no but the hivemind-like exchange between parker and eliot in the rundown job when they are pinned in the subway car and the bioweapon bomb is about to go off

in the beginning of s4 in the long way down job they went to great lengths to firmly establish that to some extent, parker and eliot think the same way. they are able to make those calculations, take those risks, do what needs to be done to protect the ones they love above all else

it’s what makes them them

and in that moment, the three of them are pinned down under the rage of a psychotic gunman and the bomb is seconds away from going off, which would mean thousands and thousands of people would most likely die and only they are the ones that can stop it.

and more importantly, hardison is there, right beside them, and he would die too if the bomb went off and that was something they couldn’t accept. not now, not ever. there is no plan m.

so eliot gives parker a look and a nod, and she kisses hardison for the luck she’s never needed before and they jump into action. eliot steps into the line of fire to cover parker (always, forever. ‘til his dying day) and she runs off to neutralize the bomb at the very last second.

hardison is horrified and terrified for them but it’s what they do, who they are, it’s what makes them them and parker and eliot have that same deep understanding to know that

Been thinking about The Two Live Crew Job again, specifically about Sophie and Eliot with the bomb, and... y'know, it's interesting to me, how Sophie looks to Eliot while they're trying to figure out what to do with the bomb. He's not the expert in the room, not really—that’s Parker and Hardison, truth be told, though Eliot’s got more field experience with explosives, and we see that in how they're the ones providing feedback. Heck, Parker's the one that comes up with the solution with the instant pudding. Nate takes the natural leader position, and he and Sophie are... Nate and Sophie. But it's Eliot that we see Sophie consistently coming back to, who she locks eyes with.

That could be for plenty of reasons. He does seem to have the steadiest control of the situation, likely because he's the best at dealing with high-stakes life-threatening issues (the hitter with extensive military experience is, of course, going to be better under that kind of pressure than the ones who are technically civilians). But I think maybe there's another layer there: he's the one she can trust to be blunt.

See, Eliot's not going to try to soften this. He's a tactful person as a general rule, but he also knows when to be honest. Sophie doesn't want this to be softened. I suspect that's because it introduces a layer of instability; if she only hears optimistic viewpoints, there's an uncertainty in what could go wrong, a fear about what might really happen. But Parker and Hardison and Nate don't necessarily get that—in fact, they themselves won't want to stare down the flat truth, and they may take the optimistic standpoint simply to keep themselves comfortable, even without realizing it.

Conversely, Eliot's not (and never has been) the type to try to look only on the bright side. You don't get to do that in his line of work. He knows how to look at all possible outcomes and take the scene in as-is, and he understands that some people don't want platitudes. Sophie's one of them. She knows, then, that she can trust him to tell her exactly what's happening and what the stakes are, no sugar-coating, no shaky voice, just steady truth.

And she knows, too, that he knows when something is a lost cause—and he understands when to cut his losses. Eliot can be impartial in the moment, no matter how much he beats himself up about it later, and he can weigh the odds and decide, coldly, when to abandon her.

The others can't do that. Parker, even here, even now, two years before The Long Way Down Job, could never choose survival over Sophie in that way. Hardison and Nate? They'd stay, no matter how bad the odds, no matter if it was sure that they wouldn't make it. But Eliot can. More importantly, he's the one who can drag the other three out of there.

He's the one Sophie can depend on to keep them alive. Even if it means she dies alone, even if it means she loses that slim, tiny chance she could live—he'll get them out, and they'll live. She won't let them stay behind, and she even shouts that at them, yells at them to get out, and she knows even as she does so that Nate and Parker and Hardison might not listen. But Eliot will. No matter what, Eliot will, and he'll listen to her and follow her orders.

It's Eliot that she watches, and it's him that she keeps steady with, because he'll be honest with her, and he'll be honest with them, and he'll keep them safe, the same way she "[makes] sure we’re all okay," as Hardison so poignantly puts it.

And do you know what else? In spite of all of it, though, in spite of being the one to be blunt, he still manages to be gentle. He's reassuring, holds her gaze and speaks soft and even and gentle, calming, steady, sure. He's the one who hates explosives, who knows exactly how bad this could be, and he stays steady for her.

This is their second year working together. It's mere months after she apologized for lying to them, point-blank, in The Second David Job. Yet there's still this trust, this holding anchored balance, that they'll keep the crew safe together.

But here's the other thing. It's not just that they trust one another with the rest of the crew. It's that Sophie trusts him to keep her safe, and Eliot trusts her to keep him safe, even if "safe" doesn't mean physically. Because sometimes "safe" isn't about that. Sometimes it's safety in reassurance, even when everything is going to go horribly wrong. Sometimes it's safety in keeping secrets, or listening to each other without judgement.

And sometimes, it's about safety in knowing the truth, no matter how vulnerable and terrible it may be.

#i've been thinking about how much more comfortable breanna seems in 1b #and i keep coming back to this scene #because we see her interact with sophie plenty in 1a #even spend time together just the two of them in the van or at hq as they oversee the rest of the team in the field #but this scene just feels different #i think part of it is that sophie seems more comfortable #she's been masterminding in 1a but this is really a step back into her comfort zone of directing #and that naturally helps breanna relax around her too #but i think it's something deeper than that #because at the start of the series breanna must know of sophie from parker and hardison's stories #knows that sophie is charismatic and clever and an excellent grifter #and most importantly she knows that sophie is hardison's family #that he and parker and eliot all love this woman #breanna comes into the crew knowing that sophie is /important/ to them #that her opinion matters #that she is family #but breanna doesn't know /her/ #so breanna joins the crew knowing she needs to be on her Best Behavior #knows that's what you do in a new home - be good and quiet until you know if you're safe to be yourself #and i think this is the moment breanna starts to feel comfortable with sophie #starts to trust that sophie is someone she can be herself around #because prior to this scene the only hint breanna gives in front of sophie that she's gay is her speech in the card game job #poignant for those who get it and easy to brush off for those who don't #and we don't see the crew interact with any other textually gay characters #but the bucket job starts with a gay kid asking sophie to help him #to help reward a man who made him feel safe and loved when he was scared #and while breanna could be thanking sophie for giving her and the crew what they're asking her for #i think it's much deeper than that #because the way breanna looks at her #the weight she gives the moment before she says thank you #something she says she's bad at just a few episodes previously but she feels strongly enough to do now #breanna is watching sophie and it's a little in awe #and at first i thought it was about seeing sophie in her element #and i do think that's part of it #but the way breanna swallows before she can work up to the thank you #the way her eyes are misty with emotion #the relieved and open smile at the end? #'thank you for doing this for us' means 'thank you for helping scared gay kids like maurice and me' #'for helping us by rewarding our safe space' #'for believing we /deserve/ a safe space' #i think that she's thanking sophie for seeing the value in what robert blanche did for him #for kids who felt alone the way she did #and i think this scene was so important because it was the moment sophie became safe to her #the moment she stopped fearing that she would cause a problem with her brother's family #the moment she stopped worrying that she would have to choose between being part of the crew and being herself #and after this scene we see her start to be more open as a lesbian /specifically/ in front of sophie #sharing her conclusion about the identity of stella's love #bonding with stella in front of sophie #telling sophie she found emily cute and even asking how to deal with that in the middle of a con #and each time sophie was quietly supportive #not making a big deal or prodding but nodding and smiling and offering gentle advice #breanna started to get to know sophie in 1a #but i think this is the moment she started to think of her as family #the moment she started to feel at home

My Very ScientificTM Breakdown of Parker and Hardison’s Relationship

Someone asked me to explain how I’ve charted out Parker and Hardison’s relationship across all five seasons of Leverage, so here you go. All of this is off the top of my head, I literally just sat down and wrote this in a few hours, but I’d love to hear any responses y’all have to it! Do you agree? Disagree? Did I leave something out? Let me know!

It begins in Nigerian Job with Hardison finding Parker attractive (because, of course, she’s amazing). He offers her the whole box of earbuds and Eliot notices and teases him about it. So we know from the beginning he’s attracted to her, which isn’t that surprising.

 In Homecoming Job (episode 2), while Hardison and Nate are watching Parker ‘steal a law,’ Hardison calls her “sexiness” and Nate tells him to maybe ease up on that. Again, Hardison is commenting on his more surface-level attraction to Parker, and on his appreciation for her skills (because competence porn). Nate has noticed, rightfully, that Hardison doesn’t appear to have that much experience with girls, and therefore might not realize that his comments about Parker being sexy might make her uncomfortable (which I think they definitely would at this stage). So Nate is trying to help Hardison out by saying, “hey, maybe chill with that especially if she can hear you.” Let’s face it, Parker would probably not want her appearance commented on in that way at that point.

 Which leads to Wedding Job, when Hardison casually says that she looks “much better in the same dress” than the maid of honor, and Parker is kind of confused and asks “You really think I look good?” He does think she looks good, obviously, he has from the beginning, but this more casual way to approach it was the much smarter move given her skittishness. I think that exchange is what prompts Parker to tell Hardison that she’d pretended to be meeting him for sex in the screening room. I don’t know if it’s what gave her the idea to use that excuse in the first place, but I definitely think it’s why she told him about it when he asked. I think it was an acknowledgement to say “I hear you, and I appreciate that you find me attractive, but I’m not prepared to do anything with that, so I’m just gonna tease you about it a little and never mention it again.” Basically, she’s not shutting him down, but she’s not prepared to encourage him, or take the relationship any further at this stage.

 (There’s another little quip in Mile High Job about how if Parker was a geek she’d be really turned on by Hardison’s hacking, and she just kind of rolls her eyes, which I think is a fair response. It’s similar to the way she rolls her eyes when Eliot talks about some of his relationships. I don’t really read to much into that.)

 By Bank Shot Job, we see them becoming closer friends. They work well together as the undercover agents (which they also did in Wedding Job, but they anticipate and riff off each other really nicely in Bank Shot, indicating that they’ve worked together long enough to be a well-oiled machine). Also they’re obviously hanging out in the van together when the episode starts, and they mention they’ve been in Juan for a few weeks by that point, so I think it’s fair to say they’ve definitely reached friend territory by now.

 Regardless, once we get to Stork Job, they’re “a little more than a team.” That episode is a lot for Parker, and has a lot of her personal growth in it, obviously. It also shows Hardison opening up about his own past for the first time, and it shows how deeply Hardison cares for Parker and her safety. Personally, I also think the scene when What’s-His-Face is flirting with Parker and Hardison keeps making Parker laugh by saying stuff like “do my cape and fangs frighten you” is a sweet moment because he makes her laugh. I don’t really read this moment as jealousy, though I’ve seen that some people do, but I just think he was commenting on how ridiculous What’s-His-Face is. (I forgot the character’s name because he’s always just gonna be Moriarty from the Librarians to me).

 Juror # 6 Job is also great, and I really didn’t want to make this an episode by episode break down, I was really just going for broad overall themes, but I’m in too deep at this point. In Juror #6 we have Hardison who initially brushes off Parker’s concerns just like the rest of them, but he does come around and convinces Nate to listen to what Parker is saying. He also has the insight to say that Parker never had experience with people, etc. I like this scene because it mimics the previously mentioned scene in Homecoming Job with Hardison and Nate sitting in that same spot discussing Parker. Obviously at the end, we also have that sweet moment where Parker is proud of Hardison for his closing statements and also proud of herself for acting ‘normal’ (and I think he’s proud of her too).

 Then in First David, we get the first kiss. Obviously there are different ways to read this one. Either Parker is only focused on the job, and only kissed him because it helped her break in, OR she used the break-in as an opportunity to get to kiss him without actually having to follow through with anything else because she could just play it off. I like to believe the second option, because I think her awareness of his feelings is high enough that she’s starting to question her own feelings at this point, but isn’t consciously ready to go there. So I think she wanted to kiss him and she got to use this as an excuse, and then shut that door again immediately and pretend it never happened. Because later in Second David she was obviously just pretending to not know what Hardison was talking about. She just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

 I do also think that small moment in Second David is really telling when Hardison says something like  “no calls no texts for three months, I don’t need y’all” and Parker is seriously offended—like seriously offended, and says “What do you mean ‘you don’t need us’?” In her mind, not only does he obviously need her (they’re more than a team at this point, after all), she stayed away and didn’t contact him because she was protecting him. That was the safest thing to do, it doesn’t mean she didn’t want to talk to him. But Hardison is less . . . emotionally equipped to have to split up from his new family for months without contact, so it makes him feel like they never cared about him in the first place.

 Then we reach season 2, where we have the “people are like locks. You have to have patience and be fiddly” conversation. (By the way y’all, literally all of these quotes are off the top of my head, so if I misquote stuff please forgive me). Anyway, here Hardison wants Parker to know that he did look for her because he wants to be sure she knows he cares about her enough to try (I think she’s perfectly aware he was looking and has been intentionally not letting him succeed because she wasn’t ready for that yet, but who knows). And Parker encourages him with the fiddly message, but is again emphasizing that she’s not really ready yet. This encouragement is different from the acknowledgement she gave in Wedding Job in season one, when she was just saying “I see you.” Here, she’s saying “I see you, and continue, maybe one day it will work out.” Importantly, though, she still hasn’t addressed within herself her own feelings for Hardison.

 Skipping forward a bunch, because this is already 1200 words long and I’m only on season 2, we’ve got other small things, like them pretending to be a couple several times, and Hardison getting kind of jealous of McSweeten in Fairy Godparents Job. Parker also gets mad at Hardison in Ice Man Job, but that doesn’t really advance their relationship that much. The main thing we are seeing over the course of this season is Parker’s willingness to touch Hardison more and more. She holds him in that arm bar for a long time in Tap Out Job, and she pulls him close in the safe in Ice Man. Again, these can all be written off as being part of the con or for a bigger purpose, though, because she doesn’t want to admit to Hardison or to herself that she likes touching/being close to him.

 This similar thing is clear in Jailhouse Job, when he says “see, I like when we pretend to kiss” and she goes “pretend?” and scrunches up her nose. (also, is it just me, or did it look like they were trying to imply something other than kissing? Were they also kissing too? What was happening?) Because Parker may be pretending that kissing him doesn’t mean anything, but she’s not pretending to kiss him. The kisses themselves are real. Also, we see her in this episode once again get naked in front of Hardison, and once again it could be interpreted as Parker doesn’t really view her own body as sexual (perhaps hinting at being on the asexual spectrum here) or it could be interpreted as Parker wanting to mess with Hardison, or wanting to see how he’d respond. I think it kind of could be more of the latter, though I do maintain that Parker doesn’t naturally view her body as inherently sexual regardless. I think that she may have gotten naked because she knew it would make Hardison flustered, and she likes that she can make him flustered, but again she doesn’t want to examine why she likes it.

 In Reunion Job we have the sweet dance, which I think is one step further than what we saw with the touching in season 2, where this time there’s no “excuse” for her to dance with him, she just does it because she wants too, which is great. But I don’t think at this point if he’d tried to talk to her about it directly that she’d be willing to. For the most part, Hardison is really doing as she asked and being patient, but it’s still clear he’s eager to see where things go.

 (BTW, I started writing fic set in this time because there’s so much in these episodes in season three that I want to explore, so if you’re interested here’s the link but be warned I never finished it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707019/chapters/28977393)

 In Inside Job, obviously Hardison is super concerned about Parker, and I really think it’s so nice that he’s the one she calls when she gets to a phone. I also like that this is the first (?) instance of Hardison calling her “mama” that I can think of which is personally one of my favorite nicknames of his. I also think it was really eye-opening to Hardison to see how Parker lived and what her warehouse looked like. I think even though he knew all that stuff about her, it was different to see it in person.

 In Scheherazade Job, Parker sides with Hardison against Nate about the whole hypnotism thing, which I think is really interesting especially given that Nate says Hardison doesn’t have the ruthlessness needed to run a crew, but he leaves Parker as the mastermind at the end of the show, indicating that she does have that ruthlessness (which she does) but here she is still on Hardison’s side. I also doubt she’d be able to con her own team the way Nate does unless it was absolutely necessary for their survival, not just for the con. Like, she’d con them to save them from jail or to save their lives, but I don’t think she’d con them just to get a job done the way Nate did with Hardison here.

 ANYWAY, we come to the biggest development, which is the Pretzels conversation in Double Blind Job. One thing I love about this is that Hardison is in no way trying to make Parker jealous in this episode. That would be really kind of manipulative of him given what he knows about her, etc. That said, I think he does a good job of pointing out that there’s no reason for him not to date someone else. Parker hasn’t said anything concrete to him about her feelings one way or another, so if someone like Ashley came along and he wanted to date her, Parker would have no reason to object. Parker realizes this too, which is why I think she actually does say something, even if she can’t actually say the words in the end. This is when Parker realizes that not only does she like Hardison’s attention and get upset when it’s given to someone else, she likes it because she likes him back. So she tells him she has feelings for pretzels, and he understands that it means “I like you but I’m not ready yet so please don’t move on to anyone else” and he accepts that and says “they’ll be here for you when you want them” essentially saying that he’s not going to move on now that he knows she really does have some feelings for him. That allows him to justify to himself waiting on her because he has something concrete, and it allows her to work through her feelings for him without having to worry that he’ll move on to someone else before she’s ready for it to go anywhere.

 There are further moments this season where they grow together and are comfortable together, until finally, in Big Bang Job when they almost get blown up on the train and they manage to work together and disarm the bomb, she realizes that she is ready for pretzels. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline of the situation or what, but somewhere in that she realizes she does want to move forward. How they’re going to do that is unclear, and doesn’t come up in San Lorenzo because they’re busy with Moreau and then they have to split up for a few months, so none of this comes up again until Long Way Down Job.

 In Long Way Down Job, Hardison is coming in kind of expecting a relationship at this point. Parker has said she wants pretzels, and this is the first time they’re seeing each other in the months since then. Parker, on the other hand, has used those few months to kind of get cold feet. It’s not that she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, it’s that she’s kind of gotten into her own head about being good enough for him or being able to handle a relationship in a way that’s fair to Hardison. That’s why she reverts to pretending not to see his obvious advances, and responding with “this isn’t going to be a thing, is it?” when he’s concerned for her. She’s trying to push back again, and again he respects that, but it’s obviously really upsetting for him. But after her whole experience in the crevasse with Eliot, she understands that it’s okay to be herself while she’s trying to be a better version of herself, and as long as Hardison knows that, then it’s okay. So in the end when she says “you know this isn’t going to be normal, right?” she’s admitting that she is, in fact, ready for “this.” That’s what they have in season four, a kind of limbo thing where they’re not saying they’re dating, but they’ve admitted that they like each other and they’re going on very date-like outings together. I always refer to season 4 as when they have their thing because of how Parker said, “this isn’t going to be a thing, is it?” and then turned around and said it is a thing, it’s just not normal.

 We of course get more great moments in episodes like Carnival Job and Grave Danger Job where Hardison expresses that he would never replace Parker and Parker expresses that she needs Alec. I don’t think they would have said ‘I love you’ yet at this point, but I think these things are essentially saying that in different words. In Queen’s Gambit, again we get that assurance from Hardison that he’s got Parker and he’s not going to let anything bad happen to her, and he proves it.

 In Experimental Job, Parker kisses him again, first on the cheek after she tells him that he’s really cool, and then on the lips to convince Zilgram that Hardison is worth having in the Dustmen. The ease with which she kisses him on the cheek indicates to me at least that a) she doesn’t mind showing him that kind of affection at this point, and that b) she doesn’t mind doing so in public. You could argue back and forth on the second kiss because it is for the job, but also I think she just really wanted to kiss him and knew she had an excuse to do so. Obviously she was acting for Zilgram’s benefit before and after the kiss, but there’s a spot in the kiss where they’re body language changes, and I think in that moment it’s a “real” kiss and not just for the con.

 Parker and Hardison both have some doubts again in Girl’s Night and Boy’s Night, but again those are pretty self-explanatory, so I won’t go into them. But it’s also interesting that the team does see them as basically dating at this point regardless of whether they use that terminology. Sophie references “early relationship jitters” and it’s clear by the way Eliot gives Hardison advice that he knows what’s going on (not that they were that subtle with it, lol). It’s clear enough by the end of the season that they’re together even if they haven’t officially said anything.

 They spend the 6 month break between season 4 and 5 together traveling the world, and then they finally admit to the team that they’re dating. The traveling the world time is when I really think they kind of hammered things out and actually talked not in code, which lead to their official admission to the team. I think this official admission really just means that they’ve become more comfortable talking about their relationship with others. So now they’ll refer to each other as babe (or, memorably “my santa baby”) in front of the team, etc, and refer to things as dates instead of just hanging out or activities together. They’ll spend the night together in the apartment above the brew pub, etc. But if you notice, their behavior around each other doesn’t really change that much between season 4 and 5, which I think is just more proof that they were just as much in a relationship in season 4 as they were in season 5, they just weren’t calling it that yet.

 So, to break it down:

Season 1: Hardison likes Parker; Parker realizes this, and experiments with kissing him

Season 2: Parker encourages Hardison’s advances, but warns him to be patient and fiddly; she begins to touch him more

Season 3: They have the pretzels conversation, and Parker confirms she has feelings for Hardison but asks him to wait for her and he agrees

Season 4: She’s ready for Pretzels now so they have a ‘thing’ where they’re basically dating/in the early stages of dating, but they don’t call it that.

Season 5: They’re finally comfortable admitting to everybody that they’re together, and acting like a couple in public. They’ve gotten over most of their doubts/insecurities about their relationship and are mainly just being happy together as a couple.

THIRST AID KIT | S6E06 | BIM’S THIRST 123s

So!

It was Bim’s turn to delve into the roots of her thirst habits — and as the opening gif of this post suggests, it turned out to be a journey through TV and film. 

Besides the large-nosed Dr Luka Kovač (aka Goran Višnjić) in ER, Bim grew up, like Ashley Banks, with a very big thing for Tevin ‘Little T’ Campbell. Watching Tevin sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ashley on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was...a mild awakening.

Adorable!

From Bel-Air it was a short hop to the fictional HBCU of Hillman in A Different World. There, Bim fell in deep love with Dwayne Wayne. Have you ever seen a more devoted boyfriend? Kadeem Hardison did something so flippin’ special with that character, and indelibe example of what love could look like and how it might make you feel. To this day, a sweet but devoted nerd who wears spectacles always hits Bim right in the feels.

Ugh, feels!

There was a whole Pacey Witter element too, but you know we already covered all that in our Joshua Jackson episode, so no need to go into it here!

Tween and teen thirst got gradually ramped up until it landed Bim at the door of David Addison, aka king of the wryly twisted smirk, duke of the wisecrack that stayed the right side of tasteless, and most importantly, foundational mover of Bim’s... heart. Moonlighting is one of the shows Bim wanted to live inside of and David Addison is the basis of the appeal of a smart-mouthed man who is tender and smart and can throw a mean left hook as required. Whew. (Bruce Willis also eased Bim into a lifelong love of a bald man, just FYI. 👀)

And of course, as noted Bim’s love of a Strong Nose is maybe down to Dr. Luka Kovač but ALSO very much down to David Duchovny, because Bim fell for him watching not The X-Files but the decidedly lowbrow Red Shoe Diaries. Thirst is complex, but David’s nose —full on, or in profile — is two things precisely: splendid and able. 🥵 

The original drabbles in Fanfic Wars were good this week, y’all. Like... some-of-our-best-work good. You can listen to the whole episode RIGHT HERE (more ways to listen are listed below).

SOME THINGS TO WATCH AND READ, IF YOU LIKE!

This great 2019 interview with Tevin Campbell 

Bim personally has no need of this defense of the Whitley/Dwayne relationship, but you know, some people’s opinions are just wrong.

The “baby, please!” heard around the world 🥰

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We’re on Twitter at @thirstaidkit. We read all your drabbles and appreciate you sending them in. You can send us yours (keep ‘em short!) to [email protected]. And if you have the time and inclination, we won’t say no to a (five star? 👀) rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Please and thank you!

Please continue to stay safe, and we hope you’re managing to get all your daily allowance of thirst in these trying times. 😘

Leverage Not!Fic - Accidental Baby Acquisition

Also on AO3 with a deeper explanation of where this came from: You’re So Precious to Me (Baby Mine) - Roughly 2500 words of baby and working through thoughts about children and childhoods. Heavily influenced by some internal turmoil I got going on about parenthood vs choosing not to have children.

I want to see Eliot - big, tough, punch his way out before he talks his way out Eliot - with a kid around 1 or 2. 

Nate, of course, knows how handle a kid, but it’s painful, digs at wounds he’d rather not reopen, and while Sophie’s not the best with children, she can get by - they’re just not her forte at that age. They offer to come by and help out, fly in from wherever they are this week, but Eliot comes in and tells them that he’s got it.

Hardison has to Google everything about taking care of such a small child, Parker has no clue about children that small and is, frankly, very perturbed by the fact that a 1 year old is basically helpless.

So you have Eliot, who does have experience with kids and babies, and, more importantly, a strong protective and nurturing instinct. They’re pretty much stuck with the kid until the end of the con for one reason or another, and Eliot is officially appointed babysitter. Eliot, who understands that a child at this age has a pretty intense fear of strangers and works to soothe and distract and appear trustworthy. Eliot (thanks to his culinary and nutrition skills) knows what a kid actually eats and how to serve it, instead of the bulk barrel of Goldfish that Hardison was going to panic-buy off Amazon along with a massive delivery of milk, toys, furniture, and other baby-related items. He keeps the order for some of the furniture, clothes, and toys, and adds a metric ton of diapers just in case.

And eventually Hardison becomes Eliot’s assistant in their brief stint as caretakers - Parker is good for entertainment, but she really has no desire to be left responsible for the baby. If Hardison or Eliot is around, she’ll turn the place into an impromptu jungle gym, but the crippling fear of something happening to someone so vulnerable on her watch is too much for her to deal with (she remembers the bicycle, after all, and the last time she was any kind of mentor to a kid). She’s got a protective streak a mile wide too, though, especially with kids, so she’s the one who kid-proofs the apartment, to an almost ridiculous extent.

(”Parker, is this a pool noodle on the table leg?” Eliot pokes it - it does look like she’s butchered a pool noodle in the name of safety. There’s another one across the edge of the table, and on all the corners.

“Yeah, kid can barely walk, he could fall and crack his head on the table. I also stole a helmet. Do you think he needs a helmet?” Parker gestures at a backpack by the door, outside of the baby gate they’re using to block off the living room from the kitchen. Eliot can probably safely assume that’s where the stolen helmet is.

He looks back at Parker, who’s sitting in front of the bookshelf with books on the floor around her in stacks. He notices belatedly she’s got a drill in one hand, one of his. “Are you screwing that into the wall?”

Parker throws up her hands, glares at him like he’s said something horribly offensive. “What if it falls, Eliot?! He’s tiny! The hysterical strength response doesn’t happen in toddlers!”

There’s two packs of those outlet covers on the coffee table too, and Eliot decides then and there that the apartment has probably seen worse. He’ll let Parker do as she pleases.)

Hardison is also really good at entertainment, and can do high chairs and naptime and playing while Eliot’s out doing Eliot-things that only Eliot can do. He can put the kid to sleep, but he can’t transfer him, meaning that he’s pretty well stuck under him in a rocking chair for an hour and a half to two hours. He gripes about it, but he doesn’t mind, not really - he likes the feeling of something small and practically helpless trusting him enough to use him as a pillow, relaxes in the calm of the gentle scientifically-proven-to-be-relaxing lullabies playing through the speaker, remembers doing this with a couple of the other kids that Nana fostered for a short time. He usually ends up falling into a light sleep, too. He knows how to be a caretaker in theory, and could easily work up the ability to be a parent - he studied early childhood development, after all - and now that the initial panic of surprise baby acquisition is over, he can handle this.

Parker, quiet as ever, doesn’t know how to feel about Hardison holding a baby, gentle and sweet - she doesn’t want kids, but she wants Hardison to have everything he wants out of life, and she worries that maybe being with her is denying him something.

They talk about it, later, of course. Hardison easily figures out that something’s bugging her, and she comes clean about her insecurities and how she knows that she’s not the type of person that can raise a child and have that child come out healthy, whole, and normal.

(“I don’t even think I want to try.”

Hardison turns in his chair. She loves that about him, the way that he gives her his full attention every chance he gets, even when he’s in the middle of a game. “That’s okay. I’m not gonna ask you to.”

“Do you want kids?” Parker asks, and listens with one ear to the distant, almost-unintelligible sounds of Eliot singing Journey and walking across the floor of the guest bedroom that’s serving as a nursery.

Hardison blows out a soft sigh - it’s not his annoyed one, she’s learned, it’s his thinking sigh. “I don’t… know. Maybe? I don’t know. We don’t exactly lead a stable kind of life.” He gestures at his computer, presumably to encompass all of his illegal activities.

Parker’s quiet for a moment. “I’m not a mom, Hardison. I never even had a mom. I could be an aunt, maybe? What do aunts do? Archie worked for me, but not every kid needs an Archie.”

“Parker,” Hardison says, in that gentle and loving tone, “Being a parent is all about loving them and doing your best. There are books and stuff out there. If you ever decide you want to, and if you don’t want to, that’s okay, too. Hell, someday we might adopt baby grifters just like Nate and Sophie did.” He reaches, grabs her hand where it rests on the desk. “You’re… you and Eliot are enough for me, okay? So, if you ever decide that having a kid is something you want, then I’ll be here. He’ll be here. And if you never want a kid, then I’ll still be here, and he will too.” 

Parker can breathe a little easier after that, but it makes her think.)

Hardison knows she could do it if she wanted to - thinks about how much she wants to do the right thing, about Serbian orphans, about a kid stealing cars to survive, making sure kids didn’t get their Christmas ruined by arrests. He knows that Parker can do anything she wants to, learns new skills and concepts with an intense, single-minded focus. Any child she chose to have would be the best-protected kid in the world. 

Growing up with the three of them would probably end up in a strangely competent and paranoid kid, but ultimately a pretty well-adjusted one. He wonders briefly about what a baby of theirs would look like, if it would be a little girl wreaking havoc at a computer or a little boy climbing through vents. Maybe more straight-and-legal with tech summer camps and ballet or gymnastics.

He thinks about it, lets himself want it for a moment while he gently rocks a sleeping baby that isn’t theirs, one that they’re protecting just long enough to get home. Hardison adds it to the “maybe someday” list, the “pretzel” list, where it’s there if Parker wants it, and only if Parker wants it.

But it’s Eliot who is good at walking the kid to sleep and actually getting him into a crib/bed, Eliot singing classic rock and country songs as lullabies, Eliot who patiently sits through overtired tantrums, Eliot who can understand and respond to the baby babble interspersed with random words. After a few days, Eliot is the one that the baby cries and reaches for. He’s the one getting up with him at four in the morning, long past his not-safe-enough-to-sleep days where he only slept 90 minutes a night. Now he tries valiantly to listen to the baby play on the floor (completely safely thanks to Parker’s intense baby-proofing) while laying on the couch with his eyes closed.

And so it goes, for about a week and a half, maybe two. They manage to run the con and balance pseudo-parenting - Hardison does most of his work from the van, after all, and he’s not above handing the kid an iPad with a YouTube playlist of Mother Goose Club in the name of keeping his family safe (Eliot, even in the middle of fighting off hired guns, bitches mightily about screen time and child development). At one point, Parker spends a terrifying (to her) hour alone with a baby that is fast asleep, while Hardison does some intense hacking and Eliot does some good old-fashioned B&E to send a message. 

The day comes that the con works. The mother is freed and can return to her life, now that she’s not being hunted or threatened. Eliot, Parker, and Hardison have to say goodbye to this tiny human that they’ve grown super attached to. No one cries - not even the baby. It’s part of the job, never mind that they have an apartment full of baby stuff now and a year’s worth of diapers they don’t need. They hug the baby, they hug the mom. Eliot holds on a little tighter and longer than Hardison, and Parker holds the baby just for a moment, just long enough, before passing him back. 

And then they walk away - job is done, after all. 

Hardison’s gonna miss the kid, but in that way where he got attached but he can let go easily enough. It wasn’t his kid, it was never his kid, and he made himself remember that so he didn’t get too attached. 

Parker is quiet. The baby had reached for her, just once, and she’d given him the hug he wanted. She doesn’t know how to feel about any of this, so she makes the choice to stuff it in a box in her mind, where she can open it slowly and pick things out one-by-one.

Eliot, though, Eliot doesn’t look like he’s processing it well, which is actually pretty expected - Hardison knows a lot about psychology and even more about Eliot, after all, and Eliot in another life was a family man, Eliot in another life was a strict but fun dad, Eliot in another life made PB&J sandwiches and played soccer in the mud in the backyard. 

Eliot in this life, though, isn’t the marrying kind - he’s made a promise, after all, “‘til my dying day,” and that’s probably as close to commitment as Eliot Spencer will ever get. He’s chosen his path, walked it since he was 18 and signing up for the army, has spent close to fifteen years choosing it again and again. This is where he stands his ground, with Parker and Hardison, and there’s no room for some suburban house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. He’d wanted that back in another life, with Aimee, thought about it again with Kaye Lynn in their passing moment together. It was never even on the table with Mikel. He can’t drag some poor woman into his life, into what he’s done - he can’t have a relationship with a “civilian,” not without unintentionally grifting. He doesn’t want to build something on lies, doesn’t want to bring a kid into the world and expose it to the ghosts that haunt him from the past.

Besides, he doesn’t think he could even begin to fall in love with, let alone trust, someone that isn’t Parker and Hardison. In another life, where he’d never met them, maybe he could have had that. But here he is, for better or for worse, ‘til his dying day, just as good as any official wedding vow he’s ever heard.

(“It’s not something we can do,” Hardison says later, in the quiet of a closed bar. Parker is somewhere, dangling off of roofs and recovering from the overwhelming sensation of emotions. “It just isn’t. We can’t… you’re wanted in like five countries-”

“Seven,” Eliot corrects automatically. “Well, maybe eight.”

“Parker’s wanted in nine, and I’m just… wanted. In a lot of places.” Hardison taps the table. “It wouldn’t be… we’d be giving a kid a life of crime from the very beginning. And if certain people found out, the kid would be in danger literally all the time.”

Eliot nods and doesn’t say anything. “You and I know that, but…” 

A beat. They think of Parker and Serbian orphans, Parker and Christmas, Parker and a look of astonishment and joy for a split second as a baby reaches for her to say goodbye.

“If she decides it’s something she wants,” Eliot says slowly, softly. “And only if she decides it’s something she wants, we’ll make it work.”

“I got lots of identities,” Hardison agrees. “We could go straight if we wanted to.”

Eliot takes a drink of his beer. “We’ll donate what we’ve got upstairs,” he says - the furniture, the diapers, the sippy cups, the toys, all of it can be used by another kid. “And if she brings it up, we’ll deal with it then.”

“Pretzels,” Hardison agrees.)

Somewhere on a rooftop in Portland, in the gray and the misting rain of the Pacific Northwest, Parker dangles her feet over the edge and allows herself to think. She thinks of foster homes and stuffed bunnies, of bicycles and Haagen Dazs. She wonders how many other kids there are out there like her, picking pockets and surviving day-by-day, waiting for an Archie if they’re lucky. She remembers wanting a “real family” at one point, remembers the bone-deep longing of it back when she was young and alone, back when she was stealing cars, back when she wasn’t rich and wasn’t a master thief and wasn’t one of the good guys.

There’s potential, there, she thinks, in the same analytical way that she processes cons and jobs and plans. She’d have to shift her plans, that’s for sure. It’s all hypothetical anyway - it can sit with her awhile, and she can figure out if she’d like this particular bowl of pretzels or not in as much as time as she wants to take.

Potential, though. Daydreams. What has been, what could have been, and what still might be.