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things-about-cars-in-posts · 7 months

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So, there's many of you now. I know we're in the How Sweet It Is Not To Know Follower Counts website and I do cherish that, but still, more people than ever in my life clicked a button that in some capacity says "I care what this dork has to tell me" and I want to acknowledge and celebrate that - especially now that this growth seems to have settled into its rhythm.

Spot when @identifying-cars-in-posts reblogged my pinned, lol.

So, for my 100th post, I felt like celebrating our love for reaching round numbers. And little in the automotive world represents it more iconically than what reigned supreme above all cars in the 1980s.

Porsche started out as an engineering firm, whose most notable contract was what would become known as the Volkswagen Beetle (and boy what a story that is). The first car of its own was the 356 seen below - a sporty body laid over Beetle underpinnings and thus still mostly made by Volkswagen. But by God, they were going to run with that recipe and perfect it 'til the sun burst.

Meanwhile, in England, a chap called Colin Chapman decides the next of his company's track cars will actually be drivable on the street, to need no trailer to go race. Thus the Lotus Seven is born and sold in kit, which avoids high taxes on the exporting of cars to the US (but those taxes would have remained had they been sold with assembly manuals… so they were sold with disassembly manuals for you to read backwards. No, seriously.).

The Porsche 356 kept getting less and less Volkswagen and more and more Porsche until in 1964, the year of the Beatles, the year of the Stones, the stone-age Beetle was left behind for good with the Porsche 911 (seen below), a blank-canvas take on the same recipe of an air-cooled rear boxer engine powering the rear wheels of a squished-Beetle-shaped sportscar. 'Twas good.

In 1973, Lotus was doing pretty well for itself. The Seven's whole 2500 sales had carried it through producing a number of other models, and a few were even in production concurrently - a lineup! Exciting stuff! Well, that and an F1 team so successful its Wikipedia page features the section "Domination in the 60s and '70s". The exciting opportunity to move upmarket, with bigger models with AC and automatics and all that bougie shit, pushed them to move away from the image of scruffy old kit car makers, ceding the Seven's production to the last two dealers that sold it, main one being Caterham Cars.

The 911 headed into the 80s old enough to drive, and Porsche's plans considered it at the end of the line, with staff already mourning it. But then the yankee at his third week as CEO saw those plans (which to Germans are basically scripture), said "to hell with that" and extended that line off the chart. Literally. He went to the lead engineer's office and physically took a marker at a development chart. They all secretly liked that.

Still, it was clear the game was changing - intercoolers, all wheel drive, active suspension... how hard could the 911 layout go if it didn't stick to its simple air-cooled roots? Well, Porsche resolved to find out by filling it with the cusp of automotive advancements and then some. And I do mean filling - a chassis that didn't even need space for a radiator was suddenly tasked with storing it, two turbos, two intercoolers, and a good half dozen oil pumps.

Yeah good luck with that, buddy. Oh, and materials? The body was kevlar, the frame was aluminium, the floor was Nomex (ever even heard of Nomex???), the wheels were magnesium and the spokes were hollow!!!! You could blow into the spokes!!! And don't get me started on the technology! Variable height, an all-wheel-drive system that distributed torque at will, electronics galore... As you may be able to guess, development was… complex.

At one point a test driver was doing 180km/h (112mph) to go get the car un-on-fire-d, and that's just one of the plenty horror stories. Hell, work started in 1983 to create a car for Group B and took so long that when said rally series died in 1986, production was just starting. Not that development would stop at the start of production, either - the first cars just got updated when the owners took them in for their service. (Can't blame them, I fix wording in weeks-old posts...) But however long it took, the resulting Porsche 959 answered the originating question "How hard can this chassis go?" with a resounding "Hard and then some".

It was comfortable and refined enough to be driven every day, but so capable it extended the limits of the concept of production car. Put it this way: it reached car people's favorite round number, 100km/h (to yankee doodles, 60mph) in 3.6 seconds. The second fastest production car did so in 4.6. That's one second of margin in a race that ends in five. Oh, and if you want to put it another way: the 959 was the first production car to ever surpass 300km/h, let alone come 1 shy of the mythical 200mph (322km/h).

Meanwhile, the handful of chaps at Caterham was still producing the Caterham Seven. It's the Lotus Seven (specifically the third revision, from 1968), but I guess in '83 the engine changed. We were saying?

They couldn't sell the 959 stateside for lack of crash test data, and America's ban on importing foreign cars under 25 years of age had no exception. That is, until Bill Gates wanted a 959 so bad he spent 13 years getting an exception passed. That's how hot this car is.

And yet, this record-breaking, boundary-pushing, master-of-all-trades hypercar sits atop the 80s automotive landscape engulfed in shadow. But how? Why? Because it failed to contend with the greatest automotive headache: humans. It was planted, practical, reliable, predictable - docile, domesticated, amicable. Perfect. But these are not meant to be cars, they're meant to be posters. And you don't get posters of what is perfect, but of what excites you. And what excites us is the visceral, the raw, the uncompromising - the wild, the feral, the dangerous. And, of course, reaching round numbers. What excites us is a lot more like the first production car to break 200mph, the Ferrari F40.

Remember how the 959 was being developed for Group B racing and then the series died? Well, Ferrari got screwed over too, with the 288 GTO Evoluzione they were developing (seen here to the right of the base 288 GTO) suddenly having no reason to be.

The lead engineer then asked Enzo Ferrari to let him turn that weekend project (literally, they couldn't spend work week time on it) into a road car to celebrate their 40 years. Enzo, nearing the end of his days, thought "Ah, what the hell, let's leave with a bang", so they set off to build what would become the anti-959. Not anti as in response, but as in antithesis. Where the 959 was an attempt to modernize the noisy, unrefined, old-school 911 -to make a supercar "tested for everyday usability to the most strenuous standards", by Porsche's words- the F40 was a reaction to, per Ferrari's words, "customers saying Ferraris were becoming too plush and comfortable": "nothing but sheer performance. Not a laboratory for the future, as the 959 is. Not Star Wars."

To exemplify: left is the 959 - note the leather and electric seats, right is the F40, note the string you open the door with.

The F40 was noisy, crashy, torrid, and the turbo lag painstakingly smoothed out in the 959 here kicked you in the back like a locked door. It would rip your head off the moment it sensed you didn't know what you were doing. But it was more exciting - to look at, to hear, to drive. And that's what won people over - including the buyers, which were near four times as many as Porsche's despite the price tag being double.

Had the 959 lost then? Well, not quite. Enter the 959 S. Doing away with much of the 959's luxuries, like adjustable suspension, electric windows, AC, central locking, and even backsea- wait, the 959 had BACKSEATS???? Holy FUCK why does no one talk about that??? Take the family on a trip to 300kphville! I was saying. They schlapped some bigger turbos on too and power went from 444hp right past the F40's 470hp to a healthy 508, that propelled it over what any roadgoing F40 ever managed at 211mph, or 339km/h. Presumably for bragging rights.

And I want to stress, these were titans clashing here. This was leagues beyond what other production cars could even comprehend. Again, the 959 hit 100km/h in 3.6 seconds. The F40 held a record by taking less than 16 seconds to go from 0 to 160km/h(100mph) and back to 0. This was witnessing superhumans fighting through the clouds.

And then in 1992, the two chaps that 'developed' Caterhams (i.e. banged new ones together in the shed) told the chap they worked for "Hey, let's make one that's really barebones and fast", rang up their ol' mate (and ex-F1 racer) Jonathan Palmer to ask to lend a hand, and bought some of the 250hp engine that powered the Vauxhall (British for Opel) Cavalier GSi in the British Touring Car Championship.

Thus, the Caterham Seven Jonathan Palmer Evolution - a raw, uncomfortable, uncompromising beast that went fast as all fuck. Now, if you don't know Sevens you may think "Ah, so just like the F40, what with its handcrank windows and the string to open the doorlatch and all". And to illustrate how far off that is: in the Seven the windows were sown on and you latched the door yourself with a button.

And that's the standard version which had windows and doors. The JPE didn't.

The JPE had a carbon tub you were meant to call a seat, the controls, a rev counter and a tach that didn't even bother with speed under 30mph, and fuck you. And this one is not even as barebones as it gets: this one is painted.

So while the F40 went from 1,250kg (2760lb) to 1370kg (3020lb) when adjusted to comply with US regulations and the 959 went from 1450kg (3200lb) to the lightweight S version's 1350kg (2975lb), the Seven JPE weighed 1170. As in 1170lb. 530kg. Read that again if you need to, but it had about half the power of those two and considerably less than half the car to move. And so, in January 1993, this thing -this '50s coffin with a Vauxhall engine banged together by one guy in a shed- took the Guinness World Record for fastest car to 100km/h with a time of 3.46 seconds - and the 0-160km/h-0 record with 13.1 seconds. Close your eyes and picture that.

Yet the Seven JPE is hardly known to anyone but the most hardcore of enthusiasts, and owned by barely four dozens of 'em. So did it, perhaps, ultimately lose? Not at all. In fact, none of these cars did.

Every 959 cost Porsche twice what they sold it for, but the project proved the 911's layout could stand the test of time, and its development gave Porsche technologies it gradually infused into the 911 keeping it relevant, competitive, and most importantly alive to this day.

And I think we can safely say that when Enzo Ferrari died in 1988, a year after the F40's launch, his wish to leave with a bang was perfectly fulfilled - so much so that the F40 is commonly regarded as the peak of his legacy.

And the JPE was simply the greatest Seven ever - the most raw, thrilling, pure automotive experience the streets had ever witnessed. If driving a fast car was like biking down a hill, the Seven JPE was skydiving. Hell, it was the cover car of éX-Driver, an anime about a team using old-school sportscars to rescue haywire autonomous vehicles!

Not that culturally relevant but MAN was it cool as a kid. I need to hang those damn posters one of these days. I was saying.

These are three success stories in three radically different ways. Because, as much as I've made this post all about the numbers, sometimes it's not about that. Sometimes it's about making a show, leaving a mark, being spectacular. Sometimes it's about pushing yourself to achievements you can take pride and inspiration from. Sometimes it's simply about having fun seeing just how far you can really go. Sometimes it's about deciding what you want to be and make a new favorite version of yourself, that is the best it can be at what you care the most about. And for some that may result in less popularity or success or impact or legacy than others, but those are just some of the things you can work towards. It can be okay to just work towards having a blast. Hell, those madmen at Caterham used to stay after work to build themselves track cars, race them the next day and put ‘em back in the workshop after racing them, and the company survived to this day. Because, yes, they're still around - and their new lineup topper gets to 100 in 2.8. Windshield still optional. Well, at least there's headrests now. And a wider version, for the concrete possibility that you physically don't fit.

Never change, Caterham, because you certainly never have.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

#this was meant to also celebrate 300 followers #i am just that slow at writing stuff #porsche 356 #porsche 911 #porsche 959 s #ferrari 288 evoluzione #ferrari f40 #lotus seven #caterham seven jpe #vauxhall cavalier gsi #round numbers

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titleleaf · 8 months

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What are the Bad Hannigram Takes you're encountering? I watched the show but never got too involved in the fandom so I am fascinated

Oh god I'm so sorry, I have no idea how coherent any of this will be if you haven't dipped into the fandom and even for my part I've been mainly watching and reading from afar but hereeeee... are my thoughts. Disclaimer that YMMV, let people have fun, etc., but I am a gigantic hater.

[fandom negativity and a leetle canon-related negativity behind the cut: if for whatever reason you don't want to hear me bitching about people being Wrong On The Internet About A TV Show keep scrolling, mute me, block me, whatever]

Character-specific tunnel vision where Hannibal is the center of the universe -- not just in the sense that he's, yk, the title character of the show and the most memorable character created by Thomas Harris but in the sense that all characters are evaluated by how much they support or obstruct Hannibal's God-given right to do whatever he wants to anybody ever. And my God, it is so, so boring.

Nothing is ever Hannibal's fault, either. Delicate use of the exonerative passive voice — oh it's so sad, Will was framed, Beverly was murdered, Abigail was killed, but by whom? Hard to say! Especially funny when people whip this out regarding shit even Hannibal plainly regrets, like framing Will and then not having Will to hang out with. In general downplaying Hannibal's agency is such a weird move with a character who takes so much pleasure in doing what he wants. "To what extent are people a product of their external influences and life traumas, to what extent is Hannibal capable of not killing" is a whole other conversation but it's just a very odd reading of the character and the show as a text.

Nothing is ever Hannibal's fault, because it's actually the fault of... [scans crowd] that woman over there! Weird misogyny, often overlapping with the above (bc boy howdy, the list of women who Hannibal kills, maims, tortures, or otherwise fucks over is not short — Abigail, Alana, Bella, Beverly, Bedelia, Miriam, Margot, Georgia… I guess Freddie makes it out okay?) but sometimes seemingly just because, or to exonerate Hannibal of all blame for his own actions toward Will, as if this is the kind of show where it’s vitally important our blorbos be morally pure. Like… I’m sorry but I don’t think this is the show for you if that’s the case. People are really weird about Alana, people are really really weird about Bedelia, people are turbo weird about Molly... I'm sure there are people out there being weird about Chiyoh but I haven't encountered them yet, and I feel like there's some uhhhh other factors in play there too.

Baffling ship war stuff even once the canon's long since finished airing. I'm a big multishipper for this fandom so the weird competitive approach where Will and Hannibal's love must be the only real love (or even the only real erotic desire) they've either ever experienced ever is really off-putting. Showrunner Word of God here regarding Will's sexual orientation is in itself a take that annoys me, as a humorless bisexual man, but this is more commonly expressed via weird not-joking "jokes" about how the only reason Hannibal would ever have sex with a woman would be as an elaborate ruse (and how she'd deserve it for being stupid enough to believe he'd be into women) or how Hannibal's a better wife to Will than Molly ever could be. Dude... relax... your pairing has a literal love theme like a 1990s erotic thriller, why are you this insecure. People will do this with characters who don't even appear in the show! Now why is Clarice in it???? I need people to just be normal.

Nice polite sweet tea-sippin' Southern boy Will, and his equally annoying twin brother, Will with an inexplicable and phonetically-rendered Southern accent. 50% me being an extremely sensitive buzzkill about how the text presents Will's childhood and how the romanticized vision of the American South people draw on is superficial and rooted in white supremacist nostalgia, 50% me being a person who can hear Hugh Dancy speak dialogue in a television show and recognize basic American regional accents.

General... accrued fanon, I guess? All the tropes and memes and fandom in-jokes and fandom characterizations that build on one another to the point where their relationship to the show as a text (or to the novels, for that matter) is pretty damn tenuous.

In general, and while I know where this is coming from as a lover of dark stories/horror media/dark and destructive love stories who’s gotten flak for all of that: people getting so defensive about shipping something ~*~*~*problematique~*~* that they take other people talking about the things that textually make their dynamic fucked up (even if they’re talking about those things as something they like or something they enjoy exploring with the canon) as an attack or a sign somebody's Interrogating The Text From The Wrong Perspective. I think the show itself has some narrative weaknesses that lend themselves to this kind of fandom circlejerk but please... please Lord... I just want to write about a really weird guy getting his dick stepped on whilst classical music plays and having the time of his life, why is everyone doing this to me

On the much more benign end of things, “Will is totally normal average everyman while Hannibal is weird and pretentious and fruity” bc it just makes them sitcom parents. Show!Will is a weird fucking guy in his own right! They're both weird! And they're in love!

#tumblr... i am not going to add tags to help people find this post i am THIS close to censoring everyone's names like i'm on tiktok #ska watches a thing

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beautifulduckweed · 1 year

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Book Review: Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots

The Premise:

It’s 1973 in New York City, and slacker music critic Daniel Cabot is basically married to his extremely hot pediatrician BFF, Alex Savchenko. Alas, in tried and true idiot fashion, neither of them have any idea what to do about it. Alex is prickly and is of the (CORRECT) opinion that feelings are bad and they should feel bad and the best way to handle them is to jam ’em in a corner and tell them to think about what they’ve done until they either behave or go away. Daniel is sunny, open-hearted, and isn’t like, opposed to feelings, but also, like, what are feelings, whomst can say. They’re both turbo in love, everyone around them knows it, and they sooooooorta know it but also, in classic Cat Sebastian weapons-grade idiots style, have no idea what to do with it. Along the way, Daniel helps build a community garden next to his literally crumbling East Village apartment, Alex faces new challenges at his clinic, and they both navigate their way, slowly and at a slant, towards each other’s hearts.

Comes out November 15. You can find purchase links here.

Dramatis Personae:

Daniel Cabot: Some of you may recognize Daniel as Tommy Cabot’s son from Tommy Cabot Was Here. He’s a sweet-natured freewheeling dude, but also struggling to find meaning in his life. His Boston Brahmin-esque family (they’re not the Kennedys, but also are not-NOT the Kennedys) have some awesome members, mostly his immediate family, but the extended members are…shall we say…more of a mixed bag. He’s managed to dodge serving in Vietnam thanks to the machinations of his mother, and boy he has some real mixed feelings about that. He loves fucking his friends, and he really wants to fuck Alex, except, uh, Alex is…more than a friend? Or is he? Anyway, until Daniel sorts his shit out, he figures he can haul a bunch of heavy stuff around and rehabilitate the vacant lot next to apartment and into a garden.

Alex Savchenko: A Ukrainian whose family fled war and chaos for New York City when he was a child, Alex is prickly, autistic, and fiercely loyal. He’s particular, difficult, and is all-too conscious about this fact, which is why he finds Daniel’s acceptance, loyalty, and gung-ho willingness to accommodate a bit bewildering. He’s convinced he’s Bad At People, but he can’t afford to lose Daniel, who is Good At People, and also his feelings are no longer obeying orders, in fact his feelings are in open revolt, so what’s a guy to do?

Co-starring: Tommy Cabot (I would die for him); Patricia Cabot, Daniel’s mom (I would also die for her); Daniel’s absolutely terrible grandmother; assorted friends, lovers, and neighbors; the got-damn city of New York itself.

Commentary:

This book blew me the fuck out of a giant funk I’ve been in since about July, during which I didn’t manage to finish any new books and baaarely managed to scrape through a couple of beloved KJ Charles rereads (two of which I did as canon review for the KJ Charles exchange, ha). I cannot express how much I love it. As with all of the other books in the Cabot-verse, it features:

Sweater wearing (including a sweater vest, ah, Alex my beloved)

A plot that consists of “people are generally very sweet to each other and have a lot of feelings that they don’t know what to do with”

Crying (though less than Tommy Cabot)

And as with all of my favorite Cat Sebastian novels, this story is all about idiots coming to realize that they do in fact love each other and have for a while now, but now they need to work out the shape of what it looks like, and what their lives together look like. Like, it’s immediately obvious within five pages of the book that Daniel and Alex are basically an old married couple, they just haven’t gotten around to fucking yet, and also they are buried in denial.

And then, oh god. They do get around to fucking. And it is glorious. This is one of the highest heat books Sebastian has put out yet, either on par with or hotter than Peter Cabot, so if you liked that aspect of Peter Cabot, you are gonna have a Very Good Time with Daniel Cabot.

A note about the sense of place in this story: that mention of New York as a side character is not a joke. I’ve only been to NYC twice, so it’s not like I’m some kind of expert, but goddd the sense of place I got from this book was next-level. I could picture the diners, the restaurants, the buildings, the streets; I could smell Daniel’s apartment. Sebastian pulls off an act of wizardry with this; of all the books I’ve read of hers, this is the one most firmly anchored in a sense of place, and I love it, because it’s pretty clear she loves it. She even has a note in the acknowledgements about the apartment she lived in that’s the basis for Daniel’s apartment. Love it (though mildly concerned about her health after living with so much mold).

Anyway it might be too much to say that Daniel Cabot cleared my skin, watered my crops, etc. etc. but it for goddamn sure patched over some sore spots in my heart and fixed my reading brain. Since I’ve finished it in mid-October, I have gone on to finish three other novels, which is more than I’ve managed to do between June and October. Part of me wants to go back and reread it already. (The other part recognizes that I have over twenty library books checked out and I should probably get a move on those first.)

(But also. This book.)

TL;DR:

Daniel Cabot, more than any other romance novel I’ve read in a long time—or possibly ever—is about two people who love each other a whole lot, and then learn to negotiate what they want with and from each other; along the way, they figure out where their boundaries lie, and how those boundaries make their relationship stronger. It takes a lot of bravery to bring up what you need in order to feel safe and nurtured, and the fact that these two do it—allow themselves to be fully and truly vulnerable with each other—makes me absolutely goddamn feral. Just. Fuckin’ read this book already.

#cat sebastian #daniel cabot #daniel cabot puts down roots #book review #I would die for all of these perfect idiot babies

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thirstypanda87 · 1 year

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Haven't posted one of these in a while...Villainous Found Family AU Incorrect Quotes

Hans: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!

Gothel: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?

Hans: Obviously. Now, Turbo, pass the shovel.

Turbo: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

Dawn: And here we have a capitalist.

Gothel: Did you just-

Syndrome: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

Dawn: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

(that could be her life story)

(Scenario: Phoenix has decided to let Hans petsit their cat for an afternoon)

Gothel: I suppose you think Hans is more nurturing than I am.

Phoenix: G, there are prison cells more nurturing than you are.

Charles, bruised and disheveled: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.

Hans: Well, that was entirely predictable.

Charles: One of them punched a gang member.

Hans: Randall?

Charles: Dawn, actually.

Hans: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

*Turbo and Syndrome playing minecraft*

Turbo: Oh no, oh no, oh no-

Syndrome: What’s wrong?

Turbo: I did a thing.

Syndrome: You regret the thing you dID-

Turbo: *screams*

Syndrome: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-

Turbo: *screams again*

Ernesto: I like your new pants!

Phoenix: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Ernesto: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Phoenix: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Ernesto: That’s… not what I meant.

Phoenix: That’s a terrible way to run a business, ‘Nesto.

Dawn: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!

Randall: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Dawn's* hey bEsTiEs !!1!

Dawn: I literally hate you so much.

Prof. Callaghan: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.

Charles: Hi, I’m ‘things’.

Ernesto: Ovejita... you've been cuddling with me for over an hour now.

Dawn: *muffled* mm hmmm :)

Ernesto: Maldita sea. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.

Gothel: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.

Gothel: *glares at Prof. Callaghan*

Prof. Callaghan: Well, sorry I have morals!

(as long as Abigail isn’t in danger, of course)

Ernesto: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

Prof. Callaghan, looking through his clothes: Has anyone seen my top?

Hans: Charles's in the kitchen.

Gothel: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.

Prof. Callaghan: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Randall: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.

(he knows he loves them)

Randall: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.

Prof. Callaghan: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?

*Ernesto drunkenly wanders around the house and Dawn is drunkenly giggling*

Hans, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Randall.

Randall, going to his room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

Prof. Callaghan: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Charles: I wrote you a poem.

Prof. Callaghan, already crying: You did?

Randall: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the de la Cruz way.

Dawn: Isn't that the wrong way?

Randall: Yes, but it's faster.

Gothel: So, what is Dawn to you?

Ernesto: The reason I wake up every morning.

Gothel: ...That’s adorable.

Dawn earlier that morning, barging into Ernesto′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Randall: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Kaa: *pulls out a card from her deck* Now, was thissssss your card?

Randall: Holy shit-

Dawn: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Ernesto: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Dawn: Absolutely not.

Syndrome: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Randall: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Prof. Callaghan: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.

Ernesto: What was the color called before then?

Dawn: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

Hans: Alright, who’s hogging the Netflix account? I’ve been locked out all week! Gothel: Sucks to suck! I’m already on the 8th season of Friends! Charles: Not me. Hans: Don’t lie. I know it’s not Dawn or Turbo. Charles: It’s not me, really! Hans: … Charles: …But it might be Phoenix… Hans: You gave Phoenix access to our Netflix account!?!? Charles: They wanted to watch Orange is the New Black! Hans: I’m going to kill you.

Randall: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Randall: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Charles: *nudges Prof. Callaghan at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Bob? Wake up, Bob! Listen! They're sexless!

Prof. Callaghan: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.

Syndrome: I just heard Charles call Epsilon a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

Prof. Callaghan: You have to apologize to them, Charles.

Charles: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Syndrome: Don’t mansplain this to me!

Gothel: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!

Syndrome: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!

Ernesto: So you like cats?

Phoenix: Yeah.

Ernesto: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Charles: I didn't drink that much last night.

Hans: You were flirting with Professor Callaghan.

Charles: So what? He’s my husband.

Hans: You asked if he was single.

Hans: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.

Hans: Is it still visible? Where Anna slapped me?

Syndrome: Your face looks like a “don't walk” signal.

Dawn: Your face looks like a photo negative for the Hamburger Helper box.

Gothel: A palm reader could tell Anna's future by looking at your face.

Randall: The phrase “talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening” doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Hans: ...A simple “yes” would've sufficed.

Dawn: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

Dawn: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Charles: Last night I found out Bob is a sleep talker.

Hans: Oh, really?

Charles: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3 am.

Dawn: (holding Ernesto’s spine as the rest of him lays in pieces on the ground) I got your back, bestie!

Ernesto: Ovejita, do you think this is funny? Give me mi columna!

Dawn: (giggles) Gosh, you have no stomach for this joke.

Ernesto:(scowling) Ovejita I swear to god…

(I never include enough skeleton puns in these)

(during the interviews)

Randall:I wouldn’t last two minutes without the family.

Randall:...Randall: Tell any of them I said that and I’ll put you through the shredder.

#villainous found family au #disney villains #writing #incorrect quotes #criminal found family

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effervescible · 1 year

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I posted 4,746 times in 2022

That's 3,876 more posts than 2021!

22 posts created (0%)

4,724 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@vivi-mire

@waffilicious

@ahollowyear

@dying-offeels

@kawree

I tagged 4,730 of my posts in 2022

#kh - 1,262 posts

#funny - 309 posts

#laugh rule - 259 posts

#tumblr - 255 posts

#comics - 249 posts

#roxas - 206 posts

#cats - 195 posts

#asscreed - 186 posts

#sora - 174 posts

#fandom - 94 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#this forced me to have to explain why sora didn't at least recognize the name even if he didn't make the connection between the organization

My Top Posts in 2022:

waiting for ubisoft to maybe-announce an Assassin’s Creed (1) remaster at their September event like it’s actually going to happen. I’m just a clown in a hood.

69 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

Old Man Ephemer enjoying time with his family, still missing the friends he once had to leave behind (or who left him behind), but absolutely covered in his many adorable grandkids who he loves very much and who love to hear tales of his youthful Keyblade adventures, reblog if you agree

80 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

sometimes I remember that Jiminy Cricket actually, canonically gave Aqua and Ventus Gummi phones with in-universe “summaries of everything that's happened so far” and I desperately want to know wtf THAT was like for them

114 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

This is way too broad to be useful, but pick one underdiscussed or underappreciated aspect of KH and sell me on it.

Dammit GG this is actually kinda hard! But if I had to pick, it's probably the sheer earnestness of it. It's not only an aspect I appreciate a lot, imo it's the ONLY thing that makes the series work.

Like yeah, KH1 is very earnest in that tween adventure, wholesome coming-of-age adventure sort of way that's not unusual for that kind of story, but it persists well after the plot goes turbo anime nonsense. It doesn't take itself overly serious in the sense that it purports to be an Important Take On The Human Condition but even when it flirts with the fourth wall, not ONCE does it try to back off from the stuff it is trying to talk about.

We've all been there, right? Had that indefinable-but-undeniably-there moment when a canon kind of winks at us and chuckles and lets us know it understands how fundamentally silly its premise is, that it's not actually cringey because we're all in on the joke together? At this particular moment in space-time, I could not come up with a specific example to save my life but I also KNOW that KH stands out because it doesn't do this and it doesn't loosen its iron grip on earnestness for a second.

KH is like, fuck that. It actually engages with its ridiculous bits in a way that never make the player feel embarrassed for buying into them. "Dude gets split in half then put back together because he is Special but his other half is still there because of that Specialness and becomes besties with someone he won't remember after she dies because of some bullshit we made up to facilitate a retcon" is objectively pretty eye-rolly, but KH doesn't roll its eyes. KH is like "wow would that be fucked up or what? How would someone's mental health actually be affected by that anime nonsense?" It isn't preachy but it is surprisingly thoughtful.

KH is like, it's fine to have big feelings about stuff! Your teenage angst is not embarrassing! And it applies to the positive things too. It's fine to be sappy and say saccharine and heartfelt things to your friend. It's fine to be silly without having to attach a disclaimer that you're actually a cool and mature person but felt like being temporarily silly. You can just be silly. Whatever emotions are happening in a given cutscene, KH turns them up to 11 and doesn't even consider the fact that there's anything weird about that.

Also, as a shorter second answer, I think KH is great because it doesn't care about specifically explain certain extremely lore-important concepts like the power of waking but it DOES care about explaining why Mickey Mouse didn't have a shirt at the end of the first game. I think that kind of laser-focus on extremely dumb details should be appreciated more.

203 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

a logical progression

Today chat discussed how it’s funny that Master Xehanort’s one act of kindness had such wildly disproportionate consequences and ultimately fucked him over

367 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #lmao #tumblr #tumblr roundup

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jeepcarupdates · 7 months

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The Family-Friendly Jeep Compass: A Buyer's Guide

Introducing the Family-Friendly Jeep Compass – an epitome of versatility and style, tailor-made for today’s discerning generation. This remarkable SUV seamlessly combines rugged capability with a spacious interior and cutting-edge safety technology. The Jeep Compass promises to be your ultimate partner in family adventures, whether you’re conquering urban landscapes, venturing down scenic byways, or embarking on weekend escapades. Travel in comfort and style, with the reassurance of top-notch safety features, ensuring that you and your loved ones enjoy every journey with unrivaled peace of mind. Welcome to a new era of family SUV excellence. Don’t forget to explore the PPS Jeep Showroom Near Me.

Become acquainted with Jeep Compass: A Family Friend

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Travel Hacks for Families: Stress-Free Trips with Kids Made Easy!

Are you currently seeking a family-friendly SUV that combines versatility with adventure-readiness?

Look no further than the Jeep Compass. In this buyer’s guide, we’ll cover all aspects of the Jeep Compass, including features, safety, trims, and customization. By the end of this guide, you’ll have a comprehensive understanding of why the Jeep Compass could be the perfect fit for your family’s needs. To find out more, Let’s dive in and explore what makes the Jeep Compass stand out in the crowded SUV market.

What is special about Jeep Compass?

The Jeep Compass is driven by a dynamic power source, the BS6 Phase 2-compliant 2.0-litre turbo diesel engine, which serves as the heartbeat of adventure. With an impressive 168bhp and a staggering 350Nm of torque, it transforms every drive into an exhilarating experience.

The Compass, your versatile companion, effortlessly tailors its drive to your style, manual or automatic. Unleashing power and tech, it transcends SUV status, crafting a symphony of excellence on every journey.

The Jeep Compass transcends mere excellence; it’s a paradigm shift in versatility. With the choice between 4×2 and 4×4 drive systems, it embodies boundless potential. In the face of nature’s challenges, the Compass stands ready, your ultimate adventure companion. Its extraordinary power, precision, and adaptability redefine SUV standards.

The Jeep Compass: Unleash performance, embrace adaptability, and embark on thrilling, unparalleled journeys. Install the Jeep Life app for the all-new Jeep Life experience. Discover a vehicle that prioritizes both safety and enjoyment, making every journey a memorable experience for the entire family.

Is Jeep Compass a success in India?

The Jeep Compass has firmly established itself as a triumph in the Indian automotive landscape, winning hearts and acclaim. Its allure lies in a winning combination of upscale features, unwavering build strength, and the legendary Jeep pedigree for conquering off-road challenges. This remarkable SUV has artfully bridged the gap for enthusiasts who crave both the thrill of rugged exploration and the plush comfort of modern driving, making it an irresistible choice that continues to captivate the nation.

In the highly competitive Indian SUV market, achieving success demands constant evolution, competitive pricing, and exceptional customer service. The Jeep Compass excels on all fronts, offering a diverse range of trim levels and customization options. The Jeep Compass performance excels both on and off the road, delivering versatility and power.

What truly sets it apart is its unmistakable seven-slot grille design, making a bold statement on the road. Renowned for its durability and dynamic driving experience, the Jeep Compass is not just a vehicle; it’s a symbol of excellence in the ever-evolving world of SUVs.

Is a Jeep Compass good for long drives?

The Jeep Compass is your perfect companion for unforgettable road trips. Embark on a journey of comfort and convenience with the Jeep Compass. Its spacious interior is designed for a truly pleasant experience, ensuring that even on those long road trips, you’ll find relaxation in abundance.

Sink into supportive seats that defy fatigue, letting you enjoy hours of driving without a care. Stay entertained and connected with the advanced infotainment system, making every mile memorable. Plus, the generous cargo space effortlessly swallows up your luggage and gear, making every adventure a seamless and enjoyable one.

The Jeep Compass offers a delightful blend of stability and comfort for highway journeys, ensuring a smooth and enjoyable ride. Its fuel-efficient engines lessen the hassle of frequent refueling, while its impressive off-road prowess makes it a versatile choice for adventure-seekers exploring diverse terrains during their long drives. The Jeep Compass 2023 review offers insights into this exciting new model.

The family-friendly Jeep Compass a buyer’s guide specifications

When considering the family-oriented Jeep Compass, meticulous evaluation is key to making the perfect choice. Begin by carefully assessing engine options to align with your driving preferences. Ensure comfortable seating for your family members and prioritize safety features. To enhance cost-efficiency on longer trips, focus on fuel efficiency. Decide on all-wheel drive (AWD) or four-wheel drive (4WD) based on your expected terrain.

In addition, it’s wise to thoroughly evaluate the Jeep Compass’s reliability and explore the array of available trim levels that match your preferences and budget. Carefully examine the manufacturer’s warranty details to confirm they align with your expectations.

Lastly, a test drive will provide firsthand experience to ensure the vehicle meets your family’s comfort and needs. Armed with this comprehensive guide, you are fully equipped to make a knowledgeable and prudent decision in choosing the ideal family SUV. Explore the family-friendly Jeep Compass in our comprehensive buyer’s guide, packed with specs.

Why is Jeep Compass so expensive?

The powerful Jeep Compass is a culmination of several factors that together form a compelling narrative of value and distinction. The Jeep Compass illustrious brand reputation is the foundation upon which the Compass stands tall, renowned for its off-road prowess and rugged endurance.

Explore the Compass’s inner workings to discover a carefully crafted masterpiece of features and technology, perfectly tailored to enhance your driving experience. Crafting such reliable companions as Jeep Compass, with their unwavering commitment to quality and ability to conquer tough terrains, naturally incurs a higher cost.

Safety takes center stage, with advanced features and technologies that prioritize your well-being, a testament to Jeep’s dedication to modernity and security. The engine’s pulse and performance symphony are in your hands, with powerful engine options and advanced drivetrains for those craving an exhilarating driving experience.

The Jeep Compass seamlessly weaves together its rich heritage, innovative features, and unwavering resilience, resulting in a vehicle that not only boasts impressive capabilities but also carries a distinct air of prestige. This unique combination elevates its overall value and positions it as a standout choice in the automotive landscape. Searching for a Jeep? Find the best Jeep prices near you today.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the Jeep Compass is not just a vehicle, it’s your family’s compass for a world of adventure, comfort, and togetherness. This remarkable compact SUV offers a compelling choice, with a range of trim options such as Sport, Compass, and Limited to suit your preferences. With all-wheel drive and efficient engines, it effortlessly combines capability and fuel efficiency, ensuring a smooth and cost-effective journey. Inside, the spacious and tech-savvy interior elevates comfort and connectivity for all passengers, making every trip memorable. Moreover, the incorporation of advanced safety features underscores the Compass’s unwavering commitment to family security. In essence, the Jeep Compass stands as a versatile, family-friendly SUV ready to accompany you on any adventure or daily commute, providing peace of mind and boundless memories. Seize the chance to schedule your thrilling Jeep test drive with Jeep Compass.

#jeep showroom bangalore #jeep compass

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emeritiii · 2 years

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OC-tober Day 3: "Old"

To make sure I won't burn myself out on drawing, I took asks for today's prompt! You can find the original meme by charmymemes here (link).

I used my man Felix from Rebelle (Jake from State Farm voice) for all of these. Rebelle is one of the oldest projects I am still actively a part of—Felix was created in 2014 or so, so he's not ancient but hopefully still old enough that I can make retirement jokes at him.

Disclaimer: I only did some instead of all because I ran out of time, but I may come back to it 👁️👁️ (and thank you!)

> OC-tober prompts by bweirdart

# # # # # # # # # # # #

👁️ EYE) He has blue-grey eyes. They aren't extremely striking, but they are usually alert and the most expressive part of his face.

🤥 LYING) He needs to back up his lies with physical actions and false evidence. He dislikes not being honest, and his voice by itself is not very convincing, so he does not stand up well to being questioned. His best strategy is either lying by omission or (the opposite end of the spectrum) setting up an elaborate story with all the details worked out in advance.

👻 GHOST) He doesn't believe in ghosts in the way that a real paranormal enthusiast believes in ghosts, but he does believe that places are figuratively haunted by every bad thing that has ever happened there. The psychological imprint of a traumatic event is just as good as a ghost.

💥 COLLISION) He has trouble dealing with All Emotions. He can get them out of the way by refusing to acknowledge them, but some professionals seem to think that is "maladaptive" and "making the problem worse in the long run."

😭 CRYING) I won't say he doesn't cry—he cried a lot when he was a kid—but it is so rare that only his two closest friends who have known him for years have ever seen him tear up. It would mainly happen when he was frustrated and upset about something he knew he had no control over.

👊 PUNCH) The average civilian would find him quick to violence, but other prominent members of his military unit (cough Hans cough), think he is too lenient. He tries to use the least force possible, but very few people would thank him for only giving them a minor wrist fracture.

💢 ANGER) The habits that tend to bother other people most are talking to himself and pacing multiple laps around camp after being forced to stand still for too long.

👪 FAMILY) His parents aren't around anymore and he was not on good terms with them for most of his life, but his younger sister Roxie is more important than anything else in his life. He may be a touch emotionally dependent on her, which raises a whole slew of issues, but he loves her enough to go straight to turbo hell for her.

😨 FEAR) He uses Fight as a mechanism for Flight—push whatever is threatening him into a position where he can guarantee escape.

💤 SLEEPING) Felix has as much trouble falling asleep as anyone in his setting does. He finds it easier to doze off if Soren, Hans, or Sapphire is nearby, although he knows better than to fall asleep first with Soren and Hans. He also finds it soothing when someone is playing music outside.

🥞 PANCAKE) If he were a breakfast-eater, his comfort breakfast would probably be fried potatoes with an egg over easy and a little diced green chile.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE) His birthday is 7 April and he hasn't celebrated it since he was a teenager.

🍩 DONUT) He likes anything with honey since that is the easiest sweetener to come by. Sweetened jalapeño cornbread is his go-to.

🍟 FRIES) Since ordering food isn't an option, I'll reframe as cooking for himself versus taking what the camp cook prepares. He hates rations and his stomach resists the venison that makes up a large proportion of the average soldier's protein, but rarely does he have the motivation to cook, so he usually ends up tolerating whatever is available.

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE) He loves hot drinks; he drinks more chicory coffee and lavender tea (courtesy of Sapphire) than he does water.

🍓 STRAWBERRY) He is decent about eating his fruits and vegetables. He won't say no when someone offers him a share of some safe wild berries, especially if they have been traveling or training extensively. He likes kale when someone thinks to grow it.

🍰 CAKE SLICE) Again, it's easiest to come by honey, so he has more experience with honey cake than anything else, but he had a life-changing berry cake once. He isn't picky.

🍧 SHAVED ICE) He has a square of Roxie's baby blanket, which he has embroidered with the family name and stitched into the inside of the jacket of his uniform because he couldn't fathom losing it. Ironically, it has turned a jacket he hates into something he can't relax without.

💐 BOUQUET) Passing on this one because I will not get these done otherwise (lighthearted)

🌙 MOON) He wants to bring his family (as in just himself, his sister, and Soren if he’ll put up with it) back together. He has already killed in pursuit of this, and he would be willing to die for it even though that would defeat the purpose.

🌋 VOLCANO) His temper is much shorter than it seems. He is good at suppressing outbursts but not at all good at actually stalling the buildup of anger.

#bweirdoctober #oc_tober #long post

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fosterthepoochescincy · 2 years

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Okay, so I know I am biased because Turbo (left, getting along famously with our resident dog) was my first foster, but he is seriously THE MOST PRECIOUS DOG at the shelter. I cannot believe no one has adopted him yet, and I think I know why. Turbo is probably not going to make an instant connection with anybody. He certainly didn't with me, because he is so timid. But, as soon as you take him home and show him he is cared for, I PROMISE he will love you more than life itself. He does the cutest little squeals and entire body wiggles when his favorite person comes home, and I have seen him make meaningful connections with shelter volunteers, who he only gets to see on a weekly basis. Foster or adopt this boy today and see what I mean! Stop in 1-6 PM daily or go to cincinnatianimalcare.org (at Cincinnati Animal CARE) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfjhZ4yOM19/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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tanevcolton28 · 3 months

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Yall saying mat barzal is the disney prince nah THIS IS THE REAL DISNEY PRINCE BRANDON FUCKING TANEV

#hes perfect #seattle kraken #hes babygirl #seattle #brandon tanev #my babygirl #kraken lb #my bf <3 #thats kraken hockey baby #krakenblr #fuck hes so hot #brandon tanev x reader #the boyfriend #love you more than life itself turbo #turbo bein turbo #turbo tanev

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers (S2 Ducktales Arcstrospective) Part 13: Timephoon! or Louie has Learned Absolutely NOTTTTHINNG

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to of Moons, Millionares and Mothers, my look at the Season 2 story arcs of ducktales.

For those of you following week to week you may of noticed there wasn’t any entries last week. Yeah I had to take another week off and this time not by choice: I started getting severe muscle pain in my shoulders tuesday while working on my Bugs Bunny Birthday special. I tried powering through it because being a panicky and anxiety riden bundle of frayed nerves I wanted to prove i could keep working so my schedule wouldn’t get hurt, especially since the rest of the week was the reviews for this fully paid for retrospective and my friend emma’s monthly patreon review, and I don’t like letting people down especially people who are kind, work with me greatly and make me making a living off this at all possible.

Of couse doing the thing that likely contributed to said pain instead of resting only made it worse and I came to the hard relization I HAD to stop for my own good. So I took a few days to chill, watch Jellystone, catch up on Bob’s Burgers, watch the new batch of Kamp Korral with my niece, fight the giant monkey man and save the 9th dimension, what you do on time off.

So i’m back, rejuvenated, with off arthritis hot (off brand icy hot) to help ocasional flair ups, and ready to get back to work as we enter the final four of this long as hell retrospective! As such I can bring back something I used for the final four episodes of the series itself: my fantastic four themed countdown I cribbed from that arc where Johnny storm died for a bit fighting a bunch of bugs. He got better, it was still awesome I will defintely talk about it some day. So starting us off at...

We have Timephoon! Where Frank and Co take “Or Rewrite History” to a new horrifying level as Louie nearly kills everyone he ever loved, Della becomes Sonic the Hedgehog, Webby gets a cute moment with her papa, and Huey goes mad from realizing Encino Man is more accurate to cavemen life than his research paper.

But before we can get for that a quick plug: I’m currnetly having a membership for my patreon. Patreon is a site where you can pay creators some money a month to help them live and in return get neat stuff, in this case acess to exclusive reviews, to vote in shorts based specials and newest and most juicy and recen tof all: A FREE REVIEW UPON SIGNUP. Yes so if there’s any ducktales episode I haven’t gotten to yet you’ve been dying to see me cover, any darkwing duck you want me to darkwing do or any other animated or beyond show you want me to take a peak at, you get one free episode with signup.

And as an extra bonus I have some stretch goals: forever and always just one person singing up will result in reviews of Tuca and Bertie, the first season of Amphibia, and now as an extra just for this month super turbo bonus if someone signs up by the end of august: QUACK PACK. All of it. All 42 episodes, and all these stretch goal reviews are PUBLIC. And this is allf or as little as ONE DOLLAR A MONTH. You can contribute more, 5 nets you a guarnateed review of your choice a month, but just a dollar gets you allll of this so please consider it and if you can’t that’s fine. NO matter what you can join me under the cut as Louie rewrites and then erases history, this is timephoon.

We open with life literally being like a Hurricane, here in duckburg, as a freak intense hurricane has hit the city and our heroes are hard at work fortifying the mansion for the worst.. except, naturally Louie. But shockingly not for the usual reasons of him being Garfield’s other illigamate son. Unshockingly he’s hiding something and while he’s being overtly suspcious the others don’t notice as we see what their up to:

First up are Dewey and Webby who are gathering suplies.. specifically about 80 some cans of chilli for Chilli Dogs. Beakley is less concerend about the fact they clearly murdered Sonic the hedgehog to get that much chillidog chilli and more about the fact that it’s not healthy to have ONLY that in the pantry for weeks.. and is livid that Della not only signed off on this but isn’t concerned about Scurvy. Yup it’s time for yet another round of “Beakley is a big judgmeetnal but never gets called out on her own issues as a parent:

To be clear Beakley isn’t WITHOUT a point: Eating nothing but canned chilli and hot dogs probably will go badly after a day , let alone several weeks, and that being a parent is more than just making your kids happy it’s looking out for their best intrests. She’s right there. Not only that but this episode shows Webby listens to Della. And she should, Della is one of the adults in the manor and Webby is like a sister to her kids and Golden Armory already had Beakley letting webby go to an event with just Della. So Beakley NEEDS to know her daughter will be safe.

My problem is how the show frames her: for the first two seasons the show frames Beakley as this untouchable super grandma whose really a mom in disguise whose usually right when it comes to kids. The most the first 2/3 of the show come to acknoeldging her faults as a parent is “Terror of the Terrafirmians” where she overreacts to Lena, and treats her like garbage. The episode DOSEN’T portray Beakley as in the right: she’s not supscious of lena because at the time Lena WAS indeed working for the big bad, but beacause she feels Lena is a bad influence on flimsy evidence like showing her a horor movie, leading her into an abandoned train station (something frankly Webby woudl’ve done anyway had she thought of it and we all know it), and being a loveable scamp. I mean granted Webby loves Lena so much she’d follow her off a cliff, and probably has but you know Lena can fly now so they probably just did it so they could do the whole superman flying lois lane around schitck, so being a LITTLE worried the person your daughter has a massive crush on is kind of dangerous is understandable, if paranoid. But Beakley apologizes, realized she was wrong.. and ends up being RIGHT in trusting Lena overall as Lena dragged her feet betraying Webby and sacrified her life for the girl.

But otherwise.. the show just kinda tends to put Beakley on a pedastal... which just dosen’t work. One of the shows biggest charms.. is that the characters all, ironically, feel human. Their all three dimensional people with a lot of depth and character to them, just like a real person. For instance Della’s parenting here is a bit 90′s sitcom dad, but it’s understandable: She spent 10 years on the moon and clearly didn’t mature much past 25 as she was focused more on survivial. She DID grow as a person.. but it wasn’t as a parent and thus she’s still learning at it. But she’s also a loving mother who sincerly wants to bond with her kids. People aren’t just one thing.

And that’s what makes Beakley intresting as a character. I genuinely LIKE her as a character and i’m still annoyed the show didn’t give her more to do till season 3, and probably woudl’ve given us more in a season 4... you know if Disney woudlnt’ stop arbitrary endnig or shortening popular shows. Still holding out for a movie thoguh they need more of those for Disney+ that are exclusive that aren’t just dug up from a warehouse somewhere in the nevada desert.

Anyways the reason I like her is she has lairs: She’s compietnet, profesionally, dosen’t take shit, is badass as all hell, hilariously snarking and ALMOST always a treat to watch. She’s a needed straight man in a cast of more emotive characters. She also raised an adorable, badass 12 year old basically herself, only getting housing and food from scrooge, all while knowing her worst enemies might rise from the ashes some day to take her. She’s an excellent character and Toks is a wonderful voice actress who hopefully will return to voice acting some more after this. Some people just do one and bolt, it’s why I still haven’t seen Rider Strong again despite being objectively one of the best parts of Star Vs the forces of evil.

But she’s not perfect because no one is: While she was justifably paranoid some bad people would get webby, she also let that paranoia consumer her: she overtraind webby, didn’t let Webby ever leave the house despite the only other resident being an emotionally broken and preputially grumpy billionare, and left her struggling to relate to people normally when the poor girl was finally let loose. Granted I also think webby has a bit of auitism like myself but even autisim dosen’t account for thinking a cut it out gesture means “slit this guys throat”, all nearly done with the thousand yard stare that reads “please not again”. Beakley is a decent mom, but like any person or parent , she’s not perfect and the show NEVER acknoelwedges that or has Beakley grapple with what sheltering webby like she did cost the child.

Sure Donald screwed up as a parent too and was also overprtective.. but the show both showed that’s ab ad thing and didn’t wait til lthe final episode to give us a valid reason WHY: Donald lost his sister, is already not the most emotinally stable guy, was betrayed by his second dad, lost his original parents because Amanda Waller decided they knew too much, and the boys were al lhe had. It dosen’t excuse his own actions.. but the show dosent either. While it sidesteps him actually deling with it with della because shut up, it dosen’t frame his overprotectivness as the start as good and by the end he tearfully realizes he can’t keep shutting scrooge out and doing so has lead his boys to belivie tha’ts okay and to stunt their own emotinal growth out of bitterness just like donald idd. We just.. never get a moment of clarity like that for Beakley. The most she does is nearly walk away at the end which works, it was an uterly heartbreaking scene and webby subtly telling her to stay and that she was stil lher mom is one of the sweetest and most tear inducing moments in the entire series, but it’s just not enough overall. This episode would’ve been far more itnresting if Della fired back with this and we actually went into more of this stuff instea dof just “whelp mrs b is right”. Sadly it dosen’t and it hurts the episode as a whole. More on this as we go.

Next up, ding, Huey, whose going to submit his research on cave ducks to the JWG council , and if it’s good enough it’s going into the next edition of the guide book, making him, as Dewey lovingly puts it “A professional nerd”. Scrooge is securing all the heirlooms in the garage, specifically a collection of family canes including the first mcduck cane, a caveman’s club.

Finally we have Launchpad whose trying to batten down the windows and then accidnetly makes a hole. Not wanting them to die today Beakley has him go trail Louie as she notices he’s being even more shady than usual, which is an acomplishment. Granted this whole move dosen’t make a ton of sense; sure she wants him to stop goofing it up, that’s fair, but if she’s REALLY concerned about Louie... why is she sending the most easily trickable person they have? A wet mop would have more of a chance of actually doing something. I love the guy, and he is compitent in a clutch, but “dealing with a master con artist” is not in his skill set, which for the record is “flying” “Hitting things” “darkwing duck” “nude portraits of drake” “lovemaking” burrito making” “sandwitch making” “eating” “driving while asleep” and saving the best and most obvious “Crashing” and “Surviving a crash”. And it’s not like she dosen’t have options: While Della is understandably out as Beakley dosen’t trust and Della might not be willing to go spy on her kid as a trait this episode gives her is being unquestionably trusting of them, Beakley HERSELF could go up and check since Scrooge is down there to take over supervision for a second, and Scrooge HIMSELF would gladly go up and check on him since Scrooge has been mentoring/putting up with him all season. It’s not a hard sell to say “he might be doing something dangerous/illegal/or time destroying please go check on it.”.

But if Beakley were written as intellgent as she actually is we woudln’t have a plot so instead Launchpad goes up.. and finds Louie returning in Gyro’s Time Tub. Cue the opening credits:

youtube

So after that Louie explains what his latest scheme: to use Gyro’s stolen borrowed time tub to plunder treasures lost to history, demonstrating by taking Launchpad back to fetch an idol. .an idol being persued by a fairly familiar caveman. Louie’s theory is that if he’s the one who causes it to be lost, it creates a loop, he gets all the profit and no harm’s done... except said caveman gets zapped back with them unbenownst to Louie.

The episode also brilliant shows things are off already without overly explaning it, in a way I did’nt notice before as The Outlaw Scrooge McDuck wasn’t as fresh in my brain: the time tub is noticably not working as smoothly. When Gyro used it it ONLY took him with him and worked just fine, no distortion to time and space, no accidental passengers. But Louie using it messes it up.

The reason is simple: Gyro’s travel was a closed loop: He was supposed to go back and help a younger scrooge, and had ALWAYS done so. Louie THINKS he has one.. but dosen’t get that just because history SAYS something was lost at “blank time” dosen’t mean it stopped BEING a part of history. Sure there’s been plenty of time travel stories where something leaves the past but again those are closed loops: the person was supposed to take them and often it’s things like the souviner photo from back to the future part 3: something that WOULDN’T exist if the traveler hadn’t come back.

In contrast these items are enough historical or mystical signifigance for Louie to know of them.. meaning there’s no knowing just WHAT happened between now and present day with them. Just because they vanished dosen’t mean some rich asshole didn’t plunder them for a vault and simplymake it look like their lost, take notes Louie, someone found the item and simply kept it to themselves to keep it safe and faked the loss or that it was supposed to stay buried where it was for an event in the FUTURE. That someone, possibly Louie’s own family would find these lost treasures. Gyro simply created predestination paradox: Louie rewrote history and while doing it once or twice probably woudl’ve been fine if shaky, doing it clearly dozens of times is too much for time to ignore before it tries correcting thigns and as we’l lsee it dose so sloppily because i’ts broken and dosen’t know wha tit’s doing wrong.

It also fits his character: Louie , much like Glomgold funny enough but I think i’ll save that comparison for tommorow, dosen’t THINK through his plans. Sure he can analize.. but he dosen’t turn the lense onto his own plans and thus they’ve had gaping holes: running out of harpies, one of his marks posisbly being innocent, not just going to the patnent office early. He just goes with what seems easy and then is somehow suprised when it backfires. And this episode shows the end result of that: a scheme that dosen’t just put one or two peopl ein danger, but the entire UNVIERSE in danger because he thought it through.

Risk and Reward is one of the themes of the series as stated by Frank: adventure is all about taking some risk fo ra large reward and sometimes, like with della you gamble.. and you loose ten years. With Louie he thinks about the payout... but not about the risks of said payout. And that kind of thinking nearly gets him killed.

Back with everyone else as Louie tells Launchpad ot keep it secret keep it safe, Louie covers for himself before SOMETHING lands on the lawn and Della lets the kids run out ot investigate it because she’s the world’s best mom. They find a dead guy. Told you world’s best mom: not everyone would let their chlidren reinact stand by me in a hurricane. They bring him in and he’s alive.. and bubba, the caveduck from before.. which panics the shit out of Louie for obvious scam related reasons. Before we get back to Bubba we also get one of the best gagas and Webby figures Bubba was frozen in an ice berg and dethawed. The resulting exchange is golden father-daughter interactoin:

Scrooge: That’s perposterious Webby: (In a tone that indicates she’s just used to his shit by now) It happene dto you twice Scrooge: (Gives out a noise as if to say fair point)

Bubba is yet another example of the show taking a character who was either divisive (Webby and Beakley), not liked at all (Doofus) or was shockingly racist (Djonn), and giving them a neat coat of paint. And out of all the reinventions that weren’t of racist caractures, this is one of the most suprisingly successful.

As a refresher, Bubba was a cave duck who was added to the cast of season 2 of Ducktales during the 5 part season opener and came back with the ducks to stay with them alongside his pet triceratops tootsie. Bubba.. was not well liked by fans as from all accounts i’ve heard he was annoying, as I haven’t seen his episodes, and I don’t think the crew liked him much either. While they DID use Bubba for a bit, he only appeared 4 times outside of his 5 part introduction. In contrast fenton got TWICE as many episodes in Ducktales, and 5 more over in darkwing duck. Granted that version sucks lemons on toast but still, I think i’ve made my point.

It shows here too: Fenton is one of the major supporting cast along with the Saberwing Sisters and Darkwing: given major screen time, development and importance. Bubba is an excelent guest star but he only shows up ONCE. “ But unlike the other show this comes off less like favioritism and more that Frank simply had more to work with: fenton is an intresting dynamic character who while crossiing into some familiar superhero territoiry is his own character. Bubba would likely be eithe rretreading or paoryindg “caveman comes to the presnt stories’ And those stories can be good: I’ve heard Encino Man is good despite having Pauly Shore as one of the leads, and the comics themselves did a great story with Princess Oona, a caveduck who ends up in the present. It just dosen’t work for a show that already has 80 main characters and no where to put bubba that’s off to the side. Fenton lives with his mom, Lena got adopted, Drake lives a city away. They ahve ways to keep other major characters busy and out of the action. The only real places for him, Gyro and the manor, are already full enough with side characters. He just works best as a one shot here.

Since we’re talking about him anyway let’s go ahead and knock out most of Bubba’s subplot.. i’ll save his part in the climax and the final scene as one of the nice things about this episode story wise, and headachy reviewing wise, is that the two plots are neatly intwined and the pacing is REALLY good: it moves along fast and this comedy b-plot dosen’t slow down the main plot, instead feeding into it when necessary and creating tension as Bubba KNOWS Louie, meaning if someone connects the dots he’s screwed.

The plot is pretty basic: Huey wants to study Bubby for his research only to find out Bubba is WAY more advanced than he thought, taking a liking to chilli cheese dogs, picking up language quick, and grasping fire and the wheel years before Caveducks should have. Rather than you know, marvel at the fact history was wrong and Caveducks were super advanced, Huey, being very regimented in his head and thus not able to take being wrong well, slowly breaks down instead. It’s like Encino Man if one of the wacky teens was the kind of smarmy history nerd who will post without fail in any work that has dinos and humans at the same time WELL THAT’S NOT HOW THAT HAPPENED WHO CARES IF THI SIS FICTOIN GRRRRR. And you may scoff but keep in mind people sent the x-men team TONS of emails after the X-Men Terraformed mars recently, a thing that I will never stop bringing up because everyone needs to know this happened for all time, about how it wasn’ possible. In a comic booke world with a talking racoon, a giant purple two eyed planet eater, a living planet, and a naked silver man on a surf board, and the freaking hypno hustler. So people CAN get this pedantic and that makes this all the more fun. It’s just a nice pile of fun gags, includnig the iconic shot of bubba in sunglasses doing a fip while playing keytar, while Huey slowly looses his shit. Nothing relaly to dig into til lthe final scene and nothing to really mock: it’s just a good solid comedy subplot.

So back to Louie, whose now realized he done pooped the bed, made worse when Gyro shows up and reveals someone stole his time tub... and Scrooge and Beakley take all of five seconds to figure out it was one of the kids. Things only get worse as time and space start to collapse and drag stuff to the mansion including cowboys, ninjas (which leads to a great bit of Scrooge admitting their worst than termites), and knights all causing chaos.

So Louie runs off to go try and fix this in a panic while Della is dumbstruck as she can’t fathom one of her kids having done THIS and I like it: Dellas new at this and for once Beakley isn’t judgmental, instead explaning that even the best kids can still screw up badly. And i’td be a fine lesson for the show, and is a fine lesson in general: you can do everything right as a parent and have great kids... and something horrible can still happen with them because no one is perfect and as much as it hurts there needs to be conseequences fo rit. The problem is the framing: the episode frames it like this is SOMEHOW linked to Della’s permisivnesss.

Bear with me: they frame it like Della not reinging in louie and magically finding his scheme... is at fault and she grows a a character by coming down on him at the end. Now there is good story potetial here: Della possibly blaming herself, even though it’s not her fault for Louie’s actions because she wasn’t here to raise them, Louie manipulating her by guilt tripping her over the spear of selene.. ther’es rich material here.. but the episode simply goes to choose with “Well you gotta displince kids and don’t give em skurvy”

Della having to learn displince isn’t a bad subplot but the two plots just don’t connect that way: Louie would’ve done this if Della was here or not. Louie has been doing this all season. That’s the point the next episode tries to use poorly. We’ll get to that. Della being permissive isn’t even SHOWN on him it’s shown with Dewey, her faviorite child. Because we never got a proper Della and Louie episode before this like we did with the other sons it delutes the imapct. Sure she loves her kid.. but she’s BONDED with Huey and Louie. Which again coudl’ve helped the story: Louie, being the one who had the hardest time accepting her pushes her away and that’s why he acts the way he does in the climax and towards her authority. Instead they just... don’t really play it that way either time or even leave it to subtext and it ruins the story.

So yeah a big ole time fracas (TM) insues. Our heroes fight and it’s a lot of fun , including Launchpad getting lassoed with a cowboy. While the della louie stuff is really weak, the episode is still fun to watch with tons of great set pieces, and of course one of the best gags in the entire series when Scrooge sends gyro to find the tub:

And with that gag we also find out the storm is now sucking up anyone close to it: trying to replace the people lost in space and time but not knowing WHO to take> i’ts trying to complete a puzzle by jamming the wrong pieces in there, just like Louie himself whose desperatley trying to return the treasures but admits to forgetting where some go.

Two other bits before we move the plot along that are neat Scrooge gets protected from a pirate by webby and the two just give each other the most adorable look. It warms the heart so damn much.

The other continues the bubba plot as Tootsie, in this series a wild animal, nearly kills Huey, only for Bubba to save him and Huey to accept him.

Della gapes in horror as the storm picks up Beakley and goes up to find Louie responsible, pissed as all hell and devistated, likely again blaming herself as she takes him down to fix it.

They can, turns out there’s a reverse, but we get a great and horrifying sequence as each of Clan McDuck gets taken one by one into the past and Louie BARELY saves things. It’s a tense, horrifying scene that sells just how bad things are.

Louie fixes the world, the storm subsides literally, and our heroes are returned in fun otufits:

So once upon a time in the west, once upon a time in hollywood, a della in king arthur’s court, black beakly, and cultural apporration. Got it.

Thi is where the episode makes another mistake; Louie tries to apologize.. but it comes off as insenscre, like he wants to avoid the consequences of his actions, again, not like he’s as horrified as he was TWO SECONDS AGO. It’s probably to make what comes next more paltable but it just makes him come off as an unrepentant little monster who got his entire family scattered throughout time for who knows how long: sure they were only gone a moment but CLEARLY some time passed as each comes back with a neat outfit and all but Beakley’s are ENTIRELy diffrent. They ahd to be there at least a full day or two. Possibly longer judging by Launchpad’s stubble. And that’s just the personal consequences: his assholish actoins ALSO nearly DESTROYED TIME ITSELF AND THUS THE UNVIERSE. I mean if he’d been reptentant while it’d still be HORRIBLE, I could understand as just a kid messing up but the fact he dosen’t even seem MILDLY shaken by that, and is only shaken by the consequences of it REALLY bothers me.

But Della REFUSES to take it and points out he nearly destroyed them all for a scam, grounds him and ends Louie Inc, whicH I THOUGHT was harsh on first watch, and Loui’es broken reactoin is clear, but.... he again nearly got everyone trapped in time and destroyed time itself. The fact he’s not going to reform school is GENEROUS on her part. And i’m not even a guy who like sthose schools but Della is smart, she’d find a non abusive one and make sure Louie was being taken care of, but properly helped with his sociopathy. Louie even throws back the moon in her face which too Della’s credit she dosen’t deny.. but the scnearios’ aren’t compatable. BOth acted like morons.. but Della actually feels BAD about it. You don’t. Beakley does compliment Della on the right thing.

One final scene that feels like a weird place to end it but whatever: Huey gets his entry rejected for being unrelastic which...JWG guy.. my dudes.... you you know the world you live in right? And who this kid is right?

They muse on why Bubba was advanced, especially since the first mcduck cane is missing.. and thus Bubba’s true reinvetnion is revealed as millions of years ago, Bubba carves his own stone top hat and stands proud, First of the Clan McDuck.

Final Thoguhts: This episode as I said was patchy: The Bubba plot is briliant and that final twist shook me and the time travel shenanigans are fun.. but the main plot just falls apart the more you think about it and is failed by not having Della and Louie interact earlier. I mean... you coudl’ve had Louie be in her subplot for Golden Armory, at least set up this episode. Instead what we got was okay but coudlv’e been so much more

Next Time: Della nearly gets her son killed with shoddy parenting which would be a shame if Louie didn’t wholly deserve it, while Glomgold aseembles his own Legion of Doom to win the bet and we see Zan Owlson go completely dead inside.

#ducktales #of moons millionares and mothers #timephoon #louie duck #della duck #launchpad mcquack #scrooge mcduck #webby vanderquack #huey duck #dewey duck #bubba mcduck #tootsie #bentina beakley #gyro gearloose #time travel

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luckyladylily · 2 years

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You know what we need? More post show supernatural drama. That’s always super entertaining. And I think I know what should come next: Redemption arc. Not within the show, but for the show itself!

In a few months we find out that CW sold the rights to supernatural to help with their financial problems. Shortly after that, it is announced: Supernatural, the movie.

Plot: Turns out the ending of season 15 wasn’t the whole story. After dying from getting nailed by a vampire Dean and Cas are wished back to life, because there is some new threat that is so bad that it’s gonna take one of the legendary Winchesters to deal with it. Sam isn’t in the movie, because Jared sucks, and because Dean didn’t want to disturb his happily ever after or whatever. So it’s a Dean, Cas, and old ally/new guy.

Plot happens, but the important part is Cas and Dean being total wimps about talking about the whole love confession thing, but in a way that it is this massive elephant in the room, will they wont they thing that has a big influence on the story. Because everyone knows that’s why the fandom is here for.

Sub plot: New guy starts out with massive hero worship of Dean and Cas, but slowly becomes more and more jaded about their idols as it becomes apparent they are emotionally repressed nerds who would rather get sent to turbo hell than talk about their feelings. Hilarity ensues.

It ends in some way that isn’t really shitty to gay people, I don’t know how, I don’t really care. I’m 100% in this for the second hand fandom drama. Could you imagine the tumblr explosion after Supernatural: The Movie was announced?

#I wouldn't call this a fanfic idea #because the entire point of it revolves around the idea that it would be official #it doesn't work as anything but an official canon thing

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gamer2002 · 3 years

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Ralph Breaks The Internet - Review2002

Ralph Breaks The Internet is a sequel to Wreck-It Ralph that focuses on Ralph’s and Vanellope von Schweetz’s merry misadventures across the Internet. The movie, despite upholding visual quality and humor of the original, received rather mixed reception. A lot of fans of the original say that the movie betrays Ralph’s character development, the beginning is an idiot plot, Vanellope goes Turbo, she is treated by the movie with unfair forgiveness that Ralph doesn’t receive, and the moral of the story is contrary to the previous one.

Personally, while I enjoyed the movie, especially loving its commentary on the Internet and Disney itself, I recognize that the writers have opened themselves to all this criticism. I think that if the movie was more critical about Vanellope, while emphasizing on what made her different from Turbo and first-movie Ralph, rest of the issues would be more easily forgiven.

So, let’s do the review of Ralph Breaks The Internet, that doesn’t criticize the movie, but reviews how it could be improved.

Mutually Toxic Friendship

The movie’s main lesson is that you should trust your friends. This is what Ralph learns, realizing that his friendship with Vanellope was possessive and lacking trust of her being capable of simultaneously pursuing own happiness while remaining a true friend of Ralph. I wouldn’t say that Ralph having such issue is out-of-character. Until the first movie, Ralph had no real friend and was generally unliked. While his standing has improved, with Van becoming his BFF, that never translated into Ralph improving own social skills. Becoming a friend like Vanellope was the happiest thing that ever happened in his life, but was also a thing he never had been prepared to handle. Ralph, being a rather simple-minded bloke, never put much thought into such issues as “Vanellope may become unhappy with her own game” or “Vanellope may find happiness far away from Ralph’s home”. The opening scene does demonstrate Ralph simple-mindedness, where he doesn’t think much about Van’s questions about the nature of their existence.

It isn’t a problem that Ralph doesn’t think much about life. He, after years of unhappiness and lack of satisfaction, can finally be happy. Not to mention, the very lesson of his movie was to not demand too much from life. With Vanellope as his friend, he has everything that makes his life fulfilled, and he isn’t greedy for more. And Vanellope is a beloved star of her game, so, in Ralph’s view, she shouldn’t even consider wanting anything more. But while Ralph isn’t obsessed anymore with having more than he has, he is possessive about what he already has. Which is why he turns out to be insecure about his friendship with Van, and those insecurities are what he needs to overcome.

The problem that movie doesn’t notice is that Vanellope herself is in need of learning to trust Ralph. While Van is friendly and nice towards Ralph, she sees him as incapable of accepting any change to an already satisfying him status quo. And yes, Ralph does have clear difficulties with that. But Ralph having difficulties with accepting change is a far cry from Ralph being incapable of accepting any change. Ralph being simple-minded is a far cry from Ralph being incapable of considering needs of others. Ralph wanting to be with Vanellope is a far cry from Ralph not ever letting her go. But Vanellope constantly underestimates Ralph, avoiding discussing issues on the first sign of Ralph’s displeasure. It’s a toxic positivisms. No healthy relationship functions without any conflict, which is why Van avoiding any conflict with Ralph only fuels his worries and insecurities. Which is what happens when Van ditches Ralph and goes to GTA game, without telling him anything.

When Ralph has issues with trusting Vanellope changing things, Vanellope has issues with trusting Ralph to accept any change. Their relationship is filled with mutual distrust, and this is the distrust they both have to overcome.

Thing is, while Ralph does learn his lesson, Vanellope is treated like she never had to learn any. Even though Van does learn to trust Ralph enough to trust Ralph-virus that he will never hurt her and will stop harming others if she just stays with him. That scene, with the following Ralph’s declaration of trust, could be a beautiful resolution of a mutual problem. But the problem isn’t shown to be mutual.

What the movie lacks is explicit criticism of Vanellope’s treatment of Ralph. One way for this, in the first act, was to have Van share a scene with Tamora. Tamora is now married with Felix. She could mention that occasionally they do have fights, but they always ends well anyway. That could provoke Vanellope to express her worry that a fight with Ralph could end up not so well, which would be criticized by Tamora as an unfair view towards Ralph. Shank’s gang could also be used to demonstrate this, with them constantly bickering among themselves, but remaining trusting friends anyway. And finally, Yesss could criticize Van for selfishly ditching Ralph for Shank after he had worked so hard for her sake. That would lead Van to realization that Ralph wouldn’t hurt her, not would Ralph-based virus, leading her to the idea of stopping the virus through self-sacrifice. And, of course, after the crisis with virus is resolved, there could be a mutual apology.

The justification of Vanellope’s not-that-Turbo desire

Van’s desire to become a character in GTA game is seen by some fans as her going Turbo, which is contrary to what Ralph had to learn in his movie. It’s true that her desire is similar enough to Turbo’s, and can be also called a selfish abandonment of responsibilities towards her own game. The writers should have recognized this issue, and explicitly explain why it does not apply.

There is a difference between what Turbo, or first-movie Ralph, wanted, and what Van wants in the sequel. Turbo couldn’t stand his game (and himself) losing popularity, so he hijacked another game to become its central character. His motivation was greed and envy. Ralph, while better excused, also envied Felix and was greedy about obtaining a better status for himself.

But Vanellope didn’t want popularity or status, it was the opposite. She already was the star of her own game. She already was the only picked character there. She was unmatchable there. And she was the ruler there. And that’s why she preferred GTA world, where she would be an enemy NPC working for somebody that was at least as good as her. She wanted to lower her status.

Of course, it’s undeniable that this was going against her responsibilities. The movie could fix that, by seriously demonstrating that Vanellope’s very existence was making things unfair for other characters in her game. Because Van was OP. She wasn’t just designed to be the best character there, she also was glitched into becoming completely busted. If her game was capable of hosting tournaments, she would be permanently banned from them. And this was bad for the game.

The movie could demonstrate this by showing low morale of other racers in that game. Nobody but Vanellope was winning. Nobody but Vanellope was being picked. She outclassed everyone, even beyond the intended programming. How about showing the players mocking aloud every other character, calling them unworthy to pick? And to put more pressure on Van, all characters forced themselves to accept this, because they all loved her unconditionally. Or maybe everyone was just programmed to love her unconditionally? This is what Vanellope could have referred to, when she was questioning her existence.

In such situation, it could be better for Van to remove herself from the game. Without her, the other racers would have a fair chance. Plus, they also would be freed from their obligations towards her. In this way, the movie could justify Vanellope’s decision for changing games, by making a decision that could improve lives in her game.

#wreck it ralph #ralph breaks the internet #vanellope von schweetz #movie review #review #writing tips #disney #cartoon #movie #animation #animated movie #review2002

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royallyprincesslilly · 4 years

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Title: Kismet {5}

Henry Cavill x Famous OFC Aliya Taylor

Warning: Plot Heavy, Slow Burn, Mild Cursing, Flirtation

Words: 4.5k

Summary: Aliya is a singer turned model turned actress. Since she was fifteen, she’s been creating her empire in the entertainment world. As the daughter of a famous fashion model/designer and Hollywood director, you’d think life is easy for her, but her past has been anything but easy. Due to past trauma, she’s forever changed and no longer trusts any man that is not in her family and a select few in her team. She’s sworn off love and serious relationships and has planned never to fall again, but love isn’t something that can be planned. It just happens when it’s meant to. Can Aliya outrun a love that seems hellbent on holding tight to her, a love that is Kismet?

If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!! 😘

As always, thank you so much for reading. ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

-Aliya-

By the time you left the restaurant, it was midnight. Henry opened the door for you to walk through, finishing up a childhood story.

“And that is why my brother refuses to sleep in the guesthouse anymore,” he finished.

You released a loud laugh, throwing your head back. “Wow. So the guesthouse is haunted.”

“He sure thinks so,” Henry said with a smile.

“A lot of outsiders think everywhere in Ireland is haunted,” you informed.

“Same with outsiders and Scotland.”

“Funny.”

“How often do you go to Ireland?”

“I try at least once a year. Whenever I have an album that comes out, I either go there or Australia to unplug from the world,” you explained as you leaned on the window of the restaurant, facing him.

“Why?”

“Releasing an album is weird. It’s all so personal, and keeping track of it’s standing is nerve-wracking. I like to go away, ignore my phone, and just chill for a few days.”

“That’s an interesting strategy.”

Silence fell between you, a comfortable one.

“Feels like a nice night. Can I take you somewhere?”

“Depends. Where is this somewhere?”

“You’re going to have to trust me.”

With the mention of the T-word, you sucked in a breath.

“I don’t know you,” you piped up.

Henry took a step closer to you, leaving only a few inches between you. “Get to know me.”

“Isn’t that what I’m going?” He smiled again and bit his bottom lip. Your eyes dropped to them and stayed there.

“Is it? Kinda feels like you’re searching for reasons,” he whispered.

“Reasons for what?”

He was so close. All you had to do was tip onto your toes, and your lips would touch. He studied you, but you had no idea what he was thinking. You watched him lick his lips and quickly got lost in how he did it.

“Can I take you somewhere?”

His voice was so deep, so husky that your belly quivered.

“Okay,” you whispered.

Henry’s eyes dropped to your lips as he spoke. “You’ll like it, don’t worry.” Then he backed away, allowing the air around you to cool.

“I bet I will,” you whispered, but he heard it and chuckled.

“Where’d you park?”

“I didn’t drive tonight.”

“Chauffeured?”

“The only way for a lady to travel,” you joked with a small curtsy.

“Are you all right taking my car then?”

“I’ve been taught not to get in the car of anyone whose character I’m unsure of. They could kill me or rape me.

Henry scoffed then laughed into the night air.

“Well, you’ve been taught correctly.”

“Ah, see.”

Again he leaned closer to you. “Luckily, I’m not interested in killing or raping you.”

“Oh no? then what are you interested in when it comes to me?”

The way he stared at you had you feeling a way you’d never felt before. It was something you couldn’t put your finger on, something you didn’t quite understand.

“All shall reveal itself in due time,” Henry whispered.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed. “Spoken like a true brit.”

Henry shrugged and led you to his car, which was parked across the lot. As you got closer, your jaw dropped.

“Wow. A Porsche 911 GT1 Turbo?”

“You know cars?”

“Are you kidding? This baby is one sexy beast. 3.8L 6-cylinder engine, zero to sixty in just over three seconds, top speed at two hundred and five miles per hour which was dethroned as the fastest when the Spyder came around,” you boasted.

Henry’s mouth was wide as he gaped at you.

“I think that is the sexiest thing a woman has ever said to me.”

The two of you laughed together as he opened the passenger door for you to slide in. You marveled at the interior beginning at the stunning dash and the stick shift and ending on the smooth expensive leather finish. It was a gorgeous car.

“This is so gorgeous. Wow.” You looked at him, and he still looked shocked. “Did I freak you out now?”

“No, far from it,” Henry answered as he turned on the engine, which excited you more than it should have.

“Hold on, I like to go fast,” he warned, staring into your eyes. That was an innuendo if you’d ever heard one, and it did the trick to set your nether regions on fire.

As he drove, you paid close attention to how he handled the wheel and commanded the car to do as he wished. It was sexy how he switched lanes and easily handled LA traffic. After barely ten minutes of driving, your legs were crossed and clenched tightly with your hand squeezing your knee, begging it to remain closed.

When Henry turned off the engine, you saw he’d pulled up to the beach.

“The beach.”

“Not just the beach. Let me show you.”

He was the first to get out and come around for you. When he opened the door, he held his hand out for you to take. When you stepped out, you looked around expecting to see a carnival or something extraordinary. All you saw was an empty parking lot and an abandoned beach.

“Ready?

“Where are we going?”

Henry pointed out to the sand, and that was when our eyes widened.

“Oh, I’m not really wearing the right shoes.”

“So it would seem.”

You leaned on the side of his car only to bolt upright again. “I mean no disrespect putting my ass on your car.”

Henry snorted. “It’s the most action it’s seen.”

You giggled, something you’d been doing a lot of since meeting him.

“Can you?” You held your clutch out to him, silently asking if he could hold it. When he took it, you bent down and unzipped the back of your heels, taking them off one at a time. When you stood again, you were several inches shorter than you were before.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you exasperated.

“You’re short. Aww, it’s so cute,” Henry teased.

“Stop.”

“It’s adorable and sprite-like,” he continued.

You tried to stifle your laugh but couldn’t. “It’s not my fault you’re freakishly tall.”

“I’m a freak now?”

“You’re really tall. How tall?”

“Six-one-ish, more six-two.”

“Wow. That is a whole twelve inches more than me.”

“I bet it’s not hard for most people to be taller than you,” he teased some more.

You gasped, pressing your hand to your chest. “Wow, you have jokes.”

His smile was adorkable, and you loved it. “Would you like to leave them behind?”

You nodded, and Henry opened the car and placed them on the floor of the passenger side. “Never knew how women could stand to walk in these things.”

“It’s a craft,” you responded. He held up your clutch nonverbally asking if you wanted to leave it as well. With your nod, he put it on the seat, then shut and locked the door again.

“Cold?”

“I’ll be okay.”

As if not liking the answer, he slipped off his blazer and draped it over your shoulders.

“Thank you.”

“Ready?”

You nodded and followed him to the rope to the beach. The two of you stepped over it and followed the path as it led toward the rocks of the beach.

“Rock climbing too? Goody.”

“If you’re from Australia, I’m sure you’ve done some climbing on rocks,” Henry teased.

You shrugged, “A bit.”

Henry’s smile showed off his perfectly imperfect teeth. You loved that he looked so put together and perfect in theory, but once you took a closer look, he really wasn’t. The two of you continued climbing the rocky peaks. Every move you made, Henry’s hand was there to help you along the way. The perfect gentleman, you thought. You could tell by the way he moved that he was used to strenuous physical activity. With the thought of strenuous activities, your head immediately dropped to his crotch. As soon as your eyes dipped, you brought them back up to find Henry’s eyes on yours. You’d been caught. He didn’t speak though. He just kept the soft smile on his lips.

You watched him take a giant step up one of the boulders and marveled at how strong his legs looked. When he turned, he held his hand out to you. Without hesitating, you took it, and your knees nearly buckled when he effortlessly pulled you up to stand beside him. You knew what you expected, especially seeing how colossal his biceps were through his suit jacket, but when he really demonstrated that strength, it boggled your mind. He was strong, strong.

“Down we go,” Henry said before he jumped down to the sand behind the boulder. You stood there, staring down at him like he was insane. This was not what you had in mind when you agreed to dinner.

“Are you sure you don’t want to kill me? This looks like the perfect place to hide a body.”

Henry lifted his hands into the air in surrender and spoke with that sly, adorable grin. “I promise.” He held out his hands, indicating he intended to lift you down.

You scoffed, looked around, and sighed, deciding to just go with it. As he slowly lifted you down, you didn’t know whether to stare into his impossibly deep eyes or at his bulging biceps. They were both equally appealing options. When he lowered you to the sand, your bodies were close but not touching. The urge to step into him overwhelmed you, especially the longer his hands lingered on your waist. The look on Henry’s face was one you couldn’t decipher. He looked as if he were in deep thought, but he also looked like he was conflicted over something.

“Eh-em, thank you,” you stuttered, taking a step back from him.

“Right this way.”

Henry walked ahead toward a cave. The black woman in you stopped and watched in caution. He wanted you to follow him this late at night, into a dark cave on a part of the beach no one seemed to know about. Henry glanced back at you, and warmly smiled. It was good enough for one part of you, and that was the part that controlled your legs. As you walked inside, your jaw dropped seeing it was lite up. All around the cave walls and ceiling, there were lights similar to Christmas tree lights. In the center of the cave, there was an opening that showed the perfect glowing moon. It was breathtaking.

“Wow.”

You aimlessly wandered around the cave looking closely at the walls; being unable to not touch, you grazed your fingers along the walls taking in every little detail.

“How did you find this place?”

“When I’m in town, I like to keep my normal routine, so I jog. I prefer the beach; it reminds me of Jersey early in the morning with the fog rolling . I like to be down this side of the beach because there are not really a lot of people, so no one recognizes me. I found it one day, and ever since, I’ve been coming whenever I am in town.”

“This is beautiful,” you continued to marvel.

“It is.”

You walked toward the center of the cave and gazed up at the moon. “Especially the moon shining down. That’s probably my favorite part.”

“Mine too.” His words had you looking to him. Meeting his eyes, the two of you stared at each other for several moments.

“So, you’re a jogger.”

“I am.”

“Which means you don’t do the gym?”

You began wandering around the cave again.

“I do. I have a personal trainer who helps me stay in Superman and Witcher shape,” Henry confirmed as he also began wandering around the cave in the opposite direction that you were.

The two of you were now circling each other in a completely non-threatening way, but though it wasn’t threatening, the tension around you increased with every step the two of you took.

“Do you work out?”

“I do. Not a lot or a crazy amount, though.”

Henry passed you, and you could feel his eyes on you. “Guess it’s natural.”

That was all it took for goosebumps to break out all across your skin and butterflies to flutter in your belly. The man was effortlessly charming. You walked toward a small puddle of water, stepped into it, and began swirling it around with your feet. You desperately needed something to channel your anxious energy into.

“So living in Jersey must mean you like the beach.”

Henry nodded, “I do. When I go home, I go a lot.”

“I like the beach too. It might be because I grew up near water, but whatever reason it calms me.”

When you looked back to him, he was already staring at you. The more he stared, the more you swirled the water around. He made you nervous, but it wasn’t a bad nervous where you were worried about his next move. It was more nervousness from anxiety of his effect on you. with your eyes turned downward, you could still feel his eyes on you.

“What? Why are you staring at me?”

Though you didn’t hear his footsteps, you felt the distance between you closing. Swallowing the butterflies that were increasing their flight, you looked to him and watched him approach. He looked like Mr. Darcy did when he was crossing the open field at dawn, trying to make his way to Elizabeth. Your palm itched to touch.

“How can I not stare?”

Your soft gasp echoed in the cave as he closed the remaining few feet between you.

“You’re breathtaking. The moment I bumped into you, I felt something I’d never felt before. It was like I’d been shot with a taser. I’d never experienced anything like that before,” Henry spoke.

It wasn’t verbatim Jane Austen, but it was close enough. Your breathing betrayed you and gave away your anxiousness. You were quickly becoming lost in his eyes, lost in the tension of the moment.

“Tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

Henry’s eyes dropped to your mouth, and that had you licking your lips before you bit down onto your bottom one.

“I’ve never been tased before.” It was the only thing that you could think of to say.

A soft smile teased his lips, and he took yet another step to you. He was not mere inches from you. If you took a step forward, your bodies would touch, and from there, you could imagine where that would lead.

“Well, I have,” Henry began with a heart-pounding deepness in his voice. “It’s like a billion currents of electricity running through your body continuously for a long period of time. It feels as if these currents of electricity are charging your cells, enlarging them, and minimizing them over and over. You feel like you’re going to die, to be honest. It’s excruciating,” Henry finished.

The depth of his voice was having an effect and the fact that every few words he spoke, he spoke in a whisper which gave you the scent of the drink he’d had at dinner an hour ago. He was not only devastatingly handsome, charming, and sexy, but the chemistry between you was so palpable that you too felt like you could die from it alone.

“So you felt pain,” you stated.

“I did, but it was mixed with something else entirely.”

It was your turn to look at his mouth. When you did, you quickly realized it was a huge mistake. Your lips tingled. They wanted to know the feel of him. That was a first, you thought.

“What else?” It was a whisper, and it was all you could muster.

“I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it.”

Meeting his eyes, your gazes lingered. “Was it pleasure?”

Henry’s breathing mimicked yours. The quick rise and fall of his chest told you his heart might have been racing as quickly as yours.

“Was that what you felt?”

You couldn’t answer him. You really didn’t know what the answer to that question was right now. Your head was clouded, your heart racing and your hormones were bouncing around like haywire tennis balls that were just released from their containers. You felt your body drift back, but felt Henry’s arms wrap around you to hold you firmly against his body. Again, your eyes met. You saw the question in them.

“I don’t know—I don’t know what I felt,” you admitted.

Henry searched your eyes for several moments, but he didn’t release you.

“I think you do, and it was as new and different for you as it was for me.”

The urge to kiss him overcame you, and your knees nearly buckled from it. It had been years since you’d thought about anything like this apart from work. The last time you romantically kissed someone because you felt something for them rather than a lingering expectation or needed distraction was so long ago. You’d vowed to keep it that way. Not to mention you never kissed anyone on the second date. It was a rule.

You bit your bottom lip and loved that his eyes were glued to your mouth. It increased the desire you had to lay one on him and find out just how soft his lips really were. At that moment, Henry lifted his hand and slowly brushed back your hair to softly caress your cheek. You felt your nipples bead and prayed to God that he couldn’t feel them. Lowering your eyes to the sliver of exposed skin right under his collar, you used the time to try to gather your senses.

Henry nudged your face back to his with his finger underneath your chin.

“You have incredible eyes,” Henry whispered.

“Says the pot to the kettle.” His smile was genuine, and with it, you were a goner.

When he lowered his face to yours, you didn’t move. Truth be told, you wanted this, so you inched closer to his descending lips. Once you were just centimeters from each other, your senses returned. You pressed your eyes closed then placed your hands on his chest to keep him at bay. Without protest, Henry stopped.

“I don’t kiss on the first date.”

“It’s a good thing it’s our second,” Henry replied.

“I don’t kiss on the second either,” you added with your eyes still closed. It wasn’t that you were afraid of his reaction. You were desperately trying to get a grip so you could finish out the rest of this night the way you’d intended. You didn’t want to be pressed against the wall of this cave as he fucked you till you couldn’t walk back to the car. That was not what this was. That was not who you were. Not anymore.

When you did open your eyes and looked into those hypnotizing ocean blue eyes, you knew you hadn’t gotten a grip at all. You flexed your fingers against his chest and realized just how muscular he was. Dropping your eyes to his chest, your fingers continued to move of their own volition. You understood. This was all him. He was all muscle.

“Oh, crap.”

Realizing just what you were doing, you stepped away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize I was—I’m sorry.”

Henry nodded, “It’s all right. Nothing to be sorry for. I respect your boundaries.”

Your stomach fell. You turned your back to him, pretending to look more at the lit walls, but you weren’t looking at them. You’d hoped he wouldn’t have been understanding about your boundaries. It would have made it easier to leave without feeling the steady pangs of temptation.

“Do you?”

“Of course. No matter how much I want to kiss you, I respect you and your boundaries. I will not force myself on you. You can trust me on that. I give you my word,” Henry boldly avowed.

The more he spoke, the lower those said boundaries fell.

“You can trust me in that, Aliya,” he softly finished.

With those final words, what you’d said barely two minutes ago was out the window.

“Oh, screw it!”

You quickly turned and rushed to him, practically pouncing him like an in heat Puma. Henry welcomingly wrapped his arms around you and stared into your eyes. Another question rested there.

“I don’t want this if this isn’t what you want,” he assured.

“I thought you go after what you want; no questions asked,” you partly teased.

His smile prompted yours. “And you always get what you want.”

“I do,” you confirmed.

Henry smiled again before your lips touched. From the moment they did, you felt that electrical current feeling he spoke of. It was intense, exhilarating, and excruciating. Slowly Henry teased your tongue with his by coiling around it to retreat and do it again. By the third time, you’d moaned on him. His grip around your waist and back tightened, and the kiss deepened. He looked like a passionate man, but if you were going by his kiss, you’d greatly underestimated how passionate. The way he kissed you increased the pull you’d felt to him since bumping into him a few weeks ago. To your shock, you wanted more. Henry’s moan reverberated off your chest and sparked your arousal so much that your nipples pulsated, begging for his touch.

This was insanely unexpected; you thought before you slowly pulled back, an action Henry did along with you. Keeping your eyes closed, you allowed the feels to sink in and wrap around you. They were feels that were new, feels that felt had your hand shaking.

“We should go,” you whispered.

“We should,” Henry quickly agreed.

~~~~~~~~

On the drive, you tried to keep your freak out at bay. You tried to push away thoughts of rehashing just what happened in the cave. It was next to impossible because the entire drive was silent. He must have been lost in his thoughts as well. When you did think about it, you couldn’t find an ounce of regret. Oppositely you loved it and only regretted stopping. That was what tripped you up. It was insane to think about because you’d broken a rule and were in the middle of breaking yet another one as he drove you home.

Your eyes continued to glance over to his hands on the steering wheel before they dropped to his spread thighs. He had the perfect thighs for straddling. The thought of the size of them and the amount of space you’d already calculated would fit you nicely easily set you off. The man’s lap was meant to be sat on and without clothes. Thankfully before you got way too lost in your sinful thoughts, you saw Henry pulling toward your gated entrance. You pulled out your phone and entered the code to your gate on the security app. Once you did, the wrought iron gates opened for him to pull into your driveway.

Henry’s whistle brought your attention to his face.

“Wow, doing really well for yourself, I see.”

You snorted then shrugged. “I try.”

Once the car rolled to a stop, Henry tapped on the steering wheel as he stared at your house. You wondered what he was thinking and worried he thought you were bougie. After about a minute of silence, Henry unbuckled his seat belt.

“I’ll get your door,” he blurted out before he hopped out the car and walked around to the passenger side. He held his hand out for yours, which you took without hesitation.

“Thank you.”

He nodded, then the two of you walked toward your front door in silence with the flowers he brought you in hand.

“Thank you for the flowers.”

“You’re welcome.”

Once in front of the door, you both stood there staring at each other. The butterflies in your stomach still had yet to dissipate; they’d only picked up. You wondered what he was thinking to look at you the way he was. You noticed him he was rocking back and forth with his hands stuffed into his pockets. It was adorable.

“Oh, I fly out tomorrow,” Henry blurted out.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’ll be gone for four weeks, and then it’s time for some much-needed downtime,” he explained.

The butterflies began to die down, but only a small amount. “Lucky you.”

He shrugged and gave an indifferent expression. “Thank you for coming tonight.”

You returned his shrug. “I had a good time. I just might steal that spot seeing that I live here.”

His laugh was boisterous and echoed over the front of your property. You liked the sound of his laugh and liked the laugh lines that decorated around his mouth and eyes even more. It showed he was a happy man.

“It’s fine as long as you don’t mind sharing it with me,” Henry countered.

You leaned on the pillar behind you and held tighter to the flowers.

“I’m not much of a sharer. I like what’s mine—mine.”

Henry smirked in a way that had those butterflies take flight yet again.

“We’ll have to work on that. Sharing is caring.”

A scoff escaped you as you shook your head. You dug your hand into your hair and gently tousled it, again thankful you’d decided to go the extra step with straightening it. When you looked back to Henry, the fire in his eyes could not be missed, and that fire sparked one in you. A few seconds later, he was closing the space between you and clasping you at the nape of your neck before his lips pressed to yours.

While the first kiss in the cave was slow, sensual, and passionate, this one was urgent, greedy, and controlling, and it set you on fire instantly. Henry’s free hand connected to your hip and gently held you, barley touching his hardened frame. When you heard him moan, you softly nibbled his bottom lip, which had him returning the favor. Good lord, you thought before you placed your hand on his chest and took advantage of his closeness. You swore you could feel his heart pounding underneath your palm, but you weren’t sure. When you moaned, Henry was the one to pull away this time, but his body was still close, tempting you with its heat and size.

When he spoke, his voice was temptingly deep. “Use those pictures so you don’t forget what I look like.”

You smiled again. He was becoming very good at it.

“Goodnight, Aliya.” You gazed into his eyes, bit your bottom lip, and nodded.

“Goodbye, Henry.”

His body broke out in a shiver that shook you due to his proximity. You couldn’t help but smirk. You watched him back away and walk to his car.

“Have a safe flight and trip.”

When he turned to look at you again once he was at his door. “Thank you.”

He got into his car and watched you. It took you a few moments to realize he was waiting for you to go inside before he pulled off. Another gentlemanly trait was ticked off on the pros side of your list that was steadily growing. When you got inside, you armed the house and leaned against the door with the flowers clutched to your chest.

“What in the holy hell are you doing, Aliya?”

You hit your head back onto the glass of the door a few times, trying to find your chill—a chill that had continuously evaded you all night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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sage-nebula · 3 years

Text

Game Review — New Pokémon Snap

In 1999, a photography game centered on the world of Pokémon was released. Ever since then, I have hungered for a sequel. And now, 22 years later, my wish was finally granted.

Overall Score: 9/10

While I am still puzzled that they didn’t create and release this game for either 3DS or Wii U, since both had built-in cameras, overall I couldn’t be happier with this and I definitely feel that it was worth the 22-year-long wait. Head under the cut (and onto my blog) for more detailed thoughts on what has honestly been an excellent game.

The Pros:

Everything is GORGEOUS. The environments, the pokémon, literally everything. Even setting aside the glowing effects of the Illumina phenomenon (particularly at night when it really stands out), everything about this game is visually stunning. The colors are bright, but not blinding, and you can see that everything was crafted with care. There aren’t any areas that feel unfinished or unpolished. It is beautiful to look at, which is rather important when you’re making a photography-based game.

Each area changes as you increase your research level, so that even though you will have some run-throughs of the courses that are the same as you experienced before, you’ll also find new paths and see different pokémon as you go through the courses more and more times as well. For instance, when you first play through the Florio Nature Park, the Bidoof are in the process of building their dam. But later, their dam is completed. And this is just one example of how things change; believe me, there are lots of changes as time passes and you go through the courses again and again, making them feel far less repetitive than they did in the original game. (Not to bash the original game, which was on the N64 and thus had a lot less space to hold data, of course. I’m just saying.)

The pokémon behaviors are also so great. You have the Bidoof building their dam, for example, but you also have Alolan Raichu surfing the sand dunes, or Espurr levitating rocks for the fun of it, or Pikipek bringing fruits back to nests on Toucannon’s orders. On less happy notes you also have things like a group of Mareanie chasing down a Corsola, but I mean, it’s a well-established fact that Mareanie eat Corsola, so that’s just nature. The point is that this isn’t a game where the pokémon are just standing around waiting to have their pictures taken. The pokémon feel alive and it’s clear that so much thought went into their behaviors to make it feel as if life is teeming around you as you go through the courses, because it is! It’s excellent.

Although this is a sequel game (and it makes it clear that it’s a sequel game, which I’ll talk about more in a second), it’s also incredibly accessible to those who have never played the original. Even if you never heard of the original before, you can jump right into this one with mostly new characters and a brand new story. And I think that’s great, considering the original game came out 22 years ago and is probably somewhat hard to find now, especially if you don’t have a system with access to a Virtual Console to play it on. (Which wouldn’t be a problem if we had the Virtual Console on the Switch, Nintendo, but that’s a separate discussion.)

That said, it is a sequel game and all of the nods and references to the original game are things that I love. I mean, first off, Todd Snap is back and he had a major glow-up. But even setting that aside, it’s mentioned how the NEO-ONE was based on the old vehicle that Todd used (the ZERO-ONE), how Todd used to take photos for a different professor (Professor Oak), the final Illumina Pokémon’s level is a huge callback to the Mew level in the original Snap, et cetera. Although this game was called New Pokémon Snap likely so that people wouldn’t think they had to play the first game first, it’s pretty clearly Pokémon Snap 2 and I love that.

Along with the courses themselves changing as you progress through the game, there are also day and night versions of almost every course so you get something different on them even before making more progress. Additionally, each course has multiple different routes that you can take if you find them / want to, and Elsewhere Forest in particular has zones that change depending on the season, which offers even more variety and things to discover. Again, it doesn’t feel boring to keep going through the courses because there’s always something new to find.

Everything is streamlined and plays excellently. The menus are cleaned, I haven’t noticed any lag in gameplay no matter how much is going on on-screen . . . everything is smooth, clean, and fresh, and again, adds to how much of a joy to look at this game is, on top of making it a joy to play as well.

The online features are implemented really well. I absolutely love that you can post photos to share with people around the world, but also that the feature isn’t obtrusive and in your face, so if you want to ignore it, you can. But the process itself is seamless, and the fact that you can add filters and stickers to make memes out of the photos is hilarious and a well thought-out feature, particularly since this is the age of social media, so having a Pokéstagram just makes sense.

I enjoy that there are little missions that you can complete that are posited as being posed naturally by the other characters. You’re given clues of what to do, but often you’re not told outright, which can make some of them fun to figure out (and others the shot itself is challenging enough so you don’t need a riddle, haha). While fulfilling the requests can be a bit irritating (more on that in a bit) I like that there’s additional material to do in addition to the main story that unfolds as you go through and gives you plenty of stuff to do even after you’ve completed the main story.

The characters are all pretty great. There’s one character I don’t enjoy very much, but otherwise the characters are good and add charm to the story.

These characters still don’t know anything about photography (the rule of thirds is so basic and no one here knows it), at least they’re not as obvious about it as Professor Oak was, always scolding me for not getting pokémon in the center of the frame. So toning down the obnoxiousness on that was nice, I will give them that.

The environments are so varied and so cool. Like sure, you have your basic jungle, your basic grasslands, your basic volcano . . . but also your underwater, your magic forest, your ancient technicolor ruins. And I mean, I don’t even want to diss the other areas because the volcano area was incredibly vivid, the snowy mountain was beautiful, and so on. Again, I don’t want to gush too much about how beautiful this game is, but it is and the wide variety of places to take pictures makes it all the more incredible.

As I mentioned in the missions bullet, there is plenty of content to do even after the main story is completed, which is a definite plus. Filling your Photodex aside, there are also Course Scores that are enabled once you complete the main story and an additional time of day for an already unlocked area that is unlocked as well. This means that even after you clear the game, you can still have fun trying to get different shots and discovering new things, which is always a bonus in my book.

Motion controls are included, but they are entirely optional. So if you want to undock your Switch (or if you are playing with a Switch Lite) and you want to move your Switch around like an actual camera, you can! But if you have any physical limitations that would make doing that hard for you (or if you just don’t feel like it), you don’t have to and the motion controls are actually turned off by default. I haven’t used them myself because I’m not a fan of motion controls so I can’t tell you how good they are, but I can say it’s a plus that the motion controls are 100% optional, rather than forcibly included like they have been in other Nintendo games.

The Neutrals:

All of the different tools you get are basically the same as the original game, with a few slight (and sometimes silly) changes. For instance, they’re now calling apples “flufffruit” because “fluffruit are actually a lot softer and don’t hurt the pokémon” even though . . . they’re very obviously apples. Like very obviously apples. I get that they don’t want to encourage throwing apples at animals for the sake of picture taking / they don’t want to make a kid feel bad if they accidentally (“accidentally”) knock a pokémon in the head with one, but . . . come on. They’re apples. They’ve also decided to take away the Pokéflute and make it a random music player instead, and Illumina Orbs replaced Pester Balls for both story reasons and for the same reason why we can’t call apples apples anymore. Honestly, all of this is fine, just something to mention, though I will say it took way too damn long to unlock the turbo feature, damn. Pokémon are fast, guys! Give me my turbo sooner!!

Sometimes the “tips” that Professor Mirror gives during the photo evaluations . . . don’t actually fit the situation at all. Like I can’t tell you the number of times he’s told me about getting the whole pokémon in the frame when the pokémon is in the frame, or like “throw a fluffruit to get the pokémon to look right at you!” even though the pokémon is staring into the camera like they’re on The Office. It’s not a huge deal but it makes me think that Professor Mirror might need his vision prescription updated.

I understand that this is also the age of the smartphone, but I do find it disappointing that we’re essentially given a smartphone camera (or at most a point-and-shoot) versus the SLR camera that Todd very obviously had in the original Snap (and even has here). Granted, we didn’t have to adjust for aperture or shutter speed in the original game and I wouldn’t want to do that here either, but it’s about the aesthetic and the fact that having professional nature photographers have actually good cameras is more fitting than handing them a smartphone and saying, “have fun!” Again, I get why it’s a smartphone now, but it still is a little disappointing, even if not an actual detraction from the game.

It is confusing that we have wild Alolan form pokémon when this is not Alola, especially since they didn’t make it equal by adding in Galar form pokémon too. (And on that note, there seems to be a lack of Galar pokémon at that.) I think it would have been cool if they’d designed some Lental form pokémon for this game specifically, although I get that this isn’t a game developed by Game Freak so I understand why that wasn’t done. All the same though, the presence of Alolan form pokémon when this isn’t Alola was still a bit weird.

It’s rather easy to breeze through the main story if you don’t want to take your time revisiting areas to get better pictures / boost the research level. While the main story is longer than the original game / there are more areas than the original game, it’s still pretty short. Ordinarily this would be a con, but since there are so many things to do even after you beat the main story, I’m putting it in the neutrals section instead.

The Cons:

While the missions are fun, it is frustrating that you have to do them again if you capture a photo of the mission before the mission is formally handed to you. This is especially true if it was a hard to get shot that’s difficult to replicate. I understand they want to put challenge in the game, but it’s a bit frustrating you can’t point to your photodex and have the mission be cleared if you’ve already done it. You also can’t get the pokémon doing the requested thing in a different part of the course (or a different version of the same course, or even just a different course altogether if a pokémon appears in multiple areas), which is fine, except that you can only turn in one photo per pokémon. This can make it particularly frustrating when you technically get a photo of what was asked for (e.g. Wingull doing a loop-de-loop) but it’s not the specific Wingull you were supposed to take a picture of, so it doesn’t count.

I have noticed a few bugs or typos here or there. Like one time the text box said “Rita” even when it was clearly Mirror talking, and there have been other times when the game is like “you can’t submit photos if the pokémon is not in the Illumina State” even though Wishwashi was GLOWING BRIGHT PINK because I had just thrown an Illumina Orb at it. Little things like that are things I think could have been better smoothed out in QA, but ultimately aren’t too much to deal with and don’t happen very often.

The alternate paths are a bit too finicky sometimes. Like I managed to get on the swamp path once and haven’t been able to manage it since. I was on research level 3 in Elsewhere Forest for a good long while before Espeon decided to show up, which blocked me off the second exit and guaranteed winter route, too. Again, I love that there are secrets in this game, but I tried to replicate getting into the swamp area twenty times in a row after I had just done it with no success, so it can be a bit frustrating at times.

There isn’t really a true conclusion to the main story. I won’t give spoilers, but essentially the story revolves around uncovering the secrets of a myth that happened in the Lental region thousands of years ago. You get close . . . but the story ends before you get any real answers. You’re just left to speculate. In a way this makes sense, since it’s not like you’re time traveling, you’re just taking pictures. But it is still a little annoying for anyone who is interested in things like the lore of the Pokéworld and who might like actual answers to the questions set up (such as myself).

Anyway, overall, this game is amazing whether or not you played the original, and I highly recommend it to everyone who likes Pokémon even a little. Here’s hoping we don’t have to wait another 22 years for the next one. (But if we do, it will probably be worth the wait.)

#pokemon #pokemon snap #new pokemon snap #2021 game reviews #i am still playing it but since I finished the main story I figured I should go ahead and post the review

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