#my day dreams are getting too good and i know thats never obtainable so i gotta stop
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Women, man.
This girl that I worked with had a bf, and they got engaged shortly after I started working with and talking to her. She told me she wanted friends, cause she didn't hang out with many people outside of her bf and his friends. So I was like cool, I need friends around my age instead of way older like usual. I even painted her and another coworker things to practice painting and as presents for christmas/in general cause, new friends! But I think she mistook my intentions.. which is also 100% normal and usually what happens. So we hadn't really talked since like, March. I also had a lot of other shit going on for myself, and I recently got fired from that job (because of discrimination, I still haven't decided how far I'm going to go legally with it but I've got unemployment about to start and a last check coming.
HOWEVER. Right after being fired, and before she knew about it, this same girl at work randomly sent me a link for her brand new OF account. On said account she lists herself as bi and only mentions being an introvert sharing her freaky side. After not speaking to each other since March. She then unsolicited called me baby girl outta no where, and I haven't corrected her with the pronoun thing yet cause I'm still too confused about wtf she's got going on. She then sent me 4 voice messages over Instagram first thing in the morning the next morning. And invited me out to a gay club with her and some other gays that all work where we used to work together. All very clear signs and indications of something, right??? And then..
Then I asked her "so what's the deal with the OF? I thought you might very gotten hacked" and her reply was along the lines of "I love sex and wanted to share that with people in my life so they could enjoy me too"
"Oh, and there will be some girl on girl action soon too so stay tuned"... 👀👀👀 OK ma'am, go off.
And then my reply, obviously, after this barrage of unsolicited everything, went along the lines of "we stab, fully support a small business. I would offer to help with volunteers but I doubt you'd need help in that department"
....lame. i know. So sue me....to which she replied... absolutely nothing. Has left me on read since Wednesday. Maybe it's because I wasn't as forward as she was being? But literally the last I heard she was engaged and had found her forever person and just wanted more friends to hang out with. But then never hung out with me when I tried and then stopped talking altogether until she sent me an OF sooooooo wtf. Why tf. Why do women. Why am I like this.
Either way all I've been able to think about since is all the different ways I wanna make her come and now I can't believe I have to wait until the day they wanna go out to hang out with her and figure it the fuck out. But, I gotta wait till I get my last check before I can do anything else about it anyway. Atm I have half a tank of gas and $25 for food till whenever that gets issued. And florida only requires them to send it out within 30 days of termination so they could technically wait till after the date everyone wants to go out before they issue it. I could get 1 or 2 unemployment checks before I get my actual final check
But anyway. Now idk if I've ruined it before it could start or if she's waiting for me to reciprocate some of the forwardness, idk if I should dig in harder and figure out something else to say or if I should leave it alone and give it some air before hanging out in person. What I really wanna do is be honest and let her know how much she's driving me crazy with everything and figure out if it's the intent or if I'm misreading things but how exactly do you misread that? Why send me the link at all if you don't either wanna think about me joining or something? We hadn't spoken in months. Idk. Maybe she thought I'd find out through work and feel left out? Why would that matter tho?
WHY AM I LIKE THIS
#just shoot me please#blonde hair blue eyes a british accent and she loves cars#pleeeeease put me outta my misery#my day dreams are getting too good and i know thats never obtainable so i gotta stop#wheres my lobotomy#i ordered one after the first girl that broke my heart and it STILL hasnt shown up#i just#am really bored atm and at least have someone/something to fantasize about now#i wish people were easier to figure out without getting screwed by them first.#but like... also... if youre tryna...#just going to have to make clear comunication a requirment for anytjing cause im done for a fling if she wants but#id really like a chance to get to know her and make her happy too#idk. we'll see#fucking#t minus three weeks to hang out unless i get a check sooner and can try and do something with her
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I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!
One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?
I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.
Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.
For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.
I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.
Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".
thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺
yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo.
and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi.
the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):
a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that.
So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.
maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making
but also in terms of self awareness
i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi.
BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while.
reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team.
so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.
nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players
Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.
but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.
in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them.
i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).
#blue lock#blue lock spoilers#nagireo#reonagi#its kinda ironic that reo proved nagi needs him but he now has to realise thats not actually a good thing for him#nagi: im the best player in the world // ego: u're actually shit u delusional brat#hes not wrong im afraid
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A Note To Parents
I originally wanted to elaborate on each sentence and turn them all into paragraphs explaining about each main sentence but I'm not too sure thats going to happen (to all of them at least), but I mean if I get to it I get to it. The thoughts will come to me at some point.
Kind of a backstory for this. I saw something on pinterest about parents treating their kids wrong (not the first time) and I had to go on a tangent for a whole day because I couldn't stop thinking about it. This is basically a guide I'm making for people, I guess parents, to remind them that their children are people too. They aren't stupid and they do not deserve to be treated any less than you would treat someone your age. I say this is called A Note to Parents because others can use this but I kind of want to shove this in my parents' faces. I know I could never do that so here I am, writing it out, for all of wattpad to read. Enjoy :)
Dear Parents
Children deserve love. They do not deserve to be tossed aside as unable and stupid. Even as babies, at a certain age you should still have fun with them and allow for their imaginations to run wild, but they do not deserve to be treated like they do not understand what a rock is. The early years of the mind should be used as a time of learning and growth, obtaining a grasp on the world and how to handle situations, along with expressing their imaginations and enjoying themselves. Children do not need to be strong, they need to be safe.
Their premature years should be cherished and nurtured to assist in the development of the new generation. They are vulnerable little minds that wander the biggest things, or constantly ramble about the paint spot on a shirt. Minds are impressionable and should be supported and framed into an empty canvas. Be their easel. Provide them with the love and care to give them the confidence to ask questions and live independently when they are ready. Set up the paints and give them the brush, let them mold their own opinions and ideals to become the person they strive to be. They do not owe you anything when it comes to who you want them to be. You may dream of them becoming a lawyer but if they do not want what you want for them, do not lash out at them. Support them in their decisions.
Teach them to love one another for who they are and not what they look like. Covers should not be the source of judgement. Everyone should be appreciated for who they are and not what they look like. The image of people in the eyes of society are so twisted, if you judge your own child and hold them to the standards of what the public thinks, you disgust me. The idea of self image has been lost in the desire every person has to look all exactly like the same skinny, tan girl with a perfect complexion or the toned muscle guy with great abs. No person is going to be exactly the same. Everyone has something different physically. They need to learn that their hair is perfect the way it is, their body is their choice and they deserve to decide what happens to it. The only time any sort of action should be taken is if the child is not healthy due to their physical shape. If they are perfectly healthy, but are a few pounds more than other people their age, remind them that you love them how they are and they do not have to meet society's expectations. The ideas of the public eye are unreasonable and are not required to be met in any way. Prove to them that scars and imperfections are okay. Embrace the acne or the eczema; flaunt the imperfections your body has and give them an example to follow.
Show them to problem solve and ask for help when finding an issue in daily or academic life. Give them respect, their minds are brilliant and infinite. Their knowledge is not defined by the grades they bring home from school. Every person in the world does not excel in STEM classes. If they need help, reassure them that it is okay to ask for help and there is nothing to be ashamed of. Embarrassment might be an obstacle, but show them that not everyone is perfect, and not understanding something in science or english is okay.
Speak with them as if they have a brain; they are not dogs. Young minds are brilliant. There are children who think of solutions to any world problem but they are not listened to due to the fact that they are a child. Listen to them. Give them a space to vent or speak their mind and listen. Have a conversation with them about their thoughts and ideas; assist in the expansion and development of their thoughts so they can grow into strong individuals.
Praise them for fixing even the slightest inconvenience or performing the simplest task. Show them that they do not have to be scared about the mistakes they make. Remind them that people are human and they are able to make mistakes. There may be consequences, but be there with them to handle the problems. Give them options to decide on how they want to fix the problem and provide them with the proper knowledge to deal with the situation.
Allow them to explore the world, along with its problems and dark alleys.
Counsel them, provide them knowledge with substances or situations to avoid. Your child should not be scared to confront you or ask you about something going on in their life. If they are, there is something wrong and you should strive to fix it. Do not leave them in the dark, help to prepare them for situations to come, whether they be good or bad. Assist in experience and bring them to places; give their mind space and time to reflect on your words and let them work on themselves from there.
Comfort them in times of stress, let them know it is okay to cry. Do not tell your boy that it is not good for him to cry. Everyone is allowed to be upset and vulnerable. Make sure they are aware that their home is a safe place and that
Encourage them to stay strong and stand for themselves and what is right. Do not agree with the idea of sitting down and avoiding standing up for themselves. Their voice deserves to be heard by you and all others, help them to project their voice and allow them to state their own opinion. Go against any negativity towards others, each person comes from their own teachings and lifestyle, do not criticize someone until you know their backgrounds. If your child decides to stand up for something, provide them with the materials they need to get their voice out there. Permit their ability to receive criticism and see the views of the public; let them see for themselves how others think and act.
Support them despite their decisions, their mind will not be the same as yours.
Love them for who they are, whether it is your opinion or not. A child is an individual. They have their own thoughts and emotions, you both do not have the same expression view or sexuality. If your daughter comes out as trans, congrats! Its a boy! If your daughter comes out as gay, do not call her a dyke and assume she just goes and has threesomes with random people. Respect who they love and who they want to spend their life with. All that should matter to you is that your child is happy. Take them to pride parades, pay for their gender therapy, support your child for who they want to be, and support their happiness.
Provide them with the tools to grow into healthy and happy adults.
Expect for them to make mistakes. No child is perfect and you should not feel obligated to put pressure on them. They are not adults and they do not deserve to be thought of as your second chance to do something right.
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My first journey on becoming game designer...(Introduction to myself!)
Hi this is my first post in this Tumblr blog...
I made this blog in order to share what I’ve learned and to see my progress as I start my path as a game designer.....
As I just enroll myself into one of the game design university in Thailand. I think making blog will also indirectly make me see my own progress....Anyway I think the best introductory post would be.....to introduce myself, and why I decided to become a game designer!!!
So I was actually 23 years old now lmao...I am currently work part time as a private science tutor and only make a few bucks. Most people might be wondering why I enroll myself into a university at this age??? Well actually I used to study in University before and that doesn’t go very well at all....
About 7 years ago I was a dental students in one of Thailand’s university. As a dental students, it seems to be going well. But apparently after 5 years of study, I decided to drop out of the dental school due to depression.
The main reason why I decided to drop is because 1. I’m scared of the environment around me. and 2. I feel like I don’t belong in dental school. It feel like when I learn things there it was not because I really want to learn and use it...but instead feel more like learn it to impress others.
I’m very depressed when I quit dental school, in fact, I’ve become a NEET during my first 6 months after drop out. It feels like the dream that I was destined to be since I was a kid was shattered. My father is a dentist, my aunt is a dentist and even my 2 biological sisters are also dentist. If I want to be a part of the family.....I also need to be a dentist too right? at least thats what I think back then
Also it’s maybe my dad guidance as well that make me only wants to become dentist. I remember a few time I ask my dad about becoming a programmer, psychologist, prosecutor or even a manga artist. When I ask him if it’s ok if I become one he outright said it is a low wage job and you should consider to become something else. There is also time where my sister wants to become a fashion designer, she enrolled herself in art specialty during her high school....but when my dad was furious when he hear this and contact the school to move her to science specialties class.....as if this will also be my fate in the future.
In the end I’ve enrolled myself into dental school...
but now its all over.......
I’m no longer a DDS.....
My life was all about becoming dentist back then but now its all over...
It feel like I was stuck in limbo....
I’m not a dentist....then what should I be now.....
It take me about 2 years after dropping out to realise that I need to excavate the passion that I used to have in the past and see which one I can want to make a career out of.
First one that come to mind is psychology. I always interested in psychology during my time at school. But never really considered it as a serious career choice after my dad turn it down lol
Another one is manga artist. I always wanted to create my own fantasy world and share it with other. Also I love to entertain other people....In fact in primary school I would create several comics and paper games that my whole class would enjoy. But I’m not really good at drawing back then so I’ve never thinking about it seriously....however since I’m no longer a dental student this might be a time to do it?
But then the third choice comes into my mind....
The one that I have a hidden passion for....
The one that mix my love for psychology and my desired to entertain others...
The one that I really want to learn for my own sake and not others.....
Of course....that choice is GAME DESIGNER!!!!
I always love video game back when I was young. I even create a lot of paper game myself back in the day....I created it so much that I can make smash bros. style game using my other games character lol.
I love messing RPG Maker and Game Maker software when I was in secondary school. I also attend several Yugioh and Smash Bros. tournament when I was young.
The funny about all this is that I’ve done all of it while other family member doesn’t know about it lol.
Game and manga are actually prohibited in my house. If they knew that I play game they will punish me as if I was killing a person. So I usually do all this when I was outside the house or when I visited my grandpa place (in fact I kept all my game console there).
So I have a wrong feeling that games are a not something that I can make a living out of lol....but since I already quit my dental school...why not give something that I really passionate about a shot???
And that’s why I’ve decided to enrolled myself into game design school.
Also I don’t blame anyone for my traumatic past...
I don’t blame my dad....in fact, I feel thankful...all he did was for the best intention....and even if doesn’t go as planned, all that past experience built my identity and forge me into currently me that I’ve never imagined I could become
I don’t blame anyone in dental school....yes someone might outright bullied me and teacher also do everything to me for best intention. But it was all on me that I get scared from them.
And I don’t blame myself! Yes I feel like I’m pathetic back then but that was me then, not now. I was really immature in the past and haven’t learn about the world like I do now...so the understanding of social life is different. I believe if me right now get put into the same situation, I would be a dentist by now.
All the past 5 years of study in dental school is not a waste, its actually a life experience that no other can obtain...and hopefully one that I can share with others and the one that forge my identity even further.
Hopefully all these past will help me grow as a person....and a game designer!!!
Oh and also thanks for my 2 sisters who help me with university fee....they really give me a new life
This journey will probably be a great one for sure...a 24 years old me study with 17-18 years old students??? that kinda make me feel like reincarnated into another world lol.
Thank you for reading my introduction and my reasons of becoming a game designer!!! Hopefully you guys will follow on my journey as well.
The latter post will be about what I’ve learn from my study and sometimes just me ranting on my journey to game design.
Hope to see you again soon!
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Chikara: Ikari (5/?)
Ikari roughly translates to anger or hatred. Ellie finds out about Nicks troubled past, after dealing with her own demons. Colt obtains an important source of information.
Rating: Mature. Warning, mention of sexual assult, death, Murder, sexual situations and violence.
Ellie walked through the quad in the days following winter break, colts jacket pulled tightly against her body. Even with her wool hat she could hear the whispers, she felt eyes boring into her. Everywhere she went, they were talking about it, about her and what happened. She had kept to herself mostly, just like the Ellie that showed up for summer session, broken and alone. Somehow Ingrid talked her i to getting some food with Kyle and Nick. She stood up to get a refill of her drink when she walked past two girls sitting at a table in front of the soda fountain.
Thats her, the girl who got attacked. One if them said.
Hmm shes probably just looking for attention. The other chimed in.
Ellie had enough. She walked up to the girls and stood in front of them "Excuse me, but have we met?" Ellie asked, the girls turned to look at her stunned. One of them rolled their eyes "ah no." She sucked her teeth and flipped her hair. "Oh? Because you seemed to know me enough to talk shit as I walked past." Ellie snapped. "We don't know you, so keep it moving. Freak." The other rolled her eyes and motioned to move with her hands.
Ellie felt the rage building within her. She tossed the soda in her hand on one of the girls, who shrieked. She grabbed the other, the one with the smart mouth, by the back of the head and slammed her face down on the table. "Keep my fucking name out of your mouth, of the next time I'll break your fucking nose."
She released her grip on the girl. "Come on, lets get outta here." Nick ran up, pulling her out of the restaurant. They jumped in his car and speed off into town. They pulled up to a run down building, walked up a flight of stairs to a small apartment. "Where are we?" Ellie asked as she looked around the small space. "Home. For now. Its not much, but its a place to lay my head." Ellie nodded, her time with the crew made her understand things most people never learned.
"That was some display you put on back there." He chuckled as he reached in the fridge and grabbed two beers. "You just bring me here to lecture me on how not to act?" Nick shook his head. "Na, the opposite actually. " he held the beer towards her, she shook her head no declining. Nick sat down on a chair, taking a sip of his beer. "When you were in the hospital, I heard you mentioned the brotherhood."
Ellies blood ran cold, she could hear her heart beating in her ears. "No, I. I didn't." She lied, she was a terrible liar. "Ellie, I heard you. And If you know about them, if someone was after you because of them. Well, maybe we're not so different after all." Ellie sat down at the table with Nick, did he know something? Did he have a run in with them too?
"Ok. So what if I did. How do you know about them?" She was cautious, she never thought Jason would be a dirty cop, she trusted him enough since he was her dad's partner, she never thought in her wildest dreams he would be the damned ring leader of the brotherhood. Nick let out a long sigh "I'll tell you, but you gotta trust me enough to tell me your story too." Ellie considered his words, he did save her from being killed in that alley. "Deal." She held her hand out, which Nick shook.
"I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, unlike most kids around I had both my parents, and they loved each other. My dad, he was involved in some heavy stuff, he ran with a local crew. One day a powerful gang showed up and began to take over the smaller gangs, snuffing them out and forcing them to work for them. When they didn't comply, they punished them. My dad, he rose up, spoke out." Nick paused for a moment, Ellie watched the emotions flash across his face. "They killed him and a few others, spared their families so they could spread the word, the brotherhood meant business."
"Nick… im. Im so sorry." Ellie reached out to grab his hand. "Don't be sorry Ellie. It happened a long time ago and ive made my peace with my dad's passing. What I want to know is how a smart, innocent girl like yourself, got tangled up with the brotherhood."
Ellie took a deep breath, nobody but the crew knew what had happened, not the full story. Yet she felt comfortable enough to bare it all to Nick. "Well, it all started with a boy in a car and an asshole on a bike."
Ellie filled him in on everything, how kaneko sent Logan to gain intel to the take down, or so she thought, of Jason in the school parking lot." Visiting old wounds opened something within her, paired with her new found aggression and drive she felt like she had awoken from a deep slumber. "I cant sit around and wait for the cops to not do their jobs. I have to do something, to take that asshole Shaw down once and for all!" Ellie pounded her fist against the table. "I've been doing some digging into possible brotherhood operations in town, but my hacking skills are limited." She sighed. "You need a hacker." A smile formed on Nick's face.
Ellie turned facing him, she knew that look, it was the same one Colt would give her when they hatched a plot, there was no turning back now. Ellie knew exactly what she needed to do. "I need a crew." Nick leaned forward, hands on the table. "And I know just where to find one."
*******
Los Angeles, California….
Colt sat in front of the Laptop, a red bull in his hand. He had been awake for 2 days straight, no signs of sleep in the horizon. Ximena had come to stay with him, they melted down her SUV so there were no traces for the brotherhood to find it. She immediately lifted a new one, black and bigger. They had made a little headway on hunting wallace down. The Kaneko name held weight, Teppei's self sacrifice spread through the alleys and back roads like wildfire. His courageous act, dubbed him as a saint amongst the crime world and left his heir to be feared by many. Colt was young, and more ruthless than his father. Everyone wanted to be in his good graces.
A neighboring crew shed a little information about a possible underground operation the brotherhood had been running. An old sawmill on the west side of town had seen a lot more activity in recent months. Colt combed blue prints, scouted the location, the surveillance was an issue. It was old, easy to hack into but the picture quality was lacking. He tried to find A surrounding camera to view but hadn't had much luck. "Fuck. This is ridiculous." he hollered, tossing the laptop onto the couch next to him.
He rubbed his hands down his face in frustration. He allowed his mind to wander there. Wondering what she was doing in that exact moment. He counted down the days until he could be with her, He had to be with her. Ximena walked in, a bag of takeout in hand. "You look like shit. You slept any since I left?" Colt shook his head. "Cant sleep, not til I can get a better look at that warehouse."
Ximena tossed a plate in front of him, a burger and fries, She picked up the laptop and plopped down on the couch. "Ok, you eat. Let me see what I can do."
After a few minutes she spoke up "got it. Just needed to position this camera that way and.." her eyes went wide. "Colt, you're gonna wanna come see this." Colt shot up standing over ximenas shoulder. "That son of a bitch. He's there?" Before she could say a word Colt was already out the door and on his bike. He speed across town, weaving in and out of traffic. By the time he got there, the building was quiet. He did find a familiar person. Colt grabbed him by the shirt and tossed him up against the brick wall. "Where is he?" He seethed. "Who. I don't know who you're talking about."
"Wallace. Where the fuck is he?" Colt cocked his fist back. "I don't know. He left. He's gone." The man cried out. Colts fist connected with his face. "Ok, ok. I'll cooperate." Colt loosened his grip on him. The man opened his mouth to speak, then turned bolting for the door. Son of a bitch Colt huffed as he ran after him. He made it to the door in just enough time to see the guy get close lined, falling to the ground hard. "I don't remember asking for backup." He sneered "yeah, well looks like you needed it." Ximena snorted. Colt hovered over the man, Ximena knocked him out cold. "Were taking him." Ximena arched her brow. "Colt-" she warned. "Not the first time we kidnapped someone, probably won't be the last and We need answers. You wanted in, this is in." Ximena shook her head. "Ok boss. I got rope in the truck. Lets get him loaded up before someone sees."
Colt and Ximena pulled up to a run down house, it was one of the safe houses Kaneko had set up in case the heat got to bad in the city. It was outside of La and the best part it was remote. Ximena tossed. Bucket of water on the man as he jolted awake. "What? Where am I?" He fidgeted in his seat, trying to move his restrained hands. "Horacio Salazar." The man whipped his head to the other side of the room. "That's not my name." He spat. "Sure it is. I know all about you Horacio. I know about your wife Maria. Your two kids Nico and Emalina. Even your little dog scruffy." Colts lips twisted into a sinister smirk as he watched the color drain from Horacio's face. "What do you want?
"I just want a little information on a mutual acquaintance, Wallace. I want to know everything you know about him." Colt circled like a vulture. "I don't know nothin."
Colt stopped, staring at the man before him. His hands crossed against his chest.
"You aren't related to Emilio Salazar are you?"
Horacio lifted his head to look at Colt. "He was my cousin. Why?"
"He helped my crew out with something. It's a shame what happened to him. I don't know if I would have the stomach to work for the crew that killed my cousin" He smirked "but that's just me." He turned his head, his smile twisted into a bone chilling curl. He was enjoying this more than he should, he knew he knee horacio would cooperate, but he needed him to want them dead, just as much as Colt did.
A few minutes went by in silence before Horacio finally opened his mouth to speak. "Alright, fine. I'll tell you what I know." Colt flashed ximena a wicked smile. "Ok Horacio, tell what you know."
Langston….. Nick led Ellie down a dimly lit hall of a warehouse on the outskirts of town. She could hear the bass thumping on the other side of the metal door. She gave Nick a questioning look. "You needed a crew, this is our first step." She nodded as he opened the door. She expected a cold, open space with some tattered old couches, and dirt. Instead the are was fully furnished with leather couches and chairs. A dj played some up tempo music as a few people danced. They weaved in and out of people before they approached a large, muscular man standing in front of a sectioned off room. Nick whispered something in his ear, he nodded and let them pass. "Rubywrecker? We have a proposition for you." Nick spoke to the hooded figure sitting in front of 4 laptops with their backs turned to them. "Not interested. Who let you back here?" She spoke, not bothering to turn around. "Oh, I think you'll be interested. Especially when it comes to matters of a certain brotherhood."
The woman stood, slowly turning around. "Not here. But if it has anything to do with taking them down. Im intrigued." She smiled. "Then I think you'll like what we have to say." Ellie stepped forward, it was finally happening. She was forming her crew, her vision closer to becoming a reality. The brotherhood was going to get what they deserved, one way or another.
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Idk if you watched Matt Carter’s latest Blacklist vid, but after rewatching 2.17 he seems to think the writers have laid groundwork for Liz/Ressler (never mind that their “moments” are a drop in the ocean to everything we’ve seen w/ Red and Liz but I digress). If those two are supposed to end up together, the writers are TERRIBLE AT THEIR JOBS. 1/2
[I mean aside from them being fundamentally incompatible, there wouldn’t even be a build up to the ILY’s because Liz already said it in s3, and not in a romantic way; It was more like “you’re acting like an overprotective brother and I love you for it.” 2/2]
Yeah Anon I watched part of the vid at work then turned it off and went back to work if that tells you anything. But hey if coworkers sharing takeout makes someone’s shipper heart take flight then go ship in peace….although Liz and Aram shared takeout in 5.18 so I’ll take Laram if that’s my only choice here.
And not to fill up anyone’s dash with my ramblings the rest is under the cut
To your first point, it won’t take Liz and Ressler as end deadgame to prove the writers are terrible. The jury is already back on that Anon. They benefit greatly from the brilliance of Spader and the fact that Raymond Reddington is unlike most characters on tv and just thoroughly entertaining to watch. All thanks to James imo.
The writers have given us Bratty Liz, Tom, baby drama, Mr Kaplan betrayal, Season 4, stupid DNA, Darth Kirk, Liz the betrayer for the 847565 time I mean yeah they are terrible at their jobs and the in between greatness and moments that are really really good don’t make up for the fact that there are large swaths of this show that are completely unwatchable. Something I’ve never really experienced as an average viewer.
To your second point, your thoughts are my thoughts in that whenever I think of even the smallest possibility of Ressler and Liz as a thing my internal monologue screams “But they’re completely incompatible what the actual fuck?!”
Liz drives me crazy with the way she is written but my god she deserves a better ending than Ressler no matter what she’s done. Donald doesn’t know her or understand her. He doesn’t know what makes her tick or drives her I mean get real. Liz is a hot mess of passion, impulsiveness, anger, fear and dreams that she still has hopes of obtaining. She’s dark and rash and flawed and honestly Red probably loves her because she’s a beautiful disaster and not in spite of it. Because unlike Ressler, Red understands her and recognizes the darkness she has within her at times. He also likes to give her the benefit of the doubt which trips him up but thats a story for another day.
Point is, Ressler’s view as he sits atop his high horse passing judgement on everyone and everything keeps him too far removed to truly know Liz. Any discussion about the growth of Ressler and Liz’s “relationship” is laughable to me. There is just nothing there. No chemistry, no zing. It’s a dry wasteland of dry. They will forever win worst pair award imo since my general reaction is Harry Potter when the dementors come and everything freezes up leading to a slow soulless death.
Not to be dramatic.
If we can’t have Lizzington which we probably can’t then I hope Liz ends in a good place with her daughter. I hope she isn’t yet again thrown away by the writers for the sake of convenience and pure unimaginative laziness.
grrrrrrrr but cheers anyway Anon have a good one.
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Witchy QnA
1. Are you solitary or in a coven?
Solitary!
2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?
Witch, or Enchantress if I wanna sound fancy
3. What is your zodiac sign?
Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising
4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?
Nope
5. Do you work with a Pantheon?
Nope
6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination?
Tarot sometimes
7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)
Im just starting to get into more physical items. I was raised to do most things mentally.
8. How would you define your craft?
Im not sure? Green but a lil eclectic
9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?
I dont think of it as cursing. More so protection from certain people.
10. How long have you been practicing?
I found out about what I was already doing as being Witchcraft a couple months ago. But Ive been using Tarot, using kitchen Witch spells, as “prayers” as spells since I can remember
11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?
Nope. I hope to have one soon though
12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?
Absolutely believe in karma. Reincarnation, possibly. Its definitely something I think about
13. Do you have a magical name?
Nope.
14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?
My whole moms side practices casually, so I mean I guess? But I havent referred to myself as a Witch or something like that.
15. What was the last spell you performed?
I enchanted a ring I got. Also, a money spell that worked but uhh its definitely showing me that I need to work harder.
16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?
Im pretty decent. Most of what I look up is common knowledge to me
17. Do you write your own spells?
I havent yet, but I also dont do many spells verbally. I more so visually manifest
18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up?
I do, Its just a plain lil notebook, I have just some basic reference sheet type things in it.
19. Do you worship nature?
Absolutely
20. What is your favorite gemstone?
rose quartz. or tigers eye
21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?
I dont particularly enjoy using animal/ human materials. I use natural things, like dirt and water.
22. Do you have an altar?
Not so much a physical Altar, but my bed is definitely my safe space and I can clear my mind here the easiest.
23. What is your preferred element?
Water, but fire always make me wide eyed and curious. definitely curious. but its destructive potential scares me.
24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?
Not art all haha
25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?
Im not sure!
26. What got you interested in witchcraft?
realizing that I had been practicing for my whole life and I hadnt known before
27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?
yeah, with my mom and her mom. I just didnt know at the time. We do protection spells often.
28. Have you ever used ouija?
yup! with my mom and her mom. Its just a family thing we do every time we all get together. I grew up thinking it was completely normal.
29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?
My mom says I used to be. I used to dream about natural disasters before they happened as a kid. I dont think im too good anymore. just empathetic.
30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?
I dont think I do. If anything, I do feel a feminine energy? dark (like a shadow, not negative) and watery is the best way I can describe it. But its not a human entity. Just energy.
31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?
That not everyone believes what you do. And its totally okay! Just maybe dont loudly announce your Ouija board antics with your science teacher in middle school.
32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?
I havent before, but im going to try to this year
33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?
Absolutely. I want my son to grow up the same way I did around magick. Itll be normal for him.
34. Do you meditate?
Sometimes! its definitely something im trying to do more often.
35. What is your favorite season?
Fall and Spring! Theres so much change
36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?
Im not sure yet! Ive only just started branching out and actually considering what ive been doing all my life as magick.
37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?
Daily affirmations/ protection spells, I manifest me and my sons happiness and safety every day.
38. What is your favorite witchy movie?
I dont think Ive seen any haha
39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?
The Darkest Powers books by Kelly Armstrong. More supernatural (vampires, werewolves, stuff like that) but I loved it growing up.
40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.
Knowingly, a protection spell from someone who had hurt me
41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?
Im not sure! I can see auras if i really focus and can tune into someone, so maybe when i saw a family member with a pure black aura? That was freaky
42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?
I dont use candles! Bonfires or fires in fireplaces usually, to burn a paper if needed. Again, I dont trust myself with fire very much.
43. What is your favorite witchy tool?
My crystals and my tarot. They all have vibrations. Everything does but especially those, because im so connected to them
44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?
I want to! Havent yet
45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?
Spirits, yes. I can call on family that Ive known in person for protection. Been doing that as long as i can remember
46. Do you practice color magic?
I used to! i dont really anymore.
47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?
My mom, aunt, and grandma!
48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?
Dollar store, thrift store, antique stores (though im always hesitant to use something that belonged to someone else. If there isnt a close emotional attachment, there wont be any noticeable vibrations.
49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?
I think theres a general way that things can happen. More like a decide your fate book. There are multiple options, it just depends on what you choose.
50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?
Meditate, or go to the lake.
51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?
ohhhh boy. I got stories.
52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?
People thinking theyre better bc they have a crap ton of materials, thinking im less than because I visualize easier than with material items.
53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?
I do, I just cant very often. I have a child and very smell sensitive people livingg with me
54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?
I rarely ever remember a dream, so no
55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?
Im not sure ive had one yet
56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?
I havent seen who i dont want to see since protecting myself
57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?
Everything, haha. I think thats why I enjoy visualizing instead of rituals or verbal stuff.
58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?
Absolutely!
59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?
yes, I feel like it //can be// kinda like a genie in a bottle type thing. Itll work, but not without a price.
60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?
Nope
61. What is something witch related that you want right now?
A cauldron to mix and burn things in haha
62. What is your rune of choice?
I dont know yet! Runes are something Im looking into
63. What is your tarot card of choice?
My birth card, the Tower.
64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?
I love lemon and eucalyptus
65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?
nope!
66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?
Nope
67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?
No one that would feel that way knows anything about it
68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?
nope
69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?
Yes. Its like knowing world history and us history, We need to learn from the past.
70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?
I feel powerful, and connected and accepted by nature.
71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?
having to tiptoe around things around certain people
72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?
Nope! ill have to look into it
73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?
I havent fully figured out what i want to do for the moon cycles yet, but I definitely want to. the moon and water are so closely related
74. Do you ever work skyclad?
No, but i mean.. maybe one day?
75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?
I feel like i have more control of how im able to use my emotions and feelings
76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?
The energy i talked about before.. It gets more intense and stronger sometimes, and i know i need to put more time and effort into my practice
77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)
no, but i do believe in energy. not ghosts per say but definitely energy
78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?
I try to make most of them myself. I have one for protection while driving that i use for me and my boyfriend a lot. And one for the safety of my son.
79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?
Not as of right now. I did bleed onto my tarot cards on accident though..
80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?
Theres a difference between “doesnt understand and doesnt care to” and “fully doest support and refuses to let you practice safely”. I dont mind the first, but wouldnt stay with the second.
81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?
Reading auras, and tarot. Also just connecting with nature more
82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?
I love fall scents! but no, i dont really use candles
83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?
Meditate and protect
84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?
My mom honestly lmao. i dont think she views herself as a full witch though.And my aunt
85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?
I dont worship dieties. But i like to just be in natural and connect emotionally, nonverbally to this energy Im somehow connected with.
86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?
In this lil wooden box my mom gave me for my birthday to hold the tarot cards my grandma gave me haha.
87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?
my mom. aunt, and grandma. I know my grandpas grandma was a voodoo witch too.
88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?
I havent seen much about nonverbal, mostly mental witchcraft. So i guess thats one unique thing.
89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?
A couple things. Feeling vibrations, the connection to nature, auras, growing up surrounded by it.
90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?
I believe you can initiate yourself. I dont feel the need for someone elses validation is i know my connection with nature is real
91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?
crystals, lmao
92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?
The southern oregon coast. honestly everywhere in oregon feels so alive and vibrating so heavily with energy. The water and the lush greenery is perfection.
93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?
I have no idea, I dont follow a deity
94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?
quiet, listen to music i like and that help calm me, slightly cool, a breeze is good. the sound of real water flowing from a lake or ocean. recordings of water dont help me. sometimes white noise if theres too much noise
95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?
visualization is the easiest thing for me. ive always daydreamed so heavily that itll be like im dreaming with my eyes totally open and tracking.
96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?
early mornings, right as the sun is coming up.
97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?
I like doing spell work before bed, when the moon is bright enough to light up what im doing
98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?
I dont know if it counts as casting a circle? but i visualize a swirling white ball of energy, starting out like a strawberry size in my hands, and every time i breath in, it gets bigger. Its a protection circle. i learned to do it at like?? 3 years old?
99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?
Yup!
100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?
If i had to guess, id say multiple gods/ goddesses. one entity shouldnt have that much power imo.
101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?
Ive been trying to go vegetarian, and i eat minimal eggs and dairy.
102. What is your favorite color and why?
dark, smokey colors. grey, black, dark muted purples, navy, smoky pink.
103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?
I dont have many people im even slightly into that stuff, let alone a witch. So usually just “how do i cleanse my house? i think its haunted” type stuff
104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?
Feel, haha, physically and emotionally.
105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?
Always properly cleanse new materials, haha
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1.01 (part 2)
i have consumed food and thus we shall continue!
Feeling increasingly desperate, Erin grabbed the bucket and towed it outside. She set it upright to collect water and returned to the common room. Well, that only left the upstairs.
It was a very dark stairwell that looked down on Erin as she put her first foot on the stairs. The young woman looked up and gulped. Due to the size of the ground floor, the second floor was quite high up and the staircase was…ominous, to say the least. It looked like the bones of some gigantic monster in the darkness.
Cautiously, Erin ascended the staircase. It seemed as though every second stair creaked or groaned loudly as she placed her weight upon it, and the sounds echoed in the dark inn. To Erin, it felt like she was stepping on landmines—each time she heard a loud creak her heart sped up and her heart caught in her throat.
like the reverse of the typical run up the stairs after turning off the basement lights
“This is stupid. There’s nothing up there. Nothing!”
She paused.
“Okay, maybe there is something. I don’t know. There could be—more of those Goblins? But there’s probably not a Dragon, right? Right! Don’t be stupid.”
Hesitation. Another step.
“But a Dragon could be up there.”
Erin took a step back down. The stairs creaked. She scolded herself as her heart thumped painfully.
“Don’t be stupid. How would a Dragon fit up there? But Goblins?”
the only dragon that could fit up there would be a hatchling, and if that were the case the fandom would be in a civil war over who was cuter, the hatchling or a certain other cute character we wont see for quite a while
In the distance thunder rolled and a gust of wind blew hard against the inn. Something pale and white unfurled itself in the darkness and flew at Erin. She screamed, flailed wildly at the thing and crashed to the ground with it in her arms.
For a minute all was confusion and noise. Erin fought wildly against the monster attacking her as rain started pelting her face and it wrapped itself around her arms and head. She eventually threw it off her and scrambled to her feet to find the terrifying creature was—
A curtain.
For a few seconds Erin just stared at the faded fabric in her hands in complete shock. Once her heart had decided to stop running a marathon she exhaled.
“Curtains.”
every kids favorite ghost outfit if sheets aren’t available, the curtain! at least it isn’t a giant moth
The wet curtain…rag raised a cloud of dust into the air, making Erin stumble away, coughing and hacking. But the actual task of cleaning was in fact very easy.
Mainly, what Erin did was push the dust off the side of the table and onto the floor. After that she went back over the rough surface with another pass of her cloth until the table was clean. Then she cleaned her rag in the bucket with some water and went on to the next table.
while this is just moving the source of the issue, its good enough without a mop or medieval form of vacuum
However there was one place that Erin had avoided the entire time. Namely, the floor.
It was only natural. Erin had nothing like a mop and she’d been pushing all the dust onto the floor the entire time. As such, huge piles of wet dust clumped together everywhere. Erin kicked at a pile and shrugged.
“Well, when you compare it with the tables and chairs…”
She could only laugh at her strange results. Clean tables, dirty floor. You could eat your dinner off the tables, at least. And who cared about floors? Floors were for stepping on, not sleeping. Erin wiped at her forehead and found she was covered with a layer of sweat. And—was it nightfall already?
ah yes night, lets see what horros await our protag!
Erin sat back down in a chair and found she was exhausted. She leaned back against the table and sighed. If ever she needed proof that she was terrible in a survival situation, this would be it. Here she was, lost in a terrifying world without a clue where she was, and what was her first move? Clean the room.
“At least Mom would be happy.”
Erin laughed to herself. She closed her eyes, overcome by exhaustion. Time to rest. Maybe tomorrow everything would be better. Maybe this was all just a dream. Probably not, but…
Her eyelids lowered. Her breathing grew slower. Erin just had enough consciousness for one last thought.
“Now I’m really, really hungry.”
thinking of home is always good, but she is still hungry and never took care of that whole bathroom thing.
[Innkeeper Class Obtained!]
[Innkeeper Level 1!]
[Skill – Basic Cleaning obtained!]
[Skill – Basic Cooking obtained!]
and now we get to a staple of the serial, leveling! this is a fun staple and squarely marks the serial in the “litrpg” genre. how will our protag deal with this?
“…What was that?”
with confusion it seems.
aaaaaaaaaand thats the second chapter! poor planning meant my stomach called for food mid chapter but what can ya do. i have been informed by some people that with my current schedule of one chapter a day would mean it would take me 66-67 weeks to catch up to the serial itself. we got a lot of chapters to get through, and i may start spliting the posts into multiple posts once the chapters get above 10k words. for reference this chapter was around 2.5k
what will happen next, will our protag start freaking out over this? will our protag ever get the sleep, food, and bathroom break they so desperately need? find out next time!
ok that was a bit too cheesy, either way, see you tomorrow
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here’s me talking about the month since i was last online
firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression
it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.
i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.
speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.
anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.
anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.
i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.
there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got
very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.
there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.
there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.
the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.
anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right
#talking abt being nervous abt it has made me a bit more nervous abt it...im trying to simmer down...dont have to die just yet...But You Know#also i could.
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@47098
hello again. rip
I REALLY like this dude. hes one of my faves?
WARNING: talks about a Lot of death and experimentation. Hope thats okay!
I love characters themed around death and experimentation, so Yes we’re all good.
Name: AUSCUL ASNERI
Name comes from Auscultation, or the sound of listening to certain organs. Asneri is a mush up of the word Arsenic.
Now this to me immediately reminds me of like… those “doctors” in the old days who would offer medical assistance to people, bring them in, and then slowly poison them to death with arsenic for kicks. Which happened WAY more often than you think it would. I can think of like, 4 nurse/doctor arsenic poisoners off the top of my head.
Handle: iterativeChemist [IC]
WEAPON: Stethoscope, which he uses to press against walls and listen for when his enemies come closer.
Oo, I do like this, but I have to wonder how often it could be used for an actual weapon? Maybe you could have him use a poisonkind specibus too, just for some on the downlow murdering?
INVENTORY: OPERATION! there is a model of a troll body, and he has to uses tweezers to pull the inventory card that he desires out. If he fails, it buzzes and he has to start over.
That’s Ominous.
QUIRK:
uses ≡ after all Os and Hs, representing how acids ususally contain oxygen and hydrogen. Makes a lot of chemistry puns. Also mentions acids a lot, even going so far as so copy/paste their formulas when talking about them. ALSO talks about anatomy a lot.
example:
O≡, yo≡’re really burning up to≡igh≡! I’m excited to see ho≡ th≡s go≡s!
Yo≡r to≡uch stubs seem to≡ be swo≡en! Did yo≡ kno≡ th≡t a co≡mo≡ sympto≡ o≡ th≡ co≡mo≡ co≡d is th≡t yo≡r fingers swell? No≡ to≡ wo≡ry, th≡ugh≡! I can examine yo≡ fo≡ no≡ co≡t!
I do like this, but it’s a little hard to read. I think maybe if you didn’t replace the letters, but instead just have the ≡ come after the o/h and leave it at that? ex: “Yo≡ur to≡uch≡ stubs seem to≡ be swo≡llen.”
LUSUS: A venus flytrap with long, disgusting tentacle-roots that pulls trolls into it’s maw. Auscul originally brought trolls just to satiate it, but eventually decided that he wanted to try and experiment on them as well. They were going to die anyways, right?
Ooo, I love that. We’ve not really gotten many plant creature lusii, but I approve of them. Maybe you could do something with the arsenic theme, too? Like have the plant excrete fly-water, which is an arsenic-heavy sweet solution used to attract and then poison flies? It could be part of what Auscul uses!
INTERESTS:
CHEMISTRY
SCIENCE (ANY AND ALL)
JOURNALIST RESEARCH
DESTRUCTION (for ‘research’)
DISMANTLING THINGS (for ‘research’)
REVERSE ENGINEERING
disguises
psychology
With the medical theme and stuff, you’ve definitely got to have some doctoring in here. Some… interesting doctoring. Maybe he could also like poking around in cadavers, but they’re just so Hard to obtain ethically…
personality:
Friendly and optimistic, Auscul is the definition of deceit. He is the friendliest, most open person in the room all the time. He will interact with everyone and talk to people who feel down. He may not always have the best solutions, but he always tries and willalways act as someone to lean on. People who know him will describe him as a charasmatic goof, a bit too obsessed with his sciences.
He hardly really gets close to anyone, as he never really cares to make deep connections. Someone would have to be extremely stand-out to really capture his interest for that long of a time, in order for them to get to know him. He seems to have a cage around his true self, as if he has intentionally isolated himself from the rest of the world. He only gets close to those he sees fit, to those who can offer him something, or those he is obligated to.
He is, however, constantly putting up a front. Even is he never connects with anyone, he will act overly friendly anyways. He is acutely aware of every move he makes, always projecting him in a way to make himself seem nonthreatening. He lures people in, makes them do anything he wishes or does anything he wishes. He is a manipulator and never regrets his actions. He is doing it all for science, of course!
He is way into experimentation. Like, he enjoys testing things out on other trolls and aliens just to see the resuts. He will dismiss any judgement of his personality or motives easily, not actually caring about what anyone thinks.
He is chaotic neutral more than anything. He stays on the side that he finds the most interesting.
He is also partially blind. He was born almost completely blind, making him a target from an early age. He took out his own eyes when he was capable and invented his glasses, which gives him the ability to see his environment. It’s all green-tinted, though, so he never knows anyone’s blood color or anything.
also hes trans, just to mention that i guess
Okay I love all of this, and I love the whole him pretending to be nice and putting up a front thing, so I dooo want to push it a little more. Maybe he could be someone who offers to help the ill, like in those Arsenic Poisoning stories. He’s the good doctor, goofy and friendly, and he lures people in under the promise of taking care of them, because of course he’d take such GOOD care of them, he’s so charismatic and nice. And then he just selectively takes some of them to experiment on, poison to death, and then feed to his lusus. You didn’t tell me what his blood color is, but I’m assuming Jade, so I think that’s an interesting take on/distortion of the stereotypical jadeblood caretaker role, too!
dream planet: PROSPIT
Title: MAGE OF RAGE. Because of this, he is Very Hard to kill. Like, you can stab him a bunch and he’ll just keep coming back. He’s brutal.
He also does actively understand the ways in which he can break down and destroy… And he does passively change people’s options…….. by killing them.
Design:
Face: I made the bridge of the glasses a bit thicker just to try to balance the large size of the brims. I also added black lips. Male jadebloods have the pronounced black lips, too, from what we’ve seen in canon so far.
Outfit: It was just Jake English’s outfit, so I decided to give it a bit of additional flair. I took inspiration from old victorian doctor outfits and gave him coattails and a cravat, as well as beefing up the bow a little more. I took the cleats off the shoes, since he has no reason to need cleated shoes. I added some buttons and details to his shorts. As for the symbol, I added a little bit of the pretzel influence from Viricorn!
you guys are super good at what you do, thanks for all the help so far!
Thank you for sharing all your lovely trolls! We’re glad to help! ^_^
-CD
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Lights At The Top Of The Stairs
Part 1.
I lived until I was 7 years old with my Nan. My nan and granddad were like my mum and dad and I loved them dearly. I frequently had strange dreams and occurrences happen to me as a child and they have only got stronger and stranger the older I got particularly the past few years. This recurring dream involved an old film camera and strangely enough an immense feeling of euphoric pleasure, fantastic experiences and visitors at weird times and in funny circumstances. The dream was one of three that I had all the time the first one happened when I was young and involved me taking photographs of lampposts, (I know I still don’t get it even now, maybe one day I may understand it’s strange. But it gets even stranger I assure you as you will no doubt find out if you follow the story. So strange you will probably find it all very hard to believe. But on my nans life and grave god bless her it’s all true. The lampposts featured in the dream was on the street where I lived as a child. The other two dreams and all the events in my life I want to explain, I will get to as I post these episodes each day. The synchronicity events and strangeness of it all should eventually become clear and leave you questioning things in your own life and what they may mean. Maybe you have had similair experiences as myself I am almost certain there will be people out there. Get in touch and comment I will be happy to reply.
Thinking from the present as I am writing this, I felt that my childhood dreams couldn’t be ignored but now looking back maybe they shouldn't have been followed considering what happened when I followed my dreams thinking it would be nothing but all good turned into something entirely different. Hopefully eventually I will understand why, what the dream meant, if anything at all. I hope it all becomes a happy positive event and not regretting my choices as I started to after the nightmare that entered my life.
It was a warm, hopeful summer, many years after the events I explain to you here that I remembered the childhood dreams. It was a summer where dreams seemed real and obtainable. I didn't want to be just another faceless nobody, with no real reason or meaning in my life. The idea of not doing anything worth while scared me, and that's all there was to it. The dream I had as a child was going to be followed with all my will, I just didn’t expect it to lead me where it eventually did. I just wanted to do well for my family. I can’t travel back and change things. I can now only hope for the best.
My mum gave birth to me at a young age and I went to live with my grandma. I called my grandma mum and always used to get my mum and nan’s names mixed up when I talked to them so this was the appropriate solution to me as a child. When I was living with my nan-mum I had a very strange dream whilst lying on my bed upstairs. I always until this day remember the dream. It’s what I influenced me me greatly to start my photographic journey.
I was settling down in the living room waiting for my Nan to come home. Strange visions and flashbacks in daydreams. knowledge I always wondered how I knew at a young age. My mum lived in a flat and felt it would be better on that I stayed with my nan while she worked to get money and a stable life for us. I was young anyway and loved my Nan and grandad and tonight I was looking forward to spending time with my them.
My Nan had been longer than usual this evening and I was getting worried. We were going to watch a spooky film together because it was Halloween. “Where’s nan gone Grandad” My 5 year old self said “ She’s ran off with the milk man” came the reply. I never really understood what this meant, just a funny remark at the time knowing my grandads humour.
The key turned in the front door and I felt better glad his Nan was home and safe. My grandad shouted “ be back later Mary there’s some money on top of the television if you need anything I wont be too long, going to speak to a man about some work tomorow” and with that my grandad went out on foot to the local for a few pints.
Nan took off her head scarf, quickly hung it up and threw her anorak over the back of the chair. She walked slowly towards the roaring coal fire to warm up her hands, carefully avoiding the tin bath prepared for the school bath earlier. She lit up a cigarette and sat in the chair opposite the brown veneered square TV set with the 50p box on the side slowly winding its way down ready for another hexagonal queens head. The air was stale, thick with smoke and the smell of cigarettes as she inhaled twice slowly blowing the smoke towards the ceiling and away from me. Feeling satisfied She turned to me. Ive got some jacket potatoes in the oven and treacle toffee, oh and toffee apples as well your favourite. I know its early but we can treat ourselves while we watch the movie, and why not”. “Thanks mum... nan”. I regularly stuttered and got names mixed up. “Thanks nan, are you looking forward to the scary move?” I can only remember seeing a large black Alsatian but having ominous feelings about this dog and the music in the film was eerie, more scary than the actual film at the time. We didn’t get to watch much of it. The tv went black and the 50p meter clicked loudly asking for another coin. Mary got up and went to the top of the tv looking for that big silver piece, inverted triangles that meet in the centre, in the pile of coins Grandad had left for nan “ I’m afraid we haven’t got any 50ps. We will have to wait until your grandad gets back now, isn’t that a shame I was enjoying that, Just when it was getting good as well”
I felt slightly fed up and walked into the kitchen to get a toffee apple. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs in the hallway I peered up to the bedroom landing. More scared now than after watching the actual film. I was thinking of the lights that came. I didn’t understand what they were but they made me feel anxious and scared. I wouldn’t look straight up tothe top of the stairs as it was too scary I had to peer out from the corner of my eye to check everything was ok up there and when I realised it was I hurriedly half jumped half ran across the front door hallway into the kitchen not once looking behind until I was at the toffee apples in the cupboard. Then peeling the yellow plastic wrapper off the sticky apple I took a bite as quickly as possible making sure to get as much of that red toffee in my mouth as possible and avoid the sour apple. I started hopping on the spot needing the toilet. The dread filled me as I knew I couldn’t go on my own up those stairs towards where the light came from. The light might get me. “ NANN, MUMM, NANN. I need the toilet will you sit on the stairs whilst I go please I’m bursting. “OK, But you should be able to go yourself”. I stood at the gas iron cooker and waited until nanmum appeared at the bottom of the stairs so I could approach the crooked steps, the lights formed in my sub conscious worried that very real and strange wisp of light might make another appearance. WHAT WAS IT. I ran to the bathroom at the top of the crooked stairs, terrified of the light appearing. I knew how it felt, never threatening at all the last time in fact quite the opposite but I was young and the not knowing scared me. “Nan don’t move, stay sat there please, I’m watching, if you go I wont be able to have a wee”, “ I wont move an inch you know that I wont” “I knew she wouldn’t let me down and trusted her more than anything” I ran up the stairs as quickly as possible looking back every two steps to make sure she hadn’t gone. When reaching the top step I kept my head and eyes straight forward not daring to look right or left and quickly went to the toilet pushing outwards as fast as possible always keeping the door open and making a backward glance towards Her for reassurance. No quicker was I finished and I was halfway back down those stairs again breathing heavily with the exertion and back with his nan. “ Why do you do that”, she said “The light comes nan it scares me” “What light?” “ I cant tell you, I want to, but I cant tell you”. Nan rolled her eyes and said, “You’ve been watching too many horror movies at aunty carols your imagination is wild”. I didn’t even hear Marys remark I was just so relieved to be back beside his nan and safe again.
Nan eventually found a 50p and walked over to the meter fumbling to find the right angle, the perfect spot so it would wind and drop, it clicked and fell into the empty box readily, having been emptied the day before. The TV came to life and Mary switched over to coronation street. Hilda was sat with Stan underneath the triple flying ducks in the living room and it reminded Stefan of his nan and grandad, Gail was also my other mum. I always made these comparisons with everyone in the tv and read their names backwards. “thats enough scary movies for tonight said nan. I think its best don’t you” “Aww Nan I wanted to watch till the end”.
My nan didn’t answer. She just gave me that look. She always knew the answer it was a sort of instinct she had. A knowing. We connected like that. We rarely had to speak we both knew the other like the inside of a well read secret book. I always felt content around her, it was like she could read my mind and the looks she gave me spoke a thousand words resonating on a much deeper level. When you feel the answer with your subconscious voice, those continuous thoughts, in your mind you don’t have to speak but your heart knows.
I was getting sleepy now but my stress levels were rising with the thought of bedtime, they always did especially on a Sunday night, a school night brought depression. It wasn’t school though that scared me, a small part maybe, but it was knowing I had to go to bed early on my own and face the light and the vastness of open space. The people in my dreams. The place between awake and falling asleep where the strange existed. The light outside the door on the landing, so bright and beautiful it would fill my room when I shut my eyes. When it touched my mind I was taken away to an immense blackness of what seemed like outer space. Where feelings crossed over and smells mixed with colours in ultraviolet strings that wrapped around my arms and merged with needles that pierced the tips of my fingers in moments of pleasure accompanied by a peculiar watering of the mouth, a sickly feeling. Floating around in what seemed like an endless universe of random screen images. Pixelated people and smooth two dimensional places wrapped up in tubes of light. It made no sense at all but felt strange and infinite, never endingly good at the same instant. Chattering noises and a great feeling of love wrapped in greater love and surrounded by humanoid like shapes manipulating it like a Rubin’s cube in an instance where all time stood still. silence for what felt like an eternity of singular moments posed inside each other, but was only a second in reality. Not past, present or future but only “is”. The light was so bright and perfect it became transparent emotion to the pit of my soul. To me it was normal I thought everyone must get visits by the light people. I find it hard to explain the happenings now I’ve grown up, but as a child I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening and that night was the start of something strange and beautiful that led to the worst and best time of my life all wrapped into one. If only I understood it as I understand things now as I walked towards the crooked stairs.
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hey there demons, it’s ya girl mimi (no last name)
QUICK FACTS:
like, twenty? she’s not keeping track.
originally from lestallum but her origin story was different before comrades
irresponsible knife gal
more info below the cut!
BACKSTORY:
originally conceptualized her as a side quest character in the vein of dino except that instead of asking them to put themselves in danger for rocks she asks them to put themselves in danger for food
in her original concept, she’s nineteen and from lestallum but is also a persona non grata there bc she kept dining and dashing from all the food establishments & lives in one of my friend’s (@ cara dis u) ocs little hunter settlement intermittently
to be fair tho she was orphaned by the war w niflheim and raised by an old lady in lestallum who spoiled her and tried to teach her to become a crown citizen (bc she believed she’d have a better life there) and the old lady died when she was like thirteen so she basically doesn’t know how to take care of herself
started hunting bc she has 0 sense of responsibility but likes being active! and she got pretty good at it! likes the independence!
very irresponsible tho - hitchhikes everywhere, forgets to eat, forgets to make sure she has money, forgets to take on hunts, takes on hunts ALONE bc she doesn’t want to split the money, etc.
the boyos met her on one of those sidequests where you give some stranded hunter medicine except it’s not medicine, they literally have to feed her since she’s irresponsible and a FOOL and forgot that she had no money for food and went out on a hunt to get money for food but passed out as soon as she’d completed it because she hadn’t eaten it in like??? she doesn’t know
immediately attached to the group because like, her dream since becoming a hunter was to have enough money to travel to meldacio and afford the hunter’s ragout and when ignis just casually makes something similar for her she’s like ??? y’all eat like this every day??? and they haven’t been able to get rid of her since
she’ll just show up, greet only ignis, and ask what he’s making for dinner and wait expectantly to be invited, and her side quest is to obtain ingredients nearby usually with a fight involved
joins the party as a guest party member tho so at least she helps
ignis stan, he’s the only one whose name she remembers
calls the rest of them a variation of ‘city boy'
in this version she has only brown hair and keeps it cut short and usually wears a secondhand hammerhead hat (BIG CRUSH ON CINDY)
in comrades!!
still from lestallum, but actually made it to insomnia at around age sixteen after the old lady died
had a hard time in school both bc she was hella behind after years of just struggling to stay alive (and still honestly struggling to stay alive, tbh) and bc this group of girls bullied her for being an outsider and kind of ??? gave up on it.
chance encounter with some kingsglaive in her neighborhood (while she was cutting class lol) gave her Ideas, and she joined up at around age 17 (lied about her age and said she was older, and honestly she doesn’t know how old she is)
kind of distant from the rest of the kingsglaive, bc she’s younger, joined later and is mainly in it for the paycheck and access to a place to sleep and eat, so she doesn’t really catch on to the coup that’s happening
basically shows up to the movie kingsglaive 15 minutes late with coffee and accepts the first orders she’s given which were, naturally, from draut0s
catches on hella late when someone tellin her to take on cor and she’s like wait?? no? why?? i don’t want to die? and she joins the glaive/crownsguard that are trying to evacuate the city instead
the rest is, as they say, history
honestly really unhappy to be back in lestallum bc i imagine she was still a dine and dasher in her youth and is like :/ :/ don’t recognize me pls :/
SKILLSET:
K N I V E S
she’s from lestallum when i created her so she’s a sSTRo NG and has HIGH HP which actually fits her tenacity and will to live?
bad at magic but good at warping!
warps, even when it’s unnecessary, purely bc she thinks it looks cool
WHAT SHE LIKE THO?!?:
first of all she’s bi so jot that down
her two persistent crushes are ignis and cindy (she met cindy once while hitchhiking and she’s been in love ever since)
very externally motivated with a #treat yoself mentality and in her original concept it was food that she was motivated by just bc that was a ‘luxury’ but in insomnia there’s like clothes, too?? hair?? anyway she’d definitely dye her hair as soon as she found out that was a thing bc now the luxury is Lookin Fly
she’s still into the food thing tho tbh
CRITICAL disagreement with gladio on the value of cup noodles, she’s had to eat them for so long & doesn’t care for the taste
flexible/adaptable to the point that she’s almost flaky? like. in her original concept as soon as she was kicked out of the city she was like ‘i’m a hunter now i guess’ and she was flip flopping sides during the events of kingsglaive bc she was confused and just?? ran with it.
resilient, tho!! and aggressively optimistic! doesn’t let hopeless situations get her down!
very confident that noct will come back during the WoR even tho she’s technically never met him!! and when people are like ‘that’s a lie he’s just being a coward’ she’s like ‘well if he’s a coward then we’re all gonna die so like? i’m just gonna believe he’s charging his King Powers because that’s the scenario where we get to be alive’
a fool also, tho, really really dumb
in the original concept she just doesn’t get that noctis is the prince even tho he accidentally introduced himself as noctis and she’s got the evidence and that makes her SUPER insensitive sometimes
like, ‘noctis, huh? your parents must’ve really liked the prince to give u the same name. well, he’s dead now so it looks like ur one of a kind!’
in comrades this translates to her like, never having actually SEEN noctis before moving to insomnia so one time she gets assigned to his guard at an event and he walks in wearing regular clothes and she’s like WHO’S THIS KID and the person with her is like MIMI SHUT UP THATS THE PRINCE
very knowledgeable about certain things tho!
fixes and sews her own clothes!! good at repurposing objects from other hunters/glaives for her own use! very practical gal!
short sword fangirl! like the thing that makes her recognize that noctis is the prince in the original concept is the fact that he summons the engine blade and she’s like??? wait excuse me??? that’s the engine blade??? that’s the blade that royalty uses??? your name is noctis??? are you the noctis??? the royal noctis??? that uses the engine blade???? engine blade??
honestly the responsibility of running Lestallum’s power grid should never have been given to her bc like me, she would absolutely divert critical power to the clothes store first bc she wants to look Cool
#kats original clams#HERE SHE IS#mimi#FUCKIN mimi#my follower mimi i'm sorry this is gonna b weird for u#long post#text heavy#IF UR ON MOBIle I'M SO FUCKING SORRY
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Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.
Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11
ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.
My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!).
Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.
I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it??? so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet.
maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.
If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...
I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other.
I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.
Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.
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Yeah shit man who better to trust with Hercules than Gus-Gus and Gus?
They are amazing in Cinderella.
Its not the first time Christina Hendricks has used the Gus-Gus and Gus analogy on Declan and Annabelle.
It is always so dam cute y'all know Gus-Gus and Gus is always one of your favorites, you can't help but love their characteristics!
This one is hilariously greatly excellent!
And extremely visual!!
And you know i believed they could save him because her adorable hilarity is true but their actual size made them just tall enough to save him
Declan had a plan to jump in the tub to pick up his head from the front and send Annabelle to fetch me. The only thing Declan was unsure of and this is beautiful if the tub plug should be pulled first and him get cold while they waited or if Declan had enough strength "to hold this giant man up to save his life"
So Declan thought if they were fast enough to get very little water in his lungs and I took too long, Declan could stop holding the "giant man" long enough to pull the plug and then return to,his face to assess the damage then again. But Declan hoped the speed was in him "to save the giant man that Declan loved"
Because in your last video short it ended in Declan eavesdropping and opening the door to say "you can apologize to my face!"
And he did. Brian picked up Declan and said "I am sorry yoh are just too cute and I was too scared to realize every thing would be alright and when I saw your face in horror I actually felt bad but I didn't know how to show it tonight at dinner"
"Oh it's alright. You can put me down now"
Which resulted in Annabelle Tears because she, too, needed an apology but he hadn't realized it.
Then when things calmed down I felt a deep seriousness in the air which was very tactical and not dark nor light, tense but not relaxed but calm.
And so I asked "well what were your plans to save him then?"
And Declan went into the spill as I said above with great creative energy and it was mind blowing.
Declan and Annabelle were both So so small. I wouldn't had ever thought that they would climbed in the tub to save him and risk their own life if he woke up and thought they were terrorists in the middle east but Declan did consider that and Declan said "that was a risk I was willing to take -- he knew he was in the bath and you were there and stuff so I figured I would be safe if I just talked and said "this is Declan and I'm here to save you so you don't drown" I figured I ought to be generouslu safe then and I'm strong and I could say "open your eyes and he could see if it was me" but if I was behind, I would certainly be killed, my head in the toilet or something""
Declan had so Much care and compassion built into these plans to save him from drowning when I had had none.
And so we actually let them practice with him in the tub and all in bathing suits to help us all including Dan from drowning in the tub and we all learned how to lay to prevent our own drowning in the event of sleep.
Which Tree will produce that safety video for us. He said.
So it is also something you families can do at home in Quarentine.
Because hot baths are excellent for bone and muscle pain (healthcare and restaurants and store workers) and for the lungs to breathe and I have fallen asleep in December - March from just being exhausted from work and the stress of reducing human trafficking to zero. And apparently y'all even seen video of it.
Which was funny I am sure. But it felt so so so so good to fall asleep and it sucked having to wake up to wash my hair. Because the sleep was so good.
Declan now today says on 4-25-2020 "God i could had a heart attack but all i did was laugh but now I know why. I prepared you to sleep and not slip and slide and drown. Now i feel relieved and a deep safe darkness around my pride to protect me"
Blessed Child "i could had a heart attack but all i did was laugh" i love that so much and i love that we took the time to take all that worry and consideration to help erarse that super fear. It gives me joy. And fills my lungs and heart with oxygen rich cells.
Happiness can falter and fade away but Joy it always stays deep inside yoh to propel you into the future. Joy has a sunny presence while Happiness can exist in any conditions, joy can only exist in educated and true pure form of love and existence.
Rock the Vote gives me joy. Never wanting to be in politics but giving that ability to vote and reassure the African American and other immigrants that there is a group standing tall and strong behind them that sre as rich as politicians but want all races and ethnicities to vote as it is their Right. That gives me joy.
RockTheVote.org don't forget to register and vote. All immigrants and nationalities, African American and Latino, Caucasian. We stand behind you to give you the ability to vote and will defend you to our own death if anything happens to you like it did prior to 1970 and a few exclusions since. And if anything should happen we have some of the richest people in the world to stop what they are doing and help you survive a beating while in line to vote or suddenly thereafter. That is why i programmed it the way i did. Rock the Vote with rich musicians to say they have their life and they will share it to protect you if something bad should happen. And it did in the last 30 years very rarely but tree always told us of each and every event. And we stood behind that paying hospital bills and hiring private security to take people to vote and then installing security of our own at those polling stations for the future. And as i said, to our own death, our private security would beat and fight any one attacking any voter, especially one of any color. So Caucasians didn't have to witness it and be afraid to catch their own death.
So Rock the Vote gives me immense joy. Because we willingly and unselfishly destroy the fear and attacks against voters as it is our job.
Hopefully soon we can stop the illegal and false Voting. Registering to vote and then Voting can help. We have 2 Trillion U.S. residents with social security numbers ready to vote This year!!
Yall are all seeing what is on the news regarding Trump. I will be honest, Biden is who we need but if we could pick a different party other than the Republican (we will drop a vote later today)
So if half of the United States votes for Biden then the other half votes for a mixture of the minority parties then we can rise them up where they can be seen at more than 1% of the votes.
So maybe 3 good people running for president and they share 1/3 of half the votes. Thats 16% each with Biden at 50% That's kinda low.
But that would be fucking amazing and has never Been done in the history of America.
We can change the entire political system coming this November!
Isn't that exciting?!? That is what Ms Chen was talking about taking that power and harnessing it so the world would be safe for others. Including us...
That makes determination. That is our energy to create and show the power we possess with 2 Trillion American voters. 2/3 being full flesh human. 1/8 being honorary humans. A full 3/4 are guaranteed to live to see November 2020 to change the whole political system and destroy what it sets on.
So what tree will do is he says there are 5 candidates that are worthy due to their souls and hard work and humanitarian based minds. (Including Biden)
And so in DNA4U and in your testing and education area he will educate you of all 5 candidates
Then he will recommend who is best for you to vote for due to your heart and how and who you want to see in that beautiful oval office.
So he will make personal recommendations for each individual with DNA4U and has the ability to vote.
(We will keep Trump alive till then for the ultimate torture) and so tree tells me 99% of registered voters that should die of COVID will still be alive to vote. Some are evil and watched carefully. Others are not.
So us tiny Gus-Gus and Gus that we are as voters can pull a Declan (love that name today) and do a Ms Chen and hold our chins up high and destroy the national government's Democrat and Republican only system.
We can take those donkey and elephants and ride them out of town! Of course Biden is Democratic. But in 2024 he may change to his own small political party that suits him best.
So tree is gonna help us fulfill the ultimate American dream and Rock the Vote so hard the cradle falls from the tree.
Rock a bye baby? I always always sang that to Annabelle for hours if she couldn't sleep.
Rock a bye baby in the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock. And when the Bough breaks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all.
A New America.
Personally and for Rock the Vote, I always explained to Tree, Day One is the FREEDOM to vote and to NOT INFLUENCE on their decision to vote. But to encourage and protect.
However i told Tree of my Ultimate Dream which I have so declared. And he told me "when the time is right. Hindsight. Let's listen to Megadeth and you relax and get some sleep, when the time is right we will be ready. Its too far away now to explain. But sleep now my child"
He would also say "this is the 10th time you've told me this! I told you it's fine but not today!! Now go to sleep!"
You know we say our prayers before sleep. Think about what we did and what we need to do. While some of us don't see them as prayers, they are. I would not rest until the political system of the United States of America would and could change
And now it is the time, November 2020. This is the first time America has had So many voters. All with social security numbers because we've stopped human trafficking.
(For the most part) if they were found in the United States of America, they were issued social security numbers immediately. They were here working having their freedom taken away. So many are duel citizens. They earned the right to have a social security number. They lived and worked here against their will. And it is a law they are allowed to obtain a social security number for being kidnapped and put into human trafficking in the United States of America.
The law was put into effect by Obama and Biden during their administration. Biden complained they could do more but he didn't know what and Obama did. Social Security numbers and Citizenship. No testing required. The law was passed through Congress both the House in the Senate and Representatives. Should have been happening since 1882 because that was the law back then. Obama had it found and they reenacted it with a few minor updates and privileges. (1902 the law had been overturned by the then President and their political party which is now actually the Republican party).
This law will not be overturned because I will have tanks stationed at each fucking member of Congress to follow them around and let them know shit is gonna hit the fucking fan. I have more tanks than there are hospitals in the world. And I will kill each and every one that votes to overthrow the law. I shit you not. I have killed more people than Hitler. And with my bare hands in a mere two years killed 8,291 kidnappers. Kidnappers. So I'm very serious about protecting this law, I may look like a crazy psychopath but that is my right to do so.
In conclusion we can as small little mice, together, destroy an entire government. And we will with Tree's help.
As I said it is not the RIGHT of Rock the Vote to suggest who to vote for. But realize that Biden is a Vice President of 8 years and is against human trafficking and bull shit.
And so Tree will take care of that (suggestions on voting) because we have a total of 4.9 Trillion people who have the right to vote in the November 2020 election. And that is amazing. Never before in History has this been available.
And since most are first time voters Tree will guide you step by step and show you each candidate from birth. Including Trump and show you who they really are and not what they want you to see.
So only half our available voters are registered!!
If you left the country, tree will explain how you can still register as a duel citizen (rock the Vote isn't updated enough yet, hopefully they get onto that) in the DNA4U app.
He will do your personal suggestions first. Teach you all of them then have you review your suggestions. Then you can see and feel the difference heavily as to why those were ranked in that special way just for you.
He will do 2 ranking systems. 1 best for the world and 1 best fit of President of the qualifying 5 for your personality. Then he will suggest the vote for you to make to change the US government's political system.
So while Biden may be your heart. He may suggest a minor political party because Biden has too many votes already. Or vice versa.
So the suggestion MIGHT alter from your ranking system but he thinks it shouldn't have that effect as the world is more balanced and great minded than it seems to be.
So y'all are doing better than expected from 30 years ago's predictions.
So wrap that left arm around you if you're a guy and that right arm around you if you're a girl or whichever you pick, or do both and give yourself a right tight squeeze and a pat on the back. You all deserve it.
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