#man. he sure would like to
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you know that one post that's like "autistic people are legally allowed to kill 1 person"? That's medic. But he gets infinite because I said so.
-☎ anon, macking they cheese.
YIPPEE!! i agree. he should be allowed to do whatever he wants i think and that includes killing people for enrichment
#its ok because hes autistic and because.#i just know hes thinking about killing and torturing people all the time#not that he actually follows through with it every time but#man. he sure would like to#i think his teammates have to put up with him talking about how hed like to hurt them more often than theyd like#i am a firm believer in him actually caring about his teammates and friends btw#he just shows it in his own unusual ways..#you will not be so lucky if he dislikes you/youre on the enemy team though#neway. what were we talking about#yeah#share your macked cheese anon im hungry#replies from the void#tf2 medic#the doc is in
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Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :
Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources
Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)
Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women
Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women
Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)
Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)
Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community
Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS
Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough
Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media
Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards
Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories
Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")
And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue
Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)
#Also I'm saying this as someone who actually watched quite a few of Somerton's videos#And noticed those patterns and stopped watching bc I recognised them from here#and had already learned to unlearn them after being so exposed to them here#And tbh I think anyone who hasn't had the luck or made the conscious choice to seek out ppl who pushed against those narratives#Would absolutely have fallen for this man's bullshit. Like let's not kid ourselves we see takes like this every day on this hellsite#2014 me would have. For sure.#This is next to the plagiarism issue which as Harris points out is an Internet wide issue and this includes tumblr#James Somerton#hbomberguy#todd in the shadows#This brought to you by a conversation with my wife yesterday#So many ppl on here don't deserve to meme or be this self absolvingly critical of this man#The call is coming from inside the house#The man has a tumblr it would legit not surprise me if some of the things he supposedly made up himself he did actually get from somewhere#And that somewhere was a tumblr post
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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❌ Ned Fulmer was fired for cheating
✔️ Ned Fulmer was fired for tarnishing his own brand, and becoming a liability to the company.
#hannah.txt#try guys#ned fulmer#try guys drama#it wasnt the cheating itself that got ned fired#he got fired for having a workplace relationship with a subordinate#which opens the company up to lawsuits about favoritism and unfair treatment#ibr this is what you get for monetizing your relationships#do yall really think ned would be facing this much backlash if he hadn't based his entire persona around being The Wife Guy(tm)#i mean he'd still get some hate for sure but this man literally built his whole brand around loving his wife#like literally worshipping the ground she walked on#only to be caught cheating on said wife. not a good look my dude#i have no sympathy for ned and alex they both suck
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Classic "promised-at-birth-to-the-Ghost-King" story, except the contract never states how, exactly, the King is to use the offered soul. Usually, one would be offered as a bride or sacrifice. But with Pariah Dark sealed away, his retainers got a little lazy in the last few millennia. They just made some generic contracts and practically handed them out like candy.
When Danny took over as king via conquest, that included all the weird and messed up soul contracts the previous retainers had signed. And since ghost magic was a thing and seemed to have it out for Danny personally, many of these contracts updated their terms and conditions as soon as that crown hit Danny's head, reflecting the new King's subconscious desires and personality.
This caused many issues with those still around to profit from these contracts. Some people lost their power, some gained more, and some were unbound and kicked to the curb. A few special people found themselves dropping dead after their less-than-ethical abilities disappeared.
Danny was unaware of the chaos he had unintentionally caused for quite a while. It was only brought to his attention when a letter arrived on his desk one day with a copy of someone's valid contract enclosed. The new changes have been highlighted, and a separate note is attached.
It seems that in exchange for blessings of near-immortality for her infant son, a mother had offered Pariah Dark both their souls in order to ensure her child's survival during harsh times. (The souls were to be collected upon death and were to be used as soldiers in the King's Army.) The mother's soul had returned to the Keep decades ago and was recently assigned to tend to the gardens, while her son seemed to have grown into a fine gentleman and was still alive. He used his mother's gifts to serve his country and loved ones well, it seemed.
At first, Danny didn't see what any of this had to do with him. If the mother was already a part of his kingdom, and the son would be eventually, why was a letter about the whole thing showing up before him?
Then he read the revised contract, which bore his magical signature. A signature that overruled the power of Pariah and binding it to him.
'...and as such, in return for the abilities stated above, [Mary Pennyworth] and [Alfred Pennyworth] will fulfill the conditions detailed below, upon pain of Ending.
[Mary Pennyworth], when returned to the Kingdom of Dark Kingdom of Stars, will work as a lieutenant in the Skeleton Army caretaker in the Gardens of Pluto.
STATUS: COMPLETED
[Alfred Pennyworth], when returned to the Kingdom of Dark Kingdom of Stars, will work as a general in the Skeleton Army caretaker of the King and his Court.
STATUS: PENDING'
Danny had to re-read the contract several times to understand what it was saying. He now had a caretaker? What did a caretaker do? Was it like a ghost parent? Could this guy ghost-ground him??
He sighed and pressed the speed dial on his phone for Tucker. Time to find out who the hell this Alfred Pennyworth guy was, and how to break a magic contract when it wasn't even fulfilled yet.
Meanwhile, Alfred had just found the original copy of the contract amongst his mother's belongings after it glowed and drew him in. The paperwork cleared up a lot of mysteries he'd always wondered about himself, even if he disapproved of his mother's methods. Nonetheless, he smoothed out the aged paper with dark green ink, noted the fresh (sloppy, a teenager?) signature, and began preparing to meet this supposed new King and his Court.
It wouldn't hurt to make introductions before he died, after all.
#pondhead blurbs#dpxdc#alfred is now their grandpa#i just want alfred to meet danny and his group of friends and unironically call him 'your majesty' and danny HATES it#like this is the guy who's gonna be my butler/caretaker after he dies? please man just say my name#it's not a cursed name i swear#no one else knows how to feel#cause like#if the contract wasn't in place everyone was sure Alfred would haunt the manor even after death due to his devotion to the wayne family#but now he's already got a job in the afterlife#so how will the bats see their father/grandfather figure now?#Bruce: the obvious solution is to adopt these random kids who still have families so alfred never has to leave :)#alfred isn't even dead yet but the bats are speedrunning their grief in like a week
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the world of Disco Elysium is bleak and unyielding and this is reflected in the artwork. each character, in their headshot portrait, faces the viewer directly. their expressions are neutral, exhausted, unsmiling. sure klaasje has a faint humorless smirk, and evrart a wide smug grin, but both are obviously carefully-chosen armor against the soul-crushing grind of Late-Stage Capitalism.
not trant though! he's doing a cutesy little over-the-shoulder glamor pose and he is Legitimately Thrilled to be talking to you. this man did NOT understand the genre of the game at ALL.
#disco elysium#trant heidelstam#I thought this man was gonna be either evil or a cryptid for sure when I first met him#I was like 'nobody in this universe is actually happy so this smiling man is Up To Something'#turned out what he was Up To was infodumping and lowkey trying to dad everyone he meets.#sorry mr heidelstam sorry for thinking you were the Insulindian Phasmid in disguise (I still think that would have been cool though)
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gothic lolita machete came to me in a dream
.
#HHWAH#but he unironically kind of makes it work though??#I never realized that the leap from what he normally wears to gothic lolita would be this small#basically the same thing just a lot more lace and frills and embroidery#loving! the pomegranates!#it always makes me ecstatic when people find a way to include them or his other... symbols? motifs? objects of significance?#it's nice you kept the red gloves and red heels#the little crosses on the capelet and the stockings too hah#and the massive bow where the fascia would go#I support genderfuckery Machete by the way#his design and mannerisms have always been somewhat androgynous or at least that's what I've been trying to aim for#despite his sharp angular form he's supposed to have an aura of elegance and delicateness#at least on his better days when he's not in full rat man mode#given the choice he'd rather be called beautiful than handsome I'm pretty sure#folks have been mistaking him for a goth lesbian a whole lot lately so I can't be too far off#thank you this made me grin like an idiot when I opened the inbox#gift art#aggiepython#own characters#Machete
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#sth#shadow the hedgehog#wahh been working on this for ages can finally get rid of it yippee#luzki's art#the needles are pretty stylized so i don't think i need a cw#but let me know if i should#i imagine shadow would be apprehensive about going to the doctor#after gerald happened#also because he's convinced hes invincible and hates vulnerability lmao#man don't you love medical malpractice#its so silly to me that ppl on the arc went and made a fully sentient hedgehog#like. if you wanted a living weapon or develop pathogen resistance there are surely easier ways to go about it#i'm just rambling now#i love silly edgy hedgehog and his truckload of trauma
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robert chase one of the characters of all time. hes blonde. he went to seminary school. he purposefully murdered a patient. he’s a vapid slut. allergic to strawberries. was caption of his college bowling team. desperately needs to be on antidepressants. he’s divorced. his ex-wife was/is in love with his dadboss. it’s heavily implied that this is part of why he married her to begin with. he’s been fired multiple times but he keeps coming back like a fucked-up obedient boomerang. he’s the best surgeon in the hospital. all this while having the personality of a sopping wet cardboard box of corn flakes that somebody poured milk into and let mildew.
#the concept for chase was#‘what if house had like. a surrogate son. and he kind of wanted to fuck him and also hes like catholic’#‘ohhh and he can be australian!’#‘why would he be australian?’#‘just cuz’#house md#robert chase#beautiful loser very virgin mary coded man#i do like chase but i find it amusing that i also find him boring#bc objectively theres no reason he should be?#hes a great character i love his story arcs i love how sarcastic he is i love how hes doomed to repeat houses fate#but compared to say. foreman? there is NOTHING#im very sure ill manage to gaslight myself into loving him later#dr robert chase#i didnt actually fact check the bowling thing. dont quote me its late
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#pokotho#paul matthews#the guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm#hatchetfield#starkid#hatchetverse#im sure nothing bad will happen to that charming man beside our host#or would he be the host? which terminology are we going by here
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things I know will never happen in the show but that I personally think would be very funny
bonus close up of lestat (inspired by yet another måneskin fit)
#my art#iwtv#interview with the vampire#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt#vampire chronicles#iwtv amc#cursed alternate reality where lestat got famous on tiktok#that’s why neither Daniel or Louis realises he’s alive could you imagine either of them on tiktok?? on any social media??? no#(Daniel maybe has fb but hasn’t updated it in 10 yrs. his profile pic has all of 6 pixels)#I’m sure he knows of it but he’d rather chew his own arm off than download it#Louis and lestat finally meet up again and they’re like the two Spider-Mans meme ‘wait I thought YOU were dead????’#meanwhile armand is like 😶🫥 oops#additional cursed thought: would armand on have tiktok??? discuss
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Gojo is a better man than me because I assure you leave me around this man for more than 5 seconds and I’m on my knees confessing my undying love for him SUGURU ONE CHANCE. PLEAAAASEEEE
#would you believe that when I first got into jjk I was like yeah so what’s so good about him I don’t see the appeal#I’m a changed man I swear#HES SO CUTIE PATOOTIE OH AND HIS SMILE AND HIS HAIR AND HIS VOICE 🙁🙁#what a pleasant young man I’m sure nothing bad will happen to him.#how does he have haters he’s literally my?? my wife???#plwas I love him#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#suguru geto#jjk geto#jjk suguru#jujutsu kaisen geto
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blasting my two favorite interests into each other because i can
#metal bat#garou#one punch man#opm#batarou#shatters my heart to say this because metal bat is my fave and has my heart but garou is 100 times more fun to draw than him im so sorry#splatoon 3#splatoon#metal bat pain brush user because i couldnt decide if he would be a roller or a brush main and painbrush is the perfect inbetween#originally i was going to give him a dynamo#but a pain brush is lighter and more similar to his bat i feel like#garou gets enperry dualies because hes annoying#LOOOOOOOOOOOL JK SORRY#hes fast and whatevvsss#he can use his water mountain breaking fist thing with his triple splash down#this is for a very niche audience of people who r fans of opm AND splatoon 😭#im sure there will be at least ONE person who is happy about this combination... 😭
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i feel like the queer community lost when we started policing labels and making sure everyone used the Correct™ labels instead of letting a person decide what feels right for them
#caique posts#inspired by a post a trans guy made asking if it was okay for him to keep identifying as a lesbian even though he’s now a man#and all the comments telling him no because lesbians can’t be men#and also all the other posts of people asking if they’re ''allowed'' to use certain labels#why do you need permission?#who are you even asking permission from?#we’re not cops#do whatever you want forvever#also inspired by an article in a zine in the 80s/90s of two FtMs in a T4T relationship#one of them described the relationship as being between a butch and his sissy boy#i cannot ever imagine anyone calling themselves that nowadays#because of ''only lesbians can be butches'' and ''sissy is offensive'' discourse#i’m sure there are people out there who would want to describe their relationship like that but don’t feel they’re ''allowed'' to#anyway lots of baby queers are tying themselves in knots trying to figure themselves out#and they’re more concerned with using the Correct™ label instead of the one they feel most comfortable with#yeah i just don’t like it#knowing you’re queer should be a liberating feeling#instead of something anxiety-inducing because you’re worried if you’re using labels wrong
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And they were roommates
After years of living on his own in the Infinite Realms, something strange began to happen to the retired hero. Every time Danny closed his eyes to sleep, a life that was not his own played in his head. And he began to see memories of someone who had passed away, from his birth to his death. That would be fine if he didn't remember the dreams in such detail.
Unfortunately when the first dream kept repeating itself continuously, and Danny investigated, he discovered that it was not a normal nightmare and was the life of someone real. Someone who wanted a closure.
Every time he woke up, he found himself feeling the same as in the dream. Which led him to do a couple of things: yell at Nocturne (who strangely had nothing to do with it), annoy Clockwork (who was definitely involved), and solve crimes that had been deemed "impossible", and bring them to an appropriate end.
The police were extremely confused when a note from "Sleepy King" was next to the evidence of a cold case. The truth is that Danny wanted to sleep, and the souls were extremely insistent about their 'unfinished business' that came to haunt him in his sleep.
Every time he cracked a case he earned a few hours of uninterrupted sleep or downright disturbing memories, but that wasn't enough. Unfortunately, it seemed that solving the cases was only attracting more souls, and he was starting to regret wanting to help. He had ended his life as a hero for a reason.
Usually his notes to the police would say something along the lines of "I'm doing this for me, not for you, good night" or some similar nonsense. The halfa was tired, very very tired, dreaming with memories wasn't fun or pretty, it was exhausting, the deaths made his skin crawl and his insomnia worse. He didn't want to relive the deaths of anyone else, but he had no way to scare away the souls.
When Martha Wayne showed up in his dreams showing him about a "court of owls" Danny made up his mind. This had to stop. He had been a hero but he retired. And it wasn't that he hated the souls, he just wanted to sleep, the mental exhaustion was too much.
So he did the stupidest thing possible: he hired Constantine (pretending to be a fairly normal human client, getting his attention after offering a lot of alcohol and some useless books from the Realms as payment) to make him a dream catcher or some wizard thing. All he wanted was something to help him sleep.
Constantine couldn't do that of course. The hellbazer was disturbed by the man with more than three hundred avenging spirits swarming. That was fucked up. So he offered him the only solution he could think of: inviting him to sleep at his house. A place where spirits could not pass without permission. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it would work for a while.
John had no idea why he was doing so much for a client (inviting him to his house? bold move), but the man looked so desperate, and he was fucking cute. If he could get an adventure or two out of it he wouldn't complain.
Constantine's guest bed felt like heaven to the halfa, despite being almost destroyed. Danny repeatedly thanked, and before they both knew it: they were roomies, lived in the same place, took turns cooking or cleaning, etc. They grew comfortable with each other to the point that Danny answered Justice League Dark's calls on a few occasions.
And well, if Constantine stopped rushing to find a long-term solution that was his business, and his alone, okay? Zatanna's comment asking when he got married was fucking out of place.
#dpxdc#Danny is an adult here#he lived in the Realms#until the souls started to stalk him in dreams#Nocturne offered to help but Danny refused#Clockwork is playing matchmaker and is obvious#Retired hero Danny#The souls wanted revenge#and Danny solved many cases but#he didn't want to live to please others any longer#maybe is selfish but he never asked to be a hero in the first place#dp x dc#dc x dp#Justice League Dark is pretty sure they are married#Constantine is not flirting and that's suspicious#Danny ended investigating the court of owls and Batman had him on sight#Constantine thinks he's just a handsome man#But even if Danny tell him about his ghost part Constantine would think he's sexy#and they were roommates#Asking for Constantine's help is like a sin in the realms but Danny is desperate and the hellbazer deal with curses daily#he was sure John could help somehow#Danny stopped Constantine from being a soulhoe and protected him without John noticing
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ironically i came down with a fever while working on this so like don’t worry phoenix i get you
#ace attorney#phoenix wright: ace attorney#trials and tribulations#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#ace attorney: trials and tribulations#bridge to the turnabout#gyakuten saiban#naruhodō ryūichi#mitsurugi reiji#narumitsu#wrightworth#this is the spiritual successor to the ''i love nyquil it's lile detroit become liquid. for sure shitting the bed tonight'' comic from 2021#the hat man btw? Is hershel layton <333 in my mind plvpw is canon and takes place in december 2018#aka when maggey was being arrested for the murder of glen elg#thus accounting for how phoenix was unaware of the fact that his identity was so actively stolen until a month later (he was in labyrinthia)#ALSO phoenix's coat is the only one we actually see him wear in game - the one from the farewell my turnabout bad ending#but mia can be seen wearing it in multiple pieces of official art by kumiko suekane which implies it was hers first and i like that :')#also i just gave him the scarf because i think he would have brought a scarf with him to the snow#but then halfway through the line art i thought ''oh he so would've brought this specific one with him hoping it'd make iris more likely#to recognise him without him having to actually say out loud that they knew each other''
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