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maldito-arbol · 2 years

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Kasey made me do it so I finished the tiny sasharcy angst ficlet I wrote in *checks notes* MAY 2021??!!!!?? Jesus Christ now u know how long things sit in my docs. And by ‘finished’ i mean I literally wrote like two more lines why was this so hard back then. Okay ANYway enjoy my old writing I didn’t feel like editing much.

TW for Major Character Death(s) and Marcy Harm oops

Sasha couldn’t quite process what was in front of her.

One minute, she and Grime were fighting with sword and warhammer desperately, fruitlessly, against the massive form that was King Andrias, and then his tail was swinging right into her field of vision just before she found herself sent flying into a nearby pillar, sudden explosions of pain blooming both from her front and back. And she knew she had to shake it off, had to get back to the fray, but when she clumsily lifted herself onto her feet and attempted to adjust her eyes to the spinning room, she realized it was too late.

“Now, look what you made me do.”

She couldn’t tell if she detected remorse there, or if he was once again defaulting to manipulating her friend, but the sword in Marcy’s chest was never supposed to be there, searing through her flesh, her heart, her very bones. It didn’t belong. Yet he put it there anyway.

It took but a fraction of a second for Marcy to peer down and understand what had just pierced through her completely and entirely, but once she did, she apologized. To Anne, to Sasha, to all of them, really, for simply acting out of selfish wishes—something Sasha knew all too well. She could hear her voice crack, break into pieces as she just barely managed to squeeze the words out, as her body fell limp and hit the ground with an audible thud, and Sasha lost the ability to breathe.

Anne disappearing into the portal barely even registered in her brain as she fumbled to sheathe her swords and half-run, half-drag herself to her now motionless best friend. Neither did she notice Grime also back on his feet and fighting Andrias, nor Yunan joining him now, horrified at his betrayal. The entire rest of the world faded away into nothing, and only the image of Marcy’s bleeding, dying form remained.

“Marcy!”

Marcy’s eyes cracked open when Sasha put a shaking hand on her shoulder, and a tiny wave of relief washed over her. She was alive. At least for now.

“S-Sasha…” she mumbled, attempting to crack a wobbly smile. “So you were right. All along.”

“Yeah, but only this time,” Sasha told her, her own voice cracking. “And I couldn’t even stop that guy. Look what he’s done to you.” She tried not to let her eyes wander over the hideous, gaping hole in her friend, but they moved without her consent anyway. It was horrifying. She thought it would be no matter how many times she looked at it.

“I know.” Marcy’s voice was faded, exhausted and deeply pained. Sasha could hardly imagine what kind of agony was roiling around in her small 13-year-old body now. “It’s my fault,” she rasped a little desperately, more tears welling up in her eyes. “I trusted him. Even when all the red flags were there, I ignored them. And worse, the only reason we even got here in the first place was because of me.” She coughed roughly, wetly, because blood had made its way up her throat and now spilled upon her lip.

“Marcy.” Sasha’s grip on her tightened, and she pulled her closer, cradling her fragile form close with one hand wrapped around her back and the other holding the side of her head off the ground. Seeing her friend like this, seeing her unable to even look up at Sasha without assistance, stirred her heart painfully so. “It’s okay. You were scared, and you made a mistake. We all do that sometimes.” She reassured her, because she didn’t know what else to do. Because she didn’t care about what Marcy did anymore, all she cared about was her life now, the life that was slowly sapping away, that was stolen from her by someone she deemed a father figure.

“But I put you both in danger,” she went on, the beginnings of hysterics dripping through her voice. Maybe she was in shock, or maybe she was just feeling the entire weight of her decision pressing down on her wound just as harshly as the sword. “You could’ve died here. And all I could think about was myself and how lonely I’d be.”

Sasha scoffed sadly. “And which one of us three hasn’t? I’m so scared of losing you guys I tried to kill Anne’s family.” She wiped away the streak of blood on Marcy’s lip with a thumb. “It’s okay, Marcy. We’d all do crazy stuff for each other.”

A tiny giggle broke free, Sasha could feel the rumble beneath her hand as she brushed it along her neck. “Yeah, I guess. Think I went overboard though. I mean, really? That was my grand idea? Trap my friends in a different dimension I had no way of knowing existed?” She had to pause to catch her breath this time, but even it was fading, her voice growing smaller.

“Marcy,” Sasha said her name again, softly, and she moved her hand to settle on Marcy’s cheek again. “It’s okay.”

Her friend leaned into her hand, at least as much as she could muster, and Sasha felt the effort it took for her to even breathe. She’d gone pale, sickly, like the pain was simply so great she hadn’t the strength to even scream. “It hurts,” she mumbled, and Sasha’s heart only continued to sink. Obviously. Of course a wound like that would, but maybe she wasn’t quite registering it in her brain that Marcy was dying. Because that’s what happens when you lose your life, right? You die.

“I’m sorry, Mar-mar,” she apologized, because that was all she could do. Because there was nothing she could do to ease her pain.

“How much longer do I have?” She went on, strained, aching. “A wound like that…kills very fast.”

“You’re not gonna die,” Sasha blurted, her hold on Marcy tightening. She was still in denial. Marcy was not dying, she was just hurt, and any hurt could be fixed with a bit of hospital time and a giant bandaid, right? “You can’t. We’re supposed to be together, the three of us forever.”

Marcy’s eyes met hers, half-lidded and dangerously close to shutting for good. “It’s impossible,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Sash. I really am, but I…” the first tear finally slid out of her eye, ran down her cheek slowly, and it broke Sasha’s heart all over again. “I wanted it so bad I ended up destroying our chances of staying together.” More tears followed, and a sob bubbled up with her next shallow breath. “It’s not fair. All I ever wanted was you.”

In a moment of hysteria, of impulse and frantic emotion, Sasha turned Marcy’s face with her hand just a little, just enough so she could lean down and press her lips to Marcy’s, trembling but full of desperation. Marcy’s were cold by this point, but she gasped quietly at the gesture, shocked but not at all offended.

“Sash—” she began, but Sasha pulled her ever closer, curled her arms around her, and Marcy shut up fast, relaxing in her arms without complaint. Maybe it would help distract her from the pain she felt. That was all Sasha could hope for.

She released Marcy when she felt her shiver, and she realized she was almost gone.

“I love you, Mar-mar,” she breathed hastily, terrified that she might’ve messed this up, but instead Marcy was smiling through the tears still pouring down her face. Maybe she’d gotten something right for once in her life.

“I love you too, Sash.” And it was so quiet, so faded Sasha could just barely hear it. “I’m…sorry.”

Sasha brushed her thumb across Marcy’s cheek, affectionate, reassuring. “I told you it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize anymore. Please, Marcy.” And she finally felt the beginnings of a full on mental breakdown rising up her chest, starting with her very first sob coupled with water spilling upon her own cheeks. “Please, stay with me.”

“I want to,” Marcy rasped, and her arm moved, slowly, shaking with the effort, reaching, until Sasha finally understood and moved her own to grab it. “I want to so much it hurts.”

Sasha rested her forehead against Marcy’s. “But I don’t want it to hurt,” she practically whimpered. “If it’s too much, you don’t have to. You don’t have to hang on just for me.” Even if letting Marcy go was the absolute last thing Sasha wanted, she couldn’t shake the guilt that her friend was suffering just to appease her.

It would be better…if she’s released as soon as possible. And tragically, this time, that meant death.

Another tiny hiccup broke from Marcy’s throat. “Kiss me again?”

She nodded at once and obeyed, hand still cupped around her friend’s cheek, and she hoped Marcy could feel her warmth through the lips brushing gently against hers. She lingered there, felt Marcy’s hand curl around her own, felt Marcy trying so hard to lean up into the sensation, and she obliged by pulling her close again.

Don’t push yourself. Don’t hurt yourself anymore. Leave it all to me. I’ll give you everything I can, and if this is what you want now, then by frog I’ll make sure you have it.

She tilted her head to accommodate Marcy’s need for proximity, rubbed her thumb against the hand still in her own, and she felt her heart slipping out, the understanding that this was it finally beginning to hit her.

Oh, Marcy. I don’t know if I can go on without you.

And suddenly, the tiny breaths she’d felt from Marcy’s end between the kiss…stopped.

Sasha’s eyes opened, she pulled away just an inch to peer at her friend’s face. Despite the vacancy of life, she was still smiling softly.

Gone, her Marcy was gone. But Sasha could still hold her in her arms here, still study her smile until it was burned into her memory, still pretend as though she had more minutes left before she was truly gone.

If Andrias was standing behind her this time, flaming sword raised, Grime and the others somewhere on the same cold tile floor several meters away, that didn’t matter.

#amphibia #sasharcy #mal writes #oops #i never posted this cause I felt like it’s been written a million times already #but hey it’s kinda cool seeing my old stuff again #this was way before we knew about the Marcy possession shit #and I was like ‘nah I’m just gonna kill her’#but i wanted to write sasharcy at the same time lmao #the gay yearning #i also want u to know i was thinking about this fic while writing the ibybf finale #:)

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iwantescapism13 · 2 years

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Honestly speaking Season 3B will finally give us more Sasha and Anne emotional moments together throughout the second half even if it’s angst and anger for a while.

Personally speaking I’m just always been on team Sashanne since season one even to this day. We all have our preferences for shipping right. I guess the best part is even if it’s one sided at least I’m going to take in all the moments that I can and seek any new fan art of them when

I don’t know why I am so addicted to Sashanne more than I personally should mostly cause I am a fan of emotional pain but the soft hearted underneath. More messy and complicated but insanely fun to watch. but still I can’t wait for their reunion no matter how angsty it gets. And in my brain if Sashannarcy isn’t going to be implied by the series end I will deny the ending pretending that it doesn’t exist and imagine my own instead.

Sashanne... how do I even begin to explain this ship...

Well, first of all, I ship it. 2nd place only to Marcanne. My personal take on it is that it's a one-sided love, with Sasha being the one with the feelings while Anne literally feels nothing else but platonic... at least, after what happened at Toad Tower. And that's completely fine. Understandable that she'd feel that way because of all the emotional manipulation she had undergone. Or who knows... maybe Anne admires her so much (to the point of reciprocating) that she willingly went through all that because she knows Sasha is only doing it for her own good. But Sprig made her realize that it's all toxic and not love so........ yeah. That's why Sasha hates Sprig - the one who, as she said, "steals best friends".

Now, for the Sashanne development in Season 3B...

Like my post here and here, one of the things I'm expecting Season 3B to show is Anne "accidentally" hurting Sasha due to the 'Heart' powers being sensitive.

In 'After The Rain', 'The First Temple', and 'True Colors', we found out that Anne isn't an "easily forgiving" type. She gets furious. So if she sees that Wartwood has changed into some kind of military camp, I expect Anne to immediately jump to the conclusion that Sasha hasn't changed. And because she couldn't control her 'Heart' powers, she'll "accidentally" hurt Sasha - causing her to have more scars (bonus if she loses an eye [yes, I agree to that theory], but then again I don't think Disney would allow such a thing). Or, I don't know if this is even worse, Anne could potentially IGNORE Sasha because she's too pissed. And Sasha would have to try her hardest to have Anne forgive her. But I know she can do it eventually. She "never gives up", right?

I'm also expecting their relationship to develop... in a sense that they actually talk through EVERYTHING that happened in 'Reunion' and 'True Colors'. Communication. No more lies. No more meddling from Marcy that "friends shouldn't fight".

And speaking of Marcy, I know that saving her is the most important thing right now, but Anne shouldn't miss the chance of actually being alone with Sasha to fix things. For Sasha to explain herself... "for real this time", as she said in 'Turning Point'. Maybe a confession... I don't know. Depends if Matt Braly wants her to come out as bi with a confession to Anne.

Anyway, yeah. I can see a lot of Sashanne moments to happen, now that there's a chance that they can be alone together or work together for missions and stuff.

But forgiveness won't be easy, I pressume. It will take a few episodes to really tackle some kind of development.

Will they "waste" episodes for it when it could potentially be a Sasharcy development instead?

Who the fuck knows.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #sashanne

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clefairymuke · 3 years

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regrets | chapter twelve

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 1660

When the sun poked its head through the window and serenely convinced your eyes to open, you were disappointed and grateful all in the same moment. You stretched a bit, expecting your arm to brush Levi, but only being met with the soft white sheets adorning the bed the two of you had shared. Part of you was a bit upset, and the other was glad you didn't have to face him. What would you even say to him? You placed your hand over the ruffled sheets next to you; it was still warm -- he hadn't been gone long. Your mind had spun together embarrassment, confidence, happiness, dismay, longing and dislike all into one confusing feeling that left you dizzy.

As your vision focused, you saw his clothes still neatly laid over the chair. You sat up rather quickly and peeked over the side of the bed; his boots were still there, too. "Fuck," you whispered, throwing your head back on the pillow and sighing.

Like clockwork, Levi walked in. His hair was messy and unkempt, and his eyes looked tired. His pants hung loosely around his hips from the night of sleeping in them. Between where his pants hung low and his shirt rode up, the bottom of his stomach and the band of his underwear peaked through. "Good morning," he greeted you, the tiniest grin evident on his face for only a second. "How did you sleep?" He walked over to the chair, sauntering in the nonchalant fashion only he could accomplish.

"I slept well," you answered, embarrassed down to the bone. You knew your cheeks shone red, and you wished Levi had left before you woke up. "Sorry about last night. I -- um --" You watched as he pulled his shirt swiftly over his head with one hand and elected to stare at the ceiling instead. "I was having a pretty rough dream." You found yourself glancing over at him again as he buttoned and tucked in the white shirt he wore the day before. He nodded.

"Erwin kept me away much longer than I would've preferred. Don't be sorry, though. I needed to catch up on sleep anyway." He slung his jacket over his shoulders and sat on the edge of your bed, pulling his boots onto his feet. He tied them into bows before standing and facing you. He reached out and placed his hand on your shoulder, sending the same tingles down your arm that overtook most of your body the night before. "I have work to do. I'll be back tonight. Good luck with Hange today." With that, he turned and started toward the door.

"Levi," you called after him, seeing him turn his head to the side in acknowledgement, "you left your shirt." It was laid flat at the foot of the bed, neatly placed as if he put it there on purpose.

"I know."

---

When Jean came in that morning, you knew you were in for a ride. You had been questioning what to do in the hour between Levi's departure and Jean's arrival, and eventually decided on telling him the truth. You were pulling your shirt over your head as Jean sat on the bed and faced the wall opposite to you, and you decided now was as good a time as ever.

"So, I have a little bit of news," you began, your voice trailing. You watched the back of his head as he perked up, waiting excitedly to hear whatever you had to tell him.

"Well, go ahead and take the floor. No need for a dramatic introduction," he told you, folding his hands in his lap.

"Levi and I slept together last night," you obliged.

"What the fuck?" he said rather loudly, his head whipping around to face you. Your arms launched to cover your unclothed body as his face turned red, and he turned right back around to face the wall.

"Damn it, Jean, I'm changing!"

"My bad. You just dropped a lot of information on me at once. Maybe we did need a dramatic introduction." You watched him lay his head in one hand and saw the rise and fall of his back as he sighed. "You're going to be the death of me, you know. You had sex with Captain Levi?"

Your cheeks burned red at his assumption. "No! What? I didn't word that clearly enough. We literally slept together. Asleep. In the same bed. Together." You watched the rise and fall again as he breathed out, likely with relief.

"How the hell did you end up curled up in bed with the captain?" His tone sounded slightly less urgent, more exasperated than shocked.

You slid your shirt -- Levi's -- over your head and relived the events of the night before for what must have been the hundredth time. You half hopped, half limped around the bed and sat next to Jean, leaning back on your hands.

"Okay, so he came in and we had tea like always. Then, some guy I didn't recognize came to tell him that Erwin needed him in his office. He told me he'd be back soon, but after a few hours I fell asleep. When he came back, he woke me up because I was having a pretty bad nightmare," you recalled, looking up at the ceiling. Your eyes moved to Jean's as you continued. "He was making sure I was okay, and asked if I need anything. For some reason, I asked him to lay with me."

Jean shook his head. "And he just climbed in bed with you? That's hard to believe."

You shrugged. "It's the truth. He took off his shoes and his jacket and stuff and just hopped in. Cuddled with me and everything. It was pretty strange."

It was, undeniably. No matter how hard you tried to rationalize the events of the night before as the natural progression of your newfound friendship, or just a gesture of comfort during a traumatic time, the fact that it was strange at best was unavoidable. You hugged yourself inconspicuously and absentmindedly, thinking of how it felt to have his arm around your shoulders and your face tucked into the safety of his chest. You remembered how, when he thought you were asleep, his fingers started to trace circles in your hair and on your arms. He'd never admit to that, though. Just as you'd never admit that you laid there, eyes closed and yet still awake, until his breathing became even and his fingers trailed away to fall onto the mattress at your side. When you were sure he was sleeping, you finally allowed your eyes to peer up at his face for a few long moments to admire how peaceful he looked.

"Do you have a thing for him?" Jean asked, voice a bit less exasperated, snapping you out of your trance of memories.

"No!" you defended yourself, before the truthful part of your brain came forward. "Well, I don't know. I hated him a couple of weeks ago. Then he apologized to me, and started coming to my room every night. He's not as abrasive as he was before." You let your arms rest on your knees, hands hanging daintily down. "Maybe I do. But it isn't like it matters. He would never look at me that way."

The two of you continued idly talking about the night before as you walked to meet Hange, Connie joining on the way and ending the conversation abruptly. The day was full of much more walking on your own than the typical one, and it was evident how much better you were getting. You decided that perhaps the end wasn't too far away.

Still, you couldn't take your mind off Levi. You remembered your anger when he caught you stealing food for Sasha, the livid hate dripping from your voice as you yelled at him. You thought of his harsh tone as he berated you for risking your life, and again when he announced that he knew of your time spent with Eren. Then, your mind shifted.

You could hear the sincerity in his voice as clearly as day as he told you that he would have risked his life just the same in your situation. Even in his dislike for you, he found a moment to praise. The validation that moment alone gave you was immense. You imagined his arms cradling you as he carried you back from the bathroom that night, knowing that marked the beginning of everything with him.

Then, you thought of how it was now. The hushed talks over steaming cups of tea as you slowly became friends were now a staple of your day. Sure, he was tough, and hardly agreeable. At times you absolutely loathed him. But beneath that surface, you theorized, there was an entirely different person. You could see it when the corner of his mouth turned up as if he was trying to keep his smile as a secret. Or when he looked at you in concern, his almost invisible display of caring for you. When he touched your hand and asked if you were okay. When he held you so gently after your nightmare that you were sure you were in the arms of a much more sensitive man.

You thought of your excitement for the night to follow, of the feeling of the soft cotton of his grey shirt against your skin -- the fact that no one knew it belonged to him. It was overwhelming, yet predictable. Confusing, while still one of the clearest things you had ever experienced. Comfortable and serene and simple, foreign and anxious and complex.

Somewhere within your mess of a mind, you were sure of how you felt. You were also sure that it would be either a hopeful bound forward, or a troublesome march down the path of regret.

You hoped for the former.

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black-rose-writings · 3 years

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I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored

And I also hate myself

Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.

I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.

On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.

Before

Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.

Who am I joking, I know how this ends.

Chapter 1

So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.

Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.

Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.

My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).

Genya is fun to be around.

Oh, shit, let’s go.

Chapter 2

Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.

This is one hell of a shitshow.

I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.

Chapter 3

Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.

Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?

Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.

Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.

Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.

I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)

Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.

Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.

Alina: I liked you once.

My boy Sasha walked into that one.

Chapter 4

Alina is a Queen. And we love her.

David, my beloved, my spirit animal.

It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?

Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.

Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.

Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.

Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.

I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.

Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.

Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.

Chapter 5

Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.

Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.

That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.

They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?

Ghosts, let’s go.

Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.

I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.

(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).

I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.

Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.

The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.

And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.

At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.

Oh, boy, this will be fun.

Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?

And here comes Niki to save the day.

Chapter 6

Niki saved the day.

Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.

Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?

Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.

Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.

Chapter 7

How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.

So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.

I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.

David’s a nerd in all things I see.

Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.

Now that’s a romance.

Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.

Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.

And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.

Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.

Nevermind, she’s back at it.

Chapter 8

Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.

So, which one of them is gonna die?

Chapter 9

We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.

Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.

In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.

Chapter 10

Poor David. He just wanted to know.

Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.

I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.

Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?

Chapter 11

We love a suprise attack.

When did Sasha boy learn that trick?

Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.

Chapter 12

No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.

Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.

Porrige for brains. Oof.

So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.

That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?

David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.

Chapter 13

Back home... kinda.

Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.

Chapter 14

Angst! Yay!

And more angst.

Chapter 15

Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”

Chapter 16

Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.

And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.

And then they fuck. Ew.

Chapter 17

Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?

Okay. That’s... weird.

Holy shit. That was...

So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.

Okay.

That’s a weird-ass ending.

Chapter 18

The gays survived, so that’s nice.

Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.

After

What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #ruin and rising #book review #alina starkov #darkling #darklina

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onlyinthepasttense · 3 years

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ok ok ok so the Thoughts the Feelings the Thoughts and Feelings coming out of this episode that ive now listened to twice bc i cant keep shouting down the hall to my roommates

sasha definitely shot juno on purpose STOP reblogging that post ok i was a FOOL and A CLOWN and ive changed

BUT SHE DEFINITELY REGRETTED IT IMMEDIATELY there’s no way she didn’t did you see the way she immediately started trying to break the garage door down even though she had everything she wanted (smashed into a million pieces because she would rather have a curemother prime in a dumpster)

but im getting ahead of myself

the prank call only led to bad things but it warmed my heart to hear rita and buddy laughing like that , i really would do anything for them

the fact that after man in glass petey and juno immediately started acting like they’d never stopped being together in the first place is so funny and not satisfying to the angst center of my brain at all, but SO satisfying to the true love center of my brain so i can’t even be mad

the conversation about the getaway means the world to me. the way it means nureyev didn’t really want to leave --like i know his room was all packed up and everything, which meant that he was still going to leave, but it means one of two things: 1. that he was going to leave LATER, after at least explaining himself to juno, because why would he make that whole stupid book to NOT tell him, and 2. that he was planning to tell everyone what he had planned to steal and ditch them with and he expected them to ASK HIM TO LEAVE so he packed up preemptively . nabbed everything cause if he was gonna lose his family he was at least going to get something out of it.

“you all better not make me make that choice” GOD, IF YOU’RE LISTENING,

vespa saying ‘haha , wife’ 💗💗💗

further cementing the juno/curemother connection -- it screams at him when it’s in danger, and doesn’t seem to scream at anyone else , even when he isn’t even in the same room. it can be said that it screamed at him when sasha shot him bc it didn’t want to be hit, itself, but i like to think it didn’t want him to be hit either <3 . the fact that juno might have curemother In his fucking shoulder and blood now lol, that could be fun

the RETURN OF ‘YOU’RE FIRED’ AS CODE FOR ‘IM IN OVER MY HEAD AND AFRAID BUT I CAN’T SAY THAT OUT LOUD; I NEED YOU’ im literally never going to recover from this

learning that the only thing that separates dark matters from other criminals is political power.......... yeah that checks out. sasha’s gotten in too deep with people she can’t change but she doesn’t want to admit she’s wrong because she’s sunk decades of her life into trying. learning that sasha’s subordinates could only gain from her death and then she still goes back to them.... honey, are you ok? do you need anything? therapy? a smack to the head? a wake up call?

making the joke abt juno choosing mommy dearest..... sash,

once again: sasha shot juno to maintain control because she recognized him as a weakness of hers instead of a friend who could be an ally, but she was shaking and tried to break down the garage door afterwards in a way she hadn’t tried while juno and jet had the curemother--which she wanted.

the fact that peter either did not escape in the ruby OR that he did and then sent the ruby back to the carte blanche/the ruby left on its own for the family .. where did he go? where the fuck did he go??

the fact that the ruby is a shapeshifter... like-- i knew that, but it feels good to have that confirmed, i feel vindicated even if they didn’t give me the nureyev debt and extortion information i deserved that would’ve vindicated me even more

THE FACT THAT JET BELIEVES IN NUREYEV NOW, AND THINKS HE’LL DEFINITELY COME BACK FOR THEM-- HE’S JUST WORRIED THAT HE’LL TRY TO DO IT ALONE AND FAIL... EVERYTHING TO ME

i can’t imagine a world where jet and the ruby are more than twenty feet from each-other and i hate that by the way

but i am going to make so so many inspector gadget jokes going into season 4

in fact

the fact that juno spent this season growing to love the crew of the carte blanche and now he’s all on his own again is literally tearing me in half like a paper doll and i’ll never recover

IF JUNO IS GOING TO VISIT SOMEONE HE KNOWS ON IO and he knows A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE OFF MARS -- NONE OF WHICH ARE KHANS --im THINKING it’s falco but i could be wrong. but if it IS falco it means we’re gonna get the JUNO HCPD BACKSTORY and frankly i am so so scared lol . also terrified we’re going to meet diamond and i don’t even know why bc we literally dont know anything about her i’m just nervous

#or #the penumbra podcast #penumbra spoilers

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fae-fucker · 5 years

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Review: The Murder Complex

by Lindsay Cummings

An action-packed, blood-soaked, futuristic debut thriller set in a world where the murder rate is higher than the birthrate. For fans of Moira Young’s Dust Lands series, La Femme Nikita, and the movie Hanna.

Meadow Woodson, a fifteen-year-old girl who has been trained by her father to fight, to kill, and to survive in any situation, lives with her family on a houseboat in Florida. The state is controlled by The Murder Complex, an organization that tracks the population with precision.

The plot starts to thicken when Meadow meets Zephyr James, who is—although he doesn’t know it—one of the MC’s programmed assassins. Is their meeting a coincidence? Destiny? Or part of a terrifying strategy? And will Zephyr keep Meadow from discovering the haunting truth about her family?

Action-packed, blood-soaked, and chilling, this is a dark and compelling debut novel by Lindsay Cummings.

There’s a video on YouTube where Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings try to promote Zenith and their favorite books by speculating about what sort of books Andi would enjoy reading.

Lindsay, being the humble creature that she is, says that Andi would enjoy this book. Why? Because Andi would recognize Meadow’s methods as similar to her own? Because Andi would enjoy reading an edgy “thriller” because she too is edgy? Or even because both Andi and Meadow are beautiful waifish white girls with silver hair who don’t particularly mind killing people?

Actually, no, you absolute fool. Sasha speculates on why Andi would enjoy this book (because of the title and how both Meadow and Andi have … uh … something … in common) and tries and fails to give Lindsay a way out. Lindsay admits to not listening, occupied with her book, which she lovingly strokes while staring into the camera.

I think this says a lot about Lindsay herself, Andi’s personality (or rather, lack thereof), and most importantly, the content of this here book.

This review contains spoilers and discussions of potentially triggering topics.

The Writing

I don’t have much to say here. Zenith was far, far worse when you just compare the prose. It’s simple, bare-bones, and straight to the point. Perfectly mediocre and not memorable at all. It flows well enough, and if it weren’t for uuuh everything else in this book, I’d say it’s a quick and easy read.

It does get very melodramatic and edgy at times, but that is to be expected, and since the melodrama mostly avoids getting too purple or lasting too long, I will officially give Cummings the “I could read your book mostly without cringing at the words” award.

The story is told from Meadow and Zephyr’s POVs, and I’d have to disagree with other reviewers who said that their narration was too similar. I mean, it wasn’t spectacular and they definitely had some overlap in expressions, but I could tell that Cummings was making a conscious effort to make them distinct and for me, it worked (mostly past the first half of the book where both of them just mope around and sound very similar), so I commend that.

The Characters

Now, while Andi OH SHIT FUCK I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT THAT WASN’T A BIT I LITERALLY JUST TYPED ANDI INSTEAD OF MEADOW

Now, while Meadow and Zephyr are distinct, that doesn’t really mean they’re good characters, yea? Honestly, they’re pretty much the only ones who get any type of development and the only ones who can, paradoxically, turn off their edge and just be normal people every now and then.

Meadow is supposedly this Strong Femail Charactor who does Bad Things for Good Reasons. And … I mean, yeah? Like, I don’t remember ever feeling like she obsessed over a man, and her motivations were always either keeping her little sister safe or surviving or figuring out the mystery around their society and how it ties into her own family. As far as YA heroines go, Meadow isn’t terrible. But she’s not exactly interesting, either. She’s always collected and rarely loses her cool, she displays few emotions outside of anger, and is generally cold and downplayed to the point of having barely any personality traits. I guess it’s sort of on purpose? But there are ways of making a character subtle and still interesting, and Meadow just feels like somebody packaged a Strong Femail Charactor right out of the factory without slapping some paint on her first. Idk, I guess if this is what Lindsay was going for then she did a good job, but personally I prefer my protags to be a bit more … more.

I will apologize to Meadow for calling her Andi, though. Andi is a lot more smug and obnoxious and has fewer reasons to be.

Zephyr is a harder to define because I’m pretty sure he’s intended to be more colorful than Meadow, but he comes off as even more generic than her. He’s a convincing enough teenage boy at times, because he lusts after Meadow like a puppy and thinks in super dramatic and poetic prose about how perfect and beautiful she is. But outside of that, he just sort of exists and the plot happens to him? He has no consistent personality traits and no flaws that he has control over. He’s partially brainwashed to murder on command and he’s like, sad about it, for a second, but accepts it pretty quickly and swears to help Meadow out for … reasons? Idk I guess he’s in love with her or whatever. The blurb implies he wants to keep her from discovering the truth but he pretty much helps her from the start.

He’s perfectly non-threatening — a boy next door type if next door was a war zone. Most of the time I wonder how many hands he needs to count all his braincells. One? Or mayhaps two? Whatever happens he just sort of rolls with after a chapter or two of angst and he ends up feeling like he’s a crutch for Meadow, a non-character there to fill the role of the snarky sidekick whose personal conflict is a minor subplot, which is admittedly fairly unusual in YA, but for a co-protagonist isn’t ideal, as one might imagine.

Koi is Meadow’s overprotective older brother who wants to beat up Zephyr for reasons and refuses to chill. And yes, that’s his name.

Periwinkle/Peri is Meadow’s younger sister and Meadow’s Moality Pet. And yes, that’s her name.

Meadow’s dad is an abusive asshole dad who is Too Hard On His Children but whose lessons Turn Out To Be Helpful in the end. No, it’s not his name but I can’t remember what it is and can’t be assed to look it up because he’s just Meadow’s dad. Oh and he likes torture? While Meadow acknowledges her dad is fucked up he’s still treated as this wise authority figure who gives good advice and is only a result of his environment. Society is evil, so that’s why he treats his children like shit and teaches them how to murder good. It’s to protect them, see?

Talan is Zephyr’s best friend and teenage sex worker who lost her child and now is vaguely suicidal but it’s supposed to be charming and quirky??? Talan is the only major character to die brutally for shock value and she seems to welcome it. Tbh she was the only interesting character in the whole book so I actually felt bad when she was killed off like that.

And then there’s a bunch of other characters but what’s the point of me telling you about them since they’re all generic as hell and only exist to spout exposition at Meadow and her boy toy.

There was another character I liked well enough, but only because she was the only PoC and her name was Sketch, which is a pretty neat name, but she didn’t have much of a personality except “snarky hardass” and was basically a Deluxe Edition of an existing “snarky hardass” character. She appears only in the late chapters of the book and is there to get brutalized for the sake of our two white protags. She didn’t die though, so there’s that?

The Plot

Alright, alright, I guess I have to write something.

I honestly have no fucking idea what the plot was. The blurb pretty much tells it all: Meadow meets Zephyr, they fall in love (?), Zephyr goes all Terminator on her ass and she’s like ??? and then uh … turns out Meadow’s family/dead mom are involved in the Murder Complex, which is the thing that’s making Zephyr and other random people kill others when remotely “activated” and so now they gotta find out what the heckity heck is going on, I guess?

It’s a clear enough plot but the motivations are a little weak, especially on Zephyr’s side. One would think he’d like to get rid of the whole “murder on command” thing in his brain but he seems to be able to fight it off easily once he meets Meadow and he’s more focused on helping her for reasons.

Yeah, I’m … I’ve already forgotten large chunks of the story so that should tell you something.

The “Worldbuilding”

O SHIT HERE COMES THE JUICY PART OF THE REVIEW.

*clears throat* Here we go:

The Shallows, Night Siren, the Initiative, Catalogue Number, Commandments of the Shallows, Creds, the Perimeter, the Silent Hour, Before, Rations Department, Pirates, the Dark Time, the Pulse, the Pin, the Red train, the Blue train, Wards, the Leeches, the Graveyard, the Survivors, Rations Hall, Initiative Headquarters, Wards of the State, the Gravers, NoteScreen, Evaluator, the Catalogue Dome, the Pit, Cred Orb, the Furnace Room, the Library, Sellout, the Hospital, the Believers …

Holy shit I don’t think I’ve gotten all of the Important Names yet and I’m already tired.

Y’all. This is the worst case of worldbuilding laziness I’ve seen in a while, and I’m someone who absolutely hates worldbuilding and will let authors get away with minimal effort. This? This is awful. And the thing is? I get it. I might’ve forgiven this because coming up with names is HARD and we humans usually go for the obvious anyway so this makes some amount of sense.

The problem is the fact that there are some words and concepts that are PERFECTLY REGULAR (i.e. the Hospital is literally just a fucking hospital) but still capitalized for no goddamn reason other than it being an attempt at sounding all sci-fi and dystopian without any actual effort. Everything blends together and the concepts are so generic and so MANY that it just becomes noise and you’re forced to simply roll with it and stop trying to actually imagine what anything looks like or where it’s located or how it works.

*takes deeep breath*

Speaking of how it works, let me tell you about the main premise. Basically, there was a war, a big war that tore the US apart like Lisa tears apart Johnny. Those who survived the war were infected with a plague, creatively named the Plague, that threatened to wipe out the population. One 20-year-old scientist cured the Plague, along with literally everything else, including death. Thanks to “nanites”, humans can no longer die of natural causes. This leads to overpopulation, and to stop this, the person who invented this all-cure comes up with another absolutely brilliant idea: let’s make MORE humans, but these humans have brains that are programmed to kill on command. Who gets murdered is chosen at random each and every night in a lottery, and survivors have to clean up dozens of new corpses every morning. (Meadow mentions the death rate is now 300 people per month.)

Yeah. I know. The same brilliant scientist who CURED DEATH not only fails to reverse the effects of their own invention, but decides that factory printing brainwashed humans who are then released into the world to also consume resources along with their victims is the best course of action?

Also, there are old people in this book. How are they still aging? How do you cure death but keep the aging? Why do you kill random people for shits and giggles instead of offing the semi-sentient sacks of flesh that the old people are bound to become as their bodies grow and decline but refuse to die? Surely you need young people to work in your factories? If resources are scarce, why keep old people alive past the point where they can contribute to society? If you have the technology to make remote controlled brains, why can’t you yank those bad boys out and just put them into robot bodies?

Why did nobody consider sterilization? I know this is a dangerous and sensitive topic that a white author probably shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but if you’re ok with writing indiscriminate murder and pretend that shit wouldn’t become very racist very fast, then you could do the same with sterilization. You can’t tell me that the nanites are so good they could grow you a new uterus. Evidently they’re not good enough to heal bullet wounds or stab wounds or else your little “murder complex” wouldn’t fucking work, would it?

I’m not saying these are “better” options than murder lottery, because these are all terrible things, but I am saying that they’re definitely more logical and profitable if you’re an evil government. Compared to making new people from scratch to kill your already existing people, anyway.

There are also implications of this all being a lie to control the population so that the “Initiative” can remain in control, along with the usual shitty YA dystopia thing where it’s implied that Earth is fucked and we’re out of resources.

This whole thing is a mess of half-assed concepts that are never explored but just sort of jammed together into an incoherent mess. There’s a big war, there’s a big plague, there’s senseless murder, there’s an evil government, there’s child soldiers, there’s brainwashing, there’s a rebel Resistance, there’s climate change … There’s even an Aptitude Test or whatever that never comes back despite being very angsted and exposited about in the opening chapters. It’s like Lindsay read all the YA dystopias that came before and couldn’t pick a gimmick and just went for all of them.

Oh I haven’t even mentioned the funniest part of all this: the swearing. As with Zenith, Lindsay has no problem describing gory murder and calling female characters “sluts”, but actual human curse words like shit and fuck? Don’t be silly. This is CHILD AND PUBLISHER FRIENDLY. Shit is now “skitz”, “fuck” is now “flux”. Can you imagine reading this fluxing bullskitz? WE NEVER EVEN FIND OUT WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN OR WHY THEY WERE REPLACED, SINCE THIS TAKES PLACE RECENT ENOUGH THAT MEADOW REMEMBERS GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES.

Oh and there’s also ChumHead, which, you guessed it, is never explained.

I guess now we know who to blame for “fike” and “starshined”. Oh and there are swears related to the stars in this book as well. I think Lindsay needs to get off that SJM juice.

The Edgy

Allow me to feed quotes into your gaping brain mouths. Not a lot of them because most of my notes are just me going WHAT at the concepts and the names more than the phrasing.

Every night, I stay awake for as long as I can to keep my nightmares at bay.

Scars are trophies in the Shallows. They show we know how to cheat death.

In a paragraph before this one, Meadow mentions that nanites heal everything but leave scars behind for reasons, and it happens to everyone. So why would they be a status symbol?

It’s the moon. The moon that reminds me of the moonlit girl.

My moonlit girl. She’s the cure to my nightmares, the one thing that helps me feel safe when I can’t even trust my own dreams to harbor me.

Spoken like a real teenage boy, Zeph. Would you like some tissues with that spunk?

I hold the door open for [Talan], but she shrugs past me and opens the other one. Always independent. Never taking help from anyone.

Hi is this a Feminism?

I find two leather thigh sheathes and strap them to my legs. I slide two knives into them and stand, slinging the bow over my shoulder. […] Feeling angry. But feeling strong.

Convenient sexy makeover includes leather knife pockets and a cool but completely-impractical-due-to-the-existence-of-enemy-guns crossbow. I also want to mention that the book calls crossbow ammo “arrows”, when they’re usually referred to as bolts, but go off.

The Conclusion

The Murder Complex is a book that straddles the line between mediocre and bad. Its biggest flaw is how boring and shallow its ideas and characters are. Which basically means its biggest flaw is everything about it. I can’t say it was so bad it’s good, but I can’t exactly call it terrible because I’ve read far, far worse. It’s mediocre writing about bland characters angsting and murdering their way through a convoluted plot that’s based on worldbuilding as solid as half-eaten ham standwich found in a rainy alleyway. It’s not fun or entertaining to read and there’s nothing to get outrageously mad about.

In the end, I don’t think you should pick this up unless you’ve somehow read every other book in the world and this is the only one left. Don’t waste your time on this, not even as a joke. Don’t make my sacrifice be in vain.

#book review #repost #the murder complex #i'm pretty sure i'm the only person who's ever read this book

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humblebeex2 · 6 years

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The stranger across the dance floor - Chapter 12: Literally nobody

Chapter 12: The reason why Sasha was there to interrupt the dinner date was revealed and Rhys and Jack have a little angst.

Read it on AO3

The girl fumbled the hem of her sweater. Her strained, tiring eyes, her tighten jawlines, her digits trembled with overwhelming emotions, with fear and with inner struggling. Was it right to be here or even to have waited outside the coffee house in the first place? Before her, Rhys sat with elbows set on his knees, his head hung low between two stiffed shoulders. Occasionally, those metal fingers were brought up to rub on the back of his neck. They sat there, quiet, confused, no one said a word to each other, as if they both feared of being the one who started the conversation, and being the one who got blamed for whatever this was, something ugly and long overdue. Twenty minutes has passed, the fidgeting and occasional stirs turned to light and sobbing sound from the girl on the couch, Rhys raised his head slightly, almost stealthily to look at Sasha in the eyes. And that was all she needed to burst out. Rhys had thought to himself, he couldn’t let his guard down to Sasha at any cost, the moment she became Vaughn’s girlfriend, she was the friend at bay, out of touch, unavailable, the exhibition in the museum which you can only look but can never lay a hand on. But in this moment, what could he do other than holding her tight, let her tear rolled on his shoulder, wrapping his lean arms around her head to block the crying sound? And he did just that.

- “I did something… terrible…” – She sobbed.

- “And I’m about to… so help me god! Sasha, tell me now!”

Rhys’ grip tightened harder as the girl’s sob louder without his knowing, he kind of guessed what this was about, and if he guessed right, it would be such a cruel thing a person can commit. Rhys prayed that he was wrong.

- “I break up with him, with Vaughn…” – said the girl with weeping voice.

So it’s true, she really did that. Was it mutual? Was it solely from her? Was his bro get hurt terribly? Was it Rhys to blame? No, it couldn’t be. He has nothing to do with this, he hasn’t met the couple for a few weeks. There was nothing that he could be held against for this, wasn’t it? All of the sudden, none of this mattered anymore, Rhys realized, what’d done has been done. His arms loosened, falling to her shoulder so lightly, his spine was still stiff and straight for her to lean on. Good lord, her shampoo fragrance found its way to straight to his nostrils again at the most unwanted time ever, Rhys shook his head out of the all so familiar haze, he cupped her face in his hands, tilting it up to meet his eyes directly, but couldn’t muster a sound. The tensed, accusing eyes bored on her like he wanted to explode her head with anger.

- “Because…” – She muttered – “Because of… that afternoon, Rhys.”

- “I don’t follow”

- “When… I borrowed your laptop, then I knew… Well, I didn’t know, but I guessed that I might be something more than a friend to you…”

Rhys wanted to deny, he wanted to tell her that it wasn’t true, that he didn’t like her anything more than a normal friend. But to do that equals lying, to a dead matter no less. There is no point in denying that now. He just sat there, next to Sasha, with his face buried in the hands, hoping the thing that he feared the most wasn’t happening right now.

- “From then on, I can’t look at you the same way. I know Vaughn is also very good to me…”

- “ALSO? Like there’s somebody else has been good to you the way Vaughn did? And don’t you say me, because it’s ridiculous what you’re saying, Sasha…” – Rhys was furious.

- “I know, I know!”

And the girl was crying in all seven languages again, and Rhys was obliged to comfort her, and he knew that it wasn’t the good time to say things from the brain, rather listen to what her heart had to offer. A few moments later, she was ready to talk again.

- “I tried Rhys. Don’t you think I know how out of line I’d be if I had a thing for you?”

Rhys’ mind went into space, the place where stars and the black mass entwined, from what he could comprehend, Sasha left Vaughn for him, because she now clearly “has a thing” for him. The confession hits him, sure, he had girlfriends, but isn’t this the time when miracle happens? When the girl he was dying over for months likes him back? Too much that she has to break up with Vaughn, given an uncertainty of how he would receive her after what she did to his best friend? Then, she was closer than ever, with closed eyes, she pressed her lips on his own. Rhys gasped but did nothing to stop. Only when she was ready to deepen the kiss, into something more than just an impulsive act, something intentionally, he realized this could be the end of his friendship with Vaughn.

- “No no no no no… I can’t. We can’t! Nothing can ever happen between us, Sasha. This is wrong.”

- “Not in a million years?” - she asked

- “Not… in a million years.”

She was disappointed for sure, he could tell by the way her eyelids fell shut, squeezing out those last tear drops, by the way she threw her head back, smiling, sniffing, wiping her cheeks with the heels of her hands. And that picture of the girl once he adored, once he wished nothing more than to have her, to be hers, broke his heart into pieces, but he told himself to be strong, to push it all aside, for it was no longer valid to pursue.

The night was long and cold, Rhys tucked Sasha in his bed, and ready to spend the night on the couch or the hardwood floor when he heard the telltale sound of the vehicle that was there few hours ago. Rhys sneaked his way to the attic window to look down. He was right.

- “So…”

- “So…?” – Rhys took the half-finished cigarette from Jack’s finger and brought it to his mouth.

- “You fuck her?”

- “Jesus!” – He coughed hard at question – “uhmm… what if I did?” – The smugness in his voice teased Jack the way he knew himself it wouldn’t be good, but he did it anyway, just to see how far it’d go.

Rhys got shoved back to the wall, and chocked by Jack’s forearm, the lit cigarette fell unceremoniously onto the snowed surface.

- “Then you leave me no choice but reminding you of who you belong to.”

The hoarseness in Jack’s voice scared Rhys but at the same time, it did something for the young man’s lower abdomen. Jack turned Rhys around, his cheeks got bitten by the frost, reddened and cold, his weak wrists were grasped and held behind his back.

- “Why are you making this hard for us, Rhysie? I thought you graduated from college or something? Aren’t you supposed to be smart?”

Rhys had never seen Jack this frustrated, he couldn’t muster any response but the back-throat whimpering while one of Jack’s hand grabbing the back of his neck, threatening.

- “Once you get fucked by… heck… the moment I laid my fingers on you, you’re marked, cupcake. You belong to no one else but the greatness that is Handsome Jack.” – Jack grinded his hips to the other man, showing the dominance, and Jack liked it when Rhys’ response was all breathy, whining.

Handsome Jack is aggressive for sure, everybody knows that. But his actions were hard to explain lately, especially this very moment. He couldn’t even comprehend what he was doing in the place like this, at this hour, and to this helpless man. But he started to feel and understand the root of all these shenanigans. Jack was scared as hell. Rhys could be tiny, clingy, desperate in his arms, could be his to torture, to do whatever the hell he wants. But Jack never once owned his heart.

Rhys struggled to loosen Jack’s grip on his wrists with little success. Until a tear started to form in the corner of his eye.

- “I… belong to no one, Jack.”

The talk-back struck Jack like a slap in the face. How dare? After all that time, he’s still literally nobody, Jack was indignant at the ungrateful former waiter, but he was angrier at himself and the funny universe. The greatness… that is Handsome Jack, what a joke! All muscles were loosening, Jack took a step back, and Rhys almost fell on his knees. Fine, if the young man wanted to play hard to get, then Jack will make him feel sorry for not making things easier. There is only one outcome of this, which is Jack will walk out of this winning. Without a word more, he turned and walked towards the vehicle. The young man’s eyes followed him, not knowing whether to fear or to relief.

- “Maya, are you in bed? Or hovering some god-damned clubs at this hour? Hey listen, the board’s idea is not actually that bad. I’m doing it. But tell them they owe me big time. What a bunch of wankers. You know Rhys? The club kid. That’s the stuff. Fucking call me when you get this. Shit!”

#Rhack #Rhys the Company man #Handsome Jack

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