Jin ZiXuan: I feel my siblings intentionally chose the scariest people they could find just to mess with me. Nie MingJue looks like he would start benchpressing me at the drop of a hat. Wen Qing has got plans for my liver and not all of them involve Fava beans and Chianti. I'd say the delinquent is the least scary of them all. He is just like those neurotic chihuahuas trying to bite your ankle.

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.A-Qing: That would be 82.90. Would you like extra napkins?

He is giving dead and done but he still has to serve and HE IS SERVING

Yanli: You forgot to do the dishes, right?

Wei Ying, drinking out of a vase: No, why?

Redraw on a meme that’s based on a scene from Brooklyn99. It’s dumb, and it’s so flawed but fun was had.

Modern equivalent of the most eligible cultivator thing is a poll (probably made by Nie Huaisang) and right after the final results go live Wei Wuxian leaves an incredibly detailed rant in the comments about how Lan Wangji should be ranked number one and everyone that chose Xichen over him is a coward that just can't handle a hot person being a little mean (no homo)

I have no excuse for this

he’s sooo angy

jin ling: *just became a sect leader and is ready to do sect leader things*

random cultivators: hey, is your uncle single?

jin ling: what if i was suicidal? what if that was my last straw?

I just realised something. Jin Ling better get an expert matchmaker when he grows up. Lord, he's surrounded by the most rizzless people ever!

Who is this boy going to learn from? His dad, the martyr to chronic foot-in-mouth disease? Jiang Cheng, the man boycotted by all the matchmakers? Wei Wuxian, disaster gay? Lan Wangji, lord of let me bite you to tell you how I feel?

mfw i’m only 16 and have single-handedly made several of the most powerful cultivators cry simply by calling them stupid and telling a few “yo mama” jokes without any repercussions from the elders of my own clan who let me do/say whatever the hell i want because they’ve given up on trying to stop me

Incorrect MDZS quotes

Wei Wuxian: **drops wearily into a seat and calls over the inn keep** Fuck me, what a day. Give me all the wine and spicy food you have.

Inn keep: Of course sir! I will bring that out right awa---

Wei Wuxian: No listen to me. You heard what I just said and you are probably thinking “I’m going to bring this guy a shit ton of wine and spicy food.” That is not what I asked. 

Innkeep: Sir? I...

Wei Wuxian: **Intensely** I said give me ALL the wine and ALL the spicy food you have. 

Jiang Cheng: Go fuck yourself.

Huaisang, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch

we should be grateful that Wei Wuxian choose a flute to perform his demonic summonings. That little gremlin could have perfectly showed up from the Burial Mounds with a fucking vuvuzela