#like. maybe sometimes people have a personality 😭
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hello :D do you have any headcanons about the gang (if u need a specific character, then ponyboy) that you would like to share with the class >:)?
ty for being my first ask 🫶 !!
these aren't the best but hope yall enjoy nonetheless :-)
WC: 778 // not proofread
Pony:
I feel like he and Johnny are really into photography. They mostly show their pictures to each other rather than the rest of the gang, but will occasionally share what they're currently working on. when out and taking photos, they try to follow a specific theme - windows, people, trees - stuff like that.
Sometimes Ponyboy will ask Soda to take his film to be processed. If Sodapop sees a picture he really likes (usually of one of the gang since they hardly sit for photos purposely lol), he'll order an extra copy and will hang it up around the house.
Soda just thinks it's cute that pone takes pictures of everybody like that (so does Darry but he doesn't act like it, just silently thankful that someone's getting pictures of all of em)
Bro's gotta be bisexual fr
He's aware that he likes both guys and girls but doesn't question it much. Kinda nonchalant about it and wouldn't think it weird unless someone else said something.
Two-Bit:
Def steals little things for his mom and kid sister (and we love him for that)
Probably just stuff like makeup or a new doll - if he sees it and thinks they'll like it then he snags it right up, employees none the wiser
Partially motivated by him thinking he doesn't do enough for them and wants to make up for it
Since he doesn't have a job they're like hrmmm… ok.. But won't question it/confront him about it directly, just in passing sarcasm or jokes (but they know he stole it ofc)
His mom would come home from work, seeing Two's sister with a new toy or maybe a fresh loaf of bread and some jam on the counter, maybe a new lipstick on her nightstand
While she appreciates the trinkets, she wishes that he would contribute to the family a little more honestly...
Soda:
I imagine that he's really clean and cares for his personal hygiene a lot. Out of all of them, he smells the best lmao. Soda feels like his appearance is all he has going for him, and tries his best to keep up that reputation.
The week pony was missing he started slacking - missing showers, stopped combing his hair, and wore the same unkempt clothing as a result of the depression. All he wanted to do was lie in bed all day, but he had to keep carrying on, just barely.
Clearly this was way beyond his normal behavior and Darry and Steve tried getting him back on his normal routine (and failed).
He didn't freshen himself up until he read about pony in the newspaper, not wanting his kid brother to see him in that sorry state when he went to the hospital.
Darry:
Actually loves cats, but won’t admit it straight up lol.
He “finds” one on the street and decides to keep her. When asked about it, he just says they're easy to take care of so why not.
He loves how quiet and warm cats are, especially when he's reading the paper at the table before work, the house chilled by the morning's air.
Sometimes he'll fall asleep petting the kitty on his chest, leaned back in the recliner after a long day of work (lol such dad energy)
He accidentally teaches her to sit on his shoulders. Darry'd be making dinner or something and this scratchy old street cat would be sat atop his shoulder like a parrot, keeping a sure eye on whatever he's cooking.
Dal:
Slightly afraid of dogs.
He's fine with ones he's familiar with, like a friend's, but if he sees a stray on the street he's likely to hightail it outta there or walk as far away from it as possible
Random:
Before the wreck, I feel like the gang would go grocery shopping with Mrs Curtis 😭😭
Just imagine these scruffy lookin greasers trailing behind this completely unassuming lady. They definitely turn some heads, but the boys help her carry bags and such so she’s not complaining.
She knows they'll all be over for dinner at least one point in the week, so she asks them for suggestions and will send em off with leftovers if there's extras.
The gang being themselves would be goofing around obviously, until either a store employee has to step in and ask them to calm down or Mrs Curtis shoots the boys a glare that immediately sets them in line. … for the most part at least.
I imagine they’d (mostly two bit or dal) would pick up the most random, vile jar off the shelf and be like “hey can we get some uhhhhh … fermented pig’s foot?” which everyone responds with varying Hell No's and ewws
I've honestly got a ton more ideas but I'll cool it and stop here 😭 plz forgive any grammatical errors etc
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there should be something like the bechdel test but instead of assessing if people can talk about women without mentioning men is if people can talk about characters without mentioning ships because so many people would fail miserably
#i'm so tired of seeing the same two ships being mentioned#when one of your favourite characters is popular but 99% of the content is people claiming everything they do is because they're#romantically interested in someone else to the point of stripping layers of their character </3#like. maybe sometimes people have a personality 😭#also why is everything romantic!!!! i'm so tired *aroace and fuck amatonormativity beams* 😤#or *normal beam* actually
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starting to consider the option that i may not be the worst person on earth and i actually may even be p decent. will keep you updated as i find out more information
#you know how after a good week you may have a crash#i'm having the opposite of this rn#had terrible awful 2 weeks of mental health like we're talking being actively suicidal again and having trouble getting out of bed#and now i'm like. i'm fine i'm chill. i'm tired but i give 100% into my work and manage to get excited about things. holy shit?#but also on a personal 'maybe i'm not horrible' level. i think being around people showed me that i'm okay#like. my standards for myself are way too high. other ppl don't judge me like that. they like me a lot anyway#i try hard to be nice and polite and help in ways i can and i don't cause too much of a stir#i feel like i'm annoying sometimes but ppl still talk to me so. maybe i'm only annoying myself#or maybe being annoying isn't as big of a crime as my brain may tell me it is lol#this is very basic surface level stuff i know but. gotta start somewhere ig 😭#anyway. ignore my character development there. hope it doesn't ruin the image of the edgy kicked puppy i usually give off.
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I got a cane like last week to see if it helps w my Issues and I assume it's because I am a Young Person but people out in public have been giving me the most insane looks. hello can I help you,
#sometimes I'll get Looks because well I look a certain way#but I also live in p*rtland#so. you know. I don't look That wild comparatively#but literally every single day I've been out this week at least one person has given me a look#idk maybe I'm imagining it but I feel like people are being weird ever since 😭#kids at work definitely point it out and ask but kids ask about Many things about me so not surprised#I was expecting that#I think a lot of kids have never seen a younger person w a cane and associate it w like. being old rather that serving a specific purpose#anyway I think its been helping! still in the data collection stage tho#ghost posts#text
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i still haven't gotten real baghera and rivers interactions have i........... like the barest of interactions......... a drought........... i was so fucking curious...... i am still so curious............ twenty minutes of conversation and i would be fed forever............ i'd never ask for anything again.... baghera wasn't even there when bolas was doing the whole hostage situation she was off doing her own thing.......... i'm so curious........... i want to know..... what would the dynamic be........ how would they interact............ i'll never know.............. crying...........
#qsmp#if they've interacted somewhere and i just missed it somehow i will be punching the table#and i mean like a conversation bc i have a vague memory of baghera introducing herself to rivers maybe????#but like a CONVO not just hi bye YOU KNOW#you know what i mean. you know.#i'm pretty sure there are tags on my blog from pre-rivers saying:#'god i hope rivers can join (...) i'm so curious what her and baghera's dynamic would end up being'#and i sincerely hope the answer isn't 'nonexistent lol' please 😭 don't do this to me#literally one twenty minute conversation so i could chart a trajectory i'll never ask for anything again#this is a personal curiosity i'm just very interested in people and how they interact and the myriad of dynamics that form it's fascinating#rivers and baghera's personalities are really interesting to me in their own ways#what can i say i like throwing ingredients into the test tube and SHAKING THEM TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS#shut up vic#block game brainrot#there are no metaphors it's just 4 am and i'm grieving the gaping holes in possible interactions#also i just watched a slimecicle qsmp vod those always leave me somewhat unhinged. you get it. you understand.#long tags#((also rivers who speaks french and baghera who's picking up spanish SCREAMING can i hear ONE person on this smp who isn't a native speaker#say something in french that isn't PETITE BITE or VOULEZ VOUS COUCHEZ AVEC MOI))#((i don't even have a personal stake in that battle tbh i'm not a native french speaker but sometimes i try to think of someone outside-#the 'french' w their translations box set to french and man. i come up empty. and it makes me bummed))#((i get why i think but i'm still a bit bummed. would be nice to see the french speakers hearing a nonnative speaker in their language))#((i think it would be funny if rivers spoke french to one of em. etoiles esp would be funny))#(((if anyone's curious i'm avoiding specifics abt rivers bc i'm terrified of being wrong bc My Spanish Is SHIT)))#(((i certainly have thoughts but rather than Be Permanently Wrong On The Internet i will hold them in my chest and one day Die)))#damn these really are long tags hahahahahaha 4 am..............................#anyway tl;dr i will never not be curious how rivers would interact w the smp as a whole i get very excited seeing her log in that's the pos#((and if anyone's worried no i don't message in twitch chats and i deactivated my twitter a year and a half ago lol))#REMINDER THAT IT'S FOUR AM SORRY IF THE TAGS ARE UNHINGED AND FULL OF BAD TAKES I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE
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#hello i come with an unpopular opinion. a complaint if you will.#i'm fully aware that what happens on (nsfw) tumblr is never serious. or almost never.#i know most of us talk to or have talked to our mutuals before. we've flirted. maybe sexted why not#and we've probably reused compliments on different people more than once#but believe it or not some of us like to be made to feel special sometimes#and when someone is VERY openly telling every hot person the same things over and over i find it discouraging lol#like why would i talk to them if they're gonna use the same compliments I CAN SEE them using on literally everyone they reblog from 😭#again i know tumblr is unserious and we talk to a lot of people all the time#i've done it before and will continue to do so. reusing compliments i mean. but i don't make it obvious cause i VERY rarely reblog people#anyways please ignore me i'm just ranting#i don't like to feel like i'm literally just one more from the pile of hot chicks around here#i think that's why i only talk to a couple of mutuals lol#I SAID MY RANT WAS UNSERIOUS OKAY i know tumblr is just for funsies and (most times) nothing real comes out of it but still.#have a good day everyone love yous
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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl
#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads#which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those#so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time#i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos#ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl#the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community#i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos#it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl#i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl#(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later#dandyshucks
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This might be an odd complaint but I really don’t like how people act like Byler endgame would just excuse every other shitty thing that’s been done to everyone but conveniently attractive presumably straight white men in this show writing-wise. I’d be more than happy to have Byler be endgame and I expect it, but the amount of racism that’s been brushed off is ridiculous in and outside of the show. The weird St*ncy moments this season, the fact that she doesn’t get a storyline related to her trauma. Even season three was incredibly white of them. Joyce not getting hardly any scenes with Jonathan and Will these recent seasons. All of it and more—it won’t suddenly go away and make everyone on that writing team geniuses. And this isn’t to sound ungrateful or anything, but it really is disappointing sometimes. They exceed tremendously at some points such as the Upside Down lore but as for other aspects…
not an odd complaint at all! the only thing byler endgame makes okay is the fact that they didn't use will's feelings to fix a straight couple. there's so many other things they got wrong, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that the people writing the show are white men. and white women. white people
NOTHING they do could ever make what they did to lucas right. having their one black character go against the little white girl in season 1 which resulted in people being racist to caleb irl, having billy literally get physical with lucas and say he's gonna kill him and then saying in an interview that they "think" that billy was racist like they didn't write it themselves, the fact that it's literally never brought up again...lol. i know stranger things isn't a "this thing that happened was wrong. let's talk about it and try to make it better :)" type of show but still. it's crazy. also this regarding erica in season four
and you don't even have to dig that deep to find things that byler endgame won't fix: like you said, stncy being pushed on us and on nancy again in season 4? 98% sure it won't be endgame but like. why did you have to put us through that. WHY. and yeah lol, remember when they brought nancy back to that pool at the end of volume 1 like they remembered she was traumatized by the death of her best friend and then...nothing happened? idk, it's just so weird
also, the byers being sidelined? for will i guess you can rationalize it and come up with great and convincing meta reasons as to why his character was sidelined in seasons 3 and 4 (which, yeah, fascinating, i will still hate it ten years from now, no matter how important to season 5 will is), but what about jonathan? what about joyce? how does one justify the fact that winona went from being the reason 75% of people older than 15 started watching the show to having less screentime than fucking jason in season 4? it is annoying when people act like byler endgame will make everything right and will make stranger things a perfect show because it really won't
#also. s5 probably won't be as will-centric as most bylers/will stans are imagining#realistically😭#i'm sure it will be but yk#it's not like this is a season of skam where everything is about one character yk this is stranger things#is joyce having less screentime than jason true idk i read that on the news with no source website and i'm repeating it.#i know writers saying they 'think' a character felt this way is like a thing they do sometimes but it annoys the fuck out of me in#this situation here#it's like whoopsie yeah he's a little racist. maybe! who knows though ^^ not me the person who invented him#can i also just say steve in general#this won't help me beat the steve hater allegations and i like him i promise but the fact that the most popular character in their the#freaks are great and we are rooting for them and for the underdog at all times show is mr normal straight guy is so#and it's their own fault (obviously)#there's a lot of other things i wanted to say like i know what they're saying with the show isn't bad right it's like i just said#but the execution is so questionable and acting like it isn't simply because the gay kid isn't gonna end up heartbroken alone or dead#is kind of offensive. even though people mean well#ask
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//i respect literally no one on tumblr except my mutuals on this blog specifically i'm so serious
#misc :: ( ooc )#//I LOVE YOU ALL YOU MAKE THIS DASH SO COZY#//I NEVER GET SICK OF HANGING OUT HERE#//you know those people who are like. ''you can't write with my male canons if you don't write with my female ocs''#//never understood them until now. so tempted to do that with this blog LMAO#//sorry you don't follow the south park blog so you get NO onceler and NO arcane!#//whenever i follow someone from all my blogs and they follow back every one but this one it immediately deletes my trust in them#//LIKE I HATE YOU I HAAAAATE YOU#//jk hate is maybe a strong word BUT I REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU A LOT#//i'm having a moment dw abt it#//half tempted to go on another blocking spree on the rest of my blogs DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT#//me @ my mutuals on other blogs: you can come back / get unblocked when you follow craig & tweek like you're supposed to#//jk (mostly) LMAO#//I JUST LOVE THESE LITTLE GUYS SM... ;;#//sometimes i doubt whether or not i'm actually autistic and then somebody refuses to engage with one of my special interests#//and i have such big intense violent emotions about it like okayyyy bitch calm down 😭#//if you ghost me when i bring up my special interest or don't follow my special interest blog#//or tell me to my face (DMs) that you ~don't fuck with it~ then i don't like youuuu!! I DON'T LIKE YOU!!#//which is why everybody on this blog is safe and i am giving you the biggest gesture of affection you are personally comfortable with#//on the scale of respectful fist bump to tongue full in mouth you get to decide 🥰
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sorry, halsey — hopeless fountain kingdom.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#it kind of surprises me just how much content there is out there about being afraid of intimacy but then again-#i have heard that that is supposedly one of the most common fears that people have apparently. so yeahhh but of course i do mean emotional-#intimacy here and oh my goshhh. i never realized just how sad parts of this song were until i listened to it again.#'i run away when thing's are good and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could#i hate to say it BUT that is so misao. she really does feel sooo unlovable sometimes and she has this 'leave them before they leave you'-#mentality that is so saddening to have TBH but i understand why she has it. her childhood kind of left her broken in a way i think-#in ways that can't be easily explained as it was very nuanced and complicated. but GAHHH that doesn't stop me from wanting misao-#to find at least some kind of love from people 😭 like she needs at least one friend or something that she can depend on bc i feel like-#that would really help her and being in a house alone all the time whenever she's not at work can not be good for her psyche.#so petition to get misao a friend or two? JSJSJ nahhh but i am legitimately being serious at this point#she needs someone who'll stick with her through thick and thin and will be understanding of the fact that she's got unresolved trauma so-#that partially causes her to be hyperindependent but i firmly believe that she needs people just as much as anyone else.#maybe more in fact but IDK#and the fact that in this song halsey says that she still knows facts about them even though she hasn't talked to them-#in forever? i'm WEEPING AHHH#that is so like misao as well sadly. she would literally take little notes as to what thing's people like to reference later if she had a-#friend because she 'doesn't want to get it wrong' whenever she gets them a present she says but it's really so that she doesn't forget-#how precious this person is to her and how she wrote down all of their favorite things as a result.
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think i'll either be taking a break from this blog or not posting as much 👍
#i dunno. im kind of tired of this fandom space 😭#ill be here to reblog brverse stuff and art i enjoy. maybe talk sometimes#but its just felt so toxic here lately 😭😭#and with this blog being as big as it is now people honestly are just. kinda fucking rude to me 😭#or have this false sense of familiarity with me#i just don't have fun anymore interacting with this community#and gives me unnecessary anxiety like who gaf it's tumblr. idk.#gonna focus on writing whatever and do whatever i suppose#and honestly. i'm also really fucking busy with adult shit. life's intense recently#personal
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when you have an incredibly stressful d&d session and come away from it frustrated and dreading the next one and two days later your DM has a Talk with you about you playing or not playing your character a certain way ✌
#he's low key right and none of it is his fault but I am NOT being brave about any of it#and am in fact exercising my sacred right to whine and complain about it#maybe I would play my character better if I didn't dread being in her mindspace so bad OKAY 😭#that girlie is NOT having a good time and she hasn't been for a while#we're talking grief about like half a dozen people at the same time we're talking fighting on like four different fronts#we're talking most of her friends not being tooooo invested into most of what's going on#and constantly judging her choices and low key demanding she pull out a rabbit out a hat#she doesn't have a hat!! there is no rabbit!!!#sometimes you have to kill a troll to save thousands of people and a whole ass ecosystem!!!#anyway it's just that I as a player have been so so focused on trying to make sure we're progressing towards our goals despite the Horrors#that I stopped thinking about it all from the 'what would be an interesting character development right now'#and got a bit too close to it all#and like that's fair but my brother in christ YOU gave me this many Horrors!!!#anyway#apparently this campaign is ending this year and I am NOT playing the leader in the next one#y'all make the big decisions I'm gonna be having wacky shenanigans on the side for once OKAY 😭✌#personal#val talks
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re: that post I reblogged yesterday(?) about how dogs can be/are dangerous, and my tags saying they aren't human babies. I'm thinking about that still cause, honestly imo, soooo many problems with how people treat dogs seems related to the fact that most people see them as a 1:1 equivalent to a small human child. infantalizing them to a cartoonish degree. cause it's like, yes they need so much help navigating human society, and it's our job to care for them either way -- that's literally the evolutionary relationship our two species have. but an adult dog is still gonna be a fully autonomous living thing exactly the same as you are as an adult human. different social rules/'types' of intelligence/evolutionary niches doesn't negate the existence of a dog's internal world, thoughts, wants, and opinions. u might not be able to fully relate to those thought processes or understand them, but your understanding isn't what gives them worth.
(ntm it's entirely possible to better understand dog behavior with simple practice/research, but maybe that's just my personal "inclined to understand dogs better than other humans" neurodivergence talking idk lol)
obv example, but that's all why small dogs (who are easier to physically control, and therefor easier to physically treat like a toy/baby) are so frequently reactive -- their autonomy isn't respected otherwise. meanwhile in a lot of cases (tho nowhere near all unfortunately), large dogs can more easily demand respect before resorting to reactivity. and that's why we have to bribe the dogs at work so constantly lol. if a guy who's stronger than me doesn't want to follow me somewhere or go into a kennel for me or whatever, I simply can't force him even if I try. he will just stand there, and no one can stop him. so instead we need to work together to reach a mutual agreement; it's two-way communication. in the same vein: one of the first things I was trained on at work is how to respect dogs' consent/ask for their consent with things whenever possible. these considerations are super important in treating dogs right... and yet how frequently are they ignored/not-considered by humans cause a dog is seen as unthinking or lesser?
anyway this is just an incomplete thought tangent that doesn't even touch upon the way human children are wrongfully denied autonomy as well, or how worth isn't remotely tied to intelligence anyway. but u know. just something I've been thinking about while dealing with bad dog owners/potential-owners every day & while contemplating "hecking pupper furbaby" culture
#ofc I call phineas ''baby'' but it's just a term of endearment LOL. I respect him as his own guy too#as I'm sure a lot of ''my dog is my furbaby'' people do too#working with dogs for this long has just started to make me a lil weird anyway maybe. esp at my current job where -#- all my coworkers r big on animal rights/advocacy type theory and explain how their pets r like roommates to them instead of toys/babies#or rejecting the ''pet'' label altogether which is interesting even if I don't really get it personally#etc. and if I were like 2% more functional/less neurodivergent I'd be going vegan rn LOL I'm being converted#literally can't even eat meat anymore without being a lil uncomfortable which 😭 is great in a mindfulness/awareness sorta way but -#- sucks when I kinda have to eat meat at least sometimes </3 not enough alternative options where I live for my lifestyle#whoops this was another tangent in the tags I just noticed. rambly post. it's been a long day and my head's disorganized <3
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#small rant :C#i'll delete this again v soon#but ugh why is it the time of the year again when existential crisis strikes the worst#like sometimes i rlly wonder if i'm wasting my time? or like i'm not doing enough#there are days when i'm just at home and feel SO unproductive but i'm in my mid-20s and then i think#maybe i should be doing MORE... maybe i should be doing smth more fulfilling#i just hate to only study/work/do daily life chores. it's gotten so boring i want to be more adventurous BUT UGH CAPITALISM#now that graduation's done i have less to do obviously but i genuinely always feel like i'm wasting my time and that i'll regret it one day#that i didn't use my youth more efficiently or in a better/funnier way#i feel like i didn't experience enough n it SUCKS#it just sucks feeling kind of worthless ughguhghghg#idk i usually don't vent about such things on here but i remember one anon once saying that#i listen to most people's rants so i should feel free to rant to u guys too which was so sweet so#i took the chance :C#but yeah u can ignore me too lmao i'll delete this soon 😭#personal#tdl
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So I did something new today…
#I signed up to do this shared reading#at this art gallery near where I live#I was really nervous to go#as I didn’t know what to expect#but it was really nice#it was a small group of people#about five or so#all aged like 50+#I felt really bad because I felt like I was intruding on their space 😭😭#but the person who runs it seemed happy and asked if I was coming back next week#basically what happened is the person running it compiled a bunch of quotes#poems and letters to do with a topic and we just discussed it#as she was explaining what they do she asked if I wrote and I’m just there like kind of…#and she was like maybe you can share sometime and I’m like….#the thing is almost poems I write are either a. when I sad so it doesn’t make for a good share and tell and b. incomplete 😭#maybe one day but for now hard no 💀#but I had a really great time I really enjoyed when they start talking about their childhood’s#because obviously it will be vastly different compared to mine it was very insightful#some bad news whilst I was out I went to an audiologist#and I will have to cough up £55 to get my ears sorted out#since it’s been two months and I still have a blocked ear 👍🏾#so that will be fun#gatherrambles#gatherbeingbookish#thegapyeardiaries
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posting stuff online because i truly just love sharing my silly creations with anyone who may also love them vs. wanting to deactivate and move to a forest every time i'm met with positive feedback (i am terrified of people and of being recognized/acknowledged)
#THUS IS NOT A GOOD MENTALITY I KNOOOOOWWW I KNOW DBSJDBSJH im just a non functioning little guy ok#i've gotten out of the 'worried about numbers' phase early but now it's been this fdhsjhsjghs the content machine is unforgiving#there's so many layers to this im TRYING to like slowly untangle all of it but. ugh :(#sometimes i think maybe i just need to stop doin merch and art altogether and touch grass or whatever but...#i dont want it to be my irrational fears that force me to stop doing stuff i like. it's not like there's any other problems#really -- otherwise i like doing what i do!! i don't even really care if ppl hate me and my shit BUT --#i think i care too much about not doing good enough for the people who DO like my little sillies 😭😭 and i think that's my main issue#maybe also explains why it's so hard for me to like.. talk/put my PERSONALITY out there? im scared that ppl who enjoy my stuff will hate ME#implying i have much of a personality anymore i think whatever was there kinda melted away these past few years djshkshk#SORRY FOR THE VENT POST sorry if u actually read all these tags oh my gosh#i'm just a weird guy aaaaaa i'm silly aaaaaaaaaaaa#the void screaming
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