#maybe i cried when i made this so what
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love your shitty little sister, max
#sorry everyone#billy deserved a second chance to be better even max said so!!#anywho#maybe i cried when i made this so what#let me not go on a rant about how we were robbed of one of the best character arcs of all time#post flayer billy??? part of the gang for SURE#and we deserved to see it#billy hargrove#max mayfield#billy hargrove gifset#stranger things gifset#dear billy#stranger things#dear billy gifset#max mayfield gifset#my gifs
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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found out while putting together matthias's oc page that his name has the exact same etymology and meaning as theo's name...
i’m sure this is information matthias is very normal about…
#theo is in fact a gift from god so jot that down !#river dipping#i've been throwing myself into oc stuff bc i'm not doing hot mentally which is... tbh when i do my best writing 😭#none of this is new tho i wrote the bios and 'at a glance' intros months and months ago when i first made an oc page#which is why i do plan on rewriting them but for now i'm leaving them like this... so i guess the echthroi page is done?#obviously echthroi has more characters than this but i haven't taken new screenshots of everyone yet...#i put the gray cas bg back in my game a few days ago only to completely forget i wanted to take new headshots for the oc page 😭#like these are just placeholders... i want the backgrounds to match the oc page. oh... or maybe i could just do transparent pics?#i think i remember vyx made a post abt how to do that... will look into that when i open the game again. rn i'm at my keyboard 🧑💻#like i am writing new things! started a google doc for theo yesterday and have been writing on it here and there since then#i've already cried in there... lmaooo. i like oc pages for sure but i think a huge google doc is what i really need to keep track of things#i drop so much lore in tags on here and it's like! river write that down somewhere else or you'll lose it 😭#like i fr have never actually written down any of the info i've shared on here. i've just had all this oc knowledge stored in my brain.#so i went through and copied over a tonnn of tags and posts i've made into google docs but i just know i'm missing things i've probably#said in the tags of their core tagged posts... 🧍 if my blog didn't have so many posts i'd have an easier time going through it but 🤷#and on top of that i've been making a bunch of posts about theo and matthias on my main acc. which is like 🧍 well great now there's more#i'm gonna lose track of...... i fr have gottt to get into the habit of actually putting things down in theo's google doc!!!#i'm just trying to figure out the best way to format it all but i've downloaded a few templates that i've been messing with.#...anyway. if it isn't obvious i'm trying to get back to posting on here. i'm opening my inbox now with the intent to just.#sit here in my inbox until i can get myself to reply. lads... avpd is actually so torturous i'm not kidding.#i feel like i'm dying trying to get myself to interact with people sometimes even despite how badly i want!!!! to interact!!!#theo and me and our avoidant trauma responses holding hands and skipping around together
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i'm thinking about thule!kit...
there are so many different ways he could've turned out to be like what version of himself is he currently? i'm desperate to know where he's at!!! i need to know, like is he good or bad? did he fall into the deep end and become evil? or maybe he's still just a sweet little sunshine boy?
sorry but IMAGINE if rosemary and johnny are alive in thule and they are a happy family who love their son so badly and would literally protect him with their lives (yes, i'm stealing this one from tessa)
and maybe johnny is a great father in thule bc he never lost rosemary... and kit knows he is loved and important to someone :(
and if our world!kit meets them... THEN WHAT?! he would literally be looking at what he could have had but doesn't :( i think a part of him would truly break inside :(
#what if when rosemary sees him she just hugs him so tightly and cries#bc although he's from a different world and timeline#he's still her most precious baby#i want to cry so badly#this made me emotional#give me a moment#and maybe johnny ruffles his hair and embarrasses him by telling dad jokes like a father should :(#and we get to see him show kit affection and love#nope nope nope#goodbye world#BUT HE HAS JEM AND TESSA NOW AND THEY LOVE HIM WITH ALL THEIR BEING SO LET'S TRY NOT TO CRY#kit herondale#thule#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#tda#twp#tsc
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「つうか、みっちゃんが一番好きだ。」
「俺が死ぬまで一番。」
— Actually, you're number one for me, Micchan.
— You're number one until the day I die.
永遠の昨日 第３・８話 | Eternal Yesterday ep. 3&8
#yeah. so. i decided to torture myself by rewatching this show. lost count of how many times i cried. way worse than the first time#knowing everything and still watching it was painful in a whole different way it was a brand new show even though i still remembered it all#eien no kinou#eternal yesterday#jdrama#watching this while it was airing and having zero clue how it was going to end was like a rollercoaster#cus i kept going oh... that looks bad. to oh wait maybe? to oh crap that sounds foreboding. to ohh maybe with this?? to oh shit oh god#and this time around it was all just... the knowing. not the knowing that it's a tragedy but the knowing how mitsuru will be in the future#knowing that koichi changed everything for him and even though he gave him the ability to connect with other people for the first time#he also took a huge chunk of that ability with him when he left#and we don't know if mitsuru will ever regain it#mine#bl drama#bl series#ANYWAY i just had to put my emotions into something so i made these to let it outttt#they're not exactly what i originally planned but i still liked making them and CRYING
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pulling a 12 hour shift at the wood kiln this weekend kinda set me back with my shoulder/neck trouble i've been having. but i did go to pt yesterday and we tried dry needling for the first time (two in my left trapezius, on the top near my neck) and what the fuck. i dont understand how that all works and usually approach it with a healthy amount of questioning but my muscle released and i feel so much better. i didnt hurt when i got up today lol other than im sore where i got stuck (and yes im still doing my exercises im gonna get a good grade in dont screw your body up)
(we also think that muscle is the culprit for my nerve tingling in my hand, that reacted during the procedure and has also since improved)
#stupid rant is stupid#needles#dry needling#bodies are fucking weird#take care of your bodies yall or youll be in your early 30s on your 2nd major bout of pt#i have one extra visit to see how im doing in two weeks so i hope i can keep improving and not slide back again#like i will say dry needling didnt hurt except for when he took one of them out#i didnt feel them go in and felt pressure#but what was really weird was you target the contracted muscles and it makes them twitch and spasm a little to make them release?#so like the first one i got maybe three rapid twitches and the second one i got one really big one#which didnt hurt but it was surprising bc it was the spasm without the pain#like how your muscles twitch when tired or after a work out#and then it was like almost instant relief it was just. so weird. and i am open to having that done again if needed#and it didnt tighten up again over night i almost cried lmfao#anyways#it also made the muscles in my jaw relax too which was amazing#i carry my stress in my shoulders and neck lol
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#idr if i posted this but bc of prev i want 2 see it again. its soo bittersweet#‘maybe this is what it means for people to go on living’#🧎🤮🤮😭😖🪦#or yk the panel from when hes rly young shortly after rem dies#and he wonders how u are supposed to feel when ppl go and how he cried or IDR BUT IT WAS SSOOOOOO#man ik the moment i finish the manga im gna go back for a reread . i rly want to appreciate it a second & slower time#trigun#vash#rem#kaite#trigun spoilers#the setting for this is so wonderful too#them sitting on the sandsteamer @ daybreak . surrounded by an inhospitable desert n ppl who fought and kill so on#and yet still finding that beauty and that will 2 continue on#waitt smone made a post ab this i need to rb it#trigun maximum
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last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here
#but.#even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16#i traveled across the country just to see her again#and it fucking sucked#she ripped that wound right back open#which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come#she made all the plans#honestly the train trip there was nice#i got to experience a lot of cool things#but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life#just nonstop#and now ive finally been away for awhile again#but i still miss her#& i dont know why#but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win#maybe it's just my roll#say all these nice things n then immediately flip#she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there#& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO...#like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it#but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe#but anyway. again. i stayed#over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay#n she'd do it again#until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH#she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried#but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done#but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster#even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating.#what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me
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kills you kills you kills you kills you kills yo
#listening to the audio on the page again gawdddd i feel ill im gonna throw up#kris' frenzied discordant playing. you usually play the piano a bit more beautifully. they didnt have a piano at their house#they loved to play the piano and there was no piano in the house there was no keyboard in the house nothing#and now their hands' movements are not their own their fingers uselessly mash against the keys in the clumsy frustrated way#they cant even do the one thing they were good at anymore. you usually play the piano and bit more beautifully#and then noelle listening in from the other room. there were times when i wasnt even sure if we were friends. maybe they werent thinking#about me at all. we're friends. we're something else. we havent hung out in so long but i know how you like your eggs. what your favorite#color has been throughout the years. the first movie you cried to. i know you better than anyone. i dont know you at all#your voice isnt your own. what happened to your voice? what happened to the beautiful music you made? what happened to you?#why are you telling me to do these unspeakable things? why am i going along with it? (we're getting stronger) why do i let the blood drip#down my finger from the ring you slipped onto it? (we're something else) what happened to us?#we used to play tag in your backyard. there's blood on my hands because of you. i dont know whats happened to you and i cant stop it#maybe they weren't thinking about me at all#you usually play the piano a bit more beautifully#but when i closed my eyes it felt like a concert just for me#i need a drink#serena.txt
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Eveyone says it’s okay to cry, what about when you’ve been shamed for crying so much you simply cannot cry when you want to? Then what? No one ever talks about that.
#me#my post#late night thoughts#mood#like bruh how do you cry?#maybe I cried too much one time that I just cannot cry anymore#crying heals#but I have been told so many times to not cry or made to feel like it’s invalid#that I just cannot cry when I want to#but when I feel little tears come out it makes me feel some what better
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The nicest person in the world is the lady who helped me tie my shoes at 5ish years old so i could go play during recess. (I elaborated in the tags but theyre fairly long,,) -???
#ive already told this story to some people but i love to tell it.#ok so when i was young i only wore velcro shoes bc i couldnt tie laces.#even now i havent learned the proper knot that literally everybody has learned. idk why i just cant commit it to memory but to be fair#i havent tried to learn it in years bc now i learned a different way to tie my shoes which takes longer so everybody is always like why do#you take so long tying your shoes.#but anyway this story is when i was around 5 maybe younger or maybe older but max 7 yrs old.#my mom only bought me velcro shoes since i couldnt learn how to tie my shoes normally and at some point trying to learn made me so#frustrated i just refused to try and cried etc.#so anyway in my old school there was this weird rule ive never seen anywhere else that we had to use other shoes in the class#i guess to avoid dirtying the floors or something.#and one time my mom bought me new shoes with laces and threw my old shoes probably thinking id have to learn it. i didnt lol.#so she tied my shoes in the morning and then i went to school changed shoes and like i had to like. put back my lace shoes on to go outside#for recess. now get that the teacher hated me. not sure why you would hate a child this age. but she was usually mean to me.#so when she saw this issue she was rlly annoyed and told me so and like the first few days she tied my shoes so i could go outside.#and idk after 2 or 3 times she got rlly tired of doing it and said i had to do it by myself. and she just like fucking left and went outside#leaving me alone on the staircase.#and now this building had a 2nd story which was like a house or flat where people lived. and they were totally unrelated to the school afaik#but the lady was always rlly nice. so she happened to be going down to go outside and about her day and she saw me crying by myself on the#staircase and said whats wrong and i told her i cant tie my shoes and she just helped me and consoled me and then i could go.#anyway she was an angel to me.#its hitting me now as i tell this that when i was a child many of the adults around me were really mean#so i really imprinted on nice adults like i thought they were really amazing and the best people ever.#anyway thank you for reading my story!!#lorisys
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...wow, i’m really about to give myself an Existential Crisis about my Existential Crisis book, huh??
#text#personal#in btw#driscoll#writing#whine whine whine#(to be safe)#(it's not really that much whining tbh)#i just. made the fatal error of leaning back from my keyboard wondering How Did I Decide To Do This Words Thing and Why#like what the fuck am i doing lol#it's a sunday night why did i think Yes I Should Work On Book Revisions#(why revise anything in general?? to maybe get them published someday.)#(but like. why do i want that so badly. when did that start. WHAT AM I DOING.)#(....the silent question there is also Do I Still Actually Want That So Badly)#(i think i do i think i'm just. Tired™)#like everything about this process is fucking weird. giving people shit that's neither Done nor entirely Just For Fun is fucking weird.#HAVING A CRISIS ABOUT THE NATURE OF FICTION WRITING AND WRITTEN STORYTELLING HEEEELP#i was going to chip at this until 11. but. that was before i spent five (5) minutes having a ~Crisis~ in the tags of a tumblr post#(a post destined for the Void probably)#(cries)#...i guess i'm gonna go type a little bit more of this shit so i have a clean copy done by tuesday so i can go work at a bar lol#ALSO ALSO: FUCKING HATE THAT MY ROOM IS VERY SMALL#specifically because it means small bedroom/writing room has All My Shit In It#which means shit gets in the way of the desk#there's a tolerable level of working clutter and it does NOT include laundry#but. since it's all in the Same Room#the writing zone gets unbearable too fast. because life clutter happens and i can't keep it out of the way#(there's nowhere to Keep It Out Of The Way)#maybe more space would fix me and fix the Existential Crisis#or at least give me the clarity of mind to deal with it
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How has it already been 2 years since I last played Tales of Vesperia?! Time seriously flies too fast...
Anywho, I picked it up again 3 days ago and I can't stop playing XD
Iirc I had played it on easy because I wanted to focus on the story and go a bit faster since Tales Of games are longgg. Tho once I reached the end and wanted to start a NG+, I got a bit depressed when I realized this whole time I barely won any Grades since I was on easy mode... And I didn't know it would do that. I played around 65h in my first playthrough soooo ah I felt like I messed up XD I still loved it sooo much and I can't wait to replay it now, but I wasn't feeling like restarting right away back then and there are so mamy games I still need to finish...
Omori and Subnautica are in progress XD
All that to say, might drop some art :3
Oh how I missed everyone T3T I love them all sm
Sweet babes
Also wait...
SAM VOICES FLYNN?!?
How-
How is he playing absolute crazy (beautiful) Ren in Indivisible and Mr Perfect in TOV-- If anything I thought it was Ben who was playing him and for two seconds I thought it was Dhar
Anywho
I’m just blown away rn cuz I didn’t recognized his voice asdfghjk
#delete later#hgn everythings so good in this game#the writing#the characters#the designs#imo the music coild have kicked a little more ass?#maybe i just keep comparing it too much to tales of symphonia#the soundtrack in this one is soo damn good and perfect djdkkd#and maybe the ending i felt could hve been a bit different#idk i feel it was missing a little something#but idk what#TOS and Wind Waker still have some of my most favorite and satisfying endings of any video games#they made the journey so worth it#iirc i cried to both#and i was like 8#i mean when it first happened#tales of vesperia#indivisible
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truly had a wonderful time reading Vespertine but truly the rest of it was all simply worth it for me to read the epilogue where Artemisia dreams she puts her hands in the fire, but because it’s silver it doesn’t hurt her.
#reading tag#reader!!! i cried!#maybe it's because i've been thinking so much these days about how our crosses are made for us#each one as different as the other and made to fit like a glove#but there's something about how we learn to bear what we are uniquely fitted to fight against that makes me emotional#it's like what my mind spun when we were all listening to running up that hill again#that this is MY hill and i would know it anywhere and i have to run up it no matter what because it's mine and it's what's asked of me#but also that over time......it becomes less hard to bear because you have more tools to deal with it and more people you can entrust#to pull you out of the flames when you've reached your limit#and really. that means so so so much to me#many thanks to @brambleberrycottage for the rec i loved!#these tags don't make much sense i should sleep soon before i become truly incomprehensible
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ok so today was fucking shitty and after 4 years I’m starting to genuinely hate my boss and I’m starting to want to quit bc I’m so frustrated and she’s a fucking flipflop ass bitch and I can’t stand it
#I’m so frustrated I just cried when I got in my bedroom like I’m just fucking exhausted#I’m so tired of feeling unappreciated by her like what the fuck there’s so many things that piss me off and I just don’t think I can handle#dealing with it all much longer dude like I just can’t and I have to go in tomorrow again and see her first fucjing thing like oh yeah great#i want to slam my head through a fuckin wall and then a window and then a steel door#i feel like I’m gonna cry again already cooool#god fucking damn dude I wanna scream so loud idk#whatever I’m just gonna smoke a blunt or honestly maybe even two#and then I’m gonna wait for my favorite food in the world to be made bc. at least I can have Something good today
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...
#i watched everything everywhere all at once on my flight back out to the desert#it did make me cry and ive never cried reading or watching anything#like. its weird bc most of the movie i was like meh fine bc i dont care much abt action stuff and i already knew thr details of the plot#but even knowing the plot the rocks still made me cry. for a couple reasons. bc i have a cold and i feel pretty bad. bc im on my way back#to a place where i make myself miserable. bc my hormones r a lil weird rn. but mainly bc thinking abt what ppl r capable of#is so fucking amazing when this planet could just b a desolate conglomeration of materials#and bc runaway bunny is one of my fave kids book and bc i can relate to the everything everywhere mostly all the time#by brain gets so chaotic and cluttered its paralyzing and sometimes when i go running i feel like my thoughts r bees chasing me and i can#never quite outrun them and its exhausting. so yea i cried on a cluttered plane and gave myself a headache and it was really gross in my#mask. i would probably have been sobbing if i hadn't been surrounded by ppl lol im glad i didnt watch it around other ppl#its just the desire for someone else to see thr same thing u do and understand how badly its hurting and maybe u cant fix it but u can try#to make the best of the situation. sigh. im tired and sick and ive got bullshit to figure out#so it goes. but it was a good movie#unrelated
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