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frecklystars · 2 months

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I never really thought about sexuality much even when the people around me started showing interest in relationships. So at first I thought I was bisexual, because I had the same amount of interest in men/women. Then I realized that gender wasn't really an important factor to me in attraction, so I called myself pansexual. Then I realized most of the people I'd ever felt attraction towards were fictional, so these days I mostly just use aspec/queer to identify myself.

All of these labels (to me) are just a tool for helping you understand yourself a little better, and you don't need to force yourself to use one you don't feel fits anymore.

I remember seeing a post on tumblr ages ago talking about identity that was like 'show me a permanent state of self' because you're constantly changing as a person as you learn.

Anyways, sorry for the rambling, just wanted to let you know you're not alone, sorry about the sexuality crisis, hope your day gets better

AWW thank you for taking the time to send this to me sweetheart. "sorry about the sexuality crisis" made me burst out laughing; I know you didn't mean it to be funny, you are being kind, but that's just funny to me that multiple people have sent me messages in my inbox/dms saying "so sorry you think you're a lesbian and it's making you spiral and cry in the middle of the night" like I just never expected people to send me a message like that haha. thank you, genuinely thank you for saying that though, because HOO i am STRUGGLING here bro... but it's ok i'll figure it out eventually <3

I have heard that's very much an aro/aspec feeling, to say "well I don't feel much preference for any gender, so maybe I'm bi/pan". I watched a video on being aro/ace and I related to some of it but not all of it entirely, so I know I'm... I'm ace, for sure. and I think I'm aro somewhat? Women™ are a big big big piece of the puzzle and the only reason why I don't feel fully aro is bc my attraction for them is There but at the same time I don't know if I feel it... as... much(?) as I am "supposed" to. or maybe my lack of physical affection/lack of feeling totally safe in a relationship is just bc of actual life experience and not like, who I am as a person? question mark???

I also think the realization that maybe I am not changing from bi into possibly lesbian, but I might not have been bi this entire time has hit me like a ton of bricks and is what's hurting me so bad. I was so confident I was bi for yeeeears, because I assumed I'd felt attraction to men, even if it was short and fleeting and practically nonexistent, but all this time I don't think I have felt attraction to men, not truly. but again -- does bisexuality have to include men? if I'm a cis woman I mean, would my bisexuality HAVE to include men or can it just be "I am attracted to literally anybody Except Men." and like, hey, maybe I haven't met enough men?? most of my experiences with men have been kind of um. uncomfortable and creepy. maybe I would feel attracted to a man in the future?? I used to joke with my other bi friends "oh my standards for men are SO HIGH, they have to meet a whole checklist of requirements for me to feel attraction to them, but for a woman all she has to do is exist and I'm in LOVE with her" and like... that could be.. a lesbian feeling sdfhldhfskldf or I'm just bi with 99.9999% attraction to women and 00.0001% attraction to other people, which might include men but like, only two unobtainable men who are celebrities (Ryan Gosling and Nick Blaemire) which don't count because they are... unobtainable celebrities. MAN WHO KNOWS!!!!! I DON'T KNOWS. is it still valid attraction to men if it's an unobtainable celebrity? It's still a real life man, right? Even if you know nothing would ever come of it? Me feeling romantically attracted (or I guess crushing lol) on a male celebrity feels just as real and big and pure and whole as me feeling romantically attracted to an obtainable non-celebrity woman standing in front of me. AGAIN, WHO KNOWSSSSS

I like how you said labels are a tool and I don't need to force myself to have one that doesn't fit anymore. I just feel really like, panicked if I don't have a label, for some reason. Maybe "WLW" or "Sapphic" can be my placeholder. I like being bi but man I don't know if I was ever bi at all if I don't feel attracted to men unless if they're celebs/fictional?? It doesn't feel like I've gradually changed into something else, it feels like I've woken up from a dream-like state where I thought I was bi but it turns out I'm actually Not. unless if, like I said, I could be bi with just, the strongest attraction to women possible LMAO. it doesn't help that I'm ace because it makes it a little more confusing to figure out. soooo many people have told me "oh it depends on who you'd sleep with" but I don't want to sleep with anyone. y'know. never ever had that urge, no matter the gender. WHY IS IT SO CONFUSINGGGG BRO

anyway thank you for sending me a message and helping me feel heard/listened to. giving you hugs and flowers 💖💐🌼🌸🌻🌷✨🌹🌺🌈✨💖💝💟🌸💘✨

#anonymous #asks

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inkofamethyst · 8 months

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September 6, 2023

Actual goals for this school year:

Stay within my monthly budgets (I'll give september a pass if needed)

Take a programming course (in R or Python probably)

Go to fitness classes both to stay fit and to meet people

Maintain connections with interesting people (pretend to be the fearless extrovert)

Try at least one new recipe each month (again, september gets a pass)

Decorate my room

Go to symposia and talks in various departments; bask in the intellectual community

Read for fun or listen to audiobooks on occasion

No studying while eating (exceptions include: exam in 48 hours or less, expected reading due in 24 hours or less)

These are more like "additional" goals, I guess, since I would indeed like to become hotter, weirder, richer, more terrifying, and more unpredictable. I know I should become richer and I'm always on the trajectory to become weirder, but I may have to put work into the other three.

A wise man on tiktok once said "not every day can be a slay" and you know what? He was right. Sometimes it's totally worth having a chill day where you just don't put massive amounts of thought into your life. Yes, romanticizing the little moments feels good. But if it requires more mental energy than I can reasonably give that day, then it's not worth it. Same goes for outfits and meals and all sorts, really. It's actually something I've been putting into practice long before I'd heard it put into those words. Granted, a day of "non-slay" might look different for everyone. But it doesn't mean that I'm a failure for deciding to wear leggings or sweatpants on a day when I really just can't be arsed.

When I was talking to that random dude the day before school started, I told him that this school year felt different. He asked why and I had to say that I couldn't really put my finger on it. That was a lie. I just didn't want to make our lighthearted conversation into a therapy session. In fact, I could place not just a finger, but all of my fingers and some of my toes on it. 1. far away from home for an extended period 2. the whole thing with ~~~elite~~~ education (not imposter syndrome, more like the internal and personal discomfort of contributing to a system of hierarchies (the same way that race is a human construct that isn't really real but the effects of racism are real? academic elitism is socially constructed but has real effects (and you know ultimately this may not matter because the academic job market sucks and I may not be offered find a position (that I like bc why not be picky) in the first place lol))) 3. feeling very young 4. feeling ungrounded because, unlike the rest of my cohort, I came up here a week before school started and moved in merely days prior, so I wasn't nearly as grounded in my space as I would liked to have been. There's probably some other things that I just can't conjure up right now.

Full disclosure, most of the above comes from before school started. I'm not swamped with work, not exactly, but I certainly haven't had much time to devote to journaling (tbh this is exactly the time that I should be journaling). I don't really know where all of my hours are going (and maybe it's just the school adjustment period, it is only the second day, after all). I'll do a full recap sometime later. Ultimately: I'm doing okay.

Today I'm thankful that I'm doing okay.

Last thing: considering auditioning for/joining a choir. It's mostly undergrads, though they take grad students. It seems like a dope program. But there's a musical theatre one (also mostly undergrads lol) that also seems cool. It's been a long while since I've done MT. I do miss it, I think. But doing MT covers doesn't make me feel nearly as powerful as singing as part of a symphony :/ I could always go for the real choir some other year if I really wanted. I'll be here for six or so. I've got time.

I mean I've always wanted to do a musical theatre duet.

This could also just be pre-audition nerves ha.

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centralkvetchmonolith · 11 months

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Further updates on today's occurrences:

I did NOT get my knives sharpened because* I'm a lazy dipshit who can't remember what times of day people function at, yippee!**

*I don't actually feel the following about myself; I'm just venting for funsies

**I'm cool I just have at least one sleep disorder and misremembered "1pm close" as "4pm close" for some reason, which is a normal mistake to make if you're unfamiliar with farmer's markets

Oh well! There is always next week. I DID go to the Jewish event, with @creatureaccess bc I haven't gotten to do much Jewy socializing with them, and we hung out with my friend Khesed and got some nice prints and earrings!!!

In addition to the planned socialization, I ran into 4 sets of people I wasn't expecting:

Kendrick and their roommate Dawn — they Recognized Me from services a couple years ago, but we didn't quite remember each other. I mention these folks mostly so that I remember their names, as I will probably see them in the future and it takes me several meetings to remember faces and names together w/o hints.

MJ! The (lay) cantor who is considering Hebrew College! She was like "oh jeez people keep saying that and I feel like everyone will be so disappointed if I decide not to go" which! oh no! I only mentioned it bc I just broke up w a Hebrew College student who mentioned seeing her at prospy week (which is not what they call it)! I think she feels bad about being put on a pedestal, bc she also remarked that introducing her to Mercury as "the most familiar voice at Shir Tikvah" was nice bc I wasn't doing the usual thing (of intentionally or unintentionally overpraising her, which I'm sure feels like "you're so BRAVE for Singing While Trans" in addition to the regular ol' anxiogenesis of high expectations & benevolent otherization). Anyway she was happy to see me again even though she almost certainly couldn't remember my name, and I was happy to see her cuz she wasn't at the one kabbalat shabbat I've gone to so far and that was one of the several reasons I didn't quite feel Home yet at Shir Tikvah.

Quotes-and-flowers prints lady, Della, complimented me on my constellation umbrella and we commiserated about Hebrew cursive being cool but not a thing people in our circles (myself included) can read. THEN HER MOM POPPED UP, AND IS ONE OF MY TORAH CANTILLATION CLASSMATES??!?!? So Moon is the first person from the 2024 adult b'mitzvah cohort that I got the pleasure of meeting in person :^>. She's a lesbian who bonded w other lesbian parents in 1995 — I asked her if she knew [Jaz's parents], and she didn't which idk is actually cooler cuz that means there were enough partnered lesbians making children in the mid-90s that they DIDN'T all know each other!?! Anyway, Moon is cool, and I'm glad I am soooo so brave to Talk While Trans have a distinctive voice so that she recognized me ^_^.

While talking to Candida, the vendor with the super cool lemon earrings that I got Mercury for their birthday, I DID make direct eye contact with a person who used to call me their wife ("Ohhhhh and I just saw my ex" "Haha isn't that just the experience at queer markets like this"). Mercury and I sidled over, talking abt their mom while waiting for an opening where I could talk to Tova (they are very popular, even as queer Jewish non-profit workers go), and Mercury squeezed my hand and made clear through, like, bestie telekinesis and a couple words that they were there for me. I was a bit awkward on the intro bc I broke up w Tova pretty suddenly in uhhhhh I wanna say Nov 2020? and they ghosted last time I tried to catch up in early 2022, so I was like "hi!!(?) are we on the sort of terms where it's okay if I talk to you?" and they were very like "(why wouldn't it be????) Yeah!! Hello!!" and we chatted for a bit and I DID ask if they had moved which they HAVEN'T so I can STOP forlornly looking at their living room window every time I go grocery shopping and just be chill neighbors who used to try to build a life together. Their Nana said "She's special to you. Hold on to her, even though you're not together anymore." I was there when their sister got married. Their brother-in-law painted me in fake blood while he was shirtless. Their parents welcomed me into the family. I spooned with them under the big flaming tree of their family's cult. We played tabletop roleplaying games together. and figure out how much we want to be in each other's lives.

Anyway yeah so I am reminded yet again that people love me and even people who have a reason to be Rude are probably instead going to be Cordial, which I think is generalizable to people who are not me as well (you, reader). Also Jaz came up in sets 2, 3, AND 4 above, so it's pretty clear that [insert transparently obvious takeaway that nevertheless evades me at the moment].

Being in community is Good, Actually.

#personal #banana go home #kosher queers dot gay #manic pixie dream babe

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sherifftillman · 1 year

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okay i posted photos already but i wanna talk about the weekend so here is a summary: (this is a long post bc am on mobile i am so sorry)

1. FUCK showmasters. money-grabbing, delusional, godawful cunts. i'm glad he only had a 2-event contract with them, but i hope it doesn't put him off future UK cons

2. i got to tell him how much luke's character means to me, that he portrayed an autistic person very sensitively and properly which is tough to get right, that his range is phenomenal and i'm glad he's getting the love he deserves. i don't wanna be That Person and say he wanted to hug me but was ~forbidden~ to, but his arms definitely moved out before he looked at the staff member and then instead reached out to take my hand. he said "thank you, love, your words mean the world to me" and holy SHIT his hands are the SOFTEST THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! this was also day 1 so he was in the cardigan look and he looked So Ralph i couldn't keep it together lmao

3. when i tell you this man was a CONVEYOR BELT for photo ops. we all joked that you could have put a cardboard cutout in there and it would be exactly the same. same face in all of them and everything. he really seemed done with it all then

4. the panel was. well. about the same as any other. same questions as always were asked. same answers were given. i think bc music as a topic is so opinion based he's been actively deflecting questions about his personal music taste but my GOD did people push that anyway. poor man went into hysterics when someone said to say hi to wes, he was so done with the day. and oh my GOD he hates that panel host guy LMAO his face would be so sweet and gentle when he was talking to the fans and then that guy would open his mouth and jq's face would DROP it was so funny

5. i haven't even mentioned!!!! i made so many friends!!! mostly by wearing my djo hoodie everywhere lol. joe squared supremacy <3 but yeah. i've missed the con experience of just telling someone you like something about them and then spending an entire weekend attached to their hips lol

6. day 2 was SOOOO much calmer. i think bc it was announced super late and also he was only there for half a day. HE HAD A LIL SCRUFF OF BEARD 🥰🥰🥰 and he seemed so much happier. like actual "hello! so nice to see you! how have you been?!" like you see how he is at most cons. he wasn't like that yesterday lmao

7. going off that, when i said "oh you know, just pressing on" he frowned and said "well i hope it gets better!" i said "oh it's great! i've had a good weekend, i hope you have too!" and he went "its been... fucking... lovely!" but the "fucking" was said under his breath in a tone that's usually followed by "mental" or "a shitshow" but yeah. THEN HE WINKED AT ME!!!!!! and said "take care now, won't you?" that's the jq i'd been seeing in videos.

8. photos were much the same but i liked my second one better AND he rubbed my back, said "thank you so much for coming, get home safe!" AND HE WINKED AGAIN

9. day 2 panel was fuckin. EMPTY. i asked him a question about how he said in the wonderland interview that he'd love to pursue a music career, i was like "was that for real or were you just saying it to get to the next question" and he was like "i'm just so lazy, it takes a lot of work to be a musician and i'm not one now, but someday i might start a band" aw. also he is a VERY sarcastic man who i think people take way too seriously lol. also x2 his bitchface towards the host was even less subtle LMAO

10. we saw him leaving and the poor man had his cap on and his head down, he REALLY wanted to leave and i don't blame him in the slightest

11. FUCK. showmasters. they deliberately oversold jq and didn't honour refunds, autographs were either included in diamond passes or bought on the day for £75 IN CASH??? and one of my new friends was the only one left when they cut for time from photo ops, she asked if she could just get one, JOE SAID YES BUT THE STAFF SAID NO. we had one staff member talking to us DIRECTLY about what time jq was paid to stay until, said "but it would be nice if he chooses to stay longer" and then started talking about how last year's summer event was so unfairly criticised?? and was like "even joe said he wasn't stressed" ofc he isn't gonna talk shit about a company he was still legally under contract for??? and one tried to tell us not to sit on the floor, 30ft away from the first aid room door, bc there was NO OTHER SEATING, saying that it's our own fault if we got mauled by a stretcher in an emergency. there was no emergency.

12. i have practically bankrupt myself at artist booths and i'm tempted to do it all again in liverpool in a few weeks lmfao

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nimata-beroya · 1 year

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MY THOUGHTS ON THE MANDALORIAN - Chapter 18 "The Mines of Mandalore"

Days late, but here it is my impressions about the latest episode. It was so great that reduced me to a screaming mess, especially with that ending. I still cannot believe it!

As I've watched the episode a few times already, this is going to be more my general thoughts on what stood out more for me than reactions to every scene. I should apologize in advance, because I'll get a bit rant-y on some points (about the fandom, not the show).

So, let's begin…

I love that Din did a pit stop in Tatooine and visit Peli (I love her so much). It was obvious that she was his go-to to find the circuit for IG-11. I've seen people complaining that that bit of trying to fix IG-11 in the previous episode is irrelevant now if Din was getting R5 anyway, and honestly, it makes me shake my head. Haven't any of you watched the trailers? We KNEW Din would fly the N1 with R5-D4 docked in the astromech port. It was obvious (to me, at least) that he was going to use him to navigate to Mandalore. Besides, astromech were made exactly for that function. IG droids were not.

I know that there's the thing about Din trusting one (1) droid, which gives all the feels, but that of bringing IG-11 back won't go to waste. I think IG-11 will be fixed anyway to be Nevarro's new marshal, which fits much better with his original function, don't you think? That'd be great because it'll mean we'll see him again and again as long as the show continues.

I wonder how many languages Peli speaks, because so far we've seen her speaking Basic, droid, Jawaese, Rodian, Frog, whatever it was Dr. Mandible spoke, and I assume she speaks Huttese too. She's a human universal translator!

And Grogu is going to say his first word this season and going to be dad, buir, or an equivalent. It'd be funny if he goes from babbling incoherently to perfect speech in a night. Extremely unnerving, but funny as hell.

Another thing I've seen in other reviews is that some people didn't expect Din going to Mandalore so soon. I was not among those. I think it's perfect. And for what we saw in the trailers, that should've been obvious too. People might think the footage in the trailers covers the whole season. I got news for you, my darlings: it does not. It covers only the first half of the season (just like it did in season 2). So, considering that, Din wasn't going the entire season going from here to there before getting to Mandalore. Remember that this season also is somewhat setting things up for Ahsoka and is upping the stakes. It's no longer only Din and Grogu anymore.

My heart melted completely when Din said "Our people" talking to Grogu about Mandalore. The whole scene is amazing. Not just because of Din including Grogu as a mandalorian, but also because we got more tidbits of his childhood. He confirmed what I suspected; that he's never lived in Mandalore, just in Concordia. And, we got a geography lesson, making canon that Mandalore and Kalevala are in the same system.

Grogu was a ball of anxiety the whole episode, first when Din sent R5 to get the readings, then when Din got kidnapped (me, too), and because of the bird-lizard thing that went after him. Poor baby!

But I can't help laughing at how fast Grogu convinces Din of anything. Repeated knocking or a whine is enough for Din to give in.

An episode where Din doesn't get his ass kicked is not a Mandalorian episode, and like in the premiere he wasn't, he got a double dose in the second 😆 And I like that he still struggles with the darksaber. We need Sabine to train him!

Live-action Mandalore, I love it. It's both beautiful and haunting, the way the crystallized rock resembles explosions. I love the design of the wreckage city, that you almost can see how it was before, especially if you've seen TCW and Rebels (mostly TCW, bc Rebels was set outside Sundari, and in Krownest).

What the hell was that thing that tried to bleed out? take bone marrow? from Din?! I don't know what it was, but first, it sounded a lot like Grievous; and I guess it needed Din's fluids to function/survive. All I know is that it was creepy as hell and well sure it didn't help Din and his trauma with droids.

Grogu being able to control his own pram is the best!. I thought at first that he was moving it with the Force (maybe for going forward) but then I realized there are controls for him in the front.

I must say that even when I'm not a fan of Bo-Katan, this episode made her bloom as an even more complex character. I love that for her. It's obvious that she has plenty of regrets for all she did in the past, but my beef with her is that, sure, she sees now all the mistakes that were made by all Mandalorians, but she hasn't spoken out loud of her part in it. She always speaks in general terms of Mandalorians but never say I did this, I was one of those, except to say I was the ruler and the Empire came and defeat me. She distances herself from her worst mistakes. Not that it isn't a normal human reaction, but it'd be nice having her owning her mistakes.

Putting my personal feelings about her aside, the scene of Bo battling that thing was awesome!!! So badass!!! The ease with which she wields the Darksaber is satisfying to watch. My favorite part is when she slides underneath the droid and cut it open. So cool!

It didn't occur to me until I heard it in a YT video, that when Bo says she didn't embarrass her dad when she took the creed might not mean that she usually displeased her dad and that specific day she didn't, which is how most people took it as. Maybe what she meant was that she DID take the creed while Satine didn't (because of her pacifist ideals), and therefore, embarrassing their father. That it's an interesting theory. I like it. It'd add more flavor to family drama (as if it didn't have enough of it 😆)

Deep down, I knew Din wasn't going to take his helmet off to bathe in the Living Waters, but he would take the rest of his armor, so he didn't sink, exactly like he did. That scene is both beautiful (as he recites the vow) and funny (the moment he sinks). Then fears hits, and I first wondered how he sunk so fast! The only explanation I can find is that the mythosaur pulled him under.

And OH MY GOD!!! The reveal of the Mythosaur was AWESOME!!! As soon as I saw the tusks, I lost it!!! This is when I became a screaming mess. I couldn't believe one of my wildest theories was true!! Since last year, when the Armorer said that the mythosaur would rise up to herald a new Mandalore, I had the feeling that Mythosaur were down in the mines, or at least one. I can't believe I was right!

#episode review #the mandalorian #mando spoilers #chapter 18 the mines of mandalore #din djarin #grogu #bo katan kryze

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lesbiancarat · 2 years

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how do you look at Jun and see a fuckboy ksksksksks I just don’t understand he’s literally so adorable and ornery

it's baffling to me too djfkfj

but if you want a genuine answer for how i think that happened though i think it was in part pledis characterizing him as a "handsome guy" and partly bc jun was a LOT quieter back then, like he actually admitted recently that he didn't talk much when they first debuted bc he was afraid of saying something wrong ;-;

like i said in my tags, i don't think his personality was all that different back then, he had moments of cuteness and moments of self-praise. but bc he didn't talk as much generally, it was easier to brush aside/not focus on some things. and like now we see jun's self-praise as endearing and part of his cuteness, but i think back in the day it was easy to pair the self love with his handsome image and assume a confident and almost arrogant character. and then the cuteness was seen either as a secondary aspect or was ignored to fit the narrative

and then of course those traits got exaggerated more and more which tends to happen with fandom in general. and this definitely happened with other members too, but i think of SVT, jun's case might be the most extreme (? if that's the right word to use). not just bc the image he had among the fandom contrasted so much w his personality (bc i think that's pretty common) but mostly bc of how long and widespread that image lasted

like others might have a different perception, but from my perspective, when i joined the fandom in 2017 that image was still very much alive. it wasn't until 2018 with CYZJ and SVT club that i saw that image start to be challenged widely in the fandom. and honestly i don't think it was until 2020 (with 2020 gose especially) that his cute image completely overtook/erased his sort of fuckboy image

like from 2018-2019 his cute image was definitely building so if you became a carat at that time you might not be that familiar with his old image, but it was definitely still present in the fandom. but from my memory i swear 2020 was the first time I saw people, including non-huihuis consistently introduce jun as the "funny or cute member" as opposed to "the handsome member" or even something more neutral like "one of the chinese members"

also u know those posts ppl make about their bias where they're frustrated that others don't see them as complex human beings? the ones that are formatted something like: "guys [member] isn't just [x trait], they're also [other traits]". i swear to god i did not see huihui's start off posts like that saying "guys jun isn't just the funny/cute member" until 2020. before that it was always something like, "guys jun isn't just the handsome member"

and the first time I saw it I was SO confused bc i was like??? but don't we WANT jun to be seen as the funny/cute member? like that's a side of him so many ppl haven't seen or paid attention to for YEARS we should be celebrating the fact ppl are finally seeing him this way. but it really has become his main image now DHFKFJ (which i still think is a good thing, at least compared to the alternative)

didn't mean to ramble so much again but tbh the more i think about it the more wild it is to me that this whole thing happened. like it kind of feels like a fever dream esp when i think about the fact that a lot of this happened relatively recently, but you wouldn't know it at all if you just joined the fandom in the last 2 or even 3 years

#melia.ask #anon

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eggsolotl · 4 months

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This totally diverges from my usual content but like, I really wanna talk abt this. I really think that there should be at least one character in the story that's so fucked up and angsty, they're the author's angst dump.

Like once, I had an OC that was so deranged and touch-starved, seeking out unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to make up for the lack of affection they had received ever since they were a child in a family of 7 other children. Cuz after all, child amongst 7 siblings was just that; one extra person to feed.

Always constantly wanting to prove themselves worthy for said "father" of family to receive even the tiniest bit of praise. The brothers they considered to be close with were ones who fit the criteria of 'looks nice to hug' and 'they are friendly to me'. And by friendly, I mean he only talked to them in specific instances and when they didn't, mostly tolerated each other's presence.

His life was a cycle of constant isolation and scheming and having to climb every rickety ladder for a sense of power, of autonomy and to bury down his self-loathing under the guise of 'hey... I'm powerful now. I should be happy'. And no, he still felt nothing but emptiness. Most of his childhood spent on contemplating and learning to grow up by himself since no one else was there to teach him.

Then one time, he saw main character OC in said story of mine being affectionate towards a kid whose parents were targets of his father's organization and lost it. Feeling wasted, exhausted and lost, questioning the cause his father had made all of his siblings including himself swear to be loyal to.

THEN一I got tired of writing up more angsty scenes where this guy just suffers mentally 😭 so I made character become one of his personal henchmen, kinda apart of this little group where he's the boss who assigns tasks required by extremely skilled people.

Yes, so this 'I haven't slept in three years but more importantly, I brought a little gift for my sweetheart' henchmen and his deranged, slightly insane 'Can I crawl inside your ribcage and just... hold that beautiful, beating heart of yours bcs that's so tempting right now' boss have at least 300K words of untouched slow burn romance I do not have the effort to write but pretend they figured out shit, unpacked so much, taught each other many lessons they had once learned and experienced tragedies but still held on till the very end.

#writers on tumblr

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chanyoungies · 2 years

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i said i would do it and so i did: mutuals as girl group (or female soloist) songs !! think of these as ... soup ... songs are just ingredients to mix together and thus some (a lot) of them are mentioned multiple times throughout this!!

tagging again before the cut just in case !! @siyoon @chiwooz @heartriki @song-mingi @jaehyukkies @kdongyoung @seongz @roshnis @flops @pastelyoo @heeseunq @beomkai @soppa @yjsgf @ncityzen @tittiez @20cm @mithaai @pixi-ki @outofexits @donghuun

@siyoon // brina (this is my love letter to u i lov u but also u are every good song ever actually because i!! love!!! you!!!!)

will you go out with me (dia), feel good (secret code) (fromis_9), friday night (sonamoo), top secret (weeekly), we like (pristin), chillin’ chillin’ (itzy), fruity (hyolyn & kisum), birthday (somi), m-maybe (ioi), nineteen (natty), sooo lucky (itzy), not that type (gugudan), i’m so pretty (nature), airplane (f(x)), tag me (weeekly), dumb dumb (somi), nobody like you (itzy), let’s dance (wjsn), i will show you (ailee), say you love me (twice), o sole mio (iz*one), really like you (iz*one), love letter (berrygood), one in a million (twice)

@chiwooz // ven (a warm blanket but make it glittery)

knock knock (twice), teddy bear (natty), depend on you (twice), hurry up (sohee), 22century girl (fromis_9), love letter (berry good), shooting love (laboum), very very very (ioi), rookie (red velvet), to the sky (clc), nekkoya (pick me) (produce 48), sooo lucky (itzy), ping pong (ioi), zombie (purple kiss), could this be love (gugudan), don’t give up (twice), we (pristin), when the cherry blossoms fade (ioi), like a fool (twice), neverland (weki meki), zzz (youha)

@heartriki // lulu (i’m so lucky!!! (to have u))

dalla dalla (itzy), sunday (fanatics), anymore (somi), hush (everglow), trouble (kriesha chu), brand new girl (twice), sooo lucky (itzy), birthday (somi), yes or yes (twice), gas me up (itzy), catch me (favorite), hot (twice), fight day (bol4), kidding me (itzy), seattle alone (bol4), satellite (ha:tflet & ash island), zzz (youha), i’m your girl? (khan)

@song-mingi // iri (look away i feel like u’d hate like half of these. but ure cool and i lov u)

chica (chungha), cool (weki meki), sunny side up! (red velvet), airplane (f(x)), fruity (hyolyn & kisum), lucky (weeekly), no.1 (boa), you can’t sit with us (sunmi), butterflies (red velvet), the boots (gugudan), wave (limesoda), last waltz (twice), love song (miss a), tiger eyes (ryu sujeong), home (ailee), cry for me (twice), blue moon (gyeongree), obliviate (lovelyz), fire (taeyeon), satellite (ha:tfelt & ash island), flying on faith (chungha), breathe (lee hi)

@jaehyukkies // eri (i am sitting on your floor at 4 am. we’re sharing cookies.)

mirror (itzy), bbibbi (iu), siesta (weki meki), be in love (itzy), the best thing i ever did (twice), after we ride (brave girls), cruel (twice), ending credit (uhm junghwa), crush (weki meki), what’s my name (t-ara), to my youth (bol4), blue moon (gyeongree), square (2017) (baek yerin), i need healing (dia), satellite (laboum), girls like us (twice), so bad (stayc), someone like you (dalshabet), fight day (bol4), i just (red velvet), behind the mask (twice), right here, right everywhere (boa)

@kdongyoung // ro (u are the moon and these are the stars around u)

celebrity (iu), yummy! (weeekly), what is love (twice), skyline (sejeong), lilac (rocket punch), flower road (sejeong), killing me (chungha), cactus (twice), leave me (ben), after we ride (brave girls), love is (itzy), easy (wjsn the black), zzz (youha), sullae (rothy), badaboom (wjsn), star (minseo), forever love (haebin), i-yah (wjsn), satellite (laboum), girls like us (twice), hold my hand (iu), cinderella (stellar), blueming (iu), shiny boy (joy)

@seongz // vivi (op my beloved this is for u powerwalking on campus)

got’ya (ichillin’), yeppi yeppi (aespa), want it? (itzy), nun nu nan na (cignature), cruel (twice), pose (red velvet), cherry kisses (chungha), no lie (everglow), deepened (brave girls), rainbow (twice), so bad (stayc)

@roshnis // roshni (we are on the beach in the middle of summer standing on the burning sand but we’re also at a fancy prom at the same time)

holiday party (weeekly), blue lemonade (red velvet), star (loona), don’t give a what (itzy), what you waiting for (somi), brand new girl (twice), hide & seek (loona), oh my summer (wjsn)

@flops // ina (u are the pretty girl in the grocery store and i’m accidentally dropping my potatoes because i’m staring at u)

q&a (cherry bullet), ayayaya (iz*one), pporappippam (sunmi), whatever (brave girls), untouchable (everglow), genie (snsd), cherry kisses (chungha), green apple (berrygood), lucky (weeekly), go hard (twice), memory (brave girls), i will show you (ailee), password 486 (younha)

@pastelyoo // seo (did you know that clouds are made of cotton candy?)

dreamlike (iz*one), outta my head (somi), love is (itzy), bubble up! (rocket punch), that day (lovelyz), because of you (berrygood), when the cherry blossoms fade (ioi), angel (berrygood), wow! (lovelyz), hold on (ioi), into the new world (snsd), now, we (lovelyz), do what we like (twice)

@heeseunq // riri (we are in a high school/college drama and you ARE the main character)

love so sweet (cherry bullet), scandal (twice), talk & talk (fromis_9), asap (stayc), stuck (twice), sassy me (red velvet), whatever (brave girls), not friends (loona), hello (twice), fight day (bol4), b[oo]m-boxx (itzy), fancy (twice)

@beomkai // ryu (let’s go on a drive !!!)

ending credit (uhm junghwa), what’s my name (t-ara), after school (weeekly), island (youha), lonely (sistar), the feels (twice), bae (hyolyn), domino game (kiss&cry), don’t believe (berrygood), hot (twice)

@soppa // sofi (i am writing these in a glitter gen pen on a pink sticky note shaped like a heart and dropping it into your bag when you’re not looking)

lovesick (gugudan), mulgogi (fromis_9), shouldn’t have met (brave girls), no more (uni.t), now, we (lovelyz), bim bam bum (rocket punch), you can’t sit with us (sunmi), you&i (uni.t), look at me (twice), after we ride (brave girls)

@yjsgf // sorina (i hope you’re doing alright beloved <//3)

lil’ touch (snsd oh!gg), deepened (brave girls), wild (9muses), what you waiting for (twice), no good reason (everglow), can’t get you out of my mind (dreamcatcher), i’m so sick (apink), loco (itzy), xoxo (somi)

@ncityzen // erola (spring fairy!!! i miss u!!!)

blue moon (hyolyn), back together (everglow), into you (yuri), lilac (iu), queen (twice), untouchable (everglow), ending credit (uhm junghwa), since then (haebin)

@tittiez // daphne (i can’t sit with u indeed. imagine that i am a barista and instead of asking for ur number i give u a playlist)

red-sun (021) (gwsn), strawberry (twice), hmph! (wjsn chocome), you can’t sit with us (sunmi), cherry on top (10:45 from the unit), scandal (twice), shotgun (gugudan), sassy me (red velvet)

@20cm // caleb (those are plushies and pillows to help u sleep well. also remember to drink. and consider eating if you haven’t yet!)

vanilla (lightsum), overwrite (apink), zzz (youha), neverland (weki meki), stereotype (stayc), butterfly (weeekly), dear. teddy bear (bol4)

@mithaai // neha (looking at the ocean through the window. u are living On the ocean. the lace curtains are dancing in the breeze)

la la love (wjsn), see sea (hyolyn), island (youha), in your time (suhyun), after we ride (brave girls), dance on my own (loona)

@pixi-ki // artzyy (puts stickers on ur face)

kidding me (itzy), bae (hyolyn), deepened (brave girls), square (2017) (baek yerin), loco (itzy)

@outofexits // nil (my beloved in-law, we’ve talked like -2 times this is truly based on vibes)

zombie (purple kiss), night rather than day (exid), lonely (sistar), untouchable (everglow), 1, 3, 2 (twice)

@donghuun // aléks (hii i thought i wouldn’t be able to figure anything out but bon bon chocolat played and i was like this sounds like aléks’ gifs. and so here we are it’s half based on your gifs half on the vibes u give me goodbye)

bon bon chocolat (everglow), icon (twice), we are legendary (sonamoo), sunny side up! (red velvet), love foolish (twice)

#mostly didn't include people i haven't talked to much bc . i mean i think it makes sense how do i use songs to describe someone i don't know #</3*#millie talks

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