#my easy breezy beautiful nerd boy
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Hello! I ADORE your writing! Your headcanons for the clones finding out their SO is pregnant is my absolute favorite! Could I request a fic to expand on Tech's please? Like his realization and telling reader and her being happy and his scientific indifference at first and then reader comforting him as he cries once it does dawn on him the magnitude of what is happening? I just loved that so much, and I'd like more please. Lol. Thank you so much!!
Lol, you know, I'm really glad you requested this. I really liked that headcanon for him if I do say so myself :))
Tech x fem!SO | 1.4k words
Based on this headcanon.
Tech's tears were small and quiet, but also heavy and meaningful. Most didn't believe they existed, and for a long time, Tech himself didn't either. He was programed for logic and thought and reason. But not even the Kaminoans could take away his humanity. His tears, when they came, revealed that distant yet fundamental part of himself that wasn't always accessible by mere thought and reasoning. Emotion, spirit, empathy, love. That part was always there, deep within him, tucked away and made to behave. Until those few impactful moments of life pulled it forth, made it leak out in gentle little droplets, an ironic juxtaposition of what they truly represented.
And Tech, in all his exceptional mental prowess, could do nothing but accept that part of himself, and let its physical manifestations run their course.
It had been a while since the last time he'd been forced to confront those mysterious emotions. Sometimes we wondered if he ever would again. He hadn't cried on their missions, even the hard ones with so much death and destruction. He hadn't cried when their brother left. He hadn't cried when their home fell into the sea. There didn't seem to be any other significant experiences that could possibly pull them out again.
When he first knew his beloved was pregnant, it was long before she did. He was completely dialed in to her. How she was doing, what she was up to, all her habits and patterns and tendencies. So of course he saw the signs, all the symptoms that, on their own seemed inconsequential, but put together could only mean one thing. He did let himself smile upon that first realization, but he did not cry. He did not feel. It was all business and research and preparation. As a clone who entered this life from a tube, he'd have a lot to learn about these things.
When she first learned the news, after he couldn't keep her prying eyes away from his research, he let out a chuckle. Her face had contorted into a few different expressions as she processed his explanation, finally landing on one that could only be described as pure joy. Bright and lively, full of hope, a new kind of beauty he had yet to see from her. Her eyes had welled, but not his. After his subdued laughter over her reaction, and a brief moment of indulging in her embrace, he had to get them back on track. There was much to do and only a short time to do it.
As they started hitting each of those pregnancy milestones - seeing the first signs of a bump, hearing the first heartbeats, feeling the first kicks - Tech continued to maintain his usual practicality. It wasn't that he didn't care or was indifferent; on the contrary, he poured himself into the care of his partner and the development of their child with as much hyper-focused passion as he did any other project. Charts, reminders, books, exercises, supplements, homemade ultrasound devices... you name it, Tech thought of it.
But he didn't feel it.
At least, not until he did.
It was random, sudden. It didn't make any logical sense why he'd find himself crying now, in this specific moment. But, he supposed emotion wasn't supposed to make logical sense, was it?
He was waiting for his love to return from a walk, one she'd insisted on taking herself. Usually he'd have insisted otherwise, but she'd been showing a level of crankiness that week that he tactfully decided to not argue with. So instead he stayed on the ship and worked on one of his experiments, unrelated to their future child, but still important in his mind.
And then he'd set his bits and bobs down in order to stretch some of his stiff muscles, and as his head turned and his eyes scanned over the ship's interior, it was then that he felt... well, feelings.
The Havoc Marauder hadn't changed drastically since they'd first acquired it, but there were still plenty of ways it had adapted to the changing lives of those who called it home. The nook in the back had been altered as a room especially for Omega. Additional bunks had been screwed into the walls to accommodate the various beings they picked up, a few of whom ended up becoming permanent members of their team. Souvenirs that Hunter's partner had picked up from their travels were being displayed. Extra ports had been added for Echo's cybernetics to recharge and receive maintenance. Wrecker had finally been allowed a crate of explosives onboard, mostly to lift in his workouts, but occasionally to give them all lessons on disassembling. All signs of Crosshair had been removed so as to avoid unwanted reminders of what once was.
And now, Tech was seeing the things that showed how his own life was finally changing, too.
A cot in the corner by the bed he shared with his cyare, a small and safe cocoon for their little one. A plush animal some of the boys had pitched in to buy when they heard the news. A bag stuffed with bottles and blankets and pacifiers. A small stack of board books, one of which Omega had written with tales of their past adventures.
The images of his growing family became blurred as those illusive tears finally resurfaced. He couldn't believe it, couldn't fathom it. He was going to be a father. He was going to have a child. Him. Tech. This was going to be his life.
His cheeks grew wet and at some point his knees collapsed beneath him, but none of that registered as he struggled to comprehend these emotions that forced their way out of him. He tried to identify them, give them a name, take away some of their power over him through understanding. The first one he could put his finger on was confusion. Some kind of disbelief. It didn't make sense and therefore it didn't seem real. But unlike simple knowledge gaps that could easily be filled in with a bit of dedicated curiosity, this emotion couldn't be so easily remedied. It perpetuated a seemingly endless loop of questions without answers in his head... questions about why this was happening, and whether he deserved his own family, and how were they to raise a child in this vast, unpredictable galaxy?
The next emotion he picked out was... fear, perhaps? Yes, that must be it. And oh boy, was that a strong one to feel. That was what gave the tears energy, spurring them forward as they buzzed across his skin. He wasn't ready. No amount of research was going to prepare him to be a father. He didn't even have one of his own. None of them did. Who did he think he was to try and be one himself anyway? If he was actually as smart as he thought he was, he would run from such a foolish dream.
But that wasn't all, no. No, that couldn't be all he felt. Because he wasn't running away. He was still here, waiting for that special date, continuing to plan for it, looking forward to it. Setting up that cot and taking care of its mom and fiddling with little devices to help it grow. He was excited. Happy. Hopeful.
There was more, he knew there was more that he was feeling. But he eventually decided to focus on the hope. That was the one that seemed to matter the most. The rest could do their thing, he wouldn't question them any longer. He allowed this hopeful feeling to settle within him. It gave his tears meaning and worth. It washed out the noise from the fear and confusion and replaced it with comfort and light.
When his beautiful ka'ra returned, she found him sitting amongst those emotions on the ship's floor, an unprecedented and worrying sight. She hurried up to him, kneeling as best she could to meet his watery eyes.
"Dear? What's wrong?" she asked with trepidation, smoothing a hand across his damp face and into his hair.
Tech only looked her gently, almost dreamily. Somewhere in his numbed mind he knew these emotions were exhausting him, making him sleepy and faint. He reached out to place a hand on her belly, marveling at the fact that there was only a thin barrier between him and his child. And by that token, only a small stretch of time between them as well.
"Nothing's wrong," he whispered as another stream of tears seeped out. "Nothing's wrong at all."
#star wars#the clone wars#the bad batch#tech#tech x so#tech x reader#my easy breezy beautiful nerd boy#let's pretend his goggles are off in this scene shall we#totally forgot about that lol#i'm feeling emotional in this chili's tonight
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summer ‘19 fic rec
so i read a lot of fanfic this summer and mostly just made this for myself for reference but figured i would publish it if anyone wants some fic recs!!
RE-READS
Young & Beautiful - Velvetoscar (227k)
Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.
Special Topping - LoadedGunn (13k)
'Who would even want so many pizzas so late at night?' Harry wonders before the door opens.
Oh. Apparently short guys with shaggy brown hair and a scruff and bright blue eyes and heart-stopping smiles. That's who.
Harry's not even ashamed of how he nearly drops all the pizzas. This guy is gorgeous and Harry hasn't noticed anyone like that in ages, let alone provided services to them. If he opened his mouth right now the only thing that would come out is, "By special topping did you mean my dick?"
Or, the AU where Harry delivers pizza and Louis really just wants Tim Gunn to spank him.
Do You Wanna - Randominity (12k)
"I got a question for you, mate," the lad says. "You wanna make a quick fifty quid?" (*PWP)
I Had The Life Of Ordinary, I Spat It Out - TableForThree (22k)
Harry Styles falls asleep a sixteen year old boy nervous about his upcoming X-Factor audition that could make or break his career. He wakes up a twenty-six year old man with a husband and two children, and no recollection of the past ten years.
These Inconvenient Fireworks - wontsitstill (190k)
Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one another eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.
Red Brick Heart - hazmesentir (98k)
Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.
Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn't expect is a surprise roommate who's loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he's ever wanted.
Unbelievers - isthatyoularry (136k)
It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.
Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.
NEW READS
As You Are - Zarah5 (139k)
AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract.
rivers ‘til i reach you - embodied (29k)
AU. Louis studies astronomy; Harry studies Louis. They spend their summers on the water and it shouldn't be complicated (spoiler: it is).
Born to Make You Happy - objectlesson (25k)
Harry makes a quiet vow to himself that he will be the very best girlfriend Louis has ever had, even if he never actually gets to be Louis’s girlfriend.
Swallow The Knife - whoknows (76k)
“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.
“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”
And That’s The Tea - 2tiedships2 (27k)
I’d like an Earl Grey with milk and sugar, please.
Or, the one where Louis loses his soulmate before even getting the chance to meet them, and he is in no way prepared for the kind of distraction his new friend Harry proves to be.
You Know It’s Christmas (My Heart Is Open Wide) - messofgorgeouschaos (21k)
In which Louis is a cast member at Saturday Night Live, and a past airport encounter comes back to haunt him before their Christmas episode.
blue is all i’ve ever really known - coffeelouis (5k)
In order to keep things "light and breezy," Louis and Harry have established a comprehensive set of rules which will ensure they don't screw up their professional working relationship with this date they're (finally) going on.
Absolutely nothing could go wrong.
[or, the BROOKLYN NINE-NINE AU that no one asked for and I wrote anyway]
Once Upon A Time - objectlesson (26k)
“M’not gonna half-ass our fake relationship,” Louis almost snaps, voice sharp with a defensive edge, like Harry wandered too close to a bruise with needy fingers. “Now kiss me again. We’re gonna make every shitty tourist here wish they had stayed in the Midwest. We’re gonna burn Disneyland down with our gay. ”
Harry shuts his eyes and opens his mouth, because he can’t fucking say no to Louis.
Or, a fake dating AU where everyone is lying and they happen to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.
Make Your Words A Weapon - HelloAmHere (36k)
There’s no single path forward from the connection, no truth other than the truth that the person whose words you carry is out there, an undefined something that you’re going to have to deal with.
In whatever way you can possibly deal with meeting the stranger who's always been there, and always been missing.
OR: Louis is a music critic, Harry is a rockstar, soulmates are destiny but no one ever said destiny was easy, music is everything.
Drawn to You - lulullawrence (8k)
It had started with Louis getting in trouble for coloring on himself when he hadn’t touched a felt tip pen the entire day. Through the years, the random drawings had evolved and changed. There was a period in sixth form when his soulmate must have gotten shy or something, because the drawings only happened after school hours and in places that others wouldn’t be as likely to see. The inside of his bicep, his thigh. A couple times he even had drawings appear on his ribcage. While he didn’t mind those few years, he did seem somewhat soothed when they began to appear on his left arm again. He’d missed them.
Or that completely self indulgent soulmates au that plays out in not always romantic ways.
i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved - werebothstubborn (8k)
Louis manages to look apologetic as he licks slobbery circles around Harry's palm until he lets go. “Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he says, dramatically gulping in as much air as he can breathe.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Even Your Honey Dew - objectlesson (9k)
It probably says something about Harry that he’s so obsessed with another omega’s arse.
Powerless (and I Don’t Care It’s Obvious) - objectlesson (4k)
“Oh no, Lou, don’t make me laugh,” he whimpers. His Ribena-purple mouth twists into a glorious, breakable shape, and Louis’s heart stops. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet.
Only One at the Finish Line - objectlesson (9k)
“What don’t I know?!” Louis shouts, and then Harry is rounding on him, close enough that he can feel the heat of his body, the rage and the glory and the pain of it so close that it blinds him.
“I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel.
Take Me Under the Blue - objectlesson (19k)
Louis hasn’t even seen his legs yet. He doesn’t know how they work or how long they’ll be. Maybe they won’t suit the rest of Harry at all, and he’ll have to grow into them or something. It doesn’t matter; Louis has loved Harry for a year with scales, so he can’t imagine wonky legs putting a damper on his attraction.
He supposes he’ll just have to find out. In the meantime, he wonders how the fuck he got here, in his squelching wellies about to save the love of his life from the sea and take him to bed and bang him for the very first time.
It’s sort of a long story.
Life Saver - objectlesson (30k)
Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry?
you are half of me (and I am all for you) - angelichl (24k)
One Direction, an obscure indie rock band, is about to embark on their first cross-country tour, living out of Louis' beloved van named Patricia.
Harry is in love, and Louis is oblivious. Or is he?
Featuring skinny-dipping in Texas waterfalls, getting lost in the desert, stargazing under the New Mexico sky, performing in front of crowds that grow in size each night, and falling in love on the road during the greatest summer of their lives.
say that you can see me (i’ll speak up i swear) - coffeelouis (20k)
“Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.
“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.
“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”
[or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as the boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him.]
Let Our Hearts Collide - crinkle-eyed-boo (76k)
When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he's been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne's family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he's always longed for...and a love he never saw coming.
A While You Were Sleeping AU
Head Over Heels - Sasparella76 (26k)
Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are both up and coming editors at Cowell Publishing. Louis thinks Harry is brilliant at his job and beyond gorgeous. It’s just a pity that Harry is also the most annoying man Louis has ever met.
just one look (and i fell so hard) - disgruntledkittenface (15k)
Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.
Golden Like Sands of Time - afirethatcannotdie (51k)
“You need to change this one,” Zayn says, pointing to number six. “It’s unrealistic. It needs to be something you can actually achieve.”
“What’s unachievable about a summer romance?” Harry asks, offended.
“Nothing, it’s just… what if it doesn’t happen?”
Harry pouts. He can totally have a summer romance. It’s just about finding the right person. “What about… kiss a stranger?”
"Perfect."
waiting for the tides to meet - anonymous (60k)
Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.
Lightning Strikes Twice - dinosaursmate (104k)
Louis slipped his hand onto Harry’s thigh, snaking his fingers up and inwards. “I’m a big fan. You’re so talented, and I have to admit that I actually fancy you a bit.”
“Yeah?” Harry reached up to push Louis’ fringe out of his eyes. “Well, you know, I like to try and be accommodating to my fans.”
“You’re quite well known for that,” Louis whispered as he turned his head some more, their mouths an inch apart. “So I hear.”
---
Rock star Harry Styles was nineteen when he met Louis, a groupie with a huge heart that Harry couldn’t quite shake from his mind. Fate granted him a second chance at the age of sixty, his washed up and lonely existence being transformed by a widower with a bookshop.
Make Tea, Not War - adventuring + howdoyouwhisk (20k)
"Hopeless, hopeless flatmate. Would you rather be with one of these guys?"
"Nope!"
Or: Louis attempts to become a better flatmate, much to Harry's dismay.
Ain’t That A Kick In The Head! - lesbianharrie + wreckingtomlinson (22k)
In which Harry’s a disaster gay who doesn’t know shit about soccer, Liam drinks too many blue raspberry Coolattas, Niall knows everyone, Zayn looks dead, and Louis is Not Happy about sharing his breakout moment with “Drunk Hawaiian Guy.”
Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat - angelichl (34k)
Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.
Life At Shutter Speed - zarah5 (20k)
AU. Having landed a job modelling for an outdoor clothing catalogue, Harry certainly wouldn’t mind doing some extracurricular work for photographer Louis Tomlinson. Say, a private photo session? Yes, please? Good thing that Harry has ten days and three beautiful locations -- Morocco, Indonesia and the Swiss Alps -- to make Louis see just how good they could be.
stars are guiding me back - coffeelouis (80k)
Directing the first ever season of The Bachelor with a bisexual star is a huge career move for Louis. After throwing himself into his career, he finally has the opportunity to prove himself as a director with a unique vision.
For Harry, being cast as the first ever Bi Bachelor means finally putting his ex-boyfriend behind him and starting anew. He's taking a chance on finding love and determined to do it right this time.
Light My Morning Sky - withthethieves (54k)
The relatively cliché University AU in which Louis happens to be proficient in Philosophy, Ethics, and keeping his distance, while Harry is in need of a tutor to salvage his grade, and never passes up on a challenge; Zayn and Liam like to gaze wantonly across at each other whilst pretending to read Austen; and Niall is the precarious bond that holds them all together.
Saw It In Your Eyes - taggiecb (15k)
Harry Styles counts himself extremely lucky that he has landed such a great roommate. It doesn’t bother him at all that his new roommate is gay. In fact, they get along so well that they have formed an extremely close friendship that takes up pretty much all his free time. When Louis starts bringing a new guy home with him, Harry is surprised by how much it bothers him. Is he not as okay as he thought he was with Louis’ sexuality?
Push My Buttons - KrisStylinson (2k)
“Fuck off.” Louis leans into this boy’s personal space just to show how unaffected he is, even if it is technically a bluff. “My team’s winning.”
The boy crowds right back into him with a smug look, and that turns out to be their downfall—a large man to his left nudges his arm and gestures to the jumbotron, where Louis and fucking Newsboy are currently encased in a cartoon heart with the words KISS CAM burning brightly above them.
Paper Houses - allwaswell16 (11k)
When model Louis Tomlinson admits to having a celebrity crush on a very famous actor in an article in GQ magazine, he has no idea it will lead to anything. He definitely never suspects he will fall so hard and so fast for Harry Styles. When reality begins to interfere, their relationship is put to the test.
Not The Desperate Type -lululawrence (6k)
It sounded like the guy was actually moving furniture above him as he was sweeping now. Damn. Did Louis miss the seven minutes in heaven or was the guy angry because he didn’t even get that much pleasure today?
“I’m kinda afraid with the amount of noise he produces while cleaning that one day I’m gonna look up through my ceiling and be able to see him.”
“Tell him we wish him a better sex life and that we’re rooting for him if you do.”
Or the one where Louis' neighbor has a series of unfortunately short sexual experiences and Louis can hear every. Single. One.
Can We Talk For A Moment? - lululawrence (16k)
It was widely known that alphas were never as common as betas or omegas. It is believed the reasoning for that was safety for their packs. Each pack could only have one Alpha, and in order to keep order and make sure there was no mistaking who was in power, once the successor had been named, other alphas would be forced out of the pack.
Harry didn’t care for the reasons behind the phenomenon. In the end, it didn’t really matter. All he knew was he was the only alpha within about a thousand mile radius, and he was a complete and total disappointment.
Or the one where Harry is a shy, nerdy alpha, Louis is a loud omega punk, and there's more to both of them than their reputations.
UNFINISHED
awake and unafraid - you_explode (102k) - UNFINISHED
It's 2007, Harry's seventeen, his favourite band is My Chemical Romance, and he's in love with his best friend.
Peaches and Cream - seducedbycurls (65k)
The study was to see if two strangers could live together for a month and fall in love.
“We are a new organization working to prove that love can do extraordinary things.”
“You will do everything together & you are not allowed to leave the resort for the whole month.”
“We want to prove that opposites attract.”
Louis is allergic to peaches, Harry smells like peaches.
Louis just came for the money.
Take Me As I Am - lovelarry10 (118k)
“Suppressant? But… why would I need a suppressant? Alphas don’t take suppressants.”
“You’re right, they don’t.”
Secrets. Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Self-discovery.
Alpha. Omega. How far will they go to hide the truth?
Mirror Touch - pinky_heaven19 (58k)
“You know I can see colors in sounds, right?”
Harry nods, confused as Louis knew he would be.
“Well, I have another type of synesthesia, called mirror-touch. Have you heard of it?”
Harry shakes his head, and Louis can feel the tenseness in his shoulders and jaws slacking a little at the unexpected topic.
“It means I feel what other people feel. Literally, all the time.”
OR the one where Harry owns a second-hand clothing store, and Louis is a radio host. Louis has mirror-touch synesthesia, which makes him experience what people around him feel. He feels a lot around Harry.
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Conan: Ranking the Best Remote Segments
https://ift.tt/eA8V8J
WarnerMedia announced on Tuesday that Conan O’Brien’s long-running TBS talk show, Conan, would be coming to an end next summer. Thankfully, however, the late night pioneer isn’t leaving television altogether – just trading the network world for the streaming one. In addition to his Conan Without Borders travel series already airing on TBS, O’Brien will produce a new weekly variety show for WarnerMedia’s streaming platform, HBO Max, to premiere at a yet-to-be announced date.
“In 1993 Johnny Carson gave me the best advice of my career: ‘As soon as possible, get to a streaming platform,’” O’Brien said in a statement. “I’m thrilled that I get to continue doing whatever the hell it is I do on HBO Max, and I look forward to a free subscription.”
At first glance, this appears to be bittersweet news. O’Brien has been a late night talk show staple for decades. Following an excellent writing career for The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live, O’Brien took over for his hero David Letterman on NBC’s Late Night in 1993 and stewarded it through 2009. That was followed by a measly half-year as host of the venerable Tonight Show before NBC got spooked about not having Jay Leno on TV anymore. For the past 10 years, O’Brien has continued his late night talk show format for TBS’s Conan.
Though it’s sad to lose O’Brien as a late night talk show titan, the reality is that the comedian was never much of a talk show host to begin with. That’s not to say that he wasn’t good at the job, because he was. But it’s always been evidently clear that O’Brien succeeds the most when not tied to the restrictive talk show format. This is something that the host himself has increasingly realized over the years, cutting out an interview segment slot from Conan to bring the running time down to a breezy 30 minutes, and producing the acclaimed Conan Without Borders series to capitalize on his already popular remote travel segments
The best comedy that O’Brien has throughout his impressive run has very rarely been delivered in-studio. Every time O’Brien left the confines of his desk, whether it be for Late Night, The Tonight Show, or Conan, viewers could be confident that they were about to witness something truly hilarious. The longtime comedy writer quite simply thrives being out “in the wild.” There he is able to put his gangly comedic physicality to use and truly relish his ability to make people uncomfortable.
In honor of O’Brien finally making the long-awaited jump back to variety comedy, we’ve gathered together our 10 favorite remote segments the comedian has ever done. The only qualifications here are that the bits have to have occurred on one of his three major shows and they have to feature him away from his studio. Also, we won’t be counting any official Conan Without Borders entries as that is a distinct entity and would muddy the waters too much.
Without further ado…
Honorable Mention – Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Attends the Premiere of “Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones”
(Original airdate: 5/17/2002)
Sadly, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is not Conan O’Brien and therefore cannot appear on this list of Conan’s best remote segments. But it would feel unfair not to take time to highlight Late Night with Conan O’Brien’s other remote segment superstar. As created by SNL’s Robert Smigel, Triumph is a Eastern European-accented, cigar-chomping insult comic…who also just happens to be a dog puppet. Triumph’s trips outside the studio are almost always hilarious, but the rude canine hits an absolute comedic high with his trip to the Attack of the Clones premiere. Perhaps the most amazing thing in that clip isn’t the numerous cutting, hilarious, and utterly cruel nerd jokes, but how rapturously the audience responds at the beginning upon learning that Triumph is the correspondent Conan sent to the premiere.
10. Conan’s Trip to Ireland
(Original airdate: 3/17/1999)
Here, as far back as the 20th Century (before “the year two-thousaaaanddd”) we can see Conan began to realize how much fun he, and his audience by extension, had when he hits the road. Sending a red-haired individual named Conan O’Brien to Ireland is about as easy a slam dunk that a late night comedy writer can find. There’s a lot to love here, but nothing will top the photoshopped portraits of all of Conan’s ancestors.
9. Conan Delivers Chinese Food in NYC
(Original airdate: 11/1/2011)
Late in 2011, just under a year after Conan premiered, Conan returned to New York City where he had spent his Late Night tenure to film a week’s worth of shows. And what better way to ring in the return than with a stellar remote segment? In this bit, Conan serves as an inept delivery boy for Manhattan Chinese restaurant King Wok. It’s apparent early on just how excited he is to be back in New York when he’s already purring at one of the employees 10 seconds in. Conan gets the full New York experience in this, from one standoffish deliveree angrily denying that he’s her delivery guy to him being served Argentinian tea from a beautiful woman leaning out her window. The citizens of New York City are often Conan’s best comedic collaborators and they show why once again here.
8. Conan Goes to Trucking School
(Original airdate: 7/18/1997)
“Conan Goes to Trucking School” benefits from having the thinnest of setups. Conan wants to be a truck driver. Why? Well, who cares, the Jersey Truck Driving School is up for it and we’ve got some time to kill. Into that conceptual vacuum steps Conan just having the time of his life. You know you’re in for a good remote segment when Conan and a trucker he just met are singing a country song less than two minutes in.
7. Conan Tries to Sell His Ford Taurus
(Original airdate: 5/6/2004)
Conan O’Brien’s reviled puke green 1992 Ford Taurus is one of Late Night’s most enduring non-human characters (right up there with the Masturbating Bear). This segment serves as the first time we get to see the damnable machine in the chrome and it doesn’t disappoint. “Conan Tries to Sell His Ford Taurus” is among the best Conan remotes ever because it’s pretty clear that Conan actually loves the stupid thing. Of course he’s joking when he says things like “the wolf is on the prowl” or calls his stick shift the “Cone Bone”, but he doesn’t have to fake much pain when car experts give in an assessment in the $1800-3000 range.
6. Conan Visits The American Girl Store
(Original airdate: 12/18/2013)
“Conan Visits The American Girl Store” is perhaps the best argument you can find for giving Conan O’Brien alcohol and putting him on television. The first half of this bit is undoubtedly solid as Conan plays up the creepiness of him visiting a store designed for young girls. But things really take off when he finally chooses his doll (Potential Nazi war criminal Agnes Schweitzhoffer) and settles in for dinner in the American Girl Store’s shockingly lush dining room. As the chardonnay goes down, Conan (and Agnes by extension) are increasingly unable to hide their annoyance at the garçon and all his stupid riddles.
5. Conan Goes to Houston to Find Viewers
(Original air date: 5/1/1997)
In the first few years of Late Night with Conan O’Brien’s run, Conan and his team of writers had plenty of fun with how little people seemed to enjoy their dumb show. This segment takes that concept to its extreme. When Conan discovers that the Houston television market doesn’t air Late Night until 2:40 a.m. local time, he takes a camera team to Texas to find some fans after hours. The journey takes him from a bail bonds office, to a hotel basement, to an emergency room, and all the way to a bus terminal at 3:21 a.m. where he meets a man who is decidedly not a fan. “I was just almost murdered,” Conan says as he sits down for comedic effect…but also probably to catch his breath.
4. Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, and Conan Share a Lyft Car
(Original airdate: 12/10/2013)
The apparent success of Conan’s remote segments can be charted over the years by the level of talent that wants to get in on them. In this segment, Ice Cube and Kevin Hart are unambiguously big gets. And instead of any studio nonsense, they were more than happy in 2013 to check out this strange new service known as…Lyft? Are we pronouncing that right? Something about getting Conan, Cube, Kevin, and their Lyft driver Anthony in an enclosed space brings out the madness in them all. Hart and Ice Cube have a blast trying to turn Anthony against the gangly Conan as he runs into 7/11 to get everyone swisher sweets and a DVD of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Highlights here include Conan’s absurdly burdensome beatboxing and Kevin yelling “I’ll cut his shins off!” to Anthony’s friend over the phone.
3. Conan Plays Old-Timey Baseball
(Original airdate: 6/25/2004)
When Conan signed off of Late Night for what would be an unexpectedly brief Tonight Show tenure, he brought back this 2004 skit as an example of the kind of absurdist humor he felt the show did best. And it’s clear to see why. Conan’s trip to Old Bethpage Village Restoration where reenactors play old-timey baseball is in many ways the goofy platonic ideal of a Conan segment. The absurdity of the premise is funny enough as is, and then Conan’s buy-in only enhances the proceedings. “What is that demonry???” a 19th century Conan cries as a plane passes overhead. But the not-so-stealthy MVP here is the reenactor who is truly committed to her role as the dour village woman with a dead father and a soon-to-be-dead husband in the Civil War. “You know that guy ain’t coming back. I was down in the Civil War. I saw him and he was acting very cowardly I have to say,” Conan says in an attempt to woo her.
2. Dave Franco and Conan Join Tinder
(Original airdate: 7/17/2014)
Just about every moment of “Dave Franco and Conan Join Tinder” is joyously, ludicrously hilarious. Conan gives viewers all the set up they need for why he’d want to browse Tinder with Dave Franco, saying “Naturally, because I’m a creep, I’m intrigued.” Conan and Dave adopting their Chip Whitley and Dgenghis Roundstone (the “D” is silent) personas is wonderful. As is an unexpected cameo from Conan’s assistant Sona and Conan and Dave’s competition over the 74-year-old Gloria. But per usual, this thing really gets moving when Conan and Dave hit the road in their creepy panel van. Conan assures Dave that the van is filled with duct tape solely to hold the cameras up. “I wish I could say I saw duct tape on any of these cameras,” Dave responds. Once Chip and Dgenghis finally meet their Tinder date, this segment evolves into its glorious final form where Dave and the citizens of L.A. bond over what a weirdo Conan is.
1. The Jordan Schlansky Saga
(Original airdate: 9/1/2008)
Our number 1 entry is a bit of a cheat. For starters, this is not referring to merely one remote segment but a whole genre of them. And the first entry is not even technically a “remote.” Still, we must highlight it all the same for the saga of Conan O’Brien’s associate producer Jordan Schlansky is among the best comedy that Late Night/Tonight Show/Conan ever produced. During the writer’s strike in 2008, Conan tried to keep Late Night going without his usual bevy of writers to help out. This meant segments in which Conan would meet with some of the people behind the scenes of his show which brought him into contact with his eventual archnemesis Jordan Schlansky.
Schlansky is just an aggressively strange person. Always dispassionate and rarely smiling, Schlansky fancies himself a Bohemian renaissance man with his breakfast shakes, mastery of the bullwhip, and vespa. The best part of their original meeting is when Conan realizes just how hilariously bizarre the gestalt of Jordan and can’t help but collapse into laughter as he chokes out “You’re just not like other people.” Later Jordan would join Conan and many remote segments to aggressively annoy and vex him, including one dinner that is among the best things the show has ever done. That lead to Conan’s truly chilling villain monologue:
Conan: I promise you this, I will not kill you myself. But I will have you killed. I will have you wiped out.
Jordan: I am subject to the same winds, the sun, the air that created the wine that I am drinking.
Conan: There will be nothing that links me to your murder. There will be no physical link between your dead body and myself. But you will be murdered. I will order it. I will pay for it. But I’ll have no- I am blameless in the eyes of the international court, that I promise you. (laughs) I’m gonna kill you. (laughs) You have to go.
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BONUS – Conan Checks Out the Christmas Lights in Dyker Heights
(Original airdate: 12/22/2000)
Here’s a bonus entry for purely sentimental reasons. This is nowhere near the best of Conan’s hundreds of remote segments, but it holds some personal value to your dear author. Once upon a time I was a child celebrating the Christmas season a month after my family’s 400-mile move to a new home. My parents had a Christmas party that day and I severely overindulged on chocolates, finishing them off with several clementines before bed for some reason. Suffice it to say, sometime around midnight, I puked all over a brand new sleeping bag I received as a gift and ended up on the couch, full of chocolate, clementines, and regret. My mom flipped on the TV to distract me while she hauled off the sleeping bag to be cleaned…or burned. On TV was this very segment “Conan Checks Out the Christmas Lights in Dyker Heights.” I was enraptured by this strange orange-haired man making fun of people’s garish Christmas decorations…even as I tasted the foul acidy sting of rancid citrus in my throat. And thus is the perfect Conan O’Brien watching experience. Best of luck at HBO Max, Conesy!
The post Conan: Ranking the Best Remote Segments appeared first on Den of Geek.
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An Improbable Story of Healing and a Girl with a Wand
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou
It’s the worry, I think. The constant worry. Is she safe? Will she make the right choices? Will she find a young man that will cherish and support her? The worry is always there. It never leaves.
She recently visited Los Angeles for the first time. A business trip. She had a few hours to kill. What to do? The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter! The girl is not shy. Flying solo would not be a problem.
Later that night I get the call. The hot topic was how to properly pick out a wand. She even texted me a visual aid. And apparently, she’s a Ravenclaw. A “sorting hat” made that determination.
I could have sworn she was Gryffindor!
Yep. Two nerds. Later that evening, I get another text, “Goodnight, Old Man.” I respond with, “Goodnight, Dweeb.” Our banter always brings a big smile to my face.
The thing that hit me so hard about that conversation was her innocence. She’s twenty-seven years of age and yet that precious part of her remains.
My armor is old and unyielding. Well worn from decades of struggle. But with her, all that melts away.
Her innocence brought tears to my eyes. Like a toddler falling for the first time. A primal flood of emotion. The kind you can’t run from.
I was never supposed to have a twenty-seven-year-old in my life. It was never supposed to happen. Now what? I mean, okay, fine, feel the feels. But this went way beyond emotions. Feelings.
I had become a role model. A guardian of sorts. This was never supposed to happen. Not to a guy like me. I was cut from a different cloth.
My father’s version of parenting began with a right hook and ended with bruises. His rage, the look in his eyes, was terrifying. And my mom, in spite of her good heart, was an alcoholic nearing the end.
She died of cancer when I was just twenty-eight. Ten years later, my father passed. I got the news from Google. A random search done on a whim. I had not seen him in over twenty years.
This was my life. The only life I had ever known.
Losing my mom was tough, for sure. But more than anything, it was a relief. I know that sounds horrible but it was. Even more so with my dad. I was finally free. The burden had been lifted. The darkness was no more.
That was the cloth I inherited.
So I had to go it alone.
I would make my own luck. I would craft new DNA. Whatever the price, I was willing to pay it. Which helped me to break down walls. Healing? Not so much.
By age thirty, I was making six figures without a degree. I’ve run ad agencies, been a top-tier management consultant. I’ve directed and produced two short films and a play.
I rose above the right hook.
I rose above the mother that was never there. I rose above the odds that predicted my doom. Which brings us back to the spirited young lady in my life.
Brooke had wrapped up college and was about to enter the workforce. It was not going well. Friends suggested a trade agreement. Brooke’s legendary organizing skills for a few coaching sessions.
No big deal. A little pro bono work.
A few months in, her walls collapsed. All the pain and fear. Years of struggles. Tears running down her cheeks. There she was standing before me. All of her.
It took me a few days to process everything. Being a caretaker? To a twenty-two-year-old girl? The Universe was clearly stoned. How else to explain it? I had no answers.
But as each day passed, my resolve deepened.
Someone had to stand up for this girl and that someone had to be me. Because, you know, an almost fifty-year-old single man, mentoring a single twenty-two-year-old girl, that doesn’t throw up any red flags!
My life is rarely boring.
I still believed this would be a no-brainer. Easy breezy. Provide some counsel. Buy an occasional lunch. Help Brooke on her journey.
Like I said, no big deal.
Our brokenness is always there, beneath the surface. Stirring. Churning. Waiting to heal. It just takes the right set of ingredients. The right circumstances.
For me, that was a 5’4” twenty-seven-year-old with a Harry Potter wand in her hand.
It’s actually kind of perfect, given the people involved. As the years passed, the trust between us grew. And she started opening up. The real stuff. Career. Boys. Life. Roommates. Money. Insecurities. We talked about everything. Still do.
Which included calling her out when need be. That always felt odd. She’s not my spawn but at times, I seriously have to wonder.
I took all the calls when her world collapsed. I occasionally cooked her breakfast, which included insane amounts of bacon. We started going to movies and just hanging out.
And more of my armor fell. Piece by piece.
And more her armor fell. Piece by piece.
Then I noticed something. Several somethings, actually.
She was doing a lot better. She was growing into a confident, successful young woman. And she would emulate me. Which was kind of crazy. And totally awesome.
I had to be a legit role model. Holy crap!
And then the check-in phone calls and texts started happening. She needed a comforting voice. My voice. I had become that voice. Wait! What? When did that happen? And wow, that happened?!
It was all very humbling and beautiful.
When the holidays rolled around last year, we decided to meet for breakfast and exchange gifts. Kerbey Lane, an Austin favorite. It was my turn to rip open presents.
I knew it was a book. You always know when it’s a book. But this was no ordinary book, this was Tsugele’s Broom, a favorite from her childhood.
And it came with very specific instructions.
The book told the story of an independent young woman in search of a good man. Brooke’s instructions were simple. When I believed she had found such a man, I was to return the book.
What the hell was happening? More tears welled up. Is it always like this?
I was suddenly overcome by a profound need to immediately hug her. Unfortunately, that almost resulted in me knocking over our table. A gymnast, I am not.
A few people looked up. I blushed. She had a good laugh.
This young woman. This dweeb.
I love her so very much. And I worry.
Adulting. Right?
Wow, that’s happening.
The right-hook childhood. The dark trauma of my youth. All that stuff is slowly healing. Beneath the surface. The deep kind of healing. A soul scrub of sorts.
And so it is with her.
I get to watch that happen. I get to be a part of that process.
Because as it turns out, I am cut from a cloth that can protect. I am cut from a cloth that can love and not abuse.
That is the cloth I wear now.
And it took a Ravenclaw for me to see it!
Which is not to say that it’s all roses. There is still work to be done. And we’re finding those answers together. One moment at time. Two imperfect nerds finding their way.
A middle-aged man. A twenty-seven year-old-girl with a wand.
In this life, I got to be an almost dad.
Ya know?
It’s kind of a big deal.
In my final moments, whenever they may come, I’ll remember Brooke’s first tears. The tears that called me out. And the fact that I answered that call.
There is so much more to you than you could ever realize. Seriously. It’s true. So answer the call. Whatever that may look like for you. Answer the call.
Find the cloth you thought impossible to wear.
Because it’s down there. Somewhere.
Keep looking.
About Bob Olmstead
Bob Olmstead is a brand strategist and success coach that will help you unlock the Secret Sauce that will set your business or personal brand on fire! It's human journey and that's a good thing. Your greatest competitive asset is your passion and commitment. He offers a free initial brand assessment to get you started at bobolmsteadink.com.
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I’m not good at making requests, so forgive me if anything come out wrong.
But, could you do something were reader and Tech are fixing some eletronics and listening to cientific things, and start talking about a wrong thing people said there, so they get distracted and when realize, they’re in to a awkward position (like him btween her legs or sth like that)
I love your writing and thanks (: <3
Omg I've been so soft for Tech lately and this prompt is perfect 💚 I hope this is what you were looking for, I really enjoyed writing it!
Tech x reader | 2k words
...making bacta the most important scientific achievement in history...
"Dank farrik," Tech huffed beside you.
You came out of your daze at the sudden exclamation and looked at your friend with concern, trying to quickly figure out what had gone wrong. You were helping him with a project, though what it was exactly you weren't completely certain of. All you knew was it involved digging into the walls of the ship and untangling a lot of wires. You'd been instructed to hold onto several of them, keeping them pulled taught out of the wall so Tech could fiddle with the other ends, and the dullness of the task had caused your mind to wander.
"What's wrong?" you asked, doubtful you'd understand any explanation, but wanting to be sure you hadn't done anything to mess up his progress.
He waved a hand at you dismissively, not pulling his attention away from the work in front of him. "Just the radio," he mumbled.
You hadn't been paying attention; it had only been turned on as background noise to keep you from going insane with boredom. And since it was tuned into some kind of scientific news frequency, you didn't really understand much of what was being said anyway.
...with the most influential application simply being in the field of medicine, providing us higher life forms with a versatile tool in maintaining our quality of life, and potentially even prolonging it...
Tech huffed again. Scoffed. Your mouth quirked at how upset he was getting. It was kind of cute.
But, you had to debate whether engaging with his frustration would be worth it. He had only recently calmed down from his outburst earlier that day, the only time you had ever seen him genuinely upset. Wrecker had accidentally knocked over a piece of machinery that was... well, something very important, apparently. No one was too sure. But Tech had spent most of the week carefully arranging its parts just-so, so that when all his hard work went crashing onto the floor, his breathing had suddenly resembled that of a charging Nexu. He'd drawn himself up, trying to match his brother's height, and ordered the poor guy to never step foot in this part of the ship again. The other Batchers had tried to defend him and were subsequently banned as well.
That left you as the only option for help.
Maybe that meant he wouldn't kick you out for debating him....
"Sounds like they're saying some pretty reasonable things. Am I missing something?"
Tech's fingers, which had been deftly working through the wires before him, clipping some and splicing others, finally froze. The clone's face tilted over to you, his eyes looking a little too judgmental through those glasses for your liking.
"You think bacta is the most important scientific achievement?" he asked. You didn't like his tone, either.
You scrunched your mouth in thought, actually giving the question serious consideration. While you mulled it over, Tech stood up from his hunched position in the wall and started pulling on some of the wires, unraveling them from their tangled mess.
"Yeah," you finally decided. "I think medicine in general is pretty important. And bacta specifically is the strongest known substance to deliver fast and effective healing."
Tech was mostly focused on the wires, but he spared you a glance.
"And treating symptoms is the most important thing for humanity? Here, hold this." He added another wire for you to hold in your hands.
You knew it was a loaded question so you chose to answer it with one of your own. "Well if it's not bacta or medicine, then what would it be?"
"Electricity," he said quickly and assertively, as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy. He continued to focus more on his work and you were annoyed he didn't seem to want to offer up an explanation to his opinion, despite having made you give one. He'd finally untangled the wires and was back to leaning into the cavern in the wall and setting them into their proper places.
"Why electricity?" You hated how dumb your question sounded; obviously you understood the concept and understood its importance. You just really wanted to challenge him to give you some explanations.
"For one, most medicines would not be able to be mass-produced were it not for the electrically-run vats in which they are made." He held his hand out behind him and made a grabbing motion. "Blue, please."
You sorted out the blue wire and passed it over.
"For another," he continued, his voice sounding distant as he leaned further away into the wall, "we must ask what constitutes a quote-unquote important achievement. For example, is an achievement worthy of the title simply because it improves our quality of life? Green, please."
You handed over the corresponding wire. "I'd say it's more about preserving life. Even outside of war, there's enough injury and illness that would end life were it not for medicine to heal them."
"Ah, but in that same reasoning, electricity also sustains life. It powers sources of light and warmth, which can also provide a means of boiling water and cooking food. All keys to survival. Yellow, please."
"So does fire," you shot back. "People survived long before electricity, and there's still plenty of civilizations living fine without it."
Tech finally emerged from the wall and took the last few wires from you, the red and black ones. He met your eyes with an earnestness that let you know how much he was enjoying this conversation. "And people have survived without medicine. At least the manufactured forms that you're arguing for, like bacta. Traditional medicine is as sufficient as fire."
Before you could respond, Tech moved to the side, motioning toward the wall with his head and holding up the remaining wires.
"Now, unfortunately these last ones need to be clipped in down below. I'm not able to fit through the lattice of the floor, but someone of your stature easily could."
You stepped forward and peered down. It was a mess of machinery and pipes and beams, but you could clearly see the port where the wires had been yanked out earlier. You knelt down, resting your stomach on the edge of the wall, but paused before bending over.
"If it wasn't for bacta, you wouldn't have been born." You were confident in your comeback and thus didn't linger for his reaction, turning to bend down into the ship with your wires instead.
You were disappointed to hear his soft chuckle from above you.
"And what do you think powers the bacta tanks that hold the clone embryos?"
You were glad he couldn't see the frustrated frown on your face. While you tried to think of a new point in your debate, you snapped the red wire into the proper port. But then you realized you couldn't quite reach the black one, and started carefully shimmying forward, deeper into the wall.
"It seems we have circled back to the initial question," Tech offered in your silence. You felt his hands hold on to your hips, steadying you as your legs lifted from the floor, most of your body now inside the ship. You didn't think anything of it, though, your focus split between your task and his words. "What makes an achievement the most important? Both medicine and electricity are capable of preserving life, but neither are essential to survival. So, what criteria are we left with?"
You were finally within reach of the last port and pushed the wire into it. "Sounds like you already have the right answer, so why don't you stop teasing me and just say it?" you called up to him.
"I...I didn't mean to sound like I was teasing."
You could hear the apology in his voice, how truly caught off guard he was to hear that you had perceived his attempts at a friendly debate, a conversation, as mocking or disrespectful. Your stomach knotted up in guilt, making your journey to wiggle back out of the wall a little more difficult.
"I'm sorry, Tech," you said through a grunt as you tried to push yourself back. "I didn't mean to sound rude. I just don't know the answer."
You felt his arms snake around your middle, pulling you the last of the way out. You came to rest on your knees, breathing heavily at the sudden increase in air supply. Tech was crouched alongside you, his chest against part of your back, his arms still holding you.
"I honestly don't know the answer, either," he blinked down at you, speaking quietly. "I don't know what criteria would constitute the most important scientific achievement. I thought maybe we could figure it out if we kept discussing it."
You craned your neck around to look at him, unconcerned about the discomfort it took to do so. You needed to face him fully. "Or... maybe we don't need to figure it out? I mean, does there need to be one achievement labeled more important than any other? Can they not all be valued equally?"
"I suppose..." he relented. But only a little. "It is a fun thought exercise, though."
You smiled at that, and it made your heart flutter a little to see him return the expression. There were a few seconds between you where you sat pleasantly in each other's arms... before the realization hit that you were in each other's arms.
"Uh," Tech stuttered first. His eyes looked about frantically as if the more he saw of you practically sitting in his lap, the more he would know what to do about it.
Your face was hot and your heart thumped forcefully in your chest. But you weren't panicking. Even though you'd been around the Bad Batch for a while now, this was the first time you'd gotten physically close to any of them, especially this dorky genius, who made you feel just a little better about life than the others did. You hadn't been sure why, not until this moment, your face being mere inches away from his own. Now it clicked.
His arms had removed themselves from your frame and he was starting to crawl backward on the floor. You quickly grasped his shoulder to stop him.
"Tech, wait."
He froze, looking at you with wide, apprehensive eyes. His shoulder was tense so you relaxed your grasp and simply let your hand rest on it gently. You gave him a small smile. Thankfully these little gestures were enough encouragement for him to lean back to you. He still looked at you timidly, but he wasn't pulling away anymore. It seemed like maybe he had been feeling the same things about you.
"Yes?"
He was waiting for you to make the next move.
"So, this project," you stalled, needing just a little more time to work up the courage. "What is it again? Why did I just crawl into the bowels of the ship?"
Your face was creeping closer to his, breath gently fanning across each other, warm but refreshing.
"I... I..." Tech seemed to be short-circuiting. "I was just, uh, re... redecorating."
Your nose had just brushed his when you suddenly frowned and moved back to look at him questioningly. "Redecorating... wires?"
You were very amused at how flustered he seemed to be in this situation. But then the tables turned as Tech rolled with it.
"Yeah, I didn't like the way they looked in there. Wanted to change things up. You know me."
The smile on our face spread as he talked and you couldn't hold back your laughter any longer. You bent forward, resting your forehead in the crook of his neck while your body convulsed with giggles. Tech laughed along, bringing his arms back around you to hold you in place. When you finally looked up at him and the shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face, you knew you'd finally found your courage.
"Oh, Tech..." you chided, pressing your smiling lips against his own.
#star wars#star wars fanfiction#the clone wars#the bad batch#tech#tech x reader#my easy breezy beautiful nerd boy#ask box open#i'm feeling creative in this chilis tonight
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Do you have any headcanons for the Bad Batch when they were cadets? How they were treated by other clones, or by the Kaminoans? What each of the four boys were like when they were cadets?
Thank you!
I actually do have some headcanons on this topic because I may or may not think about the Bad Batch constantly I think about them a normal, healthy amount and okay, here we go...
Hunter:
Fit in socially more than the others. Didn't grow out his hair or get tattoos until after he deployed, and his abilities weren't as obvious, so he more-or-less was able to blend in with the regs. Never really got bullied or bothered.
Struggled with his mutations the most. No one knew for a while if he was going to cut it. Overstimulation, head-splitting migraines, the whole bit.
But he had exceptional combat skills, great leadership potential, and an unwavering can-do attitude. So as a way to save him from decommission, the Kaminoans isolated him for a while to help him manage his senses and cope with the side effects.
Connected with Crosshair first. Cross would keep an eye on the team when he was away or in more specialized training. And he always seemed to know what Hunter was thinking without him having to say. They formed a silent but strong bond.
Wrecker and Tech were more like younger brothers he had to manage. Obviously Crosshair would still get in on the drama too, but Hunter had to really stay on top of Wrecker's restlessness and Tech getting sidetracked.
Interacted with a lot of the other Commanders and Sergeants and hung out with them in his free time just a little more than the Batch. It just felt easier to let loose with other leaders.
Generally a good cadet, but often questioned things or tried to think outside the box/protocols. Had to find balance between being what others expected and listening to his inner rebel.
Wrecker:
Some regs gave him a wide birth, while others would pick fights with him just to test their own strength. This actually made Wrecker kinda depressed as a cadet; he's a friendly guy, but no one wanted to be his friend. It hurt.
Channeled his anger into his training, which he already did a lot of just because he had more energy than anyone knew what to do with. The Kaminoans had to up their production of dummy droids just for him.
Instant favorite of the Kaminoans, his mutations were obviously useful. But with all the dummies and all the food the guy ate...they often had to run a cost-benefit analysis to make sure the resources spent were worth it.
Struggled with the academic stuff, until Hunter discovered he could learn better if the material was more hands-on and interactive.
Took to all the Batchers right away. They were his only social outlet. Hunter helped him work through his depression and find his confidence again. Tech always came up with cool ideas he could try with his strength. And Crosshair was the only one who understood his love of weapons and explosives.
So he became their defender against the other cadets. Any teasing or bullying was immediately turned into a fight if Wrecker heard about it. Wasn't subtle so he often got in trouble.
Initiated a lot of pranks and shenanigans out of boredom. Was the one who came up with all the skull imagery on their armor. Preferred the group training exercises over the solo ones.
Crosshair
Definitely got bullied by the regs, stood out like a sore thumb. He was too tall and too skinny and his hair too grey... Got called a lot of names and pushed around in the halls, sometimes tricked and sabotaged too.
But he also egged them on. Liked to poke and prod and get reactions out of people. Because if he could get them to snap first, then he didn't feel as much like the victim.
Didn't interact much with the Kaminoans, was pretty self-sufficient with his training. He liked to push himself and test his limits on his own.
Wasn't close with the other Batchers for a while, just observed them at first, figured out what they were about before letting them in. Even though they were odd balls like him, he still struggled getting over his trust issues.
He and Hunter developed their own understanding between each other, but he was secretly partial to Tech. He felt the need to keep an eye on him more than the others. The nerd was just so oblivious sometimes, it was frustrating but it brought out his protective side.
He and Wrecker developed more of a sibling rivalry relationship. Crosshair hated how loud and messy the big guy was, and Wrecker was never patient with his calmer approach. They started their kill count competition almost right away.
Was good at following instructions and directive. Did his assignments on time and only occasionally questioned or challenged things. Did not enjoy his cadet experience though and desperately looked forward to leaving Kamino.
Tech:
Also frequently bullied and teased, but he didn't engage as much as the other Batchers. Mostly because he didn't really notice or understand what was happening, too lost in his own thoughts to realize he was the butt of the joke.
But he wasn't completely clueless, and when he was aware he was getting picked on, he just internalized it. Some of those words still sit heavy in his heart to this day.
The Kaminoans were also uncertain what to do with Tech, they weren't sure if it was a good thing they'd created someone so freaking smart. What if he questioned things too much?
Was for sure the student that was too smart to pay attention in class and ended up getting in trouble as a result. It took Hunter interfering before he was given more challenging assignments, and eventually allowed to just self-teach.
Didn't exactly bond with any of the others, but ended up spending more time with Crosshair. He was the only one patient enough to listen to his idle ramblings, or would sit with him while they quietly worked on their own assignments.
But he did take an interest in the rest of the group's mutations and worked on special projects to help each of them cope effectively and capitalize on their abilities.
A mentally restless cadet, often stayed up late on research binges or obsessed over a part of his training until it was perfected. Felt disconnected and misunderstood, he never had a true outlet to express all the ideas and knowledge he had.
#star wars#star wars headcanons#the clone wars#the bad batch#cadets#hunter#wrecker#crosshair#tech#my emotional support grumpy toothpick man#my easy breezy beautiful nerd boy#my strong fun himbo brother#don't have a title for hunter yet#hmmm
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What about a reader that is drunk, going to do some nonsense, so both Tech and Crosshair stop her, and in the next day there’s a climate btween them? Pretty please 🥺
I wasn't sure what you meant by the last part of your request so I just let the scene play out in what felt like a natural direction, I hope that's okay! I'm happy to write something else if you'd like!
Tech & Crosshair & Reader | 1.8k words
You tried to hold back your giggles as you gathered up as many helmets as you possibly could. This was going to be great. You couldn't believe you hadn't thought of this before, it was probably one of the best ideas you'd ever had in your life. Your whole body seemed to shake with excitement. Or maybe that was just the alcohol. Nah... you hadn't had that much to drink. This was a genuinely good, smart idea.
You stumbled out of the closet and down the hallway, dropping a few helmets along the way but not even noticing. It was like the edges of your vision were out of focus but surely that was just the dim lighting of 79's. It'd always been hard to see in here.
"What are doing?"
The voice came out of no where, even thought its owner was practically standing right in front of you. Arms crossed, scowl on his face, eyes studying you as you juggled a half dozen clone trooper helmets in your arms for seemingly no reason.
"Back off, Crosshair," you slurred, trying to push past him quickly. Why was he always in your business?
The sniper was too quick for you even on your good days. He took hold of your arm and pulled you back before you entered the main bar area, keeping you in the relative privacy of the hallway.
"Why are you stealing the 501st's helmets?" he rephrased his question.
"It's not stealing, it's a prank," you protested, trying and failing to get your arm out of his grasp. Another helmet tumbled to the floor in the effort.
"Oh there you are," came a new voice. It was almost as if you were moving in slow motion as you tore your gaze from Crosshair and over at the newcomer.
"Tech, tell this jerk to get out of my way," you thought you said. But whatever actually came out was apparently not as understandable. Tech looked between you and Crosshair, confused.
"Um, okay. Why are you stealing the 501st's helmets?" he asked the same question as his brother.
As if on queue, another helmet slipped out of your grasp, though you hadn't moved. At least, you didn't think you did. You huffed and ignored Tech's question, turning back to Crosshair with pleading eyes. Both men were standing between you and your chance to pull one over on the 501st, a battalion infamous for their clever pranks. And you were not going to be stopped.
"Come on Cross," you drawled. "I'm pranking the regs, you should be proud."
Even through your crazed senses, you were still able to pick up the amused twitch of his lips. But he quickly suppressed it and turned back to his usual grouchy grimace.
"Normally I would," he said, "but not like this. Not tonight."
He took a pair of helmets from you and handed them over to Tech, ignoring your whiny sounds of protest.
"He's right," said Tech, placing the helmets on the floor in the corner. "Wrecker already upset some of them tonight, I don't think they'd find this very humorous. Besides, in your drunken state..."
"I'm not drunk!" you exclaimed, probably louder than you intended judging by the flinch both men gave in response.
"Your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are bloodshot," said Tech matter-of-factly.
"And I saw exactly how many drinks you had," added Crosshair.
Tech nodded at him. "Yes, we could go on, but that should be indication enough that..."
You cut him off again, this time with tears. You couldn't help it. The whine that had almost been perpetually eking out of you during this whole conversation grew into actual cries and whimpers. Before you knew it, your cheeks were wet and your lips trembled uncontrollably.
"You're both so mean, you never let me have fun, the one time I come up with a great idea and you shoot it down like I'm an idiot, it's not fair, all I wanted was to show you that I belong here with you guys, but none of you let me, you don't care about me at all, you're such fun-busters..."
You babbled on and on, only barely making any sense to the two men who'd now freed you from your armful of stolen helmets and were gently guiding you out of the bar. You clunked along between them like a baby learning to walk for the first time, unaware of where you were going or what was happening. You could only focus on your emotional speech, and then after a few minutes, your focus was redirected to the queasy feeling in your stomach.
Thankfully the boys got you back onto the Havoc and into the refresher before you spilled your guts. Crosshair held your hair back and rubbed a hand soothingly along your spine until the worst of it passed. You fell limp next to the toilet, unable to form any coherent thoughts in the aftermath.
"Come on," Crosshair said softly by your ear. He tried pulling you up, but when it was clear you weren't going to stand on your own, he picked you up altogether and carried you over the to bunks.
Tech had pulled out one of the cots, the one everyone on the ship agreed was more comfortable than the others and thus fought over the right for almost every night. He had it set up with blankets and pillows, and he stood nearby holding a bottle of water as Crosshair laid you down.
"Just small sips for now," Tech said, holding the bottle up to your lips and helping you get down a few quick swallows, enough to calm the burning in the back of your throat. You were vaguely aware of his thumbs wiping away the remnants of your earlier tantrum from your eyes.
"Fun-busters," you muttered before curling up on your side.
Tech looked over at his brother, who only rolled his eyes at your stubbornness.
"Good-night to you, too," he said just before you lost consciousness.
* * *
The next morning was... rough, to say the least. You'd been tipsy a few times in your life, but never full-on drunk, which meant you'd also never had to deal with a full-on hangover.
Your head was splitting open, you were sure of it. Every turn of your neck made you feel sick. There was a pressure behind your eyes and a lightness to your stomach. You wanted to stay in bed forever. But even more painful than your hangover symptoms were the memories of your behavior the night before, and the urge to make amends eventually propelled you to get up.
You found Tech first, fiddling with his holopad in the cockpit. He eyed you as you carefully lowered yourself in the chair next to his, keeping a hand up to shield your eyes from the rays of morning sunlight that crept through the windows.
"I'm sorry," you said in a low, raspy voice, getting right to the point. You knew Tech appreciated when people did that. He wasn't a fan of small talk and segues, not when there was clearly something important to discuss. "I was kind of a dumbass last night, wasn't I?"
Tech set down his holopad with a shrug. "You had too much to drink. You weren't in control of your mental faculties."
You smiled at his uncomplicated way of viewing things. But then came a cough from behind, from a particularly unamused sniper leaning against the doorway.
"You were a dumbass," he said just as plainly as his brother. Well, at least they were both honest, even if it was in contrast to each other.
"I'm surprised you remember," said Tech, quickly trying to move past his brother's more negative comment. "From what I've read, memory loss is common after heavy intoxication...."
You shook your head, immediately regretting the action as it made your head ring. "I don't remember a lot, just enough to be embarrassed. If I said anything nasty to either of you, I really didn't mean it, I swear. I was just...."
You trailed off, not sure what it was you were really trying to do. You'd wanted to pull a prank, but there'd been something else driving you forward, some other motive to want to do something so stupid.
"You called us fun-busters and cried because you didn't think we cared about you," said Crosshair through the customary toothpick in his mouth.
You looked at Tech, who gave you an apologetic look that confirmed his brother's words were true. You let out a little groan and slumped into the chair. A part of you was glad you didn't fully remember.
"Do you really think that?" Tech asked. "That you don't belong here?"
You shrugged. You still weren't sure about your feelings.
"I dunno... I guess, maybe sometimes... it does feel like you treat me the way you do the regs." You spoke slowly, discovering your own thoughts as you said the words. "Like I'm just along for the ride. Just a normal person who doesn't matter. I thought if I did something to them, you'd see I wasn't part of them. At least, that's what my drunk alter ego thought, anyway."
You gave another shrug and tried for a laugh but it didn't feel quite right.
Tech looked thoughtful for a moment. "You do realize most of the regs in that club were inebriated, too. But we didn't carry any of them to bed for the night."
"Or watch as they puked their guts out," added Crosshair with a slight wrinkling of his nose.
"Yes," Tech nodded at you. "We knew you've been feeling down lately, that's why Hunter suggested we all go to that bar in the first place, to give you a chance to have some fun. Crosshair and I kept an eye on you, and Hunter and Wrecker made sure those regs didn't get upset over your, ah, attempt at a prank."
Tech let his words linger for a moment as you finally raised your throbbing eyes up to meet his.
"You belong here. And we do care. We care because, well..."
He looked over at his brother and you followed his gaze. Crosshair took out his toothpick and pointed it at you.
"Because we're your family."
He put the toothpick back in his mouth with a wink and then turned to leave, showing that that was the final word on the subject. Tech looked at you with a soft smile, one that made you finally feel at peace. You hummed as you laid back against the chair and let the feeling really take hold within you.
You belonged with the Bad Batch. They were your family.
It was a very nice feeling.
#star wars#star wars fanfiction#the clone wars#the bad batch#tech#crosshair#tech & crosshair#tech & reader#crosshair & reader#my easy breezy beautiful nerd boy#my emotional support grumpy toothpick man#cw: alcohol
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Wolffe, Echo, Tech, Crosshair, Cody
Get drunk with: Crosshair, I bet he's actually fun when he's drunk
Make out with: Wolffe, for research purposes
Date: Tech, he'd be a nice boyfriend but it prob wouldn't last long because I'd end up jealous over his true love: knowledge
Marry: Echo, total husband material ❤️ ugh my weak little heart
Punch: Cody, let's just say it's because he tried to kill Obi-Wan
From the Send Me 5 Characters game, I'll answer in between writing my other fics and requests today!
#star wars#ask box open#commander cody#commander wolffe#Crosshair#My emotional support grumpy toothpick man#Tech#My easy breezy beautiful nerd boy#Echo#My poor darling precious baby sweetheart
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