i tend to trust the youtubers with garfield plushies in their background the most

So, about the fighting over jungkook's new album, i saw that too. You see, you guys a fanfic writer, a creator, that makes you guys artists too somehow. So lemme ask you a question;

Say you posted a snippet of your upcoming fic just some tags abt it, after coming out of long long writer block, the fic was about some topic you never touched before. People went batshit crazy, calling you names, a sell out, lazy ass mf, how they didnt 'expect it' from you, but they havent even read the whole fic, let alone hearing to you out about the whole process?

so, what would you do about it? what would you FEEL about it?

Oh i bet you'd feel awful, let down, confused, maybe a lil bit anger with attitude of "Oh you know what, I dont owe YOU anything. MY fic, MY story." or something along the line some of you writers always preach up, right?

Hell, yes. it is true. just like you people dont owe us anything, NEITHER does Jungkook. Whatever feeling you have abt the album thats NOT EVEN OUT YET, it's a YOU problem.

acting like you're on a high horse just bcs you think you KNEW better than him and then acting out when people confront abt it. you're the one who's disrespecting him. why does this happen everytime and why do some of you still care.

This ONE album does not ERASE Jungkook's and BTS history. it's just an album. If it doesnt 'vibe' with you no more then the way out is over there. Easy.

see, with messages like these i can never tell whether you're talking about a general 'you' or me specifically, too. bc the only thing i said was that i'm sad he didn't write or produce any of the songs bc i'm more a still with you kinda girly.. that's just my personal taste in music, and the songs he didn't write/produce were good but not 100% my style, is all. i'm still curious about his album and would never judge its sound when — as you said — idek what it'll be like.

your comparison to fics makes sense, and yes, most of us creators would be offended if someone said these things, but i still think people are allowed to say what they feel. i haven't seen anyone blatantly discredit or invalidate the work bts has done so far, and if they did, i'm sorry you had to see it. most of the discourse i've seen is more about ppl either not vibing with the album or others bashing others for not vibing with it. we all still love bts and consider them a safe space — one album will definitely not make anyone forget the things they've done for us. those who do... i don't claim those armys lol. and i think people can have opinions without thinking jungkook owes us anything, just like i know some ppl might not like my fics without thinking i owe them good stories, does that make sense? just. in general, as you mentioned, we should just stop caring about what other people think, yk.

bc if we told armys who are disappointed or not liking this phase to keep their opinion to themselves, ppl will stop expressing themselves altogether, and that's not fair. and i guess that's why armys are often scared to air their thoughts, too.

(yj death anon) thank you for giving me the tally! idk why but i didn’t realize there was two seasons even though i saw the numbers on gifsets lol. which death was the most painful for you? did any of them make you mad? and were any of them disappointing?

i think what hits so hard about a lot of yellowjackets deaths is you see them coming a mile off and you know it's gotta happen but (for me anyway) you love them so much you keep hoping they're gonna hold on a little longer, and when they finally go it's almost a relief to stop having to hope for them. and then you get to watch the surviving characters (emotionally and/or physically) cannibalize that character and the grief just stunts them more and more. so it tends to be emotionally devastating but really enjoyable.

natalie's death was literally just yesterday so i havent wrapped my head around that as much yet and it goes crazy bc shes absolutely always been one of my favorite characters, in both the teen and adult timelines i get so excited every time she's on the screen. so to watch her adult counterpart die and know we're not gonna see her again is definitely a blow and i wonder if i'm going to enjoy the adult timeline as much without her. a lot of ppl are big mad about her death but from a narrative standpoint, i saw it coming, and i wouldn't say it 100% had to happen but i get why they did it.

there are other deaths, like javi for example who we just lost last week, where you really dont want to see it happen and it doesn't feel good but it makes perfect sense within the story. javi's death recontextualized everything we've ever seen about adult natalie and made her make so much sense. in season 1 it was kind of similar with jackie and shauna, where we knew the whole time jackie was going to die but we didn't know how or when - and to see that it was shauna's fault made adult shauna suddenly make so much sense. with javi it's a lot harder for me personally to sit with bc he's really just a kid, i think he's like 14 maybe? so yeah just really really awful to see, i had to look away for some of the scenes dealing with his body.

i think the most painful death tho is shauna's baby, which, you're not even really attached to the baby itself while watching bc you don't get to have any time with it but that episode is so unbelievably painful for shauna, and sophie nelisse (the actress) was truly going for all the fucking awards. shauna at this point has lost and cannibalized her best friend, gone into labor while severely malnourished, hallucinated holding her baby and him being alive and healthy, only to wake up and find that he never lived at all. we see her have a (not fully addressed tbh) bit of a psychotic break where she believes that everyone ate her baby and it's truly so fucking brutal.

one thing tho is that despite the brutality these deaths do not feel gratuitous and i really appreciate that. they make sense within the story and affect the other characters in ways that i can understand.

i cant believe im saying this, but i actually enjoy playing re2 (remake). i havent played an actual video game in years so i think i'll probably fiddle around with a bit, watch some hurt/dying scenes, and stop touching the game after a week because i couldnt play. but i really really like it! not just for leon. one thing i like most is the atmosphere.

its been a long time since i got properly jumpscared, maybe in 2020 when i watched i am sophie, so this is a welcome surprise. i like getting scared actually, i just find it hard to be spooked or surprised in most situations. i love it when the zombies suddenly grab you from behind, i love it when they ambush right after you turn back from a door, i love it when i enter a dark hallway and shine a flashlight only to find a zombie that has been standing completely still and so close to me without noticing suddenly comes alive. i love it when im in a room exploring and the steady thumping suddenly erupts into a sound of breaking glass and a zombie stumbled in to fight me. i love it when dead bodies are dangling off the ceiling. i love it when i have to dread going up the stairs because a zombie would throw itself at the window nearby and you can never tell how long will the wooden boards would hold up.

and especially, that creepy thing with no skin. with all the brains and organs out in the open. its sooo scary. the terror i felt when i set up the c4 and the noises just came at me. i actually forgot that room actually has those creatures roaming around and i only remember AFTER i set up the bomb! i instantly ran to the corner near the door to shield myself from the blast, make sure none of those fuckers are creeping up at me from behind, and have close access to the exit just in case i have to bail. well, apparently those unholy perversion of human flesh decided to jump at me from the open ceiling! awesome! i love it when leon frantically stab at the creature and wasted half of our shotgun ammos just to make sure its dead! not a good decision in hindsight but we were spooked! the immersion of this game is top notch! it was sooo satisfying to get all of the puzzles. ALL OF THE PUZZLES.

have i told you how much i like the puzzles? i purposely try to not read any game walkthrough and blindly feel the museum / police station so i can fully explore the place on my own terms and it was just. so much fun. guys this is just like homestuck! aksnksxnzns anyways! ugh. it took a lot of backtracking and getting lost but i do adore the feeling of being confused amidst a sea of gore. it get me to look at things a lot closer because i dont know which one are relevant game clues and which ones are just props. it feels so satisfying when i solved things on my own and its just. SO PRETTY. the visuals! not to be a horror freak but the art and sfx are just sooo beautiful. the blood splatters are exquisitely done, the corpses, the zombies, the body mutations, its so gory. i wish i can kneel on one of the downed policemen so i can take in the details of their gored neck! i kinda want to poke at it lol. and the environment art for the museums are beautiful too. but if i have to see this irl i would wonder what kind of budget mismanagement that happens in the city to repurpose a fucking cultural center to be a police office.

right now, im trapped in the parking lot. before that, i went to the hidden pathway under the giant sculpture. i was disappointed at first at the lack of sprawling rooms. there was only a bunch of handgun ammos and some herbs and some construction items barring the way. now where should i go next? and then, that giant mutated zombie came. FUCK.

look, that was the best but also the most horrifying parts i've seen yet. i only have a grenade, a handgun, and a shotgun with exactly five bullets. i ran circles trying to find an exit but i was trapped! and everything got foggier and foggier and i cant see clearly let alone open a fucking map to get my bearings! and everytime i got caught my health dropped from fine to critical! what the fuck! the scene was gruesome too! but i didnt die tho. just so you know. i did finish off that thing with two grenades and a handgun. this game is so fun. im excited to explore everything! and i cant wait to see more of ada. the first thing we see of her is saving us from a rabid dog! that is so cool. i like how she told leon off to stop minding her business. she looks cute but she is so cool and awesome... *sigh*

and other than that... haha. i have to admit leon is cute. i feel bad making him run when his health is in caution because he sound ragged and tired. i like the tiny details in his idle animations and, lets just say im a little bit flustered sometimes. i cant wait to get off work so i can play this game again!

anyway, anybody knows good nsfw resident evil fanartists? so far i only find @/IOHMzgd on twitter.

mid-year book freakout tag

I was tagged by @flitwickslittlebrotha – thanks!! 💖 (sorry it took me so long to see this in my mentions 😓)

Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021      The Knockout Queen by Rufi Thorpe; it was the first new book I read this year and I think it ruined me – I havent had another 5 star read since :// Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021:      #murderfunding by Gretchen McNeil was some good, campy fun, and far surpassed the previous book. Honorable mention to The Heart Forger by Rin Chupeco, bc I really haven’t read many sequels. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To:      All Kinds of Other by James Sie. But I also don’t pay all that much attention to new releases, so I can list them all lol: Tell No Tales by Sam Maggs & Kendra Wells, The Captain (Tales of the Wendy #3) by Erin Michelle Sky & Steven Brown, and Peaces by Helen Oyeyemi. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021:      Out of Character by Annabeth Albert – it comes out July 6th, and since I’m typing this in the wee hours of July 5th, it qualifies :P Biggest Disappointment:      On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers; I bought this book back when potc4 came out and finally got around to it and it was NOT worth waiting 10+yrs for lmao. Honorable mention to The 2000s Made Me Gay by Grace Perry, which is a good book, but didn’t meet my (high) expectations. Biggest Surpise:      Again, The Knockout Queen, but runner up is Squared Away by Annabeth Albert; I’ve read most of this romance series, so I thought I knew exactly what to expect, but then a demisexual main character threw me for the biggest loop in the best way. Favorite New Author:      Rin Chupeco is the only new author I’ve read multiple books (2) by, and I do love her writing. Rufi Thorpe and Torrey Peters are gonna be faves soon, but I’ve only read one from each of them so far. Newest Fictional Crush:      Kate Kane (Iron & Velvet), Jas Singh (Girl Gone Viral), Kalen & Khalad, (The Bone Witch trilogy), and don’t @ me about this – James Hook (Tales of the Wendy trilogy)      [me: i don’t crush on characters anymore      also me: no no, they could get it] Newest Favorite Character:      Maybe it’s just because I read it so recently, but Reese, Katrina, and Ames from Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters really stuck with me. They felt so real and complex and true, like they were neighbors I could go visit. Book That Made You Cry This Year:      The Knockout Queen (again) and Detransition, Baby (again). Normally, I cry all the time – happy, sad, overwhelmed, etc, but I do think The Knockout Queen truly ruined me. After I finished it, I closed the ebook and just wept in the dark for a solid half hour. The only thing that’s come close since was Detransition, Baby, which was more overemotional/‘choked up’ than actual tears. Book That Made You Happy This Year:      The Wendy by Erin Michelle Sky and Steven Brown exceeded my expectations and was a fun adventure story, and again, Squared Away giving me a demi character in a romance novel made me practically giddy lol Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year:      Does The Irregulars on netflix count? I don’t think I’ve seen any this year. Inversely, I’m reading The Princess Bride by WIlliam Goldman and enjoying it just as much as the movie. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year:      Shocker: The Knockout Queen. But I’m also gonna be salty bc I think I’m better at writing 1 star reviews, so I’m also partial to my review of The Wishsong of Shannara by Terry Brooks and The Loch by Steve Alten. Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year:      Radio Silence by Alice Oseman; I haven’t rly bought any books this year and when I have theyre either gifts or ones I’ve already read. This I bought w a xmas gift card lol What Books Do You Need To Read By the End of the Year:      Starsight by Brandon Sanderson (I’ve borrowed a copy I should eventually return lol), and aside from the stuff i’m in the middle of, I’d like to get around to Wicked by Gregory Maguire, Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, and Maurice by EM Forester. Those are soft goals though, I think I’ve actually gotten through most of the books I’d wanted to read this year.

damn that got long lol. uhhm who reads? I’m tagging @sp-aced-out, @alianvna, @waynedrake, @kimabutch, and @sunflowremoji (feel free to sit out if you don’t wanna!) And anyone else, if you see this and wanna participate, do it & tag me! I’d love to talk more books!

11 weeks tomorrow. having blood drawn this week for a few things including the panorama test which will tell us baby’s sex when we get the results! that is so exciting.  i still strongly feel it’s a boy but i’ll be happy either way. still just feeling nauseous pretty much all day which sucks. havent actually thrown up yet though which is a godsend because i definitely did by now with julia. still have only told my sil. and idk why, but i really dont have any desire to tell anyone else right now. even though we’re heading into typical “announcement” time frame. i havent pinpointed why exactly it is but its a mix of things i think. some of it is irrational, like are people going to judge us for having a baby during the pandemic. i mean, pandemic aside, i’ve worried about the “timing” of this baby since i found out about them, but like also, it doesnt matter because its happening. they’re meant to be and that’s the end of it. but also like. idk i know now what involvement our families have/will have with our children and its been disappointing as is (mostly on my side) and i’m not in the mood for anyone to pretend to be excited when i know they’re not going to be much of a part of my kid’s life anyway. i already know that is me and kevin on our own with this. we dont really have a village. we needed it more than ever when julia was born and all that went on with her medically and the trauma we all went through and...no family helped us. only my sil would offer to help. our friends were supportive through text and like, we have friends who live out of state who have literally visited, seen, and spent more time with julia than my own brother, her uncle. so yes we’re doing this in a pandemic and its scary on the health risk front but like when it comes to being isolated and having no village and all that i mean.. thats been our reality. i think we’ll be ok. i just dont feel like sharing my news with people who i feel dont really care that much about us. idk. its complicated. maybe i’ll just wait until it’s undeniable lol.

Review of Queen Of Theives

I’ll give a short review of each route and give it over all first season a score of 1-7! This is about as spoiler free as I can make it! This is mostly personal opinion though so take this with a grain of salt

Overall: I REALLY like queen of thieves, it’s quickly climbing my list of favorites, much to my shock and delight. I was skeptical of a new series after the disappointment sweet enchantments turned out to be (I was SO excited u guys ;-;) and even more so when I found out the thief series had a Latina MC, but once I got to actually reading it, I didn’t mind so much. It was actually pretty nice being able to see myself in this MC despite my early suspicions and complaints. I really respect the lack of predictablity these routes have. They’re MUCH less inclined to stick to a status quo as Lovestruck loves to do, every character (havent read Leon yet) has a different pace of progression, some developing faster or slower than others and I really enjoy that. It’s less “it’s episode 10 so now we kiss” and more “the events leading up to this scenario lead to this specific level of intimacy to maybe we’ll kiss right now or maybe we’re not even close to that” which if you’ve read my post about Lovestruck’s element of surprise, you’ll KNOW how absolutely relieved I am about it. This series is a much needed breath of fresh air and I’m here for it.

Nikolai: ohhh Boy,,, my favorite one 😔 Nikolai Stirling is a pan criminal mastermind who stole my WHOLE HEART. If you’ve read or at least heard of Lucien’s route you’ll know he takes the “Cold unfeeling man” trope a little too far, being just plain direspectful and rude. Nikolai is the opposite. Yes he does cater to this trope but unlike Lucien he is given likable characteristics early on and has a very charming and intriguing character dynamic with MC, which is the highlight of the route. There’s also this constant level of sexual tension that’s very exciting 😳 The plot itself is pretty thrilling and fun, if a little surprisingly simple. 7/7

Vivienne: What a woman! Vivienne Tang is a striking lesbian falling under the “sultry seductress” trope. Before Zoe was revealed I was hesitant about a seductress character, since Vivienne was the first woman we knew about. However, when I started reading I found I didn’t mind one bit, although mostly for..... biased reasons. I personally really enjoyed the level of sexual tension Vivienne’s route had to offer, although I’ve heard from some that it feels one sided to them. Her strength tricking people using her sexuality (even though the actual heist has little to do with that) so I’d argue that it’s good writing if even the reader is left feeling flustered and confused. Personally I love the heist itself and it’s got some fun twists. 7/7

Remy: Geez! This route is just plain fun. Remy Chevalier, is a bisexual French conman. He’s flowery, dramatic and romantic which is always a good time. Although I won’t spoil anything, he does show surprising moments of possessiveness and if the MC wasn’t so quick to assert her own independence I’d be a little worried. Nonetheless his character is very intriguing and likable. The highlight of this route is actually the heist and developing MC’s skills. I loved the thrill and sense of accomplishment this season had to offer, although it has nothing to do with MC’s actual talents in art which left me feeling somewhat confused. I also didn’t feel like Remy felt particular feelings for MC until the end of the season which felt a little worrying watching MC fall head over heels in love with him. I still very much enjoyed this season tho 6/7

Zoe: Oof. This route is somewhat of an enigma in comparison to most of the entire app. Zoe Banks is a cool lesbian hacker. She has an aloof persona and MC’s personality sort of shifts to foil it. MC is much more hyper, borderline manic in this route. She almost feels like a different person, but that’s not what’s odd about this route. It’s the surprising lack of romance/romantic tension especially compared to everything else we’ve seen within the series. It’s pretty risky to have a route be THIS slowburn but Zoe and MC’s friendship is still definitely delevoped the most, but many readers might not find it satisfying enough. The plot and heist is still pretty enjoyable and I liked it a decent amount. I also found myself really liking getting to know Zoe, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed in the lack of romance. 5/7

Jett: Jesus christmas. This route is wild. You know how so many routes are advertised as hot and cold, adventurous and passionate, but turn out to be kinda normal??? Yea no this one’s for real. Jett Slater, a bisexual daredevil with an appreciation for art, would not disappoint if you’re looking for excitement. This is the sort of “Let’s blow something up and make out” kinda route.  Every route advances differently in terms of physical and romantic affection and if there was a scale, Zoe would be on one side with Jett on the other. There’s little romantic developments, which is made up for with physical development which doesn’t happen very often with Lovestruck. Jett also has the most upfront character flaws which, although add nuance to his character, can lead the reader to be a bit frustrated with him. A couple times he comes across as a jerk but at the very least, MC doesn’t let herself get pushed around.  He’s also got the best mini cg’s lol. In terms of personal taste I didn’t like this route that much, but I think that’s more of a Me thing than anything else. 5/7

Leon: ohh geez. Oh shit oh fuc my heart. Leon is the token het and normally I think making ANY character het for no reason is a little obnoxious, I’ll let this one slide bc he’s the driver he has to b straight. Anyways I LOVE Leon. He’s as sweet, gentle and as old fashioned as I expected. He’s a surprisingly very compelling character. The things that make him jaded and mysterious aren’t necessarily different or unique compared to some of Lovestruck’s other characters, but learning about him through MC’s eyes feels impactful. She’s not more naive or childish which is a big relief. I also really enjoyed the heist, it was equal parts exciting and romantic. And oof that ending!! That’s all I’m saying. 7/7

Mid-year Book Freakout Tag 2020

thank you for tagging me @blaine-andersxn <3

disclaimer: i've been absolute fucking SHIT at reading this year lmaooo i literally started out the year rereading the Heroes of Olympus and it's almost july and i havent fucking finished so i've only read 6 books this year and i'm not gonna include the buttloads of fanfiction i've read XD except maybe All the Other Ghosts and Grey by rainjoy bc those were basically books so

Best book you've read so far in 2020: Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

Best sequel you've read so far in 2020: only sequel i've (re)read this year is Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan lol

New release you haven't read yet, but want to: You Should See Me In A Crown by Leah Johnson (among others lol)

Most anticipated release for second half of the year: The Lost Book of the White by Cassandra Clare

Biggest disappointment: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (i read it for school... it wasn't terrible but)

Biggest surprise: All The Other Ghosts and Grey by Rainjoy lmao yes its a fanfiction but wow i was fucking surprised by how good it is and how fucking invested i got in it (and the literal only other choice for this would be Chain of Gold bc the rest of the books i've read this year were HoO rereads and AToTC)

Favorite new author: i havent read any new authors this year except i guess rainjoy lol

Newest fictional crush/newest favorite character: i don't really have a new crush from Chain of Gold yet but Matthew Fairchild is probably my newest favorite character

Book that made you cry: i don't cry much at books or at anything... i don't think i've cried i've definitely gotten sad lol i think Chain of Gold got me close to crying but i don't think i did cry

A book that made you happy: The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan i was just happy to be rereading it and revisiting my bby Jason <3

Favorite book to film adaptation you saw this year: i don't think i've seen any??

Most beautiful book you've gotten this year: Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare and A Song of Wraiths and Ruin by Roseanne A. Brown they're both so pretty :3

What books do you need to read by the end of the year: SO. MANY. probably the one that's been on my tbr the longest and i have physically owned the longest is Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, i am ASHAMED to have not read this yet (yet i'm still here not reading it lasjdf;lkajdslfjadf i have to read it this year)

Tagging: I'm not gonna tag anyone bc idk who and i barely interact with anyone on this blog (lmao I just live on my glee sideblog now @kuiinncedes :3) so yeah lol but if you want to do this i tag you :)

How about Leo for that character thing?

ffffuck yes i have to put this one in a readmore bc i got carried away listing like 800 leo quotes 

How I feel about this characterhes one of my favorite royal sibs!!!!! probs tied with elise and takumi? or possibly my most fave?????? i was sad the whole time birthright bc i missed him and elise the whole time,,,, now that im playing conquest im sad bc i miss takumi lol. i love my tomato brother ;w; but he (and xander) is like the funniest fuckin character, oh my god. i love him so much. he makes me cry with laughter half the time he opens his mouth. hes this snarky little snob and he can’t dress himself for shit bc his clothes are always inside out or backwards (me too actually. every time i realize my shirt’s on wrong im instantly like Wow Leo Vibes). i love how in birthiright near the end theres this important emotional scene and hes gotten rid of iago and corrins like “hhhhey leo,,,? ur shirts inside out” and he just goes “DAMN IT.” his shop voice lines sound like a really sarcastic customer service voice. “Welcome. Goodbye~!”. so do xander’s??? i fucking die every time one of them is manning a shop oh my god i love themhis alts in feh make me s c r e a m hes so damn funny and dramatic.summer leo:“[grumbly voice] TANLINES… what, torture.”“If you are disappointed by these results then give me clothes”“Hot… beaches?hHHRRNNNNNN[aHEM], hate them.”“Tropical islands? Forget it! And this swimsuit? [snobby laughing tone] DONT even get me STARTED!”“Hey, if you like tropical islands, that’s fine. Maybe it’s not as bad as[randomly starts laughing???] I say.” like is he trying to be chill about it but just cant hold it together because the very idea of  a tropical idea is so absurd to him ?? hes so fuckign weird i love himGOD my ultimate favorite leo quote ever of all time tho is: “I actually like walking a beach at night. But… swim? In the ocean? [laughter, maybe nervous laughter i cant fucking tell] With my body?!?!???” WITH MY BODY?? i love him what the helland then he does that thing in the lvl40 five star convo where hes like “id be as red as a tomato if i got a sunburn???? fuck, how could i hate the sun if thats the case??? maybe ill go right now-” god hes so weird. i love that line regular leo does thats like “you’d never guess what vegetable really catches MY fancy! ………tomatoes…….”and then picnic leo omg. i probably screamed when i saw he was a free unit this spring i was SO HAPPY [as much as i love summer leo i dont actually have him and i cry that his banner hasnt returned this summer yet ;c]he grumbles when u poke him. he goes MMMMMM when you pick him up to take his turn. he complains about the sun, AGAIN.“i’m not used to this much sunlight! it’s…. nnggggg,,, blINDing..”“[offended voice] why are you being so SNEAKY? THIS is a PICNIC!” HhhhhhHHHHHH god lmao“[very proud voice] How does it taste? It must delicious, given I made it mySELF!” “What about this? I had my retainers prepare it for us.“ ik a lot of people say this contradicts his first line and one of them is a fucking lie, but i like to think this just means he made lunch with odin and niles and they did different parts and it’s soooooooooooooooooo cute to think about him cooking with his boys ;w; also he sounds so proud here too. hes so proud of his retainers and hes like “heh, mine are the best, they made this great food arent they wonderful i love them so much”“You want…to try some of my cooking? [gasp sigh huffy noise??] If you insist…” hes so excited someone wants to eat his cooking but he cant let anyone Know he has emotions lollies down… maybe leo really is my top fave LOL i just love his lines so much. i want to high five his voice actor for the delivery on these lines. that’s not even going into some of his supports in warriors that ive watcheed on youtube [plz everyone needs to see the one with frederick and leo. it always has me in tears. theyre SO FUNNY together ldjsfgbgf]chapter leo of birthright is probs one of my favorite chapters in fates. it was HARD AND ANNOYING but the dialogue made me weepy 

All the people I ship romantically with this characterodin and niles are fave….. they make a cute ot3!! i love how much he appreciates and cares for them and theyre all so good for each other… mr uptight leo and his chaos incarnate retainers to bring out his very secret dorky side… my BOYS!!!  i could go on and on about them for many paragraphs but this is already way too long lmfao oopsi also like leo and takumi of course lol. i havent played revelations yet but ive seen bits of their supports and also i just love the bickering enemies to lovers trope lol. this is my favorite panel from the 4koma comics

My non-romantic OTP for this characteri love the familial bonds between all the nohrian siblings but so far leo and elise is my fave sibling duo,,, but im biased bc so far ive only gotten theirs and camilla/xander’s lol. but even in hoshido i like the younger sibs plus older sibs duos. the idea of closeness in age forming a special bond is cute to me. i also like corrin and leo as having a close sib bond since they seem close in age! i know theres [remembers graveyard chapter of birthright again and starts sobbing] some underlying angst of him envying all the doting on corrin his siblings do and he feels ALONE AND I CRY, but he also was very fond of corrin, and i remember the end of birthright where camilla totally calls him out saying how he was saying how nice it was to get to see corrin again ;w; i’d like to think they were close!and of course i like leo and camilla’s relationship…. thinks about end of birthright and sobs… at least they have each other ;o;i need to get more leo supports actually… i want to see every support convo but theres only so much time CRIES 

My unpopular opinion about this characterIDK if this counts bc i feel like it’s half and half but i am not a fan of shipping corrin specifically with him or any of the other nohrian/hoshidan royals. like i totes get wanting to marry him as a character, buuuuuuut like i personally was not about to do that when our protagonist was his adopted sibling??????????? no thank you?!?!?!?!????? my friends and i read through the s-support convos for all of them on the wiki once and just…died the whole time bc theyre SO AWKWARD AND WEIRD “i was hiding my FORBIDDEN FEELINGS for you, PERSON I THOUGHT WAS MY SIBLING, my WHOLE LIFE, but now that ur NOT MY BLOOD RELATED FAMILY we can GET MARRIED, even tho weve still been calling you sister/brother casually this whole game” i CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY IT’S WEIRDDDDDDDand like i dont think thats really an unpopular opinion but i see enough corrin/royals art to think it’s unpopular enough i guesstho i imagine there are some people that chose to marry the royal sibs and also think it’s weird but they just love the character and sat there like “ew stop dont talk about  that” loltho some people are like “it’s not technically inc/est-” like,,,, it kinda still is tho HHHH GROSSANYWAY

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.I mean with all video games i wish bein gay was more legal. i want to s-support all the royals to their counterparts. let leo hold takumi’s hand, which would probs turn into a competition of who can squeeze the hardest until they break each other’s bones bc theyre stupid, but plz. i want this. let hoshido and nohr form ultimate peace bc all their royal fams married.also i dont know the full situation with forrest bc i havent unlocked him but from what ive heard i wish leo was nicer about CERTAIN THINGS in their…. i guess recruitment chapter ? supports? i hear in some of japan’s dlc or a drama cd or something he comes around and is more accepting but still, if that’s not the case in US game i wish it WAS!!!ALSO i wish the sibs could have support convos with each others kids. like even if it was just the main royals kids getting to talk to their aunts and uncles i think that’d be CUTE !!!!!WAIT ALSO on the wiki, leo, niles, and odin all have unused quotes from the endgame. it seems like theyre in the part of the game where you got knocked the fuck out and hung out in the afterlife for a bit with ur dead friends and family and then everyone in the real world is shouting at u to get up off ur ass and come finish the fight. im wondering if that means leo and his retainers were originally supposed to join you in your final battle, even tho you were siding with hoshido? i wouldve loved that and cried twice as hard..... 

[x]

i was starting to think like “idk tiki taka is pretty okay i guess, ive heard lots of kpop in this like fun, bright, energetic style though” and that’s definitely true... i’ve definitely heard a lot of stuff in this style, you know? and then it hit me.... that’s not really been the case with weki meki before. like... their whole thing is that they combine elements of that bright energetic girlgroup style (like Twice-y, Cherry Bullet-y, Nature-y, Elris Summer Dream-y, idk) with more “weird” elements and some girlcrush-style stuff, like the jarring transitions in IDLYG, the fact that La La La actually kinda goes hard as fuck if you think about it, the duality of Crush, and the wacked-out hollow-sounding almost industrial synth throughout Picky Picky... this song has nothing like that as far as i can tell? 

that got me thinking like... maybe i set my expectations too high. is this really a comeback? it has been called a repackage album, but is it like a new full single to go alongside with Picky Picky, or.... and like, this is the most likely thing.... is it a 2-year anniversary “thank you” song? if i’m trying to place Tiki Taka in the context of their title tracks, it’s kinda disappointing because it sounds like any generic girl group could have put this out, but if i put it in that context then i actually think its pretty good.

it’s been tough to find information about this leading up to it, as well... i’ve seen people call it a comeback, but i dont recall if i’d actually seen the official weki meki twitter call it that, i think it mightve been just fans. and its weird for a title track to come out a week before the music video, that’s kind of unheard of... but “fan songs” do this kind of thing a lot, actually. dreamcatcher’s “over the sky” came out before piri, but the video came out like several months after piri, and it was just a performance of the choreography in a park haha. very low budget, just a “thank you” to their fans for all the support. i get the feeling that’s what Tiki Taka might be, i get the feeling that when the video comes out it’ll be a smaller budget and just be sort of a nice little thing to say thanks for two years, you know? and that’s cool, i like that, i just think if that’s what this is, it wasn’t conveyed well. 

i could be way off and this is just the first weki meki title track that i’m kind of let down by... and like... i mean... i hope not, lol. it’s also possible that i’ll have some revelation and wake up tomorrow and listen to tiki taka and suddenly its amazing and i notice things about it that i havent noticed yet, that’s really possible lol

Could you talk more abt double black’s romance coding if you don’t mind?

it’s just kind of a fun thing!! but anyway the fact is that there’s a lot of double entendre in all of their interactions, history, etc, to the point that as an author myself and also with the knowledge of particularly how the real life dazai osamu deconstructed heterosexual relationships…the character dazai’s relationship with the character chuuya also having such a…homoerotic edge in their dynamic, particularly in the way every fucking scene, line of dialogue, and visual imagery theyre portrayed in is very, VERY easy to pull a romantic double meaning out of…it’s just that to me as an author and by the way skk is written…like thats exactly how i would write a complex broken romantic relationship. 

the way i always put it is try to imagine if one of them was a girl - particularly chuuya, because chuuya absolutely fills in the “jilted lover” to the “cool anime husbando” stereotype. there would be absolutely no doubt that the two have canon sexual tension if one of them was a girl. like it would be known and talked about p openly that, yeah, they used to date/there is a romantic/sexual aspect to their partnership, if one of them was a girl! 

-

to me also there are two types of ships - ships that are just fun dynamics and pairings (shinsou/kaminari, atsushi/akuutagawa, mori/the firey pits of hell where paedophilies burn); and ships that have plenty of canon romantic potential, double entendre, and/or romantic dynamic that i could actually see happening in canon (think kirishima/bakugou, korra/asami, lance/keith from voltron before s7). dazai and chuuya absolutely fall very easily into that second category. to me, dazai/chuuya is more than just “oh wouldnt it be cute if they dated”, it’s more “every time these two characters interact every single thing they say and do is a double entendre”. 

-

the scene where they first interact is literally one of the most sexually tense things in anime ive seen in ages. the way they talk about each other and worry about each other in the double black episode is much more complex and heartfelt than the way kunikida and dazai are written to talk about/to and worry about each other. kunikida and dazai have been shown to be friends and also put trust in one another, yet still hate each other. but kunikida and dazai don’t interact with the sexual tension and romantic double entendre that dazai and chuuya have. for me as an author, that would be a perfect comparative technique to highlight dazai and chuuya’s nature as something more than just a running joke of  “every partner dazai has hates him”. in fact, if that even were a running joke you would know, because bsd loves to play up running jokes. but both of dazai’s partners hating him isnt meant as a joke, it’s meant as a point. literally dazai and kunikida and dazai and chuuya could have had a much more similar dynamic, with minimal differences but not so many/so dramatic in order to create a strong, bsd-style running gag and also a platonic dynamic between them. but by having kunikida hate dazai it literally stands as a comparative point against how chuuya hates him - because chuuya doesnt hate dazai in the same way kunikida does.

kunikida’s frustration with dazai is definitely more of a gag on the comparison between kunikida’s and dazai’s work ethic and personalities. chuuya’s frustration is constantly played down with the numerous times chuuya actually seeks out dazai’s affection AND is concerned for his wellbeing:

like idk if u know abt the whole sheep backstory with chuuya…but it would be perfectly reasonable to write chuuya as absolutely despising dazai. chuuya’s forced partnership with dazai is a representation of everything the port mafia did to him and his friends with sheep. yet chuuya is written as seeking out dazai’s positive attention and checking he’s okay? and this scene isnt about the port mafia and the agency - it’s about chuuya and dazai. oh, and again, some more comparison - akutagawa seeks out dazai’s positive attention, but it’s pointedly different from the way chuuya seeks it out. with chuuya it seems more about a comment on the complexity of how he feels not about dazai (as akutagawa does) but how he feels towards dazai (if you get what i mean??). akutagawa’s need for dazai to validate him is a primary motivator in the plot and in his character. compared to this, plus comparing the way kunikida and dazai interact in battle, slipping in the way chuuya and dazai express concern for each other when they interact in battle is….interesting. the warmest port mafia executive to dazai other than chuuya is kouyou, and that’s only because she is entrusting him with her surrogate daughter’s life - another primary plot point. compared to all this, it seems…somewhat domestic and pointless to have these little moments. 

-

my final main argument for canon skk underlying romance coding is some of the visual “double entendre”. while dazai and chuuya havent exactly ever said or done anything explicitly romantic (such as kiss, admit explicit romantic feelings for each other, etc), a lot of the visual coding and the dialogue (particularly in the anime) is…pretty easy to interpret as romantic and sexual. i mean:

(dont mind the subtitles for this first one, what matters is the imagery)

(double entendre - how often do you use this in fiction outside of lovers quiffs?)

(like it isnt every day you see two anime dudes between each others legs lol)

(double entendre in this line) (also dazai doesn’t “reunite” with any other port mafioso. except maybe akutagawa, who has a dynamic just as complex but much less…”angry lover” dynamic and reunion with dazai. oh yeah. another comparison.)

like im just putting this entire scene from dead apple because it was so heavily visually romantically and sexually double entendre…like again. if one of them was a girl. dead apple is…a lot.

(also sorry for shitty quality on some of the images)

anyway some of this i know sounds like a reach but it’s honestly me just theorising from my own perspective as an author! this show is v complex and well-written, and so far there havent rly been any bits that are just…on accident?? everything is very purposeful. and a lot of the ways that kafka asagiri writes dazai and chuuya’s dynamic, dialogue, interactions, etc, are very much real writing techniques that i would use to write in a romantic pairing, especially a same-sex romantic pairing that i might not be able to be too explicit about and have to find ways to get around that. like im obvsly not saying that this is all canon and real and ive found a way into asagiri’s head, but ive just…noticed a lot of things and i think they arent rly…discussed too much in the bsd fandom?? which is disappointing cos soukoku is a rly well written and complex relationship and pairing that needs more meta!

bias explanation tag

ok so @banana-jiayou tagged me to do this about one month ago and me being the forgetful person that i am, am just getting around to it now!!!

nini actually tagged me to talk about either my banana or my mr-x bias, but because i still consider myself as “developing” my bias order in mr-x (altho anyone can probably tell im leaning towards luo zheng) i’ll go with banana kids!! 

you may know already, my banana bias is Lu Dinghao 🌞🌞

(i dug deep into my #ludinghao tag to try to piece together what i can remember of what happened hahahha)

the rest will go under the cut bc i think this is gonna get kinda long....

Idol Producer Era

you may have seen me rant about this in my tags before, but I really did not plan on watching Idol Producer... at all. I watched p101s2 and it wasn’t the greatest experience for me (kenta and youngmin were my favs ;;;) and so I wasn’t too keen on starting another extremely similar show, because I had little hopes that the kids I’d like would make it to the end, so I thought the show would just end in disappointment for me again.  

but! *drumroll please* cue chen linong! (i promise, im getting to dinghao, itll all make sense eventually LOL)

so I forget why, but maybe when I was just on the internet, I heard a LOT about chen linong. (even my friends who don’t watch ip who are just normal taiwanese kids HAVE HEARD OF chen linong. he’s honestly THAT popular in taiwan that regular people who dont care about ip know his name - its crazy!) so i heard he was taiwanese and I heard he was super popular and tons of people loved him. so what did i do? I went and looked up his audition video bc i was like wtf why is this kid so popular?? whats so special about him??

so one audition video, one intro video, one upward!trainee video, and a couple of douyins later, i was officially committed to watching idol producer for chen linong. 

the next step, what do I do? go to wikipedia (LOL) and search up what other taiwanese boys are on the show. i immediately notice 3 of them are from banana ent and banana ent actually also has a malaysian child. (which was super interesting to me too bc i have a lot of friends who are southeast asian and southeast asian representation is super cool!!) and so i watched all of the 5 other taiwanese kids’ intro videos and upward!trainee videos. I’ll be honest, at the time none of them stood out to me as strongly as linong (I just love love love smiley guys, and linong’s personality was so strongly taiwanese and so down-to-earth in his audition video, i just couldn’t resist!) but from there, bc 3 of the 6 taiwanese kids were in banana, I knew to look out for the banana kids. 

fast forward to episode 2, I watch the banana audition perf and dinghao sort of stands out to me because i usually go for the “happy/ mood-maker” member in kpop groups, so when he introduced himself as “小太陽陸定昊” i was like oo who’s this? also im soft for boys with the curved lip smile thing heheh and so in my curiosity to find out who he is, i look him up and find his instagram! (i didnt have weibo yet) and I start seeing pictures like these and I’m like oh my goodness he’s beautiful :o 

but i think julie (@qinfour) was one of the first people i talked to about this, but one of the reasons why i usually like “happy/ mood-maker” members is because I feel like I can relate to them (ie: dinghao) bc I feel similar to them. In high school i was seen as the crazy hyper happy one and people actually thought that i was constantly happy.... all the time... which is impossible. so it was hard for me at times bc when i wasn’t feeling happy, people would discredit my feelings, or as soon as I stopped smiling, people would be like omg whats wrong with you?? so to me, seeing idols who are like that, having a happy, fun exterior but are actually insecure / experiences hardships inside, makes me feel like i can relate to them. 

so anyway, so after ep 2 im already like kinda interested in dinghao (but also still interested in linong and the other banana trainees, but he’s on my radar) and so ep 3 rolls around and this HISTORIC xinfan ep from Feb. 2nd comes with it: 

(in the original video, the banana part starts around 8:36) and from watching this and dyING of laughter at zhangjing being adorable and sassy and dinghao being HILARIOUS, i was like ok i like them, they’re my fav banana children!! (even tho neither of them are taiwanese and i only became interested in banana in the first place bc they had taiwanese people LOOL) and you may be wondering, what about yanjun?? he was really funny in that video too?? but actually yanjun didn’t stand out to me until around “ai ni” bc he was in the same group as dinghao maybe bc i just didnt get his humor as much??? HAHAHHAHA like zhangjing and dinghao were like SO FUNNY to me but yanjun i was likeee okayyy (i love him and his humor so much now, but idk i just didnt get it back then?? LOL oops sorry yanjun) but yea, it wasn’t until “ai ni” that i started noticing him and then gradually it snowballed into i was MADLY VOTING FOR YANJUN by the the final ep and SUPER EMOTIONAL when he made it into the final 9, like my body was shakinggg, i was so happy !!! (i was MUCH happier with the result than i was with p101s2!) 

but anyway, back to the point, I think around this time was when i found out about the “rock the show” mv (it was actually released beforehand, on 1/29 and the dance version 2/6??), and I think i freaked out to violet (@zhu-xingjie) like !!!! wtf is this ?!?? its so good omgomg (something along those lines, at least ;;;) and then after watching the mv i was like ok im def gonna be a banana stan wow they make good music, so talent, super funny members, much visual wow

(tumblr only lets me embed youtube videos, but you can find the official video in HD!! here and the dance version here. id highly recommend watching both if you havent already!!!!!!! the dance version has more closeups???? and i felt even more attacked than i thought was possible after watching the official video???)

and so basically from there, I became a banana stan, focusing on lu dinghao and you zhangjing. and ofc i love zhangjing to bits and he’s so warm-hearted and adorable, but I think I’ll always feel the most connected to dinghao, which is why he became my bias.

some other moments that led me to love him:

his mini chinese lesson because i also struggle with “zhei” but also since then, ive discussed with nini on multiple occasions how weird dinghao’s chinese is?? hahahahahha its like hard to understand sometimes??

4/9 banana boys discussing getting rid of fans at the airport !!!! this is actually one of my favorite videos because LU DINGHAO IS HILARIOUS!!! SO EXTRA WOW

the entire banter with yanjun during the “ai ni” era bc he finally got more screen time!! and also he showed how good of a friend he was to keep voting for yanjun until he just really couldnt anymore

nursery coloring class with chaoze bc dinghao is ridiculous?? 

during the hot pot ep, just watch for any clips of dinghao and he’s probs doing something ridiculous

the banana family scene from the “boom boom boom” era where dinghao shows his insecurity, bc it was a moment where i felt i could really connect to him, as a flawed and normal human who isn’t happy all the time

fun fact: I think this banana boys post was one of the first i ever translated, probs bc beibei was leaving and im soft for that boy too and bonus you can see in my tags that im already dinghao trash at that point bc i freaking had 芝麻糊 for the first time (and bought it with my own money!!) bc of freaking Lu Dinghao !!! (about two weeks later, i bought a whole pack of it at the grocery store....) 

but anyway, so “that’s how the story goes” (gotta include a zzt reference heheh) of how dinghao became my bias... i tried to keep it as relevant to dinghao as i could? lol and i also could be remembering things wrong LOL but basically post-ip, all that’s changed is that i’ve realized dinghao is even weirder than i first realized HAHAH BUT I STILL LOVE HIM. 

some additional fun moments: 

this interview where he describes roasts all the other banana trainees

watch “sawadika banana” if you havent already and you’ll get some GOLD dinghao moments like this crazy mess and other hilarious shenanigans

idk if its been subbed yet, but this bazaar interview is one of my fav dinghao / yanjun / zhangjing videos bc theyre so funny!!! i was literally laughing the whole time, its so fun to watch c: 

im not gonna tag anyone else to do this, because it does take quite a while (3 hrs for me LOL) but its fun if you have the time to reflect back and if anyone wants to do it, id love to read your story as well!! 

Yaaay!! Thank you Soraya's inbox, sorry i blamed you on eating the last ask😂😘. You did great. Nono, he wasnt a torero, he looked like a prince. (Which is not better bcs i dont like any of those  figures but... whatever). Ooh, talking about suits, did you see the ranking hsfashionarchive did of the suits he wore this tour? Bcn was winning, pink suit was second and Mdd was third!! (1)

[I hope this works 😜🙏🏻, bc this was TOO long, jajajaa.]

Ohhh. Your mom is the best. So supportive! Petition to give her that award. She is clearly the winner. (1D clinex? capitalism in its pure state 😂. Did they really made those? Glad i didnt find it on time bcs i would have definitely brought them as a joke to my sister or something). You are already playing Niall’s songs to her? Did she like them? Does she have anything similar to “pikachu get away” she had for SOTT?. (2)

JAJAJAJJA. Netflix always does that to me too. Dont know why. I started watching Black mirror backwards bcs of that. Did you understand anything of chapter 7 os ST? (Did you finish the show??). Yep. The 8th season is the last one, and i dont know hoe to feel about it. Dissapointed by the shows? As in with the ending?? Or how? (3)

You sound like a devoted cat lady, yes. Ooow, i have little cousins too, though they are reaching the age of “too cool to be seen with you, old girl” Of course they make me laugh. Honey is a menace and i appreciate it. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. He ate the chorizo?? Honeeey!! 😂😂😂 that made me laugh at loud int the train and now my neighbour is looking at me weirdly. I see, you’ll never get bored with him. (4)

When i was younger and + close minded, i didnt like tattos. Considere also that the ones I had saw in real life were the tribal ones, so there’s tgat. But then i grew up and started liking them (you can partially blame larry for that). Nobody in my family (cousins and so) has one, and thats kind of a encouragement, I’d love to piss them, but my dad has threaten me to disinherit me (we dont heven have that, lol) and i dont have any tatto on mind, so i wont do it… maybe in the future, yes. (5)

I MISS LOUIS TOO! I hope he is fine. Resting and so. Im sure that creating the album that will destroy us all takes a lot of effort. (Seriously, where is heeeee?). Heeey!! I wont get bored. Or mad! I have such a great time talking to you. If i dont talk more its bcs of the character limit and bcs im always worried about pressuring or imposing. Dont be dumb. If i dont answer its bcs im busy with finals and so. Nothing more. Promise. (6)

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. i know i know. It makes sense and its a smart move, but… i cant stand raeggeton/latino, its not for me. Sad. I havent lost hope though. Maybe ill change my mind later Yeah, i have the same problem with my friends, they only listen to trap and raeggeton and i die everytime. We mostly agree to put something neutral like pop or the radio. (Disney songs never get old😂). (7)

Ay. I just saw that i wrote “heven” instead of “even” and now i want to delete myself. I was walking while writing the asks and i didnt proofread it. I feel so dumb. Anyway, sorry for sending so many asks (today i made a record xd) and, as always, good night!!————————————————————————-Hi!!!! Yes! I saw the ranking. But it isn’t exactly a ranking. It’s more to like chose wants your favorite suit. I did it and guess what? My first choice in the Madrid one, jajajaa. Second the kilt. And third the jumpsuit. Very accurate.

Oh, you’re telling me! My family bought me a bunch of 1D merch (unofficial all): the clinex, a hair brush, a bracelet, 2 books!, one perfume (this I love it, it smells so good), a make up box… I can’t even remember everything. Ah! A birthday card too!! Where they talk when you open it. I always use to wish happy birthday to people (the audio) 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I had to tell them to please stop wasting money on those things. I don’t even know where I have it. And if a can ask, I’d rather they give me the money so I can go to their concerts,jajajaja.EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot the poster!! I have it beside my head right now,jajaja, and I only realized it was there when I looked at the boys to ask for inspiration,😅😅)

Oh, my mom loves Niall’s album too. But I don’t think she “knows” any of the lyrics,jajaja. Though, she knows the hmmmm in This Town. But that’s all. She and my sister, both separately were like: “oh! who’s him??” When they heard Fire Away. And I was like: “ehhhhh, it’s Niall’s album, so guess who’s it?? What, you like it? See, Harry’s not the only one who can sing…” jajajajja. It’s because of comments like this, that they think I don’t like Harry. And I get so offended when they hint at it! Like, of course I like Harry. But I like all of them too!! God!! I love Niall’s album so much (I’m hearing it right now, bc I couldn’t remember what song was the one they liked it so much, and now I can’t stop 😅). Harry’s and Niall’s albums have been lining in my car since they were released. I had Harry’s playing in a loop till I got Niall’s one and I interchanged them. Then Harry’s came back a month or so before his concert. And now it’s time for Niall’s again. (You can’t imagine how hard it’s being writing this with honey laying on my arm!! Jajaja, I can’t barely move my fingers😅).

AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU WERE WATCHING BLACK MIRROS BACKWARDS??? I’ve watched canter 1 and 2 of ST afterwards, but I hadn’t gotten to watch the whole thing yet. I can’t stand to be looking at a screen for 50minutes without doing anything. And don’t get me wrong, lol, I can be on tumblr for hours, jajaja, but a have to move my hand, and I can go from a blog to another… y'know, jajajajaja. And when I watched chapter 7 of ST i was like, okay… now they have to investigate what happened… or a guessed they would be doing flashbacks… jajajajajaja. Then I realized my mistake and thought I was stupid, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣“I see you from a different point of view🎶🎶” ( sorry, that’s me singing,jajajaja, Seeing Blind. I LOVE that song)And shows have disappointed me in the sense that they turn out to have an awful ending (seriously, I know you do it for the audience, but end a show how it deserves it, don’t turn it into shit just for a handful of money); or bc they just end it bc they don’t have enough audience. It’s always a matter of audience,jajaja.if they have a lot, they want to explode it. And if they don’t have enough they finish it ASAP. 😒

Honey is a menace, yeh, I couldn’t love him more,jajajaja. He can’t see me petting Liam, he gets jealous and comes to me and headbutt my hand so I pet him too. And Liam is so patient with him. They’re totally like liam and Louis, jajja. Hey! did I tell you the story about when I got Liam? no!! Well, someone gave my dad 4 kitties (they were sooooo small). So, guess their names (it was post March 25, 2015…) yes!! They were named (by me) Louis, Niall, Harry and Liam, jajajajajja. But Harry died a couple of days later, because he was really really young. He couldn’t survive without his mom ☹️. And the other three, my dad took them to a place we have were he has a little garden (?) with vegetables and chickens and proper farm-y, jejeje. I wasn’t too (any) into cats back then, so… Then he brought home one of them, to have our home free of mice. AND IT WAS LIAM!! And I adopted him. I took care of him. We started loving each other. And he became useless with mice, jajaja. He’s totally domesticated now 😝. And that’s his story. The rest? Louis became a big alpha male at their new home. But s car ran him over last summer, and he died 😔. And Niall is a female, jajajajaa. And I hate her. Because she hasn’t been able to keep her kitties alive once!! (She’s pregame again, and we’re praying this time she knows who to be a mom🙏🏻) Ah!! And Honey had siblings the other day!! The guy who gave it to my dad is my brother’s friend and he show him a pic. There are two white cats!! I WANT THEM!!! But they don’t let me have anymore cats! Jajajajaja.

Hey, we might have in common the reason why we started liking tats, jajajjajaa. And, well, to piss off the family is as good a reason as any other,jajajaja. And why are dads like that?? When my sister and I got our lips pierced he went to pick up at the train station and as soon as he saw us he turned around and walked to the car without saying a word,jajajajja. I HAD TOLMY PARENTS WE WOULD BE DOING IT!! I asked my mom:hey mom, if a get a 10 in maths, can I get a piercing?? And she say okay. So I got a 10 (I might cheated or not on this, bc I already knew I had a 10, but wel…), and I got a piercing.my sister only got it, bc I was 16, she had to go with me as an adult, and giving she was already there, she got one too,jajajaja. (My granny almost kill us 😅)

Oh, louis has a BIG responsibility on his hands. He will be killing a lot of people when he puts out his album. He has to chose the proper songs to do it. It will be considered a massive destruction weapon, so he better be careful. But god, for real, when will Louis and Liam release their albums. At this pace, Harry and Niall will be releasing their second one before LiLo has finished their respective tours. And when they finish, Narry will have release their second one, and will be promoting them. So Lilo will start working in their seconds one. And… and… AND ONE DIRECTION WON’T COME BACK EVER BECAUSE THEY CAN FIX A DATE WHERE ALL OF THE BOYS HAVE NOTHING TO DO, AND WHAT WILL I DO??? 😭😭😭😭😭 (sorry, I panicked a bit there,oops).

Uggggg, I can’t stand raeggeton either. I can’t stand the music, argggg. Or the culture of it (the how it treats women, and glorifies sex). I can’t I can’t.and you can’t go out without hearing it. My friends and I went on road trip once. And it was my friend’s car. And she only listens to raeggeton. And after 10, 15, 40? minutes I had to ask her “will this song ever end???” And she told me it was already a different one. And I swear I almost jump out of the car,jajajajaja. We were crossing a bridge, and I wanted to jump out of the car!!!!! I couldn’t listen to that any more!!!!!  Ejkbvwirbfeuirnfrvoieefvnv The she caved and we switched to movie’s soundtracks,jajajaja.

Ha! Don’t worry about sending a lot of ask, I learn something, you’ll see,jajajajaa.Also, I forgot to ask early. Is your sister a 1d fan too, then? She goes to concerts and knows the song… how lucky! you have someone to talk about all the gossip!! (And they know what you’re talking about…) or is she a “casual” fan, and doesn’t get into fandom drama? She just likes the music and doesn’t care about their lives?are you both into drama?? God, I don’t discuss drama very much online, but if had someone face to face to talk about it… I would be the happiest person in the world,jajajajaa (what an exaggeration 🙊).

I think this is all. I LOVE ORPUR CONVERSATIONS!! Jajajaja( I hope I did it correctly and all this is under read more, jajaja)Byeeeeee!!!! 😚😚😚😚

LABOR AND BIRTH STORY

This COVID 19 pandemic has caused a lot of inconvenience to the people. Especially to senior citizens, minors, persons with immunodeficiency, comorbidies, and health risks; and pregnant women. Above mentioned are at high risk in getting the virus.

Last October 3 on my prenatal check up, I was advised to get a swab test before I was due. As per hospital protocols, pregnant women should have a negative swab test result first before delivery. If not, mama and baby will be joined with other people (covid positive or not) upon delivery. This is just sad because we won't really know when a pregnant woman could deliver the baby.

My expected due date was November 7. But from hearsays, first babies are usually born later than expected due date. Just like Reynald's baby was. So I estimated to have the swab test scheduled on October 29 at Vicente Sotto for free. Obgyne's suggestions for swab were at APM mall near SM City Cebu and at UC Med Mandaue. But swab tests were costing 7k and 5k, respectively. Jeez. So much inconvenience.

The obgyne said she can only be there for her patients when admitted at St Vincent General Hospital. It is the only one of her three affiliated hospitals that does not accept Covid patients. So that's where we planned to get admitted.

I was also advised for prenatal visit on October 17. That was already my 37th week of pregnancy. I have searched that pregnanct mothers can already give a normal delivery at that week. The obgyne said she was also going to perform IE on me on that visit.

So on that day, I thought performing IE's would be thru a device inserted down there. Turns out, it was just pure fingering down there 😭 mind you, Jan and I havent had any contact all throughout the pregnancy. And right now, I am being fingered. It hurt. I felt virgin. Lols. But it did hurt 😂😭 like vaginal shock.

The doctor said my cervix was still closed. I need to have it opened already. The earlier the delivery, the better, so that the baby does not grow too much while inside the tummy, to avoid caesarean delivery. The doctor prescribed me Evening Prim Rose oil to help open up my cervix and expecting at least 1 cm opening by the next week.

The next week October 24, I visited the obgyne again. Cervix was still closed. She advised to double dose the primrose oil to be taken morning and night. I was advised again to visit on October 30 if I still havent had the delivery yet.

After the prenatal visit, Jan and I moved to his Aunt's house.

During pregnancy, I usually wake up atleast twice at night to pee. I also get super thirsty at night 🤷‍♀️

But on October 27, 2020, at 11:30pm, I woke up to pee and then drank atleast 1 glass full of water. This, I found to be normal and usual.

Then around 1:30am Oct 28, I woke up again to pee. And drank another half glass of water just to satisfy the thirst. I know I shouldn't keep drinking to avoid peeing a lot, right? But I was always thirsty at night.

At 2:30am, I had a little accident of peeing a little but stopped it before peeing all the way at the CR. I noticed my pee color was a bit cloudy. It wasn't normally like that. I have made research before about gush of water bag. It only said the color would be the same as pee. The definite sign is when the pee smells metallic. I dont really breathe thru my nose when Im inside the CR, but this time, I had to because it was a bit suspicious. But I smelled nothing. But when I came back to bed, I suddenly felt like pooping. I drank half a glass of water again.

At 2:54am, the sudden urge to pee again and this time, it was really hard to hold it. The pee has flown while I stood. I woke Jan up because I wasn't sure about it anymore. Then I went to CR to finish peeing. It still was cloudy but there was no odor. And the feeling of wanting to poop was still there and my back hurt like how my back hurts when I have my period. Jan wiped the pee on the floor. I felt so greatful he wasn't grossed out about it. Or maybe he did, but didn't show it 🥺❤️

I felt really worried about it already so I texted my obgyne at 3:27am of what happened. Jan and I just thought maybe it was just really pee. But there's still little trickles of pee, so I wore a sanitary napkin already. And this time, I didn't drink water just to be sure it wasn't because I kept drinking water.

At 6am, my obgyne called. She informed me that it was really water bag rupture. She told me to go to the hospital already but then I wasn't swabbed yet. So she told me to go to UC Med for swab since UC Med and St Vincent Hospitals are sister hospitals. After swabbing, she advised for me to go to her clinic at 3-4pm for an IE just to be sure it was already the water bag rupture.

We then went to UCMed at 8am together with Ate Ana. My stomach already hurts every once in a while.

When we got back home, the hurt becomes a little stronger. So I texted the obgyne if I could visit the clinic sooner. The doctor said we could visit at 1pm.

When we arrived, I got IE'd and the doctor confirmed it really was the water bag rupture but I was still at 1cm. Like omgggg. Everything felt so real already. But at the same time, I was really worried because as per doctor's experience with other patients, it takes 1 week to open up to atleast 6cm. Like, whaaaat is going on here? 😭

We then went straight to St Vincent General Hospital and arrived at 2pm. But I was still placed at the Out Patient Department as we were advised to wait before endorsed to the Labor Room for the swab result from UCmed to avoid bigger costs of the attendants' PPE. They also called UCMed to follow up results, UCMed said they would try to have the result given by 5pm. Wew. Another 3hrs of pain. I was advised when it hurts, I just had to breathe thru mouth. I was constantly asked for the intervals of pain. It was still at about 10-15mins.

At 5pm, they called UCMed again. Unfortunately, they moved the time to 9pm or 10pm. Like whaaaat, another 4-5hrs of pain! Jan was with me at the OPD. His face concerned and caring. Like, this is another part of Jan I haven't seen yet. I was so happy 🥺❤️😭

At around 9pm, I wanted to pee. When I peed, I noticed my pee was already colored brown. I told Jan. There was a little bit of my pee on the floor. He was not grossed out about it and even took a picture and sent it to Ate Ana.

At 10pm, UCmed has yet again disappointed. They said to wait until 1am. I was already in strong tummy pain. Intervals were already at 2-4mins. I told Jan what if I want to be in the Labor room already? But he kept encouraging me to wait and if I can still hold it for a few more hours.

So at 1am, I asked the nurses to call UCmed. They havent made a feedback until 2am already. Result was negative for COVID. Wew. Finally!

I was then taken first to the Emergency Room to be interviewed and IE'd by the resident obgyne. There already were tubes attached to me. Dextrose and stuff. And it my tummy reaaaallly hurts already. The resident obgyne was asking me questions and I strongly breathe in between each answers. 😭

I also had to lie on my back. I really didn't want that position as it feels very uncomfortable. After the questions, she IE'd me. She told me the baby has already pooped inside because her fingers were already full of brown stuff. That explained the brown color on my pee! The baby has possibly already ate some of it. What would be worse was if some of it went to his lungs. 😭 Bad news also was that I was still at 4cm! Lord, why all the bad things right now? 😭

Then I was taken to the Labor Room. Dr Geline was already waiting for me there. I was still monitored and we waited some time. Then she checked my cervix at around 4am but I was still at 6cm. I still had to lay on my back. Everything was so uneasy and uncomfortable already. Dr Geline told me to wait until 6am for the opening of my cervix.

At quarter to 6am, she IE'd me again but still at 6cm. She then told the staff to get ready for Caesarean Operation and called for the necessary doctors to be around. I was already so sad. Then she came to me and asked if I was really gonna undergo CS. She then told me "Mag CS jud ta because I already gave the chance. It's already been more than 24hrs since the water bag rupture. 28hrs already. And only 50% of amniotic fluid remains in the water bag. And cervix was still at 6cm open." she told me one of the tubes attached to me was already for induce, to help with opening of the cervix, but I was not responding to it and she has observed it hurt me a lot. She had taken it out and inserted it back and taken it out again but I was still at 6cm. In my mind, I was already so sad. Expenses would already be at 100k plus already! 😭 Dr Geline has also already informed Jan.

Then I was taken to the Operating Room. An anaesthesiologist was explaining to me about stuff that was gonna happen. They are gonna inject the anaesthesia and everything from my stomach down to my feet will be numb. Then I was put in a crouch position to have my spinal column clear to see. There was a specific place in my back where they are gonna inject the general anaesthesia.

They placed a cloth infront of me, like how you see in the movies where you cannot see them operation below. After the injection, I felt so cold. To the point I was freezing and my teeth were already clicking and making noises. The anaethesiologist was talking to me. She told me that it was nothing to worry about as it is normal when general anaesthesia is injected. And catheter was gonna be inserted so I may feel a little tingle down there. My arms were open wide. I cant remember if they were tied. What I knew was that I was awoke by the anaesthesiologist because I was already asleep while they were operating. "Maam, ayaw sag katog kay padung na mugawas si baby, nihagok pa raba jud ka". OMG kauwaw! 🙈😭

A few minutes after, I heard a baby crying. There, I saw my baby. But he wasn't placed on my chest😢 maybe also because I was numb. In my mind was "that's it? I already gave birth?" it felt nothing. Like blank. Also because I was numbed all over. It didn'tnhurt at all. Not the scenario or feeling Inhad expected for months. I could hear from doctors below mentioning "cord coil" but I was just so tired, i had slept again and hagok again 😅

I woke to the sound of my snore at the recovery room. It was just so damn loud. But I didn't care. I felt so friggin tired. A nurse was looking out for me. She asked if I could already move my feet. I couldn't. She told me I couldn't get to our room if I still couldn't move both feet. So I slept and snored again. After an hour or so, although I still could move my right feet, the nurse decided to have me taken at our room and Jan was there. I continued to sleep. I didn't know everyone was already calling Jan for updates. Even my parents. Oh and by the way, Daddy already told Jan to call them Mommy and Daddy already. Awwww ❤️

During my recovery, Jan helped me out. Even on eating, he would spoonfeed me. 🥺I really felt how he cared for me. He's constantly checking if I was okay. Took really good care of me like he was a nurse. ❤️

The next day after giving birth, Doc Geline visited me. She told me what happened. Turned out the baby was cord coiled which was why the baby couldn't descend and why my cervix couldn't open. I had 28hrs of labor. My baby has already defacated inside, already ate some of it, plus some even wen inside the lungs. He had pneumonia on his first day on the world. Imagine the things I was afraid of plus more, all happened on the BIG DAY 😭

But on the good side, atleast both of us are now safe. Things would have turned out bad if we had pushed thru with the normal birth since it the cord coil was only found out during operation, he would have been strangled when pushed out. 😭 It also would have been dangerous for me if I tried to push out on normal delivery because I was already so tired with 28hrs of labor contractions, remember, I snored so hard during operation. 😢

As Claire said, the late result of the swab test was a blessing in disguise. I'd also like to think of it that way.

Episode 1A - “The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me”-Ruthie

This is not the tribe I would have picked. I do not know anyone here which means I am at a disadvantage from the start. However, I am really connecting with Jules right now so maybe I can vibe with them enough to get an immediate ally. But I still need someone else. I am still figuring out my tribe so it will take me a hot minute to adjust. I hope I am not the first boot. I am going to pull my weight in this challenge and pull my first W ever!

I'm fucked, Jess knows how i play bc she literally just hosted me for Old west like a month ago. Whoops. Also joanna is in a competely different house than be so I'm crying. So far I do like my other housemates but we'll see how much of a slytherin they truly are as the days go by.

why. does. this. cast. have. to. be. full. of. icons. i'm really not that good at survivor?? hopefully i do okay??? just tryna be social and shit. (also Ravenclaw is the best)

I’m heading to bed and the boys are about to have a call... I hope an all boys alliance isn’t about to form I’m not here for that! So far I’ve just talked to Kevin and Lily one on one and so far I really like both of them! I’m going to get to know the others tomorrow. This cast is so iconic. I talked to Owen before I read that we weren’t supposed to and he and I are going to go to final two together if neither of us get voted out!

i am SO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE ANY INITIAL GOOD VIBES ABOUT ANYONE ON MY TRIBE!!!!!! NOT A PERSON!!!!!!!! AND I DONT WANT TO BE THAT ANNOYING BITCH ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR LIVES!!!! AND SHIT!!!!!!!!! ugh i dont want to be first boot EITHER LIKE!!!!!!! ugh. uGH.

Me and Jules are literally kindred souls. I love her so much already and she is my ride or die for the rest of the season. Fuck these other bitches!

Why do I feel like I am the only one putting in effort for this challenge. At least this means I will be safe for a hot minute, right?

Okay so... Max and Landen still haven't accepted my friend request I noticed when I just tried to message them.  I'm still talking to Kevin and Lily A LOT!  Kevin is so easy to talk to and Lily is too and she and I have SO much in common!  I really like the idea of aligning with the two of them but I'm too nervous to suggest it just yet. 

 Also, my wand was special and I got a special idol hunt out of it!  I didn't find anything but still!  I'm glad that I at least got one word??  Not sure if our team will win a reward or not but it would be nice!

Honestly, my tribe seems to be particularly inactive and nonchalant. I am the most active person here, in my opinion. It is kind of frustrating, however, to be the only one trying in this challenge except for the very few and far between exceptions. Joshua even forgot about the challenge entirely! I hope to God that these people, if we have to go to tribal because we lose the immunity challenge, do not vote me out. Honestly, it would make no sense since I am already proving that I will be a challenge asset and very active. I would make the best ally out of everyone on my tribe! I would be allies with myself!

I LOVE YOU OWEN BUT PLEASE GO SUCK A DICK. You need to stop. Wth, go back to school so we can get some points. You too Kevin DX But we're in the lead so far *knock on wood* and hopefully stay that way. Love Jess and I hope I can take her to like f4 but I think I want to take Joanna and Owen to f3 if I even make it that far

This cast.... WHOA!!!! feel like yall had to put some of these ppl under imperius curse to get them back because I havent seen these faces in a WHILE!!!! Ruthie is a queen, first thing we messaged to each other was f2 <333 love her but dont trust that she wont turn on me at some point lol. Raffy my little island of shade bro, and Autumn <3 crossroads queen.... nice to see some of my children back here. I'm glad Jess is in the game because I like her a lot but I did just disappoint her in eve's challenge game so...we will see. but i love jess regardless :) ummmm... so happy I was sorted onto the brain tribe, then immediately proceeded to fuck up several times in the spelling challenge LOL

My tribe is nice though. I'm glad I'm with Dan - we have a weird history in games, but we've both been here for 7/8 years at this point and our ancient bones will prob work together. I already think him and Jules are going to be my alliance on this tribe <3 jules is AMAZING but I can tell they (? is this correct pronouns i dont remember and it wasnt in the posts) are a social legend and are going to be on EVERYONE's good side. love them though already, we have a lot in common and it was easier to talk to them + also get into a bit of game chat.

Joanna and Miguel....not so much. I like them both fine, but they don't know how to converse. I asked them all a shit ton of questions and they didn't ask a SINGLE thing back???? Like...okay work! I can't do it all for you, give me somethin!!!! I do like them both, it's just....they don't give a shit about me! LOL

Miguel is also an awkward one because I played with him LEGIT five years ago or more, in a game where we were on opposite sides. I'd rather work with him based on that connection than not but...apparently he already told Jules that we were against each other before??? and he's barely spoken to me so whatever. I like him, he's cute and he's funny, but.... if he's telling people more about me than he's willing to even get out of me myself, it's a no from me :)

WOOHOOOO WE WON REWARD!! I DIDN'T REALLY HELP (i tried but with no success) BUT I'M STILL REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT! THANK GOD FOR OWEN

Well it’s day 2, we just lost reward but Immunity is still up for grabs!! Hopefully it’s something we can excell it but 👀 a bitch don’t have many skills so we gon have to see on that one! Other than that we got to know our tribe mates, I have a really good tribe! First off there is Ruthie who I played an old season of TS with and I worked with her BUT also voted her out :c so maybe we can work together and look past that? She was a really good ally of mine but it didn’t work out. I’ve loved talking to her again tho <3 then there is Lily! A new person to me but I absolutely adore her I love her energy she’s so talkative our conversations have been really good! If I had it my way I would work with her in this game, but I don’t want to force anything so I’m not gonna bring that up to her this early. Then there is landen another familiar face to me, I played also a TS season with him, and we had a rocky relationship in that game, not really do in part to either of us just how the cards fell. I did NOT vote him out but we didn’t end our game relationship on the best terms. He seems the least eager to want to talk to me which is not a good sign bc I remember him being so outgoing in 2020 and that energy not being matched here worries me. He also addressed me as “mr. 2020 winner” in our first talk so <3 maybe he might target me <3 thays so fun <3 lastly there is MAX! Max is fun, kinda loud but in a good way, he wasn’t all that helpful in the challenge for reward (him nor landen were all that active) and we had a good first conversation and then it’s seemingly gone downhill? I still have to see if our momentum picks back up before I decide what my plans with him are, i wouldn’t mind working with him if possible but he is also fairly close to landen (apparent after an over 2 hour long call last night.. IN THE TRIBE CHAT) so if landen has a distaste for me he’ll definitely spread that to max if he has the choice, so I gotta tread carefully but only time will tell how I end up fairing on this tribe :o WISH ME LUCK 

It is second day of school and I already hate everyone. It seems that I actually went back to Junior high where everyone's playing PENIS on the great hall. I forgot how it felt to play with teenagers and I'm not here for it. I think I'll be a true ravenclaw and isolate myself reading a book or learning new spells cause I don't have many interests in common with these people. On a side note I'm really happy to be a Ravenclaw, and I actually like our team, I think we are strong and I hope I'm not in danger if we do lose, I'll try to work on my foreigner charm and start faking even more my mexican accent if that's what I need to do in order to stay, Jules is amazing, loved her and I hope we can work well together. Also I love the whole castle idol hunt idea , so... charming.

First things first... this cast is... BONKERS. I didn't expect it to be as stacked as it is..

I'm scared.

I hate it here.

There are sooo many weird relationships here which is kind of a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing about it is... I THINK that means some people got beef and I can maybe piggy back off of some of these relationships... IDK I'm not trying to think too deep into anything right now.

BUT... y'all put me on a tribe with someone who just single handily put me out of a game TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO and I'd like to complain to your MANAGERS @hosts.

In all seriousness I'm going to try and have fun in this game and not take it entirely tooo seriously.

ALSO.. my fucking wand gave me the option for a "quest" yesterday but it'd have to remove me from the tribe chat... so obviously... I gave the quest to someone else. Aka: Jacob.. who I knew would be a selfish bitch and take the quest. I also knew the likelihood of him telling me about what actually happened were high and I'd virtually get no weird looks my way because I WASN'T the one who was removed from the tribe chat. This basically ensured that I got to know what the quest was, its potential contents, and paint a target on someone else rather than myself in case there was virtually nothing to base the first couple of votes on... right?

I think I'm onto something with the idol guesses. There's weird storylines in them and I THINK if I can somehow get to the green house and find the other ingredients that were in Snape's writing I'll be onto something.

Also me and Jacob snapped in that Reward challenge and these HEATHENS should thank us for single-handily giving them a reward. Nick randomly slept all god damn day.. which really annoyed me. We have a reward and you are gonna SLEEP ALL DAY? SIR? I get real life happens but at least hide the fact you sleeping sis.

My tribe is literally probably the LAST TRIBE I wanted to end up on because well.. 1. Nick is shady and social. He might take the fact that I was loyal to people in the other game into account. I've tried the whole "I start off each game fresh and no hard feelings" spell but will he accept it? Tune in folks. I also technically can't explain my actions in the game to him because he is currently still in it so... PARTY!

2. Jacob is amazing and I love him. We've actually played several games together and weirdly always end up super loyal to people. He's a crackhead though so I'm gonna have to be a BIT cautious with him. I sipped dumb bitch juice and told him about Snape's writing because I want to show him some sort of token of loyalty.

3. Vi is a crackhead. I know this because I've hosted her. Kind of wanna fuck around and give her first boot from the tribe because I DO NOT TRUST HER. When she gets bored, she fucks things up, she lies for fun, and well... no.

4. Jessie seems really sweet so far. We haven't really spoken much which kind of sucks but we will get there!? I think?

I think some may have found something, because I just idol searched and I the exact same path I did yesterday, and yesterday there were three different choices and today there were only two. The only reason I could think of why one of the ending options were removed is that something was there and something was found...

12 minutes later

turns out it was a mistake, never mind

Okay it is challenge time and Max is around I think and Lily is finishing a class but KEVIN AND LANDEN ARE LATE, they are delinquents I expect more from Hufflepuffs than this tardiness.

I'm definitely kidding but... may not be able to be around for the entire challenge if they don't hurry the heck up.  Part of me wants to start but I don't want this to be on me if we don't do well.  OH Kevin just messaged me so at least another tribe member is on... WHY is he not messaging the tribe chat?? OH Lily is on now so I should stop writing and get to business...  WISH us cute little badgers luck!

I'm definitely kidding but... may not be able to be around for the entire challenge if they don't hurry the heck up.  Part of me wants to start but I don't want this to be on me if we don't do well.  OH Kevin just messaged me so at least another tribe member is on... WHY is he not messaging the tribe chat?? OH Lily is on now so I should stop writing and get to business...  WISH us cute little badgers luck!

20 minutes later

been doing this challenge for over an hour, i feel defeated

If this wasn't a team work thing I would be done by now these people are slowing me down. x_x.  DLSJFSLDFJ I shouldn't complain. They all have good ideas but it takes FOREVER to agree on something.  Also I do feel like an asset to the hufflepuff tribe because when I was eating lunch with my family Lily messaged me and told me I was the glue holding the tribe together and she wished I was back and that made me feel VERY good about my place on the tribe!

But seriously I'm just ready for the challenge to be over so low key I hope that Max stops responding for awhile again so I can just say random shit until we finish the dang thing LSDJFLSJDF.

The Hufflepuffs are too nice even for me.

That challenge went terribly. In all honesty, I would not blame my tribe for wanting to take me out because I took up the leadership role. But it was not like anyone else was taking the reigns so I needed to do something. I just hope they can see the merits of keeping me in this game. I really don't want to be first boot. I think we're going to have to go to tribal because we we took so long. God this is going to be so frustrating.

This challenge is NEVER going to end I'm trying to be patient but Max always interjects with something and it SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN FOR TEN MINUTES.  OR MORE. I just have this window open to complain, lol, I won't send this for awhile. LOL Max is killing me. All the boys are exhausting I don't think they have been paying any attention to the notes I have been making, if we go to tribal council Lily and I SHOULD be safe.

OKAY it was fun that everyone just joined in in the end but I'm so glad that it is over and I hope that we won this thing and are safe!

me: im gonna be sneaky and not tell my alliance ALL the info i have also me: tells them info i couldnt possibly know without telling them ALL the info i have anyways.

https://youtu.be/qhfHo_Ns1xQ

Living my dream as a huff puff, no big deal. So far I’m really enjoying being on my tribe. We all communicate well and have positive attitudes about things. We also had so much fun at the immunity challenge but I can tell we are all stressed about the results. I’m really impressed by everyone this season being involved and I could tell people were on their A game during the reward challenge. I would really hate to see us as the bottom tribe having to go to tribal. I honestly don’t want to see any of these people go but I certainly don’t want to be first boot. I’m really proud of our tribe and I would hate to have a loss right now put a crack in the friendships we have been building.

they are so strangely charming sddsdsdd the things they do on insta..... 😳 admittedly idk what a marb is i'm sorry 😔😔 he's so weird tho and yet somehow everything he does is endearing??😭 yes a revecarablinkzen!! great name💖 ahh i love mingyu he's so funny n cute!! and minghao's style... absolutely insane💗💗💗 omg itaewon gate was truly smth else💀 -❄ (1/3)

YES that was the candymakers!!! tbh i barely remember the book i had to google it lol but yes that's the one! oh i haven't read any of jorge luis borge's work but i'll check it out thank u for recommending it to me!! and tbh i get it haha i don't have much motivation to read books nowadays :// i did like all the light we cannot see.... but i read that back in 8th grade whoops i also think the great gatsby is so well-written but f. scott fitzgerald was NOT a great person 😕 -❄ (2/3)

i was into poetry recently tho.... i really love le lac by alphonse de lamartine!! do u like poetry? or what else do u like to do in ur free time? (besides making amazing gifs ofc!! i can't believe i haven't mentioned this before but your gifs are stunning!!!💖💖) btw i'm so sorry for the late reply, i hope you're doing well!! -❄(3/3)

god their insta shenanigans 😭 ive seen their old lysn screenshots they r so funny it physically pains me. by Mark Barb i mean like a barb but for mark—idk if uve ever come across them but the barbz are nicki minaj’s fanbase. im not a proper barb bc im critical of her for obvious reasons but the barbz are maybe the funniest fanbase of all time the barbzstruggle twitter brings me joy sometimes....but the point is that i love mark a lot i think hes fucking fantastic <3 mingyu is soooo great i like him a lot i can really see why he n jaehyun were in a gc together 😭 they both r massive dorks...and back when i was into kpop and minghao was my bias he still had that poodle hair (mansae era ish) so seeing him when i got back into the grind was ��🥴🥴 to say the least! i love him and his closet id raid it if i were tall enough lol and im gonna r0b his shoe collection anyways. itwgate changed my brain chemistry btw ☝🏽

😭 i only remember it cause i used to read every book i remotely liked about six or seven times...not like consecutively but when i ran out of new things to read id cycle between older stuff. did u ever read the candy shop war? that was my favorite candy-adjacent kids novel lol. tbh jlg’s stuff is really easy to get into bc a lot of his work is super super short id highly recommend it if ur trying to get back into reading (he writes poetry too!)! ive been really bad about reading well recently too...i liked the great gatsby but i read this side of paradise and that was super disappointing lol. i didnt know he was like. an awful person but i kind of figured given his time period ig? while theres a real imperative to not just blindly say “separate the art from the artist” because that allows one to ignore, internalize, and platform racism, misogyny, anti-semitism, and other forms of bigotry (cf jk rowling) i try to read just about everything i read critically, because no matter how any author presents themselves i feel like theyre just as likely to be a bad person as any other artist or celebrity—actors, musicians, etc.

i used to be more into poetry but i havent picked up too much in a while </3 we had a poetry unit in ap lit during quarantine that was kind of not fun and so i was like🧍🏽‍♂️lol. i’ll definitely check out that poem though, i enjoy the stuff and itll be good to get back into it! for fun i like sports—i watch hockey, my main blog, @henderyhuangs, used to be a hockey blog lol. seasons starting up soon so im looking forward to that. i like basketball and reading too. thank u for thinking my gifs r ok 🥺 thats very nice of u to say 😭 todays been very all over the place haha but i hope uve been safe and well. and take ur time w sending these, just do em whenever u want im not picky haha. ik i just wrote you a whole essay, its probably not ideal to have 2 go thru this long ass message and try to respond 😭 so i totally understand. hope you’re well too! take care.