentle and the pleasure blurred into pain as you tried to reach that delicious peak you’ve longed for ever since you harbored feelings for the man above you. But he was making it difficult, his needy and erratic movements making it near impossible for you to dive into the lake of pleasure. You should have known that the Mandalorian was as intense in bed as he was in every other aspect of his life. You shut your thighs around his head, wanting to push him away as his teeth continued to graze against your wet folds and nip at the pulsating nub.
“M-Mando...I can’t.” You couldn’t take it anymore, hands moving to his hair and fisting in the beautiful brown locks as you tried to push him away. As soon as Din felt the tight grasp on his hair, he snarled at you, pushing up on his knees and bending your body along with him until the only thing resting on the bed was your neck and your shoulders. You cried out for him, begging him to give you release but it only drove him mad with lust. His eyes locked on yours, daring you to look away from him as his fingers dug into your butt cheeks and pushed your cunt into his mouth.
Din pulled away for a split second, biting your inner thighs to grab your attention.
“You will take what I give you ner Cyar’ika.” You saw a hint of darkness in his soulful brown eyes, and shivered at the mere implications of what he had in mind for you. Din sucked and licked at your folds like a crazed man, feeling your legs shaking on his shoulders. He pulled away for a second, and you had no time to beg him to be gentle as he slapped your heated core three times again, hissing when you shut your eyes and bucked against him, your juices drenching his face and chest, leaking down your back as he smiled before taking your cunt into his mouth one last time to prolong your pleasure. You were too busy trying to remain sane to realize what had just happened and Din slowly lowered you back onto the wet covers before letting go of you. You were panting beneath him, stomach fluttering from the force of your release and chest heaving as you tried to fill your lungs with air.
When you opened your eyes and looked at Din, your eyes widened in horror when you saw his glistening skin, finally realizing what he'd just done to you. You flushed under the scrutiny of Din’s gaze, gasping as he wiped his mouth and jaw with the back of his hand as he looked down and chuckled at the wet spot beneath his knees. You quickly shut your legs and tried to crawl away from him but Din was faster, grabbing your ankle and pulling you back to him, the show of strength already making your cunt clench around nothing again.
“You do not run from me Ad’ika...nor hide from me ever again. I own your body, your skin, the cum still leaking out of this sweet cunt.” His words were filthy and you didn’t know how to react to this new possessiveness he was showing. He pushed open your thighs and fell in between him, bringing his chest flush against yours and kissing the breath out of you, not bothering to be gentle as his fingers twisted and pinched at your nipples. You clawed at his back, wanting more of him but not knowing if you would be able to take any more of what he was offering.
He pulled away suddenly, his jaw clenching tightly as he took one look at the hands wrapped around his back.
“Did I not tell you to not move your hands sweet girl?” He whispered against your lips, breathing in the air leaving your lungs as he pecked the corner of your mouth before flipping you over on your stomach.
“I- I’m sorry...it was just t-too much and-” You couldn’t finish the rest of the sentence, screaming against the covers as you felt Din’s palm land on your ass. You looked back and saw him eyeing your reddening skin, looking up at you and smiling as he treated the other side with the same kindness. Four more times his hands smacked your ass and you were ashamed at how aroused his violent actions made you. When he snuck his fingers in between your thighs and swiped haphazardly at your folds, you moaned and bit into your wrist.
“Filthy sweet girl,” Din whispered more to himself than you before he fisted his hand in your hair and pulled you flush to his chest, the slide of your dampened back against his sweaty chest bringing him more pleasure than he would have liked to admit because not a few hours ago, he was picturing your sweaty, glistening skin beneath him. And now that he had you here, he was going to make the best of it.
“Mando, oh Mando-” As much as he loved hearing you scream his nickname in the throws of passion, he wished more to hear his given name fall from your lips.
“My name...scream my name sweet girl. Let the stars know who pleasures you Cyare.” Din kissed your shoulder before biting into the sweaty flesh, the hand in your hair letting go right before wrapping softly around your throat and pressing you harder against him. Your hands twisted back to try and grab his hair but he immediately took your wrist and twisted it until it was behind you, between your back and his chest.
“Ahh Din…” You wanted to beg him to allow you to touch him, tell him that you were yearning to touch him as much as he was in need of touching you. But you had a feeling that this wasn’t true, and that this was his way of being certain that you weren’t going to leave him. That you were his.
If only he knew that you have already belonged to him. Long before tonight.
You felt each breath leave your lungs as Din tightened his grasp around your throat and you parted your lips to moan his name, only to feel his tongue shamelessly licking into your mouth. So distracted by the desperation in this kiss, you didn’t notice the fingers trailing down your chest and digging into your skin until the palm of his hand softly cupped one breast. Din teased you with feather light touches, flicking at one nipple before moving to the other and circling around it until it hardened. He continued to swallow your noises, sucking on your tongue to quiet you as he pinched your nipples. You twisted in his arms, wanting to reach for him again but knowing that he would probably pull your hand away.
When Din pulled away to allow you to breathe, you panted and finally opened your eyes, not daring to look away as he kept you motionless with his gaze. Din watched as you tried to form a coherent thought, waiting until you parted your lips to speak to him before reaching down and cupping your quivering cunt as he broke the silence.
“This belongs to me,” your breath hitched when Din pressed the palm of his hand against you, not quite applying pressure on your clit but just enough to hold your focus. “Only I get to touch you, kiss you, watch you as you come undone in my arms.” You nodded briefly at him, continuing to hold eye contact as he began to increase his actions. “No one else will ever have you Cyar'ika. No one but me.” He slipped two fingers past your wet folds and rubbed against your walls, humming in approval when he felt you flutter around him the harder he shoved his fingers inside you.
“I’m yours Din, y-yours. Whatever you want, oh gods please more...need more, Din you make me f-feel so good.” Din keened at your words, curling his hand until his palm was passing deliciously over your clit as his fingers picked up the pace.
“That’s right sweet girl, you’re mine. Mine to fuck, mine to take whenever I want...mine to-” Din hesitated for a second, unable to voice his heart to you even though you’ve bared your soul for him. “Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum...kriffing gods you’re wet, so wet for me. Come on, cum for me again ner Cyare. Show me how good I make you feel. Show me how needy this little cunt is, fuck- I...can’t want to have you wrapped around my cock little one. Can’t wait to sink in this pussy, my sweet tight cunt, mark you with my seed, over and over again...fuck a load in you all night long till you can’t feel anything but my cum dripping down your thighs. Shit, I need you to cum, now!” Your mind became foggy with pleasure, unable to focus on anything but the words whispered into your ears as his thick fingers fucked into you. You grabbed the wrist of the hand wrapped around your throat, digging your nails into his skin as you came around his fingers. You almost fell forwards but Din held you flush against him, continuing to drive his digits into you and rub at your clit with this thumb until you were sobbing in his arms.
“Beautiful,” Din kissed your shoulder as he slowly inched his hands away from you before laying you down slowly. His eyes took in the flushed, wet skin of your back, chuckling with pride when he saw your legs shaking as little sobs escaped your lips. Your breaths came in shallow and quick, and you tried to silence your whines by biting into your wrists but then you felt Din slide his hand back and forth on your back as he laid next to you and you shivered under his touch because from the way he was moving closer to you and touching you, there was no way he was done just yet.
“You’re all I think about, every waking moment. It’s difficult to focus on anything else when you’re always in my mind Cyar'ika. I- I burn for you, for your lips to caress mine every moment, your eyes to never leave mine as I brand you, your skin against my own as you mark me with your touch. I- maker, I cannot think of a life without you here, with me…” Din thought he would have to force himself to say such things but he found it remarkably easy now that he had you here, responding so openly and shamelessly to him.
“Din,” you turned your head and shifted towards him, kissing the hand resting between the two of you before leaning your forehead against his and shutting your eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here, for as long as you’ll have me.” Din ceased all movement at your words and he looked away from where he was stroking your back, meeting your eyes and furrowing his eyebrows before you felt him grab your arm and pull you on top of him. You surprised gasp died in your throat when you felt Din wrap his arms around your back and bring you against him until you could feel his chest hairs tickling your nipples. You could feel his cock jutting against your core through his pants and as you rested your hands on his chest and looked to him, you saw the frown ease from his expression, replaced with something akin to reverence.
“I will have you until my dying breath Mesh’la. Let me show you how much I want you.” The force of his declaration hit you instantly and you pressed your lips against his just as you felt him rid himself of his pants. Din’s hands were roaming your back and you felt bolder with every caress, combing your fingers into his hair and pulling on it as he squeezed your ass and bucked into you. The growl emanating from his chest shot straight to your core and you raised yourself from him for a moment.
“Din, I want you. Crave to feel you inside me. Please, do it fast and don’t- don’t be gentle. Show me, show me how much you lo- want me.” Din’s heart skipped a beat at your words and he wasted no time, taking hold of his cock and teasing your clit with his leaking tip before slowly inching inside you. You shut your eyes and dug your nails into the back of his neck as he continued to sheath his dick deeper in your cunt. You could feel every ridge and pulsating vein dragging against your inner walls, finally allowing your lungs to breathe as you felt him nudge and twitch against that soft, spongy spot in your core.
Neither of you moved for a few moments, with Din trying to wrap his mind around finally becoming one with you and feeling you clench so sweetly around him. He was torn between fucking up into you without mercy and taking it nice and slow until he pushed you over the edge again. But then you were gyrating your hips and sighing his name on his cheek and he knew what he wanted.
Planting his feet on the damp covers, Din held you flush against him with one arm while resting his other hand on your thigh, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as he snapped his hips up before sinking into you again. You let out a surprised sob and rested your forehead against his shoulder, whispering more pleas against his skin and begging him to move.
The usually quiet man breathed the sweetest wishes in your ears, thrusting up into you with immense force that made you clench tighter around him. “Ni copad gar an te ca'nara Ad’ika, ni vercopa be gar anay ca. You have made a home for yourself inside my heart.” Din felt your shaky breath blow on his neck and it drove him mad with lust because he wanted to have you reacting to his touch so wantonly every minute of every day. His grip only tightened around you and he prayed you wouldn’t mind the bruises that would surely color your skin in the next few hours. He wasn’t planning on being gentle tonight, perhaps later, but not tonight, and he was going to ensure his touch would be visible for anyone that would speak with you tomorrow. Thoughts of the Marshal passed through his mind’s eye and he growled, pumping his cock into you harshly for some reassurance. You cried out his name over and over again, feeling your skin heat up at the declarations of love he was peppering on your skin because even though his words were gentle, his touches were far from it.
The squelching sounds of your cunt flooding Din’s thighs as he drove himself into you should have embarrassed you but you could tell he enjoyed knowing how wet you were for him from the way he continued to quicken the pace just to hear your juices flowing over him. His grip on you was becoming more painful the more you moved against each other but you couldn’t find it in yourself to let him know. He was letting go, showing you how much he wanted you, how hard he was for you, and you weren’t about to make him feel conscious over his affection.
“Maker...oh Din, Din I- you feel so good inside me. Filling me up like no one else. Could feel you so deep, gods, could feel you everywhere Din please- don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop, I need it. Need you, want you- want you to mark me, d-do whatever you want with me.” You had no hold over your own speech and weren’t sure if you were making any sense but Din moaned each time you praised him.
“Good girl, sweet girl...taking my cock so well, kriffing hell. Your- your pussy is squeezing the fuck out of me..could feel every tight inch of you stroking my cock Cyar’ika. Ah pfassk...you’re- you’re perfection.” Din moved the hand around your back up to your neck, pulling on your hair and pressing his lips with yours as his cock throbbed inside you. You whined as his tongue roughly swirled around your own, barely able to breathe as he continued to snap his hips against you and suddenly feeling a rush of relief as his navel rubbed at your clit until you came around him. Din broke the kiss, screaming expletives in his tongue as the force of your orgasm pushed his cock out of you. You shuddered as you gushed on his dick, wrapping your arms around his neck when he forced his cock into your tight cunt again.
You were so overcome with emotions, so lost in Din’s scent mixing with your own, and his touch leaving bruises on your skin, that you didn’t notice the faint sounds of footsteps coming up the ramp and halting in the middle of the ship right in front of the door. But Din noticed, managing to look up just in time to see Cobb standing in the middle of the ship and staring with wide eyes at the scene unfolding in front of him.
Something completely otherworldly took over the Mandalorian and he quickly sat up, expertly moving the two of you around until he was kneeling on the covers with you straddling his thighs. He smiled against your shoulder, allowing your hair to hide his face as he grabbed both of your hips and fucked up into you.
He could vaguely see the Marshal and was surprised that he hadn't dropped the bottle of drink in his hand just yet. You wailed into the night air, arms keeping you stead in Din’s arms as he forced you on his pulsating dick over and over again.
“Tell me...tell me Cyare, tell me how much you love it when I fuck you. How much you need my cock like the filthy little cockslut you are. Go on sweet girl, grind that little clit on me. Fucking tell me ner Ad’ika.” Din smacked your ass twice, chuckling when your moans grew more lewd with every touch he laid on you.
“I- I- ahhh love your cock...oh maker, no one fucks me like you. N-no one makes me c-cum like you. Fuck me harder D- ahhh,” Din bit down on your shoulder to prevent you from saying his name, looking through the mess of your hair and watching as his audience remained incapable of moving.
“I own this pretty little pussy. Pffassk- ride me harder Mesh’la. You’re such a good girl, could feel your cunt drenching my thighs, the smell of you is driving me mad. Fuck- keep that pretty mouth open to me when I’m fucking you, let me hear you scream for me.”
“Please- please...fuck me harder, ruin my pussy. Gods- I..I’m so close please. Tell me you own me, tell me I’m you’re sweet girl. Please- I want to be good for you, want you to cum inside me Din...cum inside me. I need it, need you to fuck me like you own me and mark me, make me yours Mando. Cum in me, please-”
“Ah fuck you’re my sweet little girl aren’t you? Wanting me to fuck a load in you, cum in you all night long and keep my seed in that tight cunt? That’s it sweetheart, I’m so fucking hard for you. Could feel you clenching around me...be a good girl and cum again ner kar'ta. Fuck, yes yes you feel so good wrapped around my cock Cyare you’re going to make me cum. Spill my seed in that tight, wet pussy, fill you up till you can taste it in your throat. Shit, and- and I’m going to keep fucking you sweet girl, till my cum is sliding down your thighs. My little fucktoy- come on, come on love, cum for me. Cum on me, drench me again. Mix your juices with me.” Din watched as Cobb finally had the mind to leave and he almost laughed at how the man almost tripped on his own foot as he sprinted out of the ship. He pushed you on your back and spread your thighs open, resting his weight on the arms around your head as he thrust in a few more times before he felt you clench around him. Leaning down, Din took a pert nipple in his mouth and sucked on it, growling into your skin as he came deep in your pussy, painting your walls with long strings of his seed until he couldn’t breathe. He’d never cum this hard before and was sure to tell you when you had the state of mind to pay him any semblance of attention.
Din continued to lazily push into you, your words from earlier replaying in his mind as he felt you quiver around his softening cock. You were still coming down from your high and twitched occasionally when you felt him throb inside you. There was a pleasant kind of warmth washing over you and you sighed happily when you realized he was still bucking against you to push his cum in your belly.
“D-din...you’re filling me up so good. Feel so full ah- gah.” He laughed when your body shook, wrapping his arms around you and flipping you around until you were laying on his chest. You kissed his jaw and his neck, moaning in unison when you felt his dick rub against that sweet spot inside you.
“That’s because I’ve never cum this hard sweet girl. You’ve milked me dry Cyare. Could feel you sucking my seed out of me.” He was amazed at your obvious embarrassment, wanting to tease you about it but choosing to wait for later instead.
Din rubbed at your back, kissing your forehead as he whispered sweet things in your ears and smiling when you nipped at his neck some more.
“Promise me you’ll never leave.” Din’s quiet voice broke the silence and you pushed up to look into his eyes as you responded. “I’m not going anywhere, even if you tell me to go. I’ll stay here, always. I promise.” You kissed him gently and felt his pulse beneath your fingers calm at your words.
Not much time has passed before Din had you on your knees in front of him, fucking your mouth and shoving you down on his cock until you gagged and his seed slipped from the corner of your mouth, mixing with your spit as it fell down your breasts. You lost count of how many times he brought you pleasure, and you made a mental note to ask him how he managed to fuck you all night long. You weren’t sure it was possible for a man to cum this many times over the course of one night but you had a feeling Din was not like anyone else. A man who has been touch starved for almost three decades must have had a lot of pent-up aggression that he needed to release. And you would gladly help him in any shape or form through that.
And when he wasn’t pumping your cunt full of his cum, he was nuzzling into your neck and laying kisses across your arms, making sure he caressed every inch of your skin. You shouldn’t have been surprised that Din loved to snuggle with you but you did find it hilarious that such a big and scary Mandalorian whimpered when you licked down his neck as you nestled into his arms. You wouldn’t tell him just yet but besides his rough grasps and his filthy words, you loved to taste the saltiness of his skin and from the looks of it, the feelings were mutual because at some point in the night, he’d told you of all the times he had to lock himself up in the refresher and try his hardest to not think of your sweaty limbs entangling with his own as he kissed you.
By the time the two of you made it outside the following day, the twin suns had already been in the middle of the sky, scorching rays of heat on everyone across Mos Pelgo. You tried your hardest not to walk too funny, mostly because it made Din apologize every now and then, but it was difficult when you could still feel traces of his touch on you. You told him you needed him to stop making it obvious but realized he was apologizing out of regret not out of humor. It took you all of the afternoon to convince him that you were feeling more than okay and that you’d asked him for this. And when he didn’t seem to stop, you teased him and told him that you knew he secretly loved watching you wobble from side to side.
This all, however, peaked when you walked into the cantina and tried to play Sabbac with Cobb Vanth and the others. You could tell that the Marshal was avoiding all conversation with you, going out of his way to pretend you weren’t even sitting on the table, let alone the room. You hoped that Mando hadn’t spoken with him or anything and decided to call it quits earlier in the night. When you did make it back to the ship and saw Din cleaning his weapons, you made sure the ship was secure before moving to sit on the bed across from him.
“Did you talk to Cobb today?” You gauged his reaction, already sensing that something was wrong when you saw him nervously clench his jaw before rubbing furiously at the beskar weapon.
“No, why do you ask?” Din wished he hadn’t already taken off his helmet because as soon as he responded, you knew he wasn’t telling you the whole truth.
“Din?”
He looked up at you and cleared his throat before speaking.
“He- he saw us...last night. I- I must have forgotten to raise the ramp and-” Din took a deep breath when you shot up from the cot and began to pace back and forth.
“HE WHAT?”
“We were...I couldn’t- there wasn’t a chance I could…you felt too good around me Ad’ika I- I couldn’t stop. Not when you were clenching around me so tightly. Now when you were finally in my arms. I-” He stood up and walked towards you, taking your hands into his and kissing both of your wrists. You flushed at his words and looked up at him, only to find him blushing under your gaze.
“You did it on purpose didn't you? You wanted him to see...to watch as you- as we...as I said-” Din didn’t let you finish the sentence, leaning down and molding his lips with yours as he walked you back to his bed. He pushed you down on the covers still holding your scents, his hold hardening the more you moaned against him. Before he could strip you of your clothes, you pushed him off and stuck out your finger in warning.
“Oh no you don’t. Go raise the ramp.”
“You’re giving me orders now Mesh’la?” Din raised an eyebrow at you as he got off of you and walked around the bed, halting at the doorstep to look back at you.
“Never…”
Translations:
Ad'ika - Little one
Mesh'la - Beautiful
Cyar'ika - Darling/Sweetheart
Cyare - Beloved
Ner - my/mine
Pal'vut at kar'taylir darasuum - mine to love
Ni copad gar an te ca'nara - I want you all the time.
Ni vercopa be gar anay ca - I dream of you every night.
Ner kar'ta - my heart
#The Mandalorian fanfiction#The Mandalorian x Reader#The Mandalorian smut#mando x reader#Mando smut#Mando fanfiction#Din Djarin x Reader#Din Djarin smut#Din Djarin fanfiction#The Mandalorian#Din Djarin#Pedro Pascal#star wars#star wars fanfiction#baby yoda#grogu
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How They Look After You When it Gets Bad: Tommy
Preference Masterlist
Requested by anonymous
Warnings: Reader going through a hard time, jealousy, doubts
Word count: 1407
Author’s Note: I really hope this is alright! In all honesty, I'm not a huge fan of Tommy but I really tried to do this well! And okay maybe I was a little harsh on him but I did try and make it sweet at the end. I hope you enjoy it and I'm wishing you all my best
(Gif by @manie-sans-delire-x) (it was really hard to choose a gif for him cause he always looks so mentally distressed)
You always said Tommy was a control freak. He always denied it, of course, hating any opinion that strayed from his own self-image. It took a bite of your lip to prevent the comeback of that proving your point. He wouldn't listen to you- he was, after all, a control freak. Maybe it was because of the war, or simply because with a chaotic family like the Shelbys at least one of them had to try and maintain order. You supposed it was because of the horses. Horses needed to be controlled, didn't they? They needed human hands to brush their manes and clear their hooves and make their iron shoes, they needed leather between their teeth to keep them on their path and jockeys had those whips to spur them on. You thought that maybe if the rest of the world were horses, Tommy would have an easier time. Who knows why he even decided to go into all this business and politics when it, at its very heart, was surrounded by people. But he couldn't make an empire from horses. Maybe he could keep this manor and expand the betting shop to keep his family working and wealthy, but he would just be a lord in his manor. Like that Lady Carleton that he fancied.
You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop a snigger at the thought of your Tommy living in the stables for the rest of his life, knowing that an expression of anything other than complete concentration would get you a stern telling off. Despite the threat, you looked up from your paperwork. Tommy was at the head of the desk, the smoke from his cigarette trailing around his head like a phantom crown and a pensive look on his face as he rested against his hand. The portrait of the black mare stood behind him, giving him the imposing look of a king. Hell, he was a king, wasn't he? And that made you the regent ruler- the conditional monarch. You wondered if he thought of May Carleton sometimes when he looked at you. Or maybe he thought of Greta, or Grace, or Lizzie, or Jessie or, Christ, maybe even Alfie fucking Solomons for all you knew. Lizzie said he used to fuck her face down so he could think of someone else. Maybe you were a business partner in all things, someone transactional and useful. Maybe you were a horse. He told you what to do, didn't he? He guided you like he were stood behind, holding you by the reigns. The king of all he has, even his own partner. Even you. Even the ghosts in his head that he wouldn't talk about. He never talked about much to be honest. Just sat like he did now, all thoughtful and noble. A pretty deceiving face. You wanted to ask him, to bear your heart and let him reassure you. But he wouldn't like that. And Tommy was a control freak.
You got back to your papers, thinking you might as well do something whilst you're here. But the buzzing in your mind didn't stop biting at your thoughts, it didn't stop a tremble as you swooped your pen over the page, and it didn't stop the way your knee bounced under the desk. It was a subtle motion, the kind that was obscured and easily hid. It was something you couldn't stop doing in your nervous state, so it was something that'd have to be secret. Tommy had a plan for today: do all the paperwork, have a little chat about the business, get a drink, and then he'll fuck you. That's what he said he'd do, and Tommy like to stick to his plans. That bloody control freak. That king of the castle that left you powerless and petty as you couldn't even bounce your knee without feeling some scorn for his stupid bloody petty-
"Stop doing that."
His voice was cold as his eyes, an iciness that made you freeze with your knee mid-bounce.
"Stop what?" You gave a tilt of your head, gauging this out of him. You wanted him to admit it. If you couldn't say it, then he might as well do.
He gave a little huff, the cigarette smoke following the action like a bull breathing from its nostrils.
"Stop bouncing your knee."
How the hell could he tell? Maybe those superstitious lot were right about the Shelbys having something intrinsically magic and devilish about them.
"Why?"
Pettiness wasn't your thing, but here you were. Tommy sighed deeply, sitting back in his seat and looking at you with a raised eyebrow. He thought you were challenging him.
"Cause I asked you to."
Ah yes, the king's orders must be met. Even by you, supposedly his equal. But who gave the regent title? Who shared his power with you?
You looked up, giving your most argumentative look, dropping you pen onto the paper. He flinched, ever so slightly, telling you the ink must have spilt onto the paper. As if these documents weren't just ink on paper anyways.
"Why the fuck do I have to do what you asked?"
He tilted his head to the side now, eyebrows raised in complete shock. In return, you scraped your seat back on the floor so that he could see you and the knee you were bouncing. The buzzing in your mind still continued, but now there was that little sick joy in defying Tommy that helped ease the insecurity.
"If you're going to act like a child-"
He was going to make a long list of threats, you knew it, but you cut him off with a laugh.
"Please, Tom, you're the one whose acting like a child." His lips pursed in the same argumentative way as when you told him he was a control freak. "You're the one who insists on routines and plans and not bouncing my fucking knee!"
"Christ, not this again Y/N." His hand smoothed over his creased face, looking so tired of this. So tired of you.
"Who do you see when you look at me?" You asked, making him stop completely. You saw the cogs in his mind turning as he tried to understand the words you were saying. Despite everything, you were quite proud at your little victory of rendering Thomas Shelby speechless. "Lizzie said you used to see Grace or Greta when you came to her. Who do you see for me, huh?" He was shaking his head, words at the tip of his silver tongue that you wouldn't let spill quite yet. "Cause it ain't me, is it? Otherwise I could do what I damn well pleased, like bounce my fucking knee! Or spend a day doing what I want, not this fucking paperwork and fuck you like I'm some whore you're paying to fuck someone else!" You stood up from your chair, towering over him as you leaned over the desk. "I won't have it. I won't."
Something in him seemed to shift. Not soften necessarily, just change ever so slightly. Tommy too stood up from his desk taking a few careful strides around the desk until he just in front of you.
"Come here." Being the control freak he was, Tommy was the one that wrapped his arms around you first, pulling you towards his chest. You easily let him, always feeling slightly safe at the way he handled you like this. He smelled like smoke and booze and mint leaves, but you wouldn't trade your place nuzzling your nose against his neck for anything. You never thought of anyone else except Tommy- why couldn't he do the same?
"I think of you, love." He muttered, voice still calm and undisturbed. "I always think of you. At work, at home, at the fucking stables. You're always on my mind."
You were still close to him, hearing his heartbeat and wishing you had the ability to sniff out bullshit like the rest of the Shelbys could.
"I know I'm a bit of a control freak, alright? But I'm yours."
You weren't certain if it was his confession of possession, or the admittance of his neurotic behaviour that made you lean back and look at him with the biggest grin you could muster. Your hands found their way to the side of his jaw, bringing him closer to you.
"All fucking mine."
#tommy shelby#thomas shelby#tommy shelby x reader#thomas shelby x reader#tommy shelby imagine#thomas shelby imagine#tommy shelby fanfic#thomas shelby fanfic#peaky blinders#peaky blinders x reader#peaky blinders imagine#peaky blinders preference#peaky blinders fanfic#may carleton#lizzie stark#grace burgess#greta jurossi#jessie eden
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Xicheng fic recs
(figured i might make a list of my own)
(to be expanded as i dig out more treasure/remember stuff)
in no particular order:
Deep as the Yearning Night by FreckledStarKnight
“At first, it was pure chance. The second time was accidental. And the third time? Well, they say the third time’s the charm, after all. Lan Xichen discovers that Jiang Wanyin sings beautifully and is immediately enamored by it. His pursuit of Jiang Wanyin’s secret talent leads to a discovery and a series of events that he did not anticipate at all. Not that he’s complaining, of course. He got what he came for and more. Or, how two sect leaders get together through the song called love. CQL-verse.“
post-seclusion lxc
trying to get jc to sing
bonus lxc & jin ling feels i hadn’t considered before
cute
Always use protection by hesselives
“In which Lan Wangji attempts to hire a new bodyguard for his older brother, a well-known traveling exorcist. Jiang Wanyin doesn’t even make his carefully considered list of Top Ten Candidates, and yet here he is.
Lots of wandering in the countryside, distant yelling, and mildly inconvenient spirits.”
bodyguard au
honestly just really intersting worldbuilding
Rewrite the stars by Arashii
“Five great kingdoms have been fighting for years and when the kingdom of Yunmeng is destroyed, the Crown Prince Jiang Cheng vanishes.In Gusu, Lan Xichen makes an offer impossible for Jiang Cheng to refuse. His life or revenge? There’s only one option and Jiang Cheng swears loyalty to the man he hated the most his whole life, the Crown Prince of Gusu, Lan Xichen himself.Written for XiChengFest2020 - Day 4“
ROYALTY AU ROYALTY AU
enemies to lovers!
flashbacks! i love flashbacks so much ohmygod
No paths are bound by Arashii
“In seclusion, Lan Huan has the support of a ghost no one has seen since the massacre of Yunmeng Jiang. His feelings start changing with the often visits and conversations they share. Before Lan Huan can confess though, he ascends, leaving everything and everyone behind him.
Two hundred years later, back to the Human Realm and without powers, the Martial God Zewu-Jun has a mission to uphold. His Heavenly Calamity started. The clues are little and the support comes in the most unexpected form, the current Ghost King: Sandu Shengshou. Now they need to stick together to contain a menace that is slowly growing.“
TGCF AU TGCF AU
ghost king jiang cheng come on
doesn’t follow tgcf plot, just the setup so no spoilers
jiang cheng gets the dogs and the xichen he deserves
once upon a dream by cafedeolla
“Xicheng soulmate AU
An au where your dreams are small snippets of your soulmate’s day. They’d show small things like buying coffee, reading a book, or hanging out with people from their perspective.
The problem was that people always have expectations and Jiang Cheng knows he always falls short of them. Time and time again.“
soulmate au, but being soulmates is more a problem than a solution
misunderstandingssss all over the place
now with a squel (in progress?)
Lan Furen series by jagaimocchi
“Jiang Cheng leaves Lotus Pier before the Wen Internment Camp and before the destruction of his home. When he meets Lan Xichen on the run from the Wens after the burning of Cloud Recesses, his plan to live a peaceful life away from cultivation sects is quickly derailed. Now, free to make his own choices, he cannot find it in himself to leave the other man's side.
With love, patience and time, Jiang Cheng finds his own happiness and peace with his past.“
have you ever wanted a fic where jiang cheng peaces out from home in search for a better life, bc he’s Had Enough??? jags got you covered
adorable xicheng
good uncle-dad-figure Lan Qiren
ongoing <3
Just around the riverbend by JungleJelly
“One day.
Jiang Cheng just wanted one day of peace and quiet, away from home, away from his responsibilities, away from his idiot brother and his nutcases of a mother and father. Just a few hours alone — him and a boat and nothing else.
Clearly, that was too much to ask for.”
now with a new story in the series which is adorable too!!!
mermaid!lxc need i say more?
Bad ideas (where they lead) by JungleJelly
“Jiang Cheng is a busy man. Fortunately, he is also a huge pushover when it comes to his sister, so when she recommends that he start doing yoga, he agrees pretty easily.Featuring Lan Xichen in yoga pants, Jiang Cheng’s inability to handle a crush, and, perhaps most importantly, a big fluffy dog.“
done for 2020 MXTX MiniBang
yoga instructor Lan Xichen
Jiang Cheng is: struggling with a crush on the yoga guy from youtube & very angry about that
If there’s a price for rotten judgement by TheWanderingHeart
“All Jiang Cheng wants to do is, well... his job, really. Other than that? Keep the city safe, keep his nephew alive, keep his sanity intact (if possible).
So when his brother calls with unexpected news, he knows all of that is about to fly out of the window.
***
[Every instinct is telling him don’t ask, you don’t want to know. By this point, Nie HuaiSang has scooted closer to listen. Jiang Cheng takes a steadying breath and pulls out his antacids. “What did you do?”]”
superhero au, come on
jc just trying to do his job in peace
(he can’t)
i love it so much oh my god *sobs*
The Form of Boneless Ice by TheWanderingHeart
“Mythical beasts have long ago been driven to extinction by the gentry — hunted for sport, but more importantly for their magical cores. Since then, there remains only one creature that has never been caught. The Jiang’s retreated a long time ago. Abandoning land altogether, they sought safety where the humans could not reach.It all comes to a head though, purely by chance. (Or is it by fate that a spontaneous decision allows for them to meet? If fate were a rock!) Jiang Cheng suddenly finds his whole life balanced on the head of a pin — on the flimsy promise of a human boy. In his opinion, things cannot possibly get worse!(But then they do when the Wens decide it’s finally time to search for the elusive merpeople, and suddenly nowhere is safe.)“
there she goes again, with another beautiful xicheng story full of awwww and mythology
actually one of the first xicheng fics i read
i chose it because there were mermaids
painfully accurate takes on Jiang family dynamics
kids! lots of kids!
Let me Slytherin to Your Heart by TheWanderingHeart
“Jiang Cheng never thought he'd return to Hogwarts, but in hindsight, he probably should have known that someday he would.With his nephew about to start school, he reluctantly takes his good friend's bad parenting? career? advice and ends up tumbling head-first back into the madness that he hoped he'd left behind... and rediscovering some feelings he thought he'd left behind too.“
Harry Potter au!
just really fecking cute
lots of snakes
[I am not going to link all of Jo’s fics, though I probably could, just my 3 favourites. UOSB is there by default]
Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes
“Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.“
done for 2019 MXTX Big Bang
uuuuuuuuuuh i might have cried maybe
heartwarming? painful at times? lots of family love?
slowburn xicheng being lovely
The Provenence of Hope series by velithya
“A chance meeting on a night hunt sets a course of events into motion that will change everything.
Featuring Xicheng getting together, recovery for Lan Xichen, healing for Jiang Cheng, and always, always, hope.“
got everything. feels. hope. love. ~~healing~~
A Small Measure of Peace by Sandstone112
“With his brother in seclusion, Lan Xichen finds himself in temporary custody of his nephew with little to no expertise in the child-raising department. Uncertain and alone, Zewu-Jun is willing to do everything to be the person Yuan needs—even if it means inviting Sandu Shengshou to a playdate.“
a loooot of adorable family times with jc and lxc taking care of their nephews
good grandpa lqr!
canon but fixed and less painful
🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋if you wish to avoid scurvy:🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋
Some day I’m gonna make you mine series by locketofyourhair
xicheng getting together through the years
friends with benefits but the real benefits are the friends we made along the way
Take me over (take me tonight) by velithya
jiang cheng has a tattoo and lan xichen doesn’t stand a chance
i'd be the sweet feeling of release (mankind now dreams of) by piyo13
two bros, chilling in a cave, no feet apart because they don’t want to lose their cultivation powers what are you gonna do
haven’t read yet and shame on me, but AM GONNA:
Upon Our Silver Bridge by TheWanderingHeart obviously
““When the path ignites a soul, there's no remaining in place. The foot touches ground, but not for long.”
― Hakim Sanai
**
Lan Xichen's sorrows have caught the attention of something. Unlike the adventures and foes they have faced before, there is no obvious enemy here to defeat. If this is the same thing they thought had taken Nie Mingjue's life, then he believes it is fated for him to die as well. Nothing can stop the black fire when it wants to burn.Jiang Cheng is sure his part in this is over. Wei Wuxian is back, his grand adventure concluded, and he'd never been at the centre of it anyway. So what does it matter what happens to him in the end? Slowly, he will come to realise that there will always be a battle to fight, a story to tell, a choice to make, and there is no such thing as an end to anything.“
it was difficult to do things in 2020 and few i regret not doing more than not reading uosb yet :’(
i will tho
Emergency Help Wanted by piyo13
“EMERGENCY HELP WANTED
I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I could leave early from work to pick him up from daycare, take him to doctor's appointments, and occasionally miss a day when he's sick. Long story short, I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy ages four to six, longish dark hair, likes soccer. Must also be artistic as the macaroni noodle paintings I made seem a little advanced for his age. Also, I will pay extra for someone willing to play the role of husband when dropping him off. He's a prosecuting attorney who often brings his work home. Message me for further details. Serious inquiries only.“
Running Our Hands Through Embers by MarvelousMar
“If asked, Jiang Cheng would compare falling in love with Lan Xichen to a moth inevitably drawn to a flame.It burned.***In which Jiang Cheng discovers that even death can't help him escape from his trauma, so he embarks on a quest to save the people he loves, fix what he can, make the love of his life fall for him, and maybe, somewhere along the way, do a little bit of healing.”
The Beginner’s Guide to Moving On by InvincibleMel
gone from ao3, but i think there’s a link with a pdf going around
#xicheng#fic rec#Jiang Cheng#lan xichen#mdzs#the untamed#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mo dao zu shi
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Hi :) can you do all the members(separately off) with a s/o who doesn’t really like their music?
[I can for sure give it a shot! This is my first ask so i do hope you enjoy it ^_^. Also I apologize for taking so long, my second vaccine shot kicked my butt]
Prompted: S/O who doesn’t like Gorillaz Music
Trigger Warnings: I can’t think of any for this one. Maybe I should state my horrible 2D accent! I apologize in advance. Of and I bring up the s*x, m*rder, party song. But all and all I don’t think there is anything else. Anyway enjoy!
~Murdoc Niccals ~
Let’s start this off with, at first he doesn’t even realize that you don’t like the Gorillaz music. He never even pieces two and two together. Why might you ask? Well for the first while you tolerated it for the Bass players sake.
After a few months, you decided it would be best to maybe leave Kong whenever the band you as practicing or rehearsing. You did a lot of stuff in this time. Coffee, read some good books, even went bowling on your own a few times. It was just nice to get away from that horrid music.
You didn’t have anything against the band members themselves! All of them were nice, it just you found the songs to be tedious and annoying.
When Murdoc finally started to take notice, he would ask you why you would avoid the band. Not seeming to understand the distaste of their masterpieces.
You lied most of the time, saying something stupid like “oh I am meeting up with friends” or “oh I would just be in the way”.
After a few more months, Murdoc finally forced you to sit and listen to their newest album. Mainly wanting to get your take on it before the official release.
You didn’t even get halfway through the first song before standing up and tuned off the player. You honestly felt like your ears would jump off your head if you ever heard that again.
“What the Bloody hell was that for?! We have like 43 more minutes to go”
“Murdoc, I don’t know how to tell you this. But babe…your music is a flaming hot dumpster fire and I don’t like it”
“……what? Why the hell are you with me then if you don’t like our music?”
“Because I may have underlining daddy issues according to the internet, but in reality I really love you Mudz…for you!”
“So playing bass isn’t sexy….underlining what? No wait getting away from the real point here. You never heard if Feel Good inc.? Or you know Clint Eastwood?Those were some of our best songs! What about To Binge? Empire ants? Any of them.
“Hmm, Feel Good inc? Let’s see it’s repeats itself a lot. Clint Eastwood? Haha other then the opening your song had nothing to do with Clint Eastwood. You posted To Binge aka forced 2D to sing it. Empire Ants? It just sucks”
“You suck! Are music is an art! It’s great! you are the problem here.”
“Never said I was! Your music is an art and it makes a lot of people happy. But to me, my ears did like it…but I can say this, I do like you a lot Murdoc.”
“ I am pretty great! Fine no more of our music…around your at least. But maybe sometimes”
“I can handle sometimes”.
~Noodle~
Noodle would completely understand your distaste for their music. She understands that not anyone is up for what they produce and she thinks that is okay!
For her as long as you don’t listen to any overly annoying songs around her. She really doesn’t care what you listen to.
She does however like to get your input on songs, even if you don’t like them. She just likes hearing different peoples ideas.
But with that being said, there is a 100% chance that she may try to convert you into liking Gorillaz. Of course, just simply by showing you different songs they have done. Like Punk or Humility, Feel Good inc. or El Mañana. Hell she has even shown you Latin Simone.
When she realized she was doing this, she quickly backed off and apologized.
“Sorry (Y/n). I didn’t mean to do that…I just kind of got excited and thought you would like the different genres we have done.”
“It’s okay Noodle, you realized your mistake! Honestly it’s not that the songs themselves aren’t inherently bad…it’s just well Murdoc’s bass playing is well…pretty bad in my opinion”
“Oh? How so if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Well to me it sounds like well, a crusty old man who doesn’t know how to cut his nails and proceeds to scratch the surface of everything he touches. Also while we are at it 2D’s singing is really hard to understand!”
“Well Murdoc does forget to clip his nails from time to time and he doesn’t seem to like using a pick for his bass. But now you confused me with 2D”
“Listen I love you all! Especially you Noodle, but ooo boy, if you guys weren’t careful in sex murder party…it kind of sounds like 2D is singing dissolve the kids…which isn’t a pleasant image”
“Ah, I see what you mean, anything else?”
“Nope! Your guitar playing is wonderful! Love everything about you! Just your band is a bit much at times haha”
~Russel Hobbs~
Much like Noodle Russel would understand that their music wasn’t for everyone. Everyone was entitled to their own opinion. For example he was really into rap and it took a while for him to talk the whole band into listening to it.
Regardless unlike Noodle or Murdoc he wouldn’t make you listen to a single song of theirs if you didn’t want to.
Of course you would every now and then for their demo’s you just wouldn’t voice your opinion on it, since you couldn’t stand it.
Russel would also try his best to get into music that you like! Of course, if he doesn’t like one of the songs you like, you make a mutual agreement to not play it around him.
He even at one point turned it into a game that he really enjoyed playing with you! It was a game that helped the both of you set up playlists!
He would pick one of his favourite songs, if you thought it was okay, it went into the playlist. If he liked one of the songs you picked into the playlist!
“Okay how about, this song?”
“Let it go…from frozen? Really, we ain’t putting that in the playlist”
“Yeah you are right it was a stupid idea, it’s just been stuck in my head.”
“Haha fair enough, how about Rainforest by Noname?”
“Hmm, that’s actually not a bad one! We can throw it in! Alright space jam?”
“What is with you in movie songs tonight? Yeah we can throw in space jam”
“Sweet!”
“I can’t believe space jam beats our music out in that mind of yours…”
~Stuart “2D” Pots~
At first, 2D can not wrap his mind around the fact that you hate their music. More so he has never really had someone be with him for well just him before. Most of the one nightstands he had in the past was because of his popular singer status.
He does try his very best to get you into their music, of course, walking the fine line between shoving it down your throat and giving you air to breath with your own tunes.
That being said though, he doesn’t overly mind the fact that you like your own selection of music. He does find some of your songs enjoyable.
When he realizes most of the bands travel playlist consisted of a few of the bands own songs. He secretly takes the phone and changes up the playlist. He removes the Gorillaz songs and replaces them with songs you like.
Although you don’t like the bands music, that never truly stopped you from liking 2D’s singing. When he found that out he made a special song just for you. One where it was only on his keyboard and singing. He keeps it hidden so Murdoc doesn’t find it.
“(Y/n) I made yew something!”
“Oh sweet Satan please don’t tell me it was breakfast and that you burnt down the kitchen again!”
“What no! Besides that was a one time fing and I got a four month ban from going in fere fanks to Russel”
“Sorry…shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. What did you make 2D? You seemed really proud.”
“Oh well Um…I know yew don’t like our music and all…but I uh, I made yew a song, do ya want to ‘ere it?”
“Of course 2D, just because I don’t like your music, doesn’t mean I can’t be supportive of you”
“Well, this song isn’ really goin’ to be on an album, because I made it for yew”
“Aww 2D you didn’t have to~”
“But I wanted too!”
After he plays the song, you state that you adore it! This puts a huge smile on his face!
#stuart pot#gorillaz#gorillaz x reader#2d x reader#murdoc x reader#murdoc niccals#noodle x reader#Noodle#russel hobbs x reader#Russel Hobbs
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IN LIFE, IN DEATH...
PART EIGHT
:Masterlist:
Warnings: just swearing, I think :)
A/N: oof I’m bad at posting on time but here’s part eight! thank you all for your feedback on the last part and feel free to let me know what you think about this part too <3
-
October 1994
“Ow.”
You groaned as you collapsed in the middle seat of the back of Bobby’s car, so tired that you practically fell asleep the second you got off your feet. It was your second weekend in a row of playing all day shows, and every part of your body was screaming at you in exhaustion.
“Remind me why we’re happy about this gig again?” Alex grumbled from the passenger seat, stretching out his no-doubt sore fingers.
Next to you, Reggie had slumped in his seat. “I can’t feel my legs.”
Even Luke, who was usually still full of adrenaline after a performance, looked a little deflated as he secured his guitar into the trunk and piled into the car. As soon as he sat down in his usual seat on your left, he dropped his entire weight on you, making you fall into Reggie.
“You okay there, Lu?” You asked as you sat as up-right as you could with him still leaning on your shoulder. He muttered sleepily in response and you laughed. “Guys, I think Luke’s dead.”
“I don’t blame him. I’m pretty sure that’s the hardest we’ve ever played.” Bobby sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive in the direction of Reggie’s house to drop him off. You relaxed into your seat, watching the lights fly by the window. You all sat in comfortable silence until Bobby pulled up to a red light and turned around to look at all of you. “Votes for just crashing at the garage?”
You agreed immediately since the studio was a lot closer than any of your houses, and having Bobby drive when he was tired probably wasn’t the smartest idea.
“I could definitely go for not going home.” Alex said and you smiled at him sympathetically. Reggie agreed and turned to ask Luke, but all he got was the sound of quiet snoring in response. You all laughed as Bobby turned around and started driving to his house.
The quiet rumble of the car on the road and the warmth of Luke’s skin against yours was making you more and more tired by the second. You leaned over and rested your head on top of his and closed your eyes.
The drive to the garage was shorter than you thought, but by the time you got there, you were practically ready to pass out.
It took all your energy to gently coax Luke out of your shoulder and hop out of the car to help Bobby unload the equipment out of the trunk and back into the loft. While you were up there, you grabbed a pile of sleeping bags and blankets to give to the boys who were now arguing over what to watch.
They settled on The Empire Strikes Back, per Reggie’s request. You watched it absentmindedly from your spot on the couch, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. The more time went by, the more your tiredness faded away, leaving you restless and frustrated. When the movie reached the halfway point, you had officially given up on sleeping.
You didn’t realize that you were sighing until Luke, who was laying on the floor under your head, opened his eyes. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” You muttered.
“It’s okay, I can’t sleep either.” Luke said. “Not when Alex snores like a bear.”
You laughed, looking over to Alex who was sleeping deeply across the room, his snore blocking out the sound of the movie. “Yeah, thank god he’s the only one that does that.”
“Are you trying to say that I snore?” Luke gasped, squinting when you laughed and nodded your head at him. After a minute of silence, Luke looked up at you. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, of course.” You said.
“Why didn’t you want to go home?” He asked. “Everything okay with your mom?”
“Yeah, she’s just been working a lot lately and it feels weird being home alone.” You said. “What about your mom?”
Luke was quiet for a minute, so quiet that you almost thought that he fell asleep until he let out a deep sigh. He had told you that things were getting rockier between him and his parents everyday but you could tell by the grimace on his face that something more was going on. “She threatened to make me quit the band.”
“Wait, what?” You said a little too loudly.
“I got an F on a test and she flipped out.” Luke explained. “But if I pass the next one, hopefully she’ll stay off me for a while.”
“I’m surprised that she even let you stay here tonight.” You said.
“Yeah, about that.” Luke cringed. “I didn’t exactly ask her.”
You sighed and shook your head. “You know she’s gonna kill you when you go home tomorrow, right?”
He rolled his eyes but then quickly switched to his puppy-dog look. “Come with me?”
“What? No, I’m not gonna be your accomplice.”
“Please?” Luke begged. “She loves you, and there’s no way she’d kill me if you were there.”
You sighed, cursing yourself for not being able to resist his stupid face. “Fine, but you owe me.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Luke beamed.
You reached your arm from the couch and pushed his face lightly. “Go to sleep, weirdo.”
-
2020
Being dead was boring.
You had poured over your songbook a dozen times, walked laps around the studio, and absentmindedly threw darts against the wall.
Normally, you would drag Alex out into the city or make Reggie sing country songs with you, but everyone was off getting ready for the gig tonight.
So with nothing better to do, you decided to visit Julie at school. You closed your eyes and poofed into the crowded hallway. You spotted Julie putting books into her locker and you phased right next to her.
“Hi.” You greeted and Julie jumped, letting out a quiet squeal.
“(Y/n)! Normal people don’t do that and ghosts definitely shouldn’t. “What are you doing here?” She asked, smiling awkwardly at people who were giving her weird looks as they passed down the hall.
“Well, I think we should decide what song we’re going with tonight.” You said and Julie tilted her head at you and squinted, knowing that you weren’t telling the whole truth. “Okay, and I was also really bored at the studio.”
“So I’m your entertainment?” She questioned as she dug her phone out of her pocket and raised it to her ear so it didn't look like she was talking to herself.
“Yep, you’re stuck with me.” You smiled sweetly.
“Who knew ghosts were so clingy?” She joked, struggling to hold back a smile when you pouted back at her. “Aren’t you supposed to be hanging out with that mysterious guy from the café last night? Teddy?”
“I figured I’d be too busy getting ready for the gig so I just swung by and told him to come to the show.” You explained, making Julie raise her eyebrows. “What?”
“Nothing.” She clicked her tongue. "I’m sure Luke is gonna love that.”
You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, well, Luke doesn’t get to have an opinion.”
“I don’t get to have an opinion on what?” A voice asked from behind you and you whirled around to find Luke leaning against the lockers with a smile. You had been so distracted talking to Julie that you didn’t even hear him phase in behind you.
“The fact that we’re doing ‘Edge of Great’ tonight.” You said quickly, desperately hoping that he bought your lie. Thankfully, he seemed to believe you.
“Sweet. That’s what I was thinking anyway.” He turned to Julie. “Hey, why not ditch school today? Let’s go rehearse!”
“What? No, I can’t. I promised my dad that school comes first. Plus, I have the dance with Nick today.” She reasoned and you smirked, thinking back at the way that he was staring at her at the dance.
“Ooh, Nick.” You teased and Julie glared at you. After a brief second, her eyes widened. You turned to see Nick walking towards her and you quickly grabbed Luke’s wrist and dragged him to the side so they could talk. "Speak of the devil."
“Hey, Julie!” Nick smiled warmly. “Ready for our performance?”
“Yeah, we’re gonna do great.” Julie shoved her phone into her bag, clearly trying not to look over at you and Luke who were watching with rapt attention.
“I’m glad you’re confident. I think that after three classes, I just got worse. But good thing I have my secret weapon.” Nick nervously shoved his hands in his pockets and you couldn’t help but smile at Nick’s way of awkwardly flirting.
Next to you, Luke whooped. “Oh, I think someone’s got a little crush on our Julie.”
You cringed a little as you looked over at him, expecting to see jealousy on his face. But if anything, he looked the exact opposite. Amused and eager to tease Julie about it, the same way he did back when Reggie tried to hit on girls after a gig. He caught you looking at him and softly smiled, a dramatic shift from the teasing smirk he had on a second ago.
“Shut up,” Julie said to Luke, cringing when Nick frowned at her. “I mean, shut up.”
“No, seriously, Molina. I’m nothing without you.” He said. You walked behind Nick, peering over his shoulder to make kissy faces at her which made Luke laugh.
"I'm sure you'll be great." She pushed his shoulder, making you jump back a little. “See you in there?"
“Yeah, I’ll be the guy trying not to make us look stupid.” You watched him walk away before turning to Julie.
"Julie, he totally likes you!" You laughed excitedly.
"Boundaries." She reminded you, but there was a smile on her face. You and Luke both raised your hands in surrender and she waved over her shoulder as she walked away. "I'll see you guys after school, okay?"
Once she was gone, Luke shook his head dramatically. "They grow up so fast."
You snorted. "C'mon, dork. Let's go rehearse."
-
After getting back to the studio, you immediately snapped into pre-gig mode.
You collapsed on the floor near the couch, sticking your legs up against the armrest next to Reggie as you all listened to Luke go over the song, he ran his pencil along the paper. "So we add the echoes and then the girls come in with the melody.”
You nodded. “Julie gets home in like an hour and then we can start rehearsing.”
Suddenly, there was a loud thud on the garage door and you spun around just in time to see Willie’s head disappear. You frowned and looked over at Alex for an explanation but he just shook his head.
“Again? What’s that about?” Reggie asked but Alex had already poofed out to chase the other boy. You frowned as you stared at the space where he was just sitting, thinking about how happy he was about Willie not even two days ago.
Just as quickly as he left, Alex came phasing back in with a hurt look on his face. You immediately sat up to question him but he just strolled over to his drums and suggested starting practice.
You all agreed reluctantly and got into place. Luke counted down and started to play, stopping almost immediately as Alex started going off course, slamming on his drums a little harder than necessary.
“Al, you okay?” You asked gently as he set down his drumsticks.
“Yeah, why?”
“I know it’s tough, man. They say you never forget your first ghost.” Reggie tried to reassure him. “But I’m sure there will be others.”
“Yeah, and you’re a great drummer and an even greater guy.” You added. “Don’t let all this get in the way of your music.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes a little fire can make things better on stage.” Reggie said, pointing between you and Luke. “Like you guys.”
You were thankful that Luke was behind you and couldn’t see the look on your face. You glared at Reggie but he just smirked back at you, and you made a mental note to kick his ass later.
“What’s your point, Reg?” Playing dumb probably wasn’t your best move, but you could you really didn’t want to make things awkward with Luke again.
“I’m just saying when you play your little on-stage game,” Reggie said. “You guys ooze chemistry.”
“You should never say ‘ooze’ again, but yeah, I agree.” Alex piped up from behind his drums, giving you a shit-eating grin. Great, now you had two asses to kick.
You looked back at Luke to find him already staring at you as he rubbed the back of his neck. You shared a bashful smile before looking everywhere but each other.
“Yeah, but I have chemistry with everyone I sing with.” Luke reasoned, sounding a little panicked. “Watch.”
He walked over to Reggie and sang directly in his face, making you and Alex struggle not to laugh.
“I see chemistry.” Alex joked.
“That was pretty hot.” Reggie admitted as Luke kissed his fingers and pressed them against Reggie’s lips, making him sputter awkwardly. “Girls, am I right?”
Luke laughed as he walked back over to his spot and tugged his guitar strap over his shoulder. “Yeah.”
“No.” Alex said with a smile, making you burst out laughing.
-
Hours later, you stood on your tip-toes, peering out at the crowd that had grown enough to fill the entire driveway.
As they all waited for the show to start, you reached down and felt the outline of your parent’s photo shoved in your pocket. You patted it for good luck, the way you always did before a performance.
Julie stood in front of the garage doors as they were pulled open. There was a wave of applause and Julie settled behind her mic, greeting everyone before starting her solo. Her voice rang out clear over the soft piano, and everyone watched intently, waiting for the rest of you to appear. On top of the balcony, the fake projector clicked on and you took your cue, smiling at the crowd as your voice joined Julie’s.
Just like every time you made your entrance, everyone gasped in surprise and cheered.
You did your best to pose as you sang and danced around, trying to get everyone hyped up. A few people held up their cameras and took pictures, one girl holding her phone so close to your face that you were a little worried that it would go through your head.
Out of the corner of your eye, there was a sudden bright light. For a second, you thought it was just another person taking a picture with their flash, but then you looked over to see Teddy leaning against the wall. He waved a little and you gave him a small smile before going back to the song.
Just as Luke’s verse started, he followed your eyes and saw Teddy, his usual charming smile faltering for a second before locking eyes with you.
Then it was time for your verse with Julie, so you turned away from Luke and strolled towards the piano, watching as Julie crawled on top of it. You followed her lead and sat on the edge, facing the audience and launching into the lyrics.
You could hear Teddy cheering loudly to your right, catching the attention of the whole band, but mostly Luke. As the music softened, Luke suddenly abandoned his spot behind his microphone and was now slowly walking towards you.
He started playing a solo that definitely wasn't planned and almost drowned out the sound of both your and Julie’s voices. When you turned around, you found that he was only a few feet away.
Luke put on his flirty, on-stage face as he slowly inched forward until he was right in front of you. But there was another layer under it. Something sharper and completely unfamiliar. You must’ve seen a hundred different expressions on Luke's face but he had never looked at you like that before.
You tried to look over Julie, who was looking at the two of you with a smirk, but Luke seemed determined to keep your attention. You were extremely grateful that you couldn't blush because you would've been bright red.
The bubble was broken as the chorus started up again and Luke smirked at you one last time before walking back to his microphone. The crowd roared and you took a breath, mentally cursing him and his stupid face for distracting you.
The soft piano came back in and the boys phased away as you and Julie finished the song. You bowed and disappeared, poofing back into the garage.
-
It was just after dark when the last of the crowd went home.
Julie stayed around for a while but she eventually went inside too, leaving the four of you alone in the cold night air.
You sat on the concrete of the driveway, your songbook propped up on your knee as you watched the boys play basketball. You cheered them on and absentmindedly scribbled doodles on the corners of pages of your old songs.
There was a sharp pop in the air and you looked up to see Teddy standing at the end of the driveway, his hands in his pockets as he walked closer.
You had been so caught up in Luke during the performance and then celebrating with the band afterward that by the time you went to look for Teddy, he had disappeared. You quickly got up and brushed off your legs before running to meet him.
“Hey! There you are, you kinda disappeared.” You said and Teddy cleared his throat.
“Yeah, sorry. Uh, can we walk somewhere? We really need to talk.” Teddy said and you cringed when you realized that it suddenly went completely quiet behind you.
You looked back at your friends who were all watching you with different expressions. Reggie looked almost nervous as he fidgeted with the basketball in his hands. Next to him, Alex stared Teddy down with his trademark intense glare and Luke just stood there with his arms crossed as he stared into the street behind you.
“Yeah, okay.” You said quickly, hoping to avoid any more awkwardness. You went to lead Teddy away when suddenly the boys stumbled back, groaning painfully as they were hit with another shock. “Shit!"
Without fully meaning to, you ran to Luke first, quickly inspecting him and watching him carefully as he winced in pain. You glanced over to Reggie and Alex to make sure they were okay before turning back to Luke.
“It’s getting worse.” Luke told you as he rubbed his chest.
“Why is this happening to us?” Reggie asked.
Suddenly, a familiar voice cut through the air. "It’s because you guys are in serious trouble.”
You whipped around to see Willie nervously wringing his hands as he stepped into the light.
Alex took a step closer to him, looking dazed like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Willie?”
“Like I said,” Teddy said suddenly, making everyone look at him. “We need to talk.”
-
Even though you weren’t supposed to be able to get cold anymore, a chill overtook your whole body as you walked down the street.
You could hear everyone talking in front of you but your brain had shut off after Willie explained the basics the first time. Not only was he secretly working for an evil club owner, but Teddy, who you thought was your friend, was teaming up with him in order to steal your soul and make you and your best friends play in a house band for all eternity.
Your brain was so full that you felt like any more information would make you short-circuit.
“So, all these shocks are because of the stamps that Caleb put on us?” Luke asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.
“He’s threatened by you,” Willie explained as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and whipped around. “You’re the only ghosts that lifers can see without his help.”
Alex, who had been just as quiet as you this whole time suddenly spoke up. “And you let him do this to us?”
“I can’t stop him.” Willie tried to defend himself. “He owns my soul!”
“He owns half of Hollywood’s souls.” Teddy butted in. “It’s kind of his thing.”
Willie took a deep, unsteady breath. “If he even knew we were here talking to you…”
He didn’t finish, but from the pained look on his face, you could tell that he couldn’t have been going anywhere good with that sentence.
Next to you, Reggie crossed his arms. “So if we don’t join his club, this power outage keeps going on until there’s no power left?”
Willie nodded and Reggie scoffed. “And what exactly happens when the power goes out?”
Teddy cleared his throat. “You disappear forever. No crossing over, you just...stop existing.”
“So we have no choice?” Luke snapped as he glared at Teddy. “We have to leave our friend, our band, behind to work for Caleb forever?”
“There is another option.” Teddy said. “If you could figure out your unfinished business, you could cross over in time and be free from all of it.”
“Okay, so what’s our unfinished business?” Luke asked.
“I don’t know.” Teddy gestured to all of you. “But since you all died at the same time, it’s probably something you have to do together.”
“Why should we listen to anything either of you has to say?” Alex said as he glared at both Teddy and Willie. He sounded so betrayed that it made your stomach turn.
“Because I care about you, Alex.” Willie pleaded. “I hate that it’s my fault that you and your friends are in this mess.”
It was quiet for a minute before he looked around anxiously. “I can’t be gone any longer. I’m sorry.”
With that, he disappeared.
“Don’t be too hard on Willie,” Teddy said once he was gone. “He wanted out of the plan the minute Caleb told us everything.”
“And what about you?” You asked, trying to contain your anger and Teddy sighed.
“(Y/n), I know that being your friend started out as a lie,” He pleaded. “But it’s not anymore.”
“You really expect me to believe that?” You scoffed.
“Look, I know you don’t know me, but I know you.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I know how much Cece cared about you, and I know that this isn’t what she would’ve wanted.”
As if everything wasn’t enough, being reminded of Cece made you feel even worse. Teddy was your last connection to her and now you couldn't even stand to be near him. “I think you should go.”
“(Y/n), please-” Teddy tried to take a step closer to you but Alex fixed him with a look so intense that he backed up almost immediately. With a sigh, he phased away, leaving the four of you out on the street alone.
“This is all my fault.” Alex said, his voice breaking a little. “I met Willie, and he introduced us to Caleb.”
“Alex, no.” You shook your head. “This isn’t anyone’s fault.”
“We have to tell Julie.” Reggie said, washing a new wave of sadness over all of you.
“We can’t.” You said. “She’s lost too much already.”
“If we don’t want Caleb to own our souls, we need to figure out our unfinished business.” Luke started walking further down the street.
“And how are we supposed to do that?” Alex asked as you all followed him. “There was so much that we wanted to do.”
Luke suddenly stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, his eyes trailing up to the buildings. “The night we died, there was one thing we wanted to do together.”
You followed his eyes to see the Orpheum’s sign casting a blue glow on the street. “Play the Orpheum?”
“Getting that gig was impossible,” Alex said. “We had to call in favors and impress who knows how many club owners. It took us years.”
Just as the last word got out, they were hit with another shock. You cringed in sympathy and rested your hand on Alex’s arm.
“We don’t have years.” Luke said through a groan as he clutched his chest.
-
Everyone went their separate ways once you made it back to the garage.
Reggie went up to the house, and Alex barely sat still for five minutes before he left to go on a walk, leaving just you and Luke.
You sat on the rungs of the loft's ladder, staring up at the ceiling as you tried to process everything that's happened. Getting so close to living out your dream only to die and become a ghost, finding out that people could still hear you play, Bobby betraying all of you, meeting Julie and Teddy. It all felt so unreal.
There is no way you’d believe any of it if someone told you all this would happen back when you were alive.
Suddenly, Luke appeared at the base of the ladder, frowning up at you. "Uh-oh. You’re perched up there again.”
“What?” You questioned.
“In your thinking spot.” Luke laughed. “Why do you think we all called you ‘Batman’ in seventh grade?”
"How could I not be thinking right now, Lu?" You said as you carefully slid down to the floor, and Luke backed up slightly to give you space. “I mean, we just found out that we have to play an impossible gig and cross over or you guys will-”
The words died in your throat. You couldn’t even bring yourself to talk about possibly losing any of them. Just thinking about it opened a black hole in your chest.
But there was something else on your mind too. Even though you told Alex that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, you couldn’t help but feel guilty about trusting Teddy. But for Cece’s sake, you wanted to believe that he was actually your friend.
You wanted to tell Luke everything you were thinking, or at least try to explain why you didn’t take his advice. But of course, Luke already knew what was going on inside your head.
“None of this is your fault, Squeaks.” He reassured. Your lips quirked up slightly at the nickname. You almost couldn’t remember the last time he called you that and hearing it again immediately made you feel warm. "Besides, your unique ability to blindly trust people is one of my favorite things about you."
You snorted and Luke fought a laugh before continuing. “Well, that and your snort.”
“If you’re gonna be mean to me, I’m going back up to my perch.” You jokingly turned towards the ladder but Luke was quick to grab your hand, turning your back around and pulling you closer to him.
You looked up at Luke as his fingers intertwined with yours. You had held hands with Luke countless times, and you hated the fact that it affected you as much as it always did. It was normally just a way of comforting each other. But after the way he acted during the gig, you couldn’t help but wonder if…
“Hey,” Luke said. “We’re gonna figure everything out.”
“How do you know?”
Luke gave you a smile as he pulled you even closer and wrapped his arms around you. “When have I ever been wrong?”
You laughed and Luke squeezed your hand playfully in response. Your head was still spinning with everything that happened tonight, but the guilt had lessened a little as you tucked your head into his shoulder.
You don't know how long you stayed like that. It felt like hours and seconds all at the same time, but when you finally did pull away, you found yourself frozen in place. Your arms still locked each other, your face now just inches away from his.
“(Y/n), I…” Luke started, his voice uncertain as his eyes drifted down to your lips.
Holy shit.
You blinked up at him, actively trying not to freak out while you waited for whatever his next move was going to be. Were you hallucinating or was Luke about to kiss you?
Just as he went to speak again, there was a bright flash and Alex poofed in just a few feet away. As soon as he saw your and Luke’s position, his jaw dropped and he mumbled nonsense for a few seconds before clearing his throat.
“Hey.” He said, sending you an apologetic look as you and Luke separated so fast that it made you dizzy. “(Y/n), can I talk to you for a second?”
You slowly nodded and smiled awkwardly at Luke before grabbing Alex’s arm and dragging both of you out of the studio. All your thoughts from earlier disappeared and were replaced with one simple question:
What the hell just happened?
-
In Life, In Death Taglist:
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#luke patterson#luke patterson imagine#luke patterson x reader#Alex Mercer#Reggie Peters#julie molina#jatp fanfic#jatp
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Meeting and Dating Mark
(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)
- You and Mark met after you started working at Empire.
- Initially, he’d spotted you while you were in one of the music booths and immediately thought you were cute. Unbeknownst to him, you’d been filling out a resume while listening and would begin working alongside him in just a few days.
- You should have seen Marks face when you walked in and were introduced to everyone as a new employee. He was so excited. You caught him watching you a lot during the day, giving you a smile and that giggle of his anytime you caught him.
- If it we’re anyone else, you’d be freaked out, but even on your first day, you could tell that that was just how Mark was. He was dorky and you found that sort of cute.
- As you got to know everyone more and more, you found that you really started to like Mark, and while it was initially just platonically, your interest in him soon began to shift.
- So, upon realizing that you wanted to be more than friends with the boy, you started to try and test the waters. You started to flirt with him a little, subtly at first and then a little more obvious …and then what was probably blatantly obvious to everyone else in the store....
- Yeah ...Mark didn’t pick up on it. A part of you wondered if he just didn’t like you like that and if he was trying to let you down easy, but another part of you could see that he was just as interested as you were; he was just too nervous to ask you out and didn’t understand you were practically inviting him to do so in every conversation you had with him.
- The conversation, the conversation between him and Lucas in the break room …god you should have heard it. Mark had mentioned to the boy how he was really into you and was asking if he thought you liked him too. Lucas stared at him for a moment in bewilderment before giving him a polite smile and saying “You know Mark, …something tells me she is”.
“Really,” He asks excitedly before nodding and giggling “Aww great!”
- Later that day, he paced behind you for a while, stepping closer before retreating before repeating the cycle. Finally, he was right behind you and you just so happened to turn, nearly bumping into him as he stood there.
- You laughed a bit awkwardly and greeted him, he giggled and greeted you back. You could tell that he wanted to say something so you hung around, watching as he fiddled with his hands and fidgeted in his place, fumbling over his words.
“So I was uhhh-well like aha, I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to do something later. ..You know …like a, like a date! Heh heh!”
- Feeling like a higher power had finally hard your prayers, you smiled and quickly agreed. He asked “really” and you’d assured him that yes, you really wanted to.
- He giggled, said “cool” and said he’d see you later before going to tell the guys.
- The two of you didn’t really go into your first date knowing what you wanted to do but neither of you really minded. You just started walking down the street together, asking the other person if they had something in mind before settling on walking until you found something.
- You ended up only walking around town, him occasionally riding his skateboard slowly beside you before he asked if you wanted to give it a try. You spent a good hour holding his hand as he tried his best to teach you the basics.
- The two of you share your first kiss during your first date. He’d had his hands on your waist while he was teaching you something, his eyes focusing on your face while you were distractedly listening. When you turned to look at him, you locked eyes for a quick moment before he’d quickly pecked your lips, giggled, and continued teaching you.
-All and all, you wouldn’t have had it any other way.
- Constant Pda. Mark is obsessed with touching you and getting loved on so it’s only natural.
- Mark loves attention and affection. He will never turn it down, no matter what kind of mood he’s in.
- Please kiss his forehead. Expect him to giggle happily and wiggle in place after you do
- Giggling into kisses.
- Long, drawn out kisses.
- Enjoyably sloppy makeout sessions.
- Mark has definitely licked the entire side of your face at least once; and for no reason at all!
- Hugs from behind.
- Handholding.
- Cuddlinggggg. Cuddlingggg! He loves it so much. He’ll always find a way to snuggle into you, usually by spooning you; he likes being the big spoon.
- The minute you approach him/get his attention it’s like he’s seeing the greatest thing in the world. You’ll seriously never feel more loved than when you’re around him.
- Occasionally, he’ll pretend like he’s in some kind of old Hollywood movie and act all dramatic towards you. He likes the way you look at him so fondly and laugh whenever he does.
- He likes to act like he’s a hairdresser and mess with your hair just to make you whine at him.
- Tickling and poking. He thinks it’s both funny and cute when you jolt in place and smack his arm.
- You’re sort of desensitized when it comes to weird/bewildering stuff. Mark is a ...strange boy, if anyone else were to kiss your foot or forget how to spell his own name, you’d think they were mental, but that’s ...just Mark.
- Exaggerated manners. He’ll open doors and pull out chairs for you with a flourish.
- Randomly being handed little flowers or cute things that he finds.
- Eyebrow raises, finger guns, kissy faces.
- Moshing together.
- Letting him teach you music video dances.
- Singing along to songs with each other. He’ll usually sing at you until you join in with him.
- Your name is babe now. Get used to it.
- Sweet compliments. You should see the way he reacts when you call him cute.
- He’ll let you rant/word vomit to him and nod along to what you’re saying but bless his little heart, he really doesn’t understand a single thing you’re talking about.
- He’s not much help when you’re not happy, he doesn’t understand subtleties nor does he know how to comfort you so just ask him for a hug and let his affection do the healing.
- Even though he doesn’t have any advice for you or a way to really comfort you, he tries his best to make you feel better and stays by your side when you’re really going through something.
- Letting him tell you about his dreams and ambitions. You support him, even if you don’t quite think he’ll actually make it, or is even being serious.
- Unexpected visits. If he has a really sudden idea, he will come over uninvited and excitedly/impatiently ask if you can talk.
- Helping him expand on what he’s trying to do. He’s always asking your opinion on things and looking for your approval.
- Debates and playful arguments about music.
- Getting high together; if you’re into that sort of thing.
- Convenience store runs.
- Sharing food.
- Pizza dates.
- Movie dates. You’ll usually rent a film and hang out at one of your houses.
- Spending your lunch breaks together. You’ll usually sit outside the shop on that little platform with him.
- As spaced out and sort of stupid as he can be, he’s actually pretty good at thinking on his feet and helping you out when you have a problem. He likes when you kiss his cheek in gratitude and call him a genius.
- Mark doesn’t always notice that people are flirting with or interested in you so he doesn’t get jealous very often. When he does, he’s sort of that insecure type of jealous where he’s not so subtly asking if you like them or asking what you’re going to be doing with them. You can usually reassure him and make him feel better pretty quickly.
- Mark is sort of a coward at times, he’s probably hidden behind you at some points so he’s not the best person to protect you. He also just trusts that you can take care of yourself but if it really came down to it, he’d run over and try his best to be tough for you.
- He’s better suited for putting on bandaids and giving boo boo kisses than anything else.
- The two of you rarely ever fight. You might bicker and he’ll walk away with a huff but thats about it.
- Things are resolved fairly quickly. You’ll usually just forget you were even arguing about something or just choose to forget and move on since it wasn’t about anything serious.
- Lots of I love yous. He likes saying and hearing it. He’s surprised you even want to be his girlfriend so he feels the need to let you know that he does whenever he can.
- Mark really loves you so he’s hoping that you’ll want to stick with him, even though you’re like totally out of his league. Either way, he’s going to enjoy the time he has with you.
#90s movie headcanon#90s movie imagines#90s movie headcanons#90s movie imagine#empire records imagine#empire records headcanon#empire records headcanons#empire records imagines#Mark empire records#Mark imagine#Mark imagines#Mark headcanons#Mark headcanon
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Cybertronix and accents
So, Cybertronix does have different dialects, most notably those of the colonies, the “founder’s tongue” of the old city-states where insular cultures have created their own version of the planet wide language, and the half code/half dialect junker talk, incredibly mutable and diverse, sometimes practically a foreign language to a junker from just the other side of the same city. Different dialects are still all Cybertronix, and mostly mutually intelligible, but they contribute a lot to perception and personality.
This means, of course, I’m gonna assign human accents to represent the vibes of a character’s speech.
(by the way, if you’re worried that I’m just taking a grab bag of random foreign accents and throwing them around, I’m not. Most of these accents I’ve heard from real people before, usually other uni students or roommates. I’m not just relying on stereotypical media portrayals and bad voice acting, I’m drawing on personal experience and associations with fond memories of my international friends.)
-40′s/50′s American Television Actors Accent: bog-standard “proper” Cybertronix, which of course is mostly just Iacon, Praxus, Polyhex, and Altihex. Upper class society in Rodion also sound like this.
people who sound like this: Orion Pax, Minimus Ambus, Arcee, Blackarachnia and Deadlock but very rough around the edges. Shockwave affects an accent like this to be more acceptable to his audience in the Senate. The Grand Architect technically has this accent, but the most striking thing about his voice is how impassive and intimidating he sounds, rather than his pronunciation.
-Posh Snobbish British Schoolboys Accent: much of Vos, where the higher you go, the more upper class you are, and thus the more posh and snobbish you are.
people who sound like this: Starscream, but he affects a heavier accent than he had as a middle class child. Skywarp and Thundercracker have mostly dropped theirs. Brainstorm, Perceptor. Slipstream has a very posh accent.
-German, But Like Specifically A Bavarian Accent: Tesarus, Helex, and parts of rural Tyrest. A strong, “noble” accent left over from a huge united empire prior to a united Cybertron, still considered a mark of a member of the backbone of society.
people who sound like this: Predaking, Tarantulas, Fort Max, Tailgate, Dion.
-German, But Like Specifically A Westphalian Accent: Tesarus mostly, with some communities in Stanix and groundside Vos. Considered rougher than the more “cultured” version above.
people who sound like this: Blitzwing, Makeshift, Jhiaxus, Shockwave when he gets too emotional or tired and forgets to stay upper class. Forestock also tries to drop this accent, but a lil less successfully.
(I’m also imagining some mix of Standard American German and Pennsylvania Dutch accents to be an in-between blend of standard Cybertronix and thicker Tesaran-style dialects.)
-Swiss French Because I’ll Be Damned Before I Willingly Give Anything Of France To Any Character Of Mine, Even An Accent: Tyrest and some of Praxus, also Crystal City. Lovely and charming, supposedly a mark of someone graceful and benign.
people who sound like this: Councilmember Tyrest, Skyfire, Terminus although he’s lost much of his accent. Prowl, Bluestreak, Smokescreen in his natural voice but he often obfuscates his accent.
-That Brooklyn Or Jersey Accent Where You Pronounce It Like Joizee: lower class Iacon, Polyhex, and most of Rodion. Sometimes called the junker’s accent (which is terribly inaccurate), folks with this accent aren’t going to be lauded by the upper class anytime soon. Full of slang and euphemisms.
people who sound like this: Rumble and Frenzy, Ravage, Powerglide, Swindle. Nightracer, Bludgeon, Wheelie, and Red Alert all have a specific version of this that marks them as junkers. Springer used to, but he’s started copying Prowl’s accent now. Hot Rod to a small degree.
-An Absolute Ace Aussie Accent: Carcer! Which, much like Australia, started as a penal colony that then turned into a regular colony and then a nation proper. It’s younger than the other colonies, and far from Cybertron, so they’re considered kind of backward and stupid, which means anyone with their accent is often automatically dismissed.
people who sound like this: listen I need you to imagine Ariel speaking like Steve Irwin but about to punch a croc instead of wrestle it. Also Obsidian.
-Brazilian, But Like Specifically Recife Accent: Tyger Pax, thickest in the city itself. Very animated and vibrant, super expressive, sometimes criticized for being loud, but it’s also very fun to listen to.
people who sound like this: Jazz, Alpha Trion but he sounds like he’s faking it, First Aid. Rosanna has been touring Cybertron as a pop star for long enough that she needs to deliberately practice her accent to keep it.
-Brazilian, But Like Specifically Southern Accent: Velocitron! Not only is the accent notable, but the speed at which they speak is very distinctive. They gotta say Everything Right Now Immediately.
people who sound like this: Moonracer, Swerve, Blurr (but he’s got a stutter too), Override, Knock Out.
-Portuguese, As In The Country, Which Is Different Than A Brazilian Accent: Eukaris! They speak very casually, unhurried, like a nice warm evening around the dinner table with family.
people who sound like this: Lickety-Split. I haven’t decided who else is from Eukaris yet.
-Sort Of Yiddish, Sort Of Polish, Sort Of Greek, I’m Thinking Specifically Of One Tricultural Friend’s Accent: Much of Tarn, a few parts of Kaon, and bits of Helex. Not wildly different from standard Cybertronix, but strong and heated and very opinionated, a good accent to be angry in.
people who sound like this: Cogman, Wheeljack, Lugnut, Megatron though he’s lost some of it.
-Russian, Not Evil Movie Villain Russian, Just A Real Russian Accent: Kaon and a good half of Tarn. They are very precise with what they mean, but not so much with the grammar and order of their words, which means their precision communication is often lost on outsiders.
people who sound like this: Strika, Damus, Wasp.
-Very Sweet, Folksy Ukrainian Accent: Devisiun! On a colony where everyone is born with siblings, most folks also adopt a pattern of speaking with or over people, especially with family and people they know best. A Cybertronian will consider a Devisian rude for talking in the middle of their sentence, but that’s a normal conversation for a Devisian! They’d consider it rude if the Cybertronian didn’t start responding to them in the middle of their sentence.
people who sound like this: Jetfire and Jetstorm, complete with finishing each other’s sentences.
-Korean Accent, Which Is Actually Closest To The Original Primal Vernacular: Caminus! They held on very tightly to their roots as a colony founded directly by one of the first Primes, so they’ve preserved a version of the first language that, while mutated by usage over the megavorns, is still closely connected to the tongue of the ancients.
people who sound like this: Windblade, Chromia, Firestar, Flareup, Nautica, some people swear Maccadam has a hint of this accent.
-Deep Southern Redneck Bumpkin Drawl From Down On The Range Accent: the moons! Luna 1 and 2 have very similar dialects, and very thick country drawls.
people who sound like this: Ironhide, Cosmos, Bulkhead, Kup uses this one because he picked it up on an early visit to Luna 1 and liked it so he keeps it.
#cybertron#caminus#velocitron#transformers#cybertronian culture#devisiun#eukaris#carcer#cybertronix#hehe languages#there is NO WAY i am tagging all these people
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Hello again! Im the tinfoil hat anon with the long ass asks and I finally had the time to read your response. Thank you, it makes my day reading your answers. I honestly just enjoyed them over a cup of coffee like a good book.
Now, the gun pointing scene I mentioned was in fact the one from the droid fight facility like the other anon suggested. But I really liked that you covered the boat scene too, I haven’t thought of it much myself and now I definitely have!
I also would like to mention I love your “candy bar” choice analogy and I 100% agree Hunter’s “invitation” to join back wasn’t welcoming in the slightest. It is very likely just an obligation as you said. Sort of “you gave us a chance, we owe you a chance too”.
And the problem with it is now I am struggling to figure out how the batch members might change their attitude toward Crosshair going forward, especially Hunter. As of right now Crosshair’s best relationship is not with his brothers but with Omega(as surprising as this is). And I think he does realize now she cared about him the most out of all of them during the short time they interacted(both 1st and last episodes). Even between themselves(not counting Omega) I find most of the bad batch members to be cold and distant to each other. They feel less like a family than Rebels for example. And they aren’t even a “found family”(a trope everyone loves) but an actual one! And I get that they’re soldiers and supposed to be tough, I don’t expect them to share all “the feels”. I just can’t put my finger on it but something feels off. I agree with your previous post, the show doesn’t do a very good job showing or even telling they love each other.
Will Hunter and co only start caring about their brother again only after he leaves the empire?(assuming he does at some point). What about Disney’s prevailing theme and message that “family always love and care for each other no matter what”? I guess it’s “family always love and care for each other but only if you’re good guys making right choices”. There is no room for mistakes or wrong decisions. In the last episode everyone form the batch seemed to have given up on Crosshair(besides Omega). For now their attitude seems to be just “you’re not our enemy” and that’s that.
I realize Crosshair is a “bad guy” and consciously made his choice(and we know it’s the wrong one) but to me it felt like he thought he didn’t even had a choice or rather became so lost and confused he actually thought he chose the empire as “the lesser evil”(as in the less shitty choice out of all the other bad ones). We as audience have the benefit to know exactly how atrocious the empire really is but maybe Crosshair still doesn’t realize that.
So what exactly must Crosshair do to get back “in their good graces” as you say? Start saving “the good guys”? Save the bad batch multiple times? There is a popular opinion on how Crosshair can redeem himself. That he eventually heroically sacrifices himself to save them. I personally REALLY hope it’s NOT what’s going to happen but I heard so many people speculating his story is set up to be redemption=death. I know you mentioned you don’t want “Vader style redemption” either. Personally I think it would be a waste of a character who has a lot of potential. And I just think that the batch kind of don’t really deserve his sacrifice(maybe save for Omega) after how they never tried to save him themselves and how they treated him overall. Maybe he will risk his life to save Omega at some point and that will “prove” to Hunter he cares? Although he has already shown he cares by saving her(even if in Crosshair’s own words it’s just so they’re “even”). And the thing is, he doesn’t need to prove that he loves them, he already did that in episode 15 and made it clear he does care. He actually went to extreme by shooting his squad to prove his loyalty. What were the moments the batch demonstrated they care about him? Hunter saying “you never were our enemy” and taking his unconscious body to safety? To me Hunter “not leaving him behind” during bombardment felt more like guilt about the last time it happened and an obligation to Crosshair for helping them with droids, rather than them showing care. And I kinda of think if that was any random civilian(or anyone other than an enemy or a threat) they would carry them out too just because that’s what good guys do and not because it’s their brother. You also mentioned that minutes later Hunter snaps at him with “if you want to stay here and die, that’s your choice” which I agree can be interpreted in different ways. And I think it’s one more point to it being an obligation that in Hunter’s eyes is fulfilled now. He corrected his mistake of leaving a brother behind and saved him this time, now his guilt won’t burden him any longer.
Anyway, I can’t wait for season 2 and I appreciate you and all the anons sharing the tinfoil hat, interacting and speculating together. Those discussions have been a lot of fun!
TLDR: How do your think the relationship between the brothers will mend or evolve in the next season? Do you think S2 will improve in portraying the batch more as a family rather than a group of mercs doing missions together? What are your thoughts on the popular idea of Crosshair’s redemption by ultimate sacrifice? As in, how likely do you think this scenario is?
Anon, that is just wonderfully hilarious to me. Ah yes, the sunrise, a good cup o' joe, and the overly long character analysis of a snarky, fictional sniper. Exactly what everyone needs in the morning! 😆
You know, TBB is far from the first show I've watched where there's an obvious, emotional conclusion the creator wants the audience to come to—the squad all love each other Very Much—yet that conclusion isn't always well supported by the text. It creates this horribly awkward situation where you're going, "Yes, I'm fully aware of what the show wanted to do, but this reading, arguably, did not end up in the story itself. So what are we talking about here? The intention, or the execution?" It's like Schrödinger's Bad Batch where the group is simultaneously Very Loving and Very Distant depending on how much meta-aspects are influencing your reading: those authorial intentions, understanding of how found family tropes should work, fluff focused fics/fan art that color our understanding of the characters, etc. And, of course, whether someone saw TCW before they watched TBB. I personally wouldn't go quite so far as to say they're "cold" towards one another—with Crosshair as an exception now—but there wasn't the level of bonding among the squad that I expected of a show called The Bad Batch. Especially compared to their arc in TCW. The other night I re-watched the season seven premiere and was struck not just by how much more the squad interacted with each other back then, but how those interactions added depth to their characters too. For example, Crosshair is the mean one, right? He's the one picking fights with the Regs? Well yeah... but it's also Wrecker. While they're trying to decide what to do with Cody injured, Jesse calls out Crosshair on his attitude—"You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!"—and Wrecker's immediate response is, "Says who?" and he hefts Jesse into the air. And then he just holds him there, clearly using his superior strength to do as he pleases, until Hunter (sounding pretty angry) tells him to put Jesse down. If Wrecker had put him into a more classically understood bullying position, like pinning him to the ground, it would probably read as less funny—less "Haha strong clone lifts Jesse up in the air!" and more "Oh shit, strong clone can do whatever the hell he wants to the Regs and few are able to stop him." It's such a quick moment, but it tells us a ton about Wrecker. That he's going to stick up for his brothers, no matter the context (Crosshair deserves to be called out). That he will gleefully assist Crosshair in bothering the Regs (something that is reinforced when he later throws the trays in the mess hall, after Hunter has already deescalated the situation). That he's likely been hurt by awful treatment from the Regs too. That he'll only listen to Hunter when it comes to backing off. Little of this work—that interplay among the squad that shows us new sides to them other than basic things like "Wrecker is the nice, happy brother"—exists in TBB.
Or, at least, little exists after Omega becomes an official member of the squad.
Because, as said previously, she becomes the focus. I don't mean that as a total criticism. As established, I love Omega. But if we're talking about why the squad can feel so distant from each other, I think she's the root cause, simply because the story became all about her relationships with the Batch, rather than the Batch's relationships with each other. Having dived headfirst into reading and writing fic, it occurred to me just how many of the bonding moments we love, the sort of stuff we'll see repeated in fics because we understand that this is where the story's emotional center is, are given to Omega in canon:
Someone is hurt and in need of comfort. Omega's emotional state is the focus + moments like her being worried over Hunter getting shot.
Someone needs to learn a new skill. Echo teaches Omega how to use her bow.
Someone reveals a skill they never knew they had before. Omega is a strategic genius and plays her last game with Hunter.
Someone is in serious danger and in need of rescue. Omega rescues the group from the slavers + is the most vocal about rescuing Hunter. (Which, again, is a pretty sharp contrast to the whole Crosshair situation.) Omega, in turn, needs rescuing from things like the decommission conveyor belt.
Similarly, someone is kidnapped and in need of rescue. Omega is kidnapped twice by bounty hunters and the Batch goes after her.
Someone saves another's life. Omega saves Crosshair from drowning.
Someone does something super sweet for another. Wrecker gives Omega her room. Omega gives Wrecker Lula.
A cute tradition is established between characters. Wrecker has his popcorn-esque candy sharing with Omega.
Someone hurts someone else and has to ask forgiveness. Wrecker is upset about nearly shooting Omega and they have that sweet moment together.
Note that most of these examples could have occurred between other Batch members, but didn't. Someone could have created a space for Echo on the ship too. Wrecker also could have apologized to Tech for choking him, etc. It's not that those moments shouldn't happen with Omega, just that there should be more of a balance across the whole season, especially for a show supposedly focused on the original squad. Additionally, it's not that cute bonding moments between the rest of the Batch don't exist. I love Hunter selling Echo off as a droid. I love Wrecker and Tech bickering while fixing the ship. I love the tug-of-war to save Wrecker from the sea monster. Yes, we do have moments... it's just that comparatively it feels pretty skewed in Omega's direction.
So, as a VERY long-winded way of answering your question, I think we need to fix the above in order to tackle Crosshair's redemption in season two. Now that we've had a full season focused on Omega, we need to strike a better balance among the rest of the squad moving forward. We need to re-established the "obvious" conclusion that the rest of the Batch loves Crosshair and that's done (in part) by establishing their love for one another too. To my mind, both goals go hand-in-hand, especially since you can develop their relationship with Crosshair and their relationships with each other simultaneously. Imagine if instead of just having Wrecker somewhat comically admit that he misses Crosshair (like he's dead and they can't go get him??), he and Tech had a serious conversation about why they can't get him back yet, despite very much wanting to. Imagine if Echo, the one who was rescued against all odds, got to scream at Hunter to go get Crosshair like Omega screamed at them to go back for Hunter. Imagine if we'd gotten more than a tiny arc in TCW to establish the Batch's dynamic with each other, providing a foundation for how they would each react to Crosshair's absence. Instead, what little we've got in TBB about Crosshair's relationship with his brothers is filtered through Omega: Omega's embarrassment that she knocked over Crosshair's case, Omega treating Crosshair's comm link like a toy, Omega's quest to save Hunter that just happened to involve Crosshair along the way.
Obviously, at this point we can't fix how the first season did things, but I think we can start patching over these issues in season two. It would be jarring—we'd still be 100% correct to ask where this "Brothers love you, support you, and will endlessly fight for you" theme was for Crosshair's entire time under the Empire's thumb... but I'd take an about-face into something better than not getting any improvement at all. It is frustrating though, especially for a show that I otherwise really, really enjoyed. For me, the issue isn't so much that the show made a mistake (since no show is perfect), but that the mistake is attached to such a foundational part of the franchise. Not just in terms of "SW is about hope and forgiveness" but the specific relationship most clones have with each other: a willingness to go above and beyond for their brothers. The focus on Omega aside, it's hard to believe in the family dynamic when one member of the family was so quickly and easily dismissed. I couldn't get invested in Hunter's rescue as much as I should have because rather than going, "Yes!! Save your brother!!!" my brain just kept going, "Lol where was this energy for Crosshair?" It messes with your reading of the whole story, so in order to fix that mistake going forward, we need to start seeing the bonds that only sometimes exist in season one. Show the guys expressing love for one another more consistently (in whatever way that might be—as you say, soldiers don't have to be all touchy-feely. Give us more moments like Wrecker supporting his brothers' bad habits) and then extend that to Crosshair. Which brother is going to demand that they fight for him? Which brother is going to acknowledge that they never tried to save him? Which brother is going to question this iffy statement about the chip? In order to buy into the family theme, Omega can't be the only one doing that emotional work.
Ideally, I wouldn't want Crosshair to go out of his way to prove that he's a good guy now. I mean, I obviously want him to stop helping the Empire and such, duh lol, but I'm personally not looking for a bunch of Extra Good Things directed at the Batch as a requirement for forgiveness. Simply because that would reinforce the idea that they're 100% Crosshair's victims, Crosshair is 100% the bad guy, and he's the only one who needs to do any work to fix this situation. Crosshair needs to stop doing bad things (working for Empire). But the Batch needs to start doing good things too (reaching out to him). Especially since Crosshair made a good play already, only to be met with glares and distrust. He saved Omega! And AZI! And none of them cared. So am I (is Crosshair) supposed to believe that saving one of their lives again will result in a different reaction? That doesn't make much sense. And no, his own life wasn't at risk when he did that, but does every antagonist need to die/nearly die to prove they're worth fighting for? As you say, he's already shown that he loves them, far more than they've shown the reverse. Every time Crosshair hurt them (attacking) it was while he was under the chip's influence. In contrast, the group has no "I was being controlled" excuse for when they hurt him (abandonment). Season two needs to acknowledge the Batch's responsibility in all this—and acknowledge that they're all victims of the Empire—in order to figure out an appropriate arc for Crosshair's redemption.
Right now, the issue is not Crosshair loving his brothers, the issue is how Crosshair chooses to express that love: trying to keep them safe and giving them a purpose in life by joining the organization that's clearly going to dominate the galaxy. The only way to fix that, now that his offer has been rejected, is for him to realize that a life on the run from the Empire, together, is a better option for everyone. And the only way for that to happen is for the Batch to seriously offer him a place with them again. They need to make the first move here. They need to fight for him. And yeah, I totally get that a lot of people don't like that because it's not "fair." He's the bad guy. He's with the fascist allegory. He's killed people and has therefore lost any right to compassion and effort from the good guys... but if that's the case, then we just have to accept that (within the story-world, not from a writing perspective) Crosshair is unlikely to ever come back from this. When people reach that kind of low, they rarely pull themselves out on their own. They need other people to help them do that. Help them a lot. But with the exception of Omega's reminder—which Crosshair can't believe due to how everyone else has treated him—they leave him alone and seem to expect him to fix himself first, then he gets their support. It needs to be the other way around. Support is what would allow him to become a good guy again, not "Well, you'll get our love when you're good again, not before." That's unlikely to occur and, as discussed, it doesn't take into account things like this bad guy life being forced on Crosshair at the start. If the story really wanted this to be a matter of ideological differences... then make it about ideological differences. Let Crosshair leave of his own free will, right at the start. Don't enslave him for half the season, have him realize he was abandoned, imply all that brainwashing, give him no realistic way out, and then punish him for not doing the right thing. This isn't a situation where someone went bad for the hell of it—the story isn't asking us to feel compassion for, say, the Admiral—it's a situation where Crosshair was controlled and now can't see a way out. That context allows for the Batch, the good guys, to fight for him without the audience thinking the show is just excusing that behavior. They should have been fighting from the start, but since they didn't, I hope we at least start seeing that in season two.
Ultimately though... I don't really expect all of the above. The more balanced dynamics and having the Batch fight for Crosshair rather than Crosshair going it alone... I wouldn't want to bet any money on us getting it, just because these are things that should have been established in season one and would have been more easy to pull off in season one. (If the Batch wouldn't fight for Crosshair while he was literally under the Empire's control, why would they fight now when he's supposedly acting of his own free will? It's backwards in terms of the emotional effort involved.) But again, it could happen! I'd be very pleased if it did happen, despite the jarring change. I don't want to make it sound like I think they're going to write off Crosshair entirely. Far from it, I think there are too many details like his sad looks for that, to say nothing of Omega's compassion. But the execution of getting him on Team Good Guys again might be preeeetty bumpy. I expect it to revolve around Crosshair's sins and Crosshair's redemption, even if what I would like is balancing that with Crosshair's loss of agency, the Batch's mistakes, and their own redemption towards him.
Honestly though, I just hope that whatever happens happens soon. It's a personal preference, absolutely, but after a season of Crosshair as the antagonist, I'm ready for him to be back with the group, making the Empire (and bounty hunters) the primary enemy. Whether his return happens through a mutual acknowledgement of mistakes, or through Crosshair being depicted as the only one in the wrong who has to do something big to be forgiven... just get him back with the squad lol. Because if the writing isn't going to delve into that nuance, then the longer he remains unforgiven, the longer some of us have to watch a series while going, "Wait, wait, wait, I really don't agree with how you're painting this picture."
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"It's you, it couldn't be awful"
A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics
I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.
Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.
(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)
Section 1: The Bops
Little of Your Love - HAIM
A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”
You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time
Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back
Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers
It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh
Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well
I Like Me Better - Lauv
Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.
To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me
Sweet Talk - Saint Motel
It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.
when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something
No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids
In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.
I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain
You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac
The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.
Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do
No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor
The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.
No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you
Don't Take the Money - Bleachers
I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.
Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that
In the Morning - Nina Simone
It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif
Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day
This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads
This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”
The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along
Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner
Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.
These people are adjectives to your proper noun
I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you
Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes
Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness
The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.
Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time
Wake Me - Bleachers
Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.
And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you
All I Want - Joni Mitchell
I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!
All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.
Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars
A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.
You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long
NFWMB - Hozier
Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.
If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies
Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers
This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together
Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night
A Case of You - Joni Mitchell
Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!
I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.
Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder
This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.
All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you
Bones - Josh Record
Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.
And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones
Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey
The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.
There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did
You and Me - You + Me
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am
Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding
The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.
But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here
I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.
If you ever get lonely if you never did
Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones
The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho
What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you
Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James
Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~
I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look
Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin
They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.
To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you
I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker
No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.
My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past
For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour
Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.
NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier
it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk
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bi-weekly update
it sure has been a wild time here and tbh I had enough to do one of these last week and just. didn’t?? for some reason?? anyway
listening: the Promare soundtrack went on sp*tify recently so I’ve been on Promare soundtrack lockdown over here. I know Kakusei is the iconic Promare song but Inferno (the opening song) always makes me tear up??? love to experience emotions about a movie in a reasonable and normal way. so anyway my standout track from the OST is Piromare because I am so very not immune to sad soft piano renditions of a motif that is usually triumphant/cheerful/etc
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reading: I have, for once, read a bunch of books. I got a giftcard to my favorite local indie bookshop for Christmas and finally got around to using it to buy two books I’d been looking forward to, Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson (bi polyam Dracula retelling, kind of) and Winter’s Orbit by Everina Maxwell (gay arranged marriage space opera)
Dowry of Blood was very satisfying to me, someone who has lots of opinions about how vampires ought to be sexy and also terrifying, and I really enjoyed this specific take on vampire lore. also the formatting/pagination was really really cool and reminded me more of poetry books than prose usually does. for the first couple of pages there’s only text on one side of the page and then there’s one line on the back of a page and it hits really hard. extremely good and cool printing choices. would def recommend, but it is also explicitly an exploration of getting into and then out of an abusive relationship so. warnings for that in addition to the murder/blood warnings
also look at how sick this cover is (by Marlowe Lune, an artist whose work I really like in general)
I previously read Winter’s Orbit when it was on ao3 as an original work (called Course of Honour) and it was really cool to read a familiar story that I uh. read several times on ao3 but with added layers, because the author added a bunch of worldbuilding and an entire overarching higher-stakes political plot. I really really liked the added worldbuilding, and for the most part I enjoyed the new plot stuff, though at times I felt like it distracted from what I liked the most about the original, and there was one specific scene that was taken out that I was disappointed about. fave thing about the worldbuilding is when something is referred to by normal familiar words (like pigeons or bears) and then the actual thing is like, a fucking dinosaur that only vaguely resembles the word that’s used for it. very fun
also slightly mixed feelings about the framing of empire in the book, since there is some discussion about the consequences of imperialism and the resolution of the plot involves getting more rights and political sway for colonized planets. but the majority of the plot is about preserving an unjust status quo, and the representative of one of the colonized planets is working for the interests of the empire so that they can appear unified in the face of a larger-scale potential threat, which I’m not sure I love. and I also didn’t really care for the way the resistance movement (whenever it came up, which wasn’t often) was portrayed. so. on one hand yes there is a message of ‘empire bad and we should maybe try to be less Like That’ but on the other hand sometimes it did feel like the imperialism was an under-examined backdrop for a romance. like don’t get me wrong, I love the romance, I love the characters, it’s just that some of the politics didn’t quite do it for me and I think I just wanted More of things that just. weren’t the focus of the story
warnings for discussions of abusive relationships in this one, except this time it’s backstory for one of the characters, not something that’s present in the central relationship. and for all of the things that I wasn’t quite satisfied with, the parts of the book that are about like, learning how to be a person again after being in a situation where you’re not allowed to be yourself are still very well-handled and hit me real hard.
I also read a whole bunch of KJ Charles because sometimes all my brain can handle is marathoning romance novels, but I’m not gonna talk about all of them because this is already long enough (have not read the new one that came out today yet though that’s what I’m gonna do after this)
watching: Supernatural season 13 is incredibly boring and bad in ways that aren’t interesting or fun to talk about so I haven’t watched any recently. I did watch the first episode of Lupin, and really enjoyed it! will definitely watch more, though slowly because it takes too much of my brain to marathon it, partially because I know just enough French to almost not need the subtitles but having to read and also automatically trying to translate as I’m listening takes more brain energy. love a good heist though, and it has some good social commentary on race and class and crime
also the main character is very good. fucking superb you funky gentleman thief
playing: still making my way through the last mission of Knife of Dunwall. I made a bunch of progress since I whined at my friend about how hard it was and they told me to just stay in the building that has places to hide (the one you have to make your way through as Corvo, so I already know the layout, which helps lol) instead of the one that’s falling apart with nowhere to hide. who would have thought.
have also watched my roommate play lots of games and have thoughts on those too. Final Fantasy games (or at least the ones I’ve seen anything from, which is 7, 14, and 15) really appeal to me on a character/aesthetic/plot level but the gameplay looks like it would be bad for my brain. and yes all of those have very different gameplay but they would all be not fun for me in different ways. my roommate showed me like an hour of cutscenes from 14 last night that was basically a movie of tropes I love but holy shit I could never play a game where I have to wait for other people to be ready to also play the same part of the game before I can advance the plot
they’ve also been playing Persona 5 Scramble/Strikers (I don’t know which one the S stands for and at this point I’m too afraid to ask), which I do intend to play myself some day. it’s a sequel to Persona 5 with the same characters and damn they really nailed the feeling of seeing your friends again after not seeing them for a while, both in terms of. I care about these characters and am happy to see them again and also, they haven’t seen the protagonist in a while and they’re so happy he’s back and it makes me very soft. would love to reunite with friends whom I haven’t seen in a while
making: haven’t worked on cosplay but we did make some very tasty tortellini soup last weekend, and then last night we made fish & chips which was a lot easier than I was expecting and turned out pretty well? we just used frozen fries instead of like. frying them ourselves but we did make some very tasty lemon-garlic green beans
writing: well. I have a couple of things I’ve been noodling away at for a bit, and then a couple days ago I had a little bit of a breakdown and wrote 3000 words of angst in one sitting for an entire different new fic (Persona boys having a miserable time), and then yesterday decided to get in on a thing in The Untamed fandom of people writing short ““boring”“ domestic oneshots, and I love domesticity so I wrote one, which various reviewers have called “very sweet” and “a callout post” (it is both of those things)
I’m also organizing an event for P5 trans content because someone was shitty to one of my roommates over a trans headcanon and I got so pissed off that I’m running a prompt week now. love to have reasonable emotional reactions to things that happen in my life. why would I think about my actual problems when I could get petty and spiteful over someone saying that a fictional character couldn’t possibly be trans
#this one is real long i'm sorry#contains pictures of food under the readmore#tuesday no problem extended universe#dreaming.txt
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Chloe x Halle's Transformation Into Elite R&B Superstars Begins Now
The metamorphosis of Chloe and Halle Bailey has been a sight to behold. The sisters have been growing -- as women and musicians -- in front of the world for the past several years, first entering the spotlight through evocative cover songs uploaded to YouTube in the early 2010s. Signed to Parkwood Entertainment by Beyoncé in 2015 as teenagers, the artists have become well known for their ethereal vocals, which meld effortlessly.
As singers, songwriters, and producers, much of the work Chloe x Halle have released has come directly from their minds, mouths, and fingertips. Their hands-on approach has led to a body of imaginative material that is easily traced back to them, and only them.
In their early work, the siblings tackled topics that any young person would be able to relate to, such as harmless flirtations. “Boys texting me and begging me to see ‘em/ You can’t schedule an appointment with a queen like me,” Halle sang coquettishly on “Too Much Sauce” from 2017’s The Two of Us.
On their latest effort, Ungodly Hour, released in June, the duo is done playing dating games. “You ain’t gotta tell me what it is/ ‘Cause I saw the messages/ You must got me f--ked up/ You must got me f--ked up / I think I had enough,” Chloe sings bluntly on “Forgive Me.”
But the project isn’t just about relationships and situationships. The lead single, “Do It,” is a spirited vibe about the power of friendship and the appeal of being flexible with life’s adventures. From top to bottom, Ungodly Hour is presented as a declaration of evolution. The statement made by Chloe, 22, and Halle, 20, is one that points toward matured perspectives on love, womanhood, and artistry.
Billboard spoke to Chloe x Halle about “Do It” debuting on the Hot 100, what it’s like developing their craft under Beyoncé’s tutelage, and how it feels to be Black women artists in a climate where Black people are constantly in the news, for better or worse.
Can you explain what your album title means, contextually?
Chloe: Ungodly Hour, for us, represents loving every layer of ourselves, because you have your good side, your naughty side, all of these different things that make you who you are. I feel like the world is used to knowing the really sweet side of us, and that’s because we don’t really share our personal lives. So we really wanted to share that through the music. The phrase of the title track, it literally says “Love me at the ungodly hour.” It’s saying, “Love me not only when I’m at my best, but also my worst.” We feel like that wrapped up what the entire album means.
The sound of this project is both cohesive and varied. It weaves in and out of itself expertly, but also unpredictably. I know you do a lot of your own work, but how did you work with producers to achieve that?
Halle: Whenever it comes to us making a project, it’s very easy for my sister and I to collaborate with one another. We just know each other like the back of our hands, so we can be honest with each other. The music just naturally writes and produces itself. When it comes to collaborating with other producers, I would say we’re very open -- but also picky. We love to work with people we’re actually fans of.
For this album, some of the producers we worked with are Scott Storch, who is an angel inside and out, and also Sounwave, who does a lot of stuff with Kendrick Lamar, as well as Disclosure, which was really fun to work with them for the first time. A realized pattern in all of these amazing producers is they’re all such kind and genuine souls inside and out. We just love to collaborate with people who have the same kind of mindset as we do.
But when it comes to a majority of the production, my sister does that in her sleep. We really take ownership in writing and producing everything that we do because it’s our story to tell intimately, and everybody else should just be there to help enhance.
Do you feel like being so hands-on with your own music and creative output makes your evolution that much more critical?
Chloe: I definitely feel that because we put our complete souls into our music, and we as human beings are growing every day, that’s just naturally how the music grows with us. We used to put this unspoken pressure on ourselves, when it comes to making music and ways we could kind of level up and constantly get better, which is the case for us still.
But I think my mindset has kind of shifted more to making music that makes me happy, music that gives me chills, because I am such a big music lover and fan myself, first. So as long as I love the music and we’re allowing ourselves to create the way we’re meant to, that’s all I could ever ask for. We’re growing as women every day -- we’re learning about love and heartbreak and hardships. Of course that will help evolve the music, because we're learning about new experiences.
Let’s talk about “Do It.” It’s such a bop; I love everything about it. How did you decide it was single material? Was it made intentionally for that purpose?
Halle: “Do It” came about very, very naturally. We worked with this beautiful woman named Victoria Monét who we had known for about a year before working with her. We had always heard about her, and heard how much of an amazing writer she was. We went to her birthday party, kind of just feeling each other out before we got into a session. The session was such a fun session.
Whenever you’re working with another Black woman who is a writer, it’s amazing because you feel like you’re connecting as sisters, in a way. Especially with the content and material of this song, it’s very party-ish vibes, “I’m out with my girls, and we’re going to have a good time.” So that was very much the energy that was in the studio when we were making it.
As well as Scott Storch, the amazing producer on “Do It,” he is a legend in this game, so we were honored that he got to produce this record for us and just once again make something that feels so good and upbeat. It was a great time. We were really happy with how it turned out, but we surprised ourselves because we didn’t know it would be the single until, I think, a few weeks later. We were listening back and were like, “Oh! This one is really good.”
“Do It” debuted on the Hot 100 at No. 83, and it’s your first entry on the chart. Congratulations! How are y’all feeling about that?
Chloe: It feels absolutely, absolutely amazing. We make music just because we love it. Anything that comes out of that, charting or any awards or anything, is so surprising and exciting for us, because that’s not why we do this. But it’s such a big reward and pat on the back when it does happen, so we’re so grateful. I’m still so happy that people are even listening to the music because we were holding onto it for so long, just listening to it with ourselves on our computers. It’s still surreal that the music is even out.
What has it been like growing up in front of the world?
Halle: I think growing up in the limelight where everybody can sort of see you has definitely been an interesting world for us. We’re just two Southern girls from Atlanta, Ga., and our parents have always instilled in us values that are so important to us, like staying humble and being kind, and just keeping these values always throughout our life, no matter how successful we get or not. So when everybody has been like, “Well, how do you feel after all of this success?” In a way, we still are in disbelief.
We still are kind of really shocked that all of these beautiful blessings are happening for us. We’re so very grateful. But at the same time, I also have to bring myself back to Earth a lot of the time, and remind myself that yes, that is an amazing accomplishment, but the world is so big and there are other amazing, important things in the world that are going on right now. Sometimes being a celebrity-ish version of yourself is not the most important thing.
I think how I deal with growing up with people looking at me is just remembering I’m completely as normal as they are. I am the same girl from Atlanta, the same 5-year-old who just loved jazz, just loved to sing and bring some love and peace and healing with my voice. And to do whatever I can with that, I just have to not let all of the opinions of others get in my head. I just focus on why I do this, because I love it.
Did Beyoncé give you any transitional advice, as you grow with your music?
Chloe: One thing she told us very early on is, "Don’t worry about dumbing yourself down for the world — let the world catch up to you." So that piece of information has honestly been very vital for us, as we have been growing into our artistry every single day.
I appreciate Beyoncé because she lets us flourish on our own, and lets us create on our own and bring everything that we have to offer to the table. Once we feel like we’ve gotten it at a very strong place, that’s when we’ll present it to her and that’s when she’ll hear it and give us notes, if she has any.
I would just have to say that seeing how hands-on she is with her own music, and seeing how she is a fantastic business woman, it is so inspiring to my sister and I as young Black women because one day, we want to take over our own empire, as well. And if we could ever even get half of what she has accomplished, then we’ve done our job.
Every day, we just want to work harder and harder and continue to raise the bar with ourselves. Truly, the only competition you could really have is yourself, and as long as we’re growing every day, that’s all we could ask for.
What keeps you coming back to doing cover songs?
Halle: I feel like covers are a bit like our home. We’ve always loved singing other people’s songs and putting our own twists on it. That’s something that has always brought us great joy, because if we’re not recording ourselves singing it, we’re still singing the songs around the house. So we might as well record it and let other people see it, too. That’s a way of just going back home and pinching ourselves again, singing our inspirations’ songs like Lauryn Hill and TLC and Beyoncé, all of these amazing women, especially, who we just love. It’s really nice to sing their songs and be reminded of why we love music so much, and why we do this.
I know you postponed the release of this album out of respect for the Black Lives Matter movement. What does it mean for you to be Black women trying to create something great for the world in this climate?
Chloe: It honestly is the most empowering feeling because each day, I’m reminded of the strength that our ancestors had, and it gives me fuel to want to be the best version of myself. Because of them, I’m here today, and my sister and I can be the sole creators and be the head of what we create and what we want people to hear from us. That’s because of them. With everything happening right now, the Black Lives Matter movement, of course that affects us. This isn’t anything new for us, because we have always been Black women.
Growing up, we were young Black girls. We have witnessed things. The world is just now catching up and noticing how wrong it has been for years and years and years. But there is power in underestimation, and our people have been underestimated for so long, but we prove them wrong every time: that we are powerful, that we are great, that we will continue to rise from the ashes. I feel empowered as a young Black woman taking charge. And I hope I’m making our whole bloodline proud. [x]
#chloexhalle#chloe x halle#chloe and halle#chloeandhalle#chloe bailey#halle bailey#2020#ungodly hour#ungodly hour interviews#interviews#july 2020#july 7 2020#do it#victoria monet#billboard#billboard magazine
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2020 year in a review
thanks for tagging me @vishcount, eventhough you probably know all of these answers already. i don’t know if i am gonna do the other one, let’s see.
tagging @the-cloud-whisperer, @sassyassassy, @intyalote as usual, if you have fun with this!
I really tried to rank these amongst the top five, which was a personal challenge for me, so don’t take these rankings too seriously.
my answers below the cut cause there is a novel incoming:
Top 5 Movies you saw this year
I don’t watch many movies in general, though I have seen quite a handful this year actually? I might have forgotten half of it already tbh
Moonlit Winter (2019)
-I have been waiting to find this movie online for ages, so I was incredibly happy when I finally found it at the beginning of this year. It’s wonderful, heartbreaking and raw - about the relationship between mother and daughter, about lost queer love between the mother and her friend, about life in general. I cried buckets.
Parasite (2019)
-do I have to say anything? I don’t think so, this movie defined many this year right?
The King and the Clown (2005)
-pleasantly surprised by this one, it made me cry and sad and it’s not a happy gay story but it still touched me so much. also the production is amazing
Mulan (2009)
-I rewatched this movie this year after hearing about the chaos that was Mulan 2020, and it still gets me; I don’t know what it is, but it might be the last part of the movie that always hits me like a train and I am back to thinking about it
Inside The Girls (2014)
-not actually a good movie with a horrible name, but certainly interesting and had some potential?? I am listing it because I had a lot of fun watching it with my dear friend vish and it was fun sharing our opinions on that, but I don’t actually recommend it that much (unless of course you wanna see Cheng Yi and Yin Zheng in a movie together being assholes)
Top 5 TV shows you watched this year
I probably watched around 20 shows this year so picking this was hard somehow? I feel like I forgot some gems but I guess these are the ones that stood out to me
Nirvana In Fire (2015)
-by far the best show I’ve seen in a long time. The plot, the characters, the production - it really blew me away. I can’t recommend it enough because I still cry about it.
Winter Begonia (2020)
-Funny how I am listing this here so high considering the split opinions I have about this show but damnit, in the end it won me over. It was truly something else wow.
The Stranded (Netflix 2019)
-Another surprise, but I just remembered this little show and it was so good? I really hope we will get a second season because I loved the first one and it was way too short. Also the production of this is so stunning, as well as the interesting set of characters.
Original Sin (2018)
-This was a gem I discovered in the latter part of the year, mainly because of Yin Zheng, but when I watched it, it hit my mood perfectly. A crime show that has a beautiful atmosphere and is focused on characters. It has its faults and if you watch it for the cases and the plot, it’s not the most outstanding show but damnit, I watched it twice and loved it.
YYY: The Series (2020)
-Amongst all these BL shows out there, this is my personal gem. It’s a wild ride of crack and sweetness, so enter at your own risk. let me just say I did not expect to bawl my eyes out at this tiny cracky show.
Top 5 songs of 2020
it really sucks having to choose only five songs but here I go from the huge amount of stuff I have listened to
Black Swan by BTS
-this is pure art. in every way, it caters to my taste. I have nothing else to say except that it owns my soul. the visuals, the atmosphere, the music, the lyrics, the performance. it hits all marks and hurts me on a personal level.
Strange (feat. RM) by Agust D
-this mixtape saved me and choosing my fave song from this was difficult but I guess I have to name this iconic collab. The lyrics of this are truly....something else. if you have time, please go check them out, as well as the entire mixtape.
Pain by Vaundy
-I have been very obsessed with this song and this singer, he has my heart.
Rien à prouver by Yseult
-again, I am just obsessed with this song and her voice, Yseult truly is a goddess to me at this point
Zombie by Day6
-perfectly captures my mind, my life and my state this year.
Top 5 books you read in 2020
I have only read two novels this year, everything else was either university stuff or poetry, so this is what I am mostly listing here.
Gyeongju. The Capital of Golden Silla by Sarah Milledge Nelson
-I used this as my main source for one of my fics I wrote this year and it was perfect. I spent an intense week of only researching for this topic and had a blast; especially this book was a blessing because it gave a good overview of what life back then could have been like.
Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater
-one of the novels I read this year and I’ve been waiting for this for ages. Like the other books from TRC, I bingeread it on one day and adored it. Am excited for the rest of the trilogy and this new adventure!
Beyond The First Emperor’s Mausoleum: New Perspectives On Qin Art, edited by Liu Yang
-I read this for one of my lectures and I thought it had very interesting essays, namely Archaeological Finds of the Maijiayuan Cemetery and Qin’s Interaction with Steppe Cultures by Wang Hui; and Qin Cosmography and the First Cosmic Capital - Xianyang by David W. Pankenier.
The Mongol Empire. Betweem Myth and Reality by Denise Aigle
-another one I read for lectures and it was a good overview to the broad topic that is the Mongol Empire.
Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
-I adore Vuong’s writing style so I hope to read more of his work. This is a beautiful, raw and honest work and I hope many more will read his book and the stories he has to tell.
+ Bonus:
Affinity by Sarah Waters - wlw set in 19th century London; very dark and spooky and very fun to read if you like this sort of atmosphere (as I do).
5 positive things that happened in 2020
i managed to write and create a lot during the first half of this year, which i will treasure greatly. recently i have been struggling a lot - maybe it’s getting back on track now, but i guess i am still proud of all i managed to write/draw/other wise create this year.
amazing new flatmates joined our collective so i feel happy that we have this pleasant dynamic going on currently
i acquired some new housplants which have made me very happy this year, eventhough i struggle a little bit to keep them completely happy. am truly trying my best
i started taking medications for my depression, anxiety and social phobia in autumn and i think it was for the best. i still struggle from time to time but i truly feel a difference and i am glad this worked out mostly smoothly for me
in september we went on a short holiday in on the countryside and on the last night we all went outside to sit on the pier by a small pond. i will never forget this moment because after what felt like ages, i saw a crystal clear night sky. i haven’t seen so many stars in years and i could even see their reflections on the water, it was so magical and breathtaking. i think it was the one moment that still stands out from everything else. i just wish to return there, on my own, and just lie down for hours
anyway, if you have read through this rambling, i wish you a very happy new year and hope things will get better!!
#phew#am finally done with this#i did not expect this to take so long lol#but it's nice#tag game#2020#personal
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Doing yearly writing reviews isn’t really a thing. But once you start doing ‘em, it doesn’t feel right to stop, you know?
Seeing progress in other arts is of course a lot easier than seeing progress in writing, but I think there is some forward movement for me, especially when I also consider my compilations from 2017 and 2018.
In regards to 2019, I’ve selected various kinds of writing for this post: analytical essays, opinion pieces, news articles, creative fiction, and maybe some works that can’t be categorized so easily, too. It was a very difficult year on many fronts; I dealt with job struggles, financial insecurity, destroyed relationships, medical hardships, seemingly endless cyberstalking and online harassment.
But there were good things, too. New friendships. New passions. New outlooks. I feel like I’ve learned and grown a lot more in these past couple of months than I have in a long, long time.
The end of 2019 is more than just the end of one year. It’s also the end of a decade. But I think the best advice I’ve received all decade comes from this year:
✄ Sometimes, you have to say yes to saying no.
✄ If you can’t do something well, do something poorly!
✄ The best option may be to simply not engage.
✄ You don’t have to apologize for disappointing others.
✄ Your worth isn’t measured by how much you “accomplish.”
✄ You have rights: the right to have your needs and wants respected, the right to make mistakes, the right to determine your own priorities, the right to not be responsible for the actions or problems of others, the right to express yourself, the right to be human. It’s not selfish or narcissistic to stand up for your rights.
And, since it is the end of the decade and all, here’s also a comparison between one nerdy fandom essay from August 2010 and another from August 2019:
2010 (with added spaces because yes, this really was just a huge block of text originally):
Also, in my own opinion, nobody really gave a damn for Xion all that much save for Roxas. I mean, yeah, Axel cared a little, but in the end, he got totally mad at her, got mad any time she was mentioned, got mad whenever Roxas worried about her, got mad when she showed up at the clock tower. She was his friend, yeah, and he didn’t want her to go, but in the end, he would have chosen Roxas above her anytime.
The other “mean villains” didn’t really care. Luxord didn’t care, Demyx didn’t care, Xaldin got exasperated once at her, but overall didn’t care, Xigbar didn’t care, Xemnas outright said he didn’t care, Saix was rather cruel to her, but really, in the end, he didn’t give a damn for her. The others weren’t around long enough to have an impression on her. I think even Riku didn’t really care all that much for her, in all honesty. He just wanted his best friend back.
Also, you have to keep in mind that we played the game through Roxas’ perspective, and it’s in my personal belief that he fell in love with Xion. And if you’re in love with someone, when she gets into a coma, or goes missing, or ignores you, you’re gonna be upset, and talk about it. So Roxas did.
But you know, he doesn’t actually do a lot of it until the end of the game. Before that, it’s all about the THREE of them. He loves his friends (even if he doesn’t know it), and he wants them to be together forever, but when Xion goes missing or whatnot and they can’t ALL have ice cream together, he gets upset.
2019:
I’ve written more on the subject here, but to keep it short, Ryuko only tries to take Nui’s life when she’s convinced herself that she’s a monster, and her development is less about her becoming less okay with killing people and more about how she won’t let her anger and rage control her. What makes Ryuko’s attitude so different in the end isn’t that she’s reconsidered her thoughts on murder but that she’s composed. Come episode 22, Ryuko ain’t saying that she’s gonna kill anyone to sound tough or to intimidate. She keeps her cool even against her worst enemies.
But that’s just what I think! Maybe I’ve interpreted the character all wrong. But Ryuko’s freak-out after she goes berserk and hurts others in episode 12, her devotion to defending even people she’s just met… I just struggle to see her as someone who’s actually a-okay with killing. The fact that Ryuko’s perfect fantasy in episode 20 depicts her as a sweet girl without any of the violent tendencies that she has in reality also points this way; not to mention, Ryuko outright admits that her picking fights and causing trouble are bad things when remarking on her childhood in episode 8.
And Ryuko? She doesn’t want to be bad. All the poor girl’s ever wanted is love, and I can’t imagine she’d ever think that getting angry and killing people would get her a lot of that.
Progress may be slow, but it does happen.
At least, I think so.
Image Texts
January 2019
And personally? I find that sweetness just absolutely, utterly charming. When I understood what the rap was trying to communicate, I couldn’t imagine listening to the song without it. Heck, even before I understood, I found the “without rap” edits empty and barren. No matter how “silly” the lyrics might come off, the unabashed cheese is fantastic. The rap section that I was once “meh” about legitimately became my favorite part of the song.
Plus, I really can’t stress enough how sad the song is when it’s purely Ryuko. The official [nZk] remix replaces Senketsu’s rap with a reprise of Ryuko’s first verse, which recounts how she and Senketsu met. And it’s tragic! She says, “But I’m all alone,” and she is. Senketsu isn’t singing with her, no matter her claim that she can hear his voice. Considering what happens to Senketsu in the end, his absence in the song hits even harder.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182361051017/oomoj-marshmallowgoop-the-rap-is-good
February 2019
The focus then shifts away from Ragyo, but Kill la Kill ain’t at all done with building the audience up yet. As the scene moves to the following day, viewers are met with quick, close-up shots of Uzu’s note to Ryuko, timed right to the beat of “Blumenkranz.” Uzu wants to duel, and we soon get to see his full request in an engaging low-angle shot where Ryuko looks up to this sign looming over her. The weight and gravity of the situation is effectively conveyed: the smooth transition from Ragyo to here, as well as the music and shot composition, let us know in no indirect terms that this fight isn’t something to be brushed off. Uzu’s duel is a big deal, and it’s very much connected to Ragyo’s expansive empire.
And the tension just keeps growing. Ryuko’s reaction to Uzu’s note is presented with a dramatic canted, high-angle shot. The camera—which is just slightly tilted—peers down at both Ryuko and the sign, communicating a sense of danger and unease. Viewers already know that the upcoming battle is important, but here, we also understand that it’s not going to be easy.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182841724817/all-the-discussion-around-episode-6-of-kill-la
March 2019
Kill la Kill the Game: IF is currently being featured at the 2019 Game Developers Conference that runs until March 22nd in San Francisco, and a flurry of new gameplay videos are now available for viewing. Notably, these videos feature full English subtitles for the character dialogue for the first time since EVO 2018 last year and never-before-seen stages, such as what seems to be the Fiber Castle in the Kiryuin Manor.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/183766224117/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-gameplay-footage-from
April 2019
I mean, Kill la Kill ended over five years ago now. There’s been fairly minimal new content ever since—an OVA in September of 2014, a few pieces of merchandise here and there, a small crossover with Grand Summoners last year. And then, not even 11 months ago, out of seemingly nowhere, there was confirmation for a full-blown Kill la Kill video game. That we now know will be released in just 14 weeks!
Lots of jokes were made about the announcement for a game so many years after the series finale, but, like, seriously, as a longtime Kill la Kill fan, it’s hard to wrap my head around. Ever since the show ended, I’ve dedicated over half a million words to writing about it, spent tens of thousands of yen on books and Blu-rays and CDs, devoted nearly 60 GB to my own GIFs and edits. I’ve loved this thing to death. I’ve always found more and more that I want to write and create from this series, but I never really imagined nor expected that we’d ever get much more official content from the original creators themselves. And now we are getting so much more, and???
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184228103137/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-releases-on-july-25th-in
May 2019
Kiznaiver: Oh, I was so excited to love this show! I was lucky enough to see an advanced screening of the first two episodes, and I was totally hooked. It was drop-dead gorgeous—and probably the prettiest series Trigger has ever put out—and I was very intrigued by the plot and characters. I remember just coming back to my hotel room at like 3:00 am after the premiere, utterly filled with excitement. I mean, Kiznaiver was directed by Hiroshi Kobayashi, the episode director behind the two episodes that got me hooked on Kill la Kill (episodes 5 and 18)!
But… my excitement quickly died. The story tried to develop way too many characters in way too little time, and I never enjoyed the romantic pairing of Katsuhira and Noriko, finding it shallow, undeveloped, and nonsensical (in a bad way), which… kind of ruins a lot of the series when that’s arguably the heart of the whole thing.
Kiznaiver is still super, super pretty, though. That last episode’s animation got me shook.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184700944732/so-have-you-watched-the-other-stuff-studio-trigger
June 2019
I do recognize that many, many matters do not warrant conversation. I do recognize that the phrase “I’m just trying to have a conversation” can be—and has been—utilized as a means of directing criticism away from inflammatory, unacceptable, inhumane remarks. I in no way feel that hateful, discriminatory comments should be promoted.
Simultaneously, however, “conversation” should not automatically be a dirty word in the field of analyzing and seriously engaging with fiction, and thoughtful reactions should be supported and striven for. Nothing in fiction is ever black and white. There are so many nuances and complexities to the storybook realities of our media. I want commentators and critics of fiction to be passionate about listening, considering, and rethinking those nuances and complexities. Isn’t that why we do this work at all? To share our own point of view and open ourselves up to others?
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185289615202/we-need-to-change-the-way-we-seriously-discuss
July 2019
Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I… didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.
And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good.
Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.
And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/186648065467/goop-plays-kill-la-kill-the-game-if-satsuki
August 2019
That book, Log. 2, is a fan doujin from Kotaro Nakamori, who worked as an animator and animation director in Kill la Kill. There’s a bunch of assorted fanart in there, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nakamori is a fan of Urusei Yatsura and wanted to make a little crossover between that series and Kill la Kill.
Personally, though, as someone not too familiar with Urusei Yatsura, I kinda just saw the image as oni-Satsuki (with oni being demon/ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore). Oni are traditionally depicted wearing tiger skin loincloths, and Lum herself is definitely basically a space oni. So, I saw the cover and got super excited about oni-Satsuki because I love oni a lot, haha.
Fun fact: character designer Sushio has also drawn Kill la Kill characters as oni for setsubun, a celebration that’s held on the last day of winter (February 3rd). During setsubun, you might see folks dressed up like oni—who get beans thrown at them in an effort to bring in good luck and chase naughty demons away.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187228888187/do-i-see-satsuki-wearing-lums-outfit-in-your-last
September 2019
Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.
And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.
And… I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187987858537/on-ragyo-kiryuin
October 2019
And, though there are no visuals, so I can’t be sure if it’s an “Ocean of Light” or not, the fourth Drama CD also has the same kinda deal happening. In the CD—which takes place immediately after Ryuko learns the truth of her origins—Ryuko’s pain manifests as an explosion of light that knocks both her and Senketsu unconscious and pushes Senketsu away from her. The sound effect here is familiar, and I’m personally convinced that this is another “Ocean of Light” moment.
Which brings me to the “light” part of the terminology. Light is often associated with good, yes, but light is also associated with heat, and heat is associated with pain. In the Drama CD, Ryuko’s light is so hot that Nui even remarks that Senketsu “almost burned” from it, and when Mako embraces Ryuko after swimming through her “Ocean of Light” in episode 12, Ryuko’s touch scorches Mako’s skin.
I’ve already written an essay on the symbolic and narrative use of fire, warmth, and heat in Kill la Kill (that you should totally read because it’s actually maybe Kinda Good, Maybe), and relating to that, I see the “Ocean of Light” as a physical representation of Ryuko’s fiery spirit. That fire can be used for good, and that fire can also be painful, but no matter what, that fire is a part of Ryuko.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/188247077227/i-always-wanted-some-explanation-you-are-smart
November 2019
She looks around her cottage. Her eyes find the walls and the furnishings. Her eyes find the scratched floors and stained wood. She does not voice it to the once-emperor, but she had never been able to remove the stains from the attack. Her son's blood has painted the brown wood red. It is a reminder of what she cannot remember. It is a reminder of the past she has forgotten.
“This home feels so desperately lonely,” she admits. “I do not know who is missing. But it is not complete.”
The man is quiet. He did not expect to find himself feeling sympathy for the woman's plight. Perhaps she is a fool, to have given her heart to a demon. But kindness ought not be punished, he thinks. Or has he grown so cold that he believes it should be?
December 2019
🏀 Michiru and Shirou’s relationship may be the focus, but Nakashima emphasizes that Michiru’s relationship with Nazuna is also involved in the story in a big way.
🏀 Nakashima stresses the importance of depicting teen girls realistically. Two women screenwriters are on board: Kimiko Ueno and Nanami Higuchi. Both wrote for Little Witch Academia. Ueno also wrote for Space Patrol Luluco, and Higuchi was behind the production reports in Trigger Magazine (and, interestingly, wrote the script for the anime adaptation of BEASTARS).
🏀In regards to Michiru and Nazuna’s relationship, producer Naoko Tsutsumi (also an animation producer for Kiznaiver and Little Witch Academia) provides input as well. Nakashima says that they greatly value and take to heart the opinions of the women creators.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/189928986922/otomedia-winter-2020-bna-brand-new-animal
#shut up goop#goop makes a (kinda) personal post#ramblings#writing#on to 2020!#right before the new year in my time zone as per usual lol#image texts under the cut#kill la kill#kingdom hearts#brand new animal#kiznaiver
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Bro - Zoned (KBTBB) Chapter 1 : We’re Just Bros
Eisuke X OC
Romantic - Comedy
PG - 13 for language used
Eisuke, the powerful and proud owner of the Ichinomiya Group, with Tres Spade, the biggest and most luxurious hotel chain in Japan and possibly in the world, is well, on a cross roads between friendship and love with Andie, one of his “bros”, the only lady in the gang of bidders, and head interior designer of his hotel empire.
*The story would have 2 point of views. To be honest, I don’t even like Eisuke, I mean he’s not obviously my fave, but with the story, I believe he is the best suited.
As for the setting of the story, it takes place 4 years after season 1, so expect the characters to be older haha! We can say that they are moving past those old times and really trying to get serious with their lives. But still, we know our boys, they’ll always have fun.
So please enjoy this light romantic comedy story of two people confused between love and friendship.
"I want the first option. Good job."
Eisuke pointed out the first perspective out of the two options that I presented, the room perspective that shows all shades of purple in a bedroom. We are here in his office discussing the final design for the lobby of his new hotel in Osaka, Japan, after countless, tedious revisions. I can’t let his hotel and my design to suffer for his horrible ideas.
“Eisuke, are you sure? I think as a designer, this, in particular is the best lobby design for your hotel.”
Still trying to be patient because he still is my boss, I tried to convince him once more. I presented the second design again which I find the most appropriate for his vision. Sighing, He looked at me with authority in his eyes and no intention of backing down.
“Who owns the hotel? Me. So I get the final say. ”
Pointing to himself. He stated that matter of fact, with his legs and arms crossed. Growing impatient, I grabbed the rendered perspective board of the other option and almost shoved it in front of his eyes. I stated my opinions as an interior designer in what is best for the hotel.
“This design is the best in the lot! Remember, this is a seven star! Not some cheap love hotels!”
Growing irritated himself, Eisuke being stubborn, stood up and walked towards me. He grabbed the rendered perspective of his choice in his one hand and the other pointed at it.
“No. This will go through. Only this. This discussion is over.”
And my patience meter, snapped. hard.
He placed the board in his desk with the papers ready for him to sign for finalization. As he is seated in his chair, grabbing his pen for him to sign the necessary papers, My body automatically moved forward, across his desk, and took hold of his right hand to stop his terrible, terrible decision. F*ck this.
“What are you doing?“
Eisuke, shocked from my actions and stared at me hard with daggers in his eyes, looking completely irritated. Unbothered by his menacing stare and tone, I stared hard with all my pent up frustrations venting right through my eyes and voice.
“Stopping you from making the most stupid, dumbest decision in your fucking life.”
“Hands. off.“
“Never. I was patient enough to even hear your ugly shitty ideas, Even my eye bags have bags in them! So I can’t let those sleepless nights be in vain! And I freakin’ swear I’m not gonna let you ruin your damn hotel and my reputation. Not on my watch.“
“Again, hands. off“
“Consider your business dead if you want your guests to kill themselves in your hotel.“
“...“
“....“
Eisuke and I had a staring contest on who would back down and admit defeat. This is a battle I won’t, ever, ever, back down.
“...“
“Eh-ehemm”
Breaking the deafening silence and over flowing gaze exchange of tension from one another, Baba, who was relaxing on the couch intentionally coughed. Turning our attention on what he has to say, he stated his opinion.
“Boss… I think Andie’s right… her take on the interiors is good, probably the best design I’ve seen. I mean.. even better than Ota’s lobby designs were for your previous hotels. No offense man.”
Looking straight to his enigmatic artist buddy. Ota, who was seating beside Baba checking his phone for emails then spoke his views.
“None taken. I mean as an artist, I would say the other option is not only better but God, it looks amazing! Great job on that Andie! I mean the neutrals and the purple, and from the ceiling to those intricate wall details, and even the floor design!”
“Thank you Ota and Baba, that’s very sweet.”
Throwing a huge smile and a thumbs up on my direction. Still holding Eisuke’s right hand, I said my gratitude to the two gentlemen with a smile. To break more of the tension, Baba then again gave his opinion.
“Anyway, even I would have a headache with a room made out of purple.”
But I think it wasn’t the best idea as Eisuke then shifted his glare to Baba and Ota for not backing him up. Not wanting to add more salt in his wound, both Baba and Ota then continued to chat with themselves. After silencing the two, he’s gaze was back on me. After minutes of cold war, he finally sighed with his head low, admitting defeat.
“Fine, you win, Ms. Young. Now, let go.”
Feeling great upon winning the war, I enthusiastically let go of his hand and throw my hands in the air! I’ve never felt so great! I grabbed his hand again and shook it enthusiastically.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! You finally listened! For the love of God! There is a miracle!! Thank you Eisuke! Thank you Thank you!!“
“Okay okay, let’s get this over with, where are the papers.“
After my winning moment, I immediately gave the necessary paper works to get the proposed design finalized and approved. He signed my proposed designs gave back the documents but not without laying down his terms..
“I don’t want any problems. No buts, good won’t cut. I want it perfect.”
“No worries Boss, I know the drill. I got this. Thank you for acknowledging my vision.”
Holding the documents close to my chest as it was like the most precious possession I have, I gave a reassuring smile and bowed to him. With my designs approved I hurriedly went to the door to head outside and go to the next phase. Before leaving I said my farewells to the gang.
“Got to go! I need to schedule meetings with the contractors and engineers to start with the construction. Bye guys!”
Almost at the door, Baba then said a reminder that almost slipped my mind. “Wait Andie don’t forget! Party at the penthouse. 8pm. You have to come okay?“
“Yeah I’ll go! I have reasons to celebrate too!“ Pointing to my trophy, my designs sealed with Eisuke’s signature.
Seeing Eisuke scoffed and continued to review other files, I turned my head to the two gentlemen who helped me tame the lion. I mouthed “Thank you guys.” to Baba and Ota for supporting my ideas and quickly exited his penthouse office.
________________________________________________________________
As Baba heard the door clicked and Andie’s footsteps gone, he walked towards me and sat on one of the chairs in front of my desk then spilled his thoughts.
“Have some faith on Andie, Boss! I mean she’s THE Andie Young that bagged numerous awards from her designs on your last hotel.”
Still reviewing other business files on my desk, I sighed still feeling defeated from the previous discussion,
“I know that. I was the one who gave her a chance... I was just testing her like I used to before.”
Ota then chimed in, still on his phone for his emails, on what he remembered before. “She was just starting back then, but now look who she became! I think she is entitled to treat your ideas like that.”
“Look at her now, she’s like the only female member of our gang. Minus the wives. It’s good to have a muse.” Stated by Baba with a seal of his approval.
“Muse my ass. Look at her, she’s like one of us. And we don’t need a muse.”
Ota, still checking his phone for emails then spoke: “I think that’s her charm. The laid back quality. It is her take on her individuality.”
“At least you like her, boss.” Baba whispered and winked at me as he slipped some of my secrets.
Crap. What the hell is he saying!
I fully stopped reviewing the documents, catching me completely off guard,this moron! I immediately glared at Baba who in turn just smiled. Like a fool. I quickly glanced at Ota’s direction to check if he heard the convo. Okay Ota’s still on his phone. I need to stay calm. God this lad needs to shut his mouth. This piece of crap needs to go. I glared coldy, menacingly at Baba for fooling around then spoke to end this conversation once and for all.
“Instead of pestering here in my office, are you done with the tasks that I gave you? Both of you?”
“...”
“...“
Sensing my irritation and anger, both Baba and Ota became silent and looked to one another. Making them stand on their feet and ready to exit my office.
Ota: “Okay Eisuke, have fun with your work!“
Baba: “Yeah, we’ll be off boss! See ya!“
But before completely closing the door, Baba gave me a cheeky wink, then hurriedly closed the door and left, leaving me no chance to respond to his childish teasing. Now all alone in the office, I let go of the documents and started rubbing my forehead. I sighed, releasing stress from the morning banters and arguments.
What a morning. I recalled the events that lead to my early morning stress. the arguments with Andie, and especially the conversation with Baba. “That sick bastard.“ whispering to myself, remembering what happened awhile ago.
Andie, why do I even think of her. There are a lot of women far more suited for me. She isn’t even my type. Look at her, she’s too laid back, too stubborn, and she doesn’t even listen to me! I’m a freakin’ billionaire for God’s sake. This shouldn’t even be a problem! Why does Baba have to put words on my mouth. What does he even know? I don’t like her. Period. We’re just friends, bros even. Yeah, that’s right, I don’t like her! That’s the truth. And the---
*Knock knock
A knock on my door stopped my inner thoughts and let me get back on the reality. Now that’s great timing. Before I lost myself to thoughts she stopped me from being crazy. My secretary, Ms. Hori, then entered.
“Mr. Ichinomiya, the preparations are done. Let us proceed to the meeting board of directors.“
Now this is what I should be focusing about. Expanding my empire. This is what I’m meant to do. Not thinking some lady who I shouldn't even like.
“Okay. Thank you Ms. Hori.“ I stood up, fixed my suit, forgetting those trivial matters, then completely regained my composure and confidence, and left for my meeting
-----------------------------
This proved to be a very busy day. With the new hotel almost finishing up and is getting ready for the grand opening in Osaka, I went from one meeting to another and before I knew, it’s already 8:30pm, so I sent Ms. Hori home from today’s work. I almost forgot that there’s some party in the penthouse. As I was entering the elevator, my thoughts immediately remembered what Baba told me this morning. That bastard. And now, I’ve got to see Andie. Just great.
“You know when you’re in love, It actually happens in the most unexpected moments, I knew I was in love with my wife Emi while I was brushing my teeth. I just thought ‘oh I love her’. That’s it. Stupid right? But it feels so right.”
Wait what?...
What?!
Why am I remembering Baba’s old stories? What the fuc--
*Ding
The elevator stopped at the penthouse floor. Still weirded out by that random thought, I exited the elevator and headed towards the gang. God, my head is completely all over the place. I think I need a drink. Before entering through the doors, I stood up there, trying to reassemble my thoughts and letting out a sigh.
*Ding
My thoughts were interrupted once again by the sound of the elevator. I turned around to see who it was whose later than me.“Really? Someone’s late too?” As the elevator doors opened, I was surprised as I did not expect that she is behind that doors.
“Oh? Heyy! Your late!“
Andie.
Andie Young, the one who just exited the elevator. Of all the people who can be late, why her? She quickly walked towards me with a smile on her face, the type that shows her gums. I was just staring at her, registering how, of all people, she is with me, at the same moment, just when I was thinking about her. Still weirded out by the universe’s work, I answered her shortly and quickly.
“Yeah, meetings. You?“
“Meetings. Come on! I’m hungry and I want to drink!“
“...“
I can tell how tired she was, her back slightly slumped, walks by dragging her feet, and still see those bags under her eyes even with her makeup. But even with all those, her smile, her eyes... still glows. I just continued to stare at her. I couldn’t say anything back. I just let her take my arm and drag me to the rest of the journey.
And now I’m staring at the back of her head.
Why is my heartbeat weird?
Why is everything in slow motion?
What’s wrong with her?
What’s wrong with me?
....
This... This cannot be!
What the fuck is happening to me?
________________________________________________________________
Thank you so much for reading the first chapter! I never knew writing would be this hard! I’ve been imagining this story for quite some time now, and to translate it into a literary from is really hard work! Kudos to the people who can finish their stories!
So please do appreciate and support our writers!!
Again, thank you very much! Hope you’ll stay tune for the later chapters of these duo. Don’t hesitate to message me regarding your opinions and other stuff hahaha! Thanks guys! :)
#eisuke ichinomiya#kbtbb#voltage inc#voltage fanfic#kbtbb fanfic#kissed by the baddest bidder#eisuke x oc#eisuke#fanfiction#voltage fanfiction#voltage fandom
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[CR] Of One’s Choice
Title: Of One’s Choice
Universe: Critical Role, Campaign Two, During Episode 57, Close to Home series
Characters: Caduceus Clay, Caleb Widogast, Fjord
Rating: K+
Description: Caduceus doesn’t know what to call this fluttering sensation when Caleb is around, but he supposes he’ll have to pay attention to it.
For @claylebweek
“Mr. Clay, if I might borrow you for a moment?”
It was Caleb asking, and that would have been enough, but there was an urgency in Caleb’s tone which rose the fine hairs on the back of Caduceus’ neck. Caduceus paused a few steps behind Fjord, and turned back toward Caleb, who stood in the hallway, fingers just shy of wringing together.
Lines of worry creased Caleb’s face, his eyes dark and shadowed. He still wore the pretend slave-gear, and the sight of it made Caduceus frown.
He didn’t like it.
“Of course,” Caduceus said. Anxiety rippled off Caleb in waves, and Caduceus swore he could taste the sour reek of it. “What can I do for you?”
“Um.” Caleb inched toward the door of his room, hand on the knob. “In private?” he asked, and he curled in, away from Caduceus, as if he expected immediate rejection.
For someone who had only recently boldly declared himself a friend of the Dynasty and an enemy of the Empire, who had done the only thing he could to save their lives, his behavior now seemed frighteningly meek.
Perhaps he was unwell.
“Sure,” Caduceus said. He handed his staff and shield to Fjord. “Put these on my bed for me?”
“No problem, Deucey.” Fjord’s forehead furrowed, and he glanced past Caduceus to Caleb before lowering his voice. “He all right?”
Once could take Captain Tusktooth from the sea, but couldn’t take the captain out of the half-orc. It was sweet of Fjord to worry.
“I guess we’ll see.” Caduceus patted Fjord on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him.”
“Like you always do.” Fjord chuckled and slipped into their room. By the time Caduceus turned back toward Caleb, the wizard had already vanished into his room, though he’d left the door ajar in obvious invitation.
Caduceus still knocked with polite forewarning before he eased inside. It was a small room in comparison to the others, and he wondered if Caleb would be lonely, rooming by himself when so accustomed to sharing with Nott.
Caleb was in the midst of fumbling with the straps of the leatherwork around his body, his fingers trembling. He cursed under his breath, and Caduceus read his agitation in a glance.
"Here. Let me help," he said.
Caleb's face turned red, but he nodded and dropped his hands. "Thank you," he said. "I think they are tighter than they look."
Caduceus wisely chose not to mention the fact Caleb's hands were probably shaking too much to be of use.
"Thanks to you, none of us need worry about wearing something like this again," Caduceus said as he eased the leather bands away from Caleb, and tossed them into a corner. They skidded and slid under the bed.
Probably for the best.
"Yes. Thanks to me." A storm danced in Caleb’s eyes, furrowed his brow, twisted his lips into a severe frown. "I worry I have made a grievous error. I know I did what was best at the time for our survival, yet I can't help but think I have betrayed everything."
Caduceus tilted his head. "Everything is a broad term. You can't betray everything, otherwise you've betrayed nothing."
An exhale burst out of Caleb, his eyes flicking sharp toward Caduceus before finding the floor more fascinating.
"My parents. All I've been taught. The people in the Empire." Caleb slipped away from Caduceus like a skittish animal and began to pace in small measures, back and forth, back and forth. "I have given a mighty weapon to the Dynasty."
"You've returned something that belonged to them in the first place," Caduceus corrected.
Caleb raked his hands through his hair, barely visible scars rising white and pink from his bared arms as his sleeves fell back. "And I have aligned us, myself, with the Dynasty who are even now attacking my people."
"But are they your people?"
Caleb looked at him. "Of course they are."
Caduceus hummed. He’d given this a lot of thought, given their long, long trek from Felderwin to Xhorhas, and all they’d experienced while meandering toward Rosohna. "You know every person in the Empire? They deserve to die less than the people of Xhorhas?"
"That is not... I mean..."
Caduceus understood Caleb's anxiety, his dilemma. "It's war. I don't pretend to understand how the politics of big countries work, but I do know, neither side is really right or wrong, and the ones who are going to suffer the most, are the people who don't make the decisions in the first place."
Caleb's frantic pacing stopped.
Good. This was progress.
"You saved our lives, I'm pretty sure. Or at least, kept us out of prison. We got what we came here for, which is Yeza, and we're free. We can choose where to go from here. That, I think, is the worth the price we paid."
"There are people in the Empire who would think differently," Caleb said, but he started to draw, deep, steadying breaths.
"Probably," Caduceus conceded. "But I don't want to die for them."
Caleb looked at the ground, his face pinched in thought. His hands pulled in and out of fists before he abruptly shucked his coat, throwing it on the bed, leaving him in his shirt and his book holsters. He ran his fingers over the holsters themselves, chewing on his bottom lip.
"And your, uh, your god? She feels the same way?" Caleb asked.
"I’m sure she prefers me alive, but the gods don't really pick a side in these kinds of things," Caduceus said. "Not mortal politics, I mean." He paused and looked up at the ceiling, trying to put his thoughts in order by staring at something which wouldn’t distract him. "Though I guess if she really did disapprove, she'd let me know." He lowered his gaze again.
Caleb nodded slowly, like was absorbing the information and adding it to his calculations about whether or not he'd done a good thing. Caduceus was of the mind that since they'd managed to walk away with Yeza, their lives, and their freedom, it was the absolute best outcome. A calculated risk that ended in their favor.
If they wanted, they could teleport to Nicodranas and never set foot in the Dynasty again. They had options now, when before they were in chains and running out of them.
"Isn't it strange?" Caduceus said, after a moment. "Months ago, you all took something in Zadash, and you've been keeping it with you, and now, months later, you've given it back to its proper owners, saved your own lives in the process, and are in a position to make a difference."
"Strange, yes. Highly coincidental." Caleb gave Caduceus a strange look, eyes narrowed in thought, fingers still tracing the length of the leather. "You think this is the destiny I have? Or all of us?"
Caduceus shrugged. "I don't know. Destiny is a weird thing, Mr. Caleb. We still have a choice, I think, but certain things are set in our path, and it's up to us what to do with them."
And sometimes, that was the wrong choice, if his family’s gradual vanishing, and his own guilt were any indication. Caduceus had seen the path, and assumed it wasn’t meant for him, and it wasn’t until the Mighty Nein showed up that he realized how very wrong he’d been.
Caleb sighed and seemed to deflate. “In the end, it’s better to have lived, ja?”
“That’s my opinion.”
Caleb offered a half-smile, a relieved one, and the rest of his agitation whooshed out of him. He sank onto the edge of the bed like someone had cut his strings, his hair falling into his face. He braced his elbows on his knees and exhaled loudly, shoulders sinking.
“Thank you,” Caleb said. “I think I needed to hear that.”
Caduceus moved closer, and kneeled down in front of Caleb so that he could look at the wizard without either of them having to be awkward about it. Caleb had seemed so certain of his decision earlier, after the fact, it felt like a gift to see Caleb’s uncertainty now, as if he was only willing to trust Caduceus with this weakness.
“We spent weeks on a ship for Fjord. We risked a return trip to Nicodranas to get Jester to her mother. We came all the way to Xhorhas for Nott’s family,” Caduceus said, careful to keep his tone gentle. “So I’m pretty sure we’re all behind you for this, and whatever else you might need, or any of us need in the future.”
Red spread across the bridge of Caleb’s nose, traveling to the tips of his ears. His gaze fell away, as though he couldn’t meet Caduceus’ eyes. “I am unused to having others to rely on, Mr. Clay,” he said. “I think you underestimate how much we have needed you.”
Caduceus chuckled. “Maybe I did. Fortunately, the Wildmother didn’t. She put you in my path, or put me in yours, and here we are, exactly where I need to be. But it’s still nice to hear it.”
Nice to know it as well. There were times Caduceus doubted his own convictions, doubted himself as a member of their group. They had come together before they met him, and fitting into the empty spaces in the Mighty Nein had been a slow, awkward process.
Sometimes, he worried he did not belong.
And then there were times like this. Times where Caleb leaned on him or one of the others sought his counsel, and Caduceus thanked Melora for putting him exactly where he needed to be. So maybe, delaying his journey hadn’t been entirely for naught. Or maybe she’d found a way to make it work.
Caduceus supposed he’d never know for sure.
Caleb’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. “You are very much welcome here, and I, for one, am glad you are one of us.” He drew in a slow, steady breath. “But look at me, jabbering on. You need your rest as much as I do, ja? Don’t let me keep you.”
“I am pretty tired,” Caduceus admitted, because it had been a long, stressful day. “Anytime you need to talk, though, I’m willing to listen.”
“And the same to you, my friend. Thank you,” Caleb said, and offered him a full smile, perhaps not with the radiance of one of Jester’s grins, but a genuine smile nonetheless.
Caduceus’ heart did that odd fluttering sensation again. Like a horde of butterflies had taken up residence in his thorax and flitted around, tickling his ribs.
“Anytime.” Caduceus patted Caleb on the knee and stood, taking his exit from the room, closing the door gently behind him.
For a moment, he paused before returning to the room he shared with Fjord. He closed his eyes and whispered a quiet prayer to Melora, to protect Caleb’s dreams tonight and offer him some reassurance, if it was at all within her power.
She responded not with words, but with a warm breeze on the back of his neck. She’d watch out for all of them.
Caduceus returned to the room, slipping quietly inside so as not to bother Fjord, but it was for moot. Fjord was still awake, and he called out to Caduceus the moment the door clicked shut.
“Caleb all right?” Fjord asked.
“Nothing to worry about,” Caduceus said as he pulled off his armor and everything he didn’t need to sleep.
“I don’t blame him,” Fjord said as he tucked his arms behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. “We’re in over our heads in the worst way. Think I’d be freaking out, too, if I was him. Nice of ya to look after ‘im though. Help calm him down. He listens to you.”
“Does he?” Caduceus asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, forehead furrowed.
“Fuck I think we all do.” Fjord scratched at his chest before slinging his arm over his eyes. “Douse the lantern, will you?”
“Of course.”
Caduceus extinguished the lantern and climbed into bed, tucking himself beneath a blanket that smelled the same as any other inn he’d slept at, despite being miles and miles away. It was fascinating how some things were the same, while others were different. Here, his feet didn’t hang off the edge, so that was a nice change.
“Night, Deucey.”
“Good night, Fjord.”
The bed rustled as Fjord turned over on his side. Caduceus stared into the dark, thinking oddly about Caleb as sleep tried to claim him.
Caleb, standing before the Bright Queen, offering the dodecahedron in a desperate bid to protect them all. Caleb, afraid but determined, dirtied and wrapped in leather, his voice rising above the noise and clamor.
Caleb, small and uncertain, looking to Caduceus for reassurance.
Caleb, smiling quietly, reassuring Caduceus in return, even if he didn’t know it.
His heart thumped wildly in his chest. Caduceus pressed his palm over it. He wasn’t sure what it meant, only that it happened around Caleb a lot.
Maybe the Wildmother was trying to tell him something.
He supposed he’d just have to listen a little harder.
****
a/n: Feedback and reblogs and comments are absolutely welcome and encouraged! :)
#clayleb#caduceus clay#Caleb widogast#caleb widogast/caduceus clay#critical role fanfic#draco watches critical role#draco writes critical role#clayleb week 2019
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