#makes Aziraphale look straight my ass
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Still fuming about «Crowley’s so queer it makes Aziraphale looks straight» take. I saw some people saying «queer is not a political identity» as an argument against it... and actually I disagree. Queer is an identity that’s as much about politics and community as is about gender and orientation. «Queer as in fuck you» indeed! And while I’m pretty sure that if you’ll ask Aziraphale he will say that he’s queer because mentally he still in times where it was term preferred by community as whole (or he’ll say that «gay» is his gender because he still links gender and orientation together and it’s a habit thats hard to break), I’ll argue that he’s definitely queer by definition. And I won’t say that one of them more or less queer, I want to vomit just from thinking this, but he and Crowley definitely different flavors of queer; and the point is community.
See, the Crowley we see is not the very community-oriented being. He despises angels and demons alike, he’s not close with humans, through whole series we saw him connected with Aziraphale, maybe Warlock, Shadwell to some point and only as a subordinate he’s not really interested in (Aziraphale actually remembered all the names of soldiers Shadwell pulled from his ass, on the other hand [book, also in script if I remember correctly]). But for Aziraphale community is the whole deal. He links himself to communities: community of book collectors, for example ([in book at least]), community of angels (even in season two he regretfully said that he misses reporting back to his lot), as soon as he put his roots there he become part of British and specifically London community (immediately clocked as British by everyone, for better or for worse). And he’s clearly consider himself and considered by others as part of queer community. For example:
He’s clocked as specifically effeminate gay man (which is part of queer umbrella oh my god stop misuse of political slogans gay are not some kind of others that are lesser for being gay!!!) by everyone, to the point of getting called homophobic slurs (twice in book, once in series) and being targeted by literal Nazis. He’s not arguing or denying, he reclaims it: he’s not calling himself gay, he’s proudly declaring that he’s THE southern pansy (not very «hurray establishment» of him hmmm?). He looks so gay and safe that cemetery man from season 2 doesn’t see a problem in telling him he uses grindr!
Tied to this: he can present as anyone else, he chooses to look soft, gay, effeminate, he chooses to make silly sounds and flamboyant gestures, and as soon as he gets comfortable he likes to go a little campy (can you imagine Crowley in ribbons and frills? do we see male-presenting Crowley in pink silky shoes? would he fight to the death before you put him into pencil-drawen moustache and bright cape with shiny starts? yes he’s GNC! there’s more then one way to be GNC and one is not better then other because it’s in black and sexy!). I’ll argue that him choosing one comfortable presentation and stick to this is no less groundbreaking by heavens standards then «hoarding all the genders» since he’s not treats his corporation as «meat suite», he really had an identity tied to it!
And using this identity he becomes part of 100 guineas club. Part of gay/queer (it was in times where this distinction was meaningless) community with fellow queers, where he learned queer ways, such as dances, becoming part of queer culture as a whole (and should I remind you that back in days drag was mandatory part of such clubs? if we measuring queerness by how close it to cross-dressing apparently). He also collects literature by queer authors, immersing himself in this culture, again. Do I remember correctly that Oscar Wilde gifted him one of his books specifically? So we can safely assume he hangs with queer authors as well? Correct me if it’s not in canon (I’m freely mixing tv and book canon there btw although usually I treat them as two different things)
He also lives in Soho. He specifically chooses to live there, knowing perfectly well what a neighborhood it is (even back in 1600s it already had a Reputation). He knows what it says about him and he aims for it! (Crowley lives in Mayfair because it says something about him too — remember that while Aziraphale constructed himself around being soft and gay, Crowley intentionally made himself look as irrating rich asshole. If this asshole has vibes of sinister gay that would gladly corrupt you if you ask nicely, that’s another story) He is a part of this community! As a word of god, he: speaks Polari freely because he used it… with other queers (as oppose to Crowley that knows «bits» because he hangs out with criminals); he hide incriminating things from fellow Soho residents back when there were police raids (breaking law to help those in need is reacurring theme with him!). He still part of this community, he knows people, people knows him, he literally gives place to lesbian women for free so she can have her dream shop (supporting your local queer business!) (also great call back to Edingurg minisode! Aziraphale, personal saint of broke lesbians!)
I’ll also argue that letting in first Gabriel and next Muriel was a very queer of him. Queers help other queers: he may not like Gabriel, but «he has no other friends» (and he's homeless after being kicked out from heavens after disaster forbidden love affair with other queer being, hmmm? paralleles with reality of being queer much?), so he steps in. And Muriel, while being the same age as those two (we're NOT child-coding Muriel in this house), vibes as queer youth in needs of guidance, and Aziraphale, that had every right to be suspicious and cold to them, immediately lets them into safety of his shop and tries to be nice and supporting in both older queer and older ND cousin way.
So, in conclusion: Aziraphale is a queer being, that likes to make it clear that he’s queer and queer GNC man specifically; he’s part of queer community for at least couple hundred of years, participant in queer culture, and he watches out for other queers, helping his own as much as he can, using his money and other resources and breaking law to do so when needed. What there can make him look straight even as a joke?
Crowley is absolutely a queer being too, in very queer love with other queer being, and I'm sure he has a blast pocking into rules and boundaries of genders, orientations and all kinds of relationships since he loves questioning and testing so much. He also has a cool rebellious aesthetic and «fuck all» attitude, so it’s understandable that he becomes tumblrs queer icon (and being played by David Tennant helps for sure). But if you ask them both where’s local shelter for homeless queers located, one of them will have an answer and it won’t be a Crowley, or he wouldn’t sleep in his car (I'm joking), and this is as much of the part of being queer as having cool aesthetic or being kicked from home (I'm joking again). And it's a shame that some people want to make a competention out of it, because it gives us infinity possibilities to discuss their different experiences and choices, down to what their respective aesthetic choices says about them, and how they can use their strong sides to support each other! But alas.
#good omens#aziraphale defense squad#bad takes that won't let me sleep at night#makes Aziraphale look straight my ass#that's a nice post! bitchy one will stay in my head!#btw I wouldn't spend my time at it if person that wrote that take made a honest mistake trying to joke but apparently it's not their first#bad take so while I don't want to pick a fight I want to at least rant
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Good Omens incorrect quotes:
Aziraphale: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Crowley, drinking toast: Why do you say that?
~
Aziraphale: Violence isn't the answer.
Crowley: You’re right.
Aziraphale: *sighs in relief*
Crowley: Violence is the question.
Aziraphale: What?
Crowley, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Aziraphale, running after them: NO-
~
Aziraphale: Do you take constructive criticism?
Crowley: I only take cash or credit.
~
Aziraphale: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Crowley: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
~
Aziraphale: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*
Crowley: What did you do?
Aziraphale: Nobody died.
Crowley: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!
~
Aziraphale: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Crowley: Killed without hesitation.
Aziraphale: No.
~
*how season 3 should start*
Aziraphale: Top 30 reasons why Aziraphale is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Crowley: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!
~
Crowley: You're right.
Aziraphale: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
~
Beelzebub: I’m going to take you out
Gabriel: great, it’s a date!
Beelzebub: I meant that as a threat.
Gabriel: See you at five!
~
Crowley: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Gabriel: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.
~
Beelzebub: I made tea.
Crowley: I don’t want tea.
Beelzebub: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Crowley: Then why are you telling me?
Beelzebub: It is a conversation starter.
Crowley: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Beelzebub: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
~
Aziraphale: This is bothering me.
Crowley: Well, you are digging up a corpse.
Aziraphale: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty par for the course, actually.
~
Aziraphale: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Gabriel, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Aziraphale:
Aziraphale: fsh
~
Crowley: God, give me patience.
Gabriel: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Crowley: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.
~
Aziraphale: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Crowley: That's why I carry two swords.
~
Gabriel: So what’s for dinner?
Beelzebub, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.
~
Muriel: Why are you on the floor?
Crowley: I'm depressed.
Crowley: Also I was stabbed, can you get Aziraphale, please.
~
Store Worker: Would a Mr. Fell please come to the front desk?
Aziraphale, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to Crowley and Muriel
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Crowley and Muriel, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Aziraphale: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-
~
Muriel: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Crowley: The cow???
Muriel: What?
Aziraphale: Crowley, W H Y?
~
Aziraphale: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Crowley?
Crowley: … No.
Muriel: I do!
Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.
Muriel: I’m sad!
Aziraphale: I know, Muriel.
~
Muriel: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Crowley: The car takes a screenshot.
Aziraphale: For the last time, get the fuck out.
~
Crowley: Aziraphale and I don’t use pet names.
Nina: I see. Hey, what are those things with the halos called again??
Crowley: Angel?
Aziraphale: Yes, dear?
Crowley:
Nina: Don't ever lie to my face again.
~
Muriel: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.
Crowley: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Aziraphale isn’t
~
Aziraphale: We need a distraction.
Crowley: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Muriel, whispering: My time has come
~
Aziraphale: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Muriel: Okay, but in my defense, Mr. Crowley bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Aziraphale: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
~
Aziraphale: Crowley, keep an eye on Gabriel today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Crowley: Sure, I’d love to see Gabriel get punched.
Aziraphale: Try again.
Crowley, sighing: I will stop Gabriel from getting punched.
~
Maggie: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Crowley: I'm a knife.
Aziraphale, from across the room: They're the little spoon.
~
Aziraphale, driving Crowley and Muriel: So how was your day?
Muriel: We almost got surprise adopted!
Aziraphale: What?
Crowley: We almost got kidnapped.
Aziraphale: Oh, okay.
Aziraphale: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?
~
Aziraphale: You have to apologize to Gabriel
Crowley: Fine.
Crowley: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.
~
Crowley: Hey angel,
Aziraphale: Yes?
Crowley: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?
Aziraphale:
Aziraphale: Where’s Gabriel?
~
Aziraphale: WHY. why did you give Muriel a KNIFE?!
Crowley: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Aziraphale: Now I feel unsafe!
Crowley: I’m sorry.
Crowley: ... would you like a knife?
~
Muriel: Hey, Mr. Crowley? Can I get some dating advice?
Crowley: Just because I’m with Aziraphale doesn’t mean I know how I did it.
~
Aziraphale: Crowley and I are having a baby.
Muriel: That's gre-
Aziraphale, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.
~
Muriel: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Crowley: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Aziraphale: In that case, we're definitely lost
~
Muriel: What do you think Mr. Crowley will do for a distraction?
Aziraphale: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Aziraphale: ... or they could do that.
~
Aziraphale: I trust Crowley.
Muriel: You think they know what they're doing?
Aziraphale: I wouldn't go that far.
~
Aziraphale: While I’m gone, Muriel, you’re in charge.
Muriel: Yes!!!
Aziraphale, whispering: Crowley, you’re secretly in charge.
Crowley: Obviously.
~
Aziraphale: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
Crowley: *turning to Gabriel* How tall are you?
#featuring a lot of inneffable husbands#Crowley and Aziraphale being Muriel’s parents essentially#Aziraphale refusing to let Crowley drive with Muriel in the car#a tiny bit of inneffable bureaucracy#a whole lot of Crowley openly hating Gabriel now that he can’t get smited for that#bad influence Crowley#Maggie and Nina supporting the dumbass gays#they/them Crowley and Muriel#and just Crowley being my favorite character#maddy’s thoughts (taken straight from the brain)#good omens#good omens 2#inneffable husbands#inneffable bureaucracy#incorrect good omens quotes
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WHOO BOY DO I HAVE SMTH TO SAY ABOUT THE COFFEE THEORY (GO2 SPOILERS lol)
I am a believer in the Coffee Theory. Do I hate Azi? Couldn’t if I was at gunpoint. Do I blame him? Absolutely not. Do I think he’s brainwashed and totally out of control? Nope. Do I think he still is conscious and making decisions based on religious trauma and his heavenly conscience? Yup.
Now, there’s two things I think will happen, and I’m just gonna call em the Basic Path and the Raine Path, and I’ll explain why.
On the Basic Path, pretty much the entire Coffee Theory is true. The Metatron used a combination of miracles and/or almonds (which some speculate have the ability to brainwash) to control Aziraphale and manipulate him into betraying Crowley. I STRONGLY believe that Azi’s words and actions during the final scene were just a smidge to OOC. Not entirely OOC, but odd enough to suggest that he’s being influenced. He just acted too damn cold for someone who was so warm and excited to get away for a moment with Crowley, dance with him, party with him. He turned him away, straight up said “there’s nothing more to say” and let him go.
So I raise you: The Metatron wants Crowley. He’s likely willing to use Azi either as a bargaining force, or if needed, as bait. He’s seen them, and he knows that Crowley depends on Azi to live. He probably knows that sometime soon, Crowley will run back to Azi and apologize and try to mend things, despite his attempts to forget him. God knows what the Metatron could want with him, but as he had security clearance in Heaven and was important enough to be given the gift of creation, I think it’s fair to assume that Crowley was very, very powerful as an Angel. And whatever the Metatron wants won’t be good.
That brings me to the Raine Theory. Y’all TOH fans (I see you depressed gay weirdos) know what I’m about to propose. AZI IS FAKING IT. You can’t tell me with a straight face that him acting off doesn’t feel like Follies at the Coven Day Parade at least a little. So what if The Metatron DID miracle the coffee to be able to control him (maybe if he had miracled Azi directly it would have caused problems so he had to do it indirectly) but Azi used one of those miracle cancelling slips? He’s already demonstrated a great amount of skill in misdirection and even saved his own ass by swapping papers via magic. That last look that Azi has, the solemn and tearful look with his fingers pressed to his lips, screams “I wish I could have returned it”. He looks hopeful and determined in the elevator. He may be convinced that he’s saving Crowley, or that he’ll take down the Metatron with the help of inside forces. And Crowley is probably *sigh* going to intervene and try to help.
I don’t think it’s fair to outright dismiss the Coffee Theory, nor is it fair to outright dismiss Aziraphale’s actions as OOC, because they were heartfelt and followed his moral code. I just wanted to throw my opinion in the fray because I’m REALLY hoping for the Raine Theory to pull through because I can’t get enough of the faking-being-hypnotized trope
#go2#go2 spoilers#go 2 speculation#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#coffee theory#good omens#good omens theory#just brain dumping#dont mind my rambling#toh#raine whispers#sorry I’m a nerd
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WIP Tag Game
If you’re tagged, make a new post and share 1-2 sentences from your most recent unposted WIP(s) with zero context- Let your followers guess!
im tagging my own damn ass because i cant shut up about anything ever
1.
“Aw, look at that, good as new… No one would ever know that something happened here.”
He was looking straight back at Aziraphale again, that knowing, mischievous look that pinned the angel down in his spot.
2.
Neither of them said anything as yet another glass was drained.
Neither of them said anything as wine poured into it again, and Crowley crowded into his space.
Holy heat under his palms, and an angel who smelled of sweat, of wine, of-
3.
The sudden flex of his bound wings pulled the chain taut, making it ring out into the silence, clear as anything. Judging by the self-satisfied smirk on Aziraphale's face, his twitch hadn't gone unnoticed.
tagging @voluptatiscausa and @focusfixated if they feel like it <3
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I kind of think the reason why the Book of Life is referred to as 'extreme' sanctions and why they haven't used it yet is because it's intended to be an absolute last resort, due to how badly it may mess up the timeline. Butterfly effect and all that. And they'd be looking at potentially undoing/rewriting 6000+ years of history. Who knows what life would be like for anyone if humans never left Eden. I mean. No death and no suffering, obviously, but no free will or knowledge, either. But it WOULD accomplish the basic plan everyone knows God has laid out- create humans that live eternally in paradise. I'd imagine using the Book of Life is very risky and they can't account for the full extent of the effects, but I don't think that would stop the Metatron from using it as a means to make Aziraphale go along with the Second Coming. If anything, the chaos of that potential timeline might be even more of a motivator for Aziraphale to follow orders in this one.
that's a very good point!!!✨ definitely would fit the bill of 'extreme', but then again - if it is only used in extreme circumstances, as i said here and @aq-uatic reminded me in a separate ask, you'd think that the stopping of armageddon would be worthy of threatening the BOL, and yet it wasnt? or the fall of humanity, or even the fall itself... but somehow, hiding gabriel is bad enough to warrant erasure from existence...?
this does however only take into account how michael is threatening to use it (i.e. the extreme sanctions are not, in fact, officially sanctioned; metatron confirms this in ep6). michael takes the supreme archangel position, and presumably considers this to be adequate authorisation to wield the BOL as a weapon - something we don't see gabriel do in s1.
i would love to know what michael's rationale behind this was; jumping straight to erasure of existence for a fairly insignificant transgression. it might say more about michael's character than 'the true nature' of the BOL, but still find it interesting that for a reasonably cunning character, this threat is so... little thought-out.
and maybe that's just it; that the BOL does exactly what it says on the tin, and it's just michael getting gung-ho on their assumed new power and station. maybe gabriel never intended to ever wield this weapon because of the catastrophic implications it has (though this would bring into question what the point of the BOL is to begin with, if not to be used).
i honestly don't have much of anything to negate this from within the narrative itself, other than crowley saying that it was only a rumour (which i do think has some basis). but from a storytelling perspective, i do think it very odd that this new concept, this huge-ass weapon that heaven seems to have had in its back pocket all along, would be so blatantly explained and handed to the audience in s2. the whole thing, imo, just feels a little off.
biblically speaking, too, i feel that the BOL in the context GO poses is somewhat off too; revelation shows that the book belongs to jesus christ, and (heavily paraphrasing multiple references here but this is my understanding of the christian scripture on BOL) was for humanity to repent and enter the kingdom of heaven, or face erasure and be cast instead into a lake of fire in everlasting punishment.
now, of course, GO does not necessarily follow the word of scripture by the letter; but regardless, the whole notion seems odd in relation to angels. they... are of heaven; would erasing them from the book lose them their existence, or would it cast them out of heaven? by the same logic, does erasing humans from the BOL during the last judgement also mean those humans will cease to exist? the lake of fire is described as being "a second death" (20:14), but is that the same thing?
basically, anon - i don't know. idk if the BOL is what we're led to believe it is, but something in my gut (and by god has it been wrong before) is telling me not to take it as read!!!✨
#good omens#ask#the mental gymnastics this whole theory requires ks ridiculous and for that im sorry#book of life theory#s2 meta#s3 narrative spec#second coming/last judgement spec#ALSO @aq-uatic i promise i will answer you tmo but your ask got me in the brainrot so it's taking a hot minute to respond to💕
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first of all forgive me for good omens theory posting.
as for my overall opinion: this season really feels like Neil wrote it with the extremely specific goal of wanting someone to make a meme of him saying "I'm going to give the gays everything they want." it was really corny! really genuinely about love of humanity and love between humans and love between two non human beings! it's not for everyone. but it was a lot of fun for me.
okay, theory time under the cut.
I like the theory that they switched places at the kiss. I think there is some solid evidence for it. However it is much less fun for me if they just like, talked for 15 minutes (if we believe the clock was not a continuity error) and now everything is hunky dory between the angel and demon and gomens 3 starts straight off with funny swapped shenanigans.
I think gomens3 would be way more compelling to start out with if the two of them were still fighting. still at least a little miffed at each other. still maybe out to thwart each others plans. this is why I'd be alright if the theory is wrong and they Didn't swap and we're misreading the mixed-ass emotions onscreen.
because I think aziraphale really genuinely wanted the promotion upstairs. blinded by the high of approval after being pretty much an outlaw for a year, his rose colored glasses were on and he saw a PERFECT opportunity to live out the rest of time with his very very best friend. he wasn't thinking straight. he didn't even stop and let the very uncharacteristically stressed crowley say his bit first. he wasn't thinking of what the big next plan god had for humanity was going to be. he could barely get his words out. he was just thinking--him, and Crowley, together, and if they were both angels no one could get between them and maybe together they really could fix the system inside out but more importantly--him and crowley angels again! untouchable together! the year apart was very painful but it would never happen again!
and crowley reads this pretty clearly, I think, despite his own distraction. and his heart drops to his feet. and he knows that aziraphale's plan is way too optimistic. and he knows they can't fix this shit from the inside, just the two of them, because he knows that heaven cares far more for furthering its own plans than for the actual humans on earth. he might even predict the Big Next Step heaven is prepping for, the rapture, and know that this does not spell good things for his beloved humanity. and he knows Metatron picked aziraphale specifically for the job but he (supposedly) does not know about all of Aziraphales insubordination (saving Job's kids, etc). and if he Found Out about the past and/or if Aziraphale continued his weird caring for specific humans which is very likely if he actually tried to fix shit from the inside then he is going to get fucking fired. or worse. and crowley would suffer an equal or worse fate if he becomes an angel again.
AZIRAPHALE SHOULD KNOW ALL THIS. but right in moment he can't see it because what if, what if, it would all be so perfect.
okay. crowley knows he's in love. still spurred on by the human pep talk about Communication. maybe his little planned speech will snap Aziraphale out of it.
but it doesn't, not yet anyway. and aziraphale looks so hurt. he sees crowley choosing to break his own heart. there's lines yelled out like "you can't leave your bookshop!" and "I can't live without you."
and there's the kiss. last ditch attempt. something to do because me might never get to do it again. and Maybe somewhere around there crowley stops time and explains it again. the promotion wouldn't be perfect. heaven is heaven. heaven will spit on Aziraphale's infinite care for mortals on earth. him and crowley are on their own very human side. they know each other so well that crowley could go in Aziraphale's place and do everything Aziraphale would do. and if it all went awry they couldn't hurt him like they could Aziraphale, as previously demonstrated. Heaven never changes its passwords. they would fall for the same gambit twice. aziraphale would stay on earth in relative safety and fill crowleys place to avoid suspicion. and aziraphale understands. reluctantly says yes.
I prefer the idea that he wouldn't even need to explain it. I think time-stopping would get noticed by heaven but body-switching wouldn't. I mean, crowley went up there earlier and no alarm bells were set off. I think crowley, desperate, nonverbally started to swap and hoped aziraphale would understand. theyre so close they're basically telepathic. I think crowley pushed, asking, and aziraphale, scared as all hell, said "I forgive you"--for the kiss, for shoving this unhashed plan on him, for waiting so long to confess his romantic love, and let him in. so they swapped.
crowley stood, hardly believing that aziraphale would accept, touching his lips. he takes a second to get his bearings when metatron retrieves him.
aziraphale went to the bentley, the closest he'd get to crowley for a while, and watched morosely as crowley went up the elevator in his place.
they're still not fucking happy with the situation. neither of them. but this will buy time, at least.
as for gomens3 ending: I think God is God, she's omniscient, and she is Good, these are like the big Christian tenets or whatever. she totally knows all the little morally grey things Aziraphale did over the years and Metatron probably knows and overall Aziraphale WAS picked because of that, and a swap may even be a part of the Big Ineffable Plan but they're going to pretend that they don't know. blah blah blah this is how God will make the other angels see that demons are necessary and not all pure evil to eliminate and also this second coming stuff is actually not so important anyway, let humans be humans, love wins, the end. sappy story will continue to get a sappy ending.
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I was tagged by @marley-manson to do this little fanfiction tropes tier game a few days ago and I finally had time to sit down and do it - even if it took me a while because I’m indecisive and I kept changing positions lmao. If I think too hard I may ending up just changing it again
overall my classification was something like
S - favorite things I look for in fic, can make me click right way
A - tropes I strong like when done right
B - tropes I like when done right but actually hate when it’s badly written (ot even half-assed)
C - tropes I’m mostly neutral/indifferent about. Wouldn’t say I actually dislike all of these but It has to be really very well written for me to like.
D - tropes I usually dislike, some of them I would say I hate lmao. I’m a never-say-never kind of gal but it really has to be exceptionally well written for me to like these ones
*
I liked this game because it made me think of the things I usually crave in fics in a way I probably hadn’t before lmao. Like I realized that my love for dark fics came before I started to really get into Hannibal but Hannigram solidified my absolute love for this trope (since any canon or slight-canon-diverge Hannibal fic is usually by default a dark fic lmao). Mutual pinning, slow burn, lots of angst are major favorites as well.
And things like ABO or crossovers... I actually love crossovers of some things but it’s SO rare to find good crossover fics, nearly impossible. Back in my first DS9 watch I think I found some good ones in the old Trek archive but it’s not a common thing. And ABO... I have read some fics in this setting that were very good but I like it when it challenges the setting in some day. I also like when the author does an alpha/alpha or omega/omega pairing for the main ship in a way to explore that universe’s prejudices but again, it’s a rare thing and mostly ABO are just kind of terrible or horny. Horny and short can be good sometimes but I can’t excuse the terrible ones lmao
It depends on the pairing, but I’m known for enjoying unhappy endings and major character death fics. I like happy endings too, but some fics with unhappy endings hit just the right way, you know? Same for major character death, with the warning that I NEED to know i’m about to go head first into a tragedy. I really need the major character death warning, if the author puts this in the story out of nowhere it’s their prerogative but it can ruin the whole story for me permanently.
I don’t actually HATE college/high school/coffee shop and similar mundane AUs but they tend to blend together into one same boring thing for me and it’s rare to find one that stands out. Not impossible ofc - I remember reading a human florist/tattoo shop A/C fic that was really good because it explored Aziraphale’s self internalized homophobia in a way I really liked but this is not a thing it usually occurs to me.
I hate fics with pregnancy (other reason why it's rare for me to find ABO fics I like lmao), love triangles are often a source of frustration and miscommunication when overly done can make me give up on a fic. I put crack fic in this category of stuff I usually dislike, but I would also like to say that I actually love Crack Treated Seriously very much. But straight up crack is very rarely good lmao
This got very long! I’m not tagging people because I don’t know which mutuals and followers are very into reading fic like me, but if you want to do this game feel free to consider yourself tagged, it’s really a lot of fun!
Link to do the tier game:
https://tiermaker.com/create/fan-fiction-tropes-302768
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Heyyy can you recommend some fics for me? I'm a huge pining fan. Love slow burns as well. Open to all ratings, but prefer romance to smut.
Hello! You’ll want to check out out #pining and #slow burn tags for loads more fic recs, but of course I have more for you now...
Put Out The Fire by Aleakim (T)
Aziraphale finds himself in a very awkward position as some sort of spell makes everyone merely glancing in his direction instantly fall deeply and desperately in love with him.
Absolutely everyone.
Well, apart from Crowley, that is.
And while both angel and demon search for a solution to this fairly unique problem, Crowley can’t help wondering whether Aziraphale might finally figure out some things he kept hidden for so very long.
carry my heart home to you by lexophile (T)
Aziraphale takes a piece of bruschetta and shoves it into his mouth. It is at that exact moment, while his cheeks are puffed out like a hamster’s, that Crowley’s head snaps around as though an alarm has gone off at a pitch that only he can hear. His gaze zeroes in, with terrifying accuracy, on Aziraphale.
“Oh drat,” Aziraphale mumbles around his mouthful of bruschetta.
Then he runs straight out of the restaurant.
-
In which Crowley takes a solo holiday to Italy after the thwarted Apocalypse. Aziraphale proceeds to stalk him across the continent.
The Curve of Old Bones by Jenanigans1207 (E)
Aziraphale watches as Crowley’s smile grows, sharpens and turns distinctively dastardly. And even though Aziraphale knows what he’s in store for, he’s entirely unprepared for the words that slip out of Crowley’s mouth next. “Name’s Anthony Crowley, Aziraphale’s husband.”
Aziraphale is eternally grateful that he wasn’t taking a sip of his tea at that exact moment for he would’ve surely choked on it.
--
When Crowley claims to be Aziraphale's husband to ruin what he assumes is a date, he doesn't think anything of it. But a day later it comes back to bite him in the ass when Crowley finds out that the date in question is, in fact, his new boss, who is looking to hire Aziraphale and hoping that Crowley, his husband, will put in a good word for them. Now Crowley is caught in a tight spot: either admit to his new boss that he was lying, or convince Aziraphale, his sort-of enemy, to pretend to be his husband to save face.
Veni Vino Vegas (I Came, I Got Drunk, I Got Married) by A_N_D (T)
After a whirlwind drunken evening, author Az Fell came home from Rom-Con without his heirloom pinkie ring – but with a wedding license from a 24-hour Las Vegas chapel. Elsewhere, book fan Tony Crowley woke up with a hangover, vague memories, and a brand new ring he’s only seen in author photos.
Mutually attracted, mutually terrified the other one thinks it was all a regrettable mistake, they turn to their dear but anonymous online friend to vent and ask for advice.
…Maybe they should tell each other their screennames someday.
Come Set Me Free by Slow_Burn_Sally (E)
Aziraphale, a humble, inexperienced bookstore owner, marries Gabriel, an up and coming spiritual and relationship guru, author of a wildly popular series of books on maintaining a happy marriage in the new age. They move together to New York state to help support Gabriel's flourishing career, and Aziraphale finds himself a kept man in a stilted marriage.
Gabriel inherits a sprawling Victorian manor house up in the Catskills and a faded greenhouse when his father passes away. They hire Crowley, a talented horticulturist with a shady past to bring the greenhouse back to life, and Aziraphale is instantly smitten. He's also dedicated to his marriage, even though he is coming to terms with the fact that it's unraveling. Anyway, it's a moot point, Crowley is straight... or so Aziraphale and Gabriel assume...
The Journey by ElderlySardine (M)
“Anthony J Crowley… Mayfair, London… Next of kin: Mr A Z Fell…”
Crowley nodded. It wasn’t as if he had anyone else.
“Emergency contact: also Mr Fell…”
Crowley had almost stopped listening.
“Relationship to applicant: husband…”
“Husband?!” Crowley and Mrs Lowry spoke together as one, for the first and almost certainly the last time in their lives.
“Husband.” Crowley recovered first, and fixed Mrs Lowry with a hard stare into which he infused just a little bit of demonic energy. “Is that a problem?”
It was a problem.
It was Aziraphale's harebrained plan, and it was clearly doomed to failure, as well as embarrassment and ignominy. But since when had Crowley been able to say no to the angel?
It was only two weeks, and 3,850 miles. It couldn't be that hard, could it?
- Mod D
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Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s
Alright, folks. Some notes first:
1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense.
2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go.
3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3
4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish.
5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it.
6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit.
Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world.
That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍
****************************************************************************
I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.
I? I was not.
You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.
In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.
***
Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.
You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”
That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!
Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.
***
Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.
***
Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.
Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.
But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????
As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.
Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)
***
holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL
***
Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:
Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”
Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”
Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”
Me: “....”
My girlfriend: “....”
This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”
Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”
***
This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.
I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.
***
Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.
I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.
And then Mr. Fell showed up.
Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.
She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.
Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”
So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.
***
This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...
***
It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.
I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.
But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.
***
A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.
That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.
***
There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.
I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.
***
I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.
5 stars do recommend.
***
I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.
***
Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.
I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.
***
I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE
Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.
Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??
***
This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:
Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?
***
I really don’t like the implications of this…
***
This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.
***
Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.
***
What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?
Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.
***
Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace
#good omens#ineffable husbands#air conditioning#good omens fic#guess who spent 48 hours doing nothing but writing and formatting#can I get a wahoo
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paintedvanilla’s good omens fic recommendations
here we have something I’ve been too shy to make for a while because. to be straight with you. more than half of these are explicit. and well. yeah.
works listed in escalating rating order (general -> teen -> mature -> explicit)
everything is completed unless otherwise noted.
Title: Bowties
Author: dvldegg ( @caerdroia )
Rating: General
Word Count: 776
Summary: “Newt needs help tying his bowtie. Crowley makes fun of Aziraphale. It's just a typical weekend.”
My Notes: This fic caused me to overdose on domestic cuteness.
Title: anywhere i go you go, my dear
Author: chamaenerion
Rating: General
Word Count: 1,533
Summary: “After the Apocalypse-that-wasn't, Crowley is reluctant to leave Aziraphale's side.”
My Notes: I will literally die i swear to god this has nervous and protective crowley and he’s clingy and overall I just wanted to scream I love him I love my boy and they’re so in love and they should always be allowed to be together
Title: Getting a Wiggle On
Author: Kedreeva
Rating: General
Word Count: 7,293
Summary: “Crowley's prank to leave Aziraphale with fake eggs to babysit does not go remotely as planned.”
My Notes: You’ve probably seen this concept floating around tumblr but this fic made me GENTLE because i have daddy issues and whenever people are like “crowley and aziraphale as parents” i have a fucking heart attack
Title: Adopt Don’t Shop - A Good Meowmans Fanfic
Author: lucky_spike
Rating: General
Word Count: 12,434
Summary: “Inspired by Chekhov's cat AU comics 'Good Meowmens', here is a fanfic in which Anathema and Newt are humans, and Aziraphale and Crowley are cats. Not disguised as cats, not trapped in cat bodies, just actual elderly cats that are inseparable.”
My Notes: I know some people think au’s like this are kinda weird but this one is so fucking charming to me idk??? I literally ate this shit up I love being gentle and reading about cats who are in love.
Title: Not Alone
Author: superqueerdanvers
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 937
Summary: “Crowley and Anathema are supposed to meet Aziraphale at the movies, but they can't find a parking place, and they have a heart-to-heart about disability.”
My Notes: I experienced feelings and also emotions while reading this and now i’m a different person
Title: bastard child of water
Author: smallredboy ( @smallredb0y )
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 15,622
Summary: “After a grave mistake, Crowley, a merman, is transformed into a human and exiled out of the sea. Issues crop up as he grows used to his new body, to his new friends and to his new job. But when a merman he's seen in passing pokes his head out of the water one afternoon, Crowley will fall for him and look for a way to regain his body.”
My Notes: THIS FIC MAKES ME LOSE MY SHIT i bribed dave with real life money to finish it and every day i’m thankful i made that decision because this fic is SO. FUCKING. GOOD. IT’S TENDER!! IT’S GENTLE!! IT MAKES ME LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND!!!!!
Title: Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach
Author: Nnm
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 99,423
Summary: “As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following:
His clothing was expensive and stylish;
He wore very strange but noticeable cologne;
His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;”
He looked angry;
He was wearing sunglasses.”
My Notes: OH!!!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!! THIS FIC DESTROYED ME EMOTIONALLY!!!!!!! IT RIPPED MY FUCKING HEART OUT AND FORCED ME TO DEAL WITH #ISSUES AND JUST OVERALL TURNED ME INTO A DISASTER!!!! I READ THIS SHIT IN ONE SITTING!!! I WAS HOOKED!!!! EVEN NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT IS DEALING PSYCHIC DAMAGE!!!!!! PLEASE READ THIS!!!
Title: The Odd One Out
Author: RainyDayDecaf
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2,948
Summary: “It takes being thrown into another universe and meeting other versions of himself to make Aziraphale realize there is something wrong with the way his Crowley treats him.”
My Notes: A product of the shit-script, literally had me feeling emotions but also giggling because movie!Aziraphale deserves to be LOVED.
Title: A Single Feather
Author: qwanderer
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2,521
Summary: “Here's the thing. Demons must be good at improv, at hiding reactions, at carrying on no matter what. They can’t show a moment of vulnerability, not to each other, and certainly not to angels. They were supposed to be tough, untrusting, paranoid bastards, or else.
So Crowley had developed a highly honed skill of automatically bullshitting, boasting, and mocking while covering up his true emotions, and it was in full force now.”
My Notes: I’m a simple woman. I see a nesting fic, I click on it. And it makes me emotional and afterwards I have to lay face down on the floor.
Title: Untouched
Author: Etaleah
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 3,531
Summary: “A demon's life is a lonely one. What Crowley wants is so simple, yet he can never have it.”
My Notes: I will literally fly into the sun if I see the tag “touch starved crowley” i will scream at the top of my lungs. Somebody please hold this demon.
Title: Penance
Author: Blissymbolics
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 5,910
Summary: “And for a while, it’s enough.
It’ll happen, Crowley tells himself. This time, it’ll finally happen.”
My Notes: Listen. This fic destroyed me, it made me tender horny and just overall ruined my night in the best way possible. I’m having a crisis over it as we speak.
Title: Starved
Author: Fyre
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 6,351
Summary: “The first time the angel touches him, it’s as they descend from the walls of Eden.
It’s nothing, only a hand put out to steady him. A kindness. And yet a thousand memories from life below make Crawly flinch instinctively at the contact. It’s stupid, really, and he’s sure the angel doesn’t notice. He doesn’t stop to consider the fact that the angel’s hand was soft and for a moment, his skin tingled where it touched. Not right away, anyway.”
My Notes: AHH!! Crowley really said “I am touch starved please love me” like!! Imagine craving someone’s touch for SIX THOUSAND YEARS!! I’D GO BONKERS!! THIS FIC MADE ME GO BONKERS!!
Title: can you keep me close (can you love me most)
Author: taizi
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 3,268
Summary: “When his angel stretches out a hand, cupid’s bow mouth curved into a familiar smile, Crowley knows better. When he’s led to his own bedroom, pushed down amidst the silk sheets and hastily miracled pillows and a sinful duvet, when Aziraphale leans over him and the whole world seems to hang right there in his eyes, Crowley knows that this is not his to keep. It’s not for him to have this.”
My Notes: I can will and must LITERALLY EXPLODE the tension in this one is palatable and I snort hurt/comfort like cocaine.
Title: please, could you be tender?
Author: deadgreeks
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 6,262
Summary: “The first kiss is only the beginning of a relationship. Crowley and Aziraphale need to talk about things. That is not their strong suit.”
My Notes: I ache and I yearn for this type of content they are literally. They are LITERALLY… I’m going to burst into flames.
Title: The Quiet, Persistent, Gnawing Unease
Author: LillipopCop
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 20,850
Summary: “An exploration of the serious toll Hell's physical and psychological grip has taken on Crowley since his Fall.”
My Notes: Fics where Crowley experiences emotional distress own my ass.
Title: Make a Little Birdhouse in Your Soul
Author: Zolac_no_Miko
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 10,573
Summary: “It was a compulsion that he couldn’t quite define. A burning in his blood, a tingle on the palms of his hands. A restlessness that drove him to art galleries, antique stores, and street markets, seeking some object that would please Aziraphale. Something beautiful, or something useful—something he would want to keep. It started with little things, small tokens that didn’t require a special occasion: an embroidered silk bookmark; a rare and delicate tea from the highlands of China; a steel pen and inkwell to replace Aziraphale’s quill pen, and then a fountain pen to replace that. And then things started to get out of hand.”
My Notes: Another nesting fic that almost wiped me the fuck out.
Title: Crown of Thorns [The Walls, the Wainscot, and the Mouse] 'Verse
Author: irisbleufic ( @irisbleufic )
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 275,000
Summary: ““D’you realize,” [Crowley] said, “that we never tire of things humans get bored with on the regular?” Aziraphale shrugged, lazily basking. “I’ve always assumed it’s that we don’t tire of each other.””
My Notes: Please for the love of god and all that is holy if you have not read this fic, read it. I consider it canon.
Title: fires of the flesh, both literal and figurative
Author: mercuryhatter
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2,726
Summary: “Pretty standard "there's a sex curse and Crowley has to have way too many orgasms or be discorporated" stuff.”
My Notes: Yeah this is. Where I’m gonna start to get shy about my notes. It’s funny and it’s hot. Yeah.
Title: The Understanding
Author: Zetared
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 37,918
Summary: “Crowley is untethered. Aziraphale knows how to secure a knot. (He’s read many books on the subject, after all).”
My Notes: In which the underlying plot is a little strange but the overlying porn is very good.
Title: Come Fuck Me Hips
Author: AgentStannerShipper
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,471
Summary: “Crowley has had a fantasy about Aziraphale for centuries now. Too bad the angel would never take him up on it. Except, as it turns out, he absolutely would.”
My Notes: Everybody has read this and if you haven’t then you better because it’s. It’s good.
Title: If I Regard Iniquity
Author: elektratios
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 1,912
Summary: ““Aziraphale…” Crowley’s mouth worked a bit but no more words would come out. He cleared his throat. “Aziraphale, there’s no,” he gestured vaguely, “iniquity here.” He winced at his choice of words. “No-one is watching, no-one is judging. It’s just us.””
My Notes: I will literally dunk myself in the trash holy shit. It’s. It’s good.
Title: that pulse of my nights and days
Author: Ark
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 1,694
Summary: “Aziraphale laughs, the delighted, breathy giggle he gives after his second bottle of champagne. “Such a shame we didn’t come to this sooner,” he says, pulling back and—oh, naughty angel!—increasing the length and girth of his cock when he pushes back in. Crowley gasps, and Aziraphale—greedy, too!—tilts in to swallow the sound from his lips, flicks his tongue against Crowley’s as though chasing after the flavor of this elongated pleasure.”
My Notes: This one is uh. This is a dirty one. It’s good but it sure is filthy.
Title: A Home at the Beginning of the World
Author: stereobone
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 5,867
Summary: “"Oh," Aziraphale says. "I think Crowley might have moved in with me."”
My Notes: Everyone has read this one too but for good reason because it’s fucking amazing and makes me wanna scream.
Title: The One In Which Crowley Discovers Wanking
Author: for_autumn_i_am
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 5,784
Summary: “It began, like most memorable events in Crowley’s life did, with a bad decision; like most bad decisions, it involved poor impulse control and copious amounts of alcohol. The Antichrist had been born, and he put on lipstick and kitten heels to deal with it, but knew that the clock was ticking, and at times when time was slipping away, it helped to hold onto a bottle of gin.”
My Notes: It’s what the title says and it’s hot.
Title: Love Hath Made Thee A Tame Snake
Author: thehoyden
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,484
Summary: “He was the bloody Serpent of Eden, and he wasn’t going to stand for this kind of flagrant trespassing.”
My Notes: It’s uhhhhhhh… it’s hot!
Title: A Bolt From The Heavens
Author: coloursflyaway
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 11,235
Summary: “Aziraphale is going to show Crowley just how much he is loved. Through touch.”
My Notes: I will LITERALLY collapse on the floor… it’s too much for me
Title: Say Amen
Author: SinningPlumpPrincess
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 1,967
Summary: “Despite being in a relationship, they still long and yearn for each other.
Despite being in a relationship, Crowley can't get over that Aziraphale loves touching him.”
My Notes: I’m a very simple woman. I see a fic tagged “dry humping” and I click on it.
Title: Praise Be to Crowley
Author: FishingforCrows
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2,306
Summary: “A simple comment from Aziraphale gets an unexpected reaction from Crowley. Aziraphale is curious to see what happens if he repeats the same comment in the bedroom.”
My Notes: It has praise kink crowley how am I not supposed to find it hot.
Title: Tea for One
Author: Kaesa
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,072
Summary: “Crowley doesn't have a lot of complaints about sex with Aziraphale, but he can't help being miffed when Aziraphale stops just to have another sip of tea.”
My Notes: A two for one: funny and sexy
Title: rest yourself with me
Author: sabinelagrande
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,380
Summary: “Crowley has a wonderful invention that he's just dying to try.”
My Notes: It’s funny and it’s hot what more could you ask for?
Title: let the rivers fill
Author: focusfixated
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 4,996
Summary: ““Darling,” Aziraphale answered. “I’m here.” His hand stroked through Crowley’s hair, teasing out the snarls of red that tangled around his fingers, matted with sweat and knotted where Crowley had thrashed his head against the pillows. “Can you turn over for me, love?” Weakly, Crowley’s eyes flickered down, and he saw the angel blushing, as if now, suddenly, of all things, he had succumbed to reticence. He was sat back on his knees, and the soft accordion folds of him were dewy with sweat and moonlight. His heart constricting somewhere in his useless chest, Crowley turned over, and spread his legs.”
My Notes: I see overstimulation and I fucking floor it. Please never stop writing fics where they have limitless stamina.
Title: sweet just like frustration
Author: teatales
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 7,174
Summary: “Crowley danced on the line between self-serving and selfless when it came to Aziraphale. He would do anything, anything for the angel. Anything he asked, anything he suggested, anything he needed but didn’t say aloud. But Crowley was also a terribly, desperately greedy thing. And oh, how he wanted. Wanted Aziraphale with every damned fibre of his infernal being. Wanted to be good for him; so, so good that he would never want to leave. Crowley wanted to be the best, his only, his everything. As much as he wished to lie there in exquisite rapture - he was nothing if not lazy - he needed to at least attempt to communicate all that he felt. To make Aziraphale feel even a quarter of what he experienced. He had to try.”
My Notes: Just LOOK at that summary. How can I read that summary without being expected to fucking faint. Jesus christ!!
Title: The Human Way
Author: battle_cat
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2,780
Summary: “They're finally about to fuck on the bookshop couch and Aziraphale wants to know what Crowley wants.”
My Notes: I SEE A FIC WHERE CROWLEY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS AND IS JUST TRYING TO MAKE AZIRAPHALE HAPPY AND I BURST INTO FLAMES
Title: We Waited Long Enough
Author: syrupfactory
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 4,170
Summary: “After a few months of (finally) officially dating, Aziraphale is a little hurt when Crowley seems amused by his eagerness for sex. Why? Because Aziraphale actually wants way, way more. Fortunately, that's a fun problem to solve.”
My Notes: THEY EACH THINK THE OTHER ISN’T AS INTERESTED IN HAVING SEX AS THEY ARE AND THEN THEY HAVE MARATHON SEX AND I’M SWEATING.
Title: As Advertised on TV
Author: Mr_Customs_Man
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 1,045
Summary: “Everything that Crowley knew about sex, he learned from watching movies. As fun as movies are, they don't provide a comprehensive sex education. Needless to say, he has some misconceptions in regards to the act.”
My Notes: This is NOT a sexy fic!! It is sad and it wrenches my heart and I WORRY. Crowley please communicate your NEEDS.
Title: until you say it out loud
Author: attheborder
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 6,293
Summary: “And Aziraphale is realizing now, to its fullest, something he’s suspected for nearly as long as he’s known Crowley: the demon is no silver-tongued devil. He is no weaver of words, no smooth talker. It would fit in with his image, certainly— shouldn’t a man-shaped being dressed like an oilslick have speech just as dark and slippery— but there’s very little of either of them that’s as it ought to be, really.”
My Notes: This fic ignited me and I burst into flames. You’re probably starting to see a trend in what I like to read.
Title: Coitus Interruptus with Paperwork
Author: mountagrue
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,780
Summary: “The one where Azira Fell (directly onto Crowley's dick, did not pass go, did not fill out the appropriate forms).”
My Notes: Scream this is funny and horny Aziraphale falls and immediately gets to dicking down his demon while Gabriel suffers the aftermath.
Title: What Crowley Wants
Author: crookedashes
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 7,022
Summary: “Aziraphale wants to give Crowley what he wants most. It goes a bit sideways.”
My Notes: I die for this content can they communicate like normal people for FIVE MINUTES? Ft. Crowley feeling inadequate and me flying into the sun.
Title: All The Rest
Author: darlingred1
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 11,416
Summary: “If it weren’t for Aziraphale’s persistence, they wouldn’t have had a sex life at all, and Crowley was a demon, for goodness sake! Aziraphale didn’t understand it. (Aziraphale has the communication skills of a doorknob. Crowley isn't any better.)”
My Notes: Aziraphale and Crowley are like *has horny communication issues* and i’m like *nuts*
Title: and in this way their love rewrites the universe
Author: leaveanote
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 9,503
Summary: “They've been desperately in love for a year since the world didn't end, and they've been making little miracles happen for each other. Crowley's latest? A date outside of London, at a drive-in movie theatre in the South Downs. Yes, they have sex in the Bentley.”
My Notes: IT’S SAPPY IT’S TENDER IT’S HORNY IT’S ROMANTIC THEY INVENTED LOVE!!!
Title: sanctuary
Author: leaveanote
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 6,779
Summary: “It's about making a home together. It takes some getting used to, to take all this longing and transmute it into love, into something shared, but Aziraphale is here to help him get used to it. Especially on a stormy day in the cottage.
What better way to spend it than making love over and over and over?”
My Notes: I am literally a mess I read fics where they’re madly in love and want to stay close and I explode
Title: The Skin And Bones Of You
Author: entangelednow
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 4,001
Summary: “In which Crowley has spent six thousand years wanting something he doesn't think he deserves. It's only natural to assume he won't get to keep it.”
My Notes: I swear to god i will SCREAM!! IT’S TOO MUCH!! PLEASE NEVER STOP WRITING CROWLEY AS INSECURE.
Title: love like the dawn
Author: leaveanote
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,755
Summary: “This is sleepy, romantic, domestic morning sex in the South Downs Cottage. Crowley's still getting used to a love this good, the way it remakes him, the way it remakes the world.”
My Notes: I can’t with this like they’re just so in love I’ve lost the ability to breathe this fic stole my lungs and left me for dead
Title: to sleep, perchance to dream
Author: starkhasheart
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3,023
Summary: “Crowley has a kink. Of course Aziraphale is going to indulge him.”
My Notes: Uhhhhhh it’s. Uhhh. Consensual somnophilia is uh… yeah.
Title: on the same page
Author: Chekhov
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: ~85,746
Summary: “Aziraphale Z. Fell is a rising star of the spiritual literary genre - the next Eat Pray Love guy - and his version of Chicken Soup For the Christian Soul is flying off the shelves. It's not that he's not grateful, but it's one thing to enjoy a career in writing and another completely to be pigeonholed into a specific genre, so much so that you are almost forbidden from writing anything else. So yes, maybe he has a bit of a secret. An outlet for his less... appropriate urges. And yes, if his typical readership got word of the sort of paragraphs he could put out on a particularly inspired night, they might suffer some form of heart attack typical for their age. But all of that is well hidden, and there is absolutely no way anyone would ever find out about his Arrangement with A.J. Crowley - the most debaucherous romantic fiction author of the decade. That is... until they have to pretend to be married to each other.”
My Notes: THIS ONE ISN’T FINISHED YET BUT IT’S A HUMAN AU AND EVERY UPDATE MAKES ME FOAM AT THE MOUTH
Title: be mine
Author: leaveanote
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 4,994
Summary: “It's their first Valentine's Day together, and Crowley is trying to pick out the right present.”
My Notes: I SCREAM I actually did not realize how many of this authors works I had bookmarked and HOLY SHIT!! THEY ARE JUST SO IN LOVE!! AHHHHH!!
Title: do we get what we deserve
Author: Smalls
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 11,064
Summary: “Crowley had not been a particularly good angel.
Unfortunately, Crowley had never been a particularly good demon either.”
My Notes: Cannot lie this had me openly sobbing on a Friday morning and left me emotionally raw
Title: Renting Crowley
Author: Amorous_Flammetta
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 8,018
Summary: “Crowley acts out Aziraphale's Victorian-era fantasy of taking a rent boy home for the night. Their little game includes costumes, champagne, dirty talk and explicit sex!”
My Notes: ITS A RENT BOY FANTASY BUT IT’S ALSO TENDER AND LOVING AND IT HAD ME SWEATING AND MADE ME EMOTIONAL
Title: do me right and do me wrong (give it up, give it up)
Author: seashadows
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 10,828
Summary: “Crowley copes with attention starvation, tries out some new hobbies, and discovers that asking for what you need is better than the alternative.”
My Notes: I’M GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE THIS ONE MADE ME SCREAM LIKE I JUST CANNOT HANDLE IT ATTENTION STARVATION WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME
Title: For The Longest Time
Author: darlingred1
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 20,370
Summary: “Crowley kind of misses the pining when it's gone. Aziraphale comes up with a solution.”
My Notes: It was hot and funny and lasted just long enough to really make me antsy for the conclusion.
Title: Clementine
Author: Mussimm
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 49,073
Summary: “The seaside neighbours AU exactly one person asked for.”
My Notes: HUMAN AU WHERE THEY LIVE BY THE BEACH AND FALL IN LOVE AKA BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Title: Gentle but Intoxicating, Nervous but Tender
Author: ShortInsomniac98 ( @devilsss-dyke )
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 2,868
Summary: “Crowley x vulva-having reader. // It wasn’t what you’d expected when you agreed to come home with him. What you’d expected was a maybe a quick, clumsy fuck, then out the door. Not some nervous but tender man who stammered out an, 'Is this okay then?' This was much nicer, much sweeter.”
My Notes: No comment besides uhhhhhh [sweats]
#op#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens fic rec#good omens fic recs#good omens fic recommendation#some links are n-s-f-w
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Bookworm (DRLAMP)
Based on this.
Note: Roman and Remus are not in a relationship with each other, just the other sides.
Tw: cursing, spoilers for Be More Chill (book), furries are mentioned, homophobia mentioned, Good Omens spoilers, Game of Thrones spoilers/references
--------------------------------------------------
It was 3 AM. Logan woke up to the sound of something banging in the kitchen. Remus had better not be playing bongos again. He slid out of bed and tiptoed out of his room, closing the door gently so as not to wake the others. On his way down the hall, he met Patton as he was slipping out of Roman's room. Logan leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Hello, Patton," he murmured. Patton smiled sleepily at him.
"Hello, dear."
"Did I wake you?"
"No, no, the kitchen did." Logan put his arm around Patton and walked to the kitchen with him. When they reached the kitchen, they heared hushed shouting along with the banging. Logan slowly opened the door as Patton tried to wake himself up more, both fully expecting to have to coax Remus up to bed or take a set of drums by force.
They were half right.
Remus was indeed there, but instead of bongos, he held a thick, hardcover book with a blue and white cover. Roman was also there, and he was holding a purple paperback of a similar length. The twins were fencing with a couple of frying pans and arguing. There was hot chocolate dripping off the table with two mugs on their sides in the middle of it, and the shards of broken dining ware across the kitchen.
"Be More Chill has shorter chapters to appeal to less avid readers and book addicts alike, a full cast of quirky characters, and the whole book was a dramatic romantic gesture for Christine!"
"Cursing isn't bleeped out in real life! Teenagers say fuck, ass, shit, dick, etcetera! And what's with the big deal about how straight Jeremy is? Dear Evan Hansen is so much better. Like, Jarred."
"First of all, while there is admittedly a weird emphasis on Jeremy's straightness, at least no one's homophobic. Like, Mrs. Heere even added, 'We're good parents,' after she told Jeremy that they would be fine with him being gay. If anything, it throws shade on homophobes. Be More Chill also gives furries much needed positive representation. And, if Jarred is your only reason why Dear Evan Hansen is better, then you may as well give up now."
"The plotline of the Dear Evan Hansen book is closer to the musical."
"The Be More Chill book was written before the musical!"
"I like them both," Patton mumbled sheepishly. Roman and Remus froze and turned to look at Patton. Logan crossed his arms at them. The twins lowered their frying pans and turned to face their boyfriends.
"Hey, Daddy, hey, babes," Remus said guiltily.
"It's three in the morning," Logan said.
"We couldn't sleep," Roman said. "I wanted to read for a while, but I didn't want to wake you up, Pat."
"Sorry," Remus added. Patton sighed.
"It's alright. I'll help you clean up. Sweetheart, we can clean up the table. Sweetpea, could you sweep up the broken dishes? Logan, dear, you go back to bed." Roman and Remus nodded.
"What about the dishes," Roman asked.
"They can wait till morning."
***
Janus tried in vain to comfort Roman as he bawled in his lap. "It's going to be okay," he said awkwardly.
"No, it's not," Roman sobbed. "George lost his partner in crime, and Lupin and Tonks are never going to meet their son, and J. K. Rowling's such a TERF that I can never read the books the same again." Janus rubbed his back gently.
"I told you, my love, Harry Potter was removed from Rowling's custody the minute she posted that tweet. We, the fandom, and Starkid adopted it so it could live its best life." Roman sniffled as Janus wiped away his tears.
"Can I still make Thomas bitch slap her if we see her in public?"
"Sure."
***
Roman burst into Virgil's room. "Buggre alle thif for a Larke." Virgil set his spider into her terranium and looked at Roman expectantly. "Crowley calls Aziraphale angel. They go on lunch dates to the Ritz, they drink together, they know each other better than anyone in the world, they bicker over Crowley's speed like a fucking old married couple, and everyone assumes they're gay. But suddenly that asumption is wrong because, 'angels are sexless unless they make an effort,'? Does Aziraphale not love Crowley? Or is it secretly implying that Aziraphale and Crowley are making an effort so they can fuck? Or are they gay asexual? What does it mean? Are they together? Are they--"
Virgil cut him off with a laugh. "You spend too much time with your brother, babe."
***
Roman and Virgil were cuddling on the couch, watching Good Omens. Roman sighed as Aziraphale appeared to Crowley in the bar. "That didn't happen in the book." Virgil sighed this time.
"I know. I know you read it at least twice."
"Like, I love Ineffable Husbands. They make me want to run around the Mindpalace wearing a rainbow tartan cape and sunglasses and call all of you angel, but like. That wasn't in the book."
"I know, I know."
"This scene was so much better. Az just popping in on everyone asking, 'Where am I?' Amazing."
"Ro?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and let our gay occult beings flirt."
"Angels aren't occult. They're ethereal."
***
"Sweetheart," Patton yelled. "Dinner's ready!"
"Coming," Roman yelled. He needed a bookmark. This fight between Percy and Antaeus was critical, and he could not loose his place. Roman frantically scrambled around until he found a small yellow shoelace. He picked it up quickly and placed it in the fold between the pages. The shoelace hissed as he closed the book. Roman screamed and dropped it on the ground, scrambling backwards. Janus ran into the room, a panicked look on his face. "Roman? Are you okay?" He glanced down at the floor as the yellow shoelace crawled up his keg. Janus sighed.
"Roman, did you use Luci as a bookmark again?" Roman nodded, tears in his eyes. "How does she keep getting out of her enclosure?"
"S-sorry." Janus sighed.
"It's alright, love. Just check and make sure something isn't alive before you use it as a bookmark."
***
Roman leaned over the book and carefully highlighted a sentence pink. He wrote next to it, 'Ship. Ship. Ship.' He tucked the highlighter behind his ear, only to draw it back a second later. This time, he wrote, 'foreshaddowing?' above the sentence. And he continued reading.
***
Roman was practicing his panflute. He gently blew over the pipes to create a softer, lower sound. He struck a wrong note. "Damn it," he muttered. "It's like little, tiny shells drifting in the cold. Brave soldier boy comes marching home." He started the song again, playing each note with care. He had to start over several times.
Patton walked by with a laundry basket just as Roman was starting over again. He stoped to listen. As he recognised the song, he began to sing along softly. Roman finished it perfectly this time. Patton walked over and kissed the top of his head. "That was good," he said. "Grover would be proud." Roman's face lit up and Patton smiled.
"Really?"
"Really." Roman hugged Patton tightly.
"I love you so much."
***
Remus snorted. "That's dumb. Those dragon eggs are dead. They're never gonna hatch." Roman left the room silently. The other Sides glanced at each other nervously. They wanted Roman there at Game of Thrones night, but they didn't want to break up a fight. Then Roman came back, heaving a giant textbook. He set it down on the floor and opened it, flipping through the pages. Finally, he stopped and pointed to a passage.
"Well, it says here that dragon eggs heat up when they get closer to hatching time. Besides, they don't call Danaereys Mother of Dragons for nothing." Everyone groaned.
"Spoilers," Patton scolded.
--------------------------------------------------
Taglist:
@kawaiikat54
@obsessedalli
@royal-arts
@baka-monarch
#sanders sides#logan sanders#roman sanders#drlamp#patton sanders#virgil sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders
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Afterward - Part 10
A Good Omens Choose Your Own Adventure Fic
Here’s how it works:
I’ll write a scene.
At the end of each scene, you’ll be presented with 2-3 options for what the characters will choose to do next.
Comment or reblog to vote for your choice. I’ll count all votes after the first 24 hours after each update is posted.
Read: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9
(#1 won this round! It’s heist timeeee)
Afterward - - Part 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“...so, in summation, we, well - slightly bent the rules and kept the jar of Hellfire.”
“How?”
“Swapped out the real jar with a fake and,” Gabriel shrugs, “the demon didn’t notice when he brought it back. Truthfully, the poor guy seemed a little-,” he stops, awkwardly grimacing as he taps a finger against his head.
“Idiot,” Beelzebub hisses, fingers curling, piercing the couch with jagged holes.
Gabriel waves a hand, and the shredded couch knits together.
“Works out for us though,” Crowley says.
Beelzebub, slumping in exhaustion, manages a nod. Extending a sharp nail, they reach out, poking a fresh hole in the newly repaired couch.
Aziraphale, glancing down, presses a staying hand on Beelzebub’s wrist.
“Rest,” he counsels. “Save your energy. We don’t know how long it will take Gabriel to return with the Hellfire.”
‘Me?”
Three sets of eyes are, at once, glaring at the Archangel.
“Obviously,” Crowley says, breaking the silence.
“Hey - I already told you it was here. I could have easily kept that to myself.”
“You are literally the only one here who can get it,” Crowley replies, incredulous.
“Yeah, well, I’m not going to,” Gabriel says, crossing his arms. “You all don’t even know what’s been going on in Heaven today. Frankly, it’s a mess. In fact, I should be out there right now, you know, doing my job. People are on high alert. It’s a whole thing. Even I couldn’t just walk on in and take the Hellfire.”
“Gabriel,” Beelzebub says, forcing their weak voice loud. “I’m not - I’m not asking you for a favor. I know - I know you wouldn’t - If you do this, I’ll pay up - I’ll pay up later. You know I’m good for it,” Beelzebub hisses, forehead creasing in pain. “Anything. Just - ugh,” shivering, the demon heaves a wheezing breath and goes quiet.
Their dark gaze turns up, dull and half-lidded, as if they already know what the Archangel’s answer will be.
Gabriel had listened, holding himself rigid, posture perfectly straight. And now that Beelzebub has silenced, Gabriel turns his head down, nostrils flaring. He shakes his head.
“I cannot-”
“You can. And you will,” Aziraphale interrupts.
Gabriel turns at the interruption, lips curling into a sneer.
Aziraphale, bracing his hands on the couch, presses up. Beelzebub watches him rise, dark eyes unreadable.
Hands fisted at his sides, Aziraphale turns. Standing straight, he looks at Gabriel, head tilted to meet his eyes.
“You’ll retrieve the Hellfire. Because Beelzebub is dying. And it is within your power to save them. And because,” and when Aziraphale pauses, drawing a breath, his wings flicker in and out of existence on this plane - and they don’t look quite right - but they’re gone before Crowley can see more than a glance.
“It is the right thing to do,” Aziraphale finishes, head held high.
“You don’t get to decide what is right-”
“I just did,” Aziraphale snaps. His fists are trembling.
Crowley, circling around Gabriel, curls his fingers, knuckles cracking as nails shift to claws. “I’d listen to the angel, Archangel.”
“Fighting will draw attention. Thought you wanted to avoid that, seeing as you are a traitor,” Gabriel says, shifting to keep both angel and demon within sight.
“Oh, I would prefer it, yes. However, I’m starting to think Heaven might be otherwise occupied today. What did you call it? A mess?” Aziraphale asks, stepping into a stance Crowley recognizes. Last time he’d stood like this, he was holding a flaming sword. “So I’m wondering if they’d notice a power surge at all. Especially from the residence of an Archangel.”
Shivers climb Crowley’s spine, because this is a side of Aziraphale he doesn’t get to see very often. Smiling, sharp as a knife, Crowley prowls, matching Aziraphale’s stance.
“Just say the word, Aziraphale,” Crowley calls, gleeful.
He does usually prefer more creative methods to outright violence. But for Gabriel, who sent Aziraphale to burn with a cold, guiltless smile, Crowley is happy to make an exception.
“I don’t want to drag you into this, Crowley,” Aziraphale says, eyes on Gabriel as he circumvents the coffee table.
“Please angel, you’d have to drag me out of it.”
Crowley is moving opposite Aziraphale, keeping the Archangel perfectly between them.
Gabriel spins, trying to face both of them at once.
“You have a choice to make, Gabriel,” Aziraphale calls.
“I can take you. Both of you,” Gabriel replies, the nervous edge in his voice undercutting his bold words.
“Maybe,” Aziraphale says - as Crowley calls out:
“Can you though?”
Violet eyes flick back and forth between them - and then to Beelzebub, pale and sunken on the couch.
Crowley is almost disappointed to see the fight go out of him.
Tension bleeding from his rigid spine, Gabriel shrinks back. Letting out a string of sharp, ancient curses, Gabriel drags a hand down his face.
“Fine,” he says, vitriolic. “But I am not touching that damned jar. Someone will have to risk coming with me.”
Cold eyes look to Crowley.
“Fine by me.”
Aziraphale, gaping, scurries between them. “No - no. Not fine.” Eyes wide, Aziraphale turns on Crowley. “You are not going out there. Not with him.”
“I can probably disguise myself well enough for a quick trip to the - er, wherever. Like Lil’ Gabbie said-”
“That is not my name.”
“Like Gabbers said, Heaven’s preoccupied today,” Crowley shrugs - and it has not escaped his notice that Gabriel has yet to reveal what precisely has Heaven so worked up.
“They won’t notice me if I take steps to conceal myself. Besides,” and here Crowley pauses, lowering his voice. “Best someone keeps an eye on our favorite Archangel anyway. Ensure he doesn’t make any extra stops along the way.”
“I’m right here. I can hear literally everything you’re saying.”
Crowley, casually flicking his middle finger over Aziraphale’s shoulder, continues.
“Really angel. I’ll be fine. More than fine once I get my hands on the Hellfire.”
Behind Aziraphale, Gabriel shifts, his already rigid posture stiffening.
“Yeah, stop that. I’m not going to waste it on your sorry ass, Archangel.”
“Try it and I’d smite you where you stood.”
And then Aziraphale is turning, and the air is vibrating around them.
“Touch him and I swear to God that I will end you, Gabriel,” Aziraphale says, the terrible timbre of truth resounding with a buzzing pressure, laying weight to his every word.
Crowley’s skin is prickling - in reaction to both the gathering power and Aziraphale’s words; heart in his throat, he reaches out, placing a staying hand on Aziraphale’s arm.
Electricity sparks between them. It is red - no blue, no, it’s black and white and silver and gold and -
Angel and demon start, pulling apart.
The electricity fizzles out, curling and twisting into nothing, like smoke from a doused flame.
Crowley glances up, meeting Aziraphale’s startled gaze.
“What…?”
“I don’t know,” Aziraphale answers, pale and hushed.
Behind them, Gabriel heaves a deep, exhausted sigh.
“You two had to go fuck up something else, didn’t you?”
“We didn’t-” Aziraphale starts, bristling - then halts, glancing down at his wrist.
Crowley turns his own wrist over, inspecting the cut that is, by now, nearly healed.
“Huh.”
“Yeah huh. Look, I’ll deal with whatever fuckery you two managed to create later. You want the Hellfire or not?” Gabriel glances, as if on impulse, back at the couch.
Beelzebub’s eyes have drifted closed.
“Crowley,” Aziraphale says, turning.
“I’ll be back before you know it, angel. Promise,” Crowley says, and believes it - because lying to his angel about something like this would be unforgivable.
As if he can feel the truth, resonant, in Crowley’s words, Aziraphale stops. Lips pressing together, he looks Crowley up and down. Brows curving, concerned skin wrinkling between them, he says, chin quivering, “Crowley, I-”
“Are we going or not? Come on.”
Crowley reaches out, brushing his knuckles over the back of Aziraphale’s hand. There are no sparks, but Aziraphale, nonetheless, shivers beneath the touch.
“Don’t open the door for anyone, angel,” Crowley says, and with a snap, shifts his body.
The Archangel Michael stands, slouching, in the center of the room. Pursing golden lips, Crowley removes his dark glasses.
“Seriously,” Gabriel says, flat and exhausted, “What happens if we run into the real one?”
Hands on his hips, Crowley shrugs, arching one of Michael’s manicured brows.
“I am the real one. I’m walking around with the Archangel fucking Gabriel. The other one’s clearly the impostor.”
Eyes rolling to the ceiling, Gabriel heaves a deep breath. “Fine. Let’s just -”
Beelzebub, reaching out, grabs hold of Gabriel’s pants.
“Ten minutes,” Beelzebub says, voice quieter than a whisper. “Think I can last...ten more minutes. Understand....asshole?”
Gabriel’s expression is impossible to read. Lips pressing together in a hard, flat line, he drags his leg loose of Beelzebub’s grasp.
“Hey,” Gabriel calls with a sharp look toward Crowley and Aziraphale. “Is this happening, or not?”
Crowley, flicking his fingers in a mocking salute, gives Aziraphale one last lingering look.
“Be back soon, angel.”
“I believe you,” Aziraphale says. Eyes wide, and hands wringing in front of him, he watches as Crowley step up to the door.
“Gabriel,” Aziraphale calls as the door swings open. “What I said earlier - I meant it. Don’t lay a hand on him.”
Gabriel, casting a withering glance back into the apartment, slams the door.
Tapping a heel against gleaming marble floor, Crowley turns a long look at the arching halls.
Heaven.
“Try not to sully it with your sin,” Gabriel says, and sets off at a brisk pace down the hall.
Crowley, sneering at the back of his head, flips him off with Michael’s manicured hand, and strides purposefully after.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
After six thousand years, Crowley again walks Heaven’s halls….
A fun one this time! Choose how much energy Crowley will devote to “getting along” with Gabriel on their Hellfire acquisition mission:
0% energy - Crowley will be 100% bastard. Because Gabriel is the actual worst and he deserves it.
50% energy - Crowley will be reasonably civil - unless Gabriel is really asking for it. They do have limited time, but Crowley isn’t about to let Gabriel walk all over him.
100% energy - Crowley promised Aziraphale that he would return unscathed. If he has to play nice with Gabriel to ensure his safe return, he will.
Comment or reblog to vote :) (ALSO thank you all so much for voting and participating in this! I just absolutely love reading your thoughts behind why you are voting for any given option.)
Read Part 11 Here
#my writing#good omens fic#good omens fanfiction#good omens fanfic#ineffable husbands#ineffable husbands fanifction#ineffable husbands fanfic#ineffable husbands fic#aziraphale#crowley#good omens beelzebub#good omens gabriel#ineffable bureaucracy#eventually maybe#good omens#HELLFIRE HEAVEN HEIST IS A GO
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Prompt: Road Trip
Summary: A look at three memorable road trips over the course of an ineffable friendship.
This is part of the Good Omens 30th Celebration Prompts - see all of the ones I’ve completed on AO3.
---
Outside Thebes, 1500 BC
“Imagine running into you here!” a familiar voice said on the docks of the Red Sea port of Elim, in the kingdom of Egypt.
Crawly blinked and turned around, trying hard to not show how much he wanted to kneel down and kiss the ground, now that he was back on dry land. “Angel!” he said. “Did you just arrive as well?”
“I did, yes,” the angel said, peering at him closely. “You look a little green around the gills, Crowley. Are you all right?”
“Oh,” the demon demurred, trying to be cool. “You know. Boats and me. I’m fine!” He waved a hand and swallowed hard, fighting a wave of nausea.
Aziraphale narrowed his eyes, not fooled in the least. “You’re headed for Thebes, I expect? Come travel with my group, I’ve got a camel just for you.”
“A camel!” Crawly said. “I’d prefer to walk, thank you.”
“You’re not walking from here to Thebes. It’s the desert. You’ll die.”
“Well then I’ll fly!” Crawly said. “I can wait until nightfall.”
Aziraphale made a face filled with compassion underlain by the tiniest bit of mockery. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Crawly!” he purred. “I didn’t realize you were afraid of camels! How foolish of me to offer. They are rather terrifying beasts, I can see how a demon would be put off by one. I’ll just see if I can arrange for you to be taken over on an ass, would that be better?”
Crawly rolled his eyes, his bluff having been successfully called. Now that the angel was calling him a coward, there was no way he was going to do anything other than ride a freaking camel from here to Thebes. How wonderful, to have a reputation to uphold.
This led directly to Crawly finding himself bumping and rolling along in a group of about twenty on the world’s surliest camel, several hours later, holding desperately to the saddle horn in front of him and trying to find a rhythm which did not exist in the animal’s god-forsaken gait. The camel was draped in blankets and tassels and other accessories which served to make it look cute and harmless, but its appearance didn’t match its demeanor. Every chance it got, it turned around and bared its teeth at Crawly.
Aziraphale pulled up next to him for long stretches of the journey, offering him encouragement and advice. “Try scratching behind her ears!” he shouted helpfully. “Isn’t the scenery gorgeous?”
Gorgeous, the demon thought sulkily. He tried Aziraphale’s suggestion and the camel turned around and tried to bite him, causing him to wobble and almost lose his seat.
The camel (whose name was Sheba, of all things) came to a dead stop and looked him straight in the eye, assessing something. Crawly frowned and concentrated, pulling up every ounce of demonic threat he possessed and allowing his eyes to darken to a gleaming red for a moment, trying to convey the sense of immediate damnation if the bloody ungulate didn’t pull itself into line and immediately. The tar pits of hell were perfectly sized to fit a few dozen camels, after all.
The camel was completely unimpressed. Hell didn’t frighten Family Camilidae – they had met demons before, and there wasn’t a demon among the bunch who didn’t find camels to be meaner, trickier, and less trustworthy than their fellow inhabitants of the lower circles. Most demons would rather be roasted on a spit than end up in a one on one fight with a dromedary, no matter what they were armed with.
Crawly kept up the glower and bravado for as long as he could, and was somewhat relieved when the camel broke the stare-off first. Had he won? He sat up straighter in his seat, pleased with his courage – he had won! He was fairly sure he had won.
The camel had other ideas, breaking free of the path and heading directly for the cliffside overlooking the Red Sea.
“’ziraphale!” Crawly shouted, losing all pretense of being in control of this situation as he held on for dear life. “She’s trying to murder me!”
The camel lopped along at a surprising rate of speed until he got directly to the edge, then skidded to a halt, performing a complicated bucking maneuver that sent Crawly flying over her neck and down over the edge of the ravine.
“Oh dear,” Aziraphale murmured, calling the caravan to a stop. “Stupid Sheba! This can’t be good!”
He dismounted and ran to the edge, to look for his friend.
Crawly was alive, about 20 feet down on a small rocky ledge that had broken his long fall to the river. He waved a hand weakly at Aziraphale but seemed unable to get up from where he was lying, a cloud of dust around him obscuring the extent of his injuries.
Somehow his words drifted up to reach the angel’s ears.
“Bloody…. Camels…” he moaned. “Can’t anyone invent something better than this?”
Aziraphale put a slight miracle on the entire party, distracting them from what he was doing as he flew down to rescue his companion and “help” him back up to the party. Time to put Crawly safely on a litter and with a substantial pain block for the rest of the journey. Once they reached Thebes, he would nurse the demon back to health.
--
Scotland, 1730
Usually, Crowley and Aziraphale traded duties whenever they could when their assignments involved long stretches of travel, but sometimes they had no choice but to carry out their duties themselves, even if they were headed to the same area. And so they found themselves both called to Scotland, on their way to Edinburgh to attempt to influence a series of rich nobles to their own aims.
Nothing said they couldn’t travel together, though. They took a rough carriage as far as Northumberland, then were handed a set of fine horses by one of George II’s lords to take them the rest of the way.
“Can’t we just – you know, snap our fingers and show up in a nice, cozy inn in Edinburgh?” Crowley groused.
Aziraphale looked somewhat sympathetic. He wasn’t a huge fan of horses either, although he had to admit that having some extra padding in his hips and thighs probably made the ride a lot more comfortable for him that it was for a bony specimen like Crowley. And he did enjoy the fresh air and the scenery.
“I don’t think we should,” he said. “It would definitely draw the attention of Above if I miracled myself directly to the castle three days early. And then they might notice that I had a demon with me for the whole trip, which could lead to questions, and that could be –”
“Oh, all right, all right,” Crowley snapped, knowing he was right. He did, though, magic himself up a little extra blanket on top of the saddle of the large thoroughbred he was riding. She was a mare, high spirited and a lovely dark brown. Although better than a camel, she obviously objected to having a snake demon on her back, which she showed by rolling her eyes and wickering madly whenever he came to mount her, and then either plodding along at a maddeningly slow speed or racing at breakneck pace ahead. She outright refused to do anything Crowley asked, but would, infuriatingly, obey like a sweet little lamb whenever Aziraphale intervened.
The angel’s horse, a large chestnut stallion in fine form and fettle, gave him no trouble whatsoever. And don’t think that Crowley didn’t notice how smug Aziraphale appeared about this sometimes. He did. He filed each and every instance of smug away in his mental files, to be revenged upon later.
After the horse threw Crowley for the third time in three days, Aziraphale had to admit defeat. They were simply going to have to find another form of transportation before Crowley ended up discorporated on the side of the road.
“Shaddup, angel,” the demon said irritably as he picked himself up out of the ditch and brushed off a combination of sodden vegetation and rot. “It’s not my fault, she just hates me.”
The gorgeous mare stomped her front hooves and made a noise of agreement. She did hate him. She really did.
“I can see that,” Aziraphale said. “Shame, really, you and horses. They’re such a convenient way to get around.”
“For you, maybe.”
The angel moved to take the reins of both horses and began leading them down the road. “Can you walk, my dear?” he asked.
Crowley grunted his assent and began limping down the road, putting Aziraphale’s broad form between him and the animals. If he was lucky, they could make it to the next town without one of the horses kicking him in the head.
“Great,” he sighed. “Walking. Even slower and more tortuous.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Aziraphale said pleasantly. “I rather enjoy walking. And it’s only an hour or two until the next village. Then we will try to get you onto an ox cart or something.”
Crowley was not to be mollified. He leaned back and spread his arms. “Could someone please invent something to make these fucking horses obsolete?” he shouted at the sky. “I’d consider it a personal favor!”
--
London, 2020
Crowley pulled up in front of the bookshop and, feeling insouciant, laid on the horn instead of going up to the front door to knock. He hopped out of the car and leaned against the bonnet, grinning broadly as Aziraphale appeared at the front door, frowning and looking affronted.
“Is this what we’ve come to now?” the angel asked acerbically. “The romance is over? No more coming in to greet me, you just blurt the horn until I come outside?”
Crowley grinned and produced a bag of pastries from behind his back.
“Oh, well then,” Aziraphale said with a wriggle. “You’re forgiven!”
“Let’s go for a drive, angel,” the demon said enticingly.
Aziraphale pretended indifference. “I’m not so sure about that, my dear,” he said. “You’re such a frightening driver, after all. Why would I want to do that?”
“There are three excellent reasons for you to go on a drive with me, angel,” Crowley said, his mood too perky for the angel’s game playing to make a dent. “Number one, it’s a beautiful day! Number two, I know an excellent place in the country where we can get crepes, about two hours north of here. Right where that really interesting inn used to be in the 18th century – do you remember? Rosie and Violet and their roadside inn?”
Aziraphale cast back and encountered the memory of good stew, cool ale, and excellent company. “I do!” he said. “That was such a lovely place.”
“Well now there’s a restaurant there, same plot of land. Shame you’ve never been there,” the demon said coyly. “Should really do something about that.”
“And reason three?” the angel said, smiling.
Crowley walked over and swung open the passenger door. “Reason three? It’s a CAR. An automated vehicle with horsepower but no horses!” He gestured at the leather interior. “Sitting comfortably, a tin of biscuits in your lap, while we zoom through the countryside with nothing to bite you or buck you or try to kill you with its bad temper?”
“Crowley, my dear, you know I’ve seen your car approximately a thousand times before,” Aziraphale pointed out.
“Shaddup, I’m having a moment here!” Crowley said. “Can’t we just stop and appreciate now and then that we are not on the back of animal when we have to get from point A to point B?”
Aziraphale laughed. “I see you woke up in quite a mood today.”
Crowley grinned at him. “Get in the car, angel. Places to go, people to see.”
Aziraphale stopped feigning resistance and allowed himself to be ushered into the car, his door to be carefully shut behind him, and his seat belt to be adjusted for maximum comfort. The demon was in rare high spirits, and he wasn’t truly going to resist participating in them for anything in the world.
#goc2020#good omens#good omens fanfiction#Aziraphale x crowley#ineffable husbands#camels hate crowley#even more than horses do
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Possession Is Nine-Tenths (Rated M)
Summary: Aziraphale tries his best to dodge intimate questions from Tracy when she visits him in the South Downs on his honeymoon.
Crowley, however, doesn't help matters when he finally wakes up and she sees what he's wearing. (1192 words)
Notes: Based on the idea that now that Aziraphale and Crowley are married, Crowley wears Aziraphale's sweaters and whatnot to bed. But maybe sweaters are not all Aziraphale owns XD Inspired by this post.
Read on AO3.
“The South Downs, huh?” Tracy asks, those four words posing all the question she needs. As city dwellers the both of them, it does make sense. Translation: “I never thought you’d leave the hustle and bustle behind for green grass and horse shite.”
Tracy and Aziraphale may have only known one another a short time, but they shared a body. That includes sharing a mind. The cohabitation of another being’s vessel is not a clean business. Traces get left behind when one entity leaves, like muddy footprints on the linoleum floor of the hippocampus. Tracy knows how Aziraphale feels about his bookshop and Soho.
She knows why he moved there in the first place.
“Yes, well, it’s the farthest Crowley and I would consider traveling from our old lives. And for a while, that’s something we need.”
“Makes sense. Must be working. Married life looks good on you.”
Aziraphale smiles. “Thank you, my dear,” he says, pouring her tea. “I have to admit, I am quite enjoying myself.”
“I’ll bet,” she mutters as the word enjoying brings a rosy glow to Aziraphale’s cheeks. Speaking of ... where’s Senor Sexy?”
Aziraphale rolls his eyes. He adds milk and sugar without having to be asked, then slides the finished product across the table. “To whom are you referring? The milk man? The post man? Your Uber driver?”
“You know who.” She lifts the tea to her lips, eyes twinkling through the steam rising from the surface. “Your man.”
“He’s not a man, you know. He’s a demon.”
“If you’re trying to make him sound any less sexy, you’re failing miserably, my dear.”
“Since you must know, he’s still asleep.”
“Mmm …” Tracy blows on her beverage, grinning into her cup “… that kind of evening? Or was it morning?”
“You’re incorrigible, do you know that?”
“And proud of it.”
“Good for you.”
“Tell me something.”
“That depends.” Aziraphale avoids Tracy’s eyes in favor of dressing his own cup.
“Your demon …” She leans in, lowering her voice in case Crowley isn’t a deep sleeper “… he sleeps in the nude, doesn’t he?”
Aziraphale fumbles his spoon. It falls on the saucer with a clink, flinging droplets of milk across the tablecloth. “Why in the world do you want to know!?”
“Because you’re not making with any of the juicier details, so I’m filling in the blanks with PG-13 stuff.”
Aziraphale narrows his eyes at his nosy guest. “And how is your husband, by the way?”
“Not here. That’s why we’re talking about yours.”
Aziraphale shakes his head. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no. Crowley does not sleep in the nude.”
Tracy frowns at Aziraphale’s answer. “Of course he does,” she decides, followed by several loud sips. “I’ve been around the block a time or two, and a man like that definitely sleeps in the nude. You lucky dog.”
“If you think you know so much, why did you even ask!?”
“I wanted to see what you’d say. You seem to have a penchant for, shall we say, tiny untruths. As a sinner myself, I’m curious how often an angel can lie before they get struck by lightning as opposed to us mere mortals.”
Aziraphale’s brows pull together. “Have you ever been struck by lightning?”
“Once,” Tracy says, going in for another sip, “but I’m sure it was a misunderstanding.”
“Good morning, angel,” Crowley mumbles, shuffling into the room. “Lady Shadwell. How nice of you to stop by this morning.”
“Afternoon,” Aziraphale corrects.
“Hmph. Gotta be mornin’ somewhere,” Crowley says around a yawn.
“Well, well, speak of the Devil,” Tracy teases.
“Devil’s on holiday. The states, I think. Just me, I’m afraid. Got anything stronger than tea?” Crowley heads for the stove and its various saucepans, lifting the lids off the promising looking ones.
Aziraphale raises a white ceramic carafe sitting dead center of the table. “There’s coffee in the pot.”
Crowley peeks over. He raises his eyebrows, trying to better open his lids. When he catches sight of the carafe held aloft, he sighs. “Fan-bloody-tastic.” He putters over, grabbing the largest mug they own along the way.
“Rough night?” Tracy asks, playing her favorite game where Aziraphale and Crowley are concerned - Catching Aziraphale in a Lie Involving Sin.
“Not so much. Aziraphale is soft …” Crowley giggles “… squishy … and more flexible than he looks. First two goes went fine. I think it was round seven that did me in.”
Tracy snickers.
Crowley yawns, this time with the addition of a galumphing yawp.
Aziraphale’s nose dives back into his cup and stays there.
No, he didn’t try to stop the conversation before it got this far.
There’s no shutting these two up once they get started.
But Crowley manages to stop Tracy in her tracks.
“Shame on you, Aziraphale, keeping poor Crowley up all---.”
When Tracy gets her first glimpse of Crowley, her jaw drops to her chest.
Aziraphale sees why, and he knows he’s never going to hear the end of this one.
His husband, as always, has an exceptional sense of timing … and style.
Over the rim of his cup, which has become extremely interesting in the past few minutes, Aziraphale watches Tracy give his husband several once overs. He doesn’t intervene, letting Tracy ask the inevitable question herself.
“Uh …” She clears her throat. It doesn’t help “… what is that you’re wearing, dear?”
“What? This?” Crowley looks down his body as if he’s forgotten. Aziraphale hopes Tracy will. Probably not a chance without holy intervention. “It’s some shirt of Aziraphale’s from the 60s. I saw it in his closet and brought it with. You know, for going out. Thought it’d be a nice change from the usual.” He chuckles to himself, picking at the practically see-thru black mesh hanging from his body. “Not much to it, is there?”
“No, there isn’t.” Tracy’s voice cracks when Crowley shifts left and right, revealing the tiniest pair of briefs she’s ever seen on an adult human. And considering her prior profession, that’s saying a lot.
“Don’t think angel ever wore it. Didn’t let me see if he did …”
“You don’t say.” Tracy shoots Aziraphale a look.
Aziraphale, hellbent on climbing into his cup, finishes his tea.
“The 60s were a helluva decade,” Crowley grumbles and leaves it at that. He leans over to kiss his husband’s beet-red forehead (much to Tracy’s delight), then walks off with the carafe, foregoing the mug and drinking straight from it. Tracy watches him go, the loose-fitting shirt (which most likely clings to Aziraphale) swinging with every sway of hips, the selvage skimming the tops of his thighs right below his ass. She waits until Crowley slips back into the bedroom and shuts the door, then turns accusing eyes on her friend.
“You lied!”
Aziraphale tuts. “I did no such thing.”
“Did you not see what your husband was wearing?”
“Yes. Wearing,” Aziraphale says, cheeks burning since his mind chose that exact moment to imagine peeling that mesh shirt off his husband’s body and doing a host of unspeakable things to him as soon as Tracy leaves. “Ergo … not naked.”
#good omens#good omens fanfiction#ineffable husbands#anthony j crowley#aziraphale#crowley x aziraphale#aziraphale x crowley
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Ah, my Good Omens OC’s reference sheets that took way too long to make
art tag // commission info
Here’s some bio/backstory whatever
So back in ye olde days, around 2000 bc or something like that, Haylia works as an angel who sorts files and records and such, just the normal desk job. She handles a lot of back and forth things from hell to heaven and vice versa, until one day she gets a promotion and is sent to run things back and forth and sort with them both in office and with the opposition.
Aldean works Hell’s receiving desk, essentially what Haylia did before the promotion. Upon her arrival, his first instinct is “oh an unsuspecting angel? Perhaps I can…sway them over, and get promoted out of my boring ass job.” So he grabs her, going full horrifying demon appearance and she shrieks and just sprays him with something and he’s all “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK- Is that pepper spray?! Why do you have pepper spray in 2000 BC?! I’LL BACK OFF JUST NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!” And its communion wine so he gets kinda stung in the eyes and just retreats to his desk. And they kind of have this mutual respect because damn an angel straight up defends herself so badass against this nightmare man and this demon is nice enough to back off after an attempt.
Appearance wise, Aldean is very regency era themed, and he likes to collect things at his desk like cool knives and darts. Things that get lost in the mail.
Haylia is very 1910s-1940s dressing, has a cute beret and dresses nice. She likes to collect buttons and stuff. Pins or badges too. Like a little Girl Scout
Right, I suppose we start with how their personalities are like and how they are together. Aldean is kind of the “Hates his office job” kind of character but very sly and smart mouthed, how you expect an alley cat to be. That’s his whole…demon-schtick, a feral cat (yknow how they do that thing with all the demons and like. Their flies and frog and snake etc. Dagon’s is a fish, I think.). He might be the one character that I have that’s genuinely suave and nonchalant, and isn’t wearing it as a facade. That’s pretty neat. He’s also covered in scratches from his cat
Okay Haylia is like…She has a whole 1940s wartime/scout look. A beret and little scarf and all, in the heavenly colour scheme. She’s very sweet and a bit ditzy. smiles a lot. Kinda childish but also knows how to handle a weapon, though she’d rather not use it. If I can compare her to a character out there, 100% I will say Queenie from the fantastic beasts series okay in terms of appearance they’re similar (colour scheme, hairstyle, oof. I missed the mark in terms of design that isn’t fashion for her. Her clothes I’m pretty proud with). She’s really eager to do things too. I wanna draw her glowing with a bunch of eyes and three sets of wings bc angels are cool. I like to imagine she’s the dove that brought the olive branch during the whole Noah’s ark thing, since she gives carrier pigeon energy but that might be a bit stepping over Aziraphale’s whole thing so.
Haylia’s probably just ignorant of Aldean’s…everything, not oblivious. Again, kind of a ditz. Not dumb, just dumbass.
Basically they’re working together, signing and sorting things at either party’s desk (usually Aldean bc Haylia’s the one out of the two that is allowed to go up and down at her choosing.) They both drop by on earth every once in a while, and they like it for the Aesthetic, but theyre both super above it. And unfortunately, theyre very buddy-buddy coworkers, but absolutely put their side first. So if either has to kill the other on order, they will hesitate bitch, but will ultimately do it.
#sunshan draws#Character Design#good omens#good omens oc#Illustration#oc#ocs#art#anime#sketch#doodle#fashion#haylia#aldean#cinnamon candyfloss
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Michael looks absolutely gorgeous in the skimpy little nurse costume she borrowed from Nanny. The skirt isn’t long enough to cover her rear, which gives Hastur a lovely view of Michael’s perky little bum in the lacy pale pink panties Aziraphale got for her. Hastur tells her “Nurse, do you think you could sit on my lap again? It was very soothing. Something about holding you close helps to heal me.”
Michael likes to tease. She'll circle him, bright pink nails, she clearly showing off as her hand is sliding gently against his chest, and then across his shoulders as she makes way back to the front where she swings a leg over to straddle him. hastur isn't complaining, but his claws are going straight to her hips, pulling her close. Claws sliding around and behind to get a full out grip of her ass. He can't help but touch.
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