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redbeardace · 4 years

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August TAAAP Chat Notes: Activism

This is a scattered bunch of thoughts and notes on some of the things that were discussed about activism in the August TAAAP Pride Chats. There’s no solid thesis here, but maybe a few conversation starters. Some of what’s here is a post-chat thought and wasn’t even discussed at all. This should also be taken as incomplete and not a full overview of what was discussed. (Notably, it doesn’t include much of what went on in the voice chats.)

[Cross-posted from Pillowfort.]

For starters, activism wasn’t really one of the official topics. This mostly came from my hijacking of the Carnival of Aces channel and it’s topic of “What would you like to get out of the ace community?”, because my main answer to that question is “More Active-ism”.

How do we “activate” activists? How do we get more people working on more things, so there’s a large pool of people doing a large number of varied things, instead of a relatively small number of people who rapidly get burnt out because of the weight they’re carrying?

One of the more frequent blockers is that people don’t feel that they’re “important” enough to do activist work. They feel like there’s a “You must be this popular to ride” sign at the gate, and they don’t qualify because they don’t have a popular blog or YouTube channel. But for the most part, it’s actually the inverse relationship. Some people get popular because they’re doing the activist work, not the other way around. And some of the most important people doing the activist work aren’t “popular” at all. And they’re happy about that.

It’s hard to know how to get involved. Another common thread was that people didn’t know how to get involved. There are groups out there who frequently look for volunteers (AO, TAAAP, AUREA, Asexual Agenda) and new projects come along periodically who need people, but it seems like those aren’t as effective as they can be. What can groups like that do to both increase their reach and make it clear that “Yes, we want YOU”?

Should we throw an activism fair? We should throw an activism fair. Who wants to get that set up? How about you?

What is activism, anyway? I think everyone just assumes this means you have to be David Jay or Yasmin Benoit, which is not the case at all. Activism takes many, many, many forms. Most of which are not “public face” type roles. The Ace Census needed programmers. TAAAP needed people to write a book. Local meetup groups need someone who knows a good karaoke bar and wants to host a meetup there every month. Some groups need a Discord mod. Other projects can’t go anywhere without a professional in that field providing a guiding hand, such as a therapist to help with a continuing education seminar, a teacher to help with inclusion in a sex ed curriculum, or a lobbyist to work on legislative issues.

Activism is online. Activism is offline.

Activism is big. Activism is small.

Activism is local. Activism is global.

Activism is old. Activism is young.

Activism is a lot of things, and you can probably find a place to fit.

Don’t ask for permission. Just do. There’s no Ace/Aro Elder Council that approves activist efforts. Pretty much every project you see was just started by someone who wanted to do something. So if you want to do something, do it. You have to operate on the assumption that if you won’t no one will.

Don’t go it alone, if possible. Try to get others to help out. Join forces with other people already doing similar things. Volunteer with an existing organization. Tell people what you’re doing. Reach out for advice.

People want meetups. If there’s no local group in your area, are you able to start one? If there is a group in your area, are you able to try hosting a new meetup that’s relevant to your interest or closer to your location?

Where possible, the meetups should have cake or garlic bread. Cake and garlic bread together might be a bad idea.

You can even host online meetups, which can have a wider reach than physical space ones.

More activists will overwhelm the Hate Brigade. A lot of people avoid activism because anyone who pokes their head up tends to get attacked by a parade of assholes. But if we have more activists, they won’t be able to keep up.

Harness the power of Discord. Discord seems to be popular these days. There are a bunch of aro and ace discords, but how many of them encourage activism? Anyone want to take on organizing and mobilizing people on various Discord servers? Anyone with a Discord server have an activism channel?

Why did activists become activists? Some to fight for visibility. Some out of spite. What about you?

How do we get activists connected with other activists and proto-activists? Central site? List serv? There’s a Facebook group and rumors of Discord. What else?

It’s Too Hard™. The apparent difficulty level of many things discourages people from trying. It’s Too Hard™ to start a meetup group. It’s Too Hard™ to march in Pride. It’s Too Hard™ to write a book. It’s Too Hard™ to change a law. We need to overcome that perception. Change it from It’s Too Hard™, so I won’t, to It’s Too Hard™, so I must. And honestly, a lot of things aren’t very hard. Like, marching in a parade seems like a big scary thing, but it’s pretty much just pay the registration fee and show up with a bunch of people and a few flags and walk a mile. It doesn’t have to be more involved than that. And starting a new meetup is basically saying “I’m going to be here, doing this, at this time”, and maybe other people will show up.

Don’t let failure stop you. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you. Not everything works out. Big deal. If you try something and it doesn’t work out, you’ve learned more about what to do for next time.

Support each other. Support can include clicking the little heart or thumbs up thingy, offering feedback, signal boosting, joining up and getting involved, forking over cash, connecting people with similar interests, or pointing at related things.

What’s the appropriate level of inclusion/breadth of scope, and where does it become too broad/out of scope? There is a lot of overlap between aro activism and ace activism, and in a lot of cases, it makes sense for it to be combined into a single package. But what about cases where there’s conflicting needs? Where is it appropriate to say “No, this thing is specifically about aces” or “specifically about aros” or whatever? And how do you establish that boundary? And not just aro/ace, but also gender, geography, race, religion, etc... How can you tell when specificity is needed and just staying on topic vs. exculsionary erasure?

#asexual #asexuality #ace activism

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mollyjames · 6 years

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It’s been two years today since I started on hrt. Two years ago I started on blockers. Five months later I would start estrodial. Five months after that, I finally started using female pronouns in public and changed my name.

My journey is a bit unusual, I think. Different, at least, from the narrative we’re typically presented with. We would expect someone to use their new name, to dress and present their gender before starting on hormone therapy. And thinking about it, there is a logic to that. It’s like you get to try out the gender before deciding if it’s right for you, and hrt will make permanent changes to your body. So why did I decide to dive straight into the deep end?

Well for a start, none of that is strictly true. Just ask anyone who has needed to drop their medication for a while. De-transitioning is very much a thing. So that warning about “permanent” change should really come with an asterisk. *Provided you remain subscribed. Also, people tend to overstate the dramatic impact suddenly growing breasts will have on a person. It’s... really not a big deal. Half of us go through that process during puberty and they survive. I’m, like, 26. Chill.

As a culture, we talk about hrt as though it needs to be earned, as if transness ought to be proved and verified before allowing us access to hormones. Hormones that, again, half of us already have. I waited as long as I did to get hormones because I was anxious about the hoops I would have to jump through. Would I have to go see a therapist for a year before starting? Would I be made to present femininely for an arbitrary period of time to satisfy some requirement?

Here’s how the conversation went with my doctor:

M: So I think... I might be... trans? D: Cool, cool cool. Sooo... would you like to start on hormones now? M: ...yes please.

I got lucky. I got very lucky.

It helps that I live in Seattle. This is about the queerest place I could live in the US. When I first came out to my PCP, she recommended me a specific doctor who would work with me and figure out the hormones that work for me, at my own pace.

Not one other trans person I’ve met has had this experience.

So why did I chose hormones first? Because I decided, first and foremost, my transition would be about the psychological relationship I had with my own body. It didn’t matter how I presented, or if other people saw me as a girl. What mattered most was I saw me as a girl. At that point, my gender was private. And I wanted to keep it that way until I decided I was ready to have those conversations with my friends and family. When I started hormones, I was prepared to start presenting femme if necessary. But it would have been difficult. To me, waking up every morning to put on makeup and putting on a “girly” outfit would have been the deep end.

That doesn’t have to be true of everyone. Everyone is different. It’s been two years and at this point, I don’t think I’ll ever bother with makeup. I have a handful of dresses that I like to wear on occasion, but my wardrobe is still predominantly gender-neutral (although, significantly more stylish than it used to be). My body has changed a lot, but whose hasn’t? The most dramatic change has been how much better my life is compared to two years ago. Two years ago I was struggling to figure out any kind of career. Now I’m having a real go at my dream of making a living off art, with a chill part-time gig I enjoy to pay for the essentials. I’m getting published in a comics anthology next January, which is still pretty mind-boggling tbh. And the people. There are so, so many people who I wouldn’t have met, who I wouldn’t have loved if I hadn’t transitioned. I think that’s what I appreciate most of all.

My journey has been unusual, but it’s also been pretty wonderful. I’m lucky, I’m so, so very lucky in so many ways. Transitioning has been joyful, and none of that has been marred by sorrow, hardship, and compromise the way so many others have. I wish I could tell you this was normal. I think it could be. I hope it will be.

-MJ

#trans stuff #personal #rebloggable

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slakaros · 4 years

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Answers so far

1.As a trans person, what is the #1 thing you want cis people to know about you?

The first thing I want people to know about me is that I'm a person, just like everybody else. I'm not always straight up telling people I'm trans, even though I usually don't try to hide it (I do have this privilege since I live in East Frisia in Northern Germany, very close to a small city with a CSD / pride, most people here are rather open). If it comes up, it comes up, if it doesn't, I will probably drop a thing casually at some point in some conversation and have people find out that way. I do however get wearier around men with this topic. This is why I want people to know me as a human being before letting them know about my history. I very rarely disclose that I am non-binary and just masc-leaning though, simply because I don't feel like explaining it to people who shouldn't be concerned about it.

Trans people are not just made up of the fact they're trans. We're regular people with regular lives that do not usually revolve around us being trans. It's different in times when dysphoria hits you, but especially once you get older and you sort of "finish" transitioning (which, mind you, can be any state of transition! Social, body, anything YOU feel comfortable with) it will sort of fade into the background. That doesn't mean it's not an important part of my identity, it simply means that it's not the first thing people should know about me. I'm less of a trans person (for the sake of being a trans person) and more of a person that just so happens to be trans. Sorry for the long explanation, I hope I cleared everything up. If not, shoot another message!

2. I am just learning about trans people and what it means to be trans, and as such I'm unused to using the singular they and other pronouns. How can I make it clear to my trans friends that I'm not trying to be disrespectful if I mess up their pronouns?

My partner happens to use they/them pronouns and I'm not gonna lie, it was incredibly hard for me to get used to that! I did my best by correcting myself immediately whenever I messed up and either consciously using the right pronouns in the next sentence or immediately phrasing three to five sentences in my head using the right pronouns. (Example: "They said they worked a lot today.", "They have curly hair", "They are a great person and I'm glad to be their friend")

I always also used that moment to think about a quality I liked especially about them. Unfortunately, because I have ADHD and am not currently medicated, I sometimes forgot to tell them about said quality, but it might be something that really can strengthen a bond!

Point is, show them that you're making an effort. Try to talk positively about them and use their correct pronouns. Practice a lot, even if it's just in your head, that's gonna make it a lot easier over time. At some point, it won't really happen anymore, at least not in a more frequent way than it does with every other person. I mean, I regularly accidentally refer to my brothers as "she" or "her" and they're cis. It's normal to goof up. The most important thing: Don't beat yourself up too much over it. As long as you show them that you try your best, everything will be okay, I promise.

3. If I think I might be trans (FTM) but don't want to make any permanent decisions (like taking hormones) what can I do to help me make a decision?

Talk about it to people you trust. Depending on how accessible therapy is where you live, I would definitely try to see if there is a specialist for gender identity you could see. Otherwise, find a safe space to explore and just try things out.

I had a bit of misfortune when it came to my medical transition and had to wait for several years to be allowed to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which is a long time considering I come from Germany (you usually only need 12-18 months of therapy, some doctors even prescribe it earlier, though it is not recommended for Testosterone because of how irreversible the changes are).

Try looking at tutorials about contouring and faking stubble, practice a deeper speaking voice and maybe see if you can get a (safe!) binder (gc2b was recommended to me as the best on the market at the moment, I personally always had the tri top binders from Underworks) to wear for a couple of hours a day. Always make sure to practice safe binding! If you feel any sort of bodily discomfort, immediately take off the binder and take a break. Always move your chest up and to the side, not down, that makes it easier to preserve healthy tissue, which in turn will come in handy for top surgery and your general health!

But most importantly: Take your time. Take one step at a time. See if hormone blockers might already help you, if you have too many issues with your period. Don't rush. You have your entire life ahead of you. You probably won't know some things until you finished other things. Up until I had top surgery, I always thought I needed bottom surgery to feel like myself. I woke up in hospital and I knew I didn't need bottom surgery. I actually stopped taking testosterone because I achieved all the changes that I needed to feel happy (deeper voice, slight stubble, my proportions went back to pre-medicated state because my body still produces it's own hormones).

A transition is something deeply personal and you have to find your own way through it. Feel free to drop messages if you need more advice or if this was not enough!

4. I'm not trans but I'm very curious about trans people, only because it's something I don't understand at all and have no experience with. Is it okay to be curious about trans issues and ask about them, just out of curiosity? I want to be an ally of course and I support my trans friends, but is it okay to just be curious?

It is only natural to be curious. It's normal to be curious. You should be curious! You're a human being and you can only truly understand something, if you're curious enough to ask.

You already took the first right step. Seek out ressources like this or ask in forums. Always ask if it's something you may ask about since every trans person handles things differently. Remember that trans people are not obligated to give you an answer and respect their decisions on whether or not they want to tell you things, but I do absolutely encourage curiosity. This is actually why we started up this project, because I am super comfortable talking about my personal trans experience and the things I learned through my trans counselling seminars. Not everyone is as open as I am, so I do want to share my experiences. I would also suggest that with every question you ask, be prepared for a "no" and always add that it's okay if the person doesn't want to answer that question. Make sure to be respectful and everything is gonna be alright. Also, feel free to drop me any questions you might have!

5. I am a trans man that gets really depressed around my period. Do you have any advice on how to cope with that time of the month?

I definitely get where you come from. Be aware that a lot of it can be caused by hormonal imbalances so none of the advice I can give is an absolute guarantee to feel better. I can only share my own experiences.

What's very important to know is that having a period does not make you any less of a man. Having a period is not something that is inherently tied to women.

I personally try to make periods more bearable by making those times my "feel good" time of the month. This means that I will actually make a conscious effort to treat myself well during this time, be more lenient with my work and allow myself pleasures without giving in to my depression. For me that means I'm allowing myself my comfort foods, spend more time with the horses (riding actually helps with periods) and just spend some cuddly times with my partner. Something that I really recommend is getting reusable period products, such as reusable cloth pads (you can get them online, my partner gets ours from Ecoimpakt) and menstrual cups. I personally use a menstrual cup and a light pad and I very often even forget that I'm actually bleeding until my alarm to empty the cup goes off.

Using reusable period products means that you don't have to go to a store to get them. The menstrual cup makes me feel very very clean and I mostly use the pad as a back-up. You practically don't feel the cup at all. Just make sure you get the right size, sizing can be looked up online as well. I got a pretty cheap one from a German store brand, so unfortunately I can't recommend mine to you, but there's a lot of information on good cups out there and you can get them as cheap as 10€.

Talking about what specifically makes you feel depressed can also be a good help. Try to be aware of triggers for negative feelings and actively fight that bully brain. If you need help with that, don't be shy to ask a friend for help if you don't have a therapist on hand. There is also some free online and anonymous counselling for when bully brain gets too strong for you to handle it on your own. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help.

#transgender #trans #queer #trans support #transidentity #lgbt #lgbt+#lgbtq #lgbtqa #trans questions #lgbt questions #answer

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