#like it makes my heart ache to think abt holding their hands in mine and pressing them against my face before pressing kisses on their palm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

buck-nialled · 3 years

Text

Placebo - T. Holland Blurb

NOTE: i love tom in glasses so this piece is abt tom wearing glasses bc tom with glasses is such a beautiful sight <3

TAGLIST: @niallberry @swiftmendeshoran @theshyspy @clarabsevero @golden-hoax @dudethisiswhyyoudonthavefriends @organicpurplepants @wowitsel @sunwardsss @lovely-blackinnon @tomsirishgirl @tomsirishgirlx @whoeveniskendall @multihoee @haterpenny @highontomholland @nxtty-m @bi-lmg @fairyvex777 @rueplumet

Texting your boyfriend an unplanned invitation to your house had you receiving a better answer than you anticipated. Recently, Tom’s schedule has been packed to the brim with interviews, photoshoots, and every marketing strategy alike to promote the most recent Russo Brothers’ masterpiece. With your days being just as congested, the two of you hardly had five minutes to spare over the phone before a booming voice demanded his presence on set or your recent projects called for undivided attention. Tonight though, you were desperate for his arms around you and head on your shoulder. An ache consumed you at the thought of being without his lips against your skin for--not a long period of time--still a duration you would choose not to endure ever again. Halfway through a headache and two white pills later, you grasped your phone and groaned at the light splashing across your cheeks while your fingers skimmed the tiny letters.

If you don’t have plans tonight, would you want to come over and do work together at mine?

Not too long after, your phone bleeped and urged your eyes to peek down quickly from the screen of your laptop. A smile crawled onto your lips after seeing Tom’s reply.

You read my mind, I’ll be right over

Amidst your--rather impatient waiting--for Tom’s arrival, you threw on a pair of blue light blocking glasses and returned to your work hoping it would keep you somewhat distracted from the digital numbers in the corner. Reading and replying to less than mediocre emails, however, kept your pupils darting back to the small clock nearly every two minutes until a knock at your front door gave you a reason to look away from the screen entirely.

“It’s open!” You call out, bottom already imprinting its shape comfortably into the sofa. The door swings open to reveal your boyfriend as adorable as ever. His footsteps are light and his smile is jovial as he skips over to sit beside you on the couch with a script in the grip of his left hand and a bag of takeout dangling from the fingers of his right one.

“I come bearing food.” He announces, plopping onto the cushion beside you and setting the containers onto the coffee table before you. “Your usual from Gregg’s.” He specifies with a cheeky smile.

At this new information, your hands come up over your chest, right where your heart is as you deliver Tom a grateful beam in reply. “You know the way to my heart.” You pick up the bag of food to set by yourself and allow your eyes to return to the computer for a few more seconds so you could add finishing touches to the email. Whilst doing this, you try inquiring Tom about how his day went, but he beat you with a new topic of conversation.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

“Oh, yeah.” You shrug, not thinking much of it, you continue. “They just help me concentrate.” Sparing a glance back up to the man, he only nods and allows the sight of you in round frames to sink in. Really, the glasses’ main purpose was not to aid a person in concentrating whatsoever, but to reduce eye strain and ultimately keep your head from pounding as you stared at technology for hours on end. But the answer was not thought about by you, and you figured Tom couldn't care less about what magical qualities a pair of spectacles could hold. The answer was good enough for you, and so you stuck with it.

Little did you know, the memory clung to Tom’s brain and remained there. A few weeks later, you were stunned to pay him an improvised visit in his trailer on set and find him wearing a pair of glasses himself. A pair that looked starkly alike to the ones you remember sitting on your bedside table before you left home the same morning.

“Hey babe...this might sound crazy but,” you lift a finger and aim it near the top of his face, “are those my glasses?”

The boy chuckles almost mischievously to himself, earning a quirked brow from you. “No, love. I thought about what you said that one night when I asked you about yours.” He grins, pushing the frames higher up on his nose.

“Remind me what I said, exactly.” You reply slowly, almost cautiously. You surely do not remember encouraging your boyfriend to find an identical pair of glasses. Though you did admit to yourself during the conversation that he appeared very cute in them, and by the end of it, had you almost wishing he just stole yours for the sake of seeing him wear something you own. It would make up for each hoodie or t-shirt you had snagged from his wardrobe without caution.

“That they help you concentrate. And you were right! I bought these last week and since then, I’ve memorized lines faster and kept my schedule better organized. I’ve remembered to feed Tessa five days straight at the exact same time. How mental is that? I swear these things are magic…” and as he raved to you about what he claimed to be the “eighth wonder of the world” you could not maintain a neutral face or even a smile. Your lips could only muster to part in shock as you discover that the man in front of you was convinced by a placebo you had unknowingly introduced to him.

“Isn’t that great?” Amidst your revelation, you miss part of what Tom declared to be “fixed” by the new accessory overtaking the top half of his face. But seeing his large, contagious smile could only make you mimic it, as you giggled through your reply.

“That’s wonderful, baby. I’m so glad you like them.”

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, you assure yourself.

#Tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagines #Tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #tom holland blurb #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n

253 notes · View notes

worminstuff · 3 years

Text

Hold Your Heart

this is a one off thing i wrote a while ago that has been sitting in my drafts, i don’t really like it, it was just something i wrote when i was bored and didn’t put to much thought into it whatsoever. but i wanted to post something i dunno maybe someone will like it.

I've never written something quite like this so bear with me.

warnings: mention of murder? ig? that’s abt it

word cout: 1k

pairing: knight!dream x reader

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Just close your eyes!” he said, throwing his hands down. Dream has been trying to get y/n to close her eyes so he could show her the gift he'd gotten for her. She was unbelievably stubborn.

“Just show me what it is!” she rolled her eyes.

Dream glared and shook his head as he turned and ran. She chased after him, as she always would. Boots kicking up dirt and grass as they ran, y/n trailing close behind the knight.

Dream was supposed to be watching y/n. From afar. That was his daily duties, he wasn't sure why just yet, but he always followed orders.

His higherup, crown knight halo, was the one giving these orders. Dream often made fun of this title for how funny it sounded, but that's besides the point. The orders were to observe and watch this girl, keeping distance. This fell through when she spotted him the first day. She was kind right off the bat, he's been infatuated since.

y/n finally caught up to him causing him to realize how he'd zoned out. Her hand hit the metal plate of his shoulder, pulling him back.

“Hey! Are you okay?” she looked up at him with a worried gaze.

He stared down at her, drowning in her eyes. He drank every glass of beauty she offered every day.

“Mhm..” he hummed with a grin. “I got you this,” he pulled a small box from his pocket. He passed her the box and she opened it quickly. Instantly she was smiling from ear to ear.

“Is it a-” dream cut her off,

“A little sword. It is.” he matched her smile as she looked up at him again. He'd given her a necklace with a silver sword pendant. “It's like mine. Except very small, and for you.” he grabbed the necklace by the clasp and stepped behind her. He clasped it around her neck, leaving a lingering hand for a moment before returning to his former spot to look at it on her.

“It's really...I love it. A lot, thank you.” she held it, looking down at it.

Dream nodded, “I'm glad. I've got to get going, but I'll see you soon. I promise.”

y/n paused before she bid him farewell. He seemed rushed, like he was late for something. She didn't question him and waved him off as she always did, maybe she'd ask the next time she saw him.

y/n wanted badly to trust Dream, but it seemed like every time he was starting to give her reasons to trust him, he gave her more reasons not to trust him. He was alluring, he was as stunning as a god. To her. He had a hard jawline, but childish freckles littered his cheeks. His eyebrows were always furrowed or down turned, making him look serious or angry, but his eyes were so soft and loving. Everything about him sent shivers down her spine and gave her a creeping feeling of adoration in her heart.

He was still quite annoying though. He often liked to sneak up on her to give her a scare. He likes to pinch her cheeks and poke her belly. Just to get a rise out of her.

He was her best friend, she adored the tall blond.

“Have you got a report for me?” Sir Halo asked him.

“Not the one you want, sir.” he responded.

The older man stared at Dream for a moment before nodding.

“May I ask a question, sir?” Dream asked, eyes on the wall in front of him.

“You may.”

“What is my purpose in this plan? Why is she involved?” Dream has asked this before, never having received answers. He could tell Sir Halo was tired, he figured this may help his cause.

The higherup sighed, “I'm afraid telling you may influence how well you follow orders.”

Dreams brows furrowed, “With all do respect sir, I think you've misjudged me.”

“I suppose so, you know the repercussions if you were to be dishonorable. To be blunt, we need her out of the equation.”

Dreams heart stuttered but his face never faltered. He knew this was coming. He always had.

“She's the one creating plans and influencing those who need not be influenced. She's alive while many of the knights of our lands are dead. All because of her. The lands she's from are but rubbish. They are an unfair and unlawful faction and have terrorized our people far too much. With her blood on our hands, they'll refrain from instigating us furthermore. It will end with her.”

Dream only nodded.

Dream knew that because of her status and who she was to the royal family of those lands she wasn't loved by his people.

Her brothers waged wars she got tied into. She never deserved any of it, but he understood.

Sir Halo had been at the front lines of many of these wars, watching fellow knights be drained of their light right in front of his eyes.

Dream respected sir halo greatly. Dream was trained well, and he would always follow his orders. Even if that meant putting morals and feelings aside.

I'll be just fine, he thought. Then suddenly he could see her smile as she held the necklace he got her just that morning. His heart ached slightly before he pushed the thought away.

He thought of her witty comments and her unique ways of thinking. It was cliché the way he complimented her in his mind, she was everything he dreamed of since he was a child. He dreamed of loving a princess to protect with his heart and soul. Yet somehow, he ended up on the opposite side.

Plans changed often around here, it was likely he'd never have to do anything along the lines of hurting her.

The Badlands and L’manburg fought often, but they had their grace periods. He would pray for one soon. All he needed was time.

#this is very odd off #i was really just messing around when i wrote it #dreamsmp fanfic #dreamsmp #dream x reader #dreamteam #dreamwastaken #dream smp #dream team fanfic #dream fanfic #badboyhalo #dreamwastaken fluff #dreamwastaken fanfic #dsmp x reader

78 notes · View notes

sakuatsu · 4 years

Note

YELL 2 ME ABT SAKUATSU FIC RECS PLS

oh boy. oh boy do i have much to talk about

here’s a list of my sakuatsu must-reads under the cut! complete with links, word count, ratings, and occasional commentary because i’m incapable of shutting up. this isn’t in any particular order either

(keeping this sfw and organized into canonverse/AUs. a * means i am on my hands and knees begging for you to read this)

i’ll try to update this somewhat regularly :]

most recently updated august 25, 2020!

canonverse:

*your highs and lows (series) by astroeulogy

a post-time skip canonverse series born from these two questions:

1. what if sakusa kiyoomi, known too-blunt jerk, is equally straightforward about his soft, tender feelings?

2. what if miya atsumu, resident big fat jerk who doesn't care if his teammates hate him, is too emotionally stunted to notice when his one of his teammates actually likes him?

this is like the sakuatsu series but it’s blasphemous to not recommend. the first fic in the series is all that you were (4.6k, T). mind the ratings on a few of the fics, but my personal favorite is #3: a masterpiece of domesticity called you have tamed me (5.7k, T). these make me ACHE

*sakuatsu domesticity simulator by pseudoanalytics (T)

a vaguely interactive mixture of fic, art, and html, where you too can experience the inherent romance of a big fat jerk and a too-blunt jerk attempting intimacy

this fic...this fic...op is literally one of my favorite artists of all time but Did You Know that their writing is also off the charts. what a wonderful use of second person and the pacing is so good. too much skill in one person

*The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets by isaksara (11.4k, M)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

i think this is the fic that got me into sakuatsu in the first place lol i was looking very specifically for msby socmed fics and now here we are. this fic is unbelievably funny

*liminal spaces by hhatsuna (25.9k, T)

Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the grainy team photo on his bedside table.

It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

*Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (15.7k, M)

Where “You already make me the happiest guy alive, babe," gives way to, “I’ve not been happy for a while now.”

Alternatively known as the ‘mug fic’.

yes this is a breakup fic. yes im going to recommend it anyway. breakup fics usually scare me a lot but this one is too good for me to not say anything about. nuanced and delicious. i look at the mug on my desk and feel pain

dog eat dog eat dog world by perennials (8.4k, T)

You are your first and only line of defense against the universe.

Koi no Yokan; 恋の予感 by ymra (15.3k, unrated)

Wherein Sakusa dreams of his future selves and discovers a little something along the way.

autumn ends, but we remain by wolfsbvne (5.3k, T)

atsumu stares at his ceiling at 2am. he stares until he can make out designs in his popcorn ceiling. a cat there, an onigiri here, and then something that suspiciously looks like a mop of hair, triangle eyebrows, and oh those two bumps are moles right above what atsumu just mapped out as an eye.

(or, atsumu is in kind of in love. sakusa is maybe in like.)

your fingertips, branding irons by Ceryna (5.8k, T)

Between the accidental touches he's reconciled, the deliberate ones he's endured, and, from those he's built years of trust with, obliged– Kiyoomi has never wanted to let someone indulge.

Never, until Atsumu.

take what’s yours and make it mine by claudusdiei (5.9k, T)

atsumu falls in love four times in his life

(or: in which atsumu gets his heart broken twice, has the self-awareness of a sober mule and really likes yellow tulips)

every action has an equal and opposite reaction by akanemnida (10.4k, T)

Miya Atsumu gets a modeling contract with Calvin Klein, which sets Kiyoomi's heart in motion.

(Or: Sakusa Kiyoomi realizes that the rules governing the universe are absolute rubbish at explaining matters of the heart.)

*where i want to be by tookumade (8.8k, G)

In the time they’ve been teammates at the MSBY Black Jackals, Sakusa has never been to Atsumu’s place, and Atsumu has only been to Sakusa’s a few times. There’s an unspoken understanding here: that Atsumu knows him well enough to know that nobody’s house or apartment would ever really meet his ridiculously high standards, and he is most comfortable in the home he’s made for himself.

That, and, Atsumu being over at Sakusa’s means that he has to host him and do the cleaning afterwards, while Atsumu can just flit off back to his own place. So. There’s that.

Tonight. Tonight is not business as usual. Tonight is not familiar.

*san'yō expressway, 6:17 pm by yamabato (8.1k, T)

Atsumu tilts his head to watch a slice of orange light bend over the impassive planes of Sakusa’s face. He is absolutely, ruthlessly beautiful. It makes Atsumu want to punch something—put his foot through the windshield—scream, maybe.

Kiss him again, maybe.

They have 344 kilometers to figure this one out.

parallax error: angle of inclination by min_mintobe (10.8k, T)

But now there's the one person Atsumu'd promised himself never to touch. His eyes leave Atsumu breathless with guilt at seventeen, and he spends the next six years safe in the satisfaction of making things right.

Feelings, of the physical kind, and one kiss.

ft. competitive spirit, childishness, and late night conversations.

Atsumu POV.

four leaf clover by vicari_us (5.9k, T)

Once, Ushijima claimed that they ‘got lucky’. If properly honed, their body types could become near invincible weapons.

However, unlike Ushijima, Kiyoomi’s weapon required a bit more care over the years to reach the condition it had become. He was born iron, not yet forged into steel.

Exploring what it might have taken to turn a genetic mistake into an athletic miracle.

*the 28 postcards you left me by wheelspokes (8.3k, T)

Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.

such a unique premise & this is so beautifully structured. stunning flow and who knew animal crossing could convey so much longing...

AUs:

Pas De Deux by hhatsuna (dancer!sakusa au: 19.0k, T)

The mystery athlete gives Kiyoomi a once over in the mirror. “Yer pretty tall,” he observes, and the twang of an accent rasps low in his throat. His brazen eyes drift to Kiyoomi’s legs, and something like exhilaration glints gold in his gaze. “Good quads, too. Ya ever played volleyball?” Ah. So it’s volleyball.

“I’m a dancer. Ballet and contemporary, mostly.”

*my love, take your time by bastigod (archaeologist!sakusa au: 9.0k, T)

There was something sublime about wandering around an empty museum. Nothing could compare to the sound of his shoes clacking against the marble floor, the morning sunlight gently streaming through the lofty windows and the peaceful solitude of ancient stone kings overseeing their silent kingdoms.

A day in the life of Doctor Kiyoomi Sakusa, Archaeologist.

i’ve literally been thinking about this fic every day since it came out. you will not find a story like this anywhere else, i guarantee you. what a clear labor of love this fic is it’s truly something so special

three roses and a smile by strawberrycitrus (surgeon!sakusa & microbiologist!atsumu au: 19.7k, T)

“I just got this job, I’m not givin’ it up for some moral boost ‘cause I actually need to pay my rent, ya insensitive -” Atsumu waves his hands around, trying and failing to come up with the right word to convey the amount of injustice that this gaunt motherfucker has brought into his relatively simple life thus far.

“If you can’t pay your rent, go get a job at the McDonald’s over by 8th Street,” Sakusa growls, “it’ll pay more than your researcher position.”

If you even attempt assault on a coworker, forget teaching about cells - you’ll fucking be in one, Atsumu.

*Dance of the Parallax by astroeulogy (ogre spirit!sakusa au: 6.7k, T)

For the last twenty years, Atsumu’s done all that he can to break his betrothal to the ogre spirit Sakusa. If he can just make it through one more night, he’ll be free.

honestly, just read everything by astroeulogy. i’m recommending this fic in particular because it has such an ethereal voice to it. magical

across oceans, across centuries by starstrikes (pacific rim au: 20.0k, T)

Six days ago, Osamu died and left Atsumu with this: Atsumu, you have to—

(Namikira rises with the tides and rips Osamu and Vulpis Empress away in one fell swoop. Six days later, Atsumu wakes up alone in a hospital bed and learns how to swim.)

you don’t actually need to know pacrim to appreciate this. a wonderful exploration of grief and recovery. also it’s exactly 20k words which is both satisfying and terrifying

*Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (ice skating/dancing au: 20.8k, T)

"Your partner doesn't need to hold anyone's hand other than yours," Sakusa's father crouches, "And you can wear gloves."

Sakusa ponders. He hears the other skaters of rink two whiz past as they launch themselves into lifts.

"Alright," He looks up from the ice, not knowing how he'll dedicate the next couple of decades to this sport, this partnership, this boy.

what a stunning fic. a beautiful progression of sakusa & atsumu’s relationship, rife with references to real skating programs, beautifully written and structured. so full of longing i’m in mild physical pain

#if anyone else has recs feel free to drop them in the replies mwah #sakuatsu fic is SO high quality you can literally just look at the tag and blindly press and find something stunning #these are just my personal favorites #basically just my ao3 bookmarks and then some #sakuatsu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #sakuatsu fic #haikyuu fic #ask #reynegades #thank you for asking.....ive been dying to make a fic rec post i just needed a push lol #fic

333 notes · View notes

isitstraightvodka · 4 years

Text

hello! been a while since i wrote abt ben so here's a lil piece i came up w at 1am last night 😅 written on my phone so i apologise for any errors! pls lmk what u think, rbs or feedback of any kind will be appreciated! enjoy fellow thots xx

his hand found its way to the nape of your neck, curling his fingers around it to pull you in closer. the swipe of his tongue over yours set your brain on fire, igniting embers all the way down to your fingertips and toes, a warmth rushing to the base of your stomach. your hand balled into a fist, tugging on his locks; his weak spot, the softest moan graced your ears as your lips separated from ben's for only a second before going right in again.

your other hand, which had been resting on his knee, began to move over his jeans to stroke where his thigh met his pelvis. a low "fuck" kissed your mouth, a sweet groan of delight from him made your hand tighten, it gave you pleasure knowing you could make ben feel like this, sound like this, it made you grin, one he returned before capturing your lips again. his arm looped around your waist, nose pressed into your cheek, "come here, baby", your hands trembling now as he pulled you onto his lap, your legs wrapped around his thighs.

it was a reflex to start grinding, you couldn't help it, something snapped in you when you were on him like this and every time, ben had no fucking problem with it; in fact, he encouraged it.

"grind on me, baby, that's it, good girl.", his mouth wet against yours, his hands on the curve of your ass. you could feel him getting hard underneath you, the fabric of his jeans tighter around him, one glance in his eyes and you knew it was already a struggle for him. he was bursting to be pulled out but you loved to tease him, a look of glee spread across your face as you rolled your hips slower. his green orbs flashed with arousal, head tilted back ever so slightly.

"you know exactly what that does to me."

"why do you think i do it?", you giggled, your hand slipping over his flushed forehead, lips pressed against his temple. little mewls left your mouth as his fingers moved to hold your ass, pulling you foward, guiding you, teasing you right back. your sounds made him chuckle into your neck, his breath hot and heavy.

"you like how hard i get, don't you, baby? you can feel me, yeah?"

the mixture of his touch on you and feeling him beneath him left you speechless, you knew he didn't need answers to his questions, this was how he liked to get you going and just like that, it worked. you truly were wrapped around his finger.

ben took hold of your chin and brought your lips back to his, it was no secret he was a fantastic kisser, you two didn't always need to have sex; this was more than satisfying. his tongue, teeth and mouth were something out of this world, gnashing, smacking, moving with your own, as he got harder, you got wetter.

you let your arms drape over his shoulders as he worked against you, and you allowed it, you completely gave into him. teeth bit into your lower lip, nipping where he knew it would drive you insane from the inside out. ben kept you still and flush against his chest, heaving with each movement he made. sweat beaded on your neck and cheeks, hair sticking to your skin but you did not give a fuck, the air thick from the sexual delight between you both. you pushed your fingers through your hair, keeping it away and off your face, struggling to catch your breath; ben didn't give you a chance to.

a loud cry fell from your lips when he suddenly jerked his hips up, pressing his bulge against your clothed core. you could barely take it anymore and neither could he, his hands fell upon yours as you tugged at his belt, whimpering into his mouth.

"ben, get your fucking pants off."

he didn't need telling twice. his fingers replaced yours, unlocking his belt and chucking it on the floor, landing with a 'clink'. button open, zipper down and you got off his lap to help him push his jeans down past his knees. you chewed on your lip when your eyes landed on the shape of him in his boxers, the sight made you shiver, cheeks red and fingers shaking as you slipped them into the waistband. your knees hit the floor, a shuddering whine falling past your mouth.

ben was thick, and throbbing, and hot, hard as a rock. he sat up a bit and traced your top lip with his thumb, a gesture like this made you feel like you were all his, blinking up at him.

"so beautiful."

he spread his legs and you nestled yourself closer, your fingers closing around the base of his shaft. he hissed at the contact of your hand, teeth gritted, you smiled and puckered your lips, only an inch away from the tip. his hand tucked itself in your hair, desperately needing you and your tongue, eyes on you as you took him in your mouth.

your lips slid over his head and down taking the first two inches of his cock, warm and hard against your tongue. the delicious "fuck" that left his mouth made you hum in joy, the vibrations making his heart beat faster.

"look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, angel."

you flicked your eyes up at ben, head thrown back, his free hand buried in his own blonde locks, veins in his neck popping out; you had a mind to suck right there too. with your mouth locked around the tip, pink like the shade of his lips, you began moving your hand from the base up to where you sucked him, pleasuring the few other inches of his cock. ben's moans were a thing from heaven, the growls, the groans, the rusty "fuck"s and "shit"s and "god's, the words of encouragement and praise, it made going down on him that much more exciting.

a string of saliva connected your mouth to his cock as you let go for a couple of seconds to catch your breath, before taking him deeper this time, coating his length with your spit; the messier and wetter it was, the better. his tip touched the back of your throat and ben lost his mind, his fingers gripping your hair so hard that your scalp burned.

"fuck, that feels so good...god your mouth..."

choking noises were nothing but amazing for him to hear, the sound of you, his girl, gagging in his cock, made his thighs shake and his breath even heavier. he watched you pump him with your mouth, up and down, up and down, sloppy and uncoordinated; it never took him long to get to the edge with the talents of your lips and tongue.

"gonna cum, baby, gonna cum in your mouth..."

you sucked harder, faster, louder, focusing on the first one or two inches, your hand back to work on the rest of him. little muffled words, "cum for me, ben, please pretty please, cum in my mouth, i want your cum" was what got him there, hot thick ribbons filled your mouth, tears stinging your eyes, relishing the taste of the man you loved. he leant all the way back on the couch as you let his cock go with a small 'pop', swallowing the load he graced you with. your fingers swiped over your mouth in an effort to clean yourself up but ben took over for you, his hand returning to your lips, wiping excess cum from the corners before slipping his index finger into your mouth. another part of him to suck.

"that's my girl, sucked me off so well."

you smiled innocently as he took your face in his rough yet soft hands and crushed his lips against yours. you moaned into the kiss, as did he, tongue sliding in to connect with yours, clashing as he aimed to taste himself, "even better on your tongue, baby."

ben pulled you back up into his lap without breaking the kiss, one hand on your back and the other pushing your skirt up so it sat far above your hips. now it was just your panties that stood between his cock and your heat. it was you who ended the kiss by whining, his girth pressed against you, your mouth now on his neck, sucking on those hot pulsating veins.

"want to fuck you, angel. right here, right fucking now."

ben's tone was desperate and deep, he knew how wet sucking him off made you, he could feel it, so close, it was just the fabric that closed the distance between the two of you. you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, squeezing his thighs with yours, lips resting on the shell of his ear.

"fuck me, please, baby, fuck me with your cock."

with a single growl, ben pulled your panties to the side, keeping them there with his fingers, his tip now lined up with your core, practically aching to have him inside you, just as bad as he wanted to feel you around him. your face in his neck, his nose pressed to your jaw, he smirked, "you're mine.", and slowly entered you.

taglist: @rhapsodyrecs / @bens-jawline / @march-of-all-queens / @joeneslee / @almightygwil / @goldenhollnd / @taliaphobia / @hermajestyborhap / @babey--blog / @deacyblues / @yourlocalmusicalprostitute / @queen-irl-af / @queen-paladin / @queenismyprimejive / @captvinswaan / @zyanmaik / @supersonicfreddie / @meddowsmoon / @redspecialty

#ben hardy #ben hardy blurb #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy writing #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy smut #my writing #i'm going to hell for this i already know

113 notes · View notes

mulderspice · 5 years

Text

have you ever watched an episode of the Emmy award winning sci-fi drama, The X Files? Maybe you’ve read my original post and yet you’re still wondering where the hell Fox Mulder got all those strands of hair on his jumbo gigantic head. I am back and here to help you find the answers to some of your burning questions; as we celebrate the hard work and triumphs of the hair and makeup department on the Fox Lot and team up with my big huge brain and my New York State Cosmetology license to give the people what they want once again: another top ten guide to Mulder’s fucking hair..

upon making this post a second time (rip 😔), I realized that just about every episode (yes, every. single. one. even the ones without Mulder and the latest season where he has to share headspace with [redacted]) has its own important and iconic hair looks... You may recognize that some of these are slightly repeated from the last post but that’s ok! What I'm here to do is enforce! So lets get started..

#10 s6:e21 Field Trip: Here again we begin our journey into cosmetic superstardom with a personal favorite of mine. Mulder rolling with the times by getting a haircut fresh off the FTF wave left our nation in fucking shambles. Can’t imagine going to see a major motion picture in theatres jam packed with Mulder’s most supreme hair looks only to come back to my tv screen to see it all gone away. For students reading this post for educational purposes, this caused a worldwide walkout on popular salon franchise Supercuts in the year 1998. However, a haircut didn’t necessarily mean Mulder forgot how to take care of his hair. The precision and placement as each strand of hair perfectly outlines his jumbo head is revolutionary and inspiring. Mushroom induced drug high? K. Lemme still grab my teasing comb and my hairspray and make sure I look presentable for when my partner walks into my apartment screaming abt “where's Mulder” and wanting “answers”. The answer is this: this look is about giving people like myself with big heads rights and looking fuckable while doing so. 10/10 for inspiring hope.

#9 s1:e9 Space: Imagine you’re a few episodes into a show, the core plot is developing right before your eyes and you’re beginning to get to know The X Files three main characters; Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Mulder Hair Strands #1-3. All is well except, you still have no clue how crucial, and critical Mulder Hair Strands 1-3 will become to the show and to your life and I am here to tell you that you are in for a very rude and bold awakening. This message goes out to all the haters and all the people who didn’t believe Mulder’s hair was valid prior to season 4. He is here to tell you he DID know how to use dry shampoo and even the occasional blow dry oil and you can suck a dick abt it. Bold of you to assume he wouldn’t pull the round brush and the biosilk out the drawer to impress a visit to fucking NASA. 10/10 for involving science.

#8 s4:e6 Sanguinarium: I sit here writing to you today as the song ‘Handmade Heaven’ comes on shuffle; strikingly fitting for this raw and ethereal image of straight up beauty and wonder and magic and heaven in hair. This special, freshly washed and air dried smells like strawberries and sandalwood and fuckability. The look reaches through your TV and wraps its hands around your neck and sucks the life right out of you. Are you gonna let it happen? You sure are. Lucky for you, I just so happened to be there when the angels hand sewed each strand of hair onto his head and here’s what they had to say about it: this is everything and more and the way Mulder has just washed his hair with fresh mountain water droplets hand collected like nothing else mattered. Put his clothes back on and went on his merry way. Can’t imagine being in Scully’s shoes ready to walk on in her partners room unannounced to go over serious case related matters and theories. Woulda went bonkers. This truly is a handmade heaven. Hand crafted by Mulder for Scully and for the good viewers of the globe. 10/10 for embracing me in its arms.

#7 s4:e3 Home: A look from one of primetime TV’s most notorious banned episodes. Viewer discretion IS advised not only for the horrifying and cringeworthy content displayed in this episode, but for also making it painfully blunt to the viewer that Mulder’s hair follicles are happier and healthier than anybody else's will ever be in their lifetime. In fact, I can feel my own hair falling out and being respawned onto HIS head as I type this and I’m sure you can too. The way the sun glistens off his golden brown strands makes me want to walk into oncoming traffic. You might also notice how effortless this look was, as it probably only took a quick run thru with his fingers, and Mulder’s passion and need to look sexy at any time of the day at all times. It’s obvious that this kind of thing comes naturally to him, which just comes off as insulting to men everywhere. 11/10 for striking fear into men’s hearts.

#6 s4:e20 Small Potatoes: Genuinely took every bone and nerve ending in my body to not put this look in the top 5 even though it so clearly deserves it. Here at mulderspice we believe in diversity, meaning it wouldn’t be right to make my top five greatest hairstyles ever produced on The X Files just of Mulder’s iconic and revolutionizing middle part (though really who is stopping me..). This screenshot in general has me up in arms at how perfectly the blue background matches his eyes, and how it accentuates his hydrated skin and lips. But you’re not here for that. It’s the hair particularly that really pulls the shot together, as Mulder took the time that morning to spray it with some tinted dry shampoo that most defiantly and absolutely smells like chocolate. This look feels like a warm hug on a frigid winter day. I feel EMBRACED and I feel CARED FOR thanks to the wonderful staff and team @ Mulder’s head and hair follicles. What the fuck could be better than this. 16/10 for making me feel some type of way.

#5 s4:e8 Tunguska: Currently you may not think anything of Krycek to the left of this image though ill have you know he plays an extremely vital part of this look and all the words I’m about to speak to you directly. So listen up: Krycek may have heroically slayed Mulder’s father in cold blooded and justifiable murder, but we thank him for this, as it caused Mulder to lash out in the best way possible: through looks. “Un-shun: Krycek do you think I’m good to bring my Redkin Rewind 6 styling paste with me or will the Russian TSA think of that as contraband? :Re-shun”. A sweaty, manly and highly illegal treck through a Russian testing facility and a stint in a violent foreign PRISON surely was not going to stop Mulder from keeping his hair properly hydrated, styled and parted. That’ll really ruffle Krycek’s feathers and make him feel sorry for what he did…. The sexiest way to avenge the death of your deadbeat father. 24/10 for you know why.

#4 s1:e6 Shadows: In the year 1993, Mulder steps onto the scene, young, fresh faced, bright eyed and ready to give men around the globe what they (so desperately) needed: the encouragement to care about their hair. Any backstreet boy you may know have this scene to thank directly, as this is what encouraged them to reproduce Mulder’s hair onto their own heads time and time again. What I would give to see with my own eyes Mulder length times width times height his head to equal this perfectly proportionate look of volume and sexy. And who can I write a warrant out to for allowing this shot to take place. Oh to be the various and expensive hair care products in Mulder’s bathroom …… 899/10 for starting a movement (-1 for making us do equations).

#3: s1:e10 Fallen Angel: The biggest regret I’ve ever had in my short little life was not adding this moment to the last post. And tumblr deleted it in order to give me this opportunity to present this to you today. By the way, that absolutely is in fact a choir of angels singing as you view this image. Go ahead and try to think of something on this earth that could be better than this tossled bed headed im-stressed-becos-my-partner-of-2-weeks-isn’t-seeing-the-big-picture-about-how-we’re-all-key-pawns-in-an-ongoing-government-conspiracy hairstyle hand crafted by Mulder all while holding his head in his hands hard at work trying to break through to the truth. Scully [insert photo of Scully with her eyes popping out of her head here] and I both wanna rip our own hair out and throw it in the garbage. 2000/10 for making our hearts ache..

#2: s4:e10 Paper Hearts: Behold- the image I’m slamming down on the desk at full force when I finally get myself a therapist. I need a licensed professional doctor to help me understand the various angles that this purposeful shot affects my life health and well being. In a paranoia induced out of body experience Mulder took his pinky finger and parted his hair down the middle, took a protractor to perfectly round the tendrils falling ever so gracefully on his forehead and ran out of his apartment and through the woods of DC. Doesn’t matter if he’s crazy? Doesn’t matter if its fuck all 4am? Who knows if the discoveries of this night is finally going to answer the heartbreaking questions regarding Mulder’s baby sister? Fuck it we’re just gonna make sure Scully has something to look forward to after being awoken yet again in the middle of the night and asked to come wrangle and control this stupid idiot. This just makes me unhinged. 50000/10 for waking up in the middle of the night and doing the most for us all.

#1 s4:e3 Teliko: This one will remain number one for as long as I shall live. I’ve dedicated my life to this cause and I’m ready to make you painfully aware of it. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to do some heavy math with me because this look right in front of your eyes is the equation to happiness and sexiness. Can barely find the words to describe to you how this picture makes me feel. Each strand of hair is personally reaching down and wrapping his head in one big giant hug of protection and solitude. Unbelievable that Scully didn’t head back to her hotel room and scream at the top of her lungs right after this. There’s no way she went about her day as normal without wanting to kick the shit out of him and then put him back together with soft feathery kisses. What you are witnessing here is the very turning point of the show where Scully looked into into the very center point of that part and said “guess I have no choice but to fall in love with him 🚶🏽‍♂️”. Chris Carter’s idealistic version of Mulder and the one we actually ended ups seeing as viewers were so drastically different that it’s blatantly clear that he had absolutely no idea the cultural implications that were about to rock the world to its core and tip it on its axis when David Duchovny showed up on set looking like this. I could write a thesis about this. I could conduct research and studies about this. I got kicked out of college because I cared more about this than I did actual schoolwork. I feel like I’m in a very sexy chokehold. Wish I could live forever in one little square pixel of this image. Nothing means more to me than this. 1000000/10 no further comments.

and the honorable mentions go to....

s8:e16 Three Words: Dead? Did you die? Did you die and miraculously defy god by rising from the dead and coming back to life? Just got home from the morgue? Think nothing is the same? Left guessing if you’re a soon to be 5 minute father? Did you just fucking die? He’s lost his family and his job and the world just went on without him like it was nobody’s business. Walked out of the morgue right to his apartment and what did he have left? His expensive array of hair styling and finishing products that’s what the fuck he had left. Being an all around reject from society didn’t at all stop him from taking his fingers and dipping it into that Big Sexy styling pomade and fluffing his head to high heavens. As a personal fuck you to god and to John Doggett too. He’ll never let you know the emotional hellstorm going on in his life in that moment but he WILL make it known to you that despite being 8 feet under ground for 6 months he’ll never give up on his hair. For the PEOPLE. Try and go through the nightmare of death and then rejected fatherhood and see if you come out of it with any hair at ALL. An itty bitty glimpse into what would have been Untitled Mulder Abduction Story (2001)....

I Want To Believe (2008): Here you will see the sluttiest moment in major motion picture history. Shh im not using this opportunity to show you this screenshot for the 800th time I’m trying to keep you educated. BREAKING NEWS; Man hiding in home office for 6 years fully off the grid has FULL head of hair and is getting regular sex *not clickbait*. So what if Mulder has gone fully unhinged and off the walls bonkers he’s also gone FULL slut and it shows in that sexy thick voluminous head of slut hair. If you ever for a second thought prior to seeing this movie for the first time that Mulder would show up a full on son-less wreck and a half think the fuck again babes. He’s managed to hold on to every single little strand ever grown on his head even well into his middle aged madness and its about time we give him the credit he deserves. (PS. Please know I wrote this entire spiel without even viewing the shot shown here. Its just permanently etched on the inside of my forehead so its there when my eyes roll back into my head.) For this we say…..; Whore rights.

s11:e3 Plus One: Incase you were unaware, I have been going through a very slow and painful process of erasing Season 11 from my brain completely. Its been a long road but its achievable and the end result will save me from a lot of future heartache and trauma. This however, is a moment I will cherish forever and though you may think its for the hot sex (which is like maybe 30% the case) its actually because it puts together everything I’ve ever loved and believed about the show in only a few thousand pixels. How old is Mulder here? 30? 31? Still has hair and still has an unbelievable amount of love to shower Scully in for as long as they both shall live (which lets face it, she deserves one million times over.) What this has taught me was to hang up my “Mulder deserved…” hat for good and just be thankful for what I’ve got. I ended up with no son or happy dreamy ending where Mulder gets to die with a family he’s never had in his life, but here we are left with the little things.. Like Mulder and Scully’s unconditional love and most importantly .. The hair on Mulder’s head. Its called growth and acceptance and I am learning it. Also I just wanted to show you what it would look like if you were like 57 and sexy and still had all ur hair. That’s it :-)

#and this one i SAVED!!!!! enjoy #here at mulderspice

238 notes · View notes

icannott · 5 years

Text

Would You Be So Kind? (Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader)

Requested: yeah!!!! a while ago, by anon “sINcE eVeRYONE be REqUesTinG DODIE FICS AS SHALL I ok so like you have a crush on eddie and for him the feelings are mutual (the losers club knows abt it). you guys are really close friend. when he had nightmares about pennywise and stuff you would sing to him on your ukulele to calm him down. the losers ot so tired of y’all not dating and how oblivious you are so one day they have a secret plan where they have you sing “would you be so kind” just to “ but you didn’t know eddie was there too”

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader

Warning: swearing ! includes a very lovely song by the one and only dodie clark called (you guessed it) would you be so kind,, go give it a listen, it’s worth it

a/n: im clearing out old asks rn and i can’t believe i ignored this one for so long,,, im disappointed in me

gif cred belongs to @eddiebrak

Eddie missed those nights. Even though they were at his worst, he missed the nights where you would sit together in his room, him shaking from his nightmare, but you looking so calm. He knew you were tired, and he hated the thought of bothering you, but you never minded coming over, no matter the time, just to calm him down.

“C-Could you sing to me?”

And you would just smile.

He can’t count how many nights you came over wit your ukulele and calmed him down. And he can’t count how many nights he had wished you were there, even when he wasn’t having those awful nightmares. But he would never say that out loud.

You missed them too. But you two filled that constant need to be with each other by... being with each other. There was never a class period that you didn’t walk with each other, sit next to each other, or even think about each other. There was never a day where you didn’t spend at least an hour with each other. He found every way to sneak away from his mom, and you found every way to make sure he didn’t get caught.

Of course, the Losers aren’t dumb. They knew from the very start that you liked each other. And they knew very very well that Eddie loved your voice. They even knew about the nights spent serenading him- though they doubt the both of you knew they knew. And they were absolutely determined to get you guys to confess to each other, to realize that all of this wasn’t for nothing. And the only way to get you two to listen was with music.

So they made the plan.

You all were going to hang out at Bill’s house one Saturday. Eddie was going to be late due to some mom issue, and Bev had demanded you bring your ukulele and sing for them.

“For old time’s sake!” she had grinned, though you had no idea what that meant.

About half an hour after everyone but Eddie arrived, Bill nodded to them discreetly and said, “I-I’m gonna go keep w-w-watch for Eddie.” You had nodded understandably and Bev immediately demanded you get your uke out.

You laughed, grabbing it from your side and plucking at the strings, making sure it was in tune.

“Any requests?” you hummed, grinning.

“Up to you,” Mike shrugged. Just then, they caught a glimpse of Bill discreetly ushering in Eddie.

“Why don’t you sing something for that boy you keep mentioning?” Bev said, wiggling her eyebrows. You flushed.

Bill put a finger to his lips and though Eddie gave him a weird look, he stayed quiet and entered the house.

“Well..,” you started, “he’s really sweet.” Eddie removed his shoes and then froze when he heard you say, “We actually used to spend a lot of sleepless nights together.” You ignored the look Richie gave you. “Talking, laughing...” He looked up and saw your far-off grin. “But that was a while ago.”

Mike whistled. “Sounds like he might like you too.”

Eddie tensed up even more. Like? Too?

You giggled and shook your head. “Nah. But,” you sighed, “I do have a song for that.”

Bev cheered as you started strumming. Stan laughed.

“I have a question,” you started. “Might seem strange. How are your lungs? Are they in pain? ‘Cause mine are aching.” Richie whistled. “Think I know why.” You grinned. “I kinda like it, though. You wanna try?

“Oh, would you be so kind as to fall in love with me? You see, I’m trying, and I know you know that I like you, but that’s not enough. So if you would, please fall in love. I think it’s only fair. There’s gotta be some butterflies somewhere. Wanna share? ‘Cause I like you and that’s not enough, so if you would, please fall in love with me.”

You stopped strumming there and Bev let out a loud cheer as the boys clapped.

“Lucky guy,” Eddie spoke up as he entered the room. You froze, your face heating up and your eyes going wide.

“O-Oh, you heard that?” you chuckled, trying to seem nonchalant despite your tensed shoulders. He nodded, blushing. “All of it?” You seemed to be shrinking in your seat. He nodded again. An embarrassed silence ensued.

“Oh my God, you’re really not gonna say anything?” Richie snorted. Eddie snapped his head to him.

Bev glared at him. “Richie-”

“Bro, the girl you’ve liked for like, what? Three years? Yeah, she practically serenades you and basically confesses and all you can do is nod?” he vents. Eddie was an absolute tomato at this point. “Just hold her hand or something already, goddamn.”

So he slowly moved to sit next to her. Richie rolled his eyes, but then went on ranting about some different story to ease the room. Halfway through, you felt Eddie’s hand slip into yours.

While Stan started arguing with Richie and others piped in, he whispered to you, “Is it true?”

You nodded. “I haven’t been counting or anything, but I’ve liked you for two years and eight months.” He laughed and you grinned.

“For once, I’m glad Richie opened his goddamn mouth,” he sighed, scooting closer to you. You rested your head on his shoulder and his heart swelled.

xtra-

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that, Eddie!”

“You’ll get over it.”

#IT movie #it imagine #IT FANDOM #it fanfiction #losers club #eddie kaspbrak #eddie kaspbrak x reader #eddie kaspbrak fanfiction #bev marsh #stan uris #richie tozier #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak imagine #it x reader

123 notes · View notes

pickledmickles · 7 years

Text

@dasdeath tagged me and their robot fuckin posts reminded me to do this

Rules: Answer some stuff and Tag Others If Ya Want

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: idk abt on the phone but my last call in general was w my bf 3. Text message: “sounds lovely” from a coworker 4. Song you listened to: Hold it in by Jukebox The Ghost 5. Time you cried: like last week. it was my monthly cry

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: ye 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yea h 8. Been cheated on: Mhm 9. Lost someone special: not really 10. Been depressed: for like the past decade 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: like........... last week

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Pale pink but with a reddish hue, aqua, mint green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes! 16. Fallen out of love: nah man 17. Laughed until you cried: yes 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yep 19. Met someone who changed you: yessss 20. Found out who your friends are: who are they....................... 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nnno-- wait yes. my bf. HA

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them. Thats the only thing i use fb for 23. Do you have any pets: I have a dog and shes sleeping on my feet rn as we speak 24. Do you want to change your name: yes and no 26. What time did you wake up: 10am sharp 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trynna plan a trip i think. not successfully 28. Name something you can’t wait for: movin out 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 30 minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life? just have someone magically make a car purchase for me 31. What are you listening right now: polygon vids 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes. weird guy. didnt like him. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: i have been getting motion sickness from everything i play, even fucking animal crossing. 34. Most visited Website: tungle

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s: i dont have moles 37. Childhood dream: zoologist 38. Hair color: Black DARK BROWN my bf made a fuss 39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: love my boy 41. What do you like about yourself: my curls 42. Piercings: just me ears 43. Bloodtype: shrug emoji 44. Nickname: Queenie, mikaykay????, micky 45. Relationship status: LOVE MY BF 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: yes 48. Favorite TV Show: bobs burgers, most things by bbc earth, b99, and fresh off the boat 49. Tattoos: im allergic to red dye so idk if i should put any dye in my skin 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: wisdom teeth 52. Hair dyed in different color: nope 55. Vacation: in may w my boy, out in the mountains with no neighbors and a jacuzzi 56. Pair of trainers: i get a new pair of no slips from walmart every few months bc mine get so nasty so fast

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i like food sometimes 58. Drinking: water........ 59. I’m about to: write some replies 61. Waiting for: replies lmao 62. Want: this tummy ache to go away, my feet to stop being so cold, this headache to stop 63. Get married: who knows 64. Career: maybe a marine biologist........... or like.......... underwater photographer........... ,i just fuckign love the ocean and the things in it so much

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: smooches 66. Lips or eyes: lipsss 67. Shorter or taller: i like em all 68. Older or younger: older bc younger than me is like.... babbies 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i LOVE tummies 71. Sensitive or loud: squints .72. Hook up or relationship: relationshops 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a weenie

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: No 75. Drank hard liquor: Ye 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i lost my fuckin sunglasses in the ocean but that was my fault. and i dont wear anything prescription so,,,,,,, 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: nnnno? 79. Broken someone’s heart: shrugs 80. Had your heart broken: ye 81. Been arrested: almost 82. Cried when someone died: yyyes 83. Fallen for a friend: my bf was my friend and still is so??

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: sssure. yes. 85. Miracles: sure? 86. Love at first sight: i guess but also........... idk more like. interest in a person and getting to know them at first sight. so. 87. Santa Claus: i was never rlly raised to believe that like... ever 88. Kiss in the first date: follow ur fuckin dreams. i love smooches. 89. Angels: nah

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: SAV SLEEPS MARY AND LUKE. theyre the ppl i talk to most. lov them sm. 91. Eye color: Blue or smth 92. Favorite movie: fuck idk. song of the sea. yeah. I tag a bunch of ppl that wont do it but i need to make it look like i have friends ok @wifeylittleboy @reptilixns @currentlysleepwalking @dapper-banana

#me #about #long post

1 note · View note

avasilvugh · 7 years

Note

what was pregnancy/childbirth/going home for the first time like with finn vs. maia? how about what it was like to take stella home for the first time? how did each kid adjust to their new sibling(s) when maia/stella came home? i'm such a sucker for Brand New Baby headcancons lol

me, rubbing my hands together evilly bc my friend u dont understand, i have been waiting for a sucker just like u bc I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR BRAND NEW BABY HCS AS WELL, HERE ARE MINE FOR THE SUPERBABIES

so like the pregnancies were highly planned, no surprises or anything and results were waited on with equal excitement bc like???? holy shit theyre doing this???? and HOLY SHIT IT WORKED?????

but like……once the initial excitement died down a little, lena starts to worry a lot?? and i mean this is particular to finn, bc like with maia it was more?? ok i kind of know what im doing, but with finn she had no experience, nothing to go off of. like she can hardly remember her birth mother and lillian was terrible so like….its not as if she has any model for how to be a mother and she’s not sure she’s really thought this through. like she likes kids well enough?? thinks theyre cute and isnt uncomfortable around them, actually is quite good with them and babies love her almost as much as they love kara, but this will be different, this isnt just holding jess’s niece when they’re at the company picnic, this will be a baby that comes home with them, this will be their baby, their kid to screw up and that’s terrifying??? holy shit

meanwhile kara is like?? so excited oh my god. she’s so pumped and so loving and she feels like she’s overwhelmed in the best way, where her heart feels really full and she knows that when the baby gets here it’ll just spill over in the best way and she cant wait for it. and she fusses over lena, moves her schedule around specifically to allow her to drop by l-corp a couple times a day to bring lena lunch or a snack, and she’s like the ultimate partner u know like she keeps the fridge stocked with whatever lena’s craving, always goes to every doctor appointment and childbirth classes, never grumbles when lena wakes her up bc her back is aching or she’s starving all of a sudden or she can’t sleep and the baby is in a weird position. she puts together all the furniture for the nursery, is That expectant parent that spends a lot of time in the baby section of target, brings home probably more clothes than a single baby can wear. she’s so excited??? like……how to explain this hmmm… okay so we know how much kara loves her family, right?? bc she loves them a lot, she rlly does and its not at all that she wishes for biological family or something but theres like a certain…..pull?? i guess?? like this baby is equal parts her and lena, and she has this image in her head, like what if their baby looks like her or more like lena, what if their kid has her mother’s eyes or her father’s strong chin. like? she gets to see krypton live on, is what it boils down to. she gets to see her family and her community and her planet alive and well in the little heartbeat they hear, in the grainy image on the screen at the ultrasound

the pregnancy itself is actually rlly smooth?? and like, when lena’s not terrified, she rlly enjoys it and like knows how lucky she is, like her morning sickness is p tame and only lasts the first couple months. and like?? its not that she dislikes being pregnant or doesnt want the baby, she very much does, she already loves this little thing growing inside her so so much, just on the basis of it being a piece of kara, she’s just worried she’s not good enough, that she wont ever be able to be good enough to be this child’s mother. but she just tries not to think about whats going to happen at the end of this, focuses on the way her heart skips when she feels those first flutters of movement or the way the tension slips out of kara’s shoulders the moment she gets home, the moment she can hear their child’s heartbeat. they were never rlly an out on the town sort of couple, spent most nights tucked up at home, but now even more so bc lena gets tired at like eight at night, so most nights they’re on the couch or lying in bed, kara resting her head on lena’s lil bump, talking to the baby in her mother tongue, telling them all about this great world they’re going to get to see. when lena’s lil bump turns into a big bump, then its usually them cuddled up on the couch with lena leaning back against kara’s chest, head on her shoulder as she dozes and kara’s tracing out the kryptonian alphabet on lena’s belly and its warm and the cats are snoozing nearby and there’s a stack of baby clothes in the laundry basket on the floor and a half assembled rocking chair in the nursery and its just?? good????

overall its rlly good like there’s some bad moments, some breakdowns along the way. like it kind of scares lena a little how much she loves this little thing that?? doesnt?? even??? exist yet???? like she cant hold them, cant see them, but god, she already knows she’d do anything for them. and kara has a few moments where she breaks down as well, where she cant remember a kryptonian word or the details of something she thought she remembered are a little fuzzy and god, what if she cant?? what if she isnt able to pass along her history, her culture? what if she has this opportunity and she fails, again?

and they’re both so soft with each other, kara picks up on lena’s worry and lena picks up on kara’s and they try their best for each other, they do their best to help even when they’re struggling with their own things and lena tries to learn kryptonian and like….listen, she’s not great at it at first (particularly with pregnancy brain making everything a little fuzzy), but her accent isn’t terrible and she learns the basic vocabulary, enough so that she can confidently say she’ll be of some use in teaching their child to speak the language along with english. kara buys all the parenting books lena glances at, sits up at night with her to read them, finds a mothers day card even though it fucking january and tucks it into lena’s bag for her to find and tear up over, talks about how lucky their kiddo is that they’ll have lena as a mom as if its the most natural thing to say

towards the later part of lena’s pregnancy, when they’re getting closer to the due date and lena’s getting uncomfortably pregnant and nothing’s fitting very well, not even the maternity dresses that kara finally convinced her to buy around month seven, kara kind of becomes a worrywart. like she’s been v protective of lena the entire time but now?? anytime lena shifts or sighs or rubs her back, kara’s like WHAT IS IT, IS IT TIME, DO WE NEED TO GO and has like most of their stuff loaded up into the car, ready to go before lena’s has a chance to be like ……kara im ridiculously pregnant, im just uncomfortable, love its fine i promise

that said,, then she’s overdue and even more uncomfortable but the fear has set back in?? and she goes into labor p early in the morning, doesnt say anything abt it bc she doesnt want it to happen, not now, but kara seems to sense it, sticks a lot closer to lena than normal, even for overprotective post-due date. and then lena’s water breaks??? and she’s crying???? and kara’s like holy shit okay but they dont have time to rlly do anything to talk through it, barely have time to get to the hospital before lenas like……in Active Labor, like ready to push active labor and there’s no time to get an epidural, but luckily she doesnt rlly need one?? she’s in pain, but its not as bad as some things she’s endured, but she’s still crying, begging for this baby to stay put, dont move, i’m not ready and kara’s crying bc she’s split between being heartbroken for her wife and being so so excited to her their child

and then finn’s there, crying loud enough to be heard over lena’s sobbing, kara’s assurances and kara looks at him and is so in love??? she’s so in love, he’s so beautiful, she tells lena as much as she gets to cut the cord and some little part of her knits back together when she helps lay finn on lena’s chest, watches as lena’s eyes clear, brows relax, watches as that same love kara feels dawns in lena’s eyes and its so much??? its too much, but its so good????

and everything is still so good for a while!!!!! like the few days in the hospital, they’re just kind of in a blissed out stage where nothing is fazing them like......family comes to visit, theres four emails from snapper sitting in kara’s inbox, clark comes by and is visibly uncomfortable but they literally dont give two shits like look at this thing we made!!!!!!! look at him, he’s beautiful and he’s got all ten fingers and all ten toes and look, he looks bald but he’s just rlly blond!!!!!!! like.........they are just so in love???

but then they go home and its different bc there isnt anyone to help them and for kara its like....idk its sort of like she’s super duper aware of her powers when she’s out in the world, like hyperaware and vigilant, but she’s used to being able to relax a little at home?? and now there’s this tiny fragile nonpowered as far as they know baby that is depending solely on her and lena for everything and suddenly she’s like shit i’m going to hurt him oh my god i Did Not think this through and then she like refuses to hold finn except under very specific conditions like sitting down, pillow in her lap to support him from below and lena’s a bit too wrapped up in finn to rlly like register this fact, a little too tired and sore and in love to do much more than notice her wife’s hesitance

and its not as if kara’s like......//avoiding anything to do with finn. like she’s still v much in love and wants to be around him, she just doesnt trust herself?? so she’ll still get up when finn’s crying at night, sits up with lena when she nurses him, gets lena whatever she needs during the day and overall does her absolute best

lena brings it up to alex finally, one night when she and maggie come over to coo over finn and kara’s run out to pick up dinner. lena and alex have grown a lot closer since lena started hanging out with the superfriends, alex sort of spotting that quiet sadness within a few minutes of having an actual conversation with lena and subconsciously sorting her into the same category of annoying psuedo-sibling that she had winn. and by this point?? alex is basically as much a big sister to lena as she is to kara, defends her as vehemently as she does kara. so lena goes to her with this, asks if kara’s said anything about not feeling comfortable or being afraid and alex is like ?? no, whats going on and then lena tells her everything she’s noticed, tells her the guilt she feels for not knowing how to help but she’s exhausted, like that new parent bone deep exhausted

so alex corners kara just a little, calls her down to the deo for a fake emergency and then locks them into one of the training rooms bc she knows kara, knows she wont admit to anything when lena’s around, knows that she’ll keep trying to uphold this facade that she’s doing okay bc she doesnt want to stress her wife out. and karas been sitting with this feeling for nearly two weeks?? basically since they went home, so there’s not much prodding alex has to do to get it out of her bc she’s exhausted too, is crying within a few minutes of talking tbh

alex hugs her for a long time, until she stops crying eventually and is like?? i dont have easy answers for you and i wish i did, but kara, you’re not going to hurt him and she keeps repeating it, keeps telling kara that she knows her probably better than anyone and she knows that she’s never going to do anything to hurt the people she cares about and kara’s thinking about red k and alex knows it so she just tightens her hold on kara’s shoulders and leans down a little to catch her eye and she’s like kara, this is your son and its like oh. my son. i have a son. and suddenly kara’s crying again but more from good emotion?? like i have a child and i haven’t been holding him 24/7???? I GOTTA GO ALEX

so kara goes home and lena’s just getting up to get finn bc he’s starting to fuss a little and kara just gently pushes her back into bed and goes to get finn, picks him up and feels something settle when he quiets, looks up at her with big blue eyes that aren’t her color, not exactly, is something closer to her mother’s. finn settles against her, one of his little hands sort of grasping at the fabric of her shirt, holding on and kara’s so??? overwhelmed??? and she promises him that she’ll be the best she can be for him, promises that she’ll never let harm come to him, that she’s going to keep him so safe and at some point she switches from english to kryptonian (kryptonese??), starts promising all sorts of things, starts promising that he’ll never be alone, that he’ll never be scared and lost and left on his own in a strange place, that she’ll never send him away, not without lena, not without her

lena hears it over the baby monitor but doesnt say anything when kara comes back into the room, having lulled finn back to sleep with a lullaby her mother used to sing to her. she just pulls kara closer and they doze like that for a while and everything feels calm, settled for once

and then !!!!! they’re just deliriously happy like finn is a rlly easy baby, doesnt fuss a lot, basically sleeps through the night from the beginning and is essentially the Perfect Newborn. like they’re just?? so? ?? happy ????? like lena has what is essentially unlimited maternity leave considering she can conduct a fair amount of work from home and catco gives rlly generous leave for all new parents so kara’s able to stay home for a long time, so they get to just sort of live in this wonderful little bubble for basically the first 4-5 months of his life and even after they sort of start transitioning back to work, its still rlly great??

like they do the mommy and me yoga and switch off weekends, kara takes him to swim lessons, they do walks in the park when it starts getting warmer out and like.......love showing finn off. like he’s adorable and chubby and is rlly calm and smiley and like?? they’re so proud of him, they love him so much oh my god

UNDER THE CUT bc i always keep crying, im such a sucker for new babies

everything is a little harder with maia?? like it takes a little longer for it to work and when it does its immediately a completely different experience. later on theyll think its probably bc maia manifests her powers a lot earlier, so maybe that’s what it was?? like she’s drawing more nutrients and stuff so that’s why lena’s so exhausted through the pregnancy but basically lena’s essentially bedridden for the first four and a half months with maia, either napping or feeling too nauseous to do anything. once she hits five months, things get a little easier?? she’s still v tired a lot, but they think that that might just be bc they’ve got more to juggle, like she’s keeping up with a toddler and l-corp is acquiring a new subsidiary halfway across the world that she’s having to oversee from national city

kara worries abt her a lot in a different way from how she worried during finn’s pregnancy?? like this pregnancy takes a bit more of a physical toll and there’s a few complications, like lena develops gestational hypertension (her blood pressure, while achingly normal usually, stays high from the beginning) and her ankles just fuckn disappear and she just feels Bad through most of the pregnancy even though there isnt that emotional angst like there was with finn. so bc of that, kara sticks p close through the whole pregnancy, is a lot less willing to take assignments that keep her away from home v long, gets v efficient when it comes to supergirl duties

but like?? stress aside, its a rlly cool experience for them bc finn’s around two and understands enough that he points to lena’s belly and says baby, likes to hug and kiss her tummy and its the Cutest thing in the world, like they have so many pics of finn being so sweet and like reading one of his picture books to lena’s belly. and like?? lena gets to enjoys the pregnancy more bc she’s not as scared, not as petrified that she’s going to fuck up somehow, now that she kind of knows what she’s doing, now that she has a shining, grinning little boy that is like proof that she’s sort of good at this motherhood thing

so u know how lena’s blood pressure is high through the whole pregnancy?? well. that’s not a throwaway fact pals. she develops preeclampsia and gets induced nearly three weeks before her due date and like in the lead up to that, it’s rlly chaotic and scary like lena gets a migraine (and she usually gets those?? like that’s not uncommon but she didnt have any during her pregnancy with finn and she hasnt had any leading up to this one with maia) and goes to sleep it off and wakes up short of breath and like?? it just feels wrong, something feels off and calls kara at work and is like something’s not right and kara just flat out panics, drops all her shit and races home and lena’s kind of out of it and its terrifying?? its fucking terrifying and kara’s like fuck this, flies finn to the nearest superfriend for babysitting (it happens to be winn, who startles out of dozing at his computer screen to see little finn danvers grinning from the chair next to him, with a fully packed bag and a note pinned to it telling winn that kara will call soon) and she flies lena to the hospital, giving zero actual fucks about anything other than whether lena and the baby are okay

and it gets kind of crazy after that??? like kara barely has time to call the rest of their family and friends before things are like Moving and, again, there’s not enough time for an epidural but this time lena’s in a lot more pain, like this birth is awful, it rlly is, like lena’s out of it and in way more pain than she was with finn and kara’s scared shitless and their baby comes out quiet?? like no crying, no screaming, just utter silence and lena sort of collapses back on the bed and starts crying and kara’s not even able to get a good look at their kiddo with all the nurses working over em

and then the baby’s like screeching and one of the nurses hands her to kara with a smile and says here’s your little girl, mama and kara’s just like.......entranced and this little baby is so much like finn but so different already and she looks over at lena and beams and lena relaxes immediately, lets out this deep breath and kara’s like we have a daughter, lena and lena sort of sighs happily well let me see her and kara puts maia on lena’s chest, helps lena unbutton the top of her gown and unswaddle maia so she can rest against lena’s skin, feel her heartbeat and they’re so immediately happy??? like all the scary stuff, all the pain is immediately written over with this feeling, with maia’s little hand pressing right over lena’s heart and her eyes locked on kara

and then when things calm down and they’ve had a little time to collect themselves, for lena to get cleaned up a little, finn comes in and is so immediately taken with his little sister, like his eyes get wide and he’s got this small little smile and he’s so gentle without being told, sort of reverently reaches out to hold maia’s tiny little hand in his own and he goes my baby in this soft little voice and he crawls up in kara’s lap and asks if he can hold his baby and kara helps him and lena asks a nurse to grab her phone bc like.......why not get this moment on film. why not capture her family all tucked into one chair like the most adorable nesting dolls

it’s maybe her lock screen for like six months

when they go home, it’s a little bit of an adjustment period?? not in the same way as it was with finn but in that now they’ve got two little kids with wildly different needs, like finn sleeps through the night mostly but has nightmares that he’ll need to be comforted from and maia wakes up a lot but more just?? wants to be near her moms??? like she doesnt cry so much as just stay awake until one of them check her and pull the bassinet closer to their bed

and for lena there’s a bit of worry over having a daughter?? bc its not that its all that much different than having a son rlly, she knows that and she’s the first to advocate raising children the same, but as a daughter of lillian luthor, as a daughter who lost her birth mother when she was young, but not young enough to completely forget her, as a daughter that has never had a solid maternal figure that supported her in her life, lena’s a little terrified of having a daughter?? worried that somehow, someway, she’ll ruin her

but it fades quickly?? like she and kara have always been v attuned to one another but since having finn, it’s just deepened?? so kara catches on quickly, talks to her about it one night when the kiddos are asleep and reminds lena that she’s a good mom, that finn adores her and so does maia already, its obvious

mostly the adjustment is about just juggling the two kiddos, making sure finn doesnt feel left out and they work out a p good system, make sure to include him in basically everything

and finn!!!! loves his baby sister so so much oh my god, he likes to drag his coloring pack into maia’s room when she’s napping. like his moms will go looking for him and he’ll just be curled up in the comfy rocker in maia’s room, quietly coloring and he’ll shush them if he thinks they’re making too much noise and its the cutest thing ever, like he doesnt have the words for it but he just loves maia so much, wants to protect her and make sure she’s happy all the time

so its kind of wildly different with stella, bc like??? they thought they were done having kids?? mostly bc the experience with maia’s birth was so terrifying, like when they finally had a minute to process what all had happened it was like.......shit, lena could have died, maia could have died and it made them p hesitant to try for another kid, like?? they’re happy with two!! and if they decide they want to expand their family, they’re v strongly pro-adoption so that’s probably the route they’ll go and that’s all nice and settled but then, well

kara gets a supergirl call at like six in the morning and she rolls out of bed, handles the issue and is on her way home when she glances down and sees something a lil shady down on the pier. it’s probably eight or nine by now?? the sun’s up, but its winter so its still gray in the city, still feels pre-dawn and kara flies a little closer, sees a man on a pier and hears two heartbeats, his and one that’s weaker, faster, quieter, so she alerts alex and touches down and the man seems almost relieved to see her even as he moves closer to the edge and she tells him to stay, for his baby--because it has to be a baby, kara’s gotten too good at recognizing little heartbeats for it not to be, but the man just smiles sadly, says she’s not like me, i can’t love her right and just as the deo pulls up, the man jumps off into the bay and kara flies after him but he’s just......gone?? just gone. nowhere to be found. his heartbeat is indistinguishable from the roar of the ocean, kara can’t see him anywhere but kara can still hear that smaller one, and she hesitates for a moment before flying back up, touching down by the car and opening the door before the agent nearest her can tell her not to. and theres??? this tiny little baby???? like barely strapped into the carseat, in just a diaper and kara’s like????? immediately protective. like the diaper’s obviously been put on by someone that’s never changed a baby before and she fixes that first, unclips her cape to wrap the baby up second, holds the baby close and turns around with this wide eyed look at alex third and alex’s like......well this is happening huh

and she’s????? so small???? god she’s so small and kara’s heart twists and twists and alex calls out an address to her and it’s not far from the port and kara’s flies low, flies fast but she doesnt even get to the little apartment before she can tell, before she can hear the utter lack of life. she lands just outside, looks up, looks through, sees the body in the bed, not moving not breathing and she looks down at this little baby in her arms, still sleeping and she just?? has a minor blackout tbh (metaphorically ofc) like she’s not sure what her exact thought process was but suddenly she’s at l-corp and the baby is still sleeping and she touches down, opens the balcony door gently and steps in and lena’s looking up, eyebrows raised until she notices the bundle in kara’s arms and like??? she doesnt Know, but she knows whats happening, knows its big and important and so she drops the papers she was working on, pads over and looks up at kara for a breath, then down at the baby and its like oh. shit. this is our baby now, isnt it

and kara starts explaining, starts speaking, rambling, falling over her words bc the gravity of what’s happened has just sort of landed?? it’s taken a beat but god she just watched a man kill himself, just watched this child be orphaned and its like?? she needs lena to understand. she needs her to know why this is so important, but like?? lena’s already there, same page. she’s looking at this little tiny child and deciding that she’ll probably be able to actually get some use out of maia’s newborn stuff, considering maia outgrew the clothes within a month. like??? she looks nothing like finn or maia did as babies, is so much smaller and has this head full of dark hair, these dark eyes when she blinks them open to look up at lena, at kara, but she fits, you know?? its like kara and lena look at her and just like.....recognize her. like she’s always been meant for them

and then kara’s just.......out of things to say, like she’s said everything she can and she’s just sort of looking down at the baby and so is lena and then lena’s asking can i hold ....her? and kara’s nodding, her, she confirms, letting lena slip the baby out of her arms and she’s just like lena, she’s and breaks off, throat closing and lena’s just nodding, smiling down at the baby and smoothing down the little cowlick in her hair. i think maia’s old bassinet is still in the basement, she says and that’s that

the kids dont even question it?? like finn was young enough when maia was born that he doesnt even remember her coming home, she’s just sort of always been around as far as he remembers and maia doesnt have any sort of context for it, and rlly it doesnt matter?? like they crowd around lena when kara calls them over and finn promises then and there he’s going to be the best big brother and maia’s just staring all wide eyed at this little baby, decided that she’s going to keep her so safe bc she’s her little sister and the only other big sister she knows very well is aunt alex and aunt alex helps keep mama safe every day so. logic, ya know

there is a bit more jealousy tho?? more from maia than from finn, bc she goes from being the baby to the middle child and like kara and lena are rlly good abt splitting their time equally, but there’s like?? more to do with stella, like they dont know anything rlly abt her background and they dont know why she’s not putting on weight and they dont know whether she’s just colicky or if there’s something they need to be worried about?? and its scarier too bc its all so normal ??? like they did all the tests for finn and maia, knew they had kara’s immune system, knew they didnt have to worry abt shit like whooping cough but like they do have to worry abt that with stella, its sort of like having a first baby all over again?? like there’s a lot of new experiences they’ve never had to think about before so there’s a little bit of jealousy from maia, but literally just a little, just like a couple temper tantrums bc kara says they cant play uno unless maia uses her inside voice, or bc lena can’t come see the picture she drew right that second bc she’s trying to get stella down for a nap

but they handle it rlly well?? like they each take a day with maia and finn, separately so they dont feel like they’re just getting lumped together, go and do whatever they feel like doing and do that ridiculously Good Mom thing where they each explain that, yeah, they’re having to spend a little more time with the new baby but they love them all the same, all equally and that they can pick something to do with their moms each month

that tradition actually sticks around! like each kiddo picks a Thing to do with their moms, like finn favors the aquarium and maia likes to go to movies and stella usually just asks to go out to breakfast at noonans tbh (listen she is.........so much like kara sometimes)

so while finn and maia adjust p well, its not all smooth sailing. like?? finn and maia were such easy babies!! like SUCH easy babies, they rlly lucked the fuck out with them but stella??? oh god stella is such a difficult baby. not like?? not like super-difficult?? but she cries a lot and the only time she rlly calms down is when kara or lena holds her and sometimes it not even full screaming crying, just quiet little whimpering that just like........breaks her moms’ hearts. she also gets sick a lot?? lots of colds and stomach bugs and she doesnt put on a lot of weight for the first several months, like consistently on the low end of healthy. like?? its all new territory for them, bc they never?? rlly?? worried abt finn and maia like this?? they never rlly had to

listen they heave a collective sigh of relief when their doctor tells them that she’s moved into the fortieth percentile for her age range like what???? she’s doing okay???????

anyway. i’m crying

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #superbabies #catch me reblogging these in the morning #i've been working on this for like four days omfg #anonymous #human interaction

42 notes · View notes

bbyboyycal · 4 years

Text

i wrote a thing based on the song ‘heather’

It began and ended with Sully.

It was always going to be him.

And I realised this when I was lying upside down off the edge of his bed, the room basked in the golden hue of his desk light, the Xbox throwing out a continuous stream of various noises as he played on it, unaware of the ache in my heart. It filled the room with a purple melancholy that only I could see and that thought hurt more than anything, I think.

“Wilf mate, its no use you coming round to play Xbox if you don’t actually play it - I need backup.”

I sighed and picked up the controller, it looked smaller in his hands than mine, but he was a couple of inches taller than me so it would make sense. His eyes were focused on the screen and I couldn’t help but stare at them, the green flickering between sections of the digital map, his brain visibly working hard, I wondered if he knew I was looking at him - I doubt it, he didn’t notice anything.

Maybe that was what made it so easy to love him and to cope with him never loving me back, he just didn’t notice, he was so innocent to it all.

His knee brushed mine and he leant against me as he tried to veer his soldier to the right, I laughed gently at him, but the slight touch send shivers running up my back, his hands so close to mine that I could reach out and grab one, interlace our fingers and never let go - twined in an endless grip.

“You alright?” He questioned, pulling me out of my daydream.

I nodded, “Just a bit cold that’s all.”

Liar.

I was anything but cold, flustered with a rapid pulse was probably the best way to describe it.

“Oh I was meant to give you this ages ago, I never wear it n’ thought you might like it.” He explains as he passes me a navy blue jumper with red stitching on - it looked like a vintage-style college sweater, it was nice.

I thanked him, taking it and trying not to focus on the quick brush of our hands as he passed it to me. Pulling it over my head I inhaled deeply (and not too obviously), taking in his familiar smell, the comfort of him washing over me.

“It looks better on you than it does me mate, keep it.” He said, patting my shoulder and turning back to the screen.

My heart swelled, sitting swollen in the middle of my chest, my ears burning with a bright blush and my fingers tingled as I attempted to focus on the game at hand, rather than him.

Sleeping on the floor that night, surrounded by the scent of mint and Tom Ford, I snuggled deeper into the sweater, taking long breaths, swamped in thoughts of unrequited love and Sully.

School dragged itself into Monday, the halls filled with muffled laughter and distant chattering as I could only focus on one person. But it all changed that day.

“Well, she texted me that and then I had to reply-” I tuned out Sully’s response to some dumb question one of the other boys asked, I should of been listening to because whatever he said awarded him with a round of clap on the backs and daps, I frowned feeling out of the loop.

“Wait, bro, here she comes,” Arthur said, and I followed their eyes to where a caramel haired girl walked with her friends - she held her books to her chest, eyes bright and angelic, as she seemed to float over everyone else, unaware of the eyes on her while she spoke to her friends. The four of them deep in a conversation that wasn’t privy to the surrounding eyes. Her eyes, however, darted up to meet Sullys, dark chocolate meeting sea glass. She smiled coyly, almost shyly, her blush a peachy pink colour enveloping the freckles on her nose.

Sully elbowed me, “Back off Wilf, Heather’s mine.” He winked and took off in a jog down the hall to her, stopping outside her locker where she now stood, wide-eyed and staring up at him as he smiled down at her.

All I could do was stand on numb legs and watch it unfold.

At lunch he gave me his orange juice, I don’t know why he bought it when we all know he hates it, I thanked him but didn’t touch it, hoping with unfaithfulness that he would understand I was in a mood - he didn’t.

The conversations surrounding me were hollow, and I couldn’t focus my attention on one long enough to understand any of them. The room felt a mossy green, jealousy clinging to my very being, when Heather cut through it with her short skirt and glossy hair. The sun shining behind her, lighting her up in a halo of pure gold, the earth bending around her, fitting around her.

Sully’s face lit up and my heart dimmed as he pushed Dan out of the seat beside him, pulling her by the wrist to sit there, she giggled a melodic sound and I hated that it felt so naturally calming - her voice matching. She spoke about something Mr Nancy had said in her English Lit class and everyone listened, well, Sully listened, the rest of the boys nudged each other and spoke in low voices, rumblings across the table about how whipped Sullivan was over this girl, and defences of how she was peng so he had the right to be.

“She’s kinda got an angel vibe though, don’t you think. Like you could tell me she was an angel and I’d be like, yeah, adds up.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the table, leaving the orange juice and curious eyes behind.

Sully: r u good

Me: yh fine why

Sully: u just left @ lunch??

Me: I had to go talk to Miss Clain abt some dumb hw

Sully: aight, as long as ur good

Me: yh i’m good :)

Sully: sick one

Sully: do u like heather

Me: wdym

Sully: r u pissed im moving her

Me: no

Me: why would i be

Sully: dw

My heart jumped.

Did he know? Had he finally realised?

With pins and needles in my lips and a clenched feeling in my stomach I looked up when I heard footsteps on the pavement.

“I was worried you liked her and was annoyed I was chatting to her.” He panted.

I laughed, relief flooding my veins, only for a second though as I considered how much he appeared to like this girl.

He wasn’t usually like this with them, he usually just talked to them over a weekend and then aired them in school, she seemed different - this seemed different.

“No not at all, I told you I just had to talk about homework.”

He nodded, “I really like her, you know? She properly is so cool, I’m whipped.” He laughed at himself and I became numb to everything he said on the way back to his house, his constant stream of talk about her sticking into my heart, one shard at a time.

Friday night called for a party at Danny’s - allegedly head told his parents it was just meant to be the boys, but as soon as they left on their weekend away the house became a bustling mass of people.

She was here, wrapped up in his arms, hands around his neck, his own hands on her tiny waist, her pretty face close to his as they whispered to each other secrets that I would never know. That I couldn’t be trusted with.

My gnawing heart took a hold of me as I downed my second cup of - something - and moved out onto the patio to play beer pong with Jude and Thea’s group of friends.

The room span in a technicolour but all I could focus on was Sully and Heather.

All I could see was fingers intertwined, the ring on his index clashing with the rings on her fingers, her dainty little hands, that fit so perfectly into his.

I followed her fingers to her hand and then her wrist, everything about her small, everything about her longing to be folded up into the perfect space within Sully.

I frowned as her hand was covered by the long sleeve of the sweater she was wearing - that wasn’t hers. That belonged to the boy currently looking at me with his head resting on top of her head.

He smiled dopily at me, but not in a drunk way, not in the way I longed for him to - if he was drunk then it would be fine, he wouldn’t know what he was doing, he would be smiling freely and dopily like that and being drunk would explain it.

But he was driving tonight - he wasn’t drunk.

He smiled like he was in love.

The room span when I moved, but I continued towards them, willing my feet to move like a sober person’s would.

“Wilf,” Heather greeted me, pulling me into a hug and I willed every part of myself to like her, to be happy for Sully that he had found someone this kind and lovely, that he had found a girl who mirrored his dopey love smile, that was calming in a stormy hallway - but a bigger part of me hated her because she wasn’t me.

I wasn’t her.

“Hey, nice sweater, it looks familiar?” I asked as though I hadn’t seen the crimson coloured fabric on Sully most days of the week - it was his favourite, he rarely let me wear it, and on the occasions, he did he was so protective of it.

“Yeah you have mate, it’s mine, you know that, don’t be a dipshit.” He smirked at me and I punched his shoulder in a jokey manner, wanting to keep my hand there, wanting to just touch him in any way I could.

“Oh shit yeah! I thought I was your ‘hand-me-down collector’ though?” Hoping my voice wasn’t tinged with the jealousy that shrouded my every cell at that moment.

“But Heather just looks so pretty in it, don’t you think?” He asked, pulling her closer to him, making her little nose scrunch up as she curled into the specific place for her in his chest.

They fit so well together.

I shook my head while forcing a smile and excused myself to go to the garden, finding Nate (a boy I had gotten with before) and pulling him into the space between the shed and the back fence.

His kiss didn’t fuel anything within me, I just needed a place to put my emotions for the night, someone else to cling to before I was consumed by this neverending ache within me.

Hours later on the way home Sully wouldn’t shut up about her. Everything he said was about her and I started to wonder if this is what I sounded like talking about him to other people.

He was in awe of the celestial being that was Heather McGraw and I couldn’t escape the bombarding emotions wrecking my body and soul.

“Just stop!” I screamed, Sully’s head whipped round the smile on his face dropping and it shattered my heart to know I had had that effect on him.

“What? Are you okay?”

No response

“Wilf, mate, what’s wrong?”

We had stopped on the side of a road and I took it as an opportunity to escape his stare - swinging open the door I bolted from the car, feet slapping the pavement, a light summer drizzle beginning to set in.

“Wilf! Stop!”

I heard him running behind me but didn’t stop until I was halfway out of breath trying to figure out what I had to say to him.

All I could think of was, “You gave her your sweater.”

I said it bluntly and through my heavy breathing I heard the tinged pain that had been so evident for weeks now - a build up of negative energy and heartache and everything that made me jealous of her.

Sully looked at me, hand reached out to touch my shoulder, to tell me to stop, to calm down, to slow my breathing - but I shrugged him off, knowing if he touched me he would hug me. Hoping it would make him stop.

But he didn’t, he strode forward a step and wrapped his arms around me. I hit his chest, crying, pleading with him to just let me go.

“Not until you let me what’s wrong.”

My voice broken apart by my crying, “You gave her your sweater, Sully. Your sweater.”

“I-My sweater?”

I nodded against his shoulder, waiting for his response.

“My sweater?” He asked again, it not connecting in his head, “It’s just a sweater, just simple polyester?”

I yanked myself out of his arms, hating that he wasn’t getting it, hating myself more.

“You like her though, right?” I shouted, rage covering up the pain, if I could channel anger, I wouldn’t have to think about the hurt.

If I could hate him, I could stop loving him.

“Of course I like her? Why are you being like this? What’s going on?”

“You like her more than me.” I said matter-of-factly, “You like her better.”

He shook his head, confusion written deep within his green eyes and sharp features.

“Wilf-”

He still wasn’t getting it. He still didn’t understand who I was. He still didn’t get how much I loved him.

Cutting him off I grabbed his face in my hands, pulling him into a kiss.

Trying to tell him everything.

He didn’t kiss me back.

I pulled away, face red with embarrassment.

Hanging my head, I whispered, “I’m sorry I’m not her. I wish I was her.”

Then leaving him there, in the dark, the rain turning to showers, streetlights basking the world in a tungsten glow, I sprinted - willing my legs to carry me away, willing them to make me forget how much I wish I were Heather.”

#my british ass really jumped out with some of the slang words tbf #'moving' just means chatting to

0 notes