#my fav part is that once he actually tries to escape he does it in like 10 seconds
Note
https://lady-ha-ha.tumblr.com/post/160715688748/is-that-comic-before-the-reboot-and-which-one-is
(I have not read this comic) Is this true? (if so, ivy deserves someone better).
Post
Kay, first off both of those people are Jarley shippers so take everything they say with a grain of salt and then some, cause no. that part isn't about how much Harley loves Joker and will always choose him over Ivy. Literally you can tell ops don't know what they're talking about cause her whole thing in those issues is going to kill him for years of graphic abuse but ultimately falls back with him once she’s face to face with him.
Like wow, congrats on missing the fucking point again but not surprised from people who ship her with The Fucking Joker.
also, ffs, can anyone please have basic comprehension skills and realize that Harley and Ivy are both fucked up sometimes because they’ve got issues and that’s not comparable to Joker’s long ass history of graphic and disgusting abuse.
Harley and Ivy are villains, they're not a wholesome cookie cutter, White Picket Fence, super vanilla ship with no bad moments. They're both bad guys with a fuck ton of trauma that they both have to work through, and have done so at this point.
Gotham City Sirens was published between 2009 - 2011, Harley and Ivy weren't blatantly romantic at this point nor had they had anywhere near the development that they’ve had at this point.
Like don’t go into Harlivy content expecting them to be the perfect wlw rep with no flaws during their arcs from BTAS to current time cause that’s just not realistic. They’re both deeply flawed people who’ve got a fuck ton of trauma that they need to (and have) worked through.
I have talked about the BTAS issues here and this post is good at explaining them too.
X
X
Harlivy is not and has never been a purely wholesome, goody-goody ship. They’re messy, they have issues, and they have bad moments sometimes, but they both worked through their seperate trauma and came out stronger and better because at the end of the day, they care about each other.
Harlivy has messy, toxic moments sometimes, but they’re not, and have never been, abusive. There’s a difference between unhealthy moments and a ship being abusive.
That’s completely different to how Joker acts Constantly, because he does not care that his actions towards Harley are abusive, because he doesn’t give a shit about her.
He enjoys hurting her. He enjoys ruining her.
Jarley has always been intended to be written and shown as a domestically abusive relationship.
This is also the first instance where it's directly referenced that there's something more than platonic between her and Ivy, other than the reference in Batgirl Adventures.
Gotham City Sirens is also not connected to any verses.
This didn’t happen in the timeline we’re in rn with Harley Quinn (2014)/(2016)/(2021).
Comic timelines and shit are stupid and make everything more confusing and awful and I hate it sdfjdksksdkjsd
-
this is gonna be a long post since ops wanna just cut and paste random bits of the issues like jarley stans always do (cause jarley never has good moments that aren’t entirely surrounded by him abusing her) I’m going to show them in full context. *added a keep reading cause it is a lot
(All panels shown are from #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24, #25)
So, Harley's entire thing at this point in the GCS comic in that she's been triggered by flashbacks of Joker's abuse and she breaks into Arkham with the intent to kill him.
The entire thing in these issues is showing her smarts and how she knows people's trump cards to get under their skin so she can break into Arkham.
She’s trained to identify these things in people and she's fucking good at pushing people's buttons.
this is also just one of my fav Harley covers so I wanted to show it jsdjksdks
“Trump cards. Everyone has one. Places where the armor we build around ourselves is weakest.”
She’s right. And it’s now shown that Harley’s willing to use those below the belt trump cards if she has to.
And frankly, I’d say this is worse than what she says to Ivy. And I’m not surprised she did it. She didn’t want to, she tried to get him to just open the door -
“Don’t make me do this, Aaron. There are some secrets that should stay hidden. Things you should never learn about your own life.”
but she’s also entirely fueled by rage and the desire to kill Joker. She came here for a reason and she’s not leaving until she’s done it.
“I’m going to kill you. For everything you’ve done to me. All the times you’ve made me feel useless and small. For all the times I will never forget. For all the things I can never forgive. All the memories -”
“Hello, Harley. I’ve missed you.”
“Memories. That’s all I have left. The past is gone and all I have is... memories.
Memories.
Memory.
Gone.
I guess I too have a trump card.”
“Oh, Ivy. You know exactly what my answer is going to be. But you’re hoping you’re wrong, aren’t you?”
She’s also right about this, they already mentioned this in #18.
“How did I become the bad guy?”
“You’re the one choosing a man over her girls.”
“Are you kidding me? You would never say that to Harley, and we both know she’d dumb us in a flat second if Joker called her.”
“Hey! That’s not fair-- Actually, that’s probably true.”
“The difference is, she can’t help it. You can. And she’s working on it. You’re not working on it.”
“Too easy, Ivy. Too easy. I know your weak spots. Now I just need to push.”
This is exactly what she’s been doing since the starting point of this post. She’s still in that mindset and she knows she can’t beat her on a regular battle field. Neither of them can.
“Like I said-- You beat me in any level playing field. But I don’t fight on those fields.”
Harley’s biggest strength as a villain is her ability to completely mentally stall her opponents and learn their weak spots. She wouldn’t win against the majority of the Big Bads if she didn’t fight on a different field than they are.
so, like yeah, out of context what she says to Ivy seems awful and completely screwed up, and it is, but it’s also built up really well and it’s completely in character for her at this point in her fall during these issues.
Is what she did fucked? absolutely. It’s not painted that it’s not.
Ivy Literally Goes To Kill Her For It.
In the end of this all three of them are recaptured by Catwoman and Batman and that’s where we’re starting off at again.
“Oh, Harley.
The only human I’ve ever called a friend.
To what lengths will I go? Where are my own limits? She is the Strangler fig. And I am the tree, choking underneath.
Without me, she could never grow.
But without her, I would fall if I grew too tall.”
“Will she ever stand by herself?
Will she ever be ready?
She is in throes of madness. She sees him, her brain flooding with adrenaline, it makes her excited, nervous, then the feelings start to fade, and she needs more. And more.
She sees it as passion. She sees it as love.
But it’s not. It’s addiction. And she’s relapsing.”
Ivy is well aware of the nature of their relationship. She’s not stupid and she’s been shown already to know that it’s something that takes time. It’s not a one off break up and it’s over. That’s not how abusve relationships work.
What do I do?
I could use my pheromones to alter her brain chemistry.
I could leave her behind abandoning her to the wilds of her own mind.
I could kill her right now.
Show her how red Nature can be.
There's one other option.
It would require patience.
Even love.
Maybe I'm more human than I want to admit.
"You have one chance to answer this."
I know, if she agrees, she'll be doing it for revenge. For him.
"She put us behind bars."
But maybe if I get away from this place, if I give her something else to think about. Maybe she can break the cycle. But it has to be her choice.
"I'm going to kill her. Come with me."
So yeah, it’s definitely not a just “Harley hurts her and runs off with Joker and it’s just a plain ol’ her choosing him over everyone and that’s that.”
Jarley shippers love to just reduce all her scenes and arcs down to their “epic love” and shit, but that’s taking away literally everything about her and reducing it down to the 3 panels that they’re “cute” in. Her arc in this part is fucking heartbreaking to read.
And Ivy damn well knows what’s going on with her. She’s smart and she’s the one that’s been there throughout all of this. She found her in the park after he shot her out of a rocket.
And she knows it’ll take time for Harley to get over and through his manipulation, that’s just how it works with abusive relationships.
But she’s also not forgiving at first, she’s mad and rightfully so, until she sees the sate of Harley’s cell and realizes how bad her addiction is at that time.
A lot of the unhealthy moments on Harley’s side when it comes to them are directly caused from the effects of being in an abusive relationship with Joker. Because she’s always in this area of her journey in those moments. She’s never fully over him or emancipated.
And that’s realistic. It’s hard sometimes to be friends with someone who’s in abusive relationships like theirs, having to watch them return to that person time and time again and it’s frustrating after a while.
I know from personal experience, it’s really hard to watch someone you care about go back or forgive someone that continues to hurt them.
But abuse victims desperately need a support system outside of their abuser. It’s a crucial part of being able to escape, because when they do try to get out they need someone there or they’ll literally have no where to go but back into their abuser’s arms.
It’s heartbreaking and it’s really rough for everyone effected, but that’s just how it is most of the time. Especially in their case, as they’re not just regular folk dealing with this.
If she doesn’t have Ivy, Harley has no one else to go to but Joker, on more than just an emotional level.
She’s lost her job. Her income. Her home. Her livelihood. Her everything.
Most of the time she has no other choice but to return to a life of crime after she’s released from Arkham because she can’t get a job, she’s a notorious criminal and she’s got a lot of issues that don’t just disappear with a bit of therapy.
She has no other choice but to return to Joker because the other alternative is the streets. At least she knows what to expect with him.
And that’s not even getting into the manipulation, gaslighting and degrading abuse that he drills into her constantly.
He’s made her believe she’s not anything without him. That she’s not smart or useful or anything.
And that’s why it’s so damn important for her to have a support system and why he’s so damn against Ivy.
Because Ivy is the good voice on her shoulder telling her he’s wrong and that she doesn’t deserve that.
-
And on Ivy’s side, she’s aware she gets very near cutting off all parts of her humanity.
She’s a plant goddess, she’s insanely powerful and she feels everything through the green. Frankly, she’s not even on the same playing field as these villains. She’s significanty more powerful than Harley and Joker.
Her connection to Harley is what keeps her humanity in tack, because despite everything, she does care about her. She was the first person she let in, the first person Ivy called a friend.
The person that was able to get through to her in #14/#15 when she was losing herself. The one that was able to get through to her that the dude was manipulating her.
“Ivy, I know you think you love this guy... but you’re just gonna end up strapped to his rocket!”
She had to knock her out for the dude to trust her / not attack them anymore. But Harley got through to her by mentioning how they first met in the park when she saved her after Joker shot her off in a rocket.
And Ivy is understandable turned off towards humans considering her origin and trauma around that.
She’s got a lot of trust issues.
But both of them work through their seperate traumas over the years because their affection for each other is stronger than the issues their trauma has given them.
-
and also, sometimes, they just have shit writers. that’s an issue overall in comic fandoms. Some writers just fucking suck at getting any of the characters right, let alone LGBT characters, who’re notoriously treated like garbage by DC.
#sorry if it came off a bit aggressive anon i don't mind ya asking <3#ops just annoy me SDJSKSK#tw abuse#tw clown boy#long post#♦️ asks ♦️#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#poison ivy#pamela isley#harlivy#gotham city sirens#me? rambling in detail about Harley? yup yup
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My, I do be loving all these fictional characters and the things you write for them :3c (the ABO hc clotheslined me but I've never felt better) I hope it's not too weird to ask but would you mind to write something about what would the Autumn troupe be like if they ever bottomed for their partner? Thanks in advance if you decide to do
Fuck YESSSSSS! 🙏👏🙌 I just want you to know that I was so hype when I saw this is my inbox!! Thank you for your support on my A/B/O Headcanons, here’s that Bottom Autumn shit you’ve been waiting for! 😝
Warnings: EXTREMELY FILTHY NSFW, penetration/pegging, kinks, hot boys
(I’ll be making these as in what they think about it, what goes down, and what follows after 😏)
Bottom Autumn 🍁 Headcanons
Banri 🍂
Just a warning: he’s going to immediately refuse your suggestion, no way ANYONE or ANYTHING is going near his ass 😤
Then he thinks about it... and he thinks about it... until the idea just doesn’t leave his mind
The two of you have fooled around early on in your relationship (or maybe even before), so Banri’s experimented with quite a few kinks
Each time sparked a new curiosity in himself and this time was no different, and he also saw it as a challenge, he could totally take it!
And so Banri secretly prepares a big surprise for you, his butt himself 😙
Step 1: he has to practice the game, which shouldn’t be too hard since he’s pretty much perfect at everything
The first time he tried to finger/put a toy in himself, Banri’s face was extremely red and his body was flaring with heat, it was sorta uncomfortable
“This is... hng... not that bad but I don’t see how- ohhh... shit- shit!”
Obviously, he gets into a good rhythm quickly and, as he gets closer to cumming, he finds it harder and harder to stop himself from sinking into his bedsheets
Step 2: master the game, which basically means he continued to masturbate like that for a while, somewhat enjoying struggle to keep his voice down every time
Because he’s just so fucking perfect, he can take a lot with some practice, eventually learning how to ride on a toy just fine
Though the original goal was to get used to it so that way when you did it, the feeling wouldn’t affect him, Banri hates to admit that the restlessness of wanting you doesn’t leave
Step 3: play the game, it’s show time 🤩
He’s grinning really wide when he makes you lay on top of the bed, that’s immediately suspicious
“Relax, sugar, and you can watch me feel good, just like you wanted... ahahh!”
Your jaw dropped as you watched him take off his underwear and hop onto your lap, reaching behind his back to grab a bottle of lube (where did that even come from-?!)
His smug expression at your aroused shock faltered as he sunk down onto the member, a bright flush returning to his face and chest
It felt different to Banri... maybe it was the fact that you were there, he tried not to think about it as he started moving
Okay, a big miscalculation on his part was your movement, any time you bucked your hips up he had to grit his teeth in order to not make a loud noise
You noticed and tried to lift yourself higher, harder, Banri visible shivered, glaring at you with hazy eyes, those eyes that either said “Don’t you dare” or “I dare you” 👀
So, you pushed him over, grunting with effort, and managed to move forward inside of him even more
Banri protested, of course, despite the long whine that was brought out when you ground against that same hot spot he liked
What truly gets him is when if you grab his hair while fucking him, Banri loves feeling the tugs in time with your trusts
“Ughn- yeah! Fuck... harder, do me harder... shut up! I’m ah- hah... saying this for your benefit-!”
He demands that you be rougher with him, saying that he could handle anything you did to him, no matter what
Banri’s moans are quieter than expected but it’s still fairly loud, he gets really riled up the faster you go
By the time he cums, he’s gasping and he actually moans when he releases, you’ve only ever heard him growl out an orgasm
If you want to piss him off (if you can), cum inside him, it turns him on and he hates it 🙂
Banri recovers quickly so even after you’ve banged him into the mattress, he’ll be fine, much to your frustration (note to self: go harder next time)
“Hahh... ‘m fine, just don’t think I’ll always let you top me, babe! F-Fuck... wanna go again?”
Fav positions: reverse cowgirl (he likes to ride you/be in control and getting his hair pulled so it’s a win-win), doggy style (similar reasons, he also gets a little insecure when you look at his face too much), and pinball wizard (Banri likes to do this position to you a lot so why not reverse it, also you can tie his hands behind him 😇)
Juza 🍰
He stares blankly at you for a couple of seconds, looks down, looks back up at you, then he wrinkles his eyebrows in confusion, as if asking “how?” 😶
But for real, Juza doesn’t understand how you’re going to manage that, he’s just really... big
You quickly reassure him that you can manage, and you begin explaining the process, and what you want to do, he goes really red with shock and embarrassment
He doesn’t disagree though, just shifts awkwardly in place before replying
“Would that... really feel good? Cause if you wanna, I don’t mind but... I dunno how- I’ve never uh-“
The actual idea doesn’t put him off surprisingly, he just cannot grasp the concept
Luckily you’re more than happy to demonstrate 🤗
Even though the two of you have been dating for quite a long time, although it was balanced who started the sexy times, it was always you who initiated anything kinky
After taking a bath, you instructed him to lay down on his stomach and he gulped as he slid off his undergarments
Smirking slightly, you reassured him that you would be gentle as you patted his butt, Juza only snorted in amusement
He flinched at how cold the lube was as you rubbed your finger over his entrance, he was as tight as you expected
You couldn’t see his face but by the time you worked two fingers, the back of his neck and ears were flushed and his breathing was staggered
Juza gasps when you decide to push a little harder, adding another to make him stretch, the action makes him jump
It’s pretty sexy to watch him squirm and his back muscles flex with effort to hold still, though he doesn’t make much noise
“Hmm... enough, ya don’t hafta mhg- be so careful. Just go already.”
As you pull out your fingers out, his body bucks backwards, then freezes, obviously not intending to do that
You go in slowly (after adding more lube, of course), and you heard him grunt as he grit his teeth together
Despite his insistence that it doesn’t hurt him, you still go gently, which he secretly appreciates upon feeling how burning it is 😅
Juza’s a pretty strong guy, so even having something up his ass doesn’t fold him completely
... Except for one thing, when you steady yourself by grabbing the back of his neck
It makes him feel breathless, especially when you start fucking him harder, squeezing the sensitive spot, his shoulders visibly shuddering
Once you get into a rhythm, Juza’s practically panting into his arm/pillow, eyes squeezing shut in flusteredness when a quiet moan escapes
“... Ghnn- hah! Hhhmn- fuck- my head’s feelin’ all... fuzzyyy...”
He’s starting to think that doing this kind of thing was harder then fighting people because the longer it goes on, the less he can handle the heat-
If you dirty talk or praise him, it doesn’t help 😉
You’re not really in the position to touch his cock, so he’s settled for rubbing it against his bedsheets, an action that gets increasingly desperate as he reaches closer to the edge
Juza’s moan just tumbles out of him when he cums, it’s deep and quick, he covered it at the last second by biting his hand 👌
He’s sweaty and a strange, warm sense of relief fills his chest as you pull out of him and kiss were you left small bruises
You’ll probably have to wipe him down because Juza can’t even look at you without getting frazzled... and just a little bit turned on again
“Th-Thanks... mmmm... it felt- well, it’s really good. I liked it, so... if you wanna, I’m tough so I can handle more...”
Fav positions: doggy style (particularly when he’s fully lying on his stomach, with either you grabbing his neck or putting his hands behind his back), scoop me up (you’re basically spooning him while being inside him, bonus access to your body heat and to biting his neck), and the chairmen (it’s less stressful than riding and you can touch Juza’s boobs pecs, much to his grumpy annoyance)
Taichi 🐶
You better not catch him while he’s drinking something because Taichi will have the most genuine spit-take you’ll ever see in your life
His jaw drops and he’ll whip around from what he’s doing to look at you like you’ve just stripped naked in public 😳
You want to what?! With his what?! That’s way too kinky for him and he’s never even done that- don’t you need to prepare a lot for stuff l-like that?!
“I mean, I wanna make you happy in that way too but- but- but that’s really a lot!”
He calms down after a while when you tell him that he really doesn’t have to if he’s so opposed to it, it’s just something you’ve thought about
Taichi doesn’t want to disappoint you, so if you explain exactly what you want to do, he’ll warm up to the idea (literally and figuratively)
The two of you have been dating for a long time now and though he does have some fetishes, Taichi is more of a giver by nature and gets embarrassed when you do things to him
Later, you ask him to lay back on the bed and spread his legs, he obeys after some hesitation, almost immediately covering his face with a pillow despite your coaxing
No matter, you’ll make him show his face soon enough anyway 😉
You slowly pulled down his undergarments, rubbing his stomach and thighs in reassurance when Taichi flinches
By the time you actually got to the prepping part, Taichi’s already pretty hard because you decided to stroke him at the same time so he doesn’t feel that much pain
To no ones’ surprise, he’s sensitive, his hips jumping up unintentionally as you move your fingers inside him with lube
His hole squeezes around your digits and you have to roughly wiggle to get anywhere, much to Taichi’s protests, who was already struggling to maintain composure as it is
When you finally get three in, his body was chasing yours, already close to cumming despite the painful sensation
It honestly looked like his face was going to explode based on how red and sweaty it was, breathing like he was running a marathon
“Ah- HAH! Don’t pull it out so suddenly... I-I can take more! Ngh... please?”
His face looked so cute, his eyes pleading, but the way his toned body arched against yours was undeniably sexy 😍
You tell him as much as you enter inside, slowly of course, and Taichi let’s out a high-pitched squeak in shock
His arms wrap around your shoulders/back, as if to ground him against the foreign sensation while the rest of him wanted to fly away
Giving him praise along with sweet nothings and dirty promises is really important, it arouses him but it also distracts him from the uncomfortable moments
Taichi whines and squeezes you tightly when you thrust more, pulling in and out of his ass carefully as he tried (and failed) to hold in his cries
By the time he’s close to finishing, Taichi is so loud and he is jumping up to meet your member in time while it hits that sweet spot inside
“Yes- yes- YES! More... oh g-goddd babe, please more- AH! IT’S SO GOOD...!”
This man wails and begs you to keep going, he’s really feeling hot now and encourages you with desperate pleas and breathless praise
Taichi’s nails might dig into your shoulders or create marks on your back (not that you really mind), a new kind of bright red on your skin that he’s never given you
Your hand could’ve stroked his wet cock, just a little, and he would’ve been a goner, cumming with a deafening yelp
Panting, Taichi is boneless against the bed, looking like he’s having an out-of-body experience, only reacting when you started to wipe the drool that leaked onto his chin from his lips
Please give kisses and aftercare thank you, he’s a good boy 🐶
He’s voice his hoarse but giggly as he keeps his body wrapped close to yours, dazed from his intense orgasm
“Heh-heheheh... ah- that was awesome! Felt really hot, I can’t wait to have more~! I-I can, right?”
Fav positions: missionary (the classic, this works because you can see his face and he can cling to you easily), the om (it’s extremely intimate which Taichi likes, it’s also easier to ride), and show and tell (basically means touching yourself while really close to your partner, he does this as a top but it’s fascinating to watch him do it with his butt, gets puppy embarrassed)
Omi 🐺
He’s surprised, that’s for sure, but not as surprised as you are when you find out that he’s... actually tried it before 😱?!
Omi blushes and says that when he was a part of his motorcycle gang, sometimes his buddies would offer some... different kinds of riding as a form of stress relief
He’s quick to say that it’s all in the past and he didn’t even do it that often anyways...
You’d have to stay firm in your convictions in order for him to agree, as it’s just slightly humiliating for him-
“Well, uh, if my baby is sure of what they want, I wouldn’t mind trying something new tonight.”
But, of course, Omi eventually agrees 😈
After preparing the proper supplies (with him double checking out of caution), you laid back onto the bed per his request as he straddled himself on top of you
He was already fully undressed, and the daring position allowed you to gawk at his sexy, muscled body in all of its glory, your hand instinctively reaching up to brush against his face in reassurance
Omi leaned into your touch, only pulling away to grab the bottle of lube to lace it onto his own fingers
You watched in awe as he leaned back with one hand, and fingered himself slowly with the other
He grunted with effort, clearly uncomfortable and not quite used to the stretch but continuing none the less, for your own benefit, he assured himself
Determined to not let you down, Omi pushed another inside, his strong fingers having no trouble doing so, though his eyes closed shut at the pain
You took some pity on the poor man and made a move for his cock, which was barely half-hard, making your lover take a sharp breath as you stroked it
With your combined determination, Omi eventually relaxed considerably, moving three fingers and groaning your name as you teased his arousal
“Are... you having fun down there? I- mmgh- I feel like I’m not quite reaching something. Let’s get to it...!”
He sat up completely and sighed as he slipped his digits out, Omi bit his lip as you lifted your member up to his hole
Swiftly but careful, your boyfriend sunk his body down, legs spread open, hands resting on your chest momentarily (nearly crushing you in the process)
After a few minutes, you pat his butt as if he was a horse that needed to ‘giddyup’, making him laugh as his eyes glittered seductively 😋
Omi then proceeded to fuck himself rather ungentlemanly, his own dick slapping harshly against his abs at every bounce
At first for Omi, it didn’t feel that different from his hand, just the thickness made him slightly more sensitive
He leaned back a little bit to adjust, and suddenly his nerves were electrocuted with pleasure, you were reaching deeper than he could on his own and-
“Ohhhh- hah... ugh, right there. I found it just- god this is a lot to- HHn- process...!”
Omi’s body was dripping with sweat as his face and neck flushed red, gruff moans and pants stumbling out of his open mouth
It’s probably best to use your hands to help out his now very hard cock, it looked as ready to burst as the rest of his body did
His thick, scratched thighs shook heavily as he slammed his ass on top of you over and over again upon nearing his climax
Omi is praising your own dazed expression as he grits his teeth to contain the sounds of his orgasm, only throaty growls escaping
While he pants and returns to his senses, you can only stare and gulp at the dripping cum on his pecs and his honeyed expression
He speaks as he leans down for a kiss, finally arising from your lap-
“You made me feel so hot, like a wildfire... mmm- spreading. Hrmph... thanks. For next time, did you want to touch me more~?”
Fav positions: cowgirl (is used to this pace the most and it’s a bonus for you cause it’s nice to watch 😉), CAT position (aka. the Coital Alignment Technique, its close and intimate, which he likes), and the stickman (basically you bend him over a sofa or table with his hands on his thighs, perfect for the kitchen, also easy to get rough with)
Sakyo 💴
You honestly thought you were going to fucking die on the spot from the sheer iciness of the glare Sakyo gave you
Like, you wish to top him, but are willing to fight him to the death for it? Because that’s the only way he’s budging 😠
The thought honestly makes him so embarrassed he wants to die
The embarrassment only increases if you threaten suggest to complain to Sakoda about it
That guy’s already way too involved in his love life, he doesn’t need to be involved in THAT kind of thing too-
“... I’ll consider it. That is all you’re getting from me... don’t you dare tell anyone. And stop looking so happy!”
Later in the week, Sakyo is searching online for... certain products and tells himself that if they have a discount, he’ll let you do it
... Of course, the oNE TIME- guess he has no choice now 😑
More time had past and just when you thought that it was a pointless endeavor, one night on his day off, Sakyo dragged you into the bedroom
He stared at you intensely from on top of the bed as he shook off his jacket and belt before tossing you a small box
You choked on your own spit as your jaw dropped... what the box contained was... a vibrating dildo 😩
Sakyo rolled his eyes and told you pointedly that you were going to use that on him, and if he didn’t like it, there would be no continuation, understood?
With a “yes, sir” and a heavy blush, you agreed, tackle kissing him against the sheets
By the time you poured the amount of lube he considered ‘safe’ and shoved the toy inside him, Sakyo was already halfway to being breathless, not expecting the sensation to be so painful (or so pleasurable)
He covered his face with his arms but even you could see he was flushed, biting his lip to not let you hear him make a sound
Unfortunately, you get into a steady rhythm, practically forcing his mouth to open even before you turn the vibe on all the way
Sakyo’s legs shake as his ass feels like it’s getting violated, unable to control the heat the spreads quickly up his spine and dick
“Urgh- enough! J-Just move mmn-! Move on alre-adyyy...!”
He snaps at you, refusing to make eye contact, even as you put his leg upwards to get a better angle
Your lover is trying so hard not to lose it, hiding and masking his mouth with his hands, eyes squeezing shut because jesus- nothing’s ever felt like this before-
It makes him feel all vulnerable, like you’re prodding at something more than just sexually, so feel free to lean down and kiss-mark his neck, it grounds Sakyo a little
Obviously, you want to see him melt completely, so you flip him onto his back, much to his shock
This encourages you to thrust even harder, his gasps and pulsing cock edging you on further 🤫
Sakyo isn’t loud per say, but he isn’t quiet either, only able to pant and convulse in a desperate attempt to pull himself together
“God damnit- hah! Don’t think I’ll just lay here and take it... Mmhmm... ohh fuuuuh... pleassse- argh-!”
He’ll play a bit coy, giving you a look that, especially without his glasses, makes him look like a smirking, devilish angel
... Sakyo almost regrets it, as he immediately goes back to being a sweaty mess when you smirk back on return
He’ll never admit it but the whole back and forth was sort of fun/sexy in way he thought an ‘old man’ like him shouldn’t be able to experience
With one final push that lifts his hips off the bed, he orgasms, silently screaming as he feels the sweet release wash over his aching body
Bruises on his hips, hickeys on his neck, drooling and sweaty, you know as soon as his senses come back down from the afterglow, Sakyo will tiredly lecture you
“Geez... that wasted a lot of energy, you shouldn’t have- hhn! ... Th-Thank you for making me feel good, dear. Don’t go crazy without my permission next time though.”
Fav positions: the sidewind (it gives you the best control, which he secretly enjoys but it embarrasses him), eagle position (it’s simple and makes him flustered and feel good, again, can be used softly), and the chair (a position that’s meant to tease you once Sakyo gets used to it, literally sits on your lap)
#I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN#THIS TOOK EXACTLY ONE MONTH FUCK ME#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#a3! actor training game#a3! game#a3#a3! imagines#a3! act! addict! actors! imagines#a3! act addict actors#a3 game#banri settsu#juza hyodo#taichi nanao#omi fushimi#sakyo furuichi#autumn troupe#a3! smut#smut#a3! headcanons#headcanons#asks#anon#requests
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What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?
Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.
Castiel Epiosdes
4x01 ICONIC
4x16 ICONIC
4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him.
4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.
5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends.
5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “
5x13 “Sam is my friend.”
5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.
5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW
5x17 Drunk Cas.
5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.
Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.
6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink.
6x10 Pizza Man.
6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute.
6x20 ICONIC
6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control.
7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)
7x02 Cas’s death #3?
7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol
7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen
7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!
aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.
Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.
8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.
8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory.
8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!
8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.
8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH
8x21 Badass Castiel
8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now.
Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!
9x01 First look at human Cas!
9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross.
9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover.
9x09 He looks good.
9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.
9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes
9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk
9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb.
9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.
9x23 “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”
10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war
10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings.
10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!
10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.
10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.”
10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!
10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY
10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him.
okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better.
10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-
10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break.
I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.
Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.
11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man.
11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.
11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.
11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode.
11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him.
11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.
11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice
11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy.
Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!
12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him.
12x02 Cas and Mick :)
12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom
12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol
12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me.
12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel.
12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.”
12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.
12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.
Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head.
13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!
13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN
13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!
13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy
13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good
13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol
13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas
13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her
13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy.
13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay
14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good.
14x03 Dadstiel.
14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry.
14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later.
I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man.
14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip!
14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!
14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary
14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box.
14x20 AHHH
Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house.
15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again
15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute.
15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!
15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts
15x13 Just for the family.
15x15 :(
15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy
15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(
Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie!
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Undo my ESC '21 (semi-final two)
Good afternoon folks, and welcome to the second part of Undo my ESC – my annual quest to make the year’s Eurovision better (at least, for me xD) by making a feasible change in each country – it could be something as small as altering a lyric or a staging detail, or as big as a different artist entirely winning the NF. Semi-final one was here so let's jump straight into SF2!
🇸🇲 San Marino: We're thrown into the deep end here with a fan fav that doesn't do at all for me. I'm one of maybe 5 people on the planet who prefers Freaky by far, I guess? I'm happy for Senhit to be getting so much love and for the diminutive serene republic to finally have a shot at a good result - but I'm not so keen on the way it's been done.
There's a bit of cognitive dissonance for me because my favourite thing about Adrenalina is Flo Rida's rap, but I don't like the idea of bringing in famed American artists like "ringers" to elevate a song above one with "only" local talent. I would be so tempted to give the rap part to local artist IROL instead to spit some hot bars in Italian.
🇪🇪 Estonia: I had hope this year, I really did, for my era of absolutely adoring Estonia at ESC to be revived after 4 painful years. There were so many good songs at this year's Eesti Laul, like those of Ivo Linna, Egert, Gram of fun, Heleza - but ultimately, my huge favourite was, as expected, Jüri Pootsmann. Anyone who followed this blog back in 2016 knows how much I adore Jüri and was desperate to see him get a redemption arc at ESC itself. Magus melanhoolia was one of the best songs of the season for me and one of the best stagings. As much as I prefer '20 artists to get their shot in '21, problematic Uku with his toxic ex vibes song will have to step aside and let the Jüri renaissance happen here.
🇨🇿 Czechia: I really dig Benny Cristo - he has personality, presence and his own enjoyable style. At first I was kinda disappointed with Omaga because I was expecting something more in the vein of Kemama, with more pronounced Afrobeat influences. But it has grown on me a lot too. My change? Add more Czech than just one blink-and-you-miss-it line, mate! (Article continues below)
🇬🇷 Greece: I see this being talked up as potential televote top 3 and I just don't get it. Maybe it's the way the chorus rhymes dance with itself three times (and uses the term rockin' romance unironically); maybe it's the way that there are better 80s-inspired songs both in ESC and many fallen tributes in the NF season... it just leaves me cold. I actually preferred Supergirl and my change would be for Stefania to bring something with some actual Greek flair.
🇦🇹 Austria: I’ll echo what I said last year about Österreich – how did they go from Conchita to a guy who wished he wouldn’t have gay kids like this? I find both of this guy's songs insipid in different ways and I would invite Pænda back instead to avenge her getting robbed with the beautiful Limits. Or give a second shot at glory to the incredible Cesár!
🇵🇱 Poland: Unpopular opinion, but I absolutely love The Ride, and I feel bad for Alicja, but I much prefer it to Empires. What started as an ironic fondness for Rafał's cringy uncle vibes ended up being genuine appreciation - it's one of the few 80s-inspired songs that sound like they actually could have come out of that decade rather than like modern pastiches. And Raf actually does have an awkward charisma. My change - insert some Polish! Poland does so well with natural sounding bilingual efforts in JESC, they should bring it to the main contest too!
🇲🇩 Moldova: I was lowkey prepared to be disappointed by Moldova - I actually enjoyed Prison a lot and the news that they were going in a completely different direction didn't sit so well with me. And yet, I also love Sugar. Natalia's power! My changes: get rid of that weird scene with literally egg on her face - too on the nose for me. And incorporate a bit of the stellar Russian translation, Tuz bubi, because I'm always going to be advocating for more linguistic diversity xD
🇮🇸 Iceland: Daði Freyr can literally do no wrong with me. Whilst it doesn't have the same intense extra-fandom hype that Think about things did, I think I like Ten years even more. Nothing to change here.
🇷🇸 Serbia: It's no secret that Hurricane were far from my favourites at Beovizija 20, and that I find this a downgrade for Sanja compared to her powerful '16 song. And yet... Hasta la vista grew on me a lot, and so has Loco loco. It's something that is definitely scratching an itch at this year's ESC and the burst of anarchic energy it'll provide will be amazing. I am seriously tempted to change to the acoustic version, though, which has all the attitude of the original but is more beautiful for me and lets the girls' voices shine more.
🇬🇪 Georgia: Georgia keeps serving acquired tastes, and as a patron saint of marginal genres and I love them for that. This year, they've gone for something that even many fans of Tornike find hard to swallow - gone is the roaring rock of last year, replaced with a much more contemplative, soft effort that reminds me a little of Lou Reed. I enjoy both songs, but I can't deny preferring 2020. At the same time, I admire the chutzpah required to send something so different. I just wish there could be a moment to properly showcase T's powerhouse vocals.
🇦🇱 Albania: It was an odd Festival i këngës this year, outdoors in the freezing cold and without the orchestra that makes the songs soar so much more for me. Karma is a perfectly respectable winner, albeit one that lacks the immediacy and rawness of Shaj, Ktheju tokës and Mall. In my ideal alternate reälity, Arilena Ara would have been invited back. She'd bring a song as beautiful as Shaj - and not do a revamp into English that removes its edge this time.
🇵🇹 Portugal: 2015-2020 was a full on Portugal stan era for me. I want to believe that this year is an aberration and that in 2022, our lusitanian neighbours will produce the goods once again. Because ending a colossal streak of not sending songs that don't include Portuguese for this? I am baffled. I wanted the anthemic Joana do mar, produced beautifully by Luísa Sobral, or the timeless Contramão, which sounds like it escaped a Nouvelle Vague soundtrack. Saudade, Por um triz or a number of others would have been grand too.
🇧🇬 Bulgaria: I wasn't expecting much from Bulgaria - I really didn't and don't like TGS and the majority of songs in Victoria's NF-but-not-really aren't my cup of tea. I was happy she got her second chance, but resigned to not liking the song much that would get picked. And then, my fav, which was last in many community ratings, ended up being her pick. I adore GUIGO and believe it has the possibility to do very, very well at Rotterdam and be one of the 'moments' of the evening.
🇫🇮 Finland: CRIMINAL how YLE treated Aksel - it felt like he wasn't the defending champion, and that Erika Vikman had won the previous year. They also - I believe, deliberately - split his vote by making his just one of a number of ballads, so of course what stood out most were the two decidedly non-ballady songs. Finland only two years ago had a single-artist UMK. They could and should have brought it back for Aksel. I'd hope Hurt would win it, because that song is stunning.
🇱🇻 Latvia: I was, and am, delighted that Latvia stuck with Samanta Tina. The lady lives and breathes ESC, even wrote a university thesis about it, and if she tried so many times, finally won and then DIDN'T get to go to ESC, I would have gone to LTV headquarters personally to remonstrate. I really like both her songs. The moon is rising is poised, powerful and like nothing else this year. The only thing I'd change is adding some Latvian because it's a gorgeous language and we've been waiting for ages to hear it again.
🇨🇭 Switzerland: Gjon's song is once again not really my cup of tea, or tears - but I enjoy it better than last year's and I'm glad he's back. Highkey wish it did include Albanian or Romansch like confused commenters last year thought it did.
🇩🇰 Denmark: There is literally no excuse for Denmark's treatment of Ben & Tan. I'm not even a big fan of their music at all, out to not even allow them to compete in DMGP to defend their win with Iron heart? Even though there are songs that competed in DMGP that I prefer a lot, most notably Står lige her, I would probably have let them have a proper second chance.
And the automatic qualifiers voting in this semi -
🇫🇷 France: For me, France had an absolutely enthralling, sincere, perfectly Gallic entry that hit me so hard in the feels. And whilst I respect Voilà, no, that wasn't it. It was Pourvu qu'on m'aime, easily one of the best songs I heard all year inside NFs or out. I find Voilà a little too mannered and affected, whilst PQM is a shot straight from Juliette's heart into mine. In my dream, it'd have won CVQD and be receiving the same love that Voilà is right now.
🇪🇸 Spain: Whilst it is getting next to no love in the fandom and seems quite forgotten, I find Voy a quedarme one of the best songs sent from this country in several years - and I say that having preferred Memoria. I am proud of Blas and love that he had a hand in writing this song. My change? He said recently that the staging in Rotterdam won't be inspired by the poignant music video despite wanting it to be - I would incorporate elements from it in the live.
🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Frankly, I think almost all the Big 5+1 brought it this year, with the notable exception of Germany. Embers is the banger that I never thought was coming from James Newman, and it's been one of the biggest earworms of the season. I wouldn't change anything about it - I'd just ensure that the staging replicated the energy of the video as much as possible!
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I haven’t been able to write a whole lot recently so to make up for the little drought here’s a few kegboys hcs!
-Tommy has a big thing for 70s country music, it’s like, all he’ll listen to. Steve’s kind of overexposed to country having grown up in IN so he’s pretty neutral on it even though he prefers pop, but Billy, resident metal head and city boy through and through, tries to poke fun at him for it because like, country music is for uncool hicks, right? But, and this is very much to his dismay, Billy cannot get enough of Dolly. Like he really couldn’t care less about Toms other picks but he is beyond hooked on Dolly to the point that he’s the one buying all her new records when they come out.
-Tommy is absolutely the house husband because the other two are honest to god domestically useless. Billy tries really, really hard to help because Steve goes to work and he feels like he’s lazy for not being able to do much while he’s recovering, so Tommy sticks him with the little jobs because he knows he’s never going to get him to agree to actually resting. It’ll just be little tasks, things like cleaning the lint trap when Tom switches the laundry, but it’s enough to make him feel less useless.
-But! As good as he is at keeping up with the bills and doing chores, Tommy CANNOT cook. Steve will never ever forget the time he came over to his house and caught popcorn on fire in his microwave or when Billy had to swoop in and unplug the toaster like seconds before Tee electrocuted himself trying to use a fork to fish out a piece poptart that broke off in there, so he is very much not allowed anywhere near a stove. Billy is the best cook and even then he’s a little iffy because Neil never let him do it, so to compensate for how collectively awful they are in the kitchen they have like a thousand scribbled in cookbooks in every drawer and pantry.
-They all three have very different sleeping habits. Billy’s the early bird, always gets up at the same time as the sun well-rested no matter what time they went to bed. Steve is a deep sleeper through and through, he’ll pass out at like, 11:00 every night and won’t move again until morning. If nobody were to wake him up he could probably sleep all through an entire day. Tommy’s something of a rough sleeper though, can’t usually get to sleep until at least two in the morning, usually later than that even, and once he gets to sleep it’s very light and he tends to wake up every hour, on the hour. One time when Steve’s at the pharmacy picking up Billy's meds he grabs a little thing of melatonin for Tom because like, it says it boosts sleep and anything’s worth a shot if it means Tommy won’t be so exhausted and sick and frustrated all the time, and it does help! He sort of ends up on about the same sleep schedule as Billy once his rhythm gets a little more regulated.
-When they first started dating, Billy thought Steve was bad when it came to clothes stealing, he lost a few jackets and old t-shirts that way, but when they all three move in together he discovers that Tommy is the true culprit. Neither he nor Steve can keep track of literally any single piece of clothing. Everything, from their hoodies to their jeans to their pjs to their socks, all belong in some part to Tom until eventually they just have one community wardrobe they pick and choose from instead of like, individual clothes.
-They all three overuse the heck out of pet names like baby and babe, which results in Steve calling Tommy babe one and Billy babe two because he was tired of saying like “hey babe” and getting two simultaneous answers.
-Tommy does Billy’s hair for him when he still can’t do too much with his hands, and after that too when it’s convenient because it becomes routine, combing out his curls and putting mousse in it when he wants it done nice, because he wants to be a hairdresser anyways! He’d practiced plenty on Steve ever since they were in middle school, given him tons of hair cuts and even his highlights! It’s for that reason that when Tommy starts doing Billy’s hair, Steve gets the teensiest bit jealous because that used to be him. So everytime they go anywhere and they aren’t crunched for time he has to do both Billy and Steve’s hair and he starts not having time to straighten his own! But! That’s okay because his boys are very fond of his natural curls!
-Steve runs very, very cold always. He’s a type one diabetic so he’s pretty much always anemic and he freezes like 24/7. Even in the summer when Billy and Tommy are like melting into the furniture, he can get away with long sleeves and be just fine. When they’re in bed they keep Steve in the middle because they both run super warm like a heat register and it’d get too hot without having Steve as their ice pack between them.
-More about Steve’s diabetes bc it’s like one of my fav hcs and I wish I could write about it more! It’s really hard to find things for him to eat because he’s gotta worry about his sugar, but also because he has so many food allergies and sensitivities on top of that. Before he had anyone around he just kind of didn’t care about watching himself like, if he wanted to eat something, he would just do it, but he ultimately faced the consequences of that a few times too many, aka being hospitalized twice with DKA and three times with anaphylactic shock. he gets banned from grocery shopping on his own, because he will absolutely buy so much stuff he isn’t supposed to have and ‘lose’ the receipt and just hide the stuff because his boys will not let him eat whatever he wants anymore. Billy is also not allowed to go shopping because he never remembers what brands they use or reads any labels, he just grabs the first of everything he sees and calls it a day. Tommy officially gave up on them and started doing it himself after confiscating a half empty bag of gummy bears off of Steve and having to use the wrong toothpaste for months because Billy refused to pay attention.
-Tommy attracts strays! Cats, dogs, an actual escaped budgie from the neighbors house once, it doesn’t matter, somehow they always find him. If he’s out on the porch there’s like, a ninety percent chance there’s a critter that doesn’t belong to them in his lap. He lets Billy name them all even though they can’t keep them. Tommy personally can’t pick a favorite out of the 20 some odd cats that come and go because they’re all his babies, but Billy and Steve have theirs. B’s favorite is a black and white little fella named Mr. Shrimp and Steve’s is a sweet tabby girl named Meowzers! The rule doesn't only apply to domesticated animals either, raccoons and wild bunnies also tend to lurk around their porch. Billy picks up a raccoon once (he named her Poubelle, but calls her Bella) and Steve yelled at him for hours about how dangerous and irresponsible and gross it was. Him and Tommy get boyfriend grounded for like, weeks after that.
-Steve is like everyone’s Midwestern grandma! He keeps pockets full of butterscotch candies and tissues, he’s got a collection of blow molds and Tiffany lamps, he wears sweatshirts and jackets with weird quotes on them and like, he believes the cure to every ailment is tomato soup, vicks, a wash rag, and a kiss or any combination thereof. It drives Billy completely up the wall, because he’ll cough like once and Steve is like do you need soup? do you need a doctor? please let me help you. But Tommy likes it, being fussed over, cause he grew up with younger siblings and two working parents, so he was always the one doing the fussing.
#kegboys#steve x billy x tommy#ej writer#my headcanons are always very specific and weird but like I gotta info dump on y’all real quick#realizing now that I only currently have one kegboys fic in progress and that’s like a crime? jeez ej get ur priorities in check#under the cut because I’m long winded and annoying :-)
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I WANNA HEAR D'S THOUGHTS ON JEN'S QUESTION Spill the beans! You've even got me curious now!
“Do you think Rose is a good person?”
I’ll answer not just Jen’s question, but generally thoughts surrounding D and Rose’s relationship!! It’s gonna be long because I think about this a WHOOOOOOLE lot, and I seriously mean a whole lot,,, so read ahead!
btw, if you think Rose is a bad person and D hates him, that’s where you’re mistaken! IT’S MY STORY MY HEADCANONS SO IF U DONT WANNA READ THIS THEN DONT BRO HJASGJHASHJ
PRE-ETERNATUS, CHALLENGER ARC
Ive mentioned before, but D and the chairman had a fairly good relationship!!
In-game, rose is very interested in the player and talks to you a lot, so honestly not much changes here
D, in his challenger phase, is forcibly very loud and flamboyant. being overly animated and confident, he’s able to keep up with rose who likes to chat and banter with him
When d talks to people, he KNOWS he’s being over-the-top, which is why he feels very awkward doing it (when people point it out, it makes it painfully awkward and embarrassing for them. Point in case: bede and Marnie!)
Rose finds him a very interesting trainer and observes D a lot. Its not hard to notice how hard he’s trying, but rose doesn’t point this out and genuinely moves along with what D’s vibes are as to not make him feel any more humiliated
D is aware that Rose is playing along with his act, and thanks to this it really builds up trust like!! Oh the chairman isn’t making fun of me and genuinely finds me interesting and strong!!!! the chairman!! What a morale boost!!!!!!
Again, its genuinely (funny and) awkward when D is being his over-the-top animated self, and its easy to point this out (which most people do, from his rivals to other trainers, to even gym leaders) but the only people who dont actively point it out AND act along would be his mom, hop, Leon, and rose!
in addition, D has a pretty high-pitched voice so its easy to tell he’s trans?? He was worried he was going to be misgendered by such an all-important person like the chairman, but was surprised when rose immediately was just comfortable with calling him a “young man”
Another cute trivia thing during this stage was that they both are wearing shades for their “incognito mode” and D even gives the chairman some fashion tips for the next time he goes out!
It actually pisses off bede with how much rose and d talk;;;;;; def one of the reasons why d and bede fight hhhh
The part of the plot where they head to rose tower, D was actually very against it in the beginning, saying that he could actually just try and call up the chairman if he wanted to! He tries and tries, but then starts to panic once he does in fact realise that something isnt right
Even after storming thru rose tower and defeating oleana, d eVEN TRIES TO INVITE ROSE TO THEIR DINNER (MY BOY IS THINKIN: A DINNER WITH HIS FAV PPL!! HOP, LEON, AND ROSE!! the only one missing would be his mom) ……….but r-rose dismisses it with a smile, saying maybe next time…………..
D is a meek, insecure person who is easily broken down, so he really needs a lot of support to keep moving sO JUST IMAGINE this baby boy who puts trust in someone suddenly goes batshit and you have to defeat them with ur own hands????? Wowza.
POST-ETERNATUS, NEWLY APPOINTED CHAMPION
OH BOY EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THIS FUCKIN GOES IF THEY REMEMBER MY FIRST POSTS JHASGJHHJAS
Ive already shown this via an illustration + a short Drabble, but its only after the eternatus battle that their father-son relationship is revealed
The game really doesnt show how serious the eternatus battle was, but for me: Leon was hospitalised for quite some time and wasn’t allowed to battle D until he healed up. At the same time, this gave D a lot of time to think about wHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED
I dont mention it, but this is where his gym leader au starts off from the canon timeline!! At this point, D is calling his mom or talking to hop or just locking himself up and is just generally in a panicked state where he feels like dropping out of the challenge, feeling overwhelmed with what just happened
ANYWAY IM HERE TO TALK ABT ROSE AND D but lets just say his Pokemon convince him to continue!!
at the same time of his win, gossip went around quick and not only is D now very popular for suddenly defeating the unbeatable champion Leon, but is actually the “villainous” chairman rose’s son!??!?!?!??!!
POOR SON BOY IS OVERWHELMED ONCE MORE, HELP HIM.
He actually escapes to the isle of armour + crown tundra as a way to give him time to think about this more (isle of armour: personal time for himself to think alone, crown tundra: chance to spend time with relatives he didn’t know he had)
OK GENUINE RELATIONSHIP ANALYZATION TIME:
After becoming champion, he really didnt go see rose at all, feeling a plenty mix of frustration, sadness, anger, betrayal, but!! his feelings dont simply surround the “oh the adult I trusted was actually bad and lied to me“ or “wtf hes the dad who wasn’t there for me and is the reason why mom is alone how dare he” IT REALLY WAS A MIX OF BOTH HGHHGHH
But its BECAUSE he was close to him in the first place that he knows rose wasn’t just….straight up a bad person or a villain
The important part here was that rose and D were close during the challenger part, and our lad had a lot of time to think about how he was simply a good, misguided man
rose is very passionate about the things he cares about, to the point of doing anything and everything for them (ex. Awakening eternatus for Galar’s sake to the point of accidentally getting darkest day, or even working hard for Miriam’s sake to the point of accidentally never being there for her anymore)
Yeah, d talked to a whole lot of people to think this over. He learned what happened between rose and his mom while talking to her, and D also learned what happened between peony and rose to further understand what’s up!!
In the process, I like to think both Miriam and peony dont hate rose! D was also an important factor in helping the both of them realise and clear up a few things, and at least, in their minds, stay on good terms with rose
During both DLC arcs, D is silent at first but slowly n surely starts sending small letters to Rose :’))
YAY ACTUAL INTERACTION????
After a lot of thought on his self-journey, its safe to say that D had felt a lot more comfortable, finally talking to rose after the galarian star tournament arc !!
Ive mentioned before, but its not like D has to start from scratch since they had a good relationship as challenger and chairman beforehand anyway
D wants a dad! He does want to meet his dad, and at the same time rose regrets not making time for his lover and future family, so I’d say after pushing away the initial negative awkwardness they do both have the same, genuine goal in mind to talk to each other and build a good relationship with each other!!!!!!
Ive also said before but like ONE OF D’S FEARS IS…..”WHAT IF I MEET MY DAD AND HES TRANSPHOBIC” YKNO???? So knowing that rose already thinks hes already perfect in his eyes, IT REALLY DOES WONDERS TO A YOUNG BOY YKN O ?? ? ? ? ??
Uhhhhh honestly I really dont know how jail works and shit sO LETS JUST SAY D VISITS REGULARLY IF HES NOT BUSY WITH CHAMPION DUTIES!!!
Also I have nO idea what oleana means by “WHERE IS CHAIRMAN ROSE” cos like….iSNT HE JUST VIBIN IN JAIL??????? Lets just say he is sdghjjhsdhj
TL;DR
D had a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time to think about Rose. He does not have any ill intentions or feelings towards him, and the two have a hopeful, slowly budding father-and-son relationship.
#kamiart#i ansr#how dare you enable me#7.5k words..........THIS IS INSANE.#trainersona#chairman rose#Miriam (mum)#peony#there are so many words here I just hjjahsghjhjHJAJGSHHJSA#IS IT TOO MUCH#HAHAHAHAHAHA#I HOPE ITS GOOD LIKE#UH#CHARACTER STUDY KINDA#LMAO
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Some sketches/brainstorming for a Role Swap AU where Kipo’s the older, abandoned experimental subject, and a younger Hugo isn’t left behind.
Due to being 17-18 and various other AU reasons, Role Swap!Kipo (or “Futura”) has greater control over transforming her body and can even shift it into more intermediate stages, i.e. looking more like a normal sentient mute like Jamack, the Timbercats, etc.
(Her face reminds me more of a jackal than a jaguar at the moment, but I was honestly enjoying the jackal-esque look more. Also thought it made her look more distinct from her Mega/Full Mega forms, and I was also considering possible subtleties in shapeshifting mechanics. May try to change up her face later though.)
In this Role Swap AU, Project Kipo actually went through official channels and was approved by the DNA Burrow as an alternative to the ongoing failure of the mutagen trials with animal subjects. (Dr. Emilia was outvoted and outmaneuvered.)
More Role Swap AU sketches/brainstorming under the cut:
Song still ends up mutated due to side-effects of the pregnancy and still gets stuck as a Mega after a failed field test on the surface when Project Kipo is one year old. The fallout of that included effectively abandoning Project Kipo, though it didn’t reach the extreme of destroying the specimen. The experimental subject was kept around, generally confined to the labs in response to concerns held by the majority of the DNA Burrow over the high-profile failure and rampant fear it sparked. Emilia tried to find some practical application for the defunct project, over which she now had full control. Lio lost parental rights, and sometimes got approval for limited visits. (One serious escape attempt was made and ended in failure.)
So Kipo is Hugo’s older sister.
Some more detail on AU reasons for Kipo’s greater control over her jaguar shapeshifting and powers: Emilia tried to train her as a tool/weapon from a young age, Kipo was born mutated, Kipo eventually finds another way to balance her jaguar and human sides, BUT she does have an anchor--it’s Hugo. Eventually the thought of him is enough for her to maintain control.
After begging and doing well with academic tutors, a 12-year-old Kipo was allowed to assist with mutagen trials on the animals; she was motivated by something Emilia told her since she was little, that the trials could help cure Kipo of her mutation. Kipo instead ends up bonding with the young mandrill, especially when he does gain sentience. (The formula mutates Hugo faster, happening when he’s a few months old, when he’s smaller/size of a small child and before his facial markings grow in.) Outside of a strained relationship with Lio and a messy, manipulative, abusive situation with Emilia, Kipo has been very isolated. Hugo is someone else to add to her limited social circle, and the mandrill child has shown her the most affection, the simplest and warmest affection. Kipo goes to great lengths to hide she’s a part jaguar mute from Hugo because he is literally the only one in her life who doesn’t know about her mutation, and practically everyone fears her for it and it’s the root of so many of her problems. She even makes Lio promise not to tell Hugo.
When Kipo turns 13, various things lead to a veritable repeat of her mother, with her going completely Mega for the first time and losing all control in spite of Emilia’s brutal safeguards, and Kipo’s separated from Hugo and Lio.
Lio truly cannot find Kipo, but there are other unfortunate factors--an encounter with Mega!Role Swap!Kipo while carrying an unconscious and injured Hugo made Lio truly afraid of his daughter because she looked as lost as Song when she went Mega, she looked ready to devour them both and he realized how very much he could not bear that fate for Hugo. After everything, Lio’s rather colder in this AU, more cynical, but he realizes he’s truly grown to see Hugo as his youngest child, and he becomes so utterly afraid that Kipo’s jaguar side will end up killing Hugo. And Lio knows how much Kipo cares for Hugo, it would be too awful if she accidentally killed him while not in her right mind. And Lio remembers Song lost inside her Mega mutation, it looks like the same has happened to Kipo. Lio tries to take an extended search for her, and leaves Hugo behind with some *allies they made, but--well, Hugo still has the mutated pheromones, and Emilia eventually figures that out. Lio and co. rescue Hugo from Emilia, and Lio just--Lio just can’t leave Hugo alone like that again, he has to stay and protect him (especially since Emilia escaped again). And Lio remembers Song losing her self when she went Mega, he believes the same has happened to Kipo...
Even when Hugo grows older, Lio resists telling him the whole truth because he doesn’t want his youngest to even try looking for a Mega Jaguar mute for fear he’ll only get himself eaten by a Mega who’s lost all sense of her former self.
(*More on these allies in the AU later, but I think they can be guessed...)
For various AU reasons, Role Swap!Kipo travels way up north (San Praesidia) and falls in with a gang of big cats--lions, tigers, cheetahs, etc. She eventually becomes their leader when she gains better control over her powers and can overwhelm them with her great strength as a Mega. With Kipo commanding them, they eventually conquer their northern surroundings, and then start moving down to Las Vistas. The big cat gang is generally fashion forward and fixated on something like modernism, and they become even more inclined toward the future when Kipo/”Futura” takes over.
(Kipo decides on “Futura” due to reading up more on Song’s research after she returned once to the ruined DNA Burrow before she wound up in the north. Her mother’s references to Kipo as “the future of humanity” left an impression on her...)
By 17-18, Role Swap!Kipo appears visibly cheerful and very eccentric and enjoys trying on different outfits and music. While awkward and earnest in her initial attempts with others on the surface, after having a pivotal mental breakdown before she took control over the big cat gang, she’s now better at manipulating others with charm and chatter besides always having Mega force at her disposal. She dabbles in chemistry, but loathes astronomy. (She still made a replica of Hugo’s star blanket during one of her low moods, she only likes that stylized image of stars in relation to her brother.) Her hatred for Emilia is more clear and more intense now. She hates every human from the DNA Burrow. She pretty much loathes all humans. She hates Lio for the abandonment after she destroyed the burrow, but even more for what happened before and for helping mutate her in the first place and turning her into a living science experiment. She hates Song more than Lio, though she’s never properly met her--actually, because she’s never properly met her.
(Completely off topic: Yes I got tired and just made all the Role Swap!Kipo sketches pink. XD But I also thought it was a little stylistically nice? Also felt Hugo needed more colors because of distinctive mandrill markings, not just ‘cause he’s my fav? I mean, I’m pretty sure there was more to it, but who knows what my gut really felt. XD)
Role Swap!Hugo is sweet, shy, earnest, awkward, and very anxious. He tries to hide his mutated pheromones, which Lio and allies they’ve made on the surface have told him to only use for emergencies, and to be mindful that it only works on primates, it won’t help him with everyone. He’s very fond of the dark-feathered flamingo twins he tamed enough and befriended enough to ride, and whom he named Evangeline and Katherine. He enjoys music, art, history, reading, and historical fashion...he still has a soft spot for kings and such, but definitely doesn’t think it would ever be for him just due to public speaking alone, and he also prefers to keep that between him and the memory of his sister, whom he still deeply misses and grieves.
Role Swap!Hugo loves Lio, but things can get strained between them due to trauma in their family history, lingering insecurities, heavy issues, like--as he gets older, Role Swap!Hugo knows Lio is refusing to tell him everything that happened in the DNA Burrow, and Hugo feels he’s old enough to know the truth, if him being too young was Lio’s only reason for secrecy. And...and Hugo’s old enough to try looking for Kipo, maybe she’s alive and missing; Hugo knows he was too young before, but he’s older now, why doesn’t father even want to try?... But Hugo guiltily reconsiders and worries it’s too much for Lio who was able to really search before, and Lio maybe just can’t deal with anymore heartache.
But Role Swap!Hugo wants to try...
Role Swap!Kipo is very convinced she’s right. When she finally reunites with Hugo, she’s convinced she knows what’s best for her baby brother, and she thinks it’ll be better for Hugo if Lio were out of the picture because he was one of several scientists who experimented on both of them. That’s unforgivable, unavoidable. There’s no ignoring that. And making things worse, Lio still has too much control over Hugo--how can her poor brother ever be free of Lio if he’s still around? No, their dad should be out of the picture, just like Song.
(Hugo had dreamed of Kipo’s survival, but he had never imagined this.)
#kipo and the age of wonderbeasts#scarlemagne#kipo oak#hugo oak#kataowb#my fanart#my fanfic#role swap au
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it’s still... odd to me that other people had such different experiences growing up with this series than i did. i had such a personal relationship with it... seeing others talk about the sequels, what they liked and disliked for the series- and it’s like, really? we had very different childhoods (...story of my life, ha).
in my elementary school, our library only had one of the books- Dealing With Dragons (the one with this delightfully cheesy cover by Tim Hildebrandt lol).
(also, please note, there is no indication here that this is the first book of a series. just..... keep that in mind.)
haha, what if 🤭 ..... i was beautiful princess, and you were a dangerously charming dragon 😜 ..... and we were both girls? 😳💦
good god, little me LIVED for this book. i checked it out & reread it over and over again- the librarian must have got sick of me at some point but i didn’t care lol. i stayed up too late reading it with a flashlight under the covers, i read it during class beneath the desk (i was not... particularly stealthy. they kinda just let me think i was getting away with it lmao).
i know every young kid likes books with fantasy and magic to make their boring lives less lame, but the way i buried myself in this one was... 100% pure escapism. (pour one out for all the weird kids who had no friends outside of books, am i right ladies?)
the story has a theme of just..... running away from it all, cause everyone else apparently knows so much more about what’s Right for you- what interests are Right for you, what clothes are Right for you, what boys are Right for you, everything! everything was chosen for you, no dystopian YA lit required!
(CAN YOU POSSIBLY GUESS WHERE THIS IS GOING?)
i didn’t know what the concept of a lesbian was or why no one else thought it was weird that you couldn’t have interests that were Not Like Other People (the Right People), but that’s what this book meant to me. the entire core of the story was showing kids that you could pick your own hobbies, your own home, your own family & friends and it wasn’t up to the Right People to decide that for you.
fuck ‘em!!! run off to the mountains! live in exciting domestic bliss with a giant, well-read, protective dragon lady who can breathe fire and loves to eat your cherries jubilee every night (ABSOLUTELY NO METAPHORS HERE NO SIR)! back home your family is freaking out (but kinda relieved)- cause this is crazy, dragons are dangerous and ruin the women they steal away (where have i heard this before?), but also your family doesn’t... really miss you. they don’t actually want you back- as you were, anyway. once the prince sweeps you off your feet and away from the dragon’s evil clutches and properly marries you, oh sure, then you’re welcome back with open arms! (but that will never happen.)
fuck ‘em!!!!! make cool friends with other misfits and live a life full of adventure with the family you found along the way! there’s witches who live in eccentric homes with 50 cats, there’s neighborly old dragon grandpas who love chocolate pudding, there’s other girls who don’t think you’re weird and like to hang out and read magic books in the library too! you can make friends and be happy! it IS possible!
and that meant so much to me as a kid. i never fit in (i wonder why), i never seemed to like the Right stuff (I WONDER WHY), and for the things i did care about, i went about it wrong- according to the Right People, who didn’t much care about what i thought at all.
...anyway Dealing With Dragons is an allegory about the power of lesbian escapism & independence and i love it very much. i still love it, over a decade later. it’s a fun, captivating, whimsical little tale that means more than childhood nostalgia to me. i spent hours daydreaming about the story in elementary school, content with the characters and setting in a way that just... settled something in me.
but then i read the other books.
because there were... OTHER BOOKS!? WHAT??? (again, i never knew it wasn’t a stand-alone story lol).
when i got to middle school and had a whole new library to consume, i naturally looked for my fav type of books- those with cool fantasy ladies with swords and dragons on the front (that’s a genre, right?). and, lo and behold, there were more parts to my favorite story!!! lads, i lost my goddamn mind. there were THREE MORE? WHAT??? utter batshittery. how had they kept this from me? i had to read them immediately.
what would the stories be about? i saw Cimorene on the covers, sword-wielding and pants-wearing (’fuck yes’, said little me). what adventures would she get up to with Kazul, now that she was king of dragons? what would life in their new home be like? the new libraries and treasuries and kitchens would be massive- what secrets would they discover? what was living in dragon society like, now that they sat at the top together? what new recipes would Cimorene cook with her friend??? (that one was very important to me lol).
i checked out all of ‘em at once, and channeled deep into the obsessive focus that only a truly lonely middle school girl can attain. I was SO EXCITED for this.
-- and got my heart ground to dust under Patricia C. Wrede’s heel.
...because, see, i hadn’t known there was an Enchanted Forest Chronicles. i hadn’t thought about what that actually meant. it, as inevitably as the tides, meant the incoming of the one thing that made me truly hate reading sometimes- romance. cause these books weren’t about Cimorene and her friends or Kazul at all. they were about a sudden love interest and the child Cimorene had with him cause of course that’s what fucking happened. what else was i expecting? what else could stories possibly be about? i read through all of the books, feeling a little more like somebody shot my dog with each chapter, and could only feel sick when she got married & pregnant at the end. i was 11 years old and i knew something was wrong but not why.
(aaand looking back now, was that baby’s first taste of queerbaiting? does it count if you do it to yourself?? ah, youth. i don’t let myself get my hopes up anymore.)
for a very long time, i hated the idea of love (...quite the oxymoron, that one). cause it always, always meant that the people i cared about changed in ways that i didn’t understand at all. what, some boy you’ve never met before shows up, and suddenly your important quest and friends and family are... an after thought? why? don’t you care about them? don’t you love them too? why does this always happen? why is there always a boy and love and babies and nothing else? (why, why, why indeed? and yes, i was one of those kids who got fucking mean when their friends started only looking at boys, how’d you know?)
anyways. i hated it. i couldn’t possibly have articulated why back then, but it always made me so mad, despite the fact that the words on the page were telling me that this was the best thing that could ever happen in life. that just made it worse, cause why am i getting so upset over this? it’s a good thing, objectively- they’re in love. they’re happy. why is it making me feel so fucking angry instead?
this series doesn’t really... deserve any of the repressed vitriol it made me feel, though. Cimorene’s love interest that appeared in book two, Mendanbar, is actually a pretty cool guy! he has an innate, natural connection to his magic forest kingdom. he’s sick of fairy-tale tropes, he has a sweet anti-wizard sword, he’s very kind and brave- and i fucking hated his guts (...lmao, sorry dude).
there’s nothing actually wrong with this series’s romances. the couples care about each other and support each other well. i’m glad for all the kids who got to see some happy romances, i truly am. but god, that wasn’t for me, and it probably wasn’t for the other lonely kids who picked up a book about running away from what the Right People wanted for them either.
for a series about rejecting what society tells you is the Right thing to want, the characters just... end up wanting that exact same thing anyway. oh, the thought of marrying a man and spending your life with him, baring him heirs until you die, sounds unappealing? so distressing, in fact, you’d literally rather get eaten by dragons? WELL DON’T WORRY, this one particular guy is actually good! of course you’ll fall in love with him! you’ll want to be pregnant forever with his horrible frogspawn! you’ll be happy!
...what do you mean this is what you were running away from?
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i spent... an inordinate amount of time as a child reading Dealing With Dragons. while i cannot possibly blame the author for my individual experience with their work, which WAS written as a series (the finale was written first, actually! way back in 1985), the fact remains that my interactions with them were... soured.
in a way that was out of the author’s hands, really, but i just don’t know how to think about this series without that bittersweet hurt in my chest. i cried like, twice, writing this stupid, rambling essay thing, and i don’t actually know how to look past that. i suppose the tried-and-true method of just... rereading the first book and pretending everything’s fine always works lol.
i own a few different versions of these books. there’s a full set i was gifted later in middle school -the nice glossy ones, with Peter De Seve’s lovely cover art! -which i have never once reread. they’re in immaculate shape, really.
i also own an absolutely, completely beat-to-shit paperback copy of the same version i must have read a hundred times as a kid. its cover is creased and peeling, there’s a bunch of weird stains and rips and dogears, and i adore it. i picked it up this year at a used book place, and every time i look at it i can see some small, desperate kid who doesn’t even know they’re lonely but still curls up around that book again and again.
#personal#long post#dealing with dragons#the enchanted forest chronicles#(which. apparently WASN'T an allegory for lesbian escapism#anyway i was robbed but its fine <3)#ok to reblog
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Hinanami is basically the bland, white-bread version of Naegiri... and so much worse. They really tried to do the whole "put the protagonist with the emotionless stoic girl" but did a terrible job
They didn’t even try to do that, though. The fans did. Chiaki and Hajime don’t have a single real conversation the entire game. He’s not her friend. He doesn’t care about her. Aside from trials and investigations, where they’re focused on solving a murder and they talk to everyone in equal measure, they never speak to each other. Nekomaru spends more time with Hajime than Chiaki does. Hinanami is not canon. Never once in the game is Chiaki implied to mean anything to Hajime at all. He never talks to her. They’re not even friends. It’s the fans who started shipping them and acting like they were best friends. Because Chiaki was a fan-favorite, and fan-favs always get shipped with protags (Ex: Rantaro and Shuichi, who haven’t had a single conversation). Chiaki was supposed to be a fan-fav. She was supposed to be Waifu-bait. But then the cash-grab shitty spinoff anime happened, and they saw how much the fans like Chiaki, so they shipped her with Hajime in the anime. But in the games? Hinanami isn’t even close to canon. Hajime spends more time with literally everyone else except maybe Peko and Hiyoko? He and Chiaki do not have a single authentic conversation.
I made a whole thesis about this. I wrote a whole god damn paper about how Hinanami isn’t canon. It’s somewhere on this blog if you dig. It’s NOT canon. People only assume that it’s canon because of the anime, which came after the games. And if you think the anime is canon? Well, I’ve got a surprise for you. The anime completely goes against the game canon of everything to do with Despair’s founding, the Kamukura Project, and Junko/Mukuro in general. The anime says Chiaki was a real student at Hope’s Peak, but the game? In the game, both Chiaki and Alter Ego say straight up that she never existed outside the Neo World Program. She wasn’t a real person. The anime isn’t canon. The anime was nothing but fan-service. A cash grab. Completely and utter shit. Would you say the How To Train Your Dragon TV show is more canon than the movies? Fuck no! Same with the anime. The games are canon, not the anime. If Hinanami happened in the animes, it doesn’t fucking matter, because Chiaki didn’t even actually exist in the games.
Point is, people only assume Hinanami is canon because of the anime. But in the game, there’s nothing to imply that they’re a couple, or even friends. Let’s take a look at DR couples, shall we? There’s three types of DR relationships. We’ll take a brief look into each.
1. Chapter One Love Interest (AKA: The Red Herring)
You’re probably familiar with this one. It’s the ‘tutorial girl’. You meet them first. They become the protag’s best friend. The MC trusts them. They show the MC around, they get introduced to everyone together, and basically you spend the whole prologue and Chapter 1 getting close to them. You’re supposed to think ‘Oh, they’ll escape with the MC and be their love interest in the end’ even though it’s totally predictable that they end up dying. They end up dying in the first trial because they betrayed the MC by getting involved with a, unsuccessful murder somehow. This was Sayaka and Kaede. (I already went over on this blog why Kaede was a red herring, not a protag. She was only ‘protag’ to avoid people predicting that she would die in chapter 1 like all the other ch 1 friends.) Sayaka is friends with Makoto but ends up trying to kill Leon and getting murdered. Kaede is friends with Shuichi but ends up being executed for trying to kill Rantaro.
What about Chiaki? Does she fit any of that? Fucking no she doesn’t. After her introduction, Hajime ignores her for all of Chapter 1. And ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, etc etc... But anyway. She’s not his best friend in Ch 1. They don’t talk. She doesn’t get involved in an unsuccessful murder in Ch 1. Who’s Hajime’s friend then? Who shows him around? Who does he trust who ends up betraying him by getting involved in unsuccessful murder during the first trial? Oh yeah-- Nagito. He would’ve died if it wasn’t for his luck saving him. He was supposed to die in his murder, or be executed. But his luck got in the way. Nagito was the chapter 1 love interest. He literally follows the same exact beats as Kaede and Sayaka. But uhhh...Sayaka and Kaede are totally valid love interests, but Nagito isn’t! Why? (Hint: It’s because he’s gay and has a mental illness.)
2. Plot Twist Love Interest (AKA: The Shady One)
This love interest comes on after the Red Herring love interest dies in chapter 1. This love interest starts off as being someone that you don’t trust, who avoids you, who acts super shady and suspicious the whole time. They hide things, act cryptic in trials, and know way more than they let on. They act rude sometimes, but also nice and helpful sometimes, to the protag so that MC has no idea how this person feels about them. The MC is curious, but also wary of them. This person ends up disappearing towards the end of the game so that MC doesn’t have access to them anymore. We lose the option for their free-time events at some point. This person disappears because they’re hell-bent on figuring out the mystery behind the killing game. They end up getting involved in some kind of plot to reveal the truth/mastermind/traitor and then it fails, resulting in their death or the death of someone else. This person gets falsely accused of being the mastermind by the rest of the cast. This describes, to a tee, Kyoko. People acknowledge Kyoko as Makoto’s love interest (because she’s a girl!). But this describes Kokichi too. The role that Kokichi and Kyoko play is the exact same in the story. Now, I don’t think that Shuichi was at all in love with Kokichi, but I think Kokichi had a crush on him. (This is why I make a case that Byakuya shouldn’t be in the ‘unholy trinity’. Kyoko should. Byakuya hits none of the plot requirements for that. He’s just a dick. Also, by all rights, Shuichi’s second love interest probably should’ve been Maki. She was shady enough, and he actually had a chance to like her. But fuck that. They did NOT go that route. Abusive comphet KaiMaki all the way, right?)
Anyway, let’s look at Chiaki for this one, shall we? Suspicious? Well, I knew from Ch 1 investigation that she was the traitor, but no one else did. No one in the cast suspects her of a thing the entire time. They’re completely flabbergasted when she hints that she’s the traitor. They all think she’s perfect. No one ever suspects her of a thing. She doesn’t disappear mysteriously. We don’t lose access to her free-time events. She doesn’t look into the mysteries behind the killing game (because she already knew them). She may help in trials, but she’s not cryptic or mysterious about it. She acts super mega ultra fucking rude the MC, but he doesn’t care, and he’s never torn up in puzzlement over “how she really feels about him” the way that Makoto and Shuichi get frustrated with Kyoko and Kokichi. She doesn’t hatch any plot to try and expose the truth. She does everything she can to cover up the truth until Nagito forces it. Which brings me to my next point. Who does this actually describe? Oh-- Wait! It’s Nagito again!! He follows, line for line, the exact same plot that Kyoko does, and so does Kokichi. So...Why is Kyoko the only one who gets to be a love interest instead of a villain? (Hint: Because Nagito and Kokichi are gay and you could argue that both have mental illnesses.)
The only part of this that Chiaki actually fits is the “knows more than everyone else”. But she doesn’t actually. She doesn’t figure it out because she’s smart, like the other three characters. She knows already because she’s the traitor. She knows more in the way that Sakura, Tsumugi, and Mukuro “knew more”. They were given that information. They are not love interests. And yeah, Chiaki uh...’gets involved’ in a scheme to find out the truth. But not of her own plotting or fruition. It’s Nagito’s plan, and she gets involved because he planned it. In the same way that Makoto ended up taking the fall for Kyoko’s botched first attempt at revealing the truth, too. Makoto, Chiaki, and Kaito took the fall for those plans. They weren’t the cause of them. Makoto only didn’t die because his luck (+ Alter Ego) saved him, just like Nagito’s saved him in ch1.
3. Side-Character Relationships
This is the last and third type of DR relationship. The love between side characters, like Taka & Mondo, Tenko towards Himiko, K1-B0 & Miu, Sakura & Aoi, Kaito & Maki. Honestly, you can’t even compare Hinanami to this logic, because Hajime is an MC. But let’s be generous and do it anyway.
These couples are always super obvious. Since you can’t see them through the eyes of the MC all the time, they’re even more obvious than MC ships. Side-characters in love spend tons of time together outside of trials and investigations. They’re with each other in their free time. They talk about each other all the time. They’re always together. They talk openly about their ‘friendship’ and how much they mean to each other. We get cutscenes showing the love between the two. Even in KaiMaki, which I hate, all of this is present.
What about Chiaki? Nah. She never talks about Hajime, and Hajime never talks about her. He never even thinks about her at all. He never seeks her out. They never ever have a single conversation in their free time. Unless you, the player, chose to do her free time events, they never talk outside of trials. They don’t seek each other out. They don’t spend any of their free time together. They don’t talk about how much they’re friends or lovers. They’re never together. They only get 2 cutscenes when they’re alone together: one of which is investigating Nagito’s room and revealing a major hint that Chiaki is a robot; the second of which is after she dies, wrapping up the plot that she is, in fact, a robot. These cutscenes don’t serve to show how much they care about each other. These cutscenes aren’t about Hajime at all. He might as well not even be there. It’s not like they have meaningful conversations. It’s just about finishing off Chiaki’s boring story, because it’s required. Compare: Taka & Mondo, whose cutscene is them fucking in the sauna. K1-B0 and Miu, whose cutscene is them fucking in Miu’s lab. Hina and Sakura, whose cutscene is Sakura telling Hina that she loves her. Kaito and Maki, whose cutscenes are them hugging and spending time together bonding over mutual interests. Chiaki’s seem pretty fucking stale compared to those, right? Yeah, because her only cutscenes are about bare-bones investigation and trial shit. Lots of people get investigation cutscenes. Doesn’t make them love interests. Chiaki and Hajime never spend free time together. They never seek each other out, have real conversations, or bond over mutual interests. They only talk during trials and investigations. Let me say this again, because I cannot emphasize it enough: HAJIME DOES NOT EVEN EVER THINK ABOUT HER.
4. Elements of Any and All DR Relationships
Now, there are elements of relationships that all DR ships have, regardless of if they involve the MC or not. The two characters spend free time together, outside of investigations and trials. The two characters have plot-related interactions outside of trials and investigations. (This is especially true in cases with the MC. Think how many plot-related scenes we got with Kaede + Shuichi, Sayaka + Makoto, Kyoko + Makoto that happened outside of trials and investigations?) These two characters have at least one heartfelt cutscene alone together. Like I mentioned above, they talk all the time. They think about each other. They talk about each other. Someone always makes a joke about the MC being in love with them.
Like I already pointed out, Chiaki has none of this. She and Hajime spend exactly 0 free-time together, unless the player forces it to happen themselves. They don’t talk. They don’t have plot-related cutscenes, discussions, storylines, etc outside of trials/investigations. They never speak to each other outside of trials/investigations. They don’t spend time together. They don’t have plots involving each other. They don’t seek each other out. They don’t talk to each other. They don’t even think about each other. And absolutely no one in the cast makes a joke about Hajime and Chiaki getting together. Fun fact: Kazuichi makes more moves toward/thinks more about getting with Chiaki in one scene than Hajime does in the entire game. Another Fun Fact: Nekomaru spends more one-on-one time with Hajime than Chiaki does. Where’s my die-hard fans insisting that Nekomaru x Hajime is indisputably canon?
Who has all of the above criteria? Mikan. Mikan does. She’s infinitely more of a love-interest to Hajime than Chiaki.
Now I’m gonna go over some popular arguments I see for why Chiaki is a love interest, and I’m gonna destroy them.
“She’s The Helper Character.” That character doesn’t exist. That’s a fucking lie. Literally everyone talks in trials. Everyone helps in trials. Everyone helps in investigations. There is no singular ‘helper’ character. There’s no assistant. There’s no side-kick. Kaito helps Shuichi in trials. Maki does too. Are they his love interests? Byakuya helps in trials. He’s not Makoto’s love interest. Nagito helps in trials and people are pretty fucking insistent that he’s not Hajime’s love interest. Everyone helps in trials. In a trial/investigation, the MC has to talk to literally everyone. They have no choice. The fact that Hajime talks to Chiaki in an investigation, or listens to her in a trial, is not evidence of him favoring her. Chiaki talking so much in trials and investigations is supposed to be dropping hints at her being the traitor. Not her being a “helper” to Hajime.
“What About The Swimsuit Scene?” “Hajime was totally drooling over Chiaki in that scene!” Yeah, he was. Because he’s a teenage boy and she was wearing a super slutty bikini. Literally everyone, boy and girl, in that scene looked at Chiaki and went “Jeez Chiaki...That’s a...bold swimsuit.” She wore a skimpy swimsuit and Hajime thought it was hot. So did Kazuichi. Kazuichi drooled over her WAY more than Hajime. Is Kazuichi automatically Chiaki’s love interest? Hajime also drooled over Peko when she walked in. Because he’s a teenage boy, and there’s hot girls in skimpy bathing suits. Also, Hajime talks nonstop through the entire fucking game about how hot and beautiful and amazing Sonia is. And he never once even has a thought about Chiaki. But uh...Nah, Sonia’s not his love interest. It’s totally Chiaki, right?
“The ‘I’m Taking My Top Off’ Comment.” Yeah, Chiaki said that to Hajime. And Hajime freaked the fuck out. He didn’t want it to happen. He was like “WAIT WHAT!?” He wasn’t “oh fuck yeah, let me see those gamer titties!” Maybe Chiaki was flirting with him, but Hajime definitely didn’t flirt back. At the very least, it shows that he wasn’t expecting it, because he never thinks of her that way. Hajime didn’t respond to that line at all. Also, the only reason Chiaki even said that in the first place is because she was made to be fap-material for Otaku Gamer Bros. So of course they’re going to make her talk about her boobs, give her a slutty swimsuit, and make her boobs three sizes bigger when she wears it. (It’s true! I checked! Also, does this mean that Chiaki is a closet sex freak? Yikes...Well, it’s more interesting than everything else she’s got going on.) Point being, when she brought it up (and she was joking, for a reminder. She wasn’t serious.), Hajime didn’t want anything to do with it.
“Junko blackmails them about ‘The Girl You Love’.” Yeah, okay, I’ve never actually seen people make this argument. And I better never fucking see that. Because it’s so god damn obvious, and stupid. Junko’s lines are basically “you need to hurry up and make a decision, because the bodies of the girl you love and the boy you hate are in the real world wasting away.” She is talking to everyone, but specifically, she’d just been goading Fuyuhiko on about Peko. This line. Is clearly. About Peko. It’s about Peko. It’s not fucking about Chiaki. And I better never see anyone claim this. Why not? Why can’t it be about Chiaki? SHE’S NOT FUCKING REAL!!! She doesn’t have a body! She’s not wasting away! She has no body outside the Neo World Program! This line literally cannot be about her. Even if you go by the anime and say she did exist, she’s still fucking dead, and still doesn’t have a body to waste away in the first place. Chiaki and Alter Ego BOTH say that she doesn’t exist outside the Neo World Program!!!
“Then Why Did She Appear to Hajime in the Last Trial?” Because of plot convenience. That’s all. See, we’re not supposed to know she’s an AI. (Even though it’s incredibly obvious). When she is executed, we’re not supposed to know that she’s an AI programmed by the Future Foundation. We’re supposed to be like “Why did she do that? Why did she say all those weird things? Why was she the traitor?” We’re supposed to have all these unanswered questions. (I mean, I already knew all of that from ch 1, but the game clearly tries to keep you from suspecting Chiaki at all.) So, if she’s dead and executed, how can we finish her story? How are we going to get a chance to wrap up all those unanswered questions? She appears to Hajime and tells him. She reveals it all to him, answers all the viewer’s questions, and finishes her story. That’s it. She appears to him out of convenience to finishing her own plot. Why him? Why him specifically? Is it because they’re in love? Nah bitch, it’s because he’s the main character and the only way the audience could see their questions answered at all is if she appeared to him. She also appeared to Sonia, as Sonia specifically states. Is Sonia her canonical, definite, not-possibly-arguable love interest? No. Sonia’s love interest is Gundham. If seeing Chiaki had something to do with love, then why did she see her too?
“But Her Free Time Events End With Them In Love.” Yeah, so does everyone else’s. Nagito’s, Akane’s, Kazuichi’s, Mikan’s...Sayaka’s, Toko’s, Kyoko’s...Kokichi’s, Kaito’s...Everyone’s free time events end with them falling in love with the MC. That’s the point of FTEs. That’s the reason why no actual ships are explicitly canon in any DR games. Because they want the player to have the chance to get close to, and pursue a relationship with, whatever characters they choose. That can’t work if that character is dating someone. So they make all FTEs end in love confessions, and they let no ships become canon. You can choose literally any character, go through their free time events, and have them fall in love with you. It’s for the player. It’s not canon. And sure, those FTEs might not specifically end in an outright love confession (like Nagito’s does), but it’s pretty fucking obvious in every single one that you win them over and fall in love. Why do you think you get their underwear? Even Toko, canonically smitten with Byakuya, goes “I’m already in love with master, but...” Sideways glance, smile, “You can think of me if you want...” It exists for the player, and can be done with ANY character. It doesn’t speak to any special privilege for Chiaki.
And just a couple more things I have to say on this topic:
Hajime didn’t like her. Hajime doesn’t fucking like Chiaki. I’m not gonna say that he hates her, but he definitely doesn’t like her. Whenever he has to talk to her, he’s always thinking about how weird she is, how childish she’s being, and how rude she is for talking over him/falling asleep when he talks. He doesn’t enjoy talking to her. I did Chiaki’s first two FTES, and Hajime hated every god damn second of them. He thinks she’s rude, boring, weird, and childish. He thinks about that stuff any time he’s forced to talk to her. When he finds her diary, he goes “God, this is awful, it’s like a five-year-old wrote it.” Why would you think that he likes her??? (You know who Hajime really fucking despises? Gundham. God, talk to Gundham and read Hajime’s thoughts. He’s fucking brutal. This guy has a huge beef...)
So Who’s Hajime’s Actual Love Interest?
Everybody!!! This is actually a theory I cooked up. I think each MC gets a ch 1 love interest (Sayaka, Nagito, Kaede), and then a second plot-twist love interest, but it happens in different ways each time. Kyoko and Makoto get together all nice and neat. Shuichi has a second love-interest who likes him, but Shuichi absolutely does not like him back. Hajime’s second love interest? Everyone. Hajime has this kind of curse where the second someone captures his interest/gets interested in him, they die. I noticed in the game that they’d push characters on Hajime hardcore, and then kill them the next chapter. Now, this happens in every game. But in Hajime’s case, they weren’t just pushed on him as characters. They all flirted with him. One of the reasons why I think almost everyone in the class had a crush on Hajime. First, it’s Nagito, and Impostor confides in Hajime and Teruteru flirt with him too. Then, they either get killed or get taken away (and chained up for three days without food, water, or bathroom access). Next, Mahiru starts flirting with Hajime by bossing him around and always seeking him out. I don’t think Hajime liked her back, but she liked him. And then she dies. After that, Mikan flirts with Hajime, spends time with him, gets cutscenes cuddling with him, hits on him, and other people even make jokes about them fucking. Then she dies. Hajime becomes closer friends with Ibuki, then she dies. Hajime starts to get close to Nagito again. Then he goes crazy and dies. Hajime showed a ton of interest in Sonia, but then she goes for Gundham. Hajime gets close to Kazuichi, but then he goes for Sonia. Hajime is cursed. I think everyone in the game got an inkling of being Hajime’s love-interest before they died/got taken away. With the exceptions of Peko, Hiyoko, Gundham, Akane, Fuyuhiko, and Nekomaru. I think they give Hajime a person who he likes/likes him, and then immediately take them away before any relationship can be formed.
Now, I guess this is the time where you could make a case that Chiaki fits. “Well, he gets close to her, and then he loses her!” But actually, that kind of doesn’t fit. He gets close to her only after she’s already dead. And he’s only ‘close to her’ for one conversation, after she’s already dead. He doesn’t get to spend any quality time with her before she dies. Even if you wanted to make that claim, it still wouldn’t make Chiaki any more of a love interest than Mahiru or Teruteru or Impostor. She wouldn’t be the one-and-only, indisputable, only option for Hajime. Based on evidence in the game, I don’t think Hajime actually had a crush on Teruteru, Impostor, or Mahiru. I think they liked him, but I don’t think he ever would’ve liked them back. And that’s the only way I can see Chiaki being even a little bit his love interest. In this world, where pretty much everyone gets to be his love-interest at some point. In a world where she crushes on him but he doesn’t like her back. Because he doesn’t. That’s obvious in his thoughts and actions. (He reacts worse to Peko and Fuyuhiko’s execution than he does to Chiaki’s, btw.)
But I really don’t think she’s his love interest. She’s definitely not “the” love interest. She’s not the only one. She’s not the “canon” one. She’s not his canon love interest at all. That’s not at all what the evidence in the game points to.
If my crackpot theory isn’t true, then I’d say Hajime’s love interests are Nagito and/or Mikan. Maybe Sonia. They’re the ones that he actually spends time with, and have all of the criteria that are set by literally every other DR couple. He has none of that with Chiaki. Honestly, I think Nagito is the more prominent love interest. I think Mikan and Sonia definitely had their spots too, but Nagito fills the role of both first and second love-interest. He hits literally every single beat of Kaede and Sayaka, but also of Kyoko. Whether or not Hajime loved him by the end is debatable. Sometimes I doubt it. But he loved him at first, and Nagito loved Hajime the whole time. And Hajime was destroyed after Nagito’s death. But even though Nagito hits every single point of being a love interest compared to Sayaka, Kaede, and Kyoko...He’s still not allowed to be a valid love interest for Hajime. If you think Komahina is canon, then you’re just “biased”. You’re just looking “through your shipping goggles.” Even though Nagito’s story is literally both kinds of love interest mixed together. Nah, nah, nah. Who cares about evidence? Clearly I’m just biased. Clearly I’m just “using shipping goggles” to see what I want to see. Because... *looks at smudged writing on hand* Hinanami, the ship with no evidence at all, it definitely 100% canon and Komahina, the ship with all the evidence you could ask for, could never be canon at all. I’m just stupid. Right? Right. And why? Because Nagito is a gay guy with a mental illness!!!!!
I despise KaiMaki, but I still acknowledge that it’s at least partially canon because it was in the game. But I don’t acknowledged Hinanami, because it was never canon. It was never even hinted at. Nobody better come onto my blog arguing that Hinanami is canon in the fucking slightest. I can’t deal with that bullshit. It’s not canon. This is my second essay on the subject. (I wrote a huge essay listing all the reasons they weren’t canon, and yet I was still able to find MORE evidence against them for this one? Wow, that’s a lot of proof that they aren’t indisputably canon.) I’m fine if you want to ship them. You can be like “they had a lot of potential for a relationship!” You can be like “I think Chiaki had a crush on him!” or “I think Hajime would’ve liked her!” That’s fine. You can do that all you want. Like any other DR ship. But don’t go around being like “NO, it’s DEFINITELY canon!!! No other ship is canon because Hinanami is canon and it’s completely indisputable! You’re wrong and stupid!!” It’s not canon. No DR ship is canon. You can ship them but please, do it like any other DR ship. Ship them because you saw potential, but don’t cram it down everyone’s throat as ‘must be canon’.
Hinanami is the only ship that does that. It’s the only ship that is insisted to be 100% canon with no disputing evidence whatsoever. People dispute Kaede and Shuichi. People dispute Kaito and Maki. People dispute Kyoko and Makoto all the fucking time. Every other ship is flexible, except that one. “Hinanami is the only canon ship and no other ship is valid or matters, you can’t ship Hajime with anyone else, all the other ships pale in comparison because Hinanami is so canon, and you’re just a biased delusional idiot if you ever dare to imply otherwise!!!” Stop it. It’s not canon. I should be able to make a valid case for another ship without being immediately shot down because of Hinanami. No other DR ship does that. Quit. I hate seeing everyone insisting that it’s canon. Acting like it’s just “common sense” that it’s canon. It’s not. There’s no fucking evidence for it AT ALL. But it makes me feel like a crazy person whenever I see people insisting that, as if I’m the only one who missed the scene where they fucked without protection or something. If everyone is allowed to dispute literally every other ship, then it should be the same for Hinanami. The “canon” ship with absolutely -67% evidence towards it.
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january reading
why does january always feel like it’s 3 months long. anyway here’s what i read in january, feat. poison experts with ocd, ants in your brain, old bolsheviks getting purged, and mountweazels.
city of lies, sam hawke (poison wars #1)
this is a perfectly nice fantasy novel about jovan, who serves as essentially a secret guard against poisoning for his city state’s heir and is forced to step up when his uncle (also a secret poison guard) and the ruler are both killed by an unknown poison AND also the city is suddenly under a very creepy siege (are these events related? who knows!) this is all very fine & entertaining & there are some fun ideas, but also... the main character has ocd and SAME HAT SAME HAT. also like the idea of having a very important, secret and potentially fatal job that requires you to painstakingly test everything the ruler/heir is consuming WHILE HAVING OCD is like... such a deliciously sadistic concept. amazing. 3/5
my heart hemmed in, marie ndiaye (translated from french by jordan stump)
a strange horror-ish tale in which two married teachers, bastions of upper-middle-class respectability and taste, suddenly find themselves utterly despised by everyone around them, escalating until the husband is seriously injured. through several very unexpected twists, it becomes clear that the couple’s own contempt for anyone not fitting into their world and especially nadia’s hostility and shame about her (implied to be northern african) ancestry is the reason for their pariah status. disturbing, surprising, FUCKED UP IF TRUE (looking back, i no longer really know what i mean by that). 4/5
xenogenesis trilogy (dawn/adulthood rites/imago), octavia e. butler
octavia butler is incapable of writing anything uninteresting and while i don’t always completely vibe with her stuff, it’s always fascinating & thought-provoking. this series combines some of her favourite topics (genetic manipulation, alien/human reproduction, what is humanity) into a tale of an alien species, the oankali, saving some human survivors from the apocalypse and beginning a gene-trading project with them, integrating them into their reproductive system and creating mixed/’construct’ generations with traits from both species. and like, to me, this was uncomfortably into the biology = destiny thing & didn’t really question the oankali assertion that humans were genetically doomed to hierarchical behaviour & aggression (& also weirdly straight for a book about an alien species with 3 genders that engages in 5-partner-reproduction with humans), so that angle fell flat for me for the most part, altho i suppose i do agree that embracing change, even change that comes at a cost, is better than clinging to an unsustainable (& potentially destructive) purity. where i think the series is most interesting is in its exploration of consent and in how far consent is possible in extremely one-sided power dynamics (curiously, while the oankali condemn and seem to lack the human drive for hierarchy, they find it very easy to abuse their position of power & violate boundaries & never question the morality of this. in this, the first book, focusing on a human survivor first encountering the oankali and learning of their project, is the most interesting, as lilith as a human most explicitly struggles with her position - would her consent be meaningful? can she even consent when there is a kind of biochemical dependence between humans and their alien mates? the other two books, told from the perspectives of lilith’s constructed/mixed children, continue discussing themes of consent, autonomy and power dynamics, but i found them less interesting the further they moved from human perspectives. on the whole: 2.5/5
love & other thought experiments, sophie ward
man, we love a pierre menard reference. anyway. this is a novel in stories, each based (loosely) on a thought experiment, about (loosely) a lesbian couple and their son arthur, illness and grief, parenthood, love, consciousness and perception, alternative universes, and having an ant in your brain. it is thoroughly delightful & clever, but goes for warmth and humanity (or ant-ity) over intellectual games (surprising given that it is all about thought experiments - but while they are a nice structuring device i don’t think they add all that much). i haven’t entirely worked out my feelings about the ending and it’s hard to discuss anyway given the twists and turns this takes, but it's a whole lot of fun. 4/5
a general theory of oblivion, josé eduardo agualusa (tr. from portuguese by daniel hahn)
interesting little novel(la) set in angola during and after the struggle for independence, in which a portuguese woman, ludo, with extreme agoraphobia walls herself into her apartment to avoid the violence and chaos (but also just... bc she has agoraphobia) with a involving a bunch of much more active characters and how they are connected to her to various degrees. i didn’t like the sideplot quite as much as ludo’s isolation in her walled-in flat with her dog, catching pigeons on the balcony and writing on the walls. 3/5
cassandra at the wedding, dorothy baker
phd student cassandra returns home attend (sabotage) her twin sister judith’s wedding to a young doctor whose name she refuses to remember, believing that her sister secretly wants out. cass is a mess, and as a shift to judith’s perspective reveals, definitely wrong about what judith wants and maybe a little delusional, but also a ridiculously compelling narrator, the brilliant but troubled contrast to judith’s safer conventionality. on the whole, cassandra’s narrative voice is the strongest feature of a book i otherwise found a bit slow & a bit heavy on the quirky family. fav line is when cass, post-character-development, plans to “take a quick look at [her] dumb thesis and see if it might lead to something less smooth and more revolting, or at least satisfying more than the requirements of the University”. 3/5
the office of historical corrections, danielle evans
a very solid collection of realist short stories (+ the titular novella), mainly dealing with racism, (black) womanhood, relationships between women, and anticolonial/antiracist historiography. while i thought all the stories were well-done and none stood out as weak or an unnecessary inclusion, there also weren’t any that really stood out to me. 3/5
sonnenfinsternis, arthur koestler (english title: darkness at noon) (audio)
you know what’s cool about this book? when i added it to my goodreads tbr in 2012, i would have had to read it in translation as the german original was lost during koestler’s escape from the nazis, but since then, the original has been rediscovered and republished. yet another proof that leaving books on your tbr for ages is a good thing actually. anyway. this is a story about the stalinist purges, told thru old bolshevik rubashov, who, after serving the Party loyally for years & doing his fair share of selling people out for the Party, is arrested for ~oppositional activities. in jail and during his interrogations, rubashov reflects on the course the Party has taken and his own part (and guilt) in that, and the way totalitarianism has eaten up and poisoned even the most commendable ideals the Party once held (and still holds?), the course of history and at what point the end no longer justifies the means. it’s brilliant, rubashov is brilliant and despicable, i’m very happy it was rediscovered. 5/5
heads of the colored people, nafissa thompson-spires
another really solid short story collection, also focused on the experiences of black people in america (particularly the black upper-middle class), black womanhood and black relationships, altho with a somewhat more satirical tone than danielle evans’s collection. standouts for me were the story in letters between the mothers of the only black girls at a private school, a story about a family of fruitarians, and a story about a girl who fetishises her disabled boyfriend(s). 3.5/5
pedro páramo, juan rulfo (gernan transl. by dagmar ploetz)
mexican classic about a rich and abusive landowner (the titular pedro paramo) and the ghost town he leaves behind - quite literally, as, when his son tries to find his father, the town is full of people, quite ready to talk shit about pedro, but they are all dead. it’s an interesting setting with occasionally vivid writing, but the skips in time and character were kind of confusing and i lost my place a lot. i’d be interested in reading rulfo’s other major work, el llano en llamas. 2.5/5
verse für zeitgenossen, mascha kaléko
short collection of the poems kaléko, a jewish german poet, wrote while in exile in the united states in the 30-40s, as well as some poems written after the end of ww2. kaléko’s voice is witty, but at turns also melancholy or satirical. as expected i preferred the pieces that directly addressed the experience of exile (”sozusagen ein mailied” is one of my favourite exillyrik pieces). 3/5
the harpy, megan hunter
yeah this was boooooooring. the cover is really cool & the premise sounded intriguing (women gets cheated on, makes deal with husband that she is allowed to hurt him three times in revenge, women is also obsessed with harpies: female revenge & female monsters is my jam) but it’s literally so dull & trying so hard to be deep. 1.5/5
the liar’s dictionary, eley williams
this is such a delightful book, from the design (those marbled endpapers? yes) to the preface (all about what a dictionary is/could be), to the chapter headings (A-Z words, mostly relating to lies, dishonesty, etc in some way or another, containing at least one fictitious entry), to the dual plots (intern at new edition of a dictionary in contemporary england checking the incomplete old dictionary for mountweazels vs 1899 london with the guy putting the mountweazels in), to williams’s clear joy about words and playing with them. there were so many lines that made me think about how to translate them, which is always a fun exercise. 3.5/5
catherine the great & the small, olja knežević (tr. from montenegrin by ellen elias-bursać, paula gordon)
coming-of-age-ish novel about katarina from montenegro, who grows up in titograd/podgorica and belgrad in the 70s/80s, eventually moving to london as an adult. to be honest while there are some interesting aspects in how this portrays yugoslavia and conflicts between the different parts of yugoslavia, i mostly found this a pretty sloggy slog of misery without much to emotionally connect to, which is sad bc i was p excited for it :(. 2/5
the decameron project: 29 new stories from the pandemic, anthology
a collection of short stories written during covid lockdown (and mostly about covid/lockdown in some way). they got a bunch of cool authors, including margaret atwood, edwidge danticat, rachel kushner ... it’s an interesting project and the stories are mostly pretty good, but there wasn’t one that really stood out to me as amazing. i also kinda wish more of the stories had diverged more from covid/lockdown thematically bc it got a lil repetitive tbh. 2/5
#the books i read#long post#sonnenfinsternis is so good the audiobook nearly made me cry in the supermarket
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Hi, can I have a BNHA and Haikyuu haven matchup ? I describe myself as much as I can I am a 163 cm INTJ girl with curly and light brown hair, brown eyes , I’m a little fat and I wear glasses I like to listen to nightcore or slowed music. I usually do not care about what people say and I do what I think is right. I am very introverted and I prefer to be myself(ngl sometimes I get annoyed really fast). I can be funny or serious around people and be quiet outside but from the inside I'm very shy and like to read books / manga and watch romance, horror movies and animation, and I usually get emotional watching them. I am a direct person to the people. I prefer to stay home to read comics, sleep, play, rather then go out with people. I like to take care of my appearance and take the time to get ready (I NEVER wear pants so I usually wear shorts or dresses) and people tend to say My personality is really edgy(idk what that means I think they mean I’m a bruh girl?). I’m really tsundere so sometimes some of my friends say that they think I’m emotionless and I never cry but if u look closely i actually do care about people I just show it to them with my little actions bc I’m not really good with words oh and one of my bestfriends always says that “U do not know how to express your feelings properly and people say that you do not know your worth and you hide ur true feelings” oh alsoooo Ive been to a karate and boxing class before but I hate sports that includes running and ummm My fav subject at school is maths but I’m really good with languages too!(I can speak 3 fully language and I can understand Arabic too)and I really like to teach people the studies that they don’t understand
↬ ──:.⃗➹ +.*༉‧ᵕ̈°`*↷. ೃ₊✎⸙͎˚- ̗̀✧: ──↫
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┊ ⊹ ┊ ⋆｡˚. ੈ
✯ ⋆ ┊ . ˚ ⊹
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Dream catcher loading...
ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ
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*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *. •.°
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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!
The Haven box includes:
- Match up
- Sun drop
- Old habits die hard
- A girl like her
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
I'd match you up with
Akaashi Keiji, Fukurodani's setter
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
Sun drops
- My plan A was Tokoyami
- My plan B was Iwaizumi
- SO PLAN C IT IS
- I paired you up with Akaashi!
-THIS DYNAMIC IS CUTE
- Akaashi is a very sweet and patient
- Since he deals with Bokuto, he is grateful taht he has an escape (I mean he lives Bokuto but this man needs a break-)
- He could definitely help with anything you need
- SILENT HYPE MAN
- He would also often help you express your emotions
- Expect a whole lot of "Darling" here
- He doesn't mind your Tsundere tendencies
- HE LOVES ALL SIDES OF YOU
- This man treasures you
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
Old habits die hard
- He ALWAYS plans a date once every week
- He also bought this reversable mood plushie
- He has notes on you. Don't question why, but he did
- He loves laying his head on your lap and just nap
- He treats you differently compared to others
- He smiles more around you vuae eyou said you loved his smile.
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
A girl like her
“Akaashi~ I heard you got yourself a girl,” Bokuto said to his younger friend. “Yes, I do have a girlfriend now. Is that a big of a surprise?” Akaashi said as he looked at Bokuto. “No! No! Just surprised as all,” Bokuto said as he chuckled. “Can I meet her?” He added excitedly. “I’m sure you would get to meet her soon enough. However, be gentle when it does happen. She is quite shy,” The shorter said before they parted ways. And throughout the whole school day, Bokuto and the rest of the volleyball team has been trying to find out who this girl is. They’ve heard a lot about her through Akaashi but they never really met her. And they’ve never seen Akaashi with anyone else. As they continued to stalk Akaashi in their free time, the pretty setter was merely sitting alone at lunch. “Okay, so he declined eating with me to sit alone? Am I annoying him now?” Bokuto sulked. He was then shushed when the team saw a girl walk towards him.
The stone faced he had faltered and a soft smile appeared. “Hey there, Love,” He said as he stood up. “Hello, how are you?” The girl responded. And that was a start of a long conversation. As time passes by, the volleyball team observed the couple. Well, that was until, Bokuto because he is Bokuto. “Hey Hey Hey, Akaashi! There you are,” He said as he walked toward the couple. His other team mates tried to stop him but it had not worked. “Hello Bokuto,” Akaashi said. “Who is this?” Bokuto asked as he gazed at the female beside him. “Bokuto, this is my girlfriend. Babe, this is the man I’ve been talking about,” Akaashi introduced. After the pleasantries and introduction, the three seemed to clicked. Bokuto didn’t feel like a 3rd wheel at all, which was kinda nice.
“Well, I’ll be going! You two enjoy the rest of your break,” Bokuto said before he left. And so the duo were left in a comfortable silence. “Are you okay, darling? If you are uncomfortable I can ask him to lower down the volume?” Akaashi asked. The curly haired female chuckled and shook her head. “No! No it’s fine, I don’t mind his energy,” She responded as she smiled. “That’s good then. You’ll see him a lot more,” The taller male then said as he kissed her forehead. “What did I do to deserve a girl like you?” He asked as he placed his head on her shoulder. “It just seems so surreal,” He added as he smiled. “You deserve the world, I should be asking that instead of you,” The female responded. “Then we deserve each other, because you are my world and I am yours. I think that’s how it goes,” Akaashi said. He then kissed her flustered cheek and smiled. Oh how he loved this girl, and he wouldn’t give her away nor hurt her. He just fallen in love all over again.
───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───
Author's note
I'm so sorry for taking so long! School has been hectic--But I hope you like this matchup!!
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Day Four - Pancakes vs. Waffles
AN: Hey everyone!! I’m back with another day! I was super excited about this one, mainly because I’ve never really written anything with the fake dating trope before, even though it’s definitely one of my favs! This fic is more of what a scene might be in a much longer, story-oriented one.
Thank you, @spideychelleweek, for setting this all up! <3
Prompt: Fake Dating AU
Please enjoy about 1.1k of sweet, sweet fluff and cheese just all the cheese
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“Not that I don’t trust you or anything…” Peter speaks slowly, scratching the back of his neck. “But...” His expression is pulled together in a look of confusion that is not at all cute, and the hesitance in his tone does absolutely nothing to support the words coming out of his mouth.
“Do we really have to practice holding hands?”
MJ huffs, fighting back the urge to roll her eyes into another dimension, though she wonders if he can sense the faint insecurity behind her impatience. “Uh, yeah.” They’d been over this once or twice before. “I told you; no one’s gonna actually believe we’re a thing if you look like you’re gonna spontaneously combust every time we touch.”
He pauses momentarily to do the math in his head, taking her words into careful consideration, before giving a conceding nod. “Okay, yeah. Yeah. You’re right.”
“Of course I am.” She holds her hand out to him. “Now, c’mon. Take my hand, and try not to throw up, okay?” She teases, the corner of her lip twitching into an unassuming smirk.
Peter huffs in amusement, shaking his head. “Okay.”
It’s only a little awkward, he has to admit; they’re sitting side-by-side on the couch, bodies angled towards one another; if he’d move just a fraction of an inch, his knee would be touching hers, he notes. He’s close enough to go a little dizzy at the vague floral notes of her shampoo, and it takes all of his strength not to take a deep breath in.
(What? He wasn’t smelling her on purpose. She was right there, for crying out loud.)
He takes the leap, folding his hand over hers, silently praying that she doesn’t comment on how sweaty he is.
“Waffle, don’t pancake,” she says, voice cutting through the air.
“Huh?”
“Like this.” She wordlessly interlocks her fingers with his. “It’s more believable, according to Google. It’s uh…” Her voice trails off as she stares down at their intertwined hands. “It’s supposed to show a deeper connection, or whatever.”
“Oh,” Peter breathes. “Cool.”
“Yeah.”
The tips of Peter’s ears are for sure turning an embarrassing shade of red, the room around him seeming to have become a sweltering desert in just a matter of seconds.
He honestly can’t believe this is happening.
In hindsight, it may have been a bad idea— for his own sake — to ask MJ to be his fake girlfriend. Maybe. He would never have dreamed that she’d say yes, and he certainly would never have thought she’d suggest they practice being a couple behind closed doors, even if it was just acting.
MJ was all method, it seemed.
It happens in all the romantic comedies, a classic trope, she’d explained; the couple gets thrown off their rhythm when someone asks them to do something that any normal couple would do. Kiss. Hug. Hold hands. It’s wooden. It’s unnatural.
It’s a disaster-and-a-half.
And then one of them always overthinks it, the other shuts them out, yadda yadda yadda—
“You know, you can probably do some other stuff, too.” MJ breaks the silence again, though her tone is softer.
Peter’s eyes widen as he looks up at her, head tilting a fraction.
“Gross couple-y stuff,” She elaborates, an amused huff escaping her at his reaction. “Like… you can move your thumb, or something.”
Peter takes her advice, his thumb starting to trace hesitant lines on the back of her hand. “Like this?”
She’s silent for a moment, heart hammering in her chest. She clears her throat, remembering herself when Peter glances up at her. “Uhm— Yeah. Yeah. You’re doing great, bud. Pal.”
His gives her hand an experimental squeeze, his thumb slowing it’s movements on her soft skin for the briefest of moments. There’s a beat of silence between them, the surrounding air crackling.
“Is there— ” Peter reddens at the way his voice comes out nearly an octave higher than normal. For goodness sake, they’re literally just holding hands. Get a grip, dude. He coughs in an attempt to bring it back down. “Is there anything else I can do to, uh— sell it more?”
And MJ tries, she really does, to think of what all the WikiHow articles said, but she finds that she’s unable to focus on anything other than just how nice this feels, how crazy her dumb teenage hormones are going now that the boy she likes, and has liked for a while now, is holding her hand. “Uh, I don’t know,” she shrugs, bottom lip poking out momentarily in thought, though she doesn’t take her eyes off of his hand laced with hers; she can’t. “Got any ideas?”
His expression twists in concentration, lips pursed.
Well, he can think of one thing.
“Uh, well, I guess if we were sitting next to each other— like this—” He gestures between them. “At decathlon or something… then, maybe uhm, I could—” He stammers, shifting in his place. His thumb falters with his voice, and he mentally kicks himself for being so incredibly not smooth.
He makes the mistake of looking up at MJ. It does a strange thing to his heart, making direct eye contact while holding another person’s hand, especially while simultaneously caressing said hand. It’s such a small gesture, yet so surprisingly and incredibly intimate.
Maybe it was a bad idea, continuing the way they were.
Maybe they should stop.
Maybe he shouldn’t say anything. That he has no idea what else, what other display of affection, could possibly sell this more.
Maybe he should just—
“Kiss your hand?” The words are spilling out before Peter can do anything to keep them in, though he hastily tries to recover, to retain some sense of dignity. “Just a quick one. Or something— I don’t know. Maybe not that. I was just thinking—” Oh, God, and now she’s just staring at him, eyes blown wide in shock. He keeps going, hoping that he isn’t digging his grave any deeper. “Ben, uh, used to do that when he and May would hold hands… I’ve seen Tony and Pepper do it, too… Gah, it’s dumb—”
“--No,” Michelle cuts him off, and it’s his turn to be utterly stupefied. “No, uh, you’re right. Couples do that kinda stuff all the time.”
Peter’s fully expecting the cartoon anvil to drop on his head at any moment.
“So…”
Her pulse spikes under his fingertips.
“Go for it.”
He swallows, butterflies erupting in his stomach as he dares to look back down at their joined hands. He flexes his fingers, a shaky smile breaking across his features as his thumb unconsciously continues its previous ministrations.
His heart feels like it’s about to burst out of his chest as he slowly, little-by-little, brings her hand up, his warm breath tickling her knuckles. Her breath catches in her throat, embarrassingly so, as he plants a chaste, fleeting kiss on her heated skin.
They both share a laugh at just how fast he pulls away. “Sorry,” he apologizes, sheepishly scratching the back of his head with the hand not interlocked with hers. “That was... That was bad.”
“Yeah—” Her quiet laugh is forced, strained in an effort to seem natural. “Did you even try? No one would buy that,” she quips, the shakiness in her tone just the tiniest bit humiliating. A stupid, not welcome at all giggle bubbles up out of her throat.
Warmth blooms in his chest at the sound, and he shakes his head, a futile effort to rid himself of the giddiness threatening to take over. He takes a quick, determined breath, bringing her hand up once more.
He takes his time, the world around them coming to a standstill, and she feels as if she might pass out at the faint brush of his lips on her skin again.
The kiss lingers for a moment or two, the touch practically scorching. Peter feels as if he might actually faint when he looks up at her before pulling away, her lips parted ever-so-slightly, eyes clouded with something he’s never quite seen before.
He pulls back, a nervous, breathy chuckle escaping him as he glances away. “Better?”
MJ, yanking herself out of her daze when she realizes that she might actually need to answer him, nods a little too quickly. “Yeah. Yeah. Better.”
It’s in that moment, when they’re both trying to catch their breath over something so small as holding hands, gazes burning into one another, that they both realize the exact same thing:
They’re both completely and utterly screwed.
#spideychelle#spideychelleweek2k19#petermj#peter parker#michelle jones#peter parker x michelle jones#fic#so so cheesy#and so so fluffy#fake dating#i have to get up for a flight in 3 hours#but i had to post this#goodnight everyone!! I hope you enjoyed <3
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