#lister wrote this
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Lister: He just drives me insane with everything he does! Like- Like how, whenever I drop anything on the floor, he tells me to pick it up the very moment it hits the ground. And he goes off at me every time I eat something that's any less healthy than a salad. And he always calls me Lister.
Kryten: …You are aware that Lister is your name, sir?
Lister: No, I know that! I mean he always calls me Lister. Just Lister. You'd think, after being stranded together three million years into deep-space for well over a year, he'd maybe call me Dave every once in a while. But no. Its always Lister. Smegging Lister!
Kryten: Are you bothered by me calling you Mr Lister?
Lister: No, that's fine. I just want him to say my name. My actual name. I think thats reasonable. I want to hear his whiny, pathetic voice call me ‘Dave’, is that too much to- …Oh smeg… Oh smegging smeg!
Kryten: What is wrong sir?
Lister: …I'm in love with Arnold Rimmer..
#A small scene i wrote#this is exactly how i imagine this goings#red dwarf#rimmer red dwarf#red dwarf rimmer#rimmer#arnold rimmer#lister red dwarf#red dwarf lister#lister#dave lister#kryten#rimster
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I love this song.
#lena headey#suranne jones#gentleman jack#anne lister#when fandoms collide#lena wrote this post for me specifically#what is it in the water in northern england#they grow great actresses up there#yes this post is 5 years late lmao#both of them should have won emmys by now
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good for them
#whoever wrote rimmers villains wiki page is a HATER it made me laugh#they’re like fuck this guy#rimster#op#true love is being on opposing wiki pages#dave lister#arnold rimmer
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So strange to me that Rimmer gave up his one shot at success as a member of the space corps for the sake of a woman he had known like a day while Lister, canonical hopeless romantic with the biggest soft spot for sappy shit like that, totally fucked Kochanski's chances of getting back with her Dave, and probably did so on purpose. Like what the fuck, man
#red dwarf#arnold judas rimmer#arnold rimmer#dave lister#kristine kochanski#i feel like all the characters got flanderized after a while but it's super noticable with dave#idk if this is doug naylor's fault in particular but he wrote timewave so he gets no leniency from me ever so i blame him anyway
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I said yesterday that I was going to make queer headcanon posts for my favourite characters almost every day for pride month so:
Today’s character is Dave Lister from Red Dwarf!
Lister:
Lister didn’t really label himself as anything when he was very young as he didn’t really know the terms as he was surrounded at first by a few people who weren’t very lgbt friendly until he got a bit older and started getting into music and meeting people who felt more like him. All he knew was that he really liked girls and as he got older he started realising his feelings for guys too.
Lister came out as bisexual at first to his gran who was accepting to him. She was known to be very protective of him if anyone said anything against him.
The first boy he had a crush on was a another guy who was in his school. He was quite tall but well built and was shown to sometimes be a little smug at times due to being quite attractive and intelligent. Lister mainly liked him due to his looks but also thought when he wasn’t acting like a dick he was almost nice to talk to.
Lister isn’t the type to bring up his sexuality to people and kind of just lets people find out. Whenever someone finds out he pretends to be confused and act like he told them.
His friend group on Red Dwarf were a little confused when they found out because he always talked about Kochanski. Peterson was the most confused so Lister had to explain what bisexuality meant. Since his friends weren’t the brightest they didn’t really understand at first and made a few jokes but due to ignorance rather than any malice but eventually stopped once Lister makes it clear that some jokes make him a little uncomfortable. Despite not being the most educated on it they are accepting of him which despite putting on a facade of not caring really relieved Lister.
Lister had a massive crush on Kochanski for ages but at the same time for the first week or so had a small crush on Frank. He thought Frank’s looks and confidence was really attractive but didn’t really act on anything because he was higher up than him and he liked Kochanski. He still sometimes flirted with Todhunter lightly which Frank even returned at times though it was just a little fun.
When he first met Rimmer and was assigned to bunk with him on Red Dwarf he thought he was attractive too. He had a similar look to Todhunter so Lister started assuming he had a type since the boy he liked during school was similar too. He liked his curly hair and liked his height since he kind of likes height differences in his relationships whether it’s him being the taller one or his partner. It was only when Rimmer actually started talking that Lister was a little put off and their animosity started.
Despite not really getting along Lister still found Rimmer attractive which annoyed him. Sometimes when Rimmer wasn’t being a complete smeg head and wasn’t bossing him around he was almost nice. Lister was quite surprised with himself when he found himself catching feelings for Rimmer because he was just the complete opposite of himself and even though he was kind of his type he didn’t have the usual confidence that his other crushes have had. He also knew that Rimmer didn’t seem to like him that much either (spoiler alert: he did he just didn’t realise).
#these are just my headcanons :)#if you have anymore please add!!#I’ve only wrote a few because I didn’t want to make the post too long#and if anyone wants queer headcanons on their favourite characters I can do that too#red dwarf#dave lister#kristine kochanski#frank todhunter#arnold rimmer#rimster#rimmer x lister#lister x rimmer#lgbt#lgbtqa#pride#pride month#happy pride 🌈
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So should I write an iwbft fic or what
#I’ve never wrote fan fiction#I’ve wrote a LOT#but not fanfics#but those gay little men won’t get out of my head#(Jimmy and Lister but I do also mean Rowan cause he’s like an honorary gay atp)#iwbft#i was born for this#the ark#jimmy kaga ricci#lister bird#rowan omondi#alice oseman#osemanverse
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Rewatching Little Women 2019 remake because it's the right period for it and watching some interviews with Greta Gerwig and the cast, I'm struck try the absolute refusal of straight women to acknowledge that a woman whose creation/work they enjoyed was actually a lesbian. In this instance: Louisa May Alcott.
Greta Gerwig is obviously talented, educated and intelligent. She must know this yet she states over and over that Louisa May Alcott never married and never had kids. Yeah. BECAUSE SHE WAS A LESBIAN.
The word lesbian never passes her lips. A supposedly feminist film, directed by a woman, with a cast comprised of mostly women. Yet saying lesbian is still taboo.
Sespursongles said it best and I will quote her:
“But of course there are also lots of very talented lesbian writers, the problem being then that no one acknowledges them as lesbians, because lesbophobia — or they don’t want to be recognised as “lesbian writers” as it might kill their career. The “lesbian lit is crap” belief doesn’t hold when we know that many gifted artists and writers in history were lesbians, but 1) you can’t point it out because all nonlesbians would start obsessively dissecting their lives to prove het attraction, and 2) of course they couldn’t apply their gift to writing about lesbians (or themselves) because then they would never have become literary figures; only bihet people are allowed to write about their experience. This might have created in some cases a kind of catch-22 where the talented lesbian writers who knew they had a chance of making it big didn’t write about lesbian stuff because that might have killed their chances, while the less-gifted writers who knew they weren’t likely to become great literary figures were the ones who wrote lesbian stuff since they weren’t afraid of having something bigger to lose.”
In this case, there’s the added bonus that Jo is clearly Louisa May Alcott herself (self-insert) and if LMA had had her say, Jo would have remained a spinster (aka a lesbian) but a lot of straight women identify with her character because she is the most interesting, complex and frankly cool character in the book. Nobody is identifying with boring Meg who only wants to get married and pop babies, that’s for sure.
So admitting that Jo is lesbian-coded would mean for straight women that they can longer project themselves onto/identify with Jo. Because god forbid they would identify with a lesbian.
No way.
This reminds me of the shitshow that occurred a few years ago with the movie Ammonite and how FURIOUS straight feminists were that Mary Anning had been turned into a lesbian. The horror. Granted, we don’t know whether Mary Anning was a lesbian. The fact is, she never married.
Which was het feminists’ entire reasoning: why don’t we let her be single! why can’t women be single! Why does romance always have to be pushed on women! blablabla
Meltdown ensues.
Hum. Funny you’re all saying that when you never choose that life for yourself. You know: the single, childfree life. Funny you’re now super invested that a woman who is considered to be the first paleontologist and who never married should apparently remain single because she is being portrayed as a lesbian in one movie that you will never watch anyway.
It’s almost funny how they can’t hide their prejudice and lesbophobia when it’s clear that the default for them should be heterosexuality and what bothered them so much was the lesbian representation.
So let’s recap: Louisa May Alcott: Lesbian
Marguerite Yourcenar: Lesbian
Vivian Maier: Lesbian
Louise Michel: Lesbian
Anne Lister: Lesbian (hard to deny, this one)
#lesbian#lesbian figures#Louisa May Alcott#Marguerite Yourncenar (who never wrote about lesbians despite being one - judging you Marguerite)#Louise Michel#Anne Lister#Vivian Maier#Ammonite#Mary Anning#honorary lesbian?#who knows
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(untitled rimster free verse)
i wouldn't fuck you
even if me and you were the last two people in the whole damn world.
god, that wouldn't even change anything. i'd still hate you all the same, all the stupid little insufferable things, every single one of them; there's no sweetening the deal, there's no fixing you. lost cause; you're probably gonna stay like that forever.
nothing would change, i'd still hate you the same way I did yesterday; like the world never ended, like the walls never fell. we'd stay like that forever in the yesterday, me and you and the hatred.
as we'd scour the ruins, the empty streets and desolate rooms, separate feet unsteady together over the rubble, i'd still hate you exactly the same; hatred stable, unmoving, grounding; hell, monumental. every morning i would wake up wishing you were dead, and every night i would dream of you dropping dead already; every day, for the rest of my life, i would hate you. i swear.
i hate you so much, i would say to you things i've never said to anyone else, show you the very worst of myself, the deepest, grimiest corners, just to see you recoil. anything, just to see your reaction.
i'd get all in your space, up into your fucking face, closer, digging nails deeper, deeper;
keep your friends close but your enemies—
we would fight. oh, we would fight every single day, nearly down to a routine. we'd fight like cats and dogs, like machine cogs, like we were made for it; clash, crash and burn, flush, almost like a dance. two parts to a perfect system, like an impeccably oiled mechanism.
we'd fight with such fervor, rage, passion, dedication, it would be all-destorying, all-consuming; i would forget, for a second, that we're the last people in the whole world; that there were supposed to be other people to begin with.
it would just be the two of us, and i'd feel normal, complete, if i could get into a good enough fight with you.
if the two of us were the very last people in existence, i'd have to see you; because there would be no one else left to do it. like the riddle about a falling tree and a sound; we'd have to look at each other in order to exist. i'd see you, the way your face goes soft in late night and early morning, the way light frames you, the smile you rarely give, the creases around your eyes, the taut line of your neck when you turn. god, i'd see all of it, like an x-ray, like a private cinema showing for one. i'd see you like no one else would, because i'd be the only one who could. i'd see you like no one else ever did.
it'd be like that forever, the two of us the last people in the universe. no matter how much space there would be to crawl away to, no matter the expanse, i'd never become one last person left in one endless half of the universe, clean beautiful line of horizon wedged between. we'd always gravitate back together; clash, crash, crush, burn, flush, tight. keep your friends close, but your—
i would hold you. i would say to you things i've never said to anyone else, show you what i've never shown anyone else, the deepest corners of myself, raw and exposed. i would wait for your reaction. i would see you. every morning i would wake up next to you, and every night i would dream of you. every day, for the rest of my life, i would see you. we'd fit together like we were made for it; a dance, two parts to an imperfect system.
— keep your lover closer, closer, closer.
and if something would happen, if we would find something incredible, impossible,
if the world began as suddenly and brightly as it ended,
i would still love you. god, it wouldn't even change anything.
i'd still love you all the same, all the stupid little insufferable things, every single one of them. there'd be no going back, no breaking the bond; we'd stay like that forever, a lost cause. hand in hand, me and you, we would walk into tomorrow.
even if me and you no longer were the last two people left in the whole world,
i would still love you, forever.
#vikarambles#red dwarf#rimster#arnold judas rimmer#dave lister#poetry#wrote this like a month before watching the show and ended up perfectly on the money bc 1 i am so very smart and sexy#2 i learned from the best (jack's brainworms are CONTAGIOUS)
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer, Dave Lister & Arnold Rimmer
Characters: Arnold Rimmer, Dave Lister, Kryten (Red Dwarf)
Additional Tags: Old Married Couple, definitely not gay, Gay, Friendship, but also not friendship, Hard-Light Arnold Rimmer, Post-Red Dwarf: Back to Earth, silly one-shot, Pre-RD: Lemons, Repressed old gay men, who dont have the words to express how much they really mean to eachother
Summary:
Lister's appendix is about to burst. Rimmer sinks into a neurotic spiral of worry for his ageing bunkmate. Who's more sick?
...
This idea came to me while watching series X, episode 3 (Lemons). Why on Io would Rimmer look so embarrassed about giving Kryten permission to do lifesaving operations on Lister when he's asleep? My only conclusion was that Rimmer secretly ties himself in knots worrying every time an ageing Lister has some kind of health condition that he won't get checked out. At the same time, he's too far up his own arse and cowardly to be open with him about it. He'd rather drug him when he's asleep and get an obsolete mechanoid to operate on him than admit that he cares.
#finally wrote my first full rimster fic!#based on the episode Lemons#RD#Red Dwarf#Lister#Rimmer#Rimster#Dave Lister#Arnold Rimmer#rimmer x lister#lister x rimmer
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sometimes i listen to wish you were sober by conan gray and think about that person on tiktok who made a bicci edit to that song and internally cry while bopping bc it’s so them
#conan wrote that song for them idc#bicci#jimmy kaga ricci#lister bird#iwbft#i was born for this#alice oseman#osemanverse#conan gray
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number 4 for the ask game >:]
4 - fine, dino nuggeTs
"danced with the devil and her name was cj / i see her in the eyes of a radio dj / (wiki-wiki-what?) (you’re a cunt)"
"carrie jane, ripe old age / lips that taste like cheap limeade / never knew just when to quit / but carrie cared, she gave a shit"
"stocked my fridge with caviar / ocean pearls in a jelly jar"
(i imagine lister's style to be kind of like penelope scott's... not conforming to a genre & allowing things to be imperfect for the sake of emotion. also the random, almost vocal stimmy one-liners she'll throw in in the background. hence the "you're a cunt" bit lmao.)
#lister bird#iwbft#i was born for this#lister bird solo album#I WROTE SONG ALBUM ON ACCIDENT HELP#CLICKED ON THE TAG AND WAS LIKE “WHERE DID EVERYTHING GO”
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Listen, Rimmer's self-loathing in 'Terrorform' (S5E03) was so presumably SO grotesque it couldn't be shown onscreen. So when it is given physical form again 25 years later in 'Timewave' (S12E03) and it ends up looking like some Bond villain, alls I can say is GOOD FOR YOU, ARNIE BABY. HARD WORK PAYIN' OFF.
(I toned down the scarring on the face because 'facial deformity as shorthand for evil' is sooooo tired. Tbh, this whole episode was very "old man yells at cloud" and I didn't like it, but I love me any kind of evil Rimmer and so this scene can stay.)
--
[ID: a digital comic showing a bust of Rimmer's inner critic from season 12 of Red Dwarf - he is a sour-looking bald man with a red 'R' over top of his face. He is surrounded by text, which reads as follows:
"Inner Critic: I am Rimmer's inner critic.
Lister: Oh smeg, for real?! Rimmer! He looks FANTASTIC!
Inner Critic: What?
Lister: I'm so proud of you!
Cat: Yeah! Compared to how it looked back on that psi-moon, this guy looks like a teddy bear!
Inner Critic: No, I don't!!
Kryten: Indeed! Mr. Rimmer's therapy sessions really seem to be paying off!
Inner Critic: Oh smeg off.
Rimmer: I'm not sure whether to be smug or offended..."
End speech bubble text.
In the lower right hand corner of the image, small text reads "Jack D. Goodfellow, 2022".
End ID.]
#image description#red dwarf#arnold rimmer#dave lister#cat red dwarf#kryten red dwarf#fan art#fanart#this episode was frankly horrible#it practically screamed A STRAIGHT CIS MALE BOOMER WROTE THIS more than most of the show already does#u criticize a white guy one fucking time and they throw themselves on the ground in a fainting spell from being 'censored'#insufferable#good thing the actual canon lives inside my head and most of that episode didn't happen#rimmer decides to be smug AND offended. a real champ.#rimmer's sign is a moon and lister is a sun#boys from the dwarf#my art
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I'm watching Red Dwarf again and I'd just like to say that my profile picture on ao3 has been Rimmer and Mr Flibble for 4 years now
#red dwarf#fanfic#ao3#i actually think one of the first fics i ever wrote was a rimster one on wattpad#but i found it recently and deleted it cus it was so bad#i mean tbf i was 11#rimster#lister x rimmer#original post
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Red Dwarf AU where both Rimmer and Lister survive the leak via stasis
981 Words, not edited at all so probably a fair amount of grammatical smeg ups, I literally wrote this as the beginning of a possible fic late at night the other day, I've got a vague idea where I want it to go but atm this is all I've got and knowing my past with keeping things updated don't expect much more any time soon 💀
Anyway enjoy :D
George McIntyre had died, he'd taken an exam and Lister had been put in stasis; generally speaking, everything was absolutely tickety boo. That was disregarding the fact that George had been brought back as a hologram, he had fainted and failed his exam an eleventh time and Lister would be brought back in eighteen months however. He'd tried to appeal to the captain in order to get Lister given a longer sentence, but to no avail. Now he only had these precious few months without the smeghead, and it was certainly not enough. Rimmer didn't actually know what Lister had done to be put in stasis, but nonetheless, he one hundred percent deserved more time.
Rimmer smiled contentedly as he pushed the maintenance trolley down the halls. Today had been a good day.
As he made his way to the next vending machine, he noticed a faint, unnerving rattling sound coming from a small corridor to the left. He frowned, pausing a moment as he craned his head to see further down the passage.
"That's rather odd... I don't actually remember there being a vending machine down here."
Petersen had told him that there was a blockage in the vending machine on the engine levels of the ship and only now was he realising that he'd been pranked. He scowled as he began to painstakingly maneuver the trolley around in the cramped corridor, how had he been so gullible as to believe Petersen of all people? The Danish moron had barely two braincells to rub together how on Io had he managed to dupe him?
The rattling seemed to get louder as Rimmer fumed in silence, cursing the thin walkways of the lower decks as the corner of the cart hit the wall with a soft thud and decided to become unchangeably stuck. Rimmer felt like sobbing. In hindsight, today had not been a good day; none of his days ever were. Again, the rattle got even louder, an awful, clanging, repetitive noise which was absolutely not helping with Rimmer's mood.
And then a thought hit him. The noise had almost certainly been annoying the engine mechanics, so if he were to fix the issue then surely they'd be grateful. He could see it now, his memoirs stating this as his defining moment which lead to his ladder of success. It would read:
"Commander A.J Rimmer began his journey as a lowly mechanic, his excellent repair job of the annoying noise in the engine room providing a one hundred percent increase in productivity and all round wellbeing of engine workers. Because of him, Red Dwarf was propelled to new feats of greatness-"
Clang
Right that was it. No more daydreaming, Rimmer was going to sort out that sound right now. His journey to greatness would finally begin.
He abandoned his jammed trolley in the hallway, grabbing a small spanner, screwdriver and notebook as he made his way towards the sound. The notebook was less necessary, but if this was the beginning of his story, he was going to make sure he documented it properly for the future generations.
All his delusions of grandeur melted away as soon as he saw the problem, he wasn't entirely sure what he was looking at but it didn't look good. The smug grin that had been plastered across his face dissapeared, replaced with, first, a look of confusion and then despair. He wasn't entirely sure who he'd been kidding when he thought that he could fix the problem, after all, he had failed the engineer exam eleven times. He wasn't even sure where the noise was coming from inside the panel but maybe if he loosened a few of the bolts it would stop.
It did not stop.
In fact it got much, much worse.
The rattle became an almighty clang as the pressure that had built up behind the panel began to rush out faster, the noise slowly building up to a crescendo. But this was not what worried Rimmer. He had already began to run before the sound started to get worse.
The trolley lay on its side from when he had leapt over it, a single wheel spinning quietly, blissfully unaware of the danger that had just fallen on the ship.
What did worry Rimmer was the scuffed old sign next to the panel that read:
"Danger! Do not under any circumstance loosen this panel, will result in death"
He had only seen this after he'd loosened the first 4 bolts, but he hoped desperately that he'd have enough time to get out of there.
Rimmer would say that he regretted not warning anyone of the soon to be lethal leak that was about to happen across the ship, but that wasn't entirely true. He only had time to save himself and he'd accepted that. Besides, really it was the others fault for not knowing that it was going to happen.
Breathing heavily, he sprinted towards the stasis chamber where Lister stood, frozen mid wave, smiling cheerily through the viewing window. With a huff of effort he heaved open the door and threw himself inside, practically landing half on top of the confused scouser.
"Rimmer? What the smeg are you doing? I just got in-"
"No time to explain, Holly, lock the door"
It took a minute for the stasis to set back in again. A terrifying, awful minute.
The chamber was cramped, only meant for the one person. The pair were pressed against each other in the space, practically nose to nose. Rimmer tried not to gag at the scent of Lister's breath as they stared uncomfortably at each other.
"Did y' really miss me that much already? I know I'm terrifyingly handsome but y' could have just asked-" Lister joked awkwardly.
"Shut up. Its not that."
And then the stasis set in, freezing them in time as the carnage began outside.
#red dwarf fic#literally wrote this so late#i dont know if half of this makes sense or not#rimmer red dwarf#lister red dwarf
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At last, she is finished.
Lister is pining because of course he is.
#bicci#lister bird#jimmy kaga ricci#iwbft#i was born for this#jimmy and lister#i wrote this with so much love#so please be nice lmao#my writing#osemanverse#alice dont see this
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I genuinely love and hate that Bane went through this intensely transformative arc in Gotham Knights with meeting his father thanks to Dr. Thompkins and Bruce, and having his life saved by Batman, and it’s meaningful to the point where he’s like ‘I’m not Bane anymore actually’, and then we don’t see him again until two random panels in infinite crisis in which he is just. Out here. Fighting heroes. Zero context between points A and B, go girl give us nothing
#and then they used that one panel of him wrecking a D-Lister for a WHOLE PLOT in checkmate I yell#I don't know what this is but he just showed up and went rawr and then they were like 'bad guy no badding' and he was like 'okay'#just some rando judo guy outfighting bane while he's on venom i can't i cAN'T#like that time magneto was a one-off villain in spider-man and they were like 'yep peter won that fight no contest' aklsdj#i admit i do love this storyline of 'you killed my father AND you rigged an election! those are equally villainous things!'#it's extra funny if you know bane doesn't have to rig anything he quite literally owns the country of santa prisca#It was his price for working for Lex Luthor in Shadow of the Bat -- it's how Batman got him to leave without confrontation#He was like 'okay but when I'm finished with Luthor he's gonna pull this so you can leave now and cash in or you can wait to fight me'#and bane was like 'lmao good point bestie i'm outtie'#sometimes loving comic book villains means knowing that some random title is gonna borrow them to try and make their title character cool#and that's okay#the one that did it best was JSA they wrote bane REALLY well for his little two-issue guest spot#like it felt really relevant to his character he was characterized really well his defeat made sense it was nicely done#ooc#silly hours#Editors Note || Analysis
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