Wei Wuxian: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Lan Wangji: I wake up at 5am
Wei Wuxian:
Wei Wuxian: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
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Lan Qiren teaching: the Lan forehead ribbon is proof of discipline and restraint
Wei Wuxian: it sure restrains ill tell you that
Lan Qiren:
Wei Wuxian:
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Lan Xichen: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?
Lan Wangji: Do not do that.
Lan Xichen: You won’t even notice!
Wei Wuxian, entering: Zewu-Jun, you wanted to see me again?
Lan Xichen: Wangji's single
Lan Wangji:
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And again! Bwahaha I can’t be stopped!
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Wei Wuxian, totally oblivious: Lan Zhan, I hope our kids are best friends someday!
Lan Wangji, not batting an eye: That's nice. I hope our kids are siblings.
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a-yuan: i want that
lan wangji: sure
wei wuxian: no
lan wangji, shocked: ....what
wei wuxian: you already have a lot of toys sweetie, you don't need another one
lan wangji, still shocked: how can you say no to your child?
wei wuxian:
wei wuxian: *look at teary a-yuan* no
lan wangji: *shocked gasp*
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Lan Jingyi: I am melting out here! Someone turn off the sun!
Wei Wuxian: sure
Jin Ling: say what now?
Wei Wuxian: *makes weird hand moves*
Ouyang Zizhen: don't tell me Mister Wei can turn of the sun with demonic cultivation?!
Wei Wuxian: done!
Lan Sizhui: nothing happened...
Wei Wuxian: well yeah. It takes six hours for the full effect!
Jin Ling: that's just the sunset! *stomps foot*
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Wei Wuxian in the Burial Mounds
Wei Wuxian: Here, Lan Zhan, have a nice hot cup of tea!
Lan Wangji: It's cold.
Wei Wuxian: Nice cup of tea!
Lan Wangji: Mm.
Wei Wuxian: Cup of tea.
Lan Wangji: *disbelieving look*
Wei Wuxian: CUP.
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Lan Qiren: Wangji, no!
Lan Wangji: Wangji yes.
Lan Xichen: Wangji, no!
Lan Wangji: Wangji... maybe?
Wei Wuxian: Lan Zhan, no 🥺!
Lan Wangji: Lan Zhan no 🥺.
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Lan Zhan: Did it hurt?
Wei Wuxian: When I fell from heaven?
Lan Zhan: When I bit you in the Slaughter Xuanwu cave?
Wei Wuxian:
Lan Zhan:
Wei Wuxian: yes, that hurt Lan Zhan
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Lan Qiren: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Lan Shizui(apologetically): I've ben zoned out bor the past 2 and ½ hours
Jin Ling(trying and failing to lie): I got distracted about halfway through
Lan Jingyi: Ignoring you was a conscious decision
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Lan Wangji: I know you snuck out last night, Wei Ying.
Nie Huaisang, whispering: Play dumb!
Wei Wuxian: Who's Wei Ying?
Nie Huaisang: NOT THAT DUMB!
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WWX, programmer, ex-govt hacker: i really don't get this!
LWJ, husband: what's wrong, Wei Ying?
WWX: why do they only make girl porn bots?
LWJ:...what?
WWX: like why aren't hot men trying to make me click on shady links? Maybe i would if they did.
LWJ:
LWJ: i refuse to let that statement make me jealous. It does, but i refuse it.
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Jiang Cheng: What are you drinking?
Wei Wuxian: Vodka.
Jiang Cheng: Straight?
Wei Wuxian: No, gay. Why?
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Lan Jingyi: I want to become a billionaire like Wei Wuxian
Lan Sizhui: What??
Jin Ling: Wei Wuxian is a billionaire???
Lan Jingyi: No
Lan Jingyi: He wants to become a billionaire too
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Future teller: One of your family will die.
Jiang Chen: Which one? If it's my brother he might be faking it, Wei Ying does that sometimes.
Husband ver.
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