Thinking of a Steve who has a “my body is all I have” mentality
It starts because of the upside down, obviously. All he can do is try to protect these kids, try to protect this family that he’s made. He doesn’t know what else to do because he’s spent the majority of his life being made into a puppet for his father. He’s never been seen as smart, he’s never been seen as capable. But he can fight and take care of people and so, Steve is his body. As long as he can move, he can help.
I think this has the potential to twist on its head for him. He’s too emotional, he’s too needy in every relationship he attempts. So if he’s too much, how can he ever be enough? But he has his body. He has his sexuality, he was his charm. He knows how to use it, who to use it on. Even if it’s clunky at best sometimes, he can still manage. But then he feels like just a body again. Like he’s this figurine for people. He’s nice to look at, nice to spend a night with. But that’s about it. So he would adapt to that. “My body is all I have.” And it’s a joke that he makes, something sly and funny. Because obviously he was a slut growing up, right? Everyone knows that. It’s fine because it’s funny that he slept with soccer moms, it’s funny that he slept with cheerleaders, it’s funny that he could seduce someone if he really wanted to.
It’s so funny that everyone else makes jokes about it too.
And Robin tries to get them to stop but Steve can be convincing when he wants to be. It’s fine, he’s okay. He doesn’t mind.
But somewhere deep inside, he does mind. It twists again, like a knife to the stomach. Because after all the pain, after rebuilding their world, Steve is no longer just his body. His body hurts. He has scars. His hearing isn’t the same, his eyes get blurry every morning and he needs glasses now. Sometimes he limps when it storms too much. He’s not just his body because now he thinks his body is bad. What use is he if he can’t fight? What use is he if he’s not attractive enough to pull someone in with looks alone? He’s stained and he hates it because before he was just a body but now he’s just a mess.
Eddie sees it. He sees it and notices it because he feels the same way but not the same at all. He’s insecure and always has been. Too loud, too excited, too much this, too much that. He just is. But surviving something horrific, being pulled from the flames of the supernatural…it leaves a mark that lasts longer than any scar ever could. He’s not as chatty, not as funny. He becomes just a body in a different way. His personality feels sapped, he feels like the ghost of his former self. He just is.
He tries for Dustin, for all the kids. But he knows they can tell that something is off about him, that he’s one hundred shades of fucked up.
So, of course they see each other through it all. Different ends of the spectrum. Eddie, who feels like he’s walking through life as an intruder. Steve, who feels like he’s had everything he’s worth taken away from him. They talk about it. They sit out by a nearby lake and talk about how deep the black hole inside them feels, how badly they just want to wake up and have it be gone. Erased, washed away. Steve shows Eddie his scars and Eddie does the same and it’s cliche but it feels good. Lit under moonlight as they use too much bug spray, unwilling to just go home. Unwilling to invite the other one over because then it’s Something. Then it Means Something.
But eventually they would cave. Eddie would bring Steve to his new trailer, the one they got with hush money. He’d smoke with him, play him some records. Steve would confess as much as he could about how he feels like he lost his worth, how he’ll never amount to anything. Eddie would talk about how he isn’t the same and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get back to who he was.
Neither of those things are true, neither of them hold weight.
But they’ll heal together. They’ll talk it out again and again and they’ll use kinder words each time and they’ll start living life like they used to, only not quite the same. It’ll take time and adjustment but eventually, Robin will see the difference and she’ll be able to breathe again because she felt like she was losing not only her best friend but the guy that came along with him in the end.
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Fuck It Friday 🧇
Aaaalrighty. I am actively trying to get back to working on my wips but ngl until we know where the show will take the characters, I probably won't be working on anything non-established relationshipy.
This also means that I might have to scrap some (or most) of my wips by the time the season ends, starting with the jealous eddie fic. So I thought I might as well share some stuff from it before that'd happen.
He hooked the chart back to the end of the bed and walked over to the bedside table. “Thirsty?”
“I- yeah, thanks.”
Jason filled up a glass and passed it to Buck, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“Not to sound like I’m glad you’ve been crushed by a collapsing floor — because believe me, I’m not.” He leveled Buck with a look that reminded him of Maddie before he continued. “But I am glad I finally got to see you. I was beginning to think that you’ve been ignoring my texts on purpose.”
Buck held his glass over his stomach and stared at it for a moment.
“I uh I kinda was.” He admitted quietly.
“Oh?” Jason asked in surprise and even though he didn’t seem upset, Buck still couldn’t help but flinch. “Did I- did I do something wrong?” He frowned, almost as if he was asking himself instead of Buck.
“N-no, no, not at all it’s just… did I? Do something wrong, I mean.”
“Buck…”
“Y-you uh you bolted pretty quickly after our date so I thought—”
Jason put a hand onto Buck’s thigh, just above his knee, and he snapped his mouth shut.
“It’s… nothing,” he shook his head, “I think it just seemed like you had your hands full with work and family and I didn’t want to make it worse. You know, before we could see where things were going with us.”
Maybe Eddie was right and he didn’t mess this up that badly, maybe it really was salvageable.
“Yeah?” He tipped his head up hopefully.
“Yeah.” Jason shifted his hand onto the top of Buck’s, bringing immediate warmth to his skin and he couldn’t help but lace their fingers together on top of the bedsheet.
He also couldn’t help but to instantly think about Eddie holding his hand through two layers of gloves while they both thought Buck was about to die. The way he desperately wished to feel Eddie’s touch one more time as he caressed Buck’s cheek and made him talk through bloodloss.
“So, are we on for another date?” Jason’s quiet voice teleported Buck right back to reality where Buck wasn’t dying and Eddie was no longer holding Buck’s hand.
“Yeah, s-sure I’d love that.”
✨I was tagged by and am tagging the wonderful @sunshinediaz @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns @excuseme-greentea @exhuastedpigeon @nmcggg @disasterbuckdiaz @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @actualalligator MWUAH MWUAH 💛
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i have so many unfinished works rn URGHHH GUYS PLEASE >_< im gonna finish them promise!! also ive gotten so many requests and although i will NOT be doing all of them, i do have some in mind. requests are still open!! and i look and giggle at all of them🥹🥹
(also thank u for all the compliments abt my fics it makes me so happay<3)
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