Bruh I be having literally the worst urges and I feel bad that I don't feel bad at all. Like damn. Guess I'm really like that. Well, anyway.

tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

Man I've been dead as fuck on here I miss posting stuff but idk what to post abt :/

did i really just deadass read a post about recognizing a//i images (i did it for signs of a//i "photos" to be informed about deepfakes) which had "notice the dead look in his eyes" (and its a picture of a guy with my normal resting expression) and a section on a//i drawing styled images which lists "a strong blush in the middle of the face and ears" as a possible a//i gene//rated image sign...

pairings. blade x gn!reader

synopsis. nsfw alphabet w blade gg ez, a-n only becuz im l-l-lazy....

a - aftercare (what are they like after the deed?)

blud lowkey don't give a shit about you if you aren't that close, lmao

but if you are, probably kind of clingy, and really caring. a lot of cuddling, don't tell me i'm wrong cuz i'm NOT.

in some cases, and instances, those.. 'activities' you both have do make him quite exhausted, and most of the time it really just ends with him showering you, cleaning you up, and just being in his embrace (more utc.)

b - body part (their fave body part, of themselves, and their partner's!)

probably for himself; would be his hands. just in general, plus he knows how well they treat you anyway! so why wouldn't it be his favorite? and for you, probably loves everything, doesn't know what he'd do without it, can't decide on one sole favorite, maybe your stomach and probably your neck!

c - cum (cum, anything to do with it)

will cum on your face, if not, he'll come inside, nothing in between.

i dont know how to elaborate here but um, the way his cum be sprayed all over ur face is just so mmmm to him. makes him hard all over again!

d - dirty secret (self explanatory)

not rly dirty, but wants to see you get a necklace with his name on it, or a collar with his name on it, and while he pounds so recklessly, he wants to see that pretty little pendant of his bouncing up and down on your neck, very fond of the idea, but never would actually say it to you, unless you really push him enough.

e - experience (has bro done the deed before?)

maybe? not that experienced probably, but has messed around with somebody before yes!

he knows what he's doing though, don't worry. but overall probably just did it once or twice, barely can call it sex

he probably read about sex before doing it with you, cause he wanted it to go perfectly.

f - favorite position (self explanatory pt2)

just as long as he can see your face, missionary, cowgirl, let it be anything, just as long as he can see how your face just gets so corrupted because of his big cock.

g - goofy (is bro serious about sex?)

very serious, it's almost funny, but it isn't, he's dedicated, and will show it.

but maybe when you both get closer, and are able to be more intimate with each other, in relationship wise, and etc., sure he'll laugh once or twice about a mistake he's done.

h - hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

um, yes and no?? i don't really know, i can't rly tell, like maybe thrice a week sure, and the rest of the week he don't really care, it gets messy when you both fuck anyways. and yes, black hair, thats it, idk how to elaborate ab this LMAO

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

gets too embarassed. no he will not show his blushing face, even if he's already inside, probably takes like, a round or two before he does

kind of like, he'd giggle about it and go okay bae

but also would be the kind of guy to go, "i want to be the only man, the only person, in this whole galaxy, this whole universe, to make you feel like this."

j - jack off (master bait :D)

yes, very often, no other choice, i cant say otherwise. likes to imagine its you on that monster ahh cock instead of his hand, be real, he the type to do that. uses imagination wisely, and does it when you're away from him, on a mission, or whatever, needs you 24/7 tho

k - kink/s

degrading you like it's his life's purpose. loves you like it's the calm life he's been looking for since forever, but will degrade you, calls you slut, whore, made for his cock, and all that jazz.

oh but facesitting; super big fan, wants to just be in you, tongue up in your hole, while he just strokes his cock, just needs you to sit on his face so bad

be so fucking honest w me, he probably turned on by the idea of getting pegged, or getting anal. won't admit it out loud, but he wants to get treated like a prince. like just wants you to make him feel so good, that's it.

l - location

doesn't give a fuck if other people hear, will fuck you in an alleyway if he feels like it, or if you feel like it, in the public bathroom <3 but just way prefers being in bed with you, feels more romantic, and gives off more feeling to the moment, in his own opinion, will do whatever you're comfortable with.

n - no no

roleplay, anything related to it, it seriously grosses him out

non con, in general, he's disgusted by it, i know that for a fact.

don't degrade him please, he's heard, and been called all kinds of names before, and it's not like he ever liked them.

don't hurt him, it's clear in his skill he does hurt himself in the process</3, im sure he seriously just wants to love you, and wants it back, his degrading is to a small extent, and it's just in the heat of the moment thing!

so fucking funny when my brain is like. hey bitch. i see youre going to sleep well heres the thing. im gonna give you some dreams now. picture this. imagine youre staying in a truly bizarre, labyrinth-like hotel thats not even rly divided into rooms, its just like, heres your pile of shit, loose furniture, make yourself at home. anyway theres creatures roaming the place. they can stun you and cause you profound pain. ohh yeah reminder you feel pain in dreams. full sensory experience. remember that. anyway you contact the hotel owner to gently point out a civil engineering safety regulation issue in the building (unrelated to the already mentioned flaws). he seems grateful. it hurts you when you try to speak, btw.

there are, also, flocks of small birds stuck in time, everywhere, dont touch them or theyll crash into what from their perspective is a solid object moving at light speed, and theyll be obliterated. okay so the hotel owner is like thanks for the tip i will get that checked out. Surprise! youre a demon whos been on the run. the hotel owner is your uncle and also a demon hunter whos been Waiting for you. you were supposed to be outside of the solar system, but looks like not only were you paying a visit to earth, you were foolish and arrogant enough to disguise yourself as a human and pull this kind of stupid stunt! well, thats not fucking good.

you dont know what he plans to do, so you do your best to escape His Twisted Hotel Realm. its not easy, but thanks to your ability to fly and to briefly become invisible and able to phase through solid matter, you manage to get out. youre out in the city now. its a Twisted Fucked Up version of warsaw. i mean like Continent Sized. whatever. youre gonna try to get to a train station and then figure out the rest. you take off flying in a direction that seems right.

well, flying is hard. its tiresome. and there are power lines everywhere. get above the power lines level you idiot. oh oops theyre at Every Altitude. gotta make sure you dont fly into them. so dont fly too fast. but you have to maintain a good speed, otherwise youll lose lift. oough oof ouch, you touched some of those wires, that sure hurt! well, this will be an ordeal.

oh geeze! it seems like youve flown into Gargantuan Horrifying Industrial Zone. its the part of the city thats all Mind Bendingly Huge machinery, excavators, pipes, endless fields of moving parts, saws, pumps, i mean theres nowhere to land. theres like, Walking Coal Excavators. walking moving coal plants. huge collapsing exploding structures--everything is so gargantuan, red-hot, horrible and dangerous, theres shit exploding and collapsing all the time. there are fires everywhere. oil spilling. toxic smoke. and of course power lines at every altitude. and enormous moving parts. well good luck flying through this Zone.

oh well! you try. you have powers after all. you try to fly through this Zone. a walking power plant almost crushes you with its incomprehensibly huge, rusty, titan limbs and machinery. maintaining invincibility while flying is Really hard and at a certain level of exhaustion its likely to malfunction, and if it does at a bad moment, youll be obliterated painfully.

well it happens. it hurts. but instead of dying you clip thru the ground into Huge Underground Tunne Network where the workers live and work and navigate the place. you try to hide in storages and unused tunnels and shit, but thing is, due to how Enormous all the shit upstairs is, the whole tthing is like a living organism. when a walking coal plant passes above, the tunnels contract and loosen up and give in, and some of them get squeezed completely. the workers know how to navigate this, but you dont, so you get painfully squished by a contracting tunnel. youre too exhausted to turn invincible.

well you decide trying to blend in is your best chance. best you can do with how tired you are is take the form of a young worker and pretend to be a new guy. some other workers (theyre all like combination coal miners and prisoners) immediately fall in love with you and try to hook up with you. you accept their advances to get information. they tell you about a train line running thru the zone that can take you to the outskirts. next one is tomorrow. you accept that as your best bet. after hours of grueling work and a painful experience all around, you get on the train. its old and falling apart. hard to tell where its going exactly. it breaks down. youre stranded. where are you? you dont know.

ugh! this wouldnt be happening if you werent a demon. which btw other workers figured out that you are. they start drowning you in a bucket of water. you start laughing at them. its not funny. you hurt all over. you want to die, but you never will. youre cursed to live through your own painful horrifying death endlessly, over and over.

also youre 10 and your parents are fighting

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

yapping (positive) about Activities

at some point maybe i will ask my friend to video me climbing a v3 . i have video of myself climbing a v0 or v1 but it feels weird to post it bc i was already above that level at the time .

its kind of strange for me to be excited about Sport. i was rly into cycling when I was living in fl and I'd love to go bike consistently when the weather's nice but the area i live in now has such narrow roads and way fewer bike lanes and significantly steeper hills than when i lived in fl which makes biking harder for me. I'd like have to take my bike onto the metro to commute to somewhere im not terrified of getting hit by a car

maybe ill look into that actually. i know of one specific place that would be good for that but unfortunately it's not even remotely close to me. theres gotta be something closer . in the meantime I could bike to my morning shift , tho the way back tends to be more traffic-y than the way there and the busiest road on that route doesn't have a bike lane I haaaaaate it when theres no bike lane . I gotta look for somewhere safer.

anyway bouldering has been so good for me. it's a puzzle so it keeps the adhd brain engaged while also being a physical activity that encourages me to resort to bug scuttling and mountain goat behavior and i really really like it . my endurance has gotten noticeably better and my grip strength improved a lot!! I can open way more work kids' lunch thermoses without having to put on my clown shoes and jingle over to a stronger coworker.

theres a little weights area at the climbing gym and while i dont see myself going out of my way to Lift my friend did teach me how to set myself up to learn to do pull ups!! which is very exciting because when you're not strong enough to lift your own body weight you use a big silly rubber band and that's fun ! I fear I will lose interest when the novelty wears off. but hopefully it doesnt because my arms are pretty weak and I want to be able to throw children effortlessly into the pool (if they ask me to, obviously) like my stronger coworkers

i gotta do smth about my bad posture & weak core tho :/ im not sure how useful core strength is in bouldering??? it might be and im just not at the skill level where that's relevant yet. who's to say . anyway hopefully I go tomorrow...!!

big ol’ furina headcanon list like my venti one <3

yall know the drill. time for me to gush about my specialest girl whom i love very much. i’m not at full friendship with her quite yet, so hopefully these are mostly accurate jfndksnd—

fontaine spoilers ahead; tread with caution!!

starting at the top with her hair!

furina is incredibly neat, and likes to keep her hair perfect at all times

…. well, except for when she doesn’t have to go out anywhere.

she likes keeping it short since it’s less to deal with, and it puffs up easier after it’s washed.

probably has super soft hair that you can run your fingers through and not catch on any tangles

if she’s feeling too tired to actually do her hair, she’ll pull it into a bun

twirls her hair around her finger when she’s stressed or anxious

she likes having her bangs longer and her hair fluffier because she can cover her face with it. it makes her feel more secure, and while she was acting as the hydro archon she used it to more easily hide her true emotions.

overall, she just has really clean, soft hair and she likes to take good care of it.

moving down a bit to her face!

dark circles under her eyes. she covers them with makeup to keep up appearances when she’s acting as the archon, but when she steps down she gets a lot more sleep so they gradually go away.

doesn’t have many marks on her face, save for a few scattered freckles

her face sunburns so so easily, please make sure she puts sunscreen on it before she goes outside!! maybe kiss it better if she does get burnt

her expression changes almost as a reflex when she feels the need to act and hide her emotions. it’s a bad habit of hers that she’s still trying to get out of.

dislikes being seen crying, and will often refuse comfort if someone notices she’s upset.

able to hold back tears well, but the minute something or someone presses a little too much she’ll start crying without even realizing it.

chews on her lips when she’s bored or focused.

somewhat poor eyesight from staying up late reading novels

very squishy cheeks, if you’re close enough to her and ask very nicely she’ll let you squish them (partly because she likes having her face held)

has a very dramatic pout. like, sticks her bottom lip out puppy dog eyes pout.

likes to wear sparkly eyeshadow and lipgloss

next, her build!

furina is pretty short, standing at about 5’ 0” (she will tell you she’s 5’ 2”. do not believe her lies but go along with it for her sake)

sof tumy………

her chest is also soft!

i imagine she felt the need to keep up appearances while acting as the archon, so her posture was more rigid, but now she tends to gradually slide into a slouch when she’s on soft chairs or couches, and likes to sprawl when there’s room.

girlie is the embodiment of “gay people dont know how to sit in chairs”

she has what looks like a burn scar on her right hand from when she put her hand into the primordial seawater during the trial

a really neat furina rp account (@myjustice i believe? i think..? i follow too many genshin rp accs bajdbsjdnsjd) mentioned that the glowy bits on her skirt are her oceanid fins, and i can totally get behind that!!

i also like the idea of her with small webbing between her fingers pre-archon-trial?

i feel like after the trial she would lose a lot of her more oceanid-like features since fontainians have officially become human? or maybe they would stay…? idrk! the concept of her with more aquatic features is rly cool to think about nonetheless.

i think she would like beachcombing a lot, and frequently goes out to the beaches and lakes of fontaine to look for shells and trinkets!

gets paper cuts on her hands from reading all the time

finally, her outfit!

likes looser, more casual clothing when she’s at home.

whatever the big tshirt/hoodie equivalent in teyvat is, she has it

despite this, she still loves intricate formalwear and spends a lot of time at the boutique, usually just to browse

she uses the shells she collects to make jewelry!

she probably got a lot of jewelry gifts from citizens during her time as the archon, and adds them to her outfits whenever she feels like they need something extra

likes fluffy and flowy skirts. if it doesn’t flow outwards when she twirls, she doesn’t want it

picks at the buttons on her sleeves when she’s bored or nervous

loves fur lined items in the winter, because they keep her warm but also aren’t too bulky

i like the idea of her in a white sundress when she goes to the beach

conclusion: i just want to see her dressed up in lots of pretty outfits lmao

they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.

i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.

ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)

experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt

now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even

the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding. 

i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl

ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"

a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.

I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize

I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.

I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.

not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.

I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you

if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad

As I am currently in rarepair hell- gimmie some hippo/kaiser goodness.

or soda/bull goodness

~ fan-mans

One Royal Army n Soda Bull, coming up !! (It became a little angsty i hope u dont mind)

🪖 Royal Army 👑

Seeing as both are on the aro spectrum, their relationship isn't smth that can easily be defined by romantic terms. In the easiest terms, they're in a long distance relationship, and don't do much pda aside from hugs.

Kaiser normally takes A While to warm up to people, much less get into relationships, but Hippo was a particular case cause he just felt so enarmoured with his persona, language n culture, similar to his friendship with Hondo. The latter two r some of Kaiser’s SI’s. Hippo in turn was glad someone took interest, n that’s kinda how their click began !!

They can butt heads A Lot, but they still work well together, mainly thanks to the fact they communicate rly well.

For example, when Kaiser gets into one of his PTSD/autistic isolation moods, Hippo used to have a tendency to become rly clingy toward him whenever he did, since that's how he was raised. Reach out to people when they become distant. They've compromised by texting eachother instead whenever this happens, and giving each other space if necessary.

It wasn’t always like that though. Hippo is very open emotionally, while Kaiser's more closed off. Kaiser in general has a lot of difficulty expressing his emotions, let alone identifying them, since he has instilled into his mind that showing any kind of emotion (lest it's anger) is weakness, and the last thing he wants to do is look weak. Guy already feels like he's fallen from grace w/ boxing, he does not wanna look any weaker than he already does.

One day, this comes to a boiling point, wherein Hippo requires support during a particularly bad meltdown, but Kaiser can’t give him what he needs due to being so emotionally constipated. He even ends up panicking, which he absolutely does not want Hippo to see, so he leaves right there and then. Hippo of course doesn’t take that well n assumed Kaiser didn’t care. They do eventually both calm down, but Hippo nevertheless did feel hurt and neglected. Kaiser feels ashamed of himself, and decides enough is enough. He hurt someone close to him thanks to his own issues, and he does not want that happen again. So he ends up seeking help, even if it means facing the impossible. He gets help for his PTSD as well as autism n traumas. He gets some meds n does a Whoooole bunch of talk therapy and EMDR and everything slowly becomes easier from there on out. Emphasis on Slowly.

They're pretty equal in sparring partners, seeing as both are in the minor circuit.

That said, both also are close to retirement, Kaiser more so, even if he doesn't want to admit it. Kaiser doesn't dare think of it, since fighting's all he's ever known, and he doesn't know who he is without it. It’s something Hippo’s willing to work on it together with Kaiser though.

Kaiser seeks approval, even if he doesn't realize it as he tends to isolate himself whenever he feels bad. Hippo is of course happy to reach out, but he does occassionally feel like what he's doing isn't enough. This fear is mainly instilled him due to his mother's untimely death, and their relationship being a becoming a bit more rocky and distant when Hippo decided to pursue a boxing career. Plus, Kaisers issues sometimes feel so towering to him, he doesn’t know how to support him aside from talking n cuddling.

On a brighter note, like i said before, they still make it work because they care a ton about each other n r willing to take the leap into the unknown together. Even if for Kaiser it means facing his emotions and inner demons. Even if for Hippo it means not always being able to have all the answers and control.

🐂 RedBull 🫧

It took A Rly long time for Bull to open up to Soda. Thanks to Soda's endless patience n friendly attitude though, he eventually got through his walls.

Bull's way of showing affection is acts of service as well as gifts. When he once gave Soda a Turkish delight as a gift, he knew he was smitten.

Soda's love language in turn is Much physical affection

Another way Bull likes showing affection is teasing. c'mon weve seen how the guy is in the ring when he isnt angry. He literally dances like a chicken when he wins in contender mode. I think bull can at least b a lil silly, as a treat.

Bull is big spoon n sodas little spoon >:)))

Another way they're pretty compatible is that Soda is a great sparring partner for Bull. Bull can be... pretty intense, but Soda can handle him well! He's a great equal to Bull.

Another thing they love doing together is dance ! Mainly in a silly manner, but they have slow danced in private before too :]

Bull loves telling Soda all about his start of his boxing career when Doc was still training him. There are some things he keeps secret though, like how to learn the legendary star punch...

''Please Bull, just a hint? I can keep a secret!''

''I know you can, that's not the problem...''

''Then what is?''

*gives him a kiss on the nose* ''You're behind on the kissing quota for that secret, Im going to need atleast a million more...''

And then Soda lifts him n starts kissing him like a woodpecker >:)))

do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

aahh.. i just suddenly started missing playing my bass really bad. i have her right next to my bed but i havent played her in quite a while now, i didnt really know how to play super well or anything, im not able to get myself to practice often enough to get that good at playing any instrument. but my best ones are piano and bass i guess.... i used to be pretty good with ukulele too, lol... anyways, im missing my bass rn. her name is susie btw... i dont have the energy to pick her up rn let alone tune her or anything... i technically have needed to get her new strings for a while, but they never bothered me or anything, i mean they worked fine.. i wasnt playing for anyone else so who cares... i really like playing the bass because of how quiet it is. technically i have an amp but, well i dont like playing loud instruments so why would i use that... sometimes ive performed songs id learned for like my family, but most of the time its just in my room, and i just dont rly like to be loud in general... thats why i like playing keyboard, sometimes more than real pianos because i can just turn the volume down... or plug in headphones, but i dont currently have headphones that fit in the jack on my keyboard. on the piano the only songs that i still retain the ability to play, even after not playing for a long time, are all undertale songs... if i practiced just a little i could regain maybe some pokemon songs, and others..but the ut ones i know are very ingrained in my muscle memory. i know fallen down the best it was one of the very first ut songs i learned, in 2016. i only know how to play a little bit of the fallen down reprised, like, extended part. reprised part. whatever. oh and your best friend. that ones short and easy :). i can do once upon a time, but sometimes i forget some left hand bits. and i can do undertale, that ones fun. i cant play the whole song, but its rly fun.. i used to know an ending pretty well, but i didnt retain that unfortunately... and i know/have known bits and pieces of the rest of the ost. i knew some deltarune ones as well, and other songs in general too, obv. i wont describe every single song ive ever learned on the piano. i meant to talk about my bass. i just wanted to say that i miss feeling the sound in my body, when i played it with my chin resting on the top of it, i could feel it in my head + i could hear it more clearly. and it was better if i wore headphones at the same time (not playing anything thru them, just wearing them). the one song i knew rly well on bass is kind of embarrassing so i cant say it. its not that bad but you know. i knew some other songs, my proudest was um.. eighth wonder by lemon demon lol.. because i learned that one like 90% by ear :). and i learned the whole song! yay. i usually wouldnt learn whole songs, i wasnt that good okay..(+ im not someone who can like, sight read or anything. i cant really read sheet music at all, i mean, i know the basics but.....) i guess thats all i have to say. i should eat something.

@ anon who wants their bf to b mean to them, there is absolutely no shame in asking ur partner to be mean to you in bed, and if they do make you feel weird bc youre asking them to do something to you while you guys are bing intimate then theyre the ones that are weird. it takes trust to be able to ask someone to do something to do you in the bedroom. i presume you trust them enough to even bring up the topic of you liking to be spanked during sex for them to start doing it, so i dont think it would be bad at all to tell them more about your fantasies :)

me personally my bf doesnt have the personality either to be mean to me but weve talked about it and tried new things together and we kinda debrief after and talked about what we really liked and didnt like and what we would like to happen again. like i told him to spit in my mouth and he was like “okay if thats what u want” and then now hes asking me to spit in HIS mouth hehe so u never know what could happen!

YES all true and super helpful points!!! debriefing afterwards is rly useful because you can get a feel of whether or not it’s something you two were comfortable with or if you’d prefer not to do those things again :) definitely open communication is the way to go!!!!

does anyone else (specifically any other autistic ppl) really really struggle with art in terms of like. getting yourself to actually do it or learn how

I dont rly know how to articulate it but like. I have tried, I have BEEN trying for years to find joy in creating art but I CANT, because creating anything just feels like an unwinnable battle against myself. it's not exactly art block because I have so so many things I want to draw and i can envision them perfectly but then when it comes time to actually do it just. can't. I freeze up. I feel like I dont know how to do/make what I want to and I know that you have to make bad art in order to learn how to make good art but my problem is that if I can't do exactly what I want to do or if I don't know exactly step by step how to get where I want to go my brain just Won't Let Me. reaching the limit of what I'm familiar and comfortable with feels like hitting the limit of a map in a game like I just. hit a wall and can't go any further

and I've had the thought that maybe with the way my brain works I am just simply not meant to be an artist but I HATE that, because I love drawing I really do and I'm 100% more miserable being stuck with all the images in my head than I am when I actually do make something and i really really dont want to let my stupid autism/adhd/whateverthefuck stop me from doing something that i actually am passionate about but I just. can't do itfor some reason !! it's so frustrating and I've tried so many ways to get past it I've gotten so much advice from artists in my life and none of it has worked and I want to fucking cry because I refuse to accept that I just can't do what I want to do but I don't know how to move forward

I'll get to a certain point in a piece (usually I'll finish a sketch/lineart and MAYBE add flat colors) but then I think about what to do next and even if I know the process I just get overwhelmed and then I quit because that's easier and I dont know how to make myself not quit that's how I've been with everything I've tried my whole life and I'm about ready to just give up on doing or being anything that I want to because it seems like I'm just completely incapable of holding myself to anything

I really want to feel the joy/relaxation that I see other ppl get from drawing/painting and I used to feel that when I was a kid and it comes back in phases sometimes as long as I stick to just sketching but I just. can't I know im saying that a lot and it doesn't rly mean anything but that's rly all it is I Simply Cant. I struggle and then I give up because I'm such a perfectionist that I circle back around to not being able to do anything at all because I know I can't meet my own standards and I can't muster up enough dedication to learn and practice and ahhhhhh idk

I know this has become more of a vent post than anything but like please someone tell me I'm not alone or that there's some way around this shit because it's starting to feel really hopeless and I don't want to completely give up on the only hobby I've ever been this passionate about wanting to focus on