#like. 'is this a fucking joke' is not cutting journalism. u get me?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumgik

#like. 'is this a fucking joke' is not cutting journalism. u get me??

time-is-restored · 1 year

Text

i have literally nowhere else to put this i apologise for the spam. the absolute best thing to come out of s3 trent is without a doubt the fucking earnestness... like in s1-2 he always came across as a very self-assured kind of guy, who knew how he came off (ie: intimidating) and enjoyed it. but seeing that paired with him being silly + completely relaxing in certain company??? pulling ridiculous faces at vodka + scrunching up his nose when he smiles @ colin + making the most ABSURD 'i really wanna say something right now but i feel like im interrupting' noises ive ever heard in my fucking LIFE??? its like. he is cool as shit and he is self assured AND he can make dumb fucking sherlock holmes jokes and dance ridiculously. its like!!!! he's lame but he's also not bc he's exactly as confident in being lame as he is being cool. do u see the vision. he has killed the part of him that cringes!!!! its just.. that unshakeable self confidence that u see in his fucking swaggers into frame includes all of himself + his different moods and eccentricities and that's just so based to me idk. unironically live ur best life wear the loudest combination of prints and patterns and primary colours uve ever seen in ur life while espousing the virtues of extended museum hours!!! contain multitudes! get silly with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#ted lasso spoilers #combined with james lance's hc abt trent's past its just. like!!#the growth from 'i can't be what you want me to be so im going to be Better than them + tear them down'#-> 'i know my reputation so im going to lean into that + be ruthless + intimidating' ->#'actually fuck this? fuck this! im just gonna be me and if anyone has a problem w then L To Them I'm Actually Living'#also this is just my hcs at this point but like. i do think ted helped a lot w the latter part of this process in so much as. ted embodied #someone who was Visibly weak + vulnerable and had no armour/no sense of self preservation #(the opposite of trent's persona) and made no effort to change anything abt himself to prevent attack. obviously ted has a lot of social +#class advantages that make that less risky for him than it would be for others but like. u get the drift #and i THINK. seeing how without that armour/facade ted was able to be rlly direct + earnest w connecting w ppl #like asking an interviewer 'what do u love?' and rlly genuinely wanting to know the answer #and bc TRENT was specifically in the position of 'i could fucking destroy u rn and u wouldn't put up a fight'#that kind of. shifted his perspective a bit? like. damn what would that say abt me if i wrote a hit piece on this guy rn #i disagree VERY strongly w the idea that trent's more positive character development moments happened ONLY bc of ted (i don't think that's #true for anyone in the show tbh) BUT i think ted's presence at a pivotal point in his life was what helped him confront the fact that #at this stage in his life all his intellectual armour was doing was making him into someone Mean rather than just incisive #like. 'is this a fucking joke' is not cutting journalism. u get me??#and arguably that's a fine and even safe choice to make when ur younger and have no support/reputation backing u up #but after decades? its like man wtf are we doign here if were literally just living preventatively #smth smth i hope i am not just a tumblr blog to u but a blog who is inventing the brain chemistry of a sitcom side character #w each new episode they watch. trent crimm is my best friend irl i know he would have scorching hot takes abt each new season of survivor #and would earnestly heckle the jury and final 3 alike

12 notes · View notes

angelwiththeblue-box · 1 year

Note

ALLLLLLLL RIGHT!!!

so. picture this. the year is i dont fucking know. local man morpheus nolastname manages to get so far into death's good graces that she's like yk what im going to not take you ever and morpheus is like bro thats sick as fuck are u my sister now and death is like mmm no.

and then she ditches him for three hundred odd years. morpheus goes through the ropes, watches the people around him die. he starts keeping journals of everything that goes wrong so that he doesnt forget any of the worst things. eventually he turns into this cold-hearted fucker who is trying his level best to escape. he makes a deal with like. idk a death god or something (probably an incarnation of the corinthian -- HOLD UP NO ITS RODERICK BURGESS) to help him capture death (but not hurt her!!! morpheus still loves her in his own way)

so things happen and death comes back to morpheus but not intentionally. maybe she gets caught on a job or something wrong place wrong time morpheus pretends not to know her and she doesnt recognise him until hes like AHA IT IS I MORPHEUS REMEMBER ME and shes like oh heyyyyyy buddy how you doing and hes like NOT FUCKING GOOD and proceeds to tell her why all of her plans are rubbish and she's a terrible person and for fucks sake PLEASE KILL HIM!!! this does not happen what does happen is that he helps roderick burgess capture her!! along the way they run into morpheus' archnemesis, a man named hob gadling. idk what they're archnemeses of possibly highwaymen shit idk

so they have some fun banter death Senses stuff and then things happen yadda yadda morpheus and death are on thin strings because morpheus still desperately wants to get out like he is so tired of everything living and dying and dropping like fucking mayflies

anyway back to morpheus' house which is probably just fawney rig where death is like morpheus i know you are more than this i remember you being kind and in love with storytelling please rememeber that and morpheus is like i dont remember that part of me that part of me is gone now thanks to you and then he pulls up with roderick burgess and they're like either you bring back randall (because yeah that cheeky fuck is still on that) and kill morpheus or we trap you here for good and death is like first off no i cant bring back your dead fucking son are you crazy and two bad news morpheus you cant ask for my gift after ive already refused it (this is a straight up LIE there is always a way out but morpheus secretly still loves humanity and death is still holding out hope)

and so theyre like fucking fine so basically the ritual to trap you forever requires the death of a mortal so theyre initially going to kill alex burgess which death does NOT LIKE and is staunchly againsrt BUT THEN!!! the police pull up and are like LORD BURGESS/LORD MORPHEUS!! HOB GADLING HAS BEEN CAPTURED!! HE IS TO HANG IN THE GALLOWS IN HALF AN HOUR!

and morpheus manages to convince burgess to change the sacrifice from alex to hob mostly because he doesnt want burgess to lose another son but he passes it off as like. idk practicality or something so they go to the hanging and death manages to get herself out of her traps and so cut to the hanging right

hob gadling is terrified out of his mind but hes cracking jokes to stay sane and morpheus pulls up in a carriage and goes and stands next to him on the stage because the whole damn town knows about their issues TM and morpheus wants a front row seat to hob's demise and hob is still just trying to make the people like him enough to save him and hes like hey listen what about a kiss from a lord before i die (homophobia whos she never heard of her) and morpheus obliges and is like oh fuck and hob is like oh fuck and the DEATH pulls up (roderick burgess is still in the carriage) and gets there just as hob is about to be hung but he recognises her in the crowd and is like OH SHIT I CAN STALL MORE DEATH DEATH and she sees what hes doing and also she doesnt have an appt with him today something must be up and so she cracks jokes WITH HIM and then burgess is like ENOUGH and pops out and goes to kill hob and very nearly succeeds and his whole ritual thing starts to wreak havoc on the town and morpheus has to watch and he has no idea how to stop it and he turns to death and goes "HELP ME JESUS CHRST I CARE ABOUT THEM WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THEM HOW DO I STOP THIS" and death is like YESSSSSSS and shes like hob gadling is the catalyst if you save him it will end all of this but the blow burgess gave him was fatal and then death is like i could refuse him my gift and after a moment where the rushing in morpheus' ears is the only thing he hears he remembers the kiss and he tells death to take away her gift

nothing happens, she doesnt gesture or anything, but in that instant, the spell dies. hob gadling was never meant to die, but it only mattered when death actively refused to give him her gift.

anyway they fix things burgess dies blah blah morpheus and death and hob go and have a drink (there is Flirting happening with morpheus and hob) and morpheus is like is it true that you cant ever kill me and death is like no that was a lie but come on do you really want to die and she makes some implications (side eye over to where hob is having a laugh in the corner) and morpheus is like no i suppose not but i dont wish to continue as i am and he decides to seek out those like him (like mad hettie or others) and just. tell their stories. that will be his job. he will be the prince of stories. the thing is, the people that live the longest always have the best tales to tell.

~~~~~

THAT CAME OUT IN LIKE TWENTY MINUTES HOLY FUCK

double points if you can guess what this is an au of

this is great i love it

#also i have no idea #val answers #spi!!!#steve to my robin <3

2 notes · View notes

beelieveinfandom · 3 years

Text

Convo from the 18+ discord about a very silly star wars crossover I wanted to share.

gremgeous the gem pillar Just had a GREAT idea for a star wars crossover Just dipper visiting the star wars universe for whatever reason (multiverse vacation maybe? Idk. Dipper maybe dusted off that old portal in a fit of nostalgia or smth) and palpatine finds him and tries to tempt alcor to his side by offering him power Standard stuff for the sith really Except Well If you offer a demon unspecified power, in what form are they going to take it if not in the one who is offering's soul? Biggest and best tasting power boost there is, really! And then maybe he takes over the empty shell of a body afterwards which may or may not grant him force acess and alcor has a grand old time making a mess out of running the republic (or at least running lose in the senate) This is like... early prequals or pre-preauals era maybe. When palpafucker is still undercover and being all covert and unsuspicious and stuff I call this.... "palpatines penechance for grand speeches and unspecific ominous statements to try and seem all powerful and cool and dramatic fuck him over" Or in shorter terms ... . "There's a demon lose in the senate" And it basically runs like that one john mullaney bit With a side dashing of that one journak 3 thing where bill posesses a guy, messes with a roman army and then makes a guys head explode Also like nobody knows who alcor is or that hes even there bc theres no demons or dream demons in star wars (that i know of) so he gets the run of the place Even moreso than back home in gravity falls bc no one knows magic, its all "force this" and "force that" Dippered probably spends a lot of time nerding out over the different alien species since they dont have those back in his dimension (theyve got aliens but theyre different kinds) and also about the laser swords (just like the one Grunkle Ford made for them all (Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Grenda, Candy, Grendas boyfriend, Pacifica, and even waddles and gompers) back in 2017! Good times, good times.)

swbeeworm oh this sounds like fun

gremgeous the gem pillar Right???

swbeeworm if i was familiar enough with the star wars universe to write anything in it i'd give this a shot

gremgeous the gem pillar right???

swbeeworm like i know star wars?? but i don't know star wars n i have to know something to be confident in writing it

gremgeous the gem pillar Sadly everything i know comes from time travel fixit and semi-salty pro-jedi meta

swbeeworm but just.... the sheer chaotic potential of this...

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh yes....... Oh its be so good..........

swbeeworm oh mood it would be

gremgeous the gem pillar @Abigor u like star wars too gimme ur thooooughts When ur awake and have them to give

swbeeworm ugh i should. probably not be awake, i have stuff to do tomorrow n i have a headache but this is fun to think about

gremgeous the gem pillar I had another thing thats fun to think abt too Clone wars era, alcors there and everyon thinks hes a brand new sith player b/c gold eyes

swbeeworm just the shenanigans. the bullshittery. the sheer what-le-fuck reactions of everyone from the senate to the jedi to the people ooooooooo

gremgeous the gem pillar YES!!! Exactly.

gremgeous the gem pillar Oooooh jedi can do mind things i wonder what alcor wpuld feel like to them

swbeeworm my first instinctive responses were: 1) constant Screaming and a whirlwind mishmash of colors/concepts/etc that makes everyone who 'looks' too long start bleeding thru the nose/eyes 2) wii music on loop and these are VERY different prompts to have back to back but that's what i got

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHSGGSHD I LOVE IT Oh what if its both at the same time Ajdhegdhdj what rven is the music like in star wars anyway

swbeeworm the fkin,,,, cantina music

gremgeous the gem pillar Like how would they react when confronted w wii music

swbeeworm is the equivalent i would think

gremgeous the gem pillar Do they even have the same sorts of instruments do they even know what electronic music is

swbeeworm just. that spawned another Thought imagine that the cantina music from That One Scene is the sw-equivalent of the wii music and just. just imagine that same scene playing but with wii music on loop in the background

gremgeous the gem pillar Gosh "wii music on loop" i love it AODHDHSHSJD

swbeeworm it would probably FIT they have the same vibe

gremgeous the gem pillar Im crying Mits so good

swbeeworm sdjlksdafj i saw a post the other day that was talking abt the music there n how it kept playing on loop n the poster joked that it might have been like,, the john mulaney salt-pepper-diner-story situation which is only tangentially related to this topic but i had to recall it

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSHH i love that Gosh ok i feel like take 1 would fit with the new sith in town scenario And take 2 fits with theres a demon lose in the senate

swbeeworm sfsdkfjh yES

gremgeous the gem pillar But how FUCKING HILARIOUS would it be if in the senate story its the former, and in the oh so serious sith story its the wii music on loop im akdhsjdvsjdhsjbd

swbeeworm ASLDJSLKFJ plEASE take 1: gritty, serious, angst, deadly miscommunications--and fucking wii music on loop take 2: lighthearted, cracky, shenanigans and bullshittery--and fucking bleeding out the eyes if you try n read the guy talk about dissonance

gremgeous the gem pillar "Big scary sith! Look at the yellow eyes! What dastardly plots cpuld he be thinking/partaking in....." [Hard cut to alcor pov/inside alcors head] wii music plays as he stares off into space during a supposedly very important meeting

gremgeous the gem pillar OH I DO LOVE THE DISSONANCE Gsjdgysgsvsjgd wheeze its so good i love it

swbeeworm me tooooo .....for the sith one. would ppl see blue fire n think lightning

gremgeous the gem pillar Theyd probably think its some other secret sith technique

swbeeworm fair enough

gremgeous the gem pillar Everyone thinks one of the other sith lines that was supposedly wiped out had it since this sith deffs aint the line of bane- even the cirrent sith wanna know where alcors popped in from "Lightning was the bane line specialty.... guess where ever this kids guys from fire was theirs"

swbeeworm= adjlsdfkjlfkjf the shenanigans n bullshittery one imagine alcor-as-palpatine just. going incorporeal, still visible but not able to be touched, and the jedi go from "what the fuck is going on" to "why the fuck is he a force ghost"

gremgeous the gem pillar AJSGSHSGSHSA

swbeeworm alcor, who'd done it only bc his ~ornate robes~ had got so caught/tangled on something he could only get free by phasing through it: ??????

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Alcor: how the fuck did this guy move around in these AJDHSGDH ALCOR NOT KNOWING ABOUT THE SITH- SHOWS UP TO THE SENATE IN THE SITH ROBES

swbeeworm asdlkjsfkjsdfdf

gremgeous the gem pillar CALLS IT A "FASHION STATEMENT" WHEN CALLED OUT ON IT

swbeeworm a fASHION STATEMENT YES alcor: :blobsweats: alcor: what the FUCK is a sith alcor: and why do they have better style than the jedi

gremgeous the gem pillar WHEEZE He doesnt know jack shit abt the jedi or anything hes just vibing!!!!!!

swbeeworm yesssssss

gremgeous the gem pillar AJDGSGGDJS YOU KNOW WHATVWPUKD BE EVEN BETTER ALCOR THINKS THE SITH LOOK IS TACKY AF

swbeeworm alcor: no listen. listen. i picked these space robes out of my space wardrobe because they looked cool, not because i'm part of some. some space cult ljflskdajfslkdfjsd

gremgeous the gem pillar BUT HE STILL THINKS ITS BETTER THAN THE JEDI

swbeeworm that's even better

gremgeous the gem pillar space cult im HOWLING

swbeeworm you KNOW he'd be so excited at being in space this DORK

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph gosh imagine it starts out all dark and serious and angsty and creepy in the whole beginning exchange But as soon as the day after alcor takes up palps role hits it takes a sharp turn into crack terriotry

gremgeous the gem pillar OH HE WOULD

swbeeworm yESSSS

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor takes one look at dooku and is like "youre the only one aroynd here with any sort of fashion sense" "And its HORRIBLE"

swbeeworm sljflskdjfsd

gremgeous the gem pillar Just roasts him And by extension everyone else too

swbeeworm dooku has NO IDEA what's going on but at this point ""palpatine"" or whatever's taken over him is ten minutes into a rant abt the layers on layers of boring robes jedi wear and at this point he'll take the backhanded compliment about his own style

gremgeous the gem pillar Akehdsjfssksgsjd

swbeeworm just to shut him up

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDHDJDGDJDHD Alco goes on a 30 minute rant on why suits are SO much more professional

swbeeworm snaps "palpatine" into a suit and goes "...except maybe for this guy idk if anything could make him look good"

gremgeous the gem pillar And its more of a backhanded insukt than a backhanded compliment but anything to shut the guy up, right?

swbeeworm how much we roasting palpatine here

gremgeous the gem pillar To a blackened crisp

swbeeworm as it should be

gremgeous the gem pillar Its better than his wrinkly old rasin look anyday

swbeeworm lskjdlsakjfdf agreed

gremgeous the gem pillar Be hard NOT to improve on that honestly But the dude sinks so low i bet hed somehow manage it

swbeeworm --alcor getting fed up w palpatine's body and just. showing up to the senate meetings, full alcor, eyes n his normal face n everything, in palpatine's robes, and when someone rightfully asks him who the hell is he, he just deadpans "i'd think by this point you'd recognize your own chancellor" and just straight insists he's palpatine (and has the knowledge to back it up) every time someone sputters

gremgeous the gem pillar Also i included the bit abt the journal 3 thing bc my saga of alcor repeating bill's patterns, behaviors, and ideas unknowlingly and without awareness that that is what he is doing shall continue >:3c

gremgeous the gem pillar AODHAJDBAKWJHEVEJDJDHSHSHSJWOWKJEHEE I LOVE IT OH HOW I LOVE OT ALSOWHSKJDISOSOAJAIW Oh gosh what if he fuckin

swbeeworm because at this point it's less about blending in and more about trolling the whole senate and being as distracting as possible because with everyone paying attention to his trolling theyre less likely to notice the bills for clone rights n abolishing slavery n such that he's pushing thru in the background misdirection at its finest

gremgeous the gem pillar I was gonna say a thing abt alcor replacing palps b4 the election and so they did elect alcor to chancelorhoood But it might be funnier if he took him over AFTER abd still says that bit abt recognizing their own chancellor Oh gosh in that secind scenario it would be hilarious if the jedi are all :blobglare: @alcor except for obi-wan who is all like "i am looking away" bc at least THIS guy (whiever the hell he is) has stopped being such a creep abt anakin

swbeeworm the jedi are sent in to figure out wtf is going on and. they, unfortunately, bewilderingly, confirm that this is the same person as the chancellor who'd been showing up recently??? same wii music/bleeding effect??

swbeeworm alcor, finding appointments with some random jedi kid on palpatine's calendar: wtf why is this creep trying to meet with a kid alone, yeah how about i cancel that

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJD Alcor, looking at palpatibes planner: "every day i am more and more glad that i ate thig guys soul" "Like i knew it was oily but im suprised i havent got an upset stomach from it yet"

swbeeworm sjlskdfjsdf alcor the next day, after finding stuff abt the order 66 chip things, gagging: "i spoke too soon"

gremgeous the gem pillar Obi-wan to the council: hmm? Yes this is totally the chancellor, i know this because of all the previous meetings and close relationship he has had with my padawan which you allowed and helped facillitate- "Palpatine":[has a completley different body type, height, and face. Plus he actually has hair and is maybe even floating a little but its hard to be sure in those black and gold robes- and with a completely different voice] oh, yeah, totally, Im the chancellor and i totally know who this guy and that kid is yup yup yup-

gremgeous the gem pillar [UGLY LAUGHTER] AkdjskkdkdjsysAODJSJEUEIEIIEF

swbeeworm ASDKAFDF "palpatine": [grins with very sharp teeth at a nervous senator] council: "okay that is NOT normal" obi-wan, deadpan: "i'm sorry, it sounds like you're discriminating against non-human beings? that's not very jedi of you now is it"

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDHDJDHD Wait wait no what if its "This is completely normal behavior. I, as a human, know this for certain" "I can do this too, but i dont, because it is impolite, but hes the chancellor he can do whatever he wants"

swbeeworm asldksajflksdfjsdf;jsdf yes yes beautiful

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor and obi-wan team up to be passive agressive at everyone who allowed palps and anakin to hang out ABOUT them letting an unsupervised minor chill w a suoer duper old guy Shoulda had a chaperone at LEAST Butalso

swbeeworm the other humans on the council: "uh, actually-" obi-wan: [manages to sip tea (which he shouldn't even have access to in a council meeting btw) with an aggressively polite smile and silent Threat] the other humans: "....um."

gremgeous the gem pillar "Thats not very jedi of you now is it" AODHSJSIDHALSVD IM HOWLING I LOVE IT THE SASS wheeze*

swbeeworm i live for obi-wan sass it gives me LIFE

gremgeous the gem pillar SAME oh its so good Love that one post where obj-wan is on tatooine and calls all the force ghosts to view his powperpoint presentation about how letting palps have acess to analin was a bad idea as hed been saying all along-

swbeeworm u need to know i wrote this with the "that's not very plus ultra of you" meme, which is a bnha offshoot of the "that's not very cash money of you" meme, in my head on repeat

gremgeous the gem pillar Ph him terrorizing all the people palpatine had in his pocket...... Ok this is veering into even MORE crack territory but at some poibt alcor replaces, uh, whats the dudes name, palps second in command - mess something-or-other? - with a nightmare Not just ANY nightmare But a DIFFERENT nightmare each day

swbeeworm ASDLSDFKLDJF PLEASE

gremgeous the gem pillar They took it upon themselves to go on rotation They couldn't decide who should go when alcor proposed the idea so its everyone One at a time They dont even look REMOTELY human Or like anything the galaxy has ever known or seen And theres no "secretive supernatural species" excuse for them to fall back on here lmao

swbeeworm random dude: "what is that???" alcor, cheerful: "that's my assistant" rd: "is that--is that supposed to be a sheep?" alcor: "no they're my assistant" nightmare: [sound that, if you ignore the reverb and microphone-screeching and kazoo effects, might be a "baaa"] alcor: [smiles aggressively wider with sharp teeth] rd: [sweats nervously]

gremgeous the gem pillar ALDJDKSIEJEHAJWJWHEI Obi-wan: i am still l :eyes:king away Anakin: oooh, the wool is so soft master. Come feel it! Obi-wan: really? Ooh youre right The council: ....

swbeeworm rd: "okay but this is a DIFFERENT one than yesterday right?? right???" alcor: "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about :)" obi-wan, still with tea he should not have, this time with space whiskey mixed in: "sir i think you might be seeing things, they are clearly the same individual as yesterday"

gremgeous the gem pillar Mace: ...hrm it is quite soft- The rest of the council: ??? When did he get-

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHDHD JUST LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH ALDJDHFJF

swbeeworm obi-wan looking mace dead in the eye and chugging his spiked tea which is more whiskey than tea at this point: "how dare you accuse me of lying. me, after everything i've done for this council. i am betrayed. heartbroken. never shall trust again. i am leaving until i recover" -and promptly fucks off on a vacation with anakin

gremgeous the gem pillar The jedi start getting a LOT more missions about busting slave rings and giving aid in the outer rim - plus some more dimplomacy docused ones in regards to solving teeaties instead of putting down rebellions

-alcor shows up on the vacation with zero explanation and obi-wan at this point is like "fuck it why not" -a nightmare takes his place in palpatine's robes in the senate for the week they're gone

gremgeous the gem pillar ALSJSHDJDJSKDHEE Weirdly enough some of the more corrupt senators go missing after that week No one knows what hapoebed to them but the robes the "chancellor" wore that week have some awfully suspicious stains WAIT WAIT WHAT IF ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE WHAT IF ITS GOMPERS alcor didn't even ASK gompers to be there he was planning to not even warn anyone n just vanish but gompers just SHOWED UP the nightmares were the ones who put the robes on him

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor doesn't even KNOW gomoers is there He gets back after the week and is like "what the heck" The nightmares are pretty proud of themselves for that one

swbeeworm the nightmares, collectively: "this is gonna be HILARIOUS" alcor, halfway across the galaxy, sees a newsfeed of a senate meeting with gompers in the robes in his place, and spits his drink clear across the room

he's only mad because he didn't think of it in the first place

gremgeous the gem pillar wheeze Hes proud of them

swbeeworm he IS

gremgeous the gem pillar Its so HILARIOUS

swbeeworm i pity anyone trying to read this mess later but i hope we at least make them laugh once

gremgeous the gem pillar Same Its such a joy Alcor teaches anakin the secret to mabel juice

swbeeworm oh no

gremgeous the gem pillar Only the children thank him The minders.... not so much

swbeeworm alcor: "okay so what i'm hearing is, the adult jedi have been making Stupid Decisions and not paying as much attention to the kids, as evidenced by them letting that one kid have meetings one on one with the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago. so, clearly what needs to happen is something that forces the adults to pay attention to the kids and start keeping a closer eye on them, but it can't be something that actually hurts the kids because then i'd feel bad" alcor: "...." alcor: :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar akdhdjsgshsjhdsjdjdj

swbeeworm alcor in a totally not suspicious trench coat and sunglasses: "hey. hey, kid. you wanna try some mabel juice?"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJDLFKFIFJIF WHEEZE "With the creepy older guy i stopped putting effort into impersonating a month ago" ALDJDBDJDJDDHDHDJDJDJDJDJDJDJSJDJEJEJE

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSHDJDJF

swbeeworm star wars kids: "mr chancellor why are you wearing that" alcor: "because i think it's funny" kids: "it isn't" alcor: "look do you want the juice or not"

gremgeous the gem pillar I LOVE ALL OF THAT LOOK DO YOU WANT THE JUICE OR NOT

swbeeworm i am having WAY too much fun with this ldjsldkfjdsf;

gremgeous the gem pillar "Were not supposed to take drugs from strangersl" "Its not- just take it!"

Hooooh man thats so funny Oh gosh Alcor uses a different time/date system

Than the star wars one

swbeeworm ooooooo yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Nit super sure where im going with this but.... Pretty sure he woukdnt know the star wars one At all Maybe the in-umuverse knockoff calendar maybe Hes wnough of a nerd to have that memorized But the star wars proper one

No, no i dont think he knows that one

swbeeworm nope no chance

gremgeous the gem pillar Omg yes

gremgeous the gem pillar Well its a good thing we have this..... and the mistaken sith version too :blobamused:

WAIT WAIT QAIT FLASH OF INSPIRATION ALCOR GIVING ANAKIN THE STRANGER DANGER PPT

swbeeworm i have 1 scene i can think of that actually almost made my friend cry and i have 1 au scene of a different au of mine where a character who canonically dies and gets brought back to life...doesn't come back (which is extra angst bc this is a Ghost Seeing Fic) and both of these i wrote at like 3-4am

swbeeworm SDFJKSDLFSJf YES :blobamused:

gremgeous the gem pillar Alcor: "you know, i usually save this one for the kids who followed the stranger with the nice candy into the alleyway and end up as sacrifices but I feel like you could benefit from it too"

swbeeworm alcor: "no talking to suspicious ppl" anakin: "except you right?" alcor: "....in any other situation i'd say no but if i say that you're just gonna up and leave (i see that grin thanks very much) so in this one singular personal case it is fine that you trust my very suspicious self"

gremgeous the gem pillar AKSJSJDJJD "My very suspicious self" Aksjdhdd

swbeeworm obi-wan, straight up knocking back shots now: "the man has a point anakin"

gremgeous the gem pillar Haha nice Obi-wan is taking notes Hes also re-inventing alcoholic mabel juice He weaseled the recipie out of the kids

swbeeworm asldfkjsdlkfjd imagine if somehow SIDIOUS CAME BACK and tries to take back over the senate but everyone at this point is used to alcor and one of two things happens: 1) they assume this is alcor messing with them with a clone/double (they don't know how he'd do it but at this point given his "assistants", the goat that somehow made more eloquent speeches than the "human", and the other things involved, they wouldn't put it past him) and just ignore him 2) they look between the real palpatine who'd been pushing thru some very sketchy bills, and between alcor who's been sneaking through law after law protecting all kinds of sentients, and they turn back to palpatine and go "how dare you impersonate the chancellor" and kick him out

swbeeworm at this point he deserves it tbh

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDHFDJDJDJD Ok i preffer him dead and gone and forgotten in favor of alcor (its what he deserves) but oh those are hilarious

swbeeworm agreed to both counts alsdjalsdk

gremgeous the gem pillar ESPECIALLY if the senate chooses to keep alcor over palps XD Ph man we can work that into him being dead and gone too- alcor starts dispersing the power and the other half of the senate w bail and padme are like "yeah seems legit" along w obi-wan The jedi only put like, a token effort into investigating and are more put out by trying to figure out what happened to the real palpatine and all his past shady dealings than exposing the current "palpatine" for a fake

swbeeworm palpatine: "excuse me?? i am the chancellor of this republic" councilmembers, with the same deadpan as alcor's been pulling on them all year: "sir, i think you're confused. this is the chancellor" [points to alcor, in palpatine's robes from his closet, making no attempt to hide his lack of resemblance to palpatine, with a nightmare at his side wearing a small top hat that proclaims its position as "chancellor's assistant"] palpatine: [screams of frustration]

gremgeous the gem pillar Once they reaize the shift in mission assignments can be attributed to new palp

gremgeous the gem pillar AKDJDJDJSJSJSBEJSJSJSHSJSKS

swbeeworm yesss this

gremgeous the gem pillar I wanna say maul gets the joy and pleasure of offibg palpatine the second time in that version

swbeeworm FINALLY they get a chance to pull one back over on someone, pass along the suffering a little bit

swbeeworm oh definitely

oh shit we've been at this for an hour

gremgeous the gem pillar Maul comes back and offs palps and evrryone is jist like "Maul!!! How?!?" And completley ignore the palpatibe corpse 2.0 Ajdhhd so we have Niiiight book

Also from a tumblr post the phrase "your pal friendpatine" is hilarious and i think yall shoukd enjoy it too As is "SOMEHOW... MAUL RETURNS" Both taken from the same post lol Okokok so switchibg tracks for a bit Revisiting Some groundwork for the mistaken sith version Alcor is there..... because al-v was there first, made friends with the droid army mid clone war, and caled his dad in to help Which puts alcors initial point of contact as the separost foot soldiers

gremgeous the gem pillar No matter what the dominant language alcor has most recently been using OH OH OH ALCOR WITH ACESS TO OTHER UNIVERSE SLANG CONFUSING ALL THE SENATE WITH HIS NONSENSICAL PHRASES AND IDIOMS AND SLANG/PROFANITY LIKE "over the moon" AND "hot belgian waffles" AND "fuck" "Palpatine": [drops paperwork he JUST spent so much time disorganizing (as in putting in a dissaray)] FUCK Senator: .... sir, what is a 'fuck' "Palpatine": ......... im not explaining that to you Or conversley he makes smth up Alcor, upon realizing the most common swear word is "kriff': yeaht hats stupid im not saying that Alcor mercilessly roasting the star wars profanity And how stupid they all sound. This one is great for the al-v and alcor make friend w a droid army and maybe-sorta steal them while massivelt confusing and mystifying everyone along the way, bc why not add a language barrier on top of all the other assumptions and misunderstandings >:D But also at the same time it would make sense for him to have got thw local language in an infodump somewhere along the line (maybe an older version) if its located in a different galaxy but the same universe........... but also what if theyre just suoer far away so he didnt get priority acess...... or even if he traveled back in time ............. [Shrug] idk Mwanwhile inexplicably having the same language is hilarious in the demon lose in the senate ons but also imagine alcor pretending to be palpatine while unable to speak the common tongue lolol I know it wouldnt work (he has to be able to understand palpatine on some level to take MASSIVE advantage of him and eat his soul) but it is hilarious to think abt the shenanigans............ OH GOSH ALCOR TAKING CONTROL OF THE SENAT BUT BEING UNABLE TO R E A D AKDBSKSKJFF Okokok Imagine the basic/english language inexplicably being the same structure w a few different words and concepts...... when spoken And completley different when written down SO ALCOR CAN SPEAK BUT HE CANT READ Meanwhile in mistaken for a sith land alcor either doesnt have any knowledge of the local language or else gets a SUPER OLD AND POSSIBLE DEAD LANGUAGE in an infodump (to help feed the misunderstandings and rumors and future clashes w the sith and the jedi hehhehheh) bc semi-omniscience is not total omniscience and so is not everything and, once again, is not very helpful But ill leave off for tonight on the thought of alcor, lose in the senate, in the seat of the chancellor, lord of all paperwork for the galactic republic....... and able to read NONE of it And barely understands it too (demons are not ones for politics, Brian the Organ Duck and his 200 year sucessful presidency run aside) (his is soemthing of the exception, not the rule.) Meanwhile all those humanitarian aid bills and the like are all being passed by bail and padmes group all over the place bc their strange and inexplicable source of resistance was devoured like, a week ago Not ones to look a gift horse in ths mouth until AFTER they get what they want the group passes a ton of bills without delay - and manages to break up a few monopolies along the way Now im not saying that "palpatine" suddenly acting off and the bills facing a lot less resistance is a noticeable coincidence...... and around the same time he stops asking after anakin ............... but im totally saying they notice it and realize its probably, absolutely, not a coincidence and theyre not going to say anything bc they like this new "palpatine" better. Despite all the other mindbending weirdness and mindfuckery going on there The jedi are only mad abt alcor bc a few of their own started bleeding from the eyes nose and ears when they tried to investigate initially so theyre a little ticked off abt that, which, fair.

Also the blantant lying and lack of trying on alcors part is a little insulting to them as a whole ("does he think we'll really fall for that") and is slightly concerning to them ("who the heck is this, someone is inpersonating the chancellor of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC-" Which is, admittedly, a little concern worthy) but if the council is honest (or some of the council anyway) with themselves its pretty much the darn best entertainmnt theyve had in a good long while, headaches aside, sot ehyll focus more on the okd palpatines dissapernace and dealings than the new "palpatine" so long as he doesnt start doing anything ACTIVELY damaging to the republic. A little mischief doesnt technically count as harm- and hey theys preffer to find the og chancellor b4 upsetting and potnetially causing the new one to do smth drastic by attsmpting to out him (not that alcor would, its so much funnier to deny everything to their faces while blatantly lying but they dont know that. So caution (and stress) it is)

#Transcendence AU #Discord Convo

21 notes · View notes

reginaofdoctorwho · 3 years

Text

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

#tw child death #tw animal death #tw arson #i guess?#tw shooting #tw murder #a lot of that one actually #tw child abuse #tw violence #let me know if u think i should tag anything else #no one wanted this #except for me #tw cult

8 notes · View notes

strangebrews · 4 years

Text

@madam-metaphor asked: 69. Ventriloquist

So Eddie was still out of a job. Not an ideal state to be in, by any means, though he’d excused the situation on being busy with other, more pertinent things—diverting an alien invasion, for starters.

But it’d been 2 months since anything urgent had come up and here was Eddie during a Wednesday afternoon, on the couch with a microwave dinner in his lap. TV shows had gotten worse nowadays, he was thinking, no respect for plot anymore, just pure drama.

His bills were piling up—the stack of envelopes was becoming painfully apparent on the island in the kitchen, giant red notices bleeding onto the paper—but it wasn’t like Eddie hadn’t tried. He had tried—at the grocery store, the pet shop, even the fucking video rental place—yet none of the leads had amounted to any promising offer. He was just unlucky, that was all, he thought and took another bite.

You’re very lucky, Eddie. I decided to live in your body. Venom regarded itself quite highly.

He was flipping through channels now, irritated with his lack of options, Venom’s head perched on his shoulder. A streaming subscription, that’s what he needed. Another bill added to the mound, but it was necessary, because, “I mean look at this shit,” he gestured towards the TV with his remote, mouth full, “You cannot expect me to want to watch this kind of crap.” It’d been some ventriloquist—third fucking episode in a row—and Eddie jammed his finger into the skip in frustration.

Wait.

Venom pressed a tendril to the back button and slithered closer to the screen, head cocked in interest.

How did he get that little human onto his arm?

Eddie gave Vee a crooked smile. He would admit, providing Venom explanations of silly human behaviors was one of his favorite aspects of this cohabitation. “It’s not a tiny human. It’s a puppet—not alive. You stick your arm up the hole in its ass and make it do things.” He laughed, amused at his own explanation.

Venom’s eyes glimmered. Don’t we do the same thing?

The laughing stopped. “No, no we do not do the same thing—it’s different. It’s very fucking different. You’re supposed to make jokes, create a show, have people watch you.”

The glimmer intensified. Let’s do that.

“Do what? Become a career ventriloquist?” a slow nod was Eddie’s only answer.

Venom’s proposal was unsurpring, actually. It had grown increasingly frustrated recently—angry that Eddie could walk the streets now without anyone suspecting anything out of the ordinary, providing no indication they knew Venom was living inside. But the issue was that Venom wanted to be seen—wanted everyone to know that Eddie was taken, that this was Venom’s Eddie. It didn’t want anyone looking at him. Considering him.

Venom had thrown a fit once or twice in public already, accidentally shoved someone out through the glass doors of a bus because they’d brushed up against Eddie a little too often. And that had been an accident—the person was fine aside from a few scratches on the nose—but Venom had been sternly warned that day to never try anything like it again.

“I’ll rip you out of me, Vee. I promise I will.” Obviously it was an exaggeration, but the image it produced was painful enough for Venom to agree.

So this was its roundabout way of being present in public. They could star in a show together—much like the one on TV—and Venom would have an excuse to stay on the outside, make itself known. It was a perfect idea.

I would make a great puppet, Eddie.

Eddie just laughed and brushed the crumbs off the front of his shirt. He used to be an esteemed journalist. He was not going to become a fucking ventriloquist for the afternoon broadcast. It was stupid. It was ridiculous. It was not an option. It was—

+

They were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Venom’s head bobbing out from Eddie’s right hand, while another piece wrapped around his arm before cutting off entirely before the elbow.

A puppet. A gooey, terrifying, alien puppet.

Venom had succeeded in getting Eddie to try the idea out—there was no harm in just trying, it’d argued. And yes, fucking had been a factor in the convincing process, but there was no need to focus on silly details.

They’d been glued to the same spot for nearly an hour now, Eddie trying to mold Venom’s mass into something a bit less menacing. He’d tried giving it pointed ears, a nose, some makeshift hair strands that were supposed to cover a part of Venom’s eyes, but they resembled creepy noodles, if anything else. The attempts were useless, so with a sigh Eddie gave in and moved onto the next issue. “We’ll just be really funny, to distract from the unconventional look.” Unconventional was his way of describing it, because there was no reason to hurt Vee’s feelings.

Mouth movements proved to be a problem too. “You have to move it based on the shape of the words I’m saying. What you’re doing is not convincing at all.” Venom was just opening and closing its maw haphazardly, disregarding any authenticity.

I’m meant to be a puppet. They lack the same facial mechanics.

“Yeah, but—” Eddie cut himself off, because there was a point to be made here, he just wasn’t sure what it was. He set that aside for later.

The tongue—the tongue had to go.

“It’s just a bit unsettling, is all, when you flick it all the way out like that, you know? Some might find it suggestive, others might think it's insulting.” So Venom curled it back into its maw, with some difficulty, but it’d managed.

Then they encountered an issue with the flow of the conversation. Eddie should have expected Venom to hit a few bumps in the road when it came to witty comebacks, but it really killed the vibe when it kept answering with things like Eddie, do you really think I look like a nasty talking tar ball?

Eddie even tried feeding Venom dialogue through his thoughts, but on the fourth failed attempt he decided they were done. “We tried, we basically failed. I’ve got more important things to do.”

Staring into your empty fridge so you can ignore your real problems isn’t very important. Eddie did not entertain Venom with a response.

+

Yes, he should have been looking for a job still, but Eddie chose to write a script instead.

They had stopped after that fourth try, but returned to the mirror an hour later. Eddie was going to get it right—he was going to squeeze at least one original, funny thing out of Venom.

On the seventh try he decided the only way out of this was writing a script.

Recording the video, with his phone resting on the dresser and the script hiding beside it, was also, just a one-off thing. A quick hyperfixation, nothing more.

He worked on their conversation for 2 days, smoothed out all the kinks in their performance during the 10 rounds of practice recordings. Venom could now shape its mouth around the words, kept its tongue inside, and even spoke at a higher pitch to make it more convincing. The pair was ready.

+

Uploading the video to Youtube had also been Eddie’s idea. He had not given up on the project, and neither had he given up on being in denial towards the fact that he was absorbed by said project.

“It’s just—I refuse to have wasted 5 fucking hours on this and keep it private, you know?” It was a weak argument, and he suspected Venom would have raised its eyebrows in doubt if it had any, but it stayed silent.

He’d done some minimal editing. Nothing too fancy—just an intro and an outro, simple things he’d learned during his journalism days. “It’s not gonna get any views.” he was talking to himself at this point, mouse hovering over the Publish.

“It wasn’t even that funny.” The video had successfully appeared on the recent uploads page—Eddie had checked to make sure, but he didn’t necessarily care.

“I’ll probably delete it in a day or two, anyway, mind you.” Venom continued to hide away.

+

Venom was only ever quiet for two reasons: it was tired, or it had won a battle with Eddie and had nothing more to say. This case slotted under the latter category.

Because Eddie had not deleted the video after a day or two—it was still floating around on the Internet and Eddie’s finger was beginning to cramp up from refreshing. And refreshing. And refreshing.

The result wasn’t anything major. It was only 100,000 hits in 5 days and the title was pure bait—kinda hard to pass up a video called “Famous Ex-Journalist Stuffs Hand Up Puppet’s Bumhole, Calls It Coping” (That’s a misleading title, Venom had noted. “I know, just trust me.”)

“It’s not even that funny of a video.” Eddie said again on the 6th day, but there was a smile tugging at his lips—nearing 200,000 now.

Cooksucker3000 said your puppet is fucking dope, Eddie. Venom hummed along Eddie’s arms in satisfaction. The comments were its favorite part, for quite obvious reasons, and Eddie was too preoccupied with his own shower of compliments to correct Venom’s reading mistakes.

this is so hilarious!!

i love the idea!

good to see ur doing well - i remember u from tv!

u r really fucking hot xx

Delete that. It has nothing to do with the contents of the video. So not all of the comments were Venom’s favorite.

+

When they hit 300,000 Eddie said, “Fine—I’ll write one more script. But after that, we’re done.” Venom did not put up a fight this time either.

Because fine, Eddie could say whatever he wanted, but they shared a fucking body at the end of the day—as if Venom wouldn’t have noticed him finishing up the 4th script of a series last night.

#symbrock #eddie brock #venom #mine #madam-metaphor #{screaming into the void} what am i Doing #anyway xoxo hope u like it

81 notes · View notes

ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

15 notes · View notes

dickytwister · 3 years

Note

HEY do you maybe have like an oc page or could you tell me something about all your ocs because i'm Interested and you have my full attention :eyes:

AHSJDKGLHL that's so sweet i'm nfjghl???? i don't have an oc page bc i'm the embodiment of an old man being given an iphone after 50 years of using a rotary phone but !!! i can yell abt them a bit aaa thank you for asking abt them 🥺🥺💚

i put everything under the cut bc dear god i have a lot to say abt my kids and i'm not gonna make everyone scroll through that HHHHHH haw 🤠🤠

elliot fletcher

- he's my deputy in fc5!! he's from waverly in iowa and he's just...very tired nfjfkhl give my poor man a break

- everytime his radio crackles he ages 10 years and if it's john talking add another 10 years

- he keeps the three heralds alive but he doesn't care abt joseph <3

- gets in trouble bc he's impulsive af nfjghl when jacob is close to the cage?? ram his face in the bars. when john leans like rlly close in the confession scene?? headbutt 😌🙏🏼

- the only people who know abt his past are earl, grace, faith and john, the rest just kinda speculate and elliot lets them believe what they want bc not only does he rlly not want ppl to know the actual truth, it's also very funny to listen to the stuff they can come up with

- speaking of faith he often seeks her for advice and sometimes they get high together and he gets teary eyed bc she's just... very nice to him and when all you see everyday is violence it's overwhelming to be shown a little bit of kindness 🥲🙏🏼

- he's in love with john but also he'd kick him across the county if he could but also he'd give his life for him

- after the bombs and all he unlocks his final form and becomes A Husband™, complete with a beard, a scarf and bad jokes that make john want to officially marry him so he can divorce his ass

- fun fact i came up with the name elliot fletcher bc i thought it sounded neat but recently i found out there's a trans actor called elliot fletcher too??? like what were the odds ngl that's so cool

carter quill

- this is my character in the marvel dnd game my brother is dming!!

- his parents are peter quill and kitty pryde and he inherited his mom's powers (so he can become immaterial and stuff uwu) and his dad's tiny pebble brain~

- he grew up on a ship with the guardians so his family is just... a bunch of uncles, one of which is a tree

- he's part of an initiative called the peacekeepers with isaaq cage (luke cage's and jessica jones' son), finneas "zorn" reeves (brock rumlow's and sinthea shmidt's son), lu "highway star" khan (the mandarin's son), alexis "hex" pythagoras (doctor strange's protégé) and ev-lin (ronan the destroyer's daughter who also happens to be carter's bully when they were 11 HHHHHH)

- everyone agrees that carter is just... a puppy. a little labrador. so overexcited. head empty. he doesn't know what's going on but he's having fun with his friends and that's what matters <3

- he died once and went to hell for like 66 years bc he held a bomb while it was exploding but he got better and he doesn't remember most of his time in hell but also he's a lil traumatised

- he wears cute skirts sometimes and also froggie themed clothes 🥰🥰 he's terrible at applying nail polish and it ends up smudged most of the time bc he can't sit still for more than two minutes without going insane but he still likes it

- he has a pet bird called ink!! he thought it was a nice name bc his last name is quill so u know,,, ink,,, quill,,,, he inherited his dad's terrible humor also

- he's fruity and has a big fat crush on one of his teammates 😳😳👉🏼👈🏼

- he strictly refuses to kill, so he uses stunt energy guns and a three section staff to fight!! he accidentally killed someone once and threw up

- he knows asl and is fluent in it!! he's also very bad at reading measurements when cooking (and reading in general) so he relies on their proto-ai, dadji, to help him cook and he listens to audiobooks a lot!!

- idk what else to say abt him except like two games ago he was in the hospital bc lu got hurt and he wanted to get him muffins from a coffee shop across the streets but he panicked when faced with the selection so he bought one of each and came back to the hospital room with like,,,, twenty muffins

- i found this pic of his face claim and it honestly just radiates his vibe so here have it

Tumblr media

thorgran galvish

- he's my dwarf enchanter from another homebrew dnd game!! in this universe (and maybe others idk shit abt actual dnd HHHH forgive me) enchanter dwarves are lowkey enslaved bc of their rare link with magic

- thorgran blew up a wall and ran away to the surface so now he's a fugitive and he's constantly on the run uwu trust issues ensue

- he loves the sky so much?? especially at night?? he knows abt constellations, but he thinks they're just whatever you see in the stars and doesn't know there are like,,, actual constellations so he sits on the roof of a tall building sometimes and finds his own constellations

- he also tries to draw them but he rlly sucks at it aslkdsgl that doesn't stop him from filling his journal with little stars and drawings!!

- during my very first game with him he found his rival, who turned out to be a 16 years old teenager?? millennial/gen z rivalry

- agh i don't have much abt him yet bc i've only just started to play him but he's my beefiest boy and also a dilf 🥰🥰

theadric "elder" montajay

- yet another character from the same universe as thorgran, but this time it's a funky little halfling bard

- his instrument is the violin!! he tried every other instrument and his mom was very supportive despite how bad he was at all of them. his community was raided and his father died, so he inherited his violin and that turned out to be the only instrument he could play

- took his love of the economy to the next level when he decided to fuck every gang leader he could find to control their operations and ruin their organizations so the money they hoarded could be put back in circulation

- accidentally fell in love with a half-orc gang leader and was abt to tell him the truth abt what he was doing but was exposed by the first person he'd cheated so he had to run without explaining himself to his lover smh ://

- "i don't wanna fall in the slutty bard cliché," i say before immediately giving elder the tightest leather pants and opening his shirt to show his majestic chest hair.

- surprisingly good with kids?? anyone younger than him who looks sad becomes His Child and he turns into a lil mama, tasting the food of an inn first to assure it's not poisoned, giving hugs, soft shit like that ngl he's just a mom 😔😔

- we abandoned the game he was in but we left off when he'd just escaped a dwarven prison with his new child and others owo anyway slutty bard with chest hair?? that's just the witcher's jaskier

scylla

- my gay pirate lady!! i don't have much abt her either bc AAA BRAINROT but !!! i still love her very much

- she's a hybrid between a human and a psaarinch (fish folks in our homebrew universe uwu) and she looks very human except she has like shark abilities?? she can smell blood, taste with her skin, breathe underwater for like two hours or smth, sharper teeth,,

- she started off as a privateer but like what was the kingdom gonna do?? track her down to make sure everything she did was legal?? nah man she got that sweet fleet and became a pirate

- she beats men up in inns and gives their wives a good time <3

- she's very close to her crew and they're kinda just a big family

- she fights with those s-shaped staffs?? but they're actually blades ngfhl she's very agile and looks like she's dancing when she's actually fighting

- fun fact she's my second shark oc the first one was called maito and she was a yellow lantern in a dc game we did (the main difference between them is that maito loved men while scylla is very much a lesbian 😌🙏🏼)

i have like so many more of them but that's already such a long post and i don't wanna do too much NGL if u wanna know more hmu i'll yell some more 😎😎🙏🏼🙏🏼

#thanks so much for asking abt my ocs man wha t #i'm still like terrified of posting abt my ocs bc :)) but i love talking abt them!! esp elliot and carter they're rlly my bestest boys the #my ocs: elliot fletcher #my ocs: carter quill #my ocs: thorgran galvish #my ocs: elder #my ocs: scylla #god i wanna rant abt my inquisitor too i ???? okay #better luck next time!! my brain is on fire #might fuck around and post abt him soon anyway hehe #nuclearvessel #answered;#i'm gonna queue this bc i'm genuinely scared of posting it HHHH #i tried the new tumblr editor thing it better work or i'll shove an entire wii remote up my ass #i literally have so much to say abt carter it's actually insane

3 notes · View notes

lightninginabottle0613 · 4 years

Text

50 questions ⚖️

a scale for libra season - you knew i would!!

thank you to all of these angels for tagging me & giving me a chance to learn more about your precious selves - @yanak324 @watersandwolves @kelleesioverhere @livhatesolives @thelandofnothing

what is the color of your hairbrush? black! with some silver on the handle.

name a food you never eat? sushi. i don’t dislike it, but it’s just far enough down on my favorites list that i never choose it over something else.

are you typically too warm or too cold? almost always too cold, but that’s exactly how i like it.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? talking to my brother. he is at sea and bought internet for the day :’)

what’s your favorite candy bar? i don’t think i have a favorite tbh. i like most candy well enough. not really a candy person, though!

have you ever been to a professional sports game? i have been to many major league baseball games, & two minor league soccer games.

what is the last thing you said out loud? “love you, too” 💘

what is your favourite ice cream? ben & jerry’s mint chocolate cookie

what was the last thing you had to drink? lemon la croix in a stemless wine glass, bc nothingggg matterrrssss

do you like your wallet? i actually don’t, lol. it’s a little dark green designer thing that i splurged on last year, bc i thought adults needed fancy wallets. & it’s very off brand for me. i also broke the inside zipper one hour after purchasing it, when i ripped the tag off bc i was too lazy to get scissors. so that makes me hate it even more.

what is the last thing you ate? omg. loaded sweet potato fries. with cheese & fake bacon & ranch.

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i did! just one shirt at target. a lil striped guy. as if i needed any more of those.

what’s the last sporting event you watched? the eagles/bengals game last sunday. i didn’t put it on, like ... on purpose. i was hanging out with two straight men who insisted, bc i’m from philadelphia. it was sweet of them i guess

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? anything cheeeeesy. or just regular. but fuck a caramel corn (sorry)

who is the last person you sent a text message to? one of the aforementioned straight men

ever go camping? yes!!!!!!! camping is so cute. very into it

do you take vitamins? i am actually all out of my multivitamin, so this question has reminded me to add it to my shopping list for tomorrow.

do you regularly attend a place of worship? (don’t make a target joke, don’t make a target joke)

do you have a tan? haha

do you prefer chinese or pizza? my east coast roots all but require me to say pizza. i do love a good sesame NOODLE though

do you drink your soda through a straw? no ma’am

what color socks do you usually wear? i’ve got all sorts of colors!! right now they are white with black polka dots. team fun socks

do you ever drive above the speed limit? i mean yeah, of course. i am a self- and others-proclaimed Great Driver, though. so i will drive above the speed limit a responsible and excusable amount.

what terrifies you? birds. everyone thinks it’s a joke until they see me encounter a bird. (no, not sparrows/robins/little tiny birds that fly away when you approach them. obviously not those. they’re doing amazing.)

look to your left, what do you see? couch cushion! i have been on the couch for five hours.

what chore do you hate most? oh like, probably cleaning the litter box lol. that shit sucks

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? steve irwin (and the fact that my mom cried when he died)

what’s your favorite soda pop? diet coke, because i am ✨garbage✨

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru!! the drive thru experience is one of my favorite things. i love cradling my lil head in my hand while i talk to the person over the intercom. pretty much flirt with every drive thru attendant i ever come across. they’re so cute. shout out to grace at my local starbucks

what’s your favorite number? another day passes where i don’t have a favorite number

who’s the last person you talked to? out loud, my brother. over text, i am talking to three (3) very cute people! one of them is yana, hey bb

favorite cut of beef? the fake kind!

last song you listened to? whistle while you work. i’m watching snow white

last book you read? lol guys, i’m a disgrace. i haven’t read a book in so long. i just don’t have the energy. all i do anymore is attend zoom meetings, cry about the news, and journal about the moon

favorite day of the week? what is a “day” of the “week”

can you say the alphabet backwards? i just attempted it. i can, but very slowly.

how do you like your coffee? iced 😇 with a splash of oat milk. but i just bought a french vanilla coconut milk creamer today. so i’m really branching out.

favorite pair of shoes? i love my white birkenstocks more than anything, but i hate exposing my feet. so probably my dad sneakers.

time you normally get up? arounnnnnd 5:00 a.m.

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrises these days! usually far too dissociated to enjoy a sunset anymore lolllll i’m fine

how many blankets on your bed? just my main comforter, and my lil pink baby blanket that i still sleep with (balled up under my head)

describe your kitchen plates? they are pink & they are the same as yana’s

describe your kitchen at the moment? clean! except one dish in the sink. but clean, always

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i love a light beer! and learning to appreciate a red wine. nothing fancy.

do you play cards? almost never. i cannot stand games

what color is your car? my last three cars have accidentally been blue. the one i got in march (the first one i bought myself!!) is “cosmic blue” :’)

can you change a tire? no!! someone teach me though, i want to learn

your favorite state? pennsylvania, for better or for worse.

favorite job you’ve had? 2018 me would be dying at current me even thinking of admitting this, but the one i have right now! it has taught me more than any job i’ve ever had, and introduced me to some of my favorite people, and treated me incredibly well during a time when so many have lost everything. cannot complain even slightly (although i most definitely do, and will continue to)

tagging: everyone that i would’ve tagged has already done this lol damn it guys!! @beautifulinsanesanity have you done this? idk. if you’ve made it this far & haven’t done it yet, then please consider yourself tagged.

-

🛑 IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA - HI! ONE MONTH UNTIL ELECTION DAY! are you registered to vote (if you’re of age)? are you aware of how fucked we are if we don’t mobilize to get this ogre out of office? vote early if you can. vote in person if you can. volunteer to be a poll worker if you can. just ... literally please lol. i’m so tired.

love u.

#get to know me #tags #this took me so so so long #and i have since switched over to the lion king #and have already teared up twice #so things are not looking great for me mentally #but when are they ever ya know

10 notes · View notes

mouseclub · 4 years

Note

hi! i took your quiz and got "i hear a symphony" and i'm curious about the other results, but taking the quiz repeatedly is a hassle. could you post them or something? idk man

if you’d like me to, then sure!! fair warning though, i can’t remember if i mentioned it in the results page but the rest are nowhere near as pretty and are mostly kindof silly stories and memories about weird things that have gotten me disproportionately emotional lol. either way, i’ll put them all under the cut :)

claire de lune (but specifically from the danganronpa v3 ost)

CONTEXT: i'm the type that can listen to a song on repeat for literal hours while drawing/writing but one time i listened to this for around 40 minutes while making a drv3 animatic and it ended up throwing me into an existential crisis so fuckin hard i started questioning what i was doing with my life and why i was drawing and i had to turn everything off and go to bed. what this says about you is up for interpretation. godspeed

fuyunohanashi - given

CONTEXT: the last few episodes of given were coming out when the 19-20 school year started and the episode with this song in it came out while i was in class. naturally, i sat there in my 7th period AP lang class and watched it on my phone. problem is, the scene when this song is played shatters me like 50 stacked panes of glass under a hydraulic press and i needed to cry but couldn't because the room was PIN-DROP SILENT. needless to say the moment class was over i made a run for it and cried like a little baby to my confused but ultimately supportive friends. you're a core high school memory and an Emotionally Taxing Bop and you remind me both of wintery cool tones and the silly school memories i wish i hadn't taken for granted. like a snow day except i'm from california so i've never had that sauce. i respect it regardless

everything she wants - wham

oh god the memories. this one was from when i was really head over heels obsessed w this dude and at my peak yearning hours i wrote a wattpad journal entry saying i was gonna listen to this song on repeat until i "fell out of love with him." i forget the details but i guess i did? what this says about you i have absolutely no idea but the song is still a whole vibe and you remind me of funky shades of pink and purple so i respect u immensely

unforgettable - natalie & nat king cole

this ones SUPER fuzzy in my brain but the weird nostalgia from my childhood combined with the weird movie end-credits vibes of this song make me forget that i'm a person when i'm listening. plus the weird calmness but sense of Oh God This Feels Like It Belongs At The End Of A Movie makes me feel like im about to get game-ended which is unnerving. probably the most subtle yet deeply cursed entry in this quiz. i see you

this side of paradise - coyote theory

CONTEXT: this song reminds me very specifically of a few of my comfort characters/ocs and when i heard it the first time it shattered me like glass (but in the good way). im telling you right now youre a BEAUTIFUL soul this is the one entry that's in here not because i was overwhelmingly sad but rather overwhelmingly Oh God Im So Fucking Soft And I Need To Cry About It For Twenty Minutes. anyways i care you thanks for quizzing

jet lag - nct 127

CONTEXT: last summer i got on a flight for the first time since i was a small child and i was STUPID scared but i listened to this during takeoff all 4 flights and let me tell you. did not help. the song itself is chill and you probably are too, but there's always a lingering sense of dread underneath i simply can't shake. do with all this information what you will.

verbatim - mother mother

i used to listen to this song to cheer up bc the lyrics are Haha Funny and it fucking bops but then i got evicted from my childhood home and it... stopped working. this breakdown is one of my core memories so congrats! ur one of the only motherfuckers in this joint that can handle me. if you take anything away from this know your vibes are IMMACULATE and i appreciate you

heaven - exo

CONTEXT: my synesthesia used to go absolutely bananas to this song bc its so YELLOW and the shapes that bounce around in my brain are very pleasant, but a few years ago i was writing fanfic and i wrote the scene where i killed off a character to this song on repeat for an hour and it has never been the same since. it's like when you look at something's surface and it looks pristine but you just Know there's something writhing underneath... but a less intense version of that feeling, because i know it's just the memory i tie to it that makes me feel this way and the yellow vibes cancel it out yknow

scrawny - wallows

this one's pretty short and stupid. i started thinking about a stupid anime boy that i thought had basically died while listening to this song and fuck bro. he really was a scrawny motherfucker w a cool hair style. cue the waterworks. but then after an entire day of on and off mourning i found out he turned out ok and stopped. no i will not elaborate on which boy i am holding onto my last shred of dignity here. what this says about you i'm not sure BUT youre probably cooler than me and your vibes are immaculate i know it in my heart

i hear a symphony - cody fry

this breakdown was yesterday! i was reccommended this song by a friend and immediately fell in love, but it didn't fully hit until the song's climax. and let me tell you. it BROKE me. the a capella beginning, with the piano slowly coming in, then the strings, and suddenly it's growing and crescendoing and-- there it is. my synesthesia goes wild and i lack the language to describe what it looks like other than absolutely grandiose and gold and christ i'm rambling but despite it's simplicity-- or maybe BECAUSE of its simplicity-- if love were a song, it'd be this one. almost all of the other entries are funny anecdotes where i seem to cry about the silliest things but this one i genuinely cannot come up with a joke for and i'm probably biased right now because i'm listening to it on repeat again but damn. you won. you're golden.

#ask #uquiz

18 notes · View notes

maggotbrainz · 3 years

Note

can i get a uhhhHHH D with james & jason 😳💖

sdkfjkjh bro i love drunken confessions theyre so funny like ??? amazing. under cut cause this one got mf LONG AS HELL oops

okay so. 90s college aus have my whole ass heart so this is what were mf doing

anyways james switches colleges sophomore year cause the last one was. fuckin awful LMAO. and cliffs like hey apply to my college dude its pr cool ,,, anyways things work out and james ends up in the sober living house on campus

which is a mf joke cause everyone drinks anyways and the RA is a huge stoner

and he ends up as roommates w/ jason

pothead jason ,,,, my uwus 🥺🥺 SDFSKJ anyways its vitally important to me that hes majoring in arts for like. journalism and hes on the track team doing the steeple cause he just thought it was neat in high school so now its like. his specialty LMAO

and james is just. dying because every single morning jason gets up at like five to go for a run and james is like. 😑😑 bitch ,,,,

jason puts his hair up in a ponytail tho and the first time james sees it hes just like ,,, 😳 oh ,,,, huh ,,,

james doesn't rlly know what he wants to major/minor in ,,, hes just. drifting thru life rn ,,, anyways so theres the whole introductions and jasons got fuckin. posters all over his side of the room and shit ,,, cassettes all over his desk and one day while hes out at class james is snooping around like ,,, *turning over cassettes* huh ,,, inchresting

they've got english together so theyre chillin, they go to the library and study together and james finds out jasons from michigan and likes mountain biking and good barbecue and james is like oh cool im from cali and i like skateboarding

and like. a couple weeks into the first semester jasons like hey. u should come join the track team dude we could use some more members and james pauses in between hitting the bong like. huh ???

so he joins the track team LMAO

lars + dave r on the track team too ,, lars does long distance + dave runs the relay ( and EVERYONE knows they hooked up freshman year at a frat house party but NEITHER of them talk abt it LMAOO and daves banging kirk anyways ,,, kirk + jason r friends cause they have a fine art class together LMAO)

anyways ,,, i just. fuckin love stupid college antics so much. SDFKHFKH

studying all together ,,, going to track meets and shit ,,, getting stoned to pink floyd at like 2 in the morning cause they dont have class the next day and lars drives them to the mcdonalds cause hes the only one not blitzed ,,, jason literally ends up sitting in james lap and james is just. dying inside

CAUSE HES GOT A CRUSH ,,, my mans got it bad at this point ,,, anyways james meets cliff for lunch like. HELP ,,, and cliffs like. why dont u just tell him dude. considering ur fuckin attached at the hip i think u got a pretty good shot

anyways. so there’s the state meet for track + their school sets a bunch of new records and theres a party at the frat house dave lives in afterwards ,,,

james gets. fuckin SLAMMED dksjfkjh

and theres a karaoke machine. anyways james gets an idea.

so he fucking drags jason over and keys in alone by heart and at first theyre singing and joking around cause theyre drunk dumbasses but eventually it gets to the point where james is. serenading jason like the drunk idiot he is ,,,

and when it ends jasons like ,, 😳😳 and james is like ,,, jason i-

and then he pukes all over jasons shoes. like. everywhere.

and poor jasons dying inside ,,,, anyways he takes james back to their dorm and is like u better go to bed dude and like gets james into his own bed (after he throws out his shoes </3)

and james is like jason wait ,,, and when jason leans back to look at him he leans up and kisses jason before passing out LMAO ,,,

which is. well. jasons heart is like 💥💥 but hes also like :-(((( cause vomit ,,,, anyways hes like ,,, confused cause is this ,,, for real ??????? hes had a crush on james for ages but uhhhh,,, hes been too chicken to say anything LMAO

anyways. james wakes up and he doesn't rlly remember much ,,, expect for kissing jason,,,

FUCK THIS GOT TOO LONG

basically then james is like dude i rlly like u and jasons like ,,, for real ???? anyways theyre dumbasses in love <3 THE END

#✉️#ty !!!!#man. i rlly wanna write this one now ....

6 notes · View notes

gcldveins · 4 years

Text

Tumblr media

HELLOOOOOO everyone !!!!!!!! i just wanna say .. thank you SO MUCH for joining misty hollow with jin and i , you have no idea how happy it made us to see so many people interested and join and like .. just clearly so in love w their own muses so like i just wanna say i love u all with my whole freaking heart !!!! ok enough w the sappy stuff let me introduce to u all literally the worst muse i have ever created .. malcolm o’sullivan. but he goes by sully bc he was ur og e-boy who goes “ oh ? my favourite band ? you wouldn’t have heard of it .. they’re called the rolling stones uwu ” and i rlly do hate him for that... it’s okay tho i punish him accordingly :~)

overview

✎⌠paul rudd. cismale. he/him⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only malcolm o'sullivan. though, around here they’re known as the harlequin. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the forty-seven year old owner of o'sullivan’s books kinda has a reputation of being stubborn and irresponsible. but y’know, they can be creative and analytical too. typical aquarius. anyways, welcome home and stay safe sully ! ❞

statistics

full name: malcolm eamon o’sullivan

nickname(s): sully, anything else and he twitches ..

date of birth: february 2nd, 1973

hometown: misty hollow, connecticut.

gender identity: cis gender

preferred pronouns: he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

aesthetic: an old leather jacket thrown over a wrinkled t-shirt, dog-eared pages, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes, untied laces, the soft rumbling of a motorcycle engine, messy handwriting, calloused fingertips

distinguishable characteristics: is looking homeless a distinguishable characteristic..

pinterest board: here.

their song from the sigh no more album bc i love this album and it makes me Sad™ : little lion man

background ( murder tw )

— born in the town of dingle, a small port town in ireland, malcolm and his family immigrated to america when he was ten years old. they moved into misty hollow after his father opened up his own bookshop and the o’sullivan’s have been there ever since.

— always having been a rebellious child, malcolm ( slowly gaining the nickname sully in school ) seemed to have a knack for doing anything that pissed his father off. his greatest act ? moving out as soon as he graduated without so much as a goodbye.

— malcolm was only a wee lad when the misty hollow murders were happening. his older brother, his only brother, was unfortunately one of the victims, being eight at the time. he’s not too torn up about it, he was only two years old. but his father reminded him everyday growing up, how much smarter and accomplished and just overall better his brother was than him.

— the only thing that sully was grateful for about his father was the love for books he had ingrained into him. growing up, he developed a knack for writing and he ended up going to the university of pennsylvania for journalism. after that, sully moved out to new york where he worked as a journalist for the new york times and wrote articles on political updates and reports.

— he met his wife in new york and they had three children together, two girls and one boy. sully was living the classic american dream. until, of course, it was all ruined in a single camping trip.

— it was just sully and the three kids, except the trip was cut short and he had to come home with two kids instead of three. sully’s youngest, nancy, was taken at the campgrounds and evidence of her murder was found in a nearby cabin.

— this tore sully’s family apart. the tragedy forced him towards a downwards spiral, an endless cycle of destructive habits. it got to the point where his wife decided to divorce him and to take the kids with her.

— sully eventually, reluctantly, made the decision to return to misty hollow. there, he stayed with his parents for a bit until he got a job at o’sullivan’s books and was able to take a couple months to get back on his feet.

— his parents initially pushed him towards trying to work at the mystic herald but sully hasn’t written a single sentence since his daughter died. now, his father has essentially left him to run the bookshop for him, which sully doesn’t mind. it’s quiet work that doesn’t require too much effort.

personality

— to sum it up in one sentence .. sully has essentially has regressed into a man-child in the more recent years of his life, but the inferiority complex is a tried and true constant.

— he hasn’t really properly dealt with his daughter’s death ( even though it’s been over a decade.. ), just lives in a constant cycle of whenever he does try to think about it, he feels like shit and just thinks about all the things he could’ve done differently so he stops immediately.

— sully always wanted to be a dad, to prove that he could be a better one than his own father. so he feels like he really failed in that retrospect. he’s like a human pity party. though he does that classic thing where he glosses over his sad feelings with destructive behaviour and inappropriate humour.

— very self-indulgent, does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. as long as it makes him feel better, even just for a moment, he’ll do it. doesn’t take anything very seriously, just kinda jokes around all the time. is one of those people that just give off.. kinda pathetic vibes you know? like you look at him and you’re like ?? what are you doing with your life dude ?? and he’s like idk

— but, on the bright side, this makes him pretty easy-going and down-to-earth. definitely a roll-with-the-punches and no bullshit type of guy, isn’t discouraged by much and doesn’t care a whole lot about what others think of him. it’s easy for him to engage in conversation and be all charismatic when he feels like it.

— despite all .. of that, sully actually comes across as a relatively okay guy. he can be friendly and crack a few jokes while he’s at it, he’s one of those people that, as long as thinks you’re chill, treats you like you guys have been friends forever. but he can be pretty crude / vulgar at times, sooo how others react to that is kind of a gamble !

wanted connections

his one true bro <3 just someone that’ll be a complete idiot with him and they are definitely a bad influence on each other. this person probably hangs around the bookshop alot and they just spend all day with each other doing and saying stupid shit. like you know that gif set of seth rogen and joseph gordon-levitt where one’s like “ i’d fuck you ” and the other goes “ thanks :3 ” that’s it.. those are the vibes..

drinking buddies ! these two just get really drunk off their ass together and probably don’t even know each other that well despite of like.. several years of sort of friendship. one night they’re probably five drinks in and sully goes “ when i was married — ” and they’re just like “ wayment .. what the fuck . ” and ! maybe if your muse has something to get emo about ! maybe they can get drunk AND emo together <3

casual relationships ? he could have one or two of these ! sully.. does not date. tried being in a serious relationship once after his divorce and it ended... terribly. like imagine asking your adult boyfriend if he wants to move in together and his response is essentially just “ ... yeah i’m ok thanks tho. ” and you never hear from him again ndijgnk

that being said... if anyone wants that plot alluded to above .... let me know......

for the younger muses out there ! anyone that he’s kind of ? taken under his wing. pseudo-children essentially. i can’t promise that he’ll be a good influence.. he’s probably not even aware that he’s done this lmao but deep down, sully’s still a dad. he’ll probably be protective over the youngins but shows it in the form of tough love, y’know ? probably tells your muse to stop being a shithead all the time, cute stuff like that.

and some more casual connection ideas that we can further flesh out through some plotting / brainstorming:

old friends from misty hollow

regular customers

co-workers

an unrequited crush ( either on sully’s end or your muse’s )

a good influence on him .. please... i’m begging you

someone that can nerd out over books with him !

friends !!! everyone needs friends and lucky for sully, he’s pretty good at making them !! in a pushy and annoying way..

enemies / frenemies pls ... these are always so much fun

anything and everything else !! if we can’t figure out a plot between sully and your muse, we can always just do it old school and throw them at each other in a random thread and see what happens !!

#misty.intro #this is a whole ass novel im sorry nfidjmfsdl

8 notes · View notes

friendlylocalwriter · 5 years

Text

thank u, next pt. 2

Pairing(s):Timothee Chalamet x fem!reader

Warnings: angst (i love pain what can i say), kind of fluffy? (my idea of fluff is just softer angst fmknfsknfns)

Word Count: 2,043

author’s note: ok im ACTUALLY back this time LMAO. yall wanted, so yall shall receive. enjoy :-)

p.s. it’s not essential to read part 1 before reading this as i wrote it as a stand alone, but if you want a little more context check out pt. 1! :)

Tumblr media

It was early on a cold Sunday morning, and I had just stopped into my local cafe for some much-needed caffeine. I stuffed my frozen fingers into my coat pocket and rushed inside to escape the chilling New York air, and was immediately bombarded with the bustling sounds of the shop.

“The usual?”

I was pulled out of my thoughts and looked up to see the barista smiling widely at me, already plugging in numbers.

“Yes, Vivian, thanks,” I said softly, fishing out a crumpled ten dollar bill from my pocket. She handed me my change with a bright “Coming right up!”, and a few minutes later I was standing with a bagel and a coffee in my hands, wondering where to eat.

I ended up deciding on the second-floor seating- the designated study area. It comprised mostly of adults typing away furiously on laptops, quickly downing shots of espresso and periodically letting out exasperated sighs. I sat down at a little table in the back and took a bite of my bagel, people-watching. My eyes laid on two teenagers in the corner seated on a little beanbag chair. The boy’s fluffy hair meshed with the short pixie cut of the girl he was laying beside, both nose deep in a book. The girl pointed at something in the thick novel, and the boy nodded, quickly jotting down something in a journal. Curious, I inch towards them to see if I could get a glimpse at the title, and my body freezes when I read it. “The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe.”

TWO YEARS PRIOR

“’ The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe? Could you get any more pretentious?”

Timothee let out a hearty laugh as he settled into his chair and brushed his brown locks away from his face., He watched Y/N thumb through the stacks of books arranged haphazardly in his bedroom, lingering on those she found interesting. His eyes trailed down her body, settling on her dirty, doodled-on Converse.

“Sick shoes,” he chortled, feigning surprise when she flipped him off.

It was only the second time Timothee and Y/N hung out, and Timothee impulsively asked if she wanted to come over after they spent hours walking around the NYC streets, talking about everything and nothing. He realized how much it sounded like he just wanted to bang her, but (although he did want to do that eventually) he genuinely just ached to spend more time with her. She was funny and blunt and made random weird jokes and just made Tim feel warm and fuzzy all over.

“Huh. Never really pegged you as a self-help book kinda guy,” she muttered, so quietly that Timothee almost couldn’t hear her. But he did.

“Well, what kind of guy do you peg me as?”, he asked, leaning forward in his chair with a grin on his face. Y/N turned around, rolling her eyes when she saw that shit-eating smirk.

“The kind who probably asks every girl he likes to come over to his apartment so they can ‘talk about books.’“ she says with air quotes, walking towards him. Timothee rolled his eyes as she stationed himself in front of him, her legs pressed together in between his spread ones. He said nothing, lightly grazing his hand on the fabric of her jeans.

Y/N looked down at him and instinctively started running her hands through his hair, her nails scratching at his scalp. He looked up at her with a confused yet entertained look on his face.

“I can’t help it, I like your hair” Y/N giggled, letting her hands sit at the back of his neck.

“Well, I like you,” Timothee said, moving his hands from his jeans to her hand, gently interlocking their fingers. Y/N said nothing for a couple of moments and Timothee looked up at her, nervous.

“Shit, that might’ve been too soon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

Timothee’s words were cut off by Y/N pressing her lips against his.

PRESENT TIME

“Hey, lady, your phone is ringing,”

I shook my head and realized that my phone was, indeed, ringing at full volume and every person within a 5-foot vicinity was giving me the death glare. I scrambled to stuff my bagel in my purse and let out a rushed “Sorry!” as I grabbed my coffee and sped down the stairs and out of the cafe. Once I was outside, I let myself rest on the window and looked to see who was calling.

‘An unknown number. Weird,’ I thought. ‘I’m pretty sure I blocked all those telemarketers.’

I answer the phone call with a short “Who’s this?”

The line is silent for a few seconds until I hear something I thought I would never hear again.

“Hey, Y/N it-it’s me, Timothee.”

My breath hitched and soared back into my body. Everything came running forward- the late night talks, getting McDonald’s at 4 A.M, the kisses, the hugs, the night he left.

Left. He left me.

“What the hell do you want?” I spat. Silence fell again, and I shifted against the cafe window, ready to hang up the phone. Then, I heard a deep sigh through the phone and something I didn’t expect- crying.

“Please, can we talk in person. I ... need to see you,” he choked out. I shut my eyes hard, feeling tears welling beneath my eyelids. No matter what, him crying always made me cry. Always.

I wasn’t going to crack, though.

“I don’t deserve this, Tim,” I laughed with no humor. “I just started to get used to having a life again, and you just call me out of nowhere asking to see me? You ruined me, T. I don’t owe you a damn thing.”

“Of course you don’t, that’s not what I meant, I-I’m sorry this was stupid. Sorry, sorry,” he rushed out with a quiet voice and the phone call disconnected. I let my head hang and a shuddered breath left my mouth, trying to wrap my head around what happened in the last minute.

I knew I didn’t deserve this, so I deleted his number and went on with my life. I found another boy who cherished me, respected me, and loved me. I had kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. I had peace.

I wish that were the truth.

3 DAYS LATER

Paul Anka’s “Put Your Head on Your Shoulder” was the first thing I heard when I pushed open the double doors to my local diner. The 50s-themed restaurant was a favorite of mine, and the food was to die for. I glanced over at the modern-style jukebox to get a glimpse of the time.

2:14 A.M. Jesus.

The diner was empty, and the bored teen behind the counter looked at me with lazy eyes when I approached him.

“Table for two, please,” I asked kindly, giving him a small smile.

“You with the weirdo?” he questioned unenthusiastically, pointing over to a booth in the corner. I turned, confused, to see Timothee hunched over a cup of coffee. I felt my pulse quicken when he looked up, his dark eyes meeting mine.

“Yeah, sadly. Thanks,” I mumbled, dragging my feet as I trudged over to the booth. I took in a sharp breath when I saw Timothee up close.

His eyes were bloodshot red, dark circles prominent coating his undereye area. His face was sunken and his cheekbones were a lot more prevalent than I remembered. His billowy shirt barely hung on his frame, his collarbones peeking out from the top. I cringed; he looked so unhealthy and broken that I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore. I settled into my side of the booth and kept my eyes on my hands in my lap.

“I know I look a little rough around the edges,” he muttered, a bashful tone to his voice.

“Well, little isn’t exactly the word I would use,” I joked, not being able to stop myself. Timothee looked up at me and laughed, his hair bouncing along with him. I chuckled along, looking him in the eyes. I’m not sure how many moments passed where we were just gazed at each other, taking it all in.

“Are you guys ready to order, or...,” the teen from before came up to our table with his hands crossed over his chest and an annoyed look on his face.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll take a slice of cherry pie and a root beer,” I said, glancing at Timothee from above the menu to prompt him to order.

“I’ll just take another coffee.”

“Don’t know why’d you come to a diner just for coffee but whatever,” the teen said before snatching our menus and walking away. Timothee shook his head and I couldn’t help but snort at the kid’s actions.

“He’s probably pissed that we are coming in to eat at two in the morning,” Timothee hypothesized. I hummed in agreement, the smile on my face falling when I remembered the situation I was in.

An awkward silence took over the booth and I focused my eyes on anything except for the curly haired boy in front of me.

“Look, Y/N, I know this is kind of shitty for me to ask you out to eat and bring up all these bad memories but I just needed to talk to you. I’m not even asking for forgiveness, or for us to get back together, I just,” his voice trailed off and I peeked at him, his head low and his lips pursed together.

“I feel like shit. Like, absolute shit for what I did to you. Not only did I make the biggest mistake of my life, but I was a huge dick about it. I’m sure nothing I say can ever make it better, but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry,” he cried, pushing his hair back and violently shaking.

“Christ, Tim, relax, you’re gonna make yourself sick breathing like that,” I hesitantly placed my hand on his face, making him look at me.

“Breathe, T. Breathe”

Timothee closed his eyes as he focused on taking in healthy amounts of air. I moved my hand to take it off of his face and he quickly reached up to put his hand on top of mine, leaving it on his damp cheek.

“Timothee-”

“I love you, Y/N. With everything I have, every bone in my body,”

“Then why did you cheat on me?”

I think he was shocked I actually brought it up and said those words out loud. I jerked my hand back and put it back in my lap.

“Hmm? That’s why we are here, remember?” I sneered.

He took a big breath and his head bobbed against the back of the booth as he leaned back.

“Honestly? I have no fucking clue. You had all these great opportunities at university and you were out so much and I felt so... neglected, I guess?”

“So, it’s my fault. Incredible,” I scoffed, grabbing my purse.

“No, no, no, of course not, wait- don’t go yet. Please” he scrambled to grab my hand.

I yanked it back and stood up.

“It was good to see you, Timothee. But I never need to again,” I tried to get out the sentence without crying, but I choked on the last word.

“Please, remember when you said we can fix this? I need us, I need you. I can’t live without you,” he begged, tears flowing down his face. I closed my eyes and exhaled quietly in an effort to catch my breath. In a few quick moves, I pressed my lips against Timothee’s temple, then dug fifteen dollars out of my purse and threw it on the table.

“That should cover the food. Goodbye, Tim,”

My name left Timothee’s mouth multiple times with increasing despair as I turned my back to him, making a beeline for the store.

“The food’s about to be ready, dude,” the teen behind the counter said as I had the handle on the door. “You can’t wait a couple minutes?”

“Give it to the weirdo for me, please,” I said over my shoulder as I walked into the night, not knowing that would be the last time I’d ever see Timothee.

194 notes · View notes

priscillvs · 4 years

Text

my dudes & dudettes ! it is i, ur fav local clown & matcha stan mila coming at u w/ another muse ! under the cut u will find more info abt my beautiful lil baby . imma try to keep it relatively short & sweet , but u know ... i never keep my promises :-) anyways ! give this a like & i’ll come to u with a dumb joke & some plots ! 🤡

Tumblr media

chicago's very own priscilla visser has been spotted on madison avenue driving an aston martin rapide, welcome ! your resemblance to gigi hadid is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty third birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as scornful , but also steadfast . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be statement rings , random bouquets on the nightstand , lipstick imprints on a wine glass . ( i am adopted & i know who my real parents are, but i hate them for giving me up for adoption. ) & ( cisfemale & she / her )

𝒊. 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔

name : priscilla fleur visser

nickname/s : cilla , pris , prissie

age : twenty - three

pronouns : she / her

gender : cisgendered female

sexuality : bisexual / biromantic

positive traits : steadfast , independent , self-motivated , thoughtful

negative traits : scornful , selfish , fussy , judgemental

aesthetics : statement rings , random bouquets on the nightstand , lipstick imprints on a wine glass , candle light in the night , roaring 20s

𝒊𝒊. 𝒕𝒉𝒆 ��𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

fashion inspo : victoria beckham , alexa chung , chiara ferragni , olivia palermo

career inspo : franca sozzani , anna M-FUCKING wintour !!!! , anna dello russo , carine roitfield

likes : her vintage rings , yoga classes , fresh berries , fashion shows & galas , giving back , orchids , statement shoes , being around others , baking , throwing parties , peppermint scented sweets , old hollywood movies

dislikes : not getting attention , impulsive decision , being late , red wine , not taking care of herself , campfires , mess all over the place , loud voices , excessive cussing

𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒐𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒉𝒚

so ! priscilla is v heavily based on franca sozzani who imo is a goddamned legend ( if u haven’t heard about her , she was an editor-in-chief of vogue italia for almost 30 yrs & in addition to that she was contributing to a number of charities & speaking abt different issues even thru the covers - this one is a good example of that ! )

she was born in chicago to a couple of college students , however , before the girl could even turn three months old , her parents realised they didn’t have the means to properly raise her. so at the tender age of only a few months the baby moved to the big apple !

she got adopted into a family of josephine and elijah visser ( a dutch supermodel back in the day & a famous actor ) , who spoiled the girl rotten w/ love & affection

she literally got everything she wanted . studying in the best schools ? sure ! travelling the world as a teen ? u got it ! a new pair of jimmy choos ? will be delivered in 15 ! & so on ...

though this should’ve turned her into some spoiled lil bich , she chose to repay her parents’ kindness - she studied two times harder than anyone else , worked three times harder to get into a good uni & used every single opportunity to get into a place she is in atm

& currently my sweet baby priscilla has just become an editor-in-chief @ vogue us ! v young , v intimidated , BUT VERY EXCITED ! bc fashion is her entire life ; she’s studied journalism back @ columbia , started attending fashion show back when she was a teen & even dabbles in modeling sometimes - but her real passion lies within writing about the trends & setting them

𝒊𝒗. 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔

a sibling plot ? p sure she has an adoptive sibling ( though, a younger one ) , who doesn’t even know priscilla is adopted . pris, josephine & elijah have chosen to keep this secret between the three of them purely bc the girl was never meant to find of abt being adopted in the first place

obv best friend plot DUH

a roommate ? pris def cannot live alone to save her life , if u want a roommate who’s gonna be spending 20hrs a day at work & coming home late at night , then she’s ur girl

also ! a fun thing ! back when priscilla was a lil romance obsessed bub , she found a boy ... long story short , this relationship got so out of hand that ... priscilla ended up married at the tender age of 20 ... however both of them quickly realised that this is a MISTAKE ™ but tbh who knows what’s between the two atm ...

career related plots ? rivals ? colleagues ?

U NAME IT , I WANT IT :-)

#wealthyhq:intro #if this looks like trash ... that bc it is & i have no desire to drive back home to get my laptop out & format this properly ....

13 notes · View notes

awesomehoggirl · 5 years

Text

the five w’s (and one h) of journalism and how to use them; as demonstrated by a. j. crowley, demon

ineffable husbands | set some short time after the apocawasn’t | literally just a drabble i wrote on the train | warnings: earthquake mention, alcohol, implied nfsw | 1261 words

they’re working steadily through the wine, joking and laughing together on the sofa when aziraphale, downy and heathersoft, wipes his eyes and sighs:

‘oh, crowley, whatever do you want from me?’

now, that’s quite a big question, especially for one so spectacularly drunk, so crowley cannot quite answer it in that moment. probably, he laughs it off, maybe he makes a flirtatious comment, but he doesn’t answer it.

later, though, he does, to his bedroom ceiling, to his lonely apartment, to himself. he lies down, shuts his eyes and answers.

x x x

to answer the question in short: i want you.

to answer the question in medium: for god’s sake, for satan’s sake, for whatever menial sake sam who works in the co-op down the road holds, for the sake of the earth you love so much, for the sake of all the old bookshops and tumbledown florists in london, i fucking want you.

to answer the question in long: here is a small essay on what i want, which is - spoiler alert - you.

the five w’s of journalism, sometimes referred to as five w’s (and one h), or 5w1h, or the six w’s, are the most basic questions used to gather and present information. they are who, what, when, where, and why (and how). often used for police investigations or news-style writing, the five w’s (and one h) are said to have originated from the work of artistotle and his nicomachean ethics, credited as the source of the elements of circumstance (or septem circumstantiae). i won’t get into their history, as i’m sure you already know all about it. you remember aristotle, don’t you? funny bloke.

so here, angel, is my answer: what i want, and who i want and where i want and when i want and why i want and how i want. here are my five w’s (and one h).

who do i want? i want the angel aziraphale, and i want all of him. i want him round and golden on a summer afternoon, dandelion-clock, weeping willow, dusty sunlight. i want him freshly-fallen snow in the winter, i want him a slice of pale sky, edges coloured dark with the weight of the weather. i want him thunderstorm. i want him lightning bright and rain soft and cloudy grey. i want him winged, i want him fallen. i want age-old hands and a heavy brow and it’s cheesy, i know. i know.

when and where do i want you? anytime, anywhere, as long as you’re with me. i want you with me in the earliest strains of the morning and i want you with me under the cool shade of the night. i want you for breakfast and lunch and dinner and dessert. be with me, in eden, in ancient rome, medieval london, paris, oh, all the times and all the places in between. frown when i make a clumsy baker leave the oven on, pout when the city’s in ashes, smile at me with your eyes when you walk through the plague hospital one final time. mouth thank you, but don’t slip away. we’ll accept our commendations and go home together. please don’t go, okay?

what do i actually want with you? that’s easy. a life, on earth, together. we could buy a cottage in the south downs and start an allotment and be beautifully mundane. we could travel the globe, never stick in one place for too long, buy a boat and breathe the sea. we could make ourselves kings - i could wage war and plunder for gold, you could heal and build and grow. we could rearrange the stars. we could make a new city. we could stay right where we are forever and ever. i want a house with you, with a bed we share, and a greenhouse full of my plants, and a library for all your books that you’ll probably never leave, and a back garden and a freezer and an oven and i’ll learn to cook. i want to get pointlessly married. i want a life with you.

why do i want you? that’s harder, because there are billions and squillions of reasons why (and we may have eternity but i don’t want to spend it listing all the reasons why). an easier question to ask would be, why wouldn’t i want you? because the answer would be two words: anyone would.

but how come i want you? you, as in an angel. we’re enemies, opposite ends on a magnet, pitted against each other from the very start. well, truth be told, i don’t really know - either i’m a really shitty demon, or you’re a really shitty angel. probably both, actually. definitely both. we’re great humans, though, so we’ve got that going for us.

i don’t know how it’s going to be. i have this image in my mind: we’ll kiss, and the earth will shake. we’ll touch, and heaven and hell themselves will snarl and raise their hackles and unleash armageddon all over again. what happens when a demon and an angel fall love? does the sky fall and rain down on the earth? does the ground explode? do tectonic plates tremble in their earthy sockets? do buildings fall, do people die? it’s scaring me shitless. i don’t even think i want to know, but i suppose we’ll find out - there’s a first time for everything, after all.

so, in conclusion, what do i want from you? i want you, aziraphale, i want you.

x x x

he tells aziraphale this, well, a rough version of this: a rather jumbled version, lacking somewhat in elcoquence, also he’s fairly drunk (again) on red, and they’re sitting in the bentley. it’s very late (or is it early?) and aziraphale, who is sober in more ways than one, rubs the backs his shivering hands as he sobs, hard and sour, the words falling off his twisted tongue in clumps, in clots. he doesn’t let the angel touch his shades. he doesn’t want to show his eyes, not right now.

and as he chokes out the last shaking ‘i want you,’ aziraphale cuts him off with a gentle kiss.

the world does not crumble. reality does not fall in on itself. the sky does not collapse and the tectonic plates stay perfectly still aside from the usual shifting and the ground does not explode. heaven and hell continue to pace, unaware. the night is still and quiet, honeysuckled, inkblack and full.

the world does not end when the demon and the angel part for breath then fall back into each other. it doesn’t end when jackets are removed, when hands brush curving spines, when eyelashes flutter. the bentley’s seats are slightly scorched and there’s a strange smell hanging, like candyfloss and sulphur, but the universe remains intact.

contrary to popular belief, the five w’s (and one h) of journalism did not originate from the ethical writings of aristotle. they’d existed, way back before him, before the first thought of ethics had even been thunked, since day one. there’s been six thousand years of them so far - six thousand years of whos and whats and whens and wheres and whys (and hows). of course there have been. they were one of crowley’s.

‘what do you want from me?’ an angel once asked.

the night is still, as crowley answers, blissfully, lovingly, again and again and again.

i want you.

x x x

can u tell i’m a lonely pining 15 year old full of hormones

hope u enjoyed this it’s very unedited and probs shit but hey i wrote something! and finished it! in under a day!

have a good morning/afternoon/evening :)

- prim

#good omens #good omens fic #ineffable husbands #ineffable husbands fic #crowley #anthony j crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #a/c #primmy writes #good omens prose #prose fic #drabble

84 notes · View notes

sunshinexlollipops · 5 years

Note

Sorry to bother but I am dying over your alpha Arthur headcanons. They’re perfection. Low honor Arthur got me feelin some kind of way. 😍 was wondering if u could write some more for that? Preferably with a omega reader????

you’re good anon! a lot of people have been really enjoyin’ themselves some alpha Arthur. he’s pretty wild— and in general ABO has been some fineeeeee work on him.

like damn son, G I D D Y U P.

Tumblr media

alrighty sooooo we’re gonna make some magic as we did of this last time— high and low honor alpha!Arthur hc’s comin’ up! ;)

—————

A L P H A A R T H U R

Low Honor

has a neck thing. def a biting kink. but he loves marking your throat up, not just as a possessive gesture, but because he likes the way it riles you up. it’s always his go-to to get you feeling right, and how he likes you best— pliant and floating.

(also low key into collars but the surface is all we shall skim today, class—)

THICC. APPRECIATION. he loves him an omega that’s packin’. thicc thighs are what he wants— he likes soft, pillowy thighs more than anything else, and if you got ‘em? gonna be like Moses parting ‘em too. expect A LOT of beard/scruff burn.

no doubt into dominance play and some obedience “exercises.” he likes to take complete control in bed more often than not, and you’re left to his whim. he’ll ask you if you’re a good omega. and if not? well, he’s just gonna have to do something about that ain’t he?

usually tops, but he does let you too from the bottom or occasionally will bottom for you. but you have to earn that shit, you best believe. ;)

you wearing his clothes. sets. him. off. he comes into his tent and see you in nothing but his blue shirt? you’re gonna see more than just a vein bulge in his forehead, m’kay?

(and if you wear his neckerchief????? he’s done for)

loves to show you off. around the campfire, in town, to Dutch or Micah or anyone who remotely showed/shows any interest in you. you’re HIS omega, and he’ll let them know by practically making you mewl in front of them.

(at the campfire he’ll have you sit on his lap and just widjwixjwkfje)

his gifts to you are often clothes, jewelry, or something extravagant. how it was sourced or found is none too important, but damn don’t you look good— and damn if Arthur won’t show you just how much he appreciates the view.

obsessed with your heats. he keeps track of that shit, and sometimes knows your cycles better than you do. can also tell when it’s coming on before you realize what’s up.

loves your scent, especially when in heat. you’re like a siren to him, and any time he smells even just a trace of it on you? it doesn’t matter what honor level he’s at, he’s going buck wild

he knots you in Dutch’s tent once, after the man pisses him off. it enraged the man for days but the only time Arthur gives a fuck is when he’s laying into you. :)

will surprise you with random trips out into the wilderness. not for anything in particular except that it’s pretty much just to worship you while you’re out there. plus, he loves to have you walk around naked, and the camp doesn’t exactly appreciate it like he does

(not that it’s also a bad view, but it usually leads to Arthur fighting Micah or some shit bc he stares)

(also can just envision him laying out a fur on the ground and just laying you there on it, grabbing quick sketches for his special o t h e r journal)

loves pinning you to things. the wall, a table, the floor/ground. gets you by the wrists, your neck, holds your hips. he’s always got a hold on you, one way or another.

whenever you wake, you’ll always find him ready to truly get you up with the way he kisses you and let’s his hands wander

touches you whenever he can— he can’t get enough of you physically, and he’s constantly running his fingers down your sides, loves to pinch your skin lightly in his hands. he studies your body like he’s holding the right bumper

angry. sex. you best believe it’s a thing between the two of you. he’s always a hothead, even without ABO, and when his temper is riled? when you keep pushin’ him? it looks like he’s going to snap but he will literally just grab you by the nape and he’ll work it out by workin’ you up. 9 out of 10 arguments are solved this way.

doggie style is his favorite position ;)

he talks a lot during sex— like expect him to not shut up. he’ll tell you how you feel, how good this is, how good you are. he also growls a lot and he is NOT quiet.

gives you a necklace or something to adorn your neck that rests by his mating bite— it’s all to draw attention there, and this is his form of a ring to announce it.

loves it when you tell him how good of an alpha he is, and how much you love being his omega. he takes pride in that, and the way he can take you apart so easily underneath him. it’s a talent. ;)

into watching you. whether you are feeling promiscuous or he’s in the mood, he enjoys watching you do certain things like undress, bathe, or feel yourself. you pop one button off and he’s immediately like 👀

definitely has Charles Châtenay paint a nude portrait of you. shit is worth more than a pile of gold bars to the man.

High Honor

has Jack make a flower crown for you when he takes him fishing, and he puts it on you as soon as he gets back to camp

he tries his hand at cooking with you, and I mean really tries. he’s not awful per say, but unless it’s in a can or can burn over a fire he is really at odds ends with himself.

(can make coffee like a pro tho)

he always rises before you, and you usually wake to him bringing you breakfast among other things. he also loves to surprise you with gifts then— the way your face goes from sleepy to wide-eyed is his favorite

loves you in any way you come. he doesn’t care, as long as you’re happy and you give him the honor of loving him back :,)

S O F T. everything about Arthur is cuddly and welcoming, despite the tough facade he puts up. he is a rugged cowboi, but he MELTS when you snuggle up next to him. he is a bear, but the teddy kind, much to his dismay

(he sometimes acts like he doesn’t want to cuddle or doesn’t like being sweet, but you can tell he loves doting on you and being gentle— he’s tactile after all)

(you also get the man to sleep on more than just the damn ground or a table bc like??? seriously??? this man could literally sleep on fucking train tracks like his name is Thomas.)

(^^ when you introduce this man to the novelty concept of, I dunno, a BED, you also show him the magic of blankets and how it’s really nice to wrap yourself up in one. it quickly becomes his favorite thing to do.)

(^^^ you find Arthur literally wrapped up to his nose in a blanket cocoon one day, and you have no idea how to handle it)

(You: Did you use literally all of our blankets? Arthur: *nothing but his eyes visible from the mound of cloth heaped into your bed* . . . no.)

some nights he just holds onto you. there’s no funny business involved, but he tugs you close, puts your foreheads together, and simply exists with you. that’s all he really wants

loves it when you tell him how happy you are— he loves seeing you smile, and he’ll go out of his way to keep one on your face

also tries to get you to laugh to the point of snorting

(and he decks Micah when he jokes that you sound like a pig and then goes right back to making you giggle)

if you have a bad day or someone in camp was rough to you, Arthur will try and cheer you up or tell that person off. the last thing he wants is his omega upset.

puts you first, always. even if he needs something more, if it costs him, if he’s got to go as far as saying no and disobeying Dutch, you’re his number one concern.

and around the times of your heats? Arthur is like a chicken with his head cut off. he panics sometimes, fretting that things won’t be safe, that you’ll need this and that— he stresses himself by trying to make it easy for you, and drives himself up the wall in an attempt for perfection

(he doesn’t believe all you need is him alone to have it be that way, he’s just that obtuse)

any Arthur in bed means you will hear a lot of stuff from him— he is never quiet. but, this one will whisper praise into your ear, will tell you how much he loves and adores you. it is all emotional and sweet. :,)

he makes sure you’re comfy, and always worried he hurts you when he knots you. his concern always gets a loving giggle out of you, especially when he blushes after you tell him just how nice it is

takes you on small trips to do things like stargaze or to just be alone with you.

he gets you a ring for when your mates. call him pine, because he’s a sap like that

always puts his jacket on you when you’re cold. legit it can be like Chapter I: Colter outside and Arthur would give you his entire outfit bc he’s a loving dumbass like that

sometimes, when he genuinely doesn’t know what you’re saying, he pretends to understand even though he’s got no damn idea what’s going on

(You: Have you tried spaghetti? It’s good! Arthur: uh... I’ve tried huntin’ one once, with my bow.)

(^^ he goes and tries to read books to learn more about shit bc he’s never been so mortified in his lifeeeee)

has Albert Mason take a beautiful photograph of you. he keeps it by his bedside, framed and loved.

#alpha arthur morgan #arthur morgan #arthur morgan headcanons #headcanons #omega reader #alpha / omega #abo #abo!verse #rdr #rdr2 #rdr2 headcanons #ask #anon ask #submission #read dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption

448 notes · View notes

spidony-starker · 5 years

Text

Exposed.

How Tony and Peter’s sexual desires (and more) came out in the last way Peter expected. But he isn't complaining ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A bit of angst, alcoholism, and toxicity, with lots of lust, humiliation, and a tiny bit of weird realism end fluff.

It was finally evening after a long day of working in Tony’s workshop. On days like this, Peter stayed the night in his own room, and he couldn’t be happier to flop onto his computer chair. He had one little problem, a problem that disturbed him for hours. As he sat there he wasted no time in sliding his hand down his pants.

Throughout the day he attempted to sneak away every chance he had, he only needed a minute, just a damn minute, but Tony wouldn’t let him. He always needed something right as he pulled away, something magically urgent when it didn’t seem like a big deal to the boy.

He would find himself pushing against the table corner, struggling to keep desperate whines from escaping his lips. The perplexed look Stark gave him every time he groaned made his heart skip with fear.

“Nnnn..” Peter’s breath hitched as he gripped himself with his fingers. It was typical for Tony to drink after long days, Peter figured he’d be passed out soon enough. “Ahhh, shit..”

Peter pushed at his pants till they slid down his strained thighs, his hand frantically working at his leaking cock. “Ohh god, god, g-god! S-shit, Mmm-! Mr. Stark!” Peter slapped a hand over his mouth, praying his shout wasn’t heard. “Fuck…”

Peter froze in horror at the sound of creaking floorboards, flipping his body as he yanked his pants. After a few moments, the doorknob of his door twisted. Petrified, Peter swiveled the chair, still gripping onto the waist of his jeans.

As the door opened, Tony stood there, a slight frown on his otherwise nonchalant face. One hand rested in his pocket while the other held a glass of whiskey. Peter remained frozen, his chest heaving. How long was he out there!? “U-uhhh, hey, Mr..uh..uh.” Tony leaned against the frame and tilted his head. “Really?” Peter’s lip quivered. “Mr. Star-”

“Really? You scream Mr. Stark when you jack yourself to me? Really?” Peter swallowed nervously and recoiled as if he were being hit. “Uh..”

“Why don’t you just say Tony for fucks sake?” Peter’s expression changed to a confused frown as he tilted his head. “W-wait, what?”

“You’re always so formal, I just thought every time you touched yourself you’d actually say my name.” Tony’s words slurred drunkenly.

Peter’s face burned red with extreme embarrassment. “Uh Mr- I-I don’t know what to do here. Y..you knew!?”

“You think I don’t see your little pants tighten whenever we’re together, and how you run off for a good two minutes and come back like you just took opioids? Of course I knew. And I was sick of it.

Yeah, I was just waiting till you couldn’t contain yourself, I was gonna wait till you tried to slip away and force you to hand me a wrench or some shit, anything to keep you waiting till you damn near jizzed yourself.”

Peter was speechless. “It’s not like you had it easy and I wanted to make it harder for you, you’re not the only one with a problem kid. It’s not the best thing in the world that I want to rip the clothes off of, throw on a table, and fuck and ravage a sixteen year old kid raw till he’s nearly bleeding.”

“O-oh my god…” Peter fidgeted uncontrollably, clasping his hands over his ever growing member. “I have morals kid and they’re micro sized when put next to this shit. But it must be so easy for you, oh, getting your dick wet over you’re “hot af mentor”, yeah I saw that golden little line in that journal of yours

Oh no, that’s perfectly okay, being a little slut for a fifty-two year man.” While he spoke he walked into the room till he was nearly looming over Peter. As his voice got louder Peter could see a large protrusion forming in his pants.

The mixture of fear, excitement, and not knowing what the fuck was going on made him tremble uncontrollably. It was like he was thrown headfirst into a suffocating dream. This allowed him to be able to even look at Tony, his eyes half lidded as his heart thumped wildly. It even allowed him to speak regardless of the complete shame.

“You knew...um..this entire time? You..read my writing? Morals? Really? That’s a joke, Mr. Stark. And...and maybe I call you Mr. Stark because it reminds me how much of an old man you are, considering I’m a “slut” for one and all.”

Tony’s eyes widened slightly as his jaw visibly tightened. Peter felt like he was gonna pass out, but continued anyway. “And, to be fair, if you have enough morals to want to fuck an innocent sixteen year old boy who you happen to mentor and get really close to on a day to day basis, and to read his own journal..

How come you’ve never..swept them away and...and fucked me already? If you knew I wanted it so bad? Why not do it? It should be like swatting a fly, right? It…” Peter stopped. Tony gripped his glass so hard his fingers turned white, his eyes dark like black fire.

Oh shit...I really fucked up. He’s gonna kill me, he’s really gonna kill me. Tony nearly lunged at Peter, his glass shattering on the floor as he grabbed him like he weighed nothing, roughly holding onto his small body.

Peter yelped in surprise as his limbs went completely stiff. “M-mr. Stark, please, I’m sorry, what are you-” Tony took a few steps before tossing the body onto the bed. Peter crumpled before pushing himself against the wall, looking up at Tony with giant doe eyes filled with sexual desire strangled by fear.

The scent of alcohol emanated off the angry man. As Tony looked down at him, a smirk had formed on his lips while he crossed his arms. “Innocent? Really? Innocent boy? I think not, I think that’s horse shit. If your so innocent why did I find what I found?

Why do you sneak away to fuck yourself? Why do you spend every waking minute you can with me, why do you breathe so deeply, and why do you want to be destroyed by an old man? To have any shred of dignity after asking why I haven’t fucked you yet? You may as well be begging me on your knees!

You’re already doing it in your head, and with that little body of yours as you stick your ass out after “dropping” something, yeah, I saw that too. This entire time. You should just take a pen and write “fuck me” on your forehead, it’d be damn near as apparent as what you’ve already shown me.”

Before Peter could speak, Tony leaned forwards and gripped his jaw, making him jolt. The roughness of it ached while the whiskey on the man’s breath stung his nose. “Nnn, please! Tony, y-you’re drunk.” Tony laughed harshly and shook his head.

“Don’t be stupid. I’m not doing this because I’m drunk, Peter. I drink because of how I feel for a kid. It kills the guilt, until it doesn’t, and then I drink more. Problem solved, right?” A terrible feeling washed over Peter. “You’ve been drinking again..because of me?”

“Don’t give yourself all the credit.” Peter frowned. “No but- but..I’m sorry.” Tony gritted his teeth. “Don’t pity me Parker.”

“I’m not! I-I just.” Tony covered his mouth. “Enough.” Peter whimpered and twisted his head. “T-tony…” Tony bared his teeth.

“There it is, there’s my name. Say it again.” Peter’s brows furrowed pitifully. “Tony…” Tony snickered. “You’d do anything for me, I can see it. Anything, except be truthful. Calling yourself innocent, ha! Fucking hilarious, that’s a joke. Just like my morals, just like you said, hm?”

Peter shook, his entire body icy cold and heated like fire at the same time. “I-I would, I’m sorry! Im-”

“Ah ah ah.” Tony tilted Peter’s chin up with his fingers while his other hand pushed him against the wall. “No more lies. Tell you what, we can end this now. If you tell the truth this time, right now, then maybe your little degenerate wishes will come true. And older men don’t lie right? Not like little boys do?

Sneaky little boys who think they’re as slick as their wet dicks?” Peter felt tears in his eyes, making them shine with fear. In his pants his cock hardened and swelled so painfully the slightest touch would send him over the edge screaming. All he could do was nod.

“Okay sweetheart. Just answer these questions truthfully, understand? I want you to speak clearly, no bullshit. Any lie, anything you hide, and you’ll regret it.”

He let his hand slide onto Peter’s neck where he gripped it firmly. “I’ll touch you with my fingertips but you won’t be cumming for a week, got it?” Peter nodded again, brisker this time.

Tony smiled devilishly. “Okay. First off, you wrote all about how desirable I was, yes? All the things you’d let me do to you? In the little book you’d carelessly or purposely leave open on the workshop table?” Peter grimaced and tightened his lips, nodding slowly. “Remember the rules, say it.” Peter hesitated. “Y-yes…”

“Good, now, did you touch yourself all those times you’d run away with a hardon? Because you’re little libido couldn’t handle standing next to me?”

“Nnn, y...yes.” A small tear fell from the corner of his eye. “And did you really try to tempt me and lure me like some kind of whore?” Peter shook and struggled not to recoil. Within seconds of silence Tony took his hand and jabbed between Peter’s legs, causing him to nearly wail.

“Yes! Yes I did! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I just wanted you to see me...I wanted to make you feel things like I did, I was desperate, I-”

Tony cut him off. “Next question. Are you a sneaky little slut?” Peter whined as the tears kept falling. “Yes…”

Tony pressed his hand against Peter as his volume raised. “Who wants me to fuck the life out of you?”

“Nn- yes!” Tony inched closer. “To submit like I own you? To repay me for what you’ve done while you lived your fantasy?”

“Yes, Yes! Please, Tony, yes!” Tony tilted his head and grinned. “Last one. You’re being a really good boy right now, even though I’m basically wrenching it out of you.” He paused a moment.

“Do you want me to fuck you right now? Actually, heh, wait, don’t answer. I already know the answer, it’s a bit of a reoccuring theme. I want you to ask me, no, I wanna hear you beg for it.”

Tony began to roughly massage Peter’s throbbing erection. “A-ah! God..nn, Tony please-”

“Please whattt?” Peter squeezed his eyes shut. “P-please! F-f…” Tony used his free hand to point at the door. “I just remembered, I have some work left to do that’s pretty important, maybe I should do it, do you think so~?”

“Fuck! Dammit! Fuck me, Fuck me Tony! God, please...” Tony’s eyes lit up as his cock twitched in his pants. Animalistic, he grabbed Peter by the shoulders and pushed him against the mattress, gripping onto his wrists so his arms stretched out.

“You made me wait so fucking long, Peter. It took every ounce of my consciousness not to slam you onto my fucking work table!” Peter twisted, wanting so badly to cover his red face. As he looked at Tony his eyes were half lidded and cloudy.

“Nn..I... wish you would have. You made me wait too.” With that Peter lifted his head and roughly pushed his lip’s into Tony’s, the sweet taste of scotch coating his tongue.

Tony’s hands slid away from Peter’s wrists so they could grip his face, the older man pushing the boy’s head down with the pure force of his lips as his tongue slid right into his mouth.

Peter moaned, Tony’s taste was driving him crazy. While Tony’s hands began to wander down his shirt, Peter’s hips bucked as he desperately tried to push himself into Tony.

“Mmmff-Tony, please, mmm-! Mm-want you!” Tony pulled away and looked down at him as he roughly thrust against his groin. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm!” Tony pushed himself upwards, stopping a moment to admire the absolute mess beneath him. As he straddled the boy, he ripped his shirt off, throwing it aside. Peter’s nipples were completely hardened, his pale skin pink.

As he pulled Peter’s pants, Tony bit sharply at his nipple, causing him to whine. He then trailed his tongue all the way down Peter’s torso, stopping as he yanked his jeans down.

“My, my, look at this.” Tony slid his fingers under the waistband of Peter’s boxers. “Did I really do this to you?” The man licked his lips. “I could breath on it and you’d cum. Hopefully you don’t pass out after what I do to you.”

Peter’s dick bobbed at the throaty growl of his voice. The older man really meant it. Tony slowly slid the fabric down inch by inch until finally Peter’s cock bounced into sight. The deep pinkness of it glistened with moisture while precum leaked heavily and dripped down the length.

As Tony took his shirt off, Peter’s breathing quickened. “Oh fuck…” The boy couldn’t help himself as he slid his hands up Tony’s muscular figure, gripping tightly with his fingers. Tony smirked and grabbed his hands.

“I’ll be nice enough to ask for this, you’ll thank me later. Grab lube.” Peter tilted his head, barely able to hear Tony’s words through his haze. “What?” Tony motioned to the bedside drawer. “Lube, now, or you’ll be torn in half.”

“O-oh, right.” Peter twisted his body, ignoring Tony’s knowledge of the contents of his drawer, and grabbed a sleek silver bottle. Tony grabbed it from him, wasting no time in squirting the liquid onto his fingers. He then positioned himself so he crouched below Peter.

“I take it you’ve never been fucked up the ass before, besides doing it yourself?” Peter tightened his lips. “Y-yeah…”

“Alright, well I’ll go slow for you, at first. You’ll warm up quickly.” With that Tony took a slicked finger and pressed the tip against Peter’s tensed entrance. “Nn..” Peter gripped tightly onto the sheets.

Slowly, Tony allowed his finger to slide in. His demeanor became a bit softer and more diligent. “How’s that, good?” Peter shivered and nodded in response. Once the full length of his finger was in, he curled the tip before sliding out.

With rhythm he continued these movements as Peter squirmed, his opening becoming slicker and less tight. “Alright, now two.” Tony pressed his fingers together and pushed them in, stretching Peter as he thrashed about. Tony was becoming slightly impatient. “Three…”

“Nnngh shit-!” Peter’s skin burned with the repeated rubbing, pushing his lower body upwards into Tony’s large, rough fingers. The pain, the stinging, it caused his vision to blur. When Tony finally took them out, he wiped them off and grinned at Peter.

“Okay, I think you’re nice and ready.” Tony leaned back and fiddled with his belt, sliding it out and tossing it before unbuttoning his pants. Once those were off, all he had left was his thin boxers, the front of them soaked.

Peter whimpered in anticipation, realizing he hadn’t seen the man’s dick before, regardless of wanting it so bad.The boy lifted his head to see as subtlety as he could. Tony smirked and gripped the fabric and peeled it down, allowing his cock to be fully exposed.

Peter’s heart leaped as he dropped his head back onto the mattress and squeezed his eyes shut. God, he was huge. Tony beamed as he could see what he could do to the boy. It was definitely boosting his ego.

The man bit his lip, adjusting his position so he laid against Peter. One hand grabbed the boy’s hip, while the other reached down to grip his length so it lined up to Peter’s opening.

As the warmth of his tip prodded, Peter mewled and clasped his hands over his mouth. Tony rose his eyebrows and grinned. “It’s funny how it all worked out, we both got what we wanted in the end.” The man laughed as he dug his nails into Peter’s soft flesh.

“Tony...please for the love of-” Tony took the boy’s hands from his mouth, leaning down so he was only inches away. “What? I can’t hear you.”

“S-stop stalling! I’m not the only one being tortured here, y-you said it yourself, you want it! Come on!” Tony tilted his head, still gripping Peter’s hands in only one of his. “Ah, but ‘torturing’ you is a luxury.” Tony pushed against him.

“Nngg- Tony! I already asked, please. F-fuck...” Tony released the boy’s hands so he could firmly grab both of his hips. “So demanding…”

“Tony!” The man bared his teeth. “That’s Mr. Stark to you you little slut.”

Before Peter could retort, Tony thrust forwards with pure animosity. Peter’s breath hitched as he gasped. “A-ah, h-holy shit!” The painful sensation quickly bled and ignited into pleasure.

Tony couldn’t hold back anymore. As he finally entered the boy he couldn’t tease, couldn’t go “slow”, all he could do was relentlessly pound the life out of him. Peter arched his back, a moaning, babbling mess.

“Ngh, jesus T-tony!” Tony looked down with dark eyes as he slammed into him. “What did I say?”

Peter whined and scratched at the sheets. “B-but-! You wanted me to say your- nnng..name!” Tony leaned down and gripped Peter’s face in his hands. “Mmm..I don’t know what’s better, fucking you or fucking with you.”

Peter frowned and stuck his lip out. “Y-y-you’re an ass..!” The boy sloppily pushed his lips into the man’s, moaning in his mouth as his tongue slipped in. Tony grabbed his soft lower lip between his teeth, his fingers entangled in Peter’s hair, thrusts becoming more frenzied. “Ngh..Fuck..Peter..”

Tony slid a hand down and gripped the boy’s cock in his hand, roughly massaging it in his fingers. Peter threw his head back. “F-fuck..so good, Ah-! Yes, Tony, yes!”

The kid’s mewling, needy moans were driving the man crazy as he pounded right against Peter’s sweet-spot. “Nn, right there! Tony Tonyyy.” Peter wrapped his legs around the man.

An electric warmth sped through his body. “Tony-! Close…!” Tony groaned. “Hah..hmm..?” Peter tightened his grip. “I’m..gonna, ngh!” Tony’s frantic pace indicated he was too. The man removed his hand and dragged the wetness up Peter’s body so it was back in his hair, tugging it.

As Peter felt complete ecstasy wash over him he grabbed the man’s face in his hands, his eyes wide and hazy as he locked them with Tony’s. “Ah ah ah! I-I’m cum-nnh! I..I love you~!”

Peter kissed the man, his cum squirting onto his stomach, it’s sticky warmth smearing between their bodies. Tony’s pace quickened furiously, his breath heating Peter’s neck as he squeezed him in his arms.

“F..fuck, fuck!” The man hissed and gritted his teeth as he came, filling Peter’s throbbing body. “A-ah..Tony..!” Peter whimpered, the prolonged sensations suffocating his convulsing body. Tony collapsed, both their breathing heavy and bodies hot.

***

Moments passed before Tony lifted himself and pulled out, groaning as his cum poured from the boy.

Rather than cleaning the mess, he rolled over so he laid next to Peter. For a few minutes neither spoke, till finally Tony turned on his side so he could eye the satisfied mess that was Peter.

“Wow…” Tony grinned. “Hmph, I’ll say. You might be a little sore.” The boy groaned. “Oh man…” Tony laughed and shook his head. He then leaned forward and scraped up some of the mess from Peter’s stomach, rubbing it between his fingers.

“So how was it, as ‘awesome’ as you imagined?” The man’s tone was teasing. Peter’s skin turned red once more as he covered his face. “Uh, yeah. There was no way I could have even..that was..I, um, good. It was good.”

Tony scoffed. “Hah, loss for words? But you were so out of your shell just minutes ago, what happened? Shouting lots of pretty words.. Well, parts of them.” Peter frowned. “But, there is one thing you said..”

Peter grumbled. “Nnnnh….” Tony leaned forwards, sweeping Peter’s hands away before tilting his head so the boy looked at at him. Peter squeezed his eyes shut.

“Peter, look at me.” Reluctantly, Peter slowly opened his eyes. “Why’d you say that?” Peter frowned as his heartbeat quickened. Why did I say that, I’m such an idiot.

“Say what..? Please don’t make me talk about it..” Tony rolled his eyes. “That you love me.” Peter winced. “Um…b-because…”

“Is it true?” Peter recoiled, pulling away from the man’s hand. “I..yeah..ugh, I’m sorry.” The boy rubbed his face. “I shouldn’t have said that. I thought it was obvious..I know it’s dumb..”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. “What, so you think you’re some kind of fucktoy now?” Peter’s eyes widened, filled with glassy hurt.

Tony’s face softened. “Kid, don’t look at me like that. I’m not some playboy.” Peter frowned. “Tony…”

At times like this, the boy couldn’t handle the older man’s wry sarcasm. “Okay okay, look, how long have we been working together? Months? How often are you here? Kid, you got your own room.”

“Yeah, but..I’m just…” Tony tilted his head. “Hmm?” Peter shook his head. “How does that matter? Just cause you wanna fuck me doesn’t mean…”

The man sat up. “Pete...okay, I’m sorry. I know I was drinking, I know I’ve been drinking, I got carried away earlier, the alcohol didn’t help. That’s something I need to figure out. Sorry for probably scarring you, reading your shit, invading your privacy, everything. But, it’s not like I’d take a kid’s virginity if..” He rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“This entire time I’ve wanted to do this just as badly as you. The rest...it’s a bit harder for me to admit, I know. It should be. But It’s all wrong. Look, sexual feelings can be closed off for a responsible adult. Even if the other gives blatant evidence they feel the same, even if they are constantly around you. The fact that you are literally a kid, underage, illegal, that puts a damper on things.

That was more reason to shut it off. But, that’s not all there was. And that made it ten times worse. But I really put myself under when I followed you after working today, I knew what you were gonna do as soon as you got here, and fuck, you did it. I heard you for the first time. And, well, you know what happened from there.

I’d like to say I have dignity and any sort of self control. Besides every terrible thought to now, I’ve held it together, with booze and muted insanity as my glue. But It doesn't matter now.”

Peter tilted his head. “So...y-you…” Tony sighed. “Just..come here.” Tony stretched his arms and pulled Peter into his grasp so the boy laid his head against his lap. “God, Pete, do I need to spell it out?

I would never have done this if I didn’t.. feel this way. Who do you think I am? But, it’s still an issue. A gigantic issue. You want me to scream it from the rooftops? Get arrested?”

Peter pouted slightly as he looked up at the man. “Yes…” Tony rolled his eyes before taking Peter’s face in his hands, kissing the boy. “You...are an amazing kid. And I enjoy your company..more than I have anyone else’s in a long time. And it’s fucked up, and you’re so fucking smart, and perceptive, and you control me when you don’t even know it. And sometimes when you do know it. The fact that a sixteen year old impresses me, and does this to me, it doesn’t make any damn sense. None of it does and yet here I am.”

Tony rubbed his face and sighed. “I’m in love with a kid. Jesus..happy? You realize how bad this is right?” Peter’s heart fluttered as his lips curled into a smile. “Yes.”

“Pff. Who would have thought it’d end like this, hmm? Not too long ago you looked like you were gonna piss yourself. Again, I’ll admit, I got a little carried away.”

The boy lifted himself and flopped down onto the man’s lap. “A little? Yeah right. You went crazy.” Tony smirked. “How can you blame me? Watch it, it might happen again. But I bet you wouldn’t mind.” Peter glared at him as his skin flushed.

“So..what would have happened if I didn’t say what I did?” Tony shrugged. “Who knows, don’t think about it.”

“Well...what are we gonna do now?” Tony sighed. “I don’t know kid. But what I do know...” He traced his hand down the boy’s spine before grabbing onto his hip. “..Is that I can get used to this.”

Peter shivered. “Tony..!” He grumbled and pushed his head against the older man’s chest, holding onto him with tight arms. “Me too...”

____________________________________________________________

I’m a bit obsessed with doing Tony’s dialogue.

Also I wrote this from like 2-4 AM, so I apologize for any mistakes.

#starker #starker fic #tony x peter #peter x tony

20 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

victorianrobot

Без названия

freepower

自由女神🗽

ayanity

AYANITY

fragmentsofgrief

Sylvia's Wrath

rachelberryhelps-blog

rachel berry helps