Hi! Are u okay?? You haven't been on your blog in a long time and I'm worried :( how do you feel now?

Omg hi, you’re so sweet 😭 Thank you so much for checking up on me that means the world to me 🤍

I’m not as depressed as I used to be a couple weeks ago, but I am stressed beyond compare. After my initial exam season was over I thought I’d have time to post again, but then I realized my finals are coming closer and there is just no time to write/post or interact with people. I hate that. I hate not having the motivation or the time to be active or create good content. I have the ideas, I have the requests I just don’t know what words are anymore.

So yeah, I’m okay, I’m not perfect and I’m not exactly fine, but I’m okay, I’m alive and I’m getting through this. My finals are in three weeks, and I have to spend these three weeks studying nonstop. As soon as those are over, I’ll get back to writing and taking care of this blog somehow. The stress will all be over by then and hopefully worth it. The whole situation isn’t good for my anxiety and I have no idea what I’m doing anymore, but I’ve been taught that I got to have hope and hang in there, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

So thank you so much for checking in on me, it made me ugly cry 😭🤍 I’m so emotional due to everything and to think that you’d care so much as to check in on me has my heart jumping out of my chest because of how lovely that is…

I hope you’re doing okay as well and that you made it through your exams fine, sweetheart. And I hope everything worked and will work out exactly the way you want them to. I have faith in you <3

Prioritize yourself, it’s what I’ve learned and do what you gotta do to get where you want to be as long as you take care of yourself, always! I love you and thanks so much again. Even small things like that make my fucking day and I had to use the five minutes of break I’ve got to reply to this ask to make sure you know I haven’t died or something and that I’m still very much alive and kicking, just stressed and busy and done with my existence.

I need a lifelong vacation after this, I swear to God. But I am going to graduate, I just know it. I want to. I have to. So I’m going to and I’m going to pour my heart into studying now.

Thank you so much again, lovely, take care of yourself and have a great day/night wherever you are *hugs you real tight*

Ps: This is what my floor looks like right now.

The plant is me. I’m also so sad I’d like to hang my head low. Maybe she’s dead. Who knows.

But yeah, this is how it’s going and writing currently has absolutely no space in my life, for those who were wondering why I haven’t put out anything new. THIS IS WHY. And I love you all so much, so I wanna come back as soon as I can and I will, it might just take some more time until I’ve got everything I need down to even the smallest detail, and then I’ll come back when I’ve written my finals. Promise.

I love you all so much and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for dropping this in my ask box ❤️

half my family trying to guilt trip me into not taking my exams this semester 🤡

Omg I love all your drabbles they are so amazing and brilliant I can’t believe you do that for free! What a blessing you are!! I was wondering whether there would be a part four to the vacation au and if not could you do maybe more jealous Cassian but in your lawyer au I’m obsessed but honestly anything you write has me happy!

This is so sweet I am so glad you’re loving the drabbles! I did a second part to the vacation AU a couple days ago so I’m going to go with Jealous Cassian in the lawyer AU. I already *kind* of did this but I’ve been doing jealousy light lately and this time we are cranking it up to 100. This one is kinda long and pretty angsty and I think I definitely need to smoosh all these lawyer drabbles into a mini story that follows Nessian from meeting while studying for the bar exam and then through snippets of their careers so maybe that’s what I’ll do next.

Actually facing Nesta in court was an extreme rarity. All of her non pro Bono work was strictly solicitor. Drafting contracts and negotiating deals in different chic board rooms with little glass bottles of Perrier and complimentary latte carts trolling the halls.

Nesta thought that she didn’t want to litigate. She thought that people didn’t like her and because of that she was a bad advocate. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Watching Nesta fight for something that she believed in, truly believed in, was the closest thing to a religious experience Cassian had ever known.

“And I would urge you to consider in your decision, your honour, the fact that even if it should apply in this case, the very law my learned friend is attempting to uphold is currently under review by the Supreme Court and may soon be overturned on the basis of being unconstitutional as well as unconscionable.” Nesta took a pregnant pause.

“If that happens. If this law is overturned, as you well know, it will not be retroactively helpful to my client. My client who was born here. My client who grew up in Queens. My client who can draw you a map of which bodegas has the best coffee vs the best sandwiches and their proximity to the nearest train, and if that doesn’t qualify her as an American, and a New Yorker, then I don’t know what does.” The judge smiled a little at that. It was a calculated risk, the emotional appeal. But Judge Miluski was already on Nesta’s side and she was a born and bread New Yorker and she had the rare distinction of being a member of the judiciary with a sense of humour. “If this law is overturned, which we both know is highly likely, then my client will be sent to another country, a country she has never even been to, not because she did anything wrong, but because this trial happened a few weeks too-”

Nesta trailed off, eyes caught at the quietly opening gallery door. A man stepped in. Tall and thin and… greasy. Hair slicked back with so much product Cassian didn’t think he’d feel it if he hit him on the head with a hammer. Which he desperately wanted to do. That brutish, violent, raised in foster homes in Harlem side of him that even a legal education and a closet full of Armani suits could never quite polish out of him lit on fire at the sight of this creep. This asshole who was wearing fucking asics with his $4000 suit. And no tie. Top three buttons of a pinstripe white shirt unbuttoned. What a fucking rube.

Except that this guy. THIS fucking guy, made Nesta lose her train of thought. This guy who walked into court late and had yet to drag his eyes up from Nesta’s ass, had distracted her. Caused her to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and smile a little. This shy, light, cutesy little smile that absolutely did not belong on Nesta Archeron’s face.

When Nesta smiled it was a sly, knowing, victorious thing that curled across her lips and set Cassian’s heart hammering in his chest.

This… this was insanity.

The man smirked, deep and arrogant, as he stood at the back of the courtroom, hands slid into his pockets. Not even respectful enough of the proceedings to sit down.

Nesta gathered herself quickly. The whole mess over in under 20 seconds, but Cassian noticed it. Even as Nesta went on and cited the law and the competing jurisprudence and the ethics and the constitution, he couldn’t focus. All he could think about was that little smile.

Cassian said his final piece, the judge ruled, as they both knew she would, in Nesta’s favor, and it was all over.

Nesta didn’t even gloat like she usually would have. She just stuck her hand out, the absolute picture of professionalism, and shook his.

“Good working with you, Counseler.” She said, as if he hadn’t pulled her around the side of a building and pushed her body up against a brick wall the other day, moulding her into him as they fought over this case. Discussed their future. Their passions.

She’d rejected his invitation to dinner, but she always did. It was a part of the game. A game that Cassian was determined to win.

“Who’s the tech bro?” The sneakers with the suit and the unbuttoned shirt and the general shitty attitude all pointed to that being the only reasonable profession.

“Babe,” the slimy man in question pushed past the swinging waist high half door that separated the gallery and the space where counsel’s desks sat. “Let’s go.” He wrapped and arm too tightly around Nesta’s waist and pulled on her a little.

Cassian curled his fists into his palms so hard his nails bit imprints into the skin of his palms. Babe? Telling her when to leave? The pulling? No.

“I’m Cassian.” He held out his hand. “ADA. What firm do you work for? Haven’t seen you around.”

“Tomas.” The man scoffed, “And I’m not a lawyer. Not interested in all that gibberish you’re type is always spewing. Sounds like pure nonsense to me. I’m a tech investor.”

Yeah. That sounded about right. No actual skills. Not an engineer or developer or even a business manager. Just an idiot with a trust fund throwing money at whatever looked cool.

“Well, Tomas. Do you know why they call that big exam full of all that gibberish you hate the bar exam?” The weasel just raised his eyebrows. “It’s because once you pass it, then you are an attorney. And allowed to cross past this BAR.” Cassian pushed Tomas back out the little half door again. “Which separates the civilians in the gallery from the lawyers making their cases. So maybe learn how to show a little respect.” Cassian scoffed, flicking his eyes to Nesta, “In a few different areas of your life.”

“What the fuck, bro?” Tomas rolled his eyes. “This is why I fucking hate going to your lawyer parties and shit. Jackasses like this.”

“Tomas, please.” Nesta placed a hand on his chest, Cassian tensed, and that seemed to calm Tomas down. Not Nesta’s touch, but another man’s jealousy.

“Why don’t you bring the car around. I have to work out a court date for another matter with Cassian but I’ll be right out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Tomas glared, keeping eye contact with Cassian as he kissed Nesta’s cheek, hand travelling too far down her back. “Hurry though.”

“Of course.” Nesta smiled that same tiny little smile that made her look like a doll on a shelf and Cassian wanted to scream.

“What the fuck are you doing with a piece of shit like that?” Cassian minced no words as he turned to face Nesta.

“Excuse me?”

“Pretty straight forward question, Nes.”

“You… you don’t know him. He’s not like that once you get to know him.”

“Sure he’s not,” Cassian scoffed.

“What is your problem?”

“My problem is that your boyfriend, who I’ve never heard of or seen before today despite knowing you for years, had a chance to see you in court. Had a chance to watch you all fired up and passionate and brilliant and instead he walked in late, stared at your ass instead of listening to what you were saying, and then shoved his way up here and pulled at you to leave like you were some kind of toy he didn’t mind tearing the arm off of.”

Nesta blinked. Huffed out a breath. “We’ve been on again off again for a while. That’s why you haven’t seen him before. And he just doesn’t like lawyer stuff that’s why he’s like that in here ok? Not that it’s any of your business.”

“So you’re dating someone who not only doesn’t recognize how brilliant you are but won’t even let you talk about your job?” That was wrong. That was so wrong. That was… why Nesta was so intense with him. Why she debated and fought and talked for hours. Because she couldnt do it at home.

“Why do you even care, Cassian? Let’s just set a date and-”

“Fuck you, Nesta.” Her jaw fell open. “Fuck you for even asking me that. You know why I care. You can’t play dumb with me like I assume you do with him.”

“You don’t know anything about my relationship!” Nesta defended a little too vehemently.

“I know you can’t yell at him about his take on immigration laws,” Cassian stepped closer to her. “I know you can’t get a little tipsy off your favorite Malbec and go on a rambling tirade about the corrupt judiciary and your twenty three- or twenty five depending on the night- reasons why voting for judges completely undermines the integrity of the legal system.”

The was almost no space between them as Cassian looked down, gently set his hand under Nesta’s chin and raised her gaze to meet his. Burning with anger and passion and barely concealed desire. “I know that he didn’t understand why you were crying when RBG died. Because he doesn’t care about how appointing Supreme Court judges works or what that meant for the future of the court. And because I know that you weren’t with him that night. You were with me. Just like election night in 2016. And the Kavanaugh trials. And when the travel ban came into effect. You found me. Because I get it, and I care about your thoughts on all of those things. I’m devastated by them too. You were with me, Nes. And don’t you dare pretend that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does,” Nesta let her cheek sink into his palm. “It means everything Cassian, but…”

“But we fight,” he smiled. “We bicker and yell and cross ideologies and disagree on all the little things. But not the big things, Nes. Never on the big things. We disagree on how to change the world, not what we want to change in it. Isn’t that what matters?”

Nesta swallowed. “I can’t risk losing you.” She said quietly. “I need you. For all of those reasons, I need you to be in my life and if we… I hurt the people I love, Cassian. So if I let myself love you, I would only hurt you. And I can’t bear the thought of hurting you.”

“So you date him.” Realization was an arrow sailing into Cassian’s chest. “Because you won’t hurt him. Because you could never actually love him.”

Nesta swallowed. “See? See how awful I am?”

Cassian moved his hand to her back, pulled her into his chest. “Go,” he whispered. “Go do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here. And I’ll be waiting for you to realize that I’m not going anywhere. That I can take it. Whatever you want to throw at me, I can take it, Nes.”

1149

A

What is your age? 22, but there’s less than a month to go before I turn 23.

What annoys you? Literally every single person who still supports the government at this point. For context, we are back to square one and we’re under the exact same quarantine imposed in March 2020 because of the surge in cases. Nothing has changed and nothing has been done in the last 365 days while people are getting hungrier and poorer. I’m done feeling hopeful for this country and I cannot wait to abandon it forever.

Do you have any allergies? Apparently, grass. Can’t be exposed to it for too long otherwise the skin on my thighs turn red and occasionally even get rashes.

B

Do you know anyone named Billy? Kind of, but they’re girls with their name spelled as Billie.

When is your birthday? April 21st and spending it in quarantine once again this year...

Who is your best friend(s)? Angela and Andi.

C

What's your favorite candy? I like gummy bears and worms. As for sweets, I really like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Butterfinger, Twix, and the Hershey’s Cookies and Creme bar.

When was the last time you cried? Maybe a day or two ago while watching a snippet from Caught in Providence.

Have you been out of the country? Yes.

D

Do you daydream? Not so much these days. I’ve been better at keeping my focus at work.

What's your favorite kind of dog? I love alllllll dogs, but I’d usually be wary of smaller dogs because 87% of the times I’ve met some, they’re aggressive or a bit moody. I don’t like stereotyping dogs as much as possible but because I’ve had direct experiences to back it up anyway, *shrug*

What day of the week is it? It’s a Sunday.

E

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, poached, or an omelette with lots of fillings. Balut is also great.

Have you ever been in the emergency room? Only when I was born, I’m guessing.

What's the easiest thing ever to do? Idk, what comes easy to me might not be the same for others. But my answer would be to smile, regardless if it were genuine or otherwise.

F

Have you ever flown in a plane? Yeah, many times. The child-like excitement I get whenever I get on one will probably never go away, either.

Do you use fly swatters? No, my mom usually uses old shoebox covers or rolled-up scratch papers we have lying around to swat them.

Have you ever used a foghorn?: Only in video games lol, never in real life.

G

Have you pet a goat? I don’t think I have. I’ve pet lots of animals before but I don’t think a goat has been one of them yet.

Are you a giver or a taker? Giver, but I’ve been allowing myself to take more these days.

Do you like gummy candies? Love them.

H

How are you? We’ve entered summer weather now, so I feel hot and miserable. It’s also Sunday and I am stuck at home, which doesn’t make me the happiest camper.

What's your height? 5′1″ or a tiny tiny tiny bit taller than that.

What color is your hair? It’s black but on extremely rare occasions I’ll catch a single light brown strand when I play with my hair.

I

What's your favorite ice cream? Cookies and cream and chocolate chip cookie dough. My friend Leigh actually started her own ice cream shop recently and I bought her coffee crumble ice cream, and it is sooooooooo fuckinggggggggg good??????? It’s so rare to find coffee ice cream where I live period, so I’m fucking stoked to have a close friend who makes literally the best one and in generous servings too.

Have you ever ice skated? Many times as a kid. I was never formally trained, but it was something I wanted to try from watching other kids play in mall ice skating rinks; and when I did give it a shot, I ended up enjoying it. Luckily my mom was encouraging and actually frequently dropped me off at a rink so I can practice gliding and all for a few hours while she ran errands.

Have you cheated the IRS? That’s like an American tax thingy, right? We don’t have that here and my employer handles my TIN.

J

What's your favorite jelly bean? Not a big fan but if I had to have Jelly Belly, I obviously would want to get the pleasant-tasting ones.

Do you tell jokes? Yes.

Do you wear nice jewelry? Only on special occasions.

K

Do you want to kill anybody? I don’t want to kill anybody but I certainly wish a good number of public officials would finally die.

Do you want to have kids? Yes. I really wish I could still have a future with them. Thanks for the trauma, my real asshole of an ex.

Where did you have kindergarten? Somewhere.

L

Are you laidback? I doubt my friends would use this to describe me. I for sure lean more towards the uptight side of the spectrum.

Do you lie? Eh, occasionally.

When is the last time you sent a hand-written letter? I have no idea. Christmas 2019 maybe?

M

Ever talked in a microphone? Sure. Many times.

Do you still watch Disney Movies? I very rarely get in the mood for them if I’m by myself, but yes, I’d gladly sit down and watch should an opportunity come.

Do you like mangoes? No.

N

Do you have a nickname? 99% of people call me Robyn while my family calls me Byn, but there are a select few friends who’ve stayed long enough with me to catch other names I’ve gotten over the years, which have since become inside jokes/nicknames. There’s Reben and Rolayn, and literally just yesterday ‘Roby’ happened when I ordered food for lunch so that will probably catch on as well.

What’s your favorite number? 4.

Do you prefer night over day? Absolutely.

O

Are you an only child? No, I’m two siblings away from that status.

Do you wish this was over? I haven’t felt that way, no.

What is the closet orange object near you? An orange tumbler my Kuya gave me as a Christmas gift in 2019. There is also orange tape wrapped around the charger adaptor of my company laptop.

P

What one fear are you most paranoid about? Waking up in the middle of surgery and being unable to speak nor move.

Do you play any instruments? Nope.

Do you think you are pretty? Some days.

Q

Are you quick to judge people? No, unless they are already blatantly showing their character like being rude towards service staff, tossing their trash to the ground, or cutting in queues. Whenever those things happen I give myself the space and freedom to guiltlessly judge.

What do you keep quiet about? How dysfunctional my family really is, and the things I really want to say about Gabie.

Do you have any quirks? Food-wise, I like peeling off the breading from fried chicken and placing them on the side of my plate so I can eat them last, because they’re my favorite part.

R

What’s a good reason to cry? Frustration. Crying can be really helpful in lessening stress.

Do you think you're always right? No.

Do you watch reality TV? Not religiously, but I love watching snippets of reality shows on Facebook because they’re all so embarrassing and it’s hilarious to watch hahahahah. Literally last night I was watching clips of Big Ed on 90 Day Fiance.

S

Are you a social person? More so now than I was years ago.

What states have you lived in? I lived in Manila briefly but it didn’t take long till we transferred to another city for a more peaceful life in the suburbs.

What is your favorite season? I wanna say winter because of what I’ve seen from it in movies and shows, but I’ve never actually experienced it before.

T

When did you last sleep in a tent? Sometime in March or April last year.

Do you like tomatoes? Mostly in diced form. Tomato sauce is fine but I don’t really like it in my pasta. Bloody Mary also tastes rather awful.

What time did you wake up? 8:30 AM.

U

Do you have an umbrella in your car? I think so, yeah. I finally placed one in there lmao.

Do listen to Usher? Eh, not really. 2000s R&B isn’t my thing, save for Beyoncé.

Describe the underwear your wearing? It’s light blue.

V

What’s the worst veggie? I never learned to like pechay. I’d still eat it, but only because I like cleaning up my entire plate.

Do you like movies with violence? Some. Like I hate action movies but I enjoyed A Clockwork Orange and Scream lol.

Where do you want to go on vacation? I recently bookmarked an Airbnb in Zambales and the accommodation is basically this super cute line of tipi-styled huts by the beach. I'd love to have a solo trip push through once this Covid mess subsides.

W

Ever been on a wave runner? No.

Where do you work? I work in a PR company.

Do you wish on stars? Just sometimes.

X

Have you ever had an x-ray? Only for mandatory medical exams.

Do you own a xylophone? I think I had a toy one as a kid, but it’s not with me anymore.

Have you watched the x-games? No, not interested.

Y

What did you do yesterday? I stayed at home; ordered food for Angela as a surprise; debated if I should buy a pair of Air Maxes – and ultimately decided I’ve already spent too much this month to deserve a new pair of shows lol; and just settled to buy a new night lamp for my bedroom. I also watched the newest episode of 2 Days 1 Night and ate more of Leigh’s ice cream while doing work.

Do you like the color yellow? Only in mustard yellow. I also like the song Yellow, heh.

What year were you born?: 1998.

Z

Do you believe in the zodiac? No.

Has your bank account been at zero? No. I remember when I was first opening my own account at the bank and the clerk told me to make sure I don’t go below P2,000, and my intensely by-the-book ass has been following the rule ever since, even though my dad has told me it’s absolutely fine to go below it so long as I have P2,000 back in the account after a month hahaha.

Ever been to the zoo? A few.

IV - Raging, This is the End

I loved that vacation on the sea just you and me, i always wanted to go to that place with someone since I was a child, it was really special to me and i loved that you enjoyed it , food was shit tho and it wasn’t as good as I remembered, but well worth it with you. After/before that i quit my job to study for the exams, i knew shitty days were coming and they were, but I had to do that, there was no other way, that job was a dead-end , draining my energy and abilities and opportunities, I had to graduate, I knew this would fuck us money wise and relationship wise, I would be way more needy,angry and would probably lead  straight down the rabbit hole , but I had to do it. In those days it was really hard for me, as you weren’t understanding at all , showed zero patience towards me and generally made me feel ever worse, that’s how i knew you weren’t the right for me , you just weren’t there for me, like you kept doubting me for everything, like doing business or having kids, that time when your period was really late, this drove me so far away from you, i was really disappointed and stopped loving you so much, i think that was the moment i started losing you for real, step by step,slowly over the course of an year. We went to Hamburg to visit my family that was nice , really thoughtful of you, I will go soon again, as i haven’t seen them ever since. Rome was good too, just that thing with the black guys was horrible, at that moment i didn’t realize what had happened, I was just so disgusted that i wanted to get away from them, I didn’t see that you got hurt or felt like that and do regret it to this day, its one of the things i really messed up.There we had a good time , we should have done more fun stuff, but i guess i was in a different mentality back then.That surprise i made for your birthday , i really put so much effort into it, I was thinking like stuff from our shared past and to make a trip down memory lane, i hope you didn’t sell the necklace, i see that you still wear the bracelet, I am happy that you do. The weekend getaway for our anniversary was nice, we should have done that way more often, i kinda regret now that i didn’t get my shit together to get a driving license, but i was just fucking worried how am i gonna cope with money and having a car, again the fucking money thing, i realize now how much of a problem not having enough money is , it gives you stress, makes you worry about a lot of stuff, stops you from doing things and prevents you from enjoying yourself, which adds up slowly over time and generates even more shit ,arguments and bad vibes. Slowly i was getting my shit together, i had graduated , my fucking internship was almost over , i was going to job interviews, which were all really bad,it was really draining on and when i finally thought i was gonna get shit done for good, like get a good law job,getting a driving license, fix my relationship with you, at which time it was already apparent to me that there was a problem i had been ignoring for quite some time and we were slipping   and finally  do what i thought i wanted to do and be happy,of course not even one of those things came to fruition ,everything came crashing down again .The whole driving test was rigged, they fucked me in the ass for money, over complicating absolutely everything, you being less and less understanding,cold and distant and increasingly more toxic and what hit the worse was the realization of post graduate life  that, you wont make any money and your life will be shit, thank you for studying for 6 long years , here is less money than a fucking cleaning lady, but yeah it says MR LAW in front of your name, shit i was gonna even be a detective, good thing i didn’t go down that path or how you were telling me to go for lawyer and we will manage with your salary and scraps from my dad, fuck what a shit show that would have been. You have no idea how shitty it was looking for a job and getting shit from interviewers and going on about ridiculous  job offers, because you and my dad were pressuring me, praise the Emperor I didn’t let that shit get to me, which was the difference between us , that i never listened to my parents, even though you always  made fun of me about being a little bitch and listening to my dad, nope, I am not you and I really really really hated how dependent on your parents opinions you were , how you made so much efforts to please them , although you thought you didn’t , you did a lot. Every time you went there for the holidays i would get pissed, because i wanted quality time with you, not to go to my fucking town and listen to my dad and his dumb as wife bullshits , it just drained me so much, being away from you, I should have embraced it and be happy for the alone time, but instead i missed you, which only shows how much I truly loved you. Standing in the cold in the frozen wind I’m leaving you behind but it’s not the end No, no, no Walking on a plane as I hold my breath It’s gonna be weeks till I breathe again How can someone not get depressed after so much shit coming their way, now when i look back I can’t blame myself that much for being like that, I mean i still blame me of course, I should have handled it better, but definitely i look with more kindness on myself going back over this period of my life, Nobody , literally nobody understood me, not even my dad, brother, friends , not even you, it was horrible , funny thing is now my friends are going through the same shit and my brother kinda is as well and they see , but back then no one even tried or made an effort, it was just nagging and bullshit and putting more and more pressure on me in a moment that i needed support and understanding.So in this shitstorm a trip with your parents was the last thing on my mind, but i could not go, you would go crazy and they would be offended, probably it would have been way better if i had not came. I really tried with them, I still can’t figure out why they never liked me. Maybe they knew i was a bad match for you and you had to keep it up with me or God knows why, it doesn’t even matter anymore of course, like most things.I was annoyed by them in that moment,but i was annoyed by everyone and everything you knew that and i still kept face and behaved, I helped them, i was useful and nice, except for groping your ass and fucking you like crazy, but WTF you were my girl, of course i would do that, Jesus fucking Christ, this was/is so  fucking ridiculous.Slowly over those months i could feel you slipping completely, you started to disrespect me a lot  and slowly  i went from your top priority, lol like that ever was true, to bottom line priority, you would prioritize time with your dumb ass bitch friends than spend time with me,the most absurd thing was that we would have fights that we don’t do anything and go anything, but so convenient, you would work on the weekends, the next one you would have lectures, the third one you would go see your mamma, and the 4th one in the month , you would be meh, lets go eat pizza, I’m tired and i wanna rest, which for me was okay , i loved taking you to restaurants, not the same five places of course, we could have tried more stuff, but every week we went out , the problem was you were bitching we don’t do shit and it was your fucking fault and i don’t blame you, i was bad company at the time , its normal to not wanting to spend time together, sadly i needed time alone, we should have split then, until i figure my shit out, that was the only way , but i was too weak to leave you, too desperate to hold on to our dying toxic relationship ,but If i had left you back then , we would still be together, how paradoxical that is, but it is God honest truth, but I’m glad that did not happen, because we would end up having kids or getting married and one day i would wake up and be like what the fuck is going on with my life and why am I with this women, who is clearly not worthy of me, as cmon you never were, not just looks and intelligence, but also your behavior , character and vibe, you are unstable , unreliable and untrustworthy and very volatile ,not someone who would want to have kids and build a future together for sure, good for some time,yes you were not right for me at all , but let me get that CRYSTAL CLEAR that doesn’t change the FACT that i loved you more than anything. Everybody around you was hating me , of course you would start to do the same ,for their own selfish reasons, your boss, he was jealous of me, the fat fucker, that i would get that ass every night and he can’t see his dick from his fat belly, but i didn’t give a damn about that porker, i have no idea why you thought i was jealous of him or whatever, an absurd notion. Back then i didn’t think you could fall so low like you are now, but to be honest you always had an affinity for gross disgusting guys , e.g Romane, Lazslo , that guy you used to date before, most of your male friends, I do believe they made you feel better and more secure, because you felt better than them and you did not have to put so much effort in it or worry about it , or feel bad and be willing to work for it. I saw that pattern even back then and from your conversations with your mom , I think you were raised like that as well, to be mediocre and settle for less , just so you don’t get burned by the fire, which is really sad, but hey , its only your life choices, so who cares. My step brother’s prom came and it was like a really weird spin of fate, two years before that was my brother’s prom and we were so happy ,not pretending, this time around,  we just looked happy in the photos and were pretending that everything was okay, which all my family noticed, sadly except for me , but to be honest i knew where we were headed , I just didn’t want to accept it , I used to talk with my dumb ass friend from my town over the phone, going on at great length , how much you are not for me and how much better it would be if we split, but i still had hope that we might get over this and things will be different , that you are different and I am not right, its only a temporary thing and so on and so on, what a fool for you and your love I was. After that your behavior grew increasingly erratic, you would pick fights with me for the slightest of things, complain about everything, nag and blab all the time. I was so worried at that time for securing employment and my upcoming last exam , that i scarcely took notice of said behavior  , which for the time was the exact thing i should have done, but as my mind cleared i focused on the things you were saying and complaining about, which was my complete downfall, trying logic and reason with you, when obviously you were doing it on purpose or perhaps you weren’t ,but it came from your deep underneath your  consciousness, in a way to force me to leave you , because you could not do it yourself. Those last months were horrible, constant bickering and fighting , i was gonna give you a meme - toxic is good , toxic is great , but we split before i managed to send it. This was quite visible and from the time we spend together or more correctly we did not, you would be at work or drinking with your slut friends , who more than anything wanted you to be single, it’s not normal for your girlfriend to get drunk, especially when she know she has a drinking problem, lol that was joke. But yeah it wasn’t normal that you would go out at noon to drink with you friends and come home at ten , knowing that this is our only free day we should rather spend it together doing something just the two us or with other people,but us together, that was my problem, not you drinking with your friends or in generally getting wasted, problem at the time of course, as I needed you, now if i was in the same situation it wouldn’t be a problem , i would just do the same with my friends or dump your disrespectful ass, you have no idea how low my tolerance for bullshit has become, if you think i was bad before, you should look at me now, I am perfectly aware of who I am, my self worth and self imagine, I am not gonna let anyone, let one some dumb ass bitch fuck with me or walk over me, its either my way or the fucking highway, you wanna be part of my life, my good vibes and self amusement mindset, have a good time, then you must contribute , you must bring something good to the table as well, if not , okay , good luck out there and hope you find what you are looking for. This has been my mindset lately and it has worked wonders for my mental state and happiness. No one cares about that tho , so lets move on  to the action part-  APOCALYPSE  Ever since i started working ,I was hoping things were gonna go improve and we might pull through , but nah, you were already set on breaking up and looking for another guy , that better looking guy from your work that split with his girl didn’t go for you, because he probably saw what you were and you took a liking into gorrila joe , he does look like a monkey to be honest or Mr. disgusting like we like to call him, he was giving you free attention, validating you and boosting your fragile ego and you decided why would you bother with me when you can have this wimp in your legs and walk over him , why try hard when you can go easy and let go of yourself and just give him the only thing you had of value, hidden between your legs. I remember when i met him for the first time, how he looked frightened, we were still together, he knew i knew what was up, but i did not believe you would fall so low and just disregarded him , i mean cmon this guy was so fucking disgusting, how could you even... Just before the end you would go into the most ridiculously arguments , like why i don’t want friends, it was none of your business and i have friends, i just didn’t seem them because of you , you would bitch and moan if I did and generally hated them and other stupid things you would fight with me, i knew the end was coming, as this shit has happened before with another , just a short explanation here, the moment we split she started writing me , sending me cringy snapchats videos of her, for the sole reason i can’t record them or SS , with stupid quesitons how are you doing and so on , my friends said i should fuck her to make you feel bad, but that whore was absolutely disgusting to me, i only entertained the idea of talking with her to get the old photos that got deleted, THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON, she was so insignificant and inconsequential to me that i wouldn’t even care if she would come butt ass naked to my doorstep begging for cock, i would laugh and go to the gym, she appeared again in this story 6 months later, but thats or the last chapter, if  she is reading this by any chance , just fuck off, you are a bad memory i erased long ago, like some dumb school project that you did ages ago, exactly can’t remember, doesn’t matter fuck off. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, we went to that nice Italian restaurant  and the whole time you were complaining and bitching about stuff , you made an effort not to agree with anything , i don’t want here i don’t want there, stupidity and disrespected pilled up with shit. I finally decided to act, so when we went home i confronted you and asked whats up, you were afraid again to tell me, didn’t have the courage to step up and say the truth , so you gave me the bullshit idk if we should be together, this was the defining moment , I showed you the door and told you to fuck off, you started crying and this was my biggest failure and mistake, that i thought you were different, i felt really bad and sorry for you and said to myself this is my girl i should try to fix it, but no dumbass , it was already unfixable and way too broken for me to repair, the only way this shit was gonna go down my way was if i had dumped you as i first told you to pack you stuff and leave,but my feelings for you again got the better of me . You picked the perfect moment for that of course, i was sick and was feverish , I couldn’t think straight at all , if i was okay , things would have been different and i wouldn’t have been that broken, but yeah my mistake again for putting my faith in you. You lied to me that you love me and said we will work things out, a blatant lie , knowing that you were gonna pack your shit and vanish the day after that , as you do best. And the most disgusting thing was that you were still making plans with me to go to Greece and on a holiday, using for the last time, before we go our separate ways, maybe your guilt got in the way or me pushing you too hard, otherwise you would have stayed for longer with me and God forbid , if we stayed together until the winter, stop me from coming here or we could have pushed through and made it ,who knows, Praise the Emperor that things went the way the did, for me to see you as the person you really are, not that perfect image i had of you.

We finally arrive to that day 29 of August, from the morning i knew something wasn’t right I could sense you, even thought , the last night we slept together i just knew this was it, I could feel it , i asked to leave work earlier and headed home ,but it was already too late as i entered the door my heart fell andwhat happened after that I will cover in the last chapter of your story.

What would you say is your favorite food? Scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese, bologna sandwiches, ramen, and pizza.  What color eyes does the person you like / love have? Are they pretty? I don’t like anyone in that way currently. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Barney. I watched it over and over. There was a Barney in concert special that my mom recorded for me that I had on repeat haha. Do you like Mexican food or any other foreign foods? Yeah, I like some Mexican, Italian, and Chinese food.  What color is the keyboard you are currently using? Black and the letters/numbers/symbols are white.

Do you own any of those ‘chunky’ and cute rings? No.

What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? I don’t know. Do you own an iPod or MP3 player? If so, when did you get it? I have my iPod Touch still, but I haven’t used it since like 2012. Would you rather write a report or type it on a computer? I definitely would rather type it out, which is how I did all my essays in school since high school. The only time I had to handwrite something like that was for class assignments and exams. What color was the last jacket or hoodie you wore? Black. Do you receive more compliments or insults on a daily basis? I rarely get compliments. I insult myself all the time. Who is the lead actress / actor from your absolute favorite movie? I have many favorite movies, I can’t choose just one. Can you recite the alphapet backward? Yeah, it’d just take me a little bit longer. Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? Sometimes I did that. I’m very weird with hot dogs. They’re not my favorite food by far, but sometimes I can eat one. Chili made it better. However, I do really like hot dogs from Costco.  Would you say it’s easy for people to make you smile or laugh? Usually.  When was the last time you went on vacation? Where was it? My birthday weekend back in July to one of my favorite touristy places. How many states have you been to in your lifetime? 3, apart of course from my own. Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? I had a friend who said that sometimes. I don’t know, I always felt weird saying it to friends. I’m not the lovey dovey type. I never throw those words around loosely. Have you ever been an outcast at your school or anywhere else? Yeah, I surprisingly went pretty unnoticed for being the only student there in a wheelchair. Do you own any dresses? If so, what colors are they? Yeah, a couple black ones and a teal and white one. Would you say you drink more pop / soda than you should? The only time I have soda now is when I take my medicine. I crush my medicine cause I can’t take pills, so it’s basically like a shot of soda a few times a day. I used to be someone who drank a can a day, but that changed about 2 years ago. Would you rather have orange juice or milk with your breakfast? Ew, neither. Give me coffee. How many different colors has your bedroom been painted? The walls were white when we moved in and we’ve never painted them.

Do you cuss? If so, do you ever cuss in front of your parents? Sometimes. I never cuss in front of my parents, though. It’s weird that I’m old fashioned or something about it cause my parents aren’t like that at all. I mean, my dad doesn’t cuss a lot, but my mom kind of does. I just feel weird. *shrug* Now it’s gone on so long that it would be pretty wild if I just shouted out “fuck” one day lmao. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? No. My mom and I are close, but that’s something I just wouldn’t share.  What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? I haven’t heard any bad news so far this week... Have you ever been in a car wreck? No. Do you have your ears pierced? If not, what do you have pierced? Yeah, just my earlobes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? No.  Do a lot of people understand you completely? Who does exactly? I don’t think anyone could understand anyone completely. I know I definitely don’t even understand myself completely. How is the weather outside right this second? 63F. Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? Yeah to both. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? No. Have you ever seen That 70’s Show? Do you watch it regularly? I watched it during its original run. If you could choose, what decade would you rather live in? I liked living in the 90s and early 2000s. How often would you say you get sick? I always feel sicky on some level or another, but as far as things like colds go it’s actually pretty rare. I got hit hard earlier this year with the flu and bronchitis, but that was the first time I had been sick like that in a few years. It surprises me because I feel like my immune system is shit. Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? No. Has anyone ever called you a socio-path before? No. Do you mind it when surveys ask you really personal questions? Nah. If I don’t want to answer something then I won’t, but ya’ll know I’m pretty open. When was the last time you told someone you love them? Earlier. Which one would you like more: kiss on cheek / kiss on neck? Neck kisses are nice. Does it bother you when people steal your stuff on MySpace? Lol I remember when people would get upset if you had the same layout or something.  Who would you say is the best actor / or actress in your opinion? There’s many talented actors and actresses. How many times have you been drunk in your life? Several times. What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? That would really come out of the blue at this point. I don’t know what would make them say that now or why they would harbor such strong negative feelings towards me. I’m sure I’d ask him those things. Do you ever think you might be pregnant? I know for a fact that I am not. When was the last time you acted really immature? I don’t know. I get my moody moods and get upset over really stupid things. I’m a big baby. Do you enjoy watching comedies or horror movies more? I enjoy both. I’ve really gotten into horror movies these past few years.  As a child, did you ever have an imaginary friend? No. Does anyone call you baby? Who would that be? Nope. Can you rely on one or more people to take up for you? Yes.

Home is where..The heart is..?

A little something I just wanted to write @armadaderaj ;)

“Papa? Where are we going..?” Matthew asked tiredly from the back seat, stuffed bear squeezed against his chest. The back seat was crowded, two suitcases full of Matthews clothes and a few blankets back there with him, another Louis Vuitton suitcase in the trunk full of clothes and toiletries and whatever else that could be shoved in there. Francis was driving aimlessly around the streets, hiding his tears from his son in the dark.

“Somewhere...” the Frenchman tried to keep his voice steady “We will see if there are any hotels open” but Francis knew damn well that there would be no hotel rooms around here...London was always crowded. And at one in the morning? It would be even less likely.

“I wanna go home...I don’t wanna go on a vacation at nighttime”

“This is not a vacation, bebe, it’s just somewhere to stay” Francis pushed his hair back from his face, hands shakey

“Papa? Why were you and daddy yelling?” Matthew shifted around to rest his head on his suitcase, pulling his blanket over himself tightly “You shoulda been in bed..”

“Ce n’est pas grave...It’s just adult stuff” he tried to brush it off, to seem as if he was not upset. Francis hated that Alfred and Matthew had to hear all of that...It broke his heart

“Very loud adult stuff...” Matthew muttered half to himself “When are we gonna get there? You passed two hotels! Just now! Turn around!”

“Matthieu, don’t use that tone please...We can’t go to those hotels, the sign says they are full..” It took a half an hour for them to find one. It wasn’t fancy and it didn’t have a pool, much to Matthew’s dissapointment.

The two settled down in room 467 on the fourth floor, their stuff still in suitcases, Matthew in his pajamas still. “Papa...I wish you brought Alfred too”

“Your father has him...” Francis sighed, rubbing Matthews back soothingly “Go to sleep...I’m sorry we woke you”

“S’okay...Love you Papa...”

“I love you too” Francis whispered, waiting until he was sure that his son had fallen asleep to cry

---

Francis woke up earlier than he usually did. The curtains in the hotel were too thin, then didn’t block he light out at all. Matthew was still sound asleep, his face smushed into the pristine, white pillow case.

Francis’ phone had twenty notification. Sure some were games, candy crush was begging him to play, and a handful were from Gilbert and Antonio ‘Hey! So are we going out on Saturday or what?’ But the majority were from Arthur... Twelve missed calls with voice messages attatched, three texts

‘Bring back my fucking son’, received 1:30am, today

‘Dammit Francis, come back’, received 2:00am, today

‘I’m sorry’, received 3:45am, today

Francis couldn’t find the energy to respond, tossing his phone to the other side of the bed, curling back up with his son with a sad sigh.

It had all started for no real reason. They had just put the kids to bed, Arthur got a call from work. Francis had made a comment that admittedly sparked the whole thing but at the moment, he denied it. ‘I’m surprised they need you again, as if you haven’t been there for ten hours already. It’s almost as if that police station is your husband and not me’

Arthur’s temper was easy to ignite, they both knew it...

‘Oh yeah? At least I have a real damn job. How’s the artist business going? How many paintings have you sold as of late?’ Arthur stood and started to pace around 

‘You know I’m going to culinary school! Fuck off, I’m still bringing money in!’ Francis gestured to his stack of books on the coffee table, cook books and kitchen equipment manuals. He had an exam next week

‘Not as quick as you’re spending it on your frivolous ingredients and candles and conditioner! College isn’t cheap either, bastard!’

‘Well I’m sorry! I found a new passion, okay? I did not know that you were the fun police too!’ Francis was standing now, pointing a finger at him. Arthur snarled and grabbed his hand, holding it away

‘This isn’t about fun! You should have stuck to your teaching job instead of quitting the second you decided you were bored with it! Fuck, I’m working ten hours because of you!’

It was all a red, angry blur. Francis shoving Arthur’s hand off, the two yelling louder and louder, the subject as hand mattering less and less as they took their stress out on eachother. Francis had slapped his wedding ring into Arthur’s hand as he shoved clothes in his bag, stomping across the hall to get Matthew

‘You’re not taking my kid! Get back here!’ But Francis was a passionate man. When he was upset, he would let his husband know it. He scooped up his son, kissing his cheek ‘Lets go Matthieu, pick out some clothes, you and I are going on a little trip’

‘Francis I swear to god-‘ ‘Papa? Why are we leaving?-‘ ‘Just pack, bebe-‘ ‘Papa? Where are you taking Mattie?’

Francis carried Matthew to the car, buckling him in gently and kissing his forehead ‘Everything is going to be okay...’ Francis whispered, crying to reassure himself more than his son. Arthur stood on their porch, still in his work clothes, absolutely fuming as Francis pulled out of the driveway, his tires screeching as he sped down the street. They just drove...And drove...

And here they were 

“Papa? Papa get off of me...You’re makin me all sweaty..” Thats right. Matthew needs it to be practically freezing to be able to sleep peacefully

“My apologies, mon ange...”

Matthew sat up and stretched his stiff shoulders with a little yawn “So now that its the morning, does that mean we get to go home now?” He was only six, growing like a weed. Lord, he was taller than Alfred and everything “I wanna watch cartoons with Al...”

Francis sighed and reached over, grabbing the remote and turning on SpongeBob Squarepants. Matthew groaned and frowned at his father “Papa, I wanna watch with Al! You don't know who anybody is and I gotta tell you all the time” He complained, crossing his arms and flopping back against his dog shaped pillow pet with a huff. 

Francis huffed a bit too. He knew this was all at his fault and his son’s anger was directed at him. But what was worse than anger? Tears...

Matthew was so much like Francis. He strived to speak basic French, only being six. He refused to cut his hairs he could look like his papa, through Francis would still trim it so it wouldn't look unkept. Matthew acted a lot like Francis, they both laughed loudly and cried when they needed to. Apparently, this was Matthews time. They boy rolled over to turn his back to his father so he could cry but of course, Francis knew better. he pulled his son into his lap and kissed his forehead 

“Why are you crying, mon chou?”

“Cause!” Matthew sniffled and wiped his snot on his arm, which Francis hated “Cause you don't love daddy anymore!”

“That...That isn't true. You know that we love each other very much” 

“Yeah, well if you did, you wouldn't have yelled at him like that” Francis sighed and jus chose to ignore that, staring ahead at the stupid, yellow, happy sponge on the screen. The squid man reminded him of Arthur...

---

Thirty missed calls. Thats how many he had. Francis chose to ignore them, scoffing softy each time his phone buzzed until a certain message caught his eye...So he opened it. 

‘Francis, I need you to come back. I have to go in to work’, received 9:30am today

Francis got up, his scoliosis ridden back aching, his eyes stingin. He stepped out onto the hotel room’s balcony, calling his husband back. Arthur picked up on the second ring.

“Francis...”

“What. What do you want?” Francis pushed his hair back, wishing he had. cigarette but he gave that up years ago 

“I...I have to go to work. Commander Lewis called, I cannot...We...Uh...”

“Get on with it”

“I can't take Alfred to work with me. How far away are you?”

“Fuck...Arthur, why do I always have to stop what I'm doing to save your ass?” he huffed “I can be there in a half hour” 

“As if you're doing anything! I don't have a half an hour! I have to get there-”

“Is it an emergency, Arthur? Is someone dying, dead, crashing?”

“No, but-”

“Goodbye then. I will see you in a half hour or less” And with that, Francis hung up. It felt so strange to not tell Arthur he loved him before shoving his phone in his pocket...He always did

Just last week, he told his Englishman that he loved him nearly every hour, maybe more...The words slipped right off his tongue, easy to say since they were so true. He did love his husband. Since he had met Arthur in high school, Arthur has always wanted to work in law enforcement. Arthur’s father was a cop, his grandfather was a soldier and his great grandfather had fought in not one, but two wars. Arthur has always been proud to be English. he's wanted to protect Englishmen,women and children from danger. It was in his blood. Francis remembers endless nights helping him study, going on tortuous jogs with him to encourage him to stay in shape, made him stay up late less and getting into the habit of waking a bit earlier. Francis has been by his side all of these years, even sitting in the crowd as Arthur graduated from the police academy, his heart swelling with pride as Arthur shook hands with his instructors for the last time. 

Francis has always told Arthur that he loved him. and every time, it was true. It hurt so much to fight with him. They are both so passionate, arguing isn't uncommon by any means but disputes are usually settles by hugs and kisses, the rule of ‘no one goes to bed angry’ has held up for over a decade, as long as they have been dating or married...What happened? Francis’ heart felt like it was being squeezed, like someone was putting rubber bands around it. His whole chest ached but he refused to apologize first. He always apologized first.

He gave himself a minute to compose himself before heading back into the hotel room “Matthieu...Put your shoes on, we are going home now” His son grinned and threw his covers off, dashing to the corner where their bags were, far more eager to go home than Francis was. 

((Uhhh I would love to finish this now but it would be easier to make it two parts ;) until next time~

1170.

Have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? no.

Are you skilled when it comes to working in the kitchen? haha i wish! i know a lot of basic skills, i wouldn’t say i’m great.

When was the last time you went to a campground? no idea. over 10 years probably.

Do you listen to music while driving? always. Is there a movie you currently want to see? crazy rich asians.

When was the last time you hung out with people younger than you? hmm... i don’t remember. What is the closest blue object to you? my blanket.

How much did you spend on your last shopping trip? $40ish.

Do you wish you had a better cellular plan? no, i have a great plan. 

Are you good at buying gifts for people? i’d like to think so but after awhile i run out of ideas haha. 

Would you consider yourself to be generous? sometimes. only to those that deserve it.

Have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? yes.

When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? haha it’s been awhile. maybe a month or two ago.

Are you currently studying for your driver’s license? nope.

Have you ever gone over your cellphone plan by accident? no.

Are you in a relationship with the last person you kissed? yes.

Ever done something that at the time didn’t bother you, but it did later? yes.

Can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? oh yes.

Where did you get your last bruise from? i forgot.

Is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? i usually like browns, neutrals and muted pinks.

Have you ever been addicted to mints? no.

Are you a person that likes to take chances? hmm... probably not.

Would you consider your life to be great right now? no.

When a friend confides in you with their problems, do you listen? of course.

Do you have a piece of technology that should be dead, but it’s still going? not that i can think of.

When it rains, does it put the damper on your mood? only if i had plans outdoors... which is very unlikely lol.

What was the latest you stayed up in the past week? 4am.

Have you had an awkward situation with someone recently? kinda.

Do you always seem to be losing your bobbypins? yes. 

When was the last time you found something overwhelming? questions in this job application i read through.

Going anywhere next year for vacation? maybe! haven’t planned anything yet.

Ever sent drunk texts? yeah but nothing crazy. i’ve just texted while drunk lol.

Do you remember the dream you had last night? nope.

How many dresses do you own? too many to count.

Do any of your friends seem like a brother or sister to you? sure.

What bothers you more, cigarette smoke or cigar smoke? cigar smoke. it’s just stenchy and heavy.

What do you think of Leonardo DiCaprio? he’s cool i guess.

Have you ever seen a movie that messed with your mind? no.

Do you look good in hats? not always lol.

Can you see a noticeable difference between DVD and Blueray? it all depends on the tv you have.

Is there a song you’re currently listening to on repeat? no.

Are you going to make a mega wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11? long gone lol.

Speaking of numbers, do you have a lucky one? i always pick 7 or 5.

What do you think musical artists who use autotune? it’s whatever. no opinion.

Have you ever held hands with someone for no reason? no.

Has anything surprised you today? yes.

When was the last time you played a video game? just then lol.

Have you ever just watched flames from a fire & just thought about things? oh yes.

Are there any musical albums coming out soon that you can’t wait for? not that i know of. still waiting for rihanna’s supposed reggae album.

Have you talked to your significant other today? yes.

Have you ever sat down and eaten an entire cake by yourself? no.

Do you have perfect vision? no, i wish! i used to want glasses so much as a kid and it eventually happened. now i wish i had perfect vision again.

Is there something you want to buy right now? not really.

Do you know anyone who can speak Gaelic? no.

When it comes to eye color, do you have a preference? no.

What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? i’ve had birds, fish, a rabbit and a dog. nothing too unique.

Is your hair currently dyed? no.

Has something annoyed you recently? yes.

Do you like Doritos? only the original flavour.

When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? if i’m out shopping in a mall, yeah sure. i obviously can’t do that online.

Have you used bugspray recently? no.

Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? not really. it makes my hair really nice and wavy but i hate the stickiness of saltwater.

Have you ever bitten through your lip by accident? no. ouch.

Are you good at coming up with dares? nah.

Do you know someone with the last name Brown? yes.

Is there somewhere in the world you would never go? probably.

Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? yes.

Has someone ever told you something that left you speechless? not sure.

Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? most likely.

Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? nope.

Or perhaps, do you believe that there’s that “someone” out there for you? i sure hope so.

Does money really matter to you? at the end of the day, yes. we need it to live.

Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? not that i know of.

Do you know anyone who is a germaphobe? meeeeee.

Have you ever just laid out and watched the stars? not in a long long time.

Is there a song that gets you pumped up no matter what? it depends on my mood.

How about a song that soothes your anger or sadness? not really.

Have you ever cheated at a card game? haha yes.

Tell me what colors you’re wearing right now? white and black.

Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? yes.

Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) already an adult unfortunately.

Have you ever felt like your heart actually stopped? no.

Are you a fast runner? no hahaha.

What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? idk. i think i’d try everything once.

What emotions do you associate with the color blue? sadness.

Do you have a “poker face”? haha no. i’m actually quite expressive.

Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? it depends how funny something is.

Do any of your friends shamelessly burp or fart in public? my boyfriend. ugh.

When was the last time you had a good cry? last week.

Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? yes.

Is there a soundtrack to a movie that you absolutely love? yes.

Do you have a place where you keep your keepsakes? different places in my room.

Have you ever had a “thumb war” with someone? yes.

What’s your favorite style of jeans? (Skinny, boot cut, flare, etc) skinny.

Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? yes. i even had one of those password journals lmao.

Do you have trouble sleeping if you sleep anywhere else but home? yes!!! always! i’d have to be really tired for me to fall asleep anywhere that’s not my bed.

Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? my hangovers actually aren’t that bad. i just need sleep. no headaches thankfully.

Do any of your friends have particularly annoying habits? sure..

Is there someone you know who can never mind their own business? yes.

If you need a job, will you take whatever you can get? definitely. but i don’t need a job because i currently have one.

When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? disney. a lot of disney.

Do you rely on caffeine to keep you awake sometimes? nope.

When it comes to tests or exams, are you a crammer? yeah kinda.

Time goes by faster as you get older, don’t you find? oh yes.

Have you ever had a panic attack? no.

Do you own anything made of silk? yes.

Is there anyone you know who looks like their dog? haha no.

Are you deathly allergic to anything? no.

Have you ever had a mouse in your house? yes years and years ago. and recently we kept hearing one running through the walls but luckily they never got into the house. they’re gone now.

Has anyone you trusted ever backstabbed you? yep.

Do you recycle? yes.

I was tagged by the my tumblr mom @sevenclowds <3

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag some people

I don’t know who to tag, so if you see this and wanna do it go ahead

Last

Drink - Water, and if that doen’t count before that is was milk Phone call - My roommate called me from downstairs because she thought I had already left to go to the store. Text message - My mom  Song you listened to – I was listening to BVB on spotify, but I just put that on shuffle, and I don’t remember which one was last. Last song I remember listening to for sure was Nobody Likes the Opening Band by IDKHBTFM Time you cried – I don’t know, but probably sometime in the last week Dated someone twice – I’m not sure what this is asking.... Kissed someone and regretted it – Yeah, no story, but yes Been cheated on – No Lost someone special – yeah Been depressed – since high school, it just waxes and wanes. That ish ain’t going away Gotten drunk and thrown up – never drank

In the last year have you…

Made new friends - yep Fallen out of love - I’m trying to Laughed until you cried – I don’t think I have....  Found out someone was talking about you – No, and I honestly probably would have two fucks to give if they were Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - nope

General

How many of your Facebook friends do you know IRL – Most of them? I think Do you have any pets - No :( Do you want to change your name – kinda, but my name is also very attached to me so not really? What did you do for your last birthday – I had to take an exam, and so pretended it wasn’t my birthday What time did you wake up today – I was awake from 1-6am after falling asleep at 5pm last night, and then slept another 3 hours, so yeah..... My sleep schedule is wack What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping What is something you can’t wait for – getting out of homophobe mormon-ville Idaho What are you listening to right now – Honestly not anything right now, but I was watching youtube while scrolling through tumblr a moment ago. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I don’t think so Something that’s getting on my nerves – people who think that other peoples lives are their business (I’ve been watching videos of people watching to anti-gay ads and i’m kinda angry about that rn) Most visited website – Youtube Hair color – brown Long or short hair – long, but I wanna cut it really short Do you have a crush on someone – I’m still a bit in love with my best friend from high school, even though we haven’t talked in like 2 years, and I don’t know how to get over her...., so not really? What do you like about yourself – I like the colour of my eyes Want any piercings – kinda, but I also hate wearing jewelry so probably not Blood type – not sure Nickname – don’t really have any, just cutesy ones from childhood Relationship status - single pringle Zodiac - aries Pronouns - she/her Fave TV shows – Star Trek Tattoos – None, but I have plans for some Right or left handed - right Ever had surgery – nope Piercings – nope Sport – does doign about 7 things on my laptop at once and not moving for hours on end count?? Vacation – I’d love to go to Britain. Especially if it involved going to Reading or Leeds (or both) Trainers – confused?

More General

Eating – not as much as I probably should (it’s 4pm and I haven’t had lunch) Drinking - water, i’m a boring person who doesn’t see the point of spending money on hydration when water comes out of my tap for free I’m about to watch – more youtube Waiting for – nothing really Want – happiness and freedom to be myself Get married – maybe someday if the right person comes along? Career – currently in college getting a Computer Science degree, but who the f knows where I’m going after that

Which Is Better?

Hugs or kisses – hugs, and cuddles Lips or eyes – eyes, when someone has beautiful eyes they are instantly more attractive Shorter or taller – close to my own height Older or younger – Depends on the person? as long as they aren’t a dickhead who cares Nice arms or stomach – arms Hookup or relationship – I don’t think I could ever just hookup with someone Troublemaker or hesitant – I like the idea of troublemaker (Loki obsession to show for that), and i’m hesitant, so I need someone with more drive

Have You Ever…

Kissed a stranger - not really Drank hard liquor - no Lost glasses – yes, but I always find them fairly quickly, i’m just batshite blind, so they will literally be right there and I won’t see them Turned someone down - yeah Sex on the first date - NO Broke someone’s heart – I guess Have your heart broken - kinda Been arrested - no Cried when someone died - I basically had a breakdown at school when Alan Rickman died Fallen for a friend – yeah.....

Do You Believe In…

Yourself - I try to Miracles – sorta? Like I want to, but I’m not sure they happen Love At First Sight - sorta Santa Claus – not really, but I like the idea of him Kiss on a first date - maybe? Angels – Yeah

Other

Best friend’s name – Beth Eye color - hazel (green/brown) Fave movie – LotR/Hobbit movies Fave actor – Not sure, and honestly no one is coming to mins

The Louvre (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

You were the only daughter of one of the wealthiest pureblood families, everyone thought you would’ve been sorted into Slytherin but you were instead sorted into Gryffindor. The first couple of years you mostly kept to yourself, but then you met the infamous golden trio during your third year and now you were the fourth member of the former trio; after sharing a cabin together on the train, you instantly clicked. You were as studious as Hermione, as daring as Harry, and as carefree as Ron. 

Soon enough no one found you without one of them, from studying late at night in the common room with Hermione to raiding the kitchen with Ron. Well that was until the last week before the summer term. During Potions, Snape had decided that he would switch partners for the final exam and to your luck, you were paired up with Draco instead of Harry.

“If you cost us this exam I swea-” Draco began off coolly, but you cut him off with an air of confidence.

“Your father will hear about it? Don’t worry Malfoy, I’ll make sure you get to tell daddy dearest that you got an Outstanding.” you replied, arching an eyebrow at him while he instantly shut up, clearly not used to someone speaking that way to him. It unnerved him, but in a good way.

And you weren’t wrong, you and Draco got an Outstanding, something that surprised him considering how he didn’t even manage that on a weekly basis.

“Told ya so.” You said as you gathered your things and headed out the door, leaving the Malfoy heir speechless for the first time in his life.

The rest of the week flew by and next thing you know, you were hugging your friends’ goodbye at King’s Cross, promising Mrs. Weasley that you will stay at the burrow for the second half of your summer vacation.

As you and your family made your way across the station with your trunk you spotted Draco, you thought he would throw a dirty look your way but much to your surprise, he simply smiled at you, not a big toothy grin, it was a rather shy smile but a smile nonetheless. You returned it and carried on towards the family car.

A few days had gone past and so far your summer vacation was proving to be quite boring, until that fateful Tuesday. You were strolling down Diagon Alley, waiting for your father to finish doing whatever he had to do at Gringotts, you were so engrossed with all of the colorful summer flowers that adorned the window sills of some of the shops that you weren’t paying attention to where you were walking. Next thing you know you literally bumped into none other than Draco Malfoy.

“Woah, are you alright there, Y/N?” he said, his hands holding your waist to keep you from falling. You didn’t know what shocked you the most, that you were clumsy enough to fall in public, that you fell into Draco or that he knew your name.

“Um, yeah, I’m sorry, I should’ve been watching where I was going.” You said, blushing slightly at just how close you were.

“That’s quite alright. Rather bump into just you than the rest of your quartet.” He replied in a light, teasing tone.

“Are my ears deceiving me or is Draco Malfoy joking around?” you laughed, as he shrugged.

“I don’t know, let me take you out for a sundae at Florean’s and we can discuss it.” he said smoothly. You eyed him wearily, unsure whether or not to take his offer, but you weren’t one to get scared from the unknown so you smiled brightly and said,

“I would love to.”

And that was just the beginning.

 Well, summer slipped us underneath her tongue Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession Half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor Use our eyes, throw our hands overboard

 After that Tuesday afternoon at Florean’s you spent every other day at either his manor or yours. Your parents absolutely adored him and his parents loved that he was seeing such a promising young lady, even though you were a Gryffindor. The fact that you were a pureblood made up for it.

Nights turned into days and days turned into nights, summer was passing by way too quickly for your liking and you were wondering just what this was, were you two just having a summer fling? Were you dating?

You were pulled from your thoughts by Draco calling your name over and over.

“You alight there love?”

“What are we?” you bluntly asked.

“Come again?” Draco said, clearly confused by your question.

“Us, what is this? We go back to Hogwarts in a month and I don’t know, we never stated just what this is. I mean you met my parents for Merlin’s sake!” you ranted, standing up from his bed, throwing the book you were previously reading to the side as he chuckled.

“Considering that I have at least one jumper of yours for every day of the week in one of my drawers because you always forget them here, I would safely say that we are dating, Y/N. Not to mention that I know for a fact that you steal my jumpers. I saw one on your bedroom floor last week.”

“You could’ve asked…you know, formally.”

“Are you seriously mad I never properly asked you to be my girlfriend?” he asked, laughing as you pouted, looking away knowing that your cheeks must resemble Ron’s hair.

“Y/N L/N, will you be my girlfriend?” he asked, bowing deeply as he were some sort of knight.

“Oh sod off.” You said laughing as he captured your lips with his.

 A rush at the beginning I get caught up, just for a minute But lover, you're the one to blame, all that you're doing Can you hear the violence? Megaphone to my chest

 You were hastily packing your trunk as Draco lazily played with your tabby cat, Harold, a scowl on his handsome face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, as you shut your trunk with a flick of your wand, coming down to sit next to him on your bed.

“Nothing.” He said curtly.

“Draco…”

“Do you really have to go spend a week with the Weasleys?”

“Like I told you a thousand times, I do, I promised my friends I would. Besides it’s just a week, then I’ll go stay at the manor until the term starts, I promise.” You said kissing him softly.

“Very well, but I’ll pick you up tomorrow bright and early so we can go have breakfast together one last time.” Who knew Draco Malfoy would be a lovesick puppy.

 Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it

 While you were at the burrow you kept looking for the right time to tell your best friends about you and Draco but it never seemed like the right time. The week flew by and soon enough you were using the Floo network to get to the Malfoy Manor where Draco was waiting for you.

What little remained of your summer break was filled with end of the summer parties from pureblood families, which meant that everyone that was anyone knew about the wealthy power couple that you and Draco were. Which meant that your friends would bound to hear about it.

You were sitting in the garden, taking a breather from the stuffy party crowd inside. Lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice Draco coming up behind you.

“I told mum not to make a big announcement like that about us but you know how she is…I’m sorry.” He murmured as he wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your shoulder softly.

“It’s not that Draco, it’s just that…” you trailed off.

“Go on, love.” He encouraged you.

“It’s a well-known fact that Harry, Hermione, Ron and you don’t get along. And I’ve grown rather fond of you… I just don’t want you to hurl insults at them and vice versa. Merlin knows just how much they hate me for not telling them about us.” You admitted, adverting your gaze from his piercing grey eyes.

“Well you’re not wrong. I’m rather fond of you but not of them, but for you, I’ll try to be civil. I won’t be best of mates with them, but I’ll keep the comments to myself.” He said, with that you let out a sigh of relief at which he chuckled.

“Now come on, they’ll think we’re up to no good if we don’t go back in there.” He said taking your hand in his as he led back inside.

 Our thing progresses, I call and you come through Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre Down the back, but who cares, still the Louvre

 Okay I know that you are not my type (still I fall) I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind (but what about love?) Nothing wrong with it, supernatural Just move in close to me, closer, you'll feel it coasting

 Just as you predicted it, Ron and Harry were beyond livid once they spotted you at King’s Cross. Your mother suppressed her laughter seeing them flail their arms, asking you a million of questions.

“YOU DO KNOW HE’S DRACO MALFOY RIGHT?” Ron yelled, scaring your cat as you looked between him and Harry.

“Y/N, IS HE BLACKMAILING YOU? We can call Snuffles or Remus!” Harry added.

“Is it a love potion?! Maybe we can contact Dumbledore before we get there so he can have the antidote ready!”

“Guys, GUYS! Shut up! Yes, I know that he’s a Malfoy, no, he’s not blackmailing me and we do not need to contact them, and lastly, it is not a love potion, you git.” You listed off as you tried to calm down your squirming cat.

“But Y/N, why didn’t you tell us? Mr. Weasley came home three days ago saying how everyone at the ministry kept buzzing about the latest Malfoy soirée and how his parents made a big announcement about their son. It was about how he was dating another powerful pureblood heir, you.” Hermione said, finally speaking out, a tone of hurt and resentment in her voice.

“I just didn’t know how to tell you; I know how ever since first year you all have not been in the best of terms with him. I was scared that you wouldn’t be my friends anymore.” You confessed.

“Now that’s bloody ridiculous. We’re just worried for you and yes, this will take some time to get used to but we’re here for you and we will try to be civil.” Harry said, hugging you softly, soon enough the rest of trio were hugging you, amidst the commotion your cat broke free from your arms and ran off straight into a tall, blonde figure.

“Missing someone, love?” Draco asked, holding your cat tightly since he was squirming so much.

“You know Harold; he doesn’t like it when he’s not the center of attention.” He chuckled and then noticed the golden trio, who were watching him apprehensively. He nodded politely at them and they returned the gesture, although it looked like it took Ron all of his will power not to shout at him.

“I’ll go get us a cabin, I’ll take this fat fluff ball with me.” He said, kissing your cheek and taking Harold along with him. You turned back to your friends but before you could get a word out, Ron cut you off.

“I take it you’re not sitting with us on the way to Hogwarts, eh?”

“I’m sorry Ron, but I’ll obviously sit with you guys during the feast.” You promised, hugging them one last time before you followed after Draco.

 Once classes started, everyone kept talking about you and Draco, and how could they not? It wasn’t every day that a Slytherin prefect dated a Gryffindor. They constantly saw you bantering over the silliest of things, and it was a daily occurrence that Draco would be spotted running after your cat. No one could’ve imagine that the once cold Slytherin prince was now nothing but mirth and joy, well around you, around others he was still that cold prince. Just like at all of those summer parties, people looked and talked about the two of you with an air of awe, you parted hallways as you both walked hand in hand. Even the paintings themselves would coo over you both.

 A rush at the beginning I get caught up, just for a minute But lover, you're the one to blame, all that you're doing Can you hear the violence? Megaphone to my chest

 “They’re cute, don’t you think?” Hermione asked Ron and Harry as she spotted you two down by the lake, relaxing under an old oak tree.

“A little too cute. It’s like they’re living in a photoshoot, they’re so perfect!” Ron exclaimed.

“Oh hush up.” Hermione laughed as Harry snickered.

Even though you were deemed as the it couple at Hogwarts, that didn’t mean that everyone thought so. At the beginning of the term, the twins and many other Gryffindors would keep a close eye on you whenever you were with Draco. Draco’s friends were still weary of you, especially Pansy. But you both learned to ignored the whispers and snide comments because it didn’t matter to you both.

 Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it

It was almost midnight and you were up at the astronomy tower, watching the clear night sky. Harold was purring next to you, and you were twirling your wand in in between your fingers, waiting for Draco to finish up with his prefect duties.

After a few minutes the door opened and he came in carrying two mugs of hot chocolate, Dobby trailing behind him with a plate of cookies.

“Dobby has come to help Draco! Dobby likes Draco very much because Draco treats miss Y/N kindly.” Dobby said cheerily, setting down the plate next to you.

“It’s so nice to see you, Dobby.” You said, smiling at the cheerful house elf. After a few minutes he bid you both farewell and went back to the kitchen.

You were both quiet for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company.

“Who would’ve thought that we would be here…you being nice to house elves, and civil towards my friends.” you mused.

“Well, people do crazy things when they’re in love.” He answered, smiling as you moved closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

 Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it Broadcast the boom boom boom boom And make 'em all dance to it

yeah, ive got like two to threeish weeks left until summer vacations starts!! im literally sooo excited for it 💖 and yes!! i totally get you when you say that they are annoying but in an endearing way,, most of my guy friends are like that haha and uniforms? what was that like?? did you like your uniform?? and, youre absolutely right!! its nice to see people put effort in the way they dress for once,, and yesss!! ive literally begged my friends to consider stem, but most just dont like it (1/5)

and so far im considering going into IT (is that the right word?), but im not too sure about that,, and thats literally why i love stem so much! its really challenging and really amazing to think about!! and, yeah, i wouldnt even know where to begin to buy n95 masks adfad most people either use masks they made themselves or those one use masks,, and i will!! please stay safe too!! many dont seem to take the pandemic seriously anymore, but its still not over so definitely stay safe!!! 💖💕 (2/5)

code names sounds fun!! i love guessing games,, i cant wait to host a game night with my friends once this is all over!! and lmao that must be so weird to just sit there while you wait for your prof haha zoom does seem to be v annoying, but im happy you got it to start working!! and, same, i could never live in vietnam bc the humidity is just too much,, no, not really haha it only ever snows a couple of times a year and most of the time it melts away in a couple of days, but no ive never (3/5)

gone skiing or snowboarding,, a lot my friends have tho so it is common to go but i just havent yet,, and same! i figured eugene would give matt alcohol but just alcohol?? i was absolutely not surprised that matt nailed it!! and gordon ramsey? who? and, oh, croissants! they seem so difficult tho because youve gotta chill the dough all the time, but tell me how they turn out if you decide to make them!! and a triptych and in an impressionist and pop art style?? that sounds difficult!! (4/5)

but im sure youll do well 💖 id love to see the piece once your finished because i love impressionist style artwork,, and damn must be weird to graduate now without a proper ceremony :( i really hope you get to do a big celebration once all of this is over because you totally deserve it!! and haha i get it,, must be nice to know that youll never have to cram for another exam again fasdfa and thank you! im having a great weekend,, how about you? (5/5)

✿ ✿ ✿

omg ok i know i’ve been pm’ing you a lot instead, but i still want to answer these!!! you’re almost done with school, you can do it! summer is just around the corner 💕  YES, i feel like all guy friends read the same manual or something, like how are they so darn annoying all the time, but you can’t seem to hate them for it?? i actually really loved uniforms!! it made it easier in the morning because you already have an outfit picked out. also, people can’t judge you based on what you’re wearing because they’re wearing the same thing. it’s an equalizer, and that’s really nice :’) people who put effort into fashion are amazing, like it takes me an hour to pick one decent outfit to go out in and then i’m drained rip

omg i’m going into IT!!!! it’s a fun field to work in, and i hope you’ll like it! and yes for sure, stem makes you use your brain a lot ajksdhfkasd ah, same! my friend gave me one of her n95 masks, but besides that, my mom sewed a lot of masks herself, so we use those if we go outside! yes, i will also!! yeah, the pandemic is still going on, so i hope everyone still stays mindful of that ): 

omg yes, i miss the weekly game nights we had ))): we host one every friday night online still, but it’s not the same.. ashdjkalfhas literally everyone is just sitting there, waiting for the prof to come back, and we all look dead inside on cam LOL i don’t know how people can survive in humidity like that all the time... my friend absolutely loves it and says it’s because it makes her a dewy goddess, but humidity just makes me look like a sweaty beach ball LMAO  oooo i see! that’s still lovely to be able to experience snow for a few days 💖

matt and eugene are good at everything, i’m not even surprised anymore aksjdfjhlaksd when he did that painting while drunk in their latest video, i was like :O yeah, croissants seem really difficult, but hopefully, i’ll be able to expand my baking skills over the summer!!

and actually, i sped painted each one for 3-4 hours each! so it wasn’t too bad, and i chose impressionism because it’s more about painting what you feel, rather than doing a photorealism style, which would’ve taken ages rip and we’ll be getting our actual ceremony next year!!! it’s so exciting, and thank you so much again!!! 🥺  my weekend is off to a good start! only 9 more hours til the commencement ceremony starts at noon :’) 

(also you don’t have to answer these!!! i know we talked about the majority of this through dm’s already ajskdfhas)

825

All About the Letter E

Please List! (at least one)

Animals I Like: Elephants! And emus, mostly because of the Emu War I had watched a video about recently.

Foods I Like: Eggs. All kinds of them. I also like Eggs Benedict, empanadas, eggplants, eclairs, escargot, and I loooove eel. 

I Know Someone Who’s (jobs): Editor, editorial assistant, editor-in-chief - surprise surprise, I’m a journalism student haha.

I Wouldn’t Mind Visiting: Egypt and Ethiopia. I also want to go back to El Nido in Palawan.

Sometimes I Feel: Excited, enthusiastic, but mostly embarassed.

Music I Listen To: Ed Sheeran, Eraserheads, Ella Fitzgerald.

Movies I’ve Seen: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Eraserhead, Emperor’s New Groove, Evil Dead, The Exorcist, Ex Machina (the first ten minutes of it anyway), Eyes Wide Shut.

Names I Like: Emilia, Emma, Elliott, Ezra, Eden, Elizabeth.

And now, onto the random questions!

Do you believe in equality? Of course. Reeeally big on it too.

Early to bed or early to rise? Mmm, neither honestly. I sleep way too late to the point of it being unhealthy, which means I don’t get up particularly early either.

Are you early or late for appointments? I get to the venue early, then show up exactly on time.

Have you ever had an ear infection? I have not. I imagine that would majorly suck though.

Do you go see an eye doctor? This implies that I do it regularly, so no. I did have to visit one when I still could because my left eye would feel like there was something stuck inside of it and it hurt to blink. The eye drops prescribed to me didn’t really help and would only provide short-term relief, but I never got to go back and have my eye re-checked cause we were under lockdown by then. Occasionally I’d still get spells of being irritated.

How many earrings do you wear? None. I ruined my left ear piercing years ago so I’ve had to stick with clip-ons, but I haven’t worn any in a while because I’ve lost most of them, because I’m terrible at being organized with such tiny things lol.

Do you care about the environment? How do you help the Earth? Yes, I reduce and recycle whenever I can; I’m very particular about segregating my trash; I save on paper by always folding a page in half if I have to fill it up; and as icky as it is I always pick up trash at public places when I see it – I’ve since had Gabie pick up the habit too. How often do you exercise? Do you go to a gym or do it on your own? The only exercise I get is going on short strolls with Kimi. I do it for leisure, not for workout-y purposes. I did have a rigorous PE class last sem where we’d have to do like 50 pushups, 30 pullups, five-minute planks, lifting 80-lb barbells, etc every meeting and it was honestly a lot of fun; but I was never able to maintain the exercises we did once the class ended.

What are your favorite things to eat? Unhealthy things like cheeseburgers and corndogs, ~fancier desserts~ like macarons and eclairs, savory food like ramen and curry, and seafood. My tastes are all over the place, lmao.

Do you know anyone who is pure evil? I know shitty people, but ‘pure evil’ is pushing it.

Do you get along with everyone? Not always because I can be quite vocal and that doesn’t sit well with some people; and it’s usually easy to tell if I don’t like someone even if I act civil. I always try my best to be friendly though.

Do you have a certain routine that you go through every day? Yes. I need my routines otherwise my anxiety will absolutely blow up. Spontaneity is fine with me but not when it comes to this.

Have you ever felt like you’ve lost everything? Yup.

Is there anywhere you’d like to explore? The rest of the world. For the most part, there’s no place I’d say no to going.

Elevators or escalators? Escalators because at least it’s in an open area, and if it breaks down I can just go up or down as if it were stairs.

What do you do in the evening? Dinner, play with Kimi and now Cooper, and I usually take my surveys by evening. Sometimes I’ll make a cup of coffee too.

Have you ever been evaluated for anything before? Yes, both as part of a group and just me, individually.

What’s the worst you’ve ever done on an exam? I got the lowest possible grade that my old school offered once or twice. In college, I once got something like a 40/100 in an economics class HAHAHAH

Are you easily exhausted? No, as long as the weather cooperates. If it were hot and humid I’d be a lot more sluggish.

Do you like visiting exhibits? Depends on the subject. < Same. I wouldn’t go to an exhibit that would get too technical on engineering, for one.

Have you ever felt exiled? I’ve felt that in my home many times.

Have you ever felt like everybody was talking about you? Yeah, but I don’t feel like opening up that can of worms right now since it’s a complicated story lol.

Have you ever entered through an exit sign or exited through an enter sign? I’m sure I have.

How have humans evolved over time? In a lot of ways. We’ve lost some tiny body parts, changed our mindsets on stuff like slavery, changed up our fashion sense, removed and added words from/onto our vocabulary, developed our cuisines, etc. I highly recommend Bill Wurtz’s ‘history of the entire world, i guess’ video haha.

Would you ever consider eloping? No. Not to sound ignorant, but I genuinely mostly don’t know what that entails since it’s not really a part of our culture. One thing’s for sure though, I wanna get married with a bunch of people watching.

If you could erase one mistake from your past, what would it be? I wouldn’t call it a mistake because it was who I am at the time...but I hate the fact that my college experience is forever stained with how much I sulked during my freshman year.

When’s the last time you’ve used email? How about sending something through the mail in an actual envelope? For email, it was like a week ago when I had to reply to a company emailing our org to endorse their internship opportunities. I don’t think I ever sent anything to anyone through mail...? I’ve written handwritten letters, but I personally gave them to the person it was meant for.

Do you dye eggs at Easter time? Nah we only did that once.

Is the glass half empty or half full? Depends on the situation, for me.

Have you ever had elbow macaroni before? Sure! My favorite recipe is Mama Lou’s truffle mac and cheese. Soooooo savory and so, so unfairly good.

Have you ever fractured or dislocated your elbow? Never. That sounds awful. I’ve seen arm wrestling matches go wrong and those were bad enough. Do you know how long an era or an eon is? An era is dependent on events, isn’t it? Like the hippie era, the grunge era, etc. My understanding is that they are socially defined and therefore don’t have a set time period. I believe an eon is an very long but unspecified amount of time. I’m trying to remember this without Googling, so I could be wrong, but those are my interpretations of the words. < There ya go. It’s a little too late in the night for me to be up for defining either in my own words haha.

Do you chew the Extra brand of gum? I don’t think so. I don’t think we have that here.

When was the last time someone showed empathy towards you? Few weeks ago when I was horribly sick and dad willingly took care of me, gave me sponge baths, and listened to every single one of my requests.

Did you have an Elf on the Shelf growing up? No. I’m not sure I know what that is.

Is your bedtime closer to eight or eleven? Eight...AM. :(((

Would you go around the world in eighty days? Nah I’d want to stop in too many places. You can’t see a country in a day. < True. While I was very much in love with my cruise vacation, it also meant that I just had an afternoon to explore as much as I can of South Korea and Japan. And I wish I had more time in both places.

Did you turn eighteen in high school, or afterwards? Shortly afterwards. My graduation was in March, I turned 18 by April.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

Think of this!! Dino, Enma and Tsuna keep on humiliating this clumy maid that works really hard because it reminds them of their old self but after noticing their work eithic and optimism fall in love

COMPLETE

Dino

How this new maid managed to get hired was beyond him. He couldn’t understand how she was able to pass the physical exams required for all of the staff members at the Cavallone HQ

She trips. A lot. It’s especially worse when she is handling fine china and cutlery. It drives him nearly insane.

If there’s a crash in the distance, he knows that 9 times out of 10 it will be her fault. He knows it, Romario knows it, everyone knows it.

So what if he sometimes makes her job harder by leaving behind crazy messes? And yeah, sometimes he’ll intentionally throw his trash on the floor of his office just as she’s finishing cleaning up.

He can’t help it. Looking at how clumsy she is makes him feel wrong. Like he’s looking through a time machine and seeing his pre-Reborn days.

He hates it.

But why the hell is she so forgiving?! “It’s okay, Don Cavallone, I’ll clean that up.”  “No worries, I’m sure you didn’t mean to drop those stuff, Don Cavallone.”

Not once has he ever heard of her missing a day at work. He’s always seen her around, working to clean messes made by the inhabitants of the mansion and the messes she makes out of her own clumsiness.

Dino knows she works overtime too. He’ll sometimes catch her asleep on the stairwell with cleaning supplies around her late at night, far beyond any staff member besides the skeleton crew stays late.

(He later found out she had just finished doing a double shift and had offered to cover for a sick night staff member.)

He covered her sleeping form in one of his less nicer jackets he wore, telling himself that while he didn’t like her at all, Reborn would kill him if he found out he had left a lady out on the cold without helping.

It took her leaving his jacket on his bed, folded and dry cleaned, with a note saying her thanks for letting her borrow it and for hiring her to realize he was slightly enamored with her.

“Shit,” he mumbles under his breath as he sees her walking his way to start her duties. “Since when was she this pretty?”

“Did you say something, Don Cavallone?”

“I said you look shitty.”

Enma

He was so fucking sure that Adelheid would fire this clumsy idiot of a girl the moment she drops the extremely expensive fine china all over the dining hall

So why the hell did his Glacier guardian instead ask another staff member to help the maid clean up the mess? Did he enter the damned Twilight Zone or something?

The Don Shimon has never seen this maid not covered in bruises and bandages. It’s either from tripping down the stairs, burning herself in the kitchen, cutting herself on shards of china she dropped - the number of injuries were endless.

Looking at her makes him feel like a teenager again, all bumps and bruises and band aids. Pathetic, weak, helpless.

He hates her jokes and puns. Enma is positive she has made it her mission to say at least one pun around him whenever she works.

Enma privately refers to her as his No-Good Maid, despite knowing Tsuna would tan his ass for bringing that nickname back up. He only says it out loud when he’s alone in his office.

He gives a great loud laugh whenever she messes up in front of him. His laugh is harsh and mocking, causing her to flush in embarrassment.

It’s adorable how she always apologizes and spazzes out as she tries to clean up her mess. She’s always smiling through it all.

The maid is a hard worker, he’ll giver her that. She hasn’t used any sick days nor asked for any vacation time. He hears praises from the other staff members about how ready she is to help her coworkers.

“Don Shimon, is something the matter? Did I do something wrong?”

She’s looking at him now, a worried look on her face. Shit, was he staring that much at her?

The hand on his forehead is cool to the touch and causes him to blush lightly. He fights it off the best he can but loses when she sends him a smile. “No fever, shall I get you something to snack on?”

The fact that he was in love with this maid hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew, then and there, that he fucked up.

Tsuna

He absolutely hates the new maid with a fiery passion. She’s reminds him of his No-Good days, and he hates being reminded of those times. He’s better now, a lot better.

Everything he did back then, she’s just as bad, sometimes worse. She trips (will it kill her to tie her shoes?) and slips (for fuck’s sake, watch where you’re going) and drops everything she touches (a portion of that is going to be docked from her paycheck).

Why the head butler keeps her around is beyond his imagination. He cannot stand seeing her in the Vongola mansion, he wishes she would just disappear.

Tsuna intentionally has women he chases come home with him the nights before it’s her shift to attend to him. He feels a thrill, seeing her blush in the morning at his and his partner’s nakedness.

He keeps the woman of the night around longer during these times, using the new maid as a form of entertainment to laugh at with his partner. Tsuna is ruthless in pointing out her faults to the woman in his arm.

What angers him the most is how the maid not only takes it all, but even decided to crack jokes at her expense. It’s then that she smiles at their laughter at her, despite knowing full well they are not laughing with her.

The man later realizes that she’s a hard worker, a jack-of-all-trades around the Vongola mansion. She covers for any staff member that is absent - the cook, the maid, the gardener, and so on.

It’s impressive, really. It’s even admirable, he admits to no one.

Despite her desire to help, accidents also follow her wherever she goes. A minor kitchen fire, the plates are dropped, the weed killer is mistaken for pesticide, and the list goes on.

For every positive action, there is a negative reaction. An almost cycle of good and bad surrounds her work. If he didn’t require the most extensive and ridiculous background check on his staff members, Tsuna would think she was an enemy spy sent in to passively attack him from within.

But she smiles and smiles and laughs and laughs though it all. The maid just bounces back from these accidents. She cleans and helps repair the kitchen, she cleans up the plates and goes out to fetch new ones, she plants new flowers in the garden.

It’s when she becomes sick from working herself too hard and fiels for sick leave does Tsuna realize that he’s grown used to her antics. Through this time, he’s anxious and nervous and antsy, making sure to keep in all inside.

When she returns to work with her smiles and jokes and accidents, Tsuna feels a huge relief wash over him. For the first time since she was hired, he smiles back at her, surprising both of them.

“Shit, I’m in love.”

Hello fellow boozie readers!

Sam’s Update:

This week was pretty decent. I was trying so hard to finish some books for the start of Magical Readathon!! Which starts this week. Working hard to be a Metal Charmer.

What Sam finished this week:

The Defiant Heir by Melissa Caruso: I really enjoy this series and I’m so sad it doesn’t get any hype. I thought that it was a duology and that I’d be checking this series off my list, but alas, there’s a third book. Fortunately, it comes out this month! I’ll be drunk reviewing this so I don’t want to write too much here. Review for The Tethered Mage here.

Victory of Eagles by Naomi Novik: I adored this installment of Temeraire. We get to see a POV from Temeraire himself, and we get to see him grow and achieve his goals and WOW I just. And Lawrence, he had some baggage to work through and I think Novik did a fantastic job wit hit.

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black: So this is the book that Ginny and I listened to on our way to and from Mama’s.  This book is about a human girl who was raised in Fairyland with the Fae. She just wants to fit in but she’s constantly underestimated and bullied because she’s mortal. Political machinations and spycraft and other things happen, she’s just trying to live her life. Man. The ending to this book… I’m still like… she is so. dumb. SO DUMB.

What Sam’s reading now:

It’s O.W.L.s Magical Readathon bitches!!

Charms: A Brightness Long Ago by Guy Gavriel Kay: I am barely in to this one, but from what I can tell it’s a story about a coup. We began with the assassination of the brutal governor by a neighboring rival. I don’t think I’ve quite mastered the writing style yet, but I can tell you that I’m enjoying it. I’m also not sure who the main characters are so… more information to come.

Potions: Tongues of Serpents by Naomi Novik: This is the next installment of Temeraire. Do you see the pattern here? I am LOVING these. This book takes place in Australia. I’m audio-ing this one as I have with all the others and it’s good so far. Not as good as the previous but good.

Ginny’s Update:

Hi Everyone, hope you’re doing well.  I was sick last week (but still went to work because colds suck but not enough to take time off- especially once you’re passed the contagious stage) so I ended up canceling a bunch of plans and watching a lot of dumb tv… Hope you had a good week!

Currently Reading:

Mr. Hotshot CEO by Jackie Lau: Yeah, it’s another romance novel.  Look, I know what I’m about.  Julian Fong is being forced to take a vacation by his family, and needs help having fun.  Enter Courtney, who has never necessarily been considered the life of the party but knows how to enjoy the small things in life.  Julian asks Courtney to help him enjoy life and boy does she… The writing can be a little bit stilted at times (though that might just be the way the characters think/talk) but boy is it still fun.  

Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay:  This is a book club book.  I’ve technically started reading but haven’t exactly gotten too far into it.  This book is a literal brick.  It is pretty big and more weight than I feel like carrying around (at least on the metro) so I’m gonna need some solid time at home to knock out some chunks of it.

How Long ‘Til Black Future Month by N.K. Jemisin: I got this as an audiobook, and I can’t do short story audiobooks.  I’ve heard the first two stories and they’re captivating, but I think I’m going to need to get a physical copy of this.

Completed this week:

Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath: This was kinda great. It was mostly a study in case studies, looking at why certain ideas are successful… and yeah I’ve definitely decided to use a few of these tips in my day to day life.  Still, if anyone is looking into making some life changes or just wants to feel a little bit hopeful about how change is possible this is a pretty good option.  4/5

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black:  I still hate some of the tropes in this book, but I very much enjoyed some of the twist and turns.  I’m not sure I’d end up continuing the series (there was a lot of telling rather than showing, and god was the main character dumb sometimes) but I would definitely want to get the sparknotes version.  3/5

The Year of the Crocodile by Courtney Milan: This was a really short extra story to go with the Trade Me book I read the other week.  Blake Reynolds and Tina Chen’s parents haven’t met yet because Blake’s dad is basically the founder of Apple and Tina’s parents were tortured by the Chinese regime.  This ended up being absolutely hysterical. Adam Reynolds is certainly a character and his thought process is so well mapped out that it is easy to understand why he thinks the way he does.  The verbal sparring between Tina’s Mom and Blake’s Dad was charming in the most asshole-way possible.  5/5

Minda’s Update:

Let’s go for Magical Readathon! Taking my O.W.Ls for my magical career path as a Librarian & I am so pumped.

What Minda is reading this week:

These Rebel Waves by Sara Raasch – This fills the Herbology O.W.L exam, which is not actually needed for my career but helps me earn an “Exceeds Expectations.” Risky move, but it’s the first due back to the library.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik – This has been on my tbr since reading Spinning Silver for book club and fulfills the Ancient Runes requirement. This was on a few lists as an awesome fairytale/retelling so sounds super promising.

Linz’s Update:

If you didn’t see our IG account, I was fostering a six week-old pupper all week, which is NOT conducive to getting my reading list done. I also hit a few books that I just couldn’t finish.

What Linz took a stab at but DNF:

The Resolutions by Mia Garcia – Four teen besties write each others’ New Year’s resolutions and try to follow them for a year. I dunno, this just wasn’t doing it for me. I felt like it took WAY too long to establish that all the characters are Latinx, it was REALLY hard trying to keep track of what time of year it was, the perfectionist’s storyline was super predictable, and there’s a character who works like, way too much in her mom’s restaurant and you’re telling me no one was dinging CPS at any point in her youth?

For a Muse of Fire by Heidi Heilig – A girl has powers over souls and also lives in a country with a lot of political and military turmoil. I actually tried reading The Girl From Everywhere before this, and I just couldn’t get into either book. I didn’t like how the worlds were built and couldn’t sink into them.

Black Wings Beating by Alex London – So, I’m an idiot because I definitely read the description about these bird-centric religious groups, and didn’t process it. I really liked where the book was going and like London’s writing, but I really really really do not like birds, and it was more bird-y than I could handle.

What Linz is reading:

Vita Nostra by Marina and Sergey Dyachenko – Sort of The Magicians but in Russia, and also Quentin is played by Sasha (a less intense Alice). It’s a weird book because it’s translated, so some stuff doesn’t quite work, and Sasha’s constant dread and confusion is a little heavy because the reader only gets as much knowledge as Sasha, but I’m gonna try to stick with it. 

On The Come Up by Angie Thomas – Do I need to summarize? I was just sure if you hadn’t been waitlisted for it, you’d already gotten a copy. The Hate U Give was a little heavy-handed but necessary, still relatable, and very readable, and I’m feeling things for this sophomore effort. (BTW my god if I’d only known of true heavy-handedness before I read The Hate U Give.) 

Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay – Honestly I have no idea what this is about, because I kept trying to read it between the puppy’s naps, so I have to restart reading it this week.

 Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Melinda, Linz, and Ginny

 Weekly Wrap-up: Mar 25-31, 2019 Hello fellow boozie readers! Sam's Update: This week was pretty decent. I was trying so hard to finish some books for the start of…

Do you usually take blame or blame others? I’m great at blaming myself for everything. Have you ever been to a McDonald’s in another state? Yeah. Have you ever seen 50 First Dates? Yeah, several times. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Blech it smells awful and tastes even worse. Have you ever been to Sea World? Nooo. I have a real irrational fear of killer whales.   Do you know someone who suffers from short term memory loss? Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I’ve read most of his books. If so, which one is your favorite? The Fault in our Stars, Paper Towns, and Looking for Alaska. Are you a protective person? Of my loved ones.  Have you ever experienced an earthquake? Nope. Would you rather go to a beach or city for a vacation? Both are fun, but the beach is my place of real relaxation. Does your license plate number contain the number 8? I don’t have a car. Were you ever a ghost on Halloween? Yeah. Has someone ever held the door open for you? Most people hold the door open for me. Are you a fan of penguins? They’re cute.  Have you ever stayed up all night on a school night? I’ve had many late nights in college. One semester I legit stayed up all night studying for a final I had that morning. That was really, really stupid. Like I managed to do fine on the exam, but I was a zombie that whole day. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos. Has anyone ever sang to you? Nah. Are you a good painter? No. Before buying a car, do you usually test drive it? I don’t drive. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I read some of my poems to my cousin but that’s it. Do you like pineapple? No. Have you ever met your favorite author? Nope, I haven’t met any of them. Do you look more like your mom or dad? I got features from both, but I don’t look exactly like either one. It’s weird how some families you have no doubt at all that they’re related, they’re like actual clones, and then other families not as much. Have you and your best friend ever liked the same person? My cousin who I was really close to when I was younger had a crush on some of the same guys I did in middle and high school. When was the last time someone called you babe or baby? *shrug* Do you have an older brother? Yes. Are you a fan of art? * Yeah. Lol, I wonder if there’s anyone out there who jst…hates art. HATES IT <<< Lol yeah that would be pretty crazy. Like, sure some people aren’t super in to art, but I’ve never heard of anyone hating it. There’s so many different paintings and styles. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? My mom’s. Have you ever seen the movie My Girl? No. Do you watch Teen Wolf on MTV? I never got into that show. When it was on, did you watch Cory In The House on Disney? I saw it here and there, but I wasn’t really into it. Do you have any blackheads? Possibly. Do you have any freckles? Yeah. Do you have a movie that you have to watch during the summer every year? No. I have tons of movies I like to watch during fall/Halloween and Christmastime, though. Do you think that life isn’t fair sometimes? Absolutely, but we’re not promised that it always will be. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? For my birthday a couple years ago. What was the last book you read? Burying the Honeysuckle Girls by Emily Carpenter. I keep saying I’m going to start a new book, but ahhh I don’t know what my deal is. How many books do you plan to read this summer? Summer is overrrr.  Does your house have a dishwasher? Yep. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Probably. Do you like the name Carter? Sure. Have you ever had a secret admirer? No, unless it remained a secret ha. I highly, highly doubt it. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? Like 4. Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies Some, yeah. 

annoyed at first sight: the saga

note: some salt for rachel @madcatassassin to keep you company on the plane. consider it the public declaration of love you asked for on twitter. 

           Lea was so, so, so annoying.

           He'd thought he was making a good decision, for once, starting to come to the little café halfway between his apartment and the law firm. And then it turned out his next-door neighbor owned the place, and everything went downhill from there.

           First things first, she was not a good neighbor.

           She cooked at all hours, which was understandable, because she did run a café, but when you're cramming for the third exam in a row­, you do not need somebody banging pots and pans and slamming cabinet doors and then making ridiculously delicious smells appear like spirits mocking all of his sad peanut-butter-and-nothing lunches. And then she took up the only elevator with her grocery runs, making him wait forever with his armloads of files and textbooks. Plus she sang in the shower, terribly, right next to his bedroom.

           Secondly, going to her café was overall just a weird experience. She was so chipper in the mornings when she worked the register, which he considered an affront to anyone who, like himself, did not like mornings. It felt like a personal attack to have a blue-haired girl yelping "Hi! How are you? I'm fantastic!" in his face, when he barely felt alive. And okay, he'd gotten used to seeing Safiya Waheed, harpy editor of monster fashion magazine Sublimity, draped in her Hermés scarves and sipping veal bone broth in a china teacup, and he'd even gotten over seeing the leshy Rabbi Roland Gish stopping by for his daily breakfast-in-a-muffin and strawberry rhubarb salad to-go. Still he did not really like getting offered blood-red velvet milkshakes, or crybaby-back rib sandwiches.

           ("There isn't any human meat in any of our dishes," Lea had assured him. He was not quite so sure, still, because Arnold Gustavsson the ice giant really, really liked those crybaby-back ribs.)

           He didn't understand why he kept going. Or why everything in him went electric when Lea was working front of the house.

           It had nothing to do with how she seemed to smile with the entirety of her being, looking like summer itself in a sundress with a smear of flour on her cheek and wet strands of teal hair sticking to the side of her neck.

           It was probably hatred.

~

           Julius was so, so, so annoying.

           It was awful to think badly of a customer, and ordinarily Lea would absolutely never, but he was also her neighbor, and that made things different.

           Firstly, he stayed up just as late as she did, but he stayed up late studying instead of cooking, and apparently had to have absolute silence in the entire building or something when he studied. Yet he somehow was perfectly happy to rev up his motorcycle at any and all hours. There was no way she was the only one bothered about that, but no, she put up with it, but he complained all the time about the sounds of her cooking. She'd tried to smooth things over by showing up at his doorstep with some pastries, once.

           It turned out he was allergic to them.

           Or just to joy.

           Secondly, he complained about the café. Granted, Buyan was a little eccentric, just like her. But he didn't have to tell her that her overnight oats looked like sludge in a to-go cup (even if they did–that was a very short phase), or tell her that the peanut-butter-celery tarts sounded disgusting (even if she had really not anticipated that sticky stringy texture), or make faces every time somebody ordered a blood-red velvet milkshake (those were actually really good, excuse him). It alienated other customers. Besides, last year during Ice Cream Flavor Fest, he'd come in and surveyed the list of flavors–it had been cereal themed last year, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch had been the top contender–and then ordered a plain vanilla after some particularly judgmental faces, and that meant he was really boring. And he was definitely a werewolf, but he never wanted to try any of her werewolf specials.

           Also, Julius hadn't responded to her friend request on Snapchat, and then deleted his account three weeks later. And she couldn't find him on Instagram.

           Which was a combination of rude and downright suspicious.

           She didn't understand why he kept coming. Or why she couldn't stop looking towards the door every morning until he walked through it.

           It had nothing to do with how he had the most thoughtful eyes of anyone she'd ever met, with his tie loosened and his cuffs rolled up to his elbows cramming for dear life at one of her tables while sloshing through his morning coffee.

           It was probably hatred.

~

           The thing about hatred is that over time, it needs fuel.

           In which case, they had plenty, but most notable were two incidences in particular.

 The Cabbage Incident

           Julius was sick of eating ramen and peanut butter.

           (Separately. Not together. Though once he had almost been tempted.)

           He'd gone to the grocery store late at night after realizing he had been reading the same chapter in one of his many textbooks over and over again. He needed some kind of sustenance. Real sustenance. The kind that would make him feel more like a capable working adult with his life together, and only something green and leafy would do.

           He was starting to feel better about himself, pushing his empty cart down the empty aisles, like a real person who ate real meals, until he caught sight of a familiar head of damp teal hair.

~

           After many, many offerings of homemade mochis and her own specially mixed chili oil in mason jars, after so much begging, Lea had finally gotten Brandon's grandmother's secret recipe for lionhead soup, and she had to try it out immediately.

           She would not be able to rest until she had.

           And to do that she needed her own ground pork meatballs­–a pinch to make, ever since that one exclusively handmade pasta phase she went through–and vermicelli noodles, and ginger, and sesame oil, and soy sauce.

           Oh, and one head of Napa cabbage.

           It was kind of a nuisance that it was the last one left, because it was not quite the perfect head of cabbage, but it was late and she would forgive this little grocery store because they were at least open. And it would do.

           Until a tall shadow loomed overhead.

~

           "Oh, um, hey, Lea. Um. I kinda need that cabbage."

           "What? No. Julius, I need this cabbage. It's really important, haha."

           "No, you don't understand. I really, really need that cabbage. Tonight."

           "No, you don't understand. I really need this cabbage. Tonight."

           "What do you need the cabbage for? It's not like you can use one head of cabbage to feed an entire café."

           "I'm testing out recipes so I could potentially feed an entire café, okay? It's important! It's how I make my living!"

           "You could cook something else! You have plenty of weird ideas all the time! You change your menus like every other day! I'm going to eat this cabbage for my actual meals. I am literally going to be living off of it."

           "It's every other week, jackass! Which you would notice if you didn't spend all of your time judging everything in the place! Also, you could eat literally anything else!"

           "Like what, like all the other things you could be cooking?"

           "ATTENTION, ALL CUSTOMERS: WE ARE CLOSING IN FIVE MINUTES. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING."

           "Lea. That cabbage is so beat up. You don't want it."

           "Then why would you want it?"

           "I'm not testing out recipes! I'm just a poor law student. Your results are going to be skewed with this sad cabbage."

           "It's fine! I'll get the basic idea and see if the recipe is easy enough to do on a large scale! I can perfect the taste later!"

           "Much later, if those peanut-butter-and-celery tarts were anything to go by."

           "Nobody forced you to buy one!"

           "Yeah, um, you did."

           "Yeah, obviously I did. How could I possibly force you to buy something?"

           "You ... it was your face!"

           "My face?!?"

~

           "Ma'am. Sir. I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you from our store for disturbing the other customers."

           "WHAT OTHER CUSTOMERS?"

           "SHE STARTED IT!"

 The Not-Date Incident

           There were a lot of things Julius hated about his workplace: the corruption, the astonishing amount of ignorance, and the strange animosity towards Starbucks, just to name a few.

           Oh, and Kyle from upstairs.

           Kyle, with his hand-tailored suits, his fraternity ring practically implanted into his finger, and his continuous bragging about that one time the Laurents had some issue arise while they were on vacation and had him specially flown to their lake house to discuss it. Luckily Kyle never spoke to him, because Kyle didn't know he existed, because Kyle didn't pay attention to anyone who couldn't potentially weigh in on his paycheck. Kyle only descended to their floor to request paperwork or something, but usually ended up boasting about starting to be assigned to some Laurent Industries property or something.

           Normally when one of the Laurent Industries lackeys came down he tried to eavesdrop on their conversations, just to feel like he was making headway into his investigation on them. But he'd long since learned to tune out Kyle.

           So when Kyle started yelping as usual about taking some café owner to dinner, complete with some jokes about sharp fangs and liking it rough, he completely ignored it.

~

           There were a lot of things Lea was willing to risk for Buyan. The café was her dream-child, her personal project. She poured money and time and effort into it all the time.

           She did not expect to be risking her dignity like this when she started it, though.

           But she really needed Laurent Industries' sympathies and backing, especially as one of the few monster-serving cafés in this part of town, and especially because Buyan was new and still in need of some economic babysitting.

           So when Kyle, her Laurent Industries representative who had the sex appeal of a moldy potato, asked her to dinner to discuss the property, she put on a cute blouse and a floral print skirt and let him take her to a nice Italian restaurant downtown.

~

           It had not been his idea to go to Mangia's that night. He'd gotten a gift card from a coworker, and he'd done well on that torts midterm, and it was nice, okay, it was nice to have a real dinner for once. Sure, it was kind of weird to go to a restaurant that had clearly cornered the romantic Italian angle, with the soft dim golden lighting and violins playing gently, but he could handle it.

           But then he looked over at the couple being seated next to him.

           There was Kyle, atrocious salmon-colored bermuda shorts flashing in all of their hideous glory as he pulled out a chair for a woman who seemed bent on haunting Julius wherever he went.

           “I meant to tell you earlier that you look beautiful tonight, Lea,” Kyle is saying.

           Yeah. She does.

~

           It should not interest her that Julius is at a relatively romantic Italian restaurant all by himself.

           She should not be wondering whether or not it’s because he’s waiting on a date.

           Kyle is talking about the time he saw the Laurents’ vacation home because of some pressing legal issue. At first she thought it would be a great opportunity to segue into them funding Buyan, but it becomes increasingly obvious Kyle is only really interested in talking about himself.

           “No homo, but I definitely saw Damien and Elena lounging by the pool. It was like a GQ photoshoot over there.”

           Lea stirs her ravioli – truffle oil, porcini mushrooms, some cheese that she is feeling way more chemistry with than Kyle – and definitely does not gaze over Kyle’s shoulder at Julius.

           His date, if it is a date, has not arrived yet, and he's already received his entree. She wonders, as Kyle muses about Véra Laurent's supermodel past, if they're going to give him free dessert. If he was at Buyan, she would have.

           Then again, she cannot really imagine anyone Julius would be having a date with at Buyan.

~

           It was one thing to see Lea on a date. She had a life. It made sense that people should be interested in her. Not that he was, of course, but he could see why. It was just an entirely different thing to see her with Kyle, of all people.

           He hadn’t even asked her about her café. Not once. Or anything else that she liked. Not even her food. The only sign of his remembering that he was supposed to be on a date was the occasional cheesy one-liner he tossed Lea’s way the same way he would toss a used toothpick.

          Julius crumpled his linen napkin in his fist under the table.

~

          She was trying. She really was. She listened to Kyle’s inane stories and made noises of awe or agreement when she was supposed to, and she patiently waited until finally, as the waiter was clearing their plates, she snapped.

           “So, Kyle, this has been really nice, but about Buyan–”

            “Oh my god,” Kyle burst out. “Do you never think about anything else? I mean, I’m breaking my back over here, pulling out all the stops, and you want to talk about your café?”

            She froze. “I, um – excuse me?”

            “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, Lea, but I’m trying really hard over here, but it’s hard to keep accommodating you. This is supposed to be a reciprocal arrangement, and if you’re putting in any effort, I can’t tell. I can’t. Lea, I think I’m going to leave.”

           “What?”

            He got out of his chair. People were starting to stare. Julius was most definitely in that number.

            “Kyle, I, um –”

             He held up a hand. “–Lea, you’re nice and all, but I can’t handle someone who is constantly thinking about their own interests.”

             And then he just left. Walked right out, leaving her sputtering and presumably with their check.

             She was trying to process what had just happened, when a voice piped up:

           “Wow, you sure know how to pick ‘em.”

~

             He had no idea why he said it. It just happened before he could stop himself.

             In either which case, Lea whipped her gaze over at him, steely as only Lea could be in a floral print. “Excuse me?”

            “I just meant –”

            “Yeah, go ahead, share your enlightening commentary, Julius.”

            “It’s just,” he said, plunging on despite her icy glare, “Kyle? Really? Of all people?”

           “Wow, Julius. Wow. And here I was starting to feel sorry for you.”

           He bristled.  “Sorry for me? Why?”

          “Gee, I wonder! Who’s the one sitting in a romantic restaurant all by themselves, so lonely that they have to listen in on somebody else’s dinner?”

           “I didn’t have to listen in! That dinner was so agonizingly obnoxious, I’m surprised nobody else here said anything!”

          “You,” she said, pointing, “have no right to sit there and judge me.”

          “And you don’t have any right to point your finger at me.”

          Lea rose out of her chair like – well, a kraken seemed an inappropriate simile, but it was what he thought of, when her chair scraped back and her skirt billowed with the motion. “Well, prepare yourself, because I’m about to point another one –”

          “–Ma’am. Sir.” The manager, the maitre’d hovering at his side nervously, rushed to Lea’s side with some pretty spectacular timing. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave the restaurant. You are no longer welcome in this establishment.”

~

          “I can’t believe you got us kicked out of one of the best Italian restaurants in town!”

           Lea had to tilt her head to look up at him. “Right, like you had nothing to do with it.”

           He stared straight ahead of them, gesturing to the rest of the parking lot. “I have a gift card! A gift card! What am I going to do with it now?”

           “That’s what you’re worried about?” She meant to sound dry, and funny, but what happened instead was a snort. She coughed to cover it up.  “You can use it on to-go.”

           “It’s the principle that matters.”

           Julius looked so emphatic, so serious, so hell-bent on glowering at that poor beat-up pickup truck in the corner, that she absolutely lost it.

~

           “Stop laughing, it’s not funny,” Julius snapped impatiently when he turned around to find her, doubled-over in the parking lot.

           “It – kind of  – your face,” she gasped out between gales of laughter, hugging herself. “When the manager came –”

           “Okay, that,” he couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up, because her giggles were infectious, “that was pretty good –”

           “And Kyle’s shorts–”

           “–Oh my god, I thought I was going to be blinded. I’m surprised you didn’t get kicked out right away for that.”

           Lea covered her face with a groan. “That was the worst date of my life.”

           She looked so almost-sad about that, or what he thought was sad, on Lea, anyway, because he’d never really seen her sad. He reached out to pat her on the shoulder and immediately thought better of it, jerking his hand away. “Hey, it’ll be okay. There’ll be better ones.”

           “I hope so,” she replied, her voice dry as a bone.

           “I think so,” he said, hands firmly in his pockets, trying not to sound hesitant. “I’m sure of it.”

           She turned to him with a smile he couldn’t read. “Yeah?”

           “Yeah.” Sure. Why not.

~

           The next morning he came in for his normal coffee, and Lea made sure to be there.

           “You know,” she said, writing his name on the cup with a flourish, “you’re not that bad.”

           “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Julius harrumphed. “Do you mean, not as bad as those peanut-butter celery tarts?”