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#luke alvez blurb
tlou-reid · 4 months
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Fearless ❆ Luke Alvez
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☃︎SUMMARY: luke is so so so smitten for his girl.
☃︎WARNINGS: this is tooth-rotting fluff and i am not sorry about it
☃︎NOTE: i love writing for luke <3 that is my bf fr pls send requests for him when they are open again!
☃︎swiftmas masterlist!
.。❅⋆⍋∞。∞⍋⋆❅。.
There’s something ‘bout the way the street looks when it’s just rained. There’s a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car.
Luke’s hand was protectively around your waist as you stepped out of the restaurant. He was laughing at something Emily said, looking away from you but holding you close. You felt bad, keeping the waitress there just until close. Everyone had gotten wrapped up in the conversation, not realizing the team and their partners had been sitting there for almost three hours.
Luke’s attention turns back to you as you start to step off the curb. “Woah,” he smiles, stopping you from pressing your pretty high heels into the puddle that had accumulated. He stepped down, comfortably placing one hand on each side of your waist. He lifts you, just briefly, to get you over the puddle. Then, he gently places you back on the asphalt.
Your feet plant on the ground and you let out a giggle, reaching down to hold his hand. “I didn’t even realize it had rained.” He declares, before waving a final goodbye to where Emily and JJ are heading to their cars.
The parking lot was empty besides the team’s cars and the few employees that hadn’t left yet. “Thank you,” You smile at him again, moving your hand to his muscular bicep, and pulling him closer to you. “Of course,” he had a wide smile on his face, one that showed his dimples. His brown eyes were full of fondness as he looked at you.
“Whatcha looking at?” He asked, walking around to your side of the car. His hand reached to open the passenger side door for you when you answered. “The way the streetlights reflect off of the puddles.” Luke’s gaze followed your eyes, seeing the way the lights looked like little diamonds in the water.
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parking lot.
You’re about to sit in the passenger seat when you get an idea. “Hey, Luke,” you call for his attention. He watched as you looked around the parking lot. The rest of the team had pulled off, leaving just you guys there. “You wanna dance?”
Even though Luke had been up since six o’clock this morning and his muscles still hurt from the case they had wrapped up, there was nothing he wanted more than to dance with you in this deserted parking lot.
He let out a chuckle, reopening the door all the way for you, and said, “Absolutely.” Luke didn’t think he’d ever seen you smile as wide as you were right now. You placed your feet back on the ground, reached for Luke’s hand, and pulled him to behind the car, where there was plenty of open space for you to dance.
You went to turn around and pull him close so you could begin swaying with him, but he was gone when you reached for him. Luke made his way to the driver’s seat, reaching in and turning on the car, He, then, turned back to look at you. “What do you wanna dance to?” he asked, holding his phone up. You let out another giggle, “Play Taylor Swift!” You called. Luke knew that was going to be your answer.
Lover quickly began playing through the car’s speakers. He left the door open and turned the volume all the way up. You would’ve been embarrassed if the moment wasn’t so sweet. Luke sauntered his way back towards, emphasizing the swing of his hips.
He reached out for you, pulling you close and swaying your bodies together. “I love you, princesa.” He whispered into the crown of your head as the song reached the bridge. You didn't answer, but the way you leaned your head onto his shoulder told him all he needed to know.
You two danced the entire song, he even sang the words into your ear. When it ended and you pulled away, you flashed him the biggest smile you could muster. Luke laughed, “Another?” Before you could answer, the sound of the crew from the restaurant interrupted you.
You shook your head no because of this, not wanting to be embarrassed by the people around you two. “Let’s go home,” you smiled at him, excited to crawl into bed and enjoy his body heat. Luke nodded, once again going to open the passenger side for you.
Once you both settled in, you started to sing along to one of your favorite Taylor Swift songs:
“We’re driving down the road, I wonder if you know, I’m trying so hard not to get caught up now…”
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reidsaurora · 8 months
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Hey sweet!! I wanna request for the Leo baby birthday cake
“you can’t scare me like that, okay?” with Luke Alvez. Thank you so much!!
thank you for the request! sorry this took so long, my personal life has been swamped lately and i haven't had much time to write 😅 hope you like what i wrote though!
"In Your (Broken) Arms" ~ L. Alvez
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pairing: luke alvez x fem!bau!reader
summary: it's just a fractured wrist, but to luke alvez, your stressed-out and over-protective boyfriend, it might just be cause to bubble wrap you.
word count: 626
warnings: takes place in a hospital, mild sexual humor, very mild swearing, i think that's it!
genre: fluff <3
based on the prompt: "you can't scare me like that, okay?"
extra notes: the ending is rushed, as per usual. i apologize for that. i hope you enjoy the rest though!
beta read by: @reidselle (love you <3)
masterlist | birthday bash | ask box
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🧁 Leo Baby Birthday Cake - send me a character + a prompt from this list and i'll write you a blurb!
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"You cannot scare me like that, okay?" Luke said between exasperated breaths as he walked into the exam room you currently sat in.
He pulled the curtain closed behind himself before sitting down next to your bed, watching as the doctor wrapped your wrist. "Hey, be gentle, she could've lost her arm."
You rolled your eyes before reassuring the doctor that your wrist would be fine. "Don't listen to him. I'm okay, I promise. Well, other than the obvious."
The doctor let out a soft chuckle as he focused on wrapping your wrist up properly. "Y/N's gonna be fine, sir, I can assure you. Fractured wrists are practically a daily occurrence for us emergency room docs."
Luke's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "A fractured wrist? Seriously?"
"Luke, we'll talk about this in a minute. Please let the doctor finish up his work."
The doctor met you with kind eyes. "No worries. I'm all done. I'll give you two a few minutes and send a nurse in with your paperwork in a little bit."
And with that, the man was on his way out the door, leaving you to deal with your stressed-out, and definitely overprotective, boyfriend.
Luke scooted his chair closer to the edge of your bed, taking your newly bandaged arm and placing a soft kiss over the new cast you sported.
You rolled your eyes, but placed a loving hand in his hair, running your fingers softly through his disheveled curls. "I'm okay, I promise."
"A fracture, Y/N," he reminded you. "There's a reason I told you to wait for me and Spencer to get that guy."
You winced as you remembered the pain of him flailing to get out of your grasp, his elbows hitting nearly every bone in your upper body as he tried to push you off. "Okay, maybe I could've waited but if you guys had arrived any later, he would've gotten away. I had to take my chances. Okay?"
Luke gave you a displeased pout, and you couldn't help but kiss it away. You loved him, really, but he sure knew how to be overprotective when he wanted to be, especially on the job.
"Hey, don't you dare use those pretty lips to distract me," he argued, brows meeting in an angry furrow. "I'm upset with you. You could've gotten yourself hurt. Hell, you did get yourself hurt."
"Luke," you sighed with exasperation, "I am fine. Now, will you please flag down a nurse so I can go home?"
He rolled his eyes, lips landing on yours for another gentle kiss. It didn't matter that you'd been dating Luke for over a year, he still knew how to make butterflies go off in your tummy every time he kissed you. "Don't think this is over," he warned, pulling away. "I'm gonna smother you like no one's business."
"Ooooh, I'm so scared of the big, bad teddy bear that is Luke Alvez," you rebutted, sticking out your tongue in banter.
"Watch it or I'll punish you," he said, heading toward the curtain.
A sly smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. "Now that is something I'd like to see."
He rolled his eyes, pulling open the curtain and heading out toward the nurses station, but not before uttering a quick, "I love you, querida."
"Yeah, yeah, I guess I love you too, bubble butt."
A soft voice, which you quickly figured out was Spencer, mumbled from the other side of the curtain. "Bubble butt?"
"It's…" Luke paused, trying to come up with an explanation. "It's a long story."
You just shook your head, eternally grateful for the man you got to call your boyfriend… and bubble butt.
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-> taglist: @1234-angelika @drayshadow @alexxavicry @nomajdetective @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @danielle143 @esposadomd @reidselle @dungeons-are-too-cold @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @cwritesforfun @cynbx
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300 notes · View notes
cerisereids · 2 months
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btw luke alvez’s favorite past time is scooping u up in those huge arms of his, no matter your size. he’s your personal furnace, his warmth and security enveloping your body relinquishes any tension you both had been carrying throughout the day. when he gets home from a hard case, the first thing he does is drop his bag and squeeze you like he thought he’d never see you again. every. time. you like to call his hugs your ‘recharging station’. any time either of you need to forget about your problems or just the world in general, you can always count on being held by luke to recharge.
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hornyhornyhimbos · 1 year
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Hi! So, I was a little bit scared to put a request but then I read the characters you write for and my brain immediately had a horny thought.
What if Luke Alvez and reader are co-workers and they are on a undercover mission as a couple and they kiss as a distraction. BUT, that kiss somehow starts to get a little heated and out of nowhere Luke just whines and squirms. This leads them to them in their hotel room and they just can keep their hands off each other and read just makes him feel good.
I would just love to get Alvez all dumb and submissive, getting all the control and just leaving him for more.
I hope this is something you’re up to. I have a lot of ideas so… I might send them all at once or spread them for next Friday.💗
so... this has been in my inbox for like two months... and it's most definitely not friday.. i'm so sorry i haven't had the motivation to write it but i finally had an idea so i hope it turned out ok!!
luke alvez is the cutest, subby, dumb boy to have ever walked the earth ♡
18+ duh, unprotected piv sex (don't do this or ur pp will fall off), sub!luke x soft dom!afab!reader, handjob, nipple play, reader licks luke's cum off her own titties, explicit language, maybe dubcon (they were both drinking beforehand), 1.4K words, not beta read!
filthy fridays | ask box
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from the moment you pulled luke into your hotel room, he couldn't keep his hands off you.
flashbacks of the night rushed through your mind. sipping alcohol just a couple tables away from your latest unsub, luke grabbing your face and kissing you with a level of fervor you'd never seen before, the moans he let out, muffled by your lips. you'd watched him squirm in his seat as he pulled away, most definitely situating the hard-on you suspected had appeared in his jeans.
"please," he practically begged, his hands sliding up your blouse. his lips met yours for a heated kiss, the taste of bourbon distinct.
"please… what? what do you want?" you asked, your hands at the nape of his neck.
"i want you," he answered.
you pulled him back in for another kiss, your lips dripping with want for each other. "gonna have to do better than that, baby. i need to know what you want."
hands traveled up and down both of your bodies, your limbs entangled to the point where you didn't know where he started and you ended. he whimpered against your mouth while his hands met your breasts, grabbing at them like it was the only thing on his mind.
"oh, is that what you want? you want my tits, huh?" you teased, and his hips bucked in response.
"mhm," he mumbled as he connected his mouth to yours, his palms holding you through your bra.
you pulled away, clicking your tongue at him. "are you too dumb for words now? can't even give me a simple answer when you're asked a question?"
he moaned at your words, his hands wandering over your breasts, just waiting for you to let him have them.
"ok, baby. sit down on the bed, yeah? i'll give you everything you need." your hands moved to his waist, pushing him toward the mattress.
one of his hands trailed down your body, ending at the hem of your shirt while the other still palmed at your clothed breast. "please," he begged, trying his best to take your blouse off with one hand.
"needy boy," you smirked. you pulled the fabric off, revealing the prettiest lace bra luke had ever laid eyes on. his palms reached for your boobs again, pulling them out of the lacy cups. he went glassy-eyed at the sight, taking one of them in his mouth.
"oh, luke," you gasped, guiding his opposite hand to the other breast. he twisted your nipple between his digits, wetness dripping through your matching panties at the feel of him.
he sucked on your tit like a man starved, his brain already too fucked out to form coherent thoughts. your own brain was turning to mush as he suckled the bud, your fingers moving to grip the curls on his nape. "ah-ah," you tutted, "thought you wanted me."
his hips rutted into yours, searching for any friction he could find. he whined against your hardened nipple, the vibration only aiding the heat that pooled in your stomach.
your digits worked at the button of his slacks, teasingly sliding them down to his ankles. "touch yourself for me, yeah? want you to get yourself ready for me," you instructed. your hands moved to your jeans, but you were met with a disapproving "nuh-uh."
"oh?" you asked, your eyebrows raising. "you don't want to touch yourself?"
"can't," he managed. his hands stayed on his thighs, like he'd thought about obeying you but couldn't.
your palms moved to your hips. "and why's that?" your eyes met his, like fire meeting pure water.
"need to cum inside you," he answered.
you chuckled, your hands trailing to the band of his boxers. "tell you what, baby," you said, pulling him out of the wet fabric. "you wanted my tits so much. you cum on them and then maybe i'll let you cum inside me, yeah?"
his head fell back as you worked his cock, moving up and down the shaft at the perfect pace. your other hand moved to his tee shirt, pulling the material over his head. your fingers dragged down his chest, stopping to play with his nipple. whines and moans fell from his lips, his hand wrapping around yours and helping you bring him closer to his high.
"yeah?" you teased. "that feel good, baby?"
he answered with a mewl, shifting his hips. he fucked himself with your hand, his orgasm close. the sight of his shaking thighs and sex-drunk eyes had you nearly cumming yourself, your panties drenched at the thought of him cumming inside you.
"are you close?" you asked, already knowing the answer from the sporadic movements of his hips.
"uh-huh," he managed, "fuck."
your hand worked faster, your body craving for his dick to be buried deep inside you. lewd sounds filled the hotel room, like music to your ears.
a string of moans tumbled from luke's lips as he reached his release, his seed spilling all over your bare chest. you both pushed him through his high, milking every last drop from his cock.
he fell back on the bed, his hand staying on his shaft even after you pulled away. your fingers dragged over the peaks and dips of your breasts, collecting his cum and bringing it to your mouth. the salty taste was like heaven to your taste buds, and you slightly regretted not fucking him with your mouth instead.
you practically tore off your jeans and panties, before moving up onto the bed. you took his cock in your hand, running the head along your folds. "you ready, baby?"
he managed to nod, his lip quivering as you finally pushed him inside you, slowly lowering yourself down his length. your head fell back as you adjusted yourself, the stretch almost too much. "can i move a little, baby, or is that too much for you?"
a small moan of approval tumbled from his mouth, his eyes already screwed shut. you began rocking your hips, the head of his dick brushing against your spongy spot. your walls clenched around him, pulling him that much further into you.
"oh shit, luke," you groaned, steadying yourself by placing your hands on his stomach. his happy trail was coarse under your palm, and you couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like against your nose as you sucked him off. "fuck me."
"trying to," he huffed in amusement, lifting his hips to meet yours.
your pelvis moved faster, chasing down your impending high. the sounds of your slick filled the room, only aiding the senses of your sweaty body. sweat dripped down the hair on luke's chest, and you were tempted to lick it away. you were close, but it wasn't enough.
"touch my clit," you instructed. luke met you with furrowed brows and wide eyes. you repeated, "are you fucking dumb? i said to touch my clit."
your command had luke falling apart, his thighs shaking beneath you as he came inside you. thick ropes of his seed shot through you, like blood running through your veins. he willed his hand to move, his fingers meeting your bud in slow circles.
"oh, yeah," you mewled, "right there, baby, right fucking there!"
luke lifted his head, meeting your naked chest with his lips. he nipped and licked at your tit, pushing you closer to the edge. his fingers toyed at your clit at just the right speed, and the coil in your belly snapped, cumming around his cock.
"shitshitshit," you all but yelled, your hips bucking and canting as you worked yourself through your orgasm.
you fell onto his chest, attempting to catch your breath as you rested on top of him. his hand met your hair, petting it in slow strokes. "so…" he said, his voice trailing off.
a smirk lifted one half of your lips. "so…"
"that happened," he huffed, meeting your head with a small peck.
you lifted yourself, profanities coming from your lips at the sudden movement. your eyes met his, your smirk turning to a smile. "it did. you did great," you laughed.
"thank you, i try," he chuckled, his hands settling on your love handles. "so, what is this?"
"whatever you want it to be."
luke had the prettiest smile you'd ever seen, and the one he gave you in that moment only further proved your theory. "i think," he said, "we should do that again. and maybe that'll help us figure out what we should call it."
"that might just be the best idea you've ever had, luke alvez."
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-> taglist: @reidsbookclub @dungeons-are-too-cold @lukeclvez
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355 notes · View notes
beelmons · 1 year
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Luke Alvez x ADHD!Girlfriend (cw: mentions of mental disorder, light angst)
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It was always fun at games with him, classic Luke Alvez. Continuously saying how cute it was how you 'obsessed' over things. Time and again teasing you lovingly whenever you would zone out during conversations. Without fail, mentioning that you would be lost without him reminding you when to eat, and that it made him feel special.
Good ol' Luke, always looking at the bright side, always breezing through life. He'd hold you through the night whenever the anxiety randomly spiked, he'd reassure you that your mental disorder didn't define you, that you were more than that, that you were enough. He loved you, he really did.
But at the end of the day, it wasn't him who had to live with that disease. It was you. He didn't have to stay up, restless, due to random insomnia. He didn't have to set a million alarms to take just one pill. He didn't beat himself up whenever he was unable to do something simple, a mundane chore, just because his brain wouldn't respond. He got to go home, do his dishes, wash his laundry, and be okay. He didn't have to live with your faulty brain. Oh, but, alas he did have to live with you.
"I work hard. I work really hard. I don't think I'm asking for a lot here." he complained regarding the tidiness of the apartment you had had to yourself for almost a week. It wasn't common for him to lose his cool, but when he did, you had to brace yourself. He would never hurt you, no, but you would feel him far away, so far away despite being in the same room, that he might as well hold a dagger to your chest. That would pain you a lot less.
It had been little over six months since the two of you moved in together. The military-style routine that he had was benefitial to you, he'd drag you along for breakfast, motivate you into a quick workout, tease you into taking your pills. It was good for you, he was good for you. Everything was okay, until he was gone, and the facade of being a functional adult crumbled to the ground.
A slow forming knot began to grow within the walls of your throat. Was this the same man who months before professed eternal devotion to you only? It was hard to tell. Perhaps, he wasn't ready. Ready to deal with someone like you. You hugged your body trying to contain your tears, yet before you were able to talk, his phone beeped. He took a look and held back a curse word at the name that appeared on the screen.
"Emily?" you asked while you read the twinkling screen, and you were well aware what that meant. He nodded, his lips pursing in anger, he stared a couple of seconds longer, and finally he decided to leave the phone face down on the table. "Come on, Luke, don't be silly, I'm sure it's important." you grunted, taking the phone and picking up right away "Hey, Em." your boyfriend's boss greeted you with confusion "He's right here." you said before giving the phone to Luke.
He looked at you with disappointment, yet he took the device and pressed it to his ear "Yeah, boss. I understand. I'll be right there." he hung up the phone after the line went dead, and he made a frustrated movement with his hand.
"It's okay." you said reassuringly "I promise, we can discuss this when you come back."
You didn't exchange 'I love you's as you usually would, instead, he just grabbed the go-bag he had recently left on the floor and left through the same door he had just entered about half an hour ago.
He didn't call you the entire trip, not even to let you know he had landed safely, and sunk in your own deprecating thoughts, you didn't bring yourself to text him either.
The case was slightly complicated, and he knew he was going to be away for a little bit, still, he didn't gather the courage to call you to let you know. At least, not until the next day, when he was standing in the local precinct, being briefed about a crime, and his smartwatch started to vibrate with an alarm.
'Pill time!' the screen read. Since you had told him your pill schedule, he had set an alam himself to remind you to take it, even when he was away; he'd always take a second to call you and double check.
"Hey, Emily, I really need to make a call, do you mind if I step out for a second?" he asked apologetically.
"Lovers quarrel?" she brillantly deducted, but Luke couldn't bring himself to answer "Go. And, Luke, I know what this job can do to relationships. If you need to go back home, let me know." she reassured and he nodded in gratitude.
He moved away to a less concurred area to dial your number. He prayed you would still be content enough to pick up, and thankfully you did. "Hey" he said as soon as the call connected.
"Hey. Is everything okay?" you asked on the other side.
"Yeah, I just..." he made a slight pause "Have you taken your pills?" he inquired and you simply responded with silence; he quickly picked up on the cue "What did you have for breakfast?" he changed the question
"Half a bagel." you answered with slight shame, aware that he was probably judging you.
It angered him, honestly, that you couldn't take care of yourself, but at the same time, he knew, he struggled to understand, but he knew sometimes you just couldn't; what was really eating him was not that you didn't, it was that he couldn't be there to do it for you. "I'm coming home." he said resolutely.
"Luke, don't. I'm sorry, I'll try harder." you said, your voice starting to sound a little broken "I don't want you to end up resenting me if something happens with your job."
"What are you talking about?" he was taken aback by your confession "I could never resent you. I said something stupid, but at the end of the day I love you, and I want you to be okay."
"Sometimes it's just hard." you sobbed into the phone.
"I get it." he tried to comfort you. "Listen, we'll talk properly when I come back, but for now I need you to do me a favor. Get off the bed, drink at least one liter of water, take your pills, and for the love of god, order something to eat, and don't go sneaking bites to roxy." he said, his voice relaxing a little, coming out as his usual careless tone.
"Alright." your breath began to calm down "Thank you for being so patient with me."
"Hey, you love me enough to put up with my job, right?" he smiled to himself as he spoke "I can love you enough to be kind to that brain of yours."
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prentissluvr · 7 months
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closer, and closer still — luke alvez
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pairing : luke alvez x bau!gn!reader ➖⟢ genre : fluff ➖⟢ cw : situation that could cause claustrophobia (very crowded elevator), kissing ➖⟢ wc : 2K
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it's natural to get in the elevator with luke. you've done it a million times, just the two of you or with other members of the team. tonight it's because you both stayed late to finish your reports; everyone else left before you besides emily, who's, as she often is, still in her office. there's not much conversation between the two of you tonight, both tired after a long day and an even longer case. but still, it's comfortable—once again, natural.
what's not natural is the amount of workers who pile into the small space the floor below yours. you do your best to ignore the way heat begins to rise into your cheeks when he immediately steps in front of you, trying to casually block you off from anyone else because he knows that you’d hate being squished against any strangers in such a cramped space. he's quite close, only inches away, and he sends you that crooked smile he has when he's trying to make an annoying situation seem at least a little humorous. and that's just fine, even though it sends your heart into a fluttering mess. until one more stubborn person decides that there's got to be room for them, and luke gets pushed right into you.
one of his hands braces himself on the wall beside you, the other right on your shoulder. normally, you'd laugh at his surprised expression, but his body flush against yours seems to have you malfunctioning.
"jeez," he mutters under his breath, the scoff only audible to you over the noise of the man who thinks it's a great idea to have a loud conversation over the phone right now. the look he gives you is apologetic as he goes to remove his hand from your shoulder, but he's caught in such an awkward position that he can't move it more than a few inches away from you. and he's so worried about making you uncomfortable with too much physical contact that he just lets his hand hover there.
that's when you let out a quiet laugh, one that only he can hear.
you just can’t help it, with the cautious look on his face and the well-meaning, but awkward action of trying not to touch you, as if the rest of his body weren’t pressed against yours.
he raises his eyebrows, confused by your laughter.
“what’s that about?” the fact that so many people are around to hear compels him to speak in a hushed tone.
“i don’t mind,” you say, doing your best to look him in the eye as you tell him. he just cocks his head to the side a bit, telling you he doesn’t want to assume what you mean by that. so, you plunder on. “you don’t have to keep your hand like that. i don’t mind when you touch me.” when those words escape your mouth, you have to admit, that’s not how you meant to say it, but the way that a smile tugs at his lips makes it feel worth it.
“right,” he nods. he still seems careful when he lets his hand rest against your shoulder again, and the weight of it causes your eyes to dart away from his face.
neither of you can find anything else to say for the remainder of the elevator ride, but it’s not the end of the world considering that it only lasts for another thirty seconds. though, admittedly, it feels a bit more like an eternity to you. 
when the doors open to the garage level, and people file out of the cramped area, there’s finally space for him to step away from you. but your heart flutters at the fact that there’s no rush on his part. his hand slips away from you, and he takes a step backwards before turning his body around. he lingers at the doors to keep them open, motioning for you to go first.
“after you,” he smiles, ever the gentleman despite his habit of constant teasing. you hope he catches the quick smile you send him as you whisk past him and into the parking garage. he’s back at your side in a second, walking with you in the direction of your car. 
“hey, uh,” he stops you when you’re only halfway there, saying your name in a way that feels too nice. “can i take you home?”
you resist a grin. “if you’ll pick me up in the morning. there’s no way in hell i’m taking public transport if you’re making me leave my car here.”
he doesn’t bother hiding his own grin, “deal.” there’s a pause before he realizes that, of course, you’re standing in the middle of a parking lot, and you don’t know where his car is. “my car’s this way,” he clarifies, pointing with his thumb to the opposite side of the garage.
“making me work for it, huh?” you tease. he chuckles, resisting the sudden urge he has to slip his arm around your shoulders and pull you into his side. he wants you close, and closer still, he realizes.
“don’t forget i’m the one who’s gotta do all the driving.”
“oh, poor, poor luke. the guy’s offered to drive me and now he’s complaining about it!” making fun of him is just too easy. you love the way it always makes him smile.
“couldn’t complain about spending more time with you.”
now that throws you off. it stops you in your tracks for just a moment as you finally reach the passenger’s side of his car and he loops around to get in the driver’s seat.
“you getting in or not?” he calls. trying to pretend he hasn’t flustered you at all, you pop the door open and climb inside.
once you’re in and buckled, you peek at him subtly as he starts the car. “thank you for driving me home, luke.”
“of course. it’s my pleasure,” he smiles genuinely before backing his car out of the parking lot. it’s confirmed; he looks very hot doing that. once you’re out of the parking lot, you both immediately notice the rain falling from the sky.
“i didn’t know it was supposed to rain tonight,” you comment, “though that’s not too much of a surprise here, of course.”
he lets out a light laugh, “yeah, i didn’t know either. i’m just glad it’s not rush hour any more.”
“god, tell me about it. the only good thing to come out of staying late to do paperwork is avoiding the traffic.”
his response isn’t quite what you expect, not just a generic phrase signalling he finds your statement relatable. “i can think of something else good to come out of that.” his tone is full of implications. you don’t want to assume what he means by that, but you can certainly hope he’s talking about this.
“really? like what?” it’s always more fun to play along.
“well,” he begins. you adore that he never tries to hide the smile in his expressions from you, even if that means he’s kind of giving himself away. it just feels like you’re the one making him smile like that, and that’s one hell of a compliment purely because of how pretty his smile is. “staying late doing paperwork meant that i could take the elevator with you, walk with you, and drive you home. bonus, i get to pick you up in the morning too. that’s some pretty good stuff, if you ask me.”
at that, your face is far more flushed with heat than just five minutes ago when he was stuck right against you in the elevator. and that’s saying a whole lot, considering the fact that you were afraid he’d be able to tell just how flustered you were from your body heat alone. he says it all in a way that no coworker, not even friend, would, and you want to run with it until he’s kissing you goodnight at your doorstep, then beyond. issue is, you can’t think of something good enough to say to let him know that’s what you want. you hope it’s not too bold, but all you can think of to do is tell him just that.
“would it maybe… be a good thing too… if i, um, if i asked you to kiss me goodnight when you, like the gentleman i know you are, walk me to my door?” when those words come out of your mouth and his eyes dart back and forth from you and the road, you realize that’s probably not the best thing to ask while he’s in the middle of driving. but like always, the grin on his face makes it completely worth it.
“that would be amazing,” he says unabashedly, timing his words perfectly with a pause at a stop sign so he can look you in the eyes while he says it. he has just enough time to catch the grin on your face to match his. it seems you’re both too giddy to say anything else for the next few seconds, but he breaks quickly, turning on his turn signal to pull off to the side of the road. “dammit, i don’t think i can wait,” he explains as he pulls the car completely out of traffic’s way, “can i please kiss you now?” he turns to you with every pure intent in his eyes and words. you almost giggle at his desperation, but it makes you feel far too excited, nervous, and wanted even for you to do anything but nod in approval.
“please,” you want him to know you need it just as badly as him. so, in an instant, you’re both leaning in over the middle console to feel the other’s lips on yours. his hand’s on the side of your face and you can’t help but hold onto his arm as if you’ll melt away without his strong frame to ground you there. and there’s his lips, his goddamn perfect lips that jj caught you staring at the other day, the ones that now mold against yours, all soft and needy at the same time. he savors you like there’s nothing quite as divine as your, like he’s been waiting and waiting to have you. to be fair, he has for months at this point. all that he cares about now, though, is that you want him too.
when he finally pulls away, he only does so enough to rest his forehead against yours and look you in the eyes with the most endeared gaze he can muster. he doesn’t let his hand fall away from your face, happily recalling the way you told him that you don’t mind when he touches you. seems like maybe you even like it, were he to flatter himself. of course, you’re thinking about how you absolutely adore his touch, how it already feels like you could never get enough.
“i don’t know how i’m gonna get you all the way home like this,” he half-jokes through a smile before fully moving away to resume the drive. but first, he takes your hand in his and gives it a squeeze, then a heart-fluttering kiss to the knuckles.
the smile you return to him is a bit sly, though he can’t see it as he pulls back into the lanes of traffic. “well, your place is closer, is it not?" you begin carefully, "you won’t even have to pick me up in the morning that way.” you're a bit scared to intrude by inviting yourself over, but the expression on his face makes it clear that you are more than welcome.
“gosh,” he laughs in surprise, clearly pleased by your proposition, “you are very right. roxy will be excited to see you.” and he's very, very excited to keep kissing you.
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ralvezfanatic · 3 months
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The BAU team going out to a bar one night, and theres this one guy just flirting with Reid constantly.
Reid is pretty oblivious to the flirting, not realizing whats happening and continues to talk to the guy thinking he's being friendly.
Meanwhile, Luke is nearby seeing this and gets annoyed and a bit jealous, but he trusts Spencer so he doesn't do anything.
The guy suddenly starts going further and tries to get touchy, which not only makes Spencer uncomfortable but pisses Luke off, so he walks over to them and forces himself into the conversation.
He gets close to Spencer, and starts getting touchy with him. First he's just holding his hand or arm, resting his head on his shoulder, small stuff to get the guy to back off.
When the guy stays and continues to talk to them, Luke starts wrapping his arm around Spencer's waist, pulling him close to him to make his point clear to the guy who was flirting with him.
The guy finally gets it and backs off, but Luke still wants to make sure the guy knows who Spencer is with and wants him to leave them alone completely.
So he turns Spencer around, pinning him to the bar and starts making out with him, right next to the random guy who is now uncomfortable himself.
Spencer is a flustered and nervous mess, not having seen this side of Luke before. They're usually more calm in public, so getting pinned against a bar is new.
The kiss gets heated, and Spencer gets turned on from Luke's possessive and jealous side coming out
He starts getting a bit too whiny and needy, trying to grind against Luke, showing him how hard he is, which only fuels Luke.
The guy is long gone, and Luke ends up taking Spencer home to finish what he started at the bar.
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fuckingstrange · 3 months
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do u think u can write a fic with Luke asking (begging) trans!reader to sit on/ride his face 👀?? i just know that man has a thing for oral honestly 🤭🤭 andthighstoohhshahhsha
Face Riding - l.a. blurb
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WARNINGS: Face riding, trans!reader, ftm!reader, reader has bottom growth, and a cunt because accurate transgender anatomy for the win, horny boyfriends, implied oral fixation , submissive actions from both parties
WORDS: 500 (estimated)
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a/n - If you wanted reader to have complete afab anatomy, feel free to request again and I'll write it to your liking !
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Luke lays beneath you, hands grasping at your thighs as he looks up at you with pleading eyes. You smile and push your hips down a bit, enough that your bottom growth can rub against his lips, the light stimulation causing a moan to build in your chest, and you helplessly let it spill out as his tounge darts out to lick at the head of it. Your hands positioned on the headboard move to rest above his head on the mattress so you can push your hips against him, encouraging him to take your growth in his mouth.
He opens his mouth and takes it in, letting his tounge lick around the shaft. You let out a small whimper, your hips giving a light buck. His hands move up to your hips as he removes his mouth from you, only to start guiding you to sit on his face, wanting access to your weeping cunt. You lift your hips in contrast to his guidance, looking down at him with a small grin.
Luke looks up at you with those pleading eyes again, his hands sliding back down to your thighs before right back up to your hips, trying to guide you onto his face again. “please, please. I wanna taste you. please.” The man pleads, and who are you to deny him when he begs so nicely? You let him guide you down enough that his tounge can dart out to lick at your soaked folds, earning a broken moan. The second his tounge slips inside you nearly break, hand moving to grab his hair as tight as you can as your hips jut away with a whine.
Luke looks up at you again, moving his head to slowly lick up the shaft of your growth before swirling his tounge around the head. Your hips attempt to move away again, to which he moves his hands to grab and still them. “Let me taste you, sweet boy.” He murmurs as he moves his head back down to your cunt, licking a broad strip up to your growth, letting his tounge swirl the head again before kissing down it to your entrance.
You whine and helplessly roll your hips into him as he starts licking and lapping at your juices like he's dehydrated. You can hear him murmur some encouragement, telling you to ride his face. Luke rubs your thighs as you grind onto his tongue, listening to the moans and whines that fall from your lips. The moment your movements grow sloppy, and your hand moves down to stroke yourself, he knows you're getting close.
He knocks your hand away, reaching up to rub and stroke your growth himself, feeling the way your sloppy movements speed up in response. His thumb flicks over the head of your cock as his tounge slides in and out of your cunt, feeling the way your inner walls spasm as you cum with a loud moan. Luke continues to lick and rub to work you through your orgasm, continuing until your hips start stuttering away from his face.
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Text
Remember to Forget Me | S.R
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My gif
This is for this build a blurb requested by @andiebeaword which got way out of hand. Ending is happy but slightly ambiguous.
Fic title taken from a Blink-182 song.
**There will categorically not be a part two for this so please don’t ask.**
📱Finding something on their phone you shouldn’t have
🤔Amnesia
⚠️Love Triangle
🤰🏼Pregnancy
👂🏻Overheard something they shouldn’t
Summary - decision making has never been your forte so deciding between the two men you were dating was an impossible feat. Until a car crash changes everything and even if your brain doesn’t remember, your heart certainly does.
Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader (some Luke Alvez / Fem! Reader)
Category - angst with a fluffy ending.
Content Warnings - some Luke x reader but it will have a Spencer x reader happy ending, angst, love triangle, vague mentions of sex but still SFW, swearing, typical CM related case stuff, mentions of car accidents, minor description of injuries, pregnancy, panic attacks, brief mention of prison and PTSS, anxiety, depressive thoughts, brief mentions of Maeve, amnesia, very brief mention of dilaudid.
Word Count - 12.4K
Masterlist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If indecisiveness was a virtue, you’d give Aristotle a run for his money. 
Decision making had never been a strong suit of yours, ever since you were a small child and could never decide what toy you wanted to play with or what you wanted to eat for dinner. 
Your mother always said, “the risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”
You would vehemently disagree. You would much rather not make a decision than make the wrong one. At least in your indecision you didn’t risk completely ruining things. A wrong decision was unthinkable. 
Your hesitancy to make decisions had never been much of an issue thus far in your life. Sure, sometimes it meant you would go without your morning coffee when Starbucks added a new menu item and you couldn’t decide between that and your old faithful. 
Sometimes it would mean you wouldn’t end up watching TV after work because you couldn’t decide between a movie or binge watching a series. 
And maybe there had been a few occasions you’d flaked on drinks with your friends because you simply couldn’t pick an outfit to wear. 
But for the most part, your favour for sitting on the fence has never been detrimental to your life. 
Until it came to dating. 
Settling down with one person was the ultimate decision, one which terrified you. Surely when it came to the man you would spend the rest of your life with, your mothers sentiment couldn’t possibly be true. 
The wrong decision of whom you’d spend the rest of your life with was certainly not preferable to not making a decision at all. 
Wouldn’t it simply be easier to be alone than to choose the wrong person? 
As such, monogamy was a hard concept for you. You were not known as a one man kind of woman. 
You always made your intentions clear with whoever you were dating, they weren’t always going to be the only man in your life and if they couldn’t handle that then you weren’t the woman for them. 
For the past six months or so you had two men in your life, both who brought very different things to the table and who you cared for deeply in different ways. 
They were so different they might as well be chalk and cheese and you would implore anyone to choose between them. 
You met Luke Alvez at the dog park when you were walking your three year old Siberian husky Duke. 
During a game of fetch, Duke had brought back much more than his chew toy. 
You barely had a chance to register Duke and his new friend, a beautiful Belgian Shepherd, heading towards you because you were more entranced by another beautiful creature. 
He was fresh from a run, a sheen of sweat on his forehead and soaking the fabric of his t-shirt. 
He looked like an honest to god mirage as he jogged towards you, chasing down his errant dog. 
Luke was not only incredibly easy on the eyes, he was gentlemanly, he brought you coffee while the two of you watched your dogs tumbling in the grass together. 
He was also strong and assertive, taking control of things which you sorely needed when you were so indecisive. 
In the bedroom, Luke was firm yet soft, caring with just enough roughness. 
He was sharp angles, muscular and deliriously gorgeous. To top it all off, Duke and Roxy had become the best of friends. 
And you could have been really happy with Luke, maybe he could have been the man you would consider settling down for. 
If a few weeks later you hadn’t met Spencer Reid. 
To say Spencer was the opposite of Luke in every single way was an understatement. 
Whereas Luke could be best described as gorgeous, Spencer was pretty. He had the prettiest eyes and smile you’d ever seen, almost knocking you for six the first time you’d met him. 
You’d been in a local bookstore, a stack of books in your arms so high you could barely see over them because of course you couldn’t decide what to buy so you were buying everything. 
It had been inevitable that you would bump into someone, and you had, your pile of books crashing down to the floor. 
You bent down to retrieve them and when you looked up someone was crouched in front of you, helping you gather them up.
Those hazel eyes and lop-sided smile as he handed you some books almost melted you on the spot. 
As he handed you the copy of Alice in Wonderland, he started telling you facts about Lewis Carroll, aka Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and his affinity for photography before he became an author. 
You hung off his every word, he sounded so sure of himself as he spoke. You would come to learn Spencer was only ever sure of himself when reciting facts and usually he was much less confident. 
He invited you for coffee in the bookstore cafe which you had eagerly accepted. 
For all intents and purposes, Spencer Reid was marriage material. 
He was without a doubt the kindest man you’d ever met, although he wasn’t without his share of darkness. He told you all about his time spent in prison for a crime he didn’t commit and how it had changed him to the point he sometimes didn’t recognise himself. 
But he was still incredibly kind and sweet, often sending you flowers or showing up with coffee just because he was thinking about you. 
And the sex was equally as mind blowing with Spencer as it was with Luke, just in different ways. 
Whereas you and Luke’s bedroom activities were somewhat animalistic, with Spencer it was slow, sensual and often went on for hours. 
You cared deeply for both men. But you’d always shied away from decision making so why start now? 
You weren’t hurting anyone. You made sure both Luke and Spencer were aware you were seeing someone else, that you weren’t solely dating them. 
They’d both been ok with it, at least they’d told you they were. 
But really, both men wanted more from you. Only neither of them wanted to risk losing you over forcing you to make a decision. 
Turns out they were a lot more alike than you thought. 
***
Spencer stifled a yawn as he exited the elevator, running his hands through his messy hair to try and tame it. 
He hoped it wasn’t noticeable that he was still wearing yesterday's clothes, trying to cover it with a cardigan from his go bag. 
He’d fully intended to go back to his apartment after dinner with you last night. But when you’d started kissing him on the sidewalk outside the restaurant and inviting him back to your place, he would have been an idiot to decline such an offer. 
Spencer was utterly smitten with you. He’d known from the start that you were seeing someone else and he tried to be ok with that. 
But the truth was, Spencer was falling in love with you and he knew it was going to end badly for him. He knew he should probably walk away before he got his heart broken. 
But you were a hard woman to give up. 
He strolled into the round table room where the rest of the team was already gathered, giving Emily an apologetic look for his tardiness. 
He’d told you he didn’t have time for that shower quicky this morning, but you’d been persistent. 
He set his satchel on the floor and slid into the chair, not noticing the eyes on him. 
“Everyone else is seeing this right?” Matt spoke up.
“The fact that the kid is wearing yesterday's clothes? Oh yeah, I see it.” Rossi chuckled, causing Spencer’s cheeks to flush red. 
“Is that a hickey?” Luke laughed, pointing at Spencer’s neck and Spencer slapped his hand away. 
“It most certainly is not.” He pulled his shirt collar up to cover his neck and the definite hickey you’d left on him. 
“Fun night, Reid?” Emily smirked at him.
“Can we…can we please just…the case, Garcia?” Spencer shrunk down in his chair. 
“Don’t sweat it.” Luke patted his back. “You should see the marks my girl leaves on me.” 
This only caused Spencer’s blush to deepen.
You were aware both the men you were seeing worked for the FBI but you had no idea they worked together. 
And Spencer and Luke also didn’t know the woman they were seeing was one in the same. 
Conveniently neither men had actually ever mentioned the name of the woman they were seeing. For almost six months it had never come to light that they were competing for the same woman’s affections. 
“Ok, that’s where I draw the line. My beautiful, fragile ears do not need to be tainted by talk of newbie’s sex life.” Garcia stepped in and Spencer was extremely thankful for the spotlight to be off of him. 
Garcia presented the case, a local one to which the whole team was pleased. 
Spencer’s attention waned in and out, subconsciously running his fingers over the hickey that felt like it was burning his skin. 
“What are you doing?” He chuckled as you sucked on his neck. 
“Marking you.” You moaned against his salty skin. 
“F-fuck, Y/N.” His toes curled at the sensation. “If my team sees that I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“You don’t want them to know you’re getting some good loving?” You giggled, continuing to suck on his flesh. 
When your hand moved down his body towards his shaft, Spencer’s protests died somewhere in his throat. 
“Reid? Did you hear me?”
He was snapped out of his thoughts by Emily’s voice. 
“Huh?” He blinked a few times. 
“You and Alvez are going to the crime scene.” She repeated. 
“Oh yeah. Sure.” He chewed on his lip. 
Luke laughed and nudged Spencer in the arm as he got up from the chair. 
“She’s got you whipped.” The other man chuckled. 
“Oh like you’re so much better.” Spencer scoffed. 
“It’s true, I got it bad.” Luke admitted as the two men headed across the bullpen. “Only problem is, she’s not the commitment type.” 
Spencer frowned a little as he followed Luke towards the elevators. 
“I have the same problem. She’s seeing this other guy. I don’t know anything about him but I feel like I have to constantly compete with this stranger.” 
“I hear you.” Luke sighed as they stepped inside and he jabbed the button for the ground floor. “But trust me when I say man, anyone competing with Spencer Reid will surely lose.” 
Spencer smiled softly at Luke as the elevator started its descent. 
“I hope you’re right. She’s…perfect.” 
They fell into silence after that as the elevator took them to the parking lot, both lost in thoughts about the same woman.
***
Two days later two more bodies had shown up. 
Luke and Spencer felt like it was Groundhog Day as they drove across town towards another crime scene. 
Luke had a stupid smile on his face, one Spencer knew to mean he’d gotten laid last night. 
He didn’t want to pry, but the drive was long as they sat in traffic so he couldn’t help himself but ask.
“I’m assuming by the stupid look on your face that you were with your girlfriend last night?” 
“Not my girlfriend. She’s very strict on that.” He chuckled but Spencer heard the sadness in his voice. “But yeah I was.” 
“What did you get up to?” Spencer asked innocently but the second he saw Luke’s cheeks redden, he regretted his question. 
“Oh…you know.” Luke hummed. 
“Oh. Oh.” Spencer swallowed, turning his attention out the window. “Cool. Awesome. Cool.” 
“Because you don’t spend as much time as humanly possible between the sheets with your girl?” Luke laughed. 
“No comment.”
“What are you, twelve years old?” Luke reached over and slapped him on the arm. “Your hickey the other day speaks volumes anyway, man.”
“She’s…feisty.” Spencer confessed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had so much sex in my life.”
“Good for you.” Luke smiled, happy for his friend. “I can’t wait to meet her.” 
“I…don’t think she’d be up for that. It’s strictly casual.” 
“Understood.” Luke nodded and after that the conversation filtered out. 
They arrived at the crime scene and as expected it was a near carbon copy of the others. This was definitely the same unsub. 
“I find it hard to believe with the level of sophistication this unsub is displaying that these kills are his first.” Spencer mused as he slipped on a pair of latex gloves. 
“Agreed. We should call Garcia and have her look into unsolved homicides with similar MO’s.” Luke patted his pockets for his phone but came up empty. “Shoot, my phone must be back in the SUV.” 
“Use mine.” Spencer fished his phone out his slacks pocket and handed the old device over to Luke. 
“Thanks man.” Luke looked down at the screen as Spencer went about inspecting the corpse.
An outgoing text message was already open on the screen, time stamped around an hour ago before they’d left Quantico. 
📲 Y/N Y/L/N: Hey, so I was wondering if you were free tonight and fancied doing something? All being well I shouldn’t be done with work too late. Let me know. Spencer.
Luke’s blood froze in his veins, hyper focused on the name the message was sent to. 
It couldn’t be, could it? Surely there was no way he and Spencer were seeing the same woman? 
It only occurred to him then that he actually didn’t know anything about the woman Spencer was seeing, not even her name. 
He knew you were seeing another guy, but again he didn’t know anything about him. 
Was it possible that the same woman who had left the hickey on Spencer’s neck was the same one who left scratch marks on Luke’s chest? 
“You ok?” Spencer glanced up at Luke from where he was crouched on the floor. 
“Uh yeah sorry.” Luke shook his head. “Don’t know how to use this ancient piece of junk.” 
Luke quit Spencer's messages and found Garcia’s number, distracting himself on work rather than focusing on his discovery.
***
You sighed as you contemplated your evening plans. Spencer had texted you that morning asking if you wanted to do something tonight and a few hours later Luke had texted you too. 
Decisions were not your forte. 
If you were honest with yourself, you knew which man you liked more deep down. 
Luke was amazing but there was just something about Spencer that captivated you. 
But that also scared you. Because Spencer Reid was the kind of man you could easily fall in love with, settle down with, but that’s not what you wanted, right? 
Your heart yearned for Spencer whereas with Luke it was more physical. 
But you had seen Luke last night, so it was only fair you saw Spencer tonight. And he had been the first to text you. 
You quickly shot off messages to both men before you could change your mind. 
See, you could make a decision every once in a while. 
📲 Spencer Reid: Sure Doc, what did you have in mind? ;) 
📲 Luke Alvez: Missing me already? I’d love to but I already have plans. Rain check? :)
***
Luke and Spencer’s phones went off alerting them to text messages almost simultaneously. 
Luke was driving back from the crime scene so he wasn’t able to check his phone. Spencer on the other hand moved so fast he made himself dizzy. 
He couldn’t stop the stupid smile that spread to his lips when he saw your reply. 
“Got a date?” Luke half-smiled at him, seeing the goofy expression on his friend's face. 
“Uh yeah.” Spencer blushed, tapping a reply before putting his phone away. 
Luke tried to hide his disappointment. If they really were seeing the same woman then he knew his message wasn’t going to put a smile on his face. 
He wasn’t sure why he was reluctant to tell Spencer. They could talk about it and clear things up, because there was no way they were dating the same woman. It had to be a coincidence.
But if it wasn’t a coincidence, Luke wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He didn’t want to burst the bubble. He already knew you were seeing someone else, did it really matter if that someone was Spencer? 
On second thoughts, yes that did matter. And he really didn’t want to know if he and the good doctor had been sleeping with the same woman. 
He’d rather live in blissful ignorance. 
***
You hated the way your heart skipped a beat at the sight of the messy haired genius as he made his way through the crowds in the bar towards you. 
He was just so damn pretty, you really couldn’t be blamed for the way you melted at just one glimpse of him. 
He wore a signature Spencer outfit, black slacks, scuffed converse and a navy shirt but had forgone his usual tie and cardigan. 
He was a little out of breath when he reached you, plopping down into the booth next to you, panting slightly. 
“I’m so sorry I’m late.” He smiled apologetically at you. 
“It’s ok, you’re worth waiting for.” You hooked your hand around the back of his neck and drew his lips to yours.
He visibly relaxed at your kiss, allowing himself to calm down now he was here, in your presence. 
He cupped your face as you parted your lips to deepen the kiss. 
No matter how many times he kissed you, Spencer would never get over the butterflies it induced. 
When you pulled back you were smiling at him and you stroked an errant curl back off his face. 
“I got you a soda.” You nodded to the table where his glass of soda sat next to your wine. 
“Thank you.” He placed one hand on your thigh under the table and used the other to take a sip of his drink. 
“How’s work?” 
“Same old. You know I don’t like talking to you about that stuff. It’s…pretty gruesome.” 
“I’m not a child.” You pouted a little and Spencer’s eyes were immediately drawn to your lips. 
“You most certainly are not.” He put his drink down and cupped your cheek again. “Why are we wasting time here?”
You smirked at him and leant in closer to him. 
“You want to get me alone, Doctor?” 
“More than anything in the world.” He smirked back. 
“Let’s get out of here then.” You gave him a quick peck before shuffling out of the booth. 
You grabbed him by the hand and pulled him along with you towards the exit of the bar.
***
Your plans to get Spencer to the bedroom as quickly as possible were thwarted by your overly excited dog. 
Duke was instantly jumping all over the both of you, covering you in slobbery dog kisses.
“Ok, ok boy, down.” You laughed, patting his head. “I don’t think Spencer enjoys it as much as I do.” 
“I don’t mind.” Spencer tried to insist, despite the fact he knew about every single one of the bacteria that lived on dogs tongues.
He’d do just about anything for you, for you to see he was the one and only man you should be with. 
Even if it meant catching a nasty disease from your dog.
Spencer spent a little time petting Duke much to the mutt's enjoyment. But before long you were pulling him away from the dog. 
“Did you come here to pet my dog or can I interest you in pussy instead?” 
Spencer hissed through his teeth, a shudder passing up his spine as he turned his back on Duke. 
He dropped his satchel on the floor before wrapping his arms around you. 
“I’ve always been more of a cat man.” He teased as he pressed his lips against yours. 
You dragged him towards the bedroom while he deepened the kiss. 
Clothes were shed on route, littering your apartment and by the time you reached the bed you were both naked. 
The two of you spent all night until the early hours of the morning fumbling between the sheets. 
And when you eventually fell asleep wrapped in Spencer’s arms you knew you could be happy this way for the rest of your life. 
But in order to do that, you’d have to first end things with Luke. 
And that wasn’t something you were ready to make a decision on. 
***
“What does this other guy have that I don’t?”
You looked up from your book at him, a slight frown on your face. 
The dogs were curled up together asleep on the floor and you were on the couch with your feet on his lap. 
“Huh?” You closed your book.
“This other guy you’re seeing. What does he have that I don’t?” Luke questioned you. 
It had been a week or so since he’d seen the text on Spencer’s phone and he’d grown more paranoid with each passing day. 
Only he couldn’t bring himself to actually ask you or Spencer about it. 
“Don’t start that.” You shook your head. 
“Start what?” 
“That’s the kind of prelude to asking me to choose between you. And I won’t do it.” 
“What’s he like? Just tell me about him.” Luke reached for you and pulled you closer until you were straddling in his lap. 
“No way. What kind of foreplay is that?” You chuckled as he ran his hands up and down your sides.
“Humour me?”
“Nuh uh. I don’t kiss and tell, Alvez.” You wrapped your arms around his neck. 
“What’s his name?” Luke started kissing down your neck to try and loosen you up. 
“His name? Oh it’s noneofyourbusiness.” 
“You’re cruel.” He spoke against your skin. 
“Luke,” you stilled him, cupping his jaw and guiding him to look at you. “Stop this, please? Can we not just enjoy the time we spend together?”
“I hate the idea of you with someone else.” He confessed. 
It wasn’t something he’d ever given much thought to. He didn’t let himself dwell on the fact you were dating someone else. 
Until he found out who that someone was. 
Every time he looked at you or Spencer he couldn’t help but think of the two of you together. Was Spencer a better kisser than him? Was Spencer better in bed than he was? 
It was sending Luke spiralling down a rabbit a hole. Yes he hated the idea of you with someone else but more specifically, he hated the idea of you with him. 
You sighed and slid off Luke's lap and onto your feet.
“You knew the deal when we started seeing each other. I’m indecisive. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I made it perfectly clear when we met that I’m not a one man kind of girl, Luke. If you can’t handle that then…”
Luke stood too and quickly took hold of your hands. 
“I can handle it.” He said even though he wasn’t sure he could. 
He didn’t want to share you with Spencer. But he also didn’t want to lose you.
“Are you sure? I’m not going to magically wake up one day and decide I’m all in, Luke. I’m not going to change.”
“I know. And I’m sure.” He smiled at you but you didn’t believe him. 
But he knew the situation and he was a grown man. If he wanted to pretend he was ok with this you weren’t going to argue with him. 
You just hoped it didn’t come back to bite you in the ass. 
You allowed Luke to kiss you and your thoughts melted away as he started leading you towards the bedroom. 
God how you loved the way he made you feel. But why were you thinking of Spencer? 
***
A few weeks later Luke was still keeping his findings on Spencer’s phone to himself. He tried to push it to the back of his mind as best as he could but he couldn’t help but feel as though he was competing with the younger man. 
Whilst Spencer probably had no idea. 
Luke knew Spencer was with you last night because of the new set of hickeys on his neck and the dumb smile on his face. 
Luke liked you a lot, more than a lot, but he didn’t know it was enough to have to deal with this. 
Spencer was blissfully ignorant to the whole thing, so caught up in the way he felt about you that he was in his own little bubble. 
But bubbles have a tendency to pop. 
He was heading down the corridor to go and check with Garcia on a case they were working when he heard voices around the corner. 
Spencer was not one for eavesdropping, he minded his own business and left people to theirs. 
But for some reason he found himself slowing and soon he was at a complete standstill, just out of sight from the voices. 
“I want to take her away from the weekend but I don’t know if she’d be up for it.” Luke’s voice carried to Spencer’s ears. 
“Trust me, Alvez, a woman wouldn’t turn her nose up at a weekend away.” Tara laughed. 
“My friend has this great little cabin out near Roanoke. The dogs would love it up there. And you know…I’m sure we would too.” 
“Oh she has a dog too?” 
“Yeah, a Siberian husky called Duke. He adores Roxy.” 
“Duke and Luke? That’s cute.” Tara chuckled again. 
Spencer fell back against the wall, the rest of the conversation fading away. 
A Siberian husky called Duke. 
Could it possibly be the same Siberian husky called Duke that Spencer allowed to cover him in saliva every time he went to your place? 
Surely it couldn’t be the same Siberian husky called Duke that had laid his head in Spencer’s lap while he read on your couch? The one that Spencer had walked with you on multiple occasions? 
Surely life wasn’t so cruel for Luke to be the man he was competing for your affections over? 
There was no possible outcome where anyone in their right mind would favour geeky Spencer Reid over strong and handsome Luke Alvez. 
Spencer was fucked. There was no way this would end well for him. Luke was twice the man he’d ever be. 
He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his palms. 
All the times he and Luke had discussed you and he’d had no idea you were talking about the same woman. 
Did Luke know? Was Spencer just some kind of joke to the two of you? 
Before he could spiral down into his detrimental thoughts, he heard footsteps coming his way. 
He quickly pushed himself away from the wall and started back down the corridor before Luke and Tara saw him. 
But he was left reeling. 
He couldn’t help picture Luke’s hands all over you, kissing you and rolling between your sheets. 
Luke was everything Spencer wasn’t and Spencer was sure now it was inevitable he was going to get his heart broken. 
What was he going to do? Did he confront Luke? Confront you? Or did he just sit idly by and wait for you to leave him because Luke was better than him in every way? 
Of all the women in DC, how was it possible you’d both found the same one? 
Spencer had a difficult decision on his hands. Usually he was pretty good at split second thinking, he had to be in his line of work. 
But like you, Spencer found himself shrinking away from making a choice. Because surely any choice he made would end in heartbreak? 
*** 
Subconsciously or not, he wasn’t sure, but Spencer started distancing himself from both you and Luke. 
Every time you text him he would reply that he was busy with work and couldn’t see you. 
It killed him to do so and he knew he was only digging his own grave. The less time you spent with Spencer meant more time for you to spend with Luke.
More time for you to fall in love with Luke and not Spencer. 
Really he should have been spending as much time with you as possible, monopolising your time so you didn’t even have a chance to think about Luke. 
But Spencer didn’t think that would work. He remembered Luke saying to him once, “anyone competing with Spencer Reid will surely lose.”
Maybe anyone who isn’t Luke Alvez. 
Spencer was undoubtedly in love with you and he knew how dumb that was. You’d always made it clear you weren’t looking to settle down and that you weren’t the monogamous type. Spencer knew this. But it didn’t stop him falling for you. 
He knew that made him an idiot but he couldn’t help himself, it had happened without his knowledge for the most part. 
After another few weeks he noticed Luke’s demeanour changed drastically one day. And it was so unfair that Spencer’s first hope was that it was because of you. 
He didn’t want to see his friend upset and heartbroken, of course not. But if the two of you were over, maybe Spencer stood a chance? 
He hated thinking that way. Luke was his friend and their friendship was more important than any woman. 
Right? 
Right?
If that were so, why did an overwhelming sense of joy run through Spencer’s veins when he heard Luke telling Matt, “my girl dumped me.” 
Spencer felt terrible for the contentedness he felt hearing those words. He spent all day wondering if he should call you. 
Even once he was home he stared at the device like it was taunting him. 
Should he call you? 
Weirdly, just as he had this thought, his phone started ringing. 
The number flashing on the screen wasn’t one he knew and he frowned slightly and pushed himself up from the couch as he placed the device to his ear. 
“Hello?” 
“Uh…Spencer?” A female voice, not one he recognised. 
“Who is this?” He started pacing. 
A stretch of silence met his waiting ears and the hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention.
He’d been an FBI agent long enough to know when he should be afraid of silence. 
“My name is Lauren. I uh…got your number from my friend's phone.” 
“Friend?” Spencer stopped by the window and glanced down at the street, his eyes quickly taking in the surrounding area. 
Should he be scared? 
“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”
Spencer’s footing faltered, stumbling away from the window slightly as her words engulfed him. 
Yes, he should be scared. But not for the reasons he thought. 
“What’s going on? Is she ok?” Panic ripped through his body, coursing up and down his veins and spreading like wildfire. 
His chest tightened, causing his breathing to grow ragged as he started pacing again, unable to keep still. 
“She was in an accident. Her car was side swiped by a truck. She’s in surgery. When they retrieved her phone, your contact information was on the screen like she planned to call you. And she talks about you…a lot. I thought maybe she’d…want you here or…” Lauren trailed off as a small sob left her lips, catapulting it’s way to Spencer’s ears. 
Spencer froze in his pacing, letting her words wash over him and sink into his pores. 
He immediately felt tears trying to push their way from his eyes but he couldn’t cry. Not now. There would be time for that later. 
Now he needed to focus. 
Action first. Breakdowns later. 
“Where is she?” He kept his voice levelled, hoping to calm the woman on the phone. 
“G-George Washington University H-Hospital.” She choked out. 
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Spencer informed her before hanging up the phone. 
***
The drive to the hospital was a blur and Spencer didn’t think he would have possibly been able to drive if it wasn’t for his years on the job. 
He focused on his training. Stay calm. Keep breathing. Focus on the bigger picture. 
Never let emotions get in the way. 
He had to tuck away all the things he was feeling. He couldn’t dwell on the things Lauren had told him. 
You talked about him. A lot. You were going to call him. Why? 
It had been weeks since he’d last see you. Why were you going to call? Did you miss him? He certainly missed you. 
Would he ever get a chance to find out? 
In the waiting area of the trauma surgery wing of the hospital, he spotted a terrified looking woman around your age he assumed to be your friend Lauren. 
He cautiously approached her, she was staring at the tiled floor and he didn’t want to startle her. 
He’d dreamed of you introducing him to his friends but he never expected it to be under such circumstances. 
He stopped in front of the girl and cast her in his shadow which caused her to glance up. 
Her eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks streaked with tears. She blinked a few times as if trying to focus. 
“Spencer?” She swallowed, her voice low and croaky. 
He nodded stiffly, hands planted firmly in his pockets. 
“You must be Lauren.” He chewed on his bottom lip. 
“Thank you for coming. You’re just like she described.” She shot him a shaky smile. 
Spencer felt his cheeks burn. 
You’d described him? You talked about him. Was that why you’d broken up with Luke…?
…Luke. 
Shit. 
Luke would want to know you were here. Spencer couldn’t in good conscience keep this from him. 
“Excuse me a moment, I need to make a call.” He smiled softly at Lauren before turning away and going to find a quiet place to call his friend. 
***
Luke had a lot of questions which Spencer expertly deflected over the phone. 
There would be time to explain everything later. 
By the time Luke arrived at the hospital you were out of surgery and still unconscious. 
Spencer slumped in the worn leather chair in the room, vigil at your bedside while Lauren went to your apartment to get you some clothes and other bits. 
Spencer ghosted his fingers over your cold skin, tracing from your knuckles to your biceps, skirting around the needle from the IV. 
Your face was littered with cuts and bruises. You’d suffered a head trauma and superficial wounds but other than that you were relatively intact. 
Spencer wished that offered him comfort. But the head trauma could mean you never woke up and if you did you might never be the same again. 
He’d do anything for you to open your eyes again. He’d make a deal with the devil if he had to. He’d go back to prison if it somehow meant you’d be ok. 
Time passed by steadily. He counted your shallow breaths, eyes flicking between you and the heart monitor. 
He wished there was something he could do. He felt utterly powerless just sitting idly by as you fought for your life. He felt about as useful as the chair holding up his exhausted body. 
The door tentatively opened and heavy boots on the floor alerted Spencer to his company. 
Luke stepped inside the room, bringing with him the brief noise wafting in behind from outside the silent room. 
The door closed and the quiet returned just as quickly as it had left. 
Luke kept his eyes on you as he padded around to the chair opposite Spencer. Spencer observed him carefully. 
He’d been crying, he could tell in the way his eyes were bloodshot. Was Spencer supposed to be crying? Wasn’t that a reasonable reaction in this situation? 
But crying wasn’t going to help. Crying wouldn’t get you to wake up. It wouldn’t prevent any damage that had been done to your brain. 
Luke spent a while looking over your battered body, rubbing his fingers up and down your arm like Spencer had been doing moments before. 
When he finally glanced up, Spencer was already looking right at him. 
“Is she going to be ok?” His voice sounded as though he’d just be awoken from a long sleep. 
Spencer’s body heaved with the weight of the sigh he exuded.
“I don’t honestly know.” 
Luke’s eyes instantly glazed over with tears again. 
“How did you know about us?” Luke sniffed them back. 
“I uh…heard you talking to Lewis a while ago about a Siberian husky called Duke. I wanted it to be a coincidence but I knew it wasn’t.” Spencer barely recognised the sound leaving his lips as his own voice. “And I’m going to assume by the fact you weren’t surprised I was here that you knew about us too.” 
“Remember a while back when I used your phone to call Garcia? You’d left a message from her open on your screen.” Luke swallowed, lounging back in the chair.
“You’ve known that long?” Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 
Luke ran his hand over his jaw, the stubble growing there rough against his finger tips. 
“I don’t know.” He sighed as he spoke. “I guess I was scared. I meant it when I said anyone competing against Spencer Reid would lose. And I did.” 
“I don’t think that’s true.” Spencer was quick to counter. 
“She dumped me for another guy. You can’t tell me that wasn’t you.” Luke looked and sounded heart broken and it made Spencer feel guilty for some unknown reason. 
If he’d known from the start it was Luke you were seeing, would it have made a difference? Would Spencer have taken a step back, bowed out before he’d gotten in this deep? 
He had no way to know. 
“I have no idea Luke. I haven’t seen her in weeks so I really don’t think it was me she was talking about. The truth is, we don’t know how many guys she was seeing.” Spencer felt his chest constrict at the sheer thought. 
How many guys were there? 
Before Luke could respond, not that he had anything to say, the door opened and closed again revealing a slightly disheveled looking woman. 
She smiled softly at Spencer before her brows creased as she took Luke in. 
She looked him up and down a few times before the frown faded. 
“Luke?” The woman croaked.
“Uh…yeah?” Luke looked between Spencer and the woman. 
“I’m Lauren, Y/N’s best friend. She told me about both of you.” Lauren shrugged. 
Ever the gentleman, Spencer quickly hauled himself up from his chair to allow Lauren to sit with her friend. 
She nodded a small thanks before sliding into it. 
Spencer awkwardly retreated to the corner of the room, feeling every bit as uncomfortable as the situation called for. 
“I spoke to the doctor.” Lauren placed her hand on top of yours and kept her eyes on you. “He doesn’t know if or when she’ll wake up. He also doesn’t know what state she’ll be in if she does wake up. It doesn’t bode well for the baby.” 
Spencer and Luke’s eyes caught each other in an instant. 
Both men’s faces paled, turning them both white as sheets. 
They subconsciously questioned each other. 
Did you know?
Who’s is it? 
Who’s going to ask?
Luke seemed to lose the unspoken battle and with a sigh he looked away from Spencer to Lauren. 
“Uh…did you say baby?” 
Lauren looked up at Luke and then Spencer. Both men had matching confused expressions.
“She didn’t…she didn’t tell you?” Lauren’s eyes were wider than Spencer thought was even possible. “Well shit.” 
“Which one of us was she supposed to tell?” Luke spoke again, his voice much more even than Spencer would assume his own would be. 
“I…I don’t know.” Lauren sighed, reaching to stroke your cheek softly. “She was ten weeks. She had a noninvasive prenatal paternity test done the second she could. She called me this morning and told me she’d gotten the results. I’m not even sure she’d looked at them herself yet.”
“To do a DNA test she would have to have our DNA.” Spencer finally spoke and as expected his voice pitched as he spoke. 
“It wasn’t exactly protocol, but she said something about having one of your toothbrushes and a hairbrush? I guess you left them at her apartment.” 
“Were there any other guys apart from us?” Luke sounded much like he was interrogating a criminal. 
“Not as far as I’m aware. And she told me everything.” 
Luke’s eyes cast back upwards towards Spencer. 
“One of us is the father of her child.” His voice cracked now as though he was just realising the weight of this. 
“Yeah.” Spencer croaked back, swallowing a sizable lump that had formed in his throat. 
Spencer felt like the walls were somehow closing in on him. The room got smaller and smaller around him and everyone else in the room became hazy. 
You were pregnant. You were pregnant with a baby which could be his. But it could also be Luke’s. 
And if you didn’t wake up, the baby wouldn’t make it to term. He might have to grieve for a baby that he would never know was his or not. 
His breaths started to wrack his whole body. He knew he was having a panic attack but he didn’t know how to stop it. 
Deep breaths Spencer, deep breaths.
It didn’t work. His breathing became more heightened, his legs wobbling beneath him as he swayed on the spot. 
A figure moved closer to him but Spencer couldn’t see enough to work out who it was. 
“Reid? Reid?” The voice was far off, almost ghost-like. “Reid, can you hear me? You’re having a panic attack.” 
“Yes.” Was all he could respond. 
“Can you breathe with me, Reid?” Luke kept a firm hold on his shoulders while Spencer nodded dumbly. “Deep breath in, hold it, hold it. Exhale. Inhale, hold it. Exhale.” 
Spencer tried to focus on Luke’s words and his breathing. 
In and out. In and out. In and out. 
Slowly his breathing started evening out and Luke let go of him so he could pour him a glass of water. 
Spencer’s hand was still shaking as he took the plastic cup and brought it to his lips. 
“Fuck.” He mumbled between sips, using his free hand to rub his eye with his palm. 
Luke recognised the gesture as something he did a lot after his release from prison. Spencer never really had gotten over his PTSS and Luke could see the stress of this situation bringing it to the surface. 
“You ok, man?” Luke asked him softly. 
“Uh, yeah I think so.” Spencer exhaled. “I uh…I need to go.” 
He placed the cup back on the side table and collected his bag and jacket. 
Neither Luke or Lauren argued with him. 
He gave you one last glance as he headed to the door. 
Once he was in the comfort of his own home, Spencer finally let the weight of the situation come crashing down on him. 
He barely made it to his couch before he broke, tears streaming heavily from his eyes as he curled up into a ball and sobbed. 
He was so undeniably in love with you but he may never get to tell you that. He may never get to know who’s baby you were carrying. 
And even if you did wake up, what if the baby was Luke’s? How did he possibly begin to reconcile the fact the love of his life was carrying another man’s baby? 
The dull ache in his heart spread rapidly, encompassing his whole chest. If he didn’t know any better he might think he was having a heart attack. 
No, not a heart attack, he thought, clutching his chest. Another panic attack. 
He forced himself to focus on his breathing. In and out. In and out. He kept his eyes trained on one spot on the wall and tried to empty his brain of everything that didn’t directly pertain to his breathing. 
It had been a really long time since Spencer last suffered a panic attack and now he’d had two in one day. 
He had them a lot as a child but as he’d grown older he learnt how to control his panic before one set in. 
He’d been in more dangerous situations over the years than he cared to count. He’d faced down hundreds of serial killers, been abducted and put in prison and not once did he allow himself to get in this state. 
But there were too many potentially bad outcomes to this scenario for Spencer to trick his body into calming down. 
He forced himself to sit up and leant forward until his head was between his knees. He focused on the carpet beneath his feet and breathed in and out. In and out. 
The statistical probability of you waking up and the baby being his and your wanting to be together as a family was so slim that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t calm himself. 
His heavy breathing was causing his head to spin which in turn caused the carpet beneath his feet to spin. 
He felt like he was losing his touch on reality. And at some point his brain's only option was to shut down entirely in an attempt to protect him. 
Everything suddenly went dark and finally Spencer had a small sliver of peace. 
***
When he woke he was in a crumpled heap on his living room floor. His body ached from sleeping on the uncomfortable wooden surface and his head throbbed. 
He rolled onto his back with a groan, rubbing his eyes with his palms. He was still fully dressed, shoes included. He had no idea of the time other than the fact sunlight was streaming in through the windows. 
He pushed himself up on his elbows and then slowly into a sitting position. 
He felt like he’d been repeatedly bashed over the head with a two by four and the ache spread down his neck and spine. 
He was far from well rested. 
Just as he considered crawling into bed and trying to get an extra few hours sleep his phone alerted him to a new message. 
He groaned again, fishing it out of his pocket. 
It was Garcia. They had a case. 
How the fuck was he supposed to get his mind to focus on work with everything that was going on? Hopefully work could provide him a much needed reprieve from his thoughts.  
With too much on his mind, Spencer didn’t even think of showering or changing or even brushing his teeth, just made a strong cup of coffee to go and left the apartment. 
His morning ritual oversight didn’t even occur to him until he stepped into the bullpen and headed to his desk. 
“Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?” JJ gave him a suggestive nudge in the arm. 
“I don’t want to talk about it.” He didn’t meet her gaze, scared if he did he would crumble in an instant. 
“Have you showered? You smell…ripe.” She took a step backwards and really took in his appearance.
His shirt was wrinkled beneath his cardigan and his tie was almost completely off to one side. His hair was matted, she knew he didn’t do much with his hair but he hadn’t even seemed to run his fingers through it like normal. 
“I uh…no I didn’t.” He shook his head.
“What’s going on?” JJ frowned in confusion, instantly worried about her friend. 
The door to the bullpen swung open and Luke slumped in just then. He’d at least changed clothes but he looked nearly as haggard at Spencer. 
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.” He set his bag down on the desk and before JJ could say anymore Emily’s door opened. 
“Round table room.” She informed them all before marching towards the room herself. 
Spencer was thankful for the distraction. 
Luke shot him a glance before Spencer had a chance to move too far and with a sigh Spencer hung back a little. 
“You feeling any better, man?” Luke spoke in hushed tones. 
He seemed genuinely concerned for Spencer whilst Spencer had just been looking at Luke like his competition. They were still friends, he reminded himself.
“I don’t even know.” Spencer admitted. “I had another panic attack when I got home and ended up passing out on the floor I guess. I didn’t even shower or change my clothes this morning.”
“I can tell.” Luke teased although his heart didn’t sound in it. “We need to tell Emily what’s going on. She needs to know what’s going on with us.”
Spencer pulled a face as they started up the stairs.
“I don’t relish the idea of anyone knowing we were dating the same woman. Let alone the fact she’s pregnant with one of our kids.” Spencer groaned, saying it out loud. “But you’re probably right.” 
They reached the round table room and the conversation came to an end as they slipped into the two last remaining chairs. 
Neither of them could properly focus on Garcia’s presentation of the case. 
Not when your life and the life of your unborn child lay in the balance.
***
The case was at least a local one, neither Spencer nor Luke could have brought themselves to leave the state while you were in hospital. 
After Emily gave out assignments Luke coaxed Spencer into joining him in Emily’s office. 
The last thing Spencer wanted was to have anyone find out about this horrible situation he’d found himself in. 
And as he listened to Luke explain everything to Emily, it was clear she wasn’t too enthralled by the situation either. 
“Oh boy.” She sat back in her chair, blowing a large breath out of her mouth. “That’s…I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do…”
“Thanks Emily. We just thought you should know.” Luke spoke on both of their accounts. 
He kept using terms like we and us but Spencer hadn’t said a single word. 
“Just try and focus on the case as much as you can. I know it won’t be easy but there’s nothing you can do for Y/N until she wakes up.” 
“If she wakes up.” Spencer muttered under his breath but both Luke and Emily heard him. 
“You can’t think like that, Reid.” Emily spoke softly, as though he was a child who needed protecting from the harsh realities of the world. 
Maybe he did. 
“I can’t not think like that.” Spencer suddenly pushed the chair back and stood up. “She might not wake up. I’m not going to let my hopes get up by thinking she will. She may very well die and we might never know who’s…who’s…” he trailed off when his breathing started getting erratic. 
For fuck sake, not again, he thought as he fell back to the chair.
He put his head between his knees and forced himself to breathe. 
In and out Reid. Just in and out. It’s not fucking hard. 
A hand between his shoulder blades startled him. It started rubbing up and down his spine while a voice mumbled, “it’s ok, Spencer. Deep breaths.”
It seemed like some kind of joke that Luke had to keep calming him down like this. Luke was dealing with the same situation as him, he wasn’t fair he had to keep looking after Spencer this way. 
“He had a panic attack at the hospital too. He said he had one last night as well.” Luke’s voice sounded distant even though he was right next to him. 
“Are you ok to work the case?” Emily sounded even further away.
“I think so, yeah.” Luke replied while continuing to rub Spencer’s back. 
“Spencer? Spence, can you hear me?” Emily sounded a little louder now and he felt her presence crouching next to him. 
He didn’t want to speak for fear of losing his breathing rhythm so he lifted a hand and gave her a thumbs up. 
“I’m going to have Anderson take you home. You’re no good to us like this. Once you’re feeling better you can still consult on the case but you need to go home, ok?” 
Spencer wanted to argue but he knew it would only raise his blood pressure and cause his breathing to grow frantic again. 
So instead he gave her another thumbs up. 
Luke stayed with him, stroking his back but he heard Emily leave the room. 
Once the two men were alone Spencer forced himself to speak, head still between his legs. 
“S-sorry.” He panted slightly, trying to keep control of his breathing. 
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” 
Spencer took a few more breaths, hoping he’d calmed himself enough and sat back to look at Luke.
“How are you…h-how are you so ok?” Spencer had tears behind his eyes. 
It was a strange one eighty from the hospital yesterday when Luke was breaking down and Spencer couldn’t bring himself to feel the weight of it all. 
Once he’d let the weight sink in, he couldn’t shake it. 
“I’m not ok.” Luke shrugged. “I’m just…trying to get through it.”
Spencer simply nodded, knowing that whatever he said could very well cause him to panic again. 
Luke stayed with him until Anderson came to take him home. He was grateful the rest of the team were out of the office working the case because he really didn’t need to explain to everyone what was going on. 
Luke watched him being led out of the bullpen with a heavy heart. 
Of course he was scared, terrified really and he wanted your baby to be his more than anything else in the world. 
But if it wasn’t his, Luke wouldn’t be destroyed by it. But Spencer certainly would. 
He was crazy about you, besotted by you. But maybe he didn’t love you the way Spencer did. 
***
Spencer spent three days locked inside his apartment with way too much time to be stuck in his thoughts. 
Every time he bordered on having a panic attack he thought maybe going to see you would help alleviate some of his fears. But the thought of seeing you unconscious again, fighting for your life only sped up the process of his inevitable attack. 
At last count Spencer had suffered seventeen panic attacks over those three days. Some were completely debilitating, lasting until he ultimately passed out and some were much more manageable. 
He’d not felt this level of anxiety since he was a child being profusely bullied for not only being incredibly smart but for being much younger than his peers. 
For the first time in a long time, Spencer considered drinking. Alcohol was a sedative so he thought maybe having a little to drink would help ease his fractured mind. 
But he also knew those effects would only be short term. Drinking alcohol disrupts the balance of chemicals and processes in the brain. When he sobered up it would only make his anxiety worse. 
By day three logically he knew he needed to shower as his pungent odour followed him around much like the large rain cloud. 
But actually doing so required more energy than Spencer had left in his body. 
Instead he sat in the tub with the shower running overhead, still dressed in his silk pajamas. He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared straight ahead as the water flowed around him. 
He sat in the tub like this for almost an hour, trying not to dwell too much on the fact the last time he’d bathed like this was after his release from prison. 
For weeks after his release Spencer hadn’t been able to shower properly. Maybe it was because prison showers were one of the worst experiences of his life. 
Being naked in front of his fellow inmates and guards with absolutely no privacy while he bathed was the most demoralising moment of Spencer’s life. 
So for weeks after he’d come home, showering was too much for him. It was a slippery slope for him to be resorting to his coping mechanisms after prison but he didn’t care. 
He hadn’t eaten much of anything in those three days. He drank copious amounts of coffee with his usual gratuitous amount of sugar which was probably the only thing keeping him going. 
He remembered eating a slice of dry toast as bread seemed to be the only thing in his sparse cupboards. He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly he’d eaten though. 
Lauren texted him most mornings and evenings, usually just a simple “no change”. 
Luke had tried to call several times as had Emily but he ignored them. He continued to ignore Luke when he came to his apartment yesterday too. 
“Reid, I know you’re in there. Please just let me know that you’re alive at the very least.” 
It was very reminiscent of the period of Spencer’s life after Maeve’s death, when his team would come over and beg for some sign of life out of him. 
You’d think after all the trauma suffered in his life, Spencer would have developed better coping mechanisms. But still the only way Spencer knew how to deal with his emotions was to shut down entirely. 
Of course it wasn’t healthy, he was well aware of that. He just had no idea how else to deal with them. 
He finally forced himself out of the tub when the water started to run cold. His bathroom was quickly soaked from the water pooling off his pajamas but if he noticed he didn’t do anything about it. 
He slumped through to his bedroom, water rolling down and seeping into the carpet. He stripped off the sodden clothing and tossed them in a pile on the floor to deal with later. 
Without bothering to dry himself off he pulled on a clean pair of boxers under a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old CalTech t-shirt. 
He sagged onto the unmade bed and rolled over onto his side, pulling his limbs close to his body. 
The lamp was still on but he’d be damned if he was moving again. 
He knew he wouldn’t sleep, he didn’t even know what time of day it was if truth be told. His curtains had been drawn since he’d been sent home three days ago so he had no idea if it was day or night. 
He also didn’t care. 
His pillow beneath his face became wet quickly as it collected the water rolling off his hair. His clothes clung to his damp body but neither were cause for concern. 
He stared at the half open bathroom door for some time. He’d lost track of time days ago so he had no way of knowing how long he just stared. 
When his phone started to ring from its place on the nightstand, his initial reaction was to ignore it, just like he’s done every other time it’s gone off the past three days. 
However this time, something in Spencer’s gut told him he needed to answer it. He didn’t know why. But he’s also not in the business of ignoring his gut. 
Pushing himself up from the mattress a groan escaped his lips as his body screamed for rest. He ignored it and reached for the device. 
Lauren’s name flashed on the screen and Spencer’s chest tightened in an instant. She hasn’t called him the past three days. Only text. 
What did that mean? 
Fumbling with the device he answered the call as fast as he could before holding it to his ear. 
“Hello? Is she ok?” His panic set in immediately. 
A long stretch of silence met his ears and his panic only grew. 
“Lauren? What’s happened? Please say something.” 
“She’s…she’s awake Spencer. Y/N is awake.” 
Before Spencer knew what was happening he was crying. There was no warning to it, one second he was completely dry eyed and the next he was practically sobbing down the phone.
“Oh my gosh.” He moved without the forethought to do so, locating his converse and slipping them on his feet. “I’ll be right there.”
“Spencer, there’s something you should know. She’s-“
“I won’t be long!” He barely registered Lauren’s words before he hung up, grabbing his overcoat and throwing it on top of his pajamas. 
Phone and keys in hand he fled the apartment faster than he’d moved in days, maybe ever. 
You were awake. You weren’t dead. It had to be some kind miracle. 
Hopefully the universe would grant him another miracle in the form of your baby being his. 
***
He blinked a few times, looking at Lauren like she could very well have grown two heads. 
She waited patiently for her words to sink in. 
Spencer continued to blink rapidly as though that would help him process her words. 
After a while of this Lauren spoke again.
“Did you hear me?” She was blocking the door to your hospital room although she was much smaller than Spencer and was sure he could get past her if he wanted to. 
“Yes.” He finally spoke. “She…she’s got…”
“Amnesia.” Lauren swallowed. “She doesn’t remember anything Spencer. She doesn’t know me or you or Luke, let alone who her baby belongs to. Hell, she didn’t know her own name.” 
“Amnesia.” Spencer repeated as though saying it himself would cause it to make more sense. It didn’t. “Is it…permanent?” 
“The doctors aren’t sure at this stage. She needs to be properly assessed and even then they won’t know for sure.” 
“Can I see her?” 
“You can but you need to bear in mind she won’t remember you. I’ve told her who you are and that you could possibly be the father of her child but she’s very confused right now.” 
“My mother has dementia, I can deal with confused.” Spencer sighed. 
“Right. Ok.” Lauren didn’t really know how to respond to that so instead she stepped aside and allowed Spencer access to your room.
Spencer had learnt with his mother it was best to just keep positive. Act as though everything was normal and field the confused questioning when it came.
Stepping into the room and seeing your eyes open and looking at him made his heart swell. He smiled softly as he came closer to the side of your bed. 
He wanted to reach out and touch you but he refrained. He didn’t want to risk agitating you. 
“Hi Y/N.” He slid into the chair next to the bed and forced his tears to stay buried behind his eyes. 
“Spencer, right? That’s what she said.” You nodded your head towards the closed door where Lauren stood just beyond it. 
“That’s right. Spencer Reid.” 
You narrowed your eyes on him with a small nod. 
“She said you might be my baby’s father.” 
“Apparently so.” Spencer nodded too. 
“But there was another guy?” 
“Luke. Alvez. Should I call him?” Spencer didn’t necessarily want to call Luke but he’d do anything you wanted. 
“Not right now. My head is enough of a mess as it is. You know each other?” You frowned at him. 
“We uh…work together. I don’t think you knew that though. We only realised recently we were dating the same woman.” 
“Well this is a nice little mess I’ve gotten myself into isn’t it?” You placed your hands on your stomach which was yet to show signs of the small fetus growing inside of you. 
“None of this is your fault, Y/N.” Spencer went to reach for you but refrained once again. “We’ll figure this out. Don’t worry.” 
It was easy for him to say, all you could do was worry. You’d woken up in a hospital with no idea how you’d gotten there, no idea who you were or anything in your life for that matter. 
How could you not worry? 
But there was something very calming about Spencer’s presence. The look in his eyes when he told not to worry made you momentarily calm. 
You could understand why you must have liked Spencer. He was incredibly attractive even if he was wearing…were those pajamas? 
He had kind eyes and a soft, gentle smile. His voice was tranquil and you could see it written all over his features how much he cared about you. 
Did you love him? And if you did, why was there another guy involved? 
“I’m sorry, Spencer.” Your voice cracked a little as you spoke. 
“What have you got to be sorry for?” 
“All of this. I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” A tear escaped your eye and this time Spencer couldn’t stop himself. 
He’d shot up and cupped your face in his hands, wiping the tears suddenly falling steadily with his thumb. 
His hands were large and slightly calloused. They were warm and comforting. 
“Don’t you apologise.” He told you softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?” 
You nodded but your tears continued to fall. Spencer wiped away every last one of them. 
Your brain might not remember him but you were sure in that moment that your heart did. His touch was so familiar and those hazel eyes staring lovingly at you tugged at something inside of you.
You wanted to remember him. You needed to. Because you were sure your heart knew him intimately. You just wished your mind did.
***
Luke arrived a few hours later after Spencer finally found it in himself to call him. 
Spencer went in search of coffee so he could give you and Luke some time alone, the whole time his mind was racing. 
What if you remembered Luke and not him? Spencer was sure Luke Alvez was much more memorable than he was. What if you never remembered him? What if all your memories came back except ones of Spencer? 
Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pessimist all the time but it had been ingrained in him. Bad things consistently happened to Spencer, how could he be expected to be optimistic? 
He knew he was going to spiral if you didn’t regain your memories of him. He knew his mental health would be on a steady decline if you couldn’t recall him and if your baby was Luke’s he would surely crumble entirely. 
He frightened himself when his brain threw out the idea of getting high. Dilaudid never failed to take his pain away, even if it was only temporary. 
No. This had to stop. 
He didn’t relapse when Maeve died. He didn’t relapse after prison. He wasn’t going to relapse now. He couldn’t. He would not destroy his sobriety over this. 
But he may very well destroy his mind instead. 
Silence flooded the room when he rejoined you and Luke and slowly you drifted back to sleep, leaving Spencer and Luke awkwardly sitting vigil at your bedside. 
Eventually both men called it a night and went their separate ways home only to return the following morning. 
You smiled wearily at the two men as they both took their seats either side of your bed. 
“How did you sleep?” Luke beat Spencer to the punch. 
“I don’t know.” You confessed with a sigh. “Doctors and nurses come and go every few hours so it’s hard to say.” 
You looked from Luke to Spencer and back again before focusing on your hands. 
“I had a dream last night.” You mused, chewing on your bottom lip. 
“What kind of dream?” Spencer asked and your eyes darted towards him. 
“I’m not sure. It was…it was so realistic.” You continued gnawing on your lip. “I was in a bookstore and I had this great big pile of books and I guess I dropped them? I remember Alice in Wonderland and…”
“Charles Lutwidge Dodgson.” Spencer’s heart skipped a beat as he spoke. 
“Yeah.” You croaked. “He was a photographer before he was an author?” 
“He was.” Spencer nodded, feeling tears pricking his eyes. “You walked into me because you didn’t see me over the obscene pile of books in your arms. I helped you collect them up and when I saw your copy of Alice in Wonderland, I told you some stuff about Lewis Caroll.” 
“It wasn’t a dream?” You sounded so relieved. 
“No.” Spencer smiled shakily at you. 
You both momentarily forgot Luke’s presence until he cleared his throat, forcing the two of you to look at him. 
“Y/N,” he stood up and came closer, taking hold of your hand. “You might not ever remember everything but I’m pretty certain that you and Spencer…” he trailed off glancing up at Spencer.
“Me and Spencer what?” You goaded him to continue. 
“You two are perfect for each other.” Luke confessed even though it pained him to do so. 
The way the two of you looked at each other was so different from any way you’d ever looked at him. 
Luke was crazy about you. Spencer was in love with you.
“What…what are you saying?” Spencer spoke now, a slight crack in his voice. 
“If your baby is mine, I promise I will be there for him or her. You have my word on that. Just before your accident you broke up with me and I’m pretty certain it was because you were in love with Spencer. And I know him well enough to know that he’s in love with you too. So if it’s my kid I will be there for them, but as far as we go…I’m taking myself out of this equation.” Luke sniffed back any tears that might fall and let go of your hand. 
He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before looking over at Spencer. 
“Luke I…”
“It’s all good, man. Really.” Luke offered him a weak smile and before he could change his mind, he backed towards the door. 
It hurt, of course it did. But he’d be ok. He’d bounce back, he was sure of it.
As he hurried down the corridor towards the exit he found himself smacking right into someone.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” He reached out and steadied the person's shoulders, guilt written all over his face. 
“It’s ok.” They smiled at him, slightly amused. “Maybe slow down a little next time.”
“I’ll uh…bear that in mind.” Luke couldn’t help but smile as he looked into the sparkling eyes in front of him. “I’m Luke by the way. Luke Alvez.”
“Lisa. Lisa Douglas.” 
***
The silence in the room was almost deafening after Luke left. Neither you or Spencer knew what to say to ease the tension. 
It was several long, painful minutes before you finally broke the silence.
“Was he right?” You croaked. 
“About what?” Spencer asked even though he knew exactly what you meant. 
“Were you in love with me?” 
“No.” Spencer shook his head, but was quick to continue. “Not past tense. I am in love with you. Presently, right here and now I am in love with you. And future tense because I know I always will be.” 
“Was I in love with you?”
“I honestly don’t know.” He stepped a little closer to your bed. “You're a very indecisive person, that’s why you were dating both of us. You had a hard time making small decisions let alone big ones. You weren’t looking for anything serious but I still fell in love with you anyway. Apparently I’m a glutton for punishment.” 
You reached for him and grasped his hand in yours, pulling him even closer.
“I don’t remember any specific events. But I think I’m recognising feelings, if that makes sense? I don’t know exactly what I felt for you Spencer but I know it was big. I know you meant a lot to me, I can feel it in my heart. And I’m also sure that falling in love with you would be the easiest thing in the whole world.” 
Spencer wiped his eyes with his free hand, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours. 
“Do you think maybe…if I kissed you it would…I don’t know, jog something?” He cupped your face. 
“It surely couldn’t hurt.” You smiled and then Spencer was pressing his lips against yours.
Your heart practically exploded out of your chest and if you didn’t know what you felt for him before, you certainly did now.
You were in love with this man. You didn’t need all your memories back to understand what you felt in your heart. 
Your heart had a memory of its own. Your heart had a collection of memoirs all dedicated to Spencer Reid. 
He deepened the kiss and your certainty only grew. 
Behind your closed lids, images flashed before your eyes. 
A cosy bookstore. A stranger with kind eyes and messy hair. The smell of coffee and the sound of laughter. 
Walking hand in hand through the park. Glances at your tall companion as all manner of facts left his lips and floated to your ears. 
Lips meeting under a starry sky. Fumbles between sheets. Exchanging loving looks. 
Soft forehead kisses and whispers of “goodnight”. 
A letter in the mail stamped by the hospital. 
Frantically jumping in a car, phone in hand. 
And then a crash. 
The kiss ended and you looked at Spencer wide eyed as he stroked your cheek. 
“Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He frowned at you. 
“I think…I think I remembered something.” You swallowed. 
Spencer took hold of your hand again and squeezed it tightly to comfort you. 
“What is it? What did you remember?” His voice gave way to his fear. 
You briefly looked away from him before looking back whilst rolling your bottom lip between your teeth. You looked at him with wide, slightly fearful eyes. 
A letter in the mail stamped by the hospital.
The words “Paternity Results” emblazoned on the top of an official looking document. 
Two words. A first name and a last name. 
Your baby’s father. 
But for you, it didn’t matter who the father of your baby was, because for the first time in your life you’d made a decision. And it had been an easy one. 
Your car accident could have killed you. It was enough for you to realise tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed. 
And you decided you wanted to spend every tomorrow you did have with Spencer Reid. 
You smiled at him and brought his hand to your lips and brushed them over his knuckles. 
“I love you Spencer.” You told him softly. “Even if I don’t remember loving you before, I know that I did. And I know I always will, ok?” 
“O-ok.” He nodded, chest constricting more with each passing second. 
Taking a deep breath and holding his hand tightly, you whispered, “I think I remembered who the father of my baby is.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hi! Congrats on finishing your multi-chaptered fic!! For promptober may I ask for post-prison ralvez angst? Thank you! ❤️
hello!! thank you for the prompt i was SO pumped when i got it. hope this scratches the itch for ralvez angst plus it's technically a one shot bc it's 2k words lol
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PROMPTOBER REQUEST #4
Pairing: Luke Alvez/Spencer Reid Category: Angst Warnings: Depression/Anxiety/PTSD
Throughout history, many societies used significant events as a way to track time. One specific moment to build their calendars against.
For the majority of Christian Europe, the birth of Jesus marked that significant event. It was also a way to get away from previous methods of dating—such as Romans counting from the founding of the city of Rome. This gave us what we know now as B.C. and A.D.
For Spencer, the birth of Jesus wasn’t his year zero. While it was undeniably a significant year for humanity, it didn’t have quite the impact the year 2017 had on him. No, for Spencer, his time wasn’t about that. It wasn’t before and after Christ. It was before and after prison.
Before Prison, Spencer Reid knew exactly who he was. He was former boy wonder, now adult genius. IQ of 187. Seasoned criminal profiler. Addict, several years in recovery. Avid reader with a speed of 20,000 words per minute. Bisexual. He knew all these things about himself. He also knew he was seriously, deeply crushing on Luke Alvez.
Ever since Luke’s first day on the job—no handshakes, your reputation precedes you—Spencer had been drawn to the man. Like a compass needle pointing toward true north. He found himself gravitating toward Luke, and he could’ve sworn Luke had been doing the same. Now he knew that he had been. Doing the same.
It all happened days before Mexico. Maybe even a week before. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. But Luke and Spencer had stayed late after work and got to talking which eventually transitioned into a late-night dinner and an almost kiss and…
And then Mexico. Cat. Prison.
After Prison, Spencer couldn’t keep things right in his head. He was traumatized, he knew that. But that didn’t make living like this any easier. Was he still the adult genius if it took him so much longer to connect the dots? Could he still boast his reading speed when now he often found himself having to scan the same paragraphs over and over for that comparable level of comprehension? Could he still consider himself to be crushing on Luke Alvez if the concept of letting the man in now terrified him to his core?
Luke was the one to bring Spencer home that first night back from prison. The first one to learn about the nightmares that haunted him. The things he had to do to survive. And that wasn’t even everything. Spencer’s chest felt achingly hollow when he thought about having to tell Luke about everything he’s done. Even just him seeing what he did to Cat…
It was too much.
It was though he had been pushed past the point of overstimulation and into this empty numbness. And, yes, he still felt fear. He still felt anger. But mostly, he felt nothing. Nothing at all.
And on nights where Luke would offer to spend the night—on the couch because he had always been such a gentleman—on nights where Spencer could see his fingers twitch to reach out and provide some kind of physical comfort…well. He knew things couldn’t go back to the way things were Before Prison. This was After Prison. After Spencer had been charged with murder and assaulted and watched people die and witnessed so many horrible, terrible things that were all his fault, he knew he couldn’t bring Luke into the mess he’d made. Luke was offering a shoulder to lean on, a safe space. And for that? Spencer was grateful. But it couldn’t be any more than that. He wouldn’t let it. Even if he would see the way Luke would watch him, fondness and sincerity in his gaze. A simple hand on the shoulder that lingered far longer than the standard acceptable time for friends. Spencer wouldn’t take it any further. Because things were different now. He was different. And Luke deserved better.
Tonight was one of those nights. Luke had taken it upon himself to show up at his apartment right at sunset. Spencer didn’t have to say anything—Luke knew that nighttime was the worst. From the nightmares to the cravings, being alone certainly wasn’t helpful. It was basically a daily occurrence at this point. Having Luke over. It made Spencer feel better and worse all at the same time. He eyed the man in his doorway now.
“I figured we could watch that documentary you talked about that night we got dinner after work?” Luke lilted his voice at the end, transforming the statement into a question. Like he had a solid plan and then second guessed himself at the last second. Spencer let him in, motioning through the hallway before shutting and locking the door behind them both.
“I remember that,” he said. In After Prison times, Spencer was grateful to remember so many trivial things. His memory wasn’t what it used to be, and he found himself celebrating the small victories: He remembered. It was Luke’s idea in the first place to celebrate the little wins, even if part of himself laments the fact that this is what it’s come to. Gratitude for feats that used to be nothing for him. “That sounds good to me.” Luke gave a small smile at this, and Spencer felt that same feeling in his chest again. Like someone had scooped out everything behind his ribs, leaving a hollow space behind.
The documentary had been interesting enough to keep Spencer’s attention, and Luke didn’t seem to mind watching it. Though that was what Spencer liked so much about the man in the first place—how intent he was to just listen, even if Spencer was rambling for minutes on end. It would never be boring to Luke.
If Spencer were better, he would put Luke’s listening skills to use and tell him everything he was feeling. Everything that went down in prison. But he couldn’t handle Luke having to see him in a different light. Who he was back in prison, who he is now? That’s not the same man Luke showed interest in all those months ago. Spencer was different now, and he couldn’t risk him not liking what he saw. No, this in-between state they were in, Luke a comforting friend and nothing more, that was how it should be.
Interrupting his thoughts was Luke resting his arm behind the couch, not quite touching his shoulders. Spencer wanted to lean back. But he also wanted to lean away. Everything felt too…open. Too vulnerable. Exposed. He chose the second option, noting the way Luke’s expression deflated just the slightest bit. Spencer sighed.
“I’m sorry.”
Luke looked over at him, confused. “Why are you sorry?”
Spencer rested his elbows on his knees, scrubbed at his face with his hands before running them through his hair. “I’m sorry I’m…like this.”
“Like what?” Luke was prodding, but it was gentle enough. He always knew what to ask and how to ask it. It drove Spencer mad.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I just know this isn’t what you signed up for.” He let his words stop there. They’d hadn’t been much of anything Before Prison. Definitely something. But they never really talked about what it was. It was hard to have that conversation when days later he was behind bars and suddenly the what are we conversation didn’t feel quite as important. And maybe it was good they never got to have that conversation. Because the guilt wasn’t quite so crushing now.
“I signed up for you,” Luke reassured him.
“You didn’t sign up for this, though.”
“What—this or,” he waved between the two of them. “this?” Spencer licked his lips as he turned away. He couldn’t bear having this conversation right now. Right now, he was held together with tape and glue and if he opened himself up, really opened himself up…
He’d fall apart.
“…the second one,” Spencer finally spoke. Luke blew out some air.
“Huh.” Luke furrowed his brow, and something about the kindness, the care in his tone, made Spencer’s skin crawl. He was so understanding, but that was a dangerous line. And what they’re doing…the dinner and the movie, the countless nights spent together? Was only bound to end in flames. Spencer took a breath.
“I know you want to come here and comfort me and do all the things that boyfriends do, but you’re not my boyfriend, Luke. I never asked you to be.”
Luke reached out to him, but Spencer didn’t move. “Hey, I just want to help. I want you to feel safe, and maybe it’s selfish but I feel better being here with you. Knowing that you’re okay.”
“You’re right, maybe that is selfish,” Spencer rebutted. Luke’s jaw twitched and Spencer felt his heart drop to his knees. He couldn’t take it back though. Couldn’t risk what would happen if he apologized and Luke forgave him. This wasn’t Before Prison times, anymore. Things were different. He was different. But Luke wasn’t getting that.
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked, soft, like he didn’t want to know the answer. And for a moment, Spencer didn’t want to give him one. Let them float in this limbo for a while longer.
No. “Yes.”
Luke nodded, disappointed in a way that made Spencer want to reach out, grab onto the man and never let go. But he stayed put. Luke got up and walked towards the door, the action sending a sudden chill through Spencer’s core.
He paused. “I know you’ve been through a lot,” he started. Spencer scoffed. Luke propelled forward. “Trust me, I was there. Maybe not there with you…I will never be able to understand what it was you went through. But I spent every day trying to get you out. Every day worrying, hoping, hell praying even, that you were safe. And you still got hurt. I—” He shook his head, collected himself. Spencer pushed himself up off the couch but didn’t come any closer. “I thank God every day that you’re okay. I didn’t even know if I believed in God, but I still thank Him every day that you’re…here. Even if you don’t feel okay. You’re here. You’re safe. I’m making sure of it. So, you want to push me away? Go ahead. But I’m going to keep coming back. I’ll be here tomorrow to keep you company and make sure you’re still safe. And I’ll be back again the next day. And the next day.” He shrugged on his jacket and opened the door before turning to face Spencer again. “You’re well within your right to do what feels best for you, set boundaries, move at your own pace. But you can’t shut everyone out. It’s not healthy and you know it.”
“Luke—”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Spencer.” Luke smiled, a sad thing, before slipping out, shutting the door behind him. And Spencer was alone.
He hadn’t spent a single night alone since he’d come back. Even if it was just a phone call to Luke in the middle of the night. He’d never felt this sense of isolation. Not since he was in prison. The thought pained him, spread through his body like poison, a cold feeling swallowing him whole. He didn’t know how to spend a night like that. Feeling…this terrible loneliness, this numbness. The pain and regret and guilt just lingering below the surface. No distractions.
Spencer itched for something to do. He still knew the number for his dealer by heart—something his eidetic memory would unfortunately never forget. But he thought of Luke’s promise. He’d be back. And the disappointment, the sadness on Luke’s face if he found out years of sobriety were down the drain…no. Spencer couldn’t do it.
Luke would be back. He had to be. Spencer would just have to make it through the night to see it. So, he would. Even if Luke never showed up again, he had to prove to himself that he could do it. That he could live in the After without someone to lean on. He didn’t need him.
Spencer walked to his room, dissociated, and laid down on top of the covers. It was just one night. He could do this.
He had to.
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tlou-reid · 1 month
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hello! happy birthday! can i get a blueberry lemonade + luke alvez pls, thank you!!
blueberry lemonade: “i like it when you say my name like that.”
smut below the cut 18+ MDNI
you could feel luke curling his fingers across your clothes core, collecting the wetness that had accrued in the fabric. “god damn, princesa,” luke mewled, very much talking to himself. his fingers moved slow, deliberately teasing you. he’d been doing that all night; moving slow to get you worked up.
his left hand was placed gently on your left thigh as he sat in between your legs on the bed. the bruises on your neck from his sucks and bites were coming to fruition, making you the canvas of the most beautiful painting luke had ever seen. the purple and blue hues were darkening, making his dick jump every time he moved his eyes from your soaked cunt to your teary eyes.
this was a welcome home gift. one luke had gotten for himself after being away on two back-to-back cases. you weren’t expecting to be used like this, but there were no complaints coming from you.
aside from the fact that he needed to start moving faster. you’d been stripped down to just your pink panties for almost half an hour now, while he was still clad in a flannel and jeans. he’d touched you and teased your entire body, not leaving an inch of you untouched.
“lukeee,” you wailed, finally deciding to speak up for yourself and try to get him to do what you want, instead of the other way around. despite your loud whine and the way you thrashed your body around, luke did nothing but drag another finger along your slit and smirk down at you.
“i like it when you say my name like that,” he murmurs, bending down to press a kiss to your thigh, just above where his calloused hand was resting. “please,” you literally cried, the tears you’d been holding back finally falling, “please luke, please.”
you couldn’t see it from where your eyes were pinched shut from frustration, but luke’s eyes softened at your pleas, his dominant demeanor finally cracking. “i’m sorry, baby,” he cooed, shifting to lay between your legs. he moved slowly, not wanting to shake the bed too much. “i’m sorry,” he repeated, littering your thighs with small kisses. the rough of his beard felt heavenly against your hot skin.
“let me make it up to you,” he mumbled, almost inaudibly, as he hooked his fingers in your waistband and gently pushed your panties down your legs. “let me eat this pretty pussy so my cariño can cum,” luke says, leaning in licking a broad stripe between your legs.
the moan let out was pornographic, ricocheting off the walls of the room. luke’s hips bucked into the bed at the sound, searching for some kind of friction.
the almost of hour of luke’s teasing touches paid off as he licked into your cunt, holding your hips tightly against the bed. the room was hot, burning your skin and making you sweat. but the toe curling feeling of your orgasm was icy cold, a relief you’d been searching for since he got home. it didn’t take long for you to reach pure bliss on his tongue, tugging him even closer by his hair, not wanting the earth shattering feeling to end.
“fuck, baby,” luke says, wiping his mouth with his arm as you push him away, entirely too overstimulated to let him keep going. “you didn’t even need my fingers that time,” he compliments, kissing his way back up your body. “ready for my dick now, pretty girl?” he questions and you nod immediately, making him chuckle and press a kiss to the side of your temple.
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reidsaurora · 9 months
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hellohello i'd like to order a confetti cupcake with luke alvez and a hint of a "oh shit are we really doing this" kind of relationship/date whatever thank youuu
this is the cutest ever, i'm so happy with how it turned out! hope you enjoy 🫶🏻
"The Mistletoe Mishap" ~ L. Alvez
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pairing: luke alvez x gn!reader
summary: "you'd be surprised just how seriously the bau took their christmas in july celebrations."
word count: 922
warnings: a couple swear words, mentions of food, a lil splash of sexual humor at the end, i think that's it!
genre: festive fluff ❤️✨️
extra notes: the icon in the collage is by @delicatejareau (edited to fit the theme of the collage a lil better) and the dividers below are by @anlian-aishang!
beta read by: @dungeons-are-too-cold (thank you, love!)
birthday bash | masterlist | ask box
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🧁 Confetti Cupcakes - send me a character + concept/trope/au and i'll write you a blurb!
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You'd be surprised just how seriously the BAU took their Christmas in July celebrations.
What started as Penelope bringing Christmas cookies to the office one day turned into watching Elf during their lunch hour, Secret Santa exchanges, and weekly contests to see who could show up in the ugliest Christmas sweater (Spencer was winning so far with his sweater made completely out of tinsel).
However, the one unfortunate part of Christmas in July was the mistletoe hanging over every. single. doorframe.
Sure, mistletoe in the workplace was awkward enough as it was, but it certainly didn't help that there was one person you absolutely couldn't get caught under it with.
You and Luke had been dating for a few months by this point and, thus far, you'd successfully kept it under wraps. But every time one of you stopped in a doorway, your heart began to beat so hard, you thought it would bang its way out of your chest.
Usually, you two found a way to keep enough distance that it would be almost impossible to pass under the mistletoe at the same time. But today? The last day of your Christmas in July celebration? Of course it would be the day you didn't.
You and Luke were the last two to show up at the round table room for lunch and a movie, which you'd gathered was Frosty the Snowman when you heard the familiar theme song upon walking in.
Your shoulder brushed something hard as you entered the room, and for some reason, you just knew it wasn't going to end well when you looked up and made eye contact with whoever else was under the mistletoe with you.
You attempted to make a run for your seat, but a familiar voice stopped you in your tracks. "Now, Y/N, you know the rules of mistletoe," Penelope reminded you from her seat. You should've known there wasn't a way out of this, not when Penelope Garcia, self-proclaimed President of the 'Christmas In July Club', was around.
The rules of mistletoe varied a little in the workplace, at least. Some people went for high-fives while others went for hugs. Emily had even gone as far as kissing Tara on the cheek one day, but no one dared to kiss anyone on the mouth yet. So, really, there was no reason to panic, right?
Still, you froze in place, your fight or flight mode clearly not having kicked in yet. Instead, your eyes met Luke's with a look that said, 'please save me,' your hands gripping your lunch bag for some form of stability.
Your chest rose and fell in a rapid rhythm, your heart beating hard against your sternum. "Are we really gonna do this?" you silently mouthed up at him, your whole body on the verge of something close to a panic attack.
"Come on, you guys," Rossi teased, "If Boy Genius can high-five people under the mistletoe, you can too."
Chuckles erupted from your coworkers, but not from you nor Luke. Instead, Luke looked down at you, his tongue jutting out to wet his lips, and somehow, as simple a gesture as it was, the soft eye contact was enough to bring you out of your state of panic. You knew that whatever happened, whether he kissed you or not, and whether or not this kiss led to your secret being exposed, Luke had this, had you.
In one swift motion, he had both his hands planted on either side of your face. "Fuck it," he whispered, barely giving you a second to process the words before his lips were on yours.
His familiar scent fell around you like your own protective bubble as he kissed you, his hold on your face absolutely intoxicating. The taste of his morning coffee burned through you, your stomach doing a loop-de-loop at the sensation.
You knew as soon as he pulled away that all eyes would be on the both of you, but you didn't expect half of their jaws to be on the floor.
"Damn," Emily said, flabbergasted. "Is everyone around here getting laid except for me?"
Penelope was the next to speak, which was quite surprising, considering it looked as though her jaw was out of commission not three seconds prior. "Who knew Newbie could canoodle like that?"
Your face flushed as crimson as the sweater your colleague wore. "Penelope," you scolded her, your hands bringing your lunch bag in front of your face, covering the blush that had taken over.
Luke was having none of that, pulling the lunch bag away from your cheeks. "Y/N sure knows," he smirked before leaving a soft kiss on your forehead.
The blonde all but jumped out of her chair. "Is this a thing? How come no one told me about the thing? Why am I always the last to know about a thing?"
Luke tossed an arm around your shoulders, providing you with a sense of calm and comfort as you thought about your next words. "Technically," you started, "you're all the first to find out about the thing."
"Except Roxy," Luke corrected. "She pretty much knew it was a thing before it actually was a thing."
Next thing you knew, the girls were pulling you over to one side of the room, practically begging for details. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Spencer sharing a fist bump with Luke, a smile overtaking your face.
Oh, how they got on your nerves, but oh how, you loved the BAU.
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-> taglist: @1234-angelika @drayshadow @alexxavicry @nomajdetective @cordyandbilliehavemyheart @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @danielle143 @esposadomd @reidselle @dungeons-are-too-cold @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @cwritesforfun @cynbx @juismissing @captainchris-pike @lukeclvez
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183 notes · View notes
Text
I feel like when Luke started at the BAU, he absolutely followed Penelope on Instagram and she never followed him back.
Then when they start dating it’s like 6 months in and she complains that he never posts her on his Instagram and he’s just like “what do you mean I post you all the time?” And that’s how she realized 6 months in she STILL hadn’t followed him lmao
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hornyhornyhimbos · 6 months
Text
"Heaven or Hell?" ~ L. Alvez
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Summary: When Luke and Reader get picked for Seven Minutes in Heaven, the couple truly can't decide if it's heaven or hell being locked in that closet together.
Pairing: Luke Alvez x AFAB!BAU!Reader
Word Count: 1,435
Content Warning: MINORS DNI (18+ content) oral both!receiving, fingering f!receiving, cum swallowing, explicit language, lmk if i missed anything!
Extra Notes: i apologize for ruining the image of Rapunzel and Flynn Rider…
Originally Written: 10/27/2023 through 10/28/2023
criminal minds masterlist can be found here!
halloweek masterlist can be found here!
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"Well, this just got interesting," Penelope smirked from her seat.
No one was really sure who started the game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, but you'd been praying all night that you nor Luke would get picked, or at the very least, you'd get picked for the same round. Based on the look Penelope was sporting as she looked over the pieces of paper in her hand, you could only assume the worst.
She smugly held up the papers, one reading off your name and the other reading Luke's. A small sense of relief washed over you at the prospect of not having to hang out in a closet with one of your other colleagues.
"Interesting," Tara commented, sipping her glass of wine.
You narrowed your eyes at both of them. "You guys are terrible."
Still, you stood from your seat, Luke's hand meeting yours as he led you down the hall to the closet that was currently being used for this middle school esque game.
"Have fun, you two," Penelope giggled. You could hear her propping a chair up against the outside of the door before walking off, her high heels clicking across the tiled floor.
Luke chuckled, presumably at the whole situation. You could barely make out his form in the tiny sliver of light shining through the slats in the door, but you could see his goofy smile as he laughed to himself, clearly amused about something.
"What's so funny?" The words came out clearly peeved.
"I avoided this game throughout the entirety of middle and high school, and now, mid-thirties is when it's catching up to me."
A smirk settled on your lips, hands meeting his body. "Well, since it's your first time, should I make it memorable for you?"
The sliver of light shined through just enough to show the deepening color of his eyes, lust swirling heavily in those dark brown irises. "I'm down for that."
To say you and Luke were in the honeymoon phase of your relationship was an understatement. Any chance you got, you were climbing him like a damn jungle gym, and any chance he got, he was bending you over the nearest surface possible.
His lips were on yours in a second as his hands worked to bunch up your dress out of the way. You'd dressed as Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, and he'd never been happier that you'd picked to wear a dress.
One of his legs slotted between yours, thigh flexing against you as your hips rutted against him. A desperate breath left your lips as you registered his hard-on growing against you, your hands desperate to find the fastening of his pants in the dark closet.
"I want," he started to say between kisses, "to taste you."
"We only," another kiss, "have so much," kiss, "time in here."
"I know," he said, as if it was a done deal. Hands were entangled as you were both desperate to uncover one another, but Luke had still made up his mind. "Please, baby. I've wanted my head between your legs all fucking night."
When he was practically begging for you, how could you deny him? In an instant, he was on his knees, lips trailing kisses and bites up the expanse of your thighs.
"Pretty sure we only have six minutes left," you said through heavy breaths. "Better not waste it."
"I'm not," he simply replied, hands meeting your soaked underwear. "God, baby, you don't know how bad I wanna keep these for myself."
Before you had a chance to reply, he was pulling the fabric aside and meeting your center with kitten licks. His tongue effectively shut you up, the only sound coming from your lips being his name in whispered moans.
Luke groaned into your sensitive core, the vibrations absolutely heavenly. Hands met curly raven hair, pulling him ever so close to the spot you needed him.
Alternating between your entrance and your clit, his ministrations already had you nearly coming apart. This has to be some kind of record, you reckoned, the thought fleeting almost immediately when a finger prodded at your dripping entrance.
"Fuck, baby, please," you begged, grasping his hair for any purchase you could find. Your wish was his command, the digit easily slipping inside you and curling just the way you needed.
Luke, being ever the gentleman, only broke away from your pussy long enough to hand out compliments of praise, doing so well's and tastes so good's and just like that's filling the tiny space.
He held you close with the hand that wasn't buried inside you, fingers gripping your ass like you were made just for him to hold. Between his tongue swirling around your swollen clit in delicious figure eights and his finger crooking into that intoxicating spot inside you, your release was washing over you. Luke's name fell from your lips like a prayer, hands holding his face close as possible as you rode out your high.
You'd barely finished coming down before pulling him up for a kiss, tongue dipping inside his mouth and savoring the taste of yourself on his lips. He'd had barely enough time to reciprocate before you were dropping to your own knees, working hard at the fastening of his pants.
"Baby, what are you doing? We only have a little bit of time left," he reminded you, though he was cut off by a moan as you reached into his boxers.
"Then I better make it count."
In one swift motion, you were pulling him out of his boxers, mouth nearly watering at the sight of his pretty cock. Your eyes went glassy as you took him into your mouth, moaning around his length.
"Shit, you're gonna make me cum in two seconds," he whined, beginning to slide his cock further into your throat.
Quiet moans sounded throughout the space as you began to slide up and down his shaft, taking in the taste of his pre-cum. You steadied yourself with one hand, wrapping it around his thick thigh, while the other cupped his balls, rolling them at the speed he loved. He was already twitching in your mouth, you knew he wouldn't last long.
Your cheeks hollowed as you took him impossibly further, eliciting a string of profanities from the man above you. "Fuck, baby. The game's supposed to be Seven Minutes in Heaven," a desperate mewl tumbled between his lips, "but the way you're fucking torturing me, it feels more like hell."
You repeated the action, nearly choking around his length. Your pussy fluttered at the noises coming from Luke's mouth, already wishing you could have more of him.
His hands moved to your cheeks, effectively fucking himself with your face. His belly was tightening as his orgasm neared, cock twitching in the warmth of your mouth. Your tongue swirled around the tip, a movement sure to have him coming undone.
With one last hard thrust of his hips, he was spilling into your throat, the salty taste of him one you simply couldn't get enough of. He was moaning and panting and cursing above you, fucking your face in unsteady ruts as he rode out his own high.
Luke pulled you up with what little strength he had left, his lips connected to yours while his hands worked to fix clothes. Your wetness mixed with his seed as your tongues roamed in the expanse of each other's mouths, and you wished once again that you could have more.
"We gotta hurry," he said against your lips, his hands working to pull down your dress. "They'll be back any-"
Voices sounded from the other side of the door before his sentence was even finished. "I hope you guys are decent!" Emily laughed from the other side of the door.
Just as Luke situated his pants, fixing the fastenings, the door was flying open. "Seven minutes is up!" Tara stated. The women on the other side took a moment to look over the two of you, no doubt taking in the sight of disheveled hair and the scent of sex that wafted from the confined space. "What did you two get up to in there?" Penelope asked, feigning obliviousness.
"Hey, what happens in the closet stays in the closet," Luke said simply, putting his arm around your shoulders.
The two of you waltzed back into the party as if nothing had happened. His lips lingered by your ear, hot breath fanning across your skin. What happened in that closet definitely wasn't staying in that closet later, and you couldn't say the idea didn't excite you.
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Not that it's owed to anyone lol but I just wanted to leave a quick lil apology here for not having this posted earlier in the day! I feel like I have lived 8 lifetimes in the span of about 6 hours lol but I wanted y'all to know that I am still very much planning on posting these every day that I had set aside lol! Hope you guys are well and enjoying the fics! 🫶🏻
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-> taglist: @reidsbookclub @dungeons-are-too-cold @lukeclvez
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75 notes · View notes
beelmons · 10 months
Note
Just want Luke Alvez to spell out his name with his tongue against me. I'm a simple woman, with simple needs. No hands, all mouth. my cunnilingus king
no cause this is what i call having taste !
i accidentally posted this without finishing and im going insane trying to speed write it skckwkckwkf DOMT LOOK UNDER READ MORE
Edit: Okay NOW you can look.
cw: oral sex fem receiving, fem!reader
Some people paid billions of dollars to reach space and experience the wonders of the universe, and yet, it only took a heavily underpaid FBI agent to get you to see stars.
Luke Alvez was not a man to eat women out, oh no, he was the one to straight up devour them. Like an avid critic ready to cater his next meal, he would time and again bury himself in between your legs; no further aid needed whatsoever, a dedicated mouth could take you to places you were sure mortals couldn't reach.
It made you suspicious, to be honest. How could a man be so good at pleasing a woman? The only way it made sense was if he had done it hundreds of times before, but taking his time while in deployment and current new schedule in consideration, he wouldn't only have to be dedicated to it, he would have had to straight up clone himself to take two women at a time on the little time he had to spare.
He could do it, to be fair, without the need of cloning himself, after all he had his charm. You don't just open your legs for anyone on the first date, let alone the first thirty minutes of meeting them. He was a witty gentleman, and not hard on the eye at all.
Soon you would find out that his sharp tongue wasn't only skillful on the streets. Something about the way he so passionately licked you thoroughly each time. Or how he moaned along everytime he hit a good spot. Or the weird combination of strokes he pulled at the end, the one that never failed to push you over the edge.
You had to find out what it was, because you were starting to think it was not human. And tonight, as your apartment was filled with lewd slurping sounds, you were set on finding it out.
One little problem, keeping your sanity as his tongue, somehow, reached your sweetest spots was no easy task. It took all of your energy and some holding back from straight up cumming into his mouth without warning. Your face was clenched in what seemed more like pain than pleasure. But your climax was reaching, you were so close, just as close as you were to figuring out what the hell he did at the end, so close, so close.
"Babe, are you alright?" he pulled away to ask.
"No!" you yelled in anger almost instinctively, and certainly without intention.
He was clearly taken aback by your reaction, and the second you noticed his clear confusion, you spoke up again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." you said, reaching to have your hand land on his hair, not wanting him to be too far from your cunt "I was just so close."
"Sorry, you looked like you were in pain, so..." he tried to explain before you cut him off.
"I was focused." you clarified.
"Focused?" his brows furrowed "Listen, if you have to focus to cum... I'd rather you tell me what I'm doing wrong."
"No. What? Come on Luke, you can't be serious." you complained "I was focused on figuring out what the hell it is that you always do, that it makes my brain be reduced to a pulp!"
You certainly didn't mean it as a praise, but he still found a way to interpret it as such. He broke into a shy chuckle as he shook his head.
"I can tell you" he said "But you have to promise not to laugh."
"Why would I-" you were about to inquire, but he cut you off.
"I spell my name with my tongue." he finally admitted.
"You are kidding." your eyes opened in genuine surprise. It sounded so stupid right off the bat, even more so when you considered the possibility of being true.
Your free hand reached down to have your middle digit trail over your own clit, you were moist enough thanks to him, so nothing else was needed. You began making an experiment of your own.
L U K E A L-
Sure, it felt good, but nothing out of the ordinary.
"Not like that!" he quickly grabbed at your wrist to pull it away "It's not the same if you use fingers, and I'm afraid there is one more secret to it."
You were attentively looking at him talk, so you were able to see his face disappear between your legs. You thought after the break you wouldn't be so sensitive, but boy were you wrong. The second the tip of his tongue landed on your bundle of nerves again, your legs began to shake. Like no time had passed.
You tried your best to pay attention, you really did.
Luke Alvez
But you lost track after the 'K'.
Next thing you knew, you were dripping down in your own release, and he was doing his best to have nothing go to waste.
Your chest was raising up and down from the pants. Legs limb and tired against his shoulders. Once he was satisfied with the clean up, he raised his head yet again. His characteristic, slightly annoying, cheeky grin clear on his face.
"I do it in cursive."
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prentissluvr · 6 months
Text
two mugs, half empty — luke alvez
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pairing : luke alvez x bau!gn!reader (can be read as platonic or romantic) ➖⟢ genre : hurt/comfort ➖⟢ cw : feelings of guilt and shame, nightmare mentions, talk of canon typical violence, crying ➖⟢ wc : 2.8K
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“you look like hell.”
“wow, thank you, luke. way to compliment somebody,” you deadpan, even though he said it with a voice full of empathy. he gives you a good-natured roll of his eyes before his face returns to that concerned look you opened your apartment door to.
“but seriously, did you sleep at all over the weekend?” you want to hate how much he cares about you, but the sincerity of his voice has you nearly ready to cave. 
“come in,” you offer, completely ignoring his question because the answer is “no, not really.” he raises his eyebrows at your lack of response, but steps in after you anyways. he can guess the answer well enough from the exhaustion evident in your whole figure.
you sit down with him in the kitchen, grabbing him a glass of water before he can say no to it. his gaze on you is heavy, but you ignore it in favor of examining the wood of the table in front of you. since you won’t say anything, he goes first.
“i came to check on you,” he states the obvious, “i’m– we’re kinda worried about you, you know? like, you haven’t responded to any of my texts all day and you never call in sick, even when you probably should, so i figured you’d probably be bedridden for you to make the choice to stay home.” he pauses for a long moment, as if inviting for you to explain why you’re, in fact, not bedridden, and not really physically sick at all. you don’t say a word. “so,” he prompts, “what’s up? why’d you turn down drinks with the rest of the team on saturday? kinda feels like you’re avoiding us.”
“i am avoiding you guys,” your voice comes out far quieter than you intended. you had wanted to sound nonchalant, and all you got was exhaustion. you sigh before continuing, “because you’re profilers and i don’t want to talk about it.” he sighs too.
“if it’s so bad that you went to the lengths to call off sick from work to avoid talking about it, it seems to me like it’s something you should talk about.”
you turn your head even further from him because you know he’s right. you’ve been holed up in your apartment, agonizing over what happened three nights ago, desperate to scream and cry about it to someone else. god knows you’ve done enough of that with yourself, but you’re reverting to old habits and it feels like you’re back to only knowing how to avoid, avoid, and keep avoiding.
“listen, i don’t want to push you, but i need you to know that i’m here for you.” his hand hovers over yours for a moment, silently asking permission before gently wrapping his fingers around yours. you clench your jaw and bite the inside of your cheek to keep tears from forming in your eyes. honestly, you didn’t think you could produce anymore, but here you are, trying not to cry in front of your coworker turned close friend whom you’ve probably upset by ignoring him.
luke gains a little bit of hope when you squeeze his hand. he squeezes back, hoping you feel the love and care that he puts into it. you do, and it doesn’t help your case with the whole crying ordeal.
“thanks,” you whisper. the thickness in your voice completely gives you away. tilting your head up to try to stop the flow of tears is plain old silly at this point, and he watches with a weight heavy on his heart as they overflow and fall down your cheeks. the tears catch in the light of the only lamp that’s turned on in the room. “fuck. goddammit,” you curse through the tears, well aware they won’t stop anytime soon. “luke,” you cry.
“i’m here,” he replies so earnestly without missing a beat that you begin to cry harder. that’s the last straw for him. quickly, he stands and wraps you up in his arms without a second thought. with you sitting, your face barely reaches his chest, and your arms reach around his lower torso. he’s got one hand rubbing up and down your back, the other cradling the back of your head into him. the way you hold onto him is desperate and breaks his heart, but he’s glad to give you something that you so clearly need. comfort.
“i–,” you try to explain, but you can’t get anywhere before choking on your own sobs.
“shhh, it’s okay. just let it out. i’m not going anywhere.” and he sticks to that promise, standing strong and unwavering, even after your tears run out and you can’t find it in yourself to pull away from him just yet. he doesn’t force a thing, just strokes the back of your head gently as a silent reminder that he’s there.
when you finally pull away, it’s only by a few inches, and he keeps his hands right where they are. he looks down at your face as you stare at the maroon fabric of his shirt and the tear stain you left behind. slowly, as if to not startle you, he bends down to be closer to your level. at first, you avoid meeting his eyes, but when the hand on your shoulder shifts up to your cheek and he gently wipes at the leftover tears, you let your gaze meet his. he gives you a smile, small and comforting, before speaking softly.
“i’m gonna make you some tea, alright?”
when you nod, his hands slide away from you, hesitant to let you go. your gaze follows his form as he turns and walks to the counter behind you, first grabbing your favorite mug from the cabinet and taking the liberty to grab one for himself too. then he’s at the pantry for the tea bags and he can feel your eyes on him. once the tea bags are on the counter, he’s by your side again. he gives you another soft smile as he grips the sides of your chair and turns it and you to face the counter. somehow luke just knows that him staying in your line of sight is a comfort to you, proof that he’s right there. he doesn’t want you to have to strain your neck in order to feel safe.
his silence as he fills and turns on the kettle, then sits back down beside you to wait for it to boil is a comfort too. it makes a difference that he’s not making you explain anything.
with him, the passage of time isn’t so horrible, and it’s easy to wait for the tea to be ready. when he sets the mug down in front of you, he tells you to be careful since it’s hot, even though you already know it. that’s when you make the decision that you will tell him what’s kept you holed up in your apartment for three days straight, what made you cry into his arms and skip work today.
it takes you four minutes of failed attempts to open your mouth and force a sound out of your throat before you finally get any words out. four minutes of sipping tea and thinking about how to start or how grateful you are that he’s here.
first comes a big, deep breath and another long moment of quiet. and then you realize you can’t just get into you, so you do your best and start by skirting around the actual problem.
“i know this job–” you have to clear your throat, “i know this job is really hard.” that sentence is kind of stupid purely because of how obvious it is, but you’ve at least started to tell him what this is all about. “and we’ve all learned ways to cope with that. i just– the way that, uh,” you pause to try and collect yourself a bit, but it does nothing to keep your voice from getting quiet, “the way that this last case ended? it, um, it…” suddenly you’re unsure what to even say. luke places his hand over your own, easing its shaking. you take another deep breath.”i can’t– i can’t get it out of my head. i can’t get her dead body out of my head and i can’t shake the feeling that it’s my fault.” 
he’s about to say something, assure you that it absolutely was not your fault, but then everything comes tumbling out.
“i know, logically, technically, that it’s not. i know that, i’ve rationalized this whole thing in my head, even out loud, over and over and over again for the past three days. i know, we didn’t profile him to be so paranoid. i played into his narcissism like i was supposed to, like anyone of us would have, but fuck! it was still my words that set him off, the shit i said got a bullet through her brain.” he squeezes your hand in support. “and when i wake up from the nightmares, i can still hear her whimpers as he held her at gunpoint, even worse, arguably, is her mom begging me to bring her home alive that same morning. you know what i told her? that we were doing everything we could to find her and bring her back, i promised.” the tears start up again. “i told her not to give up hope because the people i work with are incredibly good at their jobs. then i see her sobbing in the corner of the police station after rossi told her that her daughter was fucking dead. and you know what i fucking did? i put my head down and walked in the opposite direction with the excuse that reid could use some help taking down the evidence board.” 
your voice gets even shakier and the furrow in his worried brow deepens as you continue talking. “and i’m so ashamed, i’m so fucking ashamed, luke. i got her daughter killed and i couldn’t even tell her that–” a sob cuts you off, “that i’m sorry,” you cry. “i couldn’t face her. i couldn’t bear to see her crying about it or try and comfort her about it because i was too goddamn guilty to even look her in the eye. and now i see her and her dead daughter everytime i close my eyes.”
the silence after that is colossally heavy. to hear his softest voice calling your name as you stare into your half empty mug is enough to send more tears rushing down your cheeks. he sounds so heartbroken for you, like even he’s choked up by hearing your longwinded confession.
the way he moves is both careful and purposeful as he stands and urges you back into his embrace. this time your crying is quiet, just tears without sobs because you don’t have that left in you. it’s more short lived because it seems like your body’s finally run out of tears to give too. with one side of your face pressed against his shirt and his hands holding you there, it does feel a bit easier to breathe.
when he starts to talk, his voice is as soft as it has been all night. “i don’t want to tell you to just not feel ashamed or guilty. i wish you wouldn’t have to feel that way, really. but i want you to know that i understand. i don’t want to invalidate those things because they are real and they hurt and i understand why you’re feeling them. but it is not your fault. not for one second is it your fault. i’m sure you’ve reminded yourself this already, but we can never forget that it is only ever the fault of the people who pull the trigger on innocent lives.” 
you nod because he’s right, you’ve told yourself that many times. but you realize it makes a difference to hear these things out of his mouth, not just from your mind that was only desperate to ease your guilt. you suppose that’s what he wants too, but it’s somehow better.
he pulls away from you, and positions the chairs so that you’re sitting knee to knee as he holds both of your hands in his. he looks you in the eye as he speaks, every ounce of sincerity visible in his face and easy to hear in his voice.
“and we just can’t be perfect, we can’t be expected to be everything for everyone every time. dealing with family members who have lost their loved ones is one of, if not the, hardest thing that we have to do for this job. rossi was there for her this time, and it’s okay if it was too hard for you. what you did is completely understandable and completely okay. throughout this whole case, you followed procedure and you followed the profile. we all did. so if any of us stood where you did, with the mother and with the unsub, the same exact same thing could have happened. would you blame me for it if i were in your place?” he gently wipes a stray tear from your cheek. 
slowly, with his hand still cupping your face, you shake your head. “and would you forgive me for it?” it takes you a long moment of holding back more cries to answer, silently and slowly again. up and down, just once, you nod your head.
“there’s your answer. you’re allowed to not blame yourself and you’re allowed to forgive yourself. you are allowed to feel okay because we can’t fix this world, but we are making it better and we certainly deserve our own happiness. there will always be people who die and the people they leave behind. we just have to keep going because we are still saving lives. even more, our lives deserve to be protected as much as anyone else’s. we do that by allowing ourselves happiness, a life outside of all of the pain and gore and monsters of the world we work in. i’m sorry, and the things i say can’t make this all just go away. but i’m here for you and i think that being reminded of these things is a must for all of us. today’s one of those days where you deserve to be reminded.”
you don’t even think you could really cry again, even if you wanted to, but you certainly feel like it. only this time, it’s out of relief. your guilty conscience still tries to fight with his words, but the part of you that knows he’s right is holding onto his comfort with all it’s got and it’s making you want to burst into tears again. being reminded of your right to let it go is something you’ve needed, not just for this case, but for months. you didn’t even realize, but you’ve holding onto little things here and there and letting it build up until it all blew up in your face last friday night. so to let that all out and feel comforted is a relief far stronger than anything you’ve felt before.
“thank you.” your voice is back at a whisper, but you hope he can hear how much you mean it. you think he does when he smiles.
“of course. you’ll always have me, and you have everyone else on the team too, you know that.”
you nod and do your best to smile back. “thank you,” you repeat. you don’t even know what else to say. “and um, i’m always here for you too, luke. you know, just when i’m not a complete hot mess.” the lighter tone in your voice as you attempt a joke is luke’s relief, the relief that you’re on the way to feeling better.
“thanks,” he chuckles lightly. the sound makes you glad.
“hey luke?”
“yeah?” he replied in earnest, eager to give.
“can we order some thai food and watch movies until we fall asleep on the couch?”
that really makes him happy, and he grins like he always does to show it. “you know it.” so, he buys you food and tells you to pick all the movies. he lets you lean on him when you get tired, then carries you to bed and tucks you in when you fall asleep halfway through the first film. he stalls in your room by fixing the hair the falls onto your face and pressing a light kiss to your forehead. then he leaves the door cracked, just in case, and takes a while to fall asleep on your couch after putting the leftovers in the fridge. he cries a little, because he hates that it’s so hard for you, and it’s hard for him too. 
at the end of the day though, he’s just glad you’ll be okay.
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