Man I've been dead as fuck on here I miss posting stuff but idk what to post abt :/

everyone liked my eyes today

I knew on thursday when he came round several times ‘i intentionally wanted to roast F in front of J’, and commented on my tattoo, that suddenly it all came back to me the tension that always existed. and when he said friday, tomorrow was the last day and the show would close and i said i would go. and in the morning he asked again if i was really coming. and after lunch he asked what i was up to, the plans for the day. ‘did you already notice i dont make eye contact i find it bloody distracting’ Actually shes abit like you Im drawn to girls with a certain sadness I like the messed up ones, I still gravitate towards the art types In the cab- dating is hard because no one gets the artist life, how you’re freelance, juggling a bunch of things I’ve always called them ‘partners’ not ‘girlfriends’ I don’t give it so easily I guard it a lot cos im all about my heart, im not about my brain Estella what would you like-lets do Jap food its Friday ‘I want to touch it’ ‘Only cos its you’ ‘What about you do you stay with your parents’ Similar upbringing, him referencing my sister,Have I not told you this? – said repeatedly I guess this is the first time we are properly speaking Im kidding, I’ll stop messing with you I take things so literally that I need to mess with the world as a game to deal His Aspergers ‘Youre a neurotypical- neuro means brain- you have high EQ dont get me wrong thats good’ im lacking in the emotional part cos im a T and youre an F so you guys are better. ‘now that you know me, or that you are getting to know me’ Sounds really get to him- drilling, ambulances are the worst ‘Atypical’ on Netflix Did you glue every strand of grass ‘well, I scattered it’ That’s why ive such a soft spot for Sean The night is when he makes work- is your house very neat cos his dad is OCD- all his work-making happens outside I don’t know what Love is but I know what it Isnt Rainer Maria Rilke ‘Letters to a Young Poet’ is my bible – ‘and I thought you were a Christian’ There was this girl I was sleeping with who was ENFP and she was going on about how ENFP and INTJs are the most compatible Well look at you things worked out for you you’re good, you’re married ‘He’s Kiwi’ ‘Is he an artist?’ ‘But he gets art, its not like Sharon’s..that was why I broke up with my first one’ ‘Its not like married and game over’ Living, why im alive Its my art cause All the moments and connections and love, etc And he acknowledges it too Being human-being adept at the brain? Rather I’d rather simple naivete You are such a modernist (he says hes a post-modernist) We’re from vicious apes we are inately evil ‘i still choose to believe everyone is inherently good- but you know already that im an idealist’ Its not bout being human and staying alive but not wrestling with it, just sitting idle Telling me about his fishing – and showing me pictures Telling me about Sab’s family history, and sharing about his fam. His OCD dad driving Grab, his brother not actually a weirdo gamer but is probably going to marry his first girlfriend, ‘another breakup and it will actually ruin your sister’, K and S, F and S, R and Levy and S Long, we went down the damn list Bitching about Sab like him showing me her plagerised posts and when I told him she goes ‘hows things? Slow?’ Do you want kids- or is this too early/weird to ask I don’t want to get married, I don’t want kids ‘you say this now but if your partner wanted to get married you probably would’ ‘probably’ ‘the one you marry might not be the one you’re most connected to’ ‘why do you not want kids, you’d be such a good dad’ ‘are you high’ ‘no its true, I can see how you are with the students’ ‘well youre brave and youre doing it’ – my art fight when I said I was well-loved and had a great set of parents ‘yea I can see that’ ‘your parents have a good marriage?’ ‘yea how about yours, good too?’ ‘well yea but they love to fight that’s their thing they love to fight, I don’t’ ‘well that’s good right, healthy fighting’ ‘I love women- colour blind-scottish, swedish, asian-american, an indian in between somewhere’ the broken bridge artwork The Fishtank and galerie fish,also he gets that people are fishing in the gallery– I told him when he brought up his fishing Art is Universal- said in the cab and he started opening up ‘You can come for lunch if you want and them come with me’ When we were in his fog room and I was having a dialogue with him, with the students And his student said something provoking Or when Clara walks in and she recognizes me and he said ‘famous, youre famous’ ‘Where do you live’ My dad is coming to get me and we’re going to get some food and then Im going to come back and take down the pieces Me and Raymond are similar because we’re open Rare that you can say something and id be like ‘HELL NO’ Im free-spirited ‘yea you’re more agnostic’ ZH pushes his own agenda more ‘yea but that’s because hes so passionate he seriously cant help it’ R just likes someone to reminisce the streets of London with When I said R just started knowing Im a painter, I make work ‘you have a way more exciting practice than he does’‘Youre on your way, youre doing great’ Talking about oweing your parents and he went out fishing before his parents came to visit I feel the same way- about needing to repay parents- or feel indebted ‘but there are things I cant reveal to them’ when I say ive a completely open relationship with my parents, anything goes, no filter Showing me his back scar ‘i once showed a girl and she started crying’ ‘im high now btw’- and he smokes up like 5-6-7 things I don’t even keep count Telling me about his jailtime for 26 hours, how his ex wasn’t there for him The last one was more typical, asian, Christian, one day decided I was too ‘sinful’ for her and she couldn’t deal – I might write her a letter to apologize And his grandmother and how they found her on a Sunday- how the emotions set in later, through the initial parts he was all rational and calm even though his brother was hysterical ‘I KNOW your work I saw the wall I just didn’t know that was you’ ‘Yea when I first met you I did feel like whats with this person’ ‘there you go’ Shes like you- cares about people, sees the good. how Sab is eroding away the nanyang style way too quick and too fast. S and S ‘similar types that the vice d can dominate. Rilke says be patient, they are already doing the best they can to ‘get it’- the face that both moms visited the schools with us.

Crazy shit friday

I mean i always knew the chemistry sort of existed, was underlying, or something sensed that it was going to be more than normal getting to hang out with him. But you can talk to someone but not Know-Know them in such a way, ever. you can go about in your day to day and something like this just stops you right in your tracks. and you go along, because your instincts are dying to take this ride into the exciting abyss, but also you recognize its short-lived and its made more precious that it isnt reality. you do not have to act on things/have ownership for it to take special place in the recesses of your soul (i even spoke about Soul and innerblink, how the soul is what created those things outside when he woke up with the image and started making-its spirituality rather than practised religion- dude, what can we not talk about). you just..savour it and you delight in it when its actually taking place. like ive been conscious of doing so-taking breaths and pausing while the good stuffs happening, the capital L-I-F-E is happening because i understand its rare and its beautiful and you never know when its going to next happen to you...so yea these are the things that really feed me, what i live for. its just deeply special and i wonder if he feels the same way too. aka its 7am post-yesterday and i wonder whats he thinking/is he?