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#like quitting feels like standing up for myself and saying this is enough and im not gonna be treated like this anymore
giverofempathy · 1 year
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just wrote an email to my mentor about quitting my internship. I actually wanna send it so bad 🥲
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heartyearning · 1 year
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context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.
#my mom says i shouldnt let this embitter me but i think they should either find an example of when ive been disrespectful#or apologise to me and take it off the written feedback#i had to sit there and listen to everyone say that they dont think im disrespectful which is so fucking humiliating#because i KNOW that. but i still spent all weekend long worried out of my mind & i sat there trembling like a leaf and fucking crying#because i feel so betrayed by all these people im ngl. like im supposed to open myself up to these people and i DO#and be vulnerable with them and i AM#and yet when something like this comment is thrown around in a feedback discussion no one stands up for me?#& i know that they dont like. know all of us individually THAT well like i know that im vulnerable and open with them and they dont like#remember specifics#but theres only 14 ppl in my class which granted is a lot but its not enough to just forget that ive never done anything disrespectful#to any one of my fellow students#in the words of my favourite wrestler: This Has Hurt Me.#and in the words of my best friend who is mentioned in the post: kinda sus the only two people who got this type of feedback#(she didnt get it QUITE so harshly but she got the feedback that she should be a little more considerate towards other students#which is still nonsense because literally like everyone else said she's the one we'd all come to if we ever had a problem)#but kinda sus that the only ppl getting this feedback are the two neurodivergents in the class#whatever. whatever whatever ive been crying im upset im somehow even more upset by one of my teachers being like#'this isnt ok esp this phrasing & i'm gonna look into this' like she's super nice and sweet and it does make me feel better#but its also like. confirmation that i SHOULD feel upset somehow? idk. oh it sucks so fucking bad#& i told one of the other ones about this in terms of like 'listen i have autism i dont always know how to interact w ppl#so when i do this or that this is what i mean' and she was like 'wow ive learned so much this discussion has enriched me'#werent the point bestie. the point was for you to please stop making assumptions when i am not the only person to react in this way#very unhappy right now. this has hurt me dot tweet
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evie-sturns · 4 months
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𝙎𝙣𝙚𝙖𝙠 - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤
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summary: ever since you and matt started a family, you haven't had any privacy.
contains: Smut, dad!matt, sneaking around, swearing.
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matt and i have 2 kids together, 3 and 4 years old, which means absolutely no privacy with 2 toddlers. we've only hooked up once or twice in the past 4 years.
"matt, its 6pm, the kids need dinner." i yawn, hoisting myself up off our couch and pausing the movie. matt instantly jumps up behind me, "let me help sweetheart." he says, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.
"just go round up charlotte and olive please, they're in the play room." i groan, walking into the kitchen, throwing together some pasta.
matt disappears up the stairs. i grab 2 bowls and some paper forks as i dump plain pasta into both of them, "matt!!" i call out, he instantly runs downstairs, both our girls giggling under his arms.
a warm smile spreads across my face as he plops the toddlers down in their seats, kissing them both on their foreheads as he walks toward me in the kitchen, grabbing both bowls from my hands. "looks incredible" he smiles
"matt it's plain pasta." i rub my eyes.
he gives both the kids the pasta before turning around back into kitchen.
he gives me those eyes before walking into the bedroom, removing his shirt as he's halfway through the doorframe. my heartrate picks up,
why am i so nervous?
"fuck fuck fuck" i whisper to myself as i open the bedroom door.
"you seem stressed hm?" he mutters, i lock the door behind me.
matt walks over to me, swiftly picking me up before pushing me down on the mattress. "gonna have to be quiet for me yeah?" he says, I nod frantically. he yanks off my tanktop, before pulling down my sweat-shorts, leaving me revealed for him.
"so gorgeous." he whispers, taking me all in.
"don't lie matt." i mumble, looking away slightly
matt grabs my chin, making me look at him. "don't say shit like that, you're quite literally perfect yeah?" he says sternly.
i close my eyes, he squeezes my chin tighter "look at me." matt says angrily, leaning over me. i nod, looking him in the eyes "gonna prove how much i love you mhm?" he says, unbuckling his belt throwing it to the floor before yanking down his jeans.
i moan lightly as his boxers drop to the floor, "you ready?" he questions, lining himself up with my entrance. he slowly pushes inside of me, a loud whimper escapes his mouth, boosting my ego slightly.
"fuck..." he groans, gripping the sheets tight as he slowly thrusts in and out "doesn't get old," he whispers, gripping my hip with his free hand, hard enough to leave a hand print.
his thrusts quicken, my moans filling the room, "not gonna last long- with those pretty noises-" he stammers, "im gonna fuck.." i warn, he grips my waist tighter "cum for me." he whispers, i instantly clench around his length, the knot in my stomach snaps.
"good girl.." he mumbles frantically as he pulls out, painting my torso with white streaks.
he falls down in the bed beside me. "you feel.. so good." he says out of breath, i scoot closer to him, wrapping my bare legs around him.
-
"mooommm!!!" a loud scream comes from the kitchen. i let out a loud sigh, getting off the bed and quickly re-dressing. i stumble out of the bedroom, my legs still numb.
theres pasta all over the floor, followed by juice and the plastic cup it was in. both the kids are screaming and crying. "for fucks sake." i whisper, throwing my face in my hands. i hear footsteps behind me, its matt. his shirt is on inside out, no belt, just jeans.
i walk towards the kitchen, grabbing paper towels as i walk over, bending over to clean up the spill. matt picks me up from behind, placing me on the stairs as he grabs the supplies off me, quickly scooping up the mess. he grabs both girls. one in each arm as he jumps around with them, their tears instantly turn into giggles.
i laugh, standing up off the stairs.
"how are you so good at parenting matt." i sigh, a smile spread across my face as i pull matt into a hug.
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lot of requests for daddy matt so here yall areee!!
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nishik1 · 10 months
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bittersweet \\ Nishimura Riki
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synopsis: being in a relationship with Nishimura Riki was never easy, but you still made it work.
pairing: idol niki x non idol fem!reader
genre: light angst to fluff
warnings: reader is a bit mean, slight arguing, cursing,?
a/n: a short fic to make up for the lack of updates in “you jealous, nishimura” 😭 this kinda sucks so please don’t be disappointed
wc: roughly 1.4k (NOT PROOF READ)
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you awoke to the sounds of knocking on your bedroom window. what the hell..? furrowing your brows as you make your way over to the window. lazily you throw open the curtains and your eyes widen for a second as you process who is waiting outside of your window.
“Riki..? what are you doing here?” you said in disbelief as you stare at the boy who stands beneath your bedroom window with his hands on his knees, hunched over as he tries to catch his breath.
“please just— let me in first—” he says breathlessly. you stare at him for a second before letting out a sigh. hesitantly, you open your window further and lean out just enough for him to grab onto your arms and pull himself up. his eyes light up when you reach to him, he immediately grabs onto your arms and comes tumbling into your room.
theres a moment of silence as you watch him sit on the floor of your bedroom, still trying to catch his breath.
“so… are you gonna tell me why you’re here or are you just gonna sit there?” you cross your arms over your chest, slight annoyance present im your tone. Riki feels his heart clench at your tone, you only ever talked to him like that when you’re angry with him.
“I came to explain myself” you let out a bitter chuckle as you narrow your eyes at him.
for context, you and Riki had a date today. In fact it was supposed to be your first date in a while since Riki’s been quite busy being an idol and all. you both had decided to go to this new restaurant which opened recently, your date was scheduled for 7:30. you had arrived on time but Riki? Riki never came at all. you had messaged him multiple times only to get no reply, hence why you were mad at him. you waited for 2 hours straight and he never showed and now he’s here in your bedroom?
“seriously, Riki? that’s all you came here to do?” he frowns at this, he could tell in your eyes that you’re annoyed and angry with him. I mean who wouldn’t be? he showed up in the middle of the night unannounced.
“I know I should’ve told you—“
“you should have just told me the moment you found out you were going to be busy!” your voice cracked slightly as you inhaled sharply before continuing
“Riki you and I barely get to spend any time together anymore and the one day we actually had plans to see each other, you flaked on me!” you said feeling more hurt than angry, the two barely got to see each other with how busy he was but today he was supposed to be free.
“I know and I’m sorry… I never wanted to flake on you but we had to do some filming today and—“
“Riki I don’t want to hear it, It’s been like this for months. we never get to see each other anymore and whenever we think we might have time you always get busy with something!”
“I know that and I’m sorry for that too but I can’t help it if my schedule changes. I’m an idol, Y/N. It’s my job and sometimes this is what idols have to do. I know I don’t have as much free time as I used to but I have to do these things, they’re important to my career!”
“what about me? am I not important?” both of your eyes widen at this and you saw hurt flash through his eyes. you didn’t mean to say it, you didn’t want to say it, it just slipped out.
“I never said that.” he grits his teeth in annoyance. though he was annoyed he was also hurt. he was hurt that you thought you didn’t matter to him, of course you matter to him, you’re his girlfriend!
“no but you implied it. Riki you never make time for me anymore!” you run your fingers through your hair, feeling frustrated with everything going on.
“god why are you like this? my whole life can’t revolve around you, this is my job Y/N!” he raises his voice slightly. you inhale sharply and you pull your gaze off of him and to the wall behind him.
“I never said it had to revolve around me. all I’m asking for is for you to just make an effort to see me.” you lower your head as you feel your tears betray you and begin well up in your eyes.
please not now. you can’t cry. not now. you think to yourself, digging your nails into your palm.
you had been feeling like this for so long, feeling as if you didn’t matter to him. at the beginning of your relationship, everything was good. you were both happy and saw each other almost everyday. well that was until the group Riki was in began to grow more and more popular. the dates which you used to have daily started to happen less and less. it went from daily, to every other day, to weekly and eventually to none at all.
it started to feel as if you were no longer relevant in his life, like you no longer mattered to him. you were angry and his words only fueled your anger more. you’ve been bottling up these feelings, trying to ignore and hide them as best as you can but its starting to become too much to bare.
“you think I don’t try? I’ve—“ thats it. this was your breaking point. his harsh words finally pushed you to your limit.
“well it doesn’t seem like you fucking try! Riki I can’t take it anymore, can’t you see how draining this is for me?” one by one hot tears began to trickle down your cheeks as you finally let out the feelings you had been keeping in for so long. his eyes immediately soften as all the anger he had towards you dissolved into guilt.
“oh Y/N… I’m so sorry.” he cups your face with his hand, gently wiping your tears as you lean into his touch. how long has he been hurting you for? how long have you felt like this? how can he make it up to you? would you even forgive him? a million questions raced through Riki’s mind as he pulled you into a tight hug, resting his chin atop your head as a few tears escaped his eyes.
“I’m sorry too… its just— i miss seeing you in person. i miss your hugs, I just miss you... i’m tired of seeing you through a screen.” his heart clenches at your words as you mumble into his chest, your breathing uneven from crying.
“I’m sorry, I’ll try to make more time for you i swear. my schedules just been so packed lately, i was supposed to be free today but they needed us to—“
“its okay, you don’t have to explain— just… just stay with me.” you bury your face in his chest, hugging him as if this was the last time you’d ever be able to. your tears betrayed you as they began to drip onto his shirt.
he badly wanted to tell explain what happened and why he was unable to attend your date today but he knew that all you needed right now, was for him to stay. to stay and make up for all of the lost time you two could’ve had together, to stay and comfort you the way he should’ve before and most of all, to stay and show you that he loves you.
“I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to.” you felt your heart sting at his words, but not in a bad way. in more of a “i love you so much but i’m still mad at you” way.
you shut your eyes tightly trying to prevent any more tears from falling. you’re not even fully sure if your tears are happy or sad ones perhaps both?
“I love you..” your voice is quiet but still loud enough to hear as you raise your head from his chest. teary eyes locking with his, Riki’s gaze softens at you as he brings his hand to your cheek caressing it gently.
“I love you too”
its the moments like these which remind you of why you fell in love with Nishimura Riki. with Riki, disagreements dissolve into peaceful silence and all you can feel is the comfort of resting in his embrace, where worries melt away and all that is left is love. it’s moments like these which make you fall in love with him all over again.
you think you’ll forever adore the moments like these, even if they’re bittersweet.
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taglist: @rksbae @lizzyyaaaaaa @berry-and-kkami @chaewon-slays @solstramaii @infi0 @beomgyusonlywife @misoxhappy @ramenoil
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sapphicmsmarvel · 3 months
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cassian x reader: dating a high maintenance girlie
Hello, if this seems extra its cause it is but this is quite literally my high maintenance routine. This is just one of my favorite parts of life and I love the idea of these big burly men doing skincare with their girls. 
i’m a high maintenance girly bc i like to be. pls this isn’t a pick me bullshit type thing. Im a girls girl yall. 
-This man doesn’t know shit about self care. 
-He knows the basics but like, nothing that would genuinely make him feel comfy in his own skin even more than he already is. 
-He uses 3-in-1. Technically 4-in-1 because face wash is separate formula than body wash but you digress. 
-Y'all know that stereotype of a guy glowing up after getting a girlfriend? You guys were the blueprint for that. 
-You taught him his hair type (2A), his skin type (dry), his preferred scent profile for himself (spicy, woody, aromatic). What his favorite types of care products are, he loves leave-in conditioner, cream cleansers. He’s not a fan of super heavy moisturizers because he’ll get overstimulated.
-These are just things this man has never thought about. 
-When you two leave the house for a Court Duty, you end up doing Cassian's hair. He wants to look nice, for lots of reasons, but especially because he wants to be let back into Summer. He wants to be able to take you on Summer Court dates! 
-He lives for that sliver of time you’re able to squeeze in before going somewhere. You doing his hair, him staring at you in the mirror if you’re behind him. If you’re in front of him, his large hands on your plush hips as you bite your lip in concentration trying to make his wild hair look nice. The feeling of your fingers through his scalp and how even when there’s a knot, you never tug or pull hard enough that it hurts him. You’re gentle and sweet with him even when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it (spoiler: he always deserves it) 
-He loves how high maintenance you are, it helps him remember to take care of himself. 
-You do a little self care sunday reset type of thing. It helps you get ready for the week. 
-He finds these routines utterly fascinating. 
-He begs to watch you do them, not even in the dirty way but it's just so interesting to watch. You also banned him from getting frisky when you do the routines. This was your time, he was welcome to watch but he would step out if you asked because you needed to be alone. 
-Some days, your routines are a bit more intense, such as the monthly waxing for your legs and armpits. Coochie too. 
-He flinches every single time he watches you wax some part of you, especially the coochie. He kind of has an attachment to that part. 
-You do the whole shabang sometimes. Wax legs, armpits, etc. Exfoliating shampoo, regular shampoo, conditioning mask, conditioner. Then the body stuff, exfoliating, shaving any parts you didn’t want to wax, double cleansing your body with antibacterial then the fun scented stuff. Then when you’re out of the bath, face extractions, face wash, whatever else you want to add. And then body creams. Then you’re done. 
-He’s just amazed every single time. 
-He also loves that you make a little thing out of it. You make it fun for you. There's a whole closet filled with different scents, treatments, formulas, etc. 
-You always smell good. There are deodorants shoved in every single bag you own, every room for that matter. Massive perfume, bodycare, candle, anything that makes a room or you smell good, you have it. 
-Even going to bed, you put perfume on.
-He loves that you say “I only wear it for myself Cass, it’s just a bonus that you love it.” Because he knows it’s true. 
-Sometimes he goes in just to sniff around. The fool just stands there and sniffs stuff. You had no idea why he decided to sit in the closet and sniff things in the dark. However, you did know that when you opened the door to see a nearly 7 foot tall clown smelling your beloved collection, you screamed bloody murder. 
So loud Azriel came running with his knives. Cassian just looked at you like “what’s your deal bro?” 
You were trained by two of the most powerful warriors, yet your first reaction was to scream. 
“Why didn’t you try to fight me?” Cassian asked, “I’ve seen you kick someone down for less.” 
“I am in my bathrobe Cassian! You want me swinging my legs around with my flaps out?” 
Azriel chose to leave the room after that. 
-You also always have perfectly manicured nails. And somehow someway you taught your tricks to the Valkyries so now they are able to have beautiful nails while still disemboweling enemies. 
-Great, now he and Az have four she-devils with perfectly manicured nails and glossy hair that can slay their enemies with one swipe. The four of you were feral together. He wouldn’t be surprised if he walked into the camps one day to see some guys dead because they were sexist. 
-You also got him and Az roped into these skincare nights. 
-He loves sitting there with a face mask on and you using one of your crystal rollers rolling it onto his skin. Bougie bitch eats it up. 
-One of your favorite things to do is wear a sheet mask and hide in a closet.  Scares him every single time. 
-Your stuff is everywhere, you’d be damned if you were uncomfy in your own home. After talking to Cassian and Azriel to make sure you weren’t being a shitty roommate, you kind of went crazy. 
-Lip balms in every room, hand creams, candles. Hair ties and claw clips. Fuzzy blankets stashed in every trunk you could find. 
-Rhys made fun of it, but ate his words pretty quickly when Feyre saw the beauty of having lip balms and hair ties/claw clips stashed everywhere. (and he later found the joys of said products and gave you a gift basket as an apology….you didn’t even remember that he judged you because you simply didn’t care).
-Also, the guys live in fucking luxury. The home always smells good, they never have to worry about chapped lips or dry skin. Or pesky hair in the way. Anywhere they want is a blanket or cute pillow to prop their heads up. 
-they were living like animals until you showed up.
-Cassian having a mate is the best thing to ever happen to Az. 
-Feyre, Nesta, Elain, Emerie, Gwyn, Morrigan and even Amren shop your stash of body care if they wanna smell a certain way for a certain fun time (wink). 
-Even Nuala and Cerridwen will approach and ask you. Obviously you say yes. You own so much you’ll never get through everything in time. 
-Plus you’re a Girls Girl. You’re gonna be there for your girls in your life.
-Speaking of the ladies in your life. 
-When you and Cassian have twin baby girls, you were ecstatic. Either way you were going to be happy but you always wanted a girl and now you have two!
-Teaching them how to take care of their skin and hair has been the best for you and Cassian. He loves watching his girls play with their hair. He loves having his hair braided by them. 
-Family self care nights become a Thing (that sometimes an Uncle or Aunt will join).
-He loves you because you taught him how to actually care for himself and his mental health. You showed him how he needs to stop and appreciate the smaller things. That not everything has to be a chore. 
-He loves you more than anything, maintenance and all.
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frankinstainz-baby · 7 months
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Mating season_donnie
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The setting was the start of a hard time for the turtles, mating season. Mikey was playing video games to distract himself, but his horny urges were still high. Donnie was cooped up in his lab working on some new gadgets to help sooth his nerves, still not helping him. Leo was meditating to help but it only worked for a while. Raph was going hard at his weights and punching bagSuddenly, they all turn their heads as they hear my footsteps echoing off the sewers cold hard walls. "Hey my favorite boys!" I say joyfully, clearly not understanding what I just got myself intoThey see my tight white tank top that just barely shows my cleavage, my mini skirt fitting tightly on me, my rear slightly peaking out at the bottom. "O-oh um hey angel cakes" mikey says in a shaky tone as his eyes travel down my body, his boner getting more turned on. "what are you doing here (y/n)?" Leo says while gently biting his lip, donnie and raph coming out as they hear the new voice. They freeze in place as they see it's me, "oh just checking on you guys, i haven't been here for a while." I say while looking up at Leo with an innocent smile"Well being here right laced now is not the best time..." raph says as his voice is gruff and with lust. "Why not big red?" walk over to where Raph and Donnie are at with a confused expression. "Donnie would you like to explain? Leo says as he creeps up behind me, looking down at me as he bites his lip.
Smirking, "It's...mating season (y/n)" Donnie says as he blushes and adjusts his pants to help with the tightness. I look up at him confused, not quite understanding what he means"Yeah angel cakes, the time where we're all ready for-" "That's enough mikey." Raph cuts mikey off mid sentence, looking at him with an intimidating gaze. Mikey looks slightly scared and goes back to looking at me with a teasing face. "Fine Raph, see you later angel cakes-" mikey winks and walks back to his room, slowly moving out of my visionI blush, raph then grumbles something under his breath and walks away to his gym. Leo takes a glance at me, and takes a deep breath and walks back to his room. Donnie takes my hand, i look confused as he pulls me towards his lab. He sits me up on his table and stands in front of me, towering over me with his tall height compared to my smaller height. "Donnie-" i get cut off when he crashes his lips into mine, using one of his hands to hold my head in place. I blush intensely and kiss back, his hand rubs my thighWe start breathing heavilyHe pulls away to catch his breath. "I-im sorry (y/n), I just couldn't control myself, you just looked so pretty and that scent omg-" he says while blushing heavily. I lean forward and whisper to him, "please.....give me more…” I say in a pleading way while blushing, i've had a crush on donnie for awhile now and i finally can let that secret free. He looks shocked, his face forming into a smirk, and lust filled gaze, as you wish, baby-". He goes back to kissing me, slipping his tongue into my mouth. I noan at the feeling, and dance my tongue with his. He pushes me back, and his kiss starts to get more aggressive. He sits in his chair, pulling me down to make me straddle his lap. I grind at his bulge, rubbing our crotches together. He groans and grunts while i let out soft whimpers and moans. He makes me straddle his thigh while he unbuckle his belt and pulls his pants down with his boxers. His cock springing out, I blush and gulp at the sight, it's almost the size of my forearm. "T-thats not gonna fit-, he chuckles, "sweetheart, 1'11 make it fit. Stretch you out real good.. I blush, he reaches his hands under my thighs, and practically rips my panties and skirt off. I gasp, he rips off my shirt along with my bra. He groans as he sees ne in my nude state, "wow, didn't think you would look this good-" he blushes, hovers me over his cock, lining up his cock head that's leaking with precum to my wet cunt. He slowly pushes in, parting my lips with his fat cock. I whimper and bite my lip at the new feeling, "o-oh donnie..-". I breathe harder as he groans while pushing in. "ah fuck such a pretty, tight cunt... He slowly begins to jerk his hips, pushing his way in. I whimper and moan at the feeling. He lets out grunts and groans as he pushes himself all the way in. "ah baby..-". He starts thrusting at a faster and harder pace. His breathing grows harder, he grips onto my thighs and spreads them more to go deeper. "Ah!- oh god!- Donnie!-". I moan louder at the changes, I've never felt this good ever in my life. I grip onto his shoulders and bite his neck to muffle my moans. "Mn- (y/n)-" he reaches a hand down, and uses one of his thick digits to tease my clit. I noan louder and squirm around hin. "Oh babydoll-. He moans out and goes faster, feeling close to his release. "Donnie, I'm so close..-". I bite harder and clench around him, He nods his head, "Me too..-". He thrust deeper, I come on his cock, he moans and pulls out and comes on my chest. "Oh my god that was incredible. I whimper softly, he sits ne on his desk. "Yeah, that felt so amazing... He pulls up his pants and picks up my clothes, he slides my underwear on and brings me a towel to clean aff his spunk. "Oh i'm sorry for being so rough with you, i just got a little too excited.". He looks worried that he hurt ne. "It's ok baby. I really enjoyed it.". I say as I clean off my chest and put my shirt on. "Ok good.." he smirks and looks at ne, another round?-..
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redwinetalks · 3 months
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I Won’t Let You Sink
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Chapter 1
Word Count: 4k
Pairing: Finnick x Fem!OC
Warnings: angst, thoughts of some self harm, miss girl has to sell her body
Summary: Silk Fabelle is the winner of the 68th annual Hunger Games and she’s finishing up her victory tour. She meets Finnick then returns home leading to a lil chit chat with Snow.
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The Capitol was the complete opposite of District 8. Full of bright colors and energy instead of dull and lifeless. Everything is perfectly placed and decorated. Artistically groomed trees and bushes. The Capitol elite expect me to think of this as a blessing. How much of an honor it is to get to visit. To be invited to these lavish parties and be dressed to the nines. But with each conversation I’m dragged into, I’m counting the seconds until I can go home and no longer be stuck with the people who use my trauma as a way to get off.
“Did you hear me?” I’m snapped back to reality by the woman who’s been speaking to me about my victory. Her blue and purple hair is tied up in an intricate bun. Her eyeshadow goes all the way to her temples and her eyebrows are adorned with jewels. To match her eccentric look, she’s wearing a bright purple gown that cinches her waist so much I wonder how she’s even breathing.
“Yes, sorry. I couldn’t help getting distracted by how beautiful everything looks tonight.”
“Oh, of course! I can’t even imagine having to live in that dreary district of yours. This must be such a culture shock. But, back to what I was saying. Your games! You really surprised us all. I mean, no one guessed that the little girl from 8 could win. A lot of people lost their bets after your victory. Don’t worry though, no one could stay upset about it. Not with how precious you are! You really are a doll just like they say!” A doll. That’s the pet name they’ve adorned me with. The Capitol’s doll they could dress up and play with however they so please.
“You’re going to be quite popular! But I must leave you, I need to get a little drink.” She gives me a wink and walks away. Im sure she’s off to purge and then continue to gorge herself.
When she’s gone I close my eyes and let out the deep sigh I’ve been holding. With each Capitol aristocrat I talk to I feel more and more suffocated. I grab a glass of wine and then move myself away from the crowd. This party is supposed to be dedicated to me to congratulate my huge “victory”. No one expected me to win. District 8 has a pretty poor relationship with the Capitol because of our rebelliousness. This kept me from getting any help from sponsors. It also didn’t help that I don’t look very strong, I’m shorter than most people my age, and the jobs back home don’t prepare us in the slightest for what’s to come in the arena. That’s not all true, though. I gained enough strength by carrying large amounts of supplies to and from the factories. Boxes full of fabric or Peacekeeper uniforms are much heavier than people think. I used my knowledge of different bugs and berries, used to make dyes, to help me keep from poisoning myself in the arena. My mentor Cecilia told me since I know how to sew, stitch, and weave that I have a good eye and a steady hand. She taught me how to make traps that I could use against other tributes or to catch food. She helped me learn how to use throwing knives, her weapon of choice. That proved to be significantly helpful during the bloodbath. The majority of my games I spent hiding. My arena was a rainforest so it wasn’t difficult to disguise myself. I was then able to trick some tributes with poisonous berries or trapping them in a net made up of vines and leaves. I’m sure it was a riveting show for everyone glued to the broadcast. Not at all traumatizing for them, only for the 17 year old.
“Not enjoying the festivities?” I’m slightly startled when he comes up and stands next to me. Finnick O’dair. The so called Capitol “darling” and youngest to ever win the games. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. Didn’t meant to catch you off guard.” He laughs.
“And what if I’m not?” I sip my wine and look at him, deadpanned.
“Don’t worry, it only gets worse from here.” He lets out a another light laugh and I hum in response.
“Thanks for the warning. I figured as much.” I think about walking away, but there’s something about him that compels me to stay put. It’s disarming. I don’t figure a Career would be too enjoyable to hang around, yet he has this air to him that I can’t walk away from. Maybe it’s how his tan skin and perfect smile are even more breathtaking in person. I could just be getting hypnotized by his beauty and charm. Which, I’m positive he uses to his advantage. He then turns to face directly in front of me and holds his hand out.
“If you’ll let me, I was hoping I could steal you away for a dance.” He takes my hand and gives it a small peck as I just look at him. I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
“Are you trying to charm me, Finnick O’dair?” He flashes me a perfect smile.
“And what if I am, Silk Fabelle?” He moves his face closer to mine and his voice, as smooth as velvet, is just a whisper. He smells like salty seawater and citrus. The hair on my neck stands up and I can feel the goosebumps creeping up my body. Maybe I am being hypnotized.
“I suppose you can. Hopefully it’ll keep everyone else from talking to me about my riveting games.” I say after clearing my throat and awkwardly adjusting my stance.
“You sure you’re not trying to keep me all to yourself, darling?” I stop and blankly stare at him. He rolls his eyes at me, “I’m kidding. Shall we?” I slowly nod and he escorts me back through the crowd of people.
“So is there a particular reason you decided to make my acquaintance?” I question him. No other previous victors have come to talk with me, at least not yet. It’s just been one vulture after the next. Maybe in his eyes he just saw a damsel in distress that he needed to rescue. He wouldn’t be incorrect per se.
“Maybe I just wanted to finally see your beauty in person. The broadcast is one thing, but there’s nothing like the real deal.” He says when we find a spot on the floor. He takes my waist and gracefully starts to guide me. It’s as if it’s second nature to him. I don’t know how to feel about his flirtations and it makes me a bit uneasy. I don’t know if I can trust him, but I’m not in the games anymore. He’s not another tribute trying to kill me before I kill him first. It sounds like he means what he says, so maybe I’m just overthinking it.
“You sure are quite the charmer, but I’m having a hard time believing that’s the only reason.”
“Oh please, I can’t just dance with a pretty girl? Must I have a motive?” I can feel his thumb rubbing my back. That plus the dancing is making me dizzy. My head feels like it’s spinning, but it could just be the wine causing that effect.
“Do you?” I press him, trying to remain focused, and he looks at me so softly.
“I just thought you might’ve been struggling to stay afloat. This place..these people..they’ll drown you. To them we aren’t real people we’re just toys. Entertainment. I remember how I felt when this was my party and I guess I just didn’t want you to have to go through that alone.” The playful banter has dropped and he speaks so genuinely. He’s not at all what I expected. I’ve only ever looked at careers with aversion. The way they suck up to the Capitol and get almost doted on in return. But they’re still district citizens. Even if they are on better terms with the Capitol, it doesn’t mean they aren’t part of this continuous punishment. They’re pawns in this game like everyone else, they just play differently.
“So you’re telling me no one whisked you away to save you at your victory party” I tilt my head when asking.
“Afraid not, sweetheart.” Even with his flirtatious banter back on I can see that there’s a sadness in his eyes. Like this confidence that he radiates is just an illusion to keep him from sinking. After winning the games they make you think you finally get to be free. You can finally be happy and you don’t have to live in fear. But the games never end. I can see it from the way Finnick looks at me. After you win the torment just continues. There is no freedom.
“I’m sorry you were alone. I appreciate, though, you being here for me even though you don’t know me. I hope..maybe..I can do the same for you.” I say that last sentence quietly. As if I’m not sure if I want him to hear it. I’m not quite sure if I mean it. He squeezes my hand a bit and softly smiles. His dimples showing only slightly.
“I can already see my days getting brighter.” He releases my waist once the song ends and brushes a hand through his golden blonde hair. The lights reflecting off of him in the most picture perfect way. “Unfortunately, I have to go, but it was lovely meeting you Silk.” He kisses my hand once more and walks away after I say goodbye. I’m left feeling frozen in place like a trance has just been lifted. Then, almost immediately I’m being pulled into another meaningless conversation with Capitol citizens. I try to stay present to what’s going on around me, but my mind keeps going back to Finnick O’dair.
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
I’m on the train with Cecilia, finally going home after the victory tour. I’ve been sitting at the table moving my fork around my breakfast, too distracted to eat. I haven’t been able to push Finnick out of my mind. There is just something about him that is so alluring and mysterious that my teeth clench from trying to figure him out. I can’t help getting frustrated at myself for thinking only of him. Maybe it’s just because he’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met. His aura is so captivating and it’s like he knows just how to wrap you around his finger.
“How was last night?” Cecilia comes up behind me and takes my plate.
“I wasn’t finished.” I turn and look at her and she rolls her eyes.
“You’ve been pushing that blueberry around with your fork for 10 minutes. You’re finished.” Annoyingly, she’s right. I’m not even hungry anymore. I felt full after just a couple bites. I’ve only been able to eat small meals since leaving the arena.
“Last night was wonderful” she lets out a small laugh at my sarcastic reply.
“Did you meet any of the past victors? It’ll help having some of them close by.” I look down at the table where my plate was.
“I met Chaff and Seeder. They were nice, well, Chaff was a bit..overly friendly..but Seeder was kind. I was told Haymitch would be an ass, but I thought he was alright. Maybe just a bit abrasive.” I shrug. Cecilia hums in response while tapping her fingers on the table. I slightly glance up at her and she looks off and smiles.
“You seem to be leaving a certain person out.” I just look at her. “He’s much more genuine than people give him credit for. You should continue to get to know him. You’re still making allies you know, it doesn’t matter that you’re no longer in the arena.” I nod and turn to look out the window.
The only good thing about being on this train for so long is that I can look at all the trees. I can get lost in them. It brings me some sense of peace with my thoughts being so loud. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to normal. How I’m supposed to just go home and move on. How am I supposed to sleep peacefully each night when there are kids that are dead because of me? I’m not. That’s exactly the point. I’m supposed to feel like my insides are eating me alive and have these nightmares. That’s how Snow wants us to feel. He knows that the games will leave you forever traumatized and he loves it. He’s sick and cruel and twisted.
My nails have drawn blood on my arm from gripping myself so tightly. When I get up to grab a napkin, I realize we’re arriving at District 8. I thought I’d be excited to be home but I just feel numb. Nothing is going to be the same and it terrifies me.
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
“You’re home” My mother says so softly. She runs up to me and wraps me in a tight hug when I walk into our new house in Victor’s Village. She cradles my head and rubs my back. The comfort she brings me is instant and I feel like I could collapse into her arms. Maybe I will be okay as long as she’s with me.
For my whole life I’ve only had my mother. I don’t remember my dad. He died when I was very young, but I’ve never felt like something was missing without him. I don’t feel his absence. When my father was 16 his older brother was reaped into the games and his death was so painful, that he swore to never have kids. He didn’t want to bring a child into a world where they could be put through something so heinous and vile, but he met my mother and accidents happen. My mother was anxious of course, but she still wanted to have me. She told me that when she realized she was pregnant with me, my father changed. Like some switch had been flipped. He became a completely different person. He was no longer kind, he drank, and he would have these sudden fits of rage. Mom tried to stay with him. To see if he would go back to the way he was. To see if he was just processing everything in some excessively horrible way, but he only got worse when I was born. So she kicked him out. When I was a bit older she told me that he had been shot by a Peacekeeper for some drunken altercation just days later.
My father didn’t want me and I don’t need him. I don’t feel his absence. All I feel is the love and protection that my mother has given me since I was born. She has never made me feel unwanted or like a burden. She is the strongest person I know and means more to me than anything in this world. If it wasn’t for her, I know I wouldn’t have gotten out of that arena.
“I missed you” I muffle into her shoulder. She puts her hands on my face and moves me to look directly at her.
“I missed you, too, my beautiful girl.” She then kisses me on the forehead, “Come with me. I want to show you want I’ve done with the place and then we’ll eat dinner.” She ushers me around the house showing me the different curtains and blankets she’s made. Most of the blankets she knit in our old home while I was in the arena. She told me that was the only thing she could do to keep from losing herself. While I was on my victory tour she sewed the curtains and a new bedspread for me. It’s a beautiful plum color and it makes the room much more cozy and inviting. Mom and I always try our best to make our home full of color to contrast how grey the district is. That way whenever we get home from a long day in the factories it’s an immediate breath of fresh air. We can almost instantly feel the dread of the day lift off our shoulders.
“You seemed to keep yourself busy” I say as she shows me the pillows in the living room.
“What else was I supposed to do to pass the time?” I laugh and smile so lovingly at her. It’s the first time I’ve been happy since getting reaped. I feel an overwhelming amount of relief that I never thought I’d get.
When she’s finished with the tour I follow her into the kitchen and sit at the table. We eat in a comfortable silence. Mom has always known whether I wanted to talk or not. She never tries to pry unless she knows it’ll help. It’s the first time in the while no one has expected anything of me.
A few days pass and I finally start to get a routine going. My mom goes off to work, thankfully not in the Peacekeeper factory, a different one where she makes an assortment of clothing and I start my morning by going just past the border to the shoreline. It’s the only place where grass grows since it’s far away from all the industrial fumes. I like to sit on the rocky beach and listen to the waves. I bring my sketchbook to work on designing clothes to make for the school children since I have the money to now. It’s something to do to keep me busy and help me feel like I’m doing something to help our community.
The walk home is long, but peaceful. I say hello to those moving on from one job to the next. One of the worst things that the Capitol does do the citizens in 8 is make everyone work long, grueling hours. When school lets out for the day the kids don’t get to go home and play. If there’s free time it means there’s time to work. Our labor is exploited and it’s unforgivable.
When I walk into the house it feels wrong. The air isn’t peaceful, it’s unsettling. It’s smells sickly sweet like roses. Everything seems to be in order, but the door to the study is ajar. I put down my bag and slowly walk through the hall making my way to the open door.
“There’s no need to sneak around in your own home. Please, come join me.” His voice is ice cold and it sends shivers up my spine.
“President Snow” I stiffly walk inside the study, “I apologize. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home.” He’s sitting at the desk that hasn’t been touched since we moved it.
“Sit, I have some matters to discuss with you.” He gestures to the chair on the other side of the desk and I sit down, “I hope you enjoyed your victory tour.”
“Yes, sir. I did.” I clear my throat my uncomfortably and cross my arms to try and ground myself. I attempt to keep myself from digging my nails into my skin.
“Good, I’m pleased to hear that. I’ve heard lovely things about you. You’re well liked. Many of my colleagues have taken an interest towards you.”
“An interest, sir?” A pit opens in my stomach.
“Yes, Miss Fabelle. A sizable interest, in fact. And this is something that I cannot ignore. You see, these are the kinds of colleagues that sponsor the games and events such as your victory party.” He says as if it’s something I even wanted. He stands and starts to pace around the desk. The overwhelming smell of roses wafts back and forth with each turn. I can feel the nausea starting to grow. “The desire for you has grown quite large and I would hate to disappoint. I understand where they’re coming from. You are indeed a beautiful young woman. So, will you cooperate?” I could’ve gagged right then. He hasn’t said it outright, but I understand him clearly. These people want me. They want my body. His sinister smile grows when he notices how much I’m gripping onto my arms.
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” I say looking down at my lap. I know I don’t, but a small part of me hopes that if I ask he won’t make me. But that’s just a silly dream. To believe that I could have a choice in any of this. My body isn’t mine. My life isn’t mine. It all belongs to him.
“Of course you have a choice, Miss Fabelle.” He sits back down and my head shoots up to look him in the eye. “But certain choices have consequences. And it would be very unfortunate for perhaps, your mother, to deal with the consequences of your actions.” He sits back down, clearly satisfied with how this talk is going.
The nausea is only getting worse. My mother. He would kill my mother. The only person I have. The only person that I love. Not only is she important to me, she’s important to this district. She’s always been a strong force in the community. She helps those in need in any way she can. She stands up for what she believes in. She’s part of the rebellion that may or may not even come. If something were to happen to her it would end me, but it would also impact so many of those around me. I couldn’t live with myself if something were to happen to her.
“I understand, sir.” I speak so softly, so defeated.
“Good, I’m very pleased.” He stands up to leave, but not before leaving the flower from his coat pocket on the desk. I walk with him to the front door, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall, and he takes a small look around the space. “Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Fabelle. I hope you are enjoying your new home. You seem to have settled right in. It’s very…eclectic. Oh, and I almost forgot to congratulate you on your victory. You did very well. Until next time.” He smiles so sickeningly and then finally leaves. How kind of him to congratulate me. As if him being proud would somehow fill me with such joy and satisfaction.
The nausea finally hits me with full force and I run to the bathroom to empty the contents in my stomach. The smell of stale roses still fills the air and it continues to make me gag. Once I feel well enough to get up, I brush my teeth and head to my room. I don’t even make it to my bed before I collapse, my sobbing overtaking my body. I feel so disgusting. How can this be allowed? How can they force me to kill other people’s children and then this? Is this what they think freedom is? I don’t have to worry about dying anymore, but I have to sell my body. And if I don’t, I have to fear for the life of the person I love most in the world? How am I supposed to do something so vile? How am I supposed to continue to survive like this? I feel like ripping my hair out. Like scratching at my skin until there’s nothing left but bone.
I rush into my bathroom and run a cold shower. I have to calm down. I have to find a way to live with this and keep my mother oblivious. The only way I know how to do that right now is by washing this whole afternoon off of me. Pretending none of it happened. And that’s what I’ll continue to do. When the time comes for me to visit the Capitol again, I’ll just pretend none of it is real. It’s all a dream. A sick, twisted, horrifying dream. And I’ll just have to go from there.
*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°*°
Thank you so much for reading chapter 1! This is my first ever fanfiction that I’ve written so I know it’s far from perfect. I’m growing with my writing as I go, but I hope you still enjoy it! I appreciate any kind feedback!
tag list <3 (I tagged some of y'all who just liked the related posts so I hope thats okay)
@ghoulbabs @lusy98 @marvelescvpe @simplymurdock @marcyss @miserablebl00d @wife-of-all-dilfs @mrsnancywheeler
Next Chapter!
120 notes · View notes
rpreaperperson · 7 months
Text
MOM
Reader is a combat medic, a BIG sweeth tooth and a mother to 141 boys (dont forget can cook too) a waifu material
In case with Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley
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MasterList
Warning!!: jelly and OOC Ghost, and jelly Soap
You grunt from your chair stretching your arm up, exhausted with the examination paper that one of the nurses gave you
“guess I need a little snack time..” after tidying up the paper you walk into the door and think of what will you make for your snack time
As you open the door there in the doorway stands a tall man with his skull balaclava on his head, you jump a little placing your hand on your chest
“Oh my God..!!” you gasp
‘Seriously this man going to be death of me’ you thought while calming down your heartbeat
“Doc” he casually greets looking down at you
“Simon! what’s wrong? you need something?” you notice his eyes narrowing
“.....I heard Johnny got some sweets”
“Uhh..yeah..well like the usual Johnny, right? I mean is not unsual for him to got a sweets from me” you tried to explain the strict Lieutenant, remembering the first time you gave him sweets after Gaz, Soap, and Price
You could say that he is...
“you know the drill Doc”
“must you always do that Simon?” you could almost feel him smirk under that balaclava planning something devious
“..hmp of course he’s the one who brags about it” Ghost crossing his arm on his chest
...Quite delight especially when that time you cook for them
 “Fine...” you sigh shaking your head, both of you heading to the kitchen
.
“Chocolate cake? or cheese cake?”
“Chocolate one”
“Okay..guess I have make it for – “
“NO I WANT IT ALL TO MYSELF” his gruff voice boomed as he glared at you
“okay..okay hun! Geez..what happen that make you like this Simon?” you ask while preparing the utensils and the ingredients
“Jhonny fault for swaying the sweets you gave ‘im in front of my face...tauntingly” he leans on the counter watching you preparing the cake, you glance at him and sigh tiredly
“of course..Jhonny you’re the source of it all”
“dont forget you’re the one who spoil ‘im”grunt Ghost
“well..being the oldest one and having 5 ‘lil brothers will doing it to you” Ghost just huffs, he already knows about your family condition a part of him feels envy...but then he is in love with your motherly side enough for him wanting to married you
“Im waiting Doc...” you just hummed at him fully concentrating on the task, Ghost just stared at you fondly
He knows that you didn’t want any help when you making something for the rest of the team, and says that they only making it worse so he makes the tea instead
.
.
“mhh..good as always Doc”
“ehehe thanks Simon~”
Then in the hallway Soap who had just done from his training smelled a delicious scent, rushing into the kitchen his body hunching nose sniffed around the room like a dog searching for the source of the scent
“DOC! Y-you make something?” he cried out at you who now cleaning up the utensils, if he has a dog's tail you bet it’ll wag excitedly right now
“Uhh..yeah..” you pointed at Ghost who was busy munching the medium size chocolate cake with his balaclava pulled up to the bridge of his nose, both Ghost and Soap stared at each other
The lieutenant squinting his eyes at Soap, while the Scottish man stared at the half-eaten cake
“Ohhh~ LT, you’re – “ Soap swaying way to the cake tried to persuade Ghost to share, and...
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HAUMPH
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“Mmmhh...ish gooddd..”
Your eyes widen in disbelief so does Soap with jaw open wide his bulk arm reaches the cake.. trying to reach the cake, crushing his hope and dream into dust
“sorry Soap not gonna happen...” wiping the chocolate from his mouth, taking his cup of tea
“Appreciate the cake Doc, its delicious as always” he approaching you
“always?!” Soap shriek snap his head at you
“u-uh yeah y-you’re wel – “suddenly he kisses your cheek while staring at Soap tauntingly then pulled down his balaclava and walking away from the scene, with a blushing face you touch the cheeks he kisses
‘Oh dear...he’s REALLY gonna be death of me..’
Soap stand there fuming not just eating the whole cake in front him, he just kiss YOUR cheeks?!
‘oh..its on now...LT’  you sigh glance at Soap
‘maybe I’ll gave him mine instead’
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optimist-pine · 3 months
Text
When Skies Are Gray (Ch.1)
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Summary: You cross paths with someone from your past on the worst day of your life (which is saying a lot).
Warnings: Typical TWD content! Injury, death, suggestions of SA, language, etc.
Word Count: 1,661
Era: Between seasons 3 & 4, before Rick stops going on runs
A/n: I convinced myself that Daryl Dixon and coffee shop AU could totally go together...
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One mistake. Very likely your last one at that. However, judging by the look in the man's eye, you may have just enough time to squeeze in another before your life comes to a permanent close. A grand finale of utterly screwing up. Seems fitting.
    Despite everything, you don't actually desire the finality of death yet. The adrenaline surging through your bones reminds you that hope isn't completely gone until your body starts walking around, y'know, without your soul attached.
    Past the end of your revolver, the man's pistol aims back at you, a cruel, sordid smile crawling across his face as his gaze roams around your figure. "Came in here lookin' for somethin' to ease our appetites... Looks like we found ourselves some dessert instead." He sounds quite pleased with himself, and you can only imagine what terrible thoughts are filling his mind.
    You can't withhold the cold shiver that slips down your spine, cursing inwardly. Stupid. There were so many things you should've done differently to prevent this exact scenario from happening, but you'd gotten comfortable. 
    The small shop held the slightest promise of ammunition; that's the only reason you'd even risked investigating it with the encroaching threat of dusk at your heels. But you'd been sloppy in scoping the place out, and careless enough that when a cold hand grabbed you from behind you'd shot without a second thought.
     Now you're reaping the repercussions of your foolishness. The lump of a body lay bleeding on the dirty linoleum floor. And you stand trapped between two men with guns who have worse intentions than using them on you.
     "Dammit, man, she shot Jed!" The second man cries from behind you.
    The first man doesn't even spare a glance. "If he let some bitch shoot 'im, then he d'serves it." He spits
    "Duke, I dunno man." His boots shift nervously. "Let's just get tha' hell outta here." Please, please do your mind pleads.
    The man named Duke begins to saunter towards you slowly, toying with you. "My pal an' I here are gonna have a fun night courtesy of you, doll. Then, after, we'll kill ya." Your arms are beginning to feel the strain from holding out your own gun for so long. You readjust your grip, but what's the point? He's almost to you now. "How's that sound?" Your thoughts are swirling, there's no way you can escape without getting at least seriously injured. But if that's the only option besides giving up willingly... well, you'll take that chance. You have to.
    On the count of three... one... tw
    BLAM!
    You drop to the ground in a crouch, expecting the inevitable overwhelming pain of being shot to take over your body - but it never does. You lift your head to find Duke... dead. You whip around to see the other man with an arrow through his eye. Your gun's back out in an instant, aimed at a new target that emerges from behind a rusty shelf.
    The new man holds a crossbow, posture rigid and shoulders sturdy. A good portion of his face is blocked by the bow except for feathers of brunette hair shrouding a blue eye. 
    "Whoa, there." The sound of a hammer being cocked at your back sends a rush of fury through you. Was this some sort of sick joke? Held at gunpoint by two men, then being rescued only to be held at gunpoint again by two different men? If you were honest with yourself, it wasn't all that surprising though. As far as luck went you were permanently scraping the bottom of the barrel.
    The crossbow in front of you lowers suddenly. "Lav'nder?"
    Now that you can see both of them clearly those blue eyes look awfully familiar. "Dixon?"
    BLAM!
    A blinding pain floods through your right shoulder so quickly that you collapse, sharp waves of heat blooming and spreading and taking over your whole body. You can see your gun lying in the dust and dirt. Huh, you hadn't realized you'd dropped it. You study the weapon as the daylight dims; the sun must not be wasting any time in its descent this evening. You think someone is talking but their voice is fading, the pain is numbing, the darkness is turning to black. There's never been a colder place than the floor of this cursed little shop.
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    One last stop before heading back home. An old hole-in-the-wall gun store on the off chance they'll find anything to help replenish the resources depleted in the fight against the Governor. 
    What little promise the place does have dissipates the moment a solitary gunshot rings through the air; all senses immediately on the alert. It isn't hard to discern the situation, the lead man's intentions are unmistakable. And so, they do what they've had to do too many times before.
    But when the woman turns around, what he sees takes him a minute to process. You. He knows you. The word sounds stupid, but it escapes him nonetheless. Then again, maybe not completely stupid because you do remember him.
    BLAM!
    "Dammit!" Daryl shouts, unleashing his arrow into the skull of the third man. The man they'd mistakenly presumed was already dead. He rushes to your side, inspecting the wound. Clean through the shoulder. Good. He removes his vest and sheds his long-sleeved shirt, tying it around your shoulder, holding pressure. By the time he manages to bring himself to look you in the eye, you're already out of it.
    Rick rifles around the men's belongings, gathering up their weapons and anything else that's useful. "You know her?" He asks, skeptical, with that particular cock of his head.
    Daryl nods. "M'yeah. I did." He replies softly. You looked so different now; ragged, weary... alone. But still, he would recognize you anywhere. "C'mon, we gotta get 'er back to Hershel and Dr. S."
    Rick's checking out your belongings now, snatching your gun off the floor to inspect it. "D'you trust her?" He asks.
    Daryl hefts you up into his arms - it's easier than it should be. "She's a good one." An understatement.
    "Heh, yeah." Rick chuckles, holding your gun out for him to inspect. "Cylinder's empty. Held off four men with a gun that wasn't even loaded." He gives Daryl a nod. "Let's get 'er home."
    Daryl sits with your head in his lap, the rest of your body carefully draped across the backseat of the truck, hair spilling haphazardly across his pant legs. His fingertips hover nervously above your face, the overwhelming urge to physically reassure himself that you're really here growing by the second. He's terrified though. Why? Jus' do it. Rough fingers ever so gently brush dirty locks behind your ear, revealing sun-worn skin gone pale.
    It's like he can't look long enough or hard enough at your face to make it feel true. To make you feel real. Are you? Out of anyone who could've found their way here from his past... Out of all the deadbeats and scumbags he would be unsurprised to find thriving in the lawlessness...
    It was you.
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    The town had one lonely cafe, which was unfortunately sandwiched smack dab between the tattoo parlor and the pub - aka, Merle's playground. Once Merle had left for the military and then landed himself in prison, Daryl had kept to the same old routine more out of habit than desire. 
    He was on his way to the tattoo parlor late that afternoon - he can't remember why he was using the front entrance because he almost always went in through the back - but that day he had to walk past the happy little cafe to get there...
    It's a warm spring day, the air beginning to fill with the scent of flowers instead of just dirt and cold. Which also means that people are sitting out front of the little coffee joint straining to soak up the last rays of sunshine. The shop windows are open to let in the fresh air, making the place seem noisier than usual.
    "Lavender latte!" A barista shouts around the clamor from inside.
    The screech of metal on cement to his left as a girl pushes out her chair. Just as he's about to walk past, he hears the scuff of a foot against the sidewalk and suddenly she's falling toward him. He reaches up to brace himself and stabilize her shoulders as her palms thud against his chest.
    She pulls back, quick as a whip, eyes huge as pink begins to sprout on her cheeks. "I'm so sorry!" She blurts, gaze flickering around. It's weird, but he can't help but notice that she smells good, like really good. Flowers and citrus and earth, real things, not just some overpowering canned perfume like he's used to being around at the bar. She's cute too, feminine but not girly or gaudy, hair wind-whipped, hands and feet with remnants of dirt like she's been outside working. The pages of a paperback flutter in the breeze on the table behind her, the stem of a flower peeking out the bottom of the book.
    "Are you okay?" She asks, eyes focused surely on his now, irises deep and unwavering and... Idiot. He's staring and he hasn't said a thing and you're waiting for a response.
    "M'fine." He says with a grunt, crossing his arms. He almost tells you off for being so clumsy but the barista shouts again:
    "Lavender latte!"
    She brushes her hair behind her ear as if it's a nervous habit. "Oh, okay. That's good... I'd better go get that." She laughs, the corners of her lips just barely pulling up. She starts to walk away but then quickly turns back around. "Thank you!" A full smile this time, and then she disappears behind the door.
    He shakes his head. Entertaining thoughts about a girl like that is ridiculous. At least, that's what he tells the rapid drumming of his heart. Shut up.
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myluvrrhea · 3 months
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Telekinesis | Rhea Ripley
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Pairings - Rhea Ripley x Ex-Bsf! + Wrestler!OC
Warnings - Against, Mentions of bruises, Rhea is violent, Sad Rhea , Sad OC, Just angsty Tbhhh :((
Word Count - 0.5k
NOT PROOFREAD ‼️
"What are you too insecure-" You were cut off when she slammed you against the ring post. You felt a sharp pain in your shoulder as you tried getting up.
" Stop talking to me like you know me" At this pint she was screaming in your face. Taunting and punching you.
Although this may have seemed somehow planned. Everyone backstage as well as the commentators were confused. You felt just as shocked by her random outburst. You felt your head pounding as she continued her attacks on you , it seemed as if she was trying to get something out of you.  But you had nothing to give. She was the problem. She caused the chaos between you two.
Soon she began talking again. "You know nothing about me and the struggle I went through to get here , so don't try to act like you do,"
The pain was unbearable and getting up was almost impossible. 
You felt like you could already feel the bruise forming on your shoulder as you tried standing up. But without warning , Rhea Swung the kendo stick in your direction, where did she get that from? The swing of the kendo stick caused a huge impact to your head, you pass out.
When you woke up , you were in the hospital. Wires around your arms. Your eyes felt droopy and blurry as you tried to open them wider. You suddenly heard the door open as you saw a black haired woman stand in front of you. As your vision slowly started unblurring , you relised it was her. The women who had put you in this situation in the first place. Rhea Bloody Ripley.
You heard her whisper something , that your ears couldn't quite reach.
"Im sorry , im so sorry Lara," you took a second to figure out what she was saying before she kept talking. Why was she using your government name? She hadn't called you that since you two were close. Before she ruined the friendship you two had.
"I know I hurt you bad, but I didn't want it to get this bad," She spoke again. It sounded like she was on the verge of tears as she ran her tattooed hand through her hair.
Looking down and seeing the state you were in , your stomach turned. You had cuts and bruises in places that wouldn't even be reachable while in your gear. You felt tears well in your eyes as you looked back up at Rhea, who was too stuck in her rambling to even notice the tear that rolled down your cheek. But when she did , she felt like the world had piled up on top of her.
"Listen Rhea I know you're sorry , but I think I need time to myself for right now. You've done enough damage,"You spoke. Your voice was sweet. Salutary. Almost like Rhea hadn't completely ruined your life in one day.
"Alright... if thats what you want, ill leave," those were the last words she spoke to you since , you had found out you couldn't be cleared to wrestle. You felt as if your world was crumbling when you found out. It felt like you didnt know who Rhea was anymore. She switch on not on the most important people in her life, but the person who cared most about her both mentally and emotionally .Which was you. And the fact that you wouldnt be cleared to wrestle in atleast a month , was the cherry on top. And it was all because of her. Rhea Ripley.
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A/N 💬 - Im still working on request dont worry!! Ps im sorry to the annon that requested something like days ago 😭 im still writing it I just have a bit of writters block.
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problem-of-ros · 8 days
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im trying to pinpoint how mysterious lotus casebook gets to you because what happened to me was that i watched it in maybe 10 days and i thought i was fine. i thought for a full 24 hours after finishing it that it was a pretty enjoyable and well-made show with a poetic ending that nonetheless didn’t have a lasting impact on me. this was a month ago and ill probably never be normal again but my point is. not even watching it prepared me for how good it was. and i think it’s because mlc takes itself lightly, in a mid-budget sillyserious manner. it’s not wearing its prestige tv outfit, it’s wearing sweatpants and a graphic tshirt with a meme on it. but why is it that compelling then!!! and i think my answer is that mlc is an anti-story. to me!! this is not intended as meta im just journaling. walking up and down clutching my head and typing. so <<there are two quite different emotions: […] the heart-racking sense of the vanished […] ; and the other the more ‘ordinary’ emotion, triumph, pathos, tragedy of the characters […] forced on me by the fundamental literary dilemma: A story must be told or there will be no story, yet it is the untold stories that are the most moving.>> says old john ronald. this is the asylum they raised me in or whatever kids say nowdays. and here’s another one, a poem that is very very li lianhuacore but i have to translate it to english fml. the title is they say or people say. << i was born with knife in hand— / people say this is a poem. / surely the knife wasn’t enough, that’s why he grabbed the pen / [but] i was [simply] born human.” etc etc there is an insane dog motive line that’s sadly irrelevant to the point im trying to make etc last verse: “i am sealed by dirt [soil] and eroded [crumbled] by the sea— / people say i’ll die, / but I stay silent. / you hear all manner of things all the time.” thank you józsef attila sorry józsef attila. translating this took audacity. what i MEAN is that beyond the metanarrative pun that is a string of murder mysteries leading the detective to the realisation that his own death ten years earlier was actually a mysterious murder (which is already pretty elegant imo) . but beyond that, the complete plot and the whole show itself is a cover story for li lianhua’s private little suicide narrative that we know nothing about. and i want to be very clear llh isn’t fabricating the cover story purposefully, unreliable narrator style. he isn’t narrating shit. mlc doesn’t have a narrator. closest thing is actually fang duobing, as we the viewers are trying to get to know llh through him— except, unlike fdb, we have just enough additional information to understand that he is NOT getting any closer. he cannot. people smarter than me have said that llh is mother; he surely is unknowable like one. the closer you are to someone the worse the blind spots feel. if zhiji can be (as i understand) something like ‘knowing myself is knowing you’ then maybe having a mother is sometimes like ‘understanding myself is understanding you, but always a decade too late’. for me, fanghua is a synthesis of these two things. fdb either knows but doesn’t understand or understands but doesn’t know. same logic as the infamous masks. you stand on the shore with a letter adressed to you but not written for you and you know nothing, fang xiaobao. i haven’t fully seen GoT but this is how i imagine that line. but for someone with fdb’s brain and soul, not understanding is everything. let me rephrase, not understanding is sexy. in fact i’d argue that what makes lxy/llh irresistible for every tastehaver that ever fell for him is that he is shrouded in mystery. like a bride and like the dead. and ironically, dead brides with their shorter and prettier semi-transparent veils are but a frivolous subcategory of sheet ghost. goodbye
also not to quote contrapoints, but the lover(detective)-barrier(mystery)-beloved(truth) triangle. fanghua is all about yearning and anticipation and it’s a tension that never breaks. the resolution is beyond death (plot) beyond the end of the story (narrative) beyond the barrier — which is the story itself (metanarrative). it points us to an unanswerable question, and that is its depth. and that is what i love: cover stories that let me palpate something vanished and silent
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Hello again this probably sounds like a weird req but I've been rereading (https://www.tumblr.com/athanasius-symposium-of-writings/738730488808849408/hello-i-know-you-just-wrote-for-dm-but-can-i?source=share) and I just can't get over how you wrote D.M. so dramatically. Is it possible to ask for a follow up fic or smt close to this?
Sorry if this req made no sense lol, have a nice day/night!
I totally had to reread what i wrote lolol but im glad u like it anon 💓
Rated Explicit | Warning: minor religious references
The reference is from "wuthering heights"
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“Proud of yourself?” You lay on the bed completely exhausted, your eyes looking up at the ceiling, your chest moving up and down to gather your breath. Your skin is covered in dark spots, hips and legs sore. God, and cum you feel leaking out of your used hole, fuck, you wish he was still inside if you! Agh.
“Quite, mon petit gâteau,” Désire is equally laying on his back breathing hard, his chest covered by lipstick and bites, his back covered in various types of scratches from your nails. His body feels loose, cock well used, and his lips forming a lopsided smile. “Very proud to satisfy my partner.”
You cross your arms huffing before grabbing the blankets and covering your naked form. Now you will never be able to escape the mastermind, the beast has claimed you and you claimed the beast. Any ideas of running away from him are pipe dreams.
Not like is going to allow you to walk much now that he has had a taste of you.
“God, I can't believe we did this.” Turning over to cover your face.
“You freely gave and I took only what was given.” He shifts and brings your body close to his, “Do you regret it?” Rubbing the sore spots on your hips.
You shake your head, “It was inevitable,” Closing your eyes as you let out a relaxed sigh, “‘He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same’.” Quoting words from a book you read while away from your soul, your other soul twisting and writhing like a snake in the garden of Eden.
Are you Eve tricked to eat the apple? Or are you Adam who had a chance to step away but followed his wife into sin?
“(Name).” He is unsure how to respond.
“I cannot lie and say I regret loving you. No, I regret trying to rip you out of my heart. Terrible as you are Désire, as much as I wish you to stop whatever you do, I cannot stand the idea of changing you.” Turning over to face him with your eyes now open, “Is that enough?”
His lips touch your forehead, “And here I was prepared to chain you to this bed.” A joke but you feel like he would if he must to keep you, the fear of you leaving again easily seen by only you. You know him too well by now. “Mon petit gâteau.” He speaks sweet nothings in French, his hands wandering as he touches you once more.
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sucker4sixx · 25 days
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Sün and möon
Writers note: i know mötley crüe were off drugs at this time but no one pulls someone aside for abit of whiskey
Plot: vince and nikki have an intense little one on one
Warnings: degradation, shaming, threats, oral, smut
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Something between vince and nikki changed, the band noticed it, the fans noticed it, the road crew noticed it and so did they.
Nikki and vince were never close, never over at eachothers house or the type to call eachother when they were having a rough night but something sparked when the generation swine tour started. On stage vince felt the need to follow nikki around and mess with him, pulling and tugging on his black hair while the bassist stared straight into his eyes with a ‘fuck me’ look that made the singer feel feelings he wasnt quite ready to talk about.
Nikki started to get exited for the shows, wanting to be messed with, chasing vince around the stage to bring it to that one moment where the singers hands would tug on his hair and he would lean in close, close enough to kiss but thats something that would never happen.. they thought.
One night after a particularly handsy show nikki cant seem to stay away from vince, they sit having drinks and nikki has to be next to him, watching him as he spoke about himself like he was a prince. He always hated his confident princess like behaviour but something about it was intoxicating tonight. “Hey i got some blow.. do you want some?” Nikki whispers into vinces ear, trying his hardest not to bite the lobe, vince grins wide, dragging nikki to the small bathroom. “Well? Cmon then” he says like a child as nikki sets out lines, vince tries to get in first but nikki pulls him back by his hair like he does to nikki while preforming “patience.” He says sternly, breaking into a wolfish grin before taking the first couple of lines, vince blushes red and tries to cover it up by shoving his face in the new lines nikki set out.
Nikki sets up more lines for vince on the bathroom sink, taking the opportunity to stand behind him and push his hips against vinces back side “hey knock it off! What are you doing ?!” Vince jumps but doesnt move away “nothing? What are you talking about?” Nikki grins as he pushes his clothed erection harder against vinces butt. The singer gasps and looks down, noticing his own cock starting to grow “h-hey.. its not fair, stop turning me gay!” Vince breathes shakily, gripping the sink “im not turning you gay silly.. we are all alittle bit gay, its just wether your a pussy or not” nikki grins, leaning over the singer and looking at his face in the mirror infront of them. “I-im not a pussy.” Vince insists, feeling nikkis hips smack against his butt once more, making him whine. “Whiney bitch..” nikki growls into his ear “you want my cock?” Vince whimpers again at the words, does he want cock? Is he really ready?
“Y-yes.. yes i do” nikki grins and starts grinding on his ass “good boy.. good boy..” “but.. ill only suck i dont wanna get pegged, i wont be able to walk tomorrow” “fair point, so.. you wanna suck my cock?” His grin turns wide and sexy as he imagines vince sucking on his cock like a chick.
Vince drops to his knees obediently “you know.. youve been a real brat this tour.. constantly tugging my hair and grabbing me, this was bound to happen” nikki grinned as vince looked up at him with doe eyes “you wanted my attention so bad well.. here, you got it.. sitting on a dirty bathroom floor so you can suck my cock i mean.. what a slut you are” nikki shook his head, vinces cheeks flushed red in shame, waiting for nikki to show him his cock. “Id make you beg but youve been begging the whole time.. waiting for me” nikki unzips his leather pants, his cock falling out instantly due to having on no boxers so the fans could see his bulge. His large, thick cock dangles above vinces face and the singer goes red, his eyes focusing on the thick, pink tip that already slowly drips precum onto his lips. “Well?” Nikki says impatiently.
Vince nervously wraps his lips around nikkis tip, suckling on it like its a bottle, nikki laugh and bites his bottom lip “awee.. baby boy your so cute. But im not fucking around anymore, suck me like a man” his voice suddenly goes stern, vince taking more of him instantly, sucking faster. Its clear to nikki hes done this before as the singers tongue swirls around his thick shaft. “Youve done this before havent you? Who was it..” nikki moans and vince goes redder, pulling off “tommy” he mutters before taking nikki back into his needy mouth. “Tommy?! You mean.. you sucked tommys cock before mine?” Vince nods as he takes nikki deeper, gagging slightly but continuing, wet slurping noises and deep moans filling the small bathroom.
“Go on.. tell me when..” vince pulls off again “back when w-aughhm” nikki shoves his cock down his throat, grinning “well? Cant really hear you” vince pulls off “when-hmgh!” He whines in frustration, nikki shoving his cock back into the blonde haired mans mouth. He grips his hair tight and shoves his whole dick inside vinces mouth, he starts to struggle more, hitting his thighs “ah ah, calm.. suck it slut..” vince takes a breath and suffers through it, sucking nikki fast to keep up with his pace. “Hmm.. jesus, i wont last long baby” nikki moans, bucking his hips harshly against the singers face, precum spilling down his throat.
Nikki cums with no warning, vince whining and swallowing it all eagerly before getting pushed to the floor, nikkis boot standing on his chest gently, he zips up his leather pants as he looks down at the panting man beneath his boot. “Talk about this and ill destroy you.” Nikki warns, walking out the bathroom swiftly.
“There he is! Where have you been?” Nikki says casually as vince sits beside him red faced “oh.. just.. calling my wife”
@sourwolf-sterek32 🙈
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jils-things · 6 months
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But if you give me just one night You're gonna see me in a new light Yeah if you give me just one night To meet you underneath the moonlight
happy first anniversary to my beloved pookie bear and champion husby 🍎🍏
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careful, incredibly corny and romantic lovemail coming through.... (you don't have to read it, i just love expressing myself.)
y'know part of me felt kinda bad for glitchy red because he was quite literally the reason why i ended up liking sun and moon red and he basically overpowered him ahuhudsa but i guess i can kinda thank the mod for being the catalyst for me to really get into pokemon again because before this i was not even touching pokemon since... i was a teenager.
the moment i saw red, i just knew i was gonna like him. no rhyme or reason apart from the fact he's super handsome and adorable as an adult (and my silly taste for brunets <3) and im absolutely here for it :] i'm really thankful i have friends who really supported my goofy admiration for him and helped me create what would be known today as appleshipping~ i have so much funny and heartwarming memories with him (like that time i fell asleep to his battle ost on discord calls many times 😭😭😭)
i remember dreading the fact, learning that i may never meet red properly in sun and moon (emulator on pc isn't really my preferred place to play unless i have no choice) but ohh man, what a blessing my classmate was to be a pokemon fan who had a 3ds with all sun and moon (and ultra) copies with him and since he had already finished all games years back - he happily allowed me to borrow his 3ds and reset his ultra sun file for me to play <3 i can't thank him enough for it, and it was simply because he wanted me to experience it. not only was it my first time to use a 3ds, but my first game would also be where i get to meet my hubby in game, and in a REAL console. it feels so cool, it definitely beats that feeling of using emulators.
i also remember eagerly making my way to the battle tree and even recorded my live reaction when he was actually there aeheheh im shy to share it but trust me when i say i was so squeaky and audible when he appeared... all im saying, im just happy i had a fun experience as a fan and as a selfshipper :]
alright, anyways - i like love red so much, as a character and someone i find pretty appealing eahudhuahf he looks so huggable and warm like a cozy snorlax sleeping in the winter night. i love his quiet but determined demeanor. it stands out from the rest of the characters and even if he was a protagonist at first, he's treated as a really cool legendary trainer that many characters respect and it just adds to the appeal (for ya girl, at least ehe). while many prefer his battling prowess, i love thinking of his emotional side, i think there's a lot to dissect there especially as a character who's silent most of the time, and of course when you're in a relationship its all about the connection and communication amirite ehhehafs ... while i'm a bit sad he's not really a popular character at the moment, at least he and my friends would know i'm (definitely) his biggest fan ehehee (twirls hair)
hooray for appleshipping! thank you for keeping my mood in high spirits this year, red 💚❤️
dividers: (x) (x)
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cockdestroyer32 · 2 years
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i'm never lonely
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tangerine x fem!reader
word count: 1677
tags: touch starvation, kinda fluff? hurt/comfort, injured reader
summary: after getting hurt out on a job, tangerine offers to help you with your injury
authors note: wassup. this took me forever bc of school, wouldn't say this is my best work but I hope u enjoy nonetheless. this one goes out to all my lonely girls out there I love y'all and im wit u. not even sure if a lot of tangerine enthusiasts are still alive but if you are, this is for you whores. title is from 'to be loved' by aurora which is a banging song btw. thx
There were only four guys currently in the room you were in— Tangerine fighting half, and you the other. But before these four guys there were two, then five, then three that you’d fought in the other rooms of the stash house, so needless to say, you were pretty fucking tired. You kept your fists up, breathing heavily trying to get oxygen back in your lungs as quickly as possible, hoping it’d make you feel as strong and confident as you usually do when fighting. You were still quick to your feet, putting up a very good fight for the two guys. You could hear Tangerine struggling with one of the men, apparently having successfully knocked out the other one. On any other fight, this would’ve been your cue to get your head up and deal with these little shits as quickly as possible, you couldn’t let Tangerine defeat his bunch before you could yours, but at this point, you were just hoping he could help you knock them out so you could go to your hotel room, take a shower and get some rest. You finally managed to drop one of them to the ground, now only having to focus on dimwit over here. You struggle for a bit. However, out of nowhere, the motherfucker you dropped picks up a cane off the floor and hits you over the head with it. The pain is tremendous— with you instinctively shutting your eyes and placing your palm on your forehead, ignoring the fact you were still part of an ongoing fight. Your hearing is muffled, and since you shut your eyes you can only feel your body fall to the ground, refusing to remove your hand from your forehead, as if you were trying to fix the throbbing pain and have your brain waves be in agreement once again. After sitting on the concrete floor for a few seconds, you see Tangerine. He removes your hand from your face and brushes your hair back, trying to see how much damage was made.
“Fucking hell, you’re bleeding. We need to get you out of here, come on.” You try and stand up with his help, then you make your way to your car. You practically throw yourself into the passenger seat, and when you shut the door you rest your head on the window. The rest of the drive to the safe house was a big blur, with you being awake but not quite there, like that feeling when you’re half asleep and all your thoughts just stop making sense.
The safe room was secluded enough, since none of the outside lights were on, the building blended into the night obfuscating its details, but not enough so you couldn’t make out the entry door. You open the car door and make your way to the entry, not looking back to Tangerine who you expected to be right behind you. He pulls out a key and opens the door. This wasn’t Tangerine’s safe house. The man who’d hired you gave you the key to this place to hide in and patch yourselves up in case things went to shit. This is things going to shit. Kind of. The place looks pretty beat up, with some dust covering the floor and most of the other surfaces. There were half-drank Coca-Cola cans on the desks, and a few jackets lying around the room, but the unsatisfactory aesthetics of the room weren’t your center of attention at the moment, that title would go to the much-needed first aid kit on one of the desks. 
“I need a mirror.” You request Tangerine as you sit down on the chair next to the desk, ready to start your ‘patching myself up’ routine. But instead of doing as asked, Tangerine pulls the other chair next to the same desk in front of you and sits down.
“What?” You ask.
“I can do that.”
“I can do it, it’s fine.”
“With all due respect love, just a few minutes ago you could barely stand up by yourself, so it’s probably best if you let me help you, yeah?” He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, as if you had already said ‘yes’ to his suggestion. This really was not the time to get into an argument with Tangerine. You were much too hurt and too tired to argue that you were capable of taking care of yourself. 
You don’t say ‘yes’. You don’t even say ‘okay’. You just put the gauze pad and solution down. He drags his chair closer to yours— your knees practically touching now, and brushes your hair back with his hand, his fingers grazing your skin, you instinctively close your eyes at the surprisingly tender touch— which you do not appreciate, not one bit. In this line of work, intimacy was a rather hard commodity to find. You are always moving, always going to different places for jobs, and even if you could stay in one place, bonding with someone would be quite impossible. This job, as good as the money is, had slowly ripped out the last of your patience, and wish to meet people and cultivate relationships. And even if you were to get over all of these things and meet someone new and normal, there was still one little thing: you were still a goddamn assassin for hire. 
It didn’t mean you didn’t want it: some nights, after jobs you would go to a café and sit down on a chair outside the venue, and you would watch people. You saw them interact with each other under the bright city lights; families, friends, people and their significant others, everyone. Whether they were happy, sad, or angry— they were usually with someone, either if they were laughing, crying, fuming...it didn’t matter, because they were together. And you sat by yourself in the café. Then you would go home, and sleep on the much too big hotel bed, by yourself. You just hated it was him. You hated that as much as he plagued you when you worked together he had just touched you and you melted.
“Don’t fall asleep.” He urged, referring to you shutting your eyes which totally-was-not an accidental moment of weakness.
“You know that’s a myth right? I won’t die if I fall asleep.”
“Well right now I can’t really spot the difference between you falling asleep and dying and I really don’t feel like having to drag your body outside for burial today.”
You scoffed. Tangerine takes the pad close to your face and starts to clean up the wound. Your shoulders are relaxed and your vision locked on your knees, not moving one muscle, terrified that if you look at him he’ll see right through you, that he’ll see just how much this small gesture is messing with you right now. He was attentive with his craft, touching your skin with absurdly light dabs as if you were made of glass. He put his left hand on your cheek, lightly holding your face so he could have more support while cleaning your wound, and you’re going fucking crazy. You want to put your hand on his and interlock your fingers together, or maybe hold his face and trace his details with your finger, or maybe have him hold you for a second, anything to make you feel close to him a while. You wondered if he felt the same: he had his more pleasant brother Lemon, but you couldn’t help but wonder if it was enough for him, if he wanted someone else in his life, if he longed for connection as much as you did. You would never dare to ask. You find yourself much more relaxed than when you had first sat down on the chair, your eyes falling heavy, shutting and opening them as your thoughts got even more scrambled than they were before.
He moves on to putting the tiny white band-aids on your wound.
“We’re done.”
“Mmhmm…”
“You alright?”
You mumble some nonsense. At this point you’re practically sleeping. Tangerine smiles and observes you for a second, unsure of what to do. 
He wraps his arms around you, as if starting a hug, and lifts you up. Your barely conscious self rests your head on his shoulder and returns his favor, wrapping your arms around him. He takes you to a couch in the side of the room, places you on it, then takes off his jacket, folding it and placing it under your head as a pillow. He’s not sure he’s ever seen you this calm before, so he makes sure not to take this moment for granted. He doesn’t know what to do now. Does he sit next to you and hold your hand as you sleep? Does he stroke your hair? He may want to, but should he?
He places a chair near the couch and watches you. He kind of feels like a creep for doing it, but he’d curse himself more if something bad happened while you slept than if he was potentially being creepy right now. 
He wondered if you saw how mortified he was while helping you, if you could hear how fast his heart was beating, if you could see right through him. He wanted to be close to you, to be held and to hold, but he was also too scared to even look at you. He laughed at the thought of you finding out. If you knew just how much he wanted this you’d never let him hear the end of it. And if he knew how much you also wanted it he’d never let you hear the end of it. 
This time he doesn’t have to be scared, you’re asleep, so he’s sure you’re unable to see his anguish right now.
He watches you breathe. He wants to take your hand. He doesn’t. And he wonders if anything will change tomorrow, if you’ll see through each other. But in the meantime, he’s just gonna keep looking at you.
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What will bsd react when you were drunk
!WARNING : mention of self harm and do the non existing!
Idea : bsd react if you are drunk [ft. Traumatized reader
Couple : dazai x gn! Reader
Part (1/?)
You, a joyfull and loving figure to them.
you, the smiling image in theyre dreams.
you, the calm and resposible one even if the scenerio is cruel.
You, the one who knows theyre moods, jokes, theyre likes, dislike, theyre feelings.
And you, whom have shattered into million pieces and was held by your own hand. And that hand sadly slip because of a drink.
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It was odd, atleast for you. dazai have invited you to go on a drink after a rather dificult mission.
You dont want to accept it really–you've been mentally and physicly tired, but yet you gladly accept.
Many suicidal thoughts was running throught your head as your changing in your apartment, it was hard to brush it off as you were, and utterly, tired.
You and him met at small yet calming in some odd way bar.
You and dazai sat in a comfortable silince, occasionally taking a sip and do a little small talk.
"Why did you invite me?" You ask casually, gaze was front to the closets of bottles. Your hand was swirling the glass at hand that was half way finish
"Hm? Because i can!" Dazai answer with a grin, he turn to look at you expecting your ussual soft smile looking at you or your adorbly cute annoyed face that also grace dazai by your gaze.
But no, he was met by a unusual sceen.
Your cheeks was dusted pink from alcohol, you forgot you dont have a high tolarence.
Your eyes seem so dull, so dull it hurt dazai. It reminds him of his old self, your usual resting face now look empty– cold and unforgiving in some way
It wound him that his grin falter– that his usual careless posture tighten. His eyes that seem to gleam when he saw you was dull.
Dull like yours.
"Did you invited me because kunikida say no?" You started out again, your mouth seem like it was moving on its own.
Your hand stop from swirling the glass "if you did...than im a second choice than...hah..." your body slump to the table, the negatuve thoughts you felt startes to came back to you, harshly.
"..." dazai kept quite, didnt know what to do, why? Why cant he do something? Is it because..
You remind him so much like himself?
His mind began to panic–no. Not another him. One is already horible and traumatize enough, he–no, everyone in this fuck up world doesnt need another him.
He hate those dull eyes of your that infront of everyone was gleaming so bright it blinds him, he hates those lips that easily lifted for everyone even if its an enemy or a foe, he hate those aid kit that you like to carry for some reason, he hate how your hair shines in the beutufull moonlight.
He hates how you tricked him into beliving you were alright.
"Maybe....maybe i should...kill myself" as you utter that word, that slash dazai thoughts. He stand up making your drunk state confused.
You stare at the eyes that was attach to his bow head.
His bangs shifted as he raise, revealing his eyes that filled with so much overwhelming emotion that makes you sick and confused.
"Dont." He utter.
He looks angry, sad, confused all at ones.
It amuse your jumbled mind for some reason. You chuckle, yoy snicker you laugh.
"Pwuahahah! W-who...pfft! Who do you think you are? Buahahah!" You laugh, you dont know why but you laugh at his worriedness.
But in the darkest pits in your heart you felt disgusted. Him, dazai, commanding you to not kill yourself? Who does this hypocrite think he is?
You felt guilty. Guilty for laughing. Guilty for making dazai worried. Yet you fekt disgusted, disgusted about yourself, disgusted about the cuts in your thight that you. Didnt even relizing it. Was lining them with your finger.
You want to puke. Oh wait, you already did.
When you spills the content inside of you, you think this is a normal sight. But to dazai its a horror.
He tremble and catch your disgusting, tears from laughing (or crying), stained with puke clothes body into him.
As his tremble hand patted your head your breathe quicken and your sobs incorrect words
"Isamso taried. I want too–i weant to jwust dissapear....i...hate i hate it!!! Why cant i be someone first choice...why am i always the second? Why cant people appreciate mu effort? My feelings? Why cant they just–" you rsmble you scream you weep and let yourself cracked in dazai hands.
As you calm down (and dazai recovering) you faint.
'Ah,' you thought. 'This is better from cutting'
-mf will be so fucking confused and scared because of how well you hide it and how you absaloutely shatter from just a half glass of alcohol😭
-will not know what to do and just, hurt him self (repeatedly) from picking your shattered pieces.
-probably will not let you touch alcahol since this accident and with appointed you to EVERY THERAPY he ever encounter,
-funny thing, kunikida catch a glimpse of dazai making a therapy appointment and was absalouteky livid and proud that he told the agency to trow a party, and when he arrives and they surprise him. He told that "oh, its not for me its for [name]"
-very out of characther for him ngl lol☝️
-if you got comfused by the end, you (as in reader) used self hsrm as a way to cope your pain
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