When I tell you the phrase "getting older is a privilege that many are denied" drastically changed my mentality for the better. I mean it

one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it

pallas in book one is definitely at it-cannot-possibly-get-worse-than-this ABSOLUTE rock bottom but god. there is such a specific flavour to their despair in book two that only happens because of the realization they have at the end of lay me down. like. how do you move on after admitting that everything you believed in was a lie. how do you live with what you’ve done (with what has been done to you). is it possible to pull yourself up out of the pit you’ve dug. what do you do if it isn’t. what do you do if it IS. and once you look at the damage how do you stop looking. past the first layer of hurt there’s just more and more hurt and you were used by the one person who was supposed to keep you safe to cause even MORE pain and no matter how deep you go none of it means anything! it never meant anything at all!! motherfucker your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find it interesting actually that Mason is the only Coven Head present at the convention episode in season 1 (I assume he is already a Coven Head because he is on the banner in a later episode).

He seems quite stoic and unbothered by being tossed around too. So this might point towards some characterization - maybe he actually cares enough to show up unlike the others, and he isn't a type to throw a fit over a member of the public bothering him and thus might be less drunk on the power.

[my personal headcanon is that he cares about the members of his coven and has teaching tendencies, but isn't very sharp when it comes to the politics, and he had never expected to get raised that high, so he doesn't question the decisions around him and finds his new role disorienting]

i’m gonna take some space from taylor now

ur art is so, so amazing, is there anyway u could do a tutorial bc I wanna draw like u so badly

i can try but idrk how to explain myself or make tutorials lol

i think my style is just a product of my brush and what im trying to get out of my art, which is trying to portray the characters as accurately as possible. i rly just want it to look like it could be a stylized redraw of a deleted scene or something

my process is kinda everywhere bc i just move on to whatever step will probably make me hate the piece less when im done with it. i draw with a more square brush (blurring marker 1 on ibis) which i def recommend. its great for focusing on shapes in ur art and it helps me not overblend/forces me to think of more interesting lines/shapes. my sketch is a thicker size of the same pen, focusing on the major shapes and proportions and i just make as many additional layers overtop of it, lowering the size of the pen and adding details as i go

once im at the lineart i usually use a site that creates color palettes based off images (usually just steal some from old catholic art) and i steal my base colors from that. it doesnt matter how terrible ur base colors look as long as they make sense and r what ur generally going for.

these were my original base, i use colored line art and shade the basic shadows using the line art mixed with the base color, highlights r whatever is the lightest color in the palette. after that i duplicate and throw it through this filter

i play w the colors and use it as a color/hue/luminosity layer on top of the original version, lower opacity and render now that theres more colors on the canvas (the filter creates more contrast between the lame base colors i mix, then i can add bounce shadows and shit).

i use a shit ton of digital cheats. single color overlay layers at the end of a piece, pizza face overlay glow, using vignettes around the border to draw the eye towards the subjects at the center, filters, color palette generators, etc. they make things sm easier so u can worry abt experimenting with other things.

i dont rly know how to explain how i do clothes or hair other than focusing on the shadows and worrying abt lights later. this is honestly the best tutorial i can think of bc in my head im just drawing what i see as best as i can with the pen i use. use a fuck ton of reference, do actor face studies, and try to experiment with ur style everytime u draw. ur never gonna learn how to use ur programs or expand if ur bogged down by trying to achieve a specific look. sometimes that thing u were nervous abt bc thats not how ur style usually works is the best thing on the piece at the end.

actually draw only what u want to draw in that very moment and use that as an opportunity to experiment however u can. i just draw chainshipping and find ways to trick myself into learning 👍🏻 sorry this is so bad if u have any specific questions i can try to answer those better

edit: this is what i mean when i say just draw with whatever base colors and use the lineart to add value. i thoroughly hated this piece at this stage but once i adjusted the pallet it felt much more cohesive and i could continue on with the drawing. the best thing i can say is to have absolutely no process past the same few first steps and resign urself to a cycle of self hatred and throwing random bs at the wall to see what sticks

The most frustrating part of engaging in any of this discourse with pro-Israel people is that they claim there's just something ineffable about "seeing and understanding" how supporting Palestinian liberation is directly calling for the eradication of Jewish people (as if that type of rhetoric isn't exactly how actual antisemitism often manifests in online spaces but that's a topic for another day)

They get through people debunking the "the land belongs to the people of Israel anyway" argument and the "LGBTQ Palestinians are safe in Israel" argument and the "Genocide isn't what's happening here so you should educate yourself" argument and when all of those points are meticulously disproven over and over they still stand with "Well, myself and your Jewish friends see the hate you have in your heart for us" and it truly doesn't matter what you say at that point because even if you yourself are Jewish they will claim that refusing to support the state, government and military of Israel is inherently hateful and bigoted, as if a religious ethnostate is some inherent human right that is being taken away from them. I know many of them are blinded by the relentless propaganda that's been around their whole lives and how hard it is to break free from a belief system that is so tied to your core identity as a human being but it is so frustrating watching people being led straight to the point over and over again and just turning around and refusing to see it.

It's also so frustrating to see people using the momentum of this movement to casually tack on actual antisemitism to these discussions, as if having Jewish people in positions of power is why the US bends over backwards to excuse the actions of Israel and not, yknow, the fact that our government directly benefits from having a military stronghold in the middle east. I've talked to some well-meaning pro-Palestine friends irl who casually use antisemetic talking points because they've ALSO bought into the narrative that Israeli = Jewish and so they blame the actions of Israel and the IDF on Jewish people's "religious values" and ignore the fact that this conflict really has almost nothing to do with religion itself and everything to do with capitalism, imperialism and maintaining the US's status as a so-called "global power".

Homesick (Patreon)

hey watcherinas!!! having a bit of a mental health time so i think i'm gonna try to step back from tumblr for a bit (by a bit i probably just mean tomorrow but i just wanted to let you know lol) <3

im not even that active as a lurker anymore but I did always find it funny how clear the fan favouritism was in the gorillaz fandom through the fact that noodle has a classic wild over-the-top edgy first-oc backstory where she was raised as a supersoldier/living weapon in a lab as part of a government experiment and narrowly escaped being slaughtered alongside all of her peers- and yet I have barely ever in my life seen whatever the fuck was going on with that and how it might affect her touched on in fan content, but in comparison there's gotta be like at least a thousand fics centred around murdoc's backstory alone

arguments saying Joshua is actually good or has changed by the time honest hearts starts or barely had a role in creating the legion etc. all fall flat when you find out he's literally inspired by the destroying angels and 19th century mormonism

absolutely spoken like someone whose career in piracy ended (possibly very recently) because his boatswain, lover, and partner in warlock shenanigans tried to ritually murder him after she identified his distrustful hesitation and disillusioned exhaustion and considered it weakness and cowardice

oh my god earlier this week i was talking to my mom abt how i used to constantly feel bad even at elementary school despite having good grades and not having social issues or mental illnesses yet (undiagnosed autism aside). and she really helped me crack the code by saying "yes you always came home angry about (kid in my class) getting better grades than you in math or (friend) being better than you in english even though you knew she is american" and then it clicked. i was simply always a jealous competitive annoying little bitch who has to be the best and most specialest at everything or i may as well die

i hate………it when my loves’s patterns look like they are mere expressions of a preexisting and underlying platonic ideal i Actually love…..there was a post i saw asking if ppl had any kinks that they only had specifically in the context of doing it at or with one specific person, the implication and responses suggested this was very strange and unusual and it made me realize……nearly .all my kinks are like this—i do not have a kink for x, and merely want someone who is able to fulfill it. i have a kink for ‘doing x with this one specific person who is not interchangeable with any other person on earth who has ever lived.’ same with broader contexts of relationships—i don’t want to be looking for someone who fits Into a preexisting slot for me, i am not into a particular 'type' of thing and looking for real things that can fill—or mimic, live up to, sort of approximate—that role. that is not me! that is so not me!

sure there are obviously some patterns but that’s different, that’s only after the fact. the encounters are what create the pattern in me in the first place. my loves — in ideas, stories, etc — are not ‘oh this is an Example of the preexisting Thing i want’. they are things that i encountered that caused some kind of reaction in my electron bonds that cause me to stick to it and become a slightly different shape, and sure some of that is only possible because of what i am, but mostly it’s that once i have encountered this thing that reshapes my electron bonds and sticks to me, then i also become capable of sticking to similar things, or completely different things i wasn't able to stick to before, sometimes due to convoluted associations, often transcending the association after a bit and connecting with the other things independently of it. i have a really really hard time not reflexively — even just in my own brain—‘justifying’ my loves and patterns by trying to make up an underlying preexisting Empty Slot in the way other people do — trying unthinkingly to explain and come up with ‘a type’ (preexisting) that this one singular particular one-of-a-kind thing or person is just a mere example of/fitting candidate for—but it’s a lie when i do this. it’s lying to myself, and lying to others. i think i have done it on this blog before. but it’s ugly, and untrue, and not me.

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my manager was like, “i saw you’re scheduled pretty tight, want me to take your returns room shift so you have some breathing room?” and i said NO like an idiot!