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ghosttotheparty · 1 year

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pretty girls never light their own cigarettes

inspired by this post by @background-noise-headache <3 also on AO3

Dungeons and Dragons takes place in Steve Harrington’s dining room.

Eddie sits at the head of the table, though “sitting” may not be the most accurate term to use; he ends up almost standing in his chair, crouching as he reads dramatically, his voice shifting from rough and gravelly and low to high and squeaky and soft as he shifts between characters.

Steve occasionally pops in and out of the room, bringing the kids soda and juice and chips, bringing Eddie beer. Eddie tries his best not to gaze. Steve gives him the same kind of looks back. They always do that.

Eddie isn’t entirely sure what this is, this thing between them. But he doesn’t mind not knowing. It’s soft, and quiet, and slow in a way that nothing else in Eddie’s life has ever been. Patient, and kind.

They haven’t talk about it. They don’t really need to. Everything is wordless. It started when Eddie woke up in the hospital to find Steve asleep next to him, holding his hand, his head in Eddie’s lap. He’d waited for Steve to wake up, playing with his hair.

And it continued in the same silence. Little sneaking glances at each other while they hang out with the others, hooked fingers under tables, Eddie’s head resting on Steve’s shoulder during movie night, Steve’s hand on Eddie’s leg. Eddie hugging Steve’s arm as he drifts off.

Steve quietly putting ointment on Eddie’s wounds, and later, oil on his scars. Eddie doing the same for him. Them getting high together and Steve tracing the scars around Eddie’s neck, and Eddie reaching up to trace his. Falling asleep in Steve’s arms, to the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers in Eddie’s curls. Waking up to the smell of coffee.

“Alright,” Eddie says after a while, shifting to collapse into his seat, sighing. “Break time.”

“Oh, good, I have to pee,” Lucas huffs, moving to stand.

“I figured, you’ve had like five sodas.”

“Three.”

“Whatever, man. I’m going for a smoke.”

“Gross,” Will says loudly as he’s stretching, taking off his wizard hat. Eddie sticks his tongue out at him.

It’s chilly out, just cold enough that in the light of the outdoor lights, against the darkness of the sky and woods, he can see his breath as he hops up onto the railing of the porch and pulls the carton of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket.

The door opens behind him as he’s lighting up, and he turns to find Steve stepping out.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Eddie says around the cigarette, inhaling and watching Steve join him, leaning against the railing. “How you doing?”

“Fine,” Steve says, looking at him. Eddie moves so he’s straddling the railing, carefully balancing, so he’s facing Steve.

He watches as Steve lifts a cigarette to his lips, holding up a lighter, but he makes a small noise of protest, and Steve looks at him, pausing and raising an eyebrow.

Eddie sticks his cigarette back between his lips and moves closer, holding up his own lighter, flicking it, and he leans forward, holding the flame to Steve’s cigarette. The flame reflects in Steve’s glasses.

“Pretty girls never light their own cigarettes,” Eddie murmurs, focusing until he pulls the lighter away, his eyes raising to Steve’s, but Steve isn’t looking at him.

His eyes are blank, training on the ground below them, the cigarette hanging from his lips, and Eddie tilts his head.

“…Steve?” Steve blinks, his eyes flicking to meet Eddie’s, and for a moment Eddie thinks he’s going to cry. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve mumbles around the cigarette before he seems to remember that it’s there, and he takes a long drag before pulling it away and blowing the smoke into the air. “Fine.”

“…You sure?” Eddie asks, studying him, the way his eyes are shining, the way he’s avoiding Eddie’s gaze, the way he’s smoking quietly, like he’s trying to hide in plain sight. “Steve,” he says softly. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I just…”

Eddie moves closer, holding his cigarette between his lips, until he can touch Steve’s forearm that’s resting on the railing.

“What happened?” Eddie asks softly after exhaling the smoke. “Should I not say stuff like that?”

Steve swallows, staring at the ground, his lips pursed like he’s trying not to cry before he takes a soft breath.

“I don’t… want you to not say it,” he says so quietly Eddie’s almost straining to hear him. “I want you to mean it.”

Eddie blinks in confusion.

“Mean it?”

Steve takes another drag, looking at Eddie as he exhales slowly before he starts to speak again nervously, but he can’t get any words out before there’s a bang behind them. They both startle and turn around to find Dustin sliding the door open.

“Dude, we’re ready to go,” he says to Eddie. “Come on.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Eddie dismisses, shooing him, and Dustin rolls his eyes, shutting the door again before he walks away. Eddie watches him go, waits until he can’t see out the door, then looks back at Steve.

Who looks like he might start crying. He’s looking at the burning end of his cigarette, watching the smoke drift into the air and disappear. His hands are shaking.

“Stevie,” Eddie says gently, touching his arm again and leaning close, concern bundling in his chest. “What’s going on?”

Steve bites his lip so hard it goes pale before he looks back at Eddie, his eyes shining.

“Can we…” He glances at the door. “Can we talk about this later?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly, brushing his thumb back and forth over Steve’s skin. It’s warm. “Yeah, of course.” Steve nods, looking ahead again, lifting the cigarette to his lips. “I’m gonna go in. We can hang out after all the kids go home, okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve breathes.

Eddie stubs out his cigarette on the railing, leans over Steve’s arms to flick it into the ashtray, and then he pauses, looking at Steve’s face.

Then he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to his temple softly, leaving a tentative kiss on him. When he pulls away, Steve is almost smiling, his face softer, and he tilts his head a little bit, turning his cheek up to Eddie, so Eddie leans in and kisses him again.

He’s wanted to do that for a long time.

“Okay?” Eddie says quietly, almost whispering. Steve nods.

“Okay.”

It takes ages for the kids to leave. (Though kids is generous; they’re all pushing nineteen.) Lucas drove himself, Erica, and Dustin, and Will drove himself and Mike, and when Eddie says he’s staying behind because he drank, Will very kindly offers to take him home.

Eddie denies the offer gently. He has a soft spot for the kid, who seems to see the way Eddie glances up at Steve as he’s cleaning up with the others, and doesn’t offer again. (He does also seem a bit relieved. Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t see the way Will and Mike look at each other. The way Mike puts his arm across Will’s shoulders as they head to the car. The way Will smiles at him with sparkling eyes.)

Eddie helps Steve clean up after the kids leave, after Lucas calls back a soft thank you to Steve for letting them take over the dining room. He rinses soda and beer cans in the sink and Steve collects them before dumping them in the recycling bin across the kitchen in silence.

“Living room?” Eddie asks when they’re done, drying his hands.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Steve take a deep breath, visibly anxious, and Eddie’s chest aches.

He watches Steve curls up on the sofa like he’s trying to hide himself from Eddie, who sits close but not too close.

“So.”

“So,” Steve repeats quietly, looking at the ground.

“Hey,” Eddie says softly, leaning closer, and Steve’s eyes cut up to him shyly. “You don’t… You don’t have to talk about it. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

“No, I wanna tell you, I just…” Steve takes a breath, looking back at the floor. “I don’t know… how to say it.”

“‘S okay,” Eddie says.

Steve swallows thickly, tilting his head back and blinking hard.

“I told myself I was never gonna tell anyone,” he says, his voice wobbling, and Eddie frowns. “I was just gonna… leave it all tangled in my chest until I died.”

“Steve…” Eddie breathes. He swallows. “That doesn’t sound very healthy.”

Steve cracks a smile.

“Yeah. I know.”

Eddie gazes at him for a few more moments.

“Do you want me to— to hold your hand? While you tell me?”

“Yes, please,” Steve says, his voice breathless, and he finally unwraps himself, holding a hand out to Eddie, who takes it gently with both of his. He rubs the back of it gently, looking down and looking at the soft lines of his veins beneath his skin, at his knuckles, at the faint scar near his thumb. Without thinking, he lifts it to his lips and kisses his skin gently.

“Talk to me, Stevie.”

Steve takes a shaky breath, his hand tightening on Eddie’s.

“When you… When you said that thing about— When you called me a pretty girl,” Steve stutters brokenly, his voice trembling. Eddie squeezes his hand. Rubs his thumb over the back of it. “I— I really liked it.”

Oh.

Eddie tilts his head, moving closer.

“Steve, if it, like, turned you on, that’s—”

“It didn’t—“ Steve interrupts weakly, his cheeks pink. “It didn’t… just turn me on.”

“…Okay,” Eddie says softly. “Tell me.”

Steve take a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut, and his hand is shaking so badly Eddie clutches it to himself.

“Stevie, it’s okay.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Steve says abruptly, looking at Eddie with wide, tear-filled eyes.

“Never.” One of his hands releases Steve’s, and he’s reaching up to Steve’s cheek, holding him gently. “Whatever this is, it’s just us, okay?”

“Promise?” Steve gasps, a tear falling form his eye, and Eddie wipes it away tenderly.

“I swear to you, Stevie,” he says softly. “It’s just us.”

“Okay.”

He closes his eyes, taking an unsteady breath.

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispers, kissing his hand again.

“Sometimes I…” Steve starts quietly. He’s kind of facing Eddie now, his legs drawn to his chest and leaning in Eddies direction. His other hand is picking at a fold of his sweatpants, still trembling. “Sometimes I don’t… feel like I’m…”

He trails off, his eyes trained on the ground, and he looks like he’s spacing out, his eyes glazing over slightly. Eddie squeezes his hand, letting go of his face to turn over his hand and hold it tightly, almost massaging his palm.

“Like you’re what?” he prompts when Steve doesn’t finish his sentence after a minute. Steve inhales.

“Entirely… a guy?”

Eddie blinks, still squeezing his hand.

“Okay,” he says. “Can you explain that for me?”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut, shrugging weakly.

“‘S just…” He opens his eyes, wiping away a tear and squeezing Eddie’s hand. “When I was little,” he says after clearing his throat, still avoiding Eddie’s eyes. “I didn’t really, like… realise there was a different between boys and girls. I just didn’t get it.”

Eddie listens intently, rubbing Steve’s hand to keep him steady, to keep him present.

“There was one year, that my—“ He cuts off to swallow, and he shifts before continuing, his voice soft. “My dad went away for a while. And my mom didn’t really give a shit about me, so she let me grow my hair out. And one day I was helping her at a store, and an employee told me that I… I was a good daughter for helping my mom.”

He pauses, and Eddie tilts his head. Steve pulls at his hand, tugging him closer and moving so he’s holding onto Eddie’s forearm. His other hand is picking at his lip, and Eddie reaches out and gently pulls it away before he can make himself bleed.

“I didn’t correct her,” Steve continues. “Because it didn’t— It didn’t feel wrong, it— it felt like it fit.”

Eddie nods, twisting his hand to hold Steve’s forearm, squeezing gently.

“But it doesn’t— It doesn’t fit more than when someone calls me dude or anything, like— They both make sense to me.”

“Okay,” Eddie says softly. Steve glances at him.

“But sometimes I— I feel more, like… Jesus, I don’t know. Girly?” His cheeks flush with colour, and he drops his head back. “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Eddie says again, rubbing his arm soothingly.

“Sometimes I…” Steve squeezes his eyes shut, his lip quivering, and Eddie moves closer, his chest aching.

“Hey,” he whispers, squeezing his arm. “Steve, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, Eddie,” Steve says, and he’s actually crying now, tears falling down his cheeks, and Eddie hates this.

“It is,” he says gently, moving closer and wrapping an arm around Steve’s shoulders, pulling him close. Steve collapses against him, his shoulders shaking. “Stevie, I’m not judging you or anything, okay? Just talk to me, sweetheart.”

He wants to smack himself for the pet name, but Steve doesn’t seem to even notice it.

“Sometimes,” Steve starts again, his voice quiet. “Sometimes I feel like I am a girl.” He doesn’t lift his head, still leaning against Eddie, who rests his cheek on Steve’s head. “Just… In the wrong body.”

“You’re not in the wrong body, Stevie,” Eddie says. “If you’re a girl, you have a girl’s body.”

Steve is quiet for a moment before he says, “Why are you acting like this is all fine?” He sits up, looking at Eddie with tears-filled eyes. “This isn’t fine, Eddie, I’m— I’m fucking weird.”

“Steve,” Eddie says firmly. He softens when a tear escapes Steve’s eye, and he reaches up to wipe it away, his thumb slipping under his glasses. “You’re not weird. And even if you were, Stevie, do you know who I am?” Steve finally cracks a smile, scoffing. “Why would I have a problem with weird?”

Steve shrugs weakly.

“Also you’re not the only one,” Eddie says softly, touching his hair. It’s soft. Steve looks at him almost sceptically, wiping his cheek. “I used to go to a lot of queer bars and clubs and stuff in Indy,” Eddie explains. “There were lots of people like you.”

“Really?” Steve breathes.

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly, smiling. “I’ll take you sometime.”

“…Okay.”

“So you said you feel like both?” Eddie says, shifting to lean against the back of the sofa, his fingers still playing with the ends of Steve’s hair.

“Yeah.” Steve sniffs, wiping his face again. “I don’t mind being called a guy, or when people use like… You know, dude and man and stuff. It feels right, but when that lady thought I was a girl, it… felt right too.”

“What can I do?” Eddie asks. “To make you feel good about it?”

Steve shrugs again, looking down.

“I don’t know. When we’re alone, I guess you could…”

He shrugs again, shaking his head.

“What if I called you things?” Eddie suggests gently. “I could tell you how pretty you are.”

Steve’s cheeks flush and he half-smiles, almost glaring at Eddie.

“Don’t joke,” he says quietly.

“I’m not,” Eddie says, offended, moving closer, his hand sliding to hold Steve’s neck. “You’re beautiful, Stevie.”

Steve’s eyes drift, shining behind his glasses, and he inhales.

“…I like it when you call me that.”

“Stevie?”

“Yeah. It feels… Prettier.”

Eddie beams, pressing his fingers into his hair and combing through it.

“What else can I call you?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says, shifting to face Eddie, still holding Eddie’s hand. “You pick.”

Eddie hums softly, glancing at Steve’s lips. (He briefly wonders if Steve would ever wear lipgloss.)

“Princess.”

Steve’s cheeks turn pink, and he suppresses a smile.

“Yeah?” Eddie asks gleefully, grinning, and Steve’s cheeks darken. He looks away.

“Feel like I shouldn’t like that.”

“Hey.” Eddie tugs his hand. “No rules.“ He tugs again, prompting Steve to look up at him before he speaks again, softer. “This is just us, Stevie.”

Steve looks back at him, and Eddie can practically see the moment it sets in. That he’s safe here. That he’s free.

“I like it.”

Eddie smiles.

“What about, like, when we go to a queer place?” Eddie asks, moving to lift a leg onto the sofa between them, leaning against the back of it again. “If I introduce you to people, how should I refer to you?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asks quietly, his brows furrowed.

“…He, she?”

Steve blinks, and Eddie sees something settle behind his eyes.

“I’ve never thought about that.”

Eddie waits while Steve thinks, playing with his hair.

“I think he,” he says quietly. “She feels… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not used to it,” he says, looking into Eddie’s eyes. “I don’t know.”

“We can try it out,” Eddie tells him. “When we go. We can just… experiment. See what you like, what’s comfortable.”

“Okay,” Steve says, smiling, his eyes flicking across Eddie’s face. “You called me sweetheart earlier. I liked that.”

“Yeah?” Steve nods. “What else can I call you?”

Steve shrugs, shifting closer.

“What do you wanna call me?”

“A lot of things,” Eddie confesses, blushing.

“Like what?” Steve asks, smiling excitedly, shifting where he sits, almost bouncing on the sofa, and Eddie’s heart almost explodes.

“Honey,” Eddie says softly, his hand running down Steve’s neck. “Darling. Baby.”

Steve’s eyes darken and flick down Eddie’s face again, and he exhales.

“My love,” Eddie says quietly after a few moments of silence. Steve’s eyes widen. “Is that one okay?”

Steve’s lips part, and his eyes are trained on Eddie’s mouth, and he’s quiet for a few seconds, just staring before he says softly, “Only if you mean it.”

“I mean it,” Eddie breathes.

Steve takes a breath, and then his tongue is slipping across his lip.

“I wanna try something.”

“Okay.”

Steve takes another breath, exhaling slowly, and he releases Eddie’s hand, carefully reaching up to his face, and Eddie thinks he might be dying. Steve’s fingers are warm, pressing into Eddie’s skin and holding his chin gently.

Slowly, Steve leans in, and Eddie’s eyes fall shut, his free hand finding Steve’s leg.

After a few seconds, Steve’s lips find Eddie’s, and the world falls away from around them, and Eddie’s eyes squeeze shut, and he never wants this moment to end.

His lips part to kiss back, but Steve’s teeth just close on his lower lip, tugging Eddie closer with it, and Eddie smiles, his hand sliding to Steve’s hip and squeezing. Steve moves closer, and his other hand finds Eddie’s cheek as he sucks on his lip gently, shifting closer.

Eddie gasps when they part, his hand untangling from Steve’s hair and finding Steve’s cheek, but he bumps the frames of his glasses, and Steve laughs breathlessly.

“Can I take these off?” Eddie whispers.

“Yeah.”

Eddie reaches up and carefully takes them, tilting his head to make sure he doesn’t tug the backs of his ears, and Steve smiles fondly as he waits. Eddie turns away to fold them and place them on the coffee table before he looks back at Steve, whose eyes are shining as they struggle to focus.

“Can you kiss me please?” Steve whispers, and Eddie grins so brightly it almost hurts.

He takes Steve’s face between his hands, leaning in and kissing him tenderly, warmth flooding through his body when Steve buries his hands in Eddie’s hair. Eddie shivers when he tugs, and he shivers again when a soft sound escapes Steve.

Without pulling away, Steve sits up, kneeling next to Eddie before he’s swinging a leg over Eddie’s legs and settling in his lap. Eddie wraps his arms around Steve’s middle, holding him to himself tightly and furrowing his brows when Steve’s tongue slips across Eddie’s lip.

Steve tugs his hair again, pulling away just to gasp for air before he leans back in, kissing Eddie messily, almost careless in the way his lips slide across Eddie’s, in the way he licks into his mouth. He tastes like cigarettes and orange soda.

Eddie suppresses more shivers as he listens to the quiet, wet sounds of them kissing, to Steve’s soft breaths, as Steve’s fingertips trail down his throat lightly.

“Stevie,” Eddie gasps when they part to breathe, pressing his hands into the small of his back.

“Yeah, baby,” Steve says softly, breathing hard. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, the pet name washing over him like sunlight.

“…Can you take this off?” he asks hesitantly, tugging at the back of Steve’s shirt and looking up at him. Steve just smiles and leans back, crossing his arms pulling his shirt up from the hem. He tosses it away when it’s off, giggling when he looks back down at Eddie, who’s staring up at him like he’s having a religious experience, like Steve is his saviour.

“What?” Steve whispers.

Eddie’s eyes are burning, and he reaches up to tug him down by the back of his neck, kissing him as tenderly as possible.

“You’re so beautiful, babygirl.”

Steve blushes, and his eyes widen, and he exhales.

“Oh, I like that,” he says softly.

“Yeah?”

Steve just nods breathlessly, and Eddie kisses him again. He pulls away to press soft kisses across his cheek and over his jaw before he’s sucking kisses into his neck, his hands sliding over his back.

Steve exhales, his head falling back as Eddie kisses over his throat, and his hands find Eddie’s shoulders, holding him gently.

Eddie nibbles at his skin softly, listening as Steve hums quietly, and he smiles against his skin, leaning small bites down his neck until he’s kissing the moles on his shoulders and collarbones, connecting them like constellations with his lips.

Steve pushes his fingers into Eddie’s hair when he starts to kiss his chest, and Eddie smiles again. Steve’s chest hair is tickling his face, and he’s heavy on Eddie’s lap, and he’s playing with Eddie’s hair, and Eddie thinks he might cry, blissfully surrounded by StevieStevieStevieStevieStevie.

He runs his hands over Steve’s back, over his waist and hips and chest, until his fingers brush over his nipples, and Steve lets out a sharp breath.

“Is that okay?” Eddie whispers, looking up at him. His cheeks are red, and his eyes are closed, he releases his lip from between his teeth to speak.

“Yes.”

Eddie does it again, traces circles around them and gazes up at Steve, who bites his lip again, sighing and letting his head fall back again.

Eddie smiles softly. He leans in and presses his lips to Steve’s chest, just over his heart, before he shifts, leaning to swipe his tongue over one side, and Steve’s hand clenches in his hair. He pushes his chest toward Eddie with a soft noise, and Eddie grins, licking over it again as he reaches up to the other side.

Steve sighs, looking down at Eddie and smiling lazily when their eyes meet. Eddie sucks lightly, watching Steve’s eyes flutter shut, and Steve’s fingers run through his hair before he just holds him, almost cradling the back of his head and sliding his other hand over Eddie’s forearm.

Eddie pulls away after a moment, taking a breath and switching sides, and Steve giggles quietly, pulling his hair back and watching him. They’re both hard. But neither of them are in any rush to do anything about it.

Eddie lifts his head after another moment, kissing up Steve’s chest, kissing the hallow of his throat, his Adam’s apple, the underside of his chin. Steve is smiling the whole time, his face relaxed and soft and almost blissful.

“Christ,” Eddie breathes, running his hands over Steve’s chest and stomach and waist, squeezing a the softness of his flesh, holding him tightly. Touching the scars that cover his sides, the scars that match Eddie’s own. “You’re fucking angelic, baby.”

Steve huffs out a soft laugh, pressing his hands to Eddie’s face before he holds his chin lightly, his thumb pressing to Eddie’s bottom lip. His eyes are dark, almost half shut, and he brushes his thumb over Eddie’s lip, smiling when Eddie presses a quick kiss to it.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

“What for?” Eddie matches his volume, almost whispering. Steve shrugs weakly. Eddie presses his hand against the small of his back, running over the arch of it.

“Being so nice to me.”

Eddie blinks, tugging at his back so he falls against him a bit.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, princess,” he says softly, squeezing his waist. “Kindness comes with love.”

Steve just stares back at him, and after a moment, his eyes are glistening, and his lip is trembling, and Eddie’s chest aches. Because he knows Steve has never gotten the kindness he deserves, because when he was a kid, love meant slamming doors and snapping leather belts and cold glares when he cried.

Steve looks away when a tear escapes his eye, reaching to wipe it away, but Eddie stops him, catching his hand gently and pulling at him so he looks back at him. Steve blinks at him, more tears falling down his cheeks, and Eddie touches his face, holding his jaw and leaning up to kiss his tears away. They’re salty on his lips, but Steve is sweet. So, so sweet.

“Sweet girl,” Eddie breathes, kissing Steve’s lips gently, and Steve pulls him closer, kissing him harder, burying his hands in Eddie’s curls again. Eddie knows Steve can taste his tears. There’s probably something poignant about that, Steve licking his own tears off Eddie’s lips, but Eddie’s head is too full of clouds to really place what it is that’s so poetic.

“Love you,” Steve exhales, his lips brushing Eddie’s, and Eddie breathes the words in.

“I love you too, baby,” he whispers, his eyes squeezing shut. “Jesus, I love you too.”

Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s neck, and Eddie’s face presses into his bare shoulder as he hugs him back, his fingers dancing over his spine, over the softness above the waistband of his sweatpants. Steve’s lips find Eddie’s ear, and Eddie beams, tilting his head to give him space.

Steve traces the tip of his tongue over the scar on Eddie’s neck, and suddenly the world is crashing down around him. Eddie gasps for breath, his hands pressing against Steve’s back, his nails dragging across his skin as Eddie pants, his eyes screwing shut.

“Fuck, Stevie.”

“Is that okay?” Steve whispers. His breath is warm.

“Yeah, it feels good,” Eddie says breathlessly.

“Okay.”

Steve relaxes, resting on Eddie and pressing his face into his neck. Eddie thinks he might be about to fall asleep, but then Steve is pressing slow, wet kisses to his neck, and he’s biting him and sucking on his skin, and it almost hurts, but Eddie would rather walk into traffic than stop him.

Eddie falls against the back of the sofa, pulling Steve with him, and he bites his lip, exhaling shakily.

“Love you,” Steve breathes, kissing his neck again. “Love you so much.”

Eddie groans softly, reaching a hand up to Steve’s hair and pulling so he can kiss him.

“Love you too, babygirl,” he murmurs. “So fucking much.”

Steve whimpers, and Eddie knows he’s crying because he can hear his soft breaths, can feel them on his neck and can feel his tears sliding down his skin.

“It’s okay, Stevie,” he whispers, hugging him tightly, rocking forward and guiding Steve’s legs to wrap around his waist until Steve is clinging to him. “I got you, baby.”

“God, Eddie.”

“‘S okay.”

“‘S okay,” Steve repeats quietly, under his breath, pulling and resting his forehead on Eddie’s. Eddie reaches up to wipe away his tears. “Can you— Can you sleep in my bed tonight?”

“Yes,” Eddie says. “Yes, of course, I would love to.”

“Okay,” Steve says with a weak smile, leaning down to kiss him lazily. Eddie can still taste the salt of his tears.

“You wanna go to bed, sweetheart?”

Steve mumbles something unintelligible, his arms tightening around Eddie, and he buries his face in his neck. Eddie smiles, sighing, rubbing his back gently before he shifts, moving to the edge of the sofa, reaching to get Steve’s glasses, and he grips Steve’s legs as he stands. Steve lets out a quiet Mm, and his legs tighten around him.

“I got you,” Eddie murmurs, looking over Steve’s shoulder and making his way to the stairs.

“You’re so hot,” Steve mumbles. Eddie laughs lightly.

It’s dark upstairs, and the floor creaks under their weight as Eddie carries him to his room, grateful for the dim light of the downstairs hallway that sends a soft glow over the walls.

“Lay on top of me,” Steve says quietly when Eddie goes to set him down. “Please.”

“Let me turn off the lights, honey.”

“Okay.”

He sets the glasses on the bedside table, flicking the lamp on before he crosses the room to the light switch. When he turns back around, Steve is looking, watching him blearily.

“Can you take off your shirt?” Steve asks softly, shyly. Eddie grins and tugs his shirt off, tossing it to the hamper in the corner of the room. He misses. He doesn’t care.

Steve sighs heavily when Eddie crawls over him, tugging his blankets over himself and relaxing on top of Steve. Steve’s arms wrap around Eddie’s neck again, tracing the bumps of his spine, pushing into his hair.

Eddie hums, closing his eyes, relishing the feeling of Steve’s skin on his, the feeling of Steve’s heartbeat against his chest.

“I’ve never felt like this before,” Steve whispers after a moment.

“How do you feel, baby?” Eddie whispers back. Steve runs his fingers through his hair, through snags and tangles. Gentle.

“I feel…” He takes a deep breath. His chest presses to Eddie’s. “God, I feel like myself, Eddie. I’ve never felt like myself before.”

Eddie smiles, and sits up, hovering over Steve and looking at his face. He’s never seen this expression on Steve before. Soft and relaxed and sated. Fucking beautiful.

He leans down and kisses him gently, sucking on his lip briefly before he pulls away to whisper to him.

“You never have to hide yourself from me. Okay?” Steve’s eyes flutter open, shining in the soft golden light of the lamp. “Anything that makes you feel like you, or that you want me to do to make you feel like you, I… It’s all okay.”

“Okay,” Steve breathes.

“I’m in love with you,” Eddie says, his voice shaking. “Every fucking part of you.”

Steve swallows, giving him a wobbly smile.

“…Okay.”

“Okay.”

Eddie lays back down again, turn his head to kiss under Steve’s ear.

“Good night, my love.”

Steve’s arms tighten around Eddie, and Eddie grins.

#ive been wanting to write genderqueer steve for ages but didn't know how and this prompt hit me like a fucking freight train #good god #ollie you are a blessing #anyway i have many thoughts on gender #Obviously #also im open to more requests/prompts for steddie hit my inbox up or message me pls <3 #i have a ficlet im planning for gq steve that i may write tomorrow we shall see #steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #genderqueer steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington fanfic #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fanfic

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