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#me: Thanks!!! He's my dad!!!
tadashidumba · 2 years
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Guess what dumbass made a whole cosplay by hand for the horror con and then forgot to take a single full photo of them in cosplay.
Shoutout to the two people who recognized me, though, and the one cool person who sang the theme at me.
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unipacas · 1 year
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EVERYONE GIVE ME SPACE IM MANIFESTING
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Danny was being harassed in broad daylight.
He can’t get the guy to take a hint and frankly he’s going to be late for his new job if he can’t get through the door.
Just when he was starting to think that he would have to hit him, a hand gently rested on his shoulder.
“Hey Chum sorry it took me so long to get here but traffic was a killer! Is this man bothering you?”
Turns out His boss Bruce Wayne is actually a nice man.
Too bad Gotham gossips worst than a small town.
Seriously guys, this isn’t funny, it stopped being funny the third time he got picked out of a crowd as the “new Wayne.”
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crybaby-bkg · 8 months
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cw: babies!!!! you’re also referred to as “ma” once
okay but like,,,,,first time dad Bakugou giving his baby their first bath after coming home!!! you’re fluttering around the kitchen, trying to make sure you have your daughters towel ready, her baby safe soap, a tiny washcloth, that her teeny tiny pajamas are in the dryer.
it’s only when you take a second to ask Bakugou something do you finally just—pause. your gaze instantly softens, a lovesick smile inching on your face as you watch your big buff pro hero husband hunch over the kitchen sink.
your daughter is resting in the baby bath seat, lilac colored and reclined back. she squirms when Bakugou lets the warm water run over her naked, fat little belly. her face scrunches at the new sensation, fists balling up against her chest. he coos at her, gentle,
“I know, ya little princess. Feels weird on ya, doesn’t it?” he asks her, voice so small under the running water. he cups his hand, holds a handful of water, tilts her fat cheek up to let it slide in her neck rolls that always smell like milk. she whines at that, sniffles and hiccups before she cries. you go to take a step forward, to console her, but Bakugou is so patient.
“It’s alright,” he kisses her tears away. “Daddy’s just tryna help you.” he runs the water all over her body, and paired with his softly spoken words, does she finally quiet after a few seconds. her little body trembles with the aftermath, pouty lips puffy and he can’t help but smooth his hand over the softness of her face.
“Yer a crybaby, just like your ma.” he whispers to her, grinning when that breaks you out of your stupor to smack him on the shoulder. you both laugh at that, and you finally feel the peace that is your little family. you lean against Bakugou’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to his jaw before looking at your daughter again.
“You’re gonna be a great dad,” you mumble into his skin. he doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his shuddering breath, and the calmness that blankets the rest of your house.
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densewentz · 1 year
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more dreamling dad au bc thats just what i do now apparently i like lazy afternoon naps and so do our boys
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radioroxx · 9 months
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i like to imagine vanny and ggy were horrible horrible siblings to each other during their time working together
close-ups!
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rambutanjpeg · 8 months
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contributing to the culture 🐻
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teddybeartoji · 29 days
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fuck it. i'm headcanoning toji as a movie buff. he doesn't really bring it up, only shiu knows about it and you find about it super randomly. like you're watching smth and he just knows the movie by just looking at the tv for a second???? and you're like??? hello?? have you seen this??? and he says no??????? he just knows about it?????? and then proceeds to sit and watch it with you (he pulls your feet onto his lap btw this is important information).
toji likes films from the 80's & 90's the most – blade runner, scream, alien, the indiana jones films, evil dead, the matrix, se7en, the big lebowski, etc etc. he likes comedy and he likes action but he isn't afraid to watch the oscar baits either. honorary mentions to death proof and kill bill and ocean's eleven.
and i whole-heartedly believe he would pull some "um actually☝🤓" shit on you out of nowhere too?????? he definitely likes to make fun of your film choices but he isnt't actually picky and i think he's willing to watch just about everything. he laughs very loudly at the stupidest jokes btw. and also infodumps about weapons and fighting and points out every single time somebody holds a gun in a weird way or when an injury is unrealistic. he's scoffing and rolling his eyes but doesn't stop watching it bc it's so entertaining to watch people be stupid.
if you're younger than him, he most certainly pretends to NOT be surprised if you know the older films, he definitely tries to act a little pretentious lmao. but he is happy if you show interest in the films he likes even if they aren't your favourite. oh and i also think that he would LOVE is you asked him questions. bear with me bear with me - he acts like he's annoyed, probably places his hand on your mouth when you're laying down on his lap but then answers anyway. he answers every time.
he likes going to the cinema aswell. he always sits in the last row and he always buys popcorn (obvs). ANDAND AND he takes gumi and tsumiki to the cinema regularly too. buys them all of the sweets and popcorn they want. holds gumi's little hand as they walk up the stairs. gets super into the cartoons, leans toward the screen and everything. anyway he's silly. i luv him. thanks for listening.
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bahoreal · 9 months
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i called my dad earlier (he LOVED good omens s2 he was absolutely raving about it) and he immediately told me to go watch the have i got news for you episode with david tennant hosting bc the entire panel roasts him via michael sheen compliments for a solid minute (link) and this joke hits so different after s2
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uncanny-tranny · 4 months
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I jokingly thought before that reading Junie B. Jones as a kid turned me into a feminist, but unironically, it kind of did.
I honestly think it comes down to the fact that Junie B. was not only allowed to be "weird," but her character arc never concluded like other girl characters would. In other media featuring "weird girls," the girl always ended her arc tamed - by force or convince, she would be prettied up, she would smile and be polite, and she would never speak out of turn. She would be perfect then, and would shed her veneer of individuality with the freedom that is conformity. As a kid, I noticed that girls weren't permitted to be "weird" like boys were. So when I read Junie B. Jones, I loved that she was frankly just fucking weird. She said things out of turn, she was rambunctious and imaginative and she was a realistic portrayal of a little girl. I loved reading those books because the narrative taught her lessons without punishing her for being weird, if that makes sense. So often, narratives punished weird girls for the crime of being a socially unacceptable girl, not for any true wrongdoing like lying.
Anyway, I just think it's interesting, because I watched and read a ton of books and shows and movies featuring girls and women, but none of them truly empathized with (or even tried to empathize with) weird girls on their own merits and capabilities and terms, or embraced the idea of a "socially inept/unacceptable" girl without punishing her in some way for her supposed ineptitude.
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theaceace · 8 days
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imagining a world in which Simon agreed to go with Edwin and try to escape hell, imagining Simon developing an immediate and very inadvisable crush on the cute guy that just threw a grenade at a demon and Edwin's reaction to that, imagining the reaction of Charles Overprotective Rowland when he finds out that the guy Edwin insists on dragging along with them is one of the guys that sacrificed him to a demon in the first place, imagining the Night Nurse's face when three dead boys pop back through the door instead of two
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skyloftian-nutcase · 10 days
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The Pirate (Dad Squad)
EVERYBODY COME GET YOUR LINEBECK SOUP!!
Abel shook the strange feeling off of himself as they stepped through the gate created by the item. If it had led them here, that likely meant its twin had opened a portal to this land as well.
Blinking a few times to reorient after the brief kaleidoscope of light, Abel took in the sight of a bright sun, the smell of sea salt, and the sound of crashing waves. They were obviously by the ocean, though he had no idea where in particular, or what sea. He only knew of the Lanayru Sea, but tales spoke of other bodies of water that rivaled it.
Rusl walked ahead first, adapting quickly, eyes alert but face placid. Abel watched the Fierce Deity walk after him, unreadable as usual.
Something clearly caught their attention as they stood at the edge of the dock, staring. Abel peeked around them, wondering what it was, when he caught sight of the scene.
A ship was sinking. But it was moving towards them. Its deck had just been submerged, and its mast was all that was remaining. A man stood atop it, glaring ahead fiercely as if willing the boat to make it to the dock in time, but his posture was proud as if this had been planned all along.
What in the world...?
The mast managed to reach the dock in the nick of time, allowing the man to step off. He blew out a sigh, looking like his knees were about to buckle, when he caught sight of the group of men. He sized them up quickly, eyes widening a little at the sight of the deity, and then waved sharply. "How's it going? I'm just passing through. Gotta go now. Important things to do."
"Wait," Rusl interrupted, stepping into his way. "Can you tell us where we are?"
The man blinked, hackles less raised, confusion evident. "Where you--this is Mercay Island. How do you not know that? What, you get clocked by those red spandex wearing freakshows too?"
Abel immediately stiffened. "The Yiga were here?!"
"The who?" the man bounced back, looking even more confused as the wind whipped through his dark brown hair.
"It's a group of demon worshippers," Rusl explained. "They've taken our sons. We're tracking them. Where did you see them?"
The man's face flushed, eyebrows coming together in outrage. "They took someone of mine as well! And he's my best crewmate! Well, he's my only crewmate, but that isn't the point! I came here in search of a new ship to track them down since they--they sunk--"
Here the man sniffled, glancing away in seeming anguish at the lost of his boat.
"I'm sorry about your ship," Rusl said appeasingly. "But perhaps we can help each other."
The man hummed, crossing his arms and squinting at them as if he were debating the matter.
Abel started to grow impatient. "Do you want to find your crewmate or not?"
"Don't get short with me!" the man snapped. "I am Linebeck, captain of the seas, and I know this place better than anyone, especially you guys. I'm your only chance to find those freaks, so you're going to take orders from me now!"
The Fierce Deity picked the greasy looking man by the back of his coat, bringing him to eye level. The man, in turn, squealed, flailing his arms and legs in a desperate maneuver to get out of the hold, yelling, "LET ME GO, YOU BEACHED WHALE!"
Abel glanced at the deity, tempted to tell him to toss the man into the sea, but if he truly had seen the Yiga, then they unfortunately needed his help. Rusl just sighed, seeming to grow a little tired of being the sole negotiator of the group.
"How do you propose we find the Yiga if your ship has been damaged?" Fierce asked, silencing the man's squeals. "If I retrieve it, will you be able to repair it expediently?"
"Retrieve--it's sinking into the sea, you small brained land mass!"
Abel did have to almost laugh at that one. Rusl looked unimpressed by the man's impolite demeanor, but at least his insults were entertaining. Nevertheless, they needed to move.
Fierce seemed to sense Abel's impatience and Rusl's disapproval, casually tossing the sailor aside as he walked up to the mast. The man spluttered, shakily trying to get to his feet before promptly falling back on to his backside as he watched the deity singlehandedly start to pull the ship out of the water with a firm grasp at its mast. Abel heard the wood start to give, though, not tolerating the force it took to fight the water crushing the rest of the ship, and he put a hand on Fierce's shoulder. "Let it go. We'll have to find another way."
Rusl turned to Linebeck. "We'll work with you, friend, but not for you. Understood?"
Linebeck gulped, still trying to process what he just saw, and then he huffed, rising. "F-fine. Whatever. But I'm still in charge."
Abel felt his eyebrows pinch together. "That's not--"
"Let's go!" Linebeck announced, twirling around and marching towards the island. "I know just the ship we can acquire."
The three trudged behind him somewhat reluctantly. Abel bristled at being given orders from someone like this, but he kept his mouth shut for now. Instead, it was the sea captain who spoke first.
"So... what are all your names?" he asked as he continued to stride ahead.
The Ordonian answered first. "I'm Rusl. This is Abel, and Fierce."
"Fierce?" Linebeck repeated, glancing back at him. "Weird name."
"It is my title," Fierce clarified.
"Title? Who calls you Fierce? Fierce what, Fierce Breaker of Personal Boundaries?"
This man talked entirely too much.
"What's the plan?" Abel asked before the conversation could continue.
"That ship," Linebeck said, pointing towards a relatively large ship sitting in the harbor. "We can use that to track those scum."
"If you already had another ship, why were you perturbed at the loss of your other one?" Fierce questioned.
"It's not his," Abel surmised quickly.
Rusl smiled, rolling his shoulders. "All right, then. Who owns it?"
Abel glanced over at the Ordonian, a little baffled. He still hadn't entirely wrapped his head around what kind of work this man did - he was the most polite and kind of the group, easy with people, yet he condoned stealing in a heartbeat.
Not that Abel wouldn't steal if he had to, but... he had to. Rusl was... he didn't know. This just certainly was not the first time the man had done it, that was for sure.
And clearly, this sailor was more akin to a pirate.
Sighing heavily, Abel listened as Linebeck prattled on about some women "who won't be a problem," and the three men started moving steadily towards the boat.
Surprisingly, it only seemed to have two women aboard - Linebeck claimed that the rest of the crew was at the market. That at least made things simpler.
The four moved quickly. Rusl crouched low, leading the way and pulling out a dagger he hid in his belt. Despite being quite the swordsman, Abel had observed that Rusl often resorted to a dagger in close combat, and the more he saw it, the more he questioned the blacksmith's occupation. Fierce, on the other hand, left his hands open, likely not wanting to use his powerful blade on a couple women guarding a ship. Linebeck was also unarmed, curiously.
Sighing, Abel unsheathed his sword. He caught up to Rusl, and the two rushed up the gangway, picking a target and quickly overpowering them. Rusl never unsheathed his dagger, only using its small hilt to smack the woman across the temple, knocing her unconscious and covering her mouth as she fell. Her companion caught sight of him before Abel could get to her, yelling, but Abel easily tossed her overboard while Rusl pushed the other down the ramp.
Fierce walked aboard next, glancing around, while Linebeck sauntered aboard. The pirate's face was tight, as if he hadn't quite expected the ferocity the men had displayed, but he tried to cover it with a quick little, "Well done. Now we can depart."
"Not yet," Fierce said quietly, his voice in that low tone he used when stalking prey. Abel immediately went alert, whirling to find what he was looking at, when--
"Intruders!!"
Turning sharply, Abel saw a woman pointing from a door leading below deck. Within an instant, at least ten other women appeared, all armed and snarling.
"You said they were in the market!" Abel yelled as he readied for a fight.
Linebeck didn't reply, seemingly vanishing into thin air, and Abel only caught sight of his blue tailcoats slipping under a barrel.
"Did--did he just--"
"Not now!" Rusl snapped as their enemies charged on them.
Abel focused quickly, dodging a strike from a nearby fighter before parrying her blade and kicking her away to create some distance. Thankfully, he still had at least one functional shield left, and he quickly used it to block a jab from another enemy. Before he could retaliate, the two women were swept away by a... screaming woman?
Abel glanced to his right to see Fierce holding one of the fighters by her wrist and using her as a weapon to ram into the others. At his questioning glance, the deity explained, "The little hero usually does not approve of killing mortals. If these women prove problematic, I'll eliminate them, but for now--"
"Behind you!" Abel interrupted, pointing as another fighter tried to leap off the rail of the deck and stab Fierce in the head. The deity swatted her like a fly, and she rammed into the opposite end of the ship.
"Jolene!" some of the others shouted. Abel immediately perked up at the reaction - clearly this woman was important, maybe even the leader.
"Toss her off!" Abel ordered the deity, moving to intercept a few other enemies. He glanced to his left to check on Rusl and found the Ordonian starting to accumulate a pile of enemies who were on the ground writhing or motionless.
The former knight felt a swell of pride for his friend before looking back to see Fierce easily throwing the leader off the ship. As predicted, the others followed to check on her, leaving the men in peace temporarily. Abel put his sword and shield away to pull out his bow and arrows while Rusl pulled the gangway up to prevent them from returning. Moving to the edge of the ship, Abel nocked the arrow, aiming for a second before letting it fly. It sank into the woman's shoulder, making her scream in pain.
He nocked another arrow.
"Abel," Rusl interrupted, putting a hand on his shoulder. "The fight is over."
Abel continued to stare at his target. Killing her would put the rest of her crew into chaos. It would prevent them from following them.
Rusl's hand tightened a little, reassuring but firm. "Abel."
Sighing, Abel slowly lowered the bow and arrow. His focus was interrupted as he heard splashing, glancing over to see Fierce throwing the bodies overboard.
There was a scrape of wood on wood, catching the men's attention, and they all drew their weapons to see--
Linebeck, peeking out from under the barrel. "Oh, are they all gone?"
I'm going to kill him. Abel marched forward, eyes alight with rage, when he was held back by Fierce, who pinched the back of his tunic to prevent him from moving ahead. He turned to snap at the deity, but his words were quickly overrun by the pirate, who dusted himself off and continued, "Well done, then! We're ready to set sail! I'll man the helm."
As he moved forward on the deck, he scurried all of a sudden, filled with seemingly feral energy, and stood on his tiptoes at the railing, shouting, "THAT'S FOR ALMOST BLOWING UP MY SHIP TWO WEEKS AGO, JOLENE!"
Before anyone could comment, he rushed to set sail as if his life depended on it, guiding the ship out to sea.
Abel blew out a frustrated breath, and he felt Fierce release him. He kicked the barrel under which the pirate had been hiding, taking little satisfaction from it but having to get his anger out somehow.
Rusl took a moment to calm himself as well, though far less noticeably, before he walked over to the wheel. "So where are we going?"
"Bannan Island," Linebeck answered, eyes on the horizon. "That was the direction they went, towards the north sea. They also claimed to be going to a Banana Island, so I think they heard the place's name wrong."
Banana Island. Goddess. Sometimes Abel was almost embarrassed that these were his enemies. Though it simply proved that sheer numbers could cause enough of a threat, despite how idiotic they were.
There was silence for a while as Marcay Island grew steadily smaller. The adrenaline of the fight wore off, and Abel slowly slid to the ground, feeling his stomach grow steadily more upset at the tossing of the waves.
"Who are these people, anyway?" Linebeck eventually asked, glancing at Rusl. "What do they want?"
"They essentially want to see the world burn," Rusl answered, crossing his arms. "Somehow that involves taking our sons hostage."
Linebeck pursed his lips, debating some issue, and sighed. "Well, that's rotten luck. Good thing you have me."
"Oh yes," Abel huffed. "Where would we be without you?"
Linebeck didn't seem to catch his quip, or if he did, his rebuttal was interrupted by Fierce asking, "Why did they take your crewmate?"
Linebeck's face soured, and he glared ahead of him at nothing in particular. "Whatever the reason, Link can probably get himself of out of it. But... I need a crew. So I'm finding the kid."
Link?!
No. Surely not. There was no way this disgrace of a man had a Hero in his crew, and--
Oh goddess he did, didn't he? That would be why the Yiga targeted him.
"Our boys are named Link too," Rusl said, eyes widening a little as he came to the same conclusion. "Heroes of Hyrule, spread across time. I think they must be targeting them because they know they'd stop them otherwise."
"Heroes? Hyrule?" Linebeck repeated, staring at him. "My kid isn't a--I mean, he's--look, he's my crew, and... he's a good kid, but..."
The pirate bit his lip, staring at the wheel a moment, still and silent. Worry etched every feature before he shook his head.
"The Yiga will perish," Fierce assured him. "We'll find your child."
Linebeck flushed. "H-he's not my child!!"
"Right," Rusl chuckled, patting the man on the back.
Abel sighed, ignoring the pirate temporarily and looking at at sea. The horizon bounced up and down along with the ship, giving him a headache, and he closed his eyes. He wondered if they'd actually have any luck this time - all they'd found were scraps of information and cold leads. This attack seemed fairly fresh, so hopefully they could make it in time.
Ugh. Closing his eyes made the seasickness worse.
Thunder rumbled, catching Abel's attention, and he hastily opened his eyes to see dark clouds ahead. "Uh..."
"Are we going to sail through the storm?" Fierce questioned, staring at the abysmal weather.
"No sailor goes through a storm on purpose," Linebeck immediately said. "That's just suicide. Lucky for you, I'm an excellent sailor. We'll skirt around it - I don't want to lose too much time."
At least Abel could agree with the man on that. But still... even he, someone who did not navigate the ocean, knew not to get near a storm out in the open sea. "Are we sure about this? We should probably try to avoid it altogether."
"And give those sea vipers time to get away?" Linebeck growled, glaring at the clouds. "Ha! I, Linebeck, master of the seas, can handle this just fine! I'm getting my crew back, blast it!"
Well... he couldn't fault him for his determination, at least. But still... Abel sighed, hugging the wooden support rung under the railing, lightly bouncing his forehead against it. "We're going to die."
Abel's relatively mild quip felt more and more like a promise the closer they got. The winds picked up, the sea turning a sickly green, and Abel nearly threw up with how much they were being tossed around. Rusl nearly flew across the ship as one wave almost overturned them, and Fierce had to grab him by his shirt to save him. The three men clung to the rail desperately, occasionally getting beaten by walls of water spilling overtop them.
Abel looked to the helm worriedly, feeling completely out of control and petrified, only to see Linebeck standing firmly, holding the wheel with a steel grip. He glared defiantly at the sea, almost daring it to try its worst, confident and firm in his stance.
At the sight, the former knight had to admit he felt almost a little reassured.
Another wave crashed into them, and Abel watched Linebeck release the wheel a moment, letting it turn sharply, guiding the ship to ride with the wave. Then he grasped it, guiding the mast with gritted teeth as he fought against the whipping winds. Fierce pulled Abel close, shielding both him and Rusl with an iron grip to the railing so the waves wouldn't knock them off.
Honestly, with the way they were getting tossed, Abel would be surprised if they didn't capsize. He clung desperately to both the rail and the Fierce Deity, feeling the mythical being's strong arm pressing him and Rusl closer together. Rusl and Abel exchanged a look, some kind of finality or certainty in each other's eyes as they nearly flew over another wave, facing it head on.
They still had to find their boys. Abel had to get back to Tilieth. He'd survived a damn apocalypse, he wasn't letting this be what killed him.
Glancing up at the pirate again, Abel saw the same fierce determination on his face. It was a promise, and despite how Abel's entire world was trying to kill him, he took comfort in it.
Abel closed his eyes, his forehead touching Fierce's sleeve, his hand brushing against Rusl's as they both held on to the deity for dear life, shivering and trusting and letting go.
Hylia... I leave this up to you. Don't let me down.
He lost track of time. All he heard was the crashing of waves, like claps of thunder, roaring in his ears, making his heart pound. But slowly, surely, the boat jostled them less, the wind didn't howl as it had, and the ship rocked and bounced up and down like a hammock instead of feeling like an earthquake.
Abel opened his eyes, dripping wet, tasting salt and bile, and saw sunlight.
Linebeck smiled down at them, hands on his hips, looking triumphant. "Told you I was the best."
Rusl barked out a laugh, slowly rising while Abel continued to shiver in Fierce's hold. "Well, I'm certainly impressed."
"Are you alright?" Fierce whispered softly, his arm shifting to rest his hand on Abel's back.
Hesitantly, Abel rose, testing his legs, though his knees certainly felt like they could give out at any moment.
It was official. He despised sailing.
But he could recognize and admire skill when he saw it. "Well done, Linebeck."
The pirate beamed, postiively preening at the praise, and Abel found he couldn't hold himself together any longer, leaning over the rail and vomiting.
Linebeck cackled quietly, heading back to his original spot. "Well, it isn't for everyone, I guess. But I promise the rest of the way is less rough."
Rusl helped Abel sink back to the floor while Fierce grabbed some water at the Ordonian's request.
"You good?" Rusl asked. He was shivering too, just as soaked to the bone as Abel, but he seemed far better put together.
"Nothing fazes you, does it?" Abel asked hoarsely, somewhat annoyed and jealous.
Rusl smirked. "We all have our strengths. You're certainly a better fighter than me."
If you say so. Abel pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a little less nauseous, and accepted the water Fierce offered him.
The sun slowly dried everyone off as they continued to make their way to their destination. Eventually, Rusl, being the talkative man that he was, starting gently interrogating their captain while Abel leaned against Fierce with his eyes closed. The deity didn't mind, letting himself be a pillow, but Abel could hear fabric shift as he turned to listen in to the other two.
"How did Link become part of your crew?"
"Well, I was hunting treasure," Linebeck explained. "Link wanted to find the ship I was looking for. His friend, uh, needed some help. So we worked together. I figured the kid worked so well it only made sense that he stick around. He..."
Here the pirate paused, and Abel looked over at him. His eyes were cast downward, and though shadows pulled at the dark circles under his eyes, he had a gentle smile on his face.
"He's a good kid."
Fierce sighed quietly, barely audible over the breeze. "I must figure out why these Yiga are after our children."
Linebeck grew flustered. "I said he wasn't my kid!! Look, he's just a useful member of the crew, okay? Honestly, I'm not that soft!"
Fierce blinked, the slightest crinkle to his nose, a dead giveaway that he was bemused. "You speak of love and affection as if they are weaknesses."
"Wha--I--this is silly, I am a pirate, and--"
"And?" Rusl prompted, eyebrows raised, a mischievous, gentle smile pulling at one corner of his mouth. Fierce may not have understood the man's blustering, but Rusl clearly was just trying to mess with him now, seeing right through his bravado.
Personally, Abel was just a little exasperated by it. Men who pretended they were "tough" and nothing affected them all the time simply to show off annoyed him. He used to maintain a calm façade not because he was trying to prove a point, but because the last thing people needed was to see someone in charge panicking. This was different. This wasn't a way to keep others feeling safe and secure, this wasn't a means of protecting others, this was a pitiful attempt for Linebeck to protect himself.
Perhaps it wouldn't annoy him so much if he didn't suspect the man behaved this way in front of his kid too. He could act a fool to others, but if he denied his affection for his boy right in front of him, Abel did not approve of that.
But he didn't have to say anything. Fierce's innocent confusion would tear down his argument well enough.
Linebeck huffed, looking like he was scrambling for an argument, but Abel had to interrupt it when he caught sight of something. "Is that land?"
Everyone turned to look, seeing a small splotch of yellow and black andd green, and Linebeck laughed triumphantly. "There it is! Land ho! I told you I would get us there in record time! Now hold on, you sorry land slugs, we're coming in fast!"
He was true to his word as it seemed to take little time to reach their destination. For once, it was blessedly easy to find their target - a large ship with the Yiga symbol on its mast, painted sloppily as if it had just been done, was at the port. Linebeck worked to slow their approach, when Abel instead insisted, "Don't slow us down, just ram it - we'll take care of the rest!"
"There's a cannon on this ship," Rusl noted.
"We can't risk hurting the boys if they're aboard," Abel argued, shaking his head. "Just damage it enough to stop them from escaping, and we can board."
Linebeck nodded. "Just so you know... it's uh, all up to you once we get there. I'm a fantastic fighter, but I'm afraid my sword is on my own ship."
Rusl and Abel both stared at him dully. "Right."
The men prepared themselves, weapons at the ready. Fierce pulled out his double helix blade, making Linebeck's eyes double in size. "Geez, overkill much? Get ready, we'll hit them on the port side."
"The--the what side?"
"Port, on the port--ugh, on your left!!"
The three moved, and Linebeck snapped, "Your other left!! Left from facing the bow!"
Abel sighed heavily, positioning himself and bracing for impact alongside the other two. As the Yiga ship grew closer at an admittedly unnerving rate, he prepared to jump.
Their boat slammed the Yiga ship, impaling its hull slightly and causing it to rock so severely that they could hear some of the enemies screaming and falling into the sea.
Linebeck roared in satisfaction. "HAHA, TAKE THAT YOU BRAINLESS JELLYFISH!"
Abel let the momentum of the movement carry him, Rusl, and Fierce across as they leapt with the contact. The Yiga boat was still nearly on its side when they landed, causing them to slip a little, but Abel recovered quickly, decapitating the first Yiga in sight before moving on to the next. The team moved quickly, with Fierce taking out swathes of the enemy in one fell swoop while Rusl tore ahead. Abel scoured the area for signs of a leader, entering the underbelly of the ship as well.
When he reached the brig, he froze, breath stolen from his lungs. There was another gate there, its bright kaleidoscope dizzyingly swirling, and two Yiga stood before it, holding an unconscious boy.
Oh hell no! Charging ahead, Abel stabbed one Yiga quickly, kicking the other off the child before finishing him off. Rusl hastened in shortly thereafter, wiping blood of his sword.
"Anyone else?" Abel asked as he knelt down to check on the child.
Rusl shook his head, cheeks flushed, eyes aflame. He held up a booklet. "Found a journal log, though. Might be able to help us."
At this point, Abel honestly wasn't surprised, just exasperated. He supposed the Yiga's main purpose in being here was to take this boy. Theirs were still at large.
At least they'd spared this boy the same fate.
Fierce entered last. "The enemy has been eliminated."
Abel sighed, looking down. The boy in front of him was young, not even a teenager from the looks of it, though he was likely close. His hair was thick and wispy, golden as the sands and thick with mositure and sea salt. He wore a green tunic and undershirt, paired with white trousers.
"Link!"
Catching the men's attention, Linebeck rushed into the room, kneeling down beside the boy. His hands hovered over him hesitantly, face paling at the abrasions on the boy's face. At first his concern was genuine, but his eyes shifted to the dead Yiga around him and suddenly he looked woozy.
Abel fought the urge to roll his eyes. He motioned with his head to Fierce, who quietly removed the bodies. With the distraction gone, the pirate returned his attention to the child, considerably less pale but still oh so hesitant and gentle with Link.
The boy stirred, squeezing his eyes before slowly blinking them open. Abel could see the immediate sparkle of relief as the boy registered seeing Linebeck, and the former knight smiled a little.
Linebeck smiled in return, hands finally settling on the child, patting hsi cheek and helping him sit up. His grip settled on the boy's shoulders, and he took a steadying breath.
And then he started shaking him like a rag doll.
"You stupid sea monkey, what were you thinking do you have any idea how much trouble I had to go through just to get to you, they sank my ship, now we have to get a new one--!"
The other men stared, a little caught off guard, and then Rusl gently pointed out, "Easy, you're going to give the kid whiplash."
Linebeck paused, glancing at them, leaving Link nearly limp in his grip, eyes dazed and clearly dizzy. The pirate huffed, pulling the boy to his feet, and Link stumbled around a few paces before nearly collapsing against him.
Sighing, Linebeck settled an arm around the child to keep him from falling over, letting him lean against him. "Well. The job's done, at least. But... didn't you say your boys were missing too?"
Rusl smirked. "Ah, so he is your boy?"
Linebeck jumped, eyes widening. "W-wha--no, I--you're dodging the question!"
Rusl waved the booklet in response. "I'm sure this log will have valuable information for us. But you and your son should get out of here. We'll make sure the Yiga can't come back."
Linebeck was practically inflating with hot air to rebuke Rusl's claims about him and Link, but he instead stormed out. "Honestly, I rescue you ungrateful sea barnacles and you mock me. I'm leaving."
"You forgot your kid," Abel noted dully as the boy shook his head and steadied himself.
"Link, let's go, what are you waiting for!" Linebeck called from above deck.
Abel put a steadying hand on the boy's shoulder while Rusl smiled warmly at him. "Better get going, son."
The boy looked between them, adn then the Fierce Deity, and then he nodded, saying softly, "Thank you. Thank you for taking care Linebeck."
With that, the kid ran outside, and Rusl laughed. Abel had to chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all.
"Let's get through this gate and seal it," Abel suggested. "We can read the journal after we get out of here. The less likely they can come back, the better."
Fierce's reply was cut off by voices from above.
"Linebeck, look! It's Jolene's ship!"
"Of course it is, I stole it!"
"But then why is your ship over there?"
"What?! My ship was--that's my ship!"
"Oh! I think I see Jolene on it!"
"She fixed my ship? SHE STOLE MY SHIP??"
Rusl and Abel exchanged a look, and then they both snickered.
Fierce glanced hesitantly above deck, but Abel shook his head. "Leave him to his fate. Clearly this is not their first encounter, and they've managed without us. We should go."
With that, the three men strode forward, preparing for another adventure.
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jtl-fics · 7 months
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Fluent Freshman - 41
PREV
Two and a half hours into the Banquet and FF had not moved from the chair he had sat in at the start of the banquet. He hadn’t gotten up for water. Hadn’t gotten up to go to the bathroom. Hadn’t gotten up to dance despite Nicky’s pleading. He hadn’t even gotten up when a Raven had come over and asked him to.
He was not leaving his seat.
The stadium could be on fire and he’d still try to be the last one out.
Until there was a time where he could slide out of this chair without a single eye on him and put on his winter jacket without it seeming strange he was going to remain seated.
The answer on why was under his precisely placed napkin.
It had all begun about an hour and fifteen minutes ago, not that FF was counting. Dinner had been wrapping up and people had started to get up and jostle about. Flirtations were flying across the table and generally over FF’s head. The team had been smiling, there’d been laughter, and it had seemed unlikely for anything to go wrong.
He relaxed and that’s where he made a mistake.
FF could not eat the meal served. He’d had his liquid dinner on the way over on the bus so it didn’t bother him much to have a decent looking meal in front of him and not being able to eat it. He wasn’t going to eat so he hadn’t even unwrapped his cutlery, wanting to save the clean up crew from at least his set of utensils. He hadn’t placed the napkin over his lap to protect himself, what danger could there possibly be when he was not going to be eating?
The danger came when a Trojan smacked the table hard as he laughed at something that he had taken as a joke but, knowing Kevin, was probably a serious suggestion.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin.
Hit the table hard enough to jostle FF’s plate and more specifically a meatball that was with the pasta served with the beef tenderloin so that it fell off of his plate and onto his lap.
Fell right onto his unprotected lap.
FF had looked down at his gray pants now irreversibly blemished by the errant meatball. His mind flashing back to when Nicky had decided on these pants. Remembers how Nicky hadn’t wanted him to vanish in the lower lighting of the banquet.
FF had grabbed his cutlery and put the napkin over his lap, far too late to save his pants, but fast enough that no one would see that he had spaghetti pants.
After that the trajectory of his evening had changed dramatically.
He was going to sit here all night until they were getting into the bus and then he’d have his winter jacket on and it was a long jacket that would cover his mark of shame. You might think that FF could just slip under the radar and go try and clean off the stain or at least hide somewhere less conspicuous.
He would, he really would, except he can feel the eyes of Captain Jeremy on him regardless of how low his presence is. FF entered into Ultra Stealth but Captain Jeremy merely turned to him and asked a friendly question that had Nicky startle remembering that FF was next to him still. 
Captain Jeremy has x-ray vision and can see the wall behind the wallpaper. Captain Jeremy can see colors that mantis shrimp can only dream of. Captain Jeremy is standing in some secret government office pointing on the radar as CIA and Military officials look on going “What are you talking about he’s right here?” with a smile.
Captain Jeremy was the kid that ate all the cheap fruit on a dessert table before he looked at the cake when he was a kid.
It’s the first time in his entire life that he’d been completely unable to slip below someone’s attention and if it were any other time he might feel good about that. Might enjoy the idea of being seen and having the attention of someone like Captain Jeremy on him.
Except FF has Spaghetti Pants.
FF cannot escape the man’s determination to ‘make it up’ to him after Aaron had let slip that FF had a restraining order against one of his brothers.
FF insisted that it was okay.
Captain Jeremy insisted on making sure he had a good time.
FF insisted that a good time for him would be to sit at this table all night by himself. He kept to himself that what would really make it would be for him to sit without anyone around to notice he had spaghetti pants.
Captain Jeremy seemed to think that it was due to the still healing stomach injury and insisted on at least keeping him company then, unaware of the unvoiced second part.
So Captain Jeremy of the USC Trojans had declared himself FF’s banquet buddy. A man that was friends or at least friendly with almost every single player here at the banquet.
He looks around the banquet and sees the various tense standoffs at the other tables. These were men and women who would find even the smallest thing and never let you forget it.
He doesn’t know what he’d do if they realize he had spaghetti pants.
How does one recover on the court when the person you’re up against can remember the cold December evening that you dumped a meatball on your pants? He can already hear the jeering nicknames.
He wants to sink into his seat but he’s afraid to shift at all, worried he’ll dislodge the napkin in some way and the newest person coming up to say ‘Hi’ to Jeremy Knox will notice the marinara stain on his pants.
While Jeremy was distracted he did try to wet Nicky’s disposed of napkin to perhaps clean himself off a bit except before he could a Raven came up to him, “Come with me.” a large Raven Backliner says, jerking his head towards the bathrooms.
“No thank you.” FF answers in return, “I don’t need to do that.” he says assuming that the Backliner had seen him shift in his seat and assume he needed to use the restroom.
The Raven Backliner stood for a few moments as if waiting for him to change his mind but then Captain Jeremy’s attention snapped back, “Can we help you with something?” Captain Jeremy asks and his friendly demeanor had vanished.
“I-” The Raven Backliner started to say before seemingly deciding that it wasn’t worth it and walked away.
Captain Jeremy and him continued to talk. They had somehow fallen onto the SAW movie franchise and FF could admit that he was surprised that the Trojan Captain had watched the series.
“You need to come with me.” A Raven Striker says coming up and interrupting the two of them as they talked about the ethics of SAW. FF believed that it was all well and good to learn to appreciate life but there had to be simpler ways to go about teaching that. Jeremy didn’t disagree, he just also thought that sometimes there were some people who Jigsaw never intended to redeem and those people may have deserved their fates.
FF tilts his head, “Do I?” he asks since it didn’t seem like the ERC had made any sort of announcement and she seems utterly and completely perplexed by his response.
The girl looks at him, looks over her shoulder, looks back at him, “Yes?” she responds sounding so unsure that even FF wouldn’t believe her.
“I don’t think he does.” Captain Jeremy interrupts gaze utterly cooled from the warm one he had been giving FF throughout their philosophical debate.
The Raven Striker looks cowed and FF almost feels bad for her but not bad enough to console her when he has spaghetti pants.
She leaves.
FF and Captain Jeremy’s conversation shifts to winter break plans. Captain Jeremy is going home to his family and he’s taking Jean Moreau with him. “I think my mom likes him more than she likes me sometimes.” Jeremy laughs heartily. “He deserves nice holidays though so I’m always happy to bring him up.” he says voice and features going soft as he looks to where Jean Moreau was standing with a raised eyebrow next to Andrew as Kevin and Neil were having some animated conversation.
FF talks about his own plans with the Foxes and how he’ll be spending the break with them. He thinks Captain Jeremy looks a little sad about that but whatever sadness there is Captain Jeremy moves past it quickly and starts to ask if he had plans to go anywhere specific in New York. He heartily recommends the LEGO store when FF says he’s never been.
“Someone important wishes to speak with you.” An Offensive Dealer from the Ravens says and he looks like he’s about to shake apart as he stands in front of them.
“Who?” He asks, tilting his head and sipping his water.
The Dealer looks at him.
“Is it that hard of a question to answer?” Captain Jeremy asks voice stern once again.
“He’s…Master is-” The Dealer goes paler and Smith can’t help but pull out his handkerchief from his front suit pocket as he sees the Dealer break out into a cold sweat.
“You don’t look well, maybe you should sit down?” he asks with his handkerchief extended in offer. The man looks at him and then the handkerchief and then takes it. “Thank you.” he says 
“Wow a handkerchief? My pocket square is just a fake one sewed in.” Captain Jeremy laughs jovial once again as the Raven took a seat shakily.
“It’s something my dad used to always say.” Smith thinks about the additional handkerchiefs in his pockets. “A gentleman always has a handkerchief on hand to help.” He pulls out a second one, “A real gentleman has two.” he adds and folds the new handkerchief into shape for the pocket square again.
Captain Jeremy laughs, “Sounds like a great guy! He must be happy you took his advice to heart.” he says and it doesn’t hurt that bad when Captain Jeremy is saying it since he’s saying something so nice.
“I hope so.” he agrees and doesn’t feel like ruining the mood.
Captain Jeremy turns his attention back onto the Raven who has taken a seat and his eyes soften on the Raven, “Wow you really are pale. Not a lot of sunlight in the Nest?” he asks.
The Dealer swallows, now visibly the most nervous person at the table which is saying something considering that FF is at the table.”I-I’m just pale naturally.” he denies.
“Sit and talk with us until you feel better.” Captain Jeremy insists, “What’s your name by the way?” he asks.
“Michael.” He answers awkwardly.
“Great, my name is Jeremy,” Captain Jeremy points at himself, “and this is Smith. So, have you ever been to New York City before?” he asks
Captain Jeremy, FF, and Michael chat at length about Michael’s New York pizza recommendations. Captain Jeremy asks about some of the places he has been in New York and the longer Michael is there chatting the more color comes to his face and the more vehement he becomes that Captain Jeremy managed to pick all the worst places by accident.
“You’re kidding me! It was 10 bucks a slice, it has to be good!” Captain Jeremy exclaims looking as if Michael was telling him Santa and the Easter Bunny weren’t real.
“If you’re paying more than $2.50 it’s a rip.” Michael insists passionately. “If it’s more expensive than the subway ticket then it’s a racket!” he slams his fist down at the table.
“You mean to tell me that I was lied to by that person I followed on Twitter?” Captain Jeremy asks, appalled.
“Swindled.” Michael insists.
“Christ, I’ve given that recommendation to so many people.” Captain Jeremy and while gesturing he puts his elbow in his own remaining spaghetti, “Oh shit.” he says. Smith looks at the black suit jacket and thinks about a future one step to the left where he had on black pants and a black suit jacket.
“I’m sure it’s good.” FF tries to comfort offering Jeremy his third handkerchief, this one from his left pocket since the one in his breast pocket was a specific color for the ‘look’ that Nicky had wanted. “It’s just not representative of a New York slice,” he adds.
“Thanks Smith.” Captain Jeremy takes the handkerchief wetting it with the glass of water nearby and wiping away the excess of marinara and spaghetti. “I’m going to go wash this off and try to dry it for you.” he says holding the handkerchief up.
“You don’t have to do that.” FF says but Jeremy is waving him off as he stands.
“Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” he says and heads off.
FF turns to Michael, “So I shouldn’t trust anything more than $2.50?” he asks.
Michael shakes his head and turns to look at FF, “Absolutely not.” he says with a smile before FF can see his eyes flick away and he stiffens. “Hey, it’s…” he looks down and the handkerchief, “it’s been nice chatting with you but… is there anyway we can take this conversation somewhere else?” he asks.
FF blinks, “No, I’m not getting up until the party is over.” Smith declines because by this point the stain has set. There is no stealthily cleaning it now that Captain Jeremy has left.
“So, you’ll get up once the banquet is over?” Michael asks leaning across the table and as he does that Smith can see a fairly ugly bruise on the Dealer’s forehead.
“I’ll have to won’t I?” he asks because despite the not-zero possibility that he’ll get left behind by the team again. His gaze shifts to Nicky who is leaning heavily against Matt as the two sway back and forth dancing and laughing. Probably about 50/50 at this point, depending on how quickly FF can make his way out of the stadium.
Michael looks at him and there’s something in his eyes that feels saddened, “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” he says before rising to his feet. “Thank you for this.” he says and hands the handkerchief back. FF can’t help but notice how there was a schmear of make-up on it.
The Dealer walks off and FF waves him off with the handkerchief before sliding it back into his right pocket, where he kept dirty handkerchiefs. He lets his eyes wander across the banquet. He sees Aaron and Katelyn slow dancing to a song that is not a slow dance. He sees Kevin and Jean now in the middle of a passionate conversation. Jack is pouting by the punch bowl with a few other Sophomores patting him on the back. Sheena is seemingly trying to flirt with the older bartender. Nicky and Matt have somehow only gotten sloppier in the 2 minutes between when he last looked at them and now. Captain Neil and Andrew are at the dessert table and he sees Andrew offering Captain Neil a chocolate covered strawberry. He sees a gaggle of his fellow freshmen huddled together all sipping their drinks nervously he moves to wave them over back to the table. Threat of the reveal of his spaghetti pants aside he’s not used to be alone anym-
“What the fuck did you just say?!” He hears behind him.
“I said what I said. She wasn’t even that hot! Get over it!” Another mocking voice.
“That’s it!” the sound of glass shattering and all hell breaks loose.
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MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
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tongue---tied · 1 year
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marblerose-rue · 7 months
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gardenoflupins · 29 days
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Assassin AU / @wolfstarmicrofic / 874 words
CW: sexual conversation
“You look bored, how about I take you to bed instead?” Sirius whispers in Remus’s ear.
Remus jolts, spinning to look at Sirius with wide eyes. Sirius suppresses a smirk.
Sirius had been hired to kill Lyall Lupin’s son, Remus Lupin, and he was going to be paid a hefty amount for it.
He knew that Lyall worked at the ministry. This wasn’t the first time he’d been hired to kill one of its members. His client harboured strong animosity towards Lyall and wanted to kill his son out of spite. That made Sirius’s job easier. Killing an important government official was always a hassle. He’s sure mini Lupin would have become just like his father anyway.
Sirius completed his assassinations in various ways depending on the context. Sometimes he’d go to their homes and kill them directly. Other times he’d poison them. His favourite technique, however, was to seduce them. It left them vulnerable and unassuming.
Sirius had been watching Remus the past hour to get an impression of him. So far, the man seemed reserved and awkward. Sirius decided on his seduction technique because Remus kept glancing at him and Sirius knew what those looks meant.
Remus’s entire face goes red at his words and he stutters unintelligibly. Eventually he laughs nervously and Sirius takes that as cue to lean towards him.
Remus shoots his hands up to stop Sirius from moving, hands on Sirius’s chest.
Perhaps Sirius had read him wrong. He looks into the other’s eyes to get a better feel of the situation. Remus’s eyes were still wide but he looked innocently confused.
“Unless you prefer the old fashioned way where I take you out first,” Sirius says, undeterred.
“I— oh god,” Remus replies, “I’m so bad at this, please don’t put me on the spot.”
This pulls a surprised laugh out of Sirius. “No need to be nervous, I can lead and take control,” he says with heavy implication.
Remus wets his lips, eyes darting around before they fall to his feet. He drops his hands to his sides.
He says nothing.
Doubt creeps into Sirius. Had he read the situation wrong? Was Sirius not what Remus wanted? It left him feeling unnerved and slightly agitated.
“Not interested, then?” Sirius asks calmly.
Remus continues avoiding his eyes, face flushed. “I am so terribly embarrassed,” he responds softly.
Understanding dawns on him and Sirius has to bite down on his lip. “One of the shy ones?”
Remus’s eyes flicker up at him then back down. “Unfortunately.”
Sirius leans against the bar, remaining close to the other. “It’s alright, I’m good at coaxing eye contact when I’m sleeping with someone. I’ll reward you with lots of praise, I promise.”
Remus chokes and snaps his head up to Sirius, his eyes going impossibly wide. “You—“ He takes a deep, shaky breath. “You can’t just— say things like that.”
Sirius pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, trying to hide his smile. He was leaning into his role as the seducer but it came easily to him. Remus was someone he would have slept with outside of work. Sirius’s eyes linger on his lips and he watches Remus swallow nervously at Sirius’s attention.
Remus’s breaths were coming out short, mouth slightly open and skin flushed.
Sirius moves to gently pull him in by the waist. “Don’t you want to taste me?”
His eyes flutter shut and he groans in response.
To Sirius, it was the sound of victory.
“I— Please,” he breathes out.
“Good boy,” Sirius murmurs, fingers rubbing delicate circles on his waist. “That’s it.”
Remus opens his eyes and Sirius is thrown off-kilter at the tender gaze. “I can’t. I want it— badly, but my father won’t allow it.”
Sirius blinks. His curiosity ignited. “Why not?”
Remus glances away bitterly. “He doesn’t want anyone to see me.”
This answers nothing and leaves Sirius with more questions. Seeing this, Remus offers him a kind smile. “Thank you for the offer, you’re quite gorgeous.”
Sirius feels a bit tingly. He won’t lie and say he wasn’t intrigued (in more ways than one) but he had a job to do. He didn’t need to seduce Remus to be able to kill him.
Someone pulls Remus rather harshly out of his grip. Sirius looks at Lyall Lupin’s sour expression.
“I’ve finished discussing with the others. Let’s go.” His hand is firm on Remus’s shoulder.
Skilled in picking up pieces of information, Sirius’s eyes cut to where a small group of men are leaving the bar. His gaze comes back to Lyall who is scowling at him while sending concerned looks to his son. Remus isn’t looking at either of them.
Sirius takes in Remus’s scars and he feels like he is seeing him for the first time. The scars closely resembled the ones his current client had.
The puzzle started forming in Sirius’s mind. It was just out of reach.
Lyall protectively pulls Remus away and Remus sends Sirius a mournful look.
Yes, it looked like Lyall was harbouring a secret regarding his son and Sirius would be damned if he didn’t figure it out. He had a feeling it had everything to do with the man that hated Lyall.
Fenrir Greyback.
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