#like yea having lots of kinky sex is cool but not having sex and not being interested by sex is also cool | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anothers-trash-my-treasure · 3 years

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Stoners

Stoner Snaf <3 So this one's kinda weird, I based it around the Watch Me from fictober so if you haven't already read that, I suggest reading it first! It's also set in a post COVID world because I need something to look forward to. Disclaimer; I wrote this while very high last night and didn't really edit it so it's probably a mess.

Pairing: Merriell Shelton / Female Reader

Warnings: 18+, unprotected sex (don't do this), recreational drug use, if you squint there's some kinky undertones but nothing too crazy.

Word Count: 4.4K (i haven't written something this long is forever omf)

Tags: @edteche2 @xmxisxforxmaybe @diasimar @txmel @gloriousdarkangelsworld @paradoxicaltornado @404-not-found-xix

Enjoy and happy 4:20

Ever since the pandemic, you hadn’t been able to do crowds. Not like you used to anyways. It killed you a little bit because all the things you missed doing so much involved crowds; concerts, clubbing, festivals, travelling. Getting back into the swing of things took time. The feeling of being surrounded by people you don’t know set every one of your nerves on fire in the worst way. It felt so...

Uncomfortable.

This is probably why you didn’t last more than a half-hour at some seedy dive bar your friends had dragged you out to for the night. They begged you to go out with them, if even only for a drink or two. It had been so long since the whole group had a proper outing, it was nice to have the gang out for a night. Until some dickhead grabbed your ass and whispered some unwanted filth in your ear, his breath hot and unpleasant on your skin. After that, you were quick to grab your bag and say goodbye to your friends. You knew they were disappointed, but you could still feel the strangers breathe on your skin like it had been singed.

You welcomed the cool air of the night, feeling it immediately cool your skin. You hadn’t realized how warm it was inside but now that you were out in the open, you felt better. The burning on your neck had settled, more of an afterthought now. Your brain still felt overwhelmed, and you knew exactly how to remedy that.

Sitting down at one of the picnic table benches nearby, you began to sift through your bag when a voice rang out through the quiet streets.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,”

You’d know that slow drawl anywhere, you’d go so far as to say it near haunted your dreams.

“Merriell Shelton,” you beam up at him as he walks closer to you, nodding at his friends to continue without him, “I haven’t seen you since-”

“That last party.” He nods, smiling at you in the way where you’re not quite sure if he’s flirting with you or if he’s just that naturally gorgeous, “when I taught ya’ how to smoke.”

An excited smile bubbles onto your face and you shake your head at him, “Oh, you’d be so proud of me. I’ve grown so much since then.”

You resume digging through your bag to find your various forms of weed paraphernalia you carry with you. The pandemic had not been kind to you, and some days it felt like the only thing keeping your head above water was your bedtime joint. It wasn’t something you were terribly proud of, but it helped your anxiety and that was good enough for you lately.

He barks out a laugh at your response and you can’t help the pride the swells up inside of you knowing that you made him laugh like that. He comes to sit on the bench, placing himself close enough that it wasn’t weird, but far away enough so that he wasn’t directly in your space.

“What, you some kinda stoner or something now?” he asks as you layout your joints and pipes. He whistles, a mix between being impressed and mocking, when you pull out your vape too, “Damn, you got a bong in there too?”

Now it’s your turn to laugh, “No, that stays at home.” you say with a wink, “So, how have you been?” you ask, starting to put everything but your joints back in your bag.

He blows out through his lips and laughs a little, running a hand through his hair, “Been better lately, that’s all that matters, I s’pose.” He watched, something like a weird form of pride in his eyes as you pull out a joint and light it carefully. You certainly can’t complain, you forgot how great it felt to have his eyes on you.

You hum knowingly, “That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway,” you hold the joint up hesitantly.

“I don’t usually share my joints anymore, but if you’ve got your shots...” you shrug, your sentence tapering off. It’s a weird world you live in now, no one quite knows what’s socially acceptable anymore.

He smirks at you, amused, taking the joint from your fingers, “I’ve got my shots alright,”

His eyes don’t leave yours as he brings it up to his lips and takes his hit. He’s not even doing anything out of the ordinary, but he looks like he’s up to no good in every way. It’s like he’s just taking you in as if comparing you to the girl he met years ago.

“You changed,” he comments on an exhale, passing it back.

You nod, laughing softly, “Turns out I get really impulsive when I’m alone,”

He scoffs, “tell me about it,” and then he’s shrugging off his hoodie to reveal a handful of new tattoos covering his skin, “Buddy of mine is an artist,”

You gasp, ‘ooo’ing at some of the more complex pieces. Without thinking your hand darts out to let your fingers drag against his forearm, following the linework of the ink. His muscle twitches beneath your fingers involuntarily and you’re reminded of how long you’ve gone without intimate touches like this. You wonder if it’s the same for him. Did he long to be touched so innocently like this too?

“They’re wonderful,” you say, pulling your hand away, still admiring from a distance.

“Yea, I like ‘em.” He shrugs, nodding at you to take the last pulls from the joint, it’s your weed after all, “You get any?”

You shook your head, “No, surprisingly enough every time I finally convinced myself to book an appointment, shops got shut down again.” You said, only kind of bitterly.

He laughs and you scowl at him, “Aw, baby, don’t be like that,” he laughs, swatting at you half-heartedly, “Look, I betcha I can get you a discount at my buddy’s shop.”

You eye him suspiciously, “I can’t tell if you’re kidding.”

He puts a hand to his chest with a lazy smirk, “On god,”

You bite your lip to suppress a smile, shaking your head lightly, “Okay fine but that just means you’ll get to see a whole lot more of me,”

His smirk turns darker, into something more playfully suggestive, “I have no problem with that,”

A silence fills the space between you as you both take each other in. You had really only hung out with him that one night and nothing had really happened. You just sat and talked really. You talked for a while. You talked so long you didn’t realize the party had ended until your friend came to get you. You exchanged numbers and then just a few weeks after, you were instructed to start isolating. You’d kept up a steady social media friendship since then, but you had missed actually talking to him. He wasn’t much of a texter. The silence only lasts a moment, but it feels thick with tension.

“You look good by the way,” he comments, leaning ever so slightly closer to you, “I meant to say that earlier but then you made me strip for ya-”

“Whoawhoawhoa!!” you sputter through a laugh, “I did not make you do anything, you did that yourself.”

He shakes his head at you, “Nah, that doesn’t sound like me.”

You're giggling at this point, “You’re ridiculous.”

He beams at you, clearly pleased with himself for the moment. It settles for a second as he looks at you, eyes softening a bit before he glances down, nudging your knee with his a bit, “I missed you,” He cringes a bit, “I know it’s weird to say but, I did.”

Your nodding before you can even think to play it even a little bit cool, “No, I get it,” you assure him, smiling softly, “I missed you too, actually.”

He hums, smiling a rare soft smile at you before changing the subject, clearly wanting to shift the attention away from his moment of vulnerability, “So why aren’t you inside?” he asks.

“Oh,” you glance back at the bar behind you, having forgotten it was even there, “I was heading out, I wasn’t really in the mood for dive bars tonight.”

He nods, “The crowds right?” you nod and he’s talking again before you can ask him how he knows that, “I get it, sometimes being so close to that many people again makes me wanna crawl out my skin.” he chuckles.

You nod, a weight lifting off your shoulders to know you’re not alone, “Exactly, it’s not something I’ve gotten used to yet.”

“Well, can I walk you home?” he offers with a smile, “I’m in no rush to head in there,”

You smile and nod, “I’d like that,”

Somehow he had ended up on your couch. You weren’t entirely sure when walking you home had turned to him being on your couch, but you certainly weren’t complaining. You were both pleasantly high, talking anything from movie theories to possible dystopian futures and alien invasions.

“Look, I’m jus’ sayin’ that if I was an alien, I wouldn’t wanna fuck a human, are you kidding?” he reasons, eyes squinted as if he’s offended and your laughing so hard you have tears in your eyes, “Nah, I’m goin’ for a much cooler species.”

He watches you as you fight back giggles at his ridiculousness, a lazy, grin settled on his face. He reaches for his jacket that’s slung across the arm of the couch, reaching into his pocket to pull out his own stash and you gasp, mocking offence.

“You had your own weed all this time and you’ve been smoking mine?”

He rolls his eyes, settling the joint between his lips and lighting it. He inhales slowly, watching the tip as it sparks to life, eyes flicking back to you as he exhales, “I was gonna share,”

He holds out the joint for you, however as soon as you go to steal it he holds it back, just out of your reach, “what’s the magic word?”

“Oh my god, are you kidding?” you ask through a laugh, straining forward further in an effort to reach it but you’re hindered from the way you’re sitting. You make grabby hands at it instead.

“Ya want it or not?” he asks, eyebrows raised expectantly. There’s a tension between the two of you, still mostly playful but turning ever the more thick as the moments pass by.

You huff, getting comfy again in your spot, keeping your hand stretched out lazily, “Please,”

As soon as the word leaves your lips you can see his eyes get darker, that infuriating smirk only stretching across his face and you’re so mad that that’s all it takes for the playfulness between you to shatter into pure sexual tension.

Without a word he hands you the joint, enjoying the way you quickly bring it into your mouth for a deep drag to calm your rising nerves. It’s infuriating, how good he looks like this. All calm and relaxed on your couch in the low living room light, curls messy and looking at you through hooded eyelids. You want him. Just his eyes on you like this has a warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach.

You try to play it cool though, taking another slow drag and enjoying the way the smoke rises up around you. His eyes zero in on your lips, watching with a peaked interest as they wrap around the filter, watching the way the smoke escapes them. Neither of you say a word for a while. Just sitting in a comfortable quiet, a forgotten Spotify playlist playing in the background as you pass the joint back and forth.

He didn’t make his move until the final few hits of it. He shifts to sit straighter on your couch, a little more proper. What left his mouth was anything but.

“C’mere,” he says lowly, cocking his head to the side and gesturing to his lap, “gotta nice seat for ya,”

You don’t hesitate to comply, your high erasing any ideas of playing hard to get. You maneuver yourself as gracefully as you can, swinging a leg over his and settling there, straddling him comfortably with his hands on your hips. Once you're settled he raises the joint to his lips, taking in the last drag, eyes glimmering in the low light of the room. He holds it for a second, one hand moves upwards to cup the back of your neck and pulls you in closer.

Your lips are so close, the tension crackling between you like electricity. He tilts his head ever so slightly, lips parting to exhale the smoke into your mouth. You inhale on impulse and your mind goes blank as your lips brush ever so slightly together. You knew people said shotgun kisses were hot, but you had never truly believed them until now.

You know you should pull away to exhale, but you can still feel his lips brushing against yours and your mind is dizzy from the weed and from him and you can’t take it anymore. You close the distance the rest of the way, kissing him slowly through your exhale, smoke slipping through your lips as he returns the motion.

You kiss him like that for a while, enjoying his hands on your waist and the feeling of his chest beneath your hands. You were quickly realizing that Merriell was his own kind of drug. You’d only had a little taste of him and yet you found yourself craving more. His fingers flex against your body and you can’t help to low noise that slips out of your throat. It only spurs him on, emitting a growling sound of his own as he tugs you closer, dragging you against his growing erection. Your hand slides into his hair in response, feeling like you’re so high on weed and him that you might just fly away.

“Is this okay?” he asks against your lips, letting his forehead press against yours while he waits for your response.

You hum your affirmative, nodding your head quickly while diving back into for another kiss, this one much more ravenous than the last. God, you felt like you were starving for him. You couldn’t get enough at the way his tongue slid against yours, the feeling of his hands gliding up and down your body. They continue down the curve on your spine, settling once they reach the globes of your ass.

“You don’t know how many times I thought ‘bout this,” he mumbles, pulling away to stare at you teasingly through hooded eyelids. His accent, already a slow drawl, comes out much thicker when he’s high like this. It washes over you like honey. He smirks at you and before you can begin to wonder what he’s up to he brings one of his hands down in a sound smack against your right ass cheek.

You gasp at the feeling, dulled by the layer of your jeans but rippling throughout your sensitive skin nonetheless. You laugh lowly against his cheek, “likewise,”

He bites his lip on a grin, capturing your lips in a single, filthy kiss as if he knows exactly what it’ll do to you. Your hands wander up under his t-shirt, nails digging in sightly, just as a preview, returning the favour.

Like a switch, he’s on you a little more urgently and things begin to move faster. His hands tug on your shirt impatiently and you obediently part to take it off, shucking your bra off as well, and feeling pleased when he follows your lead. Your hands explore each other's bodies, every inch of new skin. It’s not long before he switches positions, standing up and dropping you back on the couch so that this time you’re laying on it properly. Without wasting a moment, you wiggle your jeans off, tossing them somewhere over the coffee table and taking in the way his eyes darken further at the sight of you.

He crawls his hips between your legs, capturing your lips in a messy kiss before starting to trail them down your body. Your high has your skin feeling so sensitive, every soft brush of his lips feeling like a shock of electricity through your body. He spends time on your breasts, marking and kneading them with his hands, enjoying how responsive you are beneath his ministrations. Though he doesn’t spend long there, clearly more interested in another prize.

He settles, this time his shoulders keeping your legs spread. He presses a soft kiss to your inner thigh, lets his fingers dust over your panty-covered pussy. Your muscles twitch at the feeling, and you feel your cunt clench around nothing. He looks good there, tattoos cover his skin and you long to be able to leave something that permanent on him. Fuck, you want him so bad.

He grins at you, knowing exactly how impatient you must be feeling. And that bastard uses it to his advantage. Sucking marks into your thigh just to watch your squirm. Eventually, he pulls your panties to the side, letting his fingers slide through your folds. He whistles lowly between his teeth.

“Mmm, baby, you this wet for me already?”

The whimper that leaves your lips is pitiful, your hips twitching in an attempt to get the pressure where you need it. He chuckles under his breath, eyes darting between your heat and your face, “Look at you,” he near coos, letting his thumb trace circles around your clit, watching as your mouth drops on a silent moan, “You want it so bad, don’t cha? Sweet thing...”

“Are you gonna be an asshole like this all night?” you ask, breathless but trying to redeem some of your dignity through what little wit you have left.

He laughs, sinking a finger into your heat just to watch the pleasure ripple across your face, “Don’t pretend like you don’t love it.”

And he’s right of course. You do love it, love the way he comments on how wet you are for him, almost mocking. Love the way he’s taking his time to find the most sensitive parts of your body and using them to his advantage. You let out a breathy moan as his finger brushes your G-spot.

The sound must do something to him because within a second he's attaching his mouth to your pussy with a growl, not even bothering to remove your panties before doing so. The heat of his tongue on your clit as his finger works that sweet spot inside of you turns your breathy moan into one much louder.

He’s good with his mouth because of course, he is. Within moments you feel like you're right on edge. And the smug bastard knows it too if the amused glint in his eyes is anything to go by. Your one hand twists in his curls, encouraging his movements while your other works at your nipple.

“God,” you whine, tugging at his hair as you feel heat wind up your spine. You swear you’ve never felt this good. It only takes another flick of his tongue against your click before your orgasm rips through you, thighs attempting to squeeze around his head, stopped by his free hand holding your one leg open so he can work you through it. Your body twitches in its aftershocks, mewling pathetically when the simulation starts to ride that edge between pain and pleasure.

“It’s just Merriell, actually,” he supplies when he pulls away with a smirk.

“I fucking hate you,” you breathe out, pulling him up your body so you can kiss him again, despite your words. He laughs, moaning softly against your lips when your hand finds the bulge in his jeans.

He kisses you for a while, letting you paw at him for a bit before he pulls away to work them off his body. There’s no real rush, the high allowing you to take it slow and enjoy the moment as opposed to the frenzied fucking drinking tends to lead you to.

You whine and he laughs at you, low and cocky as he leans down for another wet kiss, “You hurtin’ that bad for it, baby?”

You beam up at him from your place on the couch, feeling comfy and sexy with the way his eyes trail across your skin, leaving a tingling feeling in their wake. You shrug, watching with interest as he rids himself of his briefs, admiring his cock as he awaits your response.

“It’s been a while,” You say, distracted as you anticipate the stretch required for your body to accommodate him, ‘I’m excited, sue me.”

His hands use your hips to drag you closer to him, lifting one leg onto his shoulder while letting the other wrap around his body. He leans down to kiss you and you only have half a second to wonder the last time your legs were stretched like this before the feeling of his cock at your entrance steals the breath from your lungs.

Your mouth drops open, a moan caught in your throat as he slowly sinks into you. Your eyes roll back, shamelessly enjoying the stretch as he sinks, inch by slow, pleasurable inch. He continues the slowness, but you’re not sure he’s doing so on purpose.

When your eyes focus again you see the definition of bliss on his face as he thrusts slowly in and out of you, moaning lowly in his throat.

“Fuck,” he says, drawing the word out through gritted teeth, “that’s it, takin’ me so good.”

His thrusts begin to pick up, still fucking you slowly but with more force behind them. Each sharp movement of his hips as the tip of his cock dragging sweetly against the deepest parts of you, and it feels so fucking good. In the moment, it’s intense. He’s folded over you, holding your leg against your chest so he can suck and bite at your neck as he fucks you. You can’t help the filthy moans you let loose in his ear, one hand fisted in his hair while the other digs your nails into the smooth skin of his back.

“Merriell,” you gasp, feeling distinctly insane with the pleasure you're feeling. Your head drops back onto the couch, body jolting with each thrust of his hips. It’s good, god, it’s so good. But the need that burns through your veins makes you impatient, “Let me ride you.”

The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them, but it’s a suggestion he is clearly open to acting upon. He quickly pulls out, sitting back in his original position and pulling you on top of him.

“Be my gu-” he doesn’t finish his sentence, instead tapering off into a moan as you waste no time in sinking down on to him again, “Christ,”

You waste no time. Quickly stabling yourself with your hands on his shoulder and maneuvering yourself up and down on his cock. Now it’s your turn to watch him. Watch him as his eyes roll back and his hands grip your hips with a vice-like grip. That smirk never strays from his face though, clearly enjoying himself.

“You look so pretty like this,” he talks, bringing a hand down on your ass again, loving the way it spurs you on, “talk to me baby, tell me how it feels.”

You moan, loud and borderline pornographic, “You feel so good,” you breathe, biting harshly down on his lip, savouring the growl that vibrates through the both of you, “Oh, fuck, Merriell, you feel so good,” You emphasize your words with a particularly good roll of your hips.

You can tell he’s getting close by the way his hips start to snap upwards to meet yours and the way his brows furrow in concentration, “Fuck, baby girl,” he groans, unaware at the way the nickname makes you melt, “tell me you’re getting close. I wanna feel you cum around my cock.”

You nod immediately, pulling on his hair so you can capture his lips harshly, letting him bite your lip and pull your hips frantically against his own, “yes,” you whimper, “yes, yes, fuck imgonnacum,” you rush out, feeling like every touch he’d ever laid on you compiling into this one moment. It’s completely overwhelming and for a moment, you blackout.

When you come to he's kissing at your neck, hands massaging and pull at your ass, helping you ride of the aftershocks of your orgasm. His sounds have turns high and desperate against your neck, hands gripping at your skin so hard you think you’ll have bruises tomorrow. He needs you to keep going. Give him something.

The small, dare you say whimpery, “Oh baby, please,” has you moving quickly, almost as desperate to make him finish as he is to finish.

In the blink of an eye, you’ve lifted yourself off of him and onto your knees in front of him, quickly enveloping his entire length into the warmth of your mouth.

“Oh fuck, baby,” He moans urgently, both hands coming to tangle in your hair as you work your mouth over his cock, eyes trained on his face, “Fuck, I can’t-”

You hum, encouraging and within seconds you feel him reach his climax. His head thrown back, hips twitch upwards into the welcoming heat of your mouth, a low long moan pulled from his throat. He lets you bring him down, continuing to suck and lick softly at his spent cock, eyes lazily following your every movement.

When he finally pulls you up off the floor it’s to kiss you, lazy and heated. You collapse basically on top of him as you kiss, unbothered by the smallness of the couch and the cold air that bites at your cooling skin. He makes a noise in his throat when you pull away, watching in amusement as his eyes barely open to look at you.

“‘M so fuckin’ high.”

It pulls a laugh from you, bubbling up from your chest. He smiles, bright, relaxed and dazzling, “Hope you weren’t plannin’ on kickin’ me out because ‘m not movin’ for a while,”.

You rest your head on his chest, letting yourself sink into the moment with him, your own high coming back to you as you bask in the post-sex haze.

“You're still gonna get me discounted tattoos though right?"

#merriell shelton #snafu shelton #stoner!snaf #merriell shelton x reader #snafu shelton x reader #snafu x reader #smut

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northcarolinanative · 4 years

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𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞

Requested by @maybebanks : K so y/n and jj have a little thing going as pogues and they always flirt, one day when they want to take their relationship to the next level and they are drunk, they are about to hook up and jj takes off her shirt, he sees loads of bruises and asks her how because he’s protective. She gets really defensive and denies anything. The next day at John b’s house y/n brings it up because he is really worried. Y/n lies again but jj has never looked more worried. They side with him and y/n storms away, she gets abused at home. The pogues corner her and force her to tell the truth, she does and they all hug?

A/N: I am sooo sorry that this took so long. I really wanted to do it justice and did not want to romanticize abuse in any way shape or form, because I see that too often. If you are going through anything like this at all or feel like the character, please, please, please, reach out to someone you feel that you can trust. The first step is the hardest, but in the long run will help so much.

TW: Mentions of Abuse, Angst

John B, Kie, and Pope all sat in the lounging beach chair that encircled the fire that we all had built behind the Chateau. I walked out carrying the next round of beer, but this time just bringing the whole case, pouring them into the ice cooler. I grabbed myself one, tossing one across the way to Kie. I stood up opening my own.

“Mind bringing me, one princess” JJ called from the Hammock. I grabbed a second can from the cooler walking over before flicking water from my hands on to JJ. “That so not cool”

I sat down on the opposite side of the Hammock. “If we’re getting wet now…” JJ said in a soft quiet voice, followed by a chuckle. His comment caused my cheeks to blush as I shot glare his way before looking around to see if any of the other pogues had heard his comment. JJ and I were in a weird place. We flirted like middle schoolers, one of us always going at it with the other and vice versa. I wondered how the other pogues could breathe with the amount of tension between the two of us sometimes. I was not in the place for a relationship of any kind. My parents liked to remind me of that often, that if I did not change how I acted or looked that boys wouldn’t take an interest in me. They were right, I had a lot of personal work to do. JJ flirts with everyone though, so I don’t take it too seriously.

The night was filled with drinking games, chugging contests, and other events that lead to our very intoxicated state. Everyone was slumped over and slightly slurring their words. “Never have I ever…” John B looked up at the sky, trying to think. “Had sex outside, under the stars” Everyone was still. JJ slowly lifted the beer can and took a sip.

“You kinky little bitch” Kie laughed along with the rest of us. I looked up at the stars, they felt like everything was rotating around me. I am the center of the universe. I am drunk.

“Your turn Kie,” Pope told her.

Reading the group she said “Never have I ever wanted to go to sleep right now”

The group laughed in unison and we all began to sit up and gather things. JJ leaned over to where I was, now, sitting up in the hammock we were sharing. “I’m gonna stay out here, watch the fire die down, stay with me?” I nodded.

“Of course. Don’t want our baby to get scared out here in the dark.” I laughed. The other three started their way back to the house, turning around and realizing that we had not followed.

“Y’all coming inside or?” John B called

“Gonna head in after the fire dies down dude” JJ called back. They all waved and JJ and I watched them go inside. Moments after the door shut JJ pulled me down into him. I flinched a little as he pulled me toward him, his hand directly on a bruise on my lower back. I quickly tried to play it off as a yawn, I thought he didn’t notice, but he did.

His breath was warm on my skin before I felt his lips brush against mine. I was shocked at first. I was not sure where this came from. I moved back and kissed him back moving my hands into his hair. What was he doing? Hell, what was I doing?

He pulled away and moved his lips to my neck briefly. “Why don’t we add having sex outside to your ‘never have I ever’ list?” JJ breathed into my ear making me giggle. We were still spinning and I went back to kissing him. It was spark after spark his hand found their way to my shirt slowly pushing it up and off behind me in the hammock. JJ slowly started kissing down my chest, slowly sucking on the skin. He let his eyes travel down. Then he saw it. His heart stopped and he sobered up quickly, His mind moving fast.

“JJ?” I looked at him. “Why’d you-” I followed his eyes down to where he was looking. I saw the bruises on both of my sides, being illuminated by the dying fire.

“Y/N?” JJ backed away a little looking back down. My buzz was still there but I was sobering up quickly. I tried to keep my hands from shaking. As they were still rested on JJ’s shoulders, I did not want to give myself away. The bruises had come from my father, he was not the best, he provided the things I needed, but if I did not do as he expected, that is how he relayed the message. This time it was because you had stayed out with the pogues too long. John B’s van had broken down, meaning you had a long wait to get home, and that was unacceptable.

“Who did this to you?” I felt JJ tense up as he asked the question. I felt bad for the lie that I was about to tell him, but he has his own problems to worry about, with his dad. I did not need the others worrying about me either.

“JJ no one did this to me.” I laughed slightly, it didn’t sound convincing, but I hoped that it was enough for JJ. “I feel cleaning the boat the other day, it was a nasty fall, between the boat and the dock.” I looked at him trying to read his expression. He didn’t say anything just kept looking between my eyes and the bruises. “The fire is pretty much dead, let’s just go to bed” I stood up and grabbed my shirt turning to face away from him, I began to put my shirt on, and that’s when he saw the healing bruise on your back. He knew I had lied to him.

“Y/N, where did the bruise on your back come from then?” JJ asked. I had completely forgotten about that one.

“JJ you know I’m clumsy!” I fired back, my tone becoming defensive. JJ got up from the hammock.

“You know you can talk to me, about anything?

“Just drop it okay? Nothings wrong, nothings going on, I’m fine!” I said, turning back toward the house. I walked inside to find Kie passed out on the left side of the pullout. I pulled the covers back and slipped into the right side.

“Everything alright?” Kie mumbled sleepily. “I thought I heard you and JJ bickering?”

“Haha nothing serious, Dude thinks he’s a better surfer than me.” Another lie. I hated it, but I didn’t want anyone to worry about me, I was fine. Kie nodded and rolled back over. I settled down in bed before I fell asleep. I heard JJ enter the back porch and rustle around some cans, I guessed he was sleeping on the couch out there tonight.

JJ was woken up by John B moving about in the back yard cleaning up from the night before. He rubbed his eyes and stretched out a bit, the back couch was probably the least comfortable of the options in the house. He walked back out to John B, sitting in one of the chairs. He ran a hand through his hair, staring out over the water. “Everything okay JJ?”John B said, pulling JJ out of his thoughts.

“Yea” He breathed. “Well not really, no,” he said standing up to help John B pick up the trash.

“I heard you and Y/N out here last night, what was that about?” He questioned.

“Dude I don’t know, but I’m worried.” He said John B looked at him confused. “We were…” JJ coughed and cleared his throat “Anyway, she had bruises, all over her stomach and her back. When I asked about it she said that they came from falling off the boat because she was clumsy”

“Okay?” John B questioned, he did not want to believe what JJ was getting at. “Maybe she was telling the truth.” He asked

“No,” JJ said quickly. “You weren’t there, They were bad, some were healing already, it was not just like fall, They were bad John B.” He began to pace around the small circle. “Some’s hurting her JB. I have to figure out who it is, get her away from them.” He started to get angry, throwing the empty beer can harshing onto the ground. He thought about how sweet I was to him when he would come to after a bad run-in with his dad, or how I patch up all the boys after they got in it with one of the kooks, or even when I was there, letting Kie cry on your shoulder after her parents getting angry with her for not choosing the kook life. “She doesn’t deserve this”

John B and JJ headed inside to find Pope scrounging through the food in the pantry, and Kie sitting up on her elbows. She exhaled smoke, but put a finger to her lips, pointing at me, still sleeping. JJ looked at me, his eyes soft, causing Kie and Pope to exchange a confused glance with one another. John B patted JJ’s shoulder “Lets help Pope make some grub, yea?” He said trying to pull JJ out of his thoughts.

I woke up to the sight of everyone in the kitchen laughing. I sat up looking at my friends. “Y’all started the fun without me?” I joked. I leaned against the headboard, pulling my knees up to my chest just to watch the four try and cook. This did not happen often, so I might as well savor it.

“Look who’s finally up! Sleeping beauty!” Kie laughed.

“Haha” I said rolling my eyes.”After last weeks party you were dead to the world till the next night” She glared at me playfully before laughing

“That is only half true”

JJ began making his way beside me. The events of last night, the moments between the two of us. If the fire had only been slightly dimmer ,I would be experiencing something completely different, awkward feeling. He sat on the bed next to me, pulling me in closer by wrapping his arm around your shoulder. Pope and Kie looked at John B who just shrugged his shoulders and continued cracking eggs. The other pogues continued their work with breakfast.

“I’m worried about you” JJ spoke softly, so only you could hear him. I quickly glanced over at the other busy pogues, before looking at JJ. His eyes were dark, he looked tired, and the worry looked evident on his face.

“JJ, look” I whispered, running a hand through my hair and letting out a deep breath. “I told you I’m clumsy.” I looked him in the eye, but quickly looked down. “You have nothing to worry about.”

He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. This caught the attention of the other pogues. “Look me in the eye and tell me. Look me in the eye and tell me not to worry.” JJ said in a normal voice. Everyone was looking at us now. My face turned red and tears started to form in my eyes. Everyone was looking at me. I had lied to all of them. I froze looking between JJ and the group.

“Tell him not to worry about what Y/N” Pope spoke slowly.

“Nothing! Do not worry about me!” I said firmly. I got up quickly feeling the hot tears begin to fall down my face as I quickly walked out the back door of the Chateau. I walked into the yard seeing the hammock that JJ and I had laid in the night before and I stopped.

“Y/N! Wait” I heard JJ yell and he came up behind me. He followed my eyes to the hammock. “I know what I saw Y/N. I just want to help”

I felt the sobs trying to fight their way out. I did not want to lie to my friends anymore. I did not want them to see me differently, how I see myself, but especially how my parents see me. JJ noticed me crying. “You can trust us Y/N”

“You wanna know where the bruises came from JJ?” I breathed out, a breath I realized I was holding in. “My parents JJ, that’s who. I’m not the daughter they expected okay?” I finally felt the sobs leaving my throat as I fell to my knees crying. I held my face in my hands. JJ was quick to run beside me rubbing my back.

“Oh Princess. You don’t deserve this. Believe me you do not deserve this.” He felt a tear of his own leave his eye before quickly wiping it away. The others were standing on the porch. When I calmed down, my breathing had started to even out, JJ asked if I wanted to go back inside to join the others, who left to give us some privacy.

When we walked in Kie was the first to practically tackle me in a hug, then JJ, John B, and finally Pope. I felt loved in that moment, like I always did when I was surrounded by the pogues. When they all pulled away Kie put both hands on either of my shoulders. “Never hesitate to reach out to one of us for help, or even to talk, we’re here for you, just as much as you are here for us, ok?”

“Ok.” I sigh before pulling her back into a hug. She walked back into the kitchen. JJ pulled on my arm, sitting me down next to him. He wrapped his hand in mine, before placing a kick kiss to it.

“I didn't mean to pry like that. I just want you to be safe Y/N” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I know J. I'm sorry for lying to you. In a weird way, it feels better to have it out there.”

“We’re gonna help you get to a better place” He spoke softly before placing a kiss to my forehead.

#jj x reader #jj imagine #jj fic #jj outer banks #jj maybank #obx netflix #obx #obx imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outerbanks imagine #outer banks netflix #jj masterlist #jj imagines #rudy pankow #pope hayward #john b routledge #kiara cerrara

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deliasbabe · 4 years

Text

Sarah Paulson Characters and jealousy headcanons:

NSFW I guess?

Billie Dean Howard:

She’s literally so jealous anytime anyone gets close to you or flirty, even if you two are just keeping things casual.

If you show up at an event with someone else she for sure gets possessive af

She’ll keep her distance and just watch you for a while, but the second your date gets a little too close and touchy she gets heated

She’s all about appreciation of the art, but it’s a fine line with her.

It’s like a game for her, she waits until you see her and then she gets super flirty with someone she doesn’t care about

But when you don’t seem to take notice, she makes a move over to you.

She’ll start off the conversation innocent, but with a possessive grip on your shoulder

The more interest you show in your date or the more interest they show in you, the worse it gets. Bitchy glares are exchanged, the level of flirtation rapidly rises, she keeps her face only inches from yours. Her hands are touching you whenever possible.

So many pet names and innuendos are dropped

She’s definitely the “I can see other people but you’re mine” type.

And you know exactly what she’s doing and you secretly live for it

Sometimes you get extra flirty with your date just because you know you’ll have her attention

You are completely aware you have her wrapped around your finger and you definitely use it to your advantage

She thinks she’s in control but you know if you play your cards right she’ll give you exactly what you want

And because you enjoy driving her crazy, you play coy and excuse yourself and your date to go dance or talk to some friends

Then you get even more flirty and she is LIVID

Now she can’t even enjoy this damn party because she can’t take her eyes off of you.

And the second you stray away from your date she is grabbing you and dragging you to the nearest empty room for mind blowing sex

And you make sure she knows that SHE was the one who wanted to see other people and keep it casual, so you aren’t the one to blame

Because you’ll be damned if she gets away with this without admitting it’s not just casual

“If we’re just casual then let me go back to my date”

“Oh baby girl this is anything but casual.”

And that’s all you needed to cave

She won’t leave you alone until you are practically screaming that you’re hers and covered in hickeys that your date will definitely see.

When it’s over and you go to compose yourself she shoves your underwear in her pocket

“Hey I need those”

“You can get them when you come to my place tonight, sweetheart”

Lana Winters:

First of all, she’s Lana fucking Winters, she doesn’t get jealous

But whenever she sees someone get a little too close to you she likes to tease you about it

Only because she knows if she pretends to be a little jealous it’ll just make you feel the need to prove how much you are hers and hers alone.

She just likes to hear you tell her how much you love her

Even though she already knows

She especially teases you when men flirt with you.

“I see you found yourself a new husband.”

Which never fails to make you giggle uncontrollably

Because you’re like so gay dude

And you joke about it all night

And it becomes a running joke

“Oh is that your 5th husband?”

You now have like 12 husbands

“It’s getting so hard to keep track darling. You know I don’t like to share.”

She’ll never admit it but she secretly likes when others hit on you because it just reminds her how lucky she is that you are hers.

Cordelia Goode:

Cordelia Goode is graceful and elegant and is just not the type to show she’s outwardly jealous

But internally? Oh yea

She knows you are a gentle soul and are kind to everybody, but she still has insecurities

Mostly because she feels like she doesn’t give enough time to you or she feels like she’s too old.

She thinks you’ll find someone better

So she keeps it cool when you are out in public and it happens, and she won’t actually tell you she’s jealous even when you two make it home.

But she tends to be a little more affectionate

She just wants you to hold her and remind her you love her

Which you give happily because you would scream about it from the rooftops if you could

But there was this one time

It was before you were dating, you were flirty with each other but she was too scared to tell you she had feelings for you

And you were totally clueless but everyone else could see it

You had agreed to go out with Madison and she made sure to tell Cordelia that it was her mission to get you laid that night

And she casually mentioned you going out in a conversation just so you would invite her along

She justified it to herself that she was just going to make sure you didn’t get hurt

But when she saw some guy flirting with you at the bar and you actually looked interested she was done for

So she walked up and placed her hand on your lower back and asked if you were doing ok

And when he didn’t excuse himself and kept flirting she just couldn’t take it anymore

Cordelia Goode never uses her powers for her own personal gain, but she did that night

And suddenly he was saying he had to go and she had you all to herself

And she glanced up and Madison was smirking at her from across the bar

After she had thrown a few too many drinks your way, you told her how beautiful she was and how anyone would be lucky to have her

“Seriously if you were my girlfriend I would die”

“Miss Y/N, are you telling me you want me to be your girlfriend?”

And the drinks had made you a little bolder, so you smirked and said “maybe I am.”

Oh yea, you definitely got laid that night

Bette & Dott:

Oh the twins definitely get jealous.

Like insanely jealous, but they handle it in different ways.

They’re just really insecure, ok?

Bette is the one who cries/pouts because she knows you’ll tell them how much you love them and think they’re beautiful.

Dot tends to bottle it up, but she can’t help but be agitated, which usually means the silent treatment for her.

Bette seems to recover quickly one you reiterate that you love them

But Dot isn’t as easily convinced as her sister by your kind words. She’s more of an action kind of girl.

So after you quell Bette’s fears, you turn to Dot and stare at her for a moment with a loving and apologetic look in your eye

And once her eyes soften a bit you lean in to kiss her cheek and she melts

Sally:

This goes without saying but Sally is crazy jealous

Literally if she could tie you to the bed and keep you all to herself she would

But you tend to be a social person and like to frequent the bar

Usually it’s with her, but sometimes you get off of work and head straight there without her knowing, and most times by the time she’s reached you, you have taken up conversation with one of the residents or it’s visitors

And BOY does she hate that

She tends to be better about the ghosts, but if you are talking with a living human being she LOSES it

And you can tell when she’s mad and you try to sweet talk her, but if she deems you too interested you can bet things will get scary kinky later on, with or without your consent

But let’s be honest, you love that she’s this crazy over you.

One time she saw you talking to the countess and held a knife to your throat as she fucked the shit out of you

She’ll never believe you but you would die and stay with her forever if you could

And despite her crazy possessive moments, you know she could never hurt you, not really,

So you let her do it because you secretly love the thrill of it

Also it’s kind of the hottest sex ever?

Like she won’t leave you alone until you’ve cum so much you practically pass out

And she always apologizes and takes care of you after she knows for sure you’re hers.

Literally the queen of aftercare.

Audrey:

She literally gets so pouty when she’s jealous

You hate that you make her feel that way, but you also love how cute and loving she gets when she’s pouty

One time at an event you were talking with Kristen Stewart and she got so jealous

She’s a drama queen, so she made sure to mope for a little bit before she pitched a fit and ran outside in the rain

And while you were frustrated because you were just talking, you know she just cares about you a whole lot and this is scary for her.

So you ran after her and let her yell at you about how you were going to leave her for a younger woman even tho you damn well knew you were going to spend the rest of your life with her

She really just wanted her “the notebook” moment ok?

And then once she was done you just smiled at her

Which of course made her curse at you

And you just kept smiling until she ran out of things to say and finally smiled back

And she asked you what you were smiling about

“You.”

And you walked up and kissed her

Because you are more than willing to put up with her theatrics as long as she’s happy and with you

And by the end she was laughing at her hysterics.

But she still swatted at you for teasing her

And then you begged her to let you take her home and she agreed

Because there’s nowhere she would rather be than alone with you

Ally Mayfair-Richards:

Despite what happened with Ivy, Ally isn’t one to get jealous

She just thinks the whole idea is toxic, and she never mentions a word about it to you

Expect you start to notice on the nights you go with her to functions and fundraisers, she tends to get a little more attentive

Especially when you have been talking with other women

She’s always grabbing your hand and pulling you closer

And she never fails to whisper in your ear about how much she loves you

If you spend too much time talking with another senator she tends to whisper dirty things in your ear

And her top definitely comes out

She’s not the type to do anything in public, but the second you walk in the door she’s practically taking off your clothes

She’s a gentle top tho, she never does anything without your explicit permission

And she never goes too far

She just wants to make sure you know you are hers and she loves you

And you are happy to oblige

Venable:

So Venable is incredibly possessive

Partially it’s that she’s super insecure, and partially it’s that she is a top in every aspect of her life

However, you work together and she doesn’t want anyone to think you are getting special treatment, so you keep your relationship a secret

But that means that everyone thinks you are single, and at work parties you are constantly dodging weird dudes who want to get you into bed

And despite your best attempts at fighting them off, you still can’t bring yourself to just tell them to fuck off and they tend to push father than they should

And she watches you carefully, knowing your kind demeanor and inability to be mean. Really, she just wants to protect you.

So when you make eye contact with her across the room and give a pleading look, she steps in and tells them to scram for you

But sometimes you don’t look at her, and that’s when she gets jealous

And she doesn’t interrupt you, but she can’t bring herself to look away and she gets angry that she cares so much about you

And when you finally slide up and talk to her, she tends to be colder than usual

But she hates being mean to you and can’t even bring herself to look you in the eye

And you can’t help but feel like a lost puppy every time

So you usually leave the party early, and when she notices you are gone she goes after you and knocks on your apartment door

And once she sees your red rimmed eyes she caves like nobody’s business.

And that’s the only time you two ever really hug

She’s not into PDA, even in private, but she holds you for awhile and tells you she’s sorry

She won’t admit she was jealous tho until you coax it out of her slowly

And you ask her to let you show her how much you love her

After, and I can not stress this enough, soft sex that ends up real kinky

She lets you undress her and touch her back, but as soon as you try to take control she’s flipping you over and tying you up

Literally the only way you get to make her cum is if she sits on your face

Usually that happens first and then she tortures you for hours until you are begging

And despite your tears she knows you love it

Because y’all have a safe word, although it is never used

Because you trust her and honestly, she thinks that might be even more important than love for her

Because even she can admit her tastes are rather sadistic

But you’ll happily submit

She tends to be not so great at aftercare in general, but after her jealous episodes she doesn’t protest when you crawl into her arms and kiss her cheek

Because she tends to be a lot little rougher on you

You tend to go to bed earlier while she stays up and reads, so often times you end up falling asleep on her lap

And she’ll never admit it but it’s kind of her favorite thing

Like her glancing up from her book and seeing you asleep on her chest never fails to make her heart melt like a popsicle.

And when you grasp on tightly to her nightgown? She would kill for you

When she’s absolutely sure you are asleep, she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and whispers how much she loves you and how much that scares her

Also forehead kisses?

And she loves how sleepy you are when she wakes you up

Especially that little whine you make

“What Mina?”

“We need to get to sleep, little one.”

And you never fail to curl back up and pretend you didn’t hear her so she leans down to whisper in your ear lowly

“I know you heard me princess, get up before I have to punish you.”

And that never fails to make you scramble

And she always sings your praises for it as she chuckles

And suddenly she can’t remember why she ever was jealous because you are obviously infactuated with her

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zankivich · 5 years

Text

Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 13

a/n: Hi there. This is going to be good. I promise. Take some deep breaths. Relax a little. Let yourself fall into it. There’s a lot of build up here but it will all make sense in a little while. I promise. If you hate it that’s cool, you can come yell at me. I’ll understand. But I love you? If you like it enough to want to buy me a ko-fi I’d love you forever!

Trigger Warnings: details of sex, anxiety attack

*y/n’s point of view*

Going home is good for a while. You start a huge campaign with Roger’s Stadium to do their new branding. It’s kind of Shawn adjacent, but distant enough that no one brings it up that your boyfriend just happened to sell out a show there. You got to pick someone to help do the low-level research and you quickly paired up with Stu. It meant late nights in the office with your best friend doing what you did best. Marketing was your thing. Understanding different demographics of people and what got through to them best was something that you’d never had to be taught in the classroom. It came naturally. So communicating your product, connecting with people was just fun for you. It just so happened to come with a lovely commission on the side.

You meet with Gina, to confirm and solidify your pitch, but also apparently for a wellness check. After a lifetime of male bosses, you’d never once had one of those, but the second you sat down in her office she quickly flipped the lid on your ipad and made you talk about yourself instead.

“How are you?” She asked.

Your eyes widened slightly. “I...I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” She chuckled. “You’re used to jumping right into things, aye? Is that it?”

“I guess. Most bosses usually just want me to do the job and move on.”

“Ah. Then this should be a lovely change of pace for you. I have no interest in what you do professionally if you’re not doing okay holistically. The two are deeply intertwined. I’m not saying we’re going to be best friends. In fact we probably shouldn’t but, if at no other point in your day is someone asking you how you’ve been, let that be what your time with me looks like, okay?”

“Okay.” You murmured letting your shoulders relax slightly. “Okay.”

“So I ask you again, how are you doing y/n?”

“Things are good, actually. Stu and I work so well together that sometimes I can’t tell when our friendship stops and when the work begins. We just understand each other’s minds in a really productive way, so it’s really nice to be able to work together.”

She gave you that smile again that said you were doing something wrong causing you to pause again.

“What?”

“I guess I’m just curious how often when someone asks you how you’re doing you immediately start talking about work.”

You signed, hands twisted up in your lap as you struggled to maintain eye contact with her.

“Yea well...There’s not really much going on for me outside of work right now so?”

“Really? What about that famous boyfriend of yours everyone’s always yapping about?”

You snorted. “Famous boyfriend is getting ready for his very famous tour in England at the moment.”

“England, aye? That’s where you flew out to a few weeks ago right?”

“Yea. We uh had a fight that was bit my fault, so I went to apologize and smooth things over. He’ll be heading for Amsterdam come March though.”

She nodded. “That’s a lot for you to handle, I’m guessing. You must fly a lot to go see him? That’s hard considering your job here.”

You peered down at your lap again.

“This is actually the first time we’re doing the whole long term long distance thing. I’m sure we’ll be fine. It’s all a learning curve though. I uh I was planning on going to Amsterdam for the first two shows but that will probably be the last time I leave for at least a few months. I won’t see him for most of the year.”

“Well, shit. That just sucks.”

You smiled. “Yea, little bit. But he says he’ll fly back as often as he can. And with social media and technology now a days I can still talk to him for like hours. We’ll be okay. The hardest part is just keeping myself busy, and thankfully I’m pretty good at that.”

“What about family and friends?”

“Family is...complicated. Friends is Stu and his boyfriend Brian. Most of the people in the office are much older than me though, and we just don’t really care about the same things. I’m good though, I’ve always been the kind of person to go out and do whatever makes me happy. I don’t need a bunch of people around for that.”

She laughed again. “Well isn’t that nice to know. I suppose you can show me your pitch now.”

She loves it. And it’s incredibly validating, and takes a lot of stress of your shoulders. Now all that was left to do was to present the real thing and hope that they liked your design. It seemed like a cause for celebration. So you and Stu made plans to get all gussied up, go out to a fancy dinner, and get wine drunk together before eight pm. You tried to give Shawn a call, he knew how stressed you’d been about it after all, but it went to voicemail. So, you tucked your phone in your purse and went out to have a good fucking time.

“To being in our mid-twenties and finally hitting the fucking glow up! We are in our prime motherfucker!” Stu grinned cheersing his glass against yours.

You snorted. “We sure fucking are. When Ari said it feels so good to be so young and so successful, bitch was not lying.”

“Ugh. I wanna die and come back as that song. I thought that the thing I hated you most for was getting to see Shawn Mendes’ dick in person, but I think it’s that you have the ability to meet my fairy godmother, Ariana Grande, and there’s just nothing I can do about it.”

You peered over at your best friend over the rim of your glass with raised eyebrows.

“Stu...Are you sexually attracted to my boyfriend?”

His eyes widened slightly and his lips parted like a goldfish flopping on a dry surface begging for water. The idiot.

“To be fair...The entire office wants to fuck your boyfriend. Not just me!”

“Wow...That does not make me feel any better you sleez!” You chortled. “You’re my best friend!”

“It’s not like I would pursue it! Besides, Shawn Mendes was on our hall pass list far before you two were playing footsie behind my back.”

“I beg your pardon? And stop calling him by his full name, it gives me the creeps.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “The minute that man figured out how to put on a suit, Brian told me straight up if he ever found out Shawn went the other way, he would leave my ass in a heartbeat.”

“Jesus. So the whole world wants to screw my boyfriend?”

“Little bit, babes. But, you’re the only one who gets to! Don’t worry about the rest of us horny idiots.” He smiled.

“Have I ever told you how good you are at consoling me?”

“No.”

“Good.” You smirked. “You suck at it.”

He swatted at you playfully allowing both of you some time to look over your menus. At least that’s what you thought you were doing. It only took a few minutes of not so subtle stares for you to get the hint. The more you got used to being with Shawn the more you picked up on stuff like that.

“What is it now, Stu?” You sighed plopping your menu down.

“Well...Don’t take this the wrong way, because I completely don’t mean it in a predatory, creepy one at all but...What’s the dick like?”

“Oh god.”

He sighed. “We used to talk about all our hookups! I just want to know that my bestie is getting the dicking down that she deserves. It just so happens that this is internationally famous dick.”

Your best friend was a complete and total dumbass. But, you loved him. And you loved Shawn. And quite honestly not getting to share your experiences with someone was tough. It was hard because you knew Stu might not be able to relate to some of the things you were now experiencing as a result of your relationship, but he was also the person you went to for just about everything and vice versa. Also...sometimes a girl needs to gloat.

You peer around the restaurant as if a pap or one of Shawn’s fans might be lurking around every corner. (Sometimes, it felt like they were.) Stu leaned in in his nosey ass manner

“So like...it’s the best dick I’ve ever had in my life.” You whispered.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You whined dramatically. “I wish I was kidding. The whole hour and a half shows every night of the week translates so well into the bedroom. His stamina is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. His breath control allows him to go down on me for insane amounts of time. I’m talking like the bastard has evolved gills or some shit!”

Stu cracked up laughing and clanked his glass happily against yours.

“To evolving gills, bitch!”

You snorted happily and cheers’d with him again.

“Wait Stu, something happened.” You murmured moving closer in your seat to lean across the table.

“What? What?”

“So I went to the UK obviously to make up for things and I found this plus-size lingerie store while I was there so I thought it might get his mind off things if we like had some fun or whatever.”

“Okay….AND?”

“And so we’re doing...you know, it. And out of nowhere this dominant side of him comes out that honest to god made me wetter than the ocean seas.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “What the hell does that mean? What did he do?”

You bit your lip taking another gander around the restaurant only for him to swat at you about getting shy just as you were getting to the good part.

“I was somewhat bent over, I guess you could say.”

“Great so you were doing doggy style, get to the kinky shit, sis.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know… It just like started to feel really good and I had a feeling that I was going to…”

“Cum?”

You shook your head softly.

He gasped. “Squirt?”

You nodded.

“Oh. My. God. He’s really dicking you to explosion.”

“Yes. That is accurate. Anyway, I’ve never done that while he was in me before so I guess I started pushing against his hips because it felt so good? And he pulled my arms behind my back randomly and literally fucked me through it. Even when I was screaming louder than I’ve ever screamed before. He said, and I quote: ‘Baby, just let me give it to you. Let me make you feel good like only I can.’ and I just...holy shit Stu it was the best orgasm of my life.”

“You memorized a quote during sex? That is the biggest dick energy I’ve ever heard in my life. I have to go home and now slap my boyfriend because you’ve told me that story. I hope you’re satisfied, ruining other people's relationships. Holy shit, y/n.”

You licked at your lips and smile up at the sky as if God had something to do with it and not your wonderfully aggressive boyfriend.

“Yea. I know.” you sighed dreamily. “I love him.”

Meanwhile…

*Shawn’s point of view*

“What’s your problem? Y/n not texting you back?” Brian asked as Shawn tossed his phone back onto the couch.

He rolled his eyes. “No. But I am a perfectly grown adult who doesn’t need his girlfriend’s constant validation to feel secure in our relationship, Brian!”

“That what the self-help books telling you, bud?”

Brian was walking past after having turned the tv on and he very purposely tripped him. Jackass.

“Is you not getting to blow your load at least three times a day gonna make you an asshole this whole entire tour?”

He reached for a pillow and quickly socked his best friend in the face.

“Why are you such a dickhead, dickhead?!” He snorted. “There’s nothing I can do about having an incredible sex life. That is not my fault!”

“Incredible sex life, my ass!”

He put his hand over his heart and gave him the most sincere face he could offer.

“Bri...it’s a great fuckin’ sex life. Best of my whole life.”

“What does she shoot beams of light out her pussy or something?”

“This is why women hate our whole gender by the way. No, jackass, but she might as well. She is soft and passionate and beautiful and...vocal. Everytime I think I’m in control she does something to put me in my place. It’s wild. She’s fuckin wild.” He sighed collapsing back against the couch. “God, she’s perfect, man.”

Sure, he missed her. He always missed her. But, he also just appreciated everything about her. And talking about their love life wasn’t out of disrespect at all. It was more like bragging out of love for everything that they were together. And also because when it came to sex...they were kind of incredibly good at it.

“You two fuck like bunny rabbits. I’d almost be impressed if it wasn’t a complete inconvenience ninety nine percent of the time.”

Shawn rolled his eyes. “How is our love making an inconvenience to you, oh poor wonderful Brian?!”

“Oh don’t even get me started! Exhibit A, you invite all of us over to your apartment for a party in December. We’re supposed to get incredibly hammered and play mario kart. Not even forty-five minutes into the damn thing, you two assholes disappear into the bedroom, WITH the game system I might add, with the door locked for over an hour. The only reason you even came back out was because y/n wanted more tequila!”

“Hmm...that was a beautiful night. She sounds like a symphony when she cums.” He sighed to himself.

“Gross. Exhibit B! We go to the after party for the billboard awards. It’s supposed to be a good fuckin’ time for everyone--”

“Hey! We had a good fuckin’ time that night! We shared a blunt with Post Malone, Alessia, and fucking Ariana Grande. What could you possibly have to complain about?!”

“Why yes Shawn, that we did. But do you remember what happened after that?” He paused for the briefest of moments before very quickly continuing on. “Y/n for some reason found you smoking to be the hottest thing in the world and decided that she had to have you right then and there. You two left the fucking party and Alessia and I had to uber back to the hotel.”

“Well that is...yea I don’t really have an excuse for that one. Not our best moment. But trust me you didn’t want to be in that car anyway, I ripped her dress that night. It was a bit of a shit show. The only reason the paps didn’t get us was because we penguin waddled inside to hide it.”

“The moral of the story is, as happy as I am that you guys are trying to set an olympic record for fucking, you both suck!”

“You’ve got me there. We both suck...incredibly well I might add.”

He hit him with a pillow and left the room. What are best friends for anyway?

*y/n’s point of view*

“How are things going with Bry?” You asked as Stu worked to pack their bowl.

What better way to celebrate their wonderful friendship date, then ending it with a little weed?

He lit the bowl and took a deep hit, letting it sit in his lungs as he handed it over.

Stu groaned. “They’d be fine if he would get his shit together and propose to me already.”

You took a hit of your own and laughed.

“If you want to marry him so much, why don’t you propose?”

“I’m the one who asked him out in the first place! I’m the one who single handedly kept our relationship going through college. I told him point blank that he needed to propose and for some reason, five years later I’m still missing a ring on my finger!”

“Do you want me to talk to him? Give him the hint?”

He rolled his eyes. “As wonderful as that sounds, no. I want him to want to be with me. I just want him to take a little initiative ya know?”

You each took another hit of the bowl and leaned against each other and the high took over.

“I get it. You want to feel confident in your future. You wanna know he’s gonna be there when you need him. That’s a valid feeling.” You assured him.

“We’ve just been together for so long. And most of the time we are so good together. We communicate well, we have fun together. I just want to know that we’re both feeling the same things. Sometimes he seems so sure that he just thinks we don’t need to talk about it at all.”

“Damn. I think Shawn and I might be the opposite. I think all he wants is for me to talk more.”

Stu chuckled. “No shit. It took me getting you high in my college dorm for you to even tell me anything even remotely personal about yourself. Shawn’s sappy ass probably thinks it’s like talking to a wall.”

“Very funny asshole. I can’t help it okay? I’m the baby of four kids. By the time I was growing up, no one had time to listen to me whine and complain about shit. Shawn just...he understands all of his emotions so well, and he spends so much of his life reflecting on everything no matter how busy he is. I’m trying though. I know it’s necessary, It’s just hard.”

“Do you think you two will be okay with all the touring?” He asked.

Wasn’t that just the million dollar question? You didn’t know how to explain that when you were together it seemed like you could take on the world, like you could do anything together, but that when you were apart you’d never felt weaker. It all feel so sappy and so high school. Not being able to live on your own and per your own person? You wanted to be better than that. And admitting anything else out loud, even to Stu, shook the very foundation of the persona you were trying to force yourself to be.

“Shawn thinks we will be.” You mumbled.

“I didn’t ask what Shawn thinks. I’m your best friend, you can tell me of all people.”

“It’s just harder when we’re apart. So, I fly into whatever country he’s in and we fuck and we go out to dinner and maybe we get high because that’s all there is when you’re together for two or three days. And it’s not until I come back home that I even realize it. Cause when we’re together, I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I could honestly sit in one of those green rooms and just watch him all day, and I’d be happy. I love him that much. But when I get some distance, when I’m back home I realize just how little there is. How little there will be for the rest of the year. I just...I guess I’m hoping I can hold on. Because when I’m with him? It’s the greatest pleasure I’ve ever known.”

“Holy shit babes...That’s deep. C’mere.”

He wrapped his arm loosely around you. You passed the bowl back and forth a few more times until the world grew fuzzy and calm and you were each happier for it. It was a good way to end the night.

***

It’s four in the afternoon. You have a meeting in fifteen minutes to go over revenue for the department. These meetings always made you super anxious. You were the only female senior executive, so any conversation you had about revenue was always in a room full of men. It didn’t help that a lot of the assholes in the office didn’t like the way you were offered the job and definitely held a grudge. You were always dead set on having the best numbers, so no one could say shit. Your stomach was tied up in knots and you just wanted to get it over with, so you could go home and drink a glass--or three--of wine. You’d been stressed about it all week, and it only made it worse that you had started sleeping in Shawn’s apartment because the smell of his sheets was sometimes the only thing that could lull you into sleep only for the smell to eventually fade away. There was tension in your neck and in your shoulders from the tossing and turning, and you just needed the week to be over.

Your phone started to vibrate on your desk and you almost chucked it at the wall. When you saw that it was Shawn wanting to facetime you honestly weren’t sure if that made it better or worse. But, Shawn tended to get anxious when you didn’t answer, so you took a deep breath and opened the phone.

“Babe!” He smiled immediately as his image came slowly into focus.

He must’ve been walking somewhere with the team cause he wasn’t looking at his phone right away. You didn’t really have time for this.

“Hey Shawn. Look, what is it? I’m uh I’m kinda busy.”

“Wait just one sec.” He scrambled a little with the phone before he was finally staring at you, wild curls and beautiful brown eyes to boot. “What’s wrong? You sound stressed.”

“I am stressed. I have a meeting in ten, Shawn; what can I do for you?”

He frowned. “I don’t need you to do anything for me. I just wanted to see you. Hey Jake, I’m gonna go sit for a minute alone alright? I’ll be back.”

“No, Shawn don’t--” But he was already walking away from the group.

“What’s going on, right now? Talk to me.”

Your initial instinct was to tell him nothing was going on, that you didn’t want to talk, you just wanted to muscle through. But you couldn’t help but remember your conversation with Stu a few days ago. It felt hypocritical to say you were trying to communicate if every time your boyfriend asked you to communicate you shut down.

You closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose between your thumb and forefinger.

“I have a meeting, okay? That’s all” You mumbled feeling like an incessant toddler.

He nodded. “Okay, you have a meeting. You’ve told me that. You’ve got a meeting that’s stressing you out. You look flustered. What else is going on?”

“Nothing else is going on. I’m just really stressed at the moment.”

He sighed. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to fight me on this. I only want to help you. You’re breathing is uneven. Are you feeling anxious right now?”

“I--I don’t know. Yea, sure, I feel anxious.”

“How long have you felt anxious, honey?”

“Shawn, what the hell does this have to do with anything?!” you snapped the irritation getting to you.

“I think you might be having an anxiety attack. Try and take a deep breath with me. I know you’re feeling upset, but let’s just breathe for a little bit.”

“An anxiety attack? Shawn what--”

“Hush. Just fucking listen to me okay?”

You stumbled into silence and watched as your boyfriend did his best to calm you down. He had you lean the phone against your desk so that you could place one hand over your stomach and the other over your heart. He had you use your stomach as a guide to let your lungs fill with air, breathing slowly and letting the tension in your back and neck to ease out. His voice was low, calm, and incredibly soothing in your ear. You may have offered him comfort before, but this was something new entirely. At least Shawn could tell when he needed help. You were so delusional about your own wellbeing that you hadn’t even been aware you needed it. It wasn’t until you felt your heart rate calm and your shoulders drop that you felt infinitely better. With this relief came a rather odd rush of sadness that left you crying in the middle of your office in broad daylight.

“Hey,” He cooed face moving closer to his screen. “Why are you crying, y/n?”

“I don’t even fucking know.” You sighed trying to catch the tears before they fall. “I really thought I was fine, Shawn. I thought I was okay.”

“That’s alright. That’s why I’m here. To catch the things you let slip. You do the exact same thing for me all of this time. It’s okay to lean on me once in a while, you know?”

You nodded softly with a sniffle. “I really do have to go to my meeting though.”

“Go. Call me when you get home from work okay? Take a shower, relax a little bit. I’m a few hours ahead of you here, but just call and I’ll be there. We can talk through it.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll do that.” You mumbled.

“You’re gonna do great, sweetie. I love you so much, okay?”

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later.”

*four hours later*

“Is that my bed?” Shawn asked leaning back with an arm behind his head with abs on full display.

Ugh.

You nodded. “I’ve been sleeping here a little better lately...Is that okay?”

“Yea! Of course it is. Nothing makes me happier than you sleeping there. That spaces is yours too. That’s why I gave you the key to begin with.”

“Okay.” You murmured not being able to hide the smile that his words brought to your face. “You could probably send me a sweatshirt or something that you’ve worn recently though. The sheets hardly even smell like you anymore.”

He grinned. “I’d love to sweetheart. It’s just that by the time something could get to you from Amsterdam, I think you might actually have already flown to Amsterdam. I’ll be sure to send you back with plenty of material.”

“Good.”

“So...you ready to talk about it?”

“Ugh, I am surprised you're not a licensed therapist with how much you want me to talk about my feelings.” you whined. “How did you even know it was an anxiety attack?”

“I just remembered when I was going through my panic attacks at first, that I didn’t even know what they were called. The doctor said these two words, panic attack and anxiety attack, and I didn’t really know the difference. They sort of sound the same. But you know how like when it gets really bad for me it’s like...super quick? Like one second I’m just thinking about something bad and then the next I can’t see my way out of it?”

“Yea. That’s usually when we start breathing together.”

He smiled. “Exactly. I guess anxiety attacks can be a little slower. My doctor said they can actually happen over a period of days. It’s what makes them harder to detect, but it can also make them much harder on the body. It’s like thinking about something until it consumes you. Not being able to sleep, irritability--even at very lovable and cuddly boyfriends, muscle tension. You seemed to check a lot of boxes, honey.”

“I’m sure loveable and cuddly boyfriends was right in the symptom description, aye?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“You’re digging.”

“I am trying to take an ounce of burden off your back, and you are making it incredibly difficult.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath telling yourself to stop being such a little bitch. He was there. He wasn’t going to leave. You could trust him.

“It’s okay to talk to me, y/n. I’m not going to hurt you.” He murmured.

You groaned. “I know. I know.”

“It’s just that...if it were anyone else I’d say that you should find someone to talk to, anyone to talk to but I . . .I’m supposed to be your person. You’re my person and I just--I don’t know y/n, how do I help you through this if you won’t let me?”

“I’m trying Shawn. I swear I am.”

“Hey I know. And I’m trying to be understanding of how hard it is for you. But, I’m also trying to help. I’m gonna need you to at least meet me halfway.”

You nodded sullenly, fingers bunching up in the blankets at the thought of failing him, of not being able to be what he needed.

Shawn sighed. “It’s uh...it’s getting pretty late here. Let’s just talk tomorrow, yea?”

You peered at him through the phone unable to discern how deep of a situation this was from halfway across the world.

“Are you angry with me?”

“N--No. Honey, I’m not angry. I’m just...tired. I’ll call you when it’s morning for you okay?”

“Okay. I love you, Shawn.”

“I love you too. Get some sleep.”

That was certainly easier said than done.

***

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’s in the middle of a meeting when his phone starts to buzz on the table. And he can’t help but reach for it just in case it’s y/n. It is.

y/n: so I couldn’t sleep last night. Surprise. And I just kept thinking about everything that you said, and it made feel really shitty.

y/n: not to say that you made me feel shitty just that that’s how I was feeling

y/n: anyway. I couldn’t sleep, so I tried to think about how I feel and I tried to write it down. I thought I could share it with you. Idk if it’ll help at all I just don’t want to keep letting you down.

y/n: so check your email if you have time. I love you. K. Bye.

And of course the rest of his meeting is absolutely useless. Of course all he can think about is her, about what she might be thinking, about what she might be feeling. And there’s a much bigger part of him than he’d like to admit, that’s wants nothing more than to fly home and cuddle the hell out of her until she gets some rest. The distance between the two of them felt heavier than ever.

“You’ve got forty-five minutes for lunch. Then we’re at the venue for run throughs. Final creative meeting for tour outfits after okay?” Andrew ordered.

Shawn nodded already in search of his laptop.

“Can you have Jake bring me something for the drive? I’m not gonna have time for anything else.”

“Why not?”

“Something is wrong with y/n. I need to check in okay?”

He was so unwilling to focus on anything other than y/n that if Andrew had anything else to say, he didn’t notice. He set up his laptop and found a space to sit in the quiet and read.

So...This is weird. I haven’t written anything like this since my diary in the eighth grade. I just um am tired a lot lately. I don’t think it’s work because I love what I do so much. I guess that’s not great either because I just keep working even when I’m exhausted. And it’s not you. Jesus, it most certainly is not you. I keep thinking that my love for is going to plateau or something, but it never does. It just keeps growing infinitely. I’m not sure if it’s the distance between us at the moment. When I first got home it actually felt good to get back into my routine. I think it’s not until I can’t sleep that I roll over and see you aren’t there that it hits me. It’d just so odd for me Shawn. I want to hold you and talk to you and I can’t because you’re not here. And there isn’t anything that either of us can do about it. I’m not used to there not being a solution. I’ve always been so good at solving things, that now that I can’t I feel like a waste of space. And I know that if I told you you’d tell me to call you but you’re six hours ahead of me right now. Everytime we talk it feels like I’m keeping you from something more important, and I don’t want to do that. I want you to be happy and to tour and have all the success in the world. I think also, and this is just me being honest with myself, even with the people I’ve loved most in my life I haven’t always had my needs prioritized. My mom. My brothers. My dad. So I really try to take care of myself and prioritize myself. I never learned how to let someone else do it for me, because every time I tried I got let down. Your so endlessly kind to me. And you love me like i’ve never been loved before. Me not letting you in when I’m struggling is not malicious it’s just innate. I’m trying to unlearn these things and it’s much harder to do when I don’t even realize that I’m doing them. I’m sorry if I upset you. I’m sorry that you stayed up for me last night only to be disappointed. You mean more to me than a hundred of these pages could explain. I know I keep asking for time, for some leeway, and maybe your getting sick of that. I guess I’m sorry for that too. I promise you it’ll be different, if you let me try. I want to try. I love you enough to do that for us.

He sits with it for a while. There’s a feeling in his chest that he’s never had with y/n before and then there’s another feeling into response to it. He gets out the app on his phone and meditates for a while because he just doesn’t know what it is at first. And it isn’t until after he’s breathed for twenty minutes and they’re in the car on the way to his next meeting that he gets this overwhelming wave of deja vu. It’s so visceral that he feels himself become sixteen again. He watches himself get off the plan in Toronto and drive to his first girlfriend’s house. He watches him explain to her that he’s got to go away and live his dream, and that them being together is only going to hurt her, that it would kill him to keep hurting her. This idea that...it doesn’t matter how much we love each other, it’s never gonna matter, because all I’m ever gonna do it hurt you. And if I love you, if I truly and genuinely love you, then isn’t the greatest act of love I could ever show you to let you go?

It fills him with anger. Anger because this was meant to be different. In hindsight it makes him feel like a child who had been shouting at the top of his lungs that he knew something that he so clearly didn’t. Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe Brian had gotten annoyed for a legitimate reason. Maybe their love wasn’t what he thought it was. Or, even worse, maybe there love was everything it felt like. Maybe it was larger than the two of them, maybe it was complex and beautiful and wonderful. But, maybe that only meant it would consume them in the end.

After that there’s nothing but sorrow. Because his thread, his being, his life was so deeply intertwined with her’s that he could see no way out, couldn’t imagine not being with her.

For the first time in a long time he was completely at a loss. And it seemed as though he had opened up a can of worms that was only going to hurt them in the end. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

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