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#most endangered animals
fleebites · 1 year
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did you know that the world’s MOST ENDANGERED MAMMAL…
…is a cute little panda-spotted porpoise that could fit in your bath tub?? 🐬
TIME TO SUPPORT OUR FRIEND, THE VAQUITA!
read on to learn more (and maybe grab yourself some swag ;3)
(also, please tell your friends!)
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oh! but… you’ve not heard of vaquitas? totally in the dark as to what’s going on with them? not a problem, i’ve got you covered!👇
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here’s a handy link for easy access to the features goodies i’ve got on offer:
fleebites.storenvy.com
more info about individual items to follow!
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!! REMEMBER!! the drive ends 10th May, so grab it all quick-like!
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And what is this Sea Shepherd Conservation Society??
they are a nonprofit dedicated to the conservation of marine life. notably, they’ve been at the forefront of efforts to protect the vaquita through direct action (as in they actually go in and pull up gill nets, patrol the Sea of Cortez to intercept illegal fishing operations, etc.)
the vaquita is only one of a multitude of imperiled species they are working to save.
suffice to say, i believe they are well worthy of support!
want to check them out? do so here; https://seashepherd.org/
thank you for reading!! now, let’s save some tiny cetaceans! :D 💪🐬
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caterpillarinacave · 1 year
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Just FYI, if African Wild Dogs do go extinct I will be going insane.
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lvllns · 11 months
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one thing about me is that i will be making spreadsheets
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@allvalley100
Prompt: The Grass is Greener
Pairing: YasMoon
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“I love your garden.”
Yasmine brushes her fingers across California poppies and hummingbird sage. Her suburban parents would turn their noses up at this place—understated flower bushes and scratchy shrubs divided by tan and gray stones. Unconventional.
She curls her lip. “My mom’s so proud of our lawn. Says it’s the greenest, tidiest one in the neighborhood. I think it’s boring as shit.”
Arms wrap her from behind, and she feels Moon’s nose in her hair. “When we get our own place, we can plant whatever flowers you want.”
Yasmine laces her fingers with Moon’s, smiling. “I’d like that.”
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saga-star · 2 years
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seeing people talk about the new mew mew power show and being reminded about how i watched that show at a fundamental point in my childhood so like i remember a scary amount from it. like the english theme song gets stuck in my head constantly because i used to listen to it on my way home from hebrew school everyday. and i have to resist the urge to say “the feeling is MEWtual” every time i hear the word mutual, and also remembered that in her transformation sequence there’s a part where she goes slightly lower in her split. and like i remember the main guy sounded like yandere dev for some reason??? and all of the magical girls had to work at a cafe dressed up in their costumes and the villain was like the embodiment of climate change for some reason?????
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thrivingisthegoal · 2 months
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Golf Courses ARE Being Converted
The Solarpunk "fantasy" that so many of us tout as a dream vision, converting golf courses into ecological wonderlands, is being implemented across the USA according to this NYT article!
The article covers courses in Michigan, Pennsylvania, California, Colorado, and New York that are being bought and turned into habitat and hiking trails.
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The article goes more into detail about how sand traps are being turned into sand boxes for kids, endangered local species are being planted, rocks for owl habitat are being installed, and that as these courses become wilder, they are creating more areas for biodiversity to thrive.
Most of the courses in transition are being bought by Local Land Trusts. Apparently the supply of golf courses in the USA is way over the demand, and many have been shut down since the early 2000s. While many are bought up and paved over, land Trusts have been able to buy several and turn them into what the communities want: public areas for people and wildlife. It does make a point to say that not every hold course location lends itself well to habitat for animals (but that doesn't mean it wouldn't make great housing!)
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So lets be excited by the fact that people we don't even know about are working on the solutions we love to see! Turning a private space that needs thousands of gallons of water and fertilizer into an ecologically oriented public space is the future I want to see! I can say when I used to work in water conservation, we were getting a lot of clients that were golf courses that were interested in cutting their resource input, and they ended up planting a lot of natives! So even the golf courses that still operate could be making an effort.
So what I'd encourage you to do is see if there's any land or community trusts in your area, and see if you can get involved! Maybe even look into how to start one in your community! Through land trusts it's not always golf course conversions, but community gardens, solar fields, disaster adaptation, or low cost housing! (Here's a link to the first locator I found, but that doesn't mean if something isn't on here it doesn't exist in your area, do some digging!)
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rebeccathenaturalist · 5 months
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A study that just came out demonstrates that outdoor cats are known to prey on over two thousands species of wild animal, from mammals to birds to insects. That includes 347 species that are endangered, threatened or otherwise of concern, and they've been a key factor of the permanent extinction of over 60 species. And while cats may not always bring home what they catch, chances are if your cat is allowed to roam unsupervised outside, they're killing your local wildlife.
Why is this so important? Worldwide, wild animal populations have decreased in number by 69% in the past fifty years; that means that in my lifetime (born in 1978), the sheer number of wild animals in the world has been decreased by over half. Even "common" wild species are less numerous than before. While habitat population is the single biggest cause of species endangerment and extinction overall, outdoor and indoor/outdoor cats are a significant cause as well. In fact, they are the single biggest cause of human-caused mortality in wild birds.
Most importantly, it's very, very simple to fix this problem: keep your cats indoors, and spay and neuter them. If your cat is bored, they need more enrichment, and there are plenty of ways to make your home more exciting for them, from bringing home cardboard boxes for them to explore, to playing with them more often. If you want your cat to get some outdoor enrichment, leash train them (yes, it can be done!) If you have the space and resources, build them a catio where they can be safe from outdoor dangers like predators and cars, while also keeping local wildlife safe from them.
If you just give into their whining and pawing at the door, then they know that that's what they have to do to get their way; I know it's a tough transition, but it's worth it in the end for everyone involved. Cats are domesticated, which means they are not native anywhere in the world; there are exactly zero ecosystems in which they belong, save for the safety of your home. It is your responsibility to give them an enriching environment without taking the shortcut of letting them go wreak havoc outside.
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feelingbitch · 7 months
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🔥
Here! Have a free one on me! Answer the question you're itching to be asked!
[Also, on an unrelated note...saw that picture of you... you are very pretty...perhaps even ethereal...Have a nice day!]
omg thank you thats so sweet............. sending you kissies
ummmmm random unpopular opinion..... i dont rly support zoos and aquariums, could write a whole ass essay on this but basically this idea that they are important parts of wildlife conservation just isnt really true. the vast majority of animals in zoos and aquariums are not endangered, and and not all of those that are, are part of active & successful conservation programs which involve breeding and repopulating; in fact, especially aquariums in particular take more wild animals from their natural habitat than they release as part of repopulation efforts, thereby even reducing the number of individual animals of a species in the wild.
in my opinion the money from government funding spent on zoos and aquariums (they usually dont make enough to be sustainable and get funded by taxes) would be much better off going into local nature preservation and the conservation of local endangered species which can be bred and released into their natural habitat effectively, and zoos and aquariums simply dont do that effectively enough to justify keeping all those other exotic animals that have no business sitting around in the middle of some city
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dragg-aon · 11 months
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Bees are fish by law.
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snekdood · 1 year
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some of yall think human lives are always more important than animal lives and it kinda sucks ngl
#'no!! dont kill that oil ceo!!! hes human!!!!!!!!'#'no!!! dont kill that poacher!!! hes human which mean he has a consciousness and can understand his own moral failing!!! in spite of not#doing that or showing any signs he wants to change any time soon even though he's trying to hunt an engandered species to extinction!!'#'i am very smart'#inb4 uncharitable dipshits think im saying humans generally should die for animals sake#i just kinda hate this... whole idea that human life is somehow more valuable?#bc literally only a human could feel that way hsdvhsdhvgdshg#but yall dont care or think about that bc you're at the top of the hierarchy so you dont really *care* that its the generally accepted idea#that humans matter more#you benefit too much from thinking you're the most important species#meanwhile i can think i of a million animals that are more beneficial  and important to the environment than some humans#but sure#cant wait for this human circlejerk to end#and again to be clear bc ik how yall crazy asses are on this site- not saying those humans who provide nothing to the environment or#whatever should die before or for animals. not even the humans who are slightly more harmful to the environment via their apathy to it#but like.... if someones actively harming animals.... especially if its a protected or endangered species... and isnt showing any signs#or desire to stop.... are we really gonna sit here and debate about their 'conscious' when they're showing no signs of ever using it#idk i personally could give a fuck if farmer joe stays alive if he cant put his fucking shotgun down for a second to listen to scientists#telling him to fucking stop#idk maybe if humans considered they weren't the most important creature and are entitled to all the land then we'd still have thylacines#and aren't* entitled to the land#but naw. instead of taking the necessary precaustions and doing what you can to protect your livestock in an environment that is likely#hostile to them- idk. i feel like you could really fortify your shit if you really tried- you're just gonna get mad at the already present#wildlife for existing and trying to eat in the land you keep cutting down and killing even more of their food options#idk maybe we should give money to farmers to put fuckin barbed wire on their shit but lord knows some would just use it to kill more#wild animals.#'grrr how dare you eat this sheep i was gonna eat later!!! IM the one whos entitled to it!!!!!!!'#ok joe#who told you you were entitled to anything in this world? you're entitled to your own actions and how you can fortify your fencing for your#livestock. you're not inherently entitled to the land the thylacine is on nor the livestock either
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tiktokparrot · 1 year
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fleebites · 1 year
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here are some illustrations i drew for my newest book, ‘Small Song’!
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this book is about a young vaquita trying to find her way in a changing world. vaquitas are the world’s smallest cetacean, as well as one of the most acutely endangered animals alive today.
- LIMITED RUN!
- all books are signed and numbered
- 50% of proceeds from books sold during my vaquita fundraiser (3rdMay-10thMay) benefit The Sea Shepherd Conservation Society
i wrote and illustrated this book. at 60pgs, it was no small undertaking! (took over a year to complete). i did intensive research on vaquitas for this project and included a section in the book with more info about them and how they can be saved (yes, even with only 10 left, it’s still possible!)
Small Song’s story is playfully fanciful &brutally honest in turns. all illustrations are lovingly rendered in marker&inks. i’m pretty pleased with how it printed, too! i hope you will love it, also!
get yours here!
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headspace-hotel · 7 months
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Fact is, mechanical mowing is nothing at all like grazing in terms of its impacts upon a plant community.
Grazing animals are selective in how they forage, eating plants they find tastier and avoiding plants they don't like. In this way, the power of a highly competitive plant could be nerfed because that plant is yummy and gets eaten more.
Grazing animals also don't graze uniformly over a whole pasture—they have areas they prefer to hang out and areas they hang out in less. This creates a broad range of specific levels of pressure that the plant communities face
Grazing animals chop and churn up soil with their hooves. They jostle seeds loose and bury them in mud. They compact some areas of soil but not uniformly.
Grazing animals poop. Ruminants like cattle, bison, goats, and deer use symbiotic bacteria that live in their guts to digest their food. The bacteria break down the plants into nutrients. When the animal defecates, it provides a feast of nutrients and moisture for plants and insects.
Finally, grazing animals are significantly slower and less violent than lawn mowers, and thus less likely to run over critters and shred them to bits.
I doubt it would be possible to comprehensively measure how many insects get shredded to bits by lawn mowers, or what impact this has on the overall population, but running a Creature-Shredding Machine regularly over your entire yard can't be good for them. You're chopping up a lot of caterpillars and other flightless larval forms of bugs, which birds need a LOT of in spring to feed to baby birds, among literally everything else.
Our turf grasses evolved to have large animals munching them down, which is why we have to cut them with machines. However, the machines fail entirely to fulfill their part of the symbiosis.
Most importantly, the machines spew shredded plant material all over the ground, where the mess dries out and essentially does nothing. Lawns are too short to hold in the ground's moisture, and perpetually sun-drenched because of the scalped plant cover. Ruminants chew their cud to help their bacteria break down the incredibly tough plant material into a form that releases the absorbable nutrients. Lawn mowers are not meticulous like that. The shreds take forever to be decomposed—assuming they are decomposed on-site at all instead of being blown or washed away.
The spewing of shredded plant gunk is something that certainly has unique impacts on the plant life. I have particularly noticed that grass clippings get stuck to leaves of nearby plants (often causing them to rot) or even pierce through leaves, injuring or killing the leaf. The death of a single leaf on a single plant is tiny, but tiny stresses like these can determine which plants are capable of thriving in an environment and which die out. A plant might happen to respond badly to frequent micro-injuries.
Here's an interesting fact: There is a highly endangered plant found in Kentucky called running buffalo-clover. Why do you think it is called that?
The running part means it forms long, vine-like stems that sprawl out and run along the ground, growing new roots along their length.
The buffalo part refers to the plant's association with bison. When bison trample on it, they chop the running stems with their sharp hooves. Since the stems are rooted into the ground, they can live on their own without being linked to the main plant, and in this way, the bison are chopping the plants up into more plants!
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kalessinsdaughter · 2 years
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The other day, I went down the rabbit hole of "cute donkeys" and came up with my head full of things I didn't know about mules (the hybrid offspring of a horse and a donkey), and why they were once so coveted as work animals.
Brace for info dump, while enjoying this lovely photo of a trio of draft mules.
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The explanation is hybrid vigour (when hybrid offspring have enhanced traits compared to its parents):
Mules are stronger, hardier, healthier, have better endurance, harder hooves, sturdier skin and can handle extreme weather better than horses or donkeys. They are also more patient, more intelligent, and easier to handle than either of their parent species. Horses may be faster, but that's about the single thing they're better at than a mule of the same size.
So mules, being all around nicer to work with and getting you more work for the same amount of feed, and with less hassle, were preferred for just about every job purpose.
Habby du Magnou, a Poitevin Mulassier mare, and her daughter Lady du Magnou, a rare Poitevin mule
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But since horses have 64 chromosomes and donkeys have 62, mules end up with 63 chromosomes, which means they are almost invariably sterile. That's because biology gets very confused when trying to split an uneven number of chromosomes neatly in half to create germ cells. There are a few documented exceptions of fertile mule mares (never stallions), but they are very, very rare. So you have to keep crossbreeding the two parent species to produce them, usually by breeding a donkey sire (jack) to a horse dam (mare). This is because it's easier for a 32 chromosome egg to incorporate a 31 chromosome sperm into a viable zygote (fertilised egg) than vice versa.
Because of this, there was (and still is) in France a breed of absolutely massive draft horses, the Poitevin Mulassier, and a breed of big-ass donkeys (pun intended, but honestly they're arguably the largest donkeys in the world, and shaggy like Highland cattle), the Baudet du Poitou, two breeds whose main purpose was to breed the enormous and super-strong Poitevin mule.
The Poitevin mule
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This absolute unit was the must-have work-animal for all kinds of farm and industrial work for centuries, and a significant French export, until mechanisation made these magnificent creatures obsolete.
With no demand for the Poitevin mule , its parent breeds dwindled, almost to the brink of extinction. Determined conservation efforts during the last few decades are slowly bringing their numbers back up, but they're very far from their heyday, when some 20,000 Poitevin mules were born annually.
The Poitevin Mulassier
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Both the parent breeds are still endangered, which means most of the current effort is directed into bringing up the numbers of Poitevin horses and Poitou donkeys. This means breeding horses to horses and donkeys to donkeys, with very few breeding opportunities allowed to produce the Poitevin mule. Only about 20 of those are born each year.
The Baudet du Poitou
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sundrop-writes · 3 months
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Meddle About
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Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader
‘Cause it's not just a figure of speech - you got me down on my knees.
It's gettin' harder to b r e a t h e .
Summary:
You hate it when Morgan teases Reid. So when Morgan says that you are Reid's 'Mommy' - you verbally fire back without even thinking about it.
Reid vastly overthinks it.
So much so that he ends up calling you Mommy by mistake. And you definitely don't hate the sound of that word coming off his lips.
Sub!Spencer Reid x Dom!Fem!Reader. Co-Workers to Lovers. Smut. Set during Season One.
Word Count: 6,300
Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link
Detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.
Warnings: general smut fic - porn with some plot; dom/sub dynamics (but this isn't a pre-discussed dom/sub relationship, the characters just fall into these roles naturally), Spencer is submissive and the reader is dominant; the main theme is Mommy kink - Spencer discovers that he has a Mommy kink after a joke that Morgan makes, referring to the reader character as Spencer's Mommy; Spencer calls the reader 'Mommy' and the reader also refers to herself with that title; the reader uses she/her pronouns and has a vagina (and breasts); it could be interpreted that the reader has larger breasts/is plus sized (but I think anyone of any size could enjoy this fic); the reader is part of the BAU; this is meant to take place during season one (baby Spence my beloved) but there are no other major canon events mentioned and the case being discussed is one that I have made up; some very background typical elements of Criminal Minds - murder, killing, systemic vicimization of women/violence from men towards women (passing mention of bodies being consumed by wild animals); the reader and Spencer fuck while on a case (but they aren't endangering anyone's lives from lack of their attention, so it's fine); mentions of potential injuries from a car accident (theoretical - doesn't actually happen during the fic); very slight threads of Morgan x Reader (mentions of Morgan being attracted to the reader - it could be one-sided); very passing mention of Reid having breeding kink (doesn't take place during the fic, just one of his thoughts); for the actual smut section: this could be interpreted as virgin!Spencer but that's not explicitly stated here (at most, this is just inexperienced!Spencer) (the reader is definitely way more sexually experienced than him); praise kink (we all known Spencer is so eager to be praised); mentions of breastfeeding - Morgan makes a joke about the reader breastfeeding Reid, which later turns into faux breastfeeding kink (the reader doesn't actually lactate, but she lets Spencer suck on her tits and calls it breastfeeding); the reader calls Spencer: 'baby', 'good boy',; descriptions of subspace - but it's not specifically called 'subspace' in the text; thigh humping - Spencer humps the reader's thigh; cumming in pants (Spencer); multiple orgasms/overstimulation (Spencer receiving); handjob - the reader jacks Spencer off while he is sensitive after his first orgasm; using lube as cum; dumbification kink - the reader calls Spencer 'dumb baby' and generally enjoys seeing his intellect drop the more turned on he becomes (Spencer also likes being called this); technically the reader doesn't get to cum, but she gets turned on from treating Spencer like the good boy that he is (and this is more about him). I think that's everything.
A/N: This was directly inspired by the scene from Reid's birthday party, where Morgan says 'Mommy to the rescue!' (talking about JJ) and then Spencer says '...Mommy?' and it seems like he is discovering his Mommy kink in real time. Especially because he is then trapped between Elle and JJ and he makes direct eye contact with their boobs, and he just has such a look of scared kink realization in his eyes. I considered copying that moment exactly and just replacing JJ with the reader character, but this seemed like more fun lmao. I had so much fun writing this and I think this is one of my best fics in a while. I hope you guys enjoy it!!
...
Generally, you hated being stuck with grunt work. 
You knew that it was all part of the job - an important part of it. Paperwork, side interviews, background checks. Sifting through someone’s apartment looking for aspects of what kind of person they were based on their everyday life. 
But you thrived more on being right in the middle of things. You preferred interacting with suspects, chasing people down, harsh confrontation. 
Gideon said that you were overly controlling, impatient, brutally honest - that you had an ‘abrasive personality’ that put most men off. But that was why he often brought you into interrogations with male suspects. Many of the people you caught - men with superiority complexes who targeted the weak to make themselves feel powerful - they hated that you weren’t intimidated by them. That aspect of abrasion between you and the suspects often brought out a lot of information - things they spewed out trying to intimidate you. 
But you weren’t needed on that front today. 
No - instead, you were doing grunt work. The kind of work that made you impatient and generally aggravated. 
The only upside was that you got to do it with Spencer. 
He was one of the only men that voluntarily worked so closely with you so often, because he wasn’t intimidated by you. He took orders from you very well and naturally fell under your authority, bringing a natural chemistry to your partnership when you worked with him. Plus - his seemingly endless stream of ‘fun facts’ was like listening to the radio, which did help to soothe your boredom during these kinds of mindless tasks. 
You were on a case in Texas. Five women raped and tortured before having their bodies hung from a tree and consumed by cotoyes that the UnSub knew lived in the area. Since police had closed in on him, he had gone on the run. He had killed three more women since fleeing, while leaving no clues as to what his ultimate endgame would be or where he would be going next. 
Hotch sent you and Reid to find that out while the rest of the team worked victimology and profiled the scenes of the most recent murders, following the trail he was leaving. 
After spending hours sifting through the suspect’s house, looking for any small clue about where he might be going - you came up empty. When you touched base with Hotch, he told you that you and Reid would be going to visit the suspect’s ex-wife - who lived four hours away. You needed to interview her to see if she could give you any further insight to the man, and perhaps - beat him to the house if she was the ultimate target. 
(A lot of the victims looked like her, and it couldn’t really be a coincidence.) 
You knew that lives were at risk, and it was juvenile of you, but all you heard was: long, boring drive. Boring day. You hoped that Reid would be good company through it. 
Now, you were waiting outside of the police station in the bureau-issued SUV, waiting for Morgan to come and give you the file with the ex-wife’s address and contact information. 
“Did you know that over forty-six percent of Texans own a gun? Texas is second only to Montana in registered gun ownership, where over sixty-six percent of citizens proudly tote their right to bear arms.” Reid told you, continuing to look over the case files that were sitting in his lap. 
When you looked over toward him to reply to this odd factoid, your mind got caught up on something else. 
“Reid, come on, take your feet off the dashboard!” You told him, reaching over to gently smack his knee, trying to encourage his legs down from the awkward position. 
It bothered you for several reasons - the idea that he would leave shoe prints on the dashboard, which was minor and cosmetic, but still annoying. And the fact that if the car did happen to get hit head-on, the air-bag would explode out and push his knees into his chest, causing his shattered leg bones to pierce his organs and possibly kill him. (At the very least, he would never walk again.) 
Speaking of which: 
“And put your seatbelt on!” You barked, now noticing that he wasn’t wearing it past all of the files he had piled into his lap. “You of all people should know how many deaths are caused by not wearing a seatbelt.” 
Spencer opened his mouth to spout out this exact statistic, but before he could get the words out, another voice entered the conversation. 
“Aw, Reid, listen to your Mommy.” 
You were almost startled by Morgan’s voice coming from the open driver’s side window so suddenly. His appearance there as if out of nowhere was so jarring that you couldn’t get caught up on the way he had called you Reid’s Mommy. Your head whipped toward Morgan so quickly that you didn’t notice the flash across Spencer’s features - worry, dawning. You didn’t take note of the way he rushed to comply with putting on his seatbelt. As if he was rushing to please you, even unconsciously. 
“I bet if you’re a good boy, she might even breastfeed you when you get there.” 
Morgan then pursed his lips and made loudly suckling noises, clearly imitating breastfeeding in what he thought was a comedic way. 
Again - glaring at the muscled man through the open window, you didn’t see Spencer’s reaction. You didn’t see the way his large, glassy eyes flickered to your breasts (only emphasized by your own seatbelt crossed over the center of your chest) before he forced himself to focus on the files in front of him so that he wouldn’t feel so caught.
“Shut up.” You told Morgan, your voice so commanding and firm that his simple order was enough to get him to stop his antics. 
“And give me the address already.” You held out your hand expectantly, and Morgan handed you the file, which you placed onto the center console. 
Then, you turned back to him for one last point, determined to have the final word in the conversation. 
“Besides, we both know that you’re the one who’s got an obsession with my breasts, anyway. Just because you stare while wearing sunglasses, doesn’t mean I don’t notice. My eyes are up here, pal.” You told him sharply. 
He let out a scoff at this, and rolled his eyes behind his dark frames - but he made no clever comeback. 
You had successfully bested him. And with that knowledge, you rolled up the window and left him standing dumbly in the parking lot as you sped off. 
… 
You pulled over later to put the address into the GPS system, and you let out a long-winded groan when you found that it was more than four hours away. Four hours and twenty five minutes. 
So you pulled over again to get gas and stocked up on snacks, and you were surprised that Reid wasn’t giving you some lesson about the colloquial use of ‘soda’ and ‘pop’ (thinking that you hadn’t listened the other ten times when he had gone on the same rambling point about linguistics and how language evolves). 
He was being far too quiet for your liking. 
But he was keeping his eyes glued to the files, and you guessed that he was churning over something in that big brain of his, like he usually was. 
You were entirely surprised when the next time he spoke - it wasn’t about the case at all. 
“How - how do you know that Morgan likes your breasts?” He asked, his voice low and mousy, looking straight ahead as he fidgeted with his hands in his lap. 
“What?” You gaped, the word flying out of your mouth as your brain was utterly slow to process what he had just said. 
Hearing Spencer use the word ‘breasts’ was jarring, but somehow utterly adorable. You found it stirring a slight heat within you. Especially because he was still so shy. The whole thing made you want to pin him down and force the shyness out of him. 
Spencer felt the need to further explain himself. 
“When - when you were talking to him, you said: ‘we both know that you’re the one who’s got an obsession with my breasts.’” He said, repeating back what you had said, word for word, using that perfect memory of his. 
You wondered if that’s what he had been doing, sitting there in his seat so silently for the past hour of the car ride - going over the conversation again and again in his head, trying to make sense of it. And because he couldn’t make any sense of it by himself, now he was consulting you. 
Again, you found it so utterly adorable. 
“Morgan didn’t deny it. So - was it a hypothesis based on something, or did you just call him out hoping that you weren’t wrong?” Reid continued, sparing only a singular glance in your direction, a look that you caught out of the corner of your eye with your gaze still mostly focused ahead on the road. 
You found it intensely cute that he was using the word ‘hypothesis’ in this situation. You wondered if he ever turned it off - the textbook big words and the intellect that he always carried himself with. You wondered if you could make him turn it off. You wondered if there was any situation where Spencer Reid could be as stupid as any other man - chasing a bone, desperate to get his nut off. 
For the first time ever - you imagined Spencer Reid underneath you, blabbering nonsense, begging for release with your hand around his cock as you pumped him, red and aching, so slick in your palm. Desperate, empty-headed, beautifully stupid. 
(See, this was what happened when you were forced to do grunt work. You got bored. And when you got bored - you had to entertain yourself somehow.) 
“It was a pretty well-informed hypothesis.” You replied. Now that Spencer had brought the topic up, you certainly weren’t going to shy away from the discussion. “Morgan often brings up my sex life, and wants to engage in detailed discussions about my sexual encounters with me. So I assume that he spends a fair amount of time thinking about me in a sexual way.” 
Reid let out a choked-off noise at this. 
You continued. 
“Plus, he’s always staring down my top. He’s not exactly subtle.” 
“You - you actually notice that kind of thing?” He chirped, his voice becoming a few octaves higher as worry flooded him. 
You bit your lip, suppressing a grin. 
Of course, you had noticed the times that Spencer stared at your breasts as well. He was even less subtle about it than Morgan was. You didn’t mind it when he did it, because you knew that Spencer wasn’t exactly casanova. He didn’t have a different girl every other week like Morgan did, so taking a glance down your shirt when he passed you a morning coffee was probably about as much action as he got. 
Secretly, letting him get away with it was your gift to him. 
“Don’t worry about it, baby.” You told him, the pet name slipping out mindlessly as you reached over and gently patted his knee as a form of reassurance. 
This movement unintentionally drew his eyes toward your chest, especially in his desperation to look anywhere but your face, not wanting to make eye contact with you. But he found his eyes glued to the swell of your breasts once again - hating how perfect they looked, even through the simple cotton shirt and plain bra that you wore. 
“Sorry, Mommy.” The word slipped out before he could even consciously process it. “Sorry!” 
Spencer raised a hand to smack his own face at lightning speed, and slumped down into his seat in embarrassment. 
You bit your lip to suppress a grin. It stirred a filthy heat in your belly. But you knew that Spencer likely needed a while to sit with this and wouldn’t want to talk about it - not yet. So you reached over and turned on the radio, letting the music fill the space so that the silence wasn’t so awkward and gutting. 
Spencer didn’t talk for the entirety of the rest of the car ride, which didn’t surprise you. 
When you finally arrived at the ex-wife’s house, his hands were shaking with nerves as he tried to unlatch his seatbelt. You probably should have just left him alone to struggle, but an evil spark, likely fueled by the boredom of the day, flared up inside of you. You couldn’t resist the urge to lean over the console, very purposefully showing off your breasts as you gently pushed his hands away and undid the belt for him. 
“Here, let Mommy get that for you.” You said, distinct teasing on your breath as you mumbled the words into his ear. 
Spencer huffed out a deep sigh and collapsed back into his seat, and pushed his hair out of his face in frustration. But he didn’t say anything more as you gathered the files in preparation for the interview. 
He only spoke when you moved to get out of the car. 
“Look, I-” He began a half assed explanation, and you easily cut him off. 
“You let Morgan get in your head too much.” You told him with a chuckle, opening your door and getting out. 
But as he forced himself to follow you with numb limbs - he knew that this definitely wasn’t all Morgan’s fault. 
… 
The ex-wife didn’t know much. 
She described the marriage as hell - the suspect exhibited all the typical behaviors as a husband that they would have expected. He hated women, and he wanted full control over his wife at the time, which eventually led down the path of divorce. They had to sell the house they had bought together, but neither of them had moved out of Texas since. But he hadn’t contacted her in years. 
She had two young kids from a new relationship, and when the woman stepped out to take a call, you picked one of them up to soothe his cries, hushing him gently while you rubbed his back. 
Because of this, Spencer found himself even more dizzy and confused. 
He knew that it was Frueadian - some deep, misguided part of his psychology - something broken and missing inside of him because of his own fractured childhood. 
But seeing you being so sweet with a kid, especially after the day he’d had - he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be your baby, or if he wanted to shoot his cum so deep inside you that it would ensure he could give you one. 
(Ultimately, he knew that it was likely both - and that didn’t answer any questions for him. It just gave him far more questions.) 
… 
Even though the ex-wife couldn’t give you guys much more than you already knew, Hotch wanted you and Spencer to stay close by in case the suspect decided to make his ex-wife the end game. The two of you would be able to make it to her first if she called for help. 
So you and Spencer had dinner at a random local barbeque place off the highway and Spencer still didn’t talk much through it, other than posing some theories about the case. Even though he was a bit more talkative, he still refused to look at you - he stared down at his plate the whole time. Though whenever he did look up, you noticed that his eyes lingered on your chest - and he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. 
By the time the bill came around and the two of you were ready to leave, you knew exactly what you had to do. 
… 
Spencer waited by the car with his bag while you checked in and got a motel room (needing to stay in town, you got a room for the night). When you came back, you handed him the room key and then moved to get your bag out of the car. 
“Do… you already have yours?” He asked quietly. 
“Hmm?” You hummed in reply, slinging the strap of your go-bag over your shoulder before you closed the back door and used the remote to lock up the car. 
“Your room key?” 
You suppressed another grin. 
“I only got one room.” You told him. “You don’t mind sharing with me, right?” 
You gave him a purposeful look - looked at him through your lashes, bit your lip slightly, and subtly squeezed your breasts together with your upper arms, emphasizing them. You knew exactly what you were doing to him, but hopefully it seemed subtle. 
“I - uh - no.” Spencer stuttered. “It’s fine. We can share.” He gave a grin, not wanting to appear upset, even though his entire body was racked with nerves. 
Spencer followed you to the room and he fumbled with the key with shaking hands for a moment before he sighed and then handed it to you. 
His insides quaked when he saw that there was only one bed. 
He wasn’t sure if he should say anything about it. The two of you had slept in the same room before, but you had never shared a bed before. Sure, you had slept near each other before. He had accidentally fallen asleep on your shoulder on the plane or vice versa. But you had never crawled into bed together with the intention of sleeping together. 
And yes, just the entendre behind it made Reid’s head spin. 
He had a heavy knot in his gut, and hatefully - a distinct stirring in his crotch. He could only imagine how embarrassing it would be for you to wake up and see him compromised in some way. Or god forbid, if you caught him moaning in his sleep because of unconscious dreams that he couldn’t stop - for you to think that he was some kind of dirty sex pervert because of it. 
He felt an overwhelming need to clear the air overtake him. He had no clue how to broach the subject, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to spend the night like this. He wouldn’t be able to sleep with this anxiety hanging over his head. 
He studied you carefully as you sat down on the edge of the bed, ditching your bag off to the side and heaving out a tired sigh as you began taking off your shoes. 
Spencer put down his own bag and then stood there, fidgeting nervously as he searched for words. 
“I - uh - I am sorry about earlier.” He mumbled out the beginnings of an apology. “What Morgan said was stupid, and I-” 
“I don’t think it was stupid.” 
You let out a chuckle, and reached up the back of your shirt. Spencer found himself frozen, his eyes tracing your every moment as you unhooked your bra underneath your shirt and then moved to maneuver the straps out from your short sleeves while you kept talking. 
“I think he had a point.” You added on. “Good boys should get a reward. And I think you were fairly good today. You didn’t eat all your veggies at dinner, but you kept your feet off the dashboard and you were quiet during the car ride. You definitely get points for being patient during such a long trip, baby.” 
Your voice smoothed into a soothing tone, that word - baby - melting like butter over your tongue in a way that made Spencer’s knees wobble. He hadn’t known it until right now, but you calling him a ‘good boy’ and listing off such mundane things he had done that made him worthy of a reward fired off sparks inside of his brain. 
A breath choked off inside of his throat as you stood up off the bed and peeled your bra completely out from under your shirt. Somehow it was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen, revealing the hard peaks of your nipples and the beautiful natural teardrop shape of your breasts to him through the cotton fabric. 
Spencer wanted to speak, but his tongue felt so heavy and dry inside of his mouth. He knew that he was staring at your chest so blatantly now, but he couldn’t peel his eyes away. He couldn’t even feel ashamed anymore. 
That dull tingle in his crotch had turned into a full on stinging interest, and he unconsciously pulled at the fabric of his pants, trying to loosen some of the tension that was growing, not even considering how it might look to you - him dumbly reaching for his crotch to make it look looser when his hardening bulge was becoming more obvious by the second. 
It was one of the most ‘caveman’ things he had ever done in front of you - standing there with his mouth hanging slightly agape, pulling at his crotch without caring how it looked. You definitely wanted more, wanted to see how dumb he could get. How far you could make him devolve. 
“So what do you say, baby boy?” You hummed, stepping close into his personal space now, causing him to get a whiff of your perfume - something that was only a dull trace after such a long day, but still smelled so good. “Do you want Mommy to breastfeed you? Do you wanna suck on my tits as your reward?” 
You gently ran a thumb across his cheek, and paired with the words, Spencer’s brain short-circuited. 
He knew realistically that you weren’t actually offering to breastfeed him. There was no evidence in your life to say that your body could actually support the production of milk currently - but you were offering to let him play pretend. To suck on your tits with a very sexual air, to call you Mommy without the teasing humiliation behind it that Morgan had hinted at (or maybe Spencer liked that humiliation, he wasn’t even sure). (He hadn’t even known before this morning that he liked the idea of calling you Mommy, but here he was). 
All he could conjure in response was the dumbest, non-human sound. 
“Nngh.” 
It was a grunt from the back of his throat - too much blood swelling to his cock all at once and too much direct attention from you making him dizzy. 
You giggled quietly. 
“Come on, baby. Just say the word. And Mommy will give you everything you need.” 
Spencer inhaled sharply. At this point, he was desperate to get some oxygen to his brain. 
His mind was racing, chanting out: 
‘Yes! God, yes! I want it so badly, Mommy! I want anything you’ll give me. I need you. I need you so badly.’ 
But all his lips could form in the wake of such dizzying lust was: 
“Please.” 
“Good boy.” You sighed. 
You used a hand on his chin to tilt his face up to meet yours, and you consumed him in a kiss - he was hungry and eager to meet your touch, moaning loudly into your mouth, his hands racing to touch you now, rushing up to grip on your hips in the most utterly needy way. He balled the fabric of your shirt in his fists, like he couldn’t get enough of you - like he was afraid you would dissolve away if he let go of you for even a second. 
It was cute, to say the least. 
You only let the kiss last for a moment, though. You pulled away to a disappointed whine from Spencer, which you quietly hushed. 
“Hey, it’s okay baby.” You soothed him. “Come here. Mommy’s gonna take good care of you.” 
You lead him toward the bed, getting rid of his tie in the process, and Spencer stepped out of his shoes along the way. You slid onto the bed and laid up on the pillows on your back, Spencer clumsily following you, crawling on all fours. The two of you had barely started, but he was full-on panting now, racing to catch his breath while his blood hammered through his veins. 
He watched on with eager curiosity while you got comfortable, fluffing the pillow under your head before you then reached down and pulled up your shirt. You pulled the fabric to sit up under your chin, finally revealing your gorgeous breasts to him. 
If he was lost for words before, then he had receded back to a total neanderthal now. 
His mouth fell open and his salivary glands started working overtime as his eyes raked hungrily over your chest - enjoying the pure beauty of the fatty mounds, striped with zig-zagging stretch marks and completed by your hard peaked nipples. 
“Here, come on, baby.” 
You had to remind Spencer what the goal was, guiding him into place with a hand on the back of his head. You helped ease his body to lay on top of yours as he relaxed into you - and his mouth finally found its rightful place on your breast. He became greedy, suctioning hard on your nipple as though he might actually get something out of it. 
Truthfully, he did get something out of this. 
It definitely wasn’t any form of nutrition, but it was something that drove him lustfully insane and made his head fuzzy and warm in the best way. This was the only time in his entire life that he didn’t have ten thousand thoughts running through his mind like the news blasting on television in the background. This was the only time since his first conscious memory that he had actually known his mind to be quiet. 
He felt intensely thankful for it. Intensely thankful toward you for giving him this feeling. 
In that moment, without all the noise, all he knew was the comforting feeling of your fat tit under his mouth, the heat of your body under his own as you cradled him. The soothing firmness of your hands through his hair and down his back - and the distant, sweet purring of your voice in his ears. 
“Good boy.” You hummed, loving the feeling of him moaning around your nipple - so constant and so greedy now that you were sure he didn’t even know that he was doing it. “Such a good boy for me. Such a good boy for Mommy.” 
Your cunt was humming between your thighs, aching so hard at seeing Spencer like this. The usually composed, intelligent, practically robotic Doctor Reid reduced down to a blubbering, moaning, needy mess just because he wanted to suck on your tits. 
Just because you had called yourself Mommy a few times in his presence. 
It was so utterly beautiful, and you wanted more. 
(You didn’t think that you could ever let him go after this. You probably wouldn’t be able to stand the idea of another woman touching him after this. But you would have to think on that more later.) 
You noticed Spencer canting his hips, unconsciously seeking friction against his hard cock while he continued to suck on your breast. With his eyes closed blissfully, drool gathering around his lips where they met your skin in the most utterly adorable way. You couldn’t help yourself - you scooted your knee between his thighs. You then used a hand to help his hips into place, adjusting him so that he was getting good friction against your denim-clad thigh. 
“There you go. There you go, sweet boy.” You hummed, feeling another jolt through your body when he let out a sharper moan against your tit, and began humping your leg in earnest. 
You were quick to encourage him, putting both hands on his hips and helping him along while he greedily hung onto you. He had on your hip, the other hand slipping up to cup fingers around the bottom of your breast, making sure you didn’t escape him while he moved his body against you so frantically. 
“That’s just what you needed, isn’t it, baby?” You moaned out, your voice wavering slightly as the pleasure of it all thrummed through you. “Just a dumb little baby who needed Mommy’s tit.” 
The term ‘dumb little baby’ came flying out of your mouth before you could stop it. Though you knew exactly why it happened. Seeing such a brilliant genius reduced down to this truly did something to your ego. And apparently hearing those words from you did something to him, too. 
He whined sharply against your skin and his hips stuttered abruptly. You knew it wouldn’t be long before he came in his pants, his cock throbbing against the friction of your thigh. And this thought alone caused your mouth to run off without restraint. 
“Such a needy little thing.” You sighed. “You love being Mommy’s dumb baby, don’t you? Not a single fucking thought between your ears, just sucking on Mommy’s tit without a care in the world.” 
Spencer moaned and it sent another jolt through your body - another harsh pang through your cunt. You loved how much he needed you. You loved how much he was clearly eating this up. 
You didn’t even care if you got to cum tonight; you just wanted to exhaust him for all he was worth. Because he was so fucking pretty like this. 
“You gonna cum for me, baby boy? You gonna cum for Mommy? Come on, baby. Cum for me.” 
These words were what ultimately sent him over the edge. Well that along with your strong hands on his hips, encouraging him along while he was mindless and busy mouthing on your breast.
His jaw dropped open, finally loosening that desperate suction on your now slightly sore nipple as he began to pant frantically over your now spit-soaked skin. He moaned hotly while he humped you in an entirely adorable, almost distraught manner - absolutely desperate to have the most friction on his cock while his orgasm overtook him. 
You could feel his needy cock throbbing against you, trapped inside of his pants, shooting off hot ropes of cum that quickly soaked into his underwear and even then, seeped into the fabric of his slacks. You grinned and bit your lip as you felt that wetness even beginning to soak into your jeans, knowing he must have set off quite a big load. 
Spencer soon collapsed on top of you, gulping in air as he tried to catch his breath. 
Any normal person would have taken pity on him (seeing as he was clearly nervous and inexperienced) and wound things down to end the night here. Anyone else would have likely let him rest. 
But again, you felt devilish temptation overtake you. (It was a feeling that seemed to be much more ripe around Spencer Reid.) 
You just felt thankful that your temptation and inclination toward chaos came in the form of lust, rather than something more violent, like the people you studied every single day. Everyone around you should be thankful for that. 
You used your leverage (and the fact that you weren’t nearly as exhausted from the experience) to flip him over onto his back. He let out a surprised sound as his back made contact with the mattress - blinking up at you with shocked, glassy eyes as you moved down his body slightly. 
“Wha-?” He mumbled out the question, only getting out part of the word before you reached for the zipper on the front of his now wet pants. 
“Hey, shh, baby. I just wanna see you.” You told him quietly, causing him to stare down the length of his own body at your hands as you worked. 
You got the button and zipper undone quickly and you let out a quiet ‘fuck’ as you peeled back the wet fabric of his grey slacks to reveal the sight of his simplistic (very Reid) white cotton underwear slightly transparent and stuck tight to his cock, coated in wet, sticky cum. 
“So pretty baby.” 
He only whined in response. 
You couldn’t help yourself - you reached up and pulled down the waistband of his underwear, feeling more lust pricking through you as he was truly revealed to your eyes. He was perfect. Glossy and wet with his own release, his cock pinky red from the exertion and friction, still half hard. You pulled the clothes down over his hips and he lifted his body to help you, clearly glad to be rid of the mess, and the second you untangled the fabric from his ankles and ditched everything aside, you were back on him. 
You skimmed the tips of your fingers oh-so-lightly up his shaft where it was sprawled across his pelvis, and his hips jolted. He let out a bitter gasp - as though cold water had been splashed across him. 
“You said-” He choked on the words as you ran your thumb right underneath the crown, gently pressing into the head, causing him to choke on a moan while his knees quaked. 
You sat on his knees to keep him still and his head became so fuzzy once again. 
‘You said that you only wanted to look.’ 
The sentence died off in his lungs somewhere, and truthfully - he didn’t want to protest. He didn’t want you to stop. 
“Sens-sensitive.” He whined. “Too much.” 
“But you’re so pretty, baby.” You replied, your voice turning smooth and warm like butter again, melting over his whole body, causing all of his muscles to go soft and pliant for you. “Your cock is so pretty. I need to touch you.” 
He let out another strangled noise when you cupped your hand and took him fully in your grip this time, giving one good tug across his cock from root to tip. When you did this again, faster this time, his lungs seized inside his chest - trying to take in oxygen so quickly, as though he were drowning on dry land. 
“You gonna be good for me, baby?” 
“Yes.” He gargled back in response. “Yes, Mommy.” 
He was already so wet from cumming in his pants, and he let out a pathetic dribble of precum as you continued to move your hand - so it was an easy, slick slide. One that sent harsh shockwaves through him from overstimulation. Against his own will, he soon ballooned back to full hardness - becoming painfully swollen in your hand while you sped up your touch and closed your fist tighter around him. It caused the most wonderful hurt between his legs, and made a downright filthy wet sound as you pumped your grip faster along his needy cock. 
Spencer heard wailing and felt the soreness against his throat before he realized that he was the one making those desperate sounds. He distantly wondered what it might sound like to someone else, if the rooms on either side were occupied, if the motel would receive a noise complaint about some frail woman getting fucked to death by her husband next door - because that’s what he sounded like in his own ears. 
But any of those half-thoughts were chased out of his brain the second you flicked your thumb up over the head of his cock and your dirty mouth filled his ears once again. 
“Gonna milk this pretty cock, baby.” You told him, your voice firm. “You gonna show Mommy how much you can cum for me? Gonna show me what a good boy you are?” 
Spencer let out another pathetic sound, his body singing with pleasure at his pure need to prove to you that - yes, he was a good boy. 
He felt tears wet on the side of his face before he realized that he was crying, but it was all too good to ask you to stop. 
You used your other hand to cradle his balls and you swooped down to capture his gasping mouth in another kiss (a very messy, open mouthed kiss that Spencer could barely pay attention to). Spencer screamed into your mouth while he painted his stomach with cum once again.
You only stopped jerking his cock once you had truly milked every last drop from him, his hips seizing up off the bed and your hand almost slipping off him completely from how sloppily wet it was with more of his cum added to the mix. 
He was purely exhausted then. His eyes blinked heavily, struggling to stay open. He vaguely remembered you cleaning him off and tucking him into bed - but he definitely enjoyed falling asleep curled up next to your warmth. 
The next morning, Spencer felt hungover. 
He wondered if that’s what good sex always felt like - the combination of endorphins rushing through your body and physical exertion tackling you over. His legs were sore, as though he had run several miles. (Which wasn’t even something he could make a bold comparison to anyway, because he didn’t exercise nearly as much as he should for someone with this job). He woke up starving, grateful when you drove to a diner down the road after checking out of the motel and planted him in one of the booths before going outside to call Hotch in order to touch base with the rest of the team. 
You came back with a small grin on your face. 
“Turns out that tip the ex-wife gave us about their first house in Arlington was pretty solid.” You told Reid. “They caught the guy on his way there. He had another girl in the trunk. They got her back mostly unarmed, and took him into custody.” 
Spencer nodded. “That’s good.” 
When he moved to grab another sugar packet out of the caddy on the side of the table, three of them already open and empty beside his cup of coffee, you grabbed him by the wrist. 
“That’s enough, baby.” You told him. 
His stomach curled, that distinct feeling running through him again. And against his will, that word slipped out - again. 
“Yes, Mommy.”
...
A/N: This is a standalone oneshot. There won't be a sequel or a continuation, so please do not ask for one. If you liked the fic, please comment about the body of work that has been written, or consider reblogging to show your appreciation. If you want to see more Spencer Reid fics that I have written, you can check out my Criminal Minds Masterlist, or you can check out my Masterlists for other fandoms to see if anything catches your eye. Thank you for reading!
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dev-solovey · 2 months
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The answer is a walrus and I can explain why.
You know that episode of Unraveled where Brian David Gilbert goes through all the Smash Bros stages to figure out how many OSHA violations there are in each of them? The one where he finds the most violations is the stage that's actually supposed to be a construction site, simply because the fact that it is a construction site makes the violations easier to identify. It's easier to find regulations about a faulty ladder than it is to find regulations about like, a pit of lava.
I think the reason it's more baffling if a walrus shows up at our front door is because we have more concept of what that entails. Like, fairies are entirely a mystery, because they don't exist. The best we know about them are various tales about fairies, which differ from culture to culture, and there is no verifiable consensus information on them really. How did it get there? Fairy magic, idk. How do you get rid of it? Ask it to leave, it probably understands human speech. How do you react to this situation? Who fucking knows, it's a fairy.
But if a walrus showed up on our door, we do have some idea of how to react, because it's more grounded in things we already know. And we would have far more questions, because we have a better frame of reference for what it would take to get the walrus there, what the walrus might do, and what it would take to get it to leave. How did it get to my doorstep, in the middle of the desert? Did they fly it in on a helicopter? Why didn't I hear the helicopter? How did they keep it alive during the entire flight from San Diego to the Sonoran Desert? Is it a threat? How do I get rid of it? Call the police? What are they going to do about a wild animal that weighs as much as a car? Endangered species are protected by law - are walruses endangered? If they shoot it dead, will that cause controversy? Am I going to have reporters on my doorstep every day for the next month? Etc etc
I can get why some people would be more baffled to discover that fairies exist, but the problems presented are unknowable - and, given the very few bits of consensus information we have about them, they'd probably be a lot easier to interface with. A walrus is way more complicated, and probably more likely to gore you with it's tusks.
Anyway, I'm not sure how to end this but that's my thesis
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