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a-bang-for-your-bucky · 2 years

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Happy Birthday, Bear

My bestie @mylifeisactuallyamess pointed out that it was Alexander Ludwig's birthday, today! So, naturally, I wrote some modern!Björn birthday smut 😅

Warnings: explicit language, oral sex (M!recieving), dirty talk, not beta'd, all mistakes are my own!

"Happy birthday, bear." You whispered in his ear. With a groan, he rolled over and gently pressed his lips to yours.

"Thanks babe." He replied with a sleepy smile. You wracked your brain all month trying to figure out what to get Björn for his birthday. Ubbe finally piped up, offering an idea.

"Give him what he always wants. You. Nothing's better than birthday sex." He suggested slyly, with a crooked smile. You arranged to have the other Lothbroks out of their shared home, at least for a few hours.

You wanted to start the day off right, so you snuck out of bed, out of your shared room, and into the kitchen. Making him a beautiful stack of pancakes, you put a "32" birthday candle in them. "Oh bear," You called to him,"Your ass better wake up if you want these pancakes hot." You declared as you opened the bedroom door. His disheveled hair, bare tattooed chest, and sleepy eyes were your favorite sight. He sat up against the headboard and stared at me with awe. "Kjæreste, you made me breakfast? In bed? With birthday candles?" He questioned amusingly.

You nodded happily. "Only the best for my birthday bear." You handed him the plateful of pancakes, sitting them gently in his lap. He reached to remove the candles when you snapped at him. "Hey! You gotta make a wish first!" You pulled Ivar's zippo out of your pocket and lit the candles. He blew them out after taking a few seconds to 'make a wish'. "Now dig in" You permitted with a smile. While Björn ate, you started on the next part of his birthday present: A movie marathon. You told him to join you in the family room when he was finished devouring his breakfast. There you had set up a white sheet and a projector, along with a wonderful bed of blankets and pillows where the tables had been. "Little bear, this is amazing." He said as he entered the room. The look on his face said it all. You knew it had been a long time since Björn had celebrated a birthday. You motioned for him to join you with a crook of your finger. "I figured we'd watch as many Harry Potter movies as we can handle." You told him as he settled next to you. Not even halfway through the first movie, you started playfully nibbling at Björn's ear. "Baby, what about the movie?" He asked, knowing good and well you didn't care. Moving from his ear to his neck, you found that one spot that drove him crazy. "Kjæreste, don't start something you aren't going to finish." He moaned as you moved to straddle his lap.

"Oh, I plan on finishing, bear." You purred before enveloping his lips into a passionate kiss. "What about you?" He inquired, breaking for air.

"Maybe when it's my birthday. Today is all about you baby. And don't you dare argue with me, Lothbrok." You rebutted. Björn nodded in agreement. He made your work easy seeing as he was still clad in just pajama pants. You began to palm his semi-hard length. "Little bear. Don't tease." He groaned. You quickly stripped him of the pants, and brushed your fingertips over his sensitive tip. You maneuvered to place yourself between his thighs to have better access. You lowered your head, licking him from the base to the head, giving him an extra kitten lick across the slit. A guttural moan rumbled from him. Knowing that you had him in the palm of my hand, literally, you took him down as far as you could. Björn knew that you had a goal of one day deep throating him, but fuck, the man was blessed in size.

"Fuck, baby. So good." He grunted as you bobbed your head. "God, I love it when you suck my cock. You look so pretty like this, princess. You like sucking me off, don't you baby girl?" You loved Björn's dirty mouth. He knew exactly what to say to rile you up. You let out a muffled "mmhmm" not wanting to take your mouth off him.

"Fuck, I love your mouth, so warm and wet, almost as good as that tight pussy of yours. Shit... Shit.." He groaned as he tangled his hands in your hair. "Little bear, I'm gonna.... I'm gonna..." Hot spurts of come hit the back of your throat as Björn came undone with your name leaving his mouth. You pulled off him with a pop, wiping your mouth as he came down from his orgasmic high. "Your turn," Björn growled as he scooped you up and carried you off to your room in a fit of giggles. This was going to be a long birthday celebration.

#bjorn ironside smut #bjorn ironside x reader #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn lothbrok smut #modern!bjorn #modern vikings #modern bjorn x reader #vikings smut #kat writes

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bjornswoman · 9 months

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Vikings Masterlist

Bjorn Ironside

Mine

Afraid of losing you

Heart's healer

His night

Precious

Arrows

Blue piercing eyes

I love you

Zinnia

False promises

Ubbe

His dark side

Jealous

Secret

Just listen

His bride

Sick girl

Little girl

My enemy and me*

Hvitserk

Goddess

One of his women

Betrayed

Best friends

Crazy and mad

Lies* (remake) / Lies*

Fake wedding

Worth it

My prisoner

Ivar the Boneless

Mad about you

Last night, Back to you

Break

Feelings

Crimes of love

Games and conflicts

Jealous girl

Right person wrong time

Photograph

Toxic I, II

Destruction*

Harald Finehair

Promise

Allies

Live for me

Free with you

Shieldmaiden's secret

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i-have-no-enemies · 2 months

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Bjorn, teaching Thorfinn how to drive: Careful Thorfinn! You almost hit Askeladd

Thorfinn, putting the car in reverse: Let me try again

#vinland saga #thorfinn #funny #askeladd #Bjorn #incorrect vinland saga quotes #incorrect vinland saga #modern au

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ro-bottt · 5 months

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they all need their phones taken away

#thorfinn karlsefni #askeladd #vinland saga meme #lucius artorius castus #meme #thorfinn #vinland saga #coming up with usernames for them was a challenge..#bjorn vinland saga #askebjorn #modern au #??#askefinn

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mrsalwayswrite · 4 months

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To Call Forth Love - Chapter 18

Here it is, friends! The promised update! A massive thank you to everyone who replied to my prior post. You guys are truly the best and y'all give me the desire to finish this story.

I'll confess, this chapter is short (by my standards). I also feel like its not up to my usual quality of writing, so please give me some grace as I step back into the world of writing and remembering how to use words.

Lastly, if I missed anyone who wants to be added to the new tag list, please let me know!

Words: 3900

Warnings: Violence (both graphic and implied), swearing, Ivar still struggles with feelings

Series Masterlist

The day of reckoning had come.

A red sun rose that morning. The locals glanced nervously at the sky and muttered under their breath at the strange sight. But Ivar knew what it meant. A blessing on this day from the old gods.

Everything had fallen into place far more easily than he anticipated, a blessing indeed. The manipulation, the lies shared to convince the traitors to meet with him, feigned ignorance to soothe any worry of their deceptive being known. It all dripped from his lips like poisoned honey, until it was too late. Until the door was shut and a gun was pointed at their heads. Then he dropped the façade and allowed his guile to show. Only then were the traitors introduced to the truth of their failed scheme….and become close acquaintances with his knives.

It was a day for justice.

A day for vengeance.

And Ivar relished every moment.

*****

Amidst the dim light leaking through the few windows into the basement, the stench of dry, stale air, piss and blood permeated.

Two men knelt on the concrete ground before their executioner. Naked, with their clothing scattered beneath them, cut from their bodies with artful precision. Arms outstretched as in the worship, yet thick rope bound them to this position. Not as devout petitioners, but as those in bondage without even a god able to save them.

For Armageddon had arrived, led by a blue-eyed devil with a malicious smile and blood dripping from his knives.

Studying the one still conscious, he casually wiped the traitor's blood from his knife with a clean rag, for he refused to miss a single moment of pain or despair that was to come.

The trial of judgment had not truly begun yet. This was only the first act.

A vibration from his phone drew his attention away momentarily as he checked the text. A smirk adorned his face as he replaced the phone in his pocket and returned his gaze to the one before him.

"They are here." Ivar stated, "should I wake your friend? He's been unconscious for some time now."

The traitor remained silent, his eyes staring at the gray floor, even as blood slid down his skin like raindrops. His chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm, almost as if in meditation. But Ivar knew better. The man was waiting. Biding his time. Enduring the pain until the others came.

Unfortunately for him, no amount of waiting would save him from what was to come.

Ivar glanced over to the other man on the left. Before he had even been restrained, the man had pissed himself and was begging for mercy, crying out and spewing secrets and half-truths in the futile hope for forgiveness. At the first pass of knives over his flushed skin, he fainted.

Fucking pathetic.

At Ivar's command, buckets of cold water had been tossed on the sniveling coward to awaken him. He would not get away from his prescribed torment. Not that easily. Twice the man fainted while receiving his medicine. And twice Ivar had him painfully revived. This third time, Ivar allowed him longer in his brief respite. But no longer.

The day of vengeance had arrived for those who betrayed the Lothbroks, and Ivar would see they were conscious for every moment of it.

"Wake him up."

At Ivar's command, his white-haired driver picked up the bucket at his feet and tossed it on the unconscious man.

The man sputtered and gagged, returning to the land of the living and the land of his torment. Immediately he began whimpering, as if that could save him. As if anything could save him now.

The echo of footfalls on the wooden staircase sounded in the basement.

Ivar's smile widened as he met the pained but calm eyes of the traitor kneeling before him. "Better start fucking begging for forgiveness."

Ragnar came around the corner, followed by Lagertha and Bjorn. A gasp filled the air once they came into sight. A sound of recognition. A sound of disbelief.

“Please! I'm sorry! He made me do it!” The coward began sobbing, his whole naked body shuddering at the strength of his cries and voice. “Please! I didn't–”

“Silence!” Ragnar roared, drawing close, eyeing both men. A predator inspecting the prey. His bright eyes glared at both men, focusing most of his anger on the one known to him. “You thought you could betray me?” He crouched before them, studying them, reading them. A devilish grin grew on his lips after a moment. “How'd that go?”

He chuckled darkly as he stepped to the side, already knowing the outcome but here to watch the show. With a quick glance to the side, he gave permission for another to step forward and to hear the case.

The coward continued to whimper but wisely made no move to steak. A pity really, Ivar was hoping to cut out his tongue.

"Kalf?" Lagertha asked, coming closer. The initial look of shock faded away, leaving behind confusion and anger. A deadly combination.

"Lagertha, there's been a misunder-" Kalf started to say but cried out in pain after Ivar hit him on the side of his head with his wolf's head cane.

Ivar returned the cane to his side, leaning back in his plastic chair casually. "Tsk tsk. You do not speak unless spoken to." He shifted his gaze to his father's first wife. “All the evidence is on the table over there.”

Lagertha followed the nod of Ivar's head, looking towards a table pressed against the wall. On it were stacks of papers, all the threads from the web of betrayal, cut and laid out to prove his betrayal. Every string, every conversation, every transaction, every knot in the thread. The damning evidence Ivar had been gathering for months. All there in black and white.

With a resigned sigh, Lagertha glanced down to Ivar. “I believe you.”

Ivar nodded silently, shifting the cane from his left hand to his right, still encased in the damn cast. He had never liked Lagertha and she had never liked him. They tolerated one another but that was the extent, prefering to avoid one another's company in casual or public settings. Except when it came to business. There was an unspoken respect they harbored for one another in this one regard; and for her to take Ivar's word alone on this matter, furthered his respect for her.

He did notice that Bjorn walked over and started leafing through the papers. Maybe his eldest brother was finally learning to use his half-wit brain.

The fierce businesswoman moved to stand in front of her lover, seemingly uncaring of the splatters of blood and shredded clothing under her heeled boots. “Why?”

He opened his mouth, eyes full of hurt and hope, but before any sounds escaped, she cut him off.

“Do not lie to me, Kalf.” She practically snarled, a she-wolf rising in fury, with no sight of a heartbroken lover.

He gazed at her, tone beseeching. “I did it for us.”

Her hand moved so fast that even Ivar did not catch it until the loud sound of a smack echoed in the basement, followed by Kalf's grunt as his head jerked to the side.

“If you did it for us, you would have included me in your schemes.”

Kalf worked his jaw before returning his gaze to his lover. “I planned on it, but–”

Another smack reverberated in the air.

“Try again.” Lagertha spat out.

Ivar could see it. The moment Kalf's pretense swiftly crumbled. His face hardened, eyes switching from a hopeful innocence to angry slits. His body tensed as if preparing to fight back, to finally show some spine and no longer take the abuse.

“I knew we could run the organization better. Make more money and be unstoppable. But I knew…I fucking knew you'd never leave Ragnar. You'd never leave his side because you'll always be his side bitch. So I did what I had to.” Kalf grinned but there was no humor. Blood darkened his teeth, giving him a monstrous look. “Does that make you feel better, baby? I'd have given you everything but you'll always run back to Ragnar. You never stopped loving him, you just got better at hiding it. What a fucking waste. I would have made you a queen!”

Lagertha yanked out a pistol from the holster on her thigh and aimed it at Kalf's head. Hand steady. Lips in a thin line. Eyes focused on him. A she-wolf ready for the kill.

Kalf chuckled darkly. “You won't do it, my love. You don't like getting your hands dirty.”

Ivar waited to see the outcome. Ragnar already commanded that Lagertha was to choose Kalf's fate. A fucking waste in Ivar's opinion but he relented. Hopefully he would be given the other one, an example needed to be made. Although the other man was only the accountant to scrub the books and try to hide the betrayal, not the mastermind that Kalf was, he was still involved. That was enough to earn his death. Preferably at Ivar's hands.

But Kalf's death would be decided by Lagertha.

Ragnar and Bjorn watched from the sidelines, witnesses to the impending justice against their organization and family. Holding a paper in each hand, fury coated Bjorn's face, understanding of the undermining that had been allowed to run rampant for too long, especially by one he trusted. With arms crossed and an impassive expression, Ragnar watched on. When Ivar caught his eye, he received a nod but returned his gaze to the show, waiting for his ex wife to make a decision. All the papers and what they represented were already reviewed by Ragnar as Ivar discovered the treachery.

After a long tense moment, a gun shot rang out. Almost deafening in the small basement. Yet no one flinched. The sound as familiar as birdsong for those still breathing.

Surprise and pleasure flooded through Ivar as the coward's head lolled loosely, brains blown out and splattered on the wall and floor. Payment for his crime painted for all to see.

Kalf jerked his head to look at his accomplice and then back to his lover, confusion and shock in the lines of his face.

“You shouldn't have dragged Philippe into your mess.” Lagertha calmly said, replacing her pistol at her thigh. “Ivar, he's all yours. Do with him what you want.” She took a step back. “Good bye, Kalf.” Then with the poise of a queen, she turned on her heel and headed back up the stairs, washing her hands of her former lover and his demise.

In the next moment, a hand landed on Ivar's shoulder. “Good work.” His father commended. He gave him one more fatherly pat before following Lagertha up the stairs.

Ivar grimaced as he knew his father was following his first wife to help her blow off some steam. Something that happened but no one spoke of.

A different set of footsteps came to his other side. As Ivar looked up at his eldest brother, a grimace on his own face at his parents, echoed Ivar's own sentiments. With a shake of his head, Bjorn looked down at Kalf who had gone suspiciously silent and still.

“I thought she would shoot you…guess she thought that was too fucking easy for you.”

Kalf spat out a bloody mess towards Bjorn's leather shoes, eyes blazing and fresh blood trickled down his chin.

“Have fun with that one.” Bjorn said. “And try to keep your cast clean. Fuck, you'll never get all that blood out.”

“I'll get a new fucking one. Fucking hell.”

“Fine.” Bjorn crossed his arms over his broad chest. “What are you going to do with him?”

Ivar shrugged, examining the man like a piece of marble waiting to be sculpted. “Cut off each of his own fingers and make him eat them?”

“That's disgusting.” Bjorn shuddered. “Don't take too long. We need you in Spain. We got a call on the way here.”

“What happened?”

“I'll fill you in after your fun, but it sounds like you'll be there a few days.”

“Okay.”

The eldest Lothbrok son opened his mouth for a moment, then stopped to lick his lips before starting quietly again. “Have you…have you heard from her yet?”

There was only one her that Bjorn could possibly be referring to and it made Ivar's blood boil even as his heart shattered.

“Shut the fuck up.” Ivar seethed, fingering the head of his cane, wondering how much trouble he would get in if he broke Bjorn's shins by striking him.

As if sensing the impending violence, Bjorn backed away. “Call me when you're done here.”

Ivar grunted, still beyond pissed his brother would bring her up right now.

“You know…my mom mentioned that Kalf had an almost irrational fear of fire.”

At Bjorn's lazy comment, Kalf's head lifted to stare at Ivar, face blanched and eyes wide with panic.

A truly ferocious grin appeared on the youngest Lothbrok's face at the pure terror radiating from the man before him. Even when his flesh had been pierced with Ivar's knives, beaten with Ivar's cane, the man had endured without fear. Oh, but the sweet scent of terror that radiated off him now…

Ivar barely heard Bjorn's retreating footsteps up the stairs. He turned to look at his driver, his long white hair tied back, highlighting his cruel scar on the side of his face.

“Toss me your lighter.”

Pleas for mercy tainted the air, but not for long.

*********

As he stepped out of the elevator, it took all of his mental capability to keep his feet moving purposefully and his gait steady. His eyes were gritty and dry from lack of sleep, his body threatened to revolt against his restless mind and collapse in desperate need of rest. He refused to acknowledge it, propelling himself forward. After this one last meeting, he would allow himself to give in and seek the rest his body so desperately needed.

Ignoring those scurrying around, he passed the several offices on the top floor of Ragnarssons Trading. The scowl he wore must have been fearsome for how quickly it made those plebeians scatter out of his way. Wise on their part. He was in no mood for empathy or kindness, traits he was not commonly known for anyway. He just wanted to fucking sleep. The temptation to stab anyone who tried to stop him was exceptionally high.

“You live!”

“Fuck off.” Ivar grumbled, more out of habit than true ill intent. Well, if he tried to stop him, there may be some violence.

Falling into step with him, Hvitserk looked smart in his gray suit, a clear contrast from Ivar's own rumpled jeans with t-shirt and leather jacket. “How was Spain? No, wait, you were just in Morocco. Or was it Turkey again?”

“India.”

“Hmm…What I heard, you've spent more time in dungeons and airplanes than in a bed. Those bags under your eyes make you look like a zombie. Ah hell, when did you last sleep?”

Ivar grunted, annoyed with his brother's ceaseless chatter and the reminder of his lack of self-care. “Father in his office?”

“I think so. I was about to go for a late lunch. Want me to wait for you?”

“No, I'd probably fall asleep before the food came.”

Hvitserk chuckled but did not dispute the claim.

The pair arrived at the door for Ragnar's office. With a quick knock on the wood and a following ‘enter’, Hvitserk opened the door for them.

Ragnar sat at his large desk, an organized chaos to all the things upon it. Scattered papers and files resided in piles, along with a cheap, tourist paper map of Stockholm spread out and a bronzed human skull which Ragnar refused to admit if it was real or not. Ivar had always bet it was real.

Torstein also occupied the room, standing behind the desk beside Ragnar, pointing at the laptop screen open in front of them. They must have been continuing speaking of logistics for a particular expansion of goods into Stockholm.

At their entrance, Ragnar kept his gaze on the screen while addressing him. “I thought you were coming in tomorrow?”

“I can just as easily report today.” Ivar ungraciously plopped into one of the leather chairs in front of Ragnar's desk. He winced at the impact and the sharp pain shooting down his legs. With more care, he set his right hand, still in the cast, on the arm rest.

At Ivar's audible pained inhale, Ragnar aimed his piercing gaze at his youngest son. “You look like shit.”

Ivar snorted. “The devil doesn't sleep and neither do I.”

That made Ragnar smirk and Torstein chuckle. From the other seat beside him, Ivar could feel Hvitserk's eye roll. Everyone knew that Ivar had been running himself ragged, anything to keep himself busy, which usually involved his face glued to a computer or phone screen or blood on his hands. Ever since Kalf's fall from grace and his fiery demise, Ivar had been cauterizing the wound left in the company…and reminding people what happened when they placed themselves on the Lothbrok's bad side.

“Suit yourself. Tor, finish this and I'll make a phone call–” Ragnar spoke to his friend but Ivar tuned him out.

He closed his eyes, dropping his chin to his chest as he waited. His father was not wrong. He felt like shit. Then again, he had felt like shit for the past three weeks now, ever since Kari had told him she needed space. So he focused on what he could do for the family business. Anything to distract himself from what his heart yearned for. During this time, he learned it was easier to feel physically shitty and move on. It was much harder to ignore and move on when his heart was fractured and bleeding her name.

Eyes closed, his mind began to drift lazily like an autumn leaf, thoughts moving at a sluggish pace due to his exhaustion. He had tried to sleep in his car on the way here from the airport but sleep eluded him- still too wound up from the flight, too many cigarettes and too much caffeine. The trifecta of sleep deprivation. He never slept on planes, even on private planes, he could never relax enough. Especially when they flew over open water.

A buzzing from his pocket jerked him out of his almost meditative state. Without opening his eyes, he dug around in his pocket and pulled his personal phone out. Only a few people had his private number, preferring to direct most of his calls to his work phone, which lay silent in his other pocket.

“‘eah?” He mumbled amidst a sudden yawn.

A hesitant but professional male voice spoke. “Mr Lothbrok?”

“Huh?”

“Is this–ah, is this Ivar Lothbrok?”

His brain awoke on full alert at the implementation that a stranger had his personal number. “Who the fuck are you?” Those sluggish thoughts went into overdrive, trying to recognize the voice or how this fucker got a hold of his number.

“I'm Nurse Olsen, calling from the General Hospital. A patient we have gave us your name and number as an emergency contact. My apologies for bothering you, we just needed to verify. Do you know a Kari Larsen?”

What racing thoughts died a spectacular death by crashing into a wall of shock and disbelief.

Someone was calling him about Kari.

As an emergency contact.

From a hospital.

Where she is a patient.

A PATIENT!

In a strange form of whiplash, his brain went from a screeching halt in shock to overdrive of all the reasons she could possibly be in the hospital, each scenario worse than its predecessor. “Is she hurt?” He wheezed out, as his heart and lungs threatened to be strangled with the sudden fear that exploded within him.

“Sir, I'm not allowed to discuss patients’ wellbeings over the phone–”

“IS SHE HURT?!” He screamed, the building panic in his chest rising higher and higher, suffocating him.

His mind easily conjured her laying in a hospital bed, nurses and doctors swarming her like parasites, sticking tubes in her, cleaning up her precious blood, all in an attempt to save her. She laid there unconscious to her precarious position. Or maybe she was screaming for him. That was how they got his number. She needed him as she lay dying.

He drew a ragged breath but it failed to relieve the painful pressure in his chest. Gods, if she died….he promised. He promised to take care of her.

A new level of loathing sunk its claws into him, a demon from the darkest pits burrowed into his mind, taunting, tormenting.

He had promised.

And he failed.

Again.

“Mr Lothbrok, are you able to come to the hospital?” The nurse sighed before speaking again.

“Yes.” He croaked out.

“Excellent, what you can do is park–”

But the nurse's explanation was cut off as Ivar ended the call.

Ivar stumbled to his feet, grabbing the edge of the desk to steady himself. The floor beneath him shifted and rolled like waves. Or maybe it was the demon cackling in his ears, messing with his equilibrium. Spots danced in his vision but he ignored them, pushing past. He had to get to her. He had to see her. Was his heart even beating anymore? His chest burned, each breath a struggle to take. As he tried to slip his phone back into his pocket, he realized his hands were shaking. Or was it his whole body?

What exhaustion previously had taken root was brutally ripped out and replaced with a buzzing, paralyzing panic.

“Ivar? What happened?” Hvitserk's voice broke through. His hands grabbed his younger brother's shoulders, saving him from falling in his unstable haste to move. “Ivar?!”

“I–I have to go to the hospital.” Tears welled in his eyes, that terror and panic finally having risen to his mind, strangling his rationality, constricting his thoughts until all he could think of was Kari and he failed.

“What happened? Oh shit. Is…was that about Kari?” Hvitserk's eyes widened in horror.

“She's there.” Ivar gasped, weakly pushing his brother aside, hands still shaking. ”She's there right now. I have to go– fuck, I've got to see her.”

Stumbling, forcing himself faster than his crippled legs would allow, to escape the way his chest was collapsing even as he fought for breath, fought for each step. He had to see her. There was no other option.

She had to be okay. His kitten. He refused. He fucking refused to believe she was dying, even as his mind continued to create horrific scenes.

This was not how he wanted to be reunited with her.

Hvitserk grabbed his arm, steadying his erratic pace. “I'm coming with you.”

Gratitude swelled within Ivar but the panic clogging his throat refused to let the words pass.

The two rushed into the hallway, as fast as Ivar's crippled legs would allow. Hvitserk already had his phone out, calling Ivar's driver to have his car ready at the front for them. At the pounding footfalls behind them, Ivar glanced over his shoulder to see Ragnar following like an intimidating guardian angel.

Ragnar snarked. “Hurry your ass up or I'll carry you on my back like when you were a boy.”

“You're too fragile, old man.” Ivar managed to retort.

“Shut the fuck up, you little asshole, and let's go get your girl.”

As the three of them hurried out of the building, the same thought swirled like a growing storm in his mind.

Hold on, Kari, I'm coming. Just please hold on.

Tag List:

@southernbe @tessakate @ivarlover @nothingtolosebutweight @beautifulweaselplaidsalad @noway4u @cdauni @istorkyou @ringpopdust @lotr-got

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paracosmoon · 2 years

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king harald finehair would've risked it all for megan thee stallion

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myreygn · 4 months

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modern au dad askeladd except he's not an actual dad but this random kid shows up to his house every day and tries to have beef over the closed food store askeladd bought and turned into an antiquarian store. turns out the food store used to be run by the kid's father until he passed away which is very sad of course but also askeladd is not gonna cooperate with some brat that borderline harasses him day by day. only that he can't call the cops because he kinda has a turbulent past and if they find out he's filling his store with stolen goods it's gonna become a huge problem. and note to destiny, the stupid kid finding out is not that great either because now he has to hear it out if he doesn't wanna go to prison and also he should probably learn the demon child's name while he's at it. shenanigans ensue.

#askeladd agrees to honor the memory of thorfinn's dad and in return thorfinn won't call the cops on him #then they fight about how the honoring should be done #askeladd doesn't want to change his entire store's image only to make sure people don't forget about the former owner #and thorfinn isn't satisfied with just a sign with his dad's name on it which is as far as askeladd is willing to go #things change when some rich jackass wants to buy every building on the street and turn the whole area into a luxury resort #now thorfinn and askeladd have to work together because thorfinn doesn't want his dad's store to vanish #and askeladd doesn’t want HIS STORE to be torn down because smuggling the stolen stuff out of town would be a pain #(also affordable houses with basements big enough to keep the meth laboratory running are rare these days)#(also also thorfinn learns some kind of martial art in the dojo across the street which is whatever but the coach is really nice)#(like. REALLY nice.)#(with a nice voice and a nice face and nice muscles and as if that wasn't enough he makes a kickass apple pie)#“bjorn is single btw” - “shut up thorfinn” - “i'm trying to help” - “go bother your twink why dontcha”#yeah thorfinn actually manages to make friends with the son of that asshole that tries to get their houses #great for the brat of course but now askeladd has to deal with a snobbish teen criticizing his cooking #not to mention the nosey nanny slash accountant the rich idiot hired to keep his twink son entertained who's very curious about the basement #he also knows a lot about modern art which. not great. well great for him but not for askeladd.#anyway tldr #askeladd has to save a street while trying to raise two boys that aren't his not falling in love and keeping ragnar out of the meth basement #thorkell is the construction worker hanging around and refusing to do his job until sven pays him quadruple the original agreement #vinland saga #bjornskeladd #thornute #ragnar and thorkell are also there #and sven but no one wants him to

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peaceisadirtyword · 1 year

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The Ragnarssons on Instagram

A few months ago I spent an entire morning doing this because I had an intrusive thought about how it would be if the sons of Ragnar had Instagram. And this came up. I thought it could be fun, I had a lot of fun doing it 👀

I did everything on Canva and using pictures from Pinterest.

• Björn:

-Wouldn’t really care about social media.

-Would post pics of his travels.

-Sometimes he’d flirt but he’d never start the conversation.

-Would post a pic with Lagertha and only a hastag for mother’s day.

-Would never post pics of his gfs but selfies with Halfdan.

• Ubbe:

-Would be the influencer with the perfect life.

-Most of his pics would be taken by Ivar.

-If someone slid into his dms he’d reject them politely.

-Would post a lot about travelling with children.

-Would post a pic with Torvi and a huge text for mother’s day.

•Hvitserk:

-Would pretend he doesn’t care but make Ivar take thousands of pics.

-He would use it to flirt.

-His stories would be of him partying and sailing with his bros.

-Sometimes he’d post something with his nephews to impress his crush.

-Also memes, he’d love memes.

•Sigurd:

-The first thing he’d do would be blocking Ivar.

-Very intense and edgy.

-Would react to stories with a 🔥 to flirt.

-Would post a lot about music and concerts.

-Inspirational quotes and curiosities.

-Would share pics of cats.

•Ivar:

-Would barely post anything.

-He’d make fun of Ubbe being an influencer.

-Quotes and songs with indirects.

-If someone slid into his dms he’d threaten them.

-Would block everyone but have secret accounts to stalk.

-Hvitserk is the only brother he would post pics with.

#vikings imagine #vikings #ivar the boneless #modern vikings #hvitserk #bjorn ironside #ubbe #sigurd snake in the eye

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jadelynlace · 10 months

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What the Boys of Ink Drinker Drive

Complete with pictures!

Catch up on the AU here.

(This is totally not because my new EMS “probie” is a car-guy.)

Hvitserk:

Toyota Tundra, he’s now a truck guy because every guy at the firehouse drives a truck. He cleans it regularly, and is meticulous with its care, since it’s been instilled in him with the ambulances, and fire engines. He’s considering transferring to the electric version, but can’t quite get past the fact that under the hood, there’s...nothing.

Ivar:

1966 Ford Mustang Fast Back, before his accident. After his accident he drives a Jeep Wrangler, that he’s considering trading it in for one that has a top that folds down.

Ubbe:

1972 426 Hemi Cuda. It’s fast, it’s loud, it's obnoxious. It gives him small dick energy. Fun fact: In this AU, Ubbe is a mechanic, with his own repair shop. He’s good with his hands (respond to that how you see fit).

Bjorn:

Cadillac Escalade. There are condoms in the glove box.

Sigurd:

Actually Sigurd hates to drive, but when he does he drives a mini cooper. (Special shout out to @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog because for the life of me I could not find something that fit, like she did.) Sometimes though, he takes his Indian. Despite Hvitserk’s harsh words about the dangers of “donor-cycles”.

#vikings #vikings au #modern vikings #ivar au #modern vikings au #ivar #modern ivar #vikings fiction #vikings ubbe #vikings hvitserk #vikings bjorn #vikings sigurd

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popcorn1989 · 2 years

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𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕤𝔸𝕡𝕡 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕍𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

Note: Modern/Vikings Boys/Girls - Ask me something lighter, my brain is a big question mark for me too...

Look here for the Others - Here

You -- Hi Ivar, are you on your way already?

Ivar -- I'm t6n my vay

You -- What?

Ivar -- I have to stop because of you

You -- What?

Ivar -- I can only write with one hand when I walk

You -- Are you on your way?

Ivar -- …..

You -- ??

Ivar -- I AM ON THE WAY

Aslaug -- Honey, Think of the Children

You -- What, I don't have any

Aslaug -- Oh, Wrong Chat

You -- No Problem

Alsaug -- Oh, but can you watch my kids today?

You -- I'm not even in Kattegat

Aslaug -- Thank you

You -- Can you help me a moment?

Sigurd -- What for?

You -- The train is not coming

Sigurd -- I don't know the train driver

You -- What? I wanted to ask if you could pick me up.....

Sigurd -- I don't even know how to drive a train.

You -- …

Ragnar -- I'm on the sea right now, check the view out

Sends a picture

You -- Yes, you had your finger in front of the lens

Ragnar -- Oh wait…

Sends a picture

You -- You sent me the same picture, you have to send the new one.

Ragnar -- Oh wait, I don't know … ah here

Sends the same picture

You -- Wow, beautiful view….

Ragnar -- I told you !

Hvitserk -- She has big tits!!

You -- ….

Hvitserk-- Wait… who are you?

You - …

Hvitserk -- Shit, meant to write Ubba, sry

You -- Yeah, have fun...

Hvitserk -- Yes I will…

You --...

Hvitserk -- …

You -- Um, may I ask again about the other day?

Helga -- Of course, dear, it's not difficult, just stick it in the hole

You -- That's not easy the end always splits

Helga -- Lick the end

You -- Oh, it worked

Helga -- I told you it's easy to get a thread in a needle

You -- Haven't forgotten, Floki!

Floki write for 10 mins

You -- This will be a long text

Floki write after 15 mins

Floki -- Ok

You -- WTF

Floki -- I forgot to press send

You -- …

Floki write for 10 mins

You -- … gosh

You -- I'm a bit bored right now

Athelstan -- Then you should read a book

You -- Hm, good idea, can you recommend something?

Athelstan -- I was just about to read the Bible myself.

You -- Spoiler Alert! Jesus dies!

Athelstan -- …. Funny….

You -- Hahahahahhahaha

Athelstan -- ….

You -- Hahahahahhahaha

Rollo -- Quick question!

You -- Yes?

Rollo -- Where can you find these apps?

You -- In your app - shop/store, which one are you looking for?

Rollo -- Does this shop exist in Kattegat?

You -- Are you serious?

Rollo -- Yes