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homiro · 4 months

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[Image ID: Screenshot of Quora answer that reads.

I'm autistic. Why are neurotypicals allowed to hurt my feelings, but when I retaliate everyone defends them?

Yeah I can relate. The underlying issue is that there are “socially acceptable” ways to hurt people which NTs know the codes to do. If you do the same thing but “too directly” it’s then considered “you’re a bad person”. There’s also this completely pointless system of implicitly defined social power structure. So depending on where you are, they are also cleared by others to do some terrible things. I think it’s because most NTs are not as observant about what’s actually happening, so they just follow whoever was able to make them feel good/trusts regardless of what actually is happening. I’ve seen at least 2 literal sociopaths executing those things but when I tried to protect others from them, I ended up being the one “punished”. It’s really weird and not fair, but that’s unfortunately how it works in majority NT environments. Unless you can outwit them, I’d advise just stay away. End ID]

I know this is quora but uh... It makes so much sense literally it all clicked together. This person cracked the code and this is soothing to know I'm not alone in this. Why I'm immediately jumped while everyone else gets coddled when they're absolutely horrible to me. If I retaliate I'm automatically the bad guy and the villain and an awful person but NTs are just poor little babies who did nothing wrong even when they do everything to hurt me lol guess I don't fucking want to know the code because I'm not a lying piece of shit like them.

#homiro said some shit #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #anti nts #fuck them #mandatory not all nts but somehow always an NT #neurodivergence #ableism #autism

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douma-s-bride · 5 years

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Sorry for the long post, would love to put a read more but mobile is an ass owo I want to thank you all for all the love it's havn't been a long time i created this side blog and iv'e already hit 100 lovely followers, i have no word to decribe how much I love you all. Huge shout out to all the kny writing familly for being present and accepting the trash child that i am owo Also a thank you for sending some requests.

so don't know if anyone will read that but here my 2 oc i did for fun. I will try to find a ask me oc thing list owo also little spoiler alert for my oc Akai Hasu .

Haruka hanabi ( spring scent firework)

Haru

14 | 140cm

Appearence

She have long poofy/curly/floof lilac hair with purples tips divided into two lower sections that looks like pigtail with butterflies on the end. her eyes are a iredescent blue(kind of rainbowish) she wear the demon slayer uniform + a pink haori with sakura flowers on it. She is a breath of the flower user and her weapon of choice is a pair of dual blades

Personality

She is a ray of sunshine, outgoing, happy, full of energy, she can be a bit annoying, childlish and overhelming. She also is clignly, in need of constant attention and sometime she is a crybaby. She does,'nt like to be left alone nor being yelled at and have some abandonnement issues. She deeply cares about the people around her especially Shinobu, Kanao and later Zenitsu who she have a crush on. She always do her best to help even with her clumsyness. Even if she despices demons, she sympathise with some of them and pray that they find peace. Don't try to cut her hair, she will murder you.

Backstory

As a child she was abandonned in the streets. She was found by Shinobu and was raised by her. She sees Shinobu as a mom and follows her around most of the time. The first time she interacted with people other than Shinobu and kanao was awkward after sometime she was more social but still shy.

Relationships

Shinobu is like the mom she never had and is very precious to her. Socializing with the others girls aside Shinobu and Kanao at the estate was a challenge, she did'nt talk much but with time she warm up with the others, she was quickly accepting of Nezuko since she is really cute and developped huge fat crush on Zenitsu.

Akai Hasu ( red lotus)

150cm

Appaerence

She have a very pale skin and long white hair with crescent red at the tips, they were white before she became a demon. She wears a short black kimono with red drops pattern. Her eyes are a bright red and have a cresent blood mark. She developped her on breath style related to blood.

Breath of blood

She uses her own blood for big dammages at huge risks if she uses too much of her blood, now that she is a demon it's less dangerous for her. That breathing style is stronger whe it's full moon.

Personality

Even when human, she always had a stoic personality, she does'nt talk much and is calm most of the time. She does have a soft and shy side but she is pretty good at hiding her emotions. She never experienced hapiness she mostly feels anger and sadness. She is very serious and get the job done. She avoids killing innocent people unless it is mandatory she is good at following orders. She won't say it out lout but even if she hates annoying people she does appreciate Douma compagny for some reason she also love to read books. She have a beautiful singing voice but no one heard her sing except maybe Douma but that was by accident. She mostly feeds up on trash humans beings like criminals. She does'nt eat peole cuz they disgust her. She fed up on their blood and brings the remnants as an offering to other demons like the twelves moons.

Back story

Before becoming a demon she was a demon slayer, none of her colleagues would talk to her because of her behavior and the fact that her breathingtechnique is really dangerous since its use of her blood. She almost died in a misson and the people she was with left her thinking she was already dead. Luckyly she survied but she crossed path with kokushibo who reconized her strenght, he offered her to become a demon.

Relationships

She does'nt like Muzan but she does'nt hate him and the feeling is mutual. He does let her be since her skills are useful and she always strive to get stronger she mind her own buissness and she have a grudge against all the demon slayers. She often trains with Akaza or Kokushibo to hone her skills and to strengthen her body muscles. She have the strangest relationship with Douma, she doesnt know what to think about him and its confuses her. He somehow managed to make her smile forthe first time; he enjoys annoying her/teasing her and she is more open with him.

College Au where Haruka and Akai are sisters

Haruka is a typical art student and younger sister, loves drawing stuff and creating new things while Akai is more like a litterature student. They both enjoy going to rock concerts. They are like the sun and the moon in terms of personalitty. Haruka have many friend mainly the maincast and Akai hangs out more with the delequent side of the school.She is also part of the student council and contrary to. Giyuu she have no mercy in tern of discipline. She works at a music store and hate her boss Muzan with a passion, she does a decent job and is pretty popular among the clients since she have a huge knowledge in the music sphere.

#kny spoilers #kny oc #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba oc #haruka hanabi #akai hasu

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actuallyschizoid · 7 years

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Hey I'm really confused, like 99% of the time I feel and behave like the typical schizoid, but once in a while I get this 'intense' feeling of loneliness and desire of wanting to be loved. Like it may be a comorbid thing but what is it? As soon as I'm reminded that someone I look up too likes me I go back to "normal". Any schizoids with really low self esteem out there that also experience this?

My self-esteem is probably higher than it realistically should be, so I can’t help much in that regard. My followers and discord folks, on the other hand, could be of more use to you.

But, speaking in general, there’s no such rule that says that schizoids can’t feel lonely and wanting to be loved once in a while (or even always). Or that if you ever felt lonely, you aren’t schizoid.

Actually, there is a known psychological defense system, of a universal kind, I must say. It makes human mind to eventually stop wanting things that it cannon achieve. Like, for example, most people don’t live through their lives constantly sad about being unable to fly. They just accept it for the fact and stop being bothered by it most of the time.

They still might occasionally feel sad about it, tho, when they are reminded of that possibility — e.g. looking at birds flying freely above their head and dreaming about doing the same. Most of the time it won’t last, though, because the fact still stands: we’re too heavy to fly.

Same goes for wanting to be loved by some schizoid. It’s not exactly even a mandatory symptom. You can be schizoid without being unable to feel lonely or never desiring to be loved.

Schizoid personality is not defined by the lack of that, but by the very oddness of what schizoid personality is to most people around us. The fact that so many schizoids end up being nearly immune to feeling loneliness and despise the idea to engage in a relationship might very well be related to the fact that it’s next to impossible for the oddballs such as most schizoids to be loved by people who surround them on daily basis.

Or, alternatively, they just aren’t satisfied by the quality of people who might care about them — because schizoids tend to have very unusual (and different) measures of what kind of people they want to deal with. Often they only accept any possibility of being close to people they can relate to.

Meaning, other oddballs (who is rare and often hiding), intelligent, well-educated and smart, non-conforming individuals with some rare qualities, amazing talents unachievable by 99.999% people, mandatory shared interests and viewpoints on politics, art, etc etc...

Eh, just outright their own clone would do the best probably. But since that’s unlikely to happen, and other options do not count, some of us end up preferring to stay alone for the rest of our lives. Or at least aim towards that, no matter how unreachable that ideal might be.

This almost inevitably leads to eventually no longer wanting relationships, being cared about or caring about others, being praised, complimented, emotionally intimate, appreciated, accepted or respected by others.

Why? Because there’s objectively no chance to be any of the above in relation to people one would consider worthy. Why don’t the rest 99.999% of this planet’s population count? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that schizoids don’t really count for them, don’t you think?

That those weird creepsters with unrelatable emotions who are hard to be around with, hard to understand and just plain not within their interest range are at best those they’d ignore and move on. Or maybe to pity a bit, but only until they realize there’s no positive feedback from all the effort it takes. At worst they are the ones to be treated like potential threat — with intentional alienation, mockery or even hostility.

Aren’t too many reasons to look forward to having relationship with that kind of people, huh? Or to feel lonely when they aren’t around — heck, it feels much better without them! Being cared by them would be rather weird and suspicious — wtf is that even supposed to mean, and what is there to expect when it’s clear as day they don’t understand you at all just like you don’t understand them?

Hence, it is only natural and just about expected for schizoids to end up where we usually end up by the time we’re out of that fragile young age when the possibility of world being populated by other schizoids still stands. That you just have to wait a bit and look for them better or pretend to be normal better than you do, so perhaps when you somehow fit in, those people turn out to be nice and there won’t be any alienation or weirdness.

Alas, usually that illusion is broken by the reality by the time you hit middle school or so. Sometimes much earlier, sometimes later (for those who happen to be lucky with good parents, school, etc). Anyway, by the time of manifestation it’s highly likely that if your emotionally-odd schizoid traits are intense enough, your prefers-to-be-alone, doesn’t-want-to-socialize, cares-for-noone and even likely-asexual traits will follow, if somehow not already there. Not because it’s strictly bound to szpd, but because there’s little way around it in the world we live in.

Or at least that’s how I understand it so far. May or may not apply to some/most schizoids, but definitely doesn’t work for everyone. It might, however, explain what you, anon, talk about. Of course, other explanation being that you’re just not schizoid and instead NT with low self-esteem, depression and other problems that may still go away.

And if you’re still in your teens, I’d stick to that option, if I were you. Even if that’s not the case. You can at least give it a shot and get out of this swamp before it’s too late. Because by the time you hit 25 mark, your personality is pretty much set in stone and will not be affected much. Until then there’s still time to figure it out and maybe do something about it intentionally.

Treat depression, reflect on causes of your self-esteem issues, fix whatever you can and get into the social structure like most non-schizoid people do. Believe me, that’s much easier than living with szpd for the rest of your life.

[schizoid discord]

#actuallyschizoid #szpd #schizoid #emotions #relationship #alienation #Anonymous

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