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itsthebiiii · 4 years

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A messy summary of Ikepri Yves’ route up to chapter 15

So I've reached the point in Yves' route where I could choose which ending route (? idk) to pick and lemme just say that it's been cute... up until chap 15-ish. Also I drained my wallet dry just to get the premium avatars and his povs because imma simp for Yves so RIP me I guess

Okay, so summaries mean spoilers so imma put them all under the cut for all yall who don't wanna get spoiled. I may or may not have missed some points (especially about the plot i’msosorry) and maybe I understood some things wrong so feel free to correct me (pls). This is SUPER messy so proceed with caution

So first of all.

YVES IS SO CUTE WTF ???????

I mean he gave me strong Jonah vibes at first, it’s still there but kinda... different?

On MC's first day at the castle, while she was strolling around, she notices Yves watching her from behind a pillar wtf. When he's found out he was like "i-it's not like I was worried about you stfu" and afterwards he told MC that he's gonna keep an eye on her because he's not sure she’d do her job as Belle right but he says he's only doing it because he's doing his duty as a prince yea right

Later they bumped into Nokto who reminded MC about the Belle system (MC: dafuq is that???). After they explained all that Yves was like "yo you better not fall in love with me or else" and MC replied with "bruh if you ever steal my heart then I'm all yours for eternity" then Yves comes back with "if you ever steal mine then imma do the same. But i kid you not, that will NEVER happen" and they both laughed it off like it's nothing. Meanwhile Nokto's just listening from the side like "HA HA BET"

Anyway, part of Yves keeping an eye on MC means he'd spend some quality time™️ with her and him going to her room to wake her up 😂 also, he decided to show her around and tell her about the princes so she can get a grasp of them to see who is the most suitable to be the next King. So he gives her a memo pad to write their deets down on and she got to talk to everyone except Chevalier cuz that dude scary 😭 MC's feeling down because she really wanted to know what his plans are if he becomes King. Seeing this, Yves comforts her with a leFtOvEr piece of cake from dinner. MC goes on bout how being affected by this whole thing is a disgrace to her Belle title so she's determined to try again. Yves is impressed by this so he silently supports her. In the end, ye, MC got Chevalier to talk and all is well not

After all the introductions, our girl MC straight out tells Yves "Aye this is great and all, but you've never really told me about yourself fam" because ye, she got a point tho. He kept singing praises about the other princes but never really talked about himself

SO... he takes her out to town on a date the next day to show (yes, show) her, and while walking she notices that everyone they passed by whispered under their breaths about how Yves has such a doll-like face and all that. But that's not all...

They also whispered bout how they shouldn't go near Yves and his backstory is revealed: Yves has some Obsidian blood in him, and the Obsidian kingdom, let's say, have some beef that's as old as time with Rhodolite and the other kingdoms(??). Also his earring was given to him by his mother who is from Obsidian 🥺 But he doesn't hate her from what I've read so, there's that

SOOO ye. Everyone avoids him and spreads rumors bout him, he thinks everyone hates him but he doesn't give a fuck bout that. He says as long as he realizes his own self worth, all those don't matter to him. But MC notices that Yves hates himself more than anyone does. That he puts up this proud façade just to hide his real feelings. That before you can even ask him to spit it out, he's just gonna sweep all that aside with his 'idgaf' attitude. He also revealed that he plans to bring the Kloss family’s honor back if he becomes King. Oh, and he mentioned there may come a time when he’ll betray Rhodolite so... o.O

Returning from the date, MC bumps into Leon who decided to spill some tea bout why Yves actually wanted to keep an eye on her (I'm sorry but I kinda breezed through this part so this was all I could remember 🙇‍♀️). Then one day Leon and Licht (either or both of them, idk) told them Jin suddenly collapsed or smth, so they rushed to the kitchen and saw Jin looking weak as he laid on the floor. Yves was worried af, while MC just noticed how Leon and Licht were all chill bout the whole thing, so she realized they were clowning Yves lolol. Jin dramatically tells Yves how he would die if he weren't to eat some of Yves' sweets and Yves was like "??? U CLOWN you even got MC worried-- wdym you caught on??? Haaa!?" And they teased him loool. In the end, Yves bakes a cake for them, when MC notices that it looked like the leftover cake Yves gave her one time. MC asked Yves if it was and he was in full panic mode. Licht was like "leftover??? But whenever Yves bakes smth there are never leftovers 🤔" so Licht tells her that Yves might have baked it just for her, to which the latter denied lolol u tsun

Anyway, to get to know Yves more, MC spends more time with him, yada yada, all that stuff, until they go out to town again. There they notice a group of performers playing and she also notices how interested he was. She then asked him if he wanted to watch them, but Yves declined since he's worried he'll only ruin the mood (iirc he thinks of himself as a bad luck magnet of some sort?). MC manages to persuade him and after he plays, everyone is in awe and like "omg, Prince Yves is actually good :O" And for the first time, Yves felt like he actually belonged and wasn't feared by the Rhodolites.

Everything was cute and all until they get caught in the rain, yada yada, and when they get home they both get sick so Sariel tells them to rest up. Oh, and did I mention they SHARED A BED? No? Well, they did 😏

When Yves wakes up, he notices he's been hugging MC in his sleep and he's SHOOKETH. He then has a slight internal conflict bout why his heart is going doki doki with just hugging MC, then as if he's struck by lightning he's like "omg, I like MC???" When she wakes up he immediately sputters "i don't like u ok!!?!" Then he rushes out to go to the library and look up the meaning of love lololol then he finds they are all applicable to what he feels for MC. But he still denies it because of the stupid system 🙄 then he's found by Luke and gets teased 🤣

After the gathering, she runs to the kitchen and finds Yves there. He told her he spent the night preparing a whole FEAST for MC to reward her for going through all that shiz and MC immediately feels guilty so she cries. She tried to play it off like it’s nothing and the next thing she knew Yves was kissing her tears away. It was her turn to be SHOOKETH but before she could comprehend shit Yves remembered he forgot smth then zoomed out the kitchen. Once outside, he was in panic mode yet again because he didn’t mean to actually do that. He’s like “oh no I like MC I’m screwed”, but in the end, he thinks MC is the one in trouble because she’s liked by someone like him boi I can’t wait for him to see the light istg

After all that, MC is informed bout a gathering Rhodolite is to hold with Benitoite and Jade so she gets ready for that, and when the day comes she’s kinda nervous and stuff. Before going she bumps into Yves who decides to ease her nervousness by fixing her hair (ugh get you a man 💯) and they talk some more about him, how Yves put more effort into acting and looking like a prince to hide the fact that he’s actually 'defective goods’ or smth and through that he feels like he actually has some value. Then he cheers her up by returning the words she’d told him before and it works like a charm ❤ MC then learns that Yves won’t be going to the gathering because “no Obsidian peeps allowed” and since he’s half Obsidian... 🥺 She did promise to meet him at the kitchen once it’s over. Anyways, MC meets diff people, until some punk from Benitoite or Jade talks smack about Yves and comments how he should just be sent back to Obsidian. As much as this pissed her off, all she could do was be silent and wait for the convo to end.

Also, by the end of chap 15, some stuff happens that will actually get the plot moving lol

Aaaaand that’s that for chappies 1~15! I might make another one for the remaining half or when I finish an ending. If you made it this far, here's this leFtOvEr cake from Yves 🍰

#ikemen prince #ikemen ouji #ikemen prince spoiler #ikemen prince yves #yves kloss

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simptasia · 3 years

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ultimate ship meme ask <3 for science trio!

ah, thank you! i’m so sorry it took me this long to respond, i didn’t mean for 2 bloody weeks to pass. i kept procrastinating or being too tired

daniel + charlotte + miles

General:

How long will they last?

eternity and then some

How quickly did/will they fall in love?

daniel @ charlotte, i’m thinking like a week or so. kinda hit him like a bullet

charlotte @ daniel, two or three weeks

daniel @ miles, somewhere from a couple of months to a year

charlotte @ miles, in living timeline didn’t happen, in limboverse, i’ll give her 3 months. and she loved him as a friend already anyways. i imagine it’s her who brings miles into the fold, allowing the sci trio to be fully realised

miles @ daniel and charlotte, oh Fuck Knows. it happens, but [shrugs]. and i like the idea that miles didn’t realise he was in love with daniel and charlotte (and sawyer and juliet) until waaay after their time together. like he falls in love with richard and then The Power Of Hindsight kinda fucks him over

(and for anybody who gets snippy saying that “a couple of weeks is too quick to fall in love!” or some shit: my bf fell in love with me in 2 weeks, and for me it took a month. so nyeh. also hurley/libby, sayid/shannon and charlie/claire)

How was their first kiss?

all of these take place in limboverse

daniel/charlotte: so i imagine this happens like right after they Remember, so emotions are running high and char is like “i’m gonna do something i should have done when we were alive” and just sorta grabs dan’s face and <3

and dan is stunned for a second and then sinks into it. you know that lovely trope of somebody being kissed and their eyes are open and then they practically melt closed from the kissy feelings. and they’re soulmates and this has been a long time coming and i feel cliche but uh, fireworks

daniel/miles: so the three of them have started Their Thing and like, they’re in a sexual relationship now but because char started this, dan is unsure about like, do him and miles do... stuff... together too? is that a thing? they were all touching each other during The Event. plus dan isn’t exactly sure how he feels about miles, but he’s been slowly getting more attracted to him over time. and also dan’s never been with a guy before. so yeah dan is overthinking things and meanwhile, miles is like “if he’s up for it, i’m down” but keeping his distance because like, it’s dan and he doesn’t know if dan is into him

that was a long build up to say, eventually the dan/miles side of the triangle does get figured out and after a moment of awkwardness dan kisses miles, tentative at first and then That Spark happens and they both get into it. at one moment miles pulls back just a bit and dan deliriously like... chases his mouth. because it turns out kissing miles is awesome. and miles notes dan’s a good kisser too, and dan isn’t even offended at the surprised in miles’ tone.

so in short, dan and miles’ first kiss went on for longer than miles expected because dan got tingly soup brain

also in both of dan’s first kisses with these two he kept his hands to himself outta 1. not thinking clearly because Mouth Things and 2. awkwardness. both char and miles had to grab dan’s hands and place them upon themselves, to remind him, you have these, please use them (there’s a line i give char: “i think you’d find i have many lovely things below my shoulders, dan”). from then on, dan is Characteristically Handsy. annnnyways!

charlotte/miles: it was very shortly after they met actually. pierre introduced them at the museum and there was attraction yes, but also this spark which they both wordlessly acknowledge. when pierre has left (just to get coffee hjjdhasa), they talk for a bit and then casually agree to go somewhere private. a coat check room. they got hit with familiarity and both of them being the type of people who have casual sex that information translated into “i’m gonna fuck this person now”

so basically their first kiss was messy, frantic, impulsive, clothes quickly being taken off, etc etc. thats how their friends with benefits thing started, even before they were friends, really. this was years ago and they became besties

Wedding:

in this set-up, it’d be dan and char getting married

Who proposed?

dan, technically but it wasn’t a surprise. marriage was something both of them discussed for a while before and char was the one who brought it up

(and here is where she jokes “you know what my mum would say about me marrying an american” and daniel gets an Awful Feeling from that)

Who is the best man/men?

well, miles, of course. richard is also one of the groomsman <3

Who is the braid’s maid(s)?

Why Weren’t You Allowed To Have Lady Friends

and besides that, most of the available women in lost have Moved On

annnnd i just remembered char has two sisters. chelsea and chloe

Who did the most planning?

char. it’s not that dan doesn’t care, it’s just she just has more preferences. patterns and colours and things like that. but they all pitch in at least a little

tho miles is the least help. at one point char holds up two swatches for bridesmaids dresses and asks which one he likes more (she’ll decide herself, she just wants Interaction, for her nerves) and miles doesn’t look up from his magazine and says “the left one”. char is annoyed and he says “whichever one is closest to purple”. they’re each a shade of green and blue

Who stressed the most?

oh, char. she never thought she’d get married so she’s never really emotionally prepared herself for it. or for planning a event like this. she isn’t paitent with people she doesn’t already like so dealing with wedding business people has been a task. and just. marriage isn’t stressful, weddings are. which is why dan is gonna be a good boy and absolutely help. and miles is also helping...

char: and how exactly have you been helping??

miles: [serious tone] i’m the plucky comic relief

char: [death glare]

miles: ...i’ll go pick up the flowers

- later -

daniel: heeey miles, you know how you and charlotte like to playfully snipe at each other? ...you can’t do that right now, she’s kinda stressed

miles: [wheeling in dozens of lillies] yeah, i figured that

char, from the other room: WHY ARE CAKES SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE

How fancy was the ceremony?

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

i’ll give this a 7 outta 10 on the “ooh aah” scale. oh yeah they could absolutely afford a huge fuck off wedding but they didn’t want one. also another reason they didn’t have a Huge Wedding is that dan, char and miles legit don’t know enough people i always picture their wedding happens in like a park. a nice one. and there’s a real prevalant flower motif happening here. arch covered in flowers, petals on the ground, lotsa white lillies about. there’s a real English Garden / cottage aesthetic vibe to this. char’s got a flower in her hair and i just decided her wedding dress has like cloth white flowers on it, not all over it. so like, the whole thing is cute and elegant and flowery and more expensive than it looks. the main colours being used are white, light blue and lilac

oh oh, the cake is chocolate on the inside! and it’s white (duh) but with lilac flower trim around each layer. char never planned for a wedding before but once she adjusted to the idea she was like “this is gonna be really really pretty”

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?

eloise. no explanation needed

Sex:

Who is on top?

well, everybody who can be, has been. char has defo given dan and miles the strap. the least toppage going on is dan topping miles. very rarely happens

Who is the one to instigate things?

well, char is the Most instigate-y and dan is the least instigate-y, with miles in the middle. and damn if that doesn’t sum up their dynamic

How healthy is their sex life?

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

gonna give them all, overall, a reasonable eight. it happens a Lot, but it’s not a crazy amount. (except when dan and char are trying for a baby, then dan is... dan is... lovingly tenderized)

there’s diff variables (heh) at play here, but for the most part theres quite a bit of sex going all around. so yeah, their neighbours don’t like them very much, because char is Really Really Loud and easily satisfied

How kinky are they?

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

that 8 is via the power of char and miles’ kinky tastes

dan is decidedly more vanilla but willing to try new things. and he’s got some latent kinks/fetishes hiding in him that these two bring out of him

i’ve gone into this many times but basically char is into being dominating, miles loves pain and as far as dan’s brain is concerned, Charlotte Is A Fetish

there’s more going on than that, but i’m being succint

How long do they normally last?

miles doesn’t last notably long, or notably short. but he seems like a real stayer in comparison to dan and charlotte. char comes quickly and repeatedly

dan, oh dan, he’s not. he’s not lasting long. this is not bad thing. he was worried about it at first but char is a-okay with this. she wuvs her boy. and besides, he has pretty good recovery. so second round if the first round was like a bit “oh”

dan is sensitive (and autistic!), sex is a Lot for him. anyways miles has defo joked about these two cumming at the drop of a hate. another reason the neighbours are annoyed, Please Go To Sleep Charlotte (nyet)

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms?

nobody here is unsatisified

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it

on this scale, i’m giving dan/char a 2 to 4, char/miles a 5 to 10 and dan/miles a 3 to 6. and all together oh... anything could happen

the general “rule” is Take It Easy On Dan, He’s Delicate

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do?

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory

so much. so much cuddle snuggle uwuwuwuwu no no get back here miles you cannot escape, come back here and be loved

dan is a major cuddler, very tactile, char is pretty affectionate. miles used to be “meh” on affection but he’s warm to it these three cuddling in bed lives rent free in my head 24/7

Children:

How many children will they have naturally?

i’ve given dan and char 4 kids (three girls and a boy). penny, ada, marie and isaac. i’ve made charts about this

hypothetically, like in sims, i’ve given char and miles a daughter but i’m not commited to that idea, like i don’t have that in my Internal Canon

but he’s their papa too, emotionally <3

How many children will they adopt?

none, unless you count rats

Who gets stuck with the most diapers?

dan’s job requires the least Work, so he’s at home more often, so yeah

Who is the stricter parent?

char, but she’s not strict strict, this is just in comparison to daniel “but i can’t say mean things to my babies” faraday and miles “wanna learn how to shoplift?” straume. she’s not a Mean Nagging Mum stereotype tho, i won’t allow it

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school?

dan and char are Equally “you can’t be doing stuff like this, it’s not safe” whilst miles is lowkey encouraging it. but after a stern look he has to admit riding a scooter on the school roof is kinda fucked up. like miles is... miles but he doesn’t want his babies like actually hurt, he’s still a good dad

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)?

dan dan the photographic memory man

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?

char, because i think that’d be really funny. and i want all of them to go to at least one meeting together, because they heard some bitch refer to their daughter marie as “that weird child” and that she warned her children to keep away from dan, char and miles kids. and also she refered to dan, char and miles as “deviants” cuz she feels kids shouldn’t have three parents

soooo char is going to publicly cut her down. verbally and viciously. dan and miles are also angery but they’re there to make sure char doesn’t actually physically beat this woman. and also this final caveat:

miles: [eating a sad looking muffin] and your muffins suck too

Who cried the most at graduation?

char but dan and miles are crying too

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?

MILES IS A COP!!! and it’s never felt so good until the moment ada got busted for drinking at a party when she was only 17. oh miles isn’t that abusing your authority? “yeah but every cop does that, i may as well do it for my kid”

yeah, that crime is the worst thing i could think of for this, i don’t think these people’s kids would do like actual bad crimes

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking?

you know, i tend to picture miles cooking the most. my typical default for imagining char and miles chatting is that they’re in the kitchen, she’s holding tea and he’s making something on the stove. typically mac & cheese. or bacon

but really i think they all cook a decent amount

Who is the most picky in their food choice?

dan because he’s autistic and has some medical requirements, like my esoteric headcanon that he cannot digest meat at all

Who does the grocery shopping?

char and miles are more used to it, whilst i imagine dan has barely set foot in a grocery store in his life. but upon, like, being a grown up, he starts going more with char and miles and he likes it, for the most part. the lights are a bitch, tho

i think dan does it the least, miles the most, and char and miles go together more often than not. oh, and when char is out of pads and she forgot to stock up, miles is the designated Get Me Pads And Painkillers You Bastard man

tho that trope always confused me, as somebody who has at least 5 packages of pads in my pad drawer at all times. are there really period having people who don’t stock up ahead of time and have to ask their significant other?

but i digress

How often do they bake desserts?

not notably often, but i’ve defo imagined miles making Special Brownies

which daniel proceeded to eat all of in a fit of I’m Suddenly Very Hungry

what’s that puddle over there? oh it’s just dan

but anyways thinking on this, i can see these three making a cake together. and it goes a little wonky because their kitchen is small and Too Many Cooks. but a flat chocolate cake is a cake nonetheless. monch

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater?

dan: salad, the other option is No Good, so my boy is a vegetarian

char: i’ve made her more a meat lover than a veggie lover (tis her love of a proper English Breakfast) but not overally so

miles: defo likes meat (and savoury things in general) over salad. he’s not one of those guys whose a dickhead about it tho. veggies are just alright to him

tho i can see miles teasing dan about his “rabbit food diet” (which isn’t even apt because rabbits aren’t in the habit of mainlining noodles and pasta)

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner?

aaahh this feels like something dan would do, he wants to be ~womantic~

Who is more likely to suggest going out?

char, the extroverted outdoorsy one

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking?

dan because he got distracted by something. like he was cooking something in the oven and then some Musical Thoughts overtake him and he’s gotta write it down and wait 30 minutes have past OH GOD THE PIE BEEP BEEP BEEP

Chores:

Who cleans the room?

The Room. the Singular Room

anyways they all clean, it’s not very interesting to think about

Who is really against chores?

none of them. miles will half-heartedly complain sometimes but he grew up used to helping out around the house

Who cleans up after the pets?

dan and char clean up after their rats and cat because they are responsible pet owners. and char will clean miles’ wounds because jean-luc is a bastard cat

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug?

what kind of idiot... No!

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over?

i can’t see this, like any of them getting stressed about that

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning?

miles’ dollar now

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths?

dan takes longer showers, char takes longer baths

Who takes the dog out for a walk?

no dog, only kitty. kitties don’t go for walks

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays?

ohh i imagine char decks the place out for christmas. she loves christmas because good family memories. and also she has knitted christmas jumpers for her boys (and cat). christmas and halloween is the only major holiday that they got ham for. and by they, i mean char and miles

dan is just happy to be here

char: you know miles, it’s january and that little bat is still hanging above the fireplace

miles: if you wanna take him down, you can

char: ...no, i just wanted to adknowledge him

dan: he’s part of the family

What are their goals for the relationship?

uh, love, sex and babies. duh

Who is most likely to sleep till noon?

miles. coffee keeps him on his work schedule

Who plays the most pranks?

well, miles, obviously. i can’t think of any because i don’t really go for pranks but nothing elaborate, simple stuff. does that “orders a black coffee at macdonalds when your kids are in the backseat” count as a prank. miles would do that, pause for enough time for the kids to be like :O and then ask for their orders

there! done! wowee, bless any y’all who take the time to read All Of That

#this is like 50 miles long #had to restructure this because i like this meme but it doesn't look good #and defo ain't made for OT3s #agardenintheshire

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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another prompt saga

April 8th: Talk about friendship. How important are friends to you? Do you find it hard to make and maintain friendships? Are your friends generally supportive? Is there anything about having friends that confuses you?

another big question for me to go on plenty of tangents lol

well i haven't often had friends Really, there's like, being amicable with classmates, being friends with people While We're At School Together, being friendly acquaintances lmfao, or like, the occasional "yeah ig we're sort of friends, not exactly very close tho" lol and then rarely where yeah i'd call someone a close friend, although naturally, it's not like i completely discount those other, less close relationships. and, even more so, not like overall i'm like "oh friendship? yeah that's pretty frivolous and unimportant and it's just something mildly entertaining vs the Real Shit & True Emotional Support & Love of your biological family and romantic soulmate" lol, Friends Are Important and it's entirely serious 2 me

also natch i Do find it hard to make and maintain friendships lol. goes back to like, preschool and being around a bunch of age peers regularly for the first time, where my "best friend" defaulted to this one person who sought out interacting with me when i was otherwise doing my own thing during preschool recess, and i was pretty enthused about getting invited to a bday party one kid invited a bunch of us to, because that was like, a Friend thing, and a fun social thing, and i was included.....that i Do remember just feeling like, socially, everyone else was playing a game i didn't know the rules to and so couldn't expect to participate and, furthermore, i ought to stay out of the way of whatever everyone else was doing, where i Did often choose to do stuff by myself, but it's like, you know, the way "autistic" is even used figuratively (which. i have a lot of disdain for) because it's like oh the defining thing really is that telltale "doesn't want to interact with other people or form relationships, probably because also they have no feelings / normal and intrinsic qualities of Humanity" but it's like, if you pay any attention or god forbid ask autistic people about their own experiences, sure everyone has their own varying social approach and anyone might not always be raring to be the center of the party or Not want to do their own thing, but it's not that oh all autistic people aren't interested in social connection, but that like even when you are a small child it's like, oh all these other kids are interacting in this way that isn't really my social style and that shuts me out, and/or attempting to interact with people results in this even subtle, quiet rejection / exclusion that can be picked up on. i wasn't making friends and was often keeping to myself / keeping my head down as it were, but it wasn't because i didn't want to have friends or socialize. my mom was insistent i was a Shy Child lmao and i'd always argue that i wasn't Really, without further explanation though lmao, but it's like, again that i felt that sort of emergent exclusion, and there wasn't any space to interact much on my terms at all, and like, yeah i often stayed quiet / didn't want to mingle with other kids / if i was in a Situation i wanted to know the How To of navigating it / what to expect

being friends with people at school was fine, except the drawbacks of stuff like "we're only interacting at school, rarely hanging out outside of that" & "someone in the same grade is in a diff class in elementary school so we just never see each other now" & "for some reason that 2nd grade teacher made a whole giant Example out of me and a friend, god forbid, not paying attention or whatever the fuck, so now i feel like we can't interact at all anymore" & "changing schools entirely between elementary / middle / college" & "not being in school" lmao similar to work friends too, we're At Work, might not see each other outside of that, might change jobs & stop seeing each other, & still overall rare, b/c the Preschool Experience never Really stopped imo, had different versions of it even into college and like, being at jobs with other adults lmao, socializing is still Like That, came up with the Je Ne Hate Quoi where like, people kind of just Know to exclude you / consider you an exception to whatever other social stuff is going on.

and then like, the difficulties even when socializing / interactions Are happening, where like, it's always funny like. i'm very Verbose / Chatty and very opinionated but like, this will surprise people, that i Talk actually and have a ton of takes, b/c i was keeping to myself / not sharing that with them and so it's like well, that must of course be the realest version of me, no way i was filtering myself, i just must have Not Wanted to talk, and/or had nothing to say & hence no thoughts or feelings i might wanna share lol, of course....and tbh like, it sure Can be true that i don't wanna talk lmao like. i wanna talk About Stuff that isn't really "personal" generally, which can be like, yeah i wanna talk about this book, or about birds, or about this trivia topic, or whatever, whereas idk so much how to do like small talk about your day or otherwise share Casual things about Yourself, like, idk, being aware my interests are things about Myself but also aware that it's Weird / wasn't the kind of stuff you were supposed to talk about, and i felt that things about my life were otherwise Not The Right Stuff, or too boring (never hanging out, not doing much except being at home reading / doing shit by myself or w/siblings) or too Unfun (able to pick up the sense that At Home Shittiness was a private matter lol......) and it'd be like, idk what to say, things about myself don't seem to fit..........but also it can be that i do not enjoy the Vibe of an interaction lmfaoooo like, i truly do not want to talk to you people. like that i can sometimes vibe with someone inebriated people better lmfao because then, idk, they have some sense of humor and can muster some enthusiasm for anything, but also i'm not really a fan of knowing that someone isn't sober lmfao like. ppl will be like "omg were you drunk" like no, that was just my personality, whereas i am not Heartened to know other ppl Will have to have been drunk to get on my level, for example, don't understand when people cannot muster being even a little silly. it's goofaround hours. but then you have like, being around a bunch of cishet people when they're drunk, and their humor is as nonexistent and boring as ever but they're even louder / more insistent about it, nightmare. and, yknow, just people talking and i'm like "i'm not interested in this at all, whether re: conversational Style or Subject, i would not want to participate" and times when it's like. i know if i was gonna chime in with what i Would say you would not be able to handle me here lmfaoooo so. i truly would prefer examining the wall and thinking about my own shit or texting with someone i do like talking with

but that yknow, in groups / conversations i would be at least someone interested in, i can still be like, idk, Hesitant To Talk b/c of all the instances you've been taught like oh you're socializing Wrong and everyone hated that, sorta like the post about making a comment about salsa that brings the gc to a halt and you're wondering how you fucked up and if salsa killed someone's parents and forgot or whatever, i've been Disheartened re: hanging out when it's like, well, nice to be included, but i'm a friendship third wheel here, not being included in the entire convo and nobody misses it, there's been instances where it's like, two people talking, i chime in, i am completely ignored multiple times, this is frustrating lmao. or there's been times i've tried to put myself out there in a way, like yeah sure i'll hang out with this group, but also i'm anxious and it's like, if people are doing homework i'm also bringing this thing i'm working on as this parallel task, only to find out down the line like people then regarded you as a joke or something b/c it was Rude or Wrong when you know, actually that was you reading some weird shit that didn't exist into the situation, and just like, idk it's wild how people will have like "graciously" declined to express something to your face, and you either can pick up on shit at the time but not be able to say anything which just reads to people like "oh they didn't notice this / that means you can push it a little further next time even" or like, figure out later that something that seemed positive or decent actually ft. people not liking you / not wanting to include you Yet Again, and as a bonus you're left with you know, having to always worry about if people Seemingly being amicable & accepting is actually them wishing you weren't there or solidifying some Interpretations of you that they're then gonna Talk About or Act On behind the scenes, like, beautiful thank you, always very touching, so glad you were so Considerate of someone's feelings and Nice about this where it just ends up being this whole letdown / feeling like even more of a rejection if there was this weird like stringing along lmao like. can allistic people be normal for five minutes

anyways and tied to that sort of, it's also like, simultaneously Cagey About Things and always worried about like, i could tell this person this thing and maybe it'd be Incorrect for the interaction and they won't care, whether because it's too mundane and boring a thing about you or because it's too #Real, i think i glimpsed something a month or so ago about like "do other autistic people have trouble where like, you can be friends with someone a long time but not get particular Close to them" or whatever lol, where like, well i have to hold everyone at arm's length and often Then Some because there's just matter of fact stuff about me that i nonetheless think i can't or shouldn't share, if i talked about something it might be out of the blue b/c i just was hardly confiding in people about it, or it's boring, or it's like, i don't actually feel like i'm close enough with this person that saying this isn't gonna be like "whoa overshare!! i just feel awkward & weird!" lmfao like. there were people i hung out with in person the year i lived out of my car and i did not mention this at all to them / kept it a secret b/c it's like, not out of like ohh this is a secret b/c No One Can Know, some people Could know lmao (shoutout to the person i Did confide in about these problems and who talked with me at what must've been like 3am in that timezone when i was like "well the rich people around here made sure to get cops to harass an unhoused person, e.g. me, would you believe it, it sucked" lmfao) it's that i knew idk, it would be pointless, they'd just feel weird about it and switch into that "for some reason, this is being Nice" where everyone will go into full Putting On A Front mode to be Polite like, that really sucks actually lmao could you Not. but it's like, idk, all this stuff where it's like "this thing about me / my life would be too Boring or too Awkward or Depressing or Etc Etc" turns out to be isolating / alienating b/c like, of course it would be. and idk nobody i ever made friends with in person i was Confiding in, not a ton of them re: me either, because you know. being cagey and wary, on top of like ohhh this person is Standoffish if they're hesitant to interact with people generally or do their own thing or i don't think they're socializing Right / have incorrectly inferred their feelings/motivations/intentions or whatever

and furthermore on that lmao it's also like, again, while i'm Verbose & Opinionated people will think i'm quiet & have no takes to provide because it's also like, even when it comes to stuff i sure feel i Could talk freely about, it's like, if i have a different opinion here will that just be a conversational Interruption ruining things for the real participants, probably nobody wants to hear me talk about this Subject, probably nobody wants to / would let me talk about it at much length without interrupting, even Online lmao i can be just going all out in terms of [how much i can talk about something] and while people can be Into that at that time it's like, people aren't into that beyond that one back and forth on one day, shoutout when people do enjoy the extensive discussing and/or have patience for it other times lol.

then supposing i Am talking to people lmao it's like, idk i'm an acquired taste or what have you, like, on top of the Talking A Ton it's like, the being opinionated and argumentative and sometimes pedantic or whatever on top of being irritable, could stand to be a bit more patient lmao, The Hater Friend to use the figure of speech lmao i have hardly been in a Group to be The [Any] Friend lol, also if my sense of humor doesn't fit it's like well how am i supposed to be silly, if being sometimes Enthused doesn't fit, again kinda an issue......have described myself as A Bit Much, humorously, but already not doing that as Much b/c it's like, i think i'm still too much like considering other people's opinions too "objective" here when like, first of all that's never accurate lmao, second of all i can easily forget that idk, i can at least in theory expect people to just regularly Like me and Enjoy interacting with me lol so. an acquired taste few can sample..........like hey even if other people don't vibe with me, it can just as much be the case that i'm not vibing with other people, don't worry lmao. and yknow, kinda parallel to Masking to seem acceptable in any casual social situation it's like, if i feel i'm suppressing my whole personality here / putting up a front / like i have to Get Through what should be a friendly interaction rather than be able to enjoy it myself, it's not exactly that rewarding. and plenty of times it's like, i like to be around people, but it can be strangers, i don't feel like "oh i wanna go out to eat / see a movie / go to this event, but if i can't get any friends to go, guess i can't!" like get out of the way i'm readily doing shit alone, it can even feel Better that way if otherwise it's like, now this occasion is about performing peak Agreeability for this other person/people, and like, not like i have ever been like "yes i have people i can readily ask to hang out and they'll be like Ya" anyways lol so. used to operating solo, where you can't be like "aha this is because this person has no Human Interest in Human Connection" when it's like. well it was never all up to me was it

well and so also it helped when i was 14 and able to be Online consistently, vs at home lmao. time for online friendship, which i don't think is like, oh that's not Real, like what sorry have you never known about people who have Remote friendships before, phones & letters & telegrams and also [nowadays when many ppl are Remote even if they usually lived near enough to hang out with] where it's like, you have this different format for socializing that can sure play out differently than Real Time, In Person interactions, and ever since i'll be posting mostly to myself lmfao but able to thusly talk about Interests and like, people will come along who want to talk more about it, then we do. i suppose also it can sure help that i'll draw (and Only draw, lol) for said interests, although tbh i think most of the time it's the extensive text posts that do it? really and great litmus test or whatever lmfao like, well already this person must not hate the verbosity. and then you can end up vibing with these people further, or not, but it's like, again, there's this chance for From The Start like, oh this person Likes that i have this niche interest, they like &/or don't mind talking A Lot about it lmao, vs in person introductions where that can sure happen but it's like, that's gonna be chance & spontaneous, whereas ppl might have the opportunity to Seek Out this interaction / content of yours......even online though, i'm still like, not as inclined to reach out or make the first interaction move or whatever lmao so. and then it's like, people make galaxy brain remarks like "ohh people who are very Online don't have friends, irl, they aren't Personable, irl," like yes congratulations i'm autistic and i don't have many In Person friends generally, sometimes maybe not any, don't really know where people think they'll land their argument here. like, follow it through, are you just calling people losers. is it "social media makes peopel Not social" like nobody is Doing Anything when they're online or everyone is embracing strangers and having heart to hearts every weekday morning with whoever is nearby if only they weren't on twitter? plus the fact that like, if i don't have access to people i interact with online, that doesn't like, force me to become neurotypical so that i then have a thriving in person social circle, it just means i'm more isolated? meanwhile, turns out it helps a lot if it's like, yeah i can Expect to interact with people

and then still like, all the time it might be like i still can feel Confused as it were about How To Talk To People lmfao like. there's not much "Just Be Yourself" when being yourself has meant filtering yourself, actually, and being v self conscious about trying (and often failing) to appeal to other people (which, then if you do succeed, it's like oops this person likes me but if i've been putting up a front the whole time, not super Validating) and not exactly a ton of practice getting to do Otherwise, and it can again be like. is this too boring to talk about, or just somewhat arbitrarily like "oh i'd better Not talk / say whatever" for no real reason lmfao, i Can just get like. Real Time Chatty as it were, but it's difficult actually lmfao like i need a lot of momentum, and it's easy for that to be Not the case.......and just like, again that it's easy to forget you don't have to be in "nobody wants to hear you talk" mode, or think like, okay, i can't just say anything, i have to say something Good, aka of interest or funny or whatever lmao but then it's like well i guess i Can just say anything. don't much know how to do that tho

(also, sidenote from "wtf is thinking being friends w/someone online is faker than when you're friends with someone sort of from being in the same building every weekday, what is the conclusion of 'what a loser geek whatever if you care about connecting Online who can't be popular Offline'" where it's always funny when someone is also like "wow even in person Fandom is, like social media, something that only people who suck at socializing Normally are into" lmfao like. not very relevant b/c nobody wants to really be in a broader fanbase rather than find particular kindred spirits through it, and who actually wants to go to comic con or whatever, sounds like a nightmare, but it's still such a faux analytical perspective lmfao like, again, first of all, what's the Conclusion to your argument here? and secondly honestly like. all versions of Small Talk are kinda gonna be bullshit, even amongst say, nt people, there's nothing Universal, and people can certainly be inconsiderate / preclude any genuine connection via what they might consider to be this neutral part of the ritual, and yknow, i find it kinda exhausting like it's peak Time To Mask and then i'm hardly in the mood to Really talk further, like yknow what. idk i'd be annoyed if someone demanded i Correctly Complete some sort of fandom reference by way of greeting, but i'm also annoyed when someone demands i Correctly Complete whatever maneuvers you're supposed to do with a rhetorical "how are you :)" lmfao like. you're a cringe nerd in the rigid social ritual of pleasantries fandom)

anyways and uhh yeah i also yknow, hashtag alana beck, it's like, glad to pretend Friendly Acquaintances makes sense, i guess it can, but it's great when it's like, oh i Don't have to only expect to be really peripheral in people's lives, or to only be friends with people i don't feel like i vibe with That much or also talk to that much about anything, when i can definitely feel like Yes this person is a Friend, no "are they actually closer to an acquaintance at this point" disclaimers needed, again, taking it back to the fact that friendship sure is Significant to me and when i have it that's v important thanks

so it's like uhhhh yeah difficult to make friends, don't have general appeal or whatever lol, ppl aren't on my wavelength or i'm not on theirs, hard to talk to people even though it's not because i don't/can't talk plenty lmfao.......and re: being Supportive it's like well, i don't really tell people In Person i'm autistic but naturally if you follow me Online here i am talking about it lol, and not like anyone who already knew me & was friends with me was like "oh nvm don't like interacting with you now" and i also gotta mention the like Handshake Lgbtq lifehack, where plenty of times it can be like, oh if we vibe on That wavelength it can be easier to befriend people, and/or that people will at least be more like, amicable / supportive based on Knowing you're handshake on that lol. b/c really it's like, i'd also like to just be allowed to talk and/or simply be around people even if we are not Personal Friends, aka that you can expect to be treated decently with some basic respect / consideration and like you're generally allowed to exist and be present and interact with people where you're not only guaranteed to Not be punished / excluded for it if someone's your individual friend and allows you to be here, so. once again it's like, can allistic ppl be normal for 5 min

#still behind on this naturally lmao but when it's now 1am and i've chosen to do a whole essay #it's like whew time to make dark dinner for now #30daysofautismacceptance #2021

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bytedykes · 4 years

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anyway. thoughts on a carry on / tmi crossover (we talked abt this awhile ago i think? do it again 👀)

YES ok ok ok so like carry on right the carry on bitches are okay this is either post-ws or an alt carry on ending (i havent read ws tho so take ur pick sdkjfk) everyone is fine nothing hurts ANYWAY magic is fucky lmao so SOMEHOW they (simon and baz) (and maybe penny just bc) (agatha too) (yk what lets make this a wholeass Watford Gang Adventure) portal to a diff reality aKA THE SHADOWVERSE (shadow world?? idc)

so like right and like?? i started writing this but gave up kinda skjfhdk so the gang appears in magnus’ loft obvs (alt to the whole canon shebang valentine is dead lilith is defeated clary never lost any memories everything is FINE and nothing HURTS) (jk theres always smth that hurts but no pressing issues okay?? okay) and magnus and alec are there like. wack

baz and raphael meet they HAVE to meet they are the 2 queer vampires in suits they are sfskdjhdsk THEM and theyre both dating a simon (saphael time yo) and like !!!!! BITCH !!!!!

baz’s vampirism still works the same as in his canon tho lmaoo so raphael is like in the shadows and baz is vibing in the sun wish simon lewis and theyre all like “??? how is HE a daylighter i thought u said there’s no nephilim in ur world??” and baz is like what the fuck do you mean alskdjf vampires are just like this ??? being burned in the sun is bollocks and all the vamps are like HEY FIGHT ME U PRIVILEGED FUCK except for simon he just tries to do a complicated fistbump with baz lmaoooo

the carryon verse ppl see magnus do magic and theyre like omg ur so powerful u can do wordless and wandless magic??? w o a h and magnus is like im sorry but wtf how does magic work for u??

they’re like “omg a mage” and magnus is like I AM A WARLOCK and they’re like WHAT IS THAT and hes like AAAAA anyway penny and magnus nerding abt magickal theory bls thank you

agatha meets izzy and they trade makeup tips. agatha meets magnus and they trade makeup tips. agatha meets magnus and they trade makeup tips. everyone loves agatha (bc i love agatha)

*sips my cocoa* baz and raphael talk abt suits they’re both emotionally exhausted and into suits it’s like the perfect friendship literally ok dkjfhsdkfmnc

uHHHh simon snow meets clary + jace bc they’re the overpowered bitches just like he is/was and they bitch abt being Destined

magnus seeing simon’s wings: ??? what do you mean you’re not a warlock your mark is RIGHT THERE simon: uHHHHHHHHHH what

all the shadowverse peeps are jealous bc demons dont exist for the carryon people skjfhdskk

someone is like “nice tattoos” and clary is like thanks theyre burned into my skin and the carryon-ers are like WELL WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT

jesus i cant remember anything else we talked about so im gonna go find the convo and drop my bits here bc like THE WORLD NEEDS TO SEE

baz: this is my bf simon raphael: what a coincidence

simon s: eyyy simon how does it feel to have a vampire bf simon l: well i am one too so simon s: whOt

simon: hello british me simon: hey american me

simon l: dude baz hey wanna go chill in the sun baz lathering on sunscreen: yes

WAIT this one’s from u jam i hope its ok im sharing it but i cackled aasdfks

baz: the sun stereotype is so outdated other vampires who disintegrate in the sun: ?????? no it’s not ????? are you ok ??????

LMAO then we started debating simon’s hair color adsjfhskhfkk good times good times

Also how fucking funny would it be if he was more ginger than clary tho Hot take i refuse that, hes ginger now akancngndnds

lmao RIGHT i talked abt having a humdrum uhhh “ Oh my god simon is gonna be like ‘wheres your humdrum?? If youre a powerhouse like i used to be you have to have a humdrum’ and magnus is like hahaa what” so like skjfhsk !!!! THE PEAK QUALITY CONTENT THAT IS DIFFERENT KINDS OF MAGIC FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS MIXING OK I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE SO IM DONE BUT I MIGHT RB AND ADD ON WITH MORE SHIT LATER SKFSDK

#sh #carry on #shadowhunters #misc #aus #hcs #asks #ftag #sflksdh good shit #ramble tag

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leafticket · 4 years

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madeira day 2!

i have a house! honestly im not lovin the green roof, i wish id known what color the door was gonna be before i picked it 😔 im sure i can change it later tho so i’ll just have 2 hold out for it

i donated a shit ton of stuff to blathers and my museum is opening soon (hopefully tmrrw cuz i have SO MUCH i need 2 donate and the area behind my plaza is a nightmare lol)

i got the pocket expansion, the pro custom designer (see: new sweater from the pre generated designs!!), and the upgraded tools! and i unlocked and funded the nook shop (i think it’s timmy who’s in charge of that? i can’t tell them apart lol but i like that one is the shopkeeper and one is like wandering the island for questions n stuff... we love character development)

things r goin good w my fellow islanders! charlise checked in w me and it made me cry and antonio said smth rly cute abt germs and i was like... sir in these times i wish it were that easy but i appreciate the sentiment. also i wrote both of them letters so we’ll see what happens!

im not sure where Norma is?? i invited her to madeira yesterday and I totally thought she’d be there but she was nowhere to be found and i haven’t heard anything from her. idk i hope she arrives soon 🥺

i got a shovel and a vaulting pole and explored around a lot! and i planted some stuff including a bell tree!! also i bought a slingshot and knocked down some cool stuff so I’ve almost paid off the first house loan, i think i have like 20k ish left so that’s rly cool

sir legend gulliver washed up on my island today and then he got left on read..... real king shit 😌☝️ every time i checked in on him his shipmates still hadn’t responded and it stormed for a few hours later in the day and I felt so bad for him omg but hopefully he’ll find his way home soon! otherwise i’ll pitch a tent 4 him so he can live somewhere he’s rly appreciated :”~)

i did two mystery island tours, one with a ticket tom nook just like. Gave me for free for some reason and one with a ticket I bought myself!! i met tucker the first time and curve-flattening icon raddles the second but i didn’t invite either 2 my island rip.... i feel bad but their aesthetics just don’t rly speak 2 me (and also i have tucker in corambo (my acnl town) rn and i wanna try n have diff islanders w me maybe)! i forgot to take screenshots of tucker cuz i was rly sleepy (i took a random 3 hr nap today idk what happened) but yeah i did get raddles As U Can See

Also idk what to think abt my plane name theory!!! Wilbur referred to the plane as “soaring rose” on the trip where i met tucker and “soaring hyacinth” on the one where i met raddles so idk. I guess it’ll b different every time?? or dodo airlines has like a fleet or smth? but i like it!

yesterday i was like crazy confident going fishing even tho my mental health was honestly In Tha Pits and today i was feeling better but somehow i had more anxiety abt catching fish and. 2 make a long story short i fucking broke my 52x streak for that one nook miles challenge thing and i will never forgive myself. also i tried catching wasps twice and... got stung instead twice LMAO and also i chickened out of going after a t*rantula and it just scuttled off and disappeared. queen of ruining my own life 😌

i caught an oarfish!!! it’s like a tiny thing i guess but it just made me rly happy cuz i wasn’t expecting it at all, the fish shadow size looked rly normal so i was pleasantly surprised by that hehe!

idk how to get a ladder but i rly hope i can soon! also im getting kinda antsy cuz the main part of my island is running out of space for new amenities and im rly hesitant to cut down trees / pull weeds bc it all looks so pretty but i might have to soon bc I don’t think islanders can access the upper layers or diff sections of the island and i dont want to put someone in a place where no one else can get 2 it 😔 like i need bridges and stuff and it’s stressing me out!!!!

i forgot to post this yesterday but heres the map of madeira.... the madeira map if u will. and also my passport as of tonight!

#idk why i made it say animal animal i just thought it was funny JKFJSKDJDJ i woulda done full fledged clown but i saw other ppl w it and i #wanted 2 b Original.... we’ll see how long i keep it #animalese #nh #acnh #acnhdiarychallenge #animal crossing new horizons #animal crossing

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honeyfreckled · 5 years

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we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER.

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it.

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

#Anonymous #sorry if this is a mess but i got a lot of feelings abt the shitty advice that's out there for addicts and i dont know shit except my ideas #and all i can do is pass it along but pls still remember there are plenty more things that could work so if these dont strike a chord lmk #and i can try to think of more and reach out to my friends who are addicts and see what works for them #i love you i love you and i love you and i like you

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kewltie · 5 years

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so i have this weird complicated canon bakudeku love story stewing in my head about how in the third year katsuki and izuku kinda dance around each other a lot. izuku made a promise to all might that after he graduated he would tour around the world with him (seeing diff heroes from diff areas and how they fight and to learn from them) and katsuki uh inadvertently confessed to him near the end of their third year even knowing that izuku is going to leave japan for like several years???? who knows when he’ll even back but katsuki doesn’t give a shit and confessed anyway bc this feeling is too large and heavy for him to carry alone.

katsuki is the one who is fully committed to building a romantic relationship with izuku and izuku (SURPRISED) is the one hesitant about it bc all might is dying and he’s trying to carry on the legacy of his hero and mentor and he doesn’t think he can be in love, let alone a relationship right now. so they made a deal to sort of ‘date’ for the last couple of months of their school year and during that time izuku starts to develop feelings for katsuki. can you make someone fall in love within three months? katsuki fucking sure he can do it bc it’s izuku and katsuki has never been surer of anything beside his place as the top hero and izuku by his side. he wants this, he wants this badly enough that he’s going to give it everything he got. so they awkwardly date the way ultra competitive teenagers who are obsessed with winning and their dreams to become top heroes do lol. so from their first date (all their handholdings and kisses bc apparently katsuki shamelessly loves them; “can i kiss you?” he would always ask bc he knows he can’t take izuku for granted and izuku swallows around the thrumming beat of his heart before he nods, always giving in to katsuki in the end) and to their last kiss on the day of their graduation.

izuku knows this time he’s finally in love w/ katsuki (he had always love katsuki but izuku is made out of love and he loved katsuki in the same way like he loves his friends, mom, and all might and he just love them all but there’s never been anyone special to him and that’s the diff). so when he realizes how his love for katsuki had balloon into something different and unrecognizable now it scares him at first bc in the past three months that he ‘dated’ katsuki he learns in all the way katsuki had grown so far. how katsuki tried to be gentle and understanding with izuku and it doesn’t always work out bc katsuki get impatient and izuku is relunclant but he TRIES AND TRIES SO HARD ANYWAY. this katsuki’s anger and abrasiveness is tempered by the years at U.A., the struggles of learning to be a hero, and the friends they got around them. he is still the same prickly katsuki as always but now also much more bc he get also get to see what katsuki is like when he’s in love; all consuming, devoted, and obsessively like how he pursue his dream of being a top hero one day. he loves izuku with a certaintly that is unbending and unshakable and izuku doesn’t know how anyone can deny katsuki this when he gives his all to something it’s a beautiful and terrifying thing. BUT ofc izuku has always been the one exception in katsuki’s life lol :((( bc in order to keep his promise to all might he let their deal end, broke up with katsuki, as promised after graduation. izuku left with all might to seoul as their first stop on their world tour four days later.

while the feeling is mutual on both front, izuku finds it hard to juggle the idea of relationship while trying to live with the mantle of all might’s heir bc all might dedicate his life to being a hero and fighting afo. izuku felt like he couldn’t live with himself if he doesn’t do as much as all might did to keep the world’s peace but it’s lonely at the top he realizes. izuku with all might travel across diff places all over the world to learn from all kind of heroes in all shape, form, and background that izuku never thought he had imagined: a hero that is a sworn pacifist (”how do you fight?” izuku asks, eyes wide. “with words,” he replies.), a hero from an inuit tribe who fight with wolves companion, a hero from brazil who lives in the amazon and uses the entire forest and its surrounding as his base of operation, a hero who fight and live in the desert of the sahara, etc. all these heroes who live in diff places and have diff culture and their way of fighting and using their quirks and how all of these reflect on who they are individually and shaped their own identity as a hero. izuku wouldn’t have known any of these ppl even existed if he had stay in japan bc they aren’t all mainstream heroes that appear on tv and made it big like the hero who lives in the mountain of the Himalayas and protect the small indigenous group there for generation after generations passing down the title like a family heirloom.

he’s glad he went with all might to explore the world and see what he saw but there’s a quiet yearning that has him keep looking over his shoulder as though katsuki is right behind him. he wants to share his discoveries and new knowledge with katsuki but they’re separated by an ocean and are thousands of miles apart. izuku thinks he made the right decision to go with all might in the end but sometimes the right choice isn’t always the happiest.

so while izuku is globetrotting with all might, katsuki made his debut as a rookie in the pro hero arena and quickly decimating the rookie ranking order. he got even more obsessed with his career: taking extra shifts & patrol, training himself harder, and focusing on being number one so it can drown out the longing he has for izuku. he even hasn’t open any of the emails izuku had sent to him for months now and tho they always come everytime w/o fail. he ignores them bc otherwise he’ll just be sucker into missing izuku all over again when he already told himself he’s going to kill this feeling for izuku. izuku had chosen to go with all might instead of staying in japan with katsuki and katsuki has no intention of hanging on to someone who chose to leave him but easier said than done. the more he refuse to think about izuku the more he sees and hear about izuku everywhere like how although izuku isn’t even in fucking japan anymore, the media is still hyperfocus on his adventure overseas and always reporting on his latest shenanigans and THEN THERE ARE THEIR FRIENDS who keep talking about izuku and his adventures (bc class a are an extremely close knit bunch who are all constantly up in each other bsn), the calls and texts and videochat etc he made to them while katsuki get technically radio silent. though the fact that katsuki is the only one to get like pages and pages of letter emailed to him weekly say something else, something that sits uncomfortably in katsuki’s chest.

and then one day he is out fighting a villain with his agency, there’s a flower shop nearby that got caught in the wreckage and katsuki had helped protect the owner and flower shop. as a reward and thanks, the owner asked katsuki to pick any flower he wants and katsuki has absolutely no interest in it but then a small cactus flower caught his eyes. it’s ordinary, small, and so boring that it shouldn’t even register in katsuki’s radar yet katsuki couldn’t pull himself away from it and ask if he can have that out of everything in the shop. the thing is, the cactus reminds him of izuku. compare to all the beautiful and vibrant flowers in the shop, that cactus was incredibly dull and nothing noteworthy but cactus are resilient and strong and if you take good care of it, it will bloom. it’s stupid, he thinks, to continue to be obsessed over someone who left him behind but like everything he does in life he has never love anything lightly.

incidentally, katsuki ends up taking up gardening bc lol it relaxes him and also bc of his new acquired plant that he had to learned how to care of bc apparently cactus are low maintenance but if you want it to truly FLOURISH AND BLOOM it need careful tending w/ the right temperature and watering. so he’d built a small home garden around his cactus flower that he had named deku bc fuck if it doesn’t remind him of every bit of izuku. slowly but surely katsuki is working through his heartbreak but ofc izuku continues to fuck him over even if he’s not even in japan anymore. more than half a year after izuku had left him, he get a framed calligraphy in chinese character sent to him from shanghai. that was the start of everything bc after that he get sent presents from all sort of places that izuku had travel to (pottery in chile and a wooden carving from kenya etc). it doesn’t come weekly like the emails that is still sitting unread in katsuki’s inbox but sporadically and unexpectedly. he said he doesn’t care for them but katsuki keep all those souvenirs in a box hidden away in his closet so he doesn’t htink about it.

And then ONE DAY he got same day delivery (super expansive!!!!) of a potted sunflower and a single note, which izuku had never wrote before in any of his gifts so far: “i heard you have a garden now so when i saw this i thought of you bc to me you are like the sun.” and katsuki is FUCKED as soon as he read bc all the feelings that he had been quashing inside of come rushing out and he broke down holding on to izuku’s small note. he just fucking misses izuku so much like there’s a hole in his chest that he can’t fill. he loved Izuku then and still loves him now and will loves his dying breath bc he knows it’s never going away, it’s here to stay and katsuki doesn’t know how to not miss izuku everyday that he isn’t here.

once he finally acknowledge the feelings that he’d been trying to bury, it unleashes a floodgate where katsuki finally read all those emails he had been avoiding since more than half a year ago starting from the very first email he got just after izuku had left japan. the email get sent to him once a week and in those email they are more like essay which are always more than ten pages long every fucking time. he talked about what he saw, who he met, and what he learn over there and he always end his letter with: “how are you?”, “what have you been up?”, “are you staying healthy?”, and finally, “thank you for reaching this far”. he always ask the same thing every single time and it takes a moment for katsuki to realize it’s bc katsuki refuse to answer any of his email so izuku keep asking and asking in his letter even though it shouldn’t matter but izuku tries anyway bc he cares.

katsuki has never been one to hesitate about anything in his life, not in pursue of his dream or love but izuku make him feel scare and hesitant which pisses katsuki off a lot lol. the bullshit that love is suppose to make you strong is so wrong, katsuki thinks, bc fuck if izuku doesn’t make him feel helpless and undone everytime but he keeps coming back bc in the end even when izuku makes him feel like his ribs are splayed out for him to dig through his heart, he knows izuku would gently and carefully hold his heart like it’s worth it weighs in gold. so katsuki, with wary trepidation, he took a picture of izuku’s sunflower next to his deku cactus and attached to an email with a single caption: “it’s you and me.”

izuku’s next email couldnt arrive soon enough and it’s FULL OF EXCLAMATION AND EXCITEMENTS as it talked about what’s going on in kiev where he’s currently staying in ukraine but this time in izuku’s email it doesn’t end the same series of questions about katsuki. “i can’t believe kacchan thinks im a cactus :(((. im not prickly at all!!!” and katsuki laughs so hard he cries bc he just misses izuku so fucking much.

so they finally start exchanging email that isn’t one sided anymore. izuku continues to write his enormous emails weekly while katsuki emails izuku nearly everyday but it usually just pictures and a caption or two about his home garden, his coworkers, his work, etc. katsuki may not say a lot but the fact that he’s keeping izuku loop into his life and willingly share it with izuku is him trying to include izuku in his life once more as though izuku had never left in the first place. they continue this for nearly 2 years, this back and forth as katsuki climbs the rank into top 20 pro heroes in japan now and izuku making his name known in the international stage. they’re both chasing the same dream but doing in diff path and katsuki hopes eventually they will arrive in the same place in time so he keeps waiting for izuku to come home.

but of course this tentatively stability doesn’t last bc izuku keep on traveling and moving forward and doesn’t seem to ever mention about returning to japan and katsuki wonders when will izuku stand before him once more. he doesn’t even visit during summer breaks or holidays!!!! which frustrates katsuki very much but for izuku he knows he can’t go back to japan even to visit his friends, mom, and katsuki bc the moment he step back he knows it will be impossible for him to go back to traveling with all might not when he sees katsuki and all his love for katsuki spill forward and out and he won’t be able to leave anymore. theres so much he has to do, to see, and learn and he can’t commit to back to japan yet and he knows if he see even a second of katsuki all his hardwork would be undone so he doesn’t. he lives vicariously and hopelessly in katsuki’s photos and keep an intensive track of katsuki’s career and trajectories even all the way overseas.

it’s katsuki third bday w/o izuku and just as midnight sets in he get an email RIGHT ON TIME (izuku had to calculate their timezone diffs and made sure he was free to be able to get to katsuki first). this letter is pages and pages of words again but near the end in large bold letters is a “happy birthday, kacchan!!!!!!” and it’s dumb SO INCREDIBLY DUMB but katsuki smiles bc he can actually see the excitement and voice of izuku in those blocky words. just before he goes out on his patrol and later his friends and coworkers dragging him out for his bday, he get another gift mailed to him just in time and this time it’s a metal ring from ireland where’s he staying. it’s intricately carved, with a heart and crown and a note attached to said: “with all my heart, happy birthday kacchan!” katsuki is left speechless.

he thinks maybe this is finally it that izuku is finally telling him he’s returning, he’s done and is coming back to katsuki. with fumbled hands, he writes a quick email to izuku with a pic of the silver ring and asked: “are you coming back this time?” he goes out with his friends later that night, the anxious energy still hums around him as he waits for izuku’s answer. izuku always answer several days later bc the places he go doesn’t always have internet connection but this time izuku managed to reply on the same day.

“kacchan, i’m not coming back anytime soon. I still have a lot to learn and see left. I’m sorry.”

and it fucking breaks katsuki bc he got his hope up for nothing. it’s like izuku playing w/ his fucking heart, sending him those loving letters and that fucking RING and it meant shit to izuku in the end bc he doesn’t even care enough to come back for katsuki.

he’s so mad and hurt that even his friends notice how his mood is soured for his birthday. through a lot of prodding and begging from his friends, and also a lot of alcohol for katsuki to finally spill out his worries and insecurities that only izuku can wreck him like this.

his friends, helpfully, points out that katsuki has never been passive, siting around waiting for the thing he want most come to him but katsuki got rejected once so he was burnt by it and didn’t want izuku to reject him twice. he doesn’t think he could take it if izuku didn’t chose him again.

but izuku has BEEN CHOOSING KATSUKI EVERY DAMN TIME HE WROTE THOSE EMAILS AND SEND HIM THOSE GIFTS BC all the souvenirs and emails that izuku sent to him are SIGNS (the chinese calligraphy letters translate to, “ Yī rì sān qiū” which is proverb that said, “one day, three autumns” on how you miss someone so intensively that one day is like 3 years; the silver ring from ireland was a claddagh ring; and then there’s the sunflower itself which doesn’t just remind izuku of katsuki but it symbolise loyal and longevity bc izuku will forever and ever loves katsuki and only katsuki). they say what izuku couldn’t say over an ocean and thousands of miles apart: i miss you, i think of you constantly, i love you.

katsuki has been trying so hard to be understanding and patience of izuku that he was missing the glaring SIGN THAT IZUKU HAS BEEN TRYING TO SAY TO HIM. his friends offer fresh prospective on this front that izuku isn’t asking katsuki to wait and katsuki should stop trying to be something that he is not when he has always chase after what he wants with gutso and fierce determination so why he is hesitating around izuku. GO. JUST GO. IF HE’S WORTH WAITING 3 YEARS FOR ISN’T HE WORTH TO CHASE AFTER TOO? katsuki’s friends are all too fucking good bc katsuki’s decision was already made for him the moment he realizes he was fucking in love with this idiot.

on izuku’s front: ever since their argument, katsuki has been silence and haven’t return any of izuku’s emails. izuku is worry that he has finally done it, driving katsuki away and this is it for them. katsuki must be tired of waiting around for izuku, he thinks as heart nearly shattered. it been 3 weeks now and izuku has been listless even as he’s helping out the neighborhood and this area hero in arizona. but then just as he return from a day of hardwork, he sees all might outside of their temporary home that their hosted lend to them with a starkingly farmiliar figure; IT’S KATSUKI.

it took katsuki several weeks to take care of all the bsn at home. quitting his agency, packing his stuff, and saying good bye to everyone and then tracking izuku down but he here’s now. katsuki is in a diff country, that he doesn’t speak a lick of the native language there, and left behind his rising career and all their friends and his family to come chase after izuku right here this instance. THIS IS KATSUKI’S ANSWER.

a looooooooong time ago right before izuku had left japan on his trip with all might, izuku wanted to ask if katsuki would join them but he had thought it was too selfish and greed to ask that of katsuki to give up everything and his dream of being number just so he can hop around the globe with izuku and all might. but katsuki is here now!!!! and izuku doesn’t want him to regret it, bc he doesn’t want katsuki to resent him for forcing katsuki’s hands.

“i can get it all back. that number one spot is waiting for me, for us. it’s not going anywhere,” katsuki says determinedly, “but i couldn't wait for you anymore so i came to you instead.”

it’s as much as an i love you in the same way izuku carefully wrote his emails every week for katsuki and in the same way he finds little gifts and trinkets that made him think of katsuki. IT’S I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH THAT I’M LEAVING EVERYTHING BEHIND TO GO WITH YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY BC I COULDN’T IMAGINE BREATHING ANOTHER SECOND W/O YOU.

izuku cries A LOT bc katsuki is here and it’s all he had ever wanted for katsuki to join him!!! they’re finally reunited at last. and with all might, who happily welcome katsuki with open arms, they continue on their travel and izuku teaches katsuki the new languages and things he had learned and all the ppl that had help shaped his understanding of his powers and stance as a hero. they do that for two more years traveling to diff places and only came back to japan when all might’s health had grown so frail and he had died on a trip to bolivia. katsuki and izuku returns to japan to throw his ashes into the sea of his homeland :((((. finally they’re back home together this time and for good. now they both carry the legacy of all might as a duo w/ all the knowledge and understanding of all the things they had learned and the ppl they had met around the world.

#bakudeku #not!fic

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bloodline-rpg · 4 years

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Congratulations, P! We’ve accepted your application for your OC, Jordan Becker. Please send in your blog as soon as you can! Welcome to Bloodline!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name/Alias: P

Age: 23

Preferred pronouns: she/her

Timezone: EST

Level of activity: I’m around at least once a day in the evening for a few hours, unless there’s something going on. And even if there’s something going on, i’ll still probably be reading on the dash.

CHARACTER DETAILS

Character’s Name: Jordan Becker

Desired FC: Penelope Mitchell

Character’s Age: 25

Character’s Species: Holistic Witch

Character’s Sexuality: Pansexual

CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY

Growing up, Jordan had a relatively easy life, besides the typical trials and tribulations of a liberal teenager growing up in a very not liberal house. Her parents, Isabelle and Griffin Becker, brought her up as if she was a human, despite being born from a long line of witches themselves. They were high-school sweethearts, bonding over their affinity for all things magic. Once they’d ventured off to community college together, they had a nasty run-in with another group of witches and their bonded wolf familiars. It was a simple misunderstanding but it ended up being far too dangerous than they would have liked. It struck fear in them– and soon after, when Isabelle found out she was pregnant with her first and only child, they both vowed to move across the country from Seattle, Washington to the small town of Clarksville, Virginia.

With such an important aspect of her identity hidden from her by her parents, Jordan felt like something was missing from her life. The void was less obvious when she was a child but as she grew into adolescence, the void grew more noticeable than ever. She engaged in everything she could to fill the emptiness– everything from sports to the kind of reckless behavior a teenager had no business sticking her nose in. Nothing worked and it wasn’t like she could seek guidance from her parents, given their estranged nature, nor did she have cousins or extended family. As far as they were concerned, Jordan’s parents had spun the story of them being ousted from the family for having Jordan so young.

And she believed it.

Once she’d graduated, she chose to run away. She didn’t particularly have a destination in mind, but she knew she wouldn’t find what she was looking for in Virginia. She spent years traveling, sight-seeing and couch surfing–all the things a free spirited young person might ever want to do on the road. It wasn’t until she got to Philadelphia, PA, 6 years later, that she settled down a little. As she explored her new home, becoming more familiar with the city, she came across a small, kitschy palm reading shop. There was a supposed “psychic”, Calliope, who could tell all by the touch of her hand and a glance into her crystal ball. One thing led to another and Jordan was introduced into what she’d been missing all along– magic.

Jordan spent a few months under her tutelage, learning everything she could about witchcraft. All of that crumbled to the ground when hunters found them. Jordan, only having vague knowledge of offensive magic, wasn’t able to defend herself or her mentor, who she’d grown to care about immensely. She was like family. The hunters tore Calliope’s shop apart and murdered her. Jordan was the sole witness of the gruesome event and managed to escape while their focus was on her. Since then, a deep seated fear has taken root in her. She wasn’t ready to die.

With no one else to look for guidance from or rely upon, she could only guess about what other horrors her parents hid from her and why they insisted on running from their ancestry. Luckily, Calliope had briefly spoken to her about Carden Manor. About how it was a conglomerate of covens seeking to protect each other. And although Jordan never saw herself as the type of person to desire ( let alone need ) a coven or family, she made the decision to head there. Not only could she seek asylum, but maybe she can learn a thing or two. .

CHARACTER PERSONALITY

Wild and carefree, Jordan tends to stay away from rules unless they serve her, specifically. Over the span of her life, she’s grown accustomed to being on her own. She doesn’t necessarily mind it but it has made her selfish in some ways. She’s never had to truly care for another person, other than Calliope. Despite this, she is quite social. She tends to carry herself in a way that draws attention and friends; however they’ve always been at a surface level– something she’s also always been content with. At the end of the day, she’s in it for herself and will weasel herself in and out of situations as she sees fit and typically, without real remorse.

PLOTS AND POLITICS

I don’t think Jordan feels much, necessarily, about the families and general politics of their world. She doesn’t lean one way or another, as she’s very much in it for her own safety. I’d imagine she’d side with whoever’s “winning” during the time, if it came down to picking a side, rather than focusing on the morality of anything. At this point in her life, surviving and learning more about witchcraft is her focus. I’d like for her to develop that sense of belonging, though, and perhaps have the opportunity to stand for something other than herself. It’d be legit to see her make some kind of sacrifice for someone else, somewhere along the way.

SOURCES

https://ferasanguis.tumblr.com/ hopefully this works? it’s got a lil bit of everything– paras, short back and forth gif chats, and diff types of characters. let me know if it doesn’t work tho, i have other accounts and whatnot.

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wannasoftimagine · 7 years

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ha sungwoon as your soulmate

(as requested!)

imagine having sungwoon as ur soulmate where u can hear whatever the other person says

okay so u have a soulmate clue thats obviously Really Freaking Annoying

ever since u can remember, u would hear this guys voice like. a lot

it wasnt all the time, but u could hear everything he said as though it was right next to u

most of the time hes just saying small stuff like talking to his parents or friends and things like that

but its still really disorienting bc u have to get used to the fact tht u hear this guy talking but hes not actually there

when ure younger everyone just thinks ure talking abt ur imaginary friend but NOPE hes real

the thing is tht ure not completely sure if he can hear ur voice too or if its just u

so at some point when ure still kinda young

ure in ur room alone and ure like okay, i might as well try talking to this guy

u try talking to urself w “hi can u hear me”

and then u hear him go “fdjsldj yes wait can u hear me too???”

it’s so hard to stop urself from screaming bc UR SOULMATE CAN U HEAR U TOO

so u scramble to give them a response, and its not long until ure chattering away and excitedly asking each other questions

u learn his name (sungwoon), stuff abt his family and friends, etc

u spend most of the evening talking to each other, and even tho u cant see the other person, it feels like ure talking to someone right next to u

he tells u as much, and all u can do is agree and laugh along bc the world seems to pick soulmates perfectly

anyways

from then on out, u get into a habit of talking to each other as much as u can

even if its just mumbling a comment under ur breath for him to hear, u try and have a convo whenever possible

u complain a little abt looking a little strange when u talk to him in public, so he suggest tht u get one of those bluetooth devices to pretend ure talking to him on the phone

and ure like why not? and just pretend ure constantly on one long phone call

its kinda cute tbh

and sometimes ull be humming to urself under ur breath and ull just kinda forget tht he can hear u too

so u keep going until sungwoon finally tells u tht he thinks ur voice is beautiful, which AHHHHH

bc uve heard him sing before and u know how good he is

also?? “dONT JUST LISTEN TO ME AND NOT TELL ME”

cue a half-teasing argument abt how ure both forced to listen to each other all the time

“i dont want to hear abt ur friend throwing up”

“i dont want to hear abt ur neighbor losing their keys!!!!”

it ends w both of u laughing to each other and trying to explain the context of every ridiculous thing u overhear

the only time u get remotely frustrated w each other is when u hear smthn tmi honestly

or if one of u is trying to study and the other person is being rEALLY loud

like that one time u were taking a quiz and sungwoon decided to go out for karaoke

or when he was driving around and in the middle of nowhere u stubbed ur toe and it gave him a mini heart attack

otherwise everythings smooth sailing

u like hearing his voice (esp when he sings bc he sounds like an angel)

u dont even realize it but he loves listening to u too

so most of the time ull talk to urself and he stops whatever hes doing to listen to ur voice

u both agree not to meet for awhile tho

the two of u have a lot of stuff going on in ur own lives esp in terms of schoolwork and stuff like tht

u decide not to meet up until both of u are at point in ur lives where ure less stressed

then comes college

ure accepted into ur second choice school, which ure honestly still pretty happy about

sungwoon refuses to tell u what college hes at, but hes accidentally dropped some hints before

uve been trying to collect info but ure still not sure where exactly he goes

so come moving day

ure family helps u unpack some stuff, and after some tears and laughter, theyre saying their goodbyes and leaving u on ur own

u decide to go walk around campus a bit bc its rlly nice out, and u want to get a feel of the diff buildings so (hopefully) u dont get too lost later on

thats when out of nowhere, sungwoon asks “hey, do u want to meet?”

and ure like ??? bc WOW that came out of nowhere

but u think why not? and tell him as much

and suddenly this guy is yelling ur name from the library and jogging towards u

and it’s weird bc he’s p far away but u can hear him clearly like he’s right by ur side and oh

by the time he gets to u, u walk to meet him and ure both grinning at each other like idiots

ure not too sure what u expected

obv early on u had demanded that the other person describe what they look like but still

in person, sungwoon looks 100000x more handsome than any words could explain

still, hes looking at u like he feels the exact same way

he tells u tht u both go to the same school now, and tht he didnt want to tell u before in case things didnt work out

u hit his arm at tht bc “of course it would work out, we’re SOULMATES”

and both of u keep giggling over that bc wow, uve finally met and it feels unreal

anyways

u get accustomed to each others presence super quickly

it definitely helped tht u were used to hearing the other person already 25/8

it does take a bit of getting used to to actually /see/ them tho

but still

u end up spending as much time together as ur classes will allow

and for whenver u dont see each other, u try and talk to each other in quiet conversations

there r some days when ure both too exhausted to walk to the other persons dorm building

so u agree to watch the same show together and talk to each other and pretend ure right next to each other again

tbh one of the best parts abt finally meeting sungwoon and spending so much time w him is tht u dont have to carry ur bluetooth thing around anymore

bc now u dont have to pretend to call him, bc he’s right next to u

and even on the days when ure both tired, if u havent seen each other in awhile, he surprises u at ur dorm w some pizza and chocolate just bc he missed u tht much!!!

others: jisung | daniel | woojin | daehwi | more coming soon!

#requested #sungwoon #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #wanna one scenario #ha sungwoon #ha sungwoon imagines #sungwoon imagines #ha sungwoon scenarios #sungwoon scenarios #soulmate #soulmates

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ramabear · 7 years

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Hi, back again. So I just kinda wanted to pick your head cannons for just how separated the government is from the superheroes. For example, say Endeavor does something that can be considered act of war-ish in another country. Can he be prosecuted in a court of Law, or does the Heros take care of their own? And regarding up and comers like the much beloved, but disturbingly short tempered Katsuki Bakugou- what would the ramifications be if he loses his rag on a civilian in front of people?

to put it simply, in my au’s heroics and hero agencies are private businesses/corporations. they’re kinda like law firms. or clinics? maybe a bit like firefighters? like, in some towns its too small for a proper hero division so they have like, a part time volunteer group or a really really small agency that covers a large county area

in larger cities you have competing agencies that try to get the best heroes and keep the best records. ive got a lot of unfinished stuff that has references to multiple agencies or agencies that were like, 3 people and then broke apart or turned into something else, or agencies that hold annual competitions etc etc

so unless there’s special dispensation: ie heroes employed specifically by government officials, you won’t have a hero acting a hero in a country where they’re not allowed to hero. this isn’t avengers: there’s not like 5 people for the entire world. all but 1% of the population has quirks and heroics is A Huge Fucking Deal (presumably everywhere)

so as far as i’m concerned in my headcanons or fics or aus, Enji as-he-is wouldn’t commit any sort of war inciting thing. of course there could b AUs where he’s altered in some way and he’s not a hero, but that’s boring. if enji was in a diff country, he would keep to the laws of that country and probably not use his quirk much, if at all.

if, perhaps, someone from one country did use their quirk violently in another country, well i’d treat it like such crimes are treated today: you get arrested in that country. if you’re lucky (cough wealthy/clever/connected cough) you might off relatively lightly, if you’re not lucky, you dont

as for a hero losing their shit on a group of civilians: i actually referenced this kind of event in my fic Coherency.

there’s a reference to a heroine (who shows up later in uhh conflagration, i believe?) known as Eagle Eye. she first shows up in coherency as a heroine mentioned by Gomiko during the “lets capture the pervert and torture him for proof he’s a rapist” adventure. She’s described to have been a pretty popular heroine who got mobbed by fans at one point and she lashed out at them. its also mentioned that she’s still in work (just at a much greater distance from her fans). in that situation, there was undoubtedly video coverage and in the court of public opinion, she was seen to be in the right. she kept her job, though i think she moved agencies and changed her behavior accordingly.

so it would depend on how the hero lost their shit and what they did and whether or not it was “””justified””” and that justified is not just in the court of law, but the court of public opinion. If, say, they were having a shit day and someone asked questions they didn’t like and they bodyslammed them.... well you wouldn’t think that they got to stay a hero but odds are they might if they’re well liked enough or if the news doesnt spread much or if they dont use their quirk

i think quirk-violence is cracked down on more heavily than non-quirk-violence: ie: a punch to the face and a quirksplosion to the chest are two very different charges.

straight up, tho, heroes are not in charge of prosecuting their own. that’s a surefire way to have a corrupt system in like .2 seconds. they have special provisions, sure, but they’re under the law. they dont replace the cops, they aid the cops. you have to pass exams to become a hero and you have to routinely have your liscense checked. its not a one time deal- prob more like a 2yr 5yr 10yr deal. idk exactly what but someth like that

as for specifically what would happen, i dunno. i honestly dont come up with many headcanons unless i’m actively writing something into my fic that requires that

#rama replies #bnha headcanon shit #porridgebun92

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hchano · 7 years

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omg y’all help i’ve gone too far

//rambles under read more lolol//

nAH BUT FOR REAL i have been pickin at these off and on during my no draw days and i am nEARING COMPLETION ON A COUPLE OF THEM.

allura: i actually think she is done!! i’m so gay for allura help. i’m setting her as family oriented, good, and...maybe hotheaded??? idk. i haven’t decided for sure on the main mood one. her life goal is a happy family for now. i need to get the city living pack eventually so i can make her a politician lol

shiro: he is close but i need more outfits for him... for the record, his hair is a default one i am slowly recolouring lol. it’s not done but it’s getting close. i wanna reshape the bangs a bit more. [it’s harder than i thought it would be to fake two tone hair lol...] i’m also picking at customizing a prosthetic arm for him. i’ve set him as self assured [even tho i am not sure he really is lol], and....i forget the other two tbh lmao. I forget what i set his goal as too //sweats// sorry shiro. [once i am done editting his hair and arm, i can put em up for DL somewhere if ppl want them...]

keith: i kinda love him??? he needs more tweaking but he’s really close. i know he has blue eyes but i personally felt his sim looked creepy with blue eyes, so sticking to the dark brown xD; i set him as hotheaded but i forget the other two traits cos i kept changing my mind on them lol. his life goal is to be strong :’D

pidge: look at my precious girl. i am dead. i think she is nearly done. she has the same hair as keith but sans the cowlick lol. i considered giving her a pixie cut but ended up here for now...maybe later. i plan to make her short af when i get them in game. super excited about that lmao. i gave her genius, geek and ... i forget the last one lol... family oriented maybe? her life goal is one of the knowledge ones.

hunk: my other precious bab. i need to DL a more accurate hair for him but this one works for now lol. i gave him foodie, cheerful and ...i forget the last one. :’D his life goal is to become a world famous chef lol

lance: ugggghhh...he’s hideous. he’s the newest one and i haaaaaaaaaate him rn. he needs new everything. i’ll prolly start from scratch on him next time i open the sims up lol. i gave him two mood traits, goofball and romantic, and the last one is insider. i think i gave him a life goal of having a lot of friends lol...

i haven’t started corran yet. i’m kinda excited about him LMAO. if anyone has suggestions on which traits they think fit the charas lemme know >>;; i am bad at this.

here’s a few outfit shots for science:

[allura’s party outfit lol...i love the back on this top hsafjhjfhsdj. i might edit the front tho, it’s a little plain.]

[pidge in her alt everyday outfit -- i do a regular outfit and then one based on their civilian clothes in the show lol]

^^^ lmfaaaooooo ... when i moved to make his sleep outfit, he was in this by default............

[//sweats a lot//...also his arm is a wip still lol...i’ve only edited the fingers so far from the original i modded this off of lol]

[y’all know he’d wear some bullshit like this. this is his default everyday outfit tbh]

[had to include this lmao]

[i need to redo his top...it saved all pixellated for some reason]

alright that’s enough for now lol

#voltron #sims 4 #sims!voltron #stupid post #end my life #ugh #i am gonna sched this post for tomorrow cos i don't want anyone to realize how late i stayed up picking at these lmfaooo #por queue maria

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zhaoly · 6 years

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ok really long post ahead, sorry for mobile users since i dont think the spoiler break works on mobile iirc

i finally finished the main quest for fo4.. um.... was that it?? that was kinda my first reaction lol. ok i have SO many thoughts as i always do when i finish a game.. maybe more for this one tho

so i ended up doing both the minutemen and bos endings because they split relatively late in the story so i just made two separate saves... they were basically the same except i thought following liberty prime was kinda fun lol. i liked watching him pick up a behemoth and then just throwing it to the ground

so now that i’ve like... finished the game.... i guess i can see why people complain that fo4 is more of an fps than an rpg

like.... i’ve dumped a ton of hours into this game, but that’s mostly because i’ve spent a lot of time building settlements lol. besides that, the story does seem to be lacking a bit. i think it definitely had potential, but nothing was really fleshed out that well... like if i try to think back on what i did, i’m like.. ??

maybe part of that is because four main factions was a little ambitious? i just feel like there wasn’t much opportunity to actually get to know each faction and like actually feel like you were involved with them

1) minutemen - i mean, you got a shitton of radiant quests from preston (which drove me crazy very early on and got modded out)... and then what? you claim settlements and that’s about it. reclaiming the castle is as deep as the story gets. besides that all you have is radiant quests

also there were like... zero named characters besides preston who were actually really involved with the minutement. like there was ronnie shaw but she just ends being a merchant later, and i didn’t even get the proper armory quest from her because my game glitched out. so basically she was just a unique merchant for me

and like... who else is there?? there’s the sanctuary crew and some named settlers but none of them are really part of the “minutemen.” so like you didn’t really get to talk to members of the faction and stuff and actually feel like you were immersed in the story. like i know that the story is that you’re rebuilding the minutemen so there’s supposed to be no one but preston, but later on as you claim settlements and expand the minutement and stuff there’s still nothing... no new story, quest, npcs... you have to do some dungeon clearing quests for some of the named settlers but that’s literally it.

i liked their general “for the people” thing but like... they never really expanded on it... they did end up being one of the two factions that i sided with because of their cause but i just think the story (or lack thereof, really) with them was pretty bland

2) railroad - well i was considering joining them very early on cause i do think their cause is decent, i like deacon, and i accidentally spoiled for myself that danse is a synth (i like danse because i mean you know me and my beef)... but then i felt like they were a little too focused on the synths. like that was literally just their entire cause. and i just felt like that was just too narrow.

and you met these characters that you really just.... met and then nothing ever happened later with them! like high rise, mister tims, idk what the point of drummer boy was, etc..

and again there were just a ton of radiant quests... at least they were all finite, but like there was what? helping that one safehouse (forgot the name), mila quests, and pam’s caches. the ticonderoga quest was kinda interesting but i wish there was something more besides “here’s ticonderoga. oh whoops it gets destroyed later. haha!”

3) institute - well i disliked them right off the bat because they were the ones who not only MURDERED MY HUSBAND but also KIDNAPPED AND BRAINWASHED MY CHILD (yes i consider it brainwashing)????? like come on. i take this stuff very personally man. it’s the same reason why i joined the stormcloaks in skyrim (before realizing what a bunch of racist assholes they are but.... i digress) cause i was like WHY tf would i join a group that tried to execute me with absolutely zero cause

so i’m just like why would i join a group that murdered my husband (right in front of my eyes i might add) and kidnapped my child. hello??? like yeah i hated the fact that they gave you a goddamn baby in the first place, but since i had it i was like WELL I AM OUTRAGED THAT THEY DID THIS TO MY CHILD.

then there was the whole deal with them actually taking real people (and presumably murdering them) and replacing them with synth copies. i HATED that a lot and it was a big turnoff on top of all of my personal grievances against them. their elitist attitude towards the commonwealth was annoying as fuck as well as their manufacturing of gen 3 synths for what was basically slave labor. also there were like random conversations that would occur between scientists and synths and the scientists were such assholes.

oooooh and the part where you ask shaun why he decided to let you out of your cryo pod and he’s like “well... i suppose that i just wanted to see what would happen” and i was like BITCH WHAT?????? EXCUSE ME?????? THAT’S YOUR REASON??

like the shaun/father thing was an interesting twist in the story... but it def was not enough to make me want to join the institute. esp with that craphole reason that he gave me for letting me out of the cryo pod. and like the dude is basically a stranger to you, why tf would you just join the institute bc he’s “”””family””””? i suppose they tried to make it a more difficult dilemma by really trying to push your character’s story in the “i’m looking for my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” direction before you actually find out what happened to shaun, but i didnt find that a very compelling plot point in the first place.... so it had pretty much no bearing on my decision

also. the synth shaun. he made the synth shaun which is like super weird and a little creepy. like this kid’s never gonna age.... i mean 50 years from now he’s gonna be a 60 y-o in a 10 y-o’s body!!!!!!!! who tf thought that was a good idea?? i mean i’m on the “gen 3 synths are truly sentient” train cause the game basically does nothing to show you otherwise. you have institute scientists telling you that they aren’t, but literally everything in the game shows you that they are. also danse

and then their cause... they say they’re the “best hope for humanity” and stuff but like what are they actually doing to help humanity. the only beneficial thing they did was create gmos like that huge pumpkin (while replacing roger ww in the process which as i mentioned before was something i hated). besides that, wtf are they doing besides hiding away in their blindingly white laboratories experimenting w/ synths??

anyway yeah i hated the institute but i guess in terms of “story” they did a little better than the railroad and minutemen. but they honestly got a helping hand from the fact that shaun was involved with them and a large part of the story early on was looking around for information about shaun and being able to ask npcs about the institute. however once you proceeded past a certain point they also fell into a very boring routine of having a handful of radiant quests available and not much else involving them

4) bos - well.... i def felt like they were super culty when i first went onto the prydwen. and i really dont like their stance on gen 3s and non-feral ghouls. but i do like that theyre out and about clearing the commonwealth of super mutants, ferals, and raiders lol.

i really really hate the whole danse thing tho and how close-minded they are about him :( i did see that there was actually cut content where you could challenge maxson and danse would get his rank back and i kinda wish that they actually implemented that. i dont really want the elder role but i’d like the chance to do something where you could shift the bos’s opinion on gen 3s, even if only slightly... like THAT would be a good story element, come on!

but w/e. i really didnt like them at first but i like their aesthetic compared to everyone else and their general cause (at least theyre not like opening fire on the slog, right... ?) ..

anyway i might just stick with their ending as my “main” playthrough cause afaict they’re not much diff from the minutemen ending except i get the sentinel rank, and you actually have some named people that you can interact with about your choice.

ok im actually really tired of writing this post... i actually have so many more thoughts haha but i dunno if i’ll be able to get them all out because as if on cue i’m getting tired around midnight.. anyway

yeah so the story was eh and i wish it went more in depth. like, even though i wasnt super fond of fnv’s story, i did think it was more immersive and detailed... i think fo4 had a lot of potential but sadly didn’t quite deliver. tbh i think the game couldve gone without the railroad if four factions really did just spread them too thin while in development.

like i think the part of the story with kellogg was good... the whole thing about trying to find the identity of this guy, searching his home, searching for him, looking through his memories, etc was pretty interesting. i liked how we were able to see his backstory and something about him that wasn’t just “dude who murdered my husband.” like that was all good stuff! but the story REALLY deteriorated after that... i mean you just end up having to kill the guy and then he’s just out of the story completely.

oh and like related to that--what was that whole deal with nick speaking in kellogg’s voice briefly after you finish in the memory den??? why would they just throw in a line like that and not expand on it at all???? that bugged me SO MUCH because again there was so much potential there!!! if kellogg had somehow gotten into nick’s mind you could be presented with so many new options. like how do you get him out? can you get him out? who do you go to for help? etc etc etc NOT JUST SOME THROWAWAY LINE THAT ACTUALLY DOES NOTHING AHHH

speaking of which. fo4 seems to do that a LOT. like maybe it’s recency bias bc i really dont remember all the details of fnv to be able to compare, but i feel like fo4 has a ton of little throwaway things that are interesting details but aren’t expanded on at all. like not even a little bit. i think there needs to be a certain balance between details and mini stories... like fo4 dangled SO many of these little details in your face that you just never got to expand on at all.. i love an interesting world where you can discover things that dont really have an impact on the main story or anything but these scraps just drove me crazy.

also there were like... no vaults??? i feel like fnv had a lot more... fo4 has vault 95 for cait (and a kinda boring purpose/story imo). the vault of triggermen where you find nick. the vault for refining human genes. vault 81. and that’s it.. i felt like i spent a lot more time in vaults in fnv? and they had some creepier stories/experiments too

ok like my brain... is really slowing down but i will at least get a few more thoughts down before i go to sleep

SETTLEMENTS. LORD HELP ME. again, a great concept with so much potential but poor execution. i really enjoyed settlements--with mods. vanilla settlements are just so horribly lacking. for one thing not being able to clean up your settlement is just terrible. you really would just have to leave piles of trash, garbage, debris, 200-YEAR-OLD SKELETONS, etc, lying around your settlement!!!!! where you’re supposed to have people living!!

settlers themselves also have some pretty terrible ai. theyre stupid af. their pathing is godawful. i am extremely proud of them when they actually are able to successfully navigate a structure i built because it is such a goddamn struggle for them! like they’re literally coded to take the shortest possible straight line path so i get tons of them walking into walls trying to get to their destination instead of walking around them, going through doorways, using stairs etc (yes theyre all navmeshed)... it’s actually so aggravating

also settlements themselves are incredibly and frustratingly buggy. the resources getting messed up in your pip boy bug is super annoying. there’s a shit ton of other bugs with them that i’m just too tired to list but i’m like ahhh god i feel like i’m playing a beta version of this shit! also what’s up with them spawning on top of buildings in sanctuary?

ok yeah i have a lot of crticisms for the game so it may not seem like i enjoyed it but i actually did. i think the story was decent up until after you finished kellogg’s part, cause after that it just got really boring (which is lame because seriously, the story gets boring after you can start decided which faction/s you want to join??)

but mods def contributed a lot to my enjoyment, esp my settlement mods... like most of my mods are settlement mods lol. so like... if i played vanilla fo4 i do doubt that i’d have enjoyed it as much. i do actually like the fps aspect of it, but i think there are too many places that are overloaded with enemies.. so you’re constantly fighting shit. it gets kind of annoying after a while.

OH THAT JUST REMINDED ME. GUNNERS. another thing that had potential but ended up just being... ??? raiders but fancier??? you could literally switch out all the gunners for raiders and nothing would change. when i first encountered them i was really excited cause i thought it was a new side faction but they’re literally just... raiders. but fancy. it’s disappointing af. there’s no story behind them... you can get into gunners plaza and find some holotapes from the leader and some members but then there’s nothing else! you don’t ever get to find out what the story is behind all of it! again with dangling some details in front of your face and then just never expanding on it at all. ugh gunners were seriously a big disappointment for me.

okay i’m actually done now cause i’m tired and typing this out actually took a lot of time lol. i still have a ton of thoughts but i need to sleep. lame

#just fo4 thoughts #fo4 spoilers ofc #omg i just put this post into word and it's 2.6k words hahah #i just wrote a goddamn essay on this shit.. :\

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hellotvv · 7 years

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5 Days

Damn, been hanging out with her 5 days straight.

Friday - woke up early at like 9 am to head over to her place, then we got ready to head to SF. Got to SF around 2 PM, tried boba guys for first time. I thought it was whatever lol. Idk the boba is chewy and good, but I think places like 7 Leaves/Almond Haus/other SoCal boba places are prob better. Afterwards, we watched The Flash together at her place and I got to put my arm around her during it haha. She played the piano for fun, since she hasn’t played in a while. Then, I think we got dinner at some place called Night Market, which is like chinese streetfood. They had a projector that shows kinda like streetfood stands and the streets idk. The food was pretty good actually~ Got a pork bun, skewers, and some chicken :) Then at night, we went to Armnhmr together. She brought along a friend named Jose, and he was pretty chill. We drank and pregamed in the car (she drove), and then went inside around 10ish. We danced for a bit, then went to the bar to order some drinks which were stupidly expensive... Like I’ve been to night clubs before with bars, but damn this one was insanely expensive. Michelle met some of her friends at the event too, while we were getting drinks. Then we went back inside and Lione was playing. He was pretty good actually! Was grinding on Michelle during the dance haha. There’s some other tiny details that went on during the event, but it’s whatever like weird white dude that got us free water. After the event, when we got back to Michelle’s car her back window broke :( it got broken into by some random person. At first, we didn’t think anything was stolen. It was kinda surprising tho, since I had my external battery there, her friend has some expensive vape, and etc. But nothing was taken?? We called the police and tried to file a report, but apparently they can’t do anything unless we have a suspect lol... In a bit, it turns out Jose’s backpack got stolen, but thankfully there wasn’t any money or anything in it. We called the police again, telling them something was stolen, and they said they might send someone. After waiting over an hour and a half in the cold, they never came. So Jose was like forget about it, let’s just go. So we ended up leaving and going back to Michelle’s place. I felt sooo fking bad for both Jose and Michelle... Like damn :( idk I hate it when bad things happen to ppl that I know. Afterwards, I uhh did not think it would be a good idea to ask if I could sleep in her bed with her LOL...

Saturday - was a much better day! It was fun. Uhh woke up, etc etc. Michelle got her uncle to pick up her car. I think we went to the bank, so she could get money for the window to get fixed. Then we met up with her friend Chelsea? If I remember her name correctly. She was really nice. We shot for fun at some place with pretty stairs and a nice view. I didn’t get very good shots tho imo, since it was too sunny when I wanted it to not be sunny, but too dark (blue hour) by the time we got down :( oh well... Stopped by target afterwards so Michelle could buy like snacks to bring back to SB, got boba, and then dropped Chelsea off. Then we got dinner at some hot pot place I think called Tasty pot or idr completely. They have a location in San Diego, I know that. Not sure if in LA or SoCal tho. She said it’s better than boiling point, but I think I like boiling point a bit more haha. Afterwards, we kinda chilled at her place. We watched American Horror stories, I kinda put my arm around her and etc during it. I think we watched during the day actually and she played the guitar a bit, while we sang some old throwback songs. Uhh, but yeah, I remember looking through each other tumblrs a bit for fun to see what we reblogged at the start of tumblr days. Thankfully, she didn’t look too much at my tumblr, otherwise she’d see sad boi or too lovey dovey posts at certain points in time lolol. Idk, not trying to seem soft here. But yeah, at night just went to sleep, she was up late tho cleaning and packing stuff.

Sunday - hmhm, we went to get breakfast at some yummy breakfast place. It’s like a crepe place, but they have other stuff and savory crepes. The area was really nice actually and had a bunch of good food places that I’d love to try :O We also took pictures around for fun. Then it was time to head back to her place, she packed up, and then we picked up 2 ride share ppl to go back to SB. One was cool, she apparently knew my friend Jessica! She also listens to a shit ton of hip hop and likes Logic like me. So I had a nice convo with her. Then afterwards, it got kinda silent, and I just talked to Michelle. Went on some uhh certain topics like making out and etc. We picked up Chloe somewhat towards the end of the ride, since we were passing by SLO and she was there! Did some Escape planning as well. Not too sure as of rn, if we’re 100% going together. But if we do the plan would be to go to escape together, she can stay at my place, pumpkin patch + oc adventure together, and I’d show her a bunch of cool food places that she’s never tried. After dropping me off, she sent me a text wondering if I had fun at SF and sorry that she couldn’t show me around more, since she was too stressed from her window being smashed. Then she asked to watch The Flash together on like Friday or something, but I’m unfortunately busy Friday :(( going home for weekend.

Monday - somewhat fun day. Bryan bailed on our dinner plans. So I invited Michelle to the dinner plans with Brent, Henry, Kristy, Jessica, and me at Lama Dog. It was fun, she met my friends Brent and Henry for the first time. She thinks they’re funny. I like to hype up my friends to each other before they meet, so I told Brent about Michelle before he met her, so he think she’s cool. Then they kinda got along when they did talk haha. We all got drinks at Lama Dog, except Michelle since she had to study later. But I shared with her some of my drink, which was kinda ehhh. Food was good tho~ Pork belly quesadilla was bomb!! Afterwards, we planned to play drinking games at my place, but had to drop off Michelle. After we got to my place, I snapped the drinks and etc, she’s liike tfti. I’m like lmao we invited u, come through. Then she ended up driving to my apartment and actually coming through + playing the drinking game while kinda studying haha. It was fun, the uh drinking card game let us know more about each other, she got to know more about my friends from it, and yee. There were a couple cards that kinda got some flirting going on. I put my arm around her and she was chill with it. She gave me the most likely to have sex in public card lol... I couldn’t deny that I have done so, and she was a curious girl on wheree and etc haha. Also I changed my name on her contacts to add a heart, and she changed her contacts to add emojis too to make it fair. I offered to drive her the next day, since she brought a diff car to SB and it doesn’t have her parking permit. So I ended up waking up early in the morning just for her, to pick her up, and drop her off at school/walk her to class. I mean, I had class at the same time, but I had to wake up extra early to quickly shower to not look super bad + change + pick her up and etc haha. But yeah, that was Tuesday morning. Afterwards, I don’t think anything else happened.

Wednesday - she canceled on our plans on Thursday rip, prob from frat stuff. Unfortunately, won’t be able to hang out with her for the rest of the week, since I’m going home. I wonder if she’ll miss me ;o Regardless, I’m gonna have a great time going home. Gonna go to an EP launch event in LA on Friday with Jenn, gonna drink with her too! Then gonna go to a photography event on Saturday that’ll have my ex-Kristy, Jenn + Cat, this photographer friend from SD, and maybe I’ll make new friends too at the meetup! I don’t think I’ll get very good pics from the meetup tho, since the location is too green lol... I hate green in photos. Then after the meetup, my cousin Khoa is turning 21. So I’ll be at his birthday party and hopefully it’ll be littyyy. :] Then on Sunday, maybe I’ll be able to hang out with my friend Erika. But fk, I have to get back to SB at a reasonable time, since I have a midterm for my math class on Monday lol... Anyways, those are my current weekend plans

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